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20 Ar 11 t C B.L on .A tes .M tF .S irs um tP m lac it e


The Wrangler’s

of the 2011 Summit on Human Dignity

March 2011

Summit Summaries We asked students to share their thoughts and disconnected musings on the Summit.

Ron Miller ‟11

Derrick O‟ Neill ‟11

Was it okay to eat some of the food from those containers in The Mall?

David Fillmore ‟12

Okay, seriously guys. Everyone keeps talking about this “Summit.” Did I miss something?

Listen, who cares if a meal is healthy as long as it is happy? You don‟t get toys with grass-fed cows, now do you? Also, I‟m really not this pale in real life.

Mac Pitt ‟12

Rather an intriguing week, but I‟m afraid I‟m still a little bit insecure about my food. Is there anywhere I can go for help? Maybe a food counseling program to help me be confident in my food choices once more?

Jared Ogle ‟14

The Summit was great. But check out these pants. They were giving them away at one of the workshops I went to. This stuff doesn‟t happen at a public school!

Effects of Obsessive Clappers Syndrome felt at all-school assemblies By Sean Cahill ‟12 With all the excitement that comes with each year‟s Brophy Summit on Human Dignity, confusion is bound to arise. No, this is not referring to the countless students who needed compasses to figure out what side of the Great Hall they need to be on; this is referring to something much more aggravating.

he said, “I just… just don‟t know what to do with myself anymore, man. I‟ve tried keeping my hands in my pockets, twiddling my thumbs, everything.” “But when I hear a pause longer than a half second in a speech, I just gotta clap, man, or else the whole world might come crashing down on me.”

Recently, Brophy students have realized that they are coming down with a serious illness: Obsessive Clapper‟s Syndrome.

Illustration by Tucker Ring „11 Ironic clappers, bent on applauding at every moment when applause is not necessary, were in full force at this year’s Summit.


Opinion: Why workshop day should have been an all-school food fight

Of course, students with OCS were not meant to attend the summit assemblies due to their fragile state, but somehow schedules and locations were mixed up, and Many students with OCS everyone suffered in the long cannot admit that they have run. a problem, and often need to talk about their feelings in Note from author: Rememsmall circles at various se- ber, students with Obsessive cluded spots around campus. Clapper‟s Syndrome are just like anyone else. Only, when When a member of the Ob- others choose to give a polite sessive Clappers Anonymous nod of agreement, students Group (who, naturally, suffering from OCS choose to would like to remain anony- nod with their hands, as mous) was asked how it feels loudly and as long as possito live with such a burden, ble.

Calendar Investigation: Is today really Friday? Is tomorrow Saturday? Does Sunday come afterwards?!

Where are they now?

Catching up with the legendary figures from Summits past

By Keith Bender ‟11 

Eustace Conway (Summit ’09) has been spotted leading revolutions in Egypt, Bahrain, Tunisia, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, and most recently, Libya. He has also promised to build Japan a new home island after accidentally “getting the country somewhat wet” while performing acrobatic jumping maneuvers as he was riding his pet humpback whale to the defense of a fair-trade fisherman under attack by Somali pirates funded by Nike.

John Perkins (Summit ’10) is serving time in a maximum security federal penitentiary after “trying out the economic hit man gig just one more time.”

Sustainable Dave (Summit ’09) opened up an online boutique that sells autographed garbage in an attempt to further reduce the amount of waste he generates. His children are secretly considering inviting the A&E hit TV show Hoarders to do an episode on their father, who reportedly has a basement filled with orange juice cartons he refuses to throw away.

Jim Keady (Summit ’10) continues to tirelessly work for justice at high schools where students wear Nike products around the country. When Nike representatives visited Brophy this year, his indignation could be heard from Chicago. Mr. Keady‟s college basketball March Madness bracket is predicted to finish last in the nation for the tenth year in a row as he picked any team who wears Nike apparel to lose in the first round.

Summit centerpiece stories The Summit Centerpiece, a physical way to engage the student body in the week‟s events, is selected from a line-up of many ingenious ideas. Here are some of the ideas that didn‟t make the cut. Giant food: Unhealthy connotation of LifeSavers combined with fear that starving faculty would attempt to eat the centerpiece shut this idea down very quickly.

Drive-thru: A mock drive -thru was constructed, complete with a car, but organizers saw more potential in auctioning the car at the annual Brophy fundraiser auction. What did we learn from the Summit on globalization? Money wins. Freedom: Placing the Statue of Liberty on top of the Brophy tower has been a development planned for years, but no time seemed more appropriate to do so than at this year‟s Summit.

News in Briefs 

King Corn comes to Brophy, eats bag of chips, leaves

Student leaves Ann Cooper's presentation not “pissed off”

Knife-sharpening workshop accident dashes hopes of Summit on ninjas next year

Student eating granola bar feels he is actively participating in Summit

Praises to PETA! 36 souls accept vegetarianism into their stomachs

Xavier misses point of Summit, plans to grow acre of genetically modified corn on Founders Hall land

Savvy student turns three-rotation workshop day into personal three-course meal opportunity

Editors Keith Bender ‟11 Henry Wilky ‟11 Photography Editor Michael Notestine ‟11 Moderators Mr. John Damaso ‟97 Mr. Steve Smith ‟96 Director of Catering Bo M., manager of Taco Bell at 16th St. & Bethany Home

The Wrangler is seeking student writers and contributors. Interested? Email:

A.M.D.G. The Wrangler © 2011

Unfortunately, complications with relocating the symbol of freedom, America, eagles, cheeseburgers, and the like led to the shelving of this endeavor. Decapitated, confused men in black: In an exhibit of artistic flair, organizers selected a piece that represents the student body‟s perception of food and problems related to it. Strategically placed in a corner of the SAC near a waste receptacle, the 2011 Summit centerpiece will be an enduring piece of history. Below: The centerpiece of your dreams.

Printed on grass-fed, free-range, corn-free paper

The Wrangler No. 8  
The Wrangler No. 8  

The 8th edition of The Wrangler, a satire newspaper from Brophy College Preparatory in Phoenix, AZ. This is a Special Edition profiling the...