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BULL USUONLINE.COM.AU CAMPUS CHATTER
CAMPUS CHATTER I’M NOT A STALKER, BUT... TO ARNOLD, Are you my daddy? Confused
TO THE SUFJAN STEVENS DÖPPELGANGER IN MY ADMIN LAW CLASS, Let’s be honest.You breaking out into whispery melancholy song with a banjo would make my life. Or, at least, my 8am lecture. Please consider. Groupie TO MY OLD LITERATURE PROFESSOR, I miss your scholarly ways.Your replacement has none of your old-world sophistication, lacking even a pocket-watch. I mourn your absence. Yearning TO THE GUY WHO RETURNED MY WALLET, You made my day. It’s nice to know that chivalry’s not dead. Next time, slip your phone number in there. Scatterbrain TO THE PEOPLE WAITING FOR COMPUTERS IN FISHER LAB, There’s a dozen computers just around the corner that are almost never used. Just FYI. Smug TO THE FOLK AT TASTE BAGUETTE, Your creations may be pricey, but I’ll be darned if they haven’t replaced Manning burgers as the tastiest campus treats out (and the staff ain’t bad-looking either!). Converted
anyway. Look on the bright side: maybe you’ll develop some upperarm muscular definition. Irritated TO MY MECO LECTURER, I’m sorry you were so upset about no-one showing up to the final lecture. Little thing called five assignments got in the way, but no, apparently you and your bloody movie are more important. Diddums! Too damn busy for this nonsense TO THE JUMPING CASTLE ON EASTERN AVE LAST WEEK, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE! You complete me. Come back soon. Inner child TO CAMPAIGNERS, Manning is no longer my happy place thanks to you and your coloured t-shirt armies. Begone! #nevervotedneverwill TO SPLENDOUR-GOERS, We all know how you used your parent’s platinum credit card to buy yourself tickets, so don’t brag about how you’re going to have to sell an organ/eat beans for life on your status update. Can’t even afford beans
TO THE GUY WHO VOTED BEFORE ME AT MANNING, You took the last free meal voucher that booth had. It’s on, buddy. Watch yourself. Hungry for revenge TO THE REV. HAROLD CAMPING, So, um, that was awkward. Please explain? Unenraptured TO THE HIPSTERS BEHIND THE ‘SAVE THE BOOKS!’ CAMPAIGN, Have fun carting around those old books you’ll never actually read, and that will get put into storage
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SOMEONE CATCH YOUR WANDERING EYE? SOMEONE ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF YOU? SOMEONE MAKE YOU LAUGH DERISIVELY? LET US KNOW AND SEND YOUR MESSAGES TO:
usubullmag@gmail.com
25/05/11 4:37 PM