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JOKES.
Young People's Page
F R E E ADVERTISEMENT. The firm cf Moses and Murphy had plots for sale in a newly panned suburban district. Mr. Mui'p'iy—ycung, enthusiastic, was writing the advertisements. Natural eloquence llowed from his pen. Ke urged intending purchasers 0 to seize the pass ng moment. "Napoleon/' he wrote, "not only met oppcr(TRANSLATED FROM F R E N C H ) . tunity; he created it!" By C. E . J U A N . Mr. Moses read the line in the advertisement slowly and carefully. He was only a s t r e e t urchin in i be he would give m e a h o m e ; " and "This fellow, Napoleon," he s a i l . Paris. His p a r e n t s h a d been dead at once followed t h e t h o u g h t : ; " V a t ' s the use of advertising him vit for five y e a r s . A t first he lived "Would h e enable h i m to m a k e his I our m o n e y ? "
HOW
A STREET BOY BECAME A PRIEST.
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on the charity of one or a n o t h e r neighbour. T h e n a s soon as he was old enough he r a n e r r a n d s , he helped the m a r k e t people to c a r r y their heavy b a s k e t s . H e was by turns newspaper boy, s t r e e t hawker and t h e like.
He had seen m u c h vice, h a d lived in evil s u r r o u n d i n g s , but he was high-minded, gifted with a noble soul w hich h e k e p t clean. Maybe t h a t was not always t h e -case with his face and h a n d s . He had begged a few t i m e s but he never stole, not even one cherry, though be used t o c a r r y b a s k e t s full. When he h a d some free time he spent it in a c h u r c h . He knew them all. N o t r e D a m e had his preference. H e liked t h e dark side aisles and often took refuge t h e r e . On the g r e a t feast d a y s he felt carried out of himself with joy, when listening to t h e g r e a t voice of the organ. It b r o u g h t back to him what his m o t h e r used to teach him about t h e f e a s t s when she made him say his p r a y e r s . He did lot r e m e m b e r m u c h of it as nobody I had spoken to him of religious subjects since he lost her. T
Above all he loved H i g h Mass. He understood n o t h i n g of it but he was fascinated by t h e ceremonial. How he did envy t h e boys who were allowed to s t a n d r o u n d t h e a l t a r and swing t h e i r censer before it. ! The altar possessed for him a m y sterious c h a r m . I t seemed to him that a voice issued from it—calling to him: " C o m e . " T h e n h e appro- | ached as n e a r a s ever he could and kept repeating t h e only p r a y e r t h a t he knew : " J e vous salue M a r i e " (Hail M a r y ) . ;
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Several t i m e s he h a d seen children of his own a g e kneeling a t t h e I altar rail, while h e felt instinctively | that it was for t h e i r s a k e t h a t t h e singing was even m o r e beautiful than usual. A n d once a b e g g a r . woman had s a i d : " I t will b e a g r e a t day, t h e F i r s t Communion, t h e children will be g e n e r o u s . " W h a t did she m e a n ? " T h e F i r s t Com"-amnion?" H e could not guess, b u t only to see t h e children's faces told lim t h a t it m u s t be s o m e t h i n g j very sweet indeed. Would he ever ! make his F i r s t C o m m u n i o n ? . . . > He became h a u n t e d by t h e idea. The old s a c r i s t a n h a d noticed t h e lad poorly clad b u t clean, whose ^ace looked so h o n e s t , so open. O k c day he a d m i t t e d h i m to t h e vestry to help h i m scrubbing a n d Polishing t h e candlesticks and similar things. W h a t a happiness for the boy!
F i r s t Communnion ?" But when he h e a r d t h a t t h e Pope was in Rome, he cried: "It w a s so f a r ! " Winter came. Frost, snow, p r i v a t i o n s . w ant of home c a r e were too much for t h e boy, w h o became very ill. Despite a r a c k i n g cough he kept going t o N o t r e Dame. One day, feeling still m o r e HI and exh a u s t e d , scarcely able to stand, he crept as near t h e A l t a r as possible, s a y i n g to himself: "I cannot bear t h i s kind of life a n y longer. I m u s t go to t h e Holy F a t h e r ! " B u t when h e tried to get u p h e h e a r d a noise in his ears, a m i s t came before his e} es, and he fell unconscious. T
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He came to himself in a large room. A was: supporting h i m , who looked very kind a cup to his lips. THE
in a big bed y o u n g priest while a lady w a s holding
SACRIFICE.
She
dreamed of dear companions, And those caressing waves of wild white spray, Where the deep, ruffled blue of ocean meets The yellow sand she knew just yesterday;
Of
gayer nights, of glad and splendid speech, Dances and shows and all the careless talk, Of Sundays, listening to old friends preach The after-joy of every Sunday's walk. These were her dreams, until the night lights gleamed Before the altar of her one Desire, For here was That .of which her girlhood d re a mcd. Tor Which she yearned in I sacramental fire ! Each dream of old a sweet and sacred thing. But there she finds her Prince, her Love, her KING!
" I a m with t h e Holy F a t h e r , " exclaimed t h e child, full of joy. T h e y could not u n d e r s t a n d a n d t h o u g h t h e w a s delirious. Soon, however, t h e y saw h e w as quite sensible. In a n s w e r to their questions he spoke of his life, his d r e a m s , his longing. T
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T h e n t h e p r i e s t a n d t h e lady, h a v i n g whispered a few m i n u t e s t o g e t h e r , came b a c k t o his side and t h e p r i e s t s a i d : " L i s t e n , m y boy, you a r e still in P a r i s . You a r e not in t h e Holy F a t h e r ' s house. H e is indeed y o u r f a t h e r b u t h e h a s so m a n y children h e c a n n o t look a f t e r t h e m himself. So h e bade m e t a k e c a r e of his forlorn children in P A R I S . You will s t a y with t h i s lady, and I hope be a good son of the Church."
They talked about one subject -and another. T h e s a c r i s t a n h a p pened to mention t h e Holy F a t h e r . "Who is t h a t , t h e Holy F a t h e r ? " T h e little o r p h a n boy had found . ."Well, I n e v e r ! " w a s t h e r e - a home a t last w i t h a m o t h e r who minder. " N o t to know w-he t h e - ToIcThmT~ about t h e f e a s t s - a s his Holy Father I s ! H e is t h e P o p e ! ' own m o t h e r used to, about t h e "But what do vou mean, t h e M a s s which he loved, a n d t h e A l t a r Pope?" which fascinated him so much. He /'Well, ask one of t h e p r i e s t s , h e k n e w now which voice it was which kept calling to h i m . H e w a s in *I1 explain t o you. r a p t u r e when h e w a s told he also But he did not ask. H e did not would m a k e his F i r s t Communion: <tere and kept on w o n d e r i n g to h i m (Continued in Col. 4) "Then I h a v e a f a t h e r ! M a y - :
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WHY HE CHOSE IT. A schoolmaster was giving a music lesson and asked the pupils if there was any favourite song: they would like to sing "The Soldiers' Song, sir," said one of the boys. "Nov/ tell me," said the school-master "what made you think of the National Anthem?*' "Well," replied the boy., "it's time to ^o home." * * * * * * ONLY CHANCE. The curate prided himself on his oratorical powers. He was describing the downward path of the sinner, and used the metaphor of a ship drifting and going to pieces on the rocks. A sailor in the audience was deeply interested. "The waves dash over!" cried the curate. "Her sails are split! Her yards are gone! Her masts are shivered! Her helm is useless! She is driving ashore! There seems no hope! Can nothing be done to save h e r ? " The sailor rose in his seat, his eyes wiao with excitement. "Let go the anchor, ye lubber!" he shouted. DIDNT MATTER? A* an agricultural dinner a son of the plough sat beside a woman of title, a friend of the squire, and while discussing turnips and potatoes he upset a plate of tomato soup on his neighbour's frock. She kept down an impatient exclamation, and merely remarked: " W h a t a pity!" The farm worker looked at the stains and said, with a resigned sigh: "Ah, it f'oan't matter. I doan't like the stuff anyway." HEAR! H E A R ! Councillor Puff (at Board of Health meeting)—"Gentlemen, we have been sending lunatics out of the county to an outside Mental Hospital for a long time, and it has cost us a g r e a t deal of money. But I am glad to be able to make the statement that' we have now built- a mental home for ourselves." OUT OF HIS DEPTH. In a small country town a learned professor of convivial habits was brought before the local magistrate. "You are changed with being drunk and disorderly," snapped the magistrate. "Have ye anything to say why sentence should not be pronounced?" "Man's inhumanity to man, makes countless thousands mourn," began the professor, "I am not so neurotic as Poe, so profligate as Byron, so intemperate as Burns, so vulgar as Shakespeare—" "That'll do, that'll do interrupted the magistrate, " Seven days! Officer take down that list of names he mentioned, and round 'em up. I think they're as bad as he is." THE MIDDLE HALF. A little boy who slept with his big brother complained to his mother one morning about the discomfort of his bed. "It's an awful hard bed, mama, and what's more, Bob takes up quite half of it." "Well," replied the mother, "why shouldn't Bob have a half?" " But," added the youngster, "he always takes the middle half."
"Every child needs milk every day."
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he would be an altar-boy a n d holding a censer t a k e p a r t in t h e ! ceremonies. J T h e voice still called: " C o m e ! " ' | | | | ; j | ! j '
In a n s w e r he served Mass a n d w e n t to Communion every day. Soon h e began to envy t h e priest w h o could c a r r y t h e Blessed S a c r a m e n t . T h e n a s h e w a s h a u n t e d by t h e longing to m a k e his F i r s t Communion b e was h a u n t e d by t h e longing to become a priest. B u t it w a s somet h i n g so g r e a t ! So holy a life! How d a r e he t o aspire t o i t ! W a s it not p r e s u m p t u o u s of h i m ?
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A t last one day, s u m m o n i n g his courage, h e went to t h e p r i e s t w h o "looked after t h e Holy F a t h e r ' s children in P a r i s . " and told him of j his ambition. T h e F a t h e r a n s w e r e d s m i l i n g : "My dear boy, I always ! t h o u g h t you would be a priest. ! T h e r e is no presumption in y o u r wish. Let your mind r e s t a n d be happy. Only be very g r a t e f u l . God h a s been very good t o you. Love H i m with y o u r whole h e a r t and e v e r y t h i n g will come r i g h t for y o u . " T h e lad was placed in a p r e p a r a t o r y school until h e could e n t e r t h e college of s t u d e n t s for t h e priesthood. T h e w a i t i n g w a s sweet, he did not find it long. E v e r y t h i n g in his life w a s c e n t e r e d on H i m W h o w as so n e a r , u n d e r t h e s a m e roof a s it w e r e , a n d Whose presence seemed t o p e r v a d e all space and t i m e . S t e p by s t e p h e a d v a n c e d n e a r t h e a l t a r , till h e was ordained sub-deacon. Then h e could t a k e his p a r t in t h e High Mass a n d be certain t h e g r e a t day would come soon. r
A t last he w a s a p r i e s t ! He could in his t u r n look a f t e r t h e Holy F a t h e r ' s children in P a r i s .
Margo Soap An u n i q u e s o a p for toilet, h y g i e n i c a n d a n t i s e p t i c purposes, c o n t a i n i n g . N f c g M X M E t t f f t t y p u r e s t f o r m . It is pleasant in your bath and toilet and is unsurpassed in its antiseptic, cleansing and emollient properties. Physicians use it in all skin affections.
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CAIjCUTTA.
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