Page 1

Contents

Chapter

Title

Page #

One

Introduction

1

Two

On Age

5

Three

On Politics

7

Four

On Sports – Basketball

11

Five

On Celebrities

14

Six

On Oprah

16

Seven

On Donald Trump

18

Eight

On Sarah Palin

20

Nine

On Travel

21

Ten

On Vegas

24

Eleven

On Humor

26

Twelve

On Doggy Day Care

29

Thirteen

On Car Rides

33

Fourteen

On Computers

35

Fifteen

On Pet Stores

37

Sixteen

On Toys

39

Seventeen

On Spelling

42

Eighteen

On Training

45

Nineteen

On Television

48

Twenty

On Pizza

51

Twenty-One

On The Masters (Golf)

53

Twenty-Two

On Red Zone Breeds

55


Chapter

Title

Page #

Twenty-Three

On Movies

58

Twenty-Four

On Spaying and Neutering

62

Twenty-Five

On Boating

65

Twenty-Six

On Swimming

68

Twenty-Seven

On Social Networking

71

Twenty-Eight

On Men vs. Women

73

Twenty-Nine

On Snow

75

Thirty

On Restaurants

77

Thirty-One

On Thunderstorms

80

Thirty-Two

On Cats

83

Thirty-Three

On Dogs

85

Thirty-Four

On Vets

87

Thirty-Five

On Working Dogs

89

Thirty-Six

On Yoga

92

Thirty-Seven

On The Beach

95

Thirty-Eight

On Suitcases & Backpacks

98

Thirty-Nine

On Dog Clothing

101

Forty

On Holidays

104

Forty-One

On Shoes

107

Forty-Two

On Nutrition

109

Forty-Three

On Animal Charities

113

Forty-Four

On Humans

116


Acknowledgments My human brother Ryan is an aspiring screenwriter. After watching incredibly long acceptance speeches on an award show one evening, he told me that if he ever won an Academy Award, he would like to accept his award by simply saying, "Thanks, I did it all myself!" Ryan has a great sense of humor and I know that, while he would never do such a thing, it was fun for him to think about. This book is not an Academy Award by any stretch of the imagination but I do feel that there are a number of people, and dogs of course, I need to thank for the help and guidance I have received while writing this book. First and foremost, I have to thank my human "Mom", Dr. Janice Elenbaas. I pride myself, and the entire canine world for that matter, on teaching and educating humans. When it comes to Mom, I have found that I learn as much from her as she does from me. I have learned that you humans, despite your many flaws that I will point out in great detail in upcoming chapters, have an incredible capacity for love, loyalty and kindness. Mom is the epitome of that; I don't think it is possible to be loved by anyone more than she loves me. We laughingly have something called the "3 foot rule" whereby I need to be within 3 feet of her at all times. This applies to virtually all circumstances, cooking, cleaning, even when she goes into the bathroom. I even lie outside the shower door to make sure I don't violate the rule. Mom reciprocates the 3-foot rule by making sure we go with her to as many places as possible. I can't even remember the last time she went to a restaurant that wasn't dog friendly. What would you expect from a woman who loves dogs so much that she started a company that makes all natural meals for dogs and uses only, top quality, human grade ingredients. That wasn't a business decision for her; it was simply a labor of love. At any rate, Mom, thanks for your love, devotion and help in making "Educating Humans" a reality, also special


thanks for giving me my job as Spokesdog, and more importantly, official taste tester for Lucky Dog Cuisine. Mom was not the only one who helped in the creation of this book. My brother Ryan strongly encouraged me to write it. He was a positive example for me with his own persistence and dedication to his craft. My sister Meghan helped with much of the editing. She is my go-to gal when it comes to grammar, syntax, etc. If you find any spelling, grammar or contextual errors in this book I only have one thing to say about it. Some things just don't translate well from dog! Thanks Meggie for your help and tolerance. Murphy, ah yes, what can I say about Murphy? Please don't tell him but I couldn't have done this book without him. He makes me laugh and he makes me cry. I mention later in the book that when Murphy came home as a puppy it took me a while to warm to him but I must confess, he is now my best friend. While Mom and I have a 3-foot rule, Murphy and I often seem to be surgically attached to each other. I would also like to acknowledge and thank my older canine brother and sister George and Storm. They have both passed on but I know that from a far better place they are still watching out for me and I know they would both be proud. I talk about Educating Humans but both of them taught me everything I know. Educating Bugsy anyone? Finally I would like to thank all of the incredible humans who donate so much of their time and energy to various animal rescue organizations. These people give tirelessly so that many animals will have the help and support they need to survive. I can't say enough about the fine work they do and I am so happy to be able to donate a large portion of all of the proceeds from the sale of this book to help them continue their good work. To all of my friends old and new, both canine and human, thank you for all of your support and encouragement!

Bugsy Wonderdog


Dedicated to the memory of

Storm and George Two of the greatest dogs I have ever known, All of their teachings into me they've sown! I miss them both every day!


Foreword I know that Bugsy had his heart set on Donald Trump writing the foreword to this book but unfortunately nobody remembered to ask "The Donald". When it came time to add this section of the book we had a large number of volunteers including actors, authors and even spokesdogs, but no Donald Trump. Murphy, or as Bugsy often refers to him, "Annoying, Little Brother Murphy", suggested that he would write it, but nobody thought that was a good idea. The Murphster, as you will find when reading the "Murphy's Musings" sections in this book, lacks a filter on his thoughts, so you can never tell what will come out of his mouth. Motivational speaker and long time family friend Bill Dyer, author of the Franklin award winning, "When Life Blows You Down", had volunteered to write it and while Bugsy appreciated the offer he had to turn him down as well, primarily because Bill doesn't have a dog! According to Murphy, we had offers from Lebron James, Katherine Heigl, The Dalai Lama, President Obama and even the ghost of Frank Sinatra but he may be slightly stretching the truth. Once we analyzed what the Foreword is really meant to do, (to introduce the author and the book), there was only one logical choice. Me! I've known Bugsy longer than anyone and applaud, not only the fact that he wrote this book, (not that easy when typing with paws) but also the reason "Why", he wrote this book. Bugsy is a very loving and kind dog. Compassionate and caring, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. When he found out that so many animal charities were struggling financially he wanted to do something that would help. This book is his way of helping a multitude of charities. He is encouraging various organizations to use the sale of this book as a direct fundraiser, with a portion of all sales going directly to that organization. In addition, a portion of all


revenues received by Wonderdog Press will also be given to Bugsy's favorite causes and individual dogs in need. None of this surprises me because in all of the years I have known Bugsy, he has brought an incredible amount of joy to virtually everyone who has had the pleasure of knowing him. His human Dad refers to him as having "Good Chi" because he has a calming and loving energy that surrounds him all of the time. While he has written this book primarily "tongue in jowl" as he refers to it, I believe there is a great deal of truth in it. If we humans used this book as a guideline in our dayto-day lives, the world would no doubt be a better, or at least more interesting, place. In conclusion, Bugsy is the kindest, warmest, most loving and faithful companion anyone would ever want as a friend and I am proud to count both him, and his crazy canine brother Murphy, as my best friends. Sincerely and totally without prejudice, Bugsy's Mom

Dr. Janice Elenbaas "Mom" & Bugsy Wonderdog


Murphy started life as "Mini-Me"

ow I'm not sure where I stop and he begins!


Chapter One

Introduction In order to fully understand "Educating Humans" you need to know a little bit about me. I am the gentlest dog that ever walked the face of the earth. I am kind-hearted, love to snuggle and would do anything to help either dog or human get more out of life. I speak three languages, two fluently; both Dog and Human, along with a smattering of Horse. I own a couple of what I consider to be "humans of potential" and they have had a small litter of two human offspring who have grown up to be well trained pups themselves. My primary human, Dr. Janice Elenbaas, I call her Mom to save time, is one I have spent a great deal of time training and I believe she is about to fulfill much of the promise she holds for the "World of Dogs". She is so fanatical about animal welfare that she has started a company providing all-natural, cooked meals for dogs using only "human grade" ingredients. I will do a chapter later in this book about why all of this is important. My other main human, who I often refer to as "Dad", will also contribute in some way to this book. In order to adjust the pecking order so I am now the alpha dog, I have him assigned to keeping my water bowl filled and replacing my ink cartridges. I had planned for some of this story to be told through my parents eyes simply because most humans don't understand a single word of Dog. In the interest of furthering your education and living up to the title of this, book I have decided against that and will simply educate you in Dog along the way. All dogs, even if not totally fluent, understand at least a few words of Human, although I have to admit that most of the terrier breeds are dyslexic and think "Sit" means "Go chase something and don't come anywhere near where I am calling from", but I digress. All dogs understand Human, but how many humans speak a single word of Dog? And no, that Dog Whisperer doesn't


speak Dog, even though he has some great insights on dogs. Why do you think he whispers? It's so nobody will hear that he's just mumbling to us in Spanish. At any rate, I have asked Mom and Dad to help with some of the translations and they seem to be doing okay so far. I have also recruited a little help from my not-so-little brother Murphy. While he has a totally different demeanor than me, I actually care about him a great deal, but please don't share that with him. It's just an Alpha dog thing. If you don't understand, don't worry, you will before the end of this book. In order to elicit Murphy's participation, I have agreed to name certain sections of this book after him. As you go through the book you will see sections cleverly titled Murphy's Musings. They will be self-contained snippets designed to amaze, educate and, knowing Murphy, occasionally confuse. He, no doubt, will steal a large portion of his musings from other sources including, but not limited to, humorous websites, magazines and the constitution of the United States. I will attempt to keep all of Murphy's Musings differentiated, so you can skip past them without reading if you want — just kidding Murphy. Initially, I had intended to include a section entitled "Dogs vs. Humans". Here, I was going to enlighten readers with the many differences between, you guessed it, dogs and humans. I eventually decided against this because I figured that if you can't tell the difference between dogs and humans, you might have a problem understanding much of this book, or any book for that matter. I only share this so you will know that I have taken great care to simplify everything in order to make sure that you humans can easily follow along. My name is Bugsy the Wonderdog, and I am your host for this journey. I am also a Goldendoodle, and proud of it! There's that human language again. If you don't have a name for something, just paste two words together and go with it. Oh well, it could have been worse. GoldiePoo could have stuck. A Goldendoodle, for those of you that have been under a rock the past few years, is a cross between a Golden Retriever and a Standard Poodle. We are


generally thought of as very cute. While many of us look similar, some of us look totally different. For that reason, people usually whisper, "I wonder what kind of dog that is?" before coming up and pestering my humans for inane details. That is how I got my name: Bugsy the Wonderdog. I think it's a great moniker and I love it, but I do have to admit I'm the only one who calls me that. Initially, I was going to go with just Bugsy Wonderdog, but I think the middle name "the" adds a certain cachet. Adding the "the" makes me feel rebellious, like most old-time mobsters, like Jimmy the Weasel or Freddy the Fish. I typically only use the full name in more formal situations, so feel free to just call me Bugsy Wonderdog if you prefer. I can't tell you what Murphy calls me because it doesn't translate well from Dog, and if it did, this book might get an X rating. I would like to add one final thought to all of those who ask what kind of dog I am. Did you, at any point in the explanation of Golden Retriever and Standard Poodle cross, hear the word "Labrador"? NO! I am NOT a Labradoodle, Lab-a-doodle or any other kind of Labra-anything. All of us in the dog world know that the Lab is an incredibly popular breed and some of my best friends are Labs (you don't want to have a Frisbee party without one), but let's face it, I'm much cuter and smarter. If you don't believe me, go to the website listed in my bio, and check out my pictures. Now that another great mystery has been laid to rest, let's take a look at what else you might find in this book. My original premise was to give you a traditional start to finish book you could read like a novel. After seeking the advice of some of my most trusted canine advisors, I decided that you humans simply don't have the attention spans to follow along for more than a few pages before needing to turn on the TV, check your email or send a dreaded text. As a result, I opted for a series of familiar essays. This way, you can flip the book open to almost any chapter and read for as long as your human attention spans will hold out. No beginning, middle or end. It's just like chasing your tail. The fun never stops. I was going to include a number of blank pages so I could teach you how to journal with your dog, but, even a


Wonderdog would have trouble passing off a bunch of blank pages as a book. Besides, I don't want to insult your dog's intelligence when you try to journal and find you have to write everything in Human. Some of you may already be familiar with my writing style, thanks, in part, to my blog. Of course, this is not an excuse to ignore my book. There will, in all likelihood, be a test upon completion. After all, what is the point of writing something called Educating Humans if it doesn't do exactly that? Read, enjoy and share your newfound knowledge with your best friend. If, by the way, that's not your dog, then you need this book more than most.

Murphy and me!

Contents and sample chapter  

Table of Contents and Chapter One of Bugsy Wonderdog's great book Educating Humans - on life from a dog's point of view

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