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Us.


It’s

been over three years since we met that night. We’ve been (nearly) inseparable since and created some of my favourite memories. Sometimes we forget the calm, carefree days, our favourite trips, or the company we’ve shared. Here are a few of my favourites.


1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Canmore

I knew I met the perfect guy and you were all I thought about for months

Juan De Fuca I wanted to shoot you.

Bow River

We’d laze around in each other’s company and take the day as it came.

The Balcony

I knew I gave you exactly what you needed and I’d only asked how you were doing.

Montréal

Nothing mattered, no one knew, I fell hard back in love and it didn’t matter to anyone but us.

In chronological order


CA NM ORE. 1.

Canmore

It was our one month anniversary after “meeting” that first night. You sporadically called up a hotel from my car, sitting on the driveway after we drove back to my house. I sat in the driver seat and kept thinking how did I meet this guy? We’re going to stay in Canmore? Tomorrow? I’d never had anyone do that for me and like that! We also managed to tell her it was our anniversary.

I can’t exactly remember what we did that day. I think we hiked. We probably did whatever I wanted to do that day. When we got to the room there was a note written to “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”. It had been a month since we had met each other like we did and we couldn’t help but laugh. We ate the chocolates and I tried to ignore that I liked the sound of it.


We sat in the hot tub and became prunes together talking about everything that got us excited. What we wanted to do with our lives. We dreamed business ideas. There were also the things we don’t talk about. You told me about the year you’d been having, about your marriage and your work. I told you about the time I’d never felt worse in my life. I’d never had the chance to tell anyone

about it and you were the first person I wanted to listen. We sat in the corner of the hot tub and told each other everything. I had you all to myself. I felt so connected. I trusted you so quickly. You we’re handsome, and smart, and kind. You were everything I wasn’t looking for. I knew I met the perfect guy and you were all I thought about for months.


2.

Juan de Fuca

I wanted to shoot you. One time I learned that the best defense against bears is to annoy them. It’s also proven to be the most reliable form of contraceptive. You may have said more words per minute those 5 days we hiked through the forest. I may have told you I was going to kill you. It wasn’t just spending time with you that made the trip memorable. It was doing something that I’ve always loved and you turning it into a hobby. Planning for the hikes we’ve done is always a commitment. From buying gear, to booking flights, to finding accommodation, the price tag doesn’t always represent “bumming it in the bush”. But you never whined and set on the adventure. There was something very sexy about how terrified you were of the bears. I kept telling you how annoyed I was because you were so nervous about something I thought was ridiculous. But when you told me it was because you were worried that you might have to risk your life for me if we ever came between the path of a bear and cubs, I quietly changed my mind. I don’t think I told you that. But I remember walking past the bears den, thinking we heard growling, and you gave me your knife. I walked behind you, terrified and watching how concerned you were. I felt looked after. I loved that feeling. And watching you walk around with a little blade.


JUAN DE FUCA.


BOW RIV ER.

3.

Bow River

One day last summer I met Ryan 2.0. This Ryan rigged together a raft, blew it up with his shiny responsible Volvo, then stocked the thing with drinkies. We had a record hot summer and we rafted down the bow and listened to each of our playlists. We flirted like when we just met and couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. It was the most carefree I’d been all summer around you. It was like nothing had happened at all. I felt like I’d met my new best friend who I’ve known for years. It wasn’t just the time we spent together that meant something, it seemed you had a change of heart. I always felt like those types of things were my ideas that I had to coerce you into doing through some type of nagging, pressuring, or whining. But every time you took me down to the river it felt special. Like something had clicked and instead of dreading the work, you realized it was the prefect way to spend an afternoon. It was like a party for two and you had it all lined up. I’d come over afterwards and sit on the balcony and somehow in a shit storm of emotion, tension, and uneasiness, we’d laze around in each other’s company and take the day as it came at us.


4.

The Balcony

I haven’t always felt like I had a lot to offer you. You have everything. You have your career, can afford a nice apartment, never ask for a ride or rely on me for much. For me it’s the opposite. I’m forgetful, I’m unsure or searching for more things than one, and I don’t have the flashiest of jobs. But there were two nights we spent on the balcony last summer when we gave each other what we needed.

THE BALC ONY.

I’d never asked you or pried. I always figured if you wanted to talk about something you would talk about it because that’s how you’ve always operated. But that day I asked how you were doing. You’d been telling me about your friendship with Kevin and the conversations about life you’d had a few nights before and I realised that you’d found something I hadn’t given you. I felt relieved that someone was able to connect on a level I didn’t think I could offer, that you found the support you needed. But I had realised there wasn’t a reason that I couldn’t be there for you the same way. I realised that in waiting for you to come to me, I wasn’t there for you at all. We sat on the balcony and I held you in my arms. I knew I gave you exactly what you needed and I’d only asked how you were doing. It meant the world.


I rushed home from work, grabbed some groceries, and started whipping up a little something to surprise you. We hauled the wooden high-top table onto the balcony, turned on the patio lights and lit a few candles. It was the warmest night and the mountains were lit up behind you. At this time, we’d secretly been going on dates and living like we’d just met again. We were constantly impressing, loving, and swooning each other, making it the easiest couple weeks we’d spent together since we met. We talked about our separate lives, about us, and about honesty. Most importantly honesty. That dinner is one of my favourite memories.

It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but it was what I needed to know. I felt sick and angry and took a long time to stomach the conversation that night. Looking back, above all else, I appreciate your honesty and a conversation that needed to happen. There is nothing more important to me than honesty.


5.

Montréal

I’ve always liked the idea that when you travel you can be whoever you want to be; no one can tell you you’re wrong about it. I’d spent 3 months trying to be myself and try to feel at home after moving out but I couldn’t get it right. We talked for 4 hours. It was the first time we’d spoken a couple weeks and we talked about everything and we laughed about things most people couldn’t talk about. It was all on the table. I felt something I hadn’t felt in months, like I could share everything. You hung on every word I said and we’re gentle and kind and captivated in every sentence. When we hung up I was in my car and I remember trying not to smile so big walking to the building. I kept trying to hide it because I couldn’t try and stop. Shortly after I left for Montreal. I thought I was joking but I knew I was serious when I said if you were bored, you know where I’d be. When I walked down to the lobby, I was thinking about how crazy you are. I remember rolling my eyes in the elevator trying to un-convince myself of what I thought you’d done,

MONT RÉAL.


but I watched you walk through the door and the world stopped. You had flowers and a ridiculous casual smirk. We were wrapped around each other and no one in the lobby could understand what us being there together meant. And no one would know for the entire weekend. We we’re completely different people, the same ones that had talked on the phone earlier that week: gentle, kind, captivated. No one knew us, or what we’d done, or why it mattered. I felt at home beside you walking around the city as we seemed to be in our own world, looking out at everything around us. My reluctance from 3 months of tension dissolved in 48 hours of bliss. It was my favourite trip together, maybe even my favourite trip. Nothing mattered, no one knew, I fell hard back in love and it didn’t matter to anyone but us.


HAPPY VALEN TINES DAY I LOVE YOU B.

Us.  

It’s been over three years since we met that night. We’ve been (nearly) inseparable since, creating some of my favourite memories. Sometime...

Us.  

It’s been over three years since we met that night. We’ve been (nearly) inseparable since, creating some of my favourite memories. Sometime...

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