VOL. 16, ISSUE 21 • MAY 23, 2019
The Ultimate Summer Tip…
…and some additional, less-scientific summer recommendations By Robyn Wolfe Fogle
CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 16, ISSUE 21 • MAY 23, 2019
BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher James Brewer, Sr. FOUNDED 2003 BY ZACHARY COOPER & MICHAEL KULL
EDITORIAL Managing Editor Gary Poole email@example.com Assistant Editor Jenn Webster City Editor Alex Curry Music Editor Marc T. Michael Film Editor John DeVore Contributors David Traver Adolphus Rob Brezsny • Robyn Wolfe Fogle Matt Jones • Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib • Alex Teach Michael Thomas • Addie Whitlow Editorial Interns Kelsey Fox • Ensley McFarland Cartoonists Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow Cover Photograph David Franklin
The Ultimate Summer Tip… “Ladies and gentlemen of (Chattanooga), wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the (summer), sunscreen would be it.” This adapted opening line from the song “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)”, which was originally penned by journalist Mary Schmich, is the most scientifically proven advice I can offer you for the summer.
ADVERTISING Director of Sales Mike Baskin firstname.lastname@example.org Account Executives Rick Leavell • Cindee McBride Libby Phillips • Lisa Roche John Rodriguez • Danielle Swindell
CONTACT Offices 1305 Carter St. Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Email email@example.com Website chattanoogapulse.com Facebook @chattanoogapulse THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. Contents Copyright © 2019 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.
IT'S TIME TO DANCE
THE ART OF HUMANS
Many people, like myself, are scared to death of dance. Perhaps the rawest expression of emotion, often mesmerizing in scope and ability and talent, dance is something that I am in awe of.
Ever since I was an awkward kid in knee socks and pigtails, I’ve been a little worried about fashion. The arts of clothing and styling seemed to me like something everyone else was good at.
CATCH-22 CATCHES UP
I mentioned last week that the U.S. is a decidedly warlike country. This week, of course, we have a variety of conservatives in the political class inching us closer to a war with Iran.
GOTH DAD IS NOT A MEME
The infamous photo of Glenn Danzig carrying a box of kitty litter and bags of groceries came to mind when this writer heard the band name Goth Dad.
4 CONSIDER THIS
21 THE ART OF BUSINESS
28 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
7 AIR BAG
24 MUSIC CALENDAR
29 JONESIN' CROSSWORD
13 NEW IN THEATERS
16 ARTS CALENDAR
28 THE LIST
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CITY LIFE · BETWEEN THE BRIDGES
It's Time To Dance…Tonight! Tango (or waltz) your way to confidence and connection
By Alex Curry Pulse City Editor
The hardest part is putting your foot through the door. A failure to learn is a failure to teach. It’s our job to communicate and make it easy.”
ANY PEOPLE, LIKE MYSELF, ARE SCARED TO DEATH of dance. Perhaps the rawest expression of emotion, often mesmerizing in scope and ability and talent, dance is something that I am in awe of. It is an awareness of body, mind, collaboration, and the symbiosis between all of these.
Dance is at the same time therapeutic and maddening. Perfection is unattainable, yet doing a poor job is only possible if you don’t care. A lack of effort or passion is the only feasible way to fail. It is, in some form or other, for everyone. We realize eventually that it isn’t a fear of dance, but a fear that we’ll enjoy it more than we ever imagined that keeps us from taking that first step. “The hardest part is putting your foot through the door. A failure to learn is a failure to teach. It’s our job to communicate and make it easy. Anything new is going to be nerve-wracking at first. Get over the fear. Jump in and try it,” remarks Kyle Barels, co-owner and instructor of Dance Tonight Chattanooga. Kyle is a life-long dancer and arts activist and is glowing with an unyielding passion for his craft. As Chattanooga—
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and especially the Southside—progresses in diversifying artistry, mediums like dance are growing in popularity. Dance Tonight is more than just a concept. It is a multi-faceted opportunity for the people of Chattanooga. On top of being an exhilarating physical workout, it is both a communication technique and an opportunity to develop a healthy and vibrant mental state. Recommended by psychiatrists and relationship counselors, it is a true healing art. “It’s invaluable for couples. Dance teaches better ways of listening and communicating,” continues Kyle. “It’s also a fantastic way to develop new social skills and work through issues of social anxiety.” What better way to learn to communicate with a life partner than through developing a passionate and honest hobby alongside each other?
“Our mission is to make social dancing more approachable. We want it to be completely normal for people to be seen swing dancing while out and about in Chattanooga, or doing some tango or salsa. Many of our clients tell us they’ve never gone out dancing before working with us, and we just want to continue to be a place where people can feel comfortable learning to dance with others,” exclaims Casey Haywood, co-owner and Kyle’s business partner. Casey is not only chasing after his dream; he is seeing it become a reality. In addition to teaching dance, the school often collaborates with other ventures in town to create performances. Whether it’s a well-rehearsed recital, cultural event, or another performance piece, or simply the quality of dance heightened at weddings and fundraisers, Dance Tonight is skyrocketing Chattanooga’s dancing skillset. Dance Tonight is right where it belongs; in the middle of Chattanooga’s bustling creative arts scene on Main Street. They offer private lessons, group lessons, and dance parties in their threetiered exploratory learning system. Visit dancetonightchattanooga.com for a more detailed description of the wide array on offer. Or better yet, stop in and talk to them in person. It may be the best gift you could ever share with a loved one. Gentlemen, imagine the smile on your partner’s face when you break down your barriers and show your vulnerability and willingness to try new things. “Partnership dancing is two bodies moving as one. It’s a communication of the bodies,” says Kyle. Maybe it’s a little bit scary. Maybe it’s the best decision you’ll ever make. Show your humanity and let yourself communicate by moving to the tunes.
Attention All Writers
Cons ider This w ith Dr. Rick
The Pulse Short (Short) Story Contest is back! Chattanooga is a city full of very creative people. We have musicians, dancers, actors, artists off all types, entrepreneurs, programmers, designers, architects, and more. It’s a city filled to the brim with creativity and enthusiasm. We also have a lot of very talented writers. You name it, people here can write it: novels, poems, screenplays, music, plays, and all manner of short stories. Which is why a decade ago, we here at The Pulse thought it would be a good idea to start our own short story contest. But, being who we are, we wanted to make it different. We wanted to make it a bit challenging. And so we decided to go short. Really short. As in 500 words short. Or less. And thus the Short (Short) Story Contest was born. Over the past ten years, the results have been beyond our wildest expectations. Nearly
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” — Marilyn Monroe
200 writers have submitted stories each year, and their writing has been nothing short of phenomenal. Every year our judges read through dozens upon dozens of amazing stories, and somehow come to a consensus of the top five, with the winning submission printed right here in a special issue each summer. So, with that, we are pleased to announced our 10th annual competition is now underway. The rules are simple: send us
an original, never-before-published short story of 500 words or less by next Wednesday, May 29th. Fiction, non-fiction, prose or poetry: it doesn’t matter. Let your imagination run wild. Send it as a Word document to creative@chattanoogapulse. com (with your name and contact info), and the winning stories will be published in our June 6th issue. Good luck and get writing! — Gary Poole
At the beach recently, a couple of friends and I felt absolutely ridiculous. And loved it. Frolicking in waves that were big enough to knock a person upside down, feet jutting straight up from the water. Laughter with total strangers around the pool. Riding sandy back alleys in a golf cart and repeatedly, happily getting lost. Having “imperfect” bodies (along with most everyone else there) didn’t stop the phrase “skinny-dipping” from being thrown around. We also found a labyrinth open to all, an offering of kindness from someone living there, and enjoyed an afternoon spent in walking meditation. Other experiences were about earthing on the wet sand, living barefoot, and of course, eating abundant seafood. Consider this: Whether near or far, in mountains or desert, get some metaphorical sand in your shorts. And see how good “ridiculous” can make you feel. — Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.
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COLUMN · AIR BAG
Trust Yourself Under The Hood Greasy encouragement from our automotive guru
D David Traver Adolphus Pulse columnist
Of course not everyone has the desire or skill to open up their transmission, but if you can grasp the skill of a backyard blacksmith from 125 years ago then you can still work on your car.” David Traver Adolphus is a freelance automotive researcher who quit his full time job writing about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. Follow him on Twitter as @proscriptus.
EPENDING ON THE YEAR, A Ford Model T came with about 11 tools in the factory toolkit. That included a pair of pry bars for dismounting the tires, an oil can, bicycle-type air pump, and the jack. With these, the driver could not only perform any and all regular maintenance, but the more involved 1- and 5,000-mile services, and many minor repairs. The factory recommended toolkit for repair that involved taking apart the engine or transmission was about 35 tools, and some of those were things like a flathead screwdriver, slipjaw pliers, and a pipe wrench. A couple of hundred dollars spent on a socket and open-end wrench set today would cover 95 percent of what you’d need. Ford’s catalog for every part in the car was 32 pages long, and that counts page 5 listing telegraph codes—the actual parts took 18 pages. The Owner’s Manual, 32 pages, told you how to disassemble and adjust the rear axle. When you spent your $750 for the world’s best-selling car, that was it. You didn’t need anyone or anything else to keep it on the road. A lot of this went through my mind last weekend when I was replacing the front shocks on my 1997 Mercedes E420. It was almost an easy job—it needed three sockets, a pry bar, an open end 17mm wrench, and some wire. And the drivers’ side was, if not easy, straightforward, so I went to the passenger side optimistically, where the AC controller and a manifold for the car’s many, many vacuum systems made it obvious this would be essentially im-
possible. After losing my 17mm open end wrench into an inaccessible crevice inside the firewall, where it is still annoyingly rattling, I started researching. What Mercedes does is use a specialized $130 tool to reach this particular nut, and as I neither felt like buying one and waiting for it to arrive nor having a new shock on one side of the car, I was largely stuck. After turning to social media, I cut part of the shock away with a grinder so I could get a pair of Vice Grips on it and, well, it was messy and my kids learned unfortunate new words. All of which is exactly why people are afraid to repair their own cars. Fundamentally, nothing about this particular job was complicated and anyone should be able to do it. But there was little information available and what I’d already researched was inaccurate. The very idea of car repair being a specialized trade has been a self-fulfilling prophecy, eroding the Sunday af-
ternoon tune-up into the expensive and esoteric domain of dealerships and independent shops. Of course not everyone has the desire or skill to open up their transmission, but if you can grasp the skill of a backyard blacksmith from 125 years ago then you can still work on your car. I’ve known people who have rebuilt Ferrari engines in their driveway. Cars are just a bunch of pieces bolted and screwed together, and that’s it. If you like, say, jigsaw puzzles, then you’d probably like rebuilding a carburetor or a clutch, too. And when you think that dealerships like to charge $125 an hour and up for labor, there’s an excellent value proposition, too. I don’t know that the culture will every change back, but there’s no reason it couldn’t. So pick up a couple of tools and do your own brakes next time. Drop me a line if you need help, and we’ll curse at them together.
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The Ultimate Summer Tip… …and some additional, less-scientific summer recommendations By Robyn Wolfe Fogle, Pulse contributor
ADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF (CHATTANOOGA), wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the (summer), sunscreen would be it.” This adapted opening line from the song “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)”, which was originally penned by journalist Mary Schmich, is the most scientifically proven advice I can offer you for the summer. So that’s it. You can stop reading right now and I’ll feel satisfied knowing that I’ve offered you the best tip for summer out there—who could argue with science? But if you’re still reading, and I hope you are, I’d like to offer you some additional suggestions for enjoying the summer in Chattanooga. The Scenic City is a playground, and never more so than in the summer. We have the river, trails, parks, rocks, races, markets, festivals, music, patios, and more! You already know about, and probably anticipate, staple summer events like Nightfall, Riverbend, Riverfront Nights, the Chattanooga Market, beer festivals, outdoor races, movies in the park, and many more. So instead of giving you a rundown of those long-standing activities—which you should definitely still look up and attend—I’d like to share with you some of my personal highlights from last summer. They’re less-scientific than my original tip, and are based purely on my own personal experience, yet I hope you’ll find them helpful
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in brainstorming your own ways to have a rad summer in Chattanooga. A Place to Hang Your Hammock One of my cherished summer days last year started on the Riverwalk. Approximately 13 miles long, this paved pedestrian path follows the Tennessee River and the views are stunning. If you’ve never walked, run, biked, rollerbladed, or otherwise used this path, you’ve been missing out on a true Chattanooga gem. Now when it’s 90+ degrees and humid outside I am not a fan of walking or running this path. I get hot and sweaty, and to be perfectly honest that’s just not my idea of fun. Biking, however, is an entirely different story and an ideal way to enjoy the Riverwalk in the summer. Cruising along at 15 mph means the breeze makes even the hottest summer day bearable, and having a friend to ride with turns bearable into fun. On this particular day, my friend Lindsay and I met up after lunch to ride this path together. We pedaled down to the dam (the
end of the line for the Riverwalk— or I suppose it’s actually the beginning), and then made our way back. After biking for an hour— maybe it was longer, I lost track of time—we stopped in a shady area and strung up hammocks which Lindsay had had the foresight to tote along. Elevating my tired legs and allowing the soft hammock to fold up around me was quite possibly the most relaxing and peaceful moment of my entire summer. A gentle breeze was coming off the river and I could have stayed there and napped for hours. If you do one thing to relax this summer, lie in a hammock! String it up in the park, by a stream or even in your backyard—just trust me on this one. Afterwards we rode on to the Boathouse restaurant for happy hour. A cold Hutton & Smith IPA, some house-made guacamole, a shady patio overlooking the river, and the day could not have been more idyllic.
If you do one thing to relax this summer, lie in a hammock! String it up in the park, by a stream or even in your backyard—just trust me on this one.” Row, Row, Row Your Kayak During the fall, winter, and spring my husband Rob and I spend most of our free time together outside rock climbing or bouldering. It’s a great way for us to connect and spend the day together, and Chattanooga has stellar rocks! But in the summer, the heat and humidity here (not to mention the snakes, ticks, and mosquitoes) mean conditions for outdoor rock climbing are not ideal. So last summer Rob and I started searching for another way to spend an active day outside together. Something on the river felt like the obvious choice and our search led us to kayak fishing. I didn’t know the first thing about
fishing, but a day in a kayak on the water sounded like the quintessential summer thing to do. Rob grew up lure fishing so he outfitted us both with rods, reels, and bait, and we even bought our own kayaks (though there are plenty of great rental spots in town if you’re not ready to commit). Hot summer days are a great time to kayak, but it turns out they’re not exactly the best time to fish. Apparently the fish don’t like the heat either and they swim to deeper waters. Who knew? But it didn’t really matter to us. Our minimal catches didn’t stop us from having fun! Being out on the water was peaceful and relaxing, and time well-spent together. Rob and I enjoyed several fun
days out at Chester Frost Park in particular (I even caught my first bass there!) and on the way home we would drive past Nana’s Frozen Custard. We eyed it up every time, with Rob wanting to stop and me listing all the reasons we shouldn’t. I’m sorry to say I won that argument...last summer. But this summer we’re going to live it up! Even if it means I have to paddle more and fish less. After all, a frozen treat after a hot day on the water is kind of a summer must, right? Pick your vessel of choice—be it the kayak, SUP, canoe, pontoon, ski, or yacht if you’re really lucky— and spend a day on the water this summer. Soak in the serenity of life in nature—I think it’ll be a day you remember with a smile. Oh and get the ice cream afterwards or you will regret it! You Pick Too Speaking of food you don’t want to miss out on, summer is also my favorite season to frequent the lo-
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cal farmers markets. This time of year they are bursting with in-season fruits and vegetables. Strawberries and juicy peaches and blueberries! Tomatoes, crisp cucumbers, and peppers! Our local farmers grow the freshest produce you’ll find and if you haven’t been devouring it you’ve been missing out. Buying fresh summer produce makes me yearn for a garden of my own to tend and cultivate. Wouldn’t that be so rewarding? But I don’t have a great yard for a large garden, and I don’t know much about gardening, so I’ve been intimated by the thought. So last summer I did something about that. I tapped into one of Chattanooga’s finest community resources for learning about farming—Crabtree Farms. I heard they were looking for volunteers to help harvest in the mornings and I knew this was my chance to learn. I probably had a bit of a romanticized image of what this “harvesting” would look like. In case you’re as ill-informed as I was, 10 • THE PULSE • MAY 23, 2019 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
let me tell you: okra plants are itchy as hell, organically-grown tomato plants can attract a ton of mosquitoes, squatting down to pluck green beans is hard on your back, and let’s not even talk about weeding! Oh but the rewards! Pop one of those perfectly sun-ripened cherry tomatoes into your mouth and you’ll know it was worth the effort (and mosquito bites!) it took to harvest. I always knew locally, farmer-grown tasted better, but handpicked myself took it to a whole new level. I learned what crops to plant when and how to harvest crops effectively so you don’t damage the plants. The volunteer experience was eye-opening and fun. Plus, I met some amazing folks, including fellow Pulse contributor and chicken farmer Jessie Gantt-Temple, who recently wrote about her own experience and expertise when it comes to gardening. And the Crabtree farmers made sure I consistently went home with a bag of fresh vegetables to enjoy as thanks
Crabtree offers all sorts of workshops, plant sales, field trips, and tours to help our community learn and appreciate what it takes to grow real, healthy food.”
for my labor. Crabtree offers all sorts of workshops, plant sales, field trips, and tours to help our community learn and appreciate what it takes to grow real, healthy food. But if you don’t have time for all of that, at least visit the farmers markets and buy the bounty. Your taste buds will thank you. How else can you enjoy the upcoming summer days? If you’re able, you must spend at least one day hiking. One of my favorite trails is the one up to Sunset Rock. Start on the Guild/Hardy Trail, then take the Gum Springs trail to the top and soak in the view and enjoy the breeze. It’s breathtaking! Take a hammock! Or opt for one of the trails on Signal Mountain to enjoy more creeks and swimming holes. My Aussie, Whipper, gives that option the two paws up.
Lookouts baseball games are a summer must! Chattanooga has one of the nicest Double-A baseball stadiums in the country and they even sell craft beer. Look for one of the promotion nights like Thirsty Thursday or Fireworks Friday and gather the family or a group of friends to go. Or why not consider taking advantage of the free morning yoga at the Chattanooga River Market on Saturdays? It’s hard to beat the peaceful waterfront view, and you can pick up some fresh vegetables afterwards. Eat lots of ice cream. Drink more rosé wine. Attend every festival and concert you can. Do whatever makes you feel alive. Use your body in every way that you can. But whatever you do...wear sunscreen!
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FILM & TELEVISION
The New Catch-22 Catches Up With Us George Clooney’s Hulu miniseries hits home Explore The Great Barrier Reef The Tennessee Aquarium IMAX 3D theater has been showcasing some of the best nature films since it first opened its doors back in 1996. And this week, they hit another cinematic homerun with the debut of Great Barrier Reef 3D, which captures the natural beauty and exquisite strangeness of the world’s largest living wonder. The film introduces us to the visionaries and citizen scientists who are helping us better understand and protect this awesome, bizarre, and vibrant living world. Stretching for more than 1,600 miles just off Australia’s northeast coast, the Great Barrier Reef is a natural wonder draped in superlatives and mind-boggling statistics that still struggle to encompass its splendor and importance. “Great Barrier Reef is an epic adventure into an incredibly vibrant, living world where we tell the story of the reef from the perspective of people who have an intricately close relationship to it,” said film director Stephen Amezdroz. The premiere event kicks off at 6 p.m. this Thursday with the sounds of a local didgeridoo performer along with kid-friendly activities in the IMAX Great Hall. Following the film, Jemma Craig, an underwater photographer and videographer, will entertain questions about her life as a resident of Green Island in the Great Barrier Reef that led to an appearance in this new giant screen film. For tickets and information, visit them online at tnaqua.org/imax — Michael Thomas
By John DeVore Pulse Film Editor
So long as we lie to ourselves about our justifications, we can continue to make movies about flag waving and sacrifice.”
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MENTIONED LAST WEEK WHILE REVIEWING A serial killer movie that the U.S. is a decidedly warlike country. This week, of course, we have a variety of conservatives in the political class inching us closer to a war with Iran. It’s inevitable, really. Never mind that we’re still actively involved in Afghanistan. Never mind that we’re regularly bombing several other countries. What’s one more war? What’s one more destabilized region? Who cares about the legions of dead or their radicalized survivors? We’re protecting freedom, right? So long as we lie to ourselves about our justifications, we can continue to make movies about flag waving and sacrifice. Hollywood has a long and storied history
of military propaganda. But there’s an equally long history of dissent. For every Patton, there’s a Platoon. For every Dirty Dozen, there’s a Dr. Strangelove. One of the best American novels of the 20th century is, in fact, an antiwar satire. Sometimes the resistance to an idea produces the best art. “Catch-22”, the satirical novel by Joseph Heller set in a system of circular logic during World War II, has been adapted many times. The most recent adaptation is a six-
part miniseries on Hulu, produced and directed by George Clooney. The series is a departure from the structure of the novel, but maintains the same themes and much of the humor found therein. For those unfamiliar with the novel, the story is mostly concerned with John Yossarian (Christopher Abbott), a B-25 bombardier in the U.S. Army Air Forces. John Yossarian is baffled by the idea that people he hasn’t met are constantly trying to kill him. He has a set number of missions to fly before he can be sent home, but every time he nears his quota, Colonel Cathcart (Kyle Chandler) raises it. Yossarian tries a variety of ways to get out of flying his missions— general sickness, liver disease, mental illness. Craziness, in particular, is one way to be sent home. There’s a problem though, which the novel explains thus: “There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one’s safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more
The series is a departure from the structure of the novel, but maintains the same themes and much of the humor found therein.” missions and sane if he didn’t, but if he were sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn’t have to, but if he didn’t want to he was sane and had to.” The series uses the novel to expound on this idea, along with several other examples of circular logic meant to keep the men fighting the war and dying for the cause. The series departs from the novel in terms of structure, however. The novel is told non-chronologically, exploring its myriad characters by telling the same events from differing perspectives. This simply wouldn’t work for series or a film. As such, Hulu’s Catch-22 is fairly straightforward. Novel purists may be bothered by this, particularly because the series doesn’t flesh out any other characters as much as it does Yossarian. It’s a fair criticism, but the series manages to effectively express the themes of the novel carefully and powerfully. The ideas of justice, greed, and the impor-
✴ NEW IN THEATERS ✴
tance of individual identity are still on display. It doesn’t quite handle the war profiteering aspect as well as it might have—the character of Milo Minderbinder is maybe too likable and too isolated from the consequences of his actions to effectively drive the point home. Overall, however, the series does the novel justice. The filmmaking, too, is excellent. Two of the episodes are directed by George Clooney (he also plays the notorious Scheisskopf). Clooney, who might not be a prolific director but is a talented one nonetheless, also produced the miniseries. It’s likely a passion project for him, and given the timely nature of the subject, it’s one that could easily resound with an audience. Really, assuming our nature as a country, there’s never a moment in our history when Catch-22 wouldn’t be timely. We need someone to point out how ridiculous endless war is. Even if it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference.
Aladdin A kindhearted street urchin and a powerhungry Grand Vizier vie for a magic lamp that has the power to make their deepest wishes come true. Director: Guy Ritchie Stars: Will Smith, Mena Massoud, Naomi Scott
Booksmart On the eve of their high school graduation, two academic superstars and best friends realize they should have worked less and played more. Determined not to fall short of their peers, the girls try to cram four years of fun into one night. Director: Olivia Wilde Stars: Kaitlyn Dever, Beanie Feldstein
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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
The Art Of Humans Everyone's beautiful at Chattanooga Fashion Week
Blue Upon Blue Make your own indigo designs at the Exploring Indigo Dyeing and Shibori workshop at Townsend Atelier on Sunday, June 2. These most-of-the-day sessions, hosted by teacher and textile artist Aaron Sanders Head, sold out handily during 2018. Seize this chance to learn, craft, and come away with something truly beautiful. Indigo dye has a history across the world; the indigo color is traditionally derived from the Indigofera plant, which is found from southeast Asia to Japan. In the Americas, indigo was derived from the anil plant; in Europe, dyers’ woad produced the deep blue tones. Shibori manual dying techniques originated in Japan and include twist-resist and shape-resist approaches, according to the workshop page. Each student at the workshop will be provided with a length of linen, a length of cotton, and access to a vat of plant-derived indigo to experiment. Participants may also bring their own textiles from home to dye. A popular curator, critic, and visual artist, Aaron Sanders Head’s work “investigates, restores, and reinterprets historical textile practices, with a focus on natural dyes, hand-mending, and hand-stitching,” according to his biography. Register at townsendatelier.com, then show up on Sunday, June 2 at 10 a.m. at the Townsend Atelier, The Arts Building, 301 East 11th St. here in Chattanooga. — Jenn Webster
By Jenn Webster Pulse Assistant Editor
A true stylist does not style based on trends…a true stylist styles based on who you are, what message you want to tell the world, where you are going in life.”
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ONFESSION: EVER SINCE I WAS AN AWKward kid in knee socks and pigtails, I’ve been a little worried about fashion. The arts of clothing and styling seemed to me like: 1) Something everyone else was good at; 2) Something I was bad at; and 3) Something I should be doing but wasn’t. Yep, I was Velma. So when I met with Kenya Iman, independent personal fashion stylist, I was feeling a little intimidated. But everything was all right from her first warm smile. Just like a painter or pianist, Kenya is an artist, and her canvass is the human body. Fashion, she explained to me, isn’t about conforming to a trend—it’s about individual expression. “Fashion is art in so many levels,” she says. “The first is addressing the human body and figure. Humans are art! To be able to clothe art with art is
just incredibly fascinating to me because the way that you dress each person is so specific to that person. A true stylist does not style based on trends…a true stylist styles based on who you are, what message you want to tell the world, where you are going in life. On top of that, she shapes and sculpts the body, emphasizing the best parts and minimizing what you don’t want people to see so you can feel truly yourself. That is a powerful thing!” For fashion week, Kenya is collaborating with Gage Models & Tal-
ent Agency. She styled their Knoxville Fashion Week as a college student, and stayed on to take a leadership role at Chattanooga Fashion Week. She assembles talent in makeup, hair, modeling, and photography, and she works with boutique owners who want to display their wares. It’s a busy time and involves numerous artists and vendors across a wide spectrum of talent. A newcomer to Fashion Week will find a lot to enjoy. “Each night is different,” says Jaime Hemsley, president of Gage Models & Talent Agency and producer of Chattanooga and Knoxville Fashion Week. “From the Tuesday, May 28 kickoff with an eclectic mix of designer/boutiques to the Thursday runway focusing on hair and makeup [to] the Friday Finale event and largest show.” Eventgoers can enjoy off-the-chain makeup and styling while checking out what local boutiques have to offer, all in an atmosphere of fun. “Most importantly, it’s a look at the fashion arts in the community and a chance for those who love to design/ shop/style and model to get out there in the spotlight and show us what they love,” Jaime says. “[It’s] their ‘walking art’ presented in a fun and supportive atmosphere with photos/images for
Fashion Week sounds like a lot of fun, not just for fashionistas, but for art enthusiasts who want to expand their ideas about what constitutes art.” future advertising and branding purposes to help the small business or upstart line.” The event looks to be big—Jaime anticipates 200 participants, including models and artists. Vendor tables will allow the public to buy on the spot, but the real focus each evening is the runway show. Wednesday night’s show is the charity spotlight focusing on autism. “Autism is the cause closest to our heart,” Jaime says. “We always like to highlight a community charity that assists those with special needs. This isn’t a runway event night, but a nod to Fashion for a Cause, that we do what we love while acknowledging and giving back to the community.” Fashion Week sounds like a lot of fun, not just for fashionistas, but for art enthusiasts who want to expand their ideas about what constitutes art. As Kenya describes it, Fashion Week is almost like a weeklong gallery crawl— but with the art walking around on hu-
man bodies! “A newcomer can probably expect lots of energy, lots of music, lots of creativity and high energy,” she says. “It’s fun to see other people’s art through their lens. There are just tons of creativity and art across the board, whether hair, makeup…in addition to the clothes, it’s all a form of art. To see them merged together is super fun!” Chattanooga Fashion Week will kick off on Tuesday, May 28 with a runway preview and party at The Camp House at 6 p.m. Events are scheduled throughout the week, with the Friday Finale taking place on March 31 at the Granfalloon at 6 p.m. For tickets and full listing of events, visit chattanoogafashionweek.com. If you want to be involved directly, reach out to Kenya Iman at style@kenyaiman. com or click the “Get Involved” tab at chattanoogafashionweek.com. Local stylists, makeup artists, designers, boutiques, and other venders are encouraged to participate.
Agatha Christie’s “Murder on the Nile”
The timeless tale of the boy who refused to grow up comes to the stage. 7:30 p.m. Back Alley @ The Mars Theater 117 N. Chattanooga St. LaFayette, GA bapshows.com
Learn the basics of nature photography during this short introductory hike through one of the more scenic areas of the city. Noon Reflection Riding Arboretum 400 Garden Rd. reflectionriding.org
A film noir retelling of the classic murder mystery filled with intrigue and suprises twists. 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. theatrecentre.com
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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR
The Spanish Prisoner
THURSDAY5.23 Grief and Loss Art Expression 9 a.m. Hart Gallery 110 E. Main St. (423) 521-4707 hartgallerytn.com Jean Renoir’s The Southerner 2, 7 p.m. Heritage House Arts & Civic Center 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-9474 chattanooga.gov Urban Farmers Market and Marketplace 3 p.m. Miller Park 910 Market St. millerparkmarket.com The Spanish Prisoner 4 p.m. The Palace Theater 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com Naughty Knights Chess Meetup 5 p.m. Hutton & Smith Brewing Co. 431 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 760-3600 huttonandsmithbrewing.com Intermediate Stained Glass Class 5:30 p.m. Reflections Gallery
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1635 Rossville Ave. (423) 892-3072 reflectionsgallerytn.com Great Barrier Reef 3D Film Premiere 6 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium IMAX 3D 201 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4629 tnaqua.org/imax Kokedama Making Class 6 p.m. Powell Market 802 Broad St. (423) 541-3089 pomkt.com Sangria on the Bluff 6:30 p.m. The Hunter Museum of American Art
10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Agatha Christie’s “Murder on the Nile” 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com Teacher’s Relief Live 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Alcoholics Not Anonymous Comedy Open Mic 8 p.m. Barley Taproom
ENTERTAINMENT SPOTLIGHT An attorney by trade, Will brings his engaging brand of comedy from the courtroom to The Comedy Catch. One of the hottest acts on the comedy club circuit today! Will jacobs 7:30 p.m. Friday-Sunday The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. thecomedycatch.com
235 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 682-8200 chattanoogabarley.com Country Line Dancing Class 8 p.m. Westbound Bar 24 Station St. (423) 498-3069 westboundbar.com
FRIDAY5.24 The Spanish Prisoner 4 p.m. The Palace Theater 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com Mini Terrarium Making Class 5 p.m. Powell Market 802 Broad St. (423) 541-3089 pomkt.com Zena Gottholm’s Malice Palace 6 p.m. Frequency Arts 516 Tremont St. facebook.com/frequencyarts Jessica Handler in conversation with Sarah Einstein 6:30 p.m. Star Line Books 1467 Market St. (423) 777-5629 starlinebooks.com
The Bobby Stone Film Series presents US Will Jacobs 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Peter Pan 7:30 p.m. The Mars Theater 117 N. Chattanooga St. LaFayette, GA (706) 996-8350 bapshows.com Improv “Movie” Night 8 p.m. Improv Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com Agatha Christie’s “Murder on the Nile” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com Video Game Night 8 p.m. Stone Cup Cafe 208 Frazier Ave. (423) 521-3977 stonecupcafe.com Ruby Falls Lantern Tours 8:30 p.m. Ruby Falls 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544 rubyfalls.com Free Beach Movie Night
9 p.m. Chester Frost Park 2277 Gold Point Cir. N. (423) 842-0177 parks.hamiltontn.gov Good, Old-Fashioned Improv Show 10 p.m. Improv Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com Nebula Majors 11 p.m. The Palace Theater 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com
SATURDAY5.25 Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. publicmarkets.us Plein Air Painting Demo with Dennis Heckler 10 a.m. River Gallery 400 E. 2nd St (423) 265-5033 river-gallery.com Kayak Rolling 10 a.m. Chester Frost Park 2277 Gold Point Cir. N. (423) 842-0177
parks.hamiltontn.gov Dog Adoption with Humane Education Society Noon WanderLinger Brewing Company 1208 King St. (423) 269-7979 wanderlinger.com Photography Hike Noon Reflection Riding Arboretum 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 reflectionriding.org The Spanish Prisoner 2 p.m. The Palace Theater 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com Kayak Rescues and Recovery 2 p.m. Chester Frost Park 2277 Gold Point Cir. N. (423) 842-0177 parks.hamiltontn.gov Peter Pan 2:30, 7:30 p.m. The Mars Theater 117 N. Chattanooga St. LaFayette, GA (706) 996-8350 bapshows.com The Bobby Stone Film Series presents US 3 p.m. Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St.
(423) 757-5580 tivolichattanooga.com Meanest Man in Texas 4 p.m. The Palace Theater 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com Real Betis vs Chattanooga FC 6 p.m. Finley Stadium 1826 Carter St. (423) 708-4625 chattanoogafc.com Family Magic Night 7 p.m. Chester Frost Park Pavilion 2277 Gold Point Cir. N. (423) 842-0177 parks.hamiltontn.gov Will Jacobs 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Your Stories 8 p.m. Improv Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com Agatha Christie’s “Murder on the Nile” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • MAY 23, 2019 • THE PULSE • 17
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR
Meanest Man in Texas Whose Line Chattanooga 10 p.m. Improv Chattanooga 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 843-1775 improvchattanooga.com
SUNDAY5.26 Backcountry Navigation With A Map & Compass 9 a.m. Greenway Farms 5051 Gann Store Rd. (423) 643-6311 How to Ride a Bike for Adults 9 a.m. Enterprise South Nature Park 190 Still Hollow Loop (423) 893-3500 parks.hamiltontn.gov Chattanooga Market 12:30 p.m. The Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Meanest Man in Texas 2, 4 p.m. The Palace Theater 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 803-6578 chattpalace.com Agatha Christie’s “Murder on the Nile” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com
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The Bobby Stone Film Series presents The Princess Bride 6 p.m. Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5580 tivolichattanooga.com Will Jacobs 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com
MONDAY5.27 Chattanooga Memorial Day Ceremony 11 a.m. Chattanooga National Cemetery 1200 Bailey Ave. cem.va.gov/cems/nchp Spring Belly Dance Session 5:45 p.m. Movement Arts Collective 3813 Dayton Blvd. (423) 401-8115 movementartscollective.com Joggers & Lagers 6 p.m. Chattanooga Brewing Co. 1804 Chestnut St. chattabrew.com
TUESDAY5.28 Wake Up & Run
6 a.m. Fleet Feet Sports 307 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 771-7996 fleetfeetchattanooga.com Chess K-night 5 p.m. Mad Priest Coffee Roasters 1900 Broad St. (423) 393-3834 madpriestcoffee.com Tuesday Night Chess Club 6 p.m. Downtown Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 643-7700 chattilibrary.com Paths to Pints along the Riverwalk 6:30 p.m. The Tap House 3800 St. Elmo Ave. taphousechatt.com English Country Dance for All! 7 p.m. Heritage House Arts & Civic Center 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 855-9474 chattanooga.gov
WEDNESDAY5.29 Main Street Market 4 p.m. 522 W. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com Beginner’s Copper Foil Stained Glass Class
5:30 p.m. Reflections Gallery 1635 Rossville Ave. (423) 892-3072 reflectionsgallerytn.com Chattanooga Jewish Film Series 7 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center 5461 North Terrace (423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.com Naughty Knights Chess Meetup 7:30 p.m. The Bitter Alibi 825 Houston St. (423) 362-5070 thebitteralibi.com One Night Event: World Series of Comedy Competition 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com Film Night in Cooper’s Alley 8 p.m. Cooper’s Alley Cherry St., Downtown River Bend Kayak/SUP Tour 8:30 p.m. Coolidge Park 150 River St. chattanooga.gov Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: firstname.lastname@example.org
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Evolving Fashion, Eternal Friendship Encore Consignment Boutique offers high-end trends in Riverview
alking through the door of Encore Consignment Boutique near the intersection of Tremont Street and Hixson Pike, I start smiling. Maybe it’s the Kate Spade bag dangling overhead, creamy pink in color with pops of hot apricot. Maybe it’s the jade necklaces, the round racks of neatly arrayed clothing, or the gold satin shoes with the beaded eye and, yes, fringy beaded eyelashes. Or the soft perfume in the air. Or the friendly voices. Whatever the magic is, I’m hooked, and I’m sure you’ll be, too. Encore Consignment Boutique is full of upscale trends, including a fabulous array of Louis Vuitton bags, but it’s also replete with the heartfelt kindness borne of 21 years in the neighborhood. “Since day one, I wanted to create an upscale ‘boutique’ environment, with designer brands you won’t find at the mall,” says Sherry Shipley Gravitt, owner of Encore Consignment Boutique. “We specialize in those unique brands and items that one would only find in boutiques and designer establishments in major cities, such as Atlanta, New York, or LA, all at 50 to 85 percent off retail.” The vibe that Sherry aimed for is upscale but fun, and she’s succeeded marvelously. It’s like a boutique—but instead of being limited by the taste of a single boutique owner or buyer, you’re invited to select from the curated tastes of more than 3,100 consigners, several of whom bring clothes from Europe to share. About a third of the inventory is new with tags, Sherry tells me, and it’s all three years old or less, every piece in perfect condition. A focus of the store is premier designer handbags from Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Chanel, Fendi, Prada and Burberry. Shoes by Christian Loubou-
“In Encore Consignment’s more than two decades in Riverview, trends and clientele have evolved and the store has stayed nimble to match.” tin, Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, Ferragamo, and Valentino top the racks. “They’re things you won’t find in Chattanooga, all at fabulous discounts off the retail prices,” Sherry says. “All our designer items, as well as all others, are carefully inspected and all are authenticated by me, personally.” In Encore Consignment’s more than two decades in Riverview, trends and clientele have evolved and the store has stayed nimble to match. However, Sherry’s vision and values have remained foundational to her business model. “When I first opened this store and had a particular vision, I just hoped I’d received enough clothes to fill up the space!” she exclaims. “We are now extremely selective and with more than 3,100 consignors, we have to be. The majority of our clientele are fashion savvy, familiar with
designers, know retail price, and follow fashion trends and labels.” To keep up, Sherry and her staff investigate, research, and follow current fashion daily. From the provenance of each piece to its current price, they know each item in detail. “Since we are extremely selective of what we accept, we have to have our finger on the pulse of the fashion industry at all times,” Sherry says. “This is an evolving business that continues to be a work in progress. I learn something new every day, even after 21 years.” Sherry is especially excited about the business’s longevity; she also values the lifelong connections she builds. After 21 years, she’s made friends and lifelong customers whose children are now friends and customers. Often she sees a client wearing an item purchased at Encore Consignment, and, of course, looking fabulous in it. These positive experiences, combined with the sense that one is truly expressing one’s personal style through fashion, can transform an ordinary day into a real pleasure. And it’s that sense that Sherry and
her staff have truly noticed you that makes each customer feel special and unique. “Every single person is so different in what they love,” Sherry says. “Every single person has their own style, their own outward art. You exude your style and personality to the world when you walk out in something you love.” To enhance the personal vibe, Sherry retains experienced personal stylist Peggy Bronsburg to help customers select outfits, whether a single ensemble or a seasonal wardrobe. Both drop-in customers and longtime regulars can expect excellent, personalized service, Sherry says. “Since we are a small boutique, we don’t just sell clothing…we sell a service, which is rare, and we dress people,” she says. “We like to sell the ‘Wow!’ factor. We want all our customers to look good and find something they love, which makes them happy and feel good about themselves.” ∙∙∙∙ Find Encore Consignment Boutique at encoreconsignmentonline.com or drop in and visit at 1301 Dorchester Rd, Ste. 113, Chattanooga.
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THE MUSIC SCENE
Goth Dad Is Not A Meme Get mellow with them Friday at Barley Taproom
Tall Tale Album Release Chattanooga is known for our strong history in folk and bluegrass music, as well as Appalachian storytelling. Caney Creek Company falls in the sweet spot of that triangle. Their second album, Tall Tale, has just dropped and they’ll be celebrating with a concert at Songbirds this Saturday. Less than three years old, Caney Creek Company consists of songwriter Konstantine Vlasis, accompanied by musicians Katie and Corey Bradford and Drew Streip. The band leapt to local prominence with performances at River City Sessions and Road to Nightfall. Their sound, both urgent and wistful, balances Katie’s poignant vocal work with pushy banjo-picking and cane-syrup-sweet fiddling. Occasionally, they start to really rock out, leaping from bluegrass straight into folk rock that’ll have you snapping your fingers, stomping your feet, and twirling your skirts. At all times, they sound fresh and engaged, as if they’ve just discovered these age-old sounds for the first time. Saturday is a thank you to fans, with each attendee receiving a free hard copy of Tall Tale. It’s only $10 online, so what are you waiting for? Get your ticket on Eventbrite. com, then show up at Songbirds North at 6 p.m. for a great show. — Jenn Webster
By Ernie Paik Pulse constributor
We listen to a lot of dream-pop and shoegaze, but I think a lot of influences come from bands that we’re playing shows with frequently,”
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HE INFAMOUS PHOTO OF GLENN DANZIG carrying a box of kitty litter and bags of groceries came to mind when this writer heard the band name Goth Dad, but while the name sounds like it could be a ridiculous Internet meme, band founder Ryan Sherrer explained via email, “there’s no real story behind the band name.”
“I used to just write a bunch of band name ideas in my phone, and ‘Goth Dad’ was the only name I had written that wasn’t just terrible,” said Sherrer, in advance of the Hattiesburg, Mississippi group’s free show this Friday at Barley Taproom with the Chattanooga band Lacing. The dream-pop quintet Goth Dad started out as a solo project for Sherrer as a way to practice his songwriting; after sharing some worksin-progress with a few friends, they started writing together soon afterward. “Either I or Colin [Cameron] will send the band a rough idea of a song
in our group chat before a practice, and then we just play around with it until we’re happy with the song,” said Sherrer about the band’s creative process. “Usually, the lyrics are written [at the] very last minute. I hate to be rushed, but I think I write best under pressure.” The band picks up influences almost by osmosis. “We listen to a lot of dream-pop and shoegaze, but I think a lot of influences come from bands that we’re playing shows with frequently,” said Sherrer, regarding sources that can shape the band’s sound. “We’ve played a lot with our close friends
in Astragal, Inside Voices, and Hand Out the past year, and I think our new material hints at that.” Regarding the ups and downs of touring, Sherrer recalled a situation in Utah that could have been an ordeal but turned out to be a fond tour memory. “Our van’s battery died in Salt Lake City in January around one in the morning after a show last tour,” said Sherrer. “It was 20 degrees outside and there was so much snow. A few dudes from the band Sonnets stuck around with us to jump us off and hang out, but we eventually had to get a friend bring us to go buy a new battery. “The people we stayed with gave each of us a mattress to sleep on and French toast in the morning. It wasn’t the wildest night we had, but it’s a favorite because these kind people we hardly knew made us feel at home in what would’ve been a miserable situation.” While Goth Dad’s sound leans toward swirling, blissed-out pop, Lacing’s take on shoegaze favors a heavier, more rock-oriented approach. “We are currently in the middle of mixing our second LP Without,” said Jerry Reed, Lac-
I feel like we were finally able to use the studio as an instrument, which was key to us getting these new songs to where they need to be.” ing’s drummer, via email. “I can’t stress enough how happy we are with what has been done with it so far.” Earlier this year, Lacing went into the Dark Art Audio recording studio in Nashville with engineer Mikey Allred, who has worked with acts including Inter Arma, Holy Mountain Top Removers, U.S. Christmas and Yautja. “Mikey was a wizard with what he could do in the box, and with all the note frequency information that we were throwing at him,” said Lacing bassist Joseph Micolo via email. “This session was totally different from Bummer, as we did the recording track by track instead of fully live,” said Reed, referring to the band’s 2017 debut album. “This allowed us to overdub more guitar, synths, weird pedals, and a lot more. “We also had [Allred’s] awesome cats Oz and Rupert to keep us company. Good dude,
good times, good cats. We did it over three weekends, which I think helped make it a very relaxing, fun time.” The new sound is both a clarification and a reaffirmation of previous work. “Although I feel the new stuff is definitely different than the Bummer era, it feels really natural,” said Reed. “The fuzzy heaviness is fuzzier and heavier, and the atmospheric stuff is way more dreamy. I feel like we were finally able to use the studio as an instrument, which was key to us getting these new songs to where they need to be.” “This one still sounds like us for sure, all the typical Lacing elements, but everything is clearer, louder, heavier, etc. while not sounding like we just went in and did Bummer 2 or something,” said Lacing guitarist and vocalist Joe Davenport via email. “Our goal was to essentially level up.”
THU5.23 Teddy and the Rough Riders This is what happens when you mix old school country and Southern rock together. 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com
FRI5.24 Joey Winslett Band A group of very different musicians with very different genre styles that meld rock and blues. 9 p.m. HiFi Clyde’s 122 W. Main St. hificlydeschattanooga.com
SAT5.25 Aireene Espiritu Very talented ainger/ songwriter playing a mix of stompin', swayin', and timeless Americana. 7 p.m. Charles & Myrtle's Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org
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LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR THURSDAY5.23 James Crumble Trio 6 p.m. St. John’s Meeting Place 1278 Market St. stjohnsrestaurant.com Zech Dallas 6 p.m. 1885 Grill 3914 St. Elmo Ave. 1885grill.com Emerald Butler 6 p.m. Puckett’s Grocery & Restaurant 2 Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com Danimal & Friends 6 p.m. WanderLinger Brewing Co. 1208 King St. wanderlinger.com Open Mic Thursday 6 p.m. Stone Cup Cafe 208 Frazier Ave. stonecupcafe.com Thursday Night Jazz 6 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Courtney Holder 6:30 p.m. Westin Dorato Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Jesse Jungkurth & Friends 6:30 p.m. Mexi-Wing VII 5773 Brainerd Rd. (423) 296-1073 Songwriters Stage 7 p.m. The Camp House 149 E. MLK Blvd. thecamphouse.com Toby Hewitt 7 p.m. Backstage Bar 29 Station St. backstagechattanooga.com Webb Barringer 7 p.m. Edley’s Bar-B-Que 205 Manufacturers Rd. edleysbbq.com Amber Fults 7:30 p.m. Westin Alchemy Bar 801 Pine St.
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Amber Fults westinchattanooga.com Shay Collins 7:30 p.m. Cambridge Square 9453 Bradmore Ln. cambridgesquaretn.com Southwind Bluegrass 7:30 p.m. The Feed Co. Table & Tavern 201 W. Main St. feedtableandtavern.com Jimmy Dormire 8 p.m. The Social 1110 Market St. publichousechattanooga.com Open Mic Night with Jonathan Wimpee 9 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Playin Possum Blues Band 9 p.m. Stone Cup Cafe 208 Frazier Ave. stonecupcafe.com Teddy and the Rough Riders 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com
FRIDAY5.24 Summer Music Weekends 9 a.m. Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA seerockcity.com Luke Simmons
5 p.m. Southside Social 1818 Chestnut St. thesouthsidesocial.com Aaron Carney 6 p.m. La Fiesta Mexican Grill 8523 Hixson Pike lafiestarestauranttn.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Megan Howard 6:30 p.m. Westin Dorato Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Ruen Brothers, Jason Lyles and the Legitimizers 7 p.m. Miller Plaza 850 Market St. nightfallchattanooga.com Common Criminal 7 p.m. Frequency Arts 516 Tremont St. facebook.com/frequencyarts Eric Tessmer Band 7 p.m. Songbirds North 35 Station St. songbirdsguitars.co Nick Lutsko 7 p.m. Oddstory Brewing Company 336 E. MLK Blvd. oddstorybrewing.co Tim Lewis 7 p.m. El Meson
248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Jimmy Dormire 7:30 p.m. Westin Alchemy Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Pamela K. Ward 7:30 p.m. Puckett’s Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com The Pickup Lions 7:30 p.m. Cambridge Square 9453 Bradmore Ln. cambridgesquaretn.com Goth Dad, Lacing 8 p.m. Barley Taproom 235 E. MLK Blvd. chattanoogabarley.com Lazy Horse 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com John Carroll 9 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Joey Winslett Band 9 p.m. HiFi Clyde’s 122 W. Main St. hificlydeschattanooga.com Scenic City Stomp Fest: Deep Fried All Stars, Atomic Boogie, Skip Frontz Jr., Coach and Comando, Rye Baby 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia
Roger Alan Wade 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Tuesday’s Gone: The Ultimate Tribute To Lynyrd Skynyrd 9 p.m. Songbirds South 41 Station St. songbirdsguitars.co ET 9:30 p.m. The Feed Co. Table & Tavern 201 W. Main St. feedtableandtavern.com Jason Lyles and the Legitimizers 10 p.m. The Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Ryan Oyer 10 p.m. The Social 1110 Market St. publichousechattanooga.com Outlaw 45 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com
SATURDAY5.25 Summer Music Weekends 9 a.m. Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA seerockcity.com Sabrina Murdaugh 12:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St.
publicmarkets.us Priscila & Little RicKee 2 p.m. Scottie’s On The River 491 Riverfront Pkwy. scottiesontheriver.net Martin Rodriguez and The Rectifiers 3 p.m. The Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Melange 6 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Dan Roark 6 p.m. Mad Knight Brewing Company 4015 Tennessee Ave. madknightbrewing.com Flattop Boxers 6:30 p.m. Westin Dorato Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Aireene Espiritu 7 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org Caney Creek Company Album Release 7 p.m. Songbirds North 35 Station St. songbirdsguitars.co
Woozle 7 p.m. Gate 11 Distillery 1400 Market St. gate11distillery.com Moose Truck 7 p.m. Hutton & Smith Brewing Co. 431 E. MLK Blvd. huttonandsmithbrewing.com The Other Brothers 7 p.m. Edley’s Bar-B-Que 205 Manufacturers Rd. edleysbbq.com Forever Bluegrass 7 p.m. Westbound Bar 24 Station St. westboundbar.com Tim Lewis 7 p.m. El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Ryan Oyer 7:30 p.m. Westin Alchemy Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Jon Scott 7:30 p.m. Puckett’s Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com Raul Enrique 7:30 p.m. Cambridge Square 9453 Bradmore Ln. cambridgesquaretn.com Roger Alan Wade 8 p.m. Mayo’s Bar and Grill
3820 Brainerd Rd. mayosbarandgrill.com Charissa Mrowka 8 p.m. River Drifters 1925 Suck Creek Rd. riverdrifterschatt.com Rubik’s Groove 9 p.m. Songbirds South 41 Station St. songbirdsguitars.co Iron Fez 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com John K. 9 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com RoshambeauX 9 p.m. HiFi Clyde’s 122 W. Main St. hificlydeschattanooga.com Scenic City Stomp Fest: The Mystery Men, Genki Genki Panic, Ther Mermers, Forbidden Waves, The Katonics 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com The Stephen Busie Band 10 p.m. Sky Zoo 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 521-2966 Outlaw 45 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com
SUNDAY5.26 Summer Music Weekends 9 a.m. Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA seerockcity.com The Bird & The Bear 11 a.m. Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com Mark Andrew CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • MAY 23, 2019 • THE PULSE • 25
LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR 11 a.m. The Edwin Hotel 102 Walnut St. theedwinhotel.com Carl Pemberton 11 a.m. Westin Chattanooga 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com PeAcE MeRcHaNtS 11 a.m. State of Confusion 301 E. Main St. soconfusion.com Gino Fanelli Noon 1885 Grill 3914 St. Elmo Ave. 1885grill.com The Stratoblasters 12:30 p.m. The Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Danimal and Friends 12:30 p.m. The Feed Co. Table & Tavern 201 W. Main St. feedtableandtavern.com The Von Wamps 1:30 p.m. Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com The Other Brothers 2 p.m. WanderLinger Brewing Company 1208 King St. wanderlinger.com Layla Shook Benefit featuring Nathan Farrow, Davey Smith, Anthony Sims, Outlaw 45, Mojo Whiskey 3 p.m. Songbirds South 41 Station St. songbirdsguitars.co Monthly Jazz Jam 3 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org Atlanta Trombone Ensemble 3:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Theatre 4501 Amnicola Hwy. chattanoogastate.edu Bluegrass Jam 4 p.m.
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Gino Fanelli Fiddlers Anonymous 2248 Dayton Blvd. (423) 994-7497 Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 6 p.m. Long Haul Saloon 2536 Cummings Hwy. (423) 822-9775
MONDAY5.27 Open Air with Jessica Nunn 6 p.m. The Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m. The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Blues Night Open Jam 7 p.m. Songbirds South 41 Station St. songbirdsguitars.co Very Open Mic with Shawnessey Cargile 8 p.m. The Well 1800 Rossville Blvd. #8 wellonthesouthside.com
TUESDAY5.28 Danimal 7 p.m. Backstage Bar 29 Station St. backstagechattanooga.com Space Jam Open Mic with Xll Olympians
7 p.m. Barley Taproom 235 E. MLK Blvd. chattanoogabarley.com Eric Kirkendoll 7:30 p.m. Westin Alchemy Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Live Jam Session with Freddy Mc & Friends 8 p.m. Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com
WEDNESDAY5.29 Riverbend Festival 5 p.m. Ross’s Landing 201 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 756-2211 riverbendfestival.com Roger Swaney 6 p.m. 1885 Grill 3914 St. Elmo Ave. 1885grill.com Naomi Ingram 6:30 p.m. Westin Dorato Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Open Mic Night 6:30 p.m. WanderLinger Brewing
Company 1208 King St. wanderlinger.com Jesse James Jungkurth 7 p.m. Backstage Bar 29 Station St. backstagechattanooga.com Papa Sway 7 p.m. River Drifters 1925 Suck Creek Rd. riverdrifterschatt.com Kash Wright Trio 7 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org Preston Ruffing 7:30 p.m. Westin Alchemy Bar 801 Pine St. westinchattanooga.com Randall Adams 8 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Priscilla & Little Rickee 8 p.m. Las Margaritas 1101 Hixson Pike (423) 756-3332 Kapo Band 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: email@example.com
FOOD & DRINK · MIXOLOGY
Frozen Drinks And Tiny Umbrellas A delicious mixology match made in a very chilled out paradise
ES, REAL MEN DRINK UMBRELLA DRINKS (OR really confident men do, at least). I don’t know what it is about a frozen alcoholic drink with a tiny umbrella garnish that made people consider these types of drinks “lady drinks,” but I’m here to let you know that any drink, regardless of its appearance, is for anyone who wants to drink it. By Addie Whitlow Pulse contributor
And, in the spirit of summer being upon us in the approaching months, I’m going to embark on an adventure through three of the most popular frozen umbrella drinks: margaritas, piña coladas, and daiquiris. For the best possible reading experience, imagine yourself on the beach, with your toes in the ocean, sipping on a frozen drink with a tiny umbrella. We’ll start with margaritas because almost everyone loves a good margarita. The history of the margarita is quite complicated, and there isn’t one solid origin story, but I’ll skip to the relevant part: the creation of a margarita machine by Mariano Martinez in his Dallas restaurant in the 1970s. The machine itself was essentially a hybrid soft-serve ice cream machine that was inspired by a 7-Eleven slurpee machine, but the result was something with a far better consistency than a blender could ever create. The classic frozen margarita recipe, from theslowroasteditalian.com, calls for tequila, Triple Sec, lime juice, simple syrup, and lime juice and coarse salt as a garnish. Now, onward to Puerto Rico, where the piña colada was born. Again, this is a drink with a complicated history. As the story goes, the year was 1954
“For the best possible reading experience, imagine yourself on the beach, with your toes in the ocean, sipping on a frozen drink with a tiny umbrella.” at The Caribe Hilton, a luxury hotel in San Juan. One bartender at the hotel’s Beachcombers Bar was supposedly tasked with creating a drink reminiscent of all the island’s flavors. Another bartender at Beachcombers Bar claimed a coconut-cutters strike prevented him from pouring his normal rum-cream of coconut-crushed ice drink into a coconut, so he had to find an alternative method, which was pouring it into a hollow pineapple, and it was a hit. The classic piña colada recipe, via cookingforcurls.com, calls for light rum, coconut cream, and pineapple juice, in addition to the pineapple wedge and cherry garnish. Last but certainly not least, let’s talk about the daiquiri, which was created in Cuba and also has a diverse history.
The creator of the daiquiri is generally known as Jennings Cox in the time after the Spanish-American war. He ran out of gin while hosting friends, so he switched to rum, which was widely available. He also added mineral water, lemons, sugar, and crushed ice and decided to call it a daiquiri because rum sour just didn’t sound good enough. The drink didn’t really take off in the United States until the late 1940s and ‘50s, and the recipe held until the ‘90s, when fruity drinks became all the rage, and the drink has received more than a handful of moderations since then. However, the classic recipe, from thespruce.com, is white rum, simple syrup, lime juice, and crushed ice. My discussion wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t offer some insight into tiny
umbrellas, so here it goes. There are two origin stories that both involve California tiki bars in the mid-20th century. One bartender was supposedly attempting to bring paradise to his patrons via tiny umbrellas, and the other was trying to lure women into the bars with said umbrellas. I’ll let you decide on your favorite origin story. So, if someone tries to give you a hard time because your frozen drink features a tiny umbrella, just mention one of the tiny umbrella origin stories above, and remind them that tiny umbrellas signify paradise and relaxation (or they’re supposed to attract women; whatever floats your boat). It’s almost summertime, and what better way to beat the heat than with a tasty frozen drink?
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The List Top Grossing Movie Mayhem Ever since Avengers: Endgame stormed the multiplex, Marvel’s superhero extravaganza has been breaking sales numbers faster than you can say, “I am Ironman”. But how successful has the movie really been? Sure, it currently sits at #2 on both the domestic and international box office highest grossing movie charts, but we wanted to know how it stood up when inflation was taken into account. Here are the top ten movies of all time, adjusted for inflation, according to BoxOfficeMojo.com: 1. Gone with the Wind, $1.82B 2. Star Wars, $1.60B 3. The Sound of Music, $1.28B 4. E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial, $1.27B 5. Titanic, $1.22B 6. The Ten Commandments, $1.18B 7. Jaws, $1.15B 8. Doctor Zhivago, $1.12B 9. The Exorcist, $996M 10. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, $982M For comparison, Avengers: Endgame has made $770M (so far) and currently ranks at #23, just behind The Graduate.
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY salaries. Tyrannical captains controlled all phases of their lives. I bring this to your attention, Leo, with the hope that it will inspire you to seek out alternative approaches to rigid and hierarchical systems. Gravitate toward generous organizations that offer you ample freedom and rich alliances. The time is right to ally yourself with emancipatory influences.
ROB BREZSNY GEMINI (May 21-June 20): If there were a Hall of Fame for writers, Shakespeare might have been voted in first. His work is regarded as a pinnacle of intellectual brilliance. And yet here’s a fun fact: The Bard quoted well over a thousand passages from the Bible. Can you imagine a modern author being taken seriously by the literati if he or she frequently invoked such a fundamental religious text? I bring this to your attention so as to encourage you to be Shakespeare-like in the coming weeks. That is, be willing to draw equally from both intellectual and spiritual sources; be a deep thinker who communes with sacred truths; synergize the functions of your discerning mind and your devotional heart. CANCER (June 21-July 22): “People will choose unhappiness over uncertainty,” writes Cancerian author and entrepreneur Timothy Ferriss. He doesn’t do that himself, but rather is quite eager to harvest the perks of dwelling in uncertainty. I presume this aptitude has played a role in his huge success; his books have appeared on bestseller lists and his podcasts have been downloaded more than 300 million times. In telling you this, I’m not encouraging you to embrace the fertile power of uncertainty 24 hours a day and 365 days of every year. But I am urging you to do just that for the next three weeks. There’ll be big payoffs if you do, including rich teachings on the art of happiness. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Many eighteenth-century pirates were committed to democracy and equality among their ranks. The camaraderie and fairness and mutual respect that prevailed on pirate ships were markedly different from the oppressive conditions faced by sailors who worked for the navies of sovereign nations. The latter were often pressed into service against their will and had to struggle to collect meager
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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t wait around for fate to decide which decisions you should make and what directions you should go. Formulate those decisions yourself, with your willpower fully engaged. Never say, “If it’s meant to be, it will happen.” Rather, resolve to create the outcomes you strongly desire to happen. Do you understand how important this is? You shouldn’t allow anyone else to frame your important questions and define the nature of your problems; you’ve got to do the framing and defining yourself. One more thing: don’t fantasize about the arrival of the “perfect moment.” The perfect moment is whenever you decree it is. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In the coming weeks, I hope you’ll regularly give yourself to generous, expansive experiences. I hope you’ll think big, funny thoughts and feel spacious, experimental emotions. I hope you’ll get luxurious glimpses of the promise your future holds, and I hope you’ll visualize yourself embarking on adventures and projects you’ve been too timid or worried to consider before now. For best results, be eager to utter the word “MORE!” as you meditate on the French phrase “joie de vivre” and the English phrase “a delight in being alive.” SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): According to Popular Mechanics magazine, over three million sunken ships are lying on the bottoms of the world’s oceans. Some of them contain billions of dollars’ worth of precious metals and jewels. Others are crammed with artifacts that would be of great value to historians and archaeologists. And here’s a crazy fact: fewer than one percent of all those potential treasures have been investigated by divers. I bring this to your attention, Scorpio, because I hope it might inspire you to explore your inner world’s equivalent of lost or unknown riches. The astrological omens suggest that the coming weeks will be an excellent time to go searching for them. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Homework: Make up a secret identity for yourself. What is it? How do you use it? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com “Some days you need god’s grace,” writes poet Scherezade Siobhan. “On other days: the feral tongue of vintage whiskey and a mouth kissed by fire.” I’m guessing, Sagittarius, that these days you might be inclined to prefer the feral tongue of vintage whiskey and a mouth kissed by fire. But according to my astrological analysis, those flashy phenomena would not motivate you to take the corrective and adaptive measures you actually need. The grace of god—or whatever passes for the grace of god in your world—is the influence that will best help you accomplish what’s necessary. Fortunately, I suspect you know how to call on and make full use of that grace. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Capricorn poet William Stafford articulated some advice that I think you need to hear right now. Please hold it close to your awareness for the next 21 days. “Saying things you do not have to say weakens your talk,” he wrote. “Hearing things you do not need to hear dulls your hearing.” By practicing those protective measures, Capricorn, you will foster and safeguard your mental health. Now here’s another gift from Stafford: “Things you know before you hear them—those are you, those are why you are in the world.” AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Love is an immoderate thing / And can never be content,” declared poet W. B. Yeats. To provide you with an accurate horoscope, I’ll have to argue with that idea a bit. From what I can determine, love will indeed be immoderate in your vicinity during the coming weeks. On the other hand, it’s likely to bring you a high degree of contentment—as long as you’re willing to play along with its immoderateness. Here’s another fun prediction: I suspect that love’s immoderateness, even as it brings you satisfaction, will also inspire you to ask for more from love and expand your capacity for love. And that could lead to even further immoderate and interesting experiments. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You will know you are in sweet alignment
with cosmic forces if you have an impulse to try a rash adventure, but decide instead to work on fixing a misunderstanding with an ally. You can be sure you’re acting in accordance with your true intuition if you feel an itch to break stuff, but instead channel your fierce energy into improving conditions at your job. You will be in tune with your soul’s code if you start fantasizing about quitting what you’ve been working on so hard, but instead sit down and give yourself a pep talk to reinvigorate your devotion and commitment. ARIES (March 21-April 19): In the coming weeks, I suspect you will have the wisdom to criticize yourself in constructive ways that will at least partially solve a long-standing problem. Hallelujah! I bet you will also understand what to do to eliminate a bad habit by installing a good new habit. Please capitalize on that special knowledge! There’s one further capacity I suspect you’ll have: the saucy ingenuity necessary to alleviate a festering fear. Be audacious! TAURUS (April 20-May 20): What standards might we use in evaluating levels of sexual satisfaction? One cruclal measure is the tenderness and respect that partners have for each other. Others include the ability to play and have fun, the freedom to express oneself uninhibitedly, the creative attention devoted to unpredictable foreplay, and the ability to experience fulfilling orgasms. How do you rate your own levels, Taurus? Wherever you may currently fall on the scale, the coming months will be a time when you can accomplish an upgrade. How? Read authors who specialize in the erotic arts. Talk to your partners with increased boldness and clarity. While meditating, search for clues in the depths. Rob Brezsny is an aspiring master of curiosity, perpetrator of sacred uproar, and founder of the Beauty and Truth Lab. He brings a literate, myth-savvy perspective to his work. It’s all in the stars.
“Your Choices Are”—out of four options. ACROSS 1 Hearty drink 6 Pen name? 9 Video game designer Sid who created the “Civilization” series 14 Three-time World Series of Poker winner Stu 15 “Deep Space Nine” security officer 16 Egyptian-born children’s singer 17 Ecuadoran province once famous for its gold 18 Wasabi-coated veggie 19 “Dark Side of the Moon” album image 20 Legendary producer of “Charlie’s Angels” and “7th Heaven” 23 Renaissance Faire org. 24 Fill in ___ blank 25 Unruly bunch 26 “Sit, ___, sit. Good dog” (‘80s TV vanity card) 29 Ouija board reply 30 Washington Post editor portrayed by Liev Schreiber in “Spotlight”
33 Info page on many sites 34 Gerund finish 35 Country with a red-and-white flag 36 “Par ___” (airmail stamp) 39 “The Raven” poet 40 Internet connection need 41 O’Rourke who’s running for president 42 Rule, briefly 43 “Epic ___ Battles of History” 44 Star of “An American in Paris” and “Gigi” 47 Tiny pellets 50 Period to remember 51 Spring setting 52 Outworn 53 Author Harper 54 Guitarist/songwriter for System of a Down and Scars on Broadway 58 Basketball game site 60 Rho preceders 61 Talks gibberish 62 Herpetologist’s study 63 1099-___ (annual tax form from the bank)
64 Arthouse film, probably 65 Designation at some meat markets 66 Pub. staffers 67 Aviary abodes DOWN 1 Somewhat seasick 2 Loosen your boots 3 Ancient Greek marketplaces 4 Card game that sounds like an ancient ruler 5 Jagger, to the Stones, e.g. 6 The Big ___ (“Chantilly Lace” singer) 7 Notion, in France 8 Site of a pit crew? 9 Dr Pepper rival renamed in 2001 10 Take home pay 11 “Saw that coming” 12 It makes up half the riffraff? 13 Goblet’s edge 21 1996 Dream Team nickname 22 “___ Shot” (2019 Seth Rogen movie) 27 Make a tunnel
28 E pluribus ___ 31 New York county near Pennsylvania (or Pennsylvania county near New York) 32 Each 33 Tarot character 36 Competent 37 Change course suddenly 38 “Let’s shake on that” 39 Dessert that may include molasses 40 Dialect spoken by nearly a billion people 42 Taken-back merchandise 43 Sushi form 45 Eurovision Song Contest 2019 host 46 Friars Club functions 47 Window coverings 48 Hit from “Thriller” 49 They account for taste 55 “Puppy Love” songwriter Paul 56 Pay attention to 57 Orson Welles’s “Citizen ___” 58 Campfire remains 59 “Messenger” material
Copyright © 2019 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents perminute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 937 CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • MAY 23, 2019 • THE PULSE • 29
COLUMN · ON THE BEAT
Law Enforcement vs. The Stench With great progress comes a really great odor
Y Alex Teach
I can smell like source material from a Walking Dead episode, or I can smell merely ‘unpleasant’, with an air of fresh sheets (or bamboo, which I didn’t even realize had a smell).”
When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.
OU KNOW WHAT STINKS? A two-week-old corpse on a creek bank. You know what also stinks? A cop’s body armor. In fact I think it would offend the corpse were they to compete in such. It’s been a part of my life for so long I don’t think about it much anymore (the technology, not the funk) but looking into it I see that outside of finding ways to make it more form fitting there have been few advances in it since back in the day when it (Kevlar at least) was invented by DuPont in 1965. External vests became the big new thang post 9/11 (for my younger readers, “some people did something” in New York City on September 11, 2001), so for a long time we went from officers in the Norman Rockwell style pleated polyester uniforms with big round birth control hats, to cops in black tactical vests and cargo pants because. We liked to call it “Freedom”, but the novelty eventually faded for two different reasons. First, they were slightly less approachable by members of the public, with which I agree, and second, given the “varying” physical fitness standards of cops as a rule, 325 pounds of fatass looked a lot better in the old traditional polyester rigs than the tactical vests that looked more like they were trying to keep the cops’ stomachs from exploding through a complex system of Velcro rather than keeping projectiles out. (Attention Department Leaders: I hope you’re reading this. If your men and women look like crap in wrinkled 5.11’s and strained and faded Point Blank tactical rigs, you look like crap. See Something, Say Something, yo.) Second, there is a compromise that’s been made in making outer carriers look
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like traditional uniforms which afford 10,000 times the flexibility and comfort while still looking professional. But the ballistic material itself? Strangely untouched. Actually since cops were getting murdered wholesale during the Obama administration (just the Dallas “BLM Rally” alone, folks) they’ve added ballistic plates made in a form of ceramic, but they are generally the diameter of a paper plate and weigh as much as a spare truck tire which means they do not get used (much like the funny “almost L-shaped” PR-24 batons from the old days, which is why they were mostly phased out too). What has improved though? So much so I credit it with the halt of ballistic technology advancement itself? Febreze. Just as Stephanie Kwolek of DuPont gave us the lifesaving material Kevlar during the summer of the Watts Riots, Proctor & Gamble gave us Febreze in 1996. Little did they know this would do real damage to their laundry detergent division, but its impact on Summer Cop
Funk Syndrome is comparable only to the impact of Viagra on senior dating habits. I can smell like source material from a Walking Dead episode, or I can smell merely “unpleasant”, with an air of fresh sheets (or bamboo, which I didn’t even realize had a smell). External vests (that look like a uniform shirt and not a bondage and/or containment device, mind you) and chemicals that prevent your odor receptors from detecting Funk…we live in amazing times. The bullet absorption aspect? Oh that’s all fine and good, but comfort and being less physically nauseating is a bit more practical in the big scheme of things. And besides, who wants to get shot and smell like the floor of a UTK dorm room? So when he or she is not on a traffic stop or otherwise doing cop things (like eating) and you wish to shake their hand or tell them that they are automatically judged as racist and abusive because of the clothes they’re wearing, be grateful, or at least less hesitant to do so. You’re welcome.
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