MISTAKES WERE M A D E (but not by nit")
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protects their self-esteem but vircually guarantees their furcher vic timization: "If only I subscribe to
mor� magazines,
I'll win the big
prize," they say; or "That nice, thoughtful person who made me the investment offer would never cheat me, and besides, they advertise on Christian radio." Older people are especially vulnerable to reduc ing dissonance in this direction because many of them are already worried that they
are
"losing it"-their competence as well as their
money. And they don't want to give their grown children grounds for raking control of their lives. Understanding how dissonance operates helps us rethink our own muddles, but it is also a useful skill for helping friends and rel atives get out of theirs. Too otten, out of the best of intentions, we do the very thing guaranteed to make matters worse: We hector, lec ture. bully, plead. or threaten. Anthony Pratkanis. a social psycholo gist who investigated how scammers prey on their elderly targets, collected heartbreaking stories of family members pleading with rel atives who had been defrauded: "Can't you see the guy is a thief and the offer is a scam? You're being ripped off'!" "Ironically, this natural tendency to lecture may be one of the worst things a family member or friend can do," Pratkanis says. "A lecture JUSt makes (he victim feel more defensive and pushes rum or her further into the clutches of the fraud criminal." Anyone who understands dissonance knows why. Shouting "What were you
thinking?"
will backfire because it
means "Boy, are you stupid." Such accusations cause already embar rassed victims to withdraw further into themselves and clam up, re fusing to tell anyone what they are doing. And what they are doing
s i investing more money. or buying more magazines. because now they really have an incentive
to
get the family savings back, show
they are not stupid or senile. and prove that what they were think ing was perfeccly sensible. L3 Therefore, says Pratkanis, before a victim of a scam will inch back from the precipice, he or she needs to feel respected and supported.