LOVIN’ Continued from page 17
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dispute by creating monogamous coupling. It wasn’t the first time he dodged a controversy to avoid aggravating influential, pious churchmen and financial benefactors and to minimize the anxiety his views often caused for his adored wife, a devout Christian.
No need to lie
Freelance writer and editor Jim Catano’s other life involves the launch of two ultra-progressive, health-related projects.
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So what does this mean for modern polyamorists willing to wave off modern social conventions and explore their ancient biological and psychological programming? Polyinclined friends don’t have to twist themselves into anxious knots if a sexual attraction starts to blossom. They may not move in together, but they have the option of guiltless “friends with benefits” arrangements and taking those relationships to whatever level of involvement is comfortable for all parties. Unfaithfulness now affects over half of all monogamous marriages and long-term relationships, but if poly folk honor agreements made with their partners and are open about who is spending time with whom, they don’t fall victim to infidelity and the deception that surrounds it. When the seven-year itch (or the four-year variant that modern researchers identify as the more critical juncture) or even a six-month urge to wander strikes, polyamorists aren’t compelled to subconsciously subvert their otherwise viable existing relationships to clear the way for a new one. Polyamory offers an alternative to serial monogamy—the current less-than-happy norm in Western society. Poly partners and spouses don’t choose between sexual novelty and long-term stability. They enjoy both. Any experienced polyamorous person will admit that this love style is definitely not for everyone and is never a cure for an already failing relationship. A troubled couple rarely finds relief simply by adding more people to the mix. However, for those not intimidated by the idea of moving beyond social conventions and their own insecurities, and who have the time and energy to be with more than one intimate partner, polyamory may open up a world of enlivening new possibilities. u
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loaded term...promiscuity. As evidence, human males are only slightly larger than females, a common trait in promiscuous primate species. Among polygamous gorillas, on the other hand, males are more than twice the size of females—a trait that developed to be able to better fight off male rivals. Human women, unlike the females of the purely monogamous or polygamous primate species, may experience sexual arousal regardless of where they are in their menstrual cycle and desire sexual activity as much as men especially in sexually unrepressed societies. The high sex drive of both men and women goes far beyond what’s needed for reproduction—an odd trait which evolution wouldn’t have created unless sexual intimacy serves a purpose beyond procreation. In “primitive” polyamorous societies, these authors contend, it doesn’t matter whose sperm does the impregnating although studies show that women, even in more “civilized” societies, prefer the attention of men they consider most physically desirable during the fertile phase of their cycle. However, children are an asset to the entire group and are raised by all in cultures without the rigid nuclear family boundaries of monogamous Western society. Among our promiscuous bonobo cousins, sex is like social glue, and almost all members of a troop regularly engage in it with the other mature bonobos. Biologists and animal behaviorists contend that sexual interaction is essential to their high degree of group interdependence and cohesion. Ryan and Jetha assemble ample evidence that that’s how humans are wired, too, suggesting that possessiveness and jealousy are the real modern perversions. They argue that Darwin was influenced by Victorian social values when he concluded that competition among human males for females was counterproductive and resulted in evolution settling the
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Unfaithfulness now affects over half of all monogamous marriages and longterm relationships.
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