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Negotiating condoms in the bedroom Negotiating condoms in the bedroom, especially in a matrimonial setting can be a very awkward if not precarious situation, as the decision to give in against its use in order to save the relationship or maintain peace and quiet in the bedroom, may just end up in one signing his or her death sentence. Condoms come into play for two main reasons, one is to prevent pregnancy and the other to protect against sexually transmitted infections. This new phenomenon of negotiating condoms in the bedroom has come about due to the high incidence of HIV/AIDS, and the reality that this disease in no respect of persons or type of relationship. The fact that you are sexually active means there is a possibility of contracting the virus; therefore you must take all necessary steps to protect yourself. It does not matter if you are in what is perceived to be a stable relationship. The message that this is conveying is that when it comes to your sexual partner, who ever that person is, trust may always be an issue. In a recent Family Month presentation at the Boulevard Baptist Church, Rosie Stone, wife of noted pollster, the late Carl Stone, who became HIV positive after contracting the disease from her husband, emphasized the fact that women must accept responsibility when this happens, as they should take steps to protect themselves. Do you agree? Sounds like a hard pill to swallow in a matrimonial setting. Focusing on holy matrimony, where have we gone wrong in the process? The Biblical instruction as far as it relates to marriage, is that the man is in control of the woman’s body, and likewise the woman is in control of the man’s body (1 Corinthians 7: 4-5). In the case of the woman who is the one often at risk, how does she obey this command when she is faced with suspicion based on a noticeable change in the behaviour of her husband? What message is God sending when a married couple is in the bedroom negotiating condoms? Is it that we have been leaving Him out of the picture for too long, we have gone off on our own tangent, and probably this is a way of getting our attention? God wants to be involved in every aspect of our lives; he wants to be a part of the plan from the beginning to the end. Choosing your lifelong partner is definitely not a decision we should wish to handle on our own. But even after involving God in making the right choice, this unit must actively engage him throughout the relationship. The moment we start to shift our focus in this respect, it leaves an opening for Satan to start the demolition process of this institution ordained by God. How can a couple maintain a holy matrimony? There is this common phrase: “A family that prays together stays together.” Effective communication is crucial in the process even about what may be seen as simple or petty. Often it is the simple things that tear relationships apart. Once you consistently seek God’s counsel and direction for the safeguarding of your marriage His promise is that He will do when we ask. He always wants to hear from us (St. John 14:14, Hebrews 13:4-7). Patiently seek His intervention now; it’s not too late.


Counselling - Negotiating condoms