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\ I went out 1'or.a wtilk this at'ternoon and T lound nrysel{'at the l.;i1'I'el Jb. way ta;fough the cr'<)wu o1 tour'istst J cou-td not dod.Sed'tny I As Tower. Am.ericans-t1th" t'luorescent

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I touched you and you smiled I kissed you and you smiled I FUCKED you and you smiled I killed you and you stopped What a lovely little poem...

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The Retu See how theY turn againsE Ehe wind, their hair streams

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om oovclcrl by rmy llohl Trlrc hrrcrlcr. 0irgcr livcl ir lhc rorld of [rrd frclr, rrd cvcry rrTccl of hil lifr ir rrlcd [y llc dyrrnicr of llc roimllfic rcllod rfiioh, lrc bclicvr, k tlc orc rrd orly lrt[ lo truth. for r livirg, 0irgcr tIilh; hc rcrsor. Thc lroductr of hir prodigiour mind hc Trclcrlr lo trighly diltirrguilhcd ncmbcrr of hir Trofcrior during irtcrrrtlorrl roicrlific corfcrcrcor rrd ollcr roch fotumr ol horlcdga. lt ir thc rorl of pcoplc likc 0irgcr lfirl rclr llc prcc for lhr rivrrccncrl of hurrrrlird, rrd [c howl thil rcll. Artrrrncd r I rn of ny tolrl igrorrncr ofvcry furdrncllrl lfiirgr, I nrl up witl hin lo lirlcr rrd lcrrr. "Whorc do rc 0omr fion, ud rhcrc do rc Ao rhcr tr rtr ro rrorc?" I rrlcd. 0irgcr rdjultcd [ir crpcruivc cyaglrrlcl, rubbrd Jrir chir rrd, ril[ !nvc oc{rlcmrcc, rcplicd: *lhrl if you rcrc lc row r borl ir rTrce tt roaghly lhrcc lincr llc rpccd of lig[t, rrd hrd 'Did you hot," [c lcarr, Trcgrrrt Coclcr Sprrirl tittirS lclrird you, rrd you dccidcd lo lcc ovcr tlo ridc of llc borl rl lfirt r7ccd, did you kror lhrl, rot orly rould llrc ;uppiu bc lhrrc ;crr cld by lh linr lour prc rcrolcd lhor, [ui thrl lhr noncrlun of lhc rquid rould bc porcrfll morr3h l0 conprrtt llc orlvcrrr lrto lhc llrc of r golf brl17" I rrr, ro dolbl, lnTrcrrcd. Ncvrrthclclr, I lrrirtcd or ny irilirl qucrtior: rhcrc do rr 0onc fio; rrd rhcrc do wc go? SinTlc crorgI rr irroc, I lhougll. 'Did yot hor, ny yourg rld ircrpcrlcrccd fiicrd, lhrt rflcr ycrrr of rrdtour mlcuhliom I lrrvc dcvclopcd r ;rlficnrliml fornulr lhl crrlhc nc lo qlrtlily tlr crcrgy ltrrl rclld ruuh if r rcd-lol lorrlcr tcrc to bc horlod irto r lhcl lolc fion r crrror llrto lincr rr lor3 rl thc rriiut ol llrc Errth/' oYu, llrl'r firc, ht l-" 'Tlcrc rrc linihliorr, of oourrr. Thir ouror rould lrvc lo lc buih or llc rotfror of llc noor, md llrc lorrlcr rwl [c fircd riltr r lpccd fivc lincl fmlcr llrr llrc rrlc of olnlrcrrior of lhc lrivcrrc. Eclicvc nc, llough: lhould rc [c rblc to crlcuhtc thit oonTrcrrior rrtc llt't rclurlly inlorriilc lo do rol, ny fornulr rorld ccrtrilly rorl. Ttrir dircovcry, by ltrc rry, rill mrr nc rcll

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Chendus and Bloyfluck had been scratching heads and rubbing chins over this issue for a very long time. In fact, this was their third week of philosophical seclusion inside aunt Farthead's corn barn. And the old lady's patience was rapidly thinning. With all their thinking and mentally taxing meditation, the boys had very much neglected the beautiful herds of furry Siamese hogs which, until the issue under study was raised, were under their care and supervision. Word had spread around town that someone was actually doing some thinking over in Farthead's Place, as the lady's property was called. Already entire families of farmers from around the area had gathered with curiosity around the perimeter of thc little farm. No one could recall how the question was riised, but eager expectation sizzled about, and some harl been camping for days just outside of Farthead Place in anticipation of the debate's resolution. Generally, people were of the opinion that it was taking too long, but

Come the beginning of the fourth week, horvever, events suddenly precipitated inside the com barn. Some villagers still swear to have seen a blinding shaft of light, heavenly in nature, entering the barn through one of its tiny windows. Others dismiss this notion entirely, and claim that it was not a shaft at all, but rather an emission of enorgized wisdom so intense and powerful as to have been rendered visible. Whatever it was we shall probably never know for certain. All we know is that, by some means unknown to us, Bloyfluck suddenly came up with an opinion concerning the problem. So sudden was this stroke of knowledge, that he slapped his forehead too intensely with his left hand and fell off the haystack he was sitting on

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When he recovered, he found his way up the haystack as hastily as he could, lest his thoughts be lost forever within the intricate jumble that was his brain. "You know, Chendus,n he said once on top, 'l been thinkin' myself to death bout this whole problem...* Hc was frowning with the effort of concentration, his face wrinkled into a strange expression of deep thought. *so what did you come up with, huh, Bloyfluck?' 'Yeah, Bloyfluck?" said Chendus with awe and anticipation,

'Well..." Bloyfluck was beginning to betray a deep flush all over his big lace and ears. The strange expression was fixed on his face now, and he seemed to be having some trouble arranging his thoughts coherently. His fists were clenched tightly, as if that could be of help. Presently he continued, choosing with care his words: "Well...see...l been doin a whole lotta figurin'out all these days...been thinkin' real hard 'bout this issue you'n me got ourselves here and, why Chendus, seems to me:..the way I figure it, I reckon...it musta been the egg come Frrst! Musta been the egg, I reckon! I aint sure of it or nothin, but it looks to me like that.' Well, the word was out. A solution to the problem, at last. And yet, despite the long-arvaited revelation, Chcndus reacted with grave disappointment. He even looked a little annoyed

'Aw, c'mon Bloyfluck, cheezuss! What the hell kindav a solushun's that? Whaddaya mean the darn egg come first?! How could it of been the egg corne first? If the egg come first, why, wbo the hell laid that goddam egg? Cantcha see that, you piece o'pumpkin? C'mon, let's figure it out some. Gotta bc a solushun there somewheres, I tell ya. Gotta be. C'mon, let's think it out some more...n S

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Eriste coeur bave a la pouPe just ragst and butt6, and bitter ends. Hard-cocked soldiers laugh and split stupidly blond and dirty hair with breaLh that smells like a dead dogts gut, o stolen heart, what do I care? Is love to be found in a whorehouse or the stained sheets in a barrack room? how stupidr oot even I believe in fairy tales, o stolen heart, Mon

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too many thoughts r my love turn a head to feathers, turns my brown-skinned child to a hunchback in a ditch

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As the fires consumed me I begged for hei foilTilbness soul had long lost its purity, but my heart I gave "To her to keep, a present which was hers anyway The fruits ripened, the country turned green And the days of dreamy love lost and regained flourished As only those spring loves can, burstin! in a myriad coloursiff J, J}:*i39_*!=e_11119i., :l"g1.35"bl" 5l-s sjs on- he1 crimg pn l-ips . Hnut as all things die, so did the passion which consumed usr*,,,.* 'H i.ffrn" days grew sEorter'and eolder, green turned grey .nrAnd t,he cold winter days infected our moods t'Th" kisses, the sensuai magical kisses stopped f,fpfu wnow r."--And years passed, and'b-{iining tears f lowed and f lowe ,A ^BacUntil one day the tears dried and the love wilted t ^ln^-Until ttn -My

And the memoiies of drunken happyness and unreal passion 6!n EWere iust fond images of a time passed, never to return again

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I , But then I met you and lif e warmed Ehe barren scapes. ol *Y ffiffij ;;;;Heart,theheartwhichwasonceanother'",@o tflTV Bv cvnicism and bitterness

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awartlng for a chancc ta dock ln -elncc lraffic wae heavy t;hat day. Me qrlthe othcrWarrlore getr outr on litl"le rubber boata toward the tanker to aarry oul our mleelon. Wallacc remalnd ln thc

beach tn oupcrioc thc operatton wlih hlo binoculars. Aleo, hc sard, t'ha sca mada him queasy, Hc inEtruchd mc ta 6tick to the plan and to not takc unschcdulcd actson, Ae a promloing leadcr, I guees, nry pcroonal aafety haa tn bc oafeguardd, thc plan wa6 lo chaln ourselvcs t,he dcck of thc tankar as a mcan6 of ?row6t ana ln prc'lcnt, llo anl,ry inln poft,. Wc madc lt tn the boat, vary o?;althl! and wcrc'unsecn Vy thc crew. As lnol,ructcd, wa 6et u? ro?co and cllmbcd on deck. rl'lhat happcncd then wa6 that, wc rcalizd nonc of uo had tha keya tn thc chain locko arry morc. I gucoo that, lady ln thq planc n6/cr gava them back. 5o, wc couldn't open thc damned thinge to get ouroalveo all chained up, What, dcaidad Lhen wa6 lhat if wc covldn't gst chaincd up, wc'd all 6rab really tlght, to the deck railinga. lt wae kind of like the next, bcot, thing, oo lhato what wc dld. Thcn, oomc of the crat came oui. l queos thoyld lcarnad of our planct-oaving inbniions, becauoe the! all looked very mad, the llttnring frcndo, We all reElotd and hcld on tn thosu railingo for a pratty long timc, ecrcamin7 in proteot, dcmanding lhat the iankcr raturn tp eea wth ita dcadly carqo. I was frerce and paoaionaw, and wao thc la6l, ona tn bc lhrown overboard. We ke?t, climbing back on and avcryfthing, but aft,c;r thc sixlh time the pollul;lng bastarde got all rouqh and vicioug and lllagal. They otartcd banglng ua raal hard on our heade and knuckles aa each of w got, near Lhe deck on f,he ropee. Thie time three of ue qot, knocked ouT, and then the rcst qot ocared, I queoo, and 7ave u?. I lauqhed aE l;fteir fear and urged l'hem forward once more, but lhey mutinied, oo to e?eak. They beat me u?, kind ot, and l.hrsw me out of :rhe lit:'lle rubber boat and into 0he watcr. I

Out, oucccoa wa6 achl*tcd. )ur lonq otru4qlc ao delayd i'lhc tanku, that, by thc time I owam ashore Wallacc wao proud vo lnform me that Lhc port, had becn closed and so l,hc lankcr would nol rnakc it,ln that, day. I wcgL. 6oy, wcrc we biql Nexr thln6 wc Rnetr, lhp GreenoVlecc Execulivc Ylcc-Trcsident for

Tublic'Rclatione turned up with a bunch of re?oftcr7. We qot, hugc preeo co/eraTe for our oucceoo. And this wa6n'l thc end. The worldwlde ?resident, and CEO of Greenopiece', flaat , in on his privatc jct to pereonally conqratulatn mc and l,hc t*am for our covraqe and werpwerinq oucceee. Each member of Lhc tnam was awarded Greenspiece's hiqheei,honor:. a olab of wood sawn off vhe vrunk of an endanqered epecleo of tropical lree Lhat, had each of our namee and thc datc engraved on thcm. I am grateful to JUNK maqazine for allowinq me trhe opportunfiy to document, this most, rewardlnq cxpcricnca, hoplnq tt will serve lo increaoe enrollment inVo Lhio wondcr+ul family Lhat i6 Grecnopiecc. Remcmber: NOW is the time Lo act and participaV. NOW, or ooon it might, bc tno laf,c for i';he environmcnt. you can make a difference.

Oy Hctu*a Jackaee


Well, I'm not sure. History repeats itself, they say. Should this be true, then I think that the whole voting thing has a tendency of not getting you your money's worth, despite whose name wag on the ballot. Voters get ripped off either way. Always the same seandals, always the broken promises and all that sort of thing. It's the same a{ter every election, anywhere in the world. As it stands today, politics are too idealistic a sell to be worthy of real consideration. The redeeming value of Democratic states is that they show a little effort in trying not to fuck with your individual space, etc. But even such a fundamental thing as that becomes subjective, on occasion. I have never voted, nor do I intend to. Unless I'm the candidate, that is. This is . not a boast, just a i simple statement. I am by no r means anarchistic or any such nonsense, much less a radical ! of any sort. Besides, it seems q that all alternatives to modern

\ Democracy are even less appealing. \ I realize many people get a kick of the participatory thing implied - I out in the essenoe of representative

( governnent, and thaf,s eool \ with me. I just want to

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YW The situation remainstroubling. Everyone is still copytng what they see on MTV or, worse, they adopt all the elements bf the seventies

we thought were too horendous to

be revived. Personally, I think men should wear Tintin baggy pants, while women should attempt to

imitate Olive Oyl's style as faithfully

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and lnfluentlal ae a cor?oration, and they've thoueande of eymVathizers throuqhout, thc world. They're oo impoftant that, gome qovcrnmenb and blq comVanleo actually donaVc rnoney to them for the qreat job they do. I mean,lhatls what I cal' a winninq Eeam all ri1htl It, was the right, move from the very etaft,. As a Green Warrior,l had ta pay the hiqheot entry feg, bul, thate nalural. I mean, uo Green Warriore form thc true backbone of Grecnepiecc, we're like the real deal around here, l'm not, makinq thie uV, elther., The vicepreeldent of Communicationo Eold me all that when I went over tn GreensViece North Amcrican Olvlsion hdadquartere tn 6iqn uV for l,hc cause. 1he was a real nlcc lady and arcryfrhinq, vcry imporaanf,-lookinq and sfuff. Even had a lwely qold watnh and expenoivelookln4 jerclry. I l"rull you, these Quyo are 6c imporLanf, ite lncrdiblc. An5nvay, evcn wft,h the hi6h fecs and everything, they qave me all

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any

Greenepiece stareworldwide,which wae auch a cool thlnq for them Lo do, eepectally because the Greenepiecc Green Warrior uniforme are

rcally qultn exVenoive. They're made with rcqcled matnrial,which ls qultn expenoive c,ten though they 6cA fifrom old, diocarded clothes. They tald me thal te a qood thin1 when you're wlllinq to pay lvet a litl,lle more for

al

is cnvir onmentally un offenoiv e. I agree. I heard the same thin6 on M'N once.

oomef,hlnq th

I

i

::*l:fr:"?li{;

Y

You'Y:

o::'l)

u

^uu"

Ne* thinq I knew they eent, me on my firot GrcenWarrior mioeion. I wae oo ha?W I wefi wilclh 7ratefulneee. Me and a bunch of others were beinq eentr over ti the 7acific coasl, tn Vrdventthio Japanesctanker from reachiny a U.5. harbor, 5ee, ll wao loaded ta the rim with a bunch of envlronmenlally hazardoue chemlcals very eimilar, they |,old me, to thc oneo ueed to make hovsehold cleaners in thc ?tates. What fflth. lmaqlne all that er,uff comlnq lnto the country. An5nvay, I and the of,hcr Warrlors of my unli went over I,o the

w^w###Ed aaaaOO


C'ao)t ot)yE,

anuLgJ!

The Filmts Flaws: &x

Not One Eccnc. Ttrb ia unforgivable. Aft.er Vild Al lleaft one connot valk into a Laurt Dem movie and rrot expecl her Lo 6et fucked by eonoone. Thia time. tJre ocaeabn vos unbelievably ripe: not onty vae hunky 6am Ncil around bul, vhaL about o ttpc tccne invobing one of thoec bi6 T-Qexs? (and Lherc rere moles oround. I meon, thcy ended up rcproduciry rl$L?) dpieh'erg dcl"rniLety diCn't reolly do nuch ae far aa furthering her cnrcer here. 1,

a.

CI

!l

/|||mt'!

t

tho:ld tlavc Dcd

Look, lct's fbce i[, thaL kid vas o poin in [he aea oll movie bn6 a reol nuirance. hove been nailed by Lhe T-Qex in an appropriaLely 5ory, 6uLepillin6 vay vith vast quanlitiea slpuld Iuckiry litllc brol.. lle very vell have been crushed by Lhc ve[ht ol the jeep in a very 6raphic, oould hb skull ehc Cr ol bbod everyvhere. vould have hod hirr ctrbonized inLo an unrcco6niable heap of eleaming aehee by Lhat I Peraonatly, oanncr. onvincing

2' Thc Litlle Doy

lO,@volt

fence, t-he liLLb fuckheod...

1 Muldooc 'lhe Kcnyan game varden al Jurtesic Dar{ Lhinka. behaveo, and drcasec oe t}nu6h he ms e[ill oul- in Alricr cbaniry Zcbm oap. llrnt ally hal of his es rcLhinS lor hin, and I von'L evcn geL into U'o€c thick, vhile, voolf eockc pulbd up to their maxinum etretchiqg poinL Dul he dercrves eome rcspccl: hc di,:d eoviqg lnum Dern'e 6brbus aee. 4, CanYcu InBginet^he pomo flbkOpicbcrgcould have vit-h Lhc hundrcdeolmillbneoldolhns one just tlrinkin6 obout iL

li*arunt

ernl',tlL

h4Jo

Jurwb ftr*cost9 lpop

/tt/'b'

The Untapped Mercbandising Potential of cfurassic Park. arunK woutdl Sr€€est the follo#m$ ldea^s:

for hard-toplesse ma'sturbatons with a) IIow ebout, some huge, reptilstorbured Dinodildos cs,vities? deep, "oomJr rlurassic tlohanles wit'h cute, gmilydjnosaur b) or what 8.bout €r€en, $ow-in-theda,rk who Ike to combine sa'fe sex with a little faces prirrted on th; rLeptJfe end? For flm €luys


a ^ o -a^o^a^t^t^!^lt^rt-u-l oo-o]o]o-o^o^o, o-a _o-o

o ^ o ^ o ^o^!^o^o^o^o-o^a

ii:ii: a o_o

rnn', ;lilFli3:3:Iff

i;:il i;!;!;![!f f 1--S1t1l,S3l;3;.:.r

r-O-O

-

olololNoloii

f:? flf^ itet q,tnaat^..".*ff#,:l:::::;;:::";E etnod I'h er e wlth lhcir damned f ood carl's, -- O Ot3; juot

bouqht'.,^itl l *a7t) 1\1

GrceneViece lravcl aqcnq and ptu,n" it"u"w (l llvc on the caat

I

la'.'??^?let'ely.u..nable

to

paee throuqh

.1, i,':::? :; y::: :": i!

I lr ";x:1,:i?' {::iiit1:#i:;i:il3{ :; Of ItfeanoYtago

i

o,o

t

ttttett tv

:y

ou.r

-, ta?

.human

i L ::::: ^il7,,t

,.J,'^

jv rir ::"ri;r.i*r:i,ii rrcwt#.:;!;", vi:":; rii :f htrF::i# u,, tou.,r/f.\'ii,trl)i,,=,'"u,i;",.'"uo, p:"r:"' k11

:::

uo"to impooer",izii,;.; 111 ,:^:f i.:::,1,::, ' rhey,ra6oawarelcan,|bclle'tall.jR'?.ont,heeeunenvlronmenialca7va)1:gvgwh|oq;;irj gs, vte were

i*W*

att sct'

t'o

qo

*""t\f,oi

our,on our

:::ir:'X,f::f::l-::;*^'Yl:i:;^!i::a:

q,ffi i*** *fl {* unw 'i['i'::i:{":;:*yi'::ztilJ!' =*rM :;:

I qeln Knoil ona al '1 Manaqer, :htu

x;'::i^7,"T"^!oi',n';:;:#"i'"JJ[#; RealJman'quy,Wallace,HehadanMoAfromH;:;";;::;;::;;;:""::,,;:;";;Z:;;;'i;;;.:. naa oecome aware or our aemanag. ana rnav -f -r luhouqh he lo.oked

I a

rcally qoid- ochool, even

vhe food wao qd,tinq

I l"y'oinu:,!::?:!i::,::1:y,l:?;'::3 i on:ir"n::" ."tl:_r,u"*njor:i"n::"n i.,rr," -*"rsn'nq ';";;;;;ovcia,ion,

I het1 uo n f and to |:'::;:x'::H:-;"'2:'^!0"" he

e,teryt'hinq riqhl.

i

A 4ood Grec.nt&arrior, ?

riu"9Yn,y:::t,1':

lnluo:;lce' alwayo ^uui arcr be t'oo caretvl.' Voy hayc t'o 5"", you

"in't' att our

;:;:i:,"",;:;ini^"ii'J"lulin,'

E

be on lhe lookoul for

9 'J ;, *

.{

h? ";;:';;;i;:; ::,.-i:i

& ^r;gi;"ffi;,[f rigiii

do

I

cold. I wae relentless, l^O

;;;,:; ;,:^r;:;:;1ff"i,'")\;;';;;;;;

I

vlqllgullvvle'o three houre. yep,tr,.r, we hetd our 6r,ancc ror full hours of paooionab commlf,ment tn the Oreen

cause. gave

"i::::,"J"":

^olo' 'a-a

we l-O^t p"tu"nq"r. a.o.

tMe would have lastcd much lonqer, buN out, of coneideration for lhc

up

ln" !Y?:-' ":::,i "rziv'' 6orneoneoullherecnqaqln6lnrcally-Throu4hout,lhcfirgl,momcnl'olhoyalllnokitcaoy

ilffi"^i::r4?i:i"^i!:i,,"iyi{iil#.7;qif"-"i::xx:1ilx::"::z!:3:r: in the ,-O-, af, 1 lakc advant'aqe' I our dfeclivenese crott. 6ut aftnr thosc t'hreehours,

omilin1 and lau1hing

know :chis.well'.anl a,lwa13

bcar lt, ln mind. Thate how I noticed, ohort'ly

eubduinq of tuhc

f:O

. * i\,!;Y"r"r**"ilii*{*ilri.y[x-nirWfi ti t t;,] Dlol '; ix;::;:x;::2.;l,iZ"i)""!::"';,:[03 Z;;7

I

u"n'i""J^,,

"'::'i?']"Y:i:::Y"::;x?:,,,i=t:"11:ij;r:I

-It

u""p ,he peace' etnce

'JfI""2iL;,?Till! n"-u1i#"'#":;2:,," a,," -Oa? -{f were chaering and clapping at the etrcnqth;;; O-O fiiwrll and rcolstance. An5nrray, I think they were , cheerinq for me. 9y thio evll trick of here, ehc qot ,^O^' "-

wCre a Vacifret' orqanlzallon and e'teryichinq' ,? Flut' weknewwehadtoaclandho'n' lnfacl' T I didn'v wll i';he ol.;herr., but I'm Trclly eure. .U

i:XX**rlfr ii ffi W ttffi'r ..,Ii 'ii::#,':i;:#i"\:,?:-^ii"";l:i:Itit:;z:"";#t*n#xi;"tttt'*

r:nfi Wlif#'"'W-P# ii2;;:;"";iJ*^i,1{"2'i",o^ Li ,,n"i'.:: t.^-- ^->

^ A'

2:*::'io^".:::"-::::"

f',2:"*?:*:i ":'f"'

iw#i ill w#*# ll ''

attow att t'hooe murderouo t'rave and

f3*"^ri;ili.i*-i[d::*

i'-:W::#:Wf!;ii


,ttf lrhtrr'L ".:-.:,:J frr"r<'-',

ssW:',:'-i ho,,o'," :

"ji

l$rw: -'j :$ t-, fwalr\lu -- -_ +o-, t't4l_4n|l,r/,Ani - -l Cu(l - .-**

w *mn:

g'{.'!fuh &>{-,t

-r O,sc

4rt r9d>tu2* O

r*, ? ,wL) (;r(& NL+

e-.*vt4

.

SL;

o-ffi E' ; .i};r*,|,,,.rQ _h" \lov<

ilt.

m

-|"iw.r

lr- wrl,-;


I 4L u^ra: "^+L +'e f! ' FriT- 6ueo t c^^Q.*l: ---u-'-

+ ,f-EL

\

tvvEL

e

ro<Vye- Nr€r4

ri

L:a;;^

-" r+ .4;" alkk , b^"J. "r"uL ""JLI b

#,ff;i## iL;

tuusfua kn u0,

etj l^, +l/*'n,/ 1-ft\flO

--'/O

:lt-

&

-

Junk ten  

Edited by master wordsmith T.G. Wendoe in Spain during a typically hot 1994 summer, this was the last junk ever made (I think). The standard...