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DOCTOR DOCTOR Written by Brandon M. Prosek

Draft 10-11-12

INT. DOCTOR’S WORKING OFFICE- DAY LEONARD, sits on the examining table in a gown. walks in with a folder of paperwork. Hello. Hi.



LEONARD Where’s-

DOCTOR Doctor Wilson had a family emergency and asked me to fill in for him for the rest of the day. I’m Doctor Doctor. Leonard tries not to laugh. Excuse me?


DOCTOR (oblivious) You’re excused. LEONARD No, did you say your name is Doctor... Doctor? DOCTOR Yep, it’s Dutch. Huh?


DOCTOR Let’s take a look at what brings you here today. Doctor takes a seat and starts looking over Leonard’s file some more. LEONARD I’m here for the results of my tests. Doctor’s face changes to more serious as he reads the file. Oh God. What?


2. Doctor looks Leonard up and down. DOCTOR Do you tan a lot? LEONARD Wait, why? Oh shit. Is it skin cancer? DOCTOR No, you look great. go? Leonard smiles.

Where do you

(Mood change)

LEONARD Oh, well thank you. DOCTOR I’ve tried going to tanning salons but I always burn. LEONARD You probably set it too high. DOCTOR I try to just not stay in there as long. Leonard shakes his head in realization. (Flip back) LEONARD Sorry, can you just tell me what IDOCTOR Skin cancer. LEONARD What? You just said it wasn’t. DOCTOR I wanted to ease into it more. Leonard looks around flustered. LEONARD You’re horrible. DOCTOR (offended) Let’s see you try telling people awful news like this every day.

3. LEONARD Still. My God. DOCTOR You try it then. Doctor takes off his coat and gives it to Leonard. Leonard up and switches seats with him. DOCTOR (CONT’D) Now, tell me I have something. Leonard puts on the coat and takes the clipboard. LEONARD Well, Mr. Doctor you haveDOCTOR (pissed) FUCK YOU. Leonard is startled. LEONARD I didn’t even say what you have. (Mood change) DOCTOR You’d be surprised how many people jump to that level so quickly. LEONARD Really? Just 0 to 10 like that? DOCTOR Drop of a hat, it’s ridiculous. Leonard nods his head in agreement. LEONARD Ridiculous is right. DOCTOR Alright, tell me what I have. LEONARD Mr. Doctor you have Herpes. (Flip back) HERPES?


He stands

4. LEONARD I’m sorry, sir. DOCTOR FUCK YOU. Fuck you and your family I hope you all drown in your own tears and burn in hell. LEONARD Jesus Christ. DOCTOR Jesus Christ can’t heal my herpes Doctor Johnson. Johnson?


DOCTOR Yeah, aren’t you Leonard Johnson? LEONARD I’m Leonard Johnston... Doctor grabs the file and looks at it again. DOCTOR Shhhhhhit... Well, looks like Mr. Johnson has some bad news... LEONARD So, I don’t have skin cancer? DOCTOR No, you do not. LEONARD Thank Christ. DOCTOR It’s actually lung cancer. What? Black Out


Doctor Doctor  

Leonard receives some rather unexpected news from Dr. Doctor

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