SHOCK AND DISBELIEF
• Do not blurt out your suspicions in the heat of an argument or on the back of discovering some new piece of incriminating evidence.
2. Think about your approach • Strategy one is to warm up with a general discussion about your relationship – how it has been going and acknowledging recent problems – before introducing your fears about adultery. • Strategy two is to ask straight out. Make certain it is a genuine question (‘Is there someone else in your life?’ or ‘Are you having an affair?’) rather than an accusation (‘You must be cheating’ or ‘I know you’re lying’). Questions invite a discussion. Accusations invite a fight. 3. Be ready with supplementary questions • In interviews with politicians, and other slippery characters, it is always the follow-up questions that elicit the most information. Some examples would be: ‘Have you been talking a lot to someone about your problems?’, ‘Are you calling or emailing someone a lot?’, ‘Is anyone becoming more than a friend?’ or ‘Have you kissed or cuddled someone else?’ • Questions that could elicit your partner’s opinions about your relationship could include: ‘Why do you find it hard to talk about your problems to me?’, ‘How could we improve our communication?’ or ‘Why have we drifted apart?’ 4. Ask calmly • This is the most important element for successfully tackling your partner. • In flight or fight mode, you will not be able to think straight or ask appropriate follow-up questions. • Being calm will also stop you going on the attack and your partner raising her or his defences. It will also provide enough detachment for the next point. 15
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