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The Key to Intimacy – Simpler Than You Think By Carla Tara – The Intimacy Expert Everyone wants to make relationships complicated and difficult. It’s the human way – we feel that something valuable and vital to our happiness must be hard to get. But this does not have to be true for you. The secret to creating physical and emotional connection and deepening love is very natural and very simple: pay attention to your lover. In this post, I’m going to concentrate on the men. Not because men are worse at intimacy than women. (Some men are very gifted connectors, and some women are very distant.) The reason I’m talking to you men today is because men are usually faster than women at reaching a point in their lovemaking where they are tempted to orgasm and/or ejaculate. If you are a woman who get sexually turned on faster than your man, then consider I am writing this to you too! So, gentlemen, listen closely! When you want to know whether your woman is aroused or not, follow her breath. Her breath is the most important sign you have to guide you.It will tell you where she is in her process of getting turned. You don’t have to be a mind reader! Her breath will tell you where she is. She will hopefully be using the Ocean Breath, a fluid natural breath. When her breathing deepens, and she starts to make sounds of pleasure, you will know she’s is getting turned on with you. Until then, you need to match her breathing and feel where she is. If she’s holding her breath –so that she is inhaling and exhaling at an irregular pace– that could mean she is in her thoughts, and they are taking her away from the sensations that your touch is stimulating. It might be too much for her in that moment, so you can slow down. Try to breathe in rhythm with her, but keeping your breath regular.

When her breath does not harmonize with your breath, then take a moment to invite her attention back to your presence by saying something nice to her. For example: “Honey, you are so sexy! When you look at me you transfer all that beautiful energy into me … When you look at me I get so… turned on.” Or if your wife is older, perhaps in her menopausal or post menopausal years, she may be feeling low self-esteem as her body changes. In this case, you might say to her: “Your skin is so soft and glowing right now. I love you so much I would not exchange you even for 2 eighteen year olds!” Loving and appreciative comments like this will definitely get her attention back. Then you can return to whatever you are doing to her body, whether you touch her, kiss her or perform oral loving on her. Also, while you are being the giver, keep consciously sending your love energy to her. A touch without loving intention remains superficial, no matter how good it is. When you add your love to it, it can go directly into her heart. As you know, it is when the woman feels loved that she can fully open up sexually. The key to her sexuality is her heart. You can also make loving commitments loudly. The 3 most important words in the dictionary of love are still: “I love you!” Tell her, ” You are the most important person in my life… “ and she will respond with her heart and her body. Intimacy in sex is not about reaching the point of no return and ejaculating. It’s about going beyond the point of no return, surfing the waves of pleasure together, and creating the most exquisite loving connection you can experience with another human being. Enjoy! Carla Tara is an internationally-acclaimed intimacy and relationship coach, who masterfully integrates a variety of tantric approaches with body-oriented psychotherapy. She is known for the strength and creativity of her work as a relationship and sex coach to both individuals and couples, helping them rediscover the passion of their relationships, and deepen intimate connections. You can find out more on her website at

Photo by Kait Curran Palmer.

The Key To Intimacy  
The Key To Intimacy  

Intimacy makes relationships deeper, more passionate, and stronger. Find out what you need to do to keep it growing.