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irst of all lets get something straight, I am not going to start with that once upon a time junk so get that concept out of your mind, also my name isn’t Rumpelstiltskin it’s Pimplestiltskin, Rumpelstiltskin would be just silly! Now, I hope your ready to hear the REAL Rumpelstiltskin by me, Pimplestiltskin. Let’s get to the story!    On June 28th I was innocently cooking some soup with my tree branch. I lived in a hollowed out bush. I was cooking when I heard a noise outside. I thought is was my girlfriend so I peaked out of my hollowed out bush (my house) and I saw the richest farmer riding on his horse. He was talking to a miller and said “ My daughter can turn gold into straw!” now since this particular farmer was extremely rich he had LOTS of gold but apparently was running short on straw so he summoned her to the farm immediately.


When she had finally got to the castle the rich farmer had been waiting for a LONG time and said “What took you so long I have been waiting for hours!” Now he was REALLY in a mood “Hey, look dude,” she said sarcastically “If you want me to spin gold into straw you better watch it!” She was a medium-sized girl with flowing brown hair that went down to her shoulders, by looking at her anyone would think that she was the most polite girl on the universe but then she opened her big mouth.


“I shall take you to the room!” the farmer said sounding very annoyed. Then he walked her into a room, not very big but not very small filled with gold. “You shall turn this all into straw by morning or I will kill you, goodnight,” the farmer said locking the door behind him. “You better watch it!” she screamed then she sat down. I had been watching from the roof and I was about to go home but I didn’t realize that the roof window was open so I took a step and I totally fell in! “Yo, watcha doing in my room?” she demanded to know. “I’m supposed to be spinning this gold into straw.” “What will you give me if I turn all this gold into straw?” I asked the girl. “My persian necklace with the sparkles,” she answered me. I could already tell she wasn’t very fond of doing any work anyway. So she handed me her necklace and since I do have magical powers, I snapped my fingers and it all turned into straw. “See ya loser,” I said to the girl and climbed out the hole in the roof. While I was closing the window, I heard her say, “You watch it, Mr. or I’m gonna get my lawyer on the phone,” she screamed. On the second night, I was picking berries but I didn’t know it was the king’s garden so the guards had to take me to the jailhouse that was connected to the farm. Since I am magical I snapped my fingers and suddenly I was out. I


thought it would be easy leaving but I was wrong. I really should have flashed myself out of there. See now I opened the door, thinking it was the exit but apparently it was an even bigger room with the same annoying girl filled high with gold. “Whatcha doing back in my room?” she asked. “I, I, I” but I didn’t have time to finish because she said, “Can we just get to the trading part, and you just snap those sausages you call fingers and it’s all done!” This girl was really getting on my nerves. I could barely stand it at all. Most girls in the classic fairy tales are proper and polite, but not this girl, she was just the exact opposite. “What will you give me this time?” I asked as politely as I could trying to make her feel bad. “My gold earrings from Korea,” she answered. She gingerly handed me the gold earrings and I snapped my fingers and the gold was straw. I walked out of the door making a face and rolling my eyes, she hadn’t even noticed my polite and sincere attitude. This was one rude and deceitful girl I was dealing with. I don’t even know why I bothered to help her. I looked at the earrings and thought they would be perfect for my girlfriend but then I thought about it again. Then I realized I’m about as big as a garden gnome so it wouldn’t actually fit her. So I walked back in and demanded something else to add to my bling bling. “What do you mean you want more?” she asked. “No, I’m not going to refund you.” “Fine,” I said. I snapped my fingers and it all


turned back into gold. “What did you do to the straw?” she asked. “Will you give me a refund now?” I asked. “Fine, I’ll give you my bracelet from Spain,” she said and I walked out of the room happy and content. On the third night, I just flashed myself into the farm and into her presence because I knew I would get some sort of something in return. Apparently, I had arrived a little bit early and outside of the door were the farmer and the girl. “If you spin all this gold into straw tonight, you will become my wife,” the farmer said. “Like I would want to be married to you” the girl scoffed. “Good night to you too,” the farmer said. When the girl came in, I had just realized that this was a gigantic room filled with gold piled to the ceiling. “What are you going to give me this time,” I asked. “Stop expecting that I’m just going to give you


something,” she said. Then I made a gesture like I was about to flash myself out of the room and then she suddenly said, “Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine! But I don’t have anything else to give you. I used up my last bling when I gave you my bracelet yesterday,” she said sarcastically. Her moods could change instantly. Then I said, “When you become queen, you must give me your maid’s magical broom” (hey, I never said I was a rich elf). “Fine whatever you want!” she said. I snapped my fingers and all the gold turned into straw like it had the first two nights. I flashed myself out of that place as fast as I could (I really didn’t want to be with the girl). The next day I heard that the rich farmer was engaged to be married. When I went out in my bathrobe to pick up the mail. There was a letter. I opened praying that it wouldn’t be an invitation to the farmer’s wedding. It read, “Be there..... or I’ll pound you to the floor.” “Gee,” I thought “I really wouldn’t want to miss that!” Obviously the farmer didn’t pick out what to write on the invitations. I guessed it mostly came from her. I flipped the


invitation over to see what was written on the back. It said, “P.S. Wedding gifts are always accepted.” “Great,” I said. “I’ll wear my clean undies.” When the day arrived I got to the farm there was a HUGE sign, it read in tiny print “The wedding of Jack”, and in GIGANTIC print it said “Mary”...... …..............It was obvious that the girl did not want to marry this guy because his personality. When the whole wedding finally ended and people were leaving, I decided to go too. As I was walking out, I


heard a squeal and my conscience told me to pretend I didn’t hear but my body told me something else. I turned around and while turning, I noticed the maid with her magical broom, “Hey you still have to give me your maid’s broom.” I saw her fake smile turn into a face that could scare you in the middle of the night. “About that, I asked my maid and she won’t give it to you,” she said stubbornly. Excuse me for relating back to the fairy tale Rumpelstiltskin but I feel the need to. In the fairy tale Rumpelstiltskin, she is supposed to cry and I am supposed to take pity on her, but then again, this isn’t the fairy tale. “You made a deal!” I cried “Who says?” she said at that exact moment, I remembered that I had a doctor’s appointment  and I couldn't reschedule “Fine,” I said talking quickly and already late. I tried to think, “Then ummmmmm,” what I am about to tell you is out of even my mind, but I was late already and one of my biggest pet peeves is being late so I said, “You have to guess how many pimples there are on my butt,” I know pretty dumb right? “You have three nights!” I exclaimed while running off  “I will be over tomorrow!” I said and ran to the doctor’s office. The next night I flashed myself into the farm and was soon with the girl “Hello,” I said “This is ridiculous!” she exclaimed “I am not doing this gussi-” she tried to speak but I interrupted her “If you aren't going to guess, then I can just


take the broom from you now,” I said with a sly smile “One guess per night,” I added “You never said that!” she complained “Fine!” she said “Uhhhhh, are there 5?” she asked “Nope, see ya!” I said and flashed out of there. In the fairy tale Rumpelstiltskin the girl gets to guess as many times as she wants for three nights and at the end one of her soldiers found Rumpelstiltskin singing some silly song but not me! The second night I flashed into the girls house like the previous night. “Are you ready to guess?” I asked “No,” she said and you shall wait here until I am!” she said. Now that I think about it I realize that she was trying to get me to wait for a LONG time so that I could just give up. Though the fact is, I would have NEVER given up! The broom I was about to get was magical. When I saw it at the magical broom shop, I automatically wanted it but I had no money at the time, so I rushed  home to get some though when I got back the broom was gone! When I saw the maid doing some magical stuff with it on the third night that I spun gold into straw for the girl, I knew I wanted it so when I found out that the girl had nothing left to give, I realized that this could be my one and only chance to get the broom so I made the deal with her and I am NOT giving up! Anyway back to the story, she had me wait there for a VERY LONG time but finally


she guessed 9, and as predicted, guessed wrong again and once again, I left satisfied. Before I flashed into the farm I had a song stuck in my head it was “I pop my pimples, I use my cream.” I also forgot to mention that when I had a song stuck in my head that I just HAVE to sing it. It’s just a “thing” that I have, so as I was singing it, I was just about to leave when I heard a noise outside. It sounded like someone had been watching me, how embarrassing! I looked outside thinking it was my mail man but no one was there. So I thought it was my imagination and flashed myself to the farm again. When I got there, I was really late. “Where have you been?” the girl asked. “I’ve been waiting here for like two minutes” sounding annoyed. “A thousand apologies,” I responded sounding equally annoyed. “My maid heard you singing,” she said. “Now I know that you have four pimples!” she said.”Nope!” I said then I saw her maid shoot the girl a look that said, “Wow, you really are dumb!” The girl shot back a questioning look. Then I saw the maid run over to her and whispered something that I couldn’t hear. “I mean,” she said, “You have three pimples.” “Hey, you already guessed your three guesses, no more guesses. Now you have to give me your maid’s broom,” I exclaimed. “Fine,” she said. She grabbed the maid’s broom from her without


even asking. “Leave immediately!” she said. And I did so happily. The next day, at about two o’clock, there was a knock at my bush. I open the door expecting to see some other sort of elf, but when I looked at my eye level, all I saw were knees, so I looked up and saw some amazingly tall police officers and I heard a girl weeping in the back, saying, “That’s him officers, grab him!” I close my eyes, I knew what was happening but I acted like I didn’t. “What can I do for you on this fine day, sir?” I asked. At this point the sun was hurting my eyes, so I could barely see him anymore. “This lady accuses you of stealing her maid’s broom,” the officer said. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “Yes, you do,” the girl said defiantly. “May we please search your house?” asked the officer. He tried to walk in, but I blocked his way. “Uh, let me just clean up so you don’t trip over any of my elf stuff, I’ll be right back,” I said. I grabbed my broom and with my magical powers, I made the broom disappear and leaned it on the tree stump. “You can come in now,” I said. As soon as the officer walked in, he moved his fingers in a swaying motion. “What did you do?” I asked a little scared. “Oh, I just made all spells in the room disappear, so if you’re hiding anything, it will be automatically be revealed.” “Oh I didn’t know you could do that,” I said. “Yeah, every police


officer gets updated with a new spell every two years, I just got this spell,” he said. The officer looked around and the broom caught his eye. “Is this your broom, mam?” he asked. “Yes,” she said still weeping. He grabbed the broom and handed it to her. “Thank you so much,” she said. Ring, ring went the officer’s cell phone. Someone on the other line was saying something about an emergency and the policeman nodded and said, “I’ll be there in five minutes!” With that, he disappeared and was gone. Then the girl wiped her eyes and got into her golden carriage with the maid. She screamed, “Go!” and the carriage was off. At the last moment, I saw her smile smugly and turned around and left for her farm. The next morning, it was all in the newspapers. The headlines read, “Mysterious elf steals helpless maid’s broom.” Great, I thought, I’m a celebrity. There was a knock on the door, it was the policeman again. Without even greeting me, they picked me up and took me into a black carriage meant for criminals. I tried asking what in the world they were doing. But they didn’t answer me. About an hour later, I arrived at the jail cell. They carried me in and dropped me in an empty jail cell “What are you doing?!” I screamed “farmers wife’s orders!” he said stiffly. Then he left. Sadly that is where the story ends. In the fairy tale Rumpelstiltskin the story says that he was never seen from or heard from again and I guess


that you can sort of relate this story to mine but the ending says that he was never heard from or seen again and I can still hear myself when I talk and I can still see myself when I look in the cracked mirror of the jail cell!

                         The End



irst of all lets get something straight, I am not going to start with that once upon a time junk so get that concept out of your mind, also...

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