O S H OSH B MONTH NTHL LY MONTHLY
ISSUE 1 MARCH 2009
10 STEPS TO THE PERFECT TUESDAY NIGHT
FE F O C REE
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EXCLUSIVE! INTERVIEW & PHOTOSHOOT INSIDE
MORE SNOTOS INSIDE!
YOUR MONTHLY DOSE OF SAVAGE BANTER BOSH Monthly 1 Issue 1
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BOSH EDITORIAL Welcome to BOSH!
our FREE monthly dose of Babes, Opinions, Sport and Humour. Does exactly what it says on the tin. We’re here to bring you cover to cover unadulterated Bristol banter on a regular basis. We want to provide our readers with a unique magazine full of deals, recommendations and all the little things you might have missed from the last month, tailored to student life. We’ll bring the news, views and opinions that you wouldn’t find in your run of the mill student magazine. Offering advice on the things that actually matter, from nights out to cooking on the cheap. After all, we’re all in the same boat! We ultimately want to create a magazine perfect for you. We know that you don’t want to read through hundreds pages of dross to find what actually matters to you. So we want to hear from you! Let us know what you want to see in these pages. Tell us what you like, what you don’t like, or what we could do better. So all that’s left to say is enjoy the inaugural issue of Bosh monthly! The Bosh Team
BOSH THIS MONTH 5 Humour A selection of jokes and pictures that
made us chortle down here at BOSH Bosh Nosh Towers Screw the recession, we fill you in on how to eat like a king on the cheap, saving that cash for the more important things in life
The Perfect Night Out
or TOSH? 7 BOSH Let the exclusive BOSH-o-meter make your mind up for you
Beginning our monthly feature telling you just how to spend your nights out in Bristol. First up, Tuesday
Charity 10 Bosh An introduction to the Bosh Spon-
sored charity, Somaly Mam, and how Babe of The Month you can get involved Our exclusive interview and photoshoot with Nicole
News 14 BOSH Like the news,
but good. We’ve trawled through the month’s goings on to bring you what really is Newsworthy
Drinking Game of The Month There are hundreds out there, some better than most. We bring you our tried and tested favourites. This month TouchCup gets it’s introduction
Reviews 16 LOVEFiLM The definitive assessment on the lat-
est films. This month; Hancock and Snow The Mist We all loved it, snow fever gripped Bristol earlier this term. Bosh recaps the best bits.
Predictions 19 Mondo’s If the professionals can do it then so can we
Involved! 21 Get Help make Bosh your magazine BOSH Monthly
Take the hassle out of keeping fit. We show you how
A Little Extra... We give a guest writer a chance to flex their literary muscles
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Stephen Hawking was rushed to hospital yesterday with two broken legs, a shattered hip and a skull fracture. Apparently his date stood him up...
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Wax on, wax off What do Chelsea and an itchy vagina have in common? Both regret getting a Brazilian.
JOKE OF THE MONTH What’s the similarity between spinach and anal sex? If you had it forced upon you as a child, you’ll hate it as an adult.
“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopaedic shoes.
I’ve just found out that my mate is adopted. I’m just as angry as he is; all those jokes I made about his mum, wasted!
BOSH NOSH Each month we’ll bring you a cooking suggestion that is perfect for those busy students yet to receive their Michelin star. Our goal is to provide a meal that is threefold; delicious, cheap and easy to prepare!
Meal: Roast chicken with all the trimmings Serves: 4 1. Get down to Sainsbury’s and pick up all the ingredients you see to your right. But surely at that price it’s stealing? No, but it should be. 2. Whack the oven up to 180°C, open up the chicken packaging and look for the cooking time on the back of the label. 3. Once up to temp, chuck in the chicken and get the kettle boiling for the potatoes. Peel roughly 16, then quarter them and get them on the boil. 4. Fill a cooking tray with about 2cm of rapeseed oil* and get it in the oven to preheat. 5. Once soft, drain the potatoes and lay them in the now boiling oil, alongside the chicken. 6. Every 20 minutes or so baste the chicken and shuffle around the potatoes so they crisp evenly. 7. Mix the Basics stuffing with boiling water and whack that in the oven too, it takes roughly half an hour. 8. With ten minutes to go, crack the peas and carrots on to boil. Now you can sit back and watch as your meal crescendos into an orgasmic mix of texture** and flavour! 9. Assuming you’ve timed things right, as I’ve no doubt you have, get everything out and start serving up. If all goes to plan you will have created four enormous portions of everything you could ever want from a roast. 10. Bloody eat it!
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Bosh top tips: * Rapeseed oil gets hotter, meaning the potatoes will crisp quicker. ** If the potatoes still aren’t crispy enough for your liking, drain off the oil and whack them under the grill for the last ten minutes.
BOSH OR TOSH? Sainsbury’s Basics Nachos Just 17p for a 100g bag that tastes as good as the real thing.
All in one Scared to go out on Saturday nights because of all the local meat-heads? Avoid them at all in one on Park Street. Grab yourself a discount card for £2 pint/ wine/vodka mixer. Food till 3am and a friendly atmosphere mak it an ideal place to chill out with mates. SNOW! Yes, it causes mayhem on the roads and makes travel impossible. But you simply cannot beat a big fresh dump of the white stuff! Worth it for the giant snow-Sphinx alone, the amount of snowmen on the Downs was amazing.
ITV’s football coverage It was bad enough airing a highlights program that only showed half the day’s goals. Then, after 118 minutes of dull, goalless football, they decided to cut to an advert break mid-match. When they cut back we were lucky enough to catch the end of the Everton celebration after their last minute match-winner. Brilliant work. Give the F.A. Cup back to the BBC where it belongs...
THESE people If I want to give to charity, I’ll do it in my own time to a cause that means something to me. Go and push your views onto somebody else.
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BOSH BABES OPINIONS SPORT HUMOUR SAVAGE BANTER SNOW
BOSH THE PERFECT TUESDAY NIGHT Step 2: Time Check. Before 10pm, time for a party shower (don’t forget your drink). Get your gear on, slap on some scent and round up the boys.
Step 3: Head for your first bar, choose wisely!! Remember it’s quantity not quality. Roo Bar’s not a bad shout, a TURBO shandy will sort you out.
Step 1: Make a trip to Sainsbury’s, add this to the shopping basket: A bottle of basics gin, 2 bottles of basics tonic, lime cordial. Good for sharing! BOSH!
Step 4: Make your way to Wetherspoons to enjoy a couple of 99p Sanny M’s or play with the big boys and get yourself a pitcher of Cheeky V.
Step 5: TOP TIP OF THE NIGHT: Stumble to Po na na, where there is always minimal queue and savage banter.
Step 6: Slap a tenner on the bar and see what they can do. Try and avoid the £1 shots, sounds like a steal but all you get for your money is a sugar high. Step 7: Make your way to the dance floor, trying your best not to grope or linger. Ask the DJ to put on Baywatch, and begin the gun show. Step 8: Have a quick shark and if you fail it’s probably because you’re too drunk. I blame the gin...
Step 9: Leave the club with your head held high. Stagger over to the Jason Doner Van. Scrounge around for some shrapnel or try and blag a chicken burger.
Step 10: Crawl home, kick off your shoes and crack open your last bevy. You’ve just had one hell of a night! BOSH Monthly
If there is one cause to capture your heart and get involved with today Let it be this one…
very single day, girls as young as 5 years old, are abducted off the streets in Cambodia and sold into a life of sexual slavery for as little as $10. Once in the brothels, these girls are tortured physically and emotionally until they are too drained to put up a fight. They are then repeatedly raped and beaten by as many as 30 men a day.
Pouv was sold by her mother when she was seven for the equivalent of $10. First Pouv was ‘fattened up and given treatments to whiten her skin’. Then she was sold to a man who chained her to the bed and raped her until she fainted. Angry, that she resisted him, he returned her to the brothel, where she was punished by being held in a chicken cage; the pimps put chilli peppers in her vagina and beat her. When she finally ‘broke’ she spent the next three years being raped and beaten by up to 30 clients a day. For many girls, this is the only life they will ever know. But one girl, sold into this life at a very young age by a man posing to be her ‘’grandfather’’ has become a heroine. Her name is Somaly Mam and she now dedicates her life to save these girls. Since she began her work in 1996, she has rescued 4000 girls and given them the hope of a better and bearable future. Pouv was rescued by Somaly and her workers when she was 10 years old. Once rescued, the girls are taken to one of their shelters. Here, the girls receive the physical and psychological care that they need and are taught to read and write, along with new skills so that they may go on to support themselves in the future. Now you too can help these children. Head to the beaches of Cornwall this June for 3 days and 4 nights of sun, sea, sand and music-the final word in student festivals.-With a line up last year including The Enemy, Get Cape Wear Cape Fly, Pendulum and Scratch Perverts, this year promises to be even bigger, better and totally unmissable. Buy your ticket to Beach Break Live through Bosh, and you will be helping to support this cause, with £2 from each ticket sale going straight to the Somaly Mam Foundation. So what are you waiting for! What’s more, you will be entered into a prize draw for one ticket absolutely free. For more information concerning the work Somaly Mam and her organisation AFESIP, please check out www.somaly.org. For information on what you can do to get involved with events and raising awareness of this appalling treatment of children - please email: firstname.lastname@example.org
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i Nicole! So how does it feel to be our very first Bosh Babe? It’s cool! Quite a privilege to be part of something new like this. So if you could do a photo shoot with anyone, who would it be? Calvin from Hollyoaks, DEFINITELY! That body…
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What do you look for in a man? (She pauses) I can’t say that! Erm, a sense of humour I guess. What does a guy have to do to win your affections? Not have a girlfriend! No, seriously confidence is key I think. Are you enjoying the snow we’ve had recently, or are you more of a fair weather girl? I’m not enjoying it at all, I can’t wait for summer! I’m going to Ibiza with all my girlfriends, it’ll be amazing! So what’s your favourite night out in Bristol? Syndicate, Friday, standard! You always know what you’re going to get… What else do you get up to when you’re not busy studying? Cheerleading! I
also go to the gym 3 times a week to keep fit. Apart from that just chilling out at home watching films with mates.
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Cheerleading! Very nice! Tell us some more... Yeah, it’s great fun and we’re always looking for new members. We’ve got a big competition in March you should all come and support!
Needless to say Bosh will be there.
Fancy being next month’s BOSH Babe? Get in touch email@example.com
MORE O www. N OUR WE boshm B onthly SITE! .co.uk
BOSAHcheekyNEWS look at those news stories from around the world that you won’t have come across in your run of the mill newspapers. Believe it or not, they are all 100% genuine!
772nd TIME LUCKY
verybody knows that taking your driving test is not the most pleasant experience, not only does in entail the dreaded practical exam but it also includes an incredibly boring written exam. Luckily for many of us this is only an experience we have to go through once or twice, but imagine taking it 771 times! Yes, that right, a woman in South Korea has been attempting to pass her driving test since April 2005 and has recently been unsuccessful for a record breaking 771st time. The 68 year old has spent over 4 million won on test fees, but is determined to continue trying. Oh dear, best of luck from all the BOSH team!
IS THAT A PIGEON IN YOUR PANTS OR ARE YOU JUST PLEASED TO SEE ME?
octors in California were left stunned after a baby was born with a rare case of polydactylism, leaving her with 24 digits. They claimed that Kamani Hubbard’s hands and feet were so perfectly formed they didn’t even notice the difference. I don’t know about you, but if a doctor can’t tell a normal hand from one with a mutant extra digit, it doesn’t say much for the health service. At least it will make multitasking easy! BOSH!
e’ve all heard of the phrase ants in your pants, well try pigeons! A man was arrested in Australia after trying to smuggle two live birds in his underwear. The 23 year old man landed in Melbourne airport from Dubai and after some suspicious behaviour was pulled over by customs and searched. They found two birds eggs in his pockets and shockingly two LIVE birds concealed in a pair of tights. Animal smuggling is a serious offence and if convicted the man could face a long jail sentence or a massive fine. Brings a whole new meaning to the term PECKER!
TV FANATICS EAT YOUR HEART OUT!
eing a student, television is often a means of procrastination from work or a good excuse not to leave the sofa. However, Suresh Joachim has taken extreme TV watching to a new level. Recently, Joachim smashed his previous record of 69 hours and 48 minutes set in 2005, raising the Guinness World Record of continuous TV watching to 72 hours, filling the time with countless episodes of the drama series of 24. WHAT A LEGEND, Suresh, we salute you!
BOSH DRINKING GAMES
There are a hell of a lot of drinking games out there, from 21’s to Ring of Fire, but here we’ll introduce you to something really quite special that you won’t have come across before! First up is TouchCup, a personal favourite here at Bosh Towers. It’s the simplest game ever; NEVER TOUCH THE CUP WITHOUT SAYING TOUCHCUP! You wouldn’t believe how often this basic, founding rule is broken… The Premise All you need for this game is a table, a cup, a coin and copious amounts of alcohol. To start place the cup in the middle of the table and fill it, no further than half way, with your choice of alcohol. Then take a coin (5p is recommended) and attempt to bounce the coin into the cup. That’s it! Almost… • • •
There are three outcomes: You fail in your attempt, and pass the cup on for the next participant to try. Look out for your You succeed, and as a reward get to nominate somebody to down mates! the contents of the cup. My favourite, you hit the rim. At this point a fellow player can call a “RIM CHALLENGE!”. The quantity of drink is doubled and the un- www.drinkaware.co.uk fortunate rimmer must have a second attempt. Fail a second time and you consume, succeed second time round and the arrogant caller shall get their ‘comeCuppance’. Either way, one of you is in trouble.
That’s about it really, apart from these little rules of etiquette that must be adhered to at all times. FAILURE TO MEET ONE OF THESE REQUIREMENTS RESULTS IN A PUNISHMENT OF DOWNING THE CONTENTS OF THE CUP: 1. If you pass someone the coin and they accept, they drink. NEVER let anyone pass you the coin, pick it up yourself! 2. If the coin falls on the floor at any point, including during a bounce attempt, the person responsible must drink. 3. While downing from the cup, it cannot leave your lips until the cup is empty. 4. NEVER put the cup down empty. If you’ve just downed a cup please God remember to fill it slightly before placing it back on the table. If not, you’ll be downing another cup! But first… 5. NEVER fill the cup before taking out the coin. If the Queen is needlessly drowned you fully deserve your punishment. 6. NEVER drag the cup. You pick it up (having said TouchCup of course) and place it where you are trying to move it to. An easy mistake to make, the drag… 7. Any spillage during the game results in a shout of “HOOVER”, at which point the person responsible must put face to table and suck up their mess. 8. Nobody leaves the game until ALL the drink at the game has been drunk. Permission can be granted for toilet breaks, but permanent exit is simply not on while drink remains. 9. I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to say TouchCup before you touch the cup!
BOSH LOVEFiLM REVIEWS As a fellow student, I know that no two things give us greater pleasure than procrastination and finding an absolute bargain; LOVEFiLM provides both of these in abundance. For as little as £9.78 a month you can get unlimited film rentals with no possibility of late fees. One less thing to worry about! We went for the full on, no messing around, £15.65 a month package which lets us have up to three DVD’s at a time. Here, we will bring you short reviews of the films we feel are worth watching, as well as those to avoid!
UNMISSABLE: Hancock Forget Superman, forget Batman, forget Spiderman - it’s all about HANCOCK! If you’re fed up of all those unassailable super heroes, with their strong morals and good deeds, well you’re in for a treat. Will Smith stars in another blockbuster action comedy bringing your standard superhero back down to earth. Smith plays a selfish, alcoholic layabout whose days consist of excessive drinking, sleeping and unnecessary destruction. Activities I’m sure we’re all familiar with. Despite his nonchalant attitude to superhero life, he does make some attempt at protecting the public. But this results in numerous high profile blunders and a strong public backlash. In a typical tale of redemption Hancock recovers his public image with the help of PR man Ray (played by Jason Bateman). With a steamy performance from Charlize Theron (Ray’s wife, Mary) providing a welcome twist, this movie has all the fundamentals of a real classic. If there is any film that epitomises the BOSH attitude, it’s this one.
RATING: BOSH BOSH Monthly
UNWATCHABLE: The Mist Stay away from the mist, LITERALLY! Rarely have I seen a horror story massacred to such an extent. Even the ending is unrecognisable to that written in the Steven King novel on which it is based. The film starts in a typical suburban setting, where a violent storm wreaks havoc in the neighbourhood. After a tree falls through the studio window David Drayton (Thomas Jane) and son Billy (Nathan Gamble) head for the local store for supplies. With a mist forming overhead, people seek refuge in the local supermarket. The directorâ€™s attempt at mystery leads only to confusion and it doesnâ€™t take long for suspense to turn into stupidity, when bizarre prehistoric creatures appear from the mist. With your standard dose of gore and guts, coupled with a ridiculous ending, this film does little but disappoint. Even the most overactive imagination would struggle to swallow some of the tripe this film uncovers. Therefore, this film gets the BOSH seal of disapproval!
RATING: BOSH ver .uk ! o o y l c o th ly. e t ts? n h r t o u M on os uden h p m s x t h e s Bo os or istol b n f i @ g r ng tise i kin 00 B r s o e ti v Lo 0,0 Ad ver 1 d a BOSH Monthly
Well the snow’s been and gone this term, but seeing as it’s all we’re likely to be seeing for the next decade or so we thought we’d immortalise it in Bosh. Here are some of our favourite bits of the white stuff.
BOSH MONDO’S PREDICTIONS If Mark Lawrenson can get paid by the BBC for his “professional” predictions, then we can certainly have a go too! Here, I’ll make my own predictions for the forthcoming week’s games in the Premier League. In the next edition I can then compare how my predictions fared against those of Mr Lawrenson.
Arsenal vs Blackburn
Despite faltering slightly recently, you’d have to back Arsenal here
Chelsea vs Man City
With Hiddink now at home this should be a standard home win for Chelsea
Hull City vs Newcastle
With Newcastle still one of the league’s joke clubs, I’ll take a punt on a home win
Man Utd vs Liverpool
Liverpool seem to be slipping away at last, but seem to step it up against the big boys
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Full solutions available on our website! BOSH Monthly
BOSH FITNESS Each month we’ll share with you a running route we’ve discovered and recommend. Our routes are perfect for anyone, whether you’re just trying to get back into shape or gearing up for a full-on Marathon (Like we are at Bosh Towers!). We’ll also try and provide some helpful tips on getting the most out of your run. This month we’ve got a cheeky little number up on the Downs. Vital statistics: 1. It’s a 3.5 mile circuit. 30 minutes would be a good time. 2. It’s flat, an underrated attribute in Bristol! 3. The whole route is paved, or you can run on the grass if you have weak knees. 4. It’s a good length for beginners, but can also be repeated for the more energetic among you.
Warming up and warming down is vital, especially in this ridiculously cold weather! This way you’ll avoid pulling muscles and won’t be stiff the next day.
Make sure you take on lots of extra fluid, especially if you’re attempting more than one lap of the route. Dehydration can massively affect performance.
Find someone of a similar ability to run with. You’ll spur each other on and get more out of it in the end. www.boshmonthly.co.uk
BOSH GET INVOLVED!! We want Bosh to be exactly what you want to read, so to that end we’ve created loads of ways that you can be part of it! Have a read through this issue; the recipes, jokes, night out etc are all the favourites of the Bosh team. If you think you’ve got a better night out, funnier jokes, fancy yourself as the new Gordon Ramsey, get in touch with us!
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Is there something more that you’d like to see within these pages? Fancy yourself as a bit of a journalist? Or just want to have a couple of pages to tell 10,000 students about something? E-mail us! If there’s a feature you’d like to see, have a chat with the team... anything goes here at Bosh Towers, don’t hold back!
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We’re always looking for our next Bosh Babe of The Month. Become practically a celebrity in Bristol and get a free Bosh t-shirt in the process!
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Finally, make sure you check out our website. All the stuff we couldn’t fit into each issue can be found there; our own pick of Youtube, some more information about our sponsored charity, Somaly Mam, and plenty more. Naturally the same rules apply to our website...want to see something on it? E-mail us!
www.boshmonthly.co.uk BOSH Monthly
BOSH GUEST WRITER Each month we’ll give a guest writer the chance to This month, third year historian Holly Jarrald recounts her first experience of down’s football on a wet October afternoon.
n a drunken night out my good friend Simon invited me to watch him and his football team, HB Sauce, play in the league on Wednesday. This is not the kind of activity I would usually class as ‘fun’, but on the grounds that I was on a drunken night out, and helped by the fact that Simon had just bought me a drink, I accepted his kind invitation. As neither a particular fan of either football, or being cold, I was somewhat regretting my decision however, by the time the cold, sober light of Wednesday lunchtime emerged. Still, like the good friend I am, I nobly wrapped up warm (‘like she’s going to the Arctic’ one footballer, Ed, told me on arrival), and trudged my way up to the Downs with Simon and his housemates to meet the rest of the old Hiatt Baker veterans who make up HB Sauce, and their opposing team for the day, the first team of engineers: Tubes. Now let me share that Simon and his team had rather heroically beaten a vet team, Nice Fridge, an impressive 17-1 the previous week, and it was on this walk to the Downs that they revealed to me the secrets of their rather formidable success. This took the form of ‘football-darts’ a game invented by Simon and his housemates, and also the complex, and somewhat intriguing act of: ‘trying to kick a football through a hole which is actually too physically small for the ball to get through’. Both simple, both providing hours of student fun, but most importantly, both excellent ways of improving your skill and focus on the pitch…apparently. We made it to the Downs and I set up camp right on the sideline by the goal with much assurance from all: ‘you should be fine there’. After being hit directly in the face, twice, within approximately five minutes of HB Sauce warming up, I decided to shuffle back and watch the actual game with the other members of HB Sauce on the bench. The match began and there was initial excitement as one HB Sauce player twisted his ankle on his first touch of the ball. One of the ‘on the bench’ lot immediately jumped to the aid of his team-mate; drenching the injured ankle with, in my opinion, perhaps slightly too much water, and perhaps slightly too much glee for it to be considered the most orthodox of techniques. After this excitement, the game continued rather uneventfully, as both teams appeared fairly evenly matched. This did not bother me however, as I was able to give my full attention to the arguably more entertaining ‘guy chat’ going on around me on the bench. The main issue of contention, and pressing matter on everyone’s mind during the game, appeared to be the crucial decision over what exactly would the fancy dress theme for that nights social be? Furthermore, would a football social be a suitable event for Ross, one BOSH Monthly
of the players, to take his girlfriend to celebrate their first anniversary? While some felt this would perhaps not go down too well with the girlfriend (Ross and myself included I must add), others argued it would be ‘well funny’ and one even thought ‘quite romantic’. Somewhere amongst this chat, and roughly 15 minutes into the game, HB Sauce conceded their first goal, which I was told was actually very ‘scrappy’ by the guys on the bench. This was shortly followed by a second goal, which this time apparently had a ‘very lucky bounce’. This was followed by a swift half time where everyone agreed to ‘man up’ and Mr Bankhead (“Tankhead”) promised to give stitches to a certain member of the opposing team if he bothered him again. This lifted and maintained everyone’s spirits throughout the second half, despite the opposition eventually scoring a third and final goal. The match was then over, and, despite a 3-0 defeat, all appeared well on the side of HB Sauce as plans were made to meet at the Roo Bar at 7pm for the ensuing bender that night (the theme decided upon was eventually the classic beachwear by the way). It was therefore a happy crowd of footballers I left behind, showering me with requests to dwell only slightly on their actual defeat in this article, and most importantly making me promise that yes I would definitely mention their 17-1 victory, and that yes, yes I would definitely definitely mention that the one goal scored by the loosing side had been the work of an HB player who had switched sides only to make up the numbers…
Fancy writing your own article on a subject of your choice? Free exposure to an audience of over 2000 people? Then get in touch! Send us an email firstname.lastname@example.org
Bristol issue 1 March 2009