Page 1

Nov. 29-Dec. 5, 2012

Vol. 9 • No. 48

the bowL » P4

who wants to be mayor?

Plus » rePEATING history • SOFA KING WHAT? the LIST » P9 Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

mainx24 southside pride


johnoates pop icon, part-time nashville resident and the quiet half of hall and oates speaks • by sarah skates


2 • The Pulse • NOV. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 •

INSIDE THE PULSE •NOV. 29-dec.5, 2012 •vol. 9 •no. 48 The Bowl of Destiny

• Meet Tenacious C and The Bowl of Destiny, aka Pulse food writer Mike McJunkin and his chili. McJunkin is the 2011 MainX24 Heavyweight Chili Champion and defends his title this year on Saturday, Dec. 1. THE LIST »P9 • SUSHI & BISCUITS »P18

Peace on earth starts here.



inTroDUcTorY massaGe

On the cover: John Oates of Hall & Oates

Since 2003



ADVERTISING Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Rick Leavell • Jessica Oliver

inTroDUcTorY Facials


Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Since 2003


Publisher Zachary Cooper The Editors Zach Cooper • Bill Ramsey Contributors Bailey • Rob Brezsny Chattanooga’sRich Weekly Alternative Chuck Crowder • John DeVore • Janis Hashe Matt Jones • Chris Kelly • D.E. Langley Mike McJunkin • Ernie Paik • Sarah Skates Alex Teach • Richard Winham Photographers Jason Dunn • Kim Hunter Josh Lang Cartoonists Max Cannon • Richard Rice Tom Tomorrow Intern Erin McFarland

Since 2003

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Email Got a stamp? 1305 Carter St. • Chattanooga, TN 37402

the fine print

The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2012 Brewer Media

BREWER MEDIA GROUP President Jim Brewer II

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City’s hidden past revealed in new book friends and colleagues of self-described local author and history sleuth Walter Hull should prepare to make room on their bookshelves this holiday season for Hull’s latest masterwork, “Local Legends: Chattanooga.” The book—yet another in a seemingly endless line of navel-gazing local history books cribbed and cobbled together by would-be local “authors”—is set to weasel its way into your Christmas stocking and (for the unwashed masses) onto those revolving shelves in a dark corner of Barnes & Noble on Dec. 10 for a mere $21.99. This invaluable, groundbreaking work catalogs such little-know historical nug-


gets as Chattanooga’s secret ties to CocaCola and the revealing backstory behind such often ignored structures as the Walnut Street Bridge. In addition, readers are treated to compelling insider accounts of such unsung heroes as Jack Lupton and Ruth Holmberg. Along the way, Hull also sheds light on such forgotten icons as Luther Masingill and introduces us to a new breed of Local Legends (congratulations, Jeff Styles and Alan Shuptrine!). Hull and his publisher, Arcadia—the imprint responsible for this and dozens of local historical wiki-books that insists it isn’t a vanity press—cast such thrilling new perspectives on so much that has long gone undocumented! In this slim volume—all Arcadia books are compressed into a trim 128page format, chock full of Xeroxed photos and wordy captions, and are accompanied by zingy press releases—Hull guides us through Chattanooga’s shrouded past

Dizzy Town

with such revelations as this: “Ask someone from around the country what goes with the word, ‘Chattanooga,’ and you are bound to heard the phrase ‘Chattanooga Choo-Choo,’ something that is remarkable considering it the title of a song that was written 70 years ago.” Yes, remarkable! Lest you detect a smidgen of envy, we acknowledge our own submissions to Arcadia have been repeatedly rejected by the august publishing house. This injustice not only furthers our allegations of vanity publishing, but robs local history buffs of such masterpieces as “Business Barons of Northgate,” “McMansions of Ooltewah,” “Visionary Arts Icons of Red Bank,” “East Ridge: Heroic Drive” (with an introduction by Bob Corker, but not that Bob Corker) and our latest, “Architectural Wonders of Hamilton Place.” Clear the shelves, Books-A-Million! These and other forthcoming literary gems will soon be available from Pulse Publishing. Because those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it—over and over and over again!


Sofakingwhat, Dave? nEW HouRS!

11Am - 10 Pm dAilY

mith’s Black s B &B istro


3914 St. Elmo AVE. (423) 702-5461

Find uS on FAcEbook 4 • The Pulse • NOV. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 •

did you get it? call us naive christians, but we didn’t ... at least at first glance—we always tend to see the glass half full! But then again, we’ve forgotten all those old SNL skits we adored in our coke-fueled youth and we’re afraid of roaming Red Bank with the kids as it is. Thanks, David Cook! In his Nov. 25 column in the Times Free Press, Chattanooga’s answer to Dave Barry (minus the humor, since we’re livin’ in the ’80s), explained to us that saying Sofa King Juicy Burgers really, really fast amounts to saying Sofuckingjuicyburgers. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Ha! Aha! Now we get it! And we’re with you, Dave—really! It’s downright devil’s work such a sign should rise over the pristine skies of Red Bank, where virtue, clean living and Just Busted reign! If Sofa King’s owners (who also own Aretha Franklin’s and Crust Pizza) were seeking public damnation (aka free publicity), Dave sure showed them! Pass the blindfold!



Andy Berke The two-term state senator is the front runner and has been on the stump for months. The race may be his to lose.

Rob Healy Businessman, former Parks & Rec director who lost to Littlefield in 2009 says he’s “fiscally conservative.”

Guy Satterfield Retired city employee says race will create “clash of titans and a dark horse,” presumably himself. With this lineup, Chattanooga’s mayoral race won’t be anything close to the “clash of titans” candidate Guy Satterfield predicts it will be, though he’s certain to be the dark horse until someone with even less name recognition jumps in. Healy, an also-ran from the last election, is the Mitt Romney in the race, touting his business experience and, at 61, also assumes the Old White Male role Littlefield is vacating. At this point, we’re predicting a relatively easy win for Berke, 44, who wisely decided not to seek re-election to the State Senate. Berke’s as wholesome as white bread and as politically tasty. But he’s obviously got his eye on a bigger prize (governor, Congress, the Senate, pick one) and is seen as a rising star in the State Democratic Party, so we can’t imagine as mayor he’d shake much up. The city has challenges to go along with its much-touted rebirth—a streamlining of city departments, an examination of metro government and an improvement between relations between the mayor’s office and the police department—but with this cast, that seems less than likely at this point.

On the Beat

alex teach

P.I.—Jail or Hospital? arguing over the “interwebs.” wow. so rarely is humility better illustrated than when you partake in such a dispute … yet here I am. But I must say this much: I like to argue, and it’s much better on gas than going to a neutral location across town to have your discussion, so I’m “OK” with it. That, and I lack humility in general, so why not get a little muddy so long as the other pig likes it, too? The dispute was over how to handle certain misdemeanor crimes and I was drawn in anticipating the usual “Marijuana is Harmless and a Waste of Resources” bit. It turned out not to be about “the weed” at all, so all the better. But I never expected it turn into an all-nighter about stupidity, because that’s the course I took it when it was stated unequivocally that taking someone to jail for public intoxication was a waste of resources when they could be, instead, taken to a room and restrained, medicated and observed. (Before I get too far, let me point out that this person is a regular reader of this column and will therefore read this bit too and be quite annoyed, but (a) I have no intention of naming them, and (b) they did what most people do on “The Facebooks” when they realized they’ve had a public argument that is completely full of holes and “deleted” the entire bit, making it pretty darn hard to trace back to them. They will be annoyed at this, yes, but it’s on them to pop up and show their hand, so my conscious is at least 96 percent clear in this case.) Anyway … Their view contended that it was citable, that they could be issued a summons and simply taken to a hospital and monitored instead, thus reducing unnecessary arrests.

Sounds simple, no? Now in the State of Tennessee, outside of a voting booth or a city council meeting (apparently), you cannot ask someone who is intoxicated or otherwise impaired to read and make an informed decision about their legal rights. Period. (Specifically, you cannot ask a “drunk person” to sign a legal contract. Most places and people recognize this.) That made taking the “it was not necessary to jail them” bit right off the table, but being a reasonable person, I ignored that for the sake of argument. I countered, instead, that were they not so intoxicated, they wouldn’t need arrest in the first place, so if I were having to take them anywhere as a result, why would it be a hospital instead of jail? Never mind that citing someone under the influence was illegal, how is it reasonable to assume you are saving resources by taking them to a hospital room, tying them down and putting drugs in their arms with needles to calm them and paying someone qualified to do so to “observe them?”

Put even more succinctly, how can “taking someone to the drunk tank” seem more unreasonable than “taking someone to a hospital, tying them up and drugging them?” If I’m the bad guy here, why is it I have the issue with drugging folks instead of letting them sleep it off? Another way of putting it is that we have too many unnecessary arrests, but do we have too many unoccupied hospital rooms and an abundance of nurses, too? Taking up a hospital room is more reasonable than putting them in the pokey (also staffed by nurses)? I realize that this somehow makes me a conservative, racist, Nazi wifebeater, but for once I’m having trouble grasping the “how” in this instance. Can someone make the case for me? Complete the argument without deletion, keep it going? How am I so far off base here that I’m the bad guy for not wanting to tie up and drug people? Am I wrong here? Your thoughts are welcome (as is, apparently, Sodium Pentothal at the drop of a hat.) Even the most unconstitional and pro-socialist response is welcome. Alex Teach is a full-time police officer of nearly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at teach. • nov. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 • The Pulse • 5


johnoates pop icon, parttime nashville resident and the quiet half of hall and oates speaks. by sarah skates

they were named the top-selling duo in music history, a record they still hold today. “We have so many hits, and when we perform people expect to hear those hits, and rightly so,” Oates said during a phone interview from his part-time home in Nashville. “But we also try to throw in unique and different album cuts, stuff that gives a better perspective of our musical careers as a whole.” The title of their tour (and a career retrospective box set)—Do What You Want, Be What You Are: The Music of Daryl Hall & John Oates—embraces their separate musical identities yet mutual respect for their past together. Accordingly, the Hall and Oates moniker has been replaced by their full names. “We haven’t written [new music together] in years,” Oates said. “Our relationship is past that now, personally and musically. I believe that what Daryl and I do together is based on our past, and I don’t mean that in a nostalgic way. What I mean is, we have so much great music that we created together that we don’t even have enough time to play that in concert, much less play something new.”


all and Oates are bringing the “whole enchilada” to Chattanooga on Dec. 10. That’s how John Oates excitedly described the upcoming concert during a recent interview with The Pulse. “The show is big, loud and powerful,” he said. “We’ve got a great band, with fantastic musicians and singers. It comes on strong and never lets up.” Chattanoogans have been privy to concerts by the pop superstars during almost every stage of the duo’s career. When they return to the Memorial Auditorium it will bring the artists full circle, to the venue they played almost four decades ago on April 21, 1973, as a rising act. As their success skyrocketed, Hall and Oates returned to the venue on June 28, 1977, and then at the UTC Arena as they rode out the height of their fame on May 4, 1985. Today, as well-established artists, they celebrate a decade of hits onstage together while maintaining separate solo careers. In the years between that first and last visit to Chattanooga, Hall and Oates’ seemingly endless list of chart-toppers grew to include “Rich Girl,” “Kiss on My List,” “Private Eyes,” “I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do),” “Maneater” and “Out of Touch.” In 1987

Photo • Mick Rock

6 • The Pulse • NOV. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 •

“You Make My Dreams” Hall and Oates first met in the late 1960s and bonded over a shared love of rhythm and blues, as well as traditional-leaning roots oriented music. They teamed as songwriters at CameoParkway Records, a Philadelphia label that was similar to New York City’s famed songwriter headquarters, The Brill Building. They released their first album in 1972 and a string of smash hits followed from the mid-’70s to the mid-’80s, propelling the duo to international stardom. Among their 20-plus Top 40 hits

are “Sara Smile,” “One on One,” “You Make My Dreams,” “Say It Isn’t So” and “Method of Modern Love.” Today Hall and Oates have album sales totaling over 80 million units. Though their radio success eventually subsided, acclaim from musical peers has steadily continued. In 2005 they were inducted into the revered Songwriters Hall of Fame in New York City, and in 2008 they were saluted with the BMI Icon Award, a prestigious songwriting honor that celebrates a “unique and indelible influence on generations of music makers.” Over the years, Hall and Oates’ work as a duo has had its peaks and valleys. In 2011 Hall clarified their relationship as “separate, but equal” during an interview with the Los Angeles music magazine, LA Record. “We never had any split,” Hall said. “Again, it was some kind of perception that you can’t be two things.” This year marks the 40th anniversary of their debut album, Whole Oats, and their music continues to inspire younger gen-

erations. Among the numerous bands who cite Hall and Oates as an influence are Gym Class Heroes, the Killers and Hot Chelle Rae. “One on One” In recent years, Hall’s and Oates’ solo work has honed in on what brought them together in the first place—songwriting. Other artists have scored with songs written by them, including Hall’s “Everytime You Go Away,” which they first recorded as a duo, but was made famous by Paul Young in 1985. Hall released a solo album in 2011, Laughing Down Crying. His current projects include a monthly web series and nationally syndicated TV show, “Live from Daryl’s House.” On the show he performs with a mix of guest artists ranging from musical heavyweights to new faces. Among those who have joined him are Booker T and the MGs, Blind Boys of Alabama, Rob Thomas, Train, Cee Lo Green, Smokey Robinson, Jason Mraz, Grace Potter & the Nocturnals

We haven’t written [new music together] in years. Our relationship is past that now, personally and musically ... we have so much great music that we created together that we don’t even have enough time to play that in concert, much less play something new. John Oates and Neon Trees. Since 1999, Oates has recorded four solo albums: Phunk Shui, 100 Miles of Life, Mississippi Mile and the live album, The Bluesville Sessions. Oates and his wife split time between homes in Aspen and Nashville, where he’s busy working on his next solo project. He’s been collaborating with some of Music City’s most celebrated tunesmiths such as Craig Wiseman, Pat Alger and Nathan Chapman (best known for man-

ning the boards for Taylor Swift). Oates has also been writing with revered artists including Country Music Hall of Fame inductee Vince Gill. “Everybody I’ve written with is my favorite collaborator,” Oates said, “because everybody brings something different to the session, and the bar is set consistently high—everyone here is good. It’s really exciting.” When he’s not teaming with veteran hitmakers, Oates enjoys nurturing younger artists who

might one day take their place. He is co-producing and writing with Daphne Willis, and has collaborated with Chattanooga-area native Angel Snow, including inviting her to play at one of his favorite initiatives, the 7908 Aspen Songwriters Festival. Oates founded the event, which celebrates the craft by pairing established tunesmiths with up-andcoming songwriters for unique performances. Since it’s inception he has recruited performers Keb Mo, Shawn Colvin, Allen Toussaint, Matt Nathanson, Jim Lauderdale, Kenny Loggins and many more. After 20 years in Colorado, Oates said he loves Tennessee life. “I love that it is so centrally located for touring,” he said. “It’s so easy for me to travel, especially to the east and Midwest, compared to Colorado. We’re spending a lot more time here. It’s such a great place to be for music. Nashville is on the upswing, it’s got a buzz. And Tennessee is a beautiful state.” Hall and Oates play Memorial Auditorium on Monday, Dec. 10.

Give the Gift of Good Health

By giving the gift of good health this season, you’ll also receive a gift yourself! Purchase a $100 gift card and receive 10% off all packages and retail purchases at the time of purchase. Enjoy the season! Offer good Dec. 1-24, 2012!







Tour a Grace Frank Group South Side Home on Dec. 1 & 2 and become eligible for a South Side Dinner for 2! Look for the Grace Frank MainX24 Bus for Fun and a South Side Tour Sat. Dec. 1 10:30am-12:30pm



SOUTHSIDE VILLAGE $235k to $315k

OPEN SUNDAYS 2-4 PM • nov. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 • The Pulse • 7

8 • The Pulse • NOV. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 •



THE nov. 29-dec. 5

An Evening of Music to Benefit the Victims of Hurricane Sandy: Lumbar 5, Brad Walker Orchestra, Rick Rushing and the Blues Stranger, Ogya World Music Band

• Mawre & Co. and the Bessie Smith Cultural Center present a benefit for victims of Hurricane Sandy. Admission is $10 and 100 percent of the proceeds will benefit the American Red Cross. Performers include Lumbar 5 (left), Brad Walker Orchestra, Rick Rushing and the Blues Strangers and the Ogya World Music Band. 7-11 p.m. • $10 Bessie Smith Performance Hall Bessie Smith Cultural Center • 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8858 •

» pulse PICKS

» pulse pick OF THE LITTER


MainX24 6.0: Southside Pride

MUSIC As Girls Go • Nashville acoustic duo with Hot Damn. 9 p.m. • The Honest Pint • 35 Patten Pkwy. (423)468-4192 •

EVENT Holidays at the Hunter • Holiday decorations debut in the galleries. Hunter Museum • 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0068 •

FRI11.30 MUSIC Big Gigantic • Storied duo with a big sound take T29. 9 p.m. • Track 29 • 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929 •

EVENT Charlie Wiener

• This is the sixth year that Main Street and it’s surrounding neighborhoods have turned into a 24-hour extravaganza of food, parades, music and events. It’s still surprising to a few that it is, actually, a full 24 hours of events. Merchants, businesses, residents and organizations pool resources and ideas to produce the city’s most unique neighborhood celebration. There is a lot of pride for those who can stick with it for the full 24 hours. Timing a nap somewhere in the day is acceptable for mere mortals. It’s a great opportunity for new arrivals to really get to know the Southside and all it has to offer. For the resident, it’s the annual celebration of Southside pride. Check out for a full list of events. Meanwhile, Sushi & Biscuits columnist Mike McJunkin provides his choices for choice eats below.

MainX24 24 hours • Saturday, Dec. 1 Southside Historic District • Main Street

• Stand-up comedy veteran has 25 years on the club circuit. 9:30 p.m. • Vaudeville Café • 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839 •

8:30-11 a.m.


• If you don’t buy from the Main Street Farmers Market, here’s your chance to see what you’re missing. Free samples!

MUSIC Shark Week + Summer Dregs • A Destroyers Club MainX24 showcase featuring beer and hot dogs. 5:30 p.m. • in the former Clyde’s Auto Glass location at 122 W. Main St. •

EVENT Big Wheel Championship • Teams ride the iconic Big Wheel for prizes during this MainX24 event. 1-3 p.m. • Architectural Surfaces parking lot 401 E. Main St. •

• Link 41 and Neidlov’s team to make lard-fried doughnuts. They had us at “lard-fried.”

10 a.m.-Noon

Noon-8 p.m. • Taqueria Jalisco’s mole tamales and tostadas will make you weep with joy. Get a complimentary Pure Soda Works cocktail with purchase!

Noon-4 p.m. • Fourth Annual World Heavyweight Chili Championship with music on the Loading Dock of Rock. See Sushi & Biscuits »P18

6 p.m.-2 a.m. • Pop Up Ultraviolet Bar and Lounge featuring Chattanooga’s food trucks, Chattanooga Whiskey, Ice Luge, Glow in the Dark Ping Pong and a DJ. Everything will GLOW—including the drinks! • nov. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 • The Pulse • 9

Ballet Tennessee Presents

D e c e mb e r D e c e mb e r D e c e mb e r D e c e mb e r

14, 15, 15, 16,

7pm 2pm 7pm 2pm

Guest Artists Fredrick Davis & Sean Hilton Hayes Concert Hall UTC Fine Arts Center

TICKETS ON SALE DECEMBER 1st BOX OFFICE: (423) 425-4269 • 10 • The Pulse • NOV. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 •

Snow, who will perform on Friday at Barking Legs, is a natural storyteller. Her song, “Lie Awake,” for instance, a story about a woman trapped in an abusive relationship, is a 16-line film noir plot. “I was drawing on the experiences of women who’ve been in abusive relationships,” she told me. “This is someone who’s trying to leave the situation she’s in and she lies awake at night trying to figure out a way.” I want to run away, don’t come out lookin’ round… He’s right behind me, please God I can’t be found… The city tells me not to go till dawn And if he wakes, that’s when my heart breaks And I’m as good as gone. Snow wrote the song—featured on Alison Krauss’ Grammy-winning album, Paper Airplane—in a single afternoon after hearing the melody (written by Alison’s brother, Viktor Krauss). When Snow met Alison, she’d been living in Nashville for several years, working to make her mark as a songwriter with little success. She was beginning to think that perhaps she should teach English full-time (she’d been working as a substitute teacher to pay the bills) or maybe join the Peace Corps. Krauss, meanwhile, had just finished her tour with Robert Plant and was thinking about making a record with her own band, Union Station. It had been a number of years since they’d recorded and she was looking for new material. Krauss has a reputation for finding unsung writers and bringing them into the spotlight. When Snow told her she was a songwriter, she asked for a copy

richard winham

Angel Snow: Shadows & Light when singer-songwriter angel snow was in third grade, her teacher, Miss Littleton, asked the class to write a poem about their favorite time of year. Here’s what Snow wrote: Spring is beautiful. Spring is swimming. Flowers blooming and danger looming. In its echoes of Edgar Allen Poe, that simple verse—with its darkly lyrical imagery—augured the artful surprise in songs to come. Miss Littleton loved it. “It was a defining moment,” Snow

said. From that moment she knew what she wanted to do.


of her CD. Snow, who’s not much of a self-promoter—“I’m terrible at networking,” she said—nevertheless knew enough to carry copies of the CD the way others might carry a business card. She gave Krauss a copy, and the next day Krauss called Snow to tell her she wanted to record some of her songs. Krauss ended up recording three of them for Paper Airplane. Soon afterwards, Krauss introduced Snow to her brother Viktor, a gifted musician and writer who’d been looking for a lyricist. “It was like divine intervention when we all met,” Snow said. “Alison said that, too, because she needed some new songs for her record and felt like this was an inspiration for her. She built the record around ‘Lie Awake.’” The first time I met Snow, she was back in town visiting her family in Chickamauga where she grew up. It was a few years ago, and although she had every reason to celebrate, she seemed oddly deflated. She’d just won the highly competitive, bi-annual “Songwriters Shootout” at Eddie’s Attic in Atlanta. The club invites winners from each of its weekly Monday open mic nights to compete for a chance to spend a day in a recording studio. The club’s reputation, more than the prize, draws songwriters from all over the country. It was a few months after the contest, and Snow still seemed to have trouble believing she’d won. How she handled that competition says a lot about both her character and approach to her career. She began with a couple of older tunes she considered among her best. As each of the 24 competitors gradually left the stage,

she began to feel she had a shot at winning. But rather than playing another proven favorite, she chose a new song called “Holiday” about the death of her beloved aunt, her mother’s twin sister, who had died suddenly of cancer. It’s not one of her most memorable songs. It doesn’t have a conventional hook, chorus or melody. But it’s an intensely heartfelt snapshot of a painful period of her life when she felt unmoored and adrift. As always for her connecting with the audience—which included some of her family members—was more important than winning the contest. Apparently the audience responded to the song’s naked honesty and Snow’s authenticity. Meeting and working with the Krauss siblings reinforced Snow’s belief in herself. As she puts it, “There’s no Plan B, this is what I was meant to do.” But it’s her passion expressed in her songs and her performances that has brought her to the point that now (for the first time in seven years) she’s “actually able to pay my bills with music.” It’s a rare achievement for any singer-songwriter these days—but for her it’s just the beginning. Angel Snow with Woodford Sessions 8 p.m. • $12/$15 Friday, Nov. 30 Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347

Richard Winham is the host and producer of WUTC-FM’s afternoon music program and has observed the Chattanooga music scene for more than 25 years.

FRI » 11.30.12




oPEN uNTIl 3Am » Full mENu uNTIl 2Am » 21+ » smokINg AllowED

TWO FLOORS • One big paRTy • Live MuSic • Dancing • 409 MaRkeT ST • 423.756.1919 • nov. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 • The Pulse • 11

Chattanooga Live





Friday • November 30

Moonlight Bride • Monomath

Saturday • December 1 Roast of Andy Pyburn

Sunday • December 2

Kite Fighters • Thank You Maams Bearhound

Wednesday • December 5

Frenchy and the Punk • Violin Monster

Thursday • December 6 Dethklok After Party

Friday • December 7

Milele Roots • Great Barrier Reefs

Saturday • December 8 SoCro • Opportunities

Wednesday • December 12


THU. 8:25p




Fly Golden Eagle James Wallace and the Naked Lights


JJ’s Bohemia • 231 E MLK Blvd. 423.266.1400 •



901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191 Thursday, Nov. 29: 8pm Open Mic with Mark Holder Friday, Nov. 30: 9pm Gabriel Newell Saturday, Dec. 1: 10pm Kara-Ory-Oke Monday, Dec. 3: 9pm Comedy Night with Tony Levi Tuesday, Dec. 4: 7pm Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! ●

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers 12 • The Pulse • NOV. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 •

BLACKBERRY SMOKE •Atlanta country and southern rockers evoke the early Lynyrd Skynyrd. The lineup consists of Charlie Starr, Richard Turner, Brit Turner, Paul Jackson and Brandon Still at Track 29 on Friday with Drake White. FRI 11.30 • 9 p.m. • Track 29 • 1400 Market St. • (423) 266-4323 •

Thu 11.29 Audi Burchett 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Uncle Lightnin’ with New Madrid 8:25 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. As Girls Go with Hot Damn 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 Blackberry Smoke with Drake White 9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323

fri 11.30 Gentlemen’s Jazz Quartet 7 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400 Arson 7 p.m. Barts Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Drive (423) 870-0777 Michael Jack & the Psychedelic Rodeo 8 p.m. Acoustic Café,

61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 Moonlight Bride and Monomath 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Big Gigantic 9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323 Angel Snow CD Release Show with Woodford Sessions 9 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Gabriel Newell 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Sunny Ledford with Luke Kaufman and Matt Borden 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Standing Room Only 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Davey Smith 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St.

(423) 266-4240 Stevie Monce 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 Queen B & the Well Strung Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878

sat 12.01 Colling, Williams, Curtis, Harris Noon. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 Summer Hullender and The Embellishers 3 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terr. (423) 713-8739 Gentlemen’s Jazz Quartet 7 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400 6String Suga Daddy 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 The Dirty Guv’nahs with Black Cadillacs

9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323 The Roast of Andy Pyburn 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Plvnet CD Release Show 9 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Bi-Polar Express 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 Standing Room Only 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Kara-Ory-Oke 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Kontraband 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 Mighty Sideshow with Hillbilly Sins 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. A Late Night of New Orleans Jazz & Blues 10 p.m. MainX24, 1463 Market St.

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MOONLIGHT BRIDE • Moonlight Bride emerges at JJ’s on Friday with Monomath. The band will release their new EP, Dead Language, digitally on Tuesday, Dec. 4, on all major online retailers. FRI 11.30 • 9 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia • 231 E. MLK Blvd. • (423) 266-1400 • 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191

sun 12.02

wed 12.05

Kite Fighters, Thank You Ma’ams and Bearhound 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

Dakota Williams 9 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 Pee Wee Moore with Awful Dreaded Snakes 9 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terr.

mon 12.03 Comedy Night with Tony Levi 9 p.m. The Office,

(423) 713-8739 Erick Baker with Jesse Lafser 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Stereo Dig with Inglewood and Spoken Nerd 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 Frenchy and the Punk

with Violin Monster 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

Map these locations at chattanoogapulse. com. Send live music listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@

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14 • The Pulse • NOV. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 •

Hanging with Chad By Rich Bailey chad prevost can’t resist redefining things, especially himself. Provost co-founded Chattanooga-based C&R Press in 2006 with fellow poet Ryan Van Cleave. The company started as a poetry press, partly because the barriers to entry were lower than for other forms of literature. “We knew poetry was something we could edit, we didn’t have to deal with agents, we could get much bigger names much less expensively, and the books were less costly to produce,” Prevost said. In 2008, the focus expanded to include fiction and nonfiction, and their catalog now includes 24 titles. “We produced some beautiful books in fiction, but we are learning how hard it is to get the attention they deserve and need. There are literally more books than ever that are published annually,” he said. C&R is now a few months into what Prevost estimates to be a two- to five-year process of reinventing itself to become profitable. With the help of a business consultant, the press is working to overhaul its business practices, find a new printer, revamp its distribution system and rebrand itself. All this is going on while 10 books are in production and the company has received a flood of high quality manuscript submissions. “We’re trying to have an independent press that has enough profit to justify the enormous time, energy and expense that it requires to pull it off,” said Prevost. At the same time he is both running and transforming a publishing company, Prevost is continuing his own writing. He is shopping both a novel and a new collection of poems, writing the first draft of one novel and reconsidering a novel he had previously shelved. “Pumpkin

Fist” is a southern gothic novel about a snake-handling preacher with an oversized right hand. “I thought it was a big dead broke monster that I could never get right, but I looked back on it and thought this thing is kind of cool, I need to make sure this thing lives.” He also blogs regularly at hangingchad. com. “I think it can all work together and not be a conflict of interest,” he said. “I’m constantly assessing that. Am I spending too much time developing and editing other people’s work and not doing mine? Every day I go am I a businessman or a writer?” This dichotomy shows up in his writing, where he sometimes riffs on his own identity. “A Walking Cliché Coins a Phrase: Prose Poems, Letters and Microfictions,” published in 2008, includes “The Meaning of Chad,” which ranges from the poet’s birth in Fairfax, California to the hanging, dimpled, swinging and pregnant Chads made famous in the Florida presidential recount of 2000 to rebellion in the African Republic of Chad. “Every


day it seems Chad stands for something else,” he writes. Though I have sat with him and even purchased Prevost’s books, I felt duty bound to consult with that indisputable arbiter of actuality, the Internet. Not only is Chad Prevost real (Whew!) but includes a review quote in which Thomas Lux, author of God Particles, calls “A Walking Cliché Coins a Phrase,” “An utterly unique book of poems ... filled with true wit (strange things go on in this man’s head!), strong music, a stone blind love (the only kind of love that matters) of language, and a wild, wild heart.” (Lux checks out, too, by the way. Google assures me that he has approximately 121,000 results worth of reality. And speaking of identity vertigo, Lux holds an endowed chair in poetry at Georgia Tech, which is an engineering school. Sounds like he and Prevost might have been separated at birth.) After 10 years teaching, including five at Lee University and two at Dalton State College, Prevost took the leap 18 months ago to be a full-time writer and publisher. “I’m trying to make sure that I keep my identity and fundamental dream of being a writer alive while being an expert in publishing as well. I’m trying to create a platform that says ‘I’m both.’”



‘The Life of Pi’: A Visual Feast while this year films like “cloud atlas” sought to reinvent narrative structure, adding complex story arcs that span centuries, a film like “The Life of Pi” shows that there is plenty of life in simplicity. The castaway/shipwreck-style story has been told nearly as long as humans have crossed the seas. And yet “The Life of Pi” is energizing and captivating, beautiful and mesmerizing, despite being so familiar. It is very easily the best film I’ve seen this year and a genuine joy to watch. The story is easy enough. A young Indian boy raised in a zoo is travelling with his family to North America, where his father intends to sell the animals and start life over. As the ship crosses the Marianas Trench in the Pacific, a storm sinks the vessel. The last Pi sees

of his former life are lights disappearing into the darkness of the sea. Pi manages to escape in a lifeboat, but when the storm passes, he finds that he isn’t alone. He is sharing the boat with a dangerous and wild Bengal tiger named Richard Parker.

The story is told by a narrator, Pi himself, to an author looking for a story in present day. It is memory and exists as an imaginative version of the truth, one of wonder and survival, of adaptation and faith, of humanity and its place in the natural world. It is at once believable and impossible. Only Pi witnessed the events, so we as an audience are forced to trust him implicitly. The story seeks to prove the existence of God, as Pi is simultaneously a Hindu, Christian and Muslim. Much like the story of Job, Pi is faced with tremendous trials, but does not curse his creator. Rather he accepts his outcomes, fighting and enduring, keeping meticulous notes in his journal only to have it ripped away by a storm that represents the wildness and imperceptibility of the Divine. Pi cannot question his fate, only praise the experience. If the story is simple, the vi-

sual effect of the film is complex. I very rarely see a film in 3D, as I find it deteriorates the quality of the medium. Due to extenuating circumstances, I saw “The Life of Pi” in 3D and the experience was surprising and wonderful. This is the first 3D film I’ve seen that enhanced the overall experience rather than distracted from it. It is the best use of the technology since Avatar. Unlike most 3D films, the colors are bright and clear, with no fuzzy lines or blurred action. The audience is actually pulled into the film by the effects—the scene with the flying fish was especially captivating, as was the wonder of the night reflected in the still water of the ocean. I can’t remember a recent film that is so visually enthralling. This is a breathtaking experience that must be in seen the darkness of a theater. Even the best home theater in the world cannot replicate the majesty of the visuals of this film seen on the big

screen. I can only imagine that this film had the same effect on me as “2001: A Space Odyssey” or “Star Wars” must have had on its original audience. Everything on the screen has a distinct presence, seeming to occupy the same space at the same time. I cannot recommend this film enough. Not only is it visually spectacular, but the story examines the spiritual side of humanity that even the hardest of hearts can identify with. It is a story of triumph and tragedy. If this is the type of film Hollywood is capable of producing (through the masterful eye of director Ang Lee) then we should all be encouraged about the state of film. Reward Hollywood for this one. The more people see films of this type, the more likely we’ll have films like this in the future. “The Life of Pi” is the best movie out right now—it will likely be the best film released this year.


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Arts & Entertainment Thu 11.29 Deck the Falls 8 a.m.-8 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scene Hwy. (423) 821-254 Spacial Dynamics Workshop 9 a.m.-9 p.m. Crabtree Farms, 1000 E. 30th St. (423) 493-9155 Winter Wonders 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 Art After School (Ages 6-8) 4:30-6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 UTC Flute Recital 5-6:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425- 4371 Holidays at the Hunter Family Celebration 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 An Evening of Music to Benefit the Victims of Hurricane Sandy: Lumbar 5, Brad Walker Orchestra, Rick Rushing, Ogya 7-11 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8858 The Midnight Swinger 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233

fri 11.30 Dual Exhibits 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center Gallery, 5461 North Terrace Drive (423)-493-0270 “Femme” An Art Exhibition 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Shuptrine’s Gold Leaf Designs, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453 “Quiet Spaces” 10 a.m.-5 p.m. River Gallery, 400 E. Second St.

16 • The Pulse • NOV. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 •


(423) 265-5033 Holidays Under the Peaks (Thru Jan. 6) 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 Holiday for the Animals 11 a.m.-5 p.m. McKamey Animal Center, 4500 North Access Road, (423) 305-6500 Enchanted Garden of Lights 6-9 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road Lookout Mtn., Ga. (800) 854-067 FrockTail 2012 6 p.m. Stratton Hall, 3146 Broad St. (423) 322-0487 Organ Concert: A Chattanooga Holiday Spectacular 7 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 642-8497 The Midnight Swinger 7:30 & 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 Holiday Concert 7:30-9:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3833 UTC Choral Concert 7:30 p.m. First Baptist Church Chattanooga, 401 Gateway Ave. “Santaland Diaries” (Talk Back with director after performance) 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 Charlie Wien 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839

sat 12.01 MainX24 6 a.m.- Midnight. Main Street First Things First 8th Annual Families on the Run 6-10:30 a.m. Sports Barn, 301 Market St. Octopus Den 9:30-11 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 Pancake Breakfast with Santa 9:30 a.m. Southern Belle Riverboat, 201 Riverfront Pkwy. (800) 766-2784 Christkindlmarkt: A German Christmas Market 10 a.m.-9 p.m. St. Marks Church, 701 Mississippi Ave. (423) 267-5530 christkindlmarkt Christmas Open House 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Georgia Winery, 6469 Battlefield Pkwy. Ringgold, Ga. (706) 937-WINE River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 MainX24 Parade 11 a.m.- Noon. Rossville Avenue & Jefferson Street, Holiday Shopping Expose 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Fairfield Inn & Suites, 1452 N. Mack Smith Road, holidayshopping 11th Annual Chattanooga Holiday Market 11 a.m.- 4 p.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. MainX24 World Heavyweight Chili Championship Noon-4 p.m. 326 E. Main Street Singing Christmas Tree 2 & 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS Miss Black Tennessee USA Pageant 5-7 p.m. UTC Univer-

sity Center Auditorium, 642A E. 5th St. Ruby Red Christmas 5-9 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scene Hwy. (423) 821-254 Northpole Limited Train Ride 5:45, 7:30 & 9:15 p.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Road (423) 894-8028 The Midnight Swinger 7 & 9:30 The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 “Santaland Diaries” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 Charlie Wien 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839

sun 12.02 MainX24 Midnight-9 a.m. Main Street 11th Annual Chattanooga Holiday Market 11 a.m.- 4 p.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. Free First Sunday Noon-4:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 Christkindlmarkt: A German Christmas Market 1-8 p.m. St. Marks Church, 701 Mississippi Ave.

321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 Holidays Under the Peaks 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 “The Art of Gifting” 1-5 p.m. In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214 Enchanted Garden of Lights 6-9 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road Lookout Mtn., Ga. (800) 854-067

tue 12.04

MAIN X 24 • Annual 24-hour party begins Saturday morning with a parade, street performers, art exhibits, vendors, a chili cookoff and live music from great local bands such as Glowing Bordis (above), The Jackies and Strung Like a Horse. Shop, eat, dance and party around the clock at this sixth annual street festival that celebrates all things Southside. SAT 12.01 • 6 a.m. • Southside Historic District Main Street • (423) 267-5530 christkindlmarkt Open Improvisational Jam 3-5 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 CSO Chamber Series: An Early December Gift 3-5 p.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 266-4121 Northpole Limited Train Ride 5:45, 7:30 & 9:15 p.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Road, (423) 894-8028 Caroling with the

Great jobs. Great people.

Fishes Member Night 6:30-9 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960 The Midnight Swinger 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233

mon 12.03 Deck the Falls 8 a.m.-8 p.m. Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scene Hwy. (423) 821-254 Winter Wonders 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum,

“Faces & Sculpture” 5-10 p.m. Gallery 301 South Side, 1800 E. Main St. AAF Chattanooga Holiday Mixer to Benefit the Mary Walker Towers 6-9 p.m. The Meeting Place, 1278 Market St. Faculty Voice and Guitar Recital 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3833

wed 12.05 Christmas for Kids with Lauren Alaina & Confederate Railroad 6:30-9 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323

Map these locations at chattanoogapulse. com. Send calendar listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@

Signal Mountain Tree Lighting Festival Dec. 1 • 5-8p.m.

Local School Choirs, Santa • Kid’s Crafts • Food! FREE Admission • Donations Accepted

Mountain Arts Community Center 809 Kentucky Ave. Signal Mountain • (423) 886-1959 • nov. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 • The Pulse • 17

Sushi & Biscuits


The Heat is On i could not care less about sports. the idea of spending any of the few precious hours of life I have left on this planet watching a bunch of overpaid, adult men trot around playing with a ball excites me about as much as listening to Ben Stein read a transcript of Barefoot Contessa. But since I do possess both an X and a Y chromosome, I have a competitive streak that will quickly turn a game of Cards Against Humanity into bloodsport if you dare challenge me. You don’t want to know what I did to my little brothers over a game of Monopoly in the ’70s.

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But while I would rather do tequila shots out of Mario Batali’s hairy naval than sit through a single episode of a “competition” like “Dancing with the Stars” or “American Idol,” I do think some cooking competition shows are pretty entertaining. The original Japanese version of “Iron Chef” is a very compelling mix of 1990’s pro wrestling production values with a heaping helping of WTF? that rivals the weird part of YouTube. On the other hand, watching Gordon Ramsay take a piss on his 12 Michelin stars during “Master Chef” by pimping Walmart’s GMO, factory-farmed food “product” makes me want to shove a boning knife into my frontal cortex. And I will personally set fire to Anthony Bourdain’s Moleskine notebook if his new competition show, “The Taste,” doesn’t prominently feature at least one shot per episode of something dripping down Nigella Lawson’s décolletage. That aside, cooking competitions have been popular long before any of these program. One of the most popular cooking competition traditions got its start back in 1967 when a writer and a humorist squared off against each other in the ghost town of Terlingua, Texas, over who

made the best pot of chili. Not exactly a manly, wild west showdown between John Wayne and the Marlboro Man, but rather a snarky and cantankerous kerfuffle between a surly writer and a smart-ass humorist. So much for my efforts to bolster the testosterone swelled roots of cooking competitions.

Next week, the Main X24 World Heavyweight Chili Championship will continue this great tradition with its annual slugfest between local chefs, business professionals, and home cooks to determine whose chili reigns supreme. You may recall that last year an attractive, virile, youthful, yet humble contestant led a cookoff team that wowed both the crowd and judges alike with a pot of chili that was hailed as a game changer; its flavor so legendary it may have created a sixth taste to follow umami. His triumph over the other contestants earned him the coveted championship

belt and a place in culinary history. I wouldn’t want to embarrass him by using his name, but his initials are Mike McJunkin. This year I’ll be returning with a team of handpicked professionals to defend the title as “Tenacious C and the Bowl of Destiny.” Our newest winning chili creation, “FlavorousMaximus,” will pummel the competition into chili powder and allow the championship belt to stay in its proper home, above the door of The Pulse chili labs. During the competition, the “Loading Dock of Rock” will feature Glowing Bordis, The Jackies and Strung Like a Horse feeding your earhole with high-quality sounds while you feed your chili hole with Chattanooga’s finest capsaicin creations. Come by The Pulse tent, meet the master, view the belt and try some chili. If you ask nicely I might let you try some of my Trinidad Scorpion hot sauce I’ll have hiding behind the counter. All aboard to flavortown! Or something like that. Mike McJunkin is the 2011 MainX24 Heavyweight Chili Champion. Visit his chili website,, and Facebook page (Sushi and Biscuits) for updates and recipes.


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Free Will Astrology SAGITTARIUS




(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): If you say “rabbit rabbit rabbit” as soon as you wake up on the first day of the month, you will have good luck for the next 30 to 31 days. At least that’s how reality works according to a British superstition. But judging from your astrological omens, I don’t think you will have to resort to magic tricks like that to stimulate your good fortune. In the next four weeks, I suspect you will be the beneficiary of a flood of cosmic mojo, as well as a surge of divine woowoo, a shower of astral juju, and an upwelling of universal googoo gaga. If it would give you even more confidence to invoke your favorite superstitions, though, go right ahead.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): According to Greek myth, Perseus cut off the head of Medusa. She was the creature whose hair was composed of snakes and whose gaze could turn a person into stone. The immortal winged horse Pegasus was instantaneously born from Medusa’s blood. He ultimately became an ally to the nine Muses, and Zeus relied on him to carry thunder and lightning. I predict that while you’re sleeping, Capricorn, you will have a dream that contains elements of this myth. Here’s a preliminary interpretation of that dream: You are undergoing a transition that could in a sense give you the power of flight and a more abundant access to a muse. AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s time for you to be leader of the pack, Aquarius; to take your gang to the next level; to make sure the group mind isn’t suppressing innovation and enforcing peer pressure but is rather inspiring every member of the tribe to be as creative as they dare to be. And if it’s not realistic for you to wield that much power, then do whatever you can to synergize the alliances that hold your posse together. Build team morale. Gossip constructively. Conspire to animate an influx of fresh magic.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): If you’re a food company that wants to sell chicken in the shape of a chicken wing, it must have actual chicken wing meat in it. Otherwise, the law says you’ve got to call your product “wyngz.” I’ve always thought that there’s a lot of information the media presents as “news” that is really as fake as wyngz. That’s why I advocate calling the bogus stuff “newzak” (rhymes with “muzak”). Your assignment in the coming weeks, Pisces, is to make sure you’re not putting out any wyngz- or newzak-like stuff in your own chosen field. The fates will help you rather dramatically if 20 • The Pulse • NOV. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 •

rob brezsny

you put a high premium on authenticity.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “They are trying to make me into a fixed star,” complained religious leader Martin Luther a few centuries ago. “I am an irregular planet.” I invite you to use that declaration as your own in the coming weeks. You have every right to avoid being pinned down, pigeonholed, and forced to be consistent. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you need abundant freedom to mutate your identity. You deserve a poetic license that allows you to play a variety of different roles and explore the pleasures of unpredictable self-expression. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “The Star-Spangled Banner” is America’s national anthem. It features the lyrics of a patriotic poem written by Francis Scott Key. But the melody itself is entirely lifted from a bawdy old song that celebrates Bacchus, the ancient god of wine and ecstatic dancing. I love it when things are repurposed as dramatically as that. Do you? The coming weeks will be prime time to repurpose stuff with creative abandon. Make the past useful for the future, Taurus. Turn good old ideas into fantastic new ones. Don’t just recycle; transform. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I’m guessing that in the coming weeks you will be receiving a multitude of inquiries, invitations, and temptations—probably more than you feel capable of responding to, and certainly more than you should respond to. A few of these opportunities might be appealing and lead to interesting adventures. But some will be useless, diversionary, or trivial. Will you be able to tell the difference? That’s your big challenge. CANCER (June 21-July 22): For millennia, the plant known as the yellow avalanche lily has thrived on mountain slopes and meadows throughout western North America. It blooms early in the spring, just in time for broad-tailed hummingbirds that migrate from Central America to sip the flower’s nectar. But now there’s a problem with that ancient arrangement. Due to global warming, the lily now blossoms 17 days earlier than it used to. But the hummingbirds haven’t made an adjustment in their schedule, so they’re barely showing up in time to get their full allotment of nectar. I suspect this is a metaphor for a shift you may be facing in your own life rhythm. Fortunately, you’ve been forewarned, and you can adjust better than the hummingbirds.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In our calendar, there is no special holiday devoted to honoring the joy and power of rebellion. This oversight confounds me. All my experience tells me that the urge to revolt is a fundamental human need. Every one of us has a sacred duty to regularly rise up and overthrow a stale status quo that is oppressing us. I’m telling you this, Leo, because it’s an excellent time to celebrate your own Rebellion Jubilee. Your vitality will soar as you shed numbing habits and decaying traditions. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Recently you’ve had resemblances to an eight-year-old kid wearing the pajamas you loved when you were five. Your bare arms are jutting out beyond where the sleeves end, and there’s a similar thing going on with your legs. The fabric is ripped here and there because it can’t accommodate how much you’ve grown. You’re feeling discomfort in places where the overly tight fit is squeezing your flesh. All of this is somewhat cute but mostly alarming. I wish you would wean yourself of the past and update your approach. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A lot of leopard frogs live on Staten Island. Most of them make a sound that resembles a long snore or a rapid chuckle. But over the years, biologists have also detected a third type of frogly expression: a clipped, repetitive croak. Just this year, they finally figured out that this belonged to an entirely distinct species of leopard frog that they had never before identified. It’s still so new it doesn’t have a name yet. I expect a metaphorically similar development in your life, Libra. You will become aware of a secret that has been hiding in plain sight. You will “find” something that actually revealed itself to you some time ago.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Tom Tolbert is a sports talk show host on San Francisco radio station KNBR. I am amazingly neutral about him. Nothing he says fascinates me or mirrors my own thoughts. On the other hand, he never makes me mad and he’s not boring. I neither like him nor dislike him. I simply see him for who he is, without any regard for what he can do for me. He has become a symbol of the possibility that I’m able to look at a human being with complete impartiality, having no wish for him to be different from what he is. In the coming week, I suggest you try to achieve this enlightened state of mind on a regular basis. It’s prime time, astrologically speaking, to ripen your mastery of the art of objectivity.

Jonesin’ Crossword

Free Christmas Concert

matt jones

Saturday • dECEMBEr 8 • 7pM ols r a C & ic s u M s a m traditionanl cCerhtraisrttist Brad Bryan o Co

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39. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer 42. In ___ (mad) 43. A shot 47. ___ Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg’s “Ghost” role) 48. Resort town for video game enthusiasts? 51. Honorary flag position 53. Wine agent 54. Tinseltown, in headlines 55. Old-school laundry detergent 56. Word after wake or Ouija 57. Oinker who designed a commercial space shuttle? 63. Highway sign 64. Start of most John Grisham book titles 65. Olympic skater Slutskaya 66. “___ to recall...” 67. Animal pattern on Gateway computer boxes 68. Young accounting partner?


1. Bike race with hills

2. Rule 3. The Diamondbacks, on scoreboards 4. See 10-down 5. Courvoisier or Remy Martin 6. Pound, in British slang 7. Unproven ability 8. “___ Kapital” 9. Junior high in a 1980s teen show 10. With 4-down, “Delta of Venus” author 11. Putting the kibosh on 12. Historic period for blacksmiths 13. Palme ___ (Cannes Film Festival prize) 18. “___.0” (Comedy Central webclip show) 21. ___ the other 22. Body spray brand with hot ads 23. ___-One (rapper who guested on R.E.M.’s “Radio Song”) 24. “The Raven” monogram 25. Bobcat cousin 26. False reason 27. Sanctions 28. ___ de guerre 30. Ursus ___

(brown bear) 36. Office machine 37. Equally awful 38. Alternative to ja 39. “I blew it,” to Homer 40. Big potatoes 41. Scary programs 44. Shaker founder Lee 45. F/X animation 46. QVC rival 49. Spittoon noise 50. Award for a bomb 52. Fake a signature 55. “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. ___” 56. Fat measure 57. “The Mayor of Simpleton” band 58. Saigon soup 59. Slip up 60. Wrestling victory 61. Border org. 62. Gangster’s sidearm

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1. Looney Tunes voice Mel 6. Proof-ending abbr. 9. Petraeus who stepped down as CIA head 14. Mushrooms have a weird effect on him 15. “Burn Notice” network 16. Month before febrero 17. Advice like “Don’t fly so low you crash into the Death Star”? 19. Gainesville collegian 20. Drift into dreamland 21. Stars with a belt 22. Cub Scout leaders, in the U.K. 26. Like restaurants that serve sushi, pad thai, and 58-down 29. Do a medical scan on a British royal? 31. ___ Dinh Diem 32. ___ Deportes (Spanish-language channel) 33. Moves, in real estate jargon 34. Amethyst, for one 35. Elected official straight from a Fox singing competition?

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Life in the Noog

chuck crowder

What Price Memories? i recently attended a charity auction benefiting a family that just lost its young mother. Emotions were high and wallets were out and open. Everyone wanted to help as much as they could—no matter what they received in return. There were the typical silent auction items— gift certificates to locally owned restaurants, performance halls, day spas and attractions, as well as art and jewelry created by talented local artists, some of whom knew the family well. Then there was the live auction. Among some of the higher ticket items was a Cessna Decosimo statue that went for $1,100 before it was presented to the event’s organizer as an unexpected thank you gift from the friend who won the auction. That’ll tell you a little bit about the mood of the room. The most intriguing auction item of the night, however, was the highly anticipated offering of a bit of Noog memorabilia. Seems that a tabletop from the former Stone Lion Tavern found its way to a room filled with former Stone Lions, now with the means to spend a little more than $2 for a PBR. The buzz around the place the entire evening centered upon what such a seemingly worthless block of wood would fetch. But to those in attendance, it was virtually priceless. Even though it was a dingy table top that had seen God knows what during it’s 18 years in one of the Noog’s most treasured bars, it represented history. There were crude etchings on it from patrons over the years, which included “John still sux” and the four-bar Black Flag logo. But more importantly, the filthy

22 • The Pulse • NOV. 29-DEC. 5, 2012 •

block of wood was around for it all—just like many of those willing to spend whatever it took to take it home. Estimates ranged from $300 up to $1,000—with those speculating the higher end of the range actually prepared to spend that kind of money. Phone calls home to husbands and wives not in attendance were made to determine bid ceilings. In-fighting among those interested got more and more spirited as the spirits flowed. And then, it was time to see if these people were willing to put their money where their mouths wouldn’t touch— even on a dare. The bidding was frantic. Within the first two or three minutes, bidding reached $850. And just when the auction started to slow, two bidders emerged from the crowd and began a bidding war that would reluctantly end for the loser at an amazing $1,025. I was floored, but I also understood. This wasn’t simply a generous donation to a needy cause; it was bragging rights to a one-ofa-kind piece of historical significance that only a Stone Lion regular would understand.

I’ve seen other outlays of serious cash for local memorabilia over the years that are just as amazing. I know someone who paid tens of thousands of dollars to have the enormous neon sign from the old Town & Country rooftop meticulously dismantled and stored just because his childhood memories, like mine, include driving across the Market Street Bridge with his parents and knowing he was close to home as soon as it’s red and green beacon presented itself on the north end. I’ve grabbed up bits of memorabilia over the years from failed establishments that meant something to me. I remember sitting across the street from the old Scrappy’s bar near UTC when the wrecking ball leveled it just to run over and grab a brick. Of course, ask me today what happened to that brick and I couldn’t tell you. That doesn’t mean that some memorabilia is worthless. Whether it’s matchbooks or coasters from the restaurants and bars your journeys have taken you or a tabletop from a bar where you spent a significant portion of your life, little trinkets remind us of where we’ve been in life. And that’s something you can never put a price on. Chuck Crowder is a local writer and man about town. His opinions are his own.

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The Pulse 9.48 » Nov. 29-Dec. 5, 2012  
The Pulse 9.48 » Nov. 29-Dec. 5, 2012  

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