dessert + Breakfast founder/editor in chief
the bacon shake
general manager executive editor managing editor
rosie bubb jeanie mordukhay sam huskins
associate editor copy editor online editor food editor culture editor photo editor assistant editor
lauren gruter ian delaney taylor mcintyre ali torbati brianne siegel montana sparkman kate johnson
sr. creative director creative director sr. art director art director sr. designer assistant designer
stacy shannon rachel lo eli mcnutt ashlyn aiu greg givens danica schroeder
director of sales account manager production manager marketing manager
nick carrasco cullen arroyo janelle barghash chris hernandez
josh richland michelle ong michael wagman danielle radin
simon yamauchi cody ward dana merrill daniel tachibana cameron rodriguez
BUTCHER TABLE MAGAZINE 860 North Street, Suite 204, Los Angeles CA 91390 www.butchertablemag.com For educational purposes only
THEBACONEDITION 32 32 bacon shortage
The Aporkalypse is coming! How will this tragedy affect you and your loved ones?
slaughter house Where does bacon come from? Figure out what you’re putting in your mouth.
confessionals The good, the bad, and the ugly —bacon addicts reveal their daunting past.
exotic eats Get the most out of your gluttony with these simple steps for eating pig’s feet.
55 BUTCHER TABLE | 7
21 | Long Beach, CA
21 | Los Angeles, CA
“As the smoke cleared, reality began to set in. Bodies
“I wiped the crust from my eyes, barely able to gain
lay sprawled lifeless around me. My chin, drip-
focus in the hazy room. Unable to remember what had
ping with the fat of Applewood Thick Cut strips.
happened last night, I licked my fingertips to confirm
What had I done? Was the full pork belly too much
what I suspected had occurred — a bacon feast. After
for the crowd that had gathered? Every stomach
six months clean, I couldn’t resist the sweet and sa-
here, in this room, full to the brim. Nothing in life
vory goodness any longer. Even the strongest among
could be as satisfying as these last few minutes. My
us sometimes fall. Resolved my family would never
name is Montana Sparkman and I am a Baconholic.”
take me back, I turned to Yelp to find my next fix...”
Lauren Gruter 22 | San Diego, CA
Jeanie Mordukhay 21 | Los Angeles, CA
“I felt as if I was being watched, every move made by
“Bacon is not Kosher. I grew up in a Jewish family
the stove left me with an eerie suspicion that I was
and never ate pork in my life, until I studied abroad
being followed. A warm air lingered on the back of my
in Spain. I couldn’t resist the bubbling bacon grease
neck and a faint squeal vibrated my ear drums. These
any longer. I took the first bite of the crispy crack
inducements lasted for two years, during which I was
which tickled my tongue and opened my eyes. Since
a vegetarian. I was tempted. Tempted by my shameful
then I have not been able to stop. I eat bacon for three
past obsession...bacon. I just couldn’t resist the tempt-
meals a day! This addiction has torn apart my family
ress any longer, I had a taste of the forbidden pork.”
and changed my entire life.”
54 | BUTCHER TABLE
1. SET THE MOOD (WITH SOME‘90S GANGSTER RAP) Don’t pretend like you don’t play food mood music because you do. It’s a special time, eating pig’s feet for the first time. Obviously, the best choice would be something classy like DMX’s “Stop Being Greedy” or Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz’s “Play No Games”. I wouldn’t write this off as a bad musical choice. If anything, I felt like I was in Taiwan, where—like in any foreign country—bad American music from a decade ago is still playing.
2. USE YOUR FINGERS Put down those forks and don’t try to be fancy with chopsticks. Pigs’ feet have four levels of amazing to them. And you will need to use your God-given utensils to properly enjoy them. You don’t use props when you’re about to get down and dirty with someone for the first time—you just press your fingers into their flesh, and that’s exactly what you should be doing with these. Rip right into the meatiest part. Eat that by itself. It’s a cross between the dark, dark meat of a baby duck and the dark, dark part of the pig. It’s greasy, yes, but it’s also the most flavorful thing you’ll ever put in your mouth.
3. ENJOY THE FAT Speaking of putting things in your mouth, the fat is the best part. There is the skin, the textured fat, and the smooth fat that kind of looks like the more familiar pork belly. Pay attention to the fat, don’t neglect it. Suck on it. Bite on it. Just have your way with it. Pull it apart and mix it with the rice. You’ll be glad you did.
4. GET SWEET WITH IT My first true love is butter, but a close second is anything deep fried. I’m not sure if this counts as dessert, but I want to write about how wonderful the “coffin boa fried chicken” was. The bread is sweet, as if a doughnut had been soaked in sweetened condensed milk. Instead of Dracula inside this “coffin” bread, you’ll find something else that’s dead but still sexy—fried chicken. It’s the perfect ending to an evening devoted to eating pure pig fat.
5. BUY A MUUMUU After eating all that fatty, delicious pork. I have no doubt in my mind that I will be spending the summer in something that looks like a muumuu. I took no small amount of pride in the fact that it took me 15 minutes to put on my jeans the very next day, and I had to wear the biggest T-shirt I could find. But isn’t that what happens after you find true love, any ways? You completely let yourself go.
BUTCHER TABLE | 55
are you ready for the APORKALYPSE? pologies to the world’s farmers, but for many Americans the worst result of the widespread drought that shriveled crops this summer may be yet to come: a worldwide bacon shortage. Great Britain’s National Pig Association says a world shortage of pork and bacon next year is unavoidable. Because corn and soybean crops everywhere were devastated by the summer’s droughts, there’s less pig feed to go around, and it costs more. The result: shrinking pig herds, pricier pork, and millions of disappointed bacon lovers. The trade group says the pig population could fall 10 percent by the end of next year, which could double the price of European pork. Already herds have shrunk across Europe. In the U.S., farmers are rapidly selling off pigs they can no longer afford to feed, resulting in a record 580.0 million pounds of pork in U.S. warehouses, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture and the Los Angeles Times. The harsh summer already resulted in food prices increasing 10 percent from June to July, with major crops such as corn, wheat, and soybean rising by 17 percent or more, according to the World Bank.