Issuu on Google+

 he T Beer Issue We drink our way from Deep Ellum to Fort Worth

UFC on FOX 4: It’s time to enter “The Dragon” 

Colin Farrell talks Total Recall and getting his butt-kicked by Kate Beckinsale

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

2

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

Sweet Escape Men’s Spa DFW’s #1 Men’s Spa

OMHCNHFCKMGL

We Are the Ultimate Mini-Vacation Provider! Sweet Escape Summer Specials:

©LFc„\‹‚‚X…zi{z‰~cw‰‰w}{ ©MKc„X…ziyˆ‹xEcw‰‰w}{Y…ƒx… ©OFc„c{„=‰l_fi†wfwyw}{

:MF :GFF :GHK

@c{„Š…„Š~{‰{X‚Ši†{yw‚e||{ˆ‰~{„…‹yw‚‚7

Dƒ‰{{Š{‰yw†{‰†wDy…ƒ e†{„Zw‚GGCM©HMGM[DX{‚Šb„{hzDYwˆˆ…‚‚Š…„BjnMKFFL©mw‚C_„‰m{‚y…ƒ{7

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

on deck

3

By Keysha Hogan – @TheKeysha

U.S.A.: still the best!

H SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Bad Boys Bad Boys 3 Cowboys Training Camp 4 Out of Pocket 5 Rangers Report 6 Hey What If...? 6 UFC on FOX 4 Preview 7 VOTE, BLITZIE, VOTE 8 Eat It. Wear It. Go There. 9 Cover Story Wish You Were Beer 10-11 Still Thirsty Beer Knurds 11 BLITZ Entertainment Kaia Bellanca 12 Plate Escapes: Barcadia 13 Drinking Movies 13 Madison Rose Interview 14 A Look Into Cosplay 14 Hollywood Shuffle 15 Colin Farrell Interview 15 Movie Review 15 Gearshift 16 Gadgets 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Weekend Relaxer 18 The Answer Guy 18 2-Minute Drill 18

Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Patterson Graphic Designer Michael H. Lee Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Design Michael H. Lee Staff Photographers Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors

Staff Writers Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, David Goodspeed, Keysha Hogan, Frank LaCosta, Mateeka Lanee, Mark Miller Contributing Photographers Quoc Cong, Jerry F., Al Guel, Nick Hall, Stephen McGinnis, Scott P., Teresea R. Marcos Joel Reis, Ted Watts Contributing Writers Hannah Allen, Cote Bailey, Arthur Bellfield, Jay Betsill, C.J. Gardner, Scott Holub, Martin Iheke, Angela Navin, Aeryn Ripley, Michelle Simpson

CONTACT US Phone: 214-529-7370 • FAX: 972-960-8618 Email: info@blitzweekly.com

BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029 • www.blitzweekly.com Copyright 2012 YK Publishing, LLC. No portion of BLITZ Weekly may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the Publisher. BLITZ Weekly is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. BLITZ Weekly may be distributed only by BLITZ Weekly’s authorized independent contractors or BLITZ Weekly’s authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of BLITZ Weekly, take more than one copy of each BLITZ Weekly issue. Articles printed in this publication may express opinions or views not necessarily the opinions of BLITZ Weekly. The BLITZ Weekly is not responsible for the content or claims of advertisements or editorial in this publication. Story reprints are available for $1 plus postage; call the office at 214-529-7370 to place an order or check our archives at www. blitzweekly.com.

ere in America there are some things that could definitely use improvement. Currently we rank 25th in math education and our population averages about an 8th grade reading level. Over 2.3 million people fill our prisons and don’t get me started on the electoral college system or the shaky financial market. But every two years we get to compete against the world on the level playing field of athletics. The Summer and Winter Olympic games give us a chance to remind the world why we’ll always have and edge on everyone else. As a nation of immigrants we are all the descendants of the toughest, bravest, strongest, and most determined people in the world. Don’t believe me? Well, try leaving everything you know, travelling across oceans to a new land where you don’t speak the language or know another soul. That, in itself, takes guts. Then after you arrive you set out to build a life, a career, and a community in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. Continuously striving and working for better results are the traits that are within each of us, and in the hearts of our Olympic athletes. Take hurdler Lolo Jones, for example, who was raised by a single mother of six children in Des Moines, Iowa. Jones has talked about the hardship of growing up without stable income, food and housing. During the summers when school was out, her entire family lived out of a church basement where she attended a day camp. Living with the constant unknown motivated Jones to do whatever was necessary to succeed. In high school, she told her mother that she would no longer be changing addresses and schools. Jones struck out on her own, leaving

bad boys bad boys

her mother and siblings, and moved in with the families of school friends. Just a few years later, Jones graduated with a full track scholarship to LSU. And then there’s volleyball player Jake

Gibb’s inspiring story. In 2011, Gibb tested falsepositive during a sanctioned drug test. After he appealed, the results were further studied and Gibb’s test was cleared for drug use, but was found positive for testicular cancer. The grueling travel and competition schedule had already resulted in Gibb’s missing the delivery of his first child, and his dreams for the London Olympics were quickly fading when doctors told him that he would need three rounds of chemotherapy. He underwent additional testing and his doctors felt that the cancer had been caught quickly enough to forgo the chemo treatments. Immediately Gibbs contacted his teammate and started planning his return to the game. And so far they are winning their way to the gold medal match on August 9th. It’s easy to recognize that there are brilliant athletes with heartbreaking stories from all over the world. Struggle doesn’t limit itself to political borders. But these two athletes are just a sample of what the U.S. brings to the table. Our resilience and unique brand of fight will see us through any recession, crisis, sickness or hurdle.

For Peete’s Sake The college star-turned-career backup QB Rodney Peete is in a legal jam after failing to pay for his Christmas lights. Peete stiffed CLG (Christmas Lights Guys) in 2009 for the staggering sum of $4,150 for decking his halls. Apparently Ebenezer Peete decided not to cough up the dough and instead left the Guys a lump of coal. They’re suing him.

uncle walter on: Dick Cheney calling Sarah Palin for VP a “mistake” Ladies and gentlemen behold the most obvious statement in the world. Someone give this man a cookie.

Up in Smoke Another day, another weed problem for Snoop Dogg. The Dogfather is officially banned from Norway! Well at least for two years for attempting to enter the country with eight grams of the wacky tabacky in tow. Snoop was fined $2,000, which he pulled out of his pocket and paid. Snoop’s lawyer said he “can live with the decision.” Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

4

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47 Photo Courtesy: AJ Guel

cowboys training camp

By Jay Betsill & Scott Holub – @thefamousjay & @cowboytrivia

news and notes on America’s team

T

he Dallas Cowboys have headed out west to Oxnard, California for training camp and they are already back in the spotlight. Here are some news and notes to keep you up to date with the team.

DEZ & FELIX JONES TO RETURN KICKS Things are already changing for the 2012 season. Wide receiver Dez Bryant will be the Cowboys punt returner and running back Felix Jones will return kickoffs. “We think that’s really going to do wonders for our kicking game,” executive vice president Stephen Jones Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs said. “We’re going to let them work on it from the get go. Obviously, we didn’t do it with Felix last year because he was the starting running back and we didn’t do it with Dez.” Bryant had punt returns for touchdowns of 62 and 93 yards as a rookie and averaged 14.3 yards. Jones has averaged 24.5 yards per kick return in his first three seasons. Jones had a 98-yard touchdown in 2008. MAT MCBRIAR SIGNS WITH THE EAGLES Two-time Pro Bowl punter Mat McBriar agreed to a deal with Philadelphia on July 25. He Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

worked out for the Eagles last Monday and the Cowboys last Tuesday but was unable to reach a deal with the Cowboys, where he had spent his first eight seasons (2004-11). In 2006, McBriar became the first punter to average more than 48 yards per punt since 1963. He made his first Pro Bowl that year and returned in 2010, when he averaged 47.9 yards per punt. McBriar has been recovering from surgery to remove a cyst from his knee. MIKE JENKINS PLACED ON THE PUP LIST Cornerback Mike Jenkins arrived at Valley Ranch for the start of the three day camp and was immediately placed on the Physically Unable to Perform list while he continues his rehabilitation from offseason shoulder surgery. Following the additions of cornerbacks Brandon Carr (signed to a five-year $50.1 million free agent deal) and Morris Claiborne (selected with the sixth overall pick in the draft), Jenkins skipped all of the voluntary offseason program workouts but attended the mandatory June minicamp. Joining Jenkins on the PUP list is Kevin Kowalski (Guard/Center), Mackenzy Bernadeau (Guard) and Danny Coale (Wide Receiver). If a player is on the reserve PUP list when teams cut down to the 53-man roster, then that player will miss the first six games of the current season.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

5

Photos Courtesy: Nich Hall, Tedd Watts

out of pocket By Martin Iheke – miheke@gmail.com college quarterbacks that played a different position in the NFL

W

hat do former college quarterbacks like Eric Crouch, Matt Jones, Brian Mitchell and Antwaan Randle El have in common? They were all successful college quarterbacks that played a different position in the National Football League. Some ended up making the transition successfully and some did not. This is probably one of the hardest things to do in sports, let alone football. You spend most of your high school and college career playing quarterback and once you get to the NFL, you have to play a different position because the coach thinks that is what is best for the team. You do not have a lot of time, especially at football’s highest level to adapt to a new position. That is why I commend some of these guys for making this transition. There have been plenty of college quarterbacks in the past that have played a different position in the NFL and have not been successful at all. Eric Crouch, who won the Heisman Trophy in 2001 as the quarterback of the Nebraska Cornhuskers, comes to mind. The St. Louis Rams drafted him in the third round of the 2002 draft as a wide receiver. He wanted to play quarterback in the NFL, but the Rams and the rest of the league viewed him as too short to play the position at six feet tall. Because of injury, Crouch did not even play a game for the Rams and was out of the league by 2006. Another one that comes to mind is Matt Jones, who was a successful quarterback for the Arkansas Razorbacks in the early to mid-2000s. In 2005, the Jacksonville Jaguars drafted Jones as a wide receiver. He had never played receiver before so it was an interesting experiment for the Jaguars. For his first two seasons, he was decent with a combined 77 receptions for 1,075 yards and nine touchdowns (pro-football-reference.com). Then his production dropped off in his third and fourth seasons. He got into trouble with the NFL and was suspended

for three games for violating the substance-abuse policy. Shortly after that, he was out of the league because of continued problems with drugs. If not for the drug issues, Jones could have been a productive player in the league but sadly it was not to be the case. When it comes to college quarterbacks who were successful at a different position in the NFL, there are a couple that immediately come to mind. Brian Mitchell was a solid quarterback for the University of Louisiana at Lafayette in the late 1980s. The Washington Redskins drafted him in 1990 where he became a running back and return specialist. He played fourteen seasons in the league for the Redskins, Philadelphia Eagles and the New York Giants setting records in terms of all-purpose yards. He is the NFL’s second all-time leader in total yardage behind Jerry Rice at 23,330 yards with most of that being kick and punt return yardage (NFL.com). Another one I can think of is Antwaan Randle El who recently retired from the NFL after sitting out last season. He played quarterback for the Indiana Hoosiers in the late 1990s to the early 2000s. The Pittsburgh Steelers drafted him as a wide receiver in 2002 and he turned out to be a terrific one for them as well as a kickoff and punt returner. He is the only wide receiver in Super Bowl history to throw a touchdown pass. He went on to play four seasons for the Washington Redskins and then returned to the Steelers for one more season. His career stats are 370 receptions for 4,467 yards, 4,316 total return yards and 27 total touchdowns in nine seasons (NFL.com). So again, it is possible to make a nice transition to another position in the NFL, but it is not always the case with every player who does it. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

6

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47 Photos Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

Upcoming Schedule: 8/1 Angels 7:05 p.m. 8/2 ANGELS 7:05 p.m. 8/3 @Royals 7:10 p.m. 8/4 @Royals 5:10 p.m. 8/5 @Royals 1:10 p.m. 8/6 @Red sox 6:10 P.M. 8/7 @Red sox 6:10 P.M.

ranger report

hey what if...? By Blitz Weekly Staff – @BlitzWeekly

what if some of your favorite rangers were olympians

Yu Sain Bolt

Oh yeah you love it.

By Mark Miller – mmiller@blitzweekly.com

E

Trades bring Soto, Dempster General Manager Jon Daniels’ history of changing the Rangers’ roster before the nonwaiver trade deadline repeated itself Tuesday thanks to separate deals with the Chicago Cubs. First, he picked up catcher Geovany Soto to replace Yorvit Torrealba as the backup catcher. Then minutes before Tuesday’s 3 p.m. deadline, Texas added starting pitcher Ryan Dempster. That follows the 2010 deal to add Cliff Lee and last year’s acquisitions of relievers Mike Adams, Koji Uehara and Mike Gonzalez. After Colby Lewis’ season ended after surgery last week, a starting pitcher was seen as the biggest need. After Philadelphia’s Cole Hamels (re-signed) and Milwaukee’s Zach Greinke (traded to the Angels) unavailable and the price tag was deemed too high for Cliff Lee, the Rangers went with Dempster. That likely means Alexi Ogando will remain in the bullpen that is expected to be bolstered by the return of Mark Lowe from the disabled list. They received a boost Monday when first baseman Mitch Moreland came back from his injury. Tough road on the horizon The Rangers finish up their 10-game, 11-day homestand with the final two of four games against the Angels. Then it’s on to Kansas City for the weekend and to Boston for the first two of three games. The road trip will start a stretch of 13 of 16 games away from Rangers Ballpark in Arlington. The Royals entered this week at 41-60 after being swept by Seattle on their way to five straight losses but have beaten the Rangers in their only two games this season in Arlington. This will be the first of two trips to Kansas City. Boston is at 51-51 after winning two of three from the Yankees. The Rangers won both previous games in Boston.

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

How do you improve a Black Mamba? Give it a badass mustache.

Mike “The Spike” Dalhausser Prepare to get served like child support papers at Terrell Owens’ house!

pitching helps negate inconsistent hitting

ven with an offense having troubles at crucial times, the Texas Rangers still split six games last week to extend their American West division lead thanks primarily to starting pitcher Scott Feldman. The 6-foot-7 right-hander turned in great starting pitching performances to beat the Boston Red Sox on July 23 and the Chicago White Sox on Sunday. The latter effort stopped a two-game losing streak and helped Texas move 4.5 games ahead of the hot Oakland Athletics and five in front of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim who came to Arlington for four crucial games beginning Monday. “He did that at a perfect time to pick us up,” outfielder David Murphy told Fox Sports Southwest. “He’s become kind of our stopper, ending losing streaks and getting us back when we’ve been in a little bit of a funk,” said closer Joe Nathan. Feldman’s 2-0 victory over Chicago was his fifth straight win, fourth as a starter, coming in large part because he’s walked just two batters in 40 innings. “He’s certainly been stepping it up because we’ve needed it with the injuries to our staff,” said Manager Ron Washington. “He’s always been a security blanket for us and he’s been doing the job for us.” The Rangers needed Feldman’s efforts after managing just one hit in 31 at-bats with runners in scoring position against Chicago and 7-for-56 for the week. That prompted a hitters-only meeting after Saturday’s 5-3 loss to the White Sox. “We’ve got to get back to basics,” said Michael Young. “We need to focus on the plan and not necessarily on the result. This isn’t foreign territory for any of us.” “It tells you if we start getting some hits with runners in scoring position we can turn this around,” Washington said. “That’s what’s killing us right now.”

Dutch Oven Bryant

Josh “Water Ham” Lochte Josh is just like Ryan sans the tattoos and the sketchy past and lack of body hair and the red, white, and blue iced-out grill.

Ron Solo …(yikes)

No matter how hard you close your eyes you can’t un-see this.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

7

ufc on FOX 4 By Frank LaCosta – flacosta@blitzweekly.com

The Journey to a Better You ~

shogun vs. vera

Starts Now! Lupe Ortega

Mauricio “Shogun” Rua (206-0) vs. Brandon “The Truth” Vera (12-5-0)

T

he headlining fight for the night will be a quick contest. Shogun is clearly the better fighter of the two. Since coming over to the UFC Rua has a 4-4 record. He has lost some close fights and has had victories over a few fighters on the downside of their career (Mark Coleman and Chuck Liddell). Vera on the other hand has a small height and reach advantage. He’s hungry and a win will get him back in the mix as a contender. If it’s a standup contest, Vera might have a shot. Reality will set in though once the fight is on the ground. Shogun will destroy Vera. Remember the scene from Jurassic Park where the cow is lowered into the Raptor pit? Shogun is the Raptor and Vera is the cow in this one. Here’s the truth, Shogun wins in the second setting himself up for the future. Lyoto “The Dragon” Machida (17-3-0) vs. Ryan “Darth” Bader (15-2-0) The co-main event has “fight of the night” all over it and it has the potential to produce some amazing fireworks. Machida has an unorthodox karate background and is the better striker Photo Courtesy: Marcos Joel Reis

of the two. He’s baffled everyone including Jon Jones for the first round of that fight. His Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu skills (grappling) will help him on the ground. The Dragon will need to get his confidence back since his record has been unimpressive as of late. Bader is riding high after his knock out of Jason Brilz and an impressive win over Rampage Jackson. Bader is a wrestling machine. He dominated foes while at Arizona State University where he was a two-time Division

PRESENTED by

©GLo{wˆ‰…|[Ž†{ˆ{„y{

©i†…ˆŠ‰d‹ŠˆŠ…„[Ž†{ˆŠ

©_„zŒz‹w‚<]ˆ…‹†hwŠ{‰

©f{ˆ‰…„w‚jˆw„{ˆEY……†{ˆY{ˆŠ¢{z

IT’S TIME.

HGJCHILCJGLH©H}…¢ŠV}ƒw‚Dy…ƒ

I All American and three time Pac-10 champion. The man possesses fight stopping power in his fists. The ground game could go either way as they grind it out. I expect Machida though to win via decision. Joe “J-Lau” Lauzon (20-7-0) vs. Jamie Varner (20-6-1) Lauzon is known for his aggressive Jiu-Jitsu game and his “get a finish or get finished” attitude. This has earned him some respect in many MMA circles. He also possesses some underrated knockout power. He is a takedown specialist that will use his grappling skills to finish off his opponents. Varner on the other hand is looking to make a comeback of sorts. He flirted with the idea of retiring after his loss to Dakota Cochrane. Varner is 4-1 in his last five fights. Varner is a wellrounded fighter with an iron chin. He can stand and bang with the best of them. He possesses good takedown defense but that will only last so long. Expect to see J-Lau exploit Varner on the ground and win via tap out in the first round. Later that night Lauzon will be seen at the after party living

Photo Courtesy: Stephen McGinnis

The Gym 921 West Mayfield Road Arlington, TX 76015 (817) 652-1555 Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

8

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

Fulfill your duty to the BLITZnation and log onto

www.blitzweekly.com

Vote for your favorites in food, culture, and sports! Voting starts August 6th and ends August 31st

So vote now!!!

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

In Texas food is serious business so why not eat something serious? The scrambled eggs, onions, tomatoes, jalapenos, red peppers, corn chips topped with delicious cheddar and feta cheese and served with refried beans and wheat tortillas let us know exactly what’s on the menu in heaven – that is if your idea of heaven is BuzzBrews Kitchen (ours is). www.buzzbrews.com

WEAR It

Here’s a lesson in one-upmanship: Your friend gets a brand new pair of classic Chuck Taylors, you get a brand new pair of Chuck Taylor Classic Boot XHi. Boom! Someone’s cooler in the room! Powdered suede and heavy-duty laces will let him know who is the holder of the swag in the room.

GO THERE

9

Hop on your bike and ride on down to the Bikes, Beach Babes, & Big Wheels Party at Dallas Harley-Davidson on August 4 from 10am – 3pm. There will be a luau lunch, tailgating games, snow cones (for the little ones) and prizes – not to mention a bikini contest. Make sure you’re there! www.dallasdh.com

www.converse.com

FOR EVERY GAME A CHEER AND EVERY FAN A BEER. "EERSON4APs"IG3CREENS($46Ss!WARD 7INNING7INGSs3IGNATURE3AUCES 3EASONINGSs4HE(OTTEST3PORTS!CTIONs&2%%"UZZTIME®4RIVIA 7ING4UESDAYS®s"ONELESS4HURSDAYS®s&REE7I &I

©2011 Buffalo Wild Wings, Inc.

Eat It

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

buffalowildwings.com

Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

10

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

together enough equipment for a commercial outfit he launched his signature Texas Style Pale Ale at The Common Table last month. Wanting to remain local and grow as he goes he’s currently a one-man operation and shies away from the term title Brewmaster. “I know the process but I’ll never master the science. Once you master something you become complacent,” Perkinson said. His hope is that the Firewheel brand will become synonymous with the suburbs on the east side of Dallas such as Rowlette, Sachse and Rockwall as much as the Big D herself. “I don’t want to drive all the way to Dallas if I want a local beer, we need something on this side of town.”

eekly.com hallen@blitzw n e ll A h a By Hann

In many cities in the great US of A you’ll find craft brews on tap even in the Mom n’ Pop shops in small towns. Not so much in the Lone Star State where we like our Budweiser and Shiner Bock, though. It seems we’ve lagged behind on the micro-brewery pride but as the live local mentality inches it’s way across our slick city small breweries are cropping up quicker than hipsters in the Bishop Arts District. Here is the rundown on what and where you can expect to find some of the best and the newest breweries in the Metroplex. Lakewood Brewing Company

at SMU but I started out as a pre-med major. I always was really active in theater and really active in art so there was sort of two sides to me, I had this really analytical side and this really creative side and that’s what I really like about beer because it is the perfect balance of art and science.” With an Imperial Milk Stout called The Temptress, which sits at an intense 8.5 ABV and has been described as “sex in a glass” one begins to see Bens uniquely poetic artistry. Another of Lakewood Brewing Company’s standard brews is the Rock Ryder a wheat and rye concoction Bens describes as a “Texas Summer Beer.” Along with Hop Trapp and Lakewood Lager they should be on tap locally this month. The endeavor of opening a brewery is not a simple one and Bens says, “Being that there are not very many of us in north Texas we all stick together. We all kind of use each other as a sounding board. Some people reveal more than others but once you’ve been through this ringer you want to pay it forward.” Firewheel Brewing Company Brad Perkinson is a local through and through. Born in Carrolton and educated at UTD he didn’t even like beer until his senior year of college. “I was a margarita guy for the most part,” he says with a chuckle. Educated at a master’s level in business and finance he tackles his new role

Started by Belgian born but Texas raised Wim Bens in 2010 with a few friends he’d met through work at an advertising agency. This brewery blends the science of beer making with the art of legend, language and style. “I studied advertising

as entrepreneur with enthusiasm and realistic excitement. After a layoff in 2010, the 26-yearold decided to take his home brewing habit and make it into something more. After piecing Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Franconia Brewing Company The pioneer of Dallas area micro-breweries Dennis Wehrmann is the closest we’ve found to someone who has beer flowing in his actual veins. “Maybe not since I was a baby, but since I was a small boy I’ve been in a brewery,” Wehrmann

says. His brewing experience began as a child in Germany and his family’s involvement in beer making stretches back as far as the 1800s. Educated at Munich University in beer making he boasts the most street cred by our – if not everyone’s - standards. After taking a job with an American brew chain he moved to our fair city in 2003 and by 2008 was running his own brewery in McKinney. A forerunner in the recent craft brew boom, he doesn’t mind sharing the spotlight with the community’s rising stars. “Personally, I don’t look at this as competition, there is a market here and we can have a positive impact. In the back of the house it’s helping each other out, in the front of the house it’s healthy competition.” Wehrmann takes beer making in stride and talks about it in an incredibly non-intimidating sort of way. Franconia’s six year-round and seven seasonal German style beers lack gimmicky names (Franconia Hefeweizen, Franconia Lager, Franconia Pils etc.) giving Wehrmann’s style the

remarkably no-nonsense quality indicative of a Texan. Peticolas Brewing Company One of three breweries in Dallas proper Peticolas Brewing Company was launched by a successful attorney who was “looking for something else to do” in 2010. Michael Peticolas enrolled in the American Brewers Guild’s intensive program in Vermont after he and his wife Melissa decided they’d rather be in business for themselves. The result is a family run brewery, says Peticolas. “It really is just a modern day mom and pop shop – it’s just me and my wife and my seven-year-old and my twins. There is no one else who owns a penny of it.” With a grass roots and word of mouth marketing plan and slow growth mindset their beer is thriving and selling out at many hotspots around town. A deep love for Dallas and her culture is a strong driving force for Peticolas though both the name of the business and the catchy names for each of their limited release brews (Velvet Hammer, Golden Opportunity, Great Scot!) aren’t derivative of the city or the scenery. This is intentional and sets the brand apart in many ways, allowing room for broad appeal without the outsider perception of Dallas or Texas in general. “America lagged behind all these other countries in terms of full flavored beer because of prohibition and all sorts of marketing by the big boys for years and years and years.” Texas, he says, lagged behind even af ter other states began to see a growth in local craft beer and Dallas lagged behind most of all. “That’s the good thing about more than one brewery opening up at a time. It creates the awareness in the market and there is room for it.” Although, there are no plans for bottling in the near future you can go to places like Whole Foods and the Bottle Shop for growlers and enjoy the effects of the 9% ABV Velvet Hammer, an imperial red ale, in the comfort (and security) of your own living room.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

Deep Ellum Brewing Company Perhaps the most established in terms of distribution and swanky in terms of presentation the guys at DEBC follow an uncompromising vision of owner John Reardon. “We didn’t want to be a cookiecutter brewery and sort of walk the middle of the road and we had a lot of eyes on us as the first brewery in Dallas,” Reardon says. Their staple brew is the Deep Ellum IPA which is touted at many Dallas hang-outs and restaurants. In July they launched their two newest creations, Wealth and Taste, a Belgian style golden strong made with Muscat white wine grape juice and aged in chardonnay barrels and Dallas Blonde an easydrinking citrusy, floral summer beer – their tribute

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

to the great Dallas blondes of legend. Reardon says he caught the brew bug in college at the University of Colorado where he studied business and finance. Ultimately, brewing became his passion and his desire to bring craft beer to his native Dallas resulted in an uncompromising vision that earned him the title of not only owner but also Head Evangelist. “ A lot of what we do is based on John’s vision,” says brand and sales ninja Tait Lifto. “What we do as a staff is make his vision happen – we don’t compromise. We’re here because you shouldn’t have to compromise; there is good beer in the world.” Full of statistics and sales pitches about the future of craft beer Reardon says Dallas has responded remarkably well to his and his fellow brewers creations for a market that was considered a dumbed-down beer market. “We’re all fighting these huge corporate conglomerates and major distributors. We’re all on the same team.”

on Henderson and Coppertank Brewing Co. in Deep Ellum. “I love brewing. The machines, the science, the chemistry it’s the work [emphasis on work] that I love,” says the former president of the Craft Brewers Association of Texas. After watching the community of local brewers dissolve several years ago he busied himself raising kids and building machinery. When an opportunity to brew again professionally in Austin presented itself a year and a half ago he was devastated that bad timing forced him to decline the offer. In

T

Armadillo Ale Works This mind-blowing Denton-based craft brew won’t be available for sale until late 2012/early 2013 due to “Something about health codes and how you can’t

sell food that’s made in a garage and on a patio. Go figure!” But fret not human brew seeking missiles, their sodas (Bee’s Knees and Clawfoot) are ready to be sipped on the sweet sunsets of summer. And who knows Christmas may come early this year and you could be first in line to taste Denton’s finest.

desperation, he says, he sat down at his computer and entered a Google search for “brewery in Oak Cliff,” even though he was positive he’d find nothing. To his surprise his search turned up a name, which led to meetings and eventually a space on Singleton in Oak Cliff. Four Corners Brewery plans to open this fall with six year round beers like Local Buzz, a honey and rye golden ale made with local North Dallas brand honey and Block Party, a robust English Porter. The seasonal beers, Sims says, will be “True to style; vienna Lager, Hefeweizen, IPA, Bocks, Stouts. To me it’s more of a challenge to produce beers that are true to style, because any beer can be called ‘experimental.’” First Four Corners will distribute to local bars and restaurants this fall but the machine savvy Sims says within a year he hopes to be bottling or canning his brew and supplying the public through retailers. “Everyone is pretty excited to have a community,” Sims says of the suddenly rejuvenated craft brewery scene. “It’s going to be nice to have a community here again.” All of the breweries mentioned in this article have tours available in an effort to share the love of quality, locally crafted beer. All of them can be found on Facebook and Twitter. If they are not on tap at your favorite watering hole you can request they be placed there! Cheers!

Four Corners Brewery Brewmaster and Oak Cliff resident John M. Sims is a veteran of the local brew scene. His career began 20 years ago at Yegua Creek Brew Pub

still thirsty you freakin’ beer knurds? he girl at the end of the bar not looking good enough yet? Don’t worry after you finish sampling all of these she’ll look like Scarlett Johansson.

11

By Cote Bailey – comments@blitzweekly.com

Cedar Creek Brewery I’d love to be up this creek without a paddle! Since 2010 Jim Elliot has been making some damn good beer. Don’t believe me? Just ask Scruffy McGee and sample the smoked alt that they produce in his honor. “S’what made his name a Cedar Creek legend. But drink this in scruples, ye lads and ye lasses, or, like Scruffy, you’ll fall down drunk, right on your asses.”

of brew master Grant Wood. The Granbury greats now serve eight full-flavored barley pops for you to share with you friends and family.

Rahr & Sons Brewing Co. The Fort Worth giant is like tradition on tap. “The brand new beer with a 150-year history” is made with care a dedication that is a bold as the malt that’s used to produce it. In 2004 the brewery opened its doors and Fritz and Erin Rahr began their award-winning masterfully brewed journey including becoming the 2009 National Grand Champions from the United States Beer Tasting Championships for Iron Thistle. Revolver Brewing You know there is something serious about a beer represented by two Colt revolvers. This father and son libation creation came from the minds of Ron and Rhett Keisler with the help Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

12

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

X[ij ^WcXkh][h7 ¾h[WZ[h=iY^e_Y[febbZcd

XbeeZocWhoi

See more of Kaia and others at Blitzweekly.com Model: Kaia Bellanca Photo Courtesy: Quoc Cong XO Photography  Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Kaia

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

plate escapes: barcadia dallas

Photos Courtesy: Jerry F., Teresea R., Scott P.

By Angela Navin - thenavinangela@ymail.com

When Alice jumped through the rabbit hole she wound up at Barcadia. I admit that before heading there I thought the idea of a restaurant like this was a bit hokey and I may have even called it “tragically juvenile”. But what I did not realize was how much fun it was and the memories that the nostalgic décor drums up.

Barcadia Bar & Grill

1917 N Henderson Ave Dallas, TX 75334 (214) 821-7300

www.barcadiadallas.com

Hours

Mon-Thurs 4pm-2am Fri-Sat 3pm-2am Sun 11am-2am

drink!

13

Atmosphere What it lacks in Highland Park pedigree it makes up for in Greenville Ave. charm. The patio is so awesome (although with the heat I would wait until fall to fully appreciate it). As soon as you walk in you absorb the laid back vibe and are taken aback by giant Jenga pieces. Once you get over the teenage nerd dream of it, complete with an out of this world ‘80’s soundtrack playing in the background, you can quickly see why this is a destination bar. The beer specials keep the place quite crowded with the local SMU dorm escapees so the building itself seems to come to life especially on the weekends. Food Yes it is a bar and yes they serve bar food, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be good – because it is good, quite good as a matter of fact. While you are working on that pitcher of beer and attempting to beat your friend at Street Fighter scarf down some Pita Triangles (thick grilled to a crispy and warm perfection pita with homemade hummus) or if you are old school you could devour Billy’s Fried PBJ, which is exactly what it

sounds like, a meal fit for the State Fair. As far as sandwiches go, at Barcadia they are king. From the Phoenix Club to the Mario these guys deliver. They’re flavorful and just plan good – and not bar food good – good food good. Dog the Bounty (a delicious and Texas hotdog that has to be eaten to believe) and Big Ol’ Burrito are waiting on the menu for you more adventurous types. I’m more of a Spicy Taco’s type of girl myself. The grilled chicken was seasoned well so were the rice and beans redolent of cocina de una madre Mexicana. Service Normally right on point, but if things get a little slow you can always go knock out a couple of rounds of Connect 4 XL and bicker back and forth with your buddies about which micro-brew that they have on tap is the best. By the time that you all come to the unanimous decision of Maui Brewing Company your food will be right there waiting for you. Blitz-Worthy You can eat and play skee-ball at the same time… and they said heaven isn’t on earth. Their 11am to 3pm Sunday brunch is legendary. You can overindulge with Make Your Own Omelets or Shiner drenched BBQ wings and go swimming in enough $4 mimosas to have you positively hammered by the time you head to back to your friend’s house to watch the game. What to eat: Triple Grilled Cheese, Dog the Bounty, Spicy Tacos, and the Tilapia Po-Boy Who eats there: Bar nerds, kids at heart, patio lovers, and Jenga addicts

By Blitz Weekly Staff - @BlitzWeekly

movies that make drinking AWESOME!

P

our a cold one and grab a seat Inside the Inebriated Actors Studio and take a look back at some of the most outrageously alcohol infused cinematic creations that you would fail a sobriety test just by looking at them.

Drunken Master (1978) The classic Yuen Wooping film that made little known Jackie Chan a superstar had its fair share of split liquor. What’s funnier than the town drunk? Watching the town drunk kung-fu kick people in the face. Arthur (1981) Before Katy Perry’s exhusband desecrated this movie, Arthur was our favorite boozefilled multimillionaire, who took bubble baths with a top hat (you’d be surprised how long that list actually is).

in a frat with Luke Wilson, Will Ferrell, and Vince Vaughn, but don’t let Will drink or he’ll go streaking through the quad.

National Lampoon’s Animal House (1978)

The Hangover (2009)

This gem of American cinema has contributed to the retirement plans of liquor store owners everywhere. John Belushi and the members of Delta Tau Chi are the benchmark for drunken degenerates in institutions of higher learning. Grab a brew. Don’t cost nothin’.

What happens in Vegas…becomes the best get totally beyond comprehension-plastered movie of all-time. There are stripper marriages, Mike Tyson cameos, and naked angry Chinese gangsters jumping out of trunks, and casino card counting. You know, all the things we did last Tuesday.

Old School (2003) This movie taught us that if we drink enough maybe just maybe one day we could be Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

14

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

madison rose

By Mateeka Lanee’ - Mateekalanee.wordpress.com

rock n’ roll princess

I don’t think there is such a thing as an overnight success“, says 18-year-old pop/rock singer Madison Rose. “It takes many years of challenges to get to the point where you feel that you have ‘made it’, but I think the rewards are worth the challenges”. For Madison, the rewards for starting young (she has been singing since age 7) and working hard have already proven massive. In 2010, her song “Teenage Runaway” became a viral hit, telling the story of Madison’s feelings toward a self-destructive friend, running not only from home physically, but from the love of her friends and family as well. This year, she celebrates the debut of her album Aftershock, a body of work inspired by classic Rock and Roll, and which delves into aspects of the teen’s life just as emotionally intense. Madison’s style of music--a fusion of the classic and the modern in rock music--is inspired, she says, by the music her older brother, Justyn, introduced her to. “Def Leppard definitely [has influenced me], Van Halen has really inspired me, Stevie Nicks of course! Also The Beatles. I can’t forget about The Beatles!! Every time I hear The Beatles I feel inspired”. It’s been artists like these who have given her the drive to pursue music in the first place, starting after attending a Def Leppard concert with Justyn at age 13. “That show inspired me

so much,” she explains, “that I went home, and I wrote my very first song. I haven’t stopped writing since. I fell in love with rock music that night.” The relationship between Madison and her brother goes beyond that of just siblings who share similar tastes in music. Justyn is a member of Madison’s band, and was a collaborator on much of Aftershock. Madison gushes “I love working with my brother!! […] He always listens to my crazy ideas, and he is always so respectful of my vision.” With the help of her brother, acclaimed writer/producer/rocker Gary Hoey, and an arsenal of thoughtful lyrics, Madison Rose went to work on writing her very first album. When asked how she finds inspiration to write, she says: “I get inspiration from anywhere, maybe something that has happened to me, a story I heard, maybe something about a friend. Anything, and everything can inspire music. To me life is art, you just have to open your eyes, and the inspiration is there”. Madison’s story is an inspiration in itself. I asked her what advice she would give to aspiring young people looking to break into the music industry, and she says “I would tell them to never give up their dreams. If you really want to play music for a living, then you have to work really hard. But trust me, all that hard work is worth it. No matter what anyone else says, there is a place for you in the music industry. Don’t listen to all the negativity that is out there. Just believe in yourself, and you will go far.” 

geek chic By Michelle Simpson - www.almostnerdy.com a look into the world of cosplay with Yuffie Bunny

T Enjoy!

his week we talk with Yuffie Bunny and find out how she makes cosplay fun and what she’s done to start a business and help out her friends. 

How long have you been doing cosplay? Since 2003.

What made you decide that you needed to make your first costume? After attending my first convention and making friends with some other attendees in costume I just had to.  We were having so much fun and I wanted to have even more fun by being there with them in costume.  It was a way to celebrate friendship for me, something I continue to do.

What is the most expensive costume you have ever done? Probably around $300, my Berserker Rikku.  It was mostly because the costume was a HUGE learning experience, my first time making armor, and I had decided to use fiberglass and I ruined the first attempt, lol! Are you able to make a

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

living with cosplay?  If not, what is your dream job? Yes and no.  I am paid to model cosplay, I am paid to attend conventions as a guest or a booth worker and to do photo shoots, but obviously this is a very expensive life to maintain.  It has allowed me to create my own business though, Head Kandi, which is heading in the direction of my dream job.  I get to attend conventions and model and make cyber falls for my amazing customers and then see the joy on their faces when I make them their perfect set.  I would love to continue doing this for the rest of my life; we’ll see how it goes! What is your all-time favorite costume? Ahhhh, I have SO MANY!  I’m really in love with my Pyramid Head and Pyramid Head’s girlfriend

cosplays I made.  I NEVER get to wear them at conventions though because the girlfriend version I designed is so revealing, it’s not appropriate to wear outside of photo shoots. What changes have you seen in the cosplay community over the years you have been participating?  I’ve seen it get a lot easier to do, which I love, because again I’m more about having fun with cosplay.  Technology has made cosplay a very social thing, people are posting how-to’s and helping one another out with fabric choices or pattern drafting.  Wigs are getting SO MUCH NICER.  I used to have to style wigs up into ponytails and pigtails myself and it was ALWAYS a nightmare!  Whoever finally came up with the clip on idea is a genius, I love you. 

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

hollywood profile colin farrell

By Aeryn Ripley– @BlitzWeekly

The Jacksons – Have been busy the past couple weeks tarnishing the family’s good name. Rebbie, Randy, Jermaine, and Janet have been busy in the public eye erasing any last shred of respect people had for them by giving the appearance they are attempting to brainwash Katherine Jackson to get their hands on Michael’s kids and money. So far the attempts have embarrassingly failed. Justin Bieber- Is apparently the son of a sailor. The teen idol was aboard a 12hour flight last weekend when he decided it would be a good idea to unleash the ol’ potty mouth in first class by loudly firing off excerpts from his four-letter vocabulary…not so good of an idea. A female passenger scolded Bieber’s behavior and embarrassed him. Bummer. Kristen Stewart – Sent all the Twihards running for the razors this past week when she confirmed reports that she had indeed cheated on her Twilight co-star and real life boyfriend of three years, Robert Pattinson, with 41-year-old married Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. Somewhere vampires are weeping.

One of Hollywood’s best imports, hunky Colin Farrell, stars in the reboot of the action adventure film Total Recall. Farrell reprises the role of Douglas Quaid, made famous by Arnold Schwarzenegger in 1990. Colin sat down to talk about the movie and how it provided the most uncomfortable moment of his film career thus far.

Tell us about Quaid. He is basically living in a life that he seems he should be certainly, he’s quite content in, at least passively content in, but something’s up. Something’s missing. The frame of his life is kind of warbled, there are gaps of light that are

creeping in, and he doesn’t understand why or what, but he’s just noticing that he feels ill at ease because of his environment, and that’s a common story. How does your Quaid compare or differ from Schwarzenegger’s?

and again to add some funny moments as a lazy cop. Stiller is an uptight, controlfreak who has a hard time letting loose. Vince Vaughn plays his normal fasttalking, witty, hardly serious character. He joined the neighborhood watch to get away from his family for a little bit and hang out with the guys. Hill plays a high school drop out who has failed in his attempts to become a cop. He is the “wildcard” and follows Vaughn around like a puppy. This could be Richard Ayoade’s breakout performance in America as he steals the scene on many occasions. He offers something new as the other three characters play the

Unlike in the original where Arnold’s Quaid seemed to be complicit and have a deeper awareness of the break [from reality], and Quaid actually has no idea. There is some kind of deeply set cellular memory that exists on a cellular level and an emotional level. He doesn’t know who he is, and he is trying to find out where to place his next step. And the whole film is a journey back to himself. Kate Beckinsale plays your wife in the film, and when Quaid begins to search

for the truth she becomes quite the nemesis. You two had some intense fight scenes in the movie. What was that like? That was fun. The trickiest part was kissing her with her handsome director husband (Len Wiseman) by the monitor. That was one of the more uncomfortable things I’ve experienced in my fifteen years of making films, but the fight was fun. We got in good shape, and we choreographed it down to the finest details; so, she knew all my moves. I knew all her moves. It was fun. What do you hope audiences take away? Entertainment. I think for entertaining for two hours, we’ve hit the mark. And I don’t mean that [lightly], that’s a hard thing to do. Just to make a film that’s entertaining, that doesn’t bore people or confuse people or pander to them and insult them by telling them too much and trying to find the balance between sharing information and withholding enough information to keep them guessing. I hope it’s all those things. You can decide for yourself this weekend when Total Recall opens in theatres nationwide. The film is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, some sexual content, brief nudity, and language.

By C.J. Gardner - cjgardner80@ou.edu same type of characters they have their whole career. If you enjoy dirty comedies and just want to laugh for an hour and half I highly recommend this movie. The movie has few serious moments, but gives the audience what it wants with jokes. The special effects and actions scenes are not great; so don’t go into this movie expecting to be blown away by the special effects and action scenes. It does not offer a lot in terms of a great story, but it is a hilarious movie that fans of Stiller, Vaughn and Hill will enjoy as they play their usual funny selves.

MovieReview of THE WATCH Three of the top comedic actors going right now team up to make audiences laugh in The Watch. Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill and newcomer here in the U.S., Richard Ayoade come together to grace the screen in a sci-fi comedy. The Watch is a movie that sees Stiller form a neighborhood watch after a murder happens at the Costco he manages. After teaming up with Vaughn, Hill and Ayoade, the group finds out that the person they are looking for may not be from this world. When they find an unusual weapon they discover aliens are living among them. They must stop the aliens from invading Earth and ending life as they know it. The four main characters make for most of the comedy, with Will Forte popping up every now

By Vivian Fullerlove - vfullerlove@blitzweekly.com

What attracted you to this film? When I saw the artwork and the concept, when I read the script, I went, “This is something that I really want to see.” This is a world I wanted to be taken to. So give us the set up for the movie. Quaid goes to Rekall and he finds out through a set of circumstances that everything he thought was his life up to that point was a fabrication. Everything he thought was real including his marriage, his job, his identity, his name was a complete fabrication, and the rest of the film is him trying to figure out who he is and not get caught and killed and all that kind of stuff.

15

Dallas Polo Club

PARTAKE IN THE SPORT OF KINGS!

EVERYBODY IS INVITED

NEXT MATCH

8/18 7PM CALL TODAY! HEAT WAVE POLO CUP WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG

C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1 Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

16

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

gearshift : hyundai genesis 5.0 r-spec luxury defined

By David Goodspeed - dgoodspeed@blitzweekly.com Photos Courtesy: Hyundai

D

ictionary.com defines the word “Genesis” as a coming into being, an origin or a creation. Hyundai defines Genesis as “a vehicle crafted to rival the world’s premier sport sedans.” When Hyundai introduced its new Genesis sedan lineup to the media a few years back, I wrote, “I define Genesis as the next big thing. Get ready because you are going to be seeing a lot of these cars on the road soon.” Hyundai has basically taken the design elements of the world’s leading luxury sport sedans and combined that with performance parameters of the top rear-wheel-drive models on the road to develop Genesis – a new beginning for the Korean automaker. At launch, Genesis was offered in two models, defined by the engine that powers each. The Genesis 4.6 features the all-new Tau V-8 powerplant - the first in North America from the automaker - and the Genesis 3.8 utilizes a nextgeneration Lambda 3.8-liter V-6. Each are mated to their own six-speed automatic transmission with sport shift, the former harnessed to the same ZF sport gearbox used by Jaguar in their sport models. Zipping around the upscale suburbs of Miami on that press jaunt, we learned the new Genesis was more than just another pretty face. Hyundai has done its homework and Genesis is the real deal. And it is a real Hyundai, meaning it is a great value with a great warranty backing it up.

Goal Zero Yeti Solar Generator So let’s just say all these “end of days” predictions are accurate wouldn’t you want to be able to still charge up your iPod in the post-apocalyptic Metroplex? The Goal Zero Yeti Solar Generator is your way! It was 1250 Watt Hour battery that fully charges in just 24 hours and its solar panels are powerful enough to keep AC units and refrigerators running, while still charging up that iPod. Plus it has USB ports. You will be the coolest guy in the world – that is until the zombies find you and eat your brains. ($1,800)

Flir Scout PS32 Night Vision Monocular See those undead bastards coming with your handy Flir Scout PS32 Night Vision Monocular. It’s compact and easy to carry (should you have to run for your life), weather-proof, and has a range of 350-foot range. You can also mount it on a tripod for those zombie reconnaissance allnighters. ($2,900)

Hyundai Zombie Survival Machine Save your generator (and your brains) by jumping into the best getaway car ever. Introducing the Zombie Survival Machine by Hyundai. This bad boy features a custom zombie plow, wheel spikes, armored window coverings, a roof hatch, and an arsenal in the trunk, floodlights, all-terrain tires, and a CB radio system. Mmmm you gotta love that dead zombie smell air freshener. (TBA) Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

“So Hyundai, what have you done for us lately,” you might ask? Well, sit right back and you’ll hear a tale… Hyundai took its Genesis sedan and threw in a 429hp 5.0-liter R-Spec V-8 engine and mated it to a new eight-speed automatic gearbox with SHIFTRONIC manual shift capability. Fuel economy does not suffer much as the R-Spec is still capable of 16 mpg city and 25 mpg highway. Backing up the new powertrain is a performance package that includes unique 19-inch alloy wheels with performance tires and sport-tuned transmission, suspension (with selective damping), and steering calibrations that together all combine for one fun-to-drive Hyundai. After initial testing of the vehicle I can just imagine Hyundai execs all standing next to the vehicle doing the “Nana, nana, boo, boo” at the European competition. Style combined with substance and all at a killer price – $46,500 with everything included. Can the Hyundai Genesis 5.0 R-Spec hold its own against the competition? In a word, yes. Acceleration? Yes. Handling? Yes. Styling? Yes. Technology? Yes. You get the idea Waiting to deliver a vehicle in this category has paid off for the automaker as designers and engineers had the benefit of seeing all the competition from East to West had to offer and were able to glean (emulate, complement, illustrate, interpret - OK, copy) the very best at an incredible value.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

Q: Where do you look for blonde’s obituaries? A: Under “Home Improvements”. Q: What do you call two guys fighting over a slut? A: Tug-of-whore. Q: What’s the best thing about dating homeless chicks? A: You can drop them off anywhere. Dy-NO-Mite! A large, powerfullybuilt guy meets a woman at a bar.

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, “See that, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder’s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, “See those, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, “Why are you in such a hurry to go?” She replies, “With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!”

Leo July 23 – August 22 The stars declare that your life will be full of joy, wealth and love on your birthday! They’re lying. Virgo August 23 – September 22 You’ll finally land that dream job next week after it has been determined that all of the other applicants have smaller breasts than you. Libra September 23 – October 22 After listening to your kid’s little league hitting coach your wife-beating skills will improve dramatically.

17

Blitz Funnys

After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. SHE COULD CHEW NICORETTE GUM Jakarta, Indonesia - Thanks to zoo visitors throwing their lit cigarettes into her cage, 15-year-old Tori, an endangered orangutan, had been smoking since age five. Imitating the humans she’d observed, Tori would casually hold a butt between her fingers, letting observers photograph her puffing away, flicking ashes like a movie star. That is until she and Didik, her male orangutan boyfriend, were relocated to a small island within the zoo. HE LIKED FREE ROOM AND BOARD

Rodney Dwayne Valentine, 37, a North Carolina homeless man, was so unhappy when released from the Rockingham County jail in July 2012, he refused to leave. Meaning, after five hours of complaining, Valentine was rearrested, charged this time with second-degree trespassing. (He could, and probably hopes he will, be sentenced to 75 days in jail.) ‘FIX-A-FLAT’ FOR BUTTS/HOOTERS Oneal Ron Morris, 31, of Hollywood, Florida, nickname “The Dutchess,” was a known transvestite who earned extra cash in an unusual way. According to the Broward County Sheriff’s Office, he earned this money enlarging women’s butts by injected them with a variety of substances: bathroom caulk, cement, Super Glue and the tire product Fix-A-Flat. Before her death in March 2012, 31-year-old Shatarka Nuby told Florida investigators she’d paid Morris $2,000 to enhance her buttocks, hips, thighs and breasts.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 This summer’s vacation to Rack City won’t provide the type of getaway you were thinking of.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 Give yourself a special treat this week. Kill your neighbor. Kill him. Kill him. Kill him.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 There is only one thing you should fear this week: Men with chainsaws.

Pisces February 19 – March 20 You will be genuinely surprised that you are the only one who loves your pygmy goat “Charlie.”

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 Your love is a powerful thing. Make the most of it by creating electronic greeting cards.

Aries March 21 – April 19 You will reach the high point of your life this week when your name is mentioned on RAGE’s Dead & Gone.

Gemini May 21 – June 21 The stars have noted that you’re still a virgin. They find this to be truly funny. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 Your children are your most prized asset and should be treated accordingly. Put them to work in a Vietnamese shoe factory asap!

ACROSS 1. Porn 5. Inundation 10. Fuss 14. Container weight 15. Stage between egg and pupa 16. Start over 17. Deranged 19. Norse god 20. Missing In Action 21. Academy award 22. A high-pitched woodwind 23. Grand style 25. Unemotional 27. Alcove 28. Filmmaker 31. Patter 34. Auspices 35. Fury 36. Harbor 37. Potato state

38. Balcony section 39. Arrive (abbrev.) 40. Grownup 41. A type of plastic 42. Part of a lock 44. Apiece 45. Birthing coach 46. Dispute a claim 50. A  pplied to a wall or canvas 52. Amount of hair 54. Japanese apricot 55. Distinctive flair 56. Officer 58. Be worthy of 59. Vocalization 60. Monster 61. Utilized 62. Not outer 63. One who accomplishes

Cancer June 22 – July 22 Hey Elsie! There are 350 squirts in a gallon of milk. Keep squirting…

DOWN 1. The base part of a tree 2. Craze 3. Not rural 4. Orange pekoe 5. Tastelessly showy 6. Javelin 7. Killer whale 8. Supervision 9. Father 10. Cavort 11. Decrease 12. Modify 13. Anagram of “Note” 18. Neighborhood 22. Enemies 24. Assist in crime 26. Threesome 28. Gave out 29. Unrestrained revelry 30. Bobbin 31. WW1 plane 32. Minute opening

33. Expose to radiation 34. Servile flattery 37. False god 38. Former Italian currency 40. Adjoin 41. Line of a poem 43. Put clothing on 44. Annoy 46. Two 47. Insect stage 48. Style 49. Fertilizer ingredient 50. South American country 51. “Oh my!” 53. Bridle strap 56. 56 in Roman numerals 57. A gesture of assent

Solution on Page 18 Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

18

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

The CLOSER

The

AnsweR GUY Red Amber Lager Brewed by: Rahr & Sons Brewing Company ABV: 4.50% Locally brewed in Ft. Worth and available Metroplex wide, this brew pours a nice amber and red color with a small head and thin lacing. Caramel and a spicy hop scent provide a nice aroma. Initial taste provides a toasted malt flavor with a sweet and balanced hop aftertaste. Mouthfeel is nice and smooth for this medium bodied beverage. Very drinkable and you’ll be supporting a local brewer. Gurkha Beauty Wrapper: Ecuadorian Binder: Dominican Republic Filler: Nicaraguan Strength: Medium-Full After removing this stick from its hermetically sealed tube you will be greeted with a powerful tobacco scent. The wrapper is truly gorgeous and this smoke is well constructed with no soft spots. Initial draw offers plenty of plenty of flavor. Throughout the smoke this cigar burned evenly and pepper flavors come through nicely. Give yourself about two hours to enjoy this one! Horse’s Neck Ingredients: Spiral Lemon Peel 2 oz Bourbon 8 oz Ginger Ale 2-3 Dashes Angostura Bitters Mixing Instructions: Place the spiral lemon peel into a collins glass. Secure one end of the peel over the lip of the glass. Add ice cubes to the glass. Pour in the bourbon and ginger ale. Add a dash of bitters, if desired. Stir well.

with Arthur Bellfield

Dear Arthur,     I met my girlfriend while she was a go-go dancer. Can I ever take her seriously?     Signed, Mike Thanks for writing Mike! I used to think of Go-Go Dancing as varsity stripping, but I was wrong! Go-Go Dancing is a hyper-kinetic ballet of the senses that teases you when you least expect it to. I dare anyone to blink twice while watching one of these girls dance! After reading your letter I did some research. I visited nearly every strip club in Dallas to see if I could find at least one Go-Go Dancer! However, I could not! I came home and logged onto the net and found a few websites on Go-Go Dancing like www.hottestgogos.com. I quickly realized that Go-Go Dancers are the popular club kids with the flurries on their legs and revealing outfits that get the party started! Your letter states that you met her while she was a “Go-Go Dancer,” which leads me to believe that she no longer dances. If you took her seriously enough to get into a relationship with her, than you this should be a no brainer for you! The real problem here seems is that you’re getting bored with her hotness and are wondering if she has any SUBSTANCE to her character! That’s easily solved: try having a real conversation with her! Taking a woman for granted is the quickest way to be that lonely guy sitting at home playing Call of Duty all night, while your friends are out partying. If you truly care about your girlfriend then stop thinking of her as some stupid trophy you won at the State Fair. Learn to treat her with respect, honesty, and commitment regardless of what she has done in the past!

Yvonne Nissen How you know her: The Texas born and bred regional director of GLO Science, Inc. lives to make you smile (an appropriate occupation for someone with a smile as stunning as hers). We ran into Yvonne and she schooled us on the quickest and safest way to get those coffee, tea, smoke, and beer stains (yes beer stains your teeth too) out of your mouth and get back to a smile worth complimenting. How did you get involved with GLO? I like really innovative products and this is an innovation that is so unique that it actually won the Thomas Edison Award for Innovation 2012. It is something that could change the entire industry of teeth whitening. And what drew me to the product initially was the fact that I could use it with no sensitivity and I have very sensitive teeth. What are some of the benefits of having a great smile? Dr. Oz says it’ll take 10 years off of our age if we have a great white smile and I totally get that. I think people would smile more and have greater confidence if they felt they had a whiter smile. Also, as people age their teeth begin to take on that kind of grayish tint and when that happens it shows your age. If you can take that away and whiten your teeth you can lift your age. GLO is the only thing in any store that can take 10 years off of you in five days. Is the process easier than going to get your teeth whitened the traditional way? Absolutely because it doesn’t have any sensitivity with it and it’s so unique and of course patented. It can actually whiten your teeth more effectively than going to the dentist and getting them zoomed, which often times makes peoples teeth sensitive and makes their gums sore. We can actually whiten the tooth all the way around 360 degrees, which is unique to GLO. Where can you find GLO? GLO is exclusively sold at Sephora and online at www.gloscience.com To read the entire interview, go to Blitzweekly.com

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 47

AUGUST 1 - 7, 2012

19

Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook


Blitz Weekly