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we don’t need no education love is all around pop it like it’s hot space oddity oops ...they did it again

issue 07, 2012


facebook.com/VergeFestival

twitter.com/VergeFestival


Issue 07 contents

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love is all around Editors

Bronte Lambourne Lawrence Muskitta Misa Han Pierce Hartigan Xiaoran Shi usubullmag@gmail.com Contributors

Rob North, John Rowley, Jim Fishwick, Margaret Zhang, Mason McCann, Lovelle D’Souza, Neroli Austin, Caitee Campbell, Guilia Russo, Erica Woodward, Diana Pham, Jill Grant, Nick Rowbotham, Michael West, Emily Claire Swanson, Eleanor GordonSmith, Flora Grant, Stephanie Hayes, Neroli Austin Publications Manager

Louisa Stylian

Design manager

Anjali Belani Design

Nina Bretnall Simon Macias Like Us www.usuonline.com Facebook.com/usubullmagazine

The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU. The information contained within this edition of Bull was correct at the time of printing. This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union and the University of Sydney.

Issue 07, 2012

contents we don't need no education

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love is all around

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pop it like it's hot

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space oddity

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oops ... they did it again

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Shutter Up News Columns What’s On Interview Campus Chatter Youniversity Food & Booze Travel Fashion Sport Science & Tech The Arts Reviews Club Hub Stop. Puzzletime The Bull Pen

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bull USUonline.com usuonline.com what’s shutteron up

AMBITION

Sunset casting a unique reflection outside the Footbridge Theatre. PHOTOGRAPHER: FREIA EMMA-ESTA KIRKALDY [iPhone 4S F2.4, 1/30]

shutter up snap!

Send us your unique, arty or just plain cool (as in, not another quad shot) campus snap to usubullmag@gmail.com. We’ll publish our faves each edition in full page glory. High-res, 300dpi jpegs only – portrait-orientation.


Issue 07 news

1 Humans armed with Nerf blasters prepare to shoot down the invading zombies and save the University

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2 Dave Jory will crack you up. Seriously.

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NEWS INCUBATE: FOSTERING SYDNEY UNIVERSITY ENTRPRENEURS

The USU is proud to launch INCUBATE - the first of its kind startup development program which aims to support students, researchers and recent alumni of the University of Sydney. Through the program, the USU will provide four high-potential startup projects with a $5,000 business grant (with no equity taken) and the opportunity to be mentored by some of Australia’s most recognised entrepreneurs. The launch of INCUBATE will be held on Thursday 20 September, Glass foyer, New Law Building @ 5.30pm (6pm start). The event will feature a speaking panel of distinguished entrepreneurs. RSVP is essential so please register: incubate.org.au

HUMANS VS. ZOMBIES

When hell is full, the dead will walk Eastern Avenue. Get your gear. On Saturday 6 October, the main campus will transform into the hellish outpost where humans will try to survive against an incoming zombie horde. Part of Verge Festival, the marathon Humans vs. Zombies is a game of modified tag using Nerf weaponry. With missions for humans and zombies, it’s no wonder this event sold out in under an hour. Follow along on social media and cheer on your fellow humans or watch the last ray of hope disappear.

GET UP! STAND UP! COMEDY GALA Manning Bar will play host to the Get up! Stand Up! Comedy Gala on 19 September and 17 October at 1pm. The gala will be emceed by our very own Verge Fest 2012 Director James Colley and will feature five Sydney University comics. The star of the show, headliner Dave Jory, who has appeared on well known TV shows such as The NRL Footy Show, Stand Up Australia and Last Comic Standing, makes this a not-to-bemissed event which promises to induce embarrassing fits of laughter.

VERGE AWARDS 2012 Entries may have closed for this year’s Verge Awards but don’t miss out on voting for your favourite artistic expression. On 4 October at 6pm, the Verge Awards ceremony and exhibition will take place at the Verge Gallery, which will showcase the works of Sydney University students. The People’s Choice voting will open online on Friday 5 October and close Friday 26 October.You can vote here: usuonline.com/vergeawards


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bull usuonline.com columns

columns EDITORS’ NOTE Bronte, Lawrence, Misa, Pierce and Xiaoran

If BULL were a fashion magazine, we would be scavenging for novel ideas to mark the beginning of a fashion year. As Anna Wintour said about Vogue’s September issue, there is something about fashion that makes people really nervous and it is our duty to skin those nervous wrecks out of Kmart t-shirts and bathe them in a new Prada dress. Or something like that. But it is not only the wardrobe that needs a change. Take that Australia Day playlist you still listen to or that loyalty card with 40 skim lattes stamped on it or another Friday night spent watching The Newsroom. Pick all of them up off your floor and feed them to your dog. The unpleasant thought of stealing someone’s Spotify playlist or having an awkward conversation with someone who you thought was interesting at 3am on a Saturday is what makes your last season self almost bearable. A couple of weeks ago, I started seeing a guy next door only to slip back into my old habits because unreturned text messages are worse than being a live model for a Kmart catalogue. But it’s time to update that playlist and go to a café that just popped up around the corner and pick up the phone that no longer rings. Because it’s September and the wardrobe is getting old and you like your girls insane and I feel so alone on a Friday night and we were born to die. BULL xx

president’s desk

The usu's president gives you the lowdown on what's been happening in the busy usu offices

ASTHA RAJVANSHI

With the annual Revues Season taking over the last few weeks, there’s been a burst of comedy, music, dancing and nudity at the Seymour Centre – and the best thing is, all the shows have been wholly written and performed by Sydney Uni students! USU has a long history in supporting Revues. Since the 1930s, Sydney University hosted some of the biggest and funniest acts. In 2007, the Women’s Revue even toured the UK, and 2006 saw the Arts Revue perform in Melbourne. Every year, the USU assists faculties and affiliated sites in creating Revue societies and provides them with the funding for Revue camps, rehearsal space and production costs. Revue societies can receive grants of up to $8,000 that are often supplemented by their faculties or other external sponsors. Students can get involved in every way: acting, singing, dancing, backstage assistance, band playing, directing or producing. Whilst some Revues are small productions with a cozy cast and homegrown humour, others may create extravagant performances and use their Revue as a charity fundraiser. In 2010, the Medical Revue ‘Cadavatar’ raised over $43,000 for the Cure Cancer Australia Foundation and the Milk Crate Theatre. USU is proud to provide students the opportunity to come together, push the boundaries, and create thought-provoking, exciting and entertaining Revues.

Student Leader Diary

Each month, we ask some of the students in the campus community about their experience.

James Colley and Lauren Eisinger verge festival directors, 2012 Being at the helm of the Verge Festival is like being on a chariot. All you can do is steer and hope that the giant beast pulling you along doesn’t get out of control. Also, it’s the best. We’re James Colley and Lauren Eisinger and have we got a festival for you! (We do). We’ve been working all year to fill your October with fun and excitement and can’t wait for you to join us. As part of Verge Festival, you can expect to see the Sydney Youth Orchestra conjure The Magical Music of Disney.You’ll dance your feet off to Richard in Your Mind and Tin Can Radio.You’ll have your wands at the ready for Harry Potter Trivia in the Great Hall.You’ll laugh all night with the 24-hour comedy gig and fend off zombies as the campus plays host to a giant nerf battle. Not to mention our wonderful closing night which features the Axis of Awesome and DJ Tom Loud, both fresh from selling out the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. There’s drama, comedy, art, dance, and also giant inflatable things. We have everything you could possibly want from a festival and also a slow bike race. Verge this year has a little bit of fun for everyone - all you have to do is get involved. We’ll see you there.


Summer reSearch ScholarShipS charleS perkinS centre

The Charles Perkins Centre is an exciting University of Sydney research collaboration, challenging existing approaches to the treatment and management of obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular disease. We are calling for applications from full-time undergraduate students for our annual Summer Research Scholarships.

12/3068 CRICOS 00026A

Students on each project we support will receive a stipend of $300 per week (maximum of eight weeks). Projects need to conclude on 28 February 2013. Please submit your application by 31 October 2012. For more information and to apply, visit

sydney.edu.au/perkins/news


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Clubs and Socs – remember to submit your events on the website!

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BRAIN ART EXHIBITION 6pm, Verge Gallery

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OKTOBERFEST 12pm, Manning Bar

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Issue 07 what’s on

MONDAYS

EVERY WEEK

FREE FILM SCREENING

6pm, International Student Lounge

TUESDAYS

WEEK 08 thursday 20 september incubate launch event 5.30pm for 6pm start, Glass Foyer, New Law Building

STAMPING GROUNDS FESTIVAL

WEEK 09 WEDNESDAY 03 OCTOBER

Festival season has kicked off and this year, Manning Bar will play host to Stamping Grounds Festival. Promising to be a festival with a difference, Stamping Grounds will provide up-and-coming acts with a platform to showcase their musical talents alongside established artists.

EVERY WEEK

Australian discussion group

3-4pm, International Student Lounge

tuesday tv

12-3pm, Manning Bar

IT’S ALIVE! VERGE FESTIVAL OPENING NIGHT PARTY

rock ya balls bingo

7pm, Verge Festival Dome

HERMANN’S TRIVIA

THURSDAY 04 OCTOBER

5-6pm, Hermann's Bar

1-2pm, Hermann’s Bar

WEDNESDAYS

STATSOC’S AMAZING RACE EVERY WEEK

FORNIGHTLY MARKETS

11am-3pm, Eastern Ave (1 August-17 August)

FORNIGHTLY FUNCH (fun @ lunch)

4.30pm, International Lounge

SATURDAY 06 OCTOBER HUMANS VS. ZOMBIES 9am-Midnight, Verge Festival Dome

1-2pm, Eastern Ave (8 August-24 October)

MANNING TRIVIA

5-6pm, Manning Bar

FILM SOCIETY FREE FILM SCREENING

6pm, International Student Lounge

SUNSET JAZZ

6:30-9:30pm, Manning Bar

PROJECT 52 COMEDY

7.30-10.30pm, Hermann’s Bar

THURSDAYS

WEEK 10 MONDAY 08 OCTOBER HARRY POTTER TRIVIA 6.30pm, The Great Hall

THEATRESPORTS

POOL COMPETITION

FRIDAYS

THURSDAY 11 OCTOBER OKTOBERFEST 12pm, Manning Bar

WEEK 11 TUESDAY 16 OCTOBER SUANIME ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING

FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE

5-7pm, Badham Room, Holme Building

7-11pm, Hermann’s Bar

t.g.i.f (tell grads its friday)

Postgrad Drinks first Friday of the month 5:30pm, Hermann’s Bar (3 August, 7 September, 5 October)

Tickets Access: $21.25 + bf from Access Desk General: $25 + bf from OZTIX

DRUNKEN MOON FESTIVAL Described as “way too dirty for soap,” Drunken Moon is an eclectic festival that features the best of rock, blues, rockabilly, gospel and filth.

WEEKEND WARM-UP DJs

4-7pm, Manning Bar

Line up: Over Reactor, Gay Paris, Cash Savage & The Last Drinks, Melody Black, Black Devil Yard Boss, The Lazys, Casino Rumblers, Graveyard Rockstars, Particles, Fait Accompli, Spirit Valley, Little Bastard, Doc Holiday Takes The Shotgun, Fouulhawk, B Massive, Reckless Vagina, Berkshire Hunting Club, She Rex, The Hollow Bones and The Heavies.

FUNCH: MAD HATTER’S HIGH TEA

4-6pm, International Student Lounge EVERY WEEK

Spread over two stages, this all-music, allAustralian festival is set to entertain with street performers, burlesque dancers and installation artists accompanying the local talent.

Saturday 13 October 2012 7pm-Midnight, Manning Bar

12-2pm, Verge Festival Dome

1-2pm, Manning Bar

Sunday 30 September 2012 12–11pm, Manning Bar

WEDNESDAY 10 OCTOBER

EVERY WEEK

®

top picks

WEDNESDAY 18 OCTOBER CLUBS & SOCIETIES AWARDS NIGHT 7pm, Manning Bar

The line-up, devised by James Grim, front man of Brothers Grim & The Blue Murders, is a collection of the best live bands he’s seen in the past year. Acts selected are ones that draw inspiration from varied old time musical roots, fused with a modern twist. Line Up: Brothers Grim & The Blue Murders, Gay Paris, Jackson Firebird, Mother And Son, Howlin' Steam Train, Papa Pilko and The Binrats. Tickets Access: $21.25 + bf from Access Desk General: $25 + bf from hermannsbar.com / 1300 762 545

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anie r Steph o f y a d uation no grad

Hayes.

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t’s second semester, and you may have noticed the cute boy from Chemistry is missing from your lectures, or perhaps that girl from Philosophy you can’t stop thinking about has been repeatedly absent. While you’re probably hoping they’re on a semester-long exchange in Sweden, the statistics tell us it’s more likely they’ve joined the ranks of Australian university dropouts.

The figures don’t bode well. Approximately one in five domestic students will drop out of their course during their first year. Only Melbourne University and Australian National University have dropout rates in the single digits for first year domestic students, according to the latest studies from the Federal Education Department. But why do students stop their studies? And are universities doing anything to combat this? Researchers suggest the main reasons students leave are flawed decision-making about their course, a failure to cope with course demands, poor student experiences within the university and outside events affecting their lives. One authority on the first year experience, Professor Nelson from Queensland University of Technology, told The Age that Australian universities make the flawed assumption that students can cope with the demands of a course just because they have qualified for entry.

Students select courses based on parental pressure, future career prospects, success in the subject during school, or feeling the need to ‘use’ their ATAR and basing course choices on the cut-off score rather than their interests.

Many struggling students feel they are not given enough assistance to adjust to university life. The majority of students approached for this article about their study experience said they felt their institution failed to offer them basic information needed to navigate the university; such as tutorials of online resources, tours, peer mentoring, and details on counselling and academic advising. Confusion over timetabling, tours and textbooks may seem like trivial reasons to leave university, but lacking this basic understanding of available resources can greatly affect one’s studies. Ben, a former student of Macquarie University, admits he withdrew because he couldn’t navigate the online timetabling system, so couldn’t balance his studies with his part-time job. Similarly, Tom, a Sydney University Media student, says he was behind for five weeks until he learned to operate the online resource website. University counsellors nationwide note that many students’ academics are unnecessarily affected, simply because students aren’t aware of the available services. “Frequently the students who meet with me don’t realise they can gain special consideration for illness or family issues, and their academics are needlessly suffering as a result,” one University of New South Wales counsellor noted. “Some simply hadn’t considered studying part-time, or didn’t know the census dates to withdraw without fail in order to maintain good academic standing.” This information is available online, she noted, but not commonly accessed. UNSW’s Peer Mentoring service, offered to all first years during semester one,


Issue 07 feature

was only used by 16 per cent of students this year. At the University of Technology, Sydney, peer mentors personally phone new students several times during their first semester to discuss their adjustment. This impressed Rhys, a UTS student, “I felt the support was there if I needed it.” UTS Student Counsellor David Taplin says students still seemed unaware of additional services, like the academic workshops conducted in the library. “They don’t look beyond borrowing books!” Similarly, a National Union of Student’s Survey found that 67 per cent of students who quit their studies at the Queensland University of Technology did so without meeting with any staff. Another significant concern cited by students is selecting the ‘wrong’ degree. Students select courses based on parental pressure, future career prospects, success in the subject during school, or feeling the need to ‘use’ their ATAR and basing course choices on the cut-off score rather than their interests. For some, this results in years of degree hopping without direction. For others, the course-hop might be a system of ‘trading up’ as they seek entry to a desired course requiring a higher ATAR than they received. While ATAR scores are one indicator of future success at university, they alone cannot be used to predict the ease of the transition. “People often underestimate the difficulty of that move,” says a UNSW counsellor. “Some students go through their whole schooling with the same cohort and teachers, in the same location. They have a whole community, structured activities, teachers reminding them when things are due, and often parents nudging them along the way. Students frequently tell me that once they reached university they realised that when they don’t hand things in or attend lectures ‘no one cares’, so there is a sense they are very alone.” Alex, a Macquarie University student, found out first-hand how much a lack of interest impedes one’s studies. He studied Commerce because he enjoyed Economics during high school and after dropping out during first-year, he returned to the same degree a year later. “I tried again because I thought I’d just been lazy. I went to lectures for a little while, but I really just didn’t care about what I was learning.” He is now enrolled in a personal training course at TAFE and cites the close-knit community as a major drawcard. “It’s much more personal and structured. You have small classes rather than lectures with

200 people. I only made a few friends at Macquarie, but at TAFE I already know my whole class.” For many students like Alex, campus connection and involvement are what make the university experience memorable, or at least bearable. Could the answer to university happiness and success be living on campus? We may joke that the typical college-dwelling kid is the one who turns up late to their afternoon tute, wearing trackies, Uggboots and wafting a strong scent of goon. Stereotypes aside, the statistics on Australian universities show that the retention rates and levels of academic achievement are higher for those students living on campus, rather than their commuting peers. One student of Sydney University’s St Paul’s College says he would have left university in first semester if it weren’t for the fact that he lives on campus, “the people and social life kept me at uni.” The grade requirements of the college ensured he continued to meet certain academic standards. Ultimately, university may not be the solution for everyone. Numerous students find they are better suited to more practical courses, like those offered by TAFE, while others find that time away from university helps them to discover their true interests. Former University of Sydney science scholar, Bella, gained direction after deferring for a year. “I plan on reenrolling at Sydney University next year to study business and feel better knowing I have more direction after graduation.” If you’re not rushing off to buy a Sydney Uni sweatshirt, run for student politics or even attend your lectures, don’t rashly sign that deferral or withdrawal form. Try consulting a counsellor, or becoming more involved. Join a club or simply linger at Manning where you’re sure to be coaxed into conversation. If, after a reasonable adjustment period, you discover your course is not the right fit, explore your options, seek assistance and you will likely find a path that suits you.

If you need assistance with your studies or are struggling at university, visit the counselling service in the Jane Foss Russell Building, next to the Wentworth building.

World Famous Dropouts Roger Federer When it came to winning a record 17 Grand Slam titles, Federer certainly wasn’t contemplating courses, credits and majors. The budding tennis player left school at aged sixteen to focus on his burgeoning career – his dedication and perseverance weren’t learned in a lecture theatre. Charles Dickens After ending his education during elementary school, it’s unlikely many had great expectations for this man. Bestselling novelist, and enshrined in the orange covers of those famous Penguin Classics, this man’s achievements and colourful fictional characters have stood the test of time. Steve Jobs Next time you’re using that Sydney University iPhone App to locate the elusive Bosch Lecture Theatre, remember that this technological windfall is thanks to a man who never earned a university degree. Apple co-founder and billionaire Steve Jobs left uni after six months, proving readers and lecture halls aren’t a prerequisite for reaching one’s vision.

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bull usuonline.com FEATURE

Neroli Austin comes in to bat.

F

rom the on-screen love triangles of Sookie-Bill-Eric in True Blood and Maggie-Don-Jim in The Newsroom, to the pages of Tales of King Arthur where Guinevere is straddled between Arthur and Lancelot, there seems to be enough examples which suggest that we are all beguiled by the idea of being loved by, and loving multiple people.

Gone are the days of “one true love” and “made for each other.” In their place are tales of ordinary people who enjoy the benefit of being universally desirable. For several reasons, monogamy has lost its appeal to many of us. Some do not have the time or inclination to pursue a ‘serious’ relationship, others struggle to find one person they are happy to settle down with so choose to ‘shop around’. Whether this is a product of our insecurities – if only one person loves you, they could be crazy, but if multiple people love you, then you must be worth it – it certainly reveals that we are perhaps less offended by polyamory than the emphasis of monogamy in western cultural tradition would have us believe. The appeal of being loved by many seems obvious, but why you would want to be on the other side, competing for another’s affections, is less clear. However, like contestants on Blind Date, some delight in the competition for another person’s love. This can make the significance of the person choosing you much more real, as you


Issue 07 FEATURE

Dating multiple people has the advantage of allowing you to try different things, be it making out in the lawbry, moshing in the pit, or snuggling on the couch.

The Four Stages of Dating Dating (0-3 months)

So you’ve met someone that actually wants to be alone in dark places with you. This is good news. Now the key to success in this stage is mastering the art of asking questions you already know the answer to. Chances are a combination of mutual friends and stalking has supplied you with the other person’s entire life history, but you should at least act surprised occasionally. That, and try a little, not too hard, but everyone wants to feel they’re worth some effort.

Seeing Each Other (3-6 months)

have been directly compared to other people and ‘won’. But relationships built on the chase seem to inevitably fizzle out once the thrill is over and someone becomes too attached. Being in a polyamorous relationship can also be empowering. Unlike in monogamous relationships, you are not defined as one half of a couple so your identity as an individual is preserved. Some polyamorists even argue that having non-exclusive relationships eliminates insecurities as it assures you that your partner is with you because they want to be, not out of a sense of obligation. One of the advantages of seeing multiple people at the same time is that each may enhance a different part of your life and bring out different sides of your personality. Given the diverse interests people pursue, it is often difficult to find someone that can appreciate everything you enjoy. Dating multiple people has the advantage of allowing you to try different things, be it making out in the lawbry, moshing in the pit, or snuggling on the couch. This

schizophrenic dating style can also free you up to explore different sides of your personality. It can be enormously appealing to be intense and introspective with one boyfriend, while being fun and frivolous with another, just ask K-Stew. Such relationships can also help you to understand what you are looking for when you finally settle down with one person. By exploring how different people can bring out your different sides, you can better know what you like (or dislike) in another person. Although it may seem desirable to explore your different sides, there is a sinister element. Having multiple partners allows you to combine elements of each person without having to compromise, setting an unreasonable standard of perfection for future partners. This may make you less likely to ever be satisfied with one person. Sometimes, the reluctance to be monogamous is circumstantial. Uncertainty as to future plans makes many of us reluctant to commit to a permanent monogamous

So you’ve been hanging out and dig each other. Good. Now is the time to start asking the sort of questions a Google search cannot. But who are you really as a person? The key here is to keep calm. You’re still only seeing each other. There is nothing that will destroy a relationship faster than an ill-timed overly emotional blog post. Trust me, I know.

Going Out (6-12 months)

This is an awkward stage. By now you’ve ascertained that you really like each other. You may even be falling in love. But to the outside world that is still reeling from the R-Patz/K-Stew break-up, you really haven’t been together that long. So you awkwardly say you’re ‘going out’ with X but never introduce X as a boyfriend/girlfriend. Don’t worry. It is as awkward for everyone you meet as well.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Congratulations! You’ve finally decided to come out as a couple! Now you can start answering the important questions: do we become a couple on Facebook or do we just agree to subtly remove our relationship statuses? Is making out in the middle of Taste too obvious? Should we get matching trucker caps? However you choose to approach these issues, the important thing is that you can now enjoy explaining where your other half is whenever he/she is not stapled to your side. Good luck with that.

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relationship. Matt, a TAFE student from England, has been reluctant to settle into a ‘serious’ relationship, preferring to date multiple women as it doesn’t require the same sort of emotional commitment. However, this approach can have unfortunate consequences if you’re looking for true love. When Matt split from his long-term girlfriend, he found that he dated various women looking for the same connection as he had with his previous girlfriend – but with little success. “It’s a difficult thing to balance. Those looking for monogamous relationships generally don’t want you dating around for the first six months you’re together, but that’s how long it takes to figure out if they’re the right person. It’s about balancing your desire to give a relationship a chance with the practicality of not wasting time in a monogamous relationship when you could be looking,” says Matt. The thought of asking someone to change their relationship status online, let alone ‘go steady’ seems an unnecessary step for many of us. However, this can make it difficult to pin down the expectations of the other person. Kate, a Sydney Uni student, recalls how after seeing a guy regularly for four months he asked her to be his girlfriend. “I was really surprised because we had been seeing each other for a while and I thought we were already there. I certainly wasn’t seeing other people while I was with him – but I guess that would explain all his trips away for

the weekend!” For Kate, this spelled the end of the relationship. “It was hard to blame him for what was obviously a misunderstanding. But at the same time, I thought we had ‘something’, and the realisation that he hadn’t valued it in the same way was pretty impossible to get over…I suppose my assumption or his philandering did end something that could’ve been great.” The level of honesty in polyamorous relationships can also help eliminate jealousy. You will never have to worry about the incessant text messages from his ‘best friend’ Chloe, because he would tell you if he had met someone else - or so the argument goes. However, to have an honest relationship and one free of jealousy are two very different things. As it seems almost certain for people to have favourites, when there is a misalignment of feelings between the parties (be they monogamous or otherwise) there will inevitably be heartache. “They haven’t eliminated the problem of jealousy,” says Andrew Samuels, Professor of Analytical Psychology at the University of Essex. “There are of course still difficulties within polyamorous relationships... but they are dealing with it rather than denying it.” There’s a plethora of reasons for choosing alternatives to monogamous relationships. Some of us choose the freedom of casual sex

whilst others prefer to date multiple people simultaneously, either with a view of finding a long-term monogamous relationship, or to add spice to the chase. For many of us, polyamorous relationships are beneficial. They provide the flexibility to better understand what you want in that ‘special someone’ for when you’re finally ready to settle down. However, some argue that the polyamorous approach can lead to the creation of unrealistic expectations in a single partner. Regardless of which way you want to play it, make the rules clear to avoid hurt feelings.

Those looking for monogamous relationships generally don’t want you dating around for the first six months you’re together, but that’s how long it takes to figure out if they’re the right person.


Issue 07 interview

17

INTERVIEW Rob Johnson

Who is the man behind the silk cravat and pink cardigan? Xiaoran Shi rubs shoulders with the infamous “Sydney Uni app guy”. Tell us a bit about yourself.

To be honest, there’s nothing very mysterious about me. I’m a fourth year Arts (Media and Communications) student. While my studies at Sydney University have been very engaging and worthwhile, the extracurricular aspect of uni life is what has kept me motivated, particularly in the second half of my degree. I have been active in SUDS and MUSE, and continue to perform weekly in Manning Theatresports® and Project 52 shows at Hermann’s.

What makes good theatresports®?

Listening. Or more broadly, being attentive to the people you’re playing with, and the rules of the scene you’ve been asked to perform. It sounds simple enough, but it can be incredibly difficult. After all, with such strict time limits on scenes (one, two and three minute games), the pressure is on to produce some funnies. It can be easy to use Theatresports as

a forum for getting cheap laughs, irrespective of what’s going on around you on stage. The most impressive, and therefore funny, improv scenes are the ones where everybody on stage gets invested in a character, puts those characters inside a story, and that story makes sense – with a beginning, a middle and an end. If that fails, just swear a lot or alienate a minority group.

How do you feel about your newfound fame?

I wouldn’t call it fame! The scale of the app ad was quite larger than I, or anyone involved in the shoot, originally expected, so it was a bit of a shock to see the billboard up on Eastern Avenue at first. Being such a colourful and, let’s be honest, slightly confusing character, the app guy has had both positive and negative responses. At first I was a little bit apprehensive about some of the negative feedback the ad was getting from people online, but I very quickly got over that and now just have a laugh. The app guy is a meme – even if I’m the butt of the joke, I still think that’s pretty awesome and hilarious.

How did you land the gig?

“Being such a colourful and, let’s be honest, slightly confusing character, the app guy has had both positive and negative responses..”

I was recruited by Liz Elston, who was working with Sydney Uni’s IT Department in developing the app. It was a bit of an inside job, actually. Liz is good friends with my older sister, and was aware that I’m involved with Theatresports, so got in contact with me through that link. I believe the ads were originally going to be on a bit of a smaller scale, but the “app guy” ended up being so ridiculous that he became the centre of the campaign. And I mean ridiculous in a good way – the character is definitely attention-grabbing.

In the ad, what are you looking at that’s making you grin so feverishly? Or, does the app just make you giddily happy?

Wouldn’t you like to know...

Yes, I would...

I like to think of it as a bit of a postmodern statement on the human gaze. But really, the character I’m playing is a bit of a weirdo, as well as being highly

enthusiastic, so it was a delicate blend of those two. I call it “the enthusiastic weirdo.” Obviously, the marketing team liked that shot and chose to use it for the billboard!

What inspired your sartorial choices in the ad? I would love to take the credit for my dashing outfit, but unfortunately the cardigan, cravat and fedora were provided to me. I think they actually came from the personal wardrobe of Liz Elston, so keep an eye out for her around campus.

Did your involvement in the app change the way you think about accessories forever? You would think so, but I’ve remained surprisingly uninspired by my sleek get-up in the ads. Maybe I’m just not ready for the kind of radical ideas the app guy embodies. He’s a crusader, but I’m just some guy. We’ve kind of got a Bruce Wayne/Batman thing going on.

In the ads, you play “that” perpetually clueless “guy”. Have you ever been “that guy” in real life? I’m fairly confident I’ve always been a guy, and I’ve just as frequently been this guy. One time I even went inside a Toni & Guy. But that guy? You’d probably have to ask my parents.

Who’s the funniest human being, and why? I couldn’t even begin to answer this. I find so many people to be hilarious, even if they’re not even trying! However, I’d have to say my fellow Theatresports® team members are among the funnier people I know. It may just be because I’m around them a lot, but we all understand each other’s sense of humour, which is great. In terms of the whole world, I know it’s a cliché, but Ricky Gervais never fails to tickle my funny bone. A man who can be such a dick but still be so funny and lovable has got a very good head on his shoulders. Also, John C. Reilly’s Dr Steve Brule. That character is genius.

What’s the next thing you’d like to endorse? Preferably some kind of high-profile product backed by very wealthy investors. I’m open to all offers.


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bull usuonline.com feature

Flora Grant Keeps popping up everywhere.

POP UP STORE!

W

hen Surry Hills’ vintage mecca Dear Pluto was forced to close its doors in July this year, owner Emma Daniels feared for the future of her business. However, rather than admit defeat, Daniels used social media to market a one-off, weekend boutique event in a Redfern studio with a smaller, more refined collection. The pop-up was so successful that Daniels is already planning another event in the coming months.


Issue 07 feature

Vacancy rates on Oxford Street have risen from 7.5 per cent in June 2011 to 22.3 per cent in June 2012. This means a lot more empty shops and a lot more landlords searching for a source of income, however temporary.

Inside hundreds of empty spaces around Sydney, on Clarence people are setting up shops, galleries and even Street in July this restaurants. They’re not squatters, just part of year. Founder the growing ‘pop-up’ movement encouraging Leah Robins says short-term leases of unlikely vacant spaces. that improving Pop-up ventures can last anywhere from communication with one day to a few months. They capture the customers was a key excitement around a shop opening for the motivation in setting up first time, and shut before that buzz disappears. the store. “We wanted to Limited edition and short-time-only products give more of our customers reel customers in like trendy fish with a more the opportunity to interact with our exclusive alternative to traditional large-run retail. products,” says Robins. “It also gives us an The idea is not new in Australia, harking opportunity to get direct verbal feedback from back to post-World War 2 artists who used our customers, and strengthen relationships with inner-Sydney’s disused factory spaces as studios each customer on a more personal level.” – not always with the landlord’s knowledge and At only $330 per week, a space at Gaffa permission. Pop-up retail in its current form has Gallery has proved a thrifty way to enter the been around for a while in America and the UK, market. Retail analyst Michael Baker thinks that and has been on the Sydney retail scene since the flexibility and creativity of retail pop-ups Ksubi opened one in 2008. The original concept are more about marketing than about selling. began in Japan, and is rooted in Japanese “They’re a great market testing device,” he says. consumer culture’s devotion to exclusive, limited “If your product doesn’t work out, you haven’t edition products. Initially, at a moment’s notice, made a huge real estate investment.” customers would arrive at a particular location While pop-up has been a resounding that housed a particular brand or product. Once success for The Minimalist, with sales and the products were sold out, usually within a few visitor numbers well above targets, it is the hours, the store would be closed until the owner potential for longer-term benefits that is most received more stock and was able to reopen. important for the online store. “A potential The current retail environment is customer you meet today may not make a challenging, with harder economic times, ailing purchase today but may purchase online many high streets and town centres, and fundamental times in the future or recommend friends,” changes taking place in retail through online says Robins. commerce. Vacancy rates on Oxford Street have Alongside the rise of retail pop-ups, risen from 7.5 per cent in June 2011 to 22.3 per expensive studio rents and an increasingly tight cent in June 2012. This means a lot more empty art market has also seen a rise in the number of shops and a lot more landlords searching for a artistic pop-up projects. Lisa Andersen manages source of income, however temporary. the Empty Spaces Project, a collaboration Retailers are discovering that pop-ups are a between Arts NSW and the University of good way to maintain customer loyalty as well as Technology, Sydney, to promote short-term provide new and innovative experiences, without reuses of empty spaces for creative, rather than the financial burden of a permanent shop. commercial purposes. Furthermore, online retailers are using pop-ups “Empty space projects usually start with as a way to differentiate themselves, allowing the arts,” Anderson explains, “because that’s the potential customers to see, feel and touch ‘cool’, colourful and acceptable – as in, not-verytheir products. threatening-to-commercial-interests – activity.” The Minimalist is an online designer Pop-up galleries have been particularly popular homewares and jewellery retailer, which with emerging artists who cannot afford a studio opened its first pop-up shop at Gaffa Gallery space, let alone in the inner city, and do not

19

yet have the profile to attract the attention of larger commercial galleries. Landlords like pop-ups because they provide income, albeit temporarily, from an otherwise empty space. Anderson says that support from planning groups is essential to keep pop-up spaces available and accessible. “Empty space initiatives are least successful when local authorities are indifferent and planning departments don’t enable local activity,” she says. Local councils including The Rocks and North Sydney actively support a pop-up program, making it easier for artists and retailers to break through the red tape. The Rocks Pop-up is a strictly noncommercial venture for artists and other creatives to produce and exhibit their works. The project aims to inject some creativity into the otherwise touristy area. All spaces currently under redevelopment or on the market for expressions of interest from longer-term tenants are being activated by artists in the interim. North Sydney Council has just begun its pop-up program, but it is unlikely to continue without resident facilitation due to a lack of resources. Big-name restaurants are also embracing the concept in an attempt to expand their market. In July this year, award-winning Otto Ristorante opened The Larder, a three-month pop-up restaurant in an unused room on premises at Woolloomooloo. The fine dining restaurant will continue to operate alongside the pop-up, where meal prices are capped at $25. Owner John Fink makes use of an empty room, attracting new clientele and making a profit during the low winter season. Similarly, Network Ten ran a MasterChef pop-up restaurant in the Sydney CBD, and US fast food chain In-N-Out Burger popped up in Kings Cross in January, aiming to test the Australian market. The burgers sold out in under an hour, while the MasterChef pop-up was fully


20

bull usuonline.com feature

“Empty space projects usually start with the arts because that’s the ‘cool’, colourful and acceptable – as in, notvery-threatening-tocommercial-interests – activity.”

booked before it even opened. What is it about Sydneysiders love for pop-ups? Michael Baker has watched as the number of pop-ups has risen over the past five years, while mainstream retail has stagnated. One of the major problems with shopping, he says, is that we are bored because we know what we are going to get. “There’s a sameness,” says Baker. “Every time you walk down Pitt Street Mall, you see the same brands. Pop-up shops provide freshness to shopping.” Gaffa Gallery hosts a revolving door of retailers, aiming to allow diversity of access for entry-level retailers and to maintain freshness. Amy Robson manages the Gaffa’s pop-up program, and has seen many pop-up galleries come and go. She believes that they push longterm retailers to lift their game. “Since a pop-up space is, almost by definition, only for a short period of time, there’s a lot of energy and buzz around it,” she says. In her opinion, pop-ups tend to offer better customer service and allow customers to experience moments of ‘discovery’, increasingly lacking in traditional retail as shop assistants and owners lose inspiration. “People like owning things that are seen as exclusive or limited,” she suggests. “It’s a more exciting way to shop.” There is a risk, however, that the ‘underground’ nature of pop-ups could be

ruined as they become more and more mainstream. An example of this is the One Direction pop-up store, ‘1D World’, that accompanied their band’s recent visit to Australia, selling merchandise, CDs and even a reasonably priced $200 set of One Direction dolls. A growing number of established retail companies have seen the success that smaller businesses have had with pop-ups, and have jumped on the bandwagon to shake up their business. Samsung popped-up in Pitt Street to launch the most recent Galaxy, and Nike popped up for four days in August in a vacant Oxford Street store, cashing in on Olympic fever. Pop-up’s guerrilla roots have great marketing appeal and allow companies to react quickly to trends. It’s conceivable that permanent retail may even give way to an everchanging array of pop-up shops, as consumers look for products that will make them stand out. As the hip pocket tightens, we may see more businesses choosing to pop-up. “Like almost anything, if enough people start doing it, it loses its lustre,” says Baker. “Pop-up is here to stay and everyone’s going to be doing it.” How ironic.

Top Sydney pop-ups to watch (but be quick, they won’t last long)

PING PONG at Gaffa Gallery 281 Clarence Street, Sydney Play ping-pong on your lunchbreak. The Larder at Otto Ristorante 5/ 6 Cowper Wharf Rd, Woolloomooloo  Food from one of Sydney’s best chefs for under $25. The Rocks Pop-Up Around The Rocks, Sydney Artistic ventures in the historical quarter. Under New Management Oxford Street, Darlinghurst Plans for this pop-up space aren’t advertised far in advance, but so far it’s hosted a makeshift national park, and a Tour de France viewing lounge. Watch this space. Wilbur’s Place pops up at Bourke Street Bakery Marrickville 2 Mitchell Street, Marrickville The team from Kings Cross hotspot Wilbur’s Place will take over Bourke Street Bakery’s kitchen in Marrickville every Sunday night in October.


Issue 07 feature

Eleanor Gordon-Smith explores the dark side of the Moon landing.

N

eil Alden Armstrong, the first man to walk on the surface of the moon, died last month. Romney paid tribute to Armstrong in his RNC speech in Tampa in what may be the best example of limping Mittspeak to date: “The soles of Neil Armstrong on the moon made an impression on all our souls.�

21


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Clanging metaphors aside, there can be no doubt that Armstrong’s first steps onto the surface of the moon marked a turning point in history. For the millions of Americans who turned on their televisions at 4:17pm, it was a re-invigoration of the Kennedy government in a time of war and uncertainty. For Australian engineers on the other side of the world in Parkes, it was a chance to create a global reputation for scientific excellence. For children in schoolrooms across the world, it would form the basis of dozens of lectures on the power of endeavour and the capacity of man. But for a tiny few, the moment the telecast of Neil Armstrong took over networks in the US was the moment they lost faith in their government. For six per cent of the United States population, the moon landing is not a symbol of hope, opportunity or ingenuity. It is the largest and most carefully orchestrated conspiracy in living memory. The popularly accepted narrative surrounding the moon landing is this: On 12 September 1962, speaking at Rice University, President John F Kennedy announced his government’s intention to put a man on the moon. “We choose to go to the moon, and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.” Unfortunately for posterity, it was this sentence, weighed down by the record-scratch phrase “and the other things” that went down in history as the moment JFK committed to the moon mission, and not his 1961 remarks to congress promising that “before this decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth.” NASA, unfazed by the inelegance of their mission statement, set about the Apollo program. On 16 July 1969, Saturn V launched Apollo 11 from Launch Pad 39A at the Kennedy Space Centre and four days later Neil

Image courtesy of moonpans.com

Armstrong walked on the surface of the moon and Buzz Aldrin refused to take his picture. Almost immediately though, doubt appeared. Conspiracy theories are not new. They break through any popular narrative like pavement weeds, fertilised by a climate of fear and a mistrust of government. Against a backdrop of the Cold War and the blow Watergate had dealt to faith in the state, Apollo 11 barely stood a chance.

For all six moon landings to have been faked and for Sibrel’s claims to therefore be true, the moon landings would have to be not only the largest but the most successfully kept secret in western political history.

Conspiracy theorists are rarely united. The most recent crop, 9/11 truthers, have at least twelve different strains whose contempt for the Bush administration is tempered only by their hatred of each other. The 1970s anarchists and ex-scientists each claiming to be the sole proprietor of the truth were no more united. Three broad schools of thought emerged, each turning on the motivations for the deception. The first and most popular argued that

NASA had knowingly participated in a scheme by the United States Government to stage a moon landing, win the Space Race, and move one step closer to checkmate in the Cold War. The Space Race has been a critical contest between Soviet Russia and the US. The narratives of opportunity and success were PR platinum, a chance for both governments to reinvigorate their populations’ commitment to their Government. A literal race between capitalism and communism was not something the US could stand to lose, and after the Soviet launch of Sputnik 1, the Nixon government – supposedly – may have decided that a gamble on this scale made substantially less sense than a staged moon landing, which would be a costeffective way to guarantee results. This theory makes so much sense that when Buzz Aldrin punched one of its chief proponents in the face, the Los Angeles Country District Attorney refused to lay charges. Bart Sibrel was that unfortunate chief proponent, director of A Funny Thing Happened on theWay to the Moon. Sibrel claims that Apollo 11, along with Apollos 12 through 17, were staged by the United States Government. For all six moon landings to have been faked and for Sibrel’s claims to therefore be true, the moon landings would have to be not only the largest but the most successfully kept secret in western political history. Apollo 11 alone involved the 400,000 man strong team responsible for the Apollo launch project, 120,000 employees of the Kennedy Space Station, 12 men who went on the mission, six pilots, and nine men who stayed in orbit. Watergate involved just 43 people and the story stayed together for three days. Bart Sibrel was subsequently arrested for jumping on the hood of a car after a parking fine, but a truth like this can be overwhelming.


Issue 07 feature

Far more interesting than Bart Sibrel is Bill Kaysing. Kaysing was an employee of Rocketdyne, the company responsible for building the F-3 engines used on the Saturn V. Kaysing has also argued that the CIA, the Federal Reserve and the IRS are involved in a plan to poison the food supply of the American public. Kaysing’s personal credibility has been given a thorough and public hiding in numerous documentaries, but his claims form the basis of a number of moon-landinghoax theories. Much of his analysis rides on anomalies in the photos brought back to Earth by the astronauts. His biggest claim is that there are “no stars” in the photos, and that the astronauts declared in interviews that they did not remember seeing stars. This is probably the argument in moon-landing-conspiracy-theories that is least reliant on scientific knowledge. It’s easy to see how Kaysing’s argument runs. In space, there are stars. In these photos, there are no stars. Therefore, these photos are not in space. It is not, in every sense of the phrase, rocket science. It is, though, easily debunked with lunar science. The moon is not by all technical definitions a planet, but for the purposes of this explanation it functions as one. It’s a spherical lump of rock that rotates both around an axis and around a light source. It has, therefore, a day and a night, with mornings and evenings. There is an appropriate time for brunch on the moon. The moon landing took place during lunar daytime, such that stars in photographs and particularly to the astronaut’s eyes would have been neutered by the far brighter light source of the sun. It’s the same reason stars aren’t visible in the daytime on earth. A second school of thought says that the motivation was not to win the space race and the

conspiracy was not as far-reaching as Kaysing or Sibring would suggest. Rather, the moon landing was a studio-created fake that NASA alone conceived and executed, in order to avoid losing federal funding for its poor performance in the space race. Champions of this theory focus on photographic anomalies and evidence – in the Creationist’s use of that word – that the photographs do not demonstrate the atmospheric conditions of the moon. One such oft-repeated piece of ‘evidence’ is the flag on the surface of the moon. Still images of the flag show ripples reasonably similar to a still-frame of a piece of fabric fluttering in a breeze. In space, there is no breeze. Space is a vacuum. The flag mystery has long since been debunked, by NASA scientists at the time and by amateur scientists and even TV’s Mythbusters team. The explanation is almost as simple as the stars explanation. The flag needed to be photogenic. This was a propaganda triumph for the United States Government and a postcard of a man standing next to a limp piece of fabric on which the stars and stripes are barely visible is not the kind of bald-eagle-swooping freedom-tootin’ Americana that Nixon would have been after. The flag was mounted on an L-shaped frame to hold it proud and straight. Because (and not in spite of) the fact that space is a vacuum, any movement of that frame would continue for longer than usual, because there was no air drag to slow it down. That meant that when the astronauts planted the flag for the first time, the swinging of the frame continued in a pendulum-like fashion throughout several photographs. Ripples in the fabric, yes. A breeze, unlikely. Hardcore proponents of this theory have to defend the idea that somewhere there was a studio filled with Harvard-educated astrophysicists pretending to be on the surface

23

of the moon. Many studio-theorists go one step further. They say Stanley Kubrick – who was at the time fresh off the set of 2001: A Space Odyssey and had used effects to some success in Dr. Strangelove – directed and produced the moon landing. His studio left fingerprints on the photographs of the moon landing. The shadows of the astronauts and the shadows of surface rocks point in different directions. Conspiracy theorists conclude that multiple artificial light sources, say, studio spotlights, must have been illuminating the objects. Aldrin himself deftly dispelled of this theory in 1989. These people are correct in their assessment that there were multiple light sources surrounding the objects in the photos. But they were just as conceivably the sun and the sun’s light reflected off the earth. Dips and twists in the terrain may also explain a number of bent shadows. Perhaps the most obvious question to studio-theorists is this. If the United States government, with the assistance of a director, Kubrick or otherwise, was successfully able to dupe the entire scientific community and American populace with a studio and some cameras into believing that the moon landing had taken place, why say they’d been brought home? Why not establish a permanent fictitious US presence on the moon to deter the Russians, or go one step further and take them to Mars? Or the sun? It’s been forty years since the first moon landing took place. Conspiracy theorists abound and their theories grow stronger and gather followers over time in a snowball of neuroses and misinformation. They’re already saying Neil Armstrong isn’t dead.


24

bull usuonline.com.au campus chatter

CAMPUS CHATTER To THE SYDNEY UNI APP GUY,

I’m not a stalker, but... To all the pseudo-hipsters who flirt via Campus Chatter, Shut the fuck up.You're not underground; you're just boring. Belle To Belle, Fair play, the last issue was a bit intense. Although, that is kind of the point of these pages. Is that irony? I can’t tell. Pseudo-hipsters

Were they your own clothes or did they make you wear that? Mightily confused (turn to page 17 to find out)

To ‘Strider’ (BULL, Issue 05 2012), I recommend you try a slow jog next time. Catch up. Fast-paced Redhead

HEY YOU!

To the guy who played Tigger in Arts Revue, I’d like to get bouncing with you. Paris

Someone you want to woo and/or passivelyaggressively complain about? Send us your stalker messages: usubullmag@ gmail.com

To my midsemester exam, Let’s never speak of this again. Bootsy

To the Starks, Summer is coming now. Suck it. LowerWesteros To the tall, newish, gorgeous guy at Taste, Could you be any more deliciously inner-westie? Everyone To everyone who has ever worked at Azzuri's, You so pretty. Also everyone To the brunette with the massive green eyes in my Geopolitics tutorial, I can’t contain myself. I’d love to invade your heartland. Shallow Hal To Curiosity, Please don’t conclusively answer my question. I’ll be ruined. Bowie

vox pops question What do you think of student elections?

Katerina Halkeas

Peter Hoekstra-Bass

Rosie Connolly

To be perfectly honest I probably wouldn’t vote for people unless I knew them. I don’t really get into student politics that much, but I will when there are people I know really well and I know they’re doing good things.

I think it’s an important means of expression for students. It gives people who might be interested in pursuing a political career later on in life the ability to form networks and get experience, and for other people to get involved in a type of experience that generally they wouldn’t be able to.

I think it’s relevant for people who care, but for everyone else it’s just really fucking annoying.

Arts/Science

Arts

Arts/Law


Issue 07 campus chatter

Please, have a cow Got beef with something? Spill your guts in 400 words or less to usubullmag@ gmail.com

CAITEE CAMPBELL lines up Timeline haters for a Zuckerpunch.

Facebook Timeline.Yes, yes, let’s all get past the initial tantrum about how we all hate it with the fire of a thousand suns.You don’t really hate it; you hate change. Just like you hated all the previous changes made to the aesthetics of Facebook. As it marches on to become a permanent fixture (despite what all the viral, bogus app requests might suggest), it seems as though half the cyberverse feels the need to tell me just how opposed they are to the adjustment. But I’m over it. Timeline is set out in the same format that your high school teachers used to make you draw in junior history to help you better understand when specific events occurred in the relative history of Medieval England; that is, a line down the middle of the page, and events placed in chronological order, alternating either side of

the line and the date on which they occurred. By which I mean, it makes sense. So what exactly is everyone’s problem with the adjustment? Randomly chosen Facebookers have determined that “it’s too cluttered,” “I just don’t like it,” and my personal favourite – “it’s just…shit”. But the new design has many perks that most people have yet to realise. For one, you can individualise your profile by changing your cover photo to yet another from your catalogue of shameless selfies, or to the traditional sunset-over-the-beach shot to let everyone know how you are a budding ‘photographer’. Another cool new feature allows you to add ‘major’ life events to your profile, such as when you were born, the day you finally got your nose pierced, when you started working at McDonald’s, or when you graduated from primary and high school. Which I guess is awesome or creepy, depending on how you want to look at it.

FOR

Miki Higgins GOES IN EVERY TIME. True story: a few weeks ago I met my friend’s boyfriend. I went in for the fistbump, he saw me extending my hand and thus went in for a handshake, and I pretty much just punched this poor guy in the fingers. In my defence, he looked like a fistbump kind of guy. Solution: go for the cheek-kiss every time. The cheek-kiss is unambiguous. Unless you are often swarmed by strangers trying to full-on make out with you, there’s only one thing they could possibly be doing. A cheek-kiss is friendly, but not too formal, unlike a handshake. A cheekkiss can develop into a friendly hug if you’re in a hugging mood. In our society where everyone cheek-kisses their friends to say hi, you won’t have to encounter the awkward transitioning period from being acquaintances to being friends if you start with a cheek-kiss and go for that every time. Seriously. This should be a thing.

25

Most importantly, Facebook Timeline is now a one-stop shop for all your stalking needs. Remember the pesky old profile design where to find something you were sure you saw last week on your ex’s page, or you suddenly realise one of your friends is in a relationship that you didn’t know about, you had to scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page, click show more, then repeat until you reach the desired date in question? That used to take time, effort and commitment! With the new profile, you need simply choose the year, and then the month, and then bam! there is the post you’ve been searching for. Timeline brings any friend’s (and, if you’re feeling lucky, any stranger’s) entire Facebooking history to your fingertips. And you’d better get used to it, because it’s here to stay, at least until Zucks decides to change it again.

AGAINST locking horns Disputed: First Meeting Cheek-Kiss

HEY, GIULIA RUSSO just met you, and this is crazy...but get away from her face. True story: one fateful day in high school, our school captain passed me in the corridor. She went in for what I thought was an embrace but, I realised too late, was in fact a cheek-kiss. I bumped up against her awkwardly and kissed her bouncing ponytail as she flounced off to cheek-kiss another unsuspecting acne-ridden teenager and thereby exacerbate their severe self-esteem issues. Solution: never cheek-kiss unless you are already friends. The first cheek-kiss between yourself and another should indicate to them that you are prepared to make the leap from ‘acquaintance’ to ‘friend’. If they reciprocate, the deal is sealed. Once you are friends, any awkward ‘oops we both went left’ or ‘oops you’re into that European ambiguous number of cheek-kiss repetitions’ can be forgiven. It’s a great feeling. So, next time you’re introduced to a stranger, do both of you a favour – lean back and smile politely.


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Fri Jan 20 10:10

OVERSEAS INVASION

When children’s shows become naughty

Wednesday January 4, 2012

There’s action aplenty as the five-day game takes its lead from Twenty20, writes Malcolm Knox.

Jessica Wright ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

THE Prime Minister has dismissed a call by the Labor elder Bob Hawke to slash the power of unions within the ALP. Julia Gillard defended the factional and union influences that were responsible for the destruction of Kevin Rudd’s leadership in 2010. Mr Hawke, a former prime minister and boss of the ACTU, said in an interview with the Fairfax publication The Australian Financial Review that while his ‘‘first love’’ was the trade union movement, its influence over the Labor Party had grown to ‘‘suffocating’’ proportions.

‘Our great trade union movement is important to Australian society and to representing the needs of working people.’ Julia Gillard But yesterday Ms Gillard said the unions were the champions of ‘‘working Australians’’. ‘‘I believe our great trade union movement is important to Australian society and to representing the needs of working people,’’ she said. ‘‘It was the trade union movement, shoulder to shoulder with the Labor Party, that fought back and got rid of Work Choices.’’ Responding to Mr Hawke’s advice to the ALP to recognise the perceived negative association with the unions, Ms Gillard said the matter had been adequately addressed at the party’s national conference last month. She tried to soften the public rebuke to Mr Hawke, once the nation’s most popular leader, saying he was an important part of the ALP’s history. ‘‘Bob Hawke is of course a living legend,’’ she said. ‘‘Bob is right to say that the Labor Party needs to keep modernising.’’ His criticism of undue union influence within the ALP mirrored the view of another former prime minister, Kevin Rudd, who savaged the power of the unions

and factions in a speech to the national conference. Mr Rudd said the party had failed to take any significant steps to rein in the power of factions and union bosses. ‘‘While some claim we have moved forward on party reform, the truth is we have barely moved at all,’’ Mr Rudd said. ‘‘The stark alternative remains: either more power to the factional powerbrokers or more power to the 35,000 members of the Australian Labor Party.’’ An internal review by the former premiers Steve Bracks and Bob Carr and Senator John Faulkner recommended a guaranteed say for unions and Labor supporters in party preselections and aired dire warnings that the party faced a membership crisis. Senator Faulkner has repeatedly warned that the ALP risks a wipeout of its membership – as ‘‘a small party getting smaller, [and] an old party getting older’’. Ms Gillard welcomed the review but resisted the suggestion that the unions be given a say in policy and parliamentary decisions. ‘‘As Labor leader I will insist on the right to freely choose the executive of the federal parliamentary Labor Party,’’ she said at the time of the review’s release. ‘‘I have chosen my team of ministers and parliamentary secretaries and I will continue to do so.’’ Mr Hawke also addressed the leadership question that continues to dog Ms Gillard, saying he believed she was the best person for the job. ‘‘I don’t think they should change leaders,’’ he said. ‘‘There has been a lot of criticism of Julia, but you have got to give her credit for a lot of achievements and tenacity. ‘‘She has shown a lot of courage and determination, particularly on the carbon tax and the mining tax. When those things are bedded down they may even become positives.’’ Ms Gillard has refused to address questions about the leadership this year, telling reporters on New Year’s Day to ‘‘check the transcripts’’ of last year for her answer. It is more than 20 years since Mr Hawke was prime minister of Australia but the ‘‘Silver Bodgie’’ has enjoyed a resurgence in the media, most recently in a renewed spat with the former prime minister Paul Keating. The pair showed the passing of time had done nothing to ease the rancour in their relationship with Mr Keating this week blaming Mr Hawke for the wage explosions of the 1970s. Mr Keating said that Mr Hawke, as the ACTU national secretary, had ‘‘nearly destroyed the economy twice’’. The spat coincides with the release by the National Archives of the 1982 and 1983 cabinet documents.

WEEKEND SPORT

2012 FACES TO WATCH SPECTRUM

WEEKEND

First published 1831 No. 54,366 $1.50 (inc GST)

Gillard Wickets tumble as Test cricket hits fast-forward button rebukes Hawke on unions

LITTLE MASTER’S MISERY

GOOD WEEKEND

NEWS, PAGE 7

summer

F Foreign-made car ttops sales NEWS, PAGE 3

WHY THIS MAN SPENT $17,000 ON A NEW NOSE

2011 a year in weather

FIRST PUBLISHED 1831 NO. 54,375 $2.50 (inc GST)

January 14-15, 2012

MEET THE $10b HEIRESS

Killer given passport, licence and freedom

PAUL McGEOUGH

BOMB BLAST THAT ROCKED THE WORLD NEWS REVIEW

NEWS, PAGE 6

Year of job pain to hit banks, shops

ANNE SUMMERS

SILENCE LIKE A CANCER GROWS NEWS REVIEW

Who’s for a dip? But there is a dark side

AS IF obligated to compete with the Saffron Howden evening’s entertainment, 22 Test crickand Alicia Wood eters of Australia and India romped TRENT JENNINGS packed his through three bright and breezy sespassport, driver’s licence and, sions. The batsmen clubbed the ball to unsupervised, took off in a all corners when they weren’t losing stolen car from a prison psychitheir wickets. The bowlers served up atric hospital. bouncers, wides, late outswingers and As authorities scrambled yesunplayable in-duckers, with the occaterday to shift the blame for the sional nagging length ball for variety. bungle that allowed the killer to Fieldsmen fell asleep if the ball hadn’t walk free on Friday and outsmart come to them in an over. police hours later, the nationWhat is this new thing, and how can Tertiary advisory days: your five-page guide toforstarting university STARTS PAGE 12 Gareth Hutchens ced to cut staff numbers for the wide hunt him continued. it be stretched to five days? Perhaps next few years to protect profit Jennings, 26, stabbed a man to each team needs three innings in a AUSTRALIA is on the cusp of a margins. The high levels of conwhite collar recession with insumption and lending they endeath eight years ago during a Test. Perhaps there is no problem. Test siders warning that thousands of joyed in recent years will not ANZ jobs to go this year casual sexual encounter. matches have a natural duration of 31⁄2 jobs are at risk in the finance seccontinue. He was granted day leave days, and we should celebrate the tor, after it emerged yesterday At the start of 2007 Australia’s that ANZ planned to cut 700 jobs. banks, excluding ANZ Asia, emrights from Morisset Hospital, plebeian uprising of the bowler. But the Herald has established ployed 155,000. Four years later near Newcastle, only a month While M.S. Dhoni and R. Ashwin the job cuts will total as many as that figure had grown to 178,000 DY YNASTY THE TENDULKAR DYNASTY Australian jobs cut by ANZ FESTIVAL OF THE 1000 by the end of this year, people, an increase of 23,000. before he absconded from cuswere together, putting on 54COUCH in 81 balls in past two years which will be more than the In ANZ alone, the number of tody and allegedly arranged over for India’s seventh wicket, an anxious bank shed at the height of the employees in the group’s global global financial crisis. operations increased by 12,000 the internet to meet a man, 50, at Australian voice in the Churchill Stand They come a day after the Roysince September 2008, from his home in Sydney’s Zetland. muttered, ‘‘They’re digging in now – al Bank of Scotland announced 36,900 to 48,900. Local jobs lost in Bank of plans to close its investment But ANZ’s Australian division Last Thurswe need a wicket, Hilfy!’’ The world of the box-set addict SPORTSDAY Scotland closure banking business, leading to the has shed more than 2100 jobs in Monday January 2, 2012 First published 1831 No. 54,364 $1.50 day, Jennings, loss of more than 200 jobs in the past two years – from 19,922 Australia. you count all those jobs since to 17,768 – as it sends more jobs pictured, tied Resurgent Punter INSIDE Economists have warned Aus- October, along with what will be to offshore. the man up is vulnerable to a recession announced in the next week . . . holds key to series The job losses could exacerbate Bowser bluestraliayear with his conwith a wholesale fund- we will lose more staff than we conditions in Australia – already NSW drivers could facethis more If the opening day was all petrol price rises whening the squeeze in Europe raising did as a result of the GFC.’’ vulnerable to recession. The chief sent then stole government bans regular costs for banks such as ANZ. The national secretary of the economist at JP Morgan, Stephen Sun, sand and fun ... Tabitha Palmer, 6, centre, plays with Liv Knight, 7, and Harry Hamilford, 5, at North Bondi. The girls are in the under-7 nippers. Photo: Dallas Kilponen unleaded fuel, pushingdebt up about Sachin Tendulkar, the demand for ethanol-blended and some of his Experts have warned thous- Finance Services Union, Leon Walters, said: Australia has not premium unleaded, the industry central character leading through an Education Departentry to existing pools, which is a Carter, criticised the bank for undergone adjustments observed Economic conditions are preventing children ‘‘We have kids who are doing has warned. From July,ands petrol of jobs will be lost from the belongings, instations will no longer be allowed industry this year as banks shedding jobs when it had elsewhere ... it remains vulnerment, two-week intensive probarrier to some socio-economic nipper training, who are resinto today is Ricky Ponting. to sell regular unleaded in a bid cluding his learning to swim, writes Nick Ralston. to promote renewablescramble biofuels. to adjust to an era of gram in schools for students in groups, and the increasing cost record profitability. ‘‘Yet again cuing kids their age on days able to shocks. Summer – Page 26 low credit growth and higher the first time anything gets years two to six. of bus transport. when the surf is a bit tricky,’’ said Economists also say we might black Mercedes four-wheelfunding costs. The program – the most ‘‘The Department of Educatough in finance the only trick in expect a further shake-out in the the nipper manager at North drive, police say. Weather, or not carnage.’’ The solution to the This comes on top of cuts of their locker is to put jobs on the retail industry, which employs LIFESAVERS have a simple affordable in the state – is offered tion tries to minimise the cost Bondi Surf Life Saving, The most miserable summer in jobs between March 2009 problem is not as simple. Water 2150 to 100,000 students but is not but there are some limitations line,’’ he said. Jim Walker. 1.2 million people, following the explanation for the spate of near That night he returned to hosBowler Ben Hilfenhaus did his bit, Sydney in 50 years. The coldest drownings and a record number safety groups are concerned that compulsory. and on that. It’s just a sign of our eco‘‘It continues to be a highly jobs losses last year. North Bondi has 1400 children autumn nationally in more than last September in ANZ’s pital after curfew, having conand concerns about a partnership 50 years. Record flooding in pool closures and entry costs are Australian division. ‘‘We have profitable organisation that is The peak industry body AUST- nomic times at the moment. doing nipper training, up from The Grattan Institute’s Saul of rescues in recent weeks. Victoria. A Christmas Day in Melbourne with hailstones the a policy of shedding jobs Anna Patty ‘‘There was pretty poor weathdenying young children the run SWIM said in recent years issues People are being pinched a bit.’’ making multibillion-dollar pro- Eslake said: ‘‘I wouldn’t be at all 850 a few years ago. tacted staff to tell them his train lasting more than an hour were size of eggs. Massive floods and chance to learn to swim. through attrition since October fits. They have an obligation to surprised if 2012 was a year in er leading into Christmas and I of cost had made some parents On the plus side, Surf Life SavA Bondi resident, Julia Palmer, ROADallayed. RULES Mexican waves couldn’t even cyclone Yasi in was running late. Queensland. TRAFFIC across the city would  Pedestrians in the city While an estimated 1.2 millast year,’’ an executive said. reluctant to send their children ing is enjoying a boom in the keep everybody employed.’’ was raised in England and which some of the almost- think that everyone was frothing be slowed to 40km/h as part of centre: 600,000 What’s it all lion children have private les‘‘Temps have not been rehired for lessons. Satisfied with this explananumber of young people becom- wanted her daughter, Tabitha, to The Financial Services Minis- inevitable consequences for em- at the bit to get out to the beach,’’ a full circuit as a wicket fell first. mean? City of Sydney plans.  Vehiclesmake in city centre: Terry Lee-Williams, a trans85,000 sons, experts conservatively preonce their contract has expired. ter, Bill Shorten, said: ‘‘We ployment in retailing of the said Dean Storey, the lifesaving The chief executive, Gordon ing involved in the volunteer res- gain a better understanding than port strategy manager at the City  International safety speed: tion, hospital staff allowed him When security guards seized beach dict that each year at least 50,000 Mallett, said: ‘‘If there is no local Secondments have been stop- haven’t been briefed specifically deterioration in retail trading manager of Surf Life Saving NSW. cue organisation. she had of safety at the beach. of Sydney, told the NSW Parlia30km/h ment’s joint standing committee  City of Sydney safetythey weren’t booed, because out unsupervised at 2pm the balls, ‘‘Then the sun came out. At children nationwide graduate ped. We have outsourced two on any decisions of the ANZ in conditions over the next couple pool, despite any efforts the This year it has 30,000 nippers ‘‘We offered for her to do it and on road safety that the council speed: 40km/h would like a “blanket” 40km/h the same time we had the big from high school without being whole floors of operations staff term of jobs.We regard any job of years came to a head.’’ Department of Education may on its books and the number has she loves it. She’s much more next day, the eighth anniversary something had happened on the field speed limit across the city  ANZ staff wait for axe to fall — swell . . . and it all came together able to swim 50 metres. from a [Melbourne] office to losses as unfortunate.’’ make, it starts to get more diffibeen rising annually for the past confident now in the surf than Road toll falls in “predominantly residential through the reduction of speed of the night he stabbed Giuseppe international best the crowd’s attention. Bill distract areas”. He said 20 per cent of the limits, as isto The 2011 road toll was the second [in the Philippines]. If Weekend Business to create a couple of weeks of In NSW classes are offered Manila cult. Then you’ve got the cost of four years. Experts say banks will be forshe was,’’ Ms Palmer said. existing city speed zones were practice. On any given working lowest since 1944, according to day, there are 600,000 pedestri40km/h. provisional figures from the NSW Vitale, 32, in the neck after bindLawry surely couldn’t cry ‘‘It’s all hap‘‘Once we do the CBD, that ans in the city centre and 85,000 Centre for Road Safety. Last would take it up to about 35 per vehicles. The slower the vehicle, year, 376 people were killed on ing him at the hands and feet in a of severe trauma tofor fear of understatement. cent and we would progressively the less riskpening!’’ NSW roads, down from 405 the like to roll that through. I say the pedestrian.’’ previous year. The toll has park at Narwee. When Dhoni won the toss, the A spokeswoman for Roads and progressively because it is a cost dropped from 524 over the past issue,’’ Mr Lee-Williams told the Maritime Services said it had 10 years. SYDNEY CITY shower or two 19°-23° “received a crowd copy of the concept committee late last year. Jennings did not return on Fricheered – they were going to see LIVERPOOL shower or two 17°-24° The costs include hundreds of proposal for a speed zone reducCity of Sydney on thousands of dollars in studies tion from the day evening and, four hours Sachin Tendulkar. Of course, they nevPENRITH shower or two 18°-24° ‘‘and hoops we must jump Christmas Eve and is reviewing it First TuesdayDylan Welch country on and off since Octo- as Qorvis’s chief speechwriter, Last year, during the Arab At the time, Qorvis was the through for the RMS [Roads and early this year”. News Review WOLLONGONG showers clearing 18°-21° later, he was pulled over er Labor considered themeritorious Indian top three The former premier Exceptionally Mitt Romney and Ron Paul Maritime Services]’’. services ... Mr Howard at home in Wollstonecraft yesterday. ‘‘It’s a compliment to Australia,’’ he said of his award. Photo:by Quentin Jones ber. A contract published by the helped draft Commodore BainiSUVA, FIJI Spring, Mr Pietras was Qorvis’s beneficiary of a six-month conappeared to be running neck and The NSW Labor MP Walt Kristina Keneally and the City of GOSFORD few showers 17°-23° Fiji’s future of US Justice Department under marama’s recent speeches, inmayor, Clover Secord, who is a Staysafe com- Sydney lord as may have rendered exceptionneck in Iowa before tomorrow’s spokesman when its role in de- tract with the Saudis worth almost Kellyday, Burke and they were right, police in the stolen car south ofally might bat all NEWCASTLE few showers 20°-23° mittee member, said he dis- Moore, agreed to a plan to slow first vote on the candidates meritorious services in Our uncertainty THE the Foreign Agents Registration cluding his New Year’s Day adfending Middle East regimes was $US15 million to help improve its IN GOOD COMPANYCoffs Harbour. His licence and the city centreit to did agreed with the council plan to traffic within NOT since Sir Robert Menzies Crown Services or towards the vying for the Republican Party’s Fijian regime of Voreqe though look, for a moment after CANBERRA shower or two 12°-24° introduce the 40km/h speed 40km/h by early 2011 in a has the monarchy bestowed presidential nomination, with advancement of the Arts, Learn‘‘Frank’’ Bainimarama has reAct reveals that in October the dress announcing the lifting of the subject of debate. reputation after the terrorist zone across the city, saying it memorandum of understanding such approbation on an Austraing, Literature, and Science or Rick Santorum mounting a late ARMIDALE showers, storms 12°-22° vehicle registration were chectea,13, as they might be back in cruited one of Washington’s most Fijian Attorney-General, Aiyaz emergency regulations. ‘‘Our clients are facing some attacks of September 11, 2001. dated September 2010, though when lian politician. would further congest traffic. such other exceptional service as charge. Contenders have been DUBBO shower or two 15°-31° ‘‘Recently at a Staysafe parlia- Mr Secord worked as chief-ofWe are fit to recognise’’. blitzing shopping malls, public John Howard’s decade-long notorious lobbyist firms – that Sayed-Khaiyum, signed a deed Several countries with an inMr Pietras, an executive vice- challenges now,’’ Mr Pietras told Last year an Egyptian steel ked, he was issued with some their second innings. Keneally. mentary hearing, the staff from staff for Ms for Although writers and artists meetings and local media. prime ministership and his dogCOFFS HARBOUR storms 19°-26° has been raided by the FBI and with Qorvis worth $US40,000 a terest in Fiji expressed a belief to president of Qorvis’s geopolitical The New York Times. ‘‘But our tycoon with ties to the Mubarak A spokesman for the NSW ged adherence to a constitutionSydney City Council were advochave traditionally dominated Duncan Gay, al monarchy ating changing the entire city to Roads Minister,Tendulkar politicians appointed earned him fines, and allowed to drive off. tothethefield, did have not make his 100th DETAILS PAGE 19 represents repressive regimes in month for a year. In return, the Herald that, given the timing, solutions section, is at least the long-term goals to bridge the dif- regime retained Qorvis to manage 40 kilometres,’’ he said. ‘‘While I said the minister had not yet admission to an exclusive club order have included Sir the Middle East and Africa – to understand they have safety seen the City of Sydney proposal. with a capped membership of Winston Churchill, Clement Qorvis has agreed to provide Qorvis might have played a role second Qorvis employee to travel ferences between our clients and his public relations during a trial Last night, police across Ausinternational century. Two constants of Mr Lee-Williams told the Stay- just 24 after Buckingham Palace concerns, I fear that it could slow Attlee and Baroness Thatcher. ISSN 0312-6315 help manage its reputation and ‘‘public relations services relatFrank Bainimarama ... advice. in Commodore Bainimarama’s to Fiji, after Tina Jeon, an Olymthe United States haven’t regarding claims of widespread safe committee in late Novem- announced yesterday he had city traffic to a snail’s pace. Mr Howard becomes the ninth On merit ... clockwise, were searching for the forhis hitcareer that hea member scores ‘‘This would make journeys ber that someone by a car at –been Australian appointed, following appointed of the runs in from toptralia left: lobby foreign journalists. ing to business and investment decision to lift the emergency pic archer and Qorvis spinner. changed. We stand by them.’’ corruption. He was eventually across Sydney even longer in 40km/h was far less likely to die Order of Merit. in the footsteps of the philosophBaroness Thatcher, And diplomatic sources be- lations, only to enshrine them in to the government of Fiji’’. regulations. In early November Ms Jeon In 2004 when Qorvis was sentenced to 10 years in jail. duration and slower, especially than if they Sydney were hit at 60km/h. er Samuel Alexander, the intelMenzies’ Knight of the Prince Charles, merSir Sydney waiter, who in 2005 and Only that his teammates let him Tom ‘‘Internationally it is 30km/h, Order of the Thistle, to which the at night.’’ lectual Gilbert Murray, scientists Stoppard, David lieve the firm, Qorvis Commu- a permanent law. But it appears to the Herald, A diplomatic source also ex- posted on Twitter a photo of her- raided by the FBI as part of an The company has also repreit has taken–about Sir Frank Macfarlane Burnet, A spokeswoman for the City of but becausedown Liberal Party founder was inves- in his disHockneywas and Sir found not guilty of Mr collided, resulting nications, may be behind the The company is represented which spent the week in Suva pressed concern that the kind of self and Commodore Baini- investigation into whether an sented the man widely known as Sydney said it was the responsi- 12 years to get the RTA down to ted in 1963, carries more kudos. Howard Florey and Robert David Attenborough. bility of NSW Roads and Mari- 40km/h, we did not want to push McCredie May, former chief ‘‘I’m very honoured,’’ Mr decision by Commodore Baini- in Suva by a fresh-faced former being lobbied by Mr Pietras, that role played by such lobbyists in marama aboard a boat in Fiji advertising campaign it helped ‘‘Africa’s worst dictator’’, Equatmissal for He came tohisthe crease at Vitale’s murder because a court Classic stoush time Services to approve any the envelope justice of Australia Sir Owen Dixto 30km/h,’’ he 41. Howard told the Herald from changes to the speed limit. said. ‘‘Traffic also flows better in home in Wollstonecraft. ‘‘It’s a The Governor-General, Quen- Edward VII in 1902, carries no on, artist Sir Sidney Nolan and who was also appointed to the Chloe Hosking won a thrilling marama to lift the widely con- business journalist, Seth Thom- his ambit is far greater than spin. the Middle East and Africa was with the caption: ‘‘No better run broke federal law by not dis- orial Guinea’s Teodoro Obiang 9 770312 631063 2-30 when not one ballandhad been hit concluded he extremely was a drug“The RMS is responsible for crowded areas title but in is considered an soprano Dame Joan Sutherland. at a slower speed compliment to Australia a order yesterday, will join tin Bryce, said she warmly confirst race of the Bay Classic and public emergency regu- as Pietras, who has been in the It is likely Mr Pietras, described being imported to the Pacific. place to write a press release’’. closing Saudi funding. Nguema Mbasogo. signposting and speed limits because . . . you do not get com- recognition, among other Mr Howard is expected to gratulated Mr Howard on high mark of honour luminaries including the former promptly called Uniondemned Cycliste throughout NSW,” she said. of the respect theof Queen British prime minister Baroness receiving such a distinguished and a personal gift time. from the receive his Order of Merit – an pression between intersections: things,in Internationale boss Pat McQuaid convincingly front theMargaret wicket. induced psychosis at the “The City of Sydney supports the vehicles are moving easily; has for this country. I’m very eight-pointed cross bearing the award. ‘‘This is a rare and singuQueen. Thatcher, the play‘‘a dick’’ for failing to implement improving road safety and min- they do not have to accelerate, grateful for it.’’ wright Sir Tom Stoppard, the lar honour for his service to AusAccording to the Royal Family’s imperial crown to be worn a minimum wage for women. From there itMr Howard, was along a contest of his cover Yesterday thewebsite, Premier, Barry imising the risk of injury and decelerate, accelerate, decelerwith the naturalist Sir David Attentralia,’’ she said. it is to be given ‘‘to such around the neck – at a ceremony Third placed Rochelle Gilmore death in pedestrian areas ate.” borough and Prince Charles. The Order, founded by King British artist David Hockney, persons, subjects of Our Crown, later this year. also called for change. drive versus Australia. The bowlers fed O’Farrell, ordered a report from the shot. He laced drive after drive all relevant departments into the Have you let your home loan go? SYDNEY CITY sunny 18°-26° between point and mid-off, then dragcircumstances surrounding the LIVERPOOL sunny 15°-31° Take control and refinance with a UHomeLoan, and receive PENRITH sunny 16°-33° ged one onto his stumps. Asdrought wickets and thehigher-risk delay in notifyvices for the foreshore clean-up, detainees receiving such as mangrove swamps, the more rain go, has meant getaway Debra Jopson WOLLONGONG sunny 18°-26° an incredibly low variable rate of 6.14%p.a. This great rate more litter washed into water- she said. intensive correction orders, NSW Maritime spokeswoman GOSFORD sunny 15°-28° it was a cheap buy. ing the public. Minimal risk detainees began which have replaced periodic said. ways, he said. THE amount of litter and waste includes a Lifetime Loyalty Discount of 0.20%p.a. and is NEWCASTLE sunny 18°-26° Most of the man-made refuse working with government water- detention. Sydney Harbour garbage collectThe agency expects to restart CANBERRA partly cloudy 15°-35° cleaners 17 years ago and consists ofhave food and drink The assistance was the program using volunteers ors pick up each year has plumavailable on all new applications. In general the bowlers didn’t topack- ways‘‘I share some ofdetainees’ the concerns ARMIDALE mostly sunny 10°-27° meted to the lowest level in more Dirty business aging dropped on streets and the program has contributed hailed as a success in previous provided by a non-government DUBBO sunny 17°-35° swept into the harbour through between 12 and 28 per cent of years, as NSW Maritime crews organisation in the first quarter than a decade after NSW Mari... litter lines strike any bargains.the Hilfenhaus lackworked of toinformation COFFS HARBOUR partly cloudy 16°-26° the volume of the waste collected stormwaterredisdrains, a NSW Mari- about remove boating haz- of next year, another spokestime suspended a long-running foreshore UHomeLoan DETAILS PAGE 18 every year up to 2008-09, official ards and rubbish from Sydney man said. time spokeswoman said. clean-up program that used at Iron Cove. covered his fast bouncer or his escape,’’ figures show. his release Mr McLean said volunteers While the fall was partly about Harbour and the navigable prisoners on periodic detention. Photo: Jon Reid to remove However, the program was waters of the Parramatta and were difficult to attract. He caused by Maritime’s environThe environmental services % suspended when the Depart- Lane Cove rivers over a com- warned that the loss of extra mental service losing its flagship he programslike like thisa notchild continue who team, which clears debris ran- before, NSW Maritime’s latest p.a. Ashwin. Then, rememsaid. in some form. It would certainly vessel for more than six months ment of Corrective Services bined foreshore length of 270 assistance with garbage collecging from plastic drink bottles to annual report reveals. Only available at tion coincides with the NSW as a replacement was built, it began to phase week out its periodic be very Christmas detrimental. We have present fallen trees from more than 5000 ‘‘One canbers draw the conclusion last year’s was This thekilometres. NSW chief psyFour minimal risk detainees government setting a target in its hectares of waterways, collected that there would be more litter in millions of people living in that also followed a decision in detention program last October, Variable and comparison rate December 2010 to stop using according to NSW Maritime. worked three times a week with new state plan of achieving the just 2284 cubic metres of waste the harbour,’’ said Peter McLean, catchment.’’ even than indicated this year’s, Hilfyprovided usedby the chiatrist, John will review The Herald understands that Allan, Research it was detainees government staff to clear debris lowest litter count per capita in last financial year, almost 500 the NSW chief executivebetter of Keep 9 770312 631018 cubic metres less than the year Australia Beautiful. ‘‘I hate to see likely that since the end of the Department of Corrective Ser- staff were unwilling to work with in areas inaccessible to boats, Australia by 2016. How good is James Pattinson? ... Australia’s hottest new quickie celebrates the wicket of Virender Sehwag. Photo: Steve Christo Continued Page 2 Jennings’ case and patient leave Rates current as at 13 January 2012. The comparison rate is based on a secured loan of $150,000 over the term of 25 years. WARNING: This comparison rate is true only for the examples given and may not include all fees and charges. Different terms, fees or other loan amounts might result in a different comparison rate. UBank is a division of National Australia Bank Limited ABN 12 004 044 937 AFSL and Australian Credit Licence 230686. procedures at Morisset Hospital. You should consider the terms and conditions for UHomeLoan, available from ubank.com.au, before making any decisions regarding this product. Fees and charges and lending criteria apply. UBA526/smhfp1_G3982327AB The local health district 1HERSA1 A001 Continued Page 2

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The son also rises

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Call to cut city speed limits to 40km/h

Howard honoured, for Queen and country

 News — Page 3

STATE POLITICS

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 Paul Sheehan, Opinion — Page 11

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 World — Page 8

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ISSN 0312-6315

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to an Optus SIM for MORE. Economic woes hit US defence ambitions Daniel Flitton ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

AUSTRALIA is about to confront the biting reality of US military decline as its cash-strapped ally moves to abandon the longstanding doctrine of being ready to fight two wars simultaneously on opposite sides of the globe. The New York Times reported yesterday on cuts expected to be announced this week by the Defence Secretary, Leon Panetta, to slash hundreds of billions of dollars in defence spending across ground forces, navy, air force and the nuclear arsenal. Coming after earlier reduc-

tions, the US’s formal strategy to fight two large adversaries at once – as it did during World War II against Nazi Germany in Europe and Japan in the Pacific – will also be surrendered. For 60 years the Defence chiefs in Canberra have had the luxury to assume Washington will be free to come to Australia’s aid, no matter what the US entanglements outside the region. But those days are gone as a teetering economy forces deep cuts to the US defence budget – at the same time as many are concerned about China’s growing military ambitions.

Buzzcut Pentagon prepares to slash spending. World – Page 8

The troubled F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, of which Labor has committed to buy between 14 and 100, is also reported to be targeted. Despite the cuts, the US would remain the pre-eminent military power with the ability to fight and win one major conflict and ‘‘spoil’’ a second adversary’s ambitions in another part of the world. But The New York Times

reported that the cuts inevitably posed questions such as whether a reduced aircraft carrier fleet could counter an increasingly bold China or whether a smaller army could fight a long ground war in Asia. Australia has already made plain its hope to see a greater US engagement in the ‘‘Asian century’’ as the Obama administration withdraws from Iraq and Afghanistan. The agreement to train up to 2500 US Marines near Darwin, announced during Barack Obama’s visit to Australia in November, was widely interpreted as

insurance against China’s rise. The US has also made clear a desire to shift the focus to Asia and Mr Obama used his speech to federal Parliament to pledge the US was ‘‘here to stay’’. The shift from fighting two simultaneous wars against major forces recognises the significant changes to warfare during recent decades, with insurgent conflicts the norm and the growing use of drones and other high technology. The Defence Minister, Stephen Smith, and the Minister for Foreign Affairs, Kevin Rudd, would not comment on the change.

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DEJA VIEW John Rowley pauses and rewinds.

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educe, reuse, recycle. Three simple words with simple concepts, which environmental conservationists and the big, bad empires of the entertainment industry share as their common creed. Who’da thunk it?


Issue 07 Feature

Perhaps the phrase requires some moderation. To reunite, remake and rerelease seem to be the order of the day in the entertainment world. Try as we might to hate it, what journalist Natalie Craig describes as our “postmodern penchant for cultural recycling” is difficult to deny because absence so frequently makes the heart grow fonder. Usually more so than new offerings, revivals pull on our heartstrings, taking advantage of the potency of nostalgia. But the existing attachment works both ways. Disappointing re-interpretations of once mighty favourites can induce defensive, protectionist attacks, and contemporary updates often become stains on the memories of a beloved original. However, old faithfuls, when not tampered with too much, can undergo facelifts that benefit both purveyor and audience. Disney has recently demonstrated this by capitalising on 3D technology. According to the online box office database Box Office Mojo, last year’s The Lion King 3D, grossed almost $95 million, which is not bad, considering the relatively small investment involved in the making of the film. Following this success, Disney’s biggest cash cows (or family favourites as they’re otherwise known) will be undergoing similar treatments. Beauty and the Beast and Finding Nemo have already enjoyed 3D re-releases with 3D versions of Monsters, Inc. and The Little Mermaid planned for next year. Take That are also a perfect example of how to pull off a sustained and successful reboot. When the British boy band split up in 1996, soon after Robbie Williams flew the nest to

image: AWARDSCIRCUIT.com

become a solo star, no one expected them to register so much as a blip on the pop charts again. Almost a decade later, however, the band (still sans Robbie) released a greatest hits package to the delight of mum-groupies across Britain, and inspired rumblings of more to come. The three albums which were subsequently released have sold almost eight million copies combined, eclipsing the band’s original sales figures. According to cultural

EVERY FESTIVE SEASON SEEMS TO BRING A SLEW OF GREATEST HITS, NUMBER ONES, BEST OFS AND ULTIMATE COLLECTIONS FROM A VARIETY OF STARS FROM THE POP MUSIC HALL OF FAME...

commentator Tom Ewing, the crafting of the reunion as “a new chapter, not an unnecessary sequel” ensured the ongoing success of the group in its second manifestation. The return of Robbie on 2010’s Progress saw the group complete their seamless transformation from boy band to man band.

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Album reissuing is another phenomenon that has become mysteriously abundant in recent years. Every festive season seems to bring a slew of Greatest Hits, Number Ones, Best Ofs and Ultimate Collections from a variety of stars in the pop music hall of fame, with the addition of re-mastered, remixed or rediscovered “gems” – usually lukewarm leftovers or ‘b-sides’ – aimed at sealing the deal. These rather desperate measures can be attributed to the rapidly declining rate of CD sales that have marred the music industry since the general population discovered how to use the Internet. In fact, it’s not out of the ordinary for an album to be relaunched after only a couple of months on the charts. This practice is seemingly justified by the addition of two or three new tracks, which are aimed at inducing repeat purchases by hardcore fans. While we might expect such shameless profiteering from the music business, the tamer world of publishing is no innocent bystander either and is just as accustomed to producing questionable re-workings of cult classics to make a quick buck or two. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is but one title in a series of zombiefied classics that have had purists reaching for their muskets. Presumably, Jane Austen’s estate approved Seth Grahame-Smith’s gory reinterpretation at some stage since Madame Austen is listed as a co-author. In his version, Mr Darcy courts Elizabeth in an alternate universe in which the English countryside is plagued not by foxes, but by the un-dead. Maybe the series represents an attempt to reconcile the prim and proper readers of Austen

image: COLLIDER.com


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with fang-baring Twihards, that is, diehard fans of the Twilight series. In any case, this questionable reappropriation seems to have paid off with a movie rumoured to be in the works (as if we didn’t have enough versions of Pride and Prejudice already). Rather than pay for the rights and labour required to create new screenplays, why not just rip off and appropriate existing ones? The continuation of many serialised narratives is in some ways admirable. Twentytwo James Bond films have been released to date with a new instalment on the immediate horizon. It’s clear that efforts have been made to update and reinvigorate the core narrative for a modern audience. It’s also interesting to note that most long-running franchises revolve around (and are primarily targeted at) men. But, that’s a different discussion to be had in a different article. While it’s easy to rattle off a list of franchises whose sequels and prequels dominate all-time box office lists, more often than not, the law of diminishing returns applies. When a studio produces a successful movie, it’ll probably continue to release subsequent instalments until the box office numbers prompt the franchise to end not with a bang but with a whimper. American Pie recouped its budget 21 times at the box office when it was released in 1999 and was followed by an even more successful sequel two years later. This year’s fourth instalment American Reunion, however, grossed $1 million less than the original despite thirteen years of inflation. Familiarity here has apparently bred not only contempt, but also ignorance.

image: namelessministries.com

When a studio produces a successful movie, it’ll probably continue to release subsequent instalments until the box office numbers prompt the franchise to end not with a bang but with a whimper.

Dragging a franchise out over any period of time is problematic. The original audience will likely grow and change, but if the franchise does so as well, it is liable to accusations of ‘selling out’. Of course, there’s a fine line between knowing your audience and going through the motions. Earlier this year, posters plastered across Eastern Avenue heralded the glorious reunion of S Club 7, the early noughties juggernaut credited with chart-toppers like Don’t Stop Movin’ and Bring It All Back. Sadly, the reality didn’t quite live up to this promise, and more closely resembled an amateur tribute act than a true S Club Party. In fact, only three sevenths of the original band made it to Channel Seven’s Sunrise set, where they were joined by four dancers to make up the numbers. There’s something both tragic and cathartic about seeing the stars of yore squeezed into a costume three sizes too small, trying to hype a bored-looking audience into enjoying

something they only remember vaguely. In order for yearning rather than yawning to be fostered, an appropriate period of absence should be enforced for franchises. Tom Ewing wrote in The Guardian that the prompts for a product’s initial demise “take time to heal.” Having rested Spiderman for a not-so-whopping five years, Marvel Entertainment brought the series back to the big screen this year. Prior to the release of The Amazing Spiderman, director Marc Webb assured fans and critics that his subject was ready for review. In an interview in Empire magazine Webb gushed about the enduring nature of Spiderman: “there's something iconic about that character, but there is something also incredibly flexible that can withstand and benefit from different interpretations.” Audiences voted with their feet, however. Despite grossing a healthy $735 million, The Amazing Spiderman currently stands as the lowest-grossing Spiderman movie to date. At the other end of the spectrum is Puberty Blues. The seminal Australian novel, released in 1979 and adapted into a cult film in 1981, lay dormant for more than thirty years before finally being resurrected as a Channel Ten miniseries this year, to rave reviews. Oversaturation in any given time period can be tiresome. Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes has been subject to two recent spin-offs. The BBC’s television production has co-existed with a film franchise starring Robert Downey Jr., and while the two take quite different approaches in casting, setting and tone, they both play upon the same classic tales, and it’s only a matter of time before audiences overdose on Holmes and revolt. Unfortunately, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to what should be left to the misty blur of memory, and what is suitable for repeat visits. The criteria tend to vary from one person to the next and are usually largely dependent on whether you like your revivals to be tragic or triumphant. In any case, it looks as if we’re set to be privy to a whole lot more revivals. According to Ewing, bands, texts and films are increasingly undergoing a “revolving-door afterlife.” Fellow journalist Elvis Mitchell has gone so far as to claim, rather worryingly, that “nothing will go away ever again.” Well, I say bring on The Fast and the Furious 12: Hover Car Handover.


Issue 07 youniversity

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youniversity Cramming and pramming DIANA PHAM ASKS WHAT IT’S LIKE BEING A MOTHER AT UNI.

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arnings about the conflict between women’s reproductive systems and their careers are always in the news, with pundits issuing grave warnings about the difficulty of having both. But what about women trying to be a mother and a student at the same time? Author and former Sydney Morning Herald journalist Lisa Pryor believes that you don’t necessarily have to choose and that you can have both family and manage your university schedule at the same time. track” career was not an option. A year ago, when she was thirty-two, Lisa “I have learned that you may as well Pryor was overcome with a “crazy idea” to go be ambitious if that’s the type of person back and study Medicine at the University of you are,” she says. Sydney, despite being three months pregnant “Choosing a mummy-track career where and having a two year old toddler at home. you work fewer hours, but earn less money During the early stages of her pregnancy, and get less satisfaction is a false economy.” Pryor found herself overwhelmed with Pryor acknowledges that it was morning sickness and fatigue while her “class rather than gender” at the same time trying to juggle that allowed her to continue During a full-time study load. her studies. the latter “Sometimes I hear “My time was relatively people say ‘pregnancy isn’t months of her easy as my husband [The an illness’ and I want to pregnancy, Pryor Chaser’s Julian Morrow] say ‘you want to bet?’” dragged a stool was earning enough she says. money for the around during her “In the early months, household, we could my problem was having practical anatomy afford to send our to spend a lot of time exam because her daughter to high quality lying on the couch because legs threatened childcare three days a I felt either nauseous or like I week. We had amazing to give ouT. was going to faint.” support from grandparents During the latter months of on other days as well.” her pregnancy, Pryor dragged a stool She recognises that “things are a around during her practical anatomy exam million times harder for single mothers, young because her legs threatened to give out. couples on low incomes and mothers who have However, despite finding that “life can be hard” as a student-mother, choosing a “mummyto commute a long way to uni.”

Student Alice Alverez currently in her third year studying a Bachelor of Medical Science, doesn’t have things as easy. She’s three months pregnant with her first child, and like Lisa Pryor, also chose to continue completing her degree despite expecting a child within the year. However, as a mother on Youth Allowance with a partner finishing an apprenticeship, she is expecting “some financial setbacks, especially with only having one person earning money.” Some expecting mothers are eligible for financial assistance from the government, while under the Jobs, Education and Training (JET) scheme, Centrelink offers childcare help for single parents pay while they’re undertaking studies or re-entering the workplace. Advice is available from the University Health Services which offers assistance to anyone trying to combine study and motherhood. Further, you can find parent facilities around campus including a baby change room for mothers (Level 3, Wentworth Building). Breastfeeding facilities are available in The Women’s Resource Room, which has been relocated to Manning House, Level One.


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FOOD & BOOZE Date Night On The Tight Lawrence muskitta stokes the fire without burning the wallet.

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here comes a time when a Thai La– Ong lunch or an $8 Monday movie just won’t cut it. In the words of Good Charlotte, “Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money.” Crude as it is, the thought is simple: you’ve got to spend some to get some. But on a student budget, most of us don’t have money to burn on a ten course degustation menu at Tetsuya’s to woo the pants off that special someone. That’s why we’ve compiled this list of fancy but affordable date restaurants that’ll have your special someone swooning without sending you to the cleaners.

Bistro Papillon

98 Clarence St Nothing says ‘voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir’ like a good French feed. With twinkling tealights, the faint perfume of Mediterranean wine and art nouveau posters draping the chocolate-coloured walls, Bistro Papillon breathes romantic Parisian ambience. For the authentic experience, we recommend starting with a plate of escargot to share. They come out still simmering in hot garlic butter. The taste and texture is surprisingly similar to mussels, only smaller and softer. Be sure to soak up all the remaining juices with the complimentary baguette. The mains are equally impressive and exceptionally well cooked. We had the rabbit casserole in a white wine reduction and the slow-cooked veal ragout with thyme roasted vegetables. Each main comes with a side dish of your choice (choose the ratatouille, it’s to die for) so you’re comfortably stuffed by the end of the meal and all for less than $50 on a student discount.

Zilver

Sydney Central Building, 477 Pitt St For a completely different but equally delicious date experience,Yum Cha mixes flash-speed

ordering with overwhelming variety. If you’ve never been to Yum Cha before, it’s sort of like a sushi train but with little ladies and food trolleys instead of miniature trains. Zilver is famous for its cheap and tasty Yum Cha. Only available at lunchtime, it’s usually a flurry of excitement, orders and food flying in all directions. It’s best to get in early before the office rush hits at around 1pm. From the household favourites, spring rolls and dumplings, to more adventurous dishes like chicken feet and tripe, the food is always spot-on and costs around $3-6 a plate. But don’t let the prices fool you, not only is the food flavorful, the décor is also pretty fly. With marble floors, walls lined with red velvet and gold decorations by the bucketload, it doesn’t look as reasonably priced as it actually is.

Café Otto

79 Glebe Point Rd Only a short stroll from campus, Café Otto is one of the many culinary gems on the Glebe Point Road strip. What sets Otto apart from other cafés in the area, however, is that it does everything well. Some cafés are known for their drinks, others for their food and others for their atmosphere. Otto excels at in all three areas, plus it’s cheap. You enter Café Otto through a leafy cobblestone courtyard. The interior is an off-beat fusion between a modern barn and a medieval Spanish church. The feature wall is a mosaic of a tattooed woman, a reminder of when the café completely burnt down in 2010. The food is all made-to-order. We recommend starting with the cheese plate and a jug of sangria (both red and white available). Look out for the crumbed brie; those bite-sized heartstoppers are addictive.

For the mains, you can’t go past the pasta and pizza menus. The homemade gnocchi with zucchini flowers is utterly divine. Thick cream sauce coupled with pillows of smooth gnocchi a match made in gustatory heaven.

Recipe Butterfly Lamb with Herb Roasted Vegetables A good home-cooked meal is the fastest way to anyone’s heart. Here’s a quick and easy meal that costs less than $30 all up.

What you need:

• • • • • • • • •

500g butterfly lamb 100g crushed walnuts 100g basil pesto Four potatoes, chopped into chunks Six baby carrots Rosemary Thyme Olive oil String

How to make:

1. Preheat oven to 180C and put lamb in greased tray 2. Spread the basil pesto on one side of the butterfly lamb 3. Sprinkle the crushed walnuts on the same side 4. Roll lamb so stuffing makes a spiral down the cross-section and tie with string 5. Moisten with a douse of olive oil and season with salt and pepper 6. Put lamb in oven for 40 minutes or until crispy on the outside 7. In another tray, throw in chopped potatoes and whole baby carrots 8. Season with rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and a sprinkle of olive oil 9. Put vegetables in oven until potatoes are golden brown


Issue 07 travel

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travel

tour Contiki

Drink and Ride Jill Grant hails the contiki bus.

E

ach year, hundreds of young Australians head abroad to sow their wild oats, broaden their proverbial horizons and search for some sort of elusive direction; hoping the medieval majesty of old Europe, big city life in the United States, or ‘shroom shakes in Asia will set them on their way.

Established in 1962, Contiki Tours have become a choice mode of travel for young Aussies and something of a boozy rite of passage. The topic is always a polarising one: self-ascribed ‘independent traveller extraordinaires’ will scoff in a flurry of elitist fervour at the suggestion that any Contiki traveller could possibly claim to have seen the ‘real city’, and Contiki veterans will sing its praises from every rooftop (bar). Targeted specifically at the 18-35 demographic, the tours have attained a reputation for rolling up and wreaking havoc, unleashing a bunch of outrageous Australians, New Zealanders, Canadians and South Africans on unsuspecting locals. Let’s not create any illusion of chaste pilgrimage here: the Contiki bus is a debauched, unholy vessel.Your immune system will be methodically attacked and destroyed and you

will contract a vicious mutant flu that will see you gravely ill for the majority of the trip.You will probably partake in incestuous relations and may even become embroiled in a ‘Contiki relationship’. You will almost definitely develop an outrageous drinking and eating pattern that you will quickly realise is completely incompatible with home life, and is, frankly, borderline alcoholism. The Contiki bus will become an exclusively designated sleeping space and people will ensure that in the event of an emergency or a classy bus vom, the middle aisle is completely packed with sleepers, and thus non-navigable. The business model is genius: a group of people of a similar age with similar objectives, a lively leader who seems to see this as more than a job, and a hugely enticing line-up of destinations. In a 2011 report commissioned by Contiki Holidays and conducted by Lonergan Research, it was suggested that 66 per cent of the 1005 young Australians surveyed prefer escorted travel to independent travel. The report also found that 50 per cent of participants wished to see multiple countries across one continent. When you have a single month off university in the middle of the year, and the months preceding are well and truly occupied by study and Facebook, a completely organised trip is extremely convenient. Life on the trip is something of a hyperreality. Despite being whisked through countries at light speed, the time spent in each city is so

jam-packed that travellers do get a nice taste of the place. On European tours, trips through Italy, France and Spain include short stops in small towns such as Arles, Avignon and Pisa, which provide a sample of the local culture, and an avenue for testing newfound language skills. Each big city is allocated around two days, forcing travellers to certainly make the most of their time. Forget those mornings of hangover indulgence, in Paris alone Contiki travellers can be found in all the major museums and sights, whether it’s Notre Dame, the Catacombs, the Eiffel Tower, Sainte Chappelle or along the Champs Elysses. Admittedly, they won’t be difficult to spot. If you see someone respecting the modesty regulations of the Vatican by donning a beach towel in the Sistine Chapel, you have more than likely stumbled upon a Contiki group. Contiki is all about attitude: if you go in with the knowledge that you will barely scratch the surface of a city and will probably not become best friends with an Italian, French or Spanish local, then you’ll be well-placed. Get proactive about making the most of your time and you’ll have a ball. Some of the optional extras are super cheesy and straight from an ‘80s cruise ship, but budget for these – they are a good way of getting to know your group and are great fun. Contiki tours can be a fantastic mode of travel for the novice who has limited time or just wants to get a feel for the area, relatively fuss-free and with a great bunch of like-minded people.

If you see someone respecting the modesty regulations of the Vatican by donning a beach towel in the Sistine Chapel, you have more than likely stumbled upon a Contiki group.


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Issue 07 fashion

35

fashion Misa Han can’t decide between the Blonde, the Brunette and the Blue.

Neon Signs

This year’s fashion is all about highlighting your features – literally. Giant fashion houses like Country Road and Witchery have switched black and brown with neon yellow and flouro pink, and going JODIE COHEN SAM JENKINS IT II SCIENCE III clubbing in northern Where did you get your hair done?  When did you get your hair done? beaches means At a place in Bondi Junction. About 3 weeks ago. digging out mum’s  Why did you dye your hair? How long have you been thinking aerobics costume For a film shoot for a Brainworth about dying your hair? instructional video. It was set in For about a year and a half. from the 70s. the future when you’re colonising So it is only natural that the colours usually reserved for the PostIt section at Officeworks make appearance on our hair. But what looks good on Pinterest doesn’t always translate well in real life and trying to match pink hair with a red Sydney Uni hoodie can be a difficult exercise. BULL met those of us who took the dangerous leap and looked good while doing it.

 Why did you do it? Fun. It was for fun.

What sort of reaction do you get from new people you meet? I get a lot of people telling me I have pink hair.

another planet. I was Loki.

What’s your natural hair colour? Brown. What hair do you want to try next? I’m thinking about dying it entirely blue. Or maybe red.

AVANI DIAS

SOCIO-LEGAL STUDIES III  What are the colours? Red, teal and purple. Why did you dye your hair? Because I wanted something colourful and I got sick of black. How did everyone react to your new hair? Everyone was shocked. Dad didn’t like it. What hair do you want to try next? Maybe blue.


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sport Need for Speed Nick Rowbotham gives us the straight dope.

I

n few sports is the issue of doping more recurrent and difficult to police than in cycling. In June, seventime Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong was charged with various doping offences between 1999 and 2005, and has since chosen not to contest the charges. Previously, Alberto Contador, winner of the 2007, 2009 and 2010 Tours de France, was stripped of his 2010 title when it was discovered that he had tested positive during the 2010 event. The Tour de France has been marred by doping scandals since its inception in 1903, and for many decades the use of alcohol and other crude substances was accepted as part of the race. However, with the advent of more sophisticated drugs in the 1950s-60s, doping began to be seen as a threat to the sport’s integrity. For many years, amphetamines predominated as the drugs of choice for professional cyclists, but in the 1970s, when tests for amphetamines were perfected, competitors began to turn to steroids for both conditioning and recovery purposes. In other sports where doping has traditionally been rife, such as athletics and weightlifting, there is a limited class of drugs useful for doping. This is primarily because strength, not endurance, gives athletes in those sports a competitive edge. But in cycling, riders have consistently found innovative ways to dope, and like Armstrong, many have gone years without detection or

image: boston.com

Classes of Performance Enhancing Drugs Steroids and growth hormones build muscle mass and/or eliminate fat. They are common in athletics, weightlifting, and other strengthoriented sports.

Sedatives calm the central nervous system and alleviate anxiety before or during competition. They are often used in focus-oriented sports like archery.

Stimulants increase focus and energy during competition, but are rarely used anymore as they are easy to test for and provide only short-term benefits.

Diuretics increase the expulsion of water through urine, and are thus used to eliminate other banned substances from the athlete’s system. They can also be used as a weight loss agent in sports with weight restrictions like boxing and weightlifting.

Painkillers allow athletes to push beyond their usual pain threshold. Some are permitted by WADA, but stronger variants like opiates are banned.

punishment. Some are never caught. This in turn means that the best clean riders never receive the recognition they deserve. In recent decades, doping in professional cycling has evolved well beyond amphetamines and steroids. The 1990s saw erythropoietin (EPO), a drug used to increase red blood cell production in people with anemia, become the primary doping agent for cyclists. Given that EPO is a naturally occurring hormone, it caused an obvious problem for authorities, who had to devise new tests reliant on detecting abnormally high levels of the hormone in athletes’ blood. However, “blood doping” had been around long before EPO. In its crudest form, it involves harvesting and enriching blood belonging to the athlete or another person, and transfusing it before competition. There are tests to detect the presence of more than one person’s blood in an athlete’s system, but ironically, transfusions of the athlete’s own blood – perhaps the

Masking agents restore hormone ratios to their normal level by concealing the use of other substances, similar to diuretics.

simplest possible method of doping – are almost impossible to detect. The World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) has a comprehensive list of banned substances and methods, but it largely defines doping relative to this list, meaning that an objective definition of doping is difficult to arrive at. Thus, marginal cases will always exist. For example, why is sleeping in an altitude tent to boost one’s aerobic performance not considered a form of blood doping? At what point is an athlete gaining an unfair or unnatural advantage? Unfortunately, doping will always be a part of sporting events like the Tour de France because they demand what can only be described as superhuman feats of endurance. It seems that in some ways, the game of cat and mouse between dopers and testers has become a race of its own: a race without a clear leader, and one that’s unlikely to end any time soon.


Issue 07 science & tech

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science & Tech Once One Small Step... Now Six Large Wheels Michael West peaks our curiosity.

A

s we pay homage

to American Astronaut, Neil Armstrong, who inspired the world with his infamous moonwalk, the question is raised, can a one tonne nuclear robot named ‘Curiosity’ do the same to inspire a new generation? If the recent public response is anything to go by, then the answer should be a resounding ‘yes’. When Curiosity landed on Mars on 5th August, the “Seven Minutes of Terror” as NASA dubbed the landing, gathered massive public interest and was a spectacular achievement for NASA, the USA and the world in general. But firstly, let’s clear up some general misconceptions about Curiosity’s landing. No, when landing on Mars the rover did not play the James Bond theme song, and despite stories to the contrary, even though the Red Planet does have a thin atmosphere, it was not necessary to power up the nuclear driven Curiosity with a mixture of Diet Coke and Mentos.

The actual landing, however, was as equally NASA, all too aware of the high costs of their spectacular as a Hollywood Sci-Fi production. Space Program and the need to gain support The world sat entranced from the moment from congress for additional funding, is taking of Curiosity’s fiery descent, which saw the every opportunity to place the USA trademark spacecraft decelerate from a frightening over as much of Mars as possible, starting with 21,000 km/h to zero relying solely upon a the naming of the rover’s landing site, “Bradbury 51-foot supersonic parachute, watching in awe Landing,” as a tribute to American Science as a rocket powered sky crane lowered the rover Fiction writer, Ray Bradley, who wrote The on cables to a flawless landing on Mars crater. Martian Chronicles. This was soon followed The eagle had well and truly landed. by the release of American artist will.i.am’s Sending a simple text message, “I’ve arrived,” soundtrack ‘Reach for the Stars’ broadcast Curiosity propelled itself straight into the history directly from onboard the Mars rover three books and Americans were eager to shout it to hundred million miles back to Earth. We can the world. Curiosity has sparked much needed only hope that they will have enough good taste national pride in the American public, as not to establish McDonalds and Starbucks announced by President Barack Obama, outposts on the Red Planet. “The successful landing of Curiosity – the As much as Curiosity was most sophisticated roving laboratory an amazing engineering ever to land on another planet – Sending and technological feat marks an unprecedented feat of a simple text technology that will stand as and a major scientific message, “I’ve a point of national pride far triumph, for America arrived,” Curiosity into the future.” it is so much more. propelled itself We may be enjoying The Curiosity rover has straight into the Curiosity’s witty twitter been the centrepiece of history books and messages back to Earth, but NASA’s $2.5 billion the rover is delivering a far Americans were dollar planetary more important message to eager to shout it program and its success the international community. to the world. not only reconfirms their America has suffered much technological superiority and economic hardship and budgetary reasserts their dominance in cuts, but when it comes to Space space, it gives the American people exploration, they’re back in business. what they crave most, national pride. Curiosity reconfirms America’s leadership in Irrespective of whether Curiosity manages space technology, exploration and innovation. to find any evidence of microbial life on its They may have lost the Olympic Medal tally two year mission on Mars, expect to hear daily to China but they are well and truly first off updates of its sophisticated technology. America the blocks in this new space race. Which begs will ensure that we watch in awe as Curiosity the question, how now can America continue to make the proposed $300 million dollar vaporises boulders, sends home weather reports budget cuts to science and the space program and analyses microscopic substances smaller it previously planned? than the width of a human hair. We can also guarantee more publicity for the ‘blue-shirted geeks’ who, along with the rover, have rocketed to newfound Facebook fame. All in the name of curiosity!


38

bull usuonline.com ARTS

arts Intellipop JOHN ROWLEY is holding out for the bridge.

T

he year is 2002. You’re at your school’s bi-annual disco. The ageing hall is lit halfheartedly by glow sticks and a dusty disco ball, and you’ve just finished dancing sardonically to ‘The Ketchup Song’.You can’t wait to get out of this dump. As you roll your eyes and reach for your cordial, something changes. The soundtrack you’ve been tolerating all night is suspended for 30 seconds or so by an intriguing melody backed by stabs of piano and a downbeat baritone sax. It feels slower, the beat is different. You come to a sudden realisation. It’s a bloody time signature change. In a pop song. But it’s not ‘Stairway To Heaven’. It’s ‘Round Round’ by Sugababes, and it is brilliant. You may not have experienced a eureka moment quite like this, but such instances exemplify the way pop music manages to push boundaries every now and then on the sneaky. We might call it ‘intellipop’ – a genre that manages to combine the un-combinable: the spark and catchiness of pop music, and the structural variation and credibility of more alternative genres. While certain popstars shove their intellect down the listener’s throat with metaphor, social commentary and concept, the most exhilarating intellipop tends to stem not from self-crafted ingénues, but rather manufactured acts and the sonic scientists who fiddle with mixing desk knobs. ‘Round Round’ – which was a solid Top 20 single here, and No. 1 in the UK – is an example of the conscious breaking of every rule upon which the standard pop song is based. The song was written and produced by British outfit Xenomania, and received praise

from rock-centric music publication NME for its “whip-smart rhythms” and indie-esque “if-we-could-be-arsed drawl.” Xenomania’s name refers to an intense obsession with everything foreign, and just about sums up their attitude to pop. As well as a handful of hits for Sugababes, the production house can also be credited with the odds-defying career of Girls Aloud. Formed on a reality TV show almost a decade ago, Girls Aloud could so easily have gone the way of Bardot or Scandal’us (we will not forget). However, steered by Xenomania they became the most successful girl-group in UK chart history, scoring 20 consecutive Top 10 hits before taking a hiatus to launch largely disappointing solo careers. The success of Girls Aloud is even more bizarre given their music. It’s pop in essence, and proudly so, but plays with all the structures and lyrical themes we expect from a pop song. Their last Number One, ‘The Promise’, packs seven melodic cells – more than double the standard three - into less than four minutes. Intellipop has also seen fits and bursts of activity in the US. During her most hedonistic, crazy days, Britney Spears herself got in on the act of producing stupefying, innovative pop. On 2007’s Blackout, which she’s listed as an Executive Producer unlike her other albums, Spears flirted with dubstep a full five years before Bangarang. The sinister, dark sounds that dominate the album paved the way for the rise of Lady Gaga, and caused the album to be named

During her most hedonistic, crazy days, Britney Spears herself got in on the act of producing stupefying, innovative pop...Spears flirted with dubstep a full five years before Bangarang.

“the most influential pop album of the past five years” by Rolling Stone. Turn up your noses though you may at the mere mention of Britney, Blackout was described by the indie-loving, pop-loathing Pitchfork as “envelope-pushing… disorientating and thrilling”, and inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Of course, all this raises the question of how these rather bombastic, abnormal pieces of music manage to sit prettily in the Top 10. I know what you’re thinking: “the public will buy anything if it’s marketed well.” Perhaps this is true. Flashes of flesh, tabloid tidbits, multiple costume changes and dance routines executed with varying degrees of accuracy probably play some role in masking innovation in familiarity. This assumption might underestimate the discerning power of the public, though. Is it not possible that the masses, as well as the popstars themselves, are in on the joke? The most exciting purveyors of the genre play on pop stereotypes – the manufactured girlgroup and the ditzy pop-puppet, for example. They embody them wryly and knowingly, with a literal and/or metaphorical wink-and-nudge routine, and incredibly refreshing results. Those that lose out, then, are those who cling to notions of traditional credibility, and fail to look past what is admittedly a glamorous and aesthetically pleasing surface.


29 sep

30 sept

13 OCT

HIGH ON FIRE (USA)

STAMPING GROUNDS FESTIVAL Feat.OVER REACTOR + GAY PARIS

+ CASH SAVAGE & THE LAST DRINKS + LITTLE BASTARD + MELODY BLACK + DOC HOLIDAY TAKES THE SHOTGUN + FAIT ACCOMPLI & many more…

DRUNKEN MOON SPRING FESTIVAL

Feat. BROTHERS GRIM & THE BLUE MURDERS + GAY PARIS + JACKSON FIREBIRD + MOTHER AND SON + HOWLIN’ STEAM TRAIN + PAPA PILKO & THE BINRATS

26 OCT

30 nov

1 dec

manningbar.com usuonline.com

WEDNESDAY 13 (USA) + DARKC3LL PAUL DIANNO & BLAZE BAYLEY

Ex IRON MAIDEN vocalists – performing nothing but MAIDEN together for the first time

LAGWAGON (USA)

+ The Smith Street Band


40

bull usuonline.com reviews

REVIEWS film The Sapphires Wayne Blair

GIG THE BRITISH BEAT Factory Theatre

FASHION C.O. Collection Cotton On

ALBUM channel Orange Frank Ocean

Inspired by a true story, this heartwarming tale follows four young indigenous women as they travel to war-torn Vietnam to sing for American troops. The comedydrama-musical hybrid is thoroughly enjoyable from start to finish. What’s great about The Sapphires is its sense of passion and energy. The combination of gentle humour and frequent musical performances of toe-tapping 1960s soul hits – masterfully led by Jessica Mauboy – keeps the film bright and bubbly despite the ever present overtones of Australian racism and the Stolen Generation. The upbeat approach keeps these issues accessible to audiences of all ages, and, far from having a trivialising effect, keeps the film from being immersed in an all too depressing funk. The film also benefits greatly from its casting. Veteran actress Deborah Mailman steals the show, carrying many of the film’s dramatic scenes, while Chris O’Dowd’s performance as the group’s bumbling Irish manager is as charming as it is poignant, providing an outsider’s perspective on Australian culture. The script’s jokes don’t always hit the mark, but O’Dowd’s comedic timing and sensibilities more than compensate for these minor weaknesses. If you only see one Australian film this year, this is it.

Listening to The British Beat, you couldn't be blamed for failing to realise that their two-tone mix of punk anger with sweet Jamaican ska was a powerful political statement in poverty-stricken 1980s Birmingham. On reflection, songs about Thatcher and throwing bricks at Nazis could provide a hint or two, but it's hard when you're in the midst of uncontainable happy music. At their Sunday night gig, most of the crowd were in their fifties, still dressed in their Rude Boy finery and delighted to moonstomp and skank their way back to their youth. Everyone was frownflippingly buoyant and refreshingly engaged in the music, perhaps a result of the ban on filming lead singer Dave Wakeling described the previous night’s gig as “amateur film hour.” Wakeling was the only surviving member of the original line-up. Leading man Ranking Roger left to make another Beat revival band. Replacement lead Antonee First Class injected young blood into the sound. Keys player Kevin Lum looked approximately twelve and a half, and the saxophonist was certainly not Jamaican-born octogenarian Saxa, but the music was still exceptionally tight. After the show, the band jumped into the crowd to shake hands with the fans. There's no better underscoring of The Beat’s message of unity and happiness.

At the annual Mercedes Benz Fashion Festival, big daddy Cotton On debuted its ‘C.O. by Cotton On’ Collection. After 20 years of grey tees, cropped tees, hipsterprint tees, sleeveless tees, and those hilarious Von Trapp hats, it was time for them to branch out for the greater good of fashion. Think silk tees, sheer tees, pineapple tees, comic print tees and no tees on the sexy Stenmark twins, who strode down the runway in nothing but tight, white Y-fronts. That said, an impressive tribe of leggy and recognisable model faces did their best to stay glued in their $39.95 heels and gain as much hipsway as possible despite being sewn into their high-waisted pastel jeans. To give the Aussie giant credit, the collection was a good starting point for future walks of fashion, perhaps even starting a new market segment filled with trend-obsessed 15-18 year olds who want to replicate Parisian chic here in Sydney. Should you buy it? Certainly – particularly if you're used to wearing black. Drink your dose of art-teacher styling before the Made in China tag falls off, after which it will last three months as a headscarf, and another two as a handkerchief. Nobody ever saw such a fabulous handkerchief.

You might not have heard of Frank Ocean yet, but he’s already worked with the crème de la crème of the American music industry: Beyoncé, John Legend, Jay-Z, Kanye West… and Justin Bieber. Now, on his debut album Channel Orange, Ocean exhibits a musical breadth rare on a first innings. It’s tempting to pigeonhole Ocean into the R&B box, but Channel Orange feels more diverse than this tag would suggest. The track ‘Sweet Life’ lands somewhere between latter-day Kanye West and Amy Winehouse’s early, carefree moments, and ‘Thinkin Bout You’ is reminiscent of the subtle sensuality of Ocean’s work on Beyoncé’s last album. ‘Pyramids’ is difficult to pin down in one sentence – suffice to say it clocks in at ten minutes and makes for truly fascinating listening. Whether intentional or not, a thread that binds the album’s diverse sounds is the employment of uncommon, even confusing structures. The sparseness of the production on many tracks is equally refreshing. Another mark of consistency is Ocean’s evocative voice; his upper register particularly is evocative of Stevie Wonder. Amidst this mélange of influences and sounds, one factor detracts from the whole. Four interludes, each well under 90 seconds, help flesh things out, but add little to the musical side of things.

ROB NORTH

*****

Jim Fishwick

*****

Margaret Zhang

*****

JOHN ROWLEY

*****


Issue 07 REVIEWS

WEB SERIES

SYD2030 Suzie Smith

classic countdown Weird Awards

Xiaoran Shi is the Champion of Inane Lists, 2012.

5

IG NOBEL PRIZES Remember when Barack Obama accepted

the Nobel Peace Prize shortly before he issued an order to send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan? It’s moments like these that the Ig Nobel Prize seeks to thrust into the limelight. The brainchild of U.S. scientific humour magazine Annals of Improbable Research, the Ig Nobel satirises bizarre and trifling achievements in scientific and other fields of research. Take, for example, last year’s Medicine Prize winner: a study examining the effects of a strong urge to urinate on decision-making. The result? Sometimes bad, sometimes good. Well, I never...

The question everyone’s been asking lately is: who will Cameron choose, Lara or Bridget? But let’s back up a bit and work out why that’s the question on everyone’s mind. What sets this series apart from the many other Gossip Girl meets Skins projects we’ve all watched, heard of, or co-written? The first thing anyone will notice about SYD2030 is the sheer polish of the production value. For what is essentially a student project shot on a shoestring budget, the team at Cheese on Toast Productions have somehow produced a glossy visual quality that wouldn’t look out of place on a commercially syndicated drama (and might even be an improvement on some sitcoms). Of course, like any show about young people making poor decisions, SYD2030 features a cast attractive enough to convince its viewers to care about the minor events in the lives of these fictional strangers. The show centres on male lead/heartthrob/occasional douchebag Cameron (Abe Mitchell) and his choice between two women: Bridget (Tatjana Alexis), the sultry brunette, and Lara (Laura Benson), the passionate blonde. Antiquated gender roles aside, I did find myself at times genuinely drawn in by this love triangle. Unfortunately, the acting in the early episodes is too wooden to immediately hook viewers who aren’t already partial to the “glitz and glamour tragidramady” genre (a genre I admittedly just made up). But like any good group project at university, a few people step up early on to get the others into gear: the free-spirited Frankie (Sophie Luck) and the irreverent Leon (George Harrison Xanthis) provide both comic and endearing “side stories”, and believable performances throughout the rocky first half of the season. The long-awaited series finale was recently made available online. Entitled ‘Are You Gonna Be My Girl’ the episode sets out to tie up all the loose ends left by the show: will Christopher get into uni, will Frankie’s relationship with her tutor blow up in their faces, and of course, will Cameron go to America with Bridget or Lara? Without giving too much away, all but one of these questions are given satisfactory answers. The production team shines through again with crisp, engaging scenes shot at Sydney airport and the whole thing ends on a tantalizing cliff hanger, much like this review. The best way to watch SYD2030 is to remember that it is, in essence, a student project. A student project that has been rapidly thrust into the international spotlight and risen to the occasion with aplomb and maybe just a bit of pretension. If this sort of series is the kind of thing that floats your parents’ yacht, then it’s worth a look.

Mason McCann

*****

4

DARWIN AWARDS To those who don’t believe characters like Homer Simpson exist in the real world, get thee to the nearest computer and prepare to be amazed by some of the utterly stupefying acts of gross idiocy that have been unleashed upon the world. The Darwin Awards aim to acknowledge individuals who have selflessly contributed to human evolution by removing themselves from the gene pool via reckless stupidity, which either results in death or sexual impotence. Last year’s winner, a Brisbane man, fell to his death after enacting the meme of “planking” on a balcony railing (#aussiepride).

3

PIGASUS AWARDS It is a truth universally acknowledged that pigs don’t fly, yet faith in the existence of a causative relationship between planetary alignment and human behaviour persists. There’s no harm in pretending to contemplate the mX crossword when you’re actually memorising your horoscope, but when the United States Air Force funds research into the “conveyance of persons by psychic means,” it’s probably time to call Ghostbusters. Announced on April Fools’ Day each year, the Pigasus was created to expose supernatural charlatanism, with Nostradamus and the Oprah Winfrey Show previously receiving accolades.

2

BAD SEX IN FICTION AWARD Since the dawn of time, Homo sapiens have been preoccupied with one thing: sex. On billboards, television and our minds, the procreative deed is a spectre haunting goddamned everything. Literary sex can be red hot or fifty shades of grey, and the Literary Review’s Bad Sex in Fiction Award is dedicated to highlighting the worst of the worst. A special mention must be made to John Updike whose career specialising in cringeworthy sex scenes was finally granted the recognition it deserves with a Lifetime Achievement Award.

1

ERNIE AWARDS Drawing on the essence of what Australians do best, the Ernies serve to parody the landscape of sexism in our antipodean utopia. Only within the context of the Ernies is Tony Abbott able to rightfully consider himself a “winner” so many years in a row; the Clinton Award for repeat offenders has been granted exclusively to Liberal leaders with the exception of one year. And fear not, St. Paul’s College, you have not been forgotten. Where would misogyny be without you? The Sydney Uni college won the 2010 title for their “Define Statutory” Facebook group.

41


42

bull usuonline.com caught on campus

A smokin’ start to Interfaith Week.

I donno, it looks pretty scary bro

Ello, Gov'na.

Watching the Welcome to Country.

interfaith week: 03-07 september

P

rovided by USU, the second annual Interfaith Week was a vibrant celebration of faith diversity on campus. Opened by NSW Governor, Professor Marie Bashir AC, CVO, Interfaith Week was launched with an Aboriginal Smoking Ceremony and reached its height on Wednesday’s Faith Fair, which featured live music, a free tarot reader, kosher BBQ and haunted house.

caught on campus Images taken by lawrence muskitta

Neither can live while the other survives.

Strummin’ to the beat.

Do the MuJew

Bad habits? They ain’t got nun.

Interfaith Arts Night, a slammin’ end for the Week.

Religious leaders talk that sexy talk.


Issue 07 club hub

club hub Seek and You Will Find Lovelle D’Souza dusts off her Nimbus 2000 and takes to the…uh ground.

N

itwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak! Now that I have the attention of all the Harry Potter fans reading this (and perhaps the slightly perturbed attention of everyone else), we can proceed to discover one of the newest, daring and eccentric societies on campus – Sydney University Quidditch Society. (or SUQS for short - yes they are well aware...).

Described by its founders as a society simultaneously dedicated to all that is social, sporty and Harry Potter, it is a perfect fit for those Muggles who, as kids, yearned not to play soccer or netball but dreamt of glory earned whilst flying on a broomstick and were legitimately disappointed when they didn’t get a Hogwarts acceptance letter. The society was established in June this year by a group of friends, including first year Arts/Law student Liv Ronan, now President of the society. The impetus for forming SUQS came in response to the unbelievable fact that there are seven other teams operating in NSW and none at USYD, despite the uncannily Hogwarts-esque appearance of the Quad and an entire Harry Potter generation present on campus. As far as the Quidditch games go, it aims to stay true to the format of the sport as fans of the books and films will know it – involving the key positions (Chasers, Beaters, Keeper and the much coveted Seeker role), as well as featuring the four quintessential balls with personalities of their own (the vicious Bludgers, elusive Snitch and Quaffle). Basically like the real thing, with much less permanent injury. Sadly at this stage, flying broomsticks are

just a theoretical possibility – but there’s an incentive as good as they come for a budding inventor to develop one and give UYSD the competitive edge! Until that time, members of the society can improve their Quidditch prowess at internal competitions, as well as open training and a rule-learning session to hone the fine skills and techniques that the game demands. The Potters, Krums and Weasleys in our midst will also have the opportunity to represent the USYD League in intervarsity competitions, for instance the Triwizard Tournament with UNSW (which goes by the ingenious moniker ‘Snapes on a Plane’), Macquarie and UWS. Another highlight of the Quidditch calendar are the national competitions, particularly QUAFL, which stands for Quidditch Universities of Australia Federation League and will be held at USYD on 1-2 December. However, it isn’t all running madly on a pitch in robes, there are plenty of socials planned, with regular butter beer drinks, screenings of big Muggle games (for instance World Cup Finals), and an annual Yule Ball in the works. In short: ‘Accio goodtimes!’

unreal clubS If wizarding sport isn’t your thing but you still fancy a little fantasy, these societies might be more for you:

Anime Society

This is a society committed to expounding the joys of anime – a distinctive Japanese-style of animation (think Pokémon, Dragonball Z and then countless more recent and probably higher quality shows to be discovered). This is achieved through weekly lunchtime screenings of recent anime, BBQs, laser tag and karaoke. Perfect for those who enjoy the occasional Pokémon pun, as well as long time anime junkies who want to get involved in the community at Sydney.

Disney Appreciation Society

Another brandsqueaking new society, this is another one for the nostalgia lovers, followers of the “Hukuna Matata” life philosophy and those who cannot fathom how Disney songs are so catchy! Bonding over Disney is the name of the game, and to this end, afternoon teas combined with Disney film screenings, a Disney Ball and other themed parties are planned throughout the semester. Check their Facebook group for more details and to join in the merriment.

Creative Anachronists Society

If you’re on a quest for a society with a history, then feast your eyes on the offerings of the Creative Anachronists Society – a legitimate opportunity to brew your own mead, or engage in full-armed combat. In this medieval reenactment society, women discuss their hand-woven garments and men engage in fiery sword combat. The Creative Anachronists Society reconfirms that chivalry, nobility and distressed damsels are alive and thriving at Sydney University.

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usubullmag@gmail.com


Issue 07 stop. puzzletime

45

stop. puzzletime WIN A DOUBLE PASS TO STEREOSONIC 2012! WIN!

sudoku Rating:

After sell-out shows across Australia in 2011 (including breaking the record in Sydney for Australia’s largest festival EVER), Stereosonic 2012 is back for another tour and to unofficially mark the start of Summer by showcasing the finest acts in electronic music at the best venues in Australia. Stereosonic is Australia’s largest electronic music festival and will feature some of the world’s most talented acts, including: Tiësto, Avicii, Calvin Harris, Example, Carl Cox, Major Lazer, Laidback Luke, Martin Solveig, Dash Berlin, Markus Schulz, Diplo, Sander van Doorn, Infected Mushroom, Chuckie, Flux Pavilion and many more! Australia, get ready for your biggest festival to explode in 2012!

For more details check out their website www.stereosonic.com.au

A

C

Fill the grid so that every column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9.

R

wheel words

3 9 4 5 8 2 1 6 3 8 5 2 2 8 1 7 6 3 4 1 8 9 2 7 4 5

WIN A DOUBLE PASS to attend Stereosonic at Sydney Olympic Park on 24 November. To enter, simply send your name and details to usubullmag@usu.usyd.edu.au by 12 October. The winner will be drawn and notified on 15 October. Good Luck!

C

E

F

I S

I

Create as many words of 4 letters or more using the given letters once only but always including the middle letter. Do not use proper names or plurals. See if you can find the 9-letter word using up all letters.

12 Good 20 Very Good

24+ Excellent

________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________


46

bull usuonline.com BULL PEN

the bull Pen Festival Etiquette Emily Claire Swanson says Don’t Do What Donny Don’t Does.

S

o you’ve caught wind of the line-up, sat eagerly refreshing your web browser, and forfeited groceries for a couple of weeks to scrounge up enough cash to make your way to one of Australia’s most beloved and heinously overpriced pastimes: the music festival. As we prepare to roll into the summer festival circuit and be graced by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Killers, Blondie and blink-182, there’s only one place you’ll want to be: sweating it out at with the best of them at Big Day Out, Soundwave and Homebake. When you’re desperately hoping that the band you’ve been gagging to see will play that ultra rare B-side that you fell in love with eight years ago, the last thing you want to worry about is the people around you. Whether you’re a novice, a dabbler or a seasoned professional, here’s a list of festival etiquette that’ll keep you from being ‘that guy’ this season.

the basics DON’T Try to capture every moment of the performance on your phone. As comedian and all-round good guy Tom Ballard said, “YouTube does not need another awful, grainy, shaky documentation of The Living End singing ‘Prisoner Of Society’ uploaded by LivingEndFan69.” DON’T Light up in the mosh. Whether you’re after your tobacco fix or looking to toke up during that really trippy Tame Impala song, be mindful that those around you might not want a cigarette-sized hole branded into their flesh. DON’T Push to the front. No, you don’t have to find your little brother, and your friends aren’t ‘just up there’.You’ll be a good enough judge of the crowd and if you’re not sure, just check for scowls and death stares on the faces of those around you. DON’T Spend the duration of the day perched on someone’s shoulders. There are countless others around you who paid good money to stare at something other than your arse crack.

grooming DO Tame your wild locks. Unless Willow Smith happens to be in town, those around you in the mosh probably don’t want to see you whip your hair back and forth, nor do they want to inadvertently end up with your sweaty hair in their mouth. DO Try and keep your clothes on. It’s hot, it’s sweaty, and instinctively you might feel the urge to strip off, but chances are no one wants to rub up against your shirtless self. Pop it back on mate.

Understand the effects of drugs. No one wants to see you tripping balls and furiously making out with your partner a few inches from their face for the duration of a set.

know your limits DO Understand the effects of drugs. No one wants to see you tripping balls and furiously making out with your partner a few inches from their face for the duration of a set. DO Schedule time for toilet breaks. If you know there’s a row of bands you’re hanging out to see, cut your losses early and leave the mosh. Don’t be the next guy or girl to end up on YouTube ‘sprouting a leak’ in the middle of the pit. DON’T Consume too much alcohol.You might not realise how much you’re swaying or how much alcohol you’re spilling, but those around you now bathed in the sweet stench of overpriced beer sure will. DON’T Take on more than you can handle. If you’re new to the scene, don’t make it your mission to get to the absolute front of the pit. If you do, be prepared to have a surge of bodies thrust towards you at the first strum of that opening riff.


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COMEDY COMEDY

DANCE DANCE PARTY PARTY EXTRAVAGANZA AGANZA EXTRA EXTRA AGANZA Friday 12 October 7pm | VERGE FESTIVAL DOME

FEATURING:

AXIS OF AWESOME DJ TOM LOUD | SMART CASUAL | GEN FRICKER Hosted By

BRIDIE CONNELL

TOM LOUD HOT DUB TIME MACHINE

THEATRE

SPORTS

SUPER FUN 4-YEAR SPORTSTRAVAGANZA

Unaffiliated

Fri 5 Oct 7pm Verge Festival Dome Entry: Free!

from approx. 9pm www.vergeartsfestival.com

TICKETS: For comedy and DJ Tom Loud $10/$15/$20 (Access/Student/General) Tom Loud only FREE/$5 (Access/General) Available at the ACCESS desk in Manning and online

www.oztix.com.au | www.vergeartsfestival.com

R


- ody s s e yh e r m e s 2 012

LAUNCH

4.30-6pm / Thursday October 11 / Verge Gallery www.usuonline.com/Publications/Hermes


BULL Magazine 2012 Issue 7