IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN
Dedicated to Salah Abdul Maqsoud
HAPPY EASTER, EGYPTIANS.
The Pulse Of A New Generation
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IN THIS ISSUE
Feature 10 Shiism: Tiptoeing Around Sunni Land 18 E7na Elly Baneina El Haram Underscore 24 Illogical Egyptians 26 Harassment: Rendering the Few Decent Men Helpless 28 Career Tips for Ex-presidents Opinionated 30 Freshman Mythbusters 34 Politics is Just Not “In” Anymore 36 إجنازات شريف Patterns 38 Bringing Back the 90s 40 Sally Hansen “Airbrush Legs” Screens, Shelves & Speakers 42 Cannes Film Festival Special The Gay Section 46 The Definitive Guide to Long Distance Relationships
2 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
CITYSTARS . MALL OF ARABIA
Editor-in-Chief Awad El-Ghannam
Managing Editor Wessam Sherif
Creative Director Leila Tapozada
Youssef Saad Eldin
Business Development Ismaeel Khoudeir
Eslam Abd Elalim
Financial Manager Ehab A. Aziz
Chief Accountant Sherif El Haggar
Accountant Ahmed Serag
Office Manager Sylvia Peter
Office Assistants Ibrahim Mansour Mohamed Eid
IT Manager Ahmed Saher
Production Executive Manager Sherif Mahmoud
Distribution Manager Shazly Eid
IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN
Abdelhamed Fathy Ramy Afifi Ragab Fathy Aly Afifi Mahmoud El Araby Mahmoud Samir
Sr. Art Director Khaled Khidr
Graphic Designer Bassem Raafat
Writers & Contributors Amy Quotb May Kamel Mirette Osama Noha Youssef Mohamed Adel Sherif Elmashad Sherief Hassan Summer Nazif
Cover Credits Bassem Rafaat
CTP & Printing
Sahara Printing Company
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69, Adidas (El-Marghany), Africana Café, C&CO (Horreyya St- El Korba), Belino Café, Blueberry (Ard El Golf ), Beano's Café (British Council – El Korba – Airport – British University), Charleston Café, Cortigiano, Café Mo, Cairo International Airport, Coffee Roastery, Colors, Cat, Diwan Bookstore, Diadora, Desire, Every Man’s Bookstore, Farah Café , Flower Market, G Live, Genga Café, Gelateria Roma Café, Harris Café, Gallery Bel3araby (El Nozha St.), House Café , Hope Flowers, Hot Pink, In Flower, Hyper Original, Khodier, Rosso Cafe, IIPennello Ceramic Café, Kan Zaman Restaurant, Le Rince, Linea, La Cassetta Retaurants, Makani, McDonalds, Mobil Mart, Mori Sushi (Salah Salem), Milk, Musicana (El Korba), Munchies Café, No Name, Nuts @ Nuts, Occo, One 4 all, Polka Dolka, Pottery Café, Schatz Café, Smart Gym (Sheraton & Ard El Golf), Roma Café, Shell Mart, Salah Beauty Salon, STR8, Spicy, Style Gym, Tres Bon, Up 2 Date, Viking Cafe, World Gym, Waffle Point, Zein, L’Aubergine
Adidas(Genina mall), Aroma Lounge (City Stars), Beano's Café (City stars – Makram Ebeid – Abbas El Akkad), Beka, Calvin Klein Jeans (City Stars), Casper & Gambini's, C&Co (City Stars – Geneina Mall), Esprit (City Stars), Farah Café (Geneina Mall), Le Gourment Marche, Kenouz Restaurant, ISI (City Stars), Martino, McDonalds (Abbas el Akkad), Musica (Abbas el Akkad), My Day Cafe, Pascucci Café, Ravin, Spicy (City Center - Geneina Mall) ,Virgin Megastore
Adidas/Timberland (Lebanon Street, Gezeeret Al Arab Street), Beano's Café (Gameat El Dowal Street), Beau Jardin Café, Bershka (Gezeeret Al Arab Street), Café Mo, Cedars café , C& Co, Café Bean (Aswan Sq.), Cocolina (Syria Street), Ciccio Café, Cilantro, Mohamed El Sagheer, Cocolina, Dar Al Balsam Bookstore, Diwan, Eventya Flowers, Laguna Café, L`Aroma Café, Makani, Marsh Café, McDonalds, Mori Sushi, Multi Stores, Non Bookstore, Pasqua Café, Quick24, Renaissance Library, Safari Café, Samia Alouba, Silviana Heach, Solitaire Café, Shoe Room, Scoop Café, Second Cup, Spectra, Spicy, Sports Café, Tommy Hilfiger, Toy Story, Trianon Café, Tornado Café, Volume One, Zarina, Zee Lounge, P 75, Al Dar, Café De Fiori
Downtown & Mokattam
AUC Bookstore, Beano's Café, Beymen, Cilantro, Maktabet El Balad, McDonalds (Tahrir), Balady
Ahl Cairo, Adidas, Beano's Café (British Council), Coffee Roastery, Dar Al Balsam Bookstore, Mr. Joe, Makani, Korista Café, Momento, La Boutique, Orange, Quick24, Retro, Spicy, Tabasco, Zein, Zarina
Al Akhbar Bookstore, Arabica, Beano's Café, Coffee Bean, Cilantro, Cocolina, Crave, Diwan Bookstore, Euro Deli, FDA, 69, Gardenia Flowers, Goal, Googan Bookstore, Kodak Express, L'Aubergine, Makani, Mezza Luna, Mobil Mart, Mohamed El Sagheer, Mori Sushi, Munchies, Orangette, Tabasco, Quick 24, Ravin’, Romancia Bookshop, Sequoia, WIF, Zamalek Bookshop, Van Gogh Bookshop, Zafir
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Beano's, Byblos Café (Dandy Mall), Café Mo, McDonalds, Mexicana Café, Mori Sushi (Dandy Mall), Second Cup, Shell Shop, Solitaire, Sans Soucis Café, Trianon
El Rehab & Fifth Settlment
Food Court (Le Reve Grand Café, Jounich Café, Gauchos Café, Mercato Italiano), AUC Bookstore
Giza & Haram
Beano's, Dar El Shorouk, Mexicana Café, Polo Shop
24Seven Café, Adidas & Timberland (Syria st, - City Center), Banna Stationary, 24/7 Café, Adidas/Timberland, Banna Stationary, Beano's, Cillomo Café, C&CO, Cilantro, Coffee Roastery, Deekom, Mazaya, McDonalds, Quiksilver, The Sixties Café, Tamarin Center, Rapo
Axon, Pizza Station, La Plato Café
Crap SECTION note editor’s
I’m not the best editor in the world and I’m definitely not the best writer. In fact, for a managing editor of one of the most popular magazines in Egypt, I make LOADS of typos. Thank god for proofreaders. I do know how to enjoy being Campus’ managing editor though. You don’t have to be THE best at something to do it. You need to enjoy something to do it. And if you don’t enjoy it anymore, move on to the next thing that tickles your fancy, even if that’s easier said than done. Constantly doing things you enjoy is worth every ounce of pain and potential failure you might endure. (If you end up homeless and poor, you didn’t get that advice from me.)
@Wessam_S 6 may 2013 CAMPUS
6,522,192 views and counting...
SECTION ] ] FEATURE
10 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
LAND By May Kamel
DWELLING IN THIS POLITICS-PROOF BUBBLE OF MINE HAS LEFT ME QUITE UNAWARE OF WHAT’S GOING ON IN THE COUNTRY, A LUXURY THAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO ATTAIN FOR TWO YEARS OR SO. WHILE THIS BUBBLE FILTERS OUT THE ADO ABOUT NOTHING THAT IS OUR POLITICAL SCENE, SOME INCIDENTS ARE TOO IMPOSING THAT THEY JUST CAN’T GO UNNOTICED. With President Morsi stressing on equality and freedom of belief day in and day out, and with the fuss made around President Ahmedinijad of Iran earlier this year, and the Islamists’ out-of-proportion fears of what they call the “Shiite wave”, I had to step outside and see what this was all about. Growing up in Abu Dhabi, I attended school where people came from backgrounds uncountable on the fingers of both hands. I had an idea about what Shiism is and that was pretty much about it. Moving back to Egypt, I never understood why everyone was hush-hush about it, until recently when I started hearing all the anti-Shiism hate speeches and how Islamists portray them as the single, most dangerous power threatening Islam. By and large, I tend to keep my religious opinions to myself. But with Ahmedinijad’s visit blocking the road to my house, Islamists losing their minds over the Shiite wave and the masses excessively sharing pictures of fat-armed Iranian chicks visiting Egypt ‘men 2agl seya7et el malt’, I had to do us all a favor and delve into the Shiite beliefs to better understand the “threat” we’re facing as a nation. What follows is an attempt to merely state factual differences between Sunna and Shia’a doctrines against key points of comparison in Islam. So if you are like the majority, who probably think that the main difference between Sunna and Shia’a is that the former eat their 3ashoura with “ice” and the latter eat it with no “ice”, you can thank us later.
12 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
POINT OF COMPARISON
Meaning of name
Partisans of Ali
None. But there are 4 different schools
Three (Ithna-ashreya “Twelvers”, Ismailiya and
(Hanafy, Maleky, Shafei and Hanbaly)
Zaydiya.) Zaydiya, however adhere to different dogmatic rules
c. 632 CE
c. 632 – 650 CE
Point of Conflict
Muhammad (PBUH) did not assign a
Muhammad (PBUH) assigned Ali Ibn Abi Taleb as a
Originally had to be a member of the
Family of the Prophet
Prophet’s tribe, Quraysh. Now it’s whoever is qualified enough Imams
Human leaders who are prone to sinning
Referred to as Mujtahid and given the title of
but are pious and religious
Ayatoallah (Sign of God)
Quran, Hadith and consensus of the 4
Imams’ interpretations and recommendations
Muslim Imams and community Hadith and Sunna
Equally valid if narrated by any of the
Preference to those credited to the Prophet’s family
and close associates
أشهد أن محمد رسول اهلل
Call to Prayer “Azan”
أشهد أن محمد رسول اهلل أشهد أن عليا ً ولي اهلل أشهد أن عليا ً حجة اهلل
5 times a day. Prostrates with no barrier
Can combine prayers to be thrice a day. Place their
between forehead and ground
head on a piece of clay from a holy place (often Karbala) while prostrating
Forbidden. No person is to be praised
Visit and venerate shrines to the Imams of the
upon his death
Prophet’s Family and other saints and scholars
Al Mahdi (the rightly guided
To come at the end of time to enforce
Was already on Earth, but now is a hidden Imam
justice and peace
who works through preachers to spread right interpretations of Quran
Concealing Faith for Self-
Affirmed under certain circumstances,
but not with followers of other Abrahamic
Emphasized, even with Sunni Muslims
Still practiced, but under certain regulations (must not be a virgin, must not be pregnant at the time of the divorce…)
Eid Al Fitr, Eid Al Adha
Eid Al Fitr, Eid Al Adha, Ashura (commemoration of Al-Hussein’s death), Al Mawlid Al Nabawy (the Prophet’s birthday)
Roots Contrary to what current Islamists promote, Egyptians are no strangers to Shiism. In fact, a Shiite dynasty, the Fatimids, conquered Egypt in 969 and ruled the country for 200 years. Those of you who roam around the streets of Cairo can’t miss the Fatimid legacy around the corners. Upon their arrival to Egypt and their rise to power, the Fatimids built numerous mosques, shrines, and theological schools, the most famous of which is Al Azhar Mosque, which was erected to spread the Ismaili-Shiite jurisprudence. Later in 998, Al Azhar advanced into an Islamic university focused on teaching the Ismaili-Shiite beliefs, alongside Arabic grammar, literature and history. It wasn’t until 1171 that Salah Al Din Al Ayuby reestablished Sunni Islam as the state religion. As Egyptians, we take our traditions seriously. Many of those traditions root back to the Fatimid era and are still practiced today. Some of the most famous Shiite practices are celebrating Al Mawlid Al Nabawy, Ashura, and even using lanterns during Ramadan. Despite being regarded as aberrations by the more conservative Salafis for instance, Egyptian Sunnis do visit important shrines in Cairo such as Al-Hussein and Sayeda Zainab, and celebrate the deceased in a manner that overlaps with both Shiite and Sufi practices.
Facts and Figures… or the Lack of Them While Islam is the state religion of Egypt, most Egyptian Muslims are Sunni. Much like the estimates of the size of the Christian population in Egypt, the Shiite population remains an estimate with no official figures, placing somewhere between 800,000 – 2 million, majorly “Twelvers”, with around 1% Ismaili (second largest branch of Shiite Islam after the “Twelvers”). Egyptian Shiites are mainly united under one institution; Al Majlis Al-A’la le Ahl al-Bayt (the Higher Council for the Protection of Ahl al-Bayt – the House of the Prophet Muhammad), headed by Muhammad el Dereiny. With the current Islamist takeover, and with the Salafi wave rebuking anything and everything that doesn’t match their interpretations of Islam, Egyptian Shiites do not have it easy. While they are still labeled as Muslims, they experience oppression and hatred that were thought to be preserved for Christians or Jews (yes, they exist). All of a sudden, religious TV channels are focusing all their energy to attack Shiites, warn the masses from an approaching, oh so dangerous, Shiite wave that is to be the end of Sunna once and for all, with no proof whatsoever! I even came across a flyer that, in all honesty, is the funniest thing I came across in 2013. It basically warns Muslims from the Shiite wave, building its argument on the fact that the ‘Mot3a’ marriage allowed by the Shiites promotes sexual behavior that can lead to the spread of AIDS! To keep things in perspective, however, hostility towards Shiites in Egypt is no news. Reports from the pre-revolution Mubarak era show that Shiites were controlled and deprived of their safeguarded rights as a religious group. People were arrested and charged with “undermining national security and contempt of religion” on several occasions, despite the matter not creating a buzz correspondent to its momentum. Back then, the regime’s practices against Shiites were more geopolitical than religious, with the old regime trying to gain extra Gulf bonus points by siding with them against Iran/Shiites.
14 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
The case isn’t any different with the current regime. In line with their erratic, logic-deficit policies is their stand on Shiites. They meet Ahmedinijad, yet they condemn the Shiite wave and slash it whenever possible. In fact, as per the recently applied constitution, the state does not recognize Egyptian Shiites. Article 219 of the constitution -which deals with Islamic law- remains the most provocative of all. It reads: “The principles of Islamic law include holistic evidence, foundational rules, rules of jurisprudence, and credible sources accepted in Sunni doctrines and by the larger community.” The principles of Islamic law, which are the backbone of Egyptian legislation according to the constitution, are therefore solely based on Sunni beliefs as approved by Al Azhar.
Human Behavior? When I started writing, I wanted to leave the article open-ended. Despite my best intentions, I can’t help but share one final thought with you. When Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) first came with the message from God, it was a message of unity and spirituality. The minute he was gone, human behavior kicked in and suddenly everyone just started acting human. Which is fine and dandy, had it not been tied to religion or beliefs or anything that can be, later on, manipulated to control people and deprive them of their freedom. You see, the Sunna/Shiite split was political. Years of wars and dispute were political. The rule of Shiites in Egypt was political, and the reestablishment of Sunna was also political. The current situation is, without a doubt, political. In the wise words of G.I. Joe: “Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.” The question is: do you think it’s even worth the battle? If I had a say in this, I would, in the politest way possible, ask everyone to CHILL and stop being so self-important. Stop dragging religion into all your battles, and most importantly, stop reducing it to AIDS and sex.
SECTION PRESS RELEASES
Sony’s NEX-3N puts Pro-quality Images in Everyone’s Reach
Joly Optics Offers Its Customers A Trip To USA!
SONY, THE LEADING CONSUMER ELECTRONICS BRAND, ANNOUNCED THE LAUNCH OF THE NEW ALPHA NEX3N INTERCHANGEABLE LENS DIGITAL CAMERA, WHICH ALLOWS USERS TO ADVANCE FROM THEIR FIXED LENS CAMERA, AND TRAVEL LIGHT WITH THE COMPACT, EASY TO USE ALPHA E-MOUNT COMPATIBLE CAMERA WITH A BUILT-IN FLASH. Taking self-portraits has never been simpler with the NEX-3N, thanks to the camera’s easy-to-hold textured grip that fits reassuringly in the hand. The crisp, bright 3.0-type LCD screen instantly flips through 180 degrees for fuss-free arm’s length compositions. Great for one-handed portrait framing, the zoom lever adjusts digital zoom if a photographer is not using a powered lens. Weighing approximately 210g, the NEX-3N is the world’s smallest, lightest interchangeable-lens camera with a large APS-C sized sensor. Grabbing more light than the sensor in ordinary compact cameras, the big sensor is the key to exquisitely detailed photos and sparkling full HD movies. The camera’s large sensor also boosts maximum sensitivity to ISO16000. It is complemented by an evolved BIONZ processor that uses the same area-specific noise reduction techniques featured on the acclaimed fullframe Alpha A99. The brand new Auto Object Framing feature helps users get betterlooking, more professional compositions without much effort. The camera judges what is in the scene – one person, two people or even macro and moving objects – and automatically crops the shot to create more powerful, professionally-framed compositions. The new NEX-3N interchangeable lens digital camera is currently available across leading electronics retailers in Egypt.
Joly Optics has decided to give a small something back to their loyal customers. During the months from February to April, customers who purchased a pair of Guess sunglasses will automatically enter Joly Optics’ Grand Prize Draw to America. Thirty lucky winners will be drawn for an all-inclusive trip to Orlando, Florida. Joly Optics will give the customers the chance to have an experience of a life time, view Orlando’s scenery and visit some of Orlando’s favourite tourist attractions such as Walt Disney World, Universal Studios, SeaWorld Orlando and much more. With the first 10 winners already announced in April, stay tuned as another 20 winners will be announced over 2 further rounds. The winners will be drawn on the 17th June and 19th August.
The First Pediatric Cardio Surgery Center Holds Its First Annual Conference The General Authority for Health Insurance, in collaboration with MSD, the leading global company for pharmaceuticals, vaccines and biologic therapies, organized the first annual conference for the First pediatric cardio surgery center at the Children’s Hospital Egypt, where a group of heart surgeons, university professors and health insurance hospitals showcased a number of researches about the latest in children’s open heart surgeries and birth defects treatments. In his word, Dr. Abdel Rahman El Sakka, Chairman of the General Authority for Health Insurance med affirmed that the ministry is keen on providing all the support to the heart institutes and centers in Egypt as the number of patients has been increasing. He added that the success rates of open heart surgeries in Egypt is approaching the rates worldwide as the hospitals are equipped with the most advanced medical equipment, the medical staff are highly skilled, the diagnosis is very precise and the diseases are caught at a young age. “All Egyptians should be proud of the First pediatric cardio surgery center as its doctors successfully perform between 1200 and 1500 open heart surgeries annually, most of which are birth defects, some complicated and others simple, and the success rate of these surgeries is over 90%.” El Sakka highlighted MSD’s initiative to support this conference, which he described as a chance to research and discuss the latest techniques worldwide in treating heart diseases in children, and the most advanced methods which result in the success of the surgeries performed on children’s hearts. . Dr. Sherif Azab, Head of the Conference, stated that the event was a good opportunity to meet and exchange thoughts on the latest developments in heart surgery on children, and the advanced methods to make a diagnosis, treat patients and perform surgeries to increase the rates of successes.
16 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
18 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
E7na Elly Baneina El Haram
By Amy Quotb
HI, I LIVE IN CAIRO. THIS AUTOMATICALLY TRANSLATES INTO THE UTTER LACK OF ABILITY TO COUNT THE TIMES I HEARD THE PHRASE “E7NA BANEINA EL AHRAMAT!” YOU CAN CALL ME CYNICAL, BUT THE FIRST THOUGHT THAT CROSSES MY MIND WHEN I HEAR THAT IS: “THAT WAS 5-7 THOUSAND YEARS AGO, SO I THINK YOUR RIGHT TO BE PROUD HAS EXPIRED.” The second thought, however, is usually what gets more than a sarcastic laugh from my audience: What if “you” didn’t actually build the pyramids? Have you considered the possibility that maybe, just maybe, someone else did? Some other tribe or society that was neither Egyptian nor lived here at all? Are you really that arrogant to believe that your theory is flawless? Were you there? Did you see it? Mind you, I’d love to believe that “we” (whatever that means, because even if Ancient Egyptians did it, we’re not even remotely related) built those humongous, impressive… things. But I prefer to give everything the benefit of a doubt. Honestly, I find it more than hard to believe that those regular, primitive folk erected such time-forward creations. They had to have super powers, right? They had to be, like, twenty feet tall, or came from outer space! I’m just lost on the logic… And do you know what I’m more lost on? The fact that all those high-and-mighty proud Egyptians don’t even TRY to verify their information. Once I start listing the possible theories and how they’re possibly backed up, I get wide eyes and dropping jaws. So, once and for all, and for those of you with a mind open enough to accept the mere possibility that there’s more than meets the eye, let’s dive in and explore the other possible versions of the story that they haven’t taught us in school…
The Case for ET Well, not “ET” in person, but you know… The pyramids are so accurately aligned with the points of the compass that only aliens could have achieved this all those thousands of years ago. The angle of the slope of the sides is so precise, the blocks are so heavy, and the pyramid so tall that in the period of 2000 BC, man did not have the tools or knowledge necessary to build them. I understand that “those people” had their way with manufacturing face paints, brewing beer, and using herbs for medicine, but really, does that qualify them to build the pyramids? With their impressive height of 450 feet (137meters) and their two million blocks of stone - weighing from the most common at 2.5 tons up to 50 tons? The weight of the pyramid is estimated to be six million tons. The four corners are almost perfect right angles and align almost exactly to the four points of the compass. The sides slope at a perfect 52 degrees (or would be; had not the smoothly polished limestone finishing blocks been removed and used in building works in Cairo.) Such accurate calculations, along with the fact that the four faces of the pyramid are slightly concave, must have taken some really advanced construction machinery to achieve! Note that the effect is not visible from the ground or from a distance but only from the air, and only under the proper lighting conditions. Coincidence? Balash di, how about the findings that the southern shaft in the King’s chamber points to the star “Al Nitak” in the constellation Orion, the northern shaft in the King’s Chamber points to the star “Alpha Draconis”, the southern shaft in the Queen’s chamber points to the star “Sirius” and the northern shaft in the Queen’s chamber points to the star “Ursa Minor?” The pyramids have been found to mirror the Orion constellation: The pyramid positions on the ground are a reflection of the positions of the stars in the constellation, the three pyramids are a perfect reproduction of the three stars of Orion’s Belt, and like the pyramids, the three stars of Orion are not perfectly aligned; the smallest of them is slightly offset to the East. All three are slanted in a southwesterly direction, and their orientation to the Nile recreates Orion’s orientation to the Milky Way. The layout of the pyramids and their relative sizes were a deliberate design plan, and not the result of three kings’ enormous egos as preached as dogma by so-called Egyptologists.
Some Research Robert Bauval (Google him, please) has spent over ten years investigating the pyramids themselves and the Pyramid texts, the oldest writings known to mankind. He and Adrian Gilbert (Google bardo) believe that they have uncovered the key to the plan that governed the construction of the pyramids. They reveal in their publication,
20 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
“The Orion Mystery” that the pyramids were much more than just tombs; they were nothing less than a replica of “Heaven on Earth” (The constellation of Orion, or known to the Egyptians as “Osiris”). With great astronomical precision, the theory is that the pyramids were created to serve as the pharaoh’s gateway to the stars. Now, as thought might progress from here, why would the pharaoh want to travel to the stars? And would this raise the mere possibility that he had originally descended from there, and was trying to go home? Just a thought! So breeeeathe…
The Case for Global Citizens The list of world pyramids really does span the globe, so why are we still up on our horses? Really now, from the Chinese pyramids, South American step pyramids, Mesoamerican pyramids, Mesopotamian ziggurats, North American mound pyramids and even Roman ceremonial pyramids, these ancient structures pop up across the globe right through the centuries in cultures we haven’t yet fully decoded. And by the way, it has even been claimed that the biggest pyramids of all are found in Bosnia, so really, let’s all take a chill pill. Letting this piece of information sink in, don’t you think the next logical question is; are they all related? Could they be? Maybe there was some kind of ‘cult’ a gazillion years ago who roamed the Earth like gypsies and left their mark through gigantic blocks of whatever, just to stand the sands of time? It sure sounds a whole lot better than scratching your name onto a tree trunk, doesn’t it?
The Case for Some Scary Ominous Scheme James E. Brown is a construction engineer who has made many trips to Egypt to work and to study the pyramids. What he claims to have discovered is that the pyramids in Egypt were actually used to create energy for some purpose. And linking that to the fact that many pyramids were built around the world, doesn’t it make sense? Some people speak of a strange photon cloud that’s now enveloped the solar system. And although NASA hasn’t said a word, they say that it leaked out from some scientists. And now, as the threatening cloud approaches, it’s affecting the sun and planets in measurable ways. Amazingly –also as claimed– the bizarre energy invades our space, and some of the world’s most famous pyramids are generating intense energy. Several incredible incidents of visible power beams shooting skywards into space towards the region of the alien photonic cloud are said to be well-documented. All the phenomena –including measurements of the never-before-seen gigantic electrification of the turbulent sun– seem to be centered on the deadly photonic cloud that some have called a ‘potential Doomsday space event.’ Now, if the pharaohs (in Egypt, or gypsying around) were plotting Armageddon all along, thus building these humongous energy-trapping machines, I wouldn’t think they were really your everyday folk, would you?
The Case for Doubt I can go on and on about dozens of theories surrounding the very entity and etymology of the pyramids, but you can help yourself to a cup of coffee and some alone time with Google, or some books. I know I did. To all those who believe that their creeds are set in stone, I say, reading about it won’t make you a heretic; it’ll simply expose you to some of the valid arguments out there, so you don’t isolate yourself in your self-righteous bubble, while wondering why others think you’re so narrow minded. In the least, it will provide you with some interesting conversation material where you and your friends can poke at each other’s brains. And maybe, just maybe, it’s about time we get over the accomplishment of a bunch of people who occupied this space some 5 thousand years ago, and get off our butts and accomplish something to call our own. It’s healthy to question the status quo every once in a while.
888 FEBRUARY 2013 CAMPUS
] UNDERSCORE ]
Ezay Teb2a Ebn Nas
SOCIAL NORMS OFTEN LACK PRAGMATISM, THAT’S A UNIVERSAL THING. HOWEVER, THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES USUALLY TAKE IT UP A NOTCH, AND EGYPT IS NO EXCEPTION TO THAT. EGYPTIAN NORMS ARE VERY COMPLICATED AND ARE EXTREMELY POINTLESS IN MOST CASES, WE JUST DON’T SEE IT THAT WAY BECAUSE WE’RE SO USED TO THEM. WE’VE BEEN RAISED TO BELIEVE THAT WE SHOULD ABIDE BY THIS SPECIFIC SET OF NORMS, AND WHOEVER DOESN’T SHALL BE DEEMED ALEEL EL ZO2 OR BEE2A BY SOCIETY.
24 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
By Youssef Saad Eldin
You first: This is universal. I mean the part where you hold the door and let someone pass through a doorway before you, it’s respectful and nice. What’s weird is that, in Egypt, when you tell someone that they could pass ahead of you, they refuse and tell you “la walahy” and you, in turn, also insist that they’re the one who should pass first. After a bunch of “la walahys” and “abadan maysa7esh” the good old “yemeen” solves it, meaning that the guy on the right should pass first. Now, I don’t know who invented that. It doesn’t really make any sense, seeing that some doors open to the right, which means that the guy holding the door is standing on the right and it’s actually impractical for everyone if he goes through first.
Money: There is an array of codes when it comes to money, especially within the upper-middle/ upper classes. One of which is that you never refer to amounts of money in Arabic, it’s usually in English. If someone asks about the minimum charge the answer is always “150” in English and never “meya w khamseen geneh.” Of all the weird social things, I never got that one. Also, what’s the deal with tipping the barber? He never takes the tip from you; you have to put it in his pocket. Another thing that involves money is when someone owes you money. For example, when you order food with a bunch of people from work and you end up paying just to send the delivery guy away, you don’t go around asking people for your money. Usually a third party does that for you, going around reminding people to pay you your money back. What’s interesting is that you never ask the third party to do it; they do it on their own. It’s common courtesy, and that way, they know that when they pay for everyone, someone else will go around reminding them to pay them back. Of course, when you’re with close friends, you turn into Fat Tony and start grabbing your friends by the collar demanding your money.
Taxi: This is a guy thing. Usually, when a guy takes a taxi, he hops in the front seat, and it’s actually considered a bit feminine if he sits in the back. I actually don’t know where that came from, I mean it’s actually safer to sit in the back, and unless I’m friends with the taxi driver, I see no reason or obligation to sit next to him. Don’t ask me why, but even though I know that, I still ride shotgun in taxis.
Ta3ala saleeny: Whenever you have to go somewhere you don’t want to be (moroor, any godforsaken government-run institution, or even the car maintenance center) you have to drag along a friend using the good old “ta3ala saleeny.” Of course, they don’t entertain you. In fact, you spend most of the time not uttering a single word. You only drag that poor, miserable soul with you so that they could share your misery.
3ozoomet marakbeya: Whenever you’re passing by someone in the street and you give them the “salamo 3aleikom/masa2 el kher” while they are eating, you make them morally obligated to tell you “etfadal/ besmellah”, a polite manner to ask you to join them in their meal. If it ended there it wouldn’t have been ridiculous, but the thing is: you have to reply by “3esht/saba2tak” and respectfully decline the offer. To sum it up, the guy would be aleel el zo2 if he doesn’t offer you food that he knows you won’t eat because it would be elet zo2 on your behalf to eat it. Brilliant, isn’t it?
Regl 3ala regl: I understand that putting your foot in someone else’s face isn’t exactly polite, but it seems that we tend to take that a bit too seriously around here. It’s like a rule, if someone (especially a kid) is crossing his/her legs while sitting in the company of an older person, then his/her parents have failed miserably at raising him/her and have failed to teach him/her the basics of respect. I won’t discuss the idiocy of standing up when teachers enter the classroom.
Airport pick up: Presumably, this is more of a guy thing. Whenever you pick a friend from the airport (especially if he/she’s been gone for a while), you don’t just go alone, and I’m not talking about taking another friend with you “3ashan yesaleek” in traffic. I’m talking about taking an entire goddamn squad with you. I remember a time when me and 6 other guys took two cars and went to pick up a friend from the airport. And of course, his cousins were there too. Now this is the part where I should tell you that this set of norms is what makes us who we are and all that crap, but no. I do find most (not all) of the things I just stated completely and utterly pointless, to say the least. I do recognize the need for social conduct to manage the interaction between human beings, but it does need to make sense.
You NEVER go for the last piece: Whether it’s the last slice of pizza, cake or whatever it is you munch on during family gatherings, everybody knows you don’t go for the last piece. When you think about it, if everybody sticks to this social code, that piece will probably end up in the trash can. But come on, it’s elet zo2 to have the last one, so trash can it is!
Never get straight to the point: Let me tell you a story. A couple of weeks ago, I sent a Facebook message to a Swiss friend asking him for his number because I wanted to call and ask him about something. Being the good Egyptian that I am, when he answered the phone I couldn’t just rush into business; I attempted to give him the awkward two-minute conversation about how long it had been since I’ve last seen him, along with a bunch of “salamat… tayeboon.” However, 15 seconds into the conversation, the guy interrupted by saying “So what did you want to ask about?” After he finished answering my questions, I should’ve just thanked him and hung up, but then again, I’m Egyptian, I couldn’t just do that; I had to give him the “wenta akhbarak eh” hanging up speech. Again, 10 seconds later, he interrupted me and said: “Is there something else you wanted to ask about?” I told him “No, thanks”, he said “OK, bye!” and hung up. The point is, according to our norms, you can’t just call someone to ask them about something and then hang up, you have to give them the “how’s the wife and kids” speech, otherwise, you’d be referred to as “beta3 masla7to.”
Harassment: SECTION UNDERSCORE
Rendering the Few Decent Men Helpless By Sherief Hassan
26 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
EGYPT IS A FABULOUS COUNTRY WHEN IT COMES TO TRADITIONS. THROUGHOUT THOUSANDS OF YEARS WE HAVE DEVELOPED AND MANAGED TO PRESERVE OUR IDENTITY AND HAVE EVEN WEATHERED NUMEROUS FOREIGN CULTURE WAVES. CONSEQUENTLY, WE HAVE DEVELOPED MANY ETHICAL CODES, PIONEERED BY THOSE THAT DEFINE HOW A MAN SHOULD ACT; CHIVALRY AND GENEROSITY BECAME SYNONYMOUS TO MANLINESS. WE HAD REACHED A POINT WHERE THE BIGGEST INSULT A MAN COULD RECEIVE WAS TO HIS MANLINESS. BEING A PROPER MAN IN OUR CULTURE WAS THE PINNACLE OF ALL THAT A BOY COULD ASPIRE TO BE. But alas, all that is mere talk right now. You see, I was raised to be a man, I was taught to be generous, respect my elders, be kind to the young and never promise anything that I can’t fulfill, because my word is my strongest asset. And when it came to women, I knew that I had to treat them with chivalry, because every woman is a lady. I was taught to protect them, because in that lies honor, and you can’t raise your head and look anyone straight in the eye without honor. And that’s where a predicament resides, a predicament faced by men like myself; men who were raised to follow the previously mentioned set of morals, those morals that are still praised by society, yet ridiculously flouted by the same group of people. Doing something that is against human nature comes with a sense of guilt, and hurting someone, which is instinctively against human nature, entails an instinctive sense of guilt; it doesn’t take a genius to know that you’re doing something wrong by hurting someone. The look of a distressed and terrified woman is an instant indication that she’s being hurt, yet, on the streets of Cairo, harassment happens normally. You never find any form of remorse on the face of the attacker, not even afterwards. In fact, the act of harassment is usually carried out by herds; they attack together and take pride in their endeavors. When this happens, especially in groups, a self-respecting man, like myself, feels helpless. And that’s the point behind this article; I want to shed light on how is feels it to be a “man” in this society, what kind of torture I go through on a daily basis. You can call me conservative, I was raised by my grandfather and I boast some rather outdated values. I believe that I’m around to protect my sister and mother, provide security, and if someone ever affronts them, in any way, shape or form, it’s my duty to stand up to them and make sure they don’t even think of committing such an act again. But the incidents happen often and I have no idea what to do; I actively choose not to know if they got harassed, because I don’t want to feel helpless again and again. The streets are no longer safe and I can’t be around all the time, and even when I’m around there’s nothing I can do about the stares, all I can do is pass the danger zone where a group of lippie kids are gathered; the goal is to pass by with minimal interaction, which is usually a bunch of stares. These mere stares happen to make me feel like a useless pile of meat, however. On rare occasions, someone might utter something, I stop and glare at him and move on without saying anything. Again, the victory here is that it didn’t develop further. I feel sick and useless again. But I’m not there all the time. My sister came home one night looking odd, suppressing a tear, and when I asked what’s wrong she started yelling that someone walked behind her for the few meters between the spot where she parked her car and our building and kept on muttering stuff. She almost ran into the building, praying that he doesn’t follow her inside, terrified. Again, I’m helplessly useless. I can’t be around all the time, and when I’m around, I think that I help reduce the magnitude of the harassment, not eradicate it. There’s basically nothing I could do, if I go with the option of breaking a fight then, based on experience, I know that I’m directly compromising my family’s safety. And If I manage to get my family to safety and come back to stand up to those who went out of line, they’re usually not there. Day in and day out, the helplessness prevails.
C SECTION UNDERSCORE
areer Tips for Ex-presidents By Sherif Elmashad
IT ALL STARTED IN THE MOST UNEXPECTED WAY EVER: A SLAP. AND WHILE A LOT OF SCIENTISTS AROUND THE WORLD EXPECTED A BUTTERFLY TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF HISTORY, IT WAS ACTUALLY AN AVERAGE TUNISIAN CITIZEN SETTING HIMSELF ON FIRE THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING AS WE KNOW IT.
28 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
For the past 30 years or so, no high-ranking official in the Arab region went through a career shift. Almost all presidents/leaders managed to secure their positions for years and decades, unless faced by a military coup, which actually meant their death, rather than them stepping down. That pattern remained until 2011, when it seemed that everyone’s status was at stake. Suddenly, presidents were ousted, killed or fled their respective countries. And with that, a daunting question echoed in every president’s mind: What’s next? The following are some tips for ex-presidents who have either escaped their countries or are expecting to escape soon… OK, what’s done is done. You’re no longer the president you were for the past 10+ years. The first question you must ask yourself is: “Where’s the money?” Have you been smart enough to save? If yes, have you been saving abroad or in a local bank? (The latter makes you a dumbass, by the way.) How much of what you’ve saved is liquid cash and how much of it is in assets? Are you a partner in any companies (under aliases of course)? Did you keep all the presents you received while in office? Do you have somewhere to live or are you going to rent a place? All of these questions are essential to answer before taking a single step. The perfect answer will be to appeal to people’s good side. People are charitable. All you need to do is open a bank account for donations, pick a catchy name for it, and the donations will rush in. For example, if you’re the president of Egypt, you can name your account “30130”. The “30” stands for the number of years you’ve spent as a ruler –which you can later promote as the golden years of Egypt–, the “1” stands for your lifetime achievement ( ، ترالم،أول طلعة جوية ترالم، ) فتحت باب احلريةand the other “30” is just there to mimic the 57357 effect. Add that to
a marketing campaign that airs in Ramadan and boasts the perfect mix of soft music, touchy words and a smile of hope, and you’ve got yourself what it takes to live like a king. (Metaphorically of course… or not, you were living like a god, being a king is a downgrade) But, what if you’re too proud–a proud politician? Haha!– to do so? What if you’re not the begging kind of ex-president? Well, Egyptian cultural heritage has always promoted the role of the loyal wife, one that would gladly give away her jewelry –except for Nazek Elsele7dar– to help her ex-president husband in distress. However, this kind of money isn’t usually worth much to live off, so you’ll have to figure a way out. And the way out now, according to daily trends on all social media, is entrepreneurship. Own your own business. Be your own boss. Follow the Zuckerberg success. Your own business is all about that one idea that flies away from the flock of randomness; it’s about that pressing need that no one paid attention to yet. What follows are some ideas that can help you squeeze that brain of yours: You were a president. Of all people, you know more about the hardships of having an affair without being caught. Why don’t you start developing presidential sex toys? A 100% efficient presidential condom that makes sure no unwanted heirs to the throne would ever exist? While it’s becoming obvious that it’s so “in” now to offer C-class food with A-class quality, why don’t you do the exact opposite? A sushi bar in 2al3et el kabsh? A steak house fel 3ashwa2iat? The internet, specifically Youtube. With such tight budgets, your chance is definitely in a program promo that goes viral and lands you a spot in one of the big channels out there. No comedy, because you’re not funny (not deliberately, that is). No philosophy, because let’s face it, you’re challenged, but what about a contest show? Get the stupidest minds out there, put them in suits, and watch them twirl around in a series of bureaucratic missions only to see who’s the best ass-kisser of them
all. You can also direct a 24/7 reality TV show, filming ambitious wives driving their husbands up the power chain with utter disregard for morals or sympathy. For as long as you were president, you’ve eaten the best food there is, drunk the purest water man can sip and had the best healthcare possible. You yourself are the best investment you’ve ever made; you’re a selling point. Talk one of the big cosmetics companies into adopting a new philosophy: cosmetics for men - and be the face of their new product. Because, after all, who wouldn’t dream of aging like an ex-president? Open your own exotic travel agency. You’ve basically been around the globe, you’ve visited a lot of restricted places and you’ve seen what only few have ever laid eyes on. How much would people pay to visit area 51 or similar places? How much would they pay to get laid on a presidential desk or in the royal garden? Awakening people’s fantasies will certainly awaken your bank account. HAIRDRESSER! You’re the best example there is that a hair dye is a time machine. While all ex American presidents always go for the safe option of documenting their memoirs in a book then going for a book tour worldwide, which usually generates loads of money, this isn’t very applicable elsewhere, because people are not that much into reading autobiographies. But you know what sells? Scandals! Write a book about every little dirty detail you’ve gathered through your illustrious career about other officials, both local and foreign. Pure gold. At the end of the day, do know that you don’t need to worry or panic because you’ll be back. You’ll get all the fame (a different kind of fame), the money, the connections and probably some of the power back. You’ve f*cked a whole nation over before, and soon, you’ll be doing it all over again.
OPINIONATED ] ] SECTION
Mythbusters By Mirette Osama
BEING A NEW FRESHMAN, I’VE COME TO HEAR SO MANY STORIES ABOUT WHAT IT WAS LIKE BEING A FRESHMAN --THAT TURNED OUT TO BE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT IT’S REALLY LIKE-- THAT I’M STARTING TO WONDER WHETHER ALZHEIMER’S IS MORE COMMON THAN I THOUGHT. IT CAN’T BE THAT ALL GROWNUPS AND GRADUATES ALL OVER THE WORLD AGREE TO TELL THE SAME VERSION OF ONE UNIVERSAL LIE TO ALL THE NEW UNDERGRADUATES. BUT I’M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF. LET’S BUST IT ONE MYTH AT A TIME AND EXAMINE WHAT FRESHMEN ARE REALLY LIKE, WHERE I COME FROM.
30 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
Myth 1: College life is promiscuous. Yes, I don’t even remember how many people I slept with… and by slept with, I mean snored next to, dead asleep, on the bus ride home. I never even got their names before I crashed… head first into the window, trying to avoid drooling on the person next to me’s shoulder. It all happened so fast, we were sitting there thinking passionately about what our moms cooked for lunch, the next thing you know, we’re both wallowing in deep, zombie-like slumber. Well, we all know what they say about experimenting… with sleeping positions in passenger seats, that is.
Myth 2: You’ll gain the freshman fifteen.
The thing about the freshman fifteen: they were right about the number but wrong with the ‘plus’ sign that comes before it. You don’t gain the freshman fifteen pounds, you lose them trying to find your way around campus and later back home after you’ve unfailingly taken the wrong bus for the umpteenth time.
Myth 3: Freshmen are annoying.
They’re not; they’re just lost kids, except that none of them has the balls to be a full-fledged Peter Pan.
Myth 4: Freshmen are broke.
Being a freshman doesn’t necessarily mean you’re broke and up to your ears in student loans. However, you come to learn that’s how it should be, when you see the kids who DO have money. I’m not going on a hate parade against rich kids here, I’m talking about normal kids whose parents give them enough pocket money to comfortably afford two drug dealers and still have some left over to buy lunch.
Myth 5: The guys are all getting laid and the girls are all on diets. You know a freshman when you see guys lying about getting laid (in an attempt to try to get laid), and girls denying eating that chocolate crepe in the deserted hallway, then buying a 25-pound salad that they eat in full sight of everyone. Those same girls will later economize on water bottles and not one will have extra toilet paper or even a tissue in the ladies’ room, which brings us to another myth: the only useful appliance in the ladies’ room is not the toilets, but the mirrors.
Myth 6: That’s the alley where the cool kids hang. No, that’s not where the cool kids hang. The cool kids know better than to hang where the cool kids should hang, so the other uncool kids can’t find them. And by god can they hide, I’m starting to think there are uncharted nuclear shelters on that campus that only a Marauder’s Map could find. Hell, not even that, it could be hidden the same way the Room of Requirements is. The only difference is that you can actually find the Room of Requirements when you really need it, and if you really need to find out where the cool kids hang, you never will; for the same way a dog can smell fear, a senior can smell a freshman, and as it turns out, barking dogs do bite.
Myth 7: You’re not a freshman if you haven’t had at least two fights with college professors passionately over meaningless shit that neither of you cares about, but will continue to pretend to care about just to piss each other off.
When you pack hormonal teenagers who never knew the meaning of freedom with overqualified college professors who never had a big break and are lamenting their lost lives, neither give enough of a f*ck to follow through with passionate fights.
Myth 8: College days are the best days of your life.
Saying that is like saying test drives are the most fun you’ll have driving, gotta love them traffic cones. They’re only fun because you still don’t have enough hindsight to shed light on your own breadcrumb trail yet.
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888 JANUARY 2013 CAMPUS
Politics Is Just Not “In”
e r o Anym By Sherief Hassan
34 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
“THE ONLY CONSTA NT IS CHANGE” W AS THE FIRST THOUGHT THAT HI T ME ONCE I REAL IZED THAT IT WAS COOL ANYMORE TO N’T TALK POLITICS. AN WITH ME AND CARR D PLEASE BEAR Y ON READING, FO IS NOT ABOUT PO R THIS ARTICLE LITICS, I SWEAR. AF TER ALL, AS MUC AS I WOULD LIKE H TO WRITE SOMET HING SUBSTANTIA ALSO WANT IT TO L, I BE READABLE. SO TO PUT IT SIMPLY, WOULDN’T DARE I WRITE ABOUT AN OUTDATED TOPIC.
I for one was always the boring type, not in terms of keeping up but in the sense of wh with trends, at interested me as a child. I was that kid wh name the allies and ax o could is forces at the tende r age of 6 or 7, the kid name 90% of the ca who could pitals of the world at the age of 12 and wa able to tell you that mo s shortly later dern international po litics in its form nowa back to the Peace of days roots Westphalia back in 16 48. But please don’t get that wrong. I always had an interest in ge history, which later de ography and veloped into politics, but I seldom brought to the table, instead the topic I went along with wh atever topic was discu whatever was trendy ssed or at the time. I had a de sire to maintain a so know cial life, you But time passed and the winds of change came in my favor wh years ago, emotions en, two ran high and a shift in the structure of socie the traditionally borin ty pushed g topic to the table an d the keyword to tha “hope”. That hope ma t was de the whole politics thing “in”; it was in de overwhelming, and ev mand, erybody wanted to sh owcase their holier-th opinion regarding the an-thou country and the path it should take. Every opinion and everyon one had an e fought to prove ho w right they were an idiot whoever oppose d how big of an d them was. The trend then evolved to swee media in the shape of p social frequent change in pro file pictures (think pin endless groups dedic k fingers), ated to promote ideolo gies, political jokes an A political stand was d memes. the definitive factor to how many followers accumulate on Twitte you’ll r and thus decided ho w important you are world. in the virtual But all of that falls un der the umbrella of tre nds, and like every oth it was bound to fade er trend, away. And it did, dra ma tically. And how did happen? Emotions ran that dry, disappointments came thick and fast, absolute inability to rea and the ch a common groun d in any conversation the topic boring. And rendered the keyword to that is “loss of hope”. When expectations most un your realistically skyrocket like in the post Jan 25 only a matter of time period, it’s before disappointme nt reclaims its normal hearts of the gullible. throne in the But it doesn’t end the re. Like the politics ca me and went, a new bound to come abou trend is t, and it could already be out there. Howeve realize it, due to the r, I’m yet to mere fact that I’m sti ll sadly consumed by trend. the outdated
إنجازات شريف By Sherif Elmashad
36 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
FOLLOWING THE GREAT STEPS OF MUHAMMAD MORSI’S FAN BASE WHO WROTE AN ACTUAL BOOK ABOUT HIS HIGHNESS’ ACHIEVEMENTS DURING THE PAST NINE MONTHS, I THOUGHT THAT I, TOO, SHOULD START WRITING ABOUT MY MINI ACHIEVEMENTS DURING THE PAST NINE MONTHS. 1) I’m still 27 years old. While most people find it hard to stick to a certain age because “time flies by”, I have brilliantly been able to maintain the same age for over 9 months. 2) I’m the first Egyptian citizen to watch the third trailer of “Man of Steel”. I was up at 3:15 am and I watched it when it still had only 9 likes! 3) My younger brother is a political science graduate. He graduated in July 2012. His graduation ceremony was in April 2013. My family and I went and waited for three hours until they called his name and handed him his certificate. I didn’t pull a single connection to move any of the above mentioned timelines. I think I’m a retard. 4) I spent an entire SATURDAY planning a Dubai trip with my girlfriend. That’s 75% of the time spent by average governments to plan their renaissance projects. 5) Demonstrating outstanding self control, I’ve gone for seven consecutive weeks so far without a single drop of soda. Despite all the ads between matches, in all the singing competition shows, billboards, or our own refrigerator, I’ll stick to my achievement. 6) I have checked into kebdet w sogo2 elbrince more than any other Egyptian Foursquare user. Basically, I’ve been supporting and encouraging local products as an attempt to push the Egyptian economy forward. 7) Among the current writing staff of Campus, I’m probably the first to publish an article with an Arabic title. 8) With a place at the 6th division in FIFA ‘13 on PS3, I’m actually promoting the perfect work/no social life balance. 9) Just as Morsi did when he abandoned engineering for another profession, I’ve had a career shift too. A blind leap of faith is what keeps countries ahead. 10) I’ve written two articles on a touchpad in one hour, peeing only once. 11) For the long weekend that Egypt will witness in early May, I’ve only made plans with four different groups of people heading to four different destinations. Meaning: not only am I counting my achievements for the past nine months, I’m also planning future ones. 12) I went to Ziad Rahbany’s concert where the average age of the audience was 45. I also went to Mashrou’ Leila’s concert, which was oversaturated with prepubescent teens. I enjoy communicating with different sectors of people. 13) I attended an episode of Bassem Youssef’s Elbernameg, and I clearly refused to pull any strings to attend another episode, because others deserve to have fun too. (Off the records: I tried once and I failed miserably) 14) I never believed that the traffic lights around City Stars are real. I respect the law and I won’t allow fake traffic lights to deceive me. 15) I don’t follow El Baradei on Twitter, and neither does Morsi. 16) I once tried mentioning Morsi on Twitter but I couldn’t, because I was blocked. Was I the first blocked Egyptian citizen after #jan25? Maybe I should have a hashtag for my achievements on Twitter. Heya gat 3alaya ana?
SECTION ] ] PATTERNS
In The Closet Bringing Back the 90s
By Amy Quotb
WHEN YOU SAY 90S STYLE ICONS, WHO DO YOU THINK OF? SPICE GIRLS? SAVED BY THE BELL? BACKSTREET BOYS? BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER? THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR? THE CAST OF F.R.I.E.N.D.S? TO OUR GENERATION, THE LIST IS ENDLESS. YES, WE’RE SUFFERING FROM A BAD CASE OF NOSTALGIA AND IT’S SURFACING THROUGH OUR FASHION CHOICES. The past couple of years had 80s painted all over them, but now it’s time to spin the wheel once more. This month we’re going to shed some light on the ‘funky’ trend of 90s revival. Yes, I said ‘funky’ (90s ba2a!) The 90s revival trend gained real momentum recently with Rihanna’s Chanel anklet and Alexa Chung’s spaghetti straps, and now basic items and shoes are getting on board as well. When the Spring/Summer 2013 shows in Paris and New York screamed “return of the 90s,” my heart skipped a beat. Not in excitement, but in pure terror! When I think back to the 90s I do NOT think chic and fashion forward. However, the 90s did span a decade, so surely there must be some fashion elements worth reviving? The Spring/Summer catwalks certainly suggested so. So, how to do 90s for 2013? Let’s take a look at the top 5 trends being brought back from the dead this year… Shall we?
Grunge Actually, this one ranks as my favorite; with thoughts of Kurt Cobain, Sinead O’Connor and Eddie Vedder, I would totally go back to dressing that way… don’t mind if I do! The 90s grunge look is majorly back: think slashed denim; tie dye; crop tops; and little jeans shorts (although I would recommend saving those last two items for the beach.) Bring it up to date by choosing one or two items at a time, without going overboard. For instance, if you decide to go for a tie dye shirt, pair it with your everyday skinnies, but add a few spiky accessories. You don’t want to look like you just jumped out of a time machine, you’ll be making enough of a 90s statement with one or two pieces.
38 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
Wear a checkered shirt with a pair of worn out jeans and Converse, and you’re all set for a relaxing evening out. Or spice up your outfit with a shiny chain belt, replace the ripped jeans with sassy jeggings, and Converse with a pair of killer pumps, and you’re ready to rock it on the local dance floor. Tip for girls: If you’re going for slashed denim, make sure the rips are in ‘socially acceptable’ spots, like over the shin or knee. Anything above is just an invitation for Mr. Pervy McPerve standing by the Koshk to throw an unpleasant line.
Overalls You say ‘overalls’ I think Rachel Greene from Friends. Yes, she wore that signature denim piece repeatedly – paired with crop tops and cute little tees – and it was fabulous. Sold at every price point, while offering comfort, coziness and a break from those skin-hugging jeggings; denim overalls are a good choice when you’re not going anywhere special. A night out in town, however, might call for a more sophisticated application of the trend. Try the more flowy versions with a colorful print.
Jelly Sandals and Shoes Whether you rocked your jelly summer sandals in the 90s or dreaded them, they’re back and bigger than ever. We all remember wearing the typical jelly sandal and, let’s face it, they looked cute with all the shades of the rainbow and the occasional glittery look. They were… ‘happy’! Jelly sandals and shoes have taken a twist now, though. With more designs than before; they come in all shapes and colors. Promising comfort, flexibility, and a bright accessory; they sound great for a go. Just don’t wear them if you’re planning on a long walk – they will smother your feet dead.
Crop Tops Clearly, cropped pieces – ones that expose anything from an inch to a foot of midriff– fall into the scary category. This is the kind of trend that looks great on catwalk models but sets off alarm bells in real life. Even Vogue agrees – cropped pieces were the subject of a ‘tricky trends’ feature in their March edition. Back in the 90s, it was painful to watch those cropped tops on less-thantight tummies. Pick your battles, ladies! This trend is NOT for everyone; and it certainly isn’t for Cairo streets either. Like I’ve said before, this trend would be best ventured on the beach, or somewhere private like a friend’s house party. The golden fashion rule here is: the shorter the top, the longer the bottoms should be, in order not to look overexposed and trashy. Also, keep in mind that tighter fitting crop tops look great with pants, shorts or skirts with more volume, while a loose crop top is best worn with tighter leggings or tight pencil skirts. Always think ‘balance’ and you’ll be fine!
Round Sunglasses Yes, I admit, the only memory I have of round shades in the 90s is Hesham Abbas singing “ta3aaalaaa” with some random chick on a motorbike. But that’s just me; round sunglasses were all over the Spring and Summer 2013 runways. Small, medium and large… round sunglasses in all sizes! When making your purchase, just make sure they’re not too big for your face; you don’t want to be confused with a giant walking fly. Choose the size that fits your features best. With that said, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go dig into my closet for whatever vintage 90s items I may have saved. This season should be fun!
Product of the Month
Sally Hansen “Airbrush Legs” By Noha Youssef
40 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
IT’S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR WHEN FLOWERS BLOSSOM, LOVERS REKINDLE, AND THE WEATHER BECOMES WARMER. BUT IT’S ALSO THAT TIME OF THE YEAR WHEN I LOOK INTO THE MIRROR AND DISCOVER THAT I HAVE BECOME AS PALE AS SNOW WHITE, SANS THE SEVEN DWARFS AND PRINCE CHARMING. You may be wondering what the hell is wrong with looking like Snow White. I’ll tell you. Imagine snow white without her beautiful gown, cherry-red lips, and jet black hair; she’ll look more like a vampire than a hot princess. I get pale and white, when everyone is adding a bronze color to their life. I blame it on living half of the year abroad, between the harsh cold of Europe and the harsher sun of the gulf, where I spend every possible moment next to an air conditioner to avoid any possible exposure to sun. To make it even worse, I had a business trip to Milan, which was basically a self-torture trip, seeing the hot Italian babes with their fabulous shimmery tan, rocking formal hot shorts and mini skirt suits and flying on their Vespas. Did I mention that they walked around looking like that in skyscraping, killer heels? The jealous female in me rushed me to the beauty store to come up with a super quick solution, bearing in mind that normal sun tanning was not an option, and self-tanners were going to take more than 3 days for the color to start building. So the super hot, tanned shop assistant suggested that I get one of the Sally Hansen Air Brush Legs, which is basically a mediumsized tanning spray bottle that you spray on your arms and legs, spread across your skin, and in 5 seconds you become bronzy. Sally Hansen is known to be one of the best nail polishes and nail care beauty companies, yet for some reason, Mrs. Hansen has decided to conquer the world of self-tanners as well. However, this product is not classified as a self-tanner; it’s an instant tanning spray, to be accurate, and it can be classified as makeup. Getting a color with this product couldn’t be easier. The Sally Hansen Spray on airbrush tan is a very practical yet affordable product that you can literally throw in your bag and spray on whenever you want, wherever you want. It just needs 60 seconds to set, and it won’t stain the clothes. The color stays on till you decide to take a shower and it can be easily washed out with soapy water. Nevertheless, it’s water resistant so you can hit the pool and it will stay the same, before and after. It’s also very safe to apply, even for patients diagnosed with skin cancer who are forbidden from exposure to sun. In fact, all cosmetic dermatologists usually recommend using it instead of all the other self-tanning products and tanning in the sun. Nowadays, with all of the pollution around us and the harmful ultra violet rays, the safest tan you can get is the tan that comes from the bottle not from the sun. Although the product is designed specifically for legs, it can also work for yours arms and torso, but it’s not suitable to be applied on the face. It comes in four different shades and it’s amazing, it can transfer you into a Latina diva in seconds! I have to say that after applying this product, people mistook me for an Italian, and I don’t care if those “people” were lost and desperate Egyptian tourists; they were calling me Signora! Available in Sephora Toi Mohandeseen, Faces branches all over the Gulf, and hopefully in Faces Egypt soon.
SECTION SHELVES & SPEAKERS ] ] SCREENS.
42 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
Festival Special Mohamed Adel Abdel Atty
EVERY MAY, FILMMAKERS AND MOVIE ENTHUSIASTS FROM AROUND THE GLOBE HEAD TO THE MECCA OF FILM FESTIVALS; THE CANNES FILM FESTIVAL. THE CELEBRATED CROISETTE, THE FASHIONABLE DRESSES AND CHIC TUXEDOES MEET UP WITH THE BIGGEST CELEBRITIES IN THE WORLD. RACY EUROPEAN CINEMA MEETS THE POLITICAL MIDDLE EASTERN CINEMA, THE FINEST MAINSTREAM HOLLYWOOD MOVIES AND THE EVER-CONTROVERSIAL ASIAN CINEMA. THE CRÈME DE LA CRÈME COMPETE TO PREMIERE THEIR MOVIES AT THE CLASSIEST FILM FESTIVAL OF THE YEAR, AND THIS YEAR’S OFFICIAL SELECTION IS LUSTROUS AS USUAL.
The festival will kick off this year on the 15th of May with Baz Luhrmann’s 3D adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s timeless classic: The Great Gatsby. With a stunning cast that includes Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan, Tobey Maguire and Isla Fisher, the film looks very promising. Although for fans of the book who love the Robert Redford 1974 movie like myself, the trailer looks too colorful for such a classic tale, losing its vintage feel, and I can’t help but be cynical about the whole 3D adaptation. Regardless, Luhrmann, who opened Cannes several years ago with Moulin Rouge, seems confident, and everyone is expecting a fete with all those A-list stars walking the red carpet on opening night. Steven Spielberg will preside over the jury that will decide the Palm D’Or winner this year, an honor that only a few American directors ever received. 20 movies were picked to compete for the Palm D’Or, the most notable of them are:
Inside Llewyn Davis: The Coen brothers are back to Cannes after their bleak hit No Country for Old Men premiered at Cannes in 2007. They previously won the Palm D’Or for Barton Fink in 1991 and with Llewyn Davis they might do it again. The movie follows the story of a Bob Dylan-ish folk singer struggling in New York during the 60s. With Oscar Isaac as the lead character and a supporting cast of Carey Mulligan, Justin Timberlake and John Goodman, this movie is bound for the gold. Behind the Candelabra: Steven Soderbergh continues his quest for dicey topics with a biopic about the infamous pianist Liberace (Michael Douglas) and his 6-year relationship with his chauffeur (Matt Damon). This project was rejected for funding by multiple studios before finally finding backing from TV studio HBO, so it’s actually a TV movie and won’t hit the big screen following its screening at Cannes. With astonishing buzz following the first screenings regarding their flamboyance and nude scenes, one can only guess a split best actor award for both Douglas and Damon just for their balls to accept such a project.
Le Passé (The Past): Iranian director Asghar Farhadi follows his highly acclaimed Iranian melodrama, A Separation, with a French movie starring Bérénice Bejo (The Artist) and Tahar Rahim (Un prophète). Farhadi might be hitting Cannes for the first time, but with a Golden Bear prize from Berlin’s Film Festival and an Oscar for A Separation, his presence at Cannes is only natural.
Blue is the Warmest Color: Abdellatif Kechiche, the Tunisian director (best known for his movie Couscous), presents the Middle Eastern directors at the competition with the compelling story of Adele, who fantasizes about another girl instead of her lover Thomas. Nebraska: American director Alexander Payne is back with another road trip story following his modern road trip defining movies, About Schmidt and Sideways. The movie, shot in black and white, tells the story of a drunken father’s (Bruce Dern) trip from Montana to Nebraska with his son to claim a marketing prize.
Un Château en Italie: The only female contribution to this year’s competition is from French director Valeria Bruni Tedeschi, an incident that wasn’t received lightly by critics due to this festival’s history of significant female recognition, honoring women directors such as Jane Campion, Marjane Satrapi and Andrea Arnold, which makes this maledominated lineup striking. The movie stars Louis Garrel and Valeria herself and tells the story of a French family that is forced to sell their Italian house. The Immigrant: Starring Marion Cotillard, Joaquin Phoenix and Jeremy Renner, the long-awaited James Gray picture is finally going to screen in the competition. Gray, being loved by the French to the point that his last three movies screened at Cannes, unsurprisingly makes it to this year’s lineup as well. The movie tells the story of an innocent immigrant (Cotillard) who is tricked into a life of burlesque to be later saved by a magician.
44 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
Venus in Fur: Roman Polanski, the legendary director who fled the US after sexual assault charges for having intercourse with a minor, is highly celebrated this year at Cannes with this movie in competition and Weekend of the Champion screening out of competition. Venus in Fur, originally a Broadway play, is his first non-English movie in 40 years. It follows an actress (played by Emmanuelle Seigner, Polanski’s wife) who attempts to convince a director that she’s perfect for a role in his upcoming production. La Grande Bellezza: Paolo Sorrentino, the great Italian director, has been a regular at Cannes with his last two installments: the highly praised Il Divo and the disappointing This Must Be the Place, starring Sean Penn. His movie this year at Cannes is a fascinating exploration of modern Rome through an aging writer reminiscing about his past achievements.
Only God Forgives: Nicolas Winding Refn, who won the best director award two years ago at Cannes for his brilliant yet violent movie, Drive, is up again for the Palm D’Or. Refn reunites with his favorite actor, Ryan Gosling, as the lead, while Kristin Scott Thomas plays his brutal mother who forces him to kill the people responsible for his brother’s death. This Bangkok-set crime drama, although considered by critics to be the most mainstream pick in the lineup, is a must-see. The impressively diverse lineup this year also includes movies by other great international directors such as Alex Van Warmerdam, MahamatSaleh Haroun, Amat Escalante, Hirokazu Kore-eda, Zhangke Jia, Takashi Miike, Arnaud Desplechin, François Ozon and Arnaud des Pallières. 15 movies are screening in the “Un Certain Regard” section this year, usually picked for their distinct artistic visions and experimental approaches.
The Bling Ring: This highly anticipated Sofia Coppola project, based on a real story, stars Emma Watson as a mob member of fame-obsessed teens who use the internet to track celebrities’ whereabouts in order to rob their homes. Such a big movie was expected to screen in the competition, but was surprisingly picked in the “Un Certain Regard” section instead with no obvious explanation. Also screening in this section, Claire Denis’ Les Salauds and James Franco’s As I Lie Dying, as well as Hany Abu-Assad’s Omar. Abu-Assad, the Palestinian director, gained international acclaim after his great movie Paradise Now. The movie, about two suicide bombers in Tel Aviv, won several awards at the Berlin film festival and was nominated for best foreign movie at the Oscars. With surprising twists and exciting anticipation regarding the lineup, this year’s Cannes Film Festival ought to be one of great intrigue. The contenders for the Palm D’Or prize are ferociously competitive albeit some with a noticeable lead. We can only wait at this point.
THEGAY GAYSECTION SECTION] ] THE
The Definitive Guide to Long Distance Relationships:
46 MAY 2013 CAMPUS
Don’t Do It. 47
SECTION THE MUNCHIES
Tamara Lebanese Bistro A NEW LEBANESE PLACE OPENED THAT WE LOVED -- IT GIVES YOU THE FEELING THAT YOU REALLY ARE IN LEBANON WITH THEIR EDGY DESIGN AND THE BACKGROUND MUSIC OF FAIROUZ AND SABAH, ETC. SO OBVIOUSLY YOU WILL NOW BE VERY SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT THIS PLEASANT PLACE IS NOT IN SOME GREEN GARDEN SOMEWHERE, BUT ACTUALLY CITY STARS AND THEN TIVOLI DOME, SHEIKH ZAYED! When we heard about it, we thought that a nice place opening in City Stars wouldn’t be that fun because it’s always crowded and full of weirdos, but that wasn’t the issue at all; it’s next to Mori Sushi (same owner), in front of the Golden Cinema, so you don’t really get that mall feel at all. The design of the place is modern and chic and they have really good shisha. They have diversity of Lebanese food, like taboula, hummus bel foul, hummus with meat and hummus with shawerma, and their prices range from 20 LE to 40 LE for starters. Upon sitting, you are welcomed you with hot shami bread and with their unique zeit za3tar bl semsem sauce. We tried the potatoes souffle with minced meat, and it literally came right from the oven, we also tried their halloumi cheese with basil. Needless to say, both dishes were extremely tasty. As for the main dish, we tried their shawerma plate that comes with their oven-baked house tortilla bread, but our favorite was their fattah with meat and chicken. The prices of the main dishes range from 40 le to 60 LE. At that moment, we were already full but honestly couldn’t leave without trying their desserts -- we tried the outhmanleya (a type of konafa filled with cream) and it absolutely delicious. We highly recommend it for when you’re in City Stars and want a “non-CityStarsian” experience! And p.s.: when you’re there, you can order anything from Mori Sushi.
48 MAY 2013 CAMPUS