Page 1

Dec. 20-26, 2012

Vol. 9 • No. 51

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

press to print new cooperative revives the lost art of letterpress » P7



photographer’s images gaining international exposure• arts » P14

the bowl MISSY-management Music strung like a horse SCREEN ‘the hobbit’

hair a go*go Real People, Rockin’ Hair ™

Daily Holiday Gift Picks & Special Offers







Check our Facebook page for more cool deals and ideas!



hair a go*go * 2 North Shore * 307 Manufacturers Road * 423.752.0500

InVoICe sale

CLEARANCE ON ALL 2012 MODELS oWn THe BeauTIFul CHaTTanooGa-BuIlT VolKsWaGen PassaT or CHoose From our HuGe InVenTory oF

JeTTas BeeTles TIGuans TouareGs GolFs

Tennessee’s no. 1 VW Dealer

VIllaGe VolKsWaGen

oF CHaTTanooGa

6001 InTernaTIonal DrIVe (off Shallowford) • 423.855.4981 CHeCK ouT our enTIre InVenTory aT VIllaGeVW.Com

2 • The Pulse • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 •


• With a MakeWork grant, graphic designers Paul Rustand and Matt Greenwell are creating Chattanooga’s Print Cooperative and reviving the fine art of printing on letterpress with wood and metal type. »P7

Happier DECEMBER New Year! AT THE


THU WED TUE mon sun

INSIDE THE PULSE •december 20-26, 2012 • vol. 9 • no. 51

on the cover • “life source” by misty fugate

Since 2003


Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executive Rick Leavell


Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Since 2003


Publisher Zachary Cooper The Editors Zach Cooper • Bill Ramsey Creative Director Bill Ramsey Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny ChuckChattanooga’s Crowder •Weekly JohnAlternative DeVore • Janis Hashe Matt Jones • Chris Kelly • D.E. Langley Mike McJunkin • Ernie Paik • Sarah Skates Alex Teach • Richard Winham Photographers Jason Dunn • Kim Hunter • Josh Lang Cartoonists Max Cannon • Richard Rice • Tom Tomorrow Calendars Erin McFarland

Since 2003

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Email Got a stamp? 1305 Carter St. • Chattanooga, TN 37402

Fine Wine, Spirits & Champagne for New Year’s Eve

the fine print The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2012 Brewer Media

BREWER MEDIA GROUP President Jim Brewer II

3849 Dayton Blvd. • Ste. 113 423.877.1787 At the corner of Morrison Springs Road and Dayton Boulevard in the Bi-Lo Shopping Center





205 Broad St.

2318 Lifestyle Way

Mellow Mushroom Chattanooga

Mellow Mushroom Waterside


423.468.3737 • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 • The Pulse • 3

Bistro lUNch!


in his two years as part-time city attorney and smartly drafted his own contract and will receive three times his monthly salary as severance—is asked to lead the group in a prayer. • City Manager Tim Gobble, a colorful When the weirdness quotient drops a self-promoter with approximately zero notch at Red Bank City Hall, it’s a sure shame, hires 19-year-old church pal/disbet that the East Ridge is prepared to pick ciple Chris Clabough as his administrative up the slack. In fact, the misadvenassistant—a job that carries with it • PULSE PUS tures of East Ridge City Council a $35,000 salary—and mudslingH ST N A F have recently raised the bar for ing hilarity ensues. To wit: AREA council meetings worthy of —Councilman Denny Mantheir own reality series. Here’s ning tossed the first bomb, sayjust a few items of note from ing, “all he has seen the new emthe Thursday, Dec. 13, meeting ployee do is wash the city manalone (as reported by The Chatager’s car, get the oil changed, get him Cokes and fetch his um• Council votes 3-2 to fire City Atbrella for him,” according to The torney John Anderson for over-charging Chattanoogan. the city. Mayor Brent Lambert calls the —Despite the 76 applicants who applied action “bush league” and “pretty low,” but for the position, including some with masmoves on the vote. After being fired, Anter’s degrees and the several years of expederson—who earned almost $300,000 rience the job description call for, Gobble

City council worthy of reality TV series


WhiskEY tastiNG fliGhts

NiGht mith’s Black s B &B istro • facebook/chattanoogapulsE SEND LETTERS TO: INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM


nEW HouRS!

11Am - 10 Pm dAilY 3914 St. Elmo AVE. (423) 702-5461

Find uS on FAcEbook 4 • The Pulse • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 •







$ 11am 3pm

1/4 BUrGEr comBo chips & DriNk



chose Clabough, who attends the same Cleveland church as Gobble, as his protege and defended his youthful hire, who is allegedly his daughter’s boyfriend, saying he “made a high score on the ACT” and was training as a future city manager. Can’t get enough? Read the soap opera online at or visit Gobble’s Facebook page, where, according to the TFP’s Drew Johnson, Gobble spends much time on “self-centered diatribes in which he defends himself and attacks his many critics.”

the pulse index

End of the world regrets? Just a few Astonishingly, few are tricked into responding to The Pulse’s annoying trolling posts on Facebook, so we turned to a Harris Interactive Poll commissioned by Blazeback, an online backup system, to index regrets in the event of the apocalypse happens on Friday, Dec. 21. The poll, conducted online from Dec. 7-11, asked 3,036 adults ages 18 and older if the apocalypse were truly coming on this date, what regrets would they have, if any. Here are selected results: • 70 percent said that they would have some regret. • 32 percent said that they would regret not traveling more. • 30 percent said that they would regret not spending more time with their families. • 23 percent reported that they would regret not following their dreams. • 22 percent said that they would regret spending too much time worrying about money. • 25 percent of men reported that they would regret not having had more sex if the Mayan prediction proves true. Interestingly, only 10 percent of women surveyed would have the same regret. • 14 percent said they would regret working too much if the world came to an end on Friday. For the record: The Pulse regrets the errors, selling our Apple stock during the Y2K scare and saying “no” to one more for the road last night. —The Editors


MAYOR? QUALIFYING DEADLINE • DEC. 20 Election • MARCH 5, 2013 King Me! • Rob Healy’s exit clears the way for Andy Berke, who says he’ll continue to campaign hard for the city’s top office.

River Deep, Mountain High • Ex-city employee Guy Satterfield says he has a “big mountain to climb,” but he’s not quitting, no sir!

He’s Got The Spirit! • Former Red Bank public works director and East Ridge city manager Wayne Hamill told the TFP he hopes voters will be “filled with the Holy Spirit” to propel him into office. That always works so well!

Why Not Me? • Chester Heathington Jr. Enough said.


All nine Chattanooga City Council seats are up for election with all but two incumbents—Deborah Scott and Sally Robinson— vying for re-election. Below are the current officeholders by district and a list of challengers. District Member 1 Deborah Scott 2 Sally Robinson 3 Pam Ladd 4 Jack Benson 5 Russell Gilbert 6 Carol Berz 7 Manny Rico 8 Andraé McGary 9 Peter Murphy QUALIFIED CHALLENGERS AS OF DEC. 18* District Candidate 1 Tom McCullough 2 Priscilla Simmons 2 Roger Tuder 2 Jerry Mitchell 4 Larry Grohn 4 Ryan King 4 Jack Benson 5 Russell Gilbert 6 Carol Berz 7 Tramble Stevens 7 Manny Rico 8 Moses Freeman Jr. 9 Peter Murphy 9 Yusef Hakeem *Hamilton County Elections Commission

Missy-Management In the first true test to gauge his power since assuming the role of editor of the Free Press editorial page, our favorite Free-Market Conservative, Drew Johnson, called for the resignation and/or firing of city arts administrator Missy Crutchfield. In his Tuesday, Dec. 12, editorial, “Missy Crutchfield Must Go,” Johnson skewered Crutchfield for her apparent disregard of the misappropriation of funds uncovered during a city audit that resulted in the resignation of Sandy Coulter, a longtime city employee who has managed the Tivoli Theater and Memorial Auditorium since 2007. Johnson is clearly no fan of Crutchfield, her department (created by Mayor Ron Littlefield), her salary ($107,000) or the fact that city owns and manages the two venues, and he demands Crutchfield’s resignation for the recent scandal as well as a record of financial snafus dating back to 2005, when she first took office as the city’s Education, Arts & Culture Department administrator. And Crutchfield will go—not as a result of Johnson’s perceived power or influence (if he has any at all), but with Littlefield’s exit in March 2013. Crutchfield is, of course, the daughter of disgraced former State Sen. Ward Crutchfield, and has long been the focus of criticism and rumored to hold the high-paying post because of her political connections. In addition to the charges leveled at her by Johnson, Crutchfield last came under fire in 2010 for operating a for-profit online magazine from her offices and on the city’s dime. While City Auditor Stan Sewell—who appears to have kept a close eye on Crutchfield since her appointment—found no wrongdoing, he did find the appearance of impropriety and Crutchfield was ordered to cease operating the site from city offices. But waste no time in reprimanding Crutchfield and her assistant, Melissa Turner, for The site is amateurish and an odd mish-mash of posts that would have trouble drawing even Google AdSense revenue. Instead, the entire focus should be on what appears to be her primary responsibility, namely the management of the Tivoli Theatre and the Memorial Auditorium.

Despite Littlefield’s claim that as a former actress Crutchfield has many show business connections, she has no background in venue management. And judging by most of the performers booked at the city-run venues in recent years, these connections are obviously weak. While her experience in communications and fundraising at her former positions with UTC and Chattanooga State might have qualified her to be an effective agent for promoting education initiatives, we’ve seen little evidence of this skill. If she’s looking to capitalize on her years on the city payroll in future positions, she has little to (honestly) show for it. Moving forward, we hope the next mayor will disentangle this department from operating the Tivoli and Memorial Auditorium and appoint a qualified new administrator with an experience-appropriate salary focused on cultivating arts and education initiatives, perhaps in cooperation with ArtsBuild and other cultural agencies. The city should also pursue either selling, leasing or contracting out management and/or booking of the two venues to a professional management agency, such as AC Entertainment, founder of the Bonnaroo Music Festival which books many of the acts at Track 29, as well as the Tennessee Theatre. Only then will we begin to see a slate of more consistent and popular music acts and theatrical performances that will return these two venues to profitability and relevance. Also key in this transaction is lifting the ban on taking alcoholic beverages inside both venues. Currently, beer and wine are sold prior to performances and during intermissions (one thing Crutchfield did champion), effectively robbing both venues of an additional revenue stream (of the overpriced booze they might offer) and denying patrons a comfort they enjoy at other theaters and venues in Atlanta, Nashville and Knoxville. Until then, the city’s premier entertainment venues will remain both a costly taxpayer burden, doomed to mismanagement, lackluster booking and financial blunders, as well as a thorn in the side of a city government which has no business being in the business of operating them.

Dizzy Town • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 • The Pulse • 5





511 Broad street 423.386.5921



! e l l i v a t i r a g Mar Where it’s always 5 O’Clock

Sunday Brunch 11-3

Pasta Station • Omelet Station • Prime Rib


e v E s ’ r a e Y w Ne

p Too f the

dock 6 • The Pulse • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 •

alex teach

Legislating Tragedy So much for my thoughtful Christmas story. While I was excused from that duty this year, I still had something sickly sweet in mind until Sunday. Not on the day of the shootings in Connecticut, mind you; not even with the addition of the death of Martoiya Lang, a 32-year-old Memphis police officer and mother of four killed in the line of duty that same morning. Even after these events I fought to keep my cheerful theme. But the day that our elected officials stated (again) they would legislate us out of such tragedies by attempting (again) to ban assault weapons, I stopped ignoring the signs. Proponents of the gun ban are dusting off old ideas, and to my honest enjoyment, coming up with new ones. For example, in addition to “making them go away by law,” some are proposing: • Legal gun-owner insurance, requiring gun owners to insure their weapons, much like auto insurance, to mitigate the expense of hiring more cops to stand in every school, if not every classroom. And mall. And theater. This ignores the millions of illegal gun owners, but why bother the criminals? And this insurance runs along the same lines as the Affordable Care Act: If you’re alive, you pay it as a tax labeled as insurance, and if you have a gun, you pay it as a tax … labeled as insurance. Taxing our way out of a problem is a go-to idea in this country, and if you can do it without ever having to deal with the actual problem (criminals) it’s a win-win for politicians. • Drastically inflating the price of firearms and ammunition from 200 to 400 percent. Make the legal purchase of a firearm prohibitive and the thought of drive-by shootings an act of bankruptcy … for legal purchases. This is actually a favorite of mine because it indicates that every proponent has apparently had the Vol-

stead Act ripped out of the history books they never studied in the first place. If you restrict, ban or make financially inaccessible something people want, they will simply find another way of getting it. Crazy, right? And in extreme cases, it becomes an underground industry which creates more problems than it initially hoped to solve. Would boats, trains or planes bring them in, chasing new profit margins? Cocaine, heroin and marijuana are all illegal, but still manage to get into this country by the megaton despite “laws to fix this” that have made them such a profitable industry. Instead of creating a new tax to fund the hiring of thousands of new police and security guards, why don’t we train the people who are actually on the scene to carry and shoot a gun. “Armed teachers?!” you may cry. “But something could go wrong!!” No shit. Something did go wrong—two things, in fact: One, a random, crazy sumbitch broke into a school and executed children. Second, not one teacher, even the ones charging the gunman, were armed to protect those children despite dozens of school shootings and dozens of lives lost over the last decade. The short wait for a “professional” seems smarter than risking kids

getting hurt, even while they’re being massacred. When I ride four-wheelers into the woods, I don’t carry “taxes” in case of snakes—I carry a pistol. A few teachers should carry them too, for the same damn reason. Taxes? Insurance? Please. You don’t need to create committee to put a nail through a board. You just need to show someone how to use a damn hammer. Safely. As a cop, I see what assault weapons can do, but armed pilots on 9/11 would have had a serious statistical impact on the events that transpired on that day, and I think an armed teacher—even just one—would have had a similar impact at Sandy Hook. They’re pilots and teachers. They can handle responsibility. When someone comes up with a realistic, sensible and sustainable idea, I’ll be on the stage with them. This is where the president could make a difference, but not with more bullshit legislation. Instead of legislating when, how and if I am able to defend my own life, how about addressing the actual problem? Alex Teach is a police officer of nearly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at

Reviving the Art of Letterpress By Bill Ramsey A well-designed business card expertly printed on handsome stock used to be a statement, a reflection of the holder’s identity that indicated a sense of pride. These days, most business cards are designed on cheap graphics software from a template and hastily spit out on ink-jet printers on pre-cut paper. Run your finger across them—the ink will smudge and the edge will reveal perforations. Even small-press printers, the mom-and-pop shops and franchises who once took pride in their work are now mostly turning out mediocre printing. The last business card I had made came back with the print off center and was cut so poorly most were unusable. At least to me. So when I heard about Chattanooga’s Print Cooperative and its mission to revive small-press artisan printing, I found reason to rejoice.

With a MakeWork grant, Paul Rustand and Matt Greenwell are launching Chattanooga’s Print Cooperative. But this is about more than business cards. It’s about the craft and trade of artisan printing, the sort you experience when you hold a lovingly typeset chapbook printed on fine textured paper. It’s about the graphic design seen on the classic concert posters designed and printed by Nashville’s famed Hatch Show Print, which is now part of the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. But mostly it’s about the revival an artform of a bygone era. And quality. Paul Rustand and Matt Greenwell, two Chattanooga graphic designers with a passion for quality printing—including the antiquated art of letterpress—are attempting a revival of letterpress printing with their new co-op, an enterprise born of a MakeWork grant that will open this spring and offer classes in printmaking led by Juanita Tumelaire and also offer quality, small-batch letterpress printing by Terry Chouinard.

Above: A classic Hatch Show Print concert poster. Left: Terry Chouinard arranges wood type on a press at Chattanooga’s Print Cooperative on Market Street.

Rustand, creative director of Widgets & Stone, a Chattanooga design agency, and Greenwell, head of UTC’s Art Department and a collaborator with Rustand at Widgets & Stone, applied for the MakeWork grant this summer. Rustand owned an aging letterpress he had used for years, he said, and Greenwell had access to UTC’s collection of printmak-

ing equipment collecting dust in storage. “We’ve used my press for personal projects,” Rustand said, “it was like our little toy, but over time it became not so precious to us and we wanted to share it. It was a waste to keep in storage.” The collection of equipment—which also includes offset litho presses, etching

presses and a growing selection of wood and metal type—are coming back to life and will be housed in Rustand’s former studio in a small warehouse behind Market Street facing the Urban Stack restaurant and bar. Joining the design duo are Tumelaire, a local printmaker and book artist, and Chouinard, a printer and proprietor of Ithaca Type in Athens, Ala., who is relocating to Chattanooga to join the team. “Paul and I are instigators,” Greenwell said. “It has long been our ambition to figure out what to do with the equipment and the grant was about the process.” That process has two parts. The two hope to share their passion for letterpress and custom small-batch printing with other artists, designers and students who can take printmaking classes created and led by Tumelaire. The business side will be the domain of Chouinard, a talented, dedicated crafts-

man with an abiding affection for the letterpress. Chouinard’s equipment and expertise will be key to the co-op, offering designers and artists a unique method of printing that, ironically, many take great pains to replicate with digital type. Letterpress is relief printing in which the type and design are locked into the bed of a press, ink is applied and it is rolled or pressed onto paper. Invented by Johannes Gutenberg in the mid-15th century, letterpress work is crisper than other modern forms of printing because of its impression into the paper, giving greater visual definition to the type and artwork. By early spring, Rustand said he hopes to have a curriculum in place for classes and workshops, which will be offered to small groups of students. He’s also hoping to partner with the local chapter of the American Institute of Graphic Arts to collaborate on activities and events, as well as attracting guest lecturers and speakers. “We’re really hoping to create a network,” Rustand said. “Our goal is to become a self-sustaining nonprofit and watch it blossom in years to come.” Rustand and Greenwell have already organized an enthusiastic group of dedicated supporters from the local design and creative community and update their progress on a Facebook group page, where 100 fans so far are offering help and pledging support for the operation. “A lot of people are excited about it,” Rustand said. “It’s a great fit for the design and creative community. Even those who aren’t designers are fascinated by the machines and type.” Chattanooga’s Print Cooperative is located at 1271-B Market St. (facing the Urban Stack restaurant). • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 • The Pulse • 7

Unique Gifts for the Holidays





Great Holiday Gift Ideas for Hostess, Teacher, Stocking Stuffers & More!


330 Frazier Ave | Mon-Fri: 10-6 Sat: 10-5 | 423.266.0585 |

8 • The Pulse • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 •


Yacht Rock Schooner: Solid Gold ’70s


• Yacht Rock Schooner is not your average cover band. Oh no, dear friends—it’s a time and place, the embodiment of all the smoothness, the majesty of open collars and gold-nugget chains traveling down the highway in a poorly designed domestic convertible, sipping Freixenet champagne. It’s the sounds of the ’70s that built the era in the form of barefoot cruises and ladies with feathered hair. Smooth, with a sting—like Hai Karate. SAT 12.22 • 9:30 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St.•


DEC. 20-26

» pulse PICKS

THU12.20 MUSIC Ahleuchatistas • Experimental jazz and prog rock. 7:30 p.m. • Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. • (423) 624-5347

EVENT North Pole Limited Train Ride • Holiday train rides. 7:30 p.m. • Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum Grand Junction Station • 4119 Cromwell Road (423) 894-8028 •

FRI12.21 MUSIC Tijuana Donkey Show • Band name of the week. We apologize if it’s an actual donkey show. 9 p.m. • SkyZoo • 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 •

EVENT Claude Stuart • Stuart is known for his rapid-fire comedy. 9:30 p.m. • Vaudeville Café • 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 •

» pulse PICKS

» pulse pick OF THE LITTER


Strung Like A Horse End of the World Party with Deep Machine

MUSIC Sweet Georgia Brown • New southern rockers’ CD release show. 10 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. • (423) 266-1400

• Strung Like A Horse have had a great year that included the release of an album full of tunes that are getting national attention along with a series of artfully produced videos to accompany some of those tracks. Hell, they even had a few hundred people follow them Pied Piperstyle from the Nightfall stage this past summer in a parade down Market Street to Rhythm & Brews. That performance was just one of a number of memorable shows from SLAH this year. Although our looking glass tells us the group has big plans for 2013, the band is hedging its bets with the Mayan calendar that this will be the last show for them—and the entire planet. But we’re optimistic—we even bought tickets to the Strung Like A Horse performance on New Year’s Eve. Besides, even if the Mayans are right, who wouldn’t want to party with SLAH on the way out? Check them out Friday at Rhythm & Brews with Deep Machine. FRI 12.21 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St.

EVENT 12 Days of Christmas • Holiday fun at the zoo. 5:30-8 p.m. • Chattanooga Zoo 301 N. Holzclaw Ave. • (423) 697-1322

SUN12.23 MUSIC PeeWee Moore and Friends • Honky tonkin’ country outlaw takes over RAW. 8 p.m. • RAW • 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

EVENT “Annie” • There’s “Tomorrow” for this hit show. 2:30 p.m. • Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. • (423) 267-8538

Those jeans don’t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat. Might be time to get to Thrive. Yoga • Indoor Cycling • Personal Training Fitness Classes • Nutrition Convenient Drop-In Plans Thrive Studio • Healthy Bodies, Happy Minds Thrive Studio • 191 River St. • 423.800.0676 • In Coolidge Park • • Facebook/ThriveStudio • Twitter: @thrivestudio1 • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 • The Pulse • 9

richard winham

A Party To End All Parties Whether we succumb to flesh-eating zombies, a direct hit by an asteroid or apocalyptic storms and earthquakes, you’ll want to find a memorable way to spend Friday, Dec. 21, your last night on earth. Assuming you don’t already have a bunker ready, there may be no better place than Rhythm & Brews at 10 p.m. on that fateful day, and no better band than Strung Like A Horse to celebrate the end of the world.

What makes this band perfect for the occasion is the climate of delirium they create. Strung Like A Horse hits the stage like a hurricane, energy popping from every player.

into the music. While Maselle is cajoling the audience to let go, B.J.’s bouncing, Mark the Fiddler and banjo man Ben Crawford are throwing out blizzards of notes, and Sloth keeps it all rolling with wildly offkilter kicks on his singular drum kit (largely composed of junkyard detritus). It’s not difficult to understand why Sam Bush remarked that Strung Like A Horse made him and every other bluegrass musician seem staid. The band plays acoustic music with all the elements of Bill Monroe’s traditional bluegrass (albeit with a drummer). But while their music is rooted in bluegrass, by every tune’s end they’ve drifted far afield from Monroe into a domain of their own. Imagine a manically muscular, punkier Dave Matthews Band—call it garage grass. Opening for Strung Like A Horse will be the Nashville-based Deep Machine. Listening to their recently released EP (on Band Camp) it’s apparent why they’ve been gigging with Strung Like A Horse so much recently. The quartet of Brennan Walsh on guitar, Zack Bowden on bass, Brian Cline on keys and Ben Crannell on drums sounds the way Pink Floyd might have sounded had Roger Waters and Nick Mason

What makes this band perfect for the occasion is the climate of delirium they create. Strung Like A Horse hits the stage like a hurricane, energy popping from every player. Each performance is an exuberant celebration of the power of music. Lead singer Clay Maselle has the energy and charisma of a nonpareil ringmaster. His feet firmly planted, Maselle and his bandmates whip up barely controlled chaos both on and off stage. Maselle’s circus barkerstyle ebullience is matched by B.J. Hightower’s manic bouncing jig with his standup bass, his hair flailing around his face and over his shoulders as the band leans


Clay Maselle of Strung Like A Horse.

grown up listening to hip-hop. They are to ’70s psychedelia what Strung Like A Horse is to Monroe’s bluegrass. They’ve amped it up for a new generation of revelers ready to reel with abandon. While Pink Floyd tended to build lengthy, complex magisterial marches, these guys start out jogging before breaking into a run with Walsh’s Gilmour-like lines bursting into frenzied showers of metal driven by Crannell’s steady one-two punch. Bassist Bowden plays a richly propulsive counterpoint, pushing at the edge of Walsh and keyboardist Cline’s

freewheeling melodies while Cranell’s steady anchor keeps the music danceable even as it strays far out into psychedelic fancy. Nobody sings. “Vocals?! Who needs vocals when the music says it all?” they ask on Facebook. They have a point. They do use the voice of a disembodied announcer, whose richly resonant baritone delivers quasi-philosophical bromides like a radio announcer in one of those vintage 1950’s sci-fi scare flicks, at points on a couple of the tracks on the EP, but for the most part the absence of a singer isn’t an issue. The Mayans were convinced that this is the night when everything would end in one blinding flash. This is one party where it just might. Strung Like A Horse End of The World Party with Deep Machine Friday, Dec. 21 10 p.m. • $13 (advance) Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St.

Richard Winham is the producer and host of WUTC-FM’s afternoon music program and has observed the Chattanooga music scene for more than 25 years.




oPEN 7 DAYs A wEEk » Full mENu uNTIl 2Am » 21+ » smokINg AllowED

TWO FLOORS • One big paRTy • Live MuSic • Dancing • 409 MaRkeT ST • 423.756.1919

10 • The Pulse • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 •

Give the Gift of Good Health

By giving the gift of good health this season, you’ll also receive a gift yourself! Purchase a $100 gift card and receive 10% off all packages and retail purchases at the time of purchase.

Enjoy the season!




at Totto—Chattanooga’s Premier Sushi Bar & Grill on the North Shore » ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI LUNCH—MON-SAT $11.95! » SPECIAL ROLL 1/2 PRICE DINNER—SUN & TUE



CHECK O U R D A ILY SPE C IA L S AT T O T T O N O O G A . C O M • 3 3 0 F R A Z I E R AV E • S TE 1 24 • 423.508.8898 • TO TTO N O O G A .CO M • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 • The Pulse • 11

Chattanooga Live


Thu 12.20

Thursday • December 20

The Hearts in Light • Human Figures

Friday • December 21

End of the World Party Nim Nims • Opposite Box • Analog

Saturday • December 22

Sweet Georgia Brown CD Release Show

Thursday • December 27

Cutless Cult • Asian Teacher Factory

Friday • December 28 Baby Baby • SoCro

Saturday • December 29

Plvnet • Ledfoot Messiah • Black Betty

Monday • December 31 New Year’s Eve Party How I Became The Bomb Summer Dregs

JJ’s Bohemia • 231 E MLK Blvd. 423.266.1400 •

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191

Thursday, Dec. 20 Closed For Repairs Friday, Dec. 21: 9pm Hap Henninger Saturday, Dec. 22: 10pm Lon Eldridge Tuesday, Dec. 25: 7pm

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Audi Burchett 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Ahleuchatistas 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Full Moon Crazies 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 Old Man: Tribute to Neil Young with John and the Connors 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. The Hearts in Light with Human Figures 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

fri 12.21 Priscilla & Lil Ricky 7 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400 The Mocha Band 7 p.m. Mocha Restaurant & Lounge, 3116 Brainerd Road (423) 531-4154 The Chattanooga Fall Out with Hygopian, CSU, Red State and more 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground Music, 607 Cherokee Blvd, (423) 265-8711 Roger Alan Wade 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 Opposite Box with The Nim Nims 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Hap Henninger 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Tijuana Donkey Show Band 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 Crossfire

12 • The Pulse • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 •

NEW YEAR’S EVE 2012 New Year’s Weekend Soul & Celebration Tour 7 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156 New Year’s Eve Bash featuring A Night Affair Band 7 p.m. Mocha Restaurant & Lounge, 3116 Brainerd Road (423) 531-4154 “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve Party” 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000 GMA New Year’s Eveill Party 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground Music, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 265-8711

9 p.m. Barts Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777 Southlander 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Strung Like A Horse End of the World Party with Deep Machine 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Nathan Farrow 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240 The Fried Chicken Trio 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 Stevie Monce 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

sat 12.22 Keyz Brown 2 p.m. New Moon Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Road (423) 265-6321

Ring in the New Year with Here Come the Mummies 9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323 Machines Are People Too, Strung LikeA Horse, Lacy Jo, Shark Week 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 That 90’s New Year’s: All-Star 90’s Party Band 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. How I Became the Bomb with Summer Dregs 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Email your NYE party info to

Priscilla & Lil Ricky 7 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400 The Mocha Band 7 p.m. Mocha Restaurant & Lounge, 3116 Brainerd Road (423) 531-4154 Theodis Ealey 8 p.m. Mocha Restaurant & Lounge, 3116 Brainerd Road (423) 531-4154 “Tattooed Freaks Christmas Party” with Husky Burnette 9 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terr. (423) 713-8739 Code Blue 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 Southlander 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Yacht Rock Schooner 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Lon Eldridge

10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Critty Upchurch 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 Sweet Georgia Brown CD Release Show 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

sun 12.23 PeeWee Moore and Friends 8 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

wed 12.26 Dan Sheffield 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Mike French 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 “Soul Review” 8 p.m. Meo Mio’s Cajun & Seafood Restaurant, 4119 Cummings Hwy. (423) 521-7160 Johnathan Wimpee and Andy Elliot 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 Channing Wilson 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 PeeWee Moore and Awful Dreaded Snakes 9 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terr. (423) 713-8739 FuDog World Premiere with Get Hot or Go Home 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192

Map these locations at Send music listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@

Between the Sleeves The legendary Brazilian musician, singer and songwriter Jorge Ben just doesn’t get the respect he so richly deserves in the Western world. This writer was surprised to hear a rendition of his most popular track, “Mas, Que Nada!,” as part of a parade at Disney’s Animal Kingdom in Florida last year. It was downright painful to hear Goofy singing it, imploring people to join him, in a cringeworthy hillbilly-esque voice. The Black Eyed Peas’ hip-hop rendition of that track from a few years ago is equally awkward. Heck, Rod Stewart unintentionally plagiarized Ben’s “Taj Mahal” for his disco hit “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?” Come on, people— respect. Thankfully, the Wrasse label has stepped up with the release of the generous twoCD, 40-track Jorge: The Definitive Collection. It’s a perfect introduction to Ben’s brilliance, created with the point of view that his 60’s and 70’s output was his towering creative plateau. The compilation covers eleven of his albums, starting with his 1963 debut album, continuing up to 1976 with Africa Brasil, and ending with its sole contemporary cut, “Mexe Mexe” from 2004. It begins, appropriately, with “Mas, Que Nada!,” which demonstrates from the very beginning that Ben had an effortless charm and a warm,

honest music

LIVE MUSIC record reviews • ernie paik

Jorge Ben Jorge: The Definitive Collection (Wrasse)

distinctive voice—controlled, yet infused with energy. His arrangements are practically spotless and immediately likeable, with samba-rooted numbers enhanced by strings and horns. Ample time is spent with three of his masterpieces, 1969’s Jorge Ben, the alchemy-and-mysticism-themed A Tábua de Esmeralda, and the deep, funk rhythms of Africa Brasil, which features the greatest song ever made about soccer, “Ponta de Lança Africano (Umbabarauma).” There’s no “A Minha Menina,” and the lengthy, repetitive “Filhos De Gandhi,” a collaboration with Gilberto Gil, interrupts the collection’s momentum, but those quibbles aside, Jorge: The Definitive Collection, short of a complete anthology of his 60’s and 70’s work, lives up to its title.

The indie label Teenbeat Records was formed in the Washington D.C. area by highschool student Mark Robinson and classmates, starting out with punk-influenced material and home-recording silliness, with nods to the British label Factory Records and the ’70s art-rock band Henry Cow. As offbeat and eclectic as it was, TeenBeat was eventually known most prominently for Robinson’s own groups, including the acclaimed Unrest, Air Miami and Flin Flon, along with a sort of twee indiepop/rock attitude. Nearly a decade in the making, the debut album Circular Scratch from Stick Insect, the one-woman project of Jeannine Durfee, seems to be a sort of meta-TeenBeat record, combining a breezy cuteness with a kind of Flin-Flon-inspired post-post-punk, using single-note sonic paths. Durfee was previously in the quirky pop band The Sisterhood of Convoluted Thinkers with multi-instrumentalist Rob Christiansen (of TeenBeat groups Eggs and Grenadine), and Christiansen contributes percussion and drums on about half of the album, plus guitar and trombone. Otherwise, Durfee uses a drum machine to set the pace, typically setting up a structure with a bass line, adding flute and glockenspiel flourishes, and singing with a reserved man-



with JOHN and the CONNORS

THU. 9:30p



Stick Insect Circular Scratch (TeenBeat)

ner approaching a whisper. However, on the opening “Stick” (reprised identically as the closing track “Insect”) Durfee interjects “Stick insect!” followed by manic beatbox breakdowns and disoriented notes. Out of the blue, there’s even a bossa nova section adding to the confusion. “Mites” contrasts Durfee’s serene voice and flute with electronics-heavy outbursts, and “Magicicada” is an odd muddle, with a max-speed drum machine and banjo notes. Perhaps the album’s finest moment is the upbeat “Sexob,” an acceptance of being outof-step and backwards. Upon second listen, Stick Insect is less about the tight rigor of Flin Flon or being precious, but instead it’s about projecting Durfee’s off-kilter musical personality, both gentle and weird.

with ENDELOUZ — Straight up rock





local and regional shows

Function with Gabriel Newell and Muddy Soul ($3) Full Moon Crazies [$3] FuDog World Premiere with Get Hot or Go Home ($3) The Tammy’s with Low Strung Assassins ($3)

Wed, Dec 19 Thu, Dec 20 Wed, Dec 26 Thu, Dec 27

9pm 9pm 9pm 9pm

New Year’s Eve

Machines Are People Too • Strung Like A Horse • Lacy Jo • Shark Week Doors 10pm • Champagne Room • Two Bars, Upstairs/Downstairs • Dancing Sundays: Live Trivia 4-6pm • Free Live Irish Music 7pm Dec 23: Molly Maguires Molly Christmas

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week. 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 * • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 • The Pulse • 13

Misty Fugate’s “Predator” was selected by celebrity director Georgina Chapman as inspiration for a short film that will be shown at the 2013 Canon Project Imagin8ion Film Festival.

On The Dark Side By Rich Bailey The grass is lush green, but the forest shadows are deep. A black-clad figure spattered in blood holds—almost delicately— an upside down baby doll.

Misty Fugate’s moody images explore the darker side of human emotion—and the world is taking notice.

This is “Predator,” a photo by Sale Creek photographer Misty Fugate that was recently selected for Project Imagin8ion, a hybrid photo/video project by cameramaker Canon and film director Ron Howard. “I like shooting human emotions, and I focus more on the darker side,” Fugate said. “We all have that. Some of us recognize it, some of us confront it, but it’s still kind of a touchy subject.” Though the subject matter is dark, Fugate’s photos have an intense lyrical beauty. This is no art photo version of a splatter movie. She is more interested in what’s

hidden. That’s why in this photo, she said, “The face is not shown. I think it’s important that the viewer cannot identify that with one particular image.” She also built out the scenario in the Canon photo into a short video, which can be seen on her “DreamPicsDiaries” Facebook page. First we see two little girls playing in an idyllic setting. The figure from the photo appears, the little girls run. Seeing this menacing presence translated from static to moving image is surprisingly jarring, but if there is any violence, it happens off camera. “It doesn’t necessarily have to mean a child predator, it doesn’t have to be so literal,” Fugate said. “It could be because of somebody in particular, or it could just be an experience that makes you kind of lose a piece of yourself.”


14 • The Pulse • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 •

She said she uses her work as therapy. “A lot of what you see is my own experience, what I’ve seen, what I’ve witnessed other people go through. I did grow up in a pretty violent environment when I was a kid, and I watched my mom go through some very horrific things. Some people keep diaries, some people go to therapists to talk it out. This is my way of dealing with that, almost using it as healing process, not just for me but my family as well. It was definitely a horrible situation that I’m trying to rectify through my work.” Fugate started as a portrait photographer 13 years ago, but she said her professional career took off six or seven years ago when she shifted to pursuing her own creative vision. Fugate has been on a roll for the last two years, with her work being published regularly in Vogue Italia. She’s had eight book covers in the last year, mostly in Europe. “Apparently France loves my work,” she said. She said she also was recently contacted by “a huge author” she can’t name about commissioning her to

shoot the cover or an upcoming novel, and she’s talking to galleries in New York, San Diego, the Netherlands and Canada about showing her work. In the next year or so, Fugate said she wants to offer workshops to help other photographers explore their more artistic side. There’s more menace in some of the photos published in Vogue and on book covers: a cloaked child by a dark lake, another holding a teddy bear in one hand and a butcher knife in the other. But others have more of a fantasy vibe: stone castles, clouds of birds circling a woman in a field, heads replaced by a light bulb or a spouting water faucet. The Canon/Ron Howard project went through several phases to winnow more than 75,000 submitted photos down to 91 images in 10 storytelling categories: backstory, character, goal, obstacle, mood, relationship, setting, the unknown, time and discovery. Five celebrity directors then selected 10 photos to inspire short films that will be produced and shown in 2013 at the Canon Project Imagin8ion Film Festival. Fugate’s “Predator” photo was selected in the “mood” category and then chosen by celebrity director Georgina Chapman, cofounder of the Marchesa fashion label. “I truly think the most important thing about photography— and it doesn’t matter what genre you shoot—is every photo should tell some kind of story,” Fugate said. “And there always has to be mood. If there’s no mood, there’s no story.” Every element of the photo also needs to support the narrative, Fugate added. “I try to tell it as if I’m reading you a book from chapter 1 through to the last chapter,” she said. “Or perhaps there’s a cliffhanger that’s going to be present in that image.” Ultimately, what Fugate wants is for her viewer to feel real emotion: “I don’t want it to be contrived. I want them to have a genuine, honest experience when they see it. If I’ve even made someone experience that then I’ve succeeded in my job. It’s conveying story, conveying emotion, conveying a mood. I just want them to view it honestly.”

Middle Earth Light Ah, Middle Earth. We last visited in Peter Jackson’s “Lord of the Rings” trilogy and we’re back again in “The Hobbit,” a visual retelling of the book that started it all. Filmed in the part of New Zealand that has far fewer sheep than the majority of the country, Jackson’s Middle Earth is vast and epic, dotted with jagged mountains and deep woods, powerful rivers and gentle pastures. “The Hobbit” is a visual film, as much as its predecessors, but it relies a bit too much on CGI. While the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy relied heavily on it as well, most of the Orcs and Goblins were played by actors in prosthetics and makeup—very good makeup that added realism and verisimilitude to the story. “The Hobbit,” unfortunately, is full of CGI bad guys that lack the depth that was such a benefit to the original trilogy. I can only imagine what it would look like on the screens where the film was shown in 48 frames per second. The word cartoony comes to mind. But despite my annoyance at CGI monsters, “The Hobbit” was enjoyable and will likely please many fans. “The Hobbit” was the first story of Middle Earth, the story that introduced Hobbits and Elves and Wizards and Orcs, Sting and Glamdring, songs and whimsy. This whimsy is what defined “The Hobbit,” which is much lighter in tone than the trilogy. It is, at its heart, about a loveably homebody who finds adventure in a magical and dangerous world. In the process, Bilbo Baggins learns that the world is wide and his place in it is more important than he can imagine. It’s a nice story for young kids looking to discover where they fit in their own worlds. Peter Jackson has taken this idea and run with it, in exhausting and deliberate detail, creating a nearly three-hour spectacle that is fun but tiring. I’ve seen far too many films this year that take up the ma-

jority of my day. I’d really served by focusing on Billike to see a story told in a bo’s eccentricities and disshorter format, but Jackcomfort on the road. This son is not a filmis woven into the maker known dialogue, but I’d for brevity. like to have been If you don’t shown more of know the story, it though action. it’s fairly simple. JOHN DEVORE Ian McKellen is Bilbo Baggins is back as Gandalf, recruited as a burglar by a owning the role as only company of elves looking he can, but the strongest to return to their homeperformance here is from land after being driven Andy Serkis as Gollum. away by an evil dragon. Serkis has shown his abiliAlong the way, the group ties time and again and encounters all sorts of it is far past time that the magical creatures and facAcademy gives him a nod. es enormous danger. It’s He has more talent than an adventure story, nothmost well-known actors ing more. Jackson, howevworking today. er, doesn’t see it that way. Ultimately, “The HobIf he did, he wouldn’t have bit” is a film that was made three movies. made for fans of J.R.R. Martin Freeman does a Tolkien. It is unlikely to competent job as the tituwin over new disciples or lar character—although make much of a splash Bilbo doesn’t always seem in the critical world. All to be the star of his own that needed to be said film. Instead, there is about Middle Earth can more time given to the be found in the original dwarf king Thorin Oaktrilogy. That was the betenshield. On one hand, ter story. It legitimately this makes sense, as Bilbo deserved three films and is having his first advenexquisite detail. The Hobture and Thorin has had bit trilogy, at the end of all several. But on the other, things, may end up being a the film might be better letdown. Time will tell.

Screen • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 • The Pulse • 15


CALENDAR 5:30-8 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1322 Holiday Lights 5:30-8 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1322 Home for the Holidays Comedy Showcase 7 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 “Annie” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 Claude Stuart 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839

Thu 12.20 Deck the Falls 8 a.m.-8 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544 Chattanooga Symphony and Opera at North Hamilton County Elementary School 9:30 a.m. North Hamilton County Elementary School, 601 Industrial Blvd. Holiday Open House 10 a.m.- 8 p.m. Warehouse Row, 1110 Market St. (423) 267-1127 Winter Wonders 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 Chattanooga Sorority Women Meet and Greek 1:30- 2:30 p.m. The Church on Main, 1601 Rossville Ave. (423) 822-8299 North Pole Limited Train Rides 5:45, 7:30 & 9:15 p.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Road (423) 894-8028 Rayn Christmas Show and Toy/Gift Drive 6-9 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658 “Annie” 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 Sandi Patty & Jason Crabb: A Christmas Celebration 7-9 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS James Rogers “Home for Christmas” 7 p.m. Colonnade Center at Benton Place Campus, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 935-9000

16 • The Pulse • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 •

sat 12.22

“ANNIE” • The Tony Award-winning musical based on the “Little Orphan Annie” comic strip by Harold Gray makes a holiday run at the Chattanooga Theatre Centre. The cast is headlined by 10-year-old Emmy McKenzie of Decatur, who plays the title role, and includes one canine, Rocky, who plays the role of Sandy in the production. THRU 12.23 • Chattanooga Theatre Centre • 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 •

Home for the Holidays Showcase 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233

fri 12.21 “Femme”: An Art Exhibition 9-5 p.m. Shuptrine’s Gold Leaf Designs, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453 Chattanooga Holiday Market 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center,

1100 Carter St. (423) 649-2496 Holidays Under the Peaks (Thru Jan. 6, 2013) 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 29th Annual Holiday Gift Wrap (Thru Dec. 24) 10 a.m.- 10 p.m. Hamilton Place, 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd. (423) 757-5259 12 Days of Christmas at Chattanooga Zoo

Chattanooga Holiday Market 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St. (423) 649-2496 River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 Santa Brings Holiday Festivities to Warehouse Row 11 a.m.- 4 p.m. Warehouse Row, 1110 Market St. (423) 267-1127 “Annie” 2:30 & 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 12 Days of Christmas at Chattanooga Zoo 5:30-8 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1322 Holiday Lights 5:30-8 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1322

NEW YEAR’S EVE New Year’s at Noon 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 New Year’s Eve Celebration 11 a.m.- 1:30 a.m. Hair of the Dog, 334 Market St. (423) 265-4615 Southern Belle Riverboat’s New Year’s on the River Cruise 4:30 & 8 p.m. Southern Belle Riverboat, 201 Riverfront Pkwy. (800) 766-2784 chattanooga Dinner at Broad Street Grille 5-10 p.m. The Broad Street Grille, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424-3700 Enchanted Garden of Lights 6-9 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road, Lookout Mountina, Ga. (800) 854-0675 Home for the Holidays Comedy Showcase 7 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 Claude Stuart 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839

sun 12.23 Deck the Falls 8 a.m.-8 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544 Chattanooga Holiday Market 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1100 Carter St. (423) 649-2496 “Annie” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. “New Year’s Eve Sleep in the Deep” 6:45 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 New Year’s Eve Show with Josh Phillips and Koe Kilgallon 7 & 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 2012 New Year’s Weekend Soul & Celebration Tour 7 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156 New Year’s Gospel Jubilee 2012 7 p.m. The Colonnade Center, Benton Place Campus, Ringgold, Ga., (423) 718-4682

(423) 267-8538 Evensong 5:30 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 Enchanted Garden of Lights 6-9 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road, Lookout Mountain, Ga. (800) 854-0675

mon 12.24 Deck the Falls 8 a.m.-8 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-254 Enchanted Garden of Lights 6-9 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road, Lookout Mountain, Ga. (800) 854-0675

tue 12.25 Deck the Falls 8 a.m.-8 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544 “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve Party” 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000 New Year’s Eve at Southern Comfort 8 p.m. Southern Comfort, 511 Broad St. (423) 386-5921 New Year’s Eve at the Hunter 8:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 New Year’s Eve at Top of the Dock 5600 Lake Resort Terr. (423) 876-3356 Enchanted Garden of Lights 6-9 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road. Lookout Mountain, Ga. (800) 854-0675

wed 12.26 Deck the Falls 8 a.m.-8 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544 Juried Members Exhibition 11 a.m.- 5 p.m. Ava Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282 Enchanted Garden of Lights 6-9 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road, Lookout Mountain, Ga. (800) 854-0675

Holiday Cheer On Sale Now!

We will meet or beat any advertised price in Chattanooga!

Johnnie Walker Red 1.75L • $33.99 J&B Scotch 1.75L • $31.99 Dewars 1.75L • $ 35.97 Knob Creek 1.75L • $46.88 Stoli 1.75L • $28.77 Ketel One 1.75L • 39.88 Popcorn Sutton Moonshine • $29.99 Troy & Sons Platinum Moonshine • $29.99 Ole Smokey Moonshine • $23.99 Robert Mondavi Woodbridge 1.5L • $9.98 Redwood Creek 1.5 -L • $9.98 Andre Champagne $ 5.99 or 2 for $10 total Cooks • $ 5.99 Beaujolais Nouveau $9.98 Pre-Mix Holiday Cocktails and Egg Nogs Available Lots of in-store Holiday Specials and Gift Sets Where the Liquor is Cheap & the Entertainment is Free

Map these locations at chattanoogapulse. com. Send calendar listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 • The Pulse • 17

Food & Drink

Serving Chattanooga for 36 Years

If You’re Not Shopping at Riley’s, You’re Paying Too Much ... See Us and Compare!

The Perfect Gift





1.75L $81.92 • SAVe 11.90 PeR BOTTLe 750ML $47.91• SAVe $6.82 PeR BOTTLe


Grey Goose Vodka 1.75L Johnnie Walker Black 1.75L Dewars White Label Scotch 1.75L Bombay Sapphire Gin 1.75L Glenlivet 12 Year Single Malt Scotch 1.75L Beefeater Gin 1.75L Johnnie Walker Red Scotch 1.75L Bombay Gin 1.75L Bailey Irish Cream 1.75L Amaretto Disaronno 1.75L

$49.97 $59.95 $35.97 $40.96 $57.98 $25.94 $35.46 $35.46 $34.96 $34.96

Wine of the Month Sterling Napa Valley Wines 750ML

Cabernet Sauvignon...............................$24.53 Chardonnay .............................................$16.61 Merlot ......................................................$21.99

Sterling Collection Wines 750ML

Cab, Merlot, Chard & and Sauv. Blanc $9.97

Robert Mondavi “Private Selection” New 1.5L......$13.95 750ML ............$7.96 Turning Leaf Wines All Varietals 1.5L .................$8.97 750ML ............$7.96

Robert Mondavi Woodbridge Cabernet, Chardonnay, Merlot–All Varietals 1.5L .................$9.97 White Zinfandel 1.5L .................$5.67

4818 Hixson Pike•870-2156 Mon.-Thurs.•8:30am-10pm Fri. & Sat.•8:30am-11pm Like us on Facebook


Washington Wine Great Buys is back for the holidays! Longtime readers of The Pulse will remember Great Buys as a weekly column, in which Riley’s Wine & Spirits picks something special from the its larges selection of adult beverages from around the world, discusses it’s origins and taste, then offers it up at an insanely low price.

sharp cherry, figs, anise and violets. This wine contains some big fruit and isn’t overly tanic making it a truly characteristic of Cabernet grown in the Columbia Valley. 2. 2008 Merlot ($13.95)

For this special holiday column, we’ve picked Maryhill Wines from the fertile soil of the Columbia Valley in Washington State. Maryhill Wines are new to Chattanooga and offer a little something for everyone, from the casual sipper to the hardcore connoisseur. Maryhill Winery is a relatively young vineyard. It was started in 1999 by Craig and Vicki Leuthold, married entrepreneurs with separate careers who both shared the same desire to experience more out of life by following their common passion of making great wines. They purchased several thousand acres in Goldendale, located at the southern tip of the Columbia Valley, Washington State’s premier wine-producing region. Goldendale is not only breathtakingly beautiful (and once explored by Lewis and Clark), but is also known for the three essential ingredients needed for the cultivation of outstanding wine that vineyards use to make fine wine: • A warm growing season. • Cool breezes to oxidize and nurture the developing fruit. • A healthy, rainy season. By 2000, the Leuthold’s began construction on their winery overlooking Gunkel Vineyard, perhaps the oldest and most-fertile vineyard in Washington State. One year later, Maryhill Vineyard opened its doors, becoming the 100th winery in the state. That first year, Maryhill yielded just 5,000 cases, but through hard work and dedication, matched only by the greater successes of the wine industry, Maryhill

In a word—smooth—as Merlot should be. Expect aromas of raspberry jam, coffee and some eucalyptus, while the palate contains flavors of blackberries, toffee, black pepper and cherry which linger to the finish. 3. 2009 Chardonnay ($8.24): This classy Columbia Valley Chard (more fruit, less creaminess) starts off with aromas of lime and pear, which give it tropical character. A touch of vanilla and oak give way to a full fruit forward assault of lemon, apple, honeydew melon, followed by a nicely rounded finish of nutmeg and fig. 4. 2010 Riesling ($8.24): Riesling has always sharply divided wine drinkers. You either love it or leave it. Lovers of the sweeter side of this grape will be very pleased indeed with aromas and flavors of lime, pear, apple and orange blossom. Maryhill’s Riesling stands its own ground next to Chateau Ste. Michelle’s “Warhorse” Rieslings. CSM beware! 5. 2009 Pinot Grigio ($8.24): This golden-colored

18 • The Pulse • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 •

Maryhill Vineyards in Golden Dale, Wash., feature grapes from the fertile soil of the state’s Columbia Valley.

Maryhill Wines, from the fertile soil of the Columbia Valley in Washington State, are new to Chattanooga, was voted Washington State’s 2009 Winery of the Year by Washington Press Northwest. Today, Maryhill produces more than 80,000 cases of wine per year, currently offering up to 30 varietals. Riley’s is happy to welcome Maryhill Wines to our store by offering nine of their best. Each wine or varietal displays both characteristics of wines cultivated in the Columbia Valley and Maryhill’s dedication to crafting them a cut above the rest. Featured Maryhill Wines 1. 2009 Cabernet Sauvignon ($13.95); Fruity aromas of plum, blackberry plus some honey give over to flavors of

wine meets wine drinkers in the middle with well-balanced acidity, putting it neither into the sweeter or the dryer categories. Expect refreshing aromas of citrus, green apple and light pear which eases you into flavors of grapefruit, citrus and pear, finishing with a bit of nutmeg. 6. 2008 Maryhill Zinfandel ($13.95): Unique Red Zinfandel offers aromas of dark cherry, which carry over to the palate along with chocolate, raspberry and coffee. But wait—more is in store with a palate detecting the flavors getting deeper, while this Zin becomes a bit more tanicly aggressive. 7. 2010 Maryhill Wine Maker’s White Blend ($8.29): A blend of Chardonnay, Sauvingnon Blanc, Semillon and Viognier, creating a very mild aroma of dried fruit, that turns into fresh flavors of nuts and baked apples. 8. 2010 Maryhill Wine Maker’s Red ($8.24): A nice balanced blend of 40 percent Cabernet Sauvignon, 30 percent Merlot, 20 percent Syrah and 10 percent Cabernet Franc. This wine gives off pleasing aromas of black cherry, blackberries and hints of vanilla, that lead to outstanding flavors of black cherry, chocolate and anise, leading to an exciting French vanilla finish. 9. 2010 Sauvignon Blanc ($8.24): This drier white wine is absolutely bursting with a wide assortment of citrus fruit, including orange, lemon, red grapefruit—but that’s not all. It follows through with green apples and honeydew melons. This wine works alone or pairs well with salads and/or fish. Riley’s invites you to try them all, and don’t forget: Wine makes for the perfect gift. Cheers! —Joshua Hurley


CHRISTMAS CASH? God Bless! Rick Davis

CHATTANOOGA’S #1 GOLD BUYER wants to give you MONEY for your jewelry! Get paid TOP-DOLLAR just like Rick’s thousands of satisfied customers!


RICK DAVIS GOLD & DIAMONDS 5301 Brainerd Rd at McBrien Rd • 423.499.9162

Express Yourself in

60 Seconds

It’s as Easy as 1-2-3! Pick or Create Your Card Online... Type Your Message... Click Send! We’ll print it, stuff it, stamp it and mail it for you! Create your card at

FINd YOUR NExT GREAT HIRE FOR FREE! Post your vacancy for free this holiday season using this code through Dec. 31: FREE Visit, click “Post a Job,” register and use the code “FREE” to post your job free through Dec. 31, 2012! SEARCH RESUMES, JOBS & REGISTER TO PLACE YOUR JOB POST TOdAY! CHATTANOOGAJOBPOST.COM • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 • The Pulse • 19

Love is a warm donut.

Free Will Astrology SAGITTARIUS

80 varieties made fresh daily! Customize your selection at our Donut Toppings Bar! We Deliver Downtown! Try our fundraising program! Now Open Downtown! 841 Chestnut St. (Corner of MLK and Chestnut) Monday-Saturday • 6am-6pm Closed Sunday 423.531.0930

East Brainerd 1414 Jenkins Road (next to Lupi’s) Monday-Thursday • 6am-8pm Friday & Saturday • 6am-10pm Sunday • 7am-2:30pm 423.531.3444 •

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 2013, I pledge to conspire with you to achieve more mixtures, connections, accords, and unifications than you ever thought possible. I will furthermore be a fount of suggestions about how you can live well in two worlds. I will coach you to create a peace treaty with your evil twin and your nemesis, and I will help you develop a knack for steering clear of other people’s bad ideas and sour moods. I can’t of course guarantee that you will never again experience a broken heart, but I swear I will do everything I can do to heal the broken part of your heart that you’ve been suffering from.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

When he was 21, the Capricorn writer Jack London set off to prospect for gold in the 1897 Klondike Gold Rush. He had a rough time there. Malnourished, he suffered from scurvy and leg pain. To make matters worse, he didn’t find much gold, and returned home broke. On the other hand, he met scores of adventure seekers who told him stories of their travels. These tales served as rich raw material for his novel “The Call of the Wild,” published in 1903. It made him famous and is generally regarded as his masterpiece. I’m guessing you will begin a similar trajectory in 2013, Capricorn. Events that may at first seem less than successful will ultimately breed a big breakthrough.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I

can’t force you to seek more pleasure in 2013. I won’t nag you to play harder and explore the frontiers of feeling really good. However, I will say this: If you don’t plan to put yourself into at least partial alignment with the cosmic mandate to have maximum fun, you may not get the best use out of the advice I’ll be offering though my horoscopes in the coming year. Please consider the possibility of ramping up your capacity for pure enjoyment.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The study of ancient Mayan civilization owes a lot to the fact that Americans started buying lots of chewing gum in the late 19th century. For a long time, chicle was one of the prime ingredients in Chiclets, Juicy Fruit, Bazooka bubble gum, and many other brands of chewing gum. Chicle is obtained from the sap of sapodilla trees, which grow in abundance in Central America and Mexico. Over the decades, workers harvesting the chicle accidentally found many Mayan ruins covered in overgrown vegetation, then told archaeologists about their discoveries. I foresee a metaphorically comparable sequence happening in your life during 2013. 20 • The Pulse • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 •

rob brezsny

In unexpected ways, you will be put back in touch with and benefit from lost, forgotten, or unexplored parts of the past.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Isaac Newton is regarded as one of the most influential scientists in history. But the time he spent as a member of the English Parliament was undistinguished. The only public comment he ever made while serving there was a request to close the window because he was cold. After analyzing 2013’s astrological aspects, Aries, I’m guessing that you should cultivate a firm intention to avoid doing what Newton did. Keep playing to your strengths and emphasizing what you love. Don’t get sidetracked by peripheral concerns. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In 2013, I’d like to help you cultivate an even more reliable relationship with your intuitions and hunches than you already have. You may not need much guidance from me, since the astrological omens indicate this will happen quite naturally. There’s another kind of inspiration I hope to offer you: clues about how to be “bad” in ways that will give your goodness more vigor. And when I say “bad,” I’m not referring to nastiness or insensitivity, but rather to wildness and playfulness and experimentation. Here’s one further service I want to provide, Taurus: helping you build a greater capacity to receive gifts, blessings, and support. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the year 1900, few people believed that human beings would ever fly through the sky in machines. For years, the Wright Brothers had a hard time convincing anyone to believe their flights were actually taking place, even though they had photos and witness reports as documentation. Although the leap you’ll be capable of in 2013 isn’t quite as monumental as the Wright Brothers’, it could be pretty important in the history of your own life. You may also have to deal with skepticism akin to what they had to face. Be true to your vision, Gemini! CANCER

(June 21-July 22): In 2013, I predict you will see why it’s wise to phase out an influence you have loved to hate for far too long. You will also have a talent for purging emotional burdens and psychic debris that you’ve been holding on to since the bad old days. No later than your birthday, if all goes well, you will be free from a subtle curse you’ve been casting on yourself; you will finally be attending to one of your long-neglected needs; and you will have turned some rather gawky, half-assed wizardry into a

smooth and silky magic.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In 2013, I pledge to help you raise your lovability. It’s not that you are unlovable now, of course, but there’s always room for improvement, right? And if people become even more attracted to you than they already are, then you’re likely to get a lot of collaborative and cooperative work done. You will thrive as you and your allies work on projects that make your corner of the world a better and more interesting place. So what are the first three actions you could take to raise your lovability? VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Have you ever thought to yourself, “I’m afraid I will never achieve my noblest dreams or live according to my highest ideas”? There’s a very good chance that in the coming year you will banish that fear from the sacred temple of your imagination. “Have you ever wondered if maybe you unconsciously undermine the efforts of people who are trying to assist you?” In the coming months you should discover exactly what to do to prevent such a thing from happening. Third question: Do you know the single most important question you should be asking in 2013? Answer: I predict you will figure that out sometime in the next three weeks. LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In 2013, I will be encouraging you to journey into the frontiers and experiment with the unknown. I will seek to inspire you to go in search of teachings you’ve needed for a long time. Are you ready for this expansion, Libra? Are you feeling a natural urge to explore forbidden zones and discover missing secrets and mess with your outmoded taboos? As you might imagine, doing this work would motivate you to develop a healthier relationship with your fears. To bolster your courage, I suggest you find some new freedom songs to sing.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In 2013, I will do what I can to ensure that your fiscal biorhythms are in close alignment with the universal cash flow. You should have pretty good instincts about this worthy project yourself, Scorpio. And so there’s an excellent chance that your wealth will increase. The upgrade will be especially dramatic if you are scheming about how you can share your riches and benefit other people with your generosity. I think there will also be an interesting fringe benefit if you maintain integrity as you enhance your access to valuable resources: You will develop a more useful relationship with your obsessive tendencies.

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

looking for a new

contemporary want to celebrate life? worship want to be inspired? God?

Hear the gospel of Jesus Christ in a fresh way, singing songs of praise and joy, receiving the real presence of the Risen Savior on Sundays from 9:30-10am at Trinity Lutheran


seeking a deeper connection with

trinity lutheran church 5001 Hixson Pike (and 153) n traditional services 8:30am & 11am

“It’s the End of the World!”—or maybe not. Across

1. Alabama Shakes or Sparklehorse 5. Tarbell and Lupino 9. Bellicose god 13. ___ about (roughly) 14. Jeremy of “Suburgatory” 16. Lymph ___ 17. It’s the end of The World!...actually, it’s a radio station mentioned at the end of PRI’s “The World” 19. “Yeah, right!” 20. Farm refrain 21. It’s the end of the world!...or, the country home to Ushuaia, the southernmost city in the world 23. Sound system name 24. “___ Married an Axe Murderer” 25. Food drive unit 26. Throb 28. Earth Day prefix 30. Hole in one’s knowledge 33. It’s the end of The World!...or not, since that was the first

company to provide access to it in 1989 37. Become rigid 39. Shakespearean king 40. Snatches 42. Person who says “Breaker, breaker...” 43. Get really mad 45. It’s the end of the world!...if you sort the countries alphabetically 47. Boat with two goats 48. “The Greatest” 50. Coyote score 51. Verbal ability 53. Series set in Las Vegas 55. Black Panther Party co-founder Bobby 59. It’s the end of The World!...or at least it’s seen in the bottom corner of the tarot card The World 62. “Peer Gynt” playwright 63. Dominates 64. It’s the end of the world!...if you want to get really literal about it 66. Be a computer programmer

67. “Cars” singer Gary 68. St. that legalized marijuana in 2012 69. Rope feature 70. Dick Tracy’s girl 71. Chrysler model


1. Acknowledged the applause 2. Prefix before -plasty 3. Prize given to Carter and Obama 4. Deep-voiced “Simpsons” character 5. “Looking for,” in the personals 6. Nightmare 7. Elroy’s dog 8. What an old comedian chomps 9. Author Loos 10. Maurice’s singing twin 11. Tree of Life location 12. ___ precedent 15. Inseparable 18. Makers of the Mallo Cup 22. Some mil. members 27. “Buffy” spinoff 29. Mag with quizzes 31. Some

32. Combustible heap 33. “Casablanca” character 34. ___-do-well 35. Olympic sport since 2000 36. Looney Tunes spinner 38. Go smaller 41. Think tank output 44. Roles, in metaphor 46. Old-school computer language 49. Lake’s thaw 52. Map-within-a-map 54. “She ___ Coming” (Rolling Stones song) 56. Part of AAA 57. One-eyed “Futurama” character 58. “Return of the Jedi” moon 59. Sure thing 60. Victorious shout 61. Jane VelezMitchell’s network 65. IV givers

Jonesin’ Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0602.


welcoming the community to Christ’s love since 1960

Account Executive Account Executive (Chattanooga) Position Available at Brewer Media Permanent Full-Time

Brewer Media wants YOU! We’re seeking talented Sales Account Executives to join our high-performing team in print and online media sales. You will be responsible for hunting out new leads, making fancy presentations, managing existing accounts and selling new business. The ideal candidate has been a successful sales person, loves Chattanooga, and excels in cultivating relationships with area businesses. Qualified candidates will possess: Excellent written and verbal command of the English language; Organization of time with a laser-focus attention to detail, plus amazing follow through; audience- and needsbased selling approach (and knowing what that means); Outgoing and influential personality with a positive attitude (save your drama for your momma); Ability to generate your own business and to think creatively for clients. The position offers you product training, a base salary plus commission on all sales, bonuses, and the ability to get free passes to events! We also have a few radio stations you can represent as well. To be considered, please email a cover letter, resume, and salary history to : Mike Baskin: Subject: “Sales Job” The Pulse Advantage: With the most comprehensive news, arts and entertainment coverage in Chattanooga, The Pulse has become the most reliable media resource for an extremely diverse readership. Each and every week, more than 30,000 active, educated, affluent and highly influential consumers make many of their purchasing decisions based on advertisements they see on the pages of The Pulse.

Brewer Media is an Equal Opportunity Employer. • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 • The Pulse • 21

Life in the Noog

chuck crowder

Stones Cold Cash 10 Year/ 10,000 Mile Warranty

31 MPG

Magnesium Alloy Paddle Shifters

Automatic CVT Transmission

FUSE Hands-Free Bluetooth System with USB Port

Keyless Entry System

7 Airbags

Brake Energy Regeneration

18” Aluminum Alloy Wheels

Hill Start Assist

msrp $22,512




Great companies need great people That’s why we created Thousands of Chattanooga businesses are seeking quality, qualified employees, but they don’t trust free job sites and other options are too expensive. At, we offer a simple, clean interface to directly connect your business with thousands of potential employees— without the high cost. Just $50 for 30 days to post your employment ad with no space limitations. Search resumes and find the perfect fit.

Visit or call 423.242.7671 22 • The Pulse • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 •

These are sad times for rabid fans, like me, of the Rolling Stones. No, they didn’t announce they were calling it quits. It’s just that they should. How can a rabid fan want his favorite band to hang up their guitars you might ask? It’s because they just don’t give a shit anymore, at least not about us fans. In a recent Rolling Stone interview, the band members discussed the four gigs they’re playing this month—their first such appearances in six years. Although they all reported the band sounded great in rehearsals, there were a few cracks in the armor as to their attitudes going in. Mick Jagger made fun of 68-year-old Keith Richards for complaining about the weight of his guitar on his shoulders. Seventy-one year old drummer Charlie Watts now requires a full-time masseuse to rub down his back every 20 minutes or so. Ron Wood addressed the outrageous ticket prices with the lame excuse of, “We’ve already spent a million in rehearsals alone.” And Keith Richards wasn’t so cordial with his response that basically equated to “if you don’t want to pay it someone else will.” Nice. They might sound like grumpy old men and they should. This year mark’s the band’s 50th anniversary. Fifty years is a long time. I’m not even 50 years old yet. It’s so long, in fact, that no other band in the history of rock n’ roll has ever reached that milestone. Oh, they’ve had a couple of personnel changes over the years, but their most junior member, Ron Wood, has been with them for the last 37 years. That’s a mighty long time of gathering moss in the form of fans and money. Although their music has been ingrained in my noggin via FM radio

since I was a little kid, I really didn’t “discover” the Stones until 1980, when a friend turned me on to the album Emotional Rescue. Since then I’ve acquired and cherished everything they’ve ever recorded. I’ve purchased more than 43 albums, first on vinyl and then again on CD. I’ve bought and read every biography—author ized and unauthorized—about both the band and its individual members. I’m a walking encyclopedia of useless Stones facts, figures and trivia. I’ve also seen them live five times since 1989. Only once did I receive free tickets. Otherwise, they never let me in for anything less than a C-note. And of course, I bought the T-shirt. I would estimate that I have given Mick and the boys literally thousands of my disposable income dollars over the last 32 years. And I know other, even more rabid fans who have likely trumped that

amount by thousands more. Vinyl, CDs, MP3s, tickets, T-shirts, posters, books and other crap with the famous tongue logo don’t come cheap. Maybe that’s why I’ve found it very hard to stomach their new attitude of not giving a shit. I can hear Mick now: “Oh, we’ll do two gigs in London and two in New York. The fans can come to us. They’re lucky that we’ve even agreed to roll out of bed this decade for performances at all, so they’ll pay dearly.” What about paying us back for keeping you popular for half a century?! I’m sorry, but I feel like the Stones owe us for making them so wealthy that each member’s entire future family lineage will be rich beyond their wildest dreams, even if they never even met great-great granddaddy Keith. And I think I’m not alone. The Stones recently posted on Facebook that good seats were still available for a show they were playing the very next night. I followed the link and sure enough, I could get tickets in the risers four rows off the floor— for $831 each, face value. I don’t know which part of the equation depressed me more—the price or the availability. I know it’s only rock ‘n’ roll, but I don’t have to like it. Chuck Crowder is a local writer and man about town. His opinions are his own.

29th Annual Holiday Gift Wrap


wrapped up! Bring your gift to the Holiday Gift Wrap! All proceeds benefit

Hamilton Place • Dec. 7-24 • Open All Day During Mall Hours 2 Locations • Tourist Information Center (upstairs) & JCPenney’s (downstairs)

From $3*

*and up based on size, includes boxes, tissue, variety of papers, ribbons, bows and gift tags! • DECEMBER 20-26, 2012 • The Pulse • 23

The Pulse 9.51 » Dec. 20-26, 2012  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

The Pulse 9.51 » Dec. 20-26, 2012  

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative