Jade Cooper - Collins Amy Power
contributors Lottie Anderson Laura Booth Alexandra Cameron Stevie Cooke Siobhan Frew Marij Hessel Katy Hudson Hannah Irish Becky Morris Knight Ellie Loughran Sara Mautone Amy Peck Olivia Purvis Katie Rea Emily W
Ed’s letter Hello lovely Cellardoor readers and welcome to another jam-packed issue of the magazine. What have we got in store for you this time? Well, there’s beauty trends that you won’t want to miss, tips on the perfect holiday wardrobe from our bloggers, the music you should be listening to this summer and our usual delicious recipes for you to try at home. And that’s not even everything! We know - you can’t wait to start turning the pages. So off you go...
con tents 6. Cellardoor’s Favourites 8. Pocket Full O’ Posies 10. White Van (Wo) man 12. When I Grow Up 18. Bon Voyage 22. Brighton Rock 30. Pastel Dreams
38. Touch The Sky 46. Beauty 101 48. What’s On Our Speakers 52. Home Trends 60. Summer Menu 64. Cellardoor’s Summer Reading List 68. Perfect Circle
Vintage Postcard Dress, ÂŁ 70, Oasis
Anna necklace, johnandpearl.co.uk
Floral type rug, £ 12.00, Urban Outf.itters
Everything Alice: the Wonderland Book of Makes, Hannah Read-Baldrey and Christine Leech
‘Time To Drink Champagne’ Print, £ 1 5 , Notonthehighstree t.com
I Love London Lunch Box, £ 6 , JOY
Po c ke t fu ll o ’ p os i es Kelly Love... her name gives you a clue as to how we feel about her latest collection. The Australian designer is based in London and has created a beautiful spring/summer 2012 collection entitled Pocket Full O’ Posies. Kelly’s style oozes femininity, glamour and (of course) love. Her dream of owning her own fashion label began when Love was living in Japan and working with Sin Nakayamal, a Japenese fashion designer and boy are we glad she decided it was for her. Pocket Full O’ Posies was inspired by all things childlike – think nursery rhymes and outdoor picnics – crossed with vintage femininity. She uses both handpainted and digital prints on crushed silk to create her unique look, with a handful of antique French lace and pleated jersey thrown into the mix. If you like Love’s collection, her pricing ranges from £140-£350 and the clothes are available to buy on various online boutiques – including her own website – as well as Sauce in Dubai, Dolls Boutique in Ireland, That’s So Bazaar in New York and Lily Boutique in Suffolk.
White van [wo]man Meet Betty, Bernadette and Lulabelle - three beautiful vans and their owners who have found interesting ways to make the most of them...
ice cream van
Remember when you were little and heard the ice cream van coming down the road? You can’t beat a bit of nostalgia. That’s why we love this vintage ice cream truck so much. Vintage Scoops is a business run by owner Hayley, using her 1950s ice cream truck - named Betty, of course. She’s usually adorned with floral bunting to complete the retro look. Betty serves only the very best Beechdean Farmhouse Dairy Ice Cream and she can be rented for parties, fates or even weddings.Bit better than a hot dog stand isn’t it?
The caravan We know our Cellardoor readers love little boutiques, and there’s none more unique than the Honeybean Boutique. Why’s that? We hear you ask. Well, it has something to do with the fact that the Honeybean Boutique is actually based in a 1960s caravan called Bernadette in Nashville, Tennessee. It’s not every day you see that now is it? Bernadette’s owner Kaelah takes Honeybean to various flea markets, craft fairs and festivals throughout the US, where you can find her stuffed full of goodies including jewellery, independent clothing lines and specially picked vintage pieces.
If you’re a VW Camper Van lover then just take a look at Lulabelle. Born in Germany in 1959, Lulabella has come a long way since her humble beginnings as a fire truck and via LA has now gone on to become a very jazzed up, well-loved van in Yorkshire. Lulabelle’s current owner Cathy has given her one hell of a makeover and she’s now used as a base for Cathy’s catering business, which specialises in children’s parties and vintage tea parties. She can be hired for corporate events or even just a small get together. We certainly wouldn’t mind Lulabelle showing her face at one of our parties!
When I grow up... After seeing Rosie Lovelock’s beautiful illustrations we couldn’t help but ask her a few burning questions... When did you realise you wanted to be an illustrator? My sister had two postcards on her bedroom wall when she was a teenager; the lady of Shallot by John Waterhouse and Zodiac by Mucha. Both really inspired me to draw and I took a sketchbook everywhere I went. I was addicted to drawing and I knew I wanted to be an illustrator when I made my own picture book about Susan, a girl who collects cats in her big cat bag.
How would you describe your style of work? My work is intricate, detailed and heavily patterned.
Where do you source your inspiration from? I draw a lot of inspiration from old photographs, fabrics, and Indian block printing. I keep a camera on me when I’m out and about, in case I see anything that catches my eye - tiles, drain pipes, shop signs, door knobs. I am also greatly inspired by my family, my grandma’s stories and my dad’s funny sayings.
Do you have a particular favourite piece of work? This changes all of the time but at the moment I think it’s the Rapunzel Illustration for my collaboration with Oasis.
What’s an average day like for you? An average day involves queuing behind a bearded lady at Penge post office, drawing a thousand dots or lines (if not more) and drinking tea. Oh, and building fabric tents for my son Albert.
What do you enjoy doing when you’re not drawing? I enjoy walking around the V&A, sewing, taking photographs, wasting hours window shopping online and freeform dancing to Pink Floyd.
You’ve recently collaborated with Oasis, how did that come about? As well as illustrating I have an online shop with a fellow illustrator under the name Zosienka & Rosie Illustration. We had a stall at the Renegade Craft fair in Brick Lane, where the Creative Director of the Oasis design team bought a lion print and black rabbit tea towel. He took my business card and that was that. Tell us something interesting about yourself that not many people know. Peter Pan makes me cry. What else can we expect to see from you in the future? I’m working on some t-shirt designs. I also have a short animation in the pipeline with Studio Lovelock. Do you have any advice for our readers? Don’t waste your time doing things you don’t enjoy. And lastly as this is the Summer issue, what’s your favourite thing about this season? The smell of sweet peas.
Weâ€™re all going on a summer holiday. Great! Oh wait, that means that we actually have to find a gorgeous summer wardrobe that not only makes us look fantastic but also suits our holiday destination. Good job our bloggers are on hand to share their tips for your perfect holiday wardrobe this year...
I’ve just returned from Latitude Festival and the best band there by a mile were M83. Their track ‘Reunion’ is my perfect summer track!
My dream destination would be West Coast USA. Either Palm Springs or Santa Barbara- lounging by a motel pool and sipping mojitos.
My book of the Summer is The Perks of Being a Wallflower- the film (starring Emma Watson) comes out soon so I want to refresh my memories of this amazing book.
A retro style swimsuit, probably by Boden or For Luna, who both make excellent quality styles.
A handful of vintage cotton sundresses would be high on my travel checklist but I’d probably buy a lot more out there and some Gap cotton t-shirts would be in there too, to chuck on over a swimsuit.
A pair of wooden sandals- a little bit of height makes them equally as comfortable as they are beautiful.
A pair of Miu Miu sunglasses, in silver glitter to sparkle in the sunlight.
A floppy hat: Beachy hair has never been so easy to cover up! Think oversized 70s shapes paired with bug-eyed sunnies for the perfect, effortless beach babe!
I’d have to say Italy is one of my dream destinations – there’s romance, food, culture and history. From sandy beach breaks, to glistening city sights, the entirety of the nation is a traveller’s paradise and if I could hop on a plane tonight, I would!
Rain or shine, home or away; this is my ultimate make up staple and will add the finishing European chic touch to any outfit. A light smock is the easiest thing to throw on no matter where in the world you are. Worn on top of a bikini, to an evening meal, or just beach side; a light cheesecloth frock can do no wrong.
Wherever in the world you are; with tights ofwith flip flops- the denim cut-off can do no wrong and is a holiday essential for any time of the year.
It’s a tie between the uber-talented Jake Bugg’sLightening Bolt, or Doigsong by Kindness!
A pair of sunglasses: When it’s too hot for cateyed eye make up, there’s only one other option. As well as protection, sunglasses can make an outfit. Think big, round, and colourful!
Comfortable shoes are a must for absorbing city sights - even go Italian with some Chung-esque Supergas!
When you’re choosing a bikini, choose one that you feel comfy in and makes you feel good. We all get self-conscious of our bikini bodies, so every little helps.
There are so many places I want to visit, namely the usual holiday destinations such as New York or LA. Recently, I’ve been interested in Caribbean, I think Cuba would be amazing.
When you’re going for sunglasses, there’s really only one option – Ray Ban Wayfarers. They’re classics for a reason.
When it’s hot, the last thing you want to do is carry a heavy bag, so go for a little straw number – the cutest beach bag!
Keep cool in every way with a lovely little summer dress. You’re guaranteed sunshine in Cuba, so make the most of it.
Be kind to your feet when you’re walking around in the Cuban heat. Find a cute pair of sandals that look good and don’t give you blisters!
Oh Boy by She & Him (Originally by Buddy Holly). I love the retro rock ‘n’ roll sound in the song, and Zooey D has got a great voice!
Brighton Rock Photographer Lottie Anderson Stylist Beckie Nowicka Hair and Makeup FionaTanner Model Lara Raybone
Pastel Dreams Photography Alexandra Cameron Styling Lauren Green Hair & Make-up Terri-Anne Neighbour Model Sophie H @ Profile
CARDIGAN Guess BLOUSE Creme Brulee TROUSERS Marco Polo RING cK
TOUCH The Sky Photography Sara Mautone Styling Irene Ghillani MUA Marina Bernacchioni Hair Stylist Nicoletta Gauci using Paul Mitchell Model: Luna Voce@WhyNot Milano
Razor-sharp, Bowie-inspired cheek bones are back, so get out the blusher and start sculpting! Remember to smile and apply blusher on the apples of your cheeks, towards you hairline to stop spreading blusher all over you face!
Straight up The straight-haired among us will rejoice at this trend. No longer is beach hair all about impossible ‘sea-salt’ tousled surfer girl hair! For 2012, slick side partings and ponytails is where it’s at.
Fake it Summer wouldn’t be summer without seeing some dodgy fake tan or worrying about the whiteness of your legs! But with the new breed of fake tans around, there’s no need to be scared. Now, they’re coloured when you apply them so you can see any densely coloured areas or places you’ve missed.
Beauty 10 1
Words Stevie Cooke llustrations Katy Hudson
With so many new trends about this summer, it’s hard to pick which ones to try! We’ve shortlisted the top ten to get you started.
This fresh-faced, butter-wouldn’tmelt look is perfect for humid weather. The virginal look is all about barely there skin and blushing blusher. Easy to pull off and practical too!
Move over lipstick, lip stain is the product of choice this summer! Perfect for making sure your lips look kissable in - and out - of the pool.
Neon Eyes Go Green
There’s always a new trend for nails and for summer it’s ‘20s inspired greens. Think mint, pistachio and jade rather than lime and you’ll be on the right track.
A fresh take on the bold eyeshadow of the 80s, neon eyeshadow is all about picking a statement colour and wearing it with confidence. The colour of the catwalks has been aqua, which is slightly easier to pull off than the daring pink seen on some models!
Bold brows Bold brows were all over the catwalks as this summer’s must have look. If yours are looking sparser than you’d like, invest in a good quality eyebrow shadow and apply with a slanted brush.
WHATâ€™S ON OUR SPEAKERS Words By Siobhan Frew
Of monsters and men Hailing from the same corner of the world as music legend Bjork, this Icelandic six piece who won a battle of the bands competition in 2010 have been perfecting their indie pop folk sound ever since. Now after gaining success across the Atlantic, they released their debut album My Head Is An Animal in April of this year and have been spreading their melodic music. With band members playing a range of instruments, including a glockenspiel and accordion, their sound is different to the norm. Check out their song Little Talks which is bound to put a smile on your face.
Bastille Bastille may traditionally be known as a medieval French prison, but lead singer Dan Smith and his band are set to change all that. This London-based band, citing Regina Spektor and Bat for Lashes as influences, and having recently supported Emeli SandĂŠ on her latest tour, are making waves with their electronic sound and raw vocals. Their songs have also been featured in Made in Chelsea and Hollyoaks no less. There is also the added treat of a video using clips of a young Martin Sheen in the movie Badlands, for the song Flaws, which may or may not have helped them get to half a million YouTube hits. Either way, they are set for great things.
Beady-eyed Ed Sheeran fans will no doubt recognise this 18-year-old Edinburgh native from the Drunk music video, but there is more to Nina Nesbitt than just a pretty face. After uploading videos of herself singing her own songs onto YouTube, Ed Sheeran invited her to tour with him and before she knew it she had a record deal. She released her studio EP The Apple Tree in April of this year and it made its way half way up the iTunes top ten, namely because of her fresh sounding songs and sweet voice. New single Boy is coming soon.
HOME TRENDS Words Becky Morris Knight Photographs Marij Hessel
Soft feminine pastels will never go out of style, but sometimes they can start to feel a little bit, wellâ€Ś dull. If youâ€™ve been living with pastel shades for a while and are itching to liven things up then why not go for the hottest new colour trend: Pretty Pastels + Neon Brights. So, here is our step-by-step guide to building a Pastel Bright colour scheme which will work for you...
Look around you â€“ what do you have already that simply cannot be changed? Curtains, carp ets and major pi eces o f furniture are the building blocks o f any design schem e, so they need to be able to work with the neon tones you will be injecting. Anything in heavy reds and royal blues will be difficult, so think about whether you can c reate a neutral base to work with .
Pick your pastels Combine peachy tones for a warm feel, go with blues, mints and turquoises for a fresh, airy style or use pinks with neutrals for a feminine touch. A word of warning here â€“ donâ€™t mix too many colours, or go for very floral patterns as this will make it difficult when you come to add the brights.
Begin with a neutral base, along with plenty of wood. Pale wood is especially nice with this sort of scheme. Then layer up the pastel tones and colour with plenty of different textures, but not too much pattern.
This is an exciting youthful look with a quirky contemporary edge that will make sure your home feels full of life and fun.
Pack a neon pun ch We’d recomm end you leave adding brights to be the final step o f dressing your room. On ce you’ve got the feel o f the room right you can begin to add in neon hues in as m uch quantity as you feel comfortable with .
Get c reative and consider what you can DIY – paint the legs o f a table in neon yellow, add a hot pink edge to your cushions, or make a pap er garland using your favourite pastel & neon combinations.
If youâ€™re too busy (or not so snappy with the scissors) then there are some great brights beginning to pop up online and on the high street. Here are a few fabulous finds:
Orange light flex cord - Curiouser & Curiouser, £29.95
Neon Succulent sculpture – Waterstone Succulents, Etsy, $17
Geometric Art Ornament – Becky Kemp, Etsy, £35.50
Neon Lime Ikat Cushion – Table Tonic, $79
Let’s Dance screen print – Three Chord Print, Folksy, £22
Spindle floor lamp base – Habitat, £170
Green antlers – Pedlars, £425
African Print cushion, Static – Pretty Dandy, £26.99
summer menu Recipes and photography Hannah Irish
When it’s summer time and the weather is fine (which it hasn’t been so far, but we can hope) we want to eat delicious food that will keep us satisfied but isn’t too heavy. Luckily at Cellardoor we have an army of chefs mentored by Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry on hand to create delicious recipes for us... or maybe not. We just have one very talented cook who doesn’t even need mentoring. If you’re looking out for the perfect summer menu for a warm, sunny day then look no further...
Cheesy Asparagus Tart
500g potatoes 100g butter, melted Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper 500g asparagus spears 200g puff pastry 100g grated Gruyere cheese 100g freshly grated Cheddar cheese 3 large free-range eggs 1 pot of double cream
Start by boiling the potatoes for 15-20 minutes in a pan of salted water. Meanwhile blanch your asparagus in a separate pan of salted boiling water for 4 minutes, and drain in a colander. Pre-heat the oven to 180Â°C. Grease your baking tray or oven proof dish with butter before rolling out the pastry to roughly the size of your tray or dish, using flour to ensure the pastry doesnâ€™t get to wet and sticky. Place the pastry on your tray or oven proof dish and brush with melted butter. When the potatoes are cooked, mash them
with the cheeses. You can always add other ingredients such as garlic and onions to your mash. In a separate bowl, mix together the eggs and cream and stir in your cheesy mashed potato. Season well with salt & pepper and mix together. Spread the mashed potato over the pastry leaving a 2cm pastry border around the edge. Line the asparagus in the mash and brush the pastry with melted butter to create a golden brown glaze whilst cooking. Bake for around 25 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Serve with a fresh watercress and orange salad.
1 tin of chickpeas 1/4 cup liquid from tin of chickpeas 3-5 tablespoons lemon juice (depending on taste) 1 1/2 tablespoons tahini 2 cloves garlic, crushed 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon paprika 2 tablespoons olive oil fresh parsley
Method Drain chickpeas and set aside liquid from can. Combine remaining ingredients in blender or food processor. Add 1/4 cup of liquid from chickpeas. Blend for 3-5 minutes on low until thoroughly mixed and smooth. Place in serving bowl, and create a shallow well in the center of the hummus. Add a small amount (1-2 tablespoons) of olive oil and garnish with fresh parsley.
Lemon Drizzle Tea Loaf
250g plain flour 1tsp bicarbonate of soda 1tsp cinnamon 115g unsalted butter 115g dark brown, soft sugar 2 beaten eggs 3 large bananas, mashed 75g dried fruit 50g nuts Method
Pre-heat the oven to 180C and line a loaf tin with greaseproof paper. Sift the flour and baking soda into a large mixing bowl. In a separate, smaller bowl soften the butter by beating and continue to cream whilst adding the sugar. Mix until well combined. Stir the mashed banana into the butter mixture, gradually mixing in the beaten eggs when incorporated. Tip the combined wet ingredients into the
dry and mix well to form a thick batter. Now simply add your additional ingredients (we love using dried fruit) and pour into the lined tin. Smooth the surface and bake in the oven for 1 hour or until risen and golden brown. A skewer when inserted should come out clean. Allow to cool for 20 mins before removing and serving, preferably with a piping hot cup of tea and a good slather of chocolate spread or honey.
CELLARDOOR'S SUMMER reading list Words Amy Peck Illustrations Katie Rea
The Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella Meet Becky Bloomwood. Financial journalist by day… serial shopper in her spare time. These books aren’t going to win the Booker Prize but the characters are truly loveable and will have you rooting for them all the way to the end. You’ll instantly fall for the irrepressible charm of Becky as she navigates her way through many mishaps.
The Mysterious Affair at Styles by Agatha Christie This is the first fulllength novel featuring the debonair detective Hercule Poirot. A classic mystery story from the superbly talented Agatha Christie, we meet Poirot amidst a murder at an isolated English country house. Most of the suspects have something to hide but who is guilty? A wonderfully written ‘whodunnit’, the twists and turns of the plot will keep you reading on.
Forever by Judy Blume Blume is the ultimate author of teen fiction. Young girls from all over the world wrote to her asking for advice on everything from divorce to periods. Whilst to be honest, any of the books are worth a read, if you haven’t read Forever you are seriously missing out on a rite of passage. The plot essentially is about a young couple exploring their sexuality, and while the content probably won’t be surprising to you now, imagine reading it as a 12-yearold. If you haven’t read it, look forward to finding out why the name Ralph was ruined for a whole generation…..
The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald Unless you’ve been living under a rock, it won’t have escaped your notice that The Great Gatsby is getting the Baz Luhrman treatment. The film, starring Tobey Maguire, Carey Mulligan and Leonardo DiCaprio, comes out in December so stay ahead of the curve and read this now. Set in the 1920s, Fitzgerald perfectly captures the decadence and glamour of the decade. You’ll fall in love with the enigmatic Jay Gatsby, and the ending will shock and surprise. One of the best books ever written.
The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey If you like your fiction with a dash of the magical this is the book for you. Loosely based on the fairytale of the same name, this book is set in the wilds of Alaska in the 1920s. Jack and Mabel came to farm the unforgiving land to try and escape the sadness of their past. One snowy night, they build a little girl made of snow. By the morning she has gone, yet they glimpse a young girl running towards the forest. Has the snow child come to life through their longing? Whimsical, charming and laced with sadness, this novel will stay with you long after you’ve closed it.
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro Kathy, Tommy and Ruth spent their childhoods at the seemingly idyllic boarding school Hailsham in the English countryside. Constantly told how special they are, as adults they come to realise exactly what that meant. Hailsham was not an ordinary school and they were not ordinary children. Created to donate their organs to seriously ill people, their lives will be spent in hospitals or in recovery centres. The characters are beautifully crafted and you will grow to care immensely about them. Raising important questions about the future of genetic science, this stunning story that will haunt you long after you turn the last page.
Elegance by Kathleen Tessaro This is a wonderful tale of a woman who is feeling frumpy and unattractive, and after finding an old book in a second hand bookstore entitled Elegance, she begins to follow its style rules. Incidentally this guide really existed and was reissued after this novel was published, a book within a book, what’s not to love? Her life begins to change as she rediscovers herself through changing her look. This isn’t about fashion, it’s about real style and is an inspiring read.
Before I Go To Sleep by SJ Watson You’ve probably seen this book on the shelves or spied someone engrossed in it on the daily commute. There has been hype surrounding this novel, and in this instance it is wholly deserving. A woman loses her memory every night when she goes to sleep so every morning she has to learn who she is again. Who can she trust? Her husband? Her therapist? This book will keep you guessing right up until the final page and the story draws you in to the point you will struggle to put it down.
My Mothers Wedding Dress by Justine Picardie Written by Vogue contributor Justine Picardie, this is a beautiful and charming book about how clothes become the fabric of our lives. From wedding dresses to children’s clothes, Picardie explores what clothes mean to all of us. Evocative and perfectly written, this is a wonderful homage to how our wardrobes are so much more than just cloth and stitches.
How To Be A Woman by Caitlin Moran Columnist Moran has written the ultimate book for modern feminists. This is a clever blend of part-memoir, part-musings on all the pressing questions of how to be female in the 21st century. From Brazilians to Botox via why everyone asks us when we’re going to have a baby, this book will make you laugh at loud. Definitely a classic in the making.
Short Story Perfect Circle by Laura Booth
The four of us huddled in the entrance to the church. Jenny and Louise fluffed Amy’s skirt whilst I straightened her veil, tears welling in my eyes. “I can’t believe I’m 22 and I’m getting married!” Amy squealed. “I always said I’d never do this, you know, rush into things. But then with Lily, I just couldn’t find a reason to wait.” “Don’t worry, you’re doing the right thing,” Jenny assured her. “Lily would have been ecstatic to see you in this dress. However, you need to be a little bit quieter because everyone just turned around to see where that squeal came from!” Louise put her arm around my waist. “Are you OK, Izzy?” “Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry.” I plastered a smile on my face in a failed attempt to ease her worry. The choir started to sing and the doors were flung open to reveal the aisle. And Jack. The last time I saw him had been when we finished university. “You have to come to Australia Izzy. It’s the most amazing opportunity and we’ve been planning it for ever! We can see Sydney and Melbourne, I can learn to surf and you can finally attempt to get a tan,” he laughed. “Don’t give up on this now. Remember the trip to New Zealand? The campervan? We could always fly back if anything were to happen to your Lily, we’d find a way.” He was tanned now and his brown hair flopped into his eyes. I couldn’t help but watch him throughout the ceremony. He gave me a shy smile and started turning Amy’s wedding ring over in his pocket. He did the same thing with coins every time he was nervous. Amy very cleverly manoeuvred it so that we weren’t together on photographs and sat us at opposite ends of the table. The first time I heard him speak was following the ringing of glasses as he stood to make his best man’s speech. He told jokes, discussed exactly why Amy and Will were perfect for each other and then, finally, discussed true love. “Someone once told me that you know you’ve found true love when that person is the only one you want to sit next to. When I left for Australia I looked for someone else that would squeeze my hand on the aeroplane and make me laugh from the passenger seat of the car on long journeys. I was supposed to be there six months but it took me two years to realise what I was looking for was at home.” He was looking at me now and I was frozen to my seat, subconsciously stroking the spot where my own engagement ring once lay. “Will, I am so pleased you held on tight to Amy. She is so perfect for you and I just hope I get the same chance with my perfect girl. Not that you need it, but I wish you both all the luck in the world.” He raised his glass in a toast, “To Will and Amy.” As the room chorused “Will and Amy” I turned to Jenny. “Is Jack home for good?” From the look on their faces I knew that was the case.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Louise saved her by closing her hand over mine. “Darling we knew you’d get upset, overthink things and not want to leave the house in case you bumped into him.” “I wouldn’t have…” Jenny interrupted. “I love you but yes, you would have.” I ran outside and collapsed on a garden swing. Set on a cliff top overlooking the beach I could see the spot further along the coast where we had scattered Lily’s ashes. She’d loved it here and Amy had chosen the location so she could share the day with us. I stared out to sea as the swing moved and settled still. “You left me.” “You were supposed to come with me.” “You were supposed to love me. Why didn’t you understand?” “I did. I do. I’m in love with you Isabelle. Only you.” He reached out to take my hand. “I just, I didn’t realise Lily would get so poorly.” Finally, I turned to look at him. The setting sun gave me even more of a golden glow and I felt translucent in comparison, pale and forgotten. “Well, she did.” “She was 21,” he sighed. “People aren’t supposed to die at 21. I thought she’d get better. You were so certain you should stay but you never asked me to. I thought you were having second thoughts about us.” Jack and I had cuddled under the covers and made hundreds of plans. Weighing up whether we should go to America or Australia, whether we should work in bars to fund trips round New Zealand and Thailand too or settle down in Sydney. We’d kissed and kicked the covers around and planned routes on my iPad, safely cocooned in my room. Then Lily had got ill and I had been so certain. He was right. The doctors had said she had a great chance of survival, they’d never expected her to deteriorate so quickly, but for some reason I just knew. I had packed up all of things in my room that belonged to him, twisted the necklace he had given me from my neck and laid it on the top of the box before leaving it with his housemates. “I couldn’t let you miss out. Was it amazing?” “It was. But it would have been better with you.” He started turning something over in his pocket before nervously pulling out the necklace. “I was gutted when you gave this back.” It was a perfect flat circle, he said it meant infinity. Of course I was cynical, I’d not believed him, I wasn’t sure love could last, but there they were - our initials still entwined on the under side of the band. I smiled at him and the worry lines around his eyes loosened. “I think we should plan a trip.”
Photography: Emily W
The ninth issue of Cellardoor Magazine