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rnative • March 21, 20 e t l A y l 13 • Week

Special Issue

Elton John The Honky Cat gets back to his Château

MUSIC GEORGE JONES ARTS 3D PRINTING • ‘nora’ food&Drink terramáe’s passion

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Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Amy Allara • Chee Chee Brown • Eric Foster Jessica Gray • John Holland • Rick Leavell Jerry Ware



Editor & Creative Director Bill Ramsey Operations Manager/Webmaster Mike McJunkin Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • Zachary Cooper Chuck Crowder • John DeVore • Janis Hashe David Helton • Matt Jones • Mike McJunkin Ernie Paik • Sarah Skates • Alex Teach Richard Winham Photographers Kim Hunter • Josh Lang Cartoonists Max Cannon • E.J. Pettinger • Richard Rice Jen Sorensen • Tom Tomorrow Interns Gaby Dixon • Julia Sharp • Esan Swan

Offices 1305 Carter St. • Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Web Email Calendar THE FINE PRINT The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2013 Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II

Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 3



attention shoppers

River Market set to open 2013 market season Attention urbanites, tourists, foodies, music lovers and, as of recently, Ringgoldians: The ever-popular Chattanooga Market will kick off its 2013 season with the opening of the Chattanooga River Market this Saturday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. at the artfully concreted Tennessee Aquarium Plaza. Like the original Chattanooga Market held on Sundays at the First Tennessee Pavilion, the River Market will provide some animation for the downtown area on weekends, along with hand-made and local arts, crafts, gifts and food offerings from local vendors.



The River Market season runs through Labor Day weekend, but keep those Easy Spirit strolling shoes on. Along with the addition of a Ringgold Market held on Saturdays, the original Chattanooga Market will open Sunday, April 21, with delights from some popular local food venues such as Good Dog and Yellow Deli, along with wares and goods from local artists, bakers, chefs, craftsmen and seamstresses from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. each Sunday. This year, the Market will feature an agricultural tie-in or charity partner each week along with 30 themed events, including the annual Chattanooga Oktoberfest, cook-offs and the free music performances each Sunday. Anticipated new events will include a Harvest Festival Run, an 8-K run benefiting the Market itself, a two-day Thanksgiving Market for some seasonal

4 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

shopping and—much to my coldblooded pleasure—a three-weekend Holiday Market held indoors at the Chattanooga Convention Center. Spring—here we come! —Gaby Dixon

art rides

Enjoy outdoors, art rides during Tour de Noog Tour De Noog, an art-centric bike ride with an “insistence” on local art, is set to launch at noon on Saturday, March 23, from Sluggo’s, located at 501 Cherokee Blvd., with three scheduled “Art Rides” and three parties throughout the day. The tour continues at 2 p.m. on Sunday, March 24, from Velo Coffee, located at 509 E. Main St. Created by local photographer David Ruiz and artist Margaret LaVoie of PPRWK, famed for their temporary wheat paste murals, the tour is designed to promote community wellness by activating Chattanoogans to get out and enjoy some free art, exercise and fresh air. For its first showcase, Ruiz said the project will feature 12 murals across downtown Chattanooga, from Frazier Avenue to Main Street, using his photographs to pay homage to some of Chattanooga’s local musicians. A second showcase is set for the summer. Each showcase will hang for 30 days, then will be removed for 30 to 90 days in preparation for the next. The second showcase will focus on LaVoie’s whimsical illustrations, which will adorn local walls and provide an imaginative and playful journey through Chattanooga. The tour is a day-long event spanning from North Chattanooga to the Southside. There will be an afternoon party, an

evening party and an after party, all intermittent with scheduled Art Rides. At each party, sponsors will be hustlin’ their wares, local musicians will be vibratin’ eardrums and local eateries will be quenchin’ appetites, according to Ruiz. The afternoon party— and all scheduled Art Rides—are free to the public. Participants of scheduled rides will receive discount options to the evening events, along with giveaways from sponsors. For a full schedule of events, visit or —Staff


Coffee kings crowned at first Throwdown Professional and amateur baristas, along with a crowd of coffee enthusiasts, gathered on March 17 at Thrive Studio in Coolidge Park for the first Chattanooga Coffee Throwdown. The Chattanooga Coffee Club event was designed to recognize and celebrate the art of coffee and

encourage the craft of espresso preparation and manual coffee brewing. “The event was a huge success,” said David Snyder, a Thrive Cafe barista and one of the organizers of the event. “With this type of enthusiasm and participation there is no doubt that we advanced coffee culture in Chattanooga. Andrew Bettis of Velo Coffee played a huge part in helping put on a professionally run and fun competition.” Approximately 60 people looked on as competitors brewed, steamed and served their coffee specialties. Judges selected winners in three categories: espresso, specialty and brewed coffee drinks. Winners received cash prizes and bragging rights as the top barista in their category. Judges Emerson Burch, Andrew Bettis, Andrew Gage, Bryan Dyer and Matt Busby evaluated each drink using sensory and technical scoring, giving the competitors a point system on which to be judged. Jeremy Moore with Bonlife Coffee of Cleveland took home the prize for best brewed coffee. Whitney Turner with Pasha Coffee & Tea received first place in the espresso category.

Jamion William, home barista and private beverage consultant, made the winning specialty coffee drink. —Staff


Step up and claim your crown, would-be Miss Cheerwines The coveted title of Miss Cheerwine is up for grabs again, but winning this year’s crown will be tough because the competition opened applications to five more semiSouthern states. (Maryland? West Virginia? D.C.? Let’s be honest, y’all are Yankees, but whatever.) Sweet gals hoping to become Miss Cheerwine must reflect the bubbly effervescence of the sparkly red soda in their energetic personality. If you’ve never heard of Cheerwine before, it is a quintessentially Southern type of “Coke,” as some folks call it, akin to cherry cola. It was developed in 1917 by a North Carolina general store manager and has been popular in mom-and-pop diners ever since. The fact that we also never hear about it until these annual crownings says something. Suffice it to say that Double Cola has nothing to worry about. This is the third annual search for a new face for the brand, and smart, charitable young ladies between the ages of 21 and 29 are encouraged to apply. Duties include representing the brand at various media events, athletic games and concerts. However, it is most important that she “spread the bubbly goodness that is Cheerwine.” After all, if Cheerwine can’t solve your problems, nothing can! Of course, there’s always anti-depressants, but we digress. Applicants are required to submit photographs and an essay detailing why they ought to be the next Miss Cheerwine. Three finalists will be selected and posted to the brand’s Facebook page, leaving America to decide who will represent the beloved soda. While some may think this is a smaller title in comparison to some “Miss-So-And-So” crowns out there, winning Miss Cheerwine could be the stepping stone you’re looking for if you dream of becoming the one and only Miss America (and then Miss Universe) for a year. Can you say gateway title? If you’re looking for a little sip of happiness yourself, Cheerwine can be found in Chattanooga on the shelves of Walmart (sorry we didn’t notice, but we almost never shop there). Pop open a can of goodness and consider how Cheerwine is not just a drink—it’s a way of life. The deadline to apply is April 4, and we wish all the hopefuls from Tennessee the best of luck as they pursue their dreams. Burp. —Julia Sharp

Dizzy Town

politics, the media & other strange bedfellows

The Last DJs Need Direction L

et us now turn our attention away from politics and focus on other subjects. There are many pressing issues to comment on, and we have been preoccupied far too much with politics and the Saga of Missy Crutchfield lately (although we profess never tiring of that saga). So, can we just kick back and listen to some music? No, it appears we cannot—not on the radio, at least—or without much disgruntlement. After all, if disgruntlement were a commodity, DizzyTown would be worth millions and the many minions who spend their days posting comments on the TFP’s website would be very rich indeed. But we digress. In our modern Jetsons World, radio doesn’t really exist anymore. The reasons why have been well documented and the riches and wars have been won by the many corporate machines who own and program radio across America. It’s the same here as it is in any city, small or large, give or take the very few independents on the air. You will hear the same songs in Chattanooga as you will in L.A., Asheville, N.C., or Homer, Alaska. Disc jockeys are a near-dead breed, killed not by their own hands, but by the corporaterun broadcasting behemoths of the world. Which is not to say that their is nothing worth listening to on commercial radio; it’s just something you can get almost anywhere else—on your iPod or streaming any number of online services such as Spotify—without the ads (if you subscribe) or voice-tracking. What’s missing is the personality of radio, the savvy jocks who became tastemakers and jiggered the playlists, inserting their own curated selections in between the hits, spinning the songs you were told you craved and the deep cuts you didn’t even know you wanted to hear. In Chattanooga, dial the request line of almost any station and you are likely to be greeted by someone closely resembling a DJ who can’t or won’t divert from the Corporate Streaming Playlist. At least one station lets you choose the songs it plays in a cheerful if evil ploy to eliminate even the part-time air per-

sonality. How novel. And sad. And so we turn to the city’s only non-preprogrammed radio station, WUTC-FM 88.1, the “Voice of UTC” and the local NPR affiliate. On weekday afternoons from 2 to 4 p.m., you will hear the charming English accent of Richard Winham, the longtime local jock and Britain’s gift to Scenic City radio. Winham’s show weaves together a coherent, entertaining and frequently enlightening mix of songs old and new, interspersed with thoughtful conversations and interviews with local, regional and national artists and bands visiting Chattanooga. This is why The Pulse sought him out last year to pen a weekly music column. To our expectation and delight, Winham has applied the same care, thought, wit and wisdom to his column as he does his daily radio program. It’s what great radio, and great music writing, is all about. But during the other hours music is played around the station’s NPR offerings, you will be confronted with a hodgepodge of music, seemingly patched together with no apparent forethought. Mid-mornings, Cleveland Carlson cranks up a fullbore hootenanny that makes one wonder if Hillbilly Rockers and Jam Bands constitute their own genre. They do not. Hooting and hollering set to music is just that—and it’s grating in the morning. In the evenings, you will be haunted by the dark, depressive mutterings of Tommy Cot-

ter, who manages to create a nightly soufflé of mind-numbing musical mayhem. Most songs on Cotter’s playlist, frequently described as obscure and below-the-radar gems, are often the former but seldom the latter. Garrett Crowe, often a sub for other DJs, is the most coherent (verbally and musically) of Winham’s colleagues. Too bad he’s mostly stuck filling in or pulling a late-night shift. The station’s other local music host, Monessa Guilfoil, anchors “Morning Sunrise” on weekends and either speaks so softly or over-enunciates so emphatically that, between bouts of cloying new age music, we often contemplate suicide. Not likely her intent, but then we have no soft spot for either overenunciation or cloying new age music. Not after six nonstop hours of Bob Parlocha, the host of the syndicated mainstream jazz program heard every morning from midnight to 6 a.m. This combination is too painful to address, lest we find ourselves reaching for the nearest sharp-edged instrument.

The station’s on-air “talent” is not lacking so much in talent—although that, like so much about “free-form” radio and music in general, is subjective—but direction. Even those DJs who commandeered the FM dial in the 1970s weren’t truly free form. They were rabid music fans and collectors who became musical tastemakers under the guidance of a talented program director. WUTC is a good station, often very good for a city the size of Chattanooga, and it could be a great station—even one that could forge a national reputation. But without the crucial ingredient of direction and guidance, it is bound to flounder— often painfully—and listeners will begin turn off their radios altogether. We have often; but we’re not eager for that to happen again and again. Spotify is fine, but who doesn’t want to be entertained by an actual human—a smart musical tastemaker whose choices both surprise and delight us? Give us that, and we’ll listen morning, day and night. • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 5

On the Beat

alex teach

Crime Culprit: Cops


an you offer me a better explanation for why you almost never hear about crack busts in this city? Or gang busts?”

“Yes I can, but you’ve obviously made up your mind and I suspect you’ve never walked the sidewalk of the 4th Avenue area you’re discussing to garner this informed opinion,” I said in response to a local imbecile I’ll call “Tracy” who was implying that drugs are still openly sold in this town because cops are bought off and paid to stay out of the “worst areas,” or are just plain scared to make the arrests. And by “implying” I meant she stated it specifically.) I’m a brilliant sumbitch, but even Einstein would deduce that drugs are openly sold because there are people willing to pay for them, and therefore people will be willing to sell them no matter the consequences. But that doesn’t deter Tracy from her beliefs in the least. No sir (or ma’am). Why? Because the same desperation to validate her point that if drugs are being sold that it’s the cops fault in one way or another, is the same validation with which she sustains herself image. Since both are anchored in shit, she has a lot to lose if proven wrong. The first arrest of my professional career was for crack cocaine; my last arrest before leaving patrol was for crack cocaine. I worked 4th Avenue for years on two shifts and arrested the shit out of crack dealers and users. Know why you don’t hear about it, Tracy’s of the world? I’ll give you a reason—how about four?

6 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

• The world doesn’t deliver news to your personal doorstep, my precious and unique Snowflake. • More accurately, it’s not news anymore—it’s the new normal. Daily. Regular. • And “Gang Busts”? Do you even know what you’re asking? Do you think Kevin Costner and Sean Connery still use a shotgun butt to break in a door at the “speakeasy’ and “round up the gangstas” who all say, “N’yaa, n’yaa, see?”? The dealers we arrest are the “gangsters”. They are a group of lazy criminals who use numbers for protection to prey upon their own communities. • Why doesn’t this make you happy? Same reason it doesn’t make the cops happy: They are in jail for less time that it takes the cops to process their arrest sheet. There is no punishment. And best of all? Arresting crack dealers makes us racists and gets us sued. Making “gang busts” makes us racists and gets us sued. Pulling over traffic violators makes us racists and gets us sued. Arresting Momma, Daddy, or Momma and Daddy for a mandatory domestic violence offense makes us racists and gets us sued. Driving through the

streets makes us racists and gets us sued. And when “precious little snowflakes” who have all the answers without even having spent an hour in those neighborhoods gets their panties in a wad? (Brace for it) She calls us cowards, and assumes we are racists who should be sued. The best part? Despite uninformed nonsense like this—and despite a court system that refuses to punish, but instead sues a society that makes the Criminal the Victim—we still make those crack arrests, we still patrol and we still do a job for people. Despite you, we still have cops out there doing The Job, even when you criticize cops for not doing their job even when they are getting shot in the course of performing it. Still feeling brilliant when reading that, Sunshine? What a buffoon. Thank you for making this week’s column an easy one. And thank those of you reading this that are nothing like this self-depreciating, delusional “activist.” Being a cop is a tough job, but stupid people endeavoring to fabricate facts in the face of what is obvious only serve to make it tougher. Does this opinion make me a “racist?” Sure, somehow. But while I try to figure it out, how about addressing the real problem here instead of manufacturing or perpetuating old ones. • Alex Teach is a police officer of nearly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at




mITH’s BLaCk s doWnToWn

pulse » PICKS

• A curated weekly selection of picks from the Chattanooga Live and Arts & Entertainment calendars by Pulse staffers.



MUSIC Grits & Soul, Shelley King, The Ryan Oyer Band • King is a Texas wildcat; read more on Page 22. 9 p.m. • The Honest Pint • 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-419 •

theatre “Nora” • This production of Ibsen’s classic remains true to Ingmar Bergman’s revision of “A Doll’s House.” Read Janis Hashe’s review on Page 27. 7:30 p.m. • Theater for the New South 1400 Cowart St. • (423) 266-6511

FRI03.22 MUSIC Cumberland Trail Suite Appalachian Music Festival • A Bonnaroo of Appalachian folk music featuring some of the most talented players and pickers anywhere. See Page 23 for more on this show. 7:30 p.m. • Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 642-8497 •

MUSIC George Jones • The man, the myth, the legend on his farewell “Grand Tour,” sans riding lawnmower. See Sound Check on Page 11 for more on The Possum. 7:30p.m. • Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. • (423) 425-7823

Stars Aligned

Legends, icons and musical masters arrive


very so often—once in a very blue moon, if you will—the stars align and Chattanooga is blessed with a convergence of musical talent so awesome it blows one’s mind. Concerts such as these don’t happen due to magic or any savvy on the part of local civic venues or even the best live music venues in our fair city. The stars literally align themselves—and we are awash in the glow. On Friday, you have two wonderful options: At the Tivoli Theatre, a panoply of young and old practitioners of Appalachian music will gather on stage for a mesmerizing musical education in an indigenous musical art form that will spin your head. At the Memorial Auditorium, George Jones graces us with a stop on his “Grand Tour,” a year-long farewell jaunt that will culminate in Nashville at the end of



Summer Dregs, Heypenny, SoCro


• If folk fests and country legends are not your thing, these bands are a sure alt (rock) option. Chattanooga’s Summer Dregs are a on ChattaBlitz, competing at Road to Nightfall and opening for Lotus at Track 29. Tonight they rock JJ’s with Nashville’s Heypenny and Chattanooga’s SoCro. 10 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia • 231 E MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 •


Elton John • The “Rocket Man” returns to The Roundhouse on the 40th anniversary tour celebrating that classic. Expect an evening of hits, familiar and obsure. Read Richard Winham’s column Page 9. 8 p.m. • McKenzie Arena • 720 E. 4th St. (423) 266-6627 •

the year with a star-studded concert of epic proportions. On Saturday, Sir Elton Hercules John returns to town for the first show at The Roundhouse of any note since his last appearance here with Leon Russell. John is celebrating the 40th anniversary of “Rocket Man,” a hit that propelled his 1972 album, “Honky Chateau,” up the charts, launched a string of top singles and albums and cemented his status as one of rock and pop’s greatest artists. Expect nothing but the hits and obscure gems. If you often have reason (as we do) to complain about live music in Chattanooga, this weekend is not the time to do so. And if you don’t plan on attending these show, there are many other options. But as with blue moons, these stars will fade quickly.

EVENT Chattanooga River Market • The River Market opens today at the Aquarium with live musical entertainment and a commitment to authentic, handmade and homegrown goods. Chattanooga Market opens April 21 at the First Tennessee Pavillion. 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. • (423) 648-2496



BEER, WInE& Food sPECIaLs 5-10Pm

809 maRkET sTREET

423.702.5461 • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 7




SATURDAY, APRIL 6 • 7 P.M. • $5

Our very own Cool Cat Singers and Thrasher Handbell Choir directed by Betty Julian will open for the Choo Choo Kids!

809 Kentucky Ave. • Signal Mountain • (423) 886-1959

honest music

local and regional shows

Jet W Lee with Endelouz and The Bird Wings ($5) Grits and Soul with The Ryan Oyer Band and Shelly King ($5) Full Moon Crazies with MegaJoos and Gold Plated Gold ($5) Asian Teacher Factory with Mobility Chief & Medicine Tree ($5)

Wed, Mar 20 Thu, Mar 21 Wed, Mar 27 Thu, Mar 28

Special Shows

Sundays: Live Trivia 4-6pm • Free Live Irish Music at 7pm (No show Mar 24)

8 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

9pm 9pm 9pm 9pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week. 35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 *

Get Back, Honky Cat “And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time / Till touch down brings me round again to find / I’m not the man they think I am at home / Oh no, no, no, I’m a rocket man.” —“Rocket Man (I Think It’s Going to Be a Long, Long Time),” from Elton John’s 1972 album, Honky Château


lton John’s performance of the song begins like many of the soulful, singersongwriter ballads on the three previous albums he’d released in the early 1970s, when most people still thought of him as a balladeer in the James Taylor/Cat Stevens mode.

But beginning with Honky Château, Elton John, along with his writing partner, Bernie Taupin, served notice that he had no intention of remaining tethered to his piano, singing sensitive love songs. He was on his way into the pop music stratosphere—at least one song in Billboard’s Top 40 every year between 1970 and 1990, including seven No. 1 hits. “I think it’s gonna be a long, long time…” he repeats over and over again on the refrain, the kind of self-creating mantra that helped the short and stout, already balding, reticent lad from Pinner, a leafy London suburb, morph into Captain Fantastic. Drawing equally on Liberace and Little RICHARD Richard, the artist formerly WINHAM known as Reg Dwight officially re-christened himself Elton Hercules John and, dressed in the rock ‘n’ roll version of ermine, set out to conquer the pop universe. On Saturday, Elton John is bringing his global Honky Château tour, celebrating the 40th anniversary of its release, to Chattanooga. Coming with him will be drummer Nigel Olsson and guitarist Davey Johnstone, the two surviving members of his original band who played with him on the album that cemented his celebrity. Elton’s first couple of albums had been collections of the kind of ballads so popular in the early ’70s. “Your Song,” originally released as the B side of his first single, “Take Me To The Pilot,” became his first hit in America when disc jockeys began playing it rather than the A side, which was the kind of gospel-inflected rocker that first marked him as more than just another bardic balladeer. John Lennon was listening and liked it. In 1975, he told Rolling Stone, “I remember hearing Elton John’s ‘Your Song,’ heard it in America—it was one of Elton’s first big hits—and remember thinking, ‘Great, that’s the first new thing that’s happened since we (The Beatles) happened.’ It was a step forward. There was something about his vocal that was an improvement on all of the English vocals until then. I was pleased with it.”


Elton John performing in Hamburg in 1972. His Honky Château album was released the same year. Photo • Heinrich Klaffs (via Creative Commons License)

Elton John’s 1972 album, Honky Château, and it’s second single, ‘Rocket Man,’ launched his career as a rocker, a showman and a legend in the making

Interestingly, “Take Me to the Pilot” was embraced by a range of singers including Jose Feliciano, Odetta and Ben E. King, one of the American soul singers Elton John loved. It didn’t sound like anything else on the radio at the time, but Bernie Taupin hated it. In their first long interview with Rolling Stone in 1973, Taupin called it a “confidence trick,” adding, “It’s great that so many people have covered that and sort of put their all into it, but that song means f***-all, it doesn’t mean anything.” John concurred, saying, “It’s probably the most unlikely song of all-time to be covered, because of the words.” But despite Taupin’s contention that the song proved “what you can get away with,” it’s an example of the essential difference between a poem and a song. While the lyrics of “Your Song” stand alone, “Take Me To The Pilot” is a singer’s song. Anybody listening to Elton John sing that song knew what Lennon meant about John’s singing. Lennon may have heard it in the softer, more conventional love song, but for most people it was the Honky Château album that introduced a singer and songwriter unlike any before him. Talking about the album in Rolling Stone in 1973, John compared the trajectory of his work with that of The Beatles. “It’s strange, you can compare against The Beatles. Revolver lifted them onto a higher plane, and I think Honky did that for us, and then Sgt. Pepper was their most popular and Don’t Shoot Me was ours, and then they had the White Album, and now we’ll have a double, too.” Hubris? Certainly. Warranted, well … no, not really, but the album did mark a turning point for the team of Taupin and John. In that sense, it was their Revolver because that was the point when they decided to get serious about what they were doing. They’d had some success, but needed an album that would give the young singer a solid identity. He tried fitting in with his peers, but that wasn’t really him. He was, and still is, a rocker—and more importantly, a showman. Listening to the show John played in New York in 1970, broadcast by the radio station WABC and later released as 11-17-70, it’s apparent that unlike David Ackles (an early model for him as a singer and songwriter), he wasn’t going to be content to sit at the piano and sing his songs. His “short, stubby fingers,” as someone close to him described them, were hitting the keys like sledge hammers, particularly during the epic 18-minute-plus take on “Burn Down The Mission.” Channeling a combina»P10 • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 9

tion of Leon Russell (a man he regarded as “some kind of a God”) and Little Richard, he tore into the song pounding the keys, pouring everything he’d learned from his years as a backing musician for American soul singers touring the U.K. in the ’60s into his performance. Within a couple of years, he had perfected a hitherto unimagined combination of Little Richard’s passion, Wilson Pickett’s intensity and Liberace’s camp flamboyance. He told Paul Gambaccini, writing in Rolling Stone in the summer of 1973, “The act is going to become a little more Liberaceized, not in a clothes sense, or Busby Berkeleyized— I’d like to have nine pianos on stage, a cascade of pianos, and make my entrance like that. Just give the audience a really nice sort of show.” He’s still doing it. John entertained the Queen as part of her Diamond Jubilee, then played a show for his fans in the U.K. last summer. A reviewer for The Guardian enthused that his “formidable skills as a showman explain why Reg Dwight has been rock royalty for five decades, a reign almost as long as the Queen’s. The 65-year-old makes songs he must have played thousands of times sound relatively fresh, and puts in the same effort whether entertaining royalty or riff-raff. “


t all began with Honky Château. Elton had created an image for himself as a performer and he and Taupin had begun writing the kind of songs that would support his flamboyant persona. Having gotten his preoccupation with the mythology of the American West out of his system on the widely derided Tumbleweed Connection, Taupin began writing simpler, if often still mythic lyrics, while John was crafting the kind of soaring singable melodies that make for earworms that just won’t quit. Just hearing the title “Rocket Man” will have many people singing that falsetto chorus, fleshed out on the record by the voices of his working band—bassist Dee Murray, drummer Nigel Olsson and guitarist Davey

The album opens with the plinking, rinky-tink music hall piano of “Honky Cat,” combining a catchy Neil Sedaka-ish Brill Building bounce with the rich gospel timbre of his pop-crooner’s airy falsetto ... But it wasn’t a big hit. It was the second single, “Rocket Man,” that took off, taking Elton John and the album with it. Johnstone—allowed into the studio with him for the first time. Prior to the Honky Château album, the first of several recorded in the Strawberry Studios in Château D’Hierouville, a palatial retreat some 40 miles outside Paris, “in the middle of nowhere,” according to John, he’d been working with a grab bag of session musicians on his records. He didn’t really enjoy the regimen, living and working in the same place, but at the same time the isolation allowed

10 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

them to concentrate on the work. And what a work it turned out to be. The reviews were uniformly enthusiastic. Reviewing the album for Rolling Stone, Jon Landau (soon to be Bruce Springsteen’s manager) wrote: “Elton John’s Honky Château is a rich, warm, satisfying album that stands head and shoulders above the morass of current releases. ... Château rivals Elton John as his best work to date and evidences growth at every possible level.” Robert Christgau, the self-proclaimed “Dean of American Rock Critics,” enthused that the singer had been “transmuted from dangerous poseur to likable pro. Paul Buckmaster and his sobbing strings are gone. Bernie Taupin has settled into some comprehensible (even sharp and surprising) lyrics, and John’s piano, tinged with the music hall, is a rocker’s delight.” The album opens with the plinking, rinky-tink music hall piano of “Honky Cat,” combining a catchy, Neil Sedaka-ish Brill Building bounce with the rich gospel timbre of his pop-crooner’s airy falsetto. Meanwhile the lyric, suggesting Bourbon Street on a Saturday night, is pushed along with woozy-boozy horns and piano licks borrowed from Little Richard. A rousing, rollicking celebration of the spirit of rock ’n’ roll, it was released as the first single from the album. But it wasn’t a big hit. It was the second single, “Rocket Man,” that took off, taking Elton John and the album with it. Mixing a classic Elton John ballad with the kind of airy falsetto-driven pop that first appeared on this album, “Rocket Man” is another example of John transcending Taupin’s nonsensical lyrics and creating the kind of soaring sing-along ballad beloved by arena audiences then and now. Elton John and His Band 8 p.m. Saturday, March 23 UTC McKenzie Arena 720 E. 4th St. (423) 266-6627


The King is Dead. Long live The Queen • In a fair and just world—and on a different timeline, of course—Elvis might have been where Elton John is at this point in his career had he lived. If you rearrange some musical hits and misses, personal excesses and account for ever-changing musical tastes, their careers—launched just 13 years apart—are remarkably similar. I say this with the benefit of hindsight. After falling in love with Elvis at a very tender age—the only way I can describe my passion for the man and his music—the first non-Elvis record I purchased with any determined forethought was Elton’s Caribou in 1974. I was 10 at the time and I’ve been a rabid fan—through thick and thin— ever since. Three years later, Elvis died. Elton, 27 at the time, might have suffered the same fate had he continued wrestling with his own demons. Fortunately, he did not. An admitted alcoholic and drug addict throughout most of the peak of his fame, Elton recovered and continues—brilliantly, might I add—to tour, write and record new music. He will turn 66 two days after his show here on Saturday, and if the longevity of his more debauched peers is any gauge, he will continue to do so for another decade or more. As he sang on “Return to Paradise” (from his 1978 album, A Single Man), “Goodbye doesn’t have to be the end”—it’s just so long until next time. And for that, I’m very grateful. If Elvis is The King, then Elton is most certainly The Queen (a sobriquet he likely savors). In a musical era vastly devoid of rock royalty of the type I recall from the adolescence of rock—and my own—that title’s no joke. Welcome back, Your Highness. —Bill Ramsey

Sound Check

One For The Road George Jones takes a year-long victory lap


f you were mindful, planned and allocated your concertspending cash wisely, you will see not one but two legends in Chattanooga this weekend (one perhaps for the last time): George Jones on Friday and Elton John on Saturday. Elton John’s return to The Roundhouse is covered extensively in the preceding pages. Jones, 81, is visiting the Memorial Auditorium on Friday in the midst of a year-long farewell to live performances dubbed “The Grand Tour.” If reviews of his concerts last year are any guide, a mix of awe and melancholy is to be expected. His voice is raspier than ever (though some might prefer “aged” by whiskey and cigarettes) and while he is certainly mobile, he is no longer the wild “Possum” of even a decade ago. If you are in your 20s or 30s and a fan of modern country music—the sort that leans too far in one direction (rock or pop) or the other (retro-twang that lacks the authenticity or validity of its predecessors)—then you owe it to yourself to witness Jones’ last show (at least here— he will conclude the tour later this year in Nashville with a galaxy of stars) and receive a stiff shot of what country music is all about. That doesn’t necessarily mean the clichés—tales of woe, lost women and much drinking before and after both—but taken in the context of his era, they resonated with the common man Jones and his peers—Ray Price, Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard, to name a few—have

always connected with. “With the blood from my body, I could start my own still,” he sings on his classic, “If Drinkin’ Don’t Kill Me (Her Memory Will)”— and you believe it. As his admirer and contemporary Waylon Jennings once said, “If we all could sound like we wanted to, we’d all sound like George Jones.” Almost as famous for his drunken episodes, failure to appear at concerts (he more than earned the nickname “No Show Jones”) and failed marriages—three, most famously his musical peer Tammy Wynette—Jones’ voice and songs touched a deep chord with those who lived life like The Possum (a nickname he probably once despised, but now clearly embraces)—which is to say many, many folks in the South. Those more familiar with Jones and old-fashioned tear-in-my-beer country music, of which Jones is the high priest, need no introduction. His current show, it is said, delivers a mix of old and more recent hits, featuring a crack band that makes the ride both easy and energetic.

From “White Lightnin’” to the anthemic “Golden Ring” and “She Thinks I Still Care,” to the plaintive beauty of “He Stopped Loving Her Today,” followed by Jones’ favored encore, “I Don’t Need Your Rocking Chair,” old fans will rejoice; newcomers will be ... well, stunned. Expect the tears and beers to flow freely and a wildly disparate audience. The uninitiated should prepare themselves for yelps of allegiance, of which there will surely be many. George Jones is the Real Deal, and he shall not pass this way again. If you have planned well, you will be rewarded. —Bill Ramsey George Jones 7:30 p.m. Friday, March 22 Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-7823 Jones from the cover of his 1981 album, Same Ole Me • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 11

Between the Sleeves record reviews • ernie paik

Veronica Falls Waiting for Something to Happen (Slumberland)


his writer is admittedly apt to criticize when a musician stagnates artistically or stylistically. The cruel irony is that an artist—in any medium— typically needs to mark out some kind of generally consistent identity, suitable for a pithy sound-bite summary, to be recognized. With its second album, Waiting for Something to Happen, from the London four-piece Veronica Falls is pretty much stylistically identical to its excellent debut; however, this writer is uncharacteristically forgiving in that respect because of the simple fact that the quality is upheld and the melodies are just so damn good and catchy. Veronica Falls has several key trademarks. Its jangle-guitar timbre that hints at The Velvet Underground’s Sterling Morrison, heard in full force on the opening number “Tell Me.” Also like The Velvet Underground, drummer Patrick Boyle’s floor-tomheavy Apache beat brings to mind Moe Tucker, but with unrelenting tambourine taps that announce, bright and loud, that this is indeed a pop album. There’s just a slight bit of darkness—a suggestion of teen angst and masochism among hormonal love pangs and longing. One

12 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

of the best representative combos of this is the charming yet somewhat twisted “Buried Alive,” which features the weirdly endearing lyrics, “I want to get sick/I want to catch everything you’ve ever caught.” The vocals from Roxanne Clifford and James Hoare are impeccable and instantly gratifying, hitting that girl/boy-harmonic sweet spot without fail every time, and like its predecessor, the consistency is such on Waiting for Something to Happen that every song could serve as a single and be a potential college radio hit. With the sheer amount of music coming out, this critic would normally have no time for water-treading, but he just cannot dismiss this album—just go beyond logic and enjoy Waiting for Something to Happen for what it is. Bryan Lewis Saunders with Language of Light and Matt Reis Stream of Unconscious Volume 10 (Stand-Up Tragedy)


ith a “Go big or go home” artistic dedication, the wildly creative, often disturbing, Johnson City-based spoken-word and visual artist Bryan Lewis Saunders is approaching the end of his 12-volume Stream of Unconscious project. Saunders gained infamy in recent years for his series of self-portraits, each created under the influence of a different controlled substance, and part of his commitment to make at least one self-portrait every day of his life, until death—upheld since 1995. However, his audio recordings are equally

worthy of attention, and the idea behind Stream of Unconscious is to take Saunders’s recordings of him narrating his dreams as they occur and putting them in the hands of 24 different avant-garde recording artists, each taking one side of a cassette. The music of the Oklahoma duo Language of Light has a deviously pervasive approach, never quite falling squarely into either the “melodic” or “noise/drone” camp. Some bass and guitar motifs approach more conventional structures, but are subverted by periodic guitar skronks. Chimpy keyboard patterns frolic with strings and hard-to-place synthetics. “Royal Abortion” uses a recording of march music while Saunders describes British soldiers “with bayonets and rifles all poking” at him, and perhaps the most unsettling story is the brief “Lost Luggage,” which uses the playroom-sounds of a music box while Saunders mumbles, “No more lost luggage, uncomfortable dreams, miscarriages.” Matt Reis generates an odd strata of disquieting ambient layers under Saunders’s dizzy and delirious ramblings about everything from a convenience store encounter to an alcoholic stalker to nuclear weapons. The most startling moment comes with a revelatory tension release after some of Reis’s particularly awkward noises, contrasted with the near-silence of tape hiss and the sounds of Saunders squirming. Reis then concentrates on various drones, possibly made from vibrating metal, and the album ends abruptly, with Saunders muttering, “I just said good to everything. Good … good … good.” That’s the deceptive unconscious reassurance in his nightmare world.

OH, that smell! • TASTINGS: DEBARGE urban WINERY &



Spring 2013

Pour, Swirl, Smell, Taste Tasting wine is all about the senses, but it’s more about the smell. Here’s how to judge the glass under your nose By Paul Hatcher


alf of wine-tasting is 80 percent smell, to abuse a quote from Yogi Berra. Discussing wine means discussing smell, and our sense of smell through the ages has served both to please and to warn. It is probable that wine-tasting was originally not so much about pleasing us as it was about warning us. In the olden days (which includes the era from the Enlightenment to the early part of my adult life), getting a hold of a spoiled, damaged bottle of wine was not uncommon. These days, better storage, refrigerated shipping, cleaner winemaking and global competition have all contributed to consistent quality, most noticeably in the past 20 years. But caution is still important—it pays to look at wine and smell it before drinking. Knocking back two-and-a-half ounces of a badly-oxidized or spoiled wine has the same punch as a mouthful of clabbered milk: Once you do it you will make bold efforts not to do it again. So assuming Wine Caution has been with us since the dawn of man, when was the birth of Wine Appreciation? That is, when was that moment when people suddenly stood around with their wine glasses in hand and looked at each other and went “wow”?

We know that Wine Appreciation existed at the time of Christ, because it is right there in John 2: 1-11: When Jesus turned several urns of water into wine at the wedding in Cana, the head steward commented to the host that the quality of Jesus’s batch was noticeably, maybe incredibly, better than the previous wine that had been served. He also complimented the host for saving the best for last. It is evident then, that when they served Jesus’s wine at the wedding, biblical people experienced wine appreciation: They stood in a circle and swirled their wine and looked at each other and went “wow,” or its Aramaic equivalent. The biblical account is not the first. This next tale dates back to at least the eighth century B.C.: After the one-eyed giant imprisoned the Greeks in his cave and then dined on two of Odysseus’ sailors, Odysseus informed the Cyclops that the purpose of his visit had been to exchange wine for information and assistance and that the Cyclops had been an unsatisfactory host. The Cyclops said he would do better (he didn’t) and took a large bowl of wine from Odysseus and drank it down, proclaiming it “delightful,” and acknowledged that the quality of the Greeks’ wine was far better than his own: “Among us Cyclopes the fertile earth produces rich grape clusters, and Zeus’ rain swells them; but this is a taste from a stream of ambrosia and nectar.” The Cyclops proceeded to toss back three more of the large bowls of wine, got drunk, threw up and passed out. Then Odysseus put out the Cyclops’ eye with a wooden stake. For many, wine descriptions such as “wow” and “delightful” do not cut it. Nor does “sublime,” “wonderful,’ or “luscious.” The culinary experience, unfortunately, is necessarily described in emotional »P14 • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 13

terms because taste and smell have a very limited vocabulary. In the movie “Pulp Fiction” there is a scene where Samuel Jackson conducts what can only be generously described as a “hamburger tasting.” He picks up a burger, asks where it came from (it was a Big Kahuna burger), comments on its overall appearance, describes what he sees, smells it, takes a very appreciative bite and then passes judgment, saying something like, “Mmmm … Now that is one tasty burger!” Then he asks to borrow a tasty beverage to wash it down, recites scripture and then, like Odysseus, dispatches the enemy. But before the gratuitous violence, the moment is pure Hamburger Appreciation. Jackson’s comments only connect with us because we are all aware of the taste and smell of a fully loaded hamburger. But what if we weren’t? Like Sam Jackson’s “tasty” burger, much wine writing over time has used emotional language that tells us nothing other than that the writer had a good time. Smell is the most primal of the senses, while language, in evolutionary terms, happened only yesterday. Our sense of smell is processed deep and low on one side of the brain, but objective language occurs in the other hemisphere and they have no direct connectors. Consequently, human smell offers no innate vocabulary, just subjective terms: Delicious, flavorful, disgusting, awful. The human brain long ago pushed smell into second-string duty, meanwhile elevating sight and sound to starting positions.

We smell and register a wine as great and complex, and there is a special aroma there that we can’t put our finger on. Then someone will say the magic word—say, cinnamon or nutmeg— and we’ve got it. That’s it! These objective terms are not automatic; it is learned behavior, like throwing a baseball or playing the drums. Consequently, we have not one but two complete languages, each, for sight and for sound. For sight, our artistic vocabulary includes the color wheel and measurements of shade, tint and hue. If that were not enough, science also quantifies light rays and the color spectrum. For sound, the musical scale pairs with dynamic notations, and science also has pitch-andvolume equivalents called hertz and decibels. But while my dog can smell the perimeter of my yard and somehow fully understand the activity of all dogs, cats, rodents—and I’m not sure what else—throughout the neighborhood, human smell is an understudied, subliminal, primal experience. It has no expression significantly more specific than the word “Yum.” Therefore the human condition, alas, is to taste something but not be able to describe it. Pretty frustrating. We smell and register a wine as great and complex, and there is a special aroma there that we can’t put our finger on. Then someone will say the magic word—say, cinnamon or nutmeg—and we’ve got it. That’s it! These objective terms are not automatic; it is learned behavior,

like throwing a baseball or playing the drums. Connecting a smell to a word is not so much a cheat sheet as it is a road map. We look at food or flowers and have an expectation of how that item will smell and taste; if we hide a flavor somewhere other than expected, the connection can be elusive. Bad smells are equally difficult to pinpoint without training: Knowing why a wine is bad is economically important to winemakers and merchants because the smell will define the cause of the spoilage and reveal the culprit. Dirty sock aromas? If excessive, this often points to a dirty barrel. Smell of band-aids or manure? The wine has been infected by a nasty wild yeast called Brettanomyces during winemaking. What if the wine smells like a wet dog? That wine is “corked.” The bottle has been contaminated by the compound trichloranisole, which was introduced to the wine after riding piggy-back on an infected cork. There are many evil agents out there, but the most common by far is good-old air: A wine becomes stale and dead, then brown and spoiled, the longer it is exposed to oxygen. A poor cork is

usually the culprit when you open a brown, muddy wine that smells like raisons, mud and mildew. If you want to know what exposure to air can do, pour a glass of milk and set it in the refrigerator overnight. When you come back to it, the milk will not be spoiled, per se, but it will be stale. So if half of wine-tasting is 80 percent smell, what about the other four senses? The sense of touch is important when talking about body. The body of the wine is the mouthfeel. Light-body feels like skim milk on the mouth, medium-body like 2 percent milk, and full-bodied can go from a whole milk feel to almost half-and-half. Sound? Listen when you remove the cork. If you hear a firm pop when the cork breaches the bottle, this is evidence of a wellpreserved wine. Listening to the sizzle of Champagne bubbles is just fun. Sight helps us to both anticipate and evaluate. Pour it up and hold it to the light. You can see the body of the wine. Is it clear and bright? That is a good sign, while grainy or cloudy can indicate yeast residue or other contamination. Pretty is good: The color will be white to bright yellow for a

white wine and ruby to garnet for a red. Color also is an indicator of age. Brighter is newer, brown on the edges indicates age. Swirl it in the glass. Does the wine have legs (slow, thick teardrops that trickle down the glass)? This indicates both fuller body and higher alcohol content. Smell the wine. A few short sniffs register twice as much information as one long one (think of your dog at mealtime and do what he’s doing). Now it is time to taste. But remember that most of taste is really smell. Your mouth will perceive the pucker of the tannins, the sour of the acids or the sweet of any residual sugar, the savor of dark fruit and the burn of the alcohol, but the rest happens in your nose. The “attack” is the first impression in the front of your mouth and you will be hit with alcohol, acid, fruit, tannin, or a combination thereof. In your mouth you are dealing with taste, touch and smell all at once. Experience the finish when you swallow. The finish can be everything from non-existent to longand-amazing. (Long and amazing is better.) So is all this worth it? With a decent wine it is, and after the initial swallow you will be pleased to realize there sits the whole rest of the bottle. And if you are lucky, a 20-ounce, hickory-charred, medium-rare T-Bone. Paul Hatcher is a Certified Specialist of Wine, an industry designation from the Society of Wine Educators in New York. By day, he is a partner in the Chattanooga law firm of Duncan, Hatcher, Hixson and Fleenor.

Start your collection today. Bi-Lo Shopping Center 3849 Dayton Blvd. • 423.877.1787 14 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

Wine Week


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Ye Olde Wine Week

glossary of terms Paul Hatcher Pulse Wine Scribe & Taster

• Berra, Yogi What he actually said was, “Half of baseball is 90 percent mental.” He also said, “Nobody goes to that restaurant because it’s always so crowded.” • Cat Pee At a tasting I once attended, this term was used to describe the bouquet of a Sauvignon Blanc. I passed and went on to the next wine. • Clabbered Southern term that is actually in the dictionary and refers to milk that has spoiled to the point that the liquids and solids are separating. • Easter Saint-Emilion and rack-of-lamb. • Fees As a young man, I developed a more-winning-than-losing poker game. For many years I was also paid, sometimes well, for playing music. Now The Pulse pays me to imbibe alcohol. If in the future I can find a self-serving connection between money and romance, I will have totally conquered recreation as we know it. • Jackson, Samuel L. Great toughguy actor who recently, inexplicably, made a TV commercial puttering around the kitchen wearing whitedude clothes and asking his smart phone how to make gazpacho.  • Navel Nature’s wine goblet (see Song of Solomon Chapter 7, verse 2). Anticipating your next question, the answer is “un-chilled.” • Pinotage You might want to cross yourself before tasting this South African blend of Pinot Noir and Cinsaut. This red grape’s flavor profile includes bananas, spray paint and burnt tires. Although I am personally a fan of both Laffy Taffy and magic markers, burnt tires are hard to love. • Wine appreciation Where people stand around in a circle swirling their wine in their glasses and say. “Wow.”


Quality Name BraNd art SuppieS

CuStOm FramiNG

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VISIT ART-CREATIONS.COM • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 15

Wine Week


DeBarge Winery


hen Big River Brewery opened in Chattanooga some 20 years ago, do you remember tasting the beers and thinking, “I can’t believe we have one of these in Chattanooga?” Last Friday I had a Big River moment: I visited the DeBarge Winery at 1617 Rossville Ave. After an hour visit, my thought was, “I can’t believe we have one of these in Chattanooga.” When DeBarge Winery suggested I come taste their wines, I did no advance homework. I did not research their brochures, had not visited their website, nothing. I was stone cold. Everything was a pleasant surprise, from meeting winemaker Lee Morse and discussing his opinions on winemaking, to learning about the winery’s grape sources in Oregon and Washington State and their vineyard in North Georgia. The DeBarge Family Vineyard is located on Georgia’s Pigeon Mountain near Lafayette. The winery, on Chattanooga’s Southside, is in a building built in 1910 which was a Masonic lodge. The winery is making dry wines, not the syrupy-sweet stuff so often produced in this region. By Old Worldstyle, this means that the white wines are subtle and un-oaked, the reds are more soft and Frenchstyle rather than bold and in-your-face as so often experienced with California wines. The winery offers three whites and three reds, all of which are available for tasting on site, and I tasted all six. The first one is called

16 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

“Chardonooga” ($15) and is a blend of the hybrids Chardonnel and Cayuga. The vineyard is experimenting with EuropeanAmerican hybrids because they are more resistant to the high humidity found in the South-east. According to Morse, the Cayuga provides the aroma and the Chardonnel provides the fruit. In fact, the nose was sharp like Granny Smith apples, nutty with a little citrus like a Sauvignon Blanc. The taste in your mouth, though, is a different experience: Its taste and finish are fruit-forward like a Chinon Blanc or a light Chardonnay. This wine is un-oaked. Morse is vocal in his opposition to heavily-oaked, vanilla-and-buttery white wines. Rarely do we get the chance to sample hybrids, and this is an example of a very fine effort, grown, produced and bottled right here. The next two wines were the 2010 Chardonnay ($17) and the 2009 Reisling ($20). The grapes are from California and Oregon, respectively. The Chardonnay is clean, with crisp pear fruit and floral aromas. Although this wine has 14.7 percent alcohol, there is no hot-pepperburn. The Reisling, according to Morse, is “off-dry.” He says there is only about 1 percent residual sugar but my mouth thinks it is a little higher. This wine looks and tastes like a Reisling, with clear color, and an acidy crispness to balance the sweet apple-andpear fruit. The real treat for me were the red wines: The 2010 Pinot Noir ($23) uses Oregon grapes and

has a nose of cherries and almonds. It has a velvety mouth-feel and a finish of fruit and wood. The Pinot is not barrel aged. The 2009 Cabernet Sauvigon ($25) and 2009 Syrah ($28) both come from the same vineyard located in Washington State and both are aged in French and American oak. Both possess 13-½ percent alcohol. The Cabernet is reminiscent of a left-bank Bordeaux, bold and smooth but not in-your-face. There are fennel and licorice in the nose as well as blackberries and herbs. The Syrah is fuller-bodied with oak, black pepper and red currant fruit in the nose and a jammy mouth-feel. All three of the reds may be drunk now but would also benefit from bottle aging. I am not a fan of Washington State red wines generally, because they are usually a little under-ripe to me. These were fully ripe. Morse said it takes the grapes four days to get here. Is it possible that those four days provide some maturity in those grapes? I bought a bottle of the Cabernet and a bottle of the Syrah, took them home and tasted them both the next evening and am pleased to say that what I was sold was identical to what I had been served. You should run, not walk, to DeBarge Winery to taste these delicious wines, but when you do you will unfortunately not see Morse. He is now on loan to the Kim Crawford winery in New Zealand assisting with their harvest. Not to worry: He will be back here before the fall harvest and wine-making season. —Paul Hatcher

Wine Week


Brix Nouveau O

ysters and beer. Rice and beans. Sam and Dave. As with all great pairings, wine and cheese deliver something greater than the sum of their parts. Brix Nouveau focuses on wine and cheese and its mission, according to manager Rosabelle Gorman, is to entice people to experience new and unusual wines in a relaxed, non-inhibiting atmosphere. There is not a wine offered here that Gorman is not proud to serve, so there are no disappointments. There are no bottom-of-the-budget wines. All are meant to be the main feature of your visit. You also will not see any $500 prestige labels, but a world tour of fine wines that will surprise and intrigue you. Prices range from $24 to $109 a bottle (most are under $60), and many are available by the glass. • Francois Montand Blanc de Blancs Brut, Jura, France. This Champagne-method sparkling wine is made in the Jura mountain district of France. It is made of all white grapes, namely colombard, ugny blanc and chardonnay. Its color is pale gold, with tiny bubbles and a nose of flowers and citrus. In the mouth it is peaches, cream, apples with lemon and, of course, plenty of effervescence. This is a smart alternative to comparable Champagne at a fraction of the cost. • Stock and Stein Spatburgunder Trocken Rose 2011, Qualitatswein (QbA) Rheingau Germany. This wine is made bone-dry, slightly effervescent, slightly rose in color, with minerals, citrus and

wild berries on the nose, and lemon and GrannySmith apples in the mouth, but with a full fleshy mouth feel. Spatburgunder, by the way, is the less-thancharming German word for pinot noir. • Black Dog Chardonnay 2010, Sonoma Coast California. This wine exhibits everything California-wine lovers love about California chardonnay, and everything Europeans hate about California: This wine is the equivalent of turning your music system all the way up with the volume, bass, middle and treble all on “10.” It is a mouth-explosion: It is oak, butter, pears, caramel, almonds and cream, with a less-than-modest alcohol content of 14.7 percent. If chardonnay is indeed all about the winemaker, this winemaker does summersaults for attention. • Mouton Noir “Other People’s Pinot” 2011, Willamette Valley Oregon. More reminiscent of Burgundy than the west coast, this is a light bodied, delicate wine. Purple and young, it exhibits minerals and cherry aromas on the nose, and clean, ripe fruit, with black cherries and a velvety burgundy feel on the mouth. This wine is as delicate and understated as the Black Dog is bold. It would be a great introduction to red wine for someone who might not think he or she likes red wine. • Melville “Estate-Verna’s” Syrah 2010, Santa Barbara County California. This winemaker also wants to make a solid first impression. This syrah does not copy its old-world cousins in the Rhone valley nor emulate its bad rela-

tions in Australia. It tastes like California, where they turn both the volume and the graphic equalizer up a notch. The nose is full of black plums, anise and fennel, berries; in the mouth are spices, black pepper, dark silky, jammy fruit, cinnamon, nutmeg and a curious dose of roasted tomato on the long ripe finish. This winemaker uses 50 percent whole grape clusters, stems and all, and ages the wine in neutral 10-year-old French oak. The clusters mean there will be some stem flavor, and the 10-year-old oak means that only very subtle wood flavor is leaching from the cooperage. • Chateau Jean Faux 2007 Bordeaux Superieur, France. They saved the best for last. Greater than the sum of its parts: 80 percent Merlot and 20 percent Cabernet Franc. If you had offered this to me blind as a classified SaintEmilion I would have believed you: Rich purple inky color, mint, chocolate, tea and herbs, raspberry and blackberry fruit on the nose, silky smooth, fleshy and soft in the mouth, long finish of all of those things, and smoke and tobacco. It contains a textbook 13.5 percent alcohol content. This is an outstanding wine from a Bordeaux vintage that was inconsistent at best. It is ready to drink now, but could stand five more years if you cared to lay it down. Spring has sprung, and Brix has a nice café-patio which is waiting for you to enjoy. April will be a great month at Brix Nouveau, and I look forward to seeing you there. —Paul Hatcher

Brix Nouveau Wine & Cheese Bar 301 Cherokee Blvd

Hours Tues-Thurs Fri-Sat Sun

(423) 488-2926

5 pm -10 pm 4 pm - 11 pm 4 pm - 9 pm • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 17

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Wine Week


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423.757.2900 • Walk-ins Welcome convenient Hours• open 7 Days m-F 8am-10pm • sat 8am-6pm • sun 10am-6pm

hair a go go *

Real People, Rockin’ Hair

2 North Shore * 307 Manufacturers Road 423.752.0500 Check our Facebook page for more cool deals and ideas!

18 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

Wine caddy sculptures, from H & K Recycled Metal Art, are beautifully handcrafted metal art pieces made from recycled steel and copper by European artisans designed to stylishly present any wine or fine liquor bottle. Preserving old world craftsmanship, each piece is individually bent, cut, welded and brushed, resulting in an original work of art. The Pulse gave away a Wine Caddy Sculpture at our recent Wine Week event at Brix Nouveau—a huge hit! • $29-$119 at


SPECIALS J&B 1.75L • $31.99 Dewars 1.75L • $35.97 Johnny Walker Red 1.75L • $33.99 Jameson 1.75L • $33.49 Bushmills 1.75L • $36.99 Woodbridge 1.5L • $9.98 Yellowtail 1.5L • $9.98 Redwood Creek 1.5L • $9.98 Ecco Domani 750ML • $8.99 667-337-181 750ML • $9.98 New products always arriving!

Tennessee’s Ole Smoky Mountain Moonshine Whisper Creek Collier McKeel Prichard’s and Corsair now available We will meet or beat any advertised price in Chattanooga

Wine Week



Wine Advocate magazine founder Robert Parker is abandoning print for digital media.

Consumers look beyond media for trusted networks By David White

301 w. 25TH ST. • MON-SAT 10-6 • 423.267.7847 • THERUGRACK.COM


wice in the past few months, the wine world has been rocked by news from Robert Parker, the world’s most famous wine critic. In December, Parker announced that he’d sold a “substantial interest” in the Wine Advocate, the influential magazine he founded in 1978, to a trio of Singapore-based investors—and that he’d relinquished editorial control. In February, one of Parker’s top critics, Antonio Galloni, said that he’d left the publication to start an online enterprise. Parker, who popularized the 100-point scale for reviewing wine, is nearly 66. So he can’t be faulted for wanting to slow down. But thanks to this pair of stories, oenophiles finally seem ready to admit that wine criticism is changing. Consumers don’t need—or want—centralized gatekeepers telling them what they should or shouldn’t drink. Consumers still need advisors, of course, but when today’s consumers want information, they’re willing to look past professional critics and instead turn to friends and trusted networks. With travel, restaurants, movies and so much else, this trend would hardly be worthy of commentary. TripAdvisor »P20 • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 19






Original Art | Custom Framing

Fine Art, Like Fine Wine, Never Goes Out of Style 4520 HIXSON PIKE • 423.877.1391 Monday-Friday: 10am-6pm Saturday: By Appointment

Chattanooga Chow art opening & wine tasting

Coming soon

tuesday • april 9 • 4-8pm

Tasting tickets $20 • Heavy hors d’oeuvres Art opening free!

select west coast wines

local contemporary fine art

205 manufacturers road 423.752.7487 • 423.718.2543 365 days of service • Introductory video syndicated to and other sites Businesses Directory Page • Blog ties video, directory & Chow together We follow you on Twitter and re-Tweet specials One daily scheduled announcement

CALL 423.265.9494

20 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

long ago supplanted paper-based guides like Frommer’s. Yelp is now the Holy Grail of restaurant reviews and local blogs are increasingly influential. With movies, opening the local newspaper for commentary no longer makes sense when you can check out dozens of reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. With wine, however, this shift runs counter to so much of what’s sacred. Everything about wine— the bizarre tasting rituals, knowledge of obscure regions and varietals, and identifying good values— is supposed to be handed down from on high. Consumers are supposed to decide what to drink based on the advice of prominent wine critics— not mere amateurs. But it’s obvious that consumers are growing comfortable dismissing gatekeepers. Look at CellarTracker. Ten years ago, Eric LeVine, a Microsoft executive, built a data-management program for his wine cellar. When he showed the program to some friends, they begged him to share it. So he put the program online, where friends could track their personal inventories and share tasting notes. LeVine then decided to make his program available to everyone—for free. Today, about 800,000 people visit the site each month, and more than 2,200 wines are reviewed on the site each day. This means CellarTracker users review more wines in just six days than Robert Parker reviews in an entire year. The site isn’t just used by wine junkies—about 90 percent of its visitors aren’t registered. As wine writer Jeff Siegel once

wrote, “This means people aren’t going to CellarTracker to mark off a wine after they drink it; they’re going to CellarTracker to read wine reviews written by amateurs.” Just as CellarTracker is becoming more popular, scores are becoming less important. Across the country, boutique wine shops are taking off. Many don’t post scores at all, as the owners see scores as an obstacle to consumer interaction. Once upon a time at highend restaurants, it wasn’t unusual to see scores on a wine list. Today, such a concept is laughable—top restaurants employ sommeliers who are eager to educate their customers. The wine media is also changing. While consumers can still subscribe to publications like the Wine Advocate or Wine Spectator, they can also turn to blogs and message boards. And then there’s social media. Facebook has eclipsed 1 billion active users; Twitter has half as many. Earlier this year, Instagram announced that it has over 100 million users. People are utilizing these platforms to share everything—and one of those things is wine. There’s even an iPhone app—Delectable— that enables users to remember, share, discover, and even purchase wines, just by snapping a photo. It’s becoming extremely popular among wine enthusiasts. Today’s wine drinkers are an adventurous bunch, confident in their own palates and willing to trust the advice of their trusted networks. With Parker’s decline, this trend is only going to accelerate. • David White, a wine writer, is the founder and editor of His columns are housed at Palate Press: The Online Wine Magazine at

Food Drink


The Culinary Passion of TerraMáe The new Appalachian bistro serves artisan food, sourced regionally and locally, and sets the bar for dining out

The Appalachian Lunchable (far left), Cracklin’ Cornbread (left), Duck Egg and Leg (center) and (bottom) TerraMáe’s dining room. More photos at chattanoogapulse. com.

By Mike McJunkin


assion is a word that gets thrown around a lot these days when referring to chefs, restaurants and the food they serve. Far too often what is called passion is simply an intense drive for success that ends up simply delivering a “product” from a skilled culinary technician rather than a dish with the heart and soul of a true artisan. Dining at TerraMáe Appalachian Bistro, however, brings true passion on a plate. The food at TerraMáe has both the heart and soul that comes from a careful understanding of the history and flavors of indigenous Appalachian food that has been prepared with the skills and techniques of true culinary artisans. Located on the first floor of the beautifully renovated Stone Fort Inn, TerraMáe’s warm, yet contemporary decor matches their comfortable twist on regional Appalachian cuisine. It is impossible not to be stricken with the stunning architecture of the space that has been carefully highlighted by the contrasting colors and textures that are your first hint at the owner and staff’s meticulous attention to detail. That attention to detail and their deep love for the food that is being served is the raison d’être for TerraMáe, which translates seamlessly into a dining experience that can be described as one of, if not the best, in Chattanooga. This is in no small part due to the recent addition of executive chef Shelley Cooper. Cooper replaced outgoing chef Robert Stockwell in February and has created a new menu that maintains TerraMáe’s unflinching commitment to regional ingredients and farm-to-table philosophy while bringing her own elevated twist on indigenous Appalachian flavors to Chattanooga. Cooper’s credentials are impressive—her experiences range from holding top positions at the DiRōNA-awarded 30 Degree Blue, downtown L.A.’s

TerraMáe Appalachian Bistro 120A E. 10th St. (423) 710-2925 Hours Monday-Saturday • Lunch: 11 a.m.-2 p.m. • Dinner: 5-10 p.m. Wine & Beer Specials • Monday nights, bottles of wine are half price • Tuesday nights feature beer pairings with Chattanooga Brewery Beers

First & Hope and restaurants in New Zealand and Alaska, to working closely with the father of elevated low-country cuisine, Louis Osteen—but the food is what matters, and Cooper’s food is spectacular. The dinner menu is divided into small, medium, large and “sharable” plate sections. I began my meal from the small plates section with Beer Steamed Clams and Cracklin’ Cornbread. Presented in the same cast-iron serving dish it was cooked in, this dish masterfully combines smoky ham, sweet ci-

pollini onions and mildly acidic tomatoes with tender, mellow clams that pair perfectly alongside the slightly sweet cracklin’ cornbread dotted with crispy pork cracklins. We then moved on to the medium-sized plates, deciding on the Appalachian Lunchable and Duck Egg and Leg. The Appalachian Lunchable is a stunning assortment of viands that includes creamy buttermilk pimento cheese,

soft rosemary biscuits and country ham, deviled eggs, an assortment of house-made pickled veggies and several strips of benne seed bacon that is everything crispy, Bentons bacon should be—indescribably delicious. The Duck Egg and Leg was my favorite dish of the evening. Deep and rich duck leg confit sat atop delicate mixed baby greens and sweet potato hash alongside cipollini onions and a poached egg whose golden yolk provides a heavenly natural sauce that will cause involuntary eye closure and quivers of delight. The “sharable” portion of the menu offers a platter of two, double rib lambchops and a full lamb shank served with seasonal vegetables, house-made mint pepper sauce and two goat cheese grit cakes that are crispy on the outside while retaining the creaminess and tartness of the goat cheese in the middle. I could have made a meal from those grit cakes alone.

The restaurant’s commitment to regional and locally sourced ingredients is no marketing ploy. Seasonal, regional and locally sourced ingredients are at the heart of every dish and even the drinks coming from the imagination of bar manager Justin Stamper. Stamper flinches at the term mixologist, instead preferring to focus on the ingredients, flavors and techniques of classic cocktail culture. “I want to take all of the beautiful ingredients from the farms, all of the sunshine, air and natural resources and funnel it into a glass,” Stamper said. Creating his own juices, infusions and even his own ginger beer, he eschews the manufactured syrups and refined sugar used by other bartenders. The results are distinct cocktails and unique libations that compliment TerraMáe’s comforting comestibles to a tee. Of course, there is also a thoughtfully curated wine and beer selection to suit every taste, whether it be a Chateau Mouiex Bordeaux or a Kentucky Bourbon Barrel high-gravity ale. Bryan Miller of The New York Times once said, “The qualities of an exceptional cook are akin to those of a successful tightrope walker: an abiding passion for the task, courage to go out on a limb and an impeccable sense of balance.” I believe that describes dining at TerraMáe perfectly.

• Mike McJunkin loves lowcountry, locally sourced food and craft beers. Catch him eating everything but the kitchen sink in and around Chattanooga. • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 21

backylaerd Chattanooga Live ril g ROCKIN’ IN fRONt, SMOKIN’ OUt baCK


THU 03.21



arch 21 Thurs. M

11pm 0 3 : 7 • y a r Shades of G Oldies h 22 band h Fri. Marc g i h y k S e th Paul Smith & Oldies h 23 Sat. Marc igh band h y k S e h t Paul Smith & tURDaY a S & Y a ID R f DINNER IN O L IR S p O t $9.95


between acceSS road & aShland terrace

423.486.1369 •

Matt Sucich, John Stoehr 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 Shades of Gray 9 p.m. Backyard Grille, 4021 Hixson Pike, (423) 486-1369, Chris Gomez 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Stephane Wrembel 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Josh Lewis 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 Grits and Soul, Shelley King, The Ryan Oyer Band 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 Open Mic with Hap Henninger 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Sinner of Attention 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. 423 Bass Love 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

RAW party, redefined.

fri 03.22

SHELLEY KING has the unique honor of being the first woman to be appointed Official Texas State Musician. A singer, songwriter and seasoned bandleader based in Austin, Texas, King has been described as “powerhouse,” “un-crying in your beer” and “blistering” all in the same review—and if this photo is any indication, she’s one wild Texan. Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazelwood covered King’s “Texas Blue Moon” on their Warner International release in 2004. How many artists can say that? Catch her live at The Honest Pint on Thursday with Grits & Soul and local favorite Ryan Oyer.

A Man Called Bruce 4 p.m. Pasha Coffee and Tea, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482 George Jones 7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-7823 Queen B & The Well Strung Band 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 Cactus Keg 9 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730 Jake Ousley 9 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081 Arson 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 The Band Raven 9 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terrace, (423) 713-8739 Fried Chicken Trio 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 Fly By Radio

THU • MAR 21 423 Bass Love FRI • MAR 22 THE REGULARS 1st Floor DJ REGGIE REG 2nd Floor SAT • MAR 23 STEVIE MONCE 1st Floor DJ REGGIE REG 2nd Floor SUN • MAR 24 PEE WEE MOORE & FRIENDS Live on the 1st Floor MON & TUE • MAR 25/26 DJ SPICOLI Dancing on the 2nd Floor WED • MAR 27 JOHNATHAN WIMPEE & ANDY ELLIOT Open Players Jams

tWO fLOOrS • One big party • Live MuSic • dancing • 409 Market St • 423.756.1919 open 7 days a week » full menu until 2am » 21+ » smoking allowed 22 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Summer Dregs, Heypenny, SoCro 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Soul Survivor 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956 Paul Smith & The Sky High Band 9 p.m. Backyard Grille, 4021 Hixson Pike, (423) 486-1369, The Regulars, DJ Reggie Reg 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 Crunk Bones Jones 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191

sat 03.23 Southlander 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 Jeanne Jolly 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Road (423) 892-4960 Blues Hammer 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400 One Night Stand 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533 Tour De Noog 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Fried Chicken Trio 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 Same As It Ever Was: A Talking Heads Tribute 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Paul Smith & The Sky High Band 9 p.m. Backyard Grille, 4021 Hixson Pike, (423) 486-1369 Jack Corey

9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191 Elton John 8 p.m. McKenzie Arena, 720 E. 4th St. (423) 266-6627 Stevie Monce, DJ Reggie Reg 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 Soul Survivor 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956

sun 03.24 Subkonscious 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400 Pee Wee Moore & Friends 10 p.m. Raw,409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 Fried Chicken Trio 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878

mon 03.25 DJ Spicoli 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

tue 03.26 Wendell Matthews 7 p.m. North Chatt Cat, 346 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-9426 Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike, (423) 266-1996

wed 03.27 Full Moon Crazies, MegaJoos, Gold Plated Gold 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192 Apache Relay, Natalie Prass 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. Pee Wee Moore and Awful Dreadful Snakes 9 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terrace, (423) 713-8739 Johnathan Wimpee, Andy Elliot 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919

Sound Check


Giddens, O’Brien to host gala folk fest


he Cumberland Trail Suite is a gala concert to be held Friday at the Tivoli Theatre that benefits the Friends of the Cumberland, a nonprofit created to support the development of the Cumberland Trail State Scenic Trail and its related natural areas and park lands. The concert could be called a Bonnaroo of Appalachian folk music and features a gallery of stars old and new, of both local, regional and national renown in a single evening of virtuosic performances that can match or rival any other music emanating from a very busy weekend in Chattanooga. Hosting and performing are Rhiannon Giddens and Tim O’Brien, two very talented musicians and electric performers. Giddens didn’t know what to expect when she traveled to the first Black Banjo Gathering at Appalachian State University in 2005. In a day, she met the musicians who changed her life: Joe Thompson, an African-American fiddler born in 1918; a street musician named Dom Flemons; and the soaring and raucous style of the Carolina Chocolate Drops roared out. Giddens grew up with the folk-style sound of Sweet Honey in the Rock, Disney classics and some Segovia in the house. Love of singing led her to the distinguished Oberlin Conservancy for classical training, and hard work cast her in leading roles in their operas. Giddens was also taken in by sounds that were less formal, like Celtic fiddling and old-time music. When she discovered the banjo’s African identity, she searched for a means to explore all the history and music that surrounded its mysteries. Her songwriting and arrangements have been lauded for their complicated, entangled, genre references,

all at once down home, modern, hip and showy. Her band just might change the future of acoustic music. O’Brien does it all, with musical gifts that leave his audiences in awe. He can fill an auditorium standing singly beside an assemblage of instruments, but he’s often paired with other master musicians, the best of their time. His virtuosity has humble beginnings in West Virginia. He absorbed his parent’s Perry Como records and Lawrence Welk, but abandoned them for Dylan. He plugged away at the “Peter Gunn” theme on a box guitar and by 1978, he was a charter member of Hot Rize, launching a 12-year career as a fiddler, singer and mandolinist in the internationally acclaimed bluegrass band. O’Brien’s music remains an assemblage of very original compositions, tones techniques, and melodies from lost times and new minds. He’s twice been honored by the International Bluegrass Music Association as Male Vocalist of the Year, and has a Grammy for Best Traditional Folk Album, Fiddler’s Green. His abundant voice captures everyone’s attention, and is heard on the soundtrack of the film “Cold Mountain.” Partnerships on stage or record with Tony Rice, Jerry Douglas, Steve Martin, Bela Fleck, Mark Knopfler, and The Chieftans have created extraordinary new music, and his own compositions have been recorded by The Dixie Chicks, Garth Brooks, Kathy Mattea and Nickel Creek. Cumberland Trail Suite Appalachian Music Festival 7:30 p.m. • Friday, March 22 Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-8497




FRI. 9:30p






901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191 Thursday, March 21: 9 p.m. Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, March 22: 9pm Crunk Bones Jones Saturday, March 23: 10pm Jack Corey Tuesday, March 26: 7pm

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks! Stop by & check out our daily specials! Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 23

A 2D View of Tech’s Future Maker Day showcased the bleeding edge of a technology that’s just starting to make its way toward the mainstream consumer By Rich Bailey


ho knew 3D printers in action would sound just like old school dot-matrix printers? But you have to get close to hear. That high-pitched, geary whine is almost drowned out by the din of 100 or so people wandering from machine to machine. This was the scene last Saturday at Maker Day in the Chattanooga Public Library’s Fourth Floor space. The room was packed from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. In the center of the room, a circle of 10 3D printers were each making tangible objects appear in the center of a box that bears a distant family resemblance to a photocopier. These are relatively simple, low-cost machines that—so far—produce only small plastic rabbits out of their boxy, high-tech/low-tech magic hats. These machines are the bleeding edge of a technology that’s just starting to make its way toward the mainstream consumer. For now, these printers appeal mostly to people who are fascinated with the tech: more tool than toy, but with a relatively small repertoire; capable of amazing, but not-quite-ready for prime time as a mass consumer product. This core was flanked by two more sets of machines and users. Advanced business and research applications are

24 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

along one wall: 3D-printed a bit puny, consider this: One titanium machine parts from of those 10 machines was creOak Ridge National Lab and ated mostly from parts printed demos by the UTC School of by other 3D printers. As simEngineering; Chattanoogaple as they are, these machines based Playcore and Astec, can be used to create the next which use 3D printing for generation of themselves. prototyping; Nashville-based As with the Internet in Novacopy, which is 1994, it’s hard to say Astec’s 3D printing what this new phevendor; and Ultimanomenon really is or chine, a three-year what it will become. old South Pittsburg I spoke with three company that makes Maker Day particicircuit boards for 3D TECHNOLOGY pants who had very printers. On the facdifferent ideas. ing wall, children were designMike Bradshaw, entrepreing 3D objects on TinkerCAD, neur-in-residence at Co.Lab, a kid-friendly version of the sees Chattanooga playing a CAD software engineers use key role in a future in which to design in 3D for the compamuch of the nation’s manufacnies on the other wall. turing is done on a distributed Like the Internet when it network of 3D printers. was just a debutante, 3D print“The world’s only citywide ing has been all over the news gigabit network is right here, in recent months, after many and the future of micro manyears of playing a more limufacturing—or distributed ited role in industry and acamanufacturing, the digital deme. In addition to President manufacturing revolution, Obama making it a feature of whatever you want to term his State of the Union address it—is going to be mediated by a few weeks ago, notable 3Dultra high speed networks,” printer stories have included he said. “Software running on artificial human ears that can these machines will be matchbe grafted onto people and a ing the demand pull to the full-size concrete house. specifications of the available If these bigger wows make printers. That’s going to hapthe early consumer machines pen, it’s not my idea.” on display at the library seem Tim Youngblood, a soft-


ware developer and founder of the ChattLabs maker space, helped Bradshaw organize the Maker Day event. He compares the widespread interest in 3D printing to his feeling when he bought his first AppleII computer at age 12 with money he made mowing lawns. Youngblood didn’t know exactly what it could do, but he knew he had to explore it. Now when people pick up a new object from the print bed of a 3D printer, he said, “You see ’em take a step back and then they reengage. They have to think about their world differently.” Youngblood’s four-year-old twins are growing up thinking it’s normal for Dad to design and print their toys. What will they do with this technology in 10 years? Tom Gokey, an artist whose work centers on collective social projects, made a presentation on the economics of 3D printing. “What happens when we can share physical objects the same way we currently share pdfs and MP3s?” he wondered. He is interested not in what kind of stuff can be made with these printers, but how this kind of making will change our society. “We’re on the verge of an economic revolution that will make the industrial revolution look like small potatoes by comparison,” he said. “I think there are genuinely new possibilities for liberation with this technology. But there will also be new possibilities for domination. I think we’re at a similar period as when the feudal system mutated and became capitalism. Capitalism is now mutating and becoming something else.” With eyes wide open—and blazing with passion even at the end of a long day—these guys are describing visions as varied as those of the proverbial blind men trying to describe an elephant. They may all be correct. I can’t wait to see the full picture begin to emerge.

Beautiful one moment, haggard the next, Gilreath’s face is riveting as Nora plays, schemes, despairs, decides. This is an outstanding performance from the young actress.

and physically constricted by it. As Torvald, Matt Johnson gives us a man with whom, on the other hand, we sympathize more with than in the Ibsen original. Yes, Torvald is patronizing and parochial, and yes, his almost instant rejection of Nora once her secret is known shows him to be weak as well. But Johnson’s rendering of Torvald’s pleading with Nora in the final scene reveals the character’s dependence on her as well, and his desperation at her loss. “Nora,” however, as does the original “Doll’s House,” belongs to the actress playing Nora, and Jennelle Gilreath is fully up to the task. Onstage virtually the entire time, she moves from seemingly frivolous, glittering “little skylark,” to a woman looking destruction in the face, to one making a monumental, cataclysmic decision. Beautiful one moment, haggard the next, Gilreath’s face is riveting as Nora plays, schemes, despairs, decides. This is an outstanding performance from the young actress. The production is also enhanced by the haunting sound design of Tim Hinck and the functional, effective set by Rebecca Rouse and lighting by John R. Burgess. That the play is staged in an upstairs room of the former Niko’s Southside Grill continues TNS’s history of using found spaces, taking audiences out of their theatre comfort zones. Nora leaves Torvald with some not-very-hopeful words about the possibilities of a “real marriage.” As true as they were when Ibsen shocked the world with his version, they still cause us to ponder the treacherous yet most deeply intimate link between two people.

The five-person cast functions as a true ensemble, a tribute to Harris’s discipline and vision. Whitney Turner makes Mrs. Linde quite a bit more malevolent than usual, and this is a very effective choice. Her body language constantly shows a woman obsessed with self-protection

“Nora” $10 • 7:30 p.m. March 21-24 In the former Niko’s Southside Grill 1400 Cowart St. (423) 266-6511 Reservations: theaterforthenewsouth

Doll Laid Bare

Theater for the New South’s production of ‘Nora’ stays true to what reviews of the original tell us about Bergman’s vision By Janis Hashe

that is still a reality for many couples, either intentionally or because they can’t figure out here’s no iconic slamhow to make it something else. ming door in the stagDirector Blake Harris’s ing of “Nora,” Ingmar staging stays very true to what Bergman’s revision of Henrik reviews of the original GerIbsen’s “A Doll’s House,” by man production tell us about Theater for the New South. Bergman’s vision. The five acThat is completely appropritors sit on chairs against one ate, because Bergman’s Nora wall of the room. There is no remains ambivalent intermission in the about her future, 90-minute piece, even the future of and set changes are her relationship performed in full with now-devastatview of the audience. ed husband Torvald. In the TNS version, The 1981 “Nora” costumes are from THEATRE strips down Ibsen’s various periods. groundbreaking but now Nora begins in full Victorian creaky three-act play to its essplendor, but strips down, sentials, and in doing so, prespiece by piece, as the play proents a Nora who from the very gresses and ends in completely beginning is aware—and able contemporary garb, while Torto manipulate—the doll-like vald virtually reverses the proimage of her held by her huscess. (Angela Sweet’s costumband. Modern audiences are ing work is once again a major brought closely into a world production strength.)


Arts • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 25


John Dies at The End; Film Dies First Rob Mayes in a scene from “John Dies at the End.” Photo • Magnet Releasing

An ambitious, very well-made student film that aspires to become an instant cult classic, ‘John Dies at the End’ digs its own grave with painful regrets

By John DeVore


ohn Dies at the End” is an incoherent film of ideas that chooses to focus on strangeness and detached reaction shots rather than narrative structure. It is, in essence, a very well-made student film, competently filmed but lacking any substance. Films like these are meant to find audiences on the fringe—hence the showcase by quirky film club Mise En Scenesters at the Barking Legs Theater set for this Saturday. The filmmakers were likely looking to make a cult classic—a film that does poorly at the box office, but maintains a steady underground fan base over the years. Think “Rocky Horror Picture Show” or “Plan 9 From Outer Space.” The problem is that cult films happen organically and can’t be forced. “John Dies at the End”

26 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

is simply trying too hard. There are moments of slight amusement, but as the film draws to a close, audiences are likely to be left wondering why they bothered watching in the first place. The film is based on the novel of the same name, published online by editor David Wong (the pen name of Jason Pargin). The story in both the novel and the film are best described as fantasy horror, a mish-mash of vulgar humor with science fiction overtones of alternate dimensions and time travel. The finished product is very clearly the culmination several years of self-indulgent amusement, encouraged by throngs of stoned Internet trolls looking for cheap laughs and gore. One of the successes of the film is its strict adherence to the sensibilities and interests of this narrow audience. But the humor is only effective in small doses and by the end of the film it becomes

The audience for this type of entertainment can be found lurking in dark rooms, posting on 4chan message boards and browsing Reddit late at night. tiresome. It isn’t easy to describe the plot, as it doesn’t follow any logical pattern. Our hero, David Wong (not to be confused with the author), begins by telling a reporter of his supernatural encounters over the past year. It starts with a drug called soy sauce and a Jamaican named Robert Marley and ends with a dog named Bark Lee and showdown in another dimension. The story leaps back and forth in

the narrative, with sight gags and voice over, forcing the audience to pay close attention if they hope to make any sense out of what happens. It’s rare for a film to require so much of the audience while turning door knobs into dicks. These types of absurdities are normal in the film, and if it had done a better job with characterization they might have even been forgivable. Unfortunately, there is no reason to care about what happens to anyone. There are no characters in “John Dies at the End,” only actors with characteristics. Wong has an amputee girlfriend in the film, but he doesn’t seem to have any affection for her. She’s just the film’s McGuffin. Good horror films are driven by tension. The audience has to be afraid that something bad is going to happen to one of the characters. Over the course of this film, we aren’t introduced to anyone worth our concern. There is no reason to care about David or his friend John, and the result is free of consequence. Despite a rapid pace, the lack of real people with real motivations makes the film seem much longer than it is. It’s the film equivalent of a NASCAR race— fast moving, but terribly dull. The audience for this type of entertainment can be found lurking in dark rooms, posting on 4chan message boards and browsing Reddit late at night. These are the people that give us internet memes and Anonymous. “John Dies at the End” is certainly ambitious, but it’s far too incoherent, far too long, and far too detached to be effective. “John Dies at the End” 8:30 p.m. Saturday, March 23 Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347

Arts Entertainment

7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425-4371 George Jones 7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-7823


THU 03.21 Spring Break Safari (Through April 15) 9 a.m.-Noon Chattanooga Zoo, 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1332 Chattanooga Symphony & Opera 9:45 a.m. Yates Primary School, 750 Mouse Creek Road, (423) 267-8583 Film Noir Third Thursdays 2 & 7 p.m. Heritage House, 1428 Jenkins Road (423) 855-9474 Zoologist Journey Tour (Through April 15) 3 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1332 “The Sound of Music” 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-8497 Michael Mack 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 “Nora” 7:30 p.m. Theater For the New South, 1400 Cowart St. (423) 266-6511 UTC Orchestra Performance 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425-4371 Stephane Wrembel 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347

fri 03.22 Chattanooga Symphony & Opera 10 a.m. Monteagle Elementary School, 120 E. Main St. Monteagle (423) 267-8583 World Water Day: Conservation Showcase

sat 03.23

GEORGE JONES On tour for his year-long farewell, dubbed “The Grand Tour,” Jones arrives in Chattanooga on Friday for a show at the Memorial Auditorium. For more on the country music icon, see Sound Check on Page 11.

6-8:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. 1 (800) 262-0695 “Faithmarks” exhibit 6-8 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay St. (423) 755-9111 Lookout Wild Film Festival 7-10 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. (800) 729-2529 Cumberland Trail Suite Appalachian Music Festival 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-8497 Michael Mack 7:30 & 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 “Nora” 7:30 p.m. Theater For the New South, 1400 Cowart St. (423) 266-6511 “Sight For Sore Eyes” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 5600 Brainerd Road (423) 987-5141 ensembletheatre 2013 Piano Festival with Guest Performers

Chattanooga Challenge 10 a.m.-11 p.m. Ross’s Landing, Riverfront Parkway Chattanooga River Market Opening 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496 “The Sound of Music” 1 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-8497 Michael Mack 7 & 9:30p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233 “The Sound of Music” 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-8497 2013 Piano Festival with Guest Performers 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425-4371 “Nora” 7:30 p.m. Theater For the New South, 1400 Cowart St. (423) 266-6511 “Sight For Sore Eyes” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 5600 Brainerd Road (423) 987-5141 ensembletheatre Elton John 8 p.m. McKenzie Arena, 720 E. 4th St. (423) 266-6627 “John Dies At the End” 8:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 Lookout Film Festival: Outdoor Screening 9-11 p.m. Ross’s Landing, Riverfront Parkway

sun 03.24 Lookout Wild Film Festival 1-4 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. (800) 729-2529 Chattanooga Music Club: Young Musician Competition 1:30 p.m. First Cumberland Presbyterian Church, 1505 N. Moore Road (706) 935-3343 “Sight For Sore Eyes” 2:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 5600 Brainerd Road (423) 987-5141 ensembletheatre 2013 Piano Festival with Guest Performers 3 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425-4371 Lookout Wild Film Festival Reception 4 p.m. The Crash Pad, 29 Johnson St. (423) 648-8393 “Nora” 7:30 p.m. Theater For the New South, 1400 Cowart St. (423) 266-6511 Michael Mack 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Road (423) 629-2233

mon 03.25 Chattanooga Zoo Spring Break Camp 9 a.m.-2 p.m. (Through March 29) Chattanooga Zoo, 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1332

wed 03.27 UTC Jazz Band Concert 7:30p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 736 Vine St. (423) 425-4371 • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 27

Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Nourish beginnings, let us nourish beginnings,” says poet Muriel Rukeyser in her poem “Elegy in Joy.” “Not all things are blest,” she continues, “but the seeds of all things are blest. The blessing is in the seed.” I urge you to adopt this perspective in the coming weeks, Aries. Be extra sweet and tender and reverent toward anything that is just sprouting, toward anything that is awakening, toward anything that invokes the sacredness of right now. “This moment,” sings Rukeyser, “this seed, this wave of the sea, this look, this instant of love.” TAURUS (April 20May 20): As you seek more insight on your current situation, consider the possibility that the bad guys may not be as bad as they seem. They might simply be so deeply under the spell of their own pain that they can’t see straight. And as for the good guys: I wonder if they are as purely good as they would like you to imagine. It might be the case that they are at least partially serving their own self-interest, while pretending to be utterly altruistic. If there’s any truth to these speculations, Taurus, you’d be wise to stay uncommitted and undecided for

rob brezsny now. Don’t get emotionally riled up, don’t get embroiled in conflict, and don’t burn any bridges.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Here’s your

mantra: “I get fresher under pressure.” Say it 10 times right now, and then repeat it in 10-repetition bursts whenever you need a tune-up. What it means is that you stay cool when the contradictions mount and the ambiguities multiply. And more than that: You actually thrive on the commotion. You get smarter amidst the agitation. You become more perceptive and more creative as the shifts swirl faster and harder. Tattoo these words of power on your imagination: “I get fresher under


CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Stories happen to those who tell them,” said the ancient Greek historian Thucydides. Modern radio journalist Ira Glass goes even further. “Great stories happen to those who can tell them,” he has said. Let’s make this strategy a centerpiece of your life plan in the weeks ahead, Cancerian. I have a suspicion that you will need first-hand experience of nov-

el, interesting stories. They will provide the precise nourishment necessary to inspire the blooming of your most soulful ambitions. One way to help ensure that the best stories will flow your way is to regale receptive people with transformative tales from your past.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Dear Rob: I’m spreading the word about Beer Week in your town, and I’d love to see you and your beer-loving readers at some of the events. Any chance you can include some coverage of Beer Week celebrations in your upcoming column? Cheers, Patricia.” Dear Patricia: I don’t do product placement or other forms of secret advertising in my horoscopes. To allow it would violate the sacred trust I have with my readers, who rely on me to translate the meaning of the cosmic signs without injecting any hidden agendas. It is true that Leos might be prone to imbibing great quantities of beer in the coming week, simply because they’d benefit from lowering their inhibitions, getting in touch with their buried feelings, and expanding their consciousness. But to be frank, I’d rather see them do that without the aid of drugs and alcohol. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Hoping to stir up some fun trouble, I posted the following message on my Facebook page: “Don’t judge someone just because they sin differently than you.” A torrent of readers left comments in response. My favorite was from Sue Sims, who said, “Yeah, they might be better at your kind of sin and you might learn something!” That advice is just the kind of healing mischief you need right now, Virgo. It’s a bit ironic, true, but still: Take it and run with it. Study the people who have mad skills at pulling off the rousing adventures and daring pleasures and interesting “sins” that you’d like to call your own.

Rugged Individualist

28 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The French verb renverser can be translated as “to turn

upside-down” or “to reverse the flow.” The adjectival form is renversant, which means “stunning” or “astonishing.” I think you may soon have experiences that could be described by those words. There’s a good chance that a dry, impoverished part of your life will get a juicy, fertile infusion. A deficiency you have worried about might get at least half-filled. An inadequacy that makes you feel sad may be bolstered by reinforcements. Alas, there could also be a slight reversal that’s not so gratifying. One of your assets may temporarily become irrelevant. But the trade-off is worth it, Libra. Your gains will outstrip your loss.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Professor Martyn Poliakoff creates short Youtube videos to help teach the public about chemistry. In one video, he explains why an explanation he gave in a previous video was completely mistaken. “It’s always good for a scientist to be proved wrong,” he confesses cheerfully. Then he moves on to speculate about what the right answer might be. I love humility like that! It’s admirable. It’s also the best way to find out the truth about reality. I hope you will summon a similar attitude in the coming weeks, Scorpio: a generous curiosity that makes you eager to learn something new about stuff you thought you had all figured out. SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): On the one hand, menopausal women are no longer able to bear children. On the other hand, they often overflow with fresh possibilities and creative ideas. More time is available to them because their children have moved out of the house or don’t require as much care. They can begin new careers, focus on their own development, and devote more attention to their personal needs. So in one way their fertility dries up; in another way it may awaken and expand. I suspect that whether or not you are menopausal, you are on the cusp of a

comparable shift in your fecundity: one door closing, another door swinging open.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The TV reality show Freaky Eaters profiled a woman named Kelly who had eaten nothing but cheesy potatoes for 30 years. Her average intake: eight pounds of potatoes and four cups of cheese per day. “I love cheesy potatoes,” she testified. “They’re stewy, gooey, and just yum-yum-yummy. They’re like crack to me.” I’m a bit concerned that you’re flirting with behavior comparable to hers. Not in regards to cheesy potatoes, of course, but to some other fetish. I will ask you to make sure that you’re not starting to over-specialize. It would be wise to avoid obsessing on a single type of anything. AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In the 17th century, polite people referred to mountains as “warts” and “boils on the earth’s complexion.” So says Robert Macfarlane in his book Mountains of the Mind. Annie Dillard describes the peculiar behavior of educated European tourists in the 18th century. When they visited the Alps, she writes in Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, “they deliberately blindfolded their eyes to shield themselves from the evidence of the earth’s horrid irregularity.” Don’t be anything like those dumb sophisticates, Aquarius. When you spy irregularities in the coming weeks, consider the possibility that they are natural and healthy. This will allow you to perceive their useful beauty.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You are

not for sale. Remember? Your scruples and ideals and talents cannot be bought off for any amount of money. You will not be cheated out of your birthright and you will not allow your dreams to be stolen. Although it’s true that you may have to temporarily rent your soul from time to time, you will never auction it off for good. I’m sure you know these things, Pisces, but I suspect it’s time to renew your fiery commitment to them.

Jonesin’ Crossword

“You’ll Bounce Back”—just like the theme entries.


1. Critical hosp. area 4. Ranks on the reggae charts 10. Reagan Supreme Court nominee 14. Late “Soul Train” host Cornelius 15. Creative type 16. Model married to David Bowie 17. Gets the final part of the collection 19. Brand of tea owned by Starbucks 20. System with an iconic joystick 21. 90 degrees from starboard 22. Scatter seeds 23. Cash in a coupon 25. Analgesic target 27. “___ Day”


matt jones

(1993 rap hit) 28. Cracker with seven holes 31. They’re big in the circulatory system 35. Trite sentiment on a postcard 37. Flame attract-ee 40. Gets the message across 41. ___ a soul (nobody) 42. Makes efforts to attend prom, say 45. Harry Reid’s place 46. “Clueless” catchphrase 47. [the spelling’s intentional] 50. Gets the keg rolling 52. Something to lean on 54. “Wishing Well” singer Terence Trent ___ 57. Actress Zadora

60. Third-largest city in Japan 61. Falco of “Oz” 62. The west side of Mexico 64. Green gem 65. Detective played by Peter Lorre 66. Shriek from Michael Jackson 67. Part of ASL 68. Chart of constellations 69. Alternatives to urgent care clinics, for short


1. It’s got your picture on it 2. “Dukes of Hazzard” mechanic 3. Like messed up beds 4. Jealous composer

5. Interior designer’s choice 6. ___ Cat (pet food brand) 7. Complaint 8. Rhymes with rhymes 9. Longtime Notre Dame coach Parseghian 10. What some fight until 11. Vizquel of baseball 12. Demolish, as a building 13. Have the 411 18. Season opener? 22. Exhibit 24. Blunder 26. Like some corrosives 29. Vanessa’s big brother 30. Company behind FarmVille 32. Syllable before “la la” 33. ___ Lingus (Irish airline) 34. Reserved 35. Golden brew 36. Adoring poems 37. The Cascades, e.g. 38. Smelted stuff 39. The only threeletter element 43. Linger 44. Genre for King Sunny Ade and Femi Kuti 47. Awesome facial hair 48. More gross 49. Rubs the wrong way? 51. Hybrid utensil 53. “Burn Notice” network 54. ___ vu 55. Levine of Maroon 5 56. Take the bus 58. “What ___ problem?” 59. Chemistry 101 study 62. Metric ruler units, for short 63. ___ glance © 2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or bill to your credit card, call: 1-800655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0615.

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The Pulse reinvents classified ads. • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 29

Life in the Noog

chuck crowder

Not a Fan L

ately I’ve overheard several people use the phrase, “I’m not a big fan of [fill in the blank with appropriate unpopular item].” In fact, some people use this declaration so often that one friend of mine keeps a list in his phone of his wife’s “not a big fan of” disdains (probably a good idea for perpetuating marital bliss). Personally, I’ve never used that phrase verbatim, although readers of this column can attest that there are many, many things that I’m not a big fan of. And, if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to list several more. You should try this too,’ cause it’s loads of fun.

Pilgrim Congregational Church Our mission s to provide i

the Chattanooga community with a liberal Christian tradition by maintaining a caring, inclusive, and open-minded church where individuals may search for a vision of God and relate the Christian faith to the modern world.

Sunday Worship 11am 400 Glenwood Drive at 3rd Street • (423) 698-5682 30 • The Pulse • march 21-27, 2013 •

I’m not a big fan of uneven pavement. With all of the advances we’ve made over the years in asphalt and concrete technology, there is no reason for someone to ever trip on a sidewalk or feel a bump in the road in the middle of downtown Chattanooga. Let’s buy one less blue rhino and patch every downtown street. We’re Gig City, for Pete’s sake. I’m not a big fan of clothing conformity. Whether its navy blazers and slacks, spray-painted motorcycle jackets or the hipster skinny-jean/striped-T-shirt/ stocking-cap uniform, the practice of trading originality for conformity really irks me. You can tell how creative someone truly is by the thought and style they put into what they wear. I’m not a big fan of handguns. In my opinion, it’s fairly ignorant to believe that the casual owner of a gun “for protection” has the balls to point it at another human being, let alone pull the trigger. If you’re faced with someone pointing a gun at you, then they’ve likely used it before and aren’t afraid to use it again. In the split second you’re trying to decide whether you’re morally in the right for shooting this individual, they would’ve shot you already. On the other hand, it’s much harder to pull the trigger against an unarmed person—even if

you’re a heartless criminal. I’m not a big fan of hiphop. I’ve heard just enough of it to know that there are three tricks (or less) for making a popular hip-hop song. One, you must have the most annoying keyboard sound you can find playing in an endless loop. Two, you must have a chant (a la “jump, jump, jump, jump”) going on in the background in lieu of an actual chorus. And last but not least, the lead vocalist must either 1) quiver the syllables of a word instead of actually holding a note, or 2) manipulate their voice by bending notes through the bastardized use of Auto-Tune. Only then will you have kids saving their lunch money for iTunes downloads. I’m not a big fan of shopping for pants. It’s really a pain to grab a few pairs of what you think your size is, go into the dressing room, take your shoes off and try them on just to find out that they’re a tad too big or too small, but not enough to go down or up a size. Will I really lose a couple of pounds so they’ll fit better? I can’t tell what my ass looks like in these! Too

long, too short, too loose, too tight. Then you’ve got to put your shoes back on and find some more to try. It’s a whole production. I’m not a big fan of fans. By fans, I don’t mean the kind that keep you cool. I mean rabid college football fans. If you end most conversations during the fall with “Go Vols,” “War Eagle” or “Roll Tide,” then I’m looking right at you. And it’s not OK to just have one sticker, shirt or bit of swag to announce you’re affiliation—the rabid fan must have all of it. You must drape all this over your car, body, house, dog and your baby. What’s really annoying is to see that 97 percent of those adorning UT or Alabama garb never attended these colleges (or at all) in the first place. Finally, I’m not a big fan of overused songs. I’m talking about tunes that have been used in movies, commercials and weddings so often that they’ve become bland, generic shells of themselves. I’m all for using music to evoke a mood or feeling, but I’ll never, ever have to buy a Black Keys album as long as I keep watching TV. That’s it for me. What are you not a big fan of? Just don’t say me. • Chuck Crowder is a local writer and man about town. His opinions are his own.

The All New 2014 Subaru Forester


900 Riverfront Parkway • (423) 490-0181 • • MARCH 21-27, 2013 • The Pulse • 31

The Pulse 10.12 » March 21-27, 2013  
The Pulse 10.12 » March 21-27, 2013  

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