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Tom and Harry’s Other Brother The average male penis size when erect is 5-6 inches, yet every day I hear people bragging about how well-endowed their one-eyed trouser snake is. With so many people claiming a ‘third leg’, it makes sense that a percentage of the population has a less than average sized ‘johnson’, and this is where I find solace with the genetics that was passed down from generations of Ptasznik’s. Put in perspective, is bigger really better? Through my experience, the benefits of a small pecker far outweigh the perks of a giant anaconda. Computers, telephones, iPads you name it, technology is getting smaller and more compact. In 2013, we demand efficient, slim lined designs that do not take up excessive space. Genitalia is no different. I laugh when I hear Macklemore boast claiming that he walks into the club like “What up? I got a big cock!”… is he still living in the stone age? Don’t get me wrong, people still love the old Nokia brick phones, but please, wouldn’t you rather a slick, slim iPhone 4 with a 3.5 inch (diagonal) screen? Specifically for the guys: Have you ever just been minding your own business walking around campus and suddenly you are housing a no-reason-boner (NRB)? Even more embarrassing at Dons chatting up a lady and you cannot control the pants party? I don’t have to stress about it, plain and simple. I could take a Viagra and walk around in bike shorts for a few hours before I even received a sideways glance. When I’m older, I have no doubt that I will be pretty successful as a plastic surgeon, sculpting and manipulating the human body to perfection. People often tease and belittle middle age men who drive around in Ferrari’s, claiming that their habit’s reflect their need to compensate for their tallywacker. Well I can use this excuse to my advantage… hello sports cars. Worst comes to worst and I am not successful, I will find hours of pleasure pretending I have giant hands and giggling at their hilarity I guess if you’re trying to find a moral to this article, it’s to accept and embrace who you are. Truth is inclusive, not exclusive, and we will find liberation in revealing our true selves to the world. In the end, people will accept you for who you are. My friend Harrison has a massive wang and people have well and truly accepted that. With love Gidi Ptasznik 8 | scope

Scope Magazine Issue 9  
Scope Magazine Issue 9  

Semester 141 - Week 2

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