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Rogue Feather | Fine Leather By Brie Cook


~ For MGB To run away with you and your smile would light my life. A girl can dream.

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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CONTENTS There Is Love In My Heart The Unfortunate Loss of My Sanity Overcast The Boy Who Whistled Catastrophes Become Realities Mama Give Us Shade Floatation Device Cognac Visetos For Him, I’ve Never Met Hyacinth Rest Within The Shine Wears Off

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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There Is Love in My Heart

There is love in my heart, I know it. There is love waiting to see the sun shine, and waiting to feel the breath of the moon. I am waiting to love you but I won’t wait forever. Why should I? Can’t you feel it? You complete me and I complete you. You need me and I damn sure need you. There is love in my heart, I know it, and it’s reserved just for you. I even have a secret stash for when you’d like to drown your head with my love. Can’t we just be? Could you love me when you feel as if you have nothing left to give? Would you believe that I will love you even when we’re old and settled in our ways? When we’re incapable of bringing newness to our stagnant lives enamored with tradition? Accept the love I have for you. Believe me when I say you are my wants, my needs, and my destiny. We met, we captured, and now we shall create a body of work that shows just how much we belong together. My dearest love, trust in these words… there is love in my heart, I know it, and it’s saved for you.

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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The Unfortunate Loss of My Sanity

Nothing feels right. Everything is all fucked up and just not right. My bank account is negative and all I want is for the voices to stop. Everyone keeps yelling, telling me to do this, do that. Say this, don’t say that. I can’t keep up! I can’t listen to all of you at once! I can’t be everything you want me to be! It’s not possible, I still have to count these pills. How many will I take today? Maybe I’ll take two more than I did yesterday. Let me see what I can get away with. My little cocktail of life. Or lack thereof. I wonder what it feels like to die. Like, that split second of knowing you’ve met your end. If you could stretch that second of knowing into minutes. Wow. The array of feelings, of ideas, of regrets jam-packed into one second of realization. The regret of not screwing Lenora that day after her family dinner soaring next to the memory of winning “Most Likely to Succeed” in high school. And here comes the thought ridiculing that award. How can people predict who’s going to succeed and who’s going to hit the shitter? I mean seriously, how can naïve, horny teenagers with backseat love on their mind predict one’s life? I’m not a success, so they’re all wrong. I’m just me. I work this mindless job that keeps food on my table and drugs in my pocket. He’s a liar. Rocket. He said she would never leave me, and she did. She doesn’t know I know she cheated and I don’t plan on telling her. Why ruin her day when I have my own to ruin? I thought she loved me. I thought we’d make funny love faces to each other for all of our days. I guess not. I kick the thought away like a can down a gutter. Beer would be nice. Does a lot really happen in that one second before you die or is it all just bullshit like politics? I’d like to know. I want to be able to pick and choose which feelings should be featured in my last moment. Don’t I deserve that after all? If it’s my last moment on this fine earth, can’t I fulfill one last wish?

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What would it be? My last wish. My last wish. What would it be? Let’s not get carried away. Simplicity has always suited me best. I wish…no wait, I wish… shit! I wish… okay here’s what I wish… to keep at least one wish to myself, for the others that escaped my lips have failed me tremendously.

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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Overcast

I adore days like this Standing in what remains of the morning mist As naked as a poor man’s wrists Alone out here is my only bliss

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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The Boy Who Whistled

He roamed barefoot Long hair brushing his lanky shoulders Skin the color of soy milk Searching for something, anything, to cure his boredom He’s been here before He fills his days of summer With make-believe mysteries he wanders Whistling a song only he knows with his imaginary friends His tune is simple Dear summer, give him something to feel Give him something tangible I hear his whistle as I lie in bed at night It’s the soundtrack to my dreams I wish the best for him For the bullies to let him be him For his parents to show him an ounce of attention I want the best for the boy who whistled

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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Catastrophes Become Realities

Light dims in early May Brightness turns to grey Irreversible desires of what once was Living your life just because Too stupid to do it any other way Going against the grain was never your forte Live! Live now! It took Nasir Jones to say it in a rap song for me to get it Sometimes a concept still too far away to grasp I try and I try A cry unwarranted and supremely unappreciated by their eyes To slip into nothingness would be better At least I appreciate my cry To get it out without being judged and unsupported How could they? One completely incapable of feeling and void of emotion The other too young to know what heartbreak feels like A sea of deaf ears and empty eyes Empty hearts surround me like a wall of bricks Crumbling, cracking, shaking Crashing down on me, suffocating any noble effort of breath Nothingness would be better And nothingness is just what I get

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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Mama

Didn’t you think it’d hurt? For all it’s worth It’s a shame for mama Earth Sacrificed for all the jerks Carelessly we tore Drilled beneath the shores Savages like never before We wanted more and more It’s getting hard to breathe Seeing clear since there’s no trees Been a while since I’ve seen leaves There’s no cure for this disease Mama never saw it coming Just took what they all wanted Escape, we’re so far from it It’s the end nobody wanted Mama, dear mama We didn’t know what we were doing Just broke right on through it Mama…

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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Give Us Shade

There’s a spark that fills your void I can’t look away There’s an answer to your voice That drives me to stay All the while I feel complete Knowing you aren’t my kind Life itself is forever sweet But it continues to rob me blind Careless infinities For you have no care in the world Drifting endlessly The ties unfurl Causing a scene everywhere you turn Reaping the benefits of yesterday Your brilliant psychology burns The sun basks in your rays

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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Floatation Device

I know you’re not the one for me but it’s okay I’m gonna let my hair down and see you anyway And don’t tell your friends about our love affair It’s our business lover, not theirs It could all be so simple After we’re done we leave with other people You know it ain’t right But why put up a fight? We can’t let each other go Right now is ours and we both know I don’t love you and you never loved me No strings attached as far as we can see Float on lover It’s the only way Float on lover It’s sad to say It was never more than what we felt

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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Cognac Visetos

What do you want me to do when I’m by myself You’re not here, there’s nobody else You can’t see what it’s doing to me I’m my own worst enemy Fill your head with endless lies Pretentious ways with no disguise A dreary path to a land of nowhere Set adrift on the crystal stairs

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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For Him, I’ve Never Met

I awake to the smell of fresh squeezed orange juice. It’s so fresh I can smell the Vitamin C riding the air like tidal waves, coasting until it lands on the shore of my nostrils. Slips of light intrude through the shades, prison striping my body. I bury my head in his soft pillows. They smell of him. Manly pheromones and some soap that I’m sure they don’t sell at the regular grocery store. Expensive shit. It’s a Sunday morning, I remember, as he steps into the bedroom. His bedroom. Just as I imagined it would be. Neat, welcoming, and classic, just like him. He’s so cool it sends my pussy into overdrive. I hope he touches me, even the slightest touch. Am I really here? I’m expecting to wake up any minute now with the realization that none of this is real. Realizing that I’m in my own broken-in bed with no sign of him. No sign of the sun, just a cloudy day alone, before I have to go to work. Even cloudy days would be divine with him. Him. He stands hovering over me with a glass of OJ and a bowl of oatmeal with a hint of agave. Great, even his bowl is cool. It’s turquoise with little black triangles all over it and a tiny bird sitting up on the edge. Cute. It can’t be from Ikea. I have mismatched bowls. Some from thrift stores, some handed down from family, and others where I have no idea where they came from. I love that his style extends way beyond the realm of his color-coded closet. I can learn a few things from this guy. His hands reach out with his offerings and my heart is all aflutter. Wait, he’s offering this to me? It’s not just for himself, a sure sign for me to get my shit and split? A guy from my past would have done just that. Selfish, stupid fucks. Good morning, he says, I reply with a raspy good morning unable to stifle the smile escaping me. Oh yeah, that’s right, too much whiskey, cigarettes and laughing the night before has me sounding like that chick who played Serial Mom. Now he knows.

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I pry my body from his bed, sitting up to accept. He kisses my forehead putting to rest my illfeelings of departure. You’re sweet, thank you, I say. He brought two spoons so we can share. We do just that, pure and effortless. His tortoise frame glasses rest on his nose, his eyes locking with mine. He asks me if I want to spend the day with him. He wants to explore the island and take pictures. I think it sounds nice. His immaculate beard rides down his jawbone as he chews. The arms of a titan. His tattoos decorate his cinnamon skin. I could live in those tattoos. Sleep in the rocket headed for the stars. Lie amongst the vivid ferns next to the lion with its young. Unafraid and protected. Living in those tattoos. On that skin. The skin of a God. My God! Lord please sprinkle something on me so I don’t lose my cool. Have you seen him?! We ride the train out to the end of the line, close to the beach. We’ve never been here before. The sun blankets everything as far as we can see. I carry a bag with a six-pack of beer and kale chips for our adventure. He carries his camera and mine. Two peas in a motherfucking pod. We snap away at the intruding waves. The lone fisherman down the shore, waiting for some action. The starfish. Sand dunes. Each other. Keepsakes of this marvelous Sunday. After snapping away we indulge in our beer, eventually stripping down to our bathing suits. The sand warm beneath our feet. He stares at my tits popping out of my bathing suit. I stare at the front of his trunks imagining another glimpse of him. His full lips meet mine once more as he presses his solid body closer and closer to mine. His cool lips taste of beer and spearmint gum. It feels as if we kiss forever. Jesus I’d like to do just that. This is a Sunday. This is how it should be. On the beach, filling my belly with beer, kissing a man who actually inspires me. The feeling of newness is coupled with thankfulness. Finally, a gentleman. Finally, my muse.

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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Hyacinth

The plan was simple to me and dumb as fuck to an outsider: take the Chinatown bus to New York, stay in a hostel for two days, come back to DC and pray I hear good news about a job. The next obvious step would be to beg each parent for some ends to sustain me for the next two to three weeks as I stayed with people I didn’t know in a hostel I’d rather steer clear from. It didn’t happen like that. Stupid girl. I got lucky. Made it happen. Stayed a year. Wooo hoo. But now I’m back to square one. That’s okay. I am who I am. A wandering soul in search of whimsy and adventure. For once, I admit, right here, that I’m down to settle with the “right one”. A stable life filled with pancakes, wine, veggies and hyacinth in our garden, a great view of the sunset, yearly vacations, frequent flyer miles, bake sales, kiddie football games, movies on the sofa, a dog named Theo, a 60s Lincoln Continental named Vivian. All that shit everybody wants I guess.

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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Rest Within

We journeyed into the night. Willful beyond our thoughts. You shielded me from ill fates and terrible decisions. We traveled into the darkness. A mysterious world of wonder alas! Intricate joy, harmonious balance, we galloped into the abyss on the tail of our future. A kiss. A sweet kiss. Your kiss. Sweet, savage kisses from you. As you held my head in your hands and kissed my face, my heart exploded into a million little stars wishing they could infinitely light your sky, and rest within your galaxy. I treasure your kiss.

Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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The Shine Wears Off

The shine wears off It always does.

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Brie Cook is a writer, photographer and vintage enthusiast who lives on planet Earth. This collection of poems and short stories was written on the john.

Š Brie Cook. 2011. Rogue Feather | Fine Leather

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Rogue Feather | Fine Leather