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The Dark Knight’s Big Day Christian Bale hangs up his Batsuit 

The Geek Issue Eat My Podcast Your Everyday Nerd CCP Comics

Staycations Your getaways without getting away

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45 juLY 18 - 24, 2012

on deck

L SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Bad Boys Bad Boys 3 Rangers Report 4 UFC 149 Preview 5 Staycations 6-7 The Body Issue 8 Slowing Down Lightening 8 Eat It. Wear It. Go There. 9 Cover Story Eat My Podcast 10-11 BLITZ Entertainment Whitney 12 DFW’s Fave Junk Food 13 Power To The Nerds 13 CCP Comics 14 Tiger Fed 14 Hollywood Shuffle 15 Christian Bale Interview 15 Gearshift 16 Gadgets 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Weekend Relaxer 18 The Answer Guy 18 2-Minute Drill 18

Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Patterson Graphic Designer Michael H. Lee Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Design Michael H. Lee Staff Photographers Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors

Staff Writers Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, David Goodspeed, Keysha Hogan, Frank LaCosta, Mateeka Lanee, Mark Miller, Tommy Smith Contributing Photographers Rich Anderson, Kent Bailey, R. Hensley, John Latimer, Chuck Majors, ExaggerArt, Mingle, MJ, Ranmachen Contributing Writers Cote Bailey, Brian Beard, Arthur Bellfield, C.J. Gardner, Jr., Ethan Harmon, Martin Iheke, Aeryn Ripley, Darnell Scribes

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BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029 • www.blitzweekly.com Copyright 2012 YK Publishing, LLC. No portion of BLITZ Weekly may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the Publisher. BLITZ Weekly is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. BLITZ Weekly may be distributed only by BLITZ Weekly’s authorized independent contractors or BLITZ Weekly’s authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of BLITZ Weekly, take more than one copy of each BLITZ Weekly issue. Articles printed in this publication may express opinions or views not necessarily the opinions of BLITZ Weekly. The BLITZ Weekly is not responsible for the content or claims of advertisements or editorial in this publication. Story reprints are available for $1 plus postage; call the office at 214-529-7370 to place an order or check our archives at www. blitzweekly.com.

3

By Keysha Hogan – @TheKeysha

human nature

ast year Denver Bronco’s linebacker D.J. Williams provided a urine sample before the season began. One part of the specimen was tested for performance enhancing substances the other part was tested for recreational drug use. After compiling all the data, I’m sure the lab tech took a pause, re-ran the specimen and spoke to his supervisor before issuing this conclusion: “The specimen does not contain any endogenous steroids. The profile is not consistent with a normal, healthy male urine specimen.” Allow me to geek out and explain. If you are a living human being, you produce naturally occurring steroids that aid and grow muscles and bones. And those naturally occurring steroids were nowhere to be found in Williams’ sample. So what in the world did he drop into the vial that day? Animal urine! Am I right? We’re all thinking it. The most “logical” of lies in this situation would be that he found out about the random drug testing, panicked and coerced a dog into using the bathroom. But reports are he may have used synthetic urine. In case you’re wondering, I’ve done my research and the synthetic urine market lives in the creepiest corners of the Internet. Fake urine just happens to be the one topic on which pranksters, addicts, scientists, fetishists and athletes of all calibers intersect. Well, a few months later Williams was issued another drug test and again the test came back as a non-human sample. It’s possible that Williams finally realized they were on to him, but that didn’t stop him from continuing his charade. In his third test an investigator reported that a bottle fell from Williams’ waist before the test and he began to kick it away. The repeated cheating and sample tampering is one thing, but then while not admitting one tiny drop of yellow guilt, Williams allowed his attorney, Peter Ginsburg, to issue a statement accusing the NFL of unfairly rushing to judgment. Everyone I know gets one shot at a drug test and

bad boys bad boys

three separate tests conducted over the season doesn’t really sound like rushing to judgment. It’s possible that the NFL moved cautiously because there are over 1,600 on the rosters, and surely he can’t be the only one. Honestly, it’s amazing that after Major League Baseball had years of drug testing problems, the NFL wouldn’t tighten

“Can I borrow some of that?”

uncle walter on: Breaking Bad

the reins on its own organization. Commissioner Goodell has a heavy-handed method of managing the players and teams, but on this front he needs to keep the sport as clean as possible. Synthetic drugs and urine will be emerging faster than the testing abilities of the country’s best laboratories. We live in a world that is not so black and white and every day we face gray areas that harbor all sorts of half-truths, omissions, and strangely inconclusive urine testing results. Being human comes with the pitfalls of temptation and deception, but when you find yourself kicking away your fake urine bottle it’s time to reevaluate.

A Kidd Behind the Wheel Fresh out of Dallas our used-to-be favorite point guard has landed in the pokey. The newest New York Knick was partying the night away in NY and wound up totally wasted. Then Kidd had the brilliant idea of driving himself home. At about 1:00am Kidd decided to make a phone call by running smack dead into a telephone call. A DUI arrest ensued. Hope he can turn his life around 360°.

Big deal. I’ve been selling meth and ordering hits on the competition for years. Plus my make is Walter too! Don’t move in on my turf!

Dammit Dezzy Embattled and often in trouble Dallas Cowboys star Dez Bryant found himself the recipient of everyone’s least favorite jewelry, handcuffs. This past weekend DeSoto PD arrested the first-round draft pick and charged with (alleged) misdemeanor domestic violence against his mother during a family altercation. At this rate Bryant will see the courtroom as much as he’ll see the locker room. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45 Photo Courtesy: Rich Anderson

Upcoming Schedule: 7/18 @athletics 2:37 p.m. 7/20 @Angels 9:05 p.m. 7/21 @Angels 3:05 p.m. 7/22 @Angels 7:05 p.m. 7/23 Red Sox 7:05 p.m. 7/24 Red Sox 7:05 P.M.

ranger report

By Mark Miller – mmiller@blitzweekly.com

back on track after All-Star loss

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hatever bad memories the Texas Rangers had of the July 10 All-Star Game in Kansas City reversed themselves soon after returning to regular-season action. The team opened the second half of 2012 by doing what it had mostly been doing before the All-Star break – winning series. By taking two of three at Seattle, the Rangers captured their ninth set in their last 10 and picked up a game on the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in the process. Strong pitching by Derek Holland and All-Star Matt Harrison proved the difference while the team’s offense did just enough in those first and third games around a three-hit shut out by Mariners ace Felix Hernandez in between. At the mid-season classic, Texas batters managed just one hit in nine at-bats, starting catcher Mike Napoli’s single in his first plate appearance. On the mound, Harrison gave up three runs after two outs in the fourth inning, closer Joe Photo Courtesy: R Hensley Nathan needed just eight pitches to record three outs and Yu Darvish did not play. In Seattle, Ian Kinsler, Elvis Andrus, Josh Hamilton and Adrian Beltre each had at least one hit in the opener in Seattle to back the four-hit effort for 7.2 innings by Holland. Kinsler had two hits in that game and a solo home run in the finale, Andrus had hits in all three games and Beltre hit a two-run homer Friday and had three hits including a tworun single Sunday. Harrison rebounded too with a five-hit completegame shutout in Sunday’s finale to run his record to 12-4 tied with Tampa Bay’s David Price for the most in the majors. It also was his eighth straight win against the Mariners and fifth without a defeat at Safeco Field.

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“His confidence is high and he has a real presence on the mound,” Beltre told mlb.com. “We feel comfortable when he’s out there and gets going. We love the way he’s throwing.” Interestingly, the All-Stars who fared well or didn’t play ran into problems in Seattle. Napoli bruised his right knee Friday but was expected to only miss two games. Nathan gave up two runs on Friday and Darvish yielded seven runs on Saturday. But in the end, the team came out ahead. Angels, Red Sox on the horizon After the Rangers finish a two-game series at Oakland on Wednesday afternoon, they move to Anaheim to face the Angels, then return home to begin a 10-game home stand against the Boston Red Sox. Nothing will come easily against the Athletics who had won nine of 10 games before this week. The Angels fell five games behind Texas after losing two of three at the New York Yankees but will have seven chances in the next two weeks to make up ground as the teams also have a four-game set July 30-Aug. 2 in Arlington. Boston makes its only visit to Texas this season. The Red Sox have struggled in early July, losing seven of 10 games entering this week to fall to a 45-44 record. But while they trail the Yankees by 9.5 games in the American League East, they are in the thick of the wild-card race. The Rangers are slated to get a boost by the return of reliever Alexi Ogando against the A’s. Also possibly to return is fellow reliever Koji Uehara. The team also wants a return to its potent offense as it entered the week scoring four or less runs in 10 straight games.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45 juLY 18 - 24, 2012

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ufc 149 preview By Brian Beard – comments@blitzweekly.com

first ever UFC in Alberta Urijah “The California Kid” Faber (26-5-0) vs. Renan Barao (30-1-0):

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his is the main event and will more than likely be the fight of the night. The guys will bring a ton of action and both are great fighters sporting stellar records. Barao is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu black belt and has an amazing submission game. Faber is also a beast on the ground and always brings the fight! I look for the ground games to somewhat cancel each other out causing a stand up war. I think Faber will have the slight edge here. Look for Barao to come out strong but Faber to endure. I think the longer the fight lasts, the more Faber will succeed. This fight will go to the judges and I predict “The California Kid” to be the winner by unanimous decision. Photo Courtesy: Kelly Bailey

Hector Lombard (31-2-1) vs. Tim “The Barbarian” Boetsch (15-4-0): Why in the world did it take the UFC so long to bring in Lombard? This cat is 24-0-1 since 2007! This guy is a beast and will bring the fight to the cage. Boetsch is a beast too and will not run from Lombard. Both fighters are very well rounded, but I would give the striking edge

to Lombard and the wrestling/takedown edge to Boetsch. The ground game is a draw. Look for fireworks in this one. I don’t think the judges will get to decide it! I look for Lombard to capitalize on his opportunity to fight in the UFC and enter with a big splash. Lombard by KO in the third round! Cheick Kongo (27-7-2) vs. Shawn “The Savage” Jordan (13-3-0): Shawn Jordan is a relative newcomer to the UFC with this being only his second fight in the big leagues. He is a former fullback for LSU and is very athletic for a heavyweight. Kongo has been around for a long time and has shown flashes of greatness throughout his career. He has two big advantages, his size (he’s 6’4”) and his experience in the UFC against noteworthy opponents. He also has two disadvantages, he’s French and he’s 37 years old. Kongo is no spring chicken anymore. Jordan will outweigh Kongo and will be 4” shorter. The key for Jordan will be to get inside on the striking and not let Kongo use his reach effectively. He will succeed in this and TKO Kongo in the second round. Photo Courtesy: John Latimer

Photo Courtesy: Kelly Bailey

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when you just need to get away without actually getting away Sometimes you just want to get away…but not enough to actually leave. Traveling is expensive and you have to deal with buying gas or paying health insurance or accidentally being impregnated by your friendly TSA agents during a “random” search. So your pals over at the BW wanted you to know that you can get away from it all without ever having to leave the Metroplex. It doesn’t matter what prompts the trip, DFW has it all. Don’t believe us? See for yourself.

By Cote Bailey - @BlitzWeekly

When going to the movies with everyone else, eating the same crappy popcorn, and having a human Shamu sitting next to you and taking your armrest just isn’t cutting it any more iPic Theater in Fairview Now this is how you’re supposed to watch a movie! iPic is the ultimate movie escape. It may cost a little more than your average theater, but it’s worth it. Think about it, when was the last time you were actually comfortable at the movie theater? Exactly. iPic takes away the need to spring to the concession stand like you are running the 100meter dash to ensure you get a good seat and there’s wine, champagne, Coronas, and Samuel Adams at the friggin’ movies! Now if they could just figure out a way to execute people who text during movies. www.ipictheaters.com

When you didn’t pull out fast enough and now you have to entertain the results Legoland So you’ve made them and now you have to deal with it. Well you might as well make ‘em

happy! It’s Legoland time. From the factory to the 4D Cinema and the Racers Build & Test any kid (boy or girl) will absolutely love this place. And this should make you smile; tickets are only $11.25 plus tax. Use the money you save to buy condoms. www.legolanddiscoverycenter.com

When you can’t stop them from nagging and you’ll do anything to shut ‘em up Great Wolf Lodge This Grapevine indoor splash oasis is just what you need to get the brats off your case. With dining, shopping, a spa, a kid spa, a fitness room, lagoons, creeks, rafts, and enough waterslides to keep your family wet and your wallet bone dry. www.greatwolflodge.com/grapevine Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Photo Courtesy: Mingle

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45 juLY 18 - 24, 2012

When buying your clothes from the clearance bin at Big Lots! isn’t good enough anymore Highland Park Village The Metroplex’s own little piece of Rodeo Drive with the same amount of $30,000 millionaires and real housewives. HP Village is the fastest way to blow through money in DFW without marrying Pilar Sanders. The misses can destroy your budget in stores like Jimmy Choo, LAFCO New York, Tory Burch, Christian Louboutin, Diane von Furstenberg and dozens more all while sipping a Starbucks Frappuccino without ever having to smell the stench of poor people. www.hpvillage.com

Photo Courtesy: Oyster When you have to make up for something…in a big way

When you are one email away from going postal

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Ok so you forgot your anniversary, her birthday, or farted during her mother’s funeral and it’s time to bring out the big guns. Nothing says “Baby I’m sorry” like a ‘just because’ night at a hotel. This isn’t just any hotel; The W is chic and sexy enough to get you out of trouble. There is a spa, an award-winning restaurant in Craft and a 16th floor pool view that will make her forget all about how much she wants to push you over the edge.

Escape the impulse to blow away everyone in the office and go relieve your stress the way that won’t get you 25-to-life, a therapeutic massage. Sweet Escape is DFW’s premiere men’s retreat spa where you can Zen-out to a Swedish, deep tissue, sports, hot stone or four hand massage. And your co-workers will never know how close they came to the end.

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JuLY 18 - 24, 2012

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45

espn body issue

Photo Courtesy: ESPN Magazine

By C.J. Gardner, Jr. - cjgardner80@ou.edu

the issue with The Body Issue

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SPN The Magazine put out the 2012 edition of their Body Issue this past week. Of course since it features some of the top athletes in the world posing nude the issue gets quite a reaction out of people. Even though the pictures are always “tastefully done” and never actually show the private areas of the athletes, The Body Issue is for all intents and purposes an exploitative piece. Now some may argue that the nude or semi-nude pictorials are empowering, but there are many out there that wonder what is the difference between ESPN’s annual show-all and Playboy or other more risqué publications? While I can understand some people’s reaction because they hear these athletes are posing nude, if you look at the athlete’s pictures in this issue you will see that there is a big difference between ESPN’s Body Issue and other publications. Let’s begin with the fact that the The Body Issue

only comes around once a year while other publications come out weekly or monthly. So undressed bodies is a subject matter that ESPN does not focus on regularly, unlike Playboy whose whole issue is based on baring all every single issue. The Body Issue also features both men and women giving them equal “exposure.” It does not focus on just one gender and show them in scantily clad clothes or showing off their cleavage. Athletes in all types of sports are photographed for the issue. There has been a sumo wrestler, a female shot putter, a 1960 Olympian, and several amputee athletes featured. The focus is on all athletes in sports and not just the “beautiful” ones that could have been models. Of course ESPN is a business and is trying to sell as many copies of their magazines as possible so they are going to put some eye candy in for both men and women. Even though they

slowing down lightening

do this, they have kept from exposing athlete’s intimate areas for the sake of selling copies. They present a product that is even different from Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue in that they are not just showing hot women in bikinis to sell magazines. They are trying to show what a hard working athlete’s body looks like from working out and playing their sport for years, whereas other publications show off what plastic surgery and implants can make you look like. The main aspect of The Body Issue that makes it more acceptable than other nude or semi-nude publications is that they do not over sexualize the athletes that are posing in the magazine. The point of the issue is for athletes to be able to show off their body in a way that does not just show it in a compromising manner. The athletes in these issues are posing in their element. Most of the participants are photographed incorporating elements from their respective sports.

This year’s edition is the fourth year and Suzy Hotrod posed in the 2011 Issue. The team USA roller derby captain was asked why she decided to pose for it. “It’s such good exposure for roller derby,” Hotrod said. “It’s the best opportunity to show that our sport is genuinely athletic. I want people to know that we are athletes, and we live our lives like athletes. We train hard, like anyone else posing for this magazine.” This shows what ESPN is trying to get at by having a Body Issue. They are trying to show what athlete’s bodies from all kinds of sports look like. There is always going to be a sexual aspect when people are posing nude, but that is not the focus here. The Body Issue is trying to spotlight the sculpted and painstakingly crafted athlete’s bodies that we wish we had.

By Darnell Scribes - @MyBoxSeat

Can Usain Bolt His Way to Another Gold Medal?

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his year’s London Olympics will be full of intrigue and magic. With a little over a week to go before the festivities kick off, two story lines are starting to shape up to make this one of the more interesting and anticipated games in recent history. Both coming from Track and Field where no time is more important than the Olympics for its fans and athletes. The sport is showcased here and is usually the focal point of the games and where its stars are made. Some would argue swimming is the new focal point of the games, where Michael Phelps could blow smoke bubbles of Acapulco Gold underwater and still get English gold. Just thought I’d give Phelps a shout out and praise him for rising above the high controversy. Maybe gymnastics because we all want to see how well the elementary school ladies of China will fair or even basketball with the USA having different versions of Dream Teams I, II, III or whatever, as long as the NBA players are on the court that could be the spotlight of the games. But as long as Mercury has wings on his shoes we all know that it’s all about the runners. Especially in the house of champions that Jamaica has built in the sprint races. For most of us the only relevant and entertaining portion of Track and Field – unless that is you are from North Africa and have the patience to watch the Kenyans and Ethiopians battle it out for too long and for too many circles in the distant races – are the sprints. An unnatural force of nature could actually happen and we could see the slowing down of lightning. Usain Bolt could very well lose his crown as the World’s Fastest Man. Yohan Blake is at the center of this trouble after getting the better of his training partner and target at the Jamaican Trails. Usain in the post performance enhancement drug age of the sport has been a constant image of unbeatable. His swagger being even more intimidating with each clock melting record time he has recorded in major races over the last four years. His training partner has beat him twice in the last few months; a feat that hadn’t happen in over 20 meets. Spelling out an epic 100 m and 200

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m dash that should be races for the ages. A silver lining type of hope for the USA would be for these two guys to be so focused on each other that Tyson Gay the perennial bridesmaid of the games lately could somehow have his bouquet catching promises come true and get the number one spot, unlikely but possible. Bolt has pulled out of a Diamond League meet in Monaco to nurse a nagging injury and reset for London where he promises to show us something special. I just hope it’s not leaving Great Britain with a loss leaving behind slowed lightning and his last flashes of greatness. If that’s not enough we could actually see a double amputee take the medal stand with South African sprinter Oscar Pistorius participating with the aid of his Cheetah Flex-Foot artificial limbs. There should be plenty of excitement at the Union Jack.

Usain caricature: ExaggerArt

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45 juLY 18 - 24, 2012

Eat It

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They’ve put down the Pick of Destiny and picked up their cowboy boots. Tenacious D (Jack Black and Kyle Gass) is headed to The Palladium Ballroom! Rock out with the actor that moonlights as a bad-ass classic rock singer as they jam out to their new album Rize of the Fenix. www.thepalladiumballroom.com

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Snooki: WittyGraphy Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

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Photos Courtesy of MJ

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45 juLY 18 - 24, 2012

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pop culture what do you want to be when you grow up? By Mateeka Lanee’ - www.mateekalanee.wordpress.com

Author/performer Jillian Lauren and comedian Melinda Hill, proprietors of the conversation website EatMyPodcast.com, aren’t interested in their interviewees’ plans to end poverty, build life-saving androids, or replace Texas’ Science textbooks. Rather, they’ve built their empire on the most important question there is: “when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?”. So far, the two have reminisced with such quirky individuals as Mishna Wolff (author of the humor-memoir I’m Down, an account of growing up as a racial outsider in an all-Black neighborhood), and super-petite burlesque star/ model Selene Luna.   The two ladies met thanks to a love of pop/rock band Weezer (Lauren’s husband is bassist Scott Shriner, whose best friend Melinda dated)—“we both want to make sure to point out that we didn’t start dating either Scott or his best friend when they were both playing with Vanilla Ice’s rock project”—and hit it off. “…Melinda and I started discussing our obsession with biography TV,” says Jillian, “[and] somehow the idea emerged that it would be fun to start our own interview Photo Courtesy: Darryl who Briggstheir dream interview show”. When asked subject would be, Melinda says “Jillian would like to have Barbara Walters on […] she’s still nursing a resentment from the time Barbara called her a hooker about twelve times in a row on national television”.   Jillian Lauren is the author of the controversial, bestselling memoir Some Girls: My Life in a Harem, which details her life as spent in a, well,

harem, in Borneo. Her latest work is the novel Pretty, and her writing has also been featured in The New York Times and Vanity Fair. She is also a stage performer, and started her career as a starving actress at NYU. Her blonde counterpart, Melinda Hill, is a stand-up comedian who has appeared on various comedy outlets including the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, and lends her voice to the animated series Adventure Time.             What are your goals for the show? How far would you like to take it? We’d like to be the first podcast on Mars.

hard to do? Thank you!  I think it’s important for women to be truthful about their lives, particularly women on the fringes of society, who often keep silent because we’re led to believe that our stories are something to be ashamed of. We let our stories be told by others, usually men, and we wind up repeatedly being the bodies left behind by serial killers or the hookers with the hearts of gold. I wanted to tell my own story. I wanted to portray the complexity of the experience and to present an emotional journey that I believe will be familiar to many women, even those to whom the events of the narrative may seem outrageous.    

Where do you find inspiration for your work, be it written, spoken, or performed? Dreams, Nick Flynn, old Stones albums, really good smoothies.... It’s coming at us all day every day.

Melinda:  How did you get your start in comedy? I’m a fan of your work with Wheelchair Cat, and Adventure Time (so is my little brother). Thanks, I so appreciate that. I started as an actress with a theater scholarship, doing tons of plays and local commercials. When I moved to LA, I played a lot of crying messes in independent movies and “Crying Motel Girl” in a Creed video and I had to cry every night in a play I was doing called “Three Sisters.” I was just so tired of crying! My acting teacher told me I should start doing comedy because I was “accidentally funny.” So I took a class at the Groundlings and instantly loved it. It was so much more fun and less taxing on my spirit to make people laugh. Ironically, as a comedian I went on to be cast in Reno 911 as “Crying Biker Chick.”

Jillian: Congratulations on the success of your books, as well as your acting career so far, I’ve had a chance to check out some video online and love it! Your story is, obviously, unique and intense in a lot of ways, but it’s inspiring that you have turned it around in such a positive way, and are even able to share some of the things you’ve experienced. What’s been the driving motivation of making your story public, even when it may be

Jillian: Are you currently working on any major literary projects, and if so, can you tell us anything about what’s up next? I’m currently working on another memoir. This one is loosely about coming to the decision to adopt my son, but that’s all I want to say about it because it’s still a tiny seed of an idea and I don’t want to squash it by over-talking it.  Melinda:  If you could share screen time with any performer, who would it be? I’m really only doing comedy to meet my real father, who I have reason to believe is Howard Stern. When I’m sharing the stage or screen with anyone, I’m really just looking for DNA: a strand of hair, a mouth-print on a cup. Jillian:   Tattoo sleeves are always digable on a lady. What’s the story behind yours? Tattoos are history. They’re documentation. They’re narrative. All the stuff we’re exploring with Eat My Podcast. So I make no mystery about where my interests lie! Melinda:  Where would you like to see your career take you? Vegas? The big screen? The Oval Office? The big screen TV in the Oval Office.  

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See more of whitney and others at Blitzweekly.com Photo Courtesy: Chuck Majors at www.shotbyephoto.com Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Whitney

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45 juLY 18 - 24, 2012

food

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By Blitz Weekly Staff - @BlitzWeekly

dfw knows how to juggle their junk

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ou would be hard pressed in the Metroplex to drive more than five blocks and not pass six or more places that would totally annihilate your calorie count with their waistband busting but oh so delicious entrees of diet damnation. And as much as we would like to remain faithful to our CrossFit class, sometimes we slip. But hey if you’re going to slip why stumble when you can fall all the way off the mountain and land in a cactus farm on free razor day! So we here at Blitz Weekly decided to give you a list of places to run to while your yoga instructor is in the downward dog position or your physical trainer is in the bathroom (probably from too many guacamole smoothies). So jump in your car, walk up to the register and eat to your heart’s content. Don’t worry you can cry about on your bathroom scale later…we won’t judge.

Serious Pizza (Deep Ellum) Head straight for: XLarge Deluxe Workout penance: 11,000 sit-ups should suffice. Ben & Jerry’s Scoop Shop (Plano) Head straight for: The Vermonster (20 scoops of ice cream, hot fudge, banana, cookies, brownies, and all of your favorite toppings). Workout penance: Just start jogging now, we’ll let you know when to stop. Rangers Ballpark at Arlington Head straight for: The $26 Boomstick (A two-foot long hot dog weighing one pound) Workout penance: Hop over the ballpark fence and let security chase you for about half an hour – rest then repeat. Cinnabon (anywhere) Head straight to: The Classic Roll Workout penance: The look of shame that others give you once you’ve made it through your fourth roll is punishment enough. At least wipe the icing off of your face.

Sprinkles Cupcakes (Villanova Drive) Head straight for: Red Velvet cupcake Workout penance: 46 jumping jacks while watching Paula Dean cook a pot roast with eight sticks of butter.

pop culture

Freebirds World Burrito (Greenville Ave) Head straight for: The Super Monster Burrito Workout penance: Running 45 minutes on a treadmill that is placed at the edge of a cliff, while on level 9.

By Ethan Harmon - blackstar4556@gmail.com

power to the nerds

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wners of Apple products, such as the iPod and iPad, should be familiar with podcasts. For those who are unfamiliar, think of a podcast as a radio station tuned to your specific interests. Thousands of these audio shows are available via iTunes, granting listeners a moment to hear the opinions of political activists, share the jokes of comedians, catch sports highlights, and listen to the newest technological advancements. With so many podcasts available on a wide variety of subjects, one may find it difficult to find the perfect show. That is where Your Everyday Nerd steps in. This podcast, created in the Frisco area by a group of friends, centers around nerd culture. That is to say, it is a show that welcomes anyone who may be interested in gaming, technology, movies, etc. Though starting small, Your Everyday Nerd is expanding and growing, along with its fan-base. Offering a wide array of content, YEN releases its weekly episodes, granting new information and reviews. I sat down with podcaster Daniel Barros to discuss the content of the show. So tell me a little about the Your Everyday Nerd podcast. Why cover so many topics? We try to cover everything that’s going on in the nerd world, and at times it can be a little daunting of a task. As a rule of thumb, we try to go with at least one video game, one comic, and one movie-related story that’s personally relevant every week. Our latest format includes

of our “Fan Fic Theater” episodes, we’ve found that the average listener only wants to hear us ramble on nonsensically for about an hour.

Photo Courtesy: ranmachen a “What We’ve Been Nerding” segment that basically covers anything our podcasters like to talk about, but essentially it’s just things that the group has been doing over the past week that we can provide commentary on. We also try to get everyone together for a larger groupformat discussion at the end of every episode. Is there a set amount of time for each episode? We try to go for at the very least an hour every week. With 27 episodes and more than a handful

Do you structure each episode or is it more freeform? It’s about as structured as we can manage without it being too stifling for the listener. We try to have larger, encompassing segments that allow all of our guests to talk at length about what they want that particular week, as well as group discussion segments. Do you charge for each episode? I’m not big into huge, sweeping gestures, but I’ll make one for you right now: the episodes have always been free and always will be free. We don’t believe in charging people for our episodes.

settle for that or more listeners - your move, future. [Laughs] Is there anything you’d like to add? If you’re reading this and you’re even mildly interested in anything I’ve said, go check us out at the website and give our stuff a listen. You’ve got nothing to lose, and to sweeten the deal, we’ll give you all of it for free, always. Or at least until our servers explode. Episodes of Your Everyday Nerd are available on iTunes or www.youreverydaynerd.com.

What does the future hold for YEN? Hopefully jetpacks and pizza hydrators. I’ll either Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

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JuLY 18 - 24, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45

ccp comics By Ethan Harmon - blackstar4556@gmail.com local, independent comic books Photos Courtesy: CCP Comics

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arvel and DC Comics have been the dominant companies of the comic book industry. Their superheroes are known worldwide, their movie franchises have broken box office records, and their sales top the charts every month. Creator-owned series do not get much spotlight because of the mainstream appeal of the Big Two, but companies such as Image (known for The Walking Dead) have tried to change this, pushing original,

independent stories into the hands of comic book enthusiasts. But even with indie comic companies trying to market original material, a lot of fantastic comic books are overlooked, underappreciated, and are relatively unknown. CCP Comics is trying to change that. Founded in 2007 by writers and artists, CCP Comics banded together in order to create, publish, and distribute their own stories. This team understood the difficulties of breaking into the comic industry, and how hard it is to be noticed, so they chose an alternative route. The CCP crew decided to self-publish their material - a risky move for a small company. The comics could have potentially only gained the attention of a small audience because of the lack of a recognizable brand or because

sports

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the distribution is not as wide spread. But the gamble ultimately proved to be a wise decision. CCP Comics, after tirelessly promoting their books and attending Comic-cons nationwide, have found an audience. Collections of Dead Robot are selling out and issues of Dead Beats and Cape Town are being picked up in stacks. The success did not stop, though, for CCP expanded their reach tenfold. Android recently added a ‘Comics Plus’ application to the Droid market, allowing users to purchase and read comics on their mobile devices. After uploading their comics to the app, CCP found new fans in no time. The Austin-based publisher remains resilient with its mission. The CCP team continues to put out solid comic books, each with its own unique story and art. With an expanding comic line-up and a growing fan-base, CCP Comics is becoming a forefront for local creator-owned material. Be sure to check out the CCP line on Comics Plus.

By Martin Iheke - miheke@gmail.com

tiger fed

s Tiger Woods really back? Can Roger Federer win twenty grand slams? Those are two questions that come to mind for me. Right now, I believe we are watching two of the greatest sports athletes of all time in both golf and tennis. Any time Tiger is playing in a tournament, I stop to watch. Any time, Federer is playing tennis I stop to watch. Normally, I would not do that to watch golf or tennis but these two are so transcendent and great at what they do that I have to watch them. What I would like to know is can Federer win twenty grand slams before he hangs it up and is Tiger back from his personal issues and injuries he has had to deal with? Tiger has the most wins on tour this year at three. He has yet to win a major since 2008. He missed the rest of that year to rehabilitate his left knee after having surgery on it. He came close to winning one in 2009 at the PGA Championship before losing to Y.E. Yang, of Southlake, in the final round. A few months later, his marital infidelities went public which caused him to take a break from golf for most of 2010. He also used that time to rediscover his swing. He came back in 2011, but continued to struggle having not won Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

a tournament since November 2009 until he won the Chevron World Challenge in December ending a 107-week drought. He has seventy-four career PGA tour wins which is second to Sam Snead’s 82. He has won fourteen majors, which is second to Jack Nicklaus’s eighteen. The question, though, is Tiger really back? Can he win another major? I believe he will win one, but until he does that, I do not think he is all the way back. He is 36 so there is plenty of time for him to recapture the magic he had earlier in his career. Meanwhile, Federer continues to show why I think he is the greatest tennis player ever. At age 30, he just won his seventh Wimbledon title and his seventeenth grand slam, which is first overall in the history of men’s tennis. He is currently ranked number one in the world which makes it 286-consecutive weeks he has been on top tying Pete Sampras’s record. He is one of seven men to have won a career grand slam which means he has won at least one of all four grand slams (Australian, French, Wimbledon and US Open). Get this…. he has played in thirty-three straight grand slam quarterfinals, which is a record, and thirty two of those thirty

three in the semifinals which is also a record! That is incredible to consistently put yourself in position to compete for a grand slam title. It takes focus, determination and staying relatively healthy to accomplish this feat. The question I have about Federer is can he win twenty grand slams? You would think he could because he only needs three more, but keep in mind this is his first grand slam win since the 2010 Australian Open. Since then, most of that time, he has been denied by his nemesis, Rafael Nadal and up comer Novak Djokovic. These two are pretty good and seem to be the only ones to keep Federer from achieving more titles. Let us not forget that he turns 31 next month so he is not getting younger and eventually will slow down. My guess is he will probably fall short of twenty, but if he continues to give himself enough chances he might just reach it.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45 juLY 18 - 24, 2012

hollywood profile

By Vivian Fullerlove - vfullerlove@blitzweekly.com

christian bale

By Aeryn Ripley– @BlitzWeekly

Sofia Vergara – May officially be off the market. The super-hot Columbian actress just turned the big 4-0 and was seen in Mexico vacationing and wearing a huge engagement ring. The responsible S-O-B in question is her boyfriend Nick Loeb (We just wanted you to know his name so you can kick him in the nuts if you ever see him). Wynonna Judd – Doesn’t mind kicking her ex-stepdad to the curb and having him living on the street. Judd’s stepfather, Michael Ciminella (Ashley Judd’s dad), failed to pay back a $200,000 loan Wynonna gave him in 1994 and the house was the collateral. So, Wynonna wants the house foreclosed on to settle the debt. All’s fair in loans and war.

Sylvester Stallone – Is mourning the loss of his son Sage Stallone. Sage, 36, died of an apparent drug overdose (toxicology report pending). The actor, screenwriter, producer was found in his home last Friday and the death has been determined to be accidental with no signs of foul play. Sage’s famous father is “grief stricken” over the loss.

For all the fans of the Caped Crusader, this is definitely your week! Holy summer blockbusters! It’s The Dark Knight Rises. Director Christopher Nolan has taken his third and final version of franchise to new heights.  Christian Bale is back as the tormented billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne. This story picks up eight years after the last film, with a new terrorist, Bane (a chilling performance by Tom Hardy) threatening Gotham City. When Gotham’s finest are overwhelmed by this new threat, Batman resurfaces to  protect the city that has branded him an enemy. I sat down with Bale to talk about the movie and what it was like to don the iconic Batman costume for the last time.   You’ve absolutely thrilled audiences for nine years now as Batman and Bruce Wayne, how  have you been able to continue the evolution of those characters? This is a great character here, and there’s nothing to be lazy about. There’s a boy, a man here, who has put his whole life on hold here that’s driven by this great pain and desire for revenge who has a wish for purposefulness in his life, and so I always viewed him as being every bit as interesting as any of the villains in the movies.   And maybe as damaged as they are? Oh very much so. He’s a very damaged man.   So, quite some time has passed and Batman has been off the scene. Why does he come back now? When we return to Bruce Wayne at the beginning of this movie, he’s someone who has lost all sense of purpose and himself, and it’s

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Photos Courtesy: Warner Bros.

very much Joe’s character (played by Joseph Gordon Levitt) who inspires him again. He has all the brashness of youth and that reminds Bruce of who he used to be and encourages him to step back up again [to save Gotham].    You can’t talk about this film without talking about director Chris Nolan. What has this nearly decade long experience been like with him, and are you as amazed as the movie going public at his ability to make each film even better than the last? Oh, he’s very good isn’t he? He’s very confident. He hasn’t changed since the first day that I met him. He’s always been very efficient and clear about what it is he wants, and he gets it.   You have a  stunning new  leading lady this time around as well. Anne Hathaway plays a pretty fierce Catwoman in Selina Kyle. What was it like working with her, and what did you think of her performance?  I think from the first time I read with her, I turned to Chris afterwards and said, “I think that’s it” because  I recognized from being in the suit, you have to have a reason for wearing these bizarre costumes, and in Chris’ world, you had to make that mean something. For Bruce Wayne, it’s because he feels monstrous, and he creates this monster to channel that. I found

with Anne she was able in the scenes where she’s not in her Catwoman costume she was able to be very real and keep with the atmosphere, but then when she put it on, she was wearing it. She wasn’t dominated by it, and you have to be able to do that without going over the top or making it too cartoonish. You had to be able to overcome the costume, and she was very able to do that.    Speaking of demanding costumes, I didn’t even recognize Tom Hardy in that mask. Was it tough for you guys to maneuver around in your costumes with all of their restrictions during the fight scenes? It could be a little tricky sometimes to hear each other, but we worked out little signals for each other. Tom’s a really wonderful actor, and he was always able to convey so much despite having so much of his face covered, and you know Chris casts very very well.   And how did it feel when you took that suit off for the last time? We were in New York, and just like everything you spend a lot of time with, it becomes sort of a love/hate relationship because I spent so many hours sitting in it for several months at a time for each movie, but I was always honored to be able to wear it and inhabit this very iconic character. These moments happen quite quietly [on a film set]. It’s always “That’s the last shot,” and it’s over. So, I took a few moments to myself to keep it on just realizing that was the last time it would be on. It was a meaningful moment. These movies have meant a great deal to me.   They’ve meant a great deal to us all, Christian. I think the film’s tagline sums it up…The Legend Ends. Get your tickets early for this one, or it’s going to be tough to see it opening night! The Dark Knight Rises opens nationwide this week. The film is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action and some sensuality.

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JuLY 18 - 24, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45

gearshift : 2013 XV crosstek

By David Goodspeed - dgoodspeed@blitzweekly.com Photos Courtesy: Subaru

not slippery when wet

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ometimes it’s about the journey while at other times it is all about the destination. With the launch of its newest model, the XV Crosstrek, Subaru is once again begging the question of why it can’t be about both. The 2013 XV Crosstrek is the latest member of the All-Wheel Drive family from Subaru and enters a growing yet burgeoning compact crossover utility segment, one Subaru already competes in with other models. Crosstrek, the made-for-America moniker added to its new global XV model, appears as an even more “cutting-edge” model for the brand, slicing another segment into bite-size pieces for the consumer.

lb. ft. of torque. A choice of five-speed manual or Lineartronic CVT gearboxes is available but with the latter delivering a manual shift option and better fuel economy (25 mpg city and 33 mpg highway) it is a wonder why anyone would opt for the former. The Crosstrek is no rally car with this powertrain setup but in our driving experience of semirugged terrain and quite a bit of slick muddy roads after the daily shower, we found the car to be quite a bit of fun to drive especially when relieving traction control of its duties – Subaru’s symmetrical AWD system is just that good and the Active Torque Split version that is paired with the CVT can automatically transfer up to 100 percent power to the wheels with the best grip, something we can attest to during our spirited drive on

We spent a little time getting to know the new Subie on the block on the beautiful island of Oahu and despite the weather or terrain the new XV Crosstrek performed wonderfully. Crosstrek is aimed squarely at the entry Ford, Jeep, Nissan, and Toyota models offering exceptional fuel economy, excellent ground clearance (8.7 inches), standard AWD, high content level, and attractive styling on a platform that is easy to own and operate. All new Crosstrek models are powered by Subaru’s 2.0-liter BOXER horizontally-opposed four-cylinder engine generating 148hp and 145

Oahu. Mahalo, Subaru. For 2013, Subaru will offer XV Crosstrek in two model levels: Premium and Limited – there is no “base” entry model at launch so all Crosstreks come with more than the bare necessities. The primary difference in the trim levels is the switch to leather in the Limited models that also sees the CVT as standard equipment while a power moonroof and navigation can be added to any Crosstrek. All Crosstrek models ride on stylish 17-inch alloy wheels shod with all-season rubber and disc brakes can be found at each corner.

Interior layout and design is very utilitarian with all controls easy to view and operate although we are not big fans of the new fad of “eco” gauges – experience has taught me that when I step on the gas pedal I get poorer fuel economy and when I lift my mpg’s tend to rise. The vehicle is very comfortable with good sight lines and despite the standard AWD are quite maneuverable thanks to new electric power

steering. While not the quietest vehicle on the road we found ourselves always capable of carrying on conversations without the need to raise our voices, even on the lava rock-laden trails. Seating is very comfortable for four adults with room for up to five and with the rear seats folded one can fit mountain bikes, pet carriers, golf bags, or armloads of groceries in Crosstrek’s 51.9 cubic feet of cargo space.

Z.E.R.O Kit Take paranoia to a whole different stratosphere with Z.E.R.O (Zombie. Extermination. Research and Operations) kits and send those bath salt smoking bastards back to the great beyond. This kit makes sure you have 400 batteries, thermal vision, holographic sights, Kevlar gloves, laser grip pistols, lab equipment and more. Have the neighbors and the zombies as scared of you as a cat when the vacuum cleaner’s in the room. ($24,000)

Pizza Cones Turn your favorite Italian food into a whole new creation with the Pizza Cone Kit. The set has everything you need to make you officially one of the laziest people on planet Earth except for your ingredients. You actually have to get up and go to the store for those…damn. ($25)

Ouya What do you get when you take a Tegra 3 quad-core processor, Android 4.0, 1 GB of RAM, 8BG of flash storage, HDMI, 802.11n Wi-Fi, Bluetooth 4.0, a wireless controller, and an open source platform? One amazing new game console. Welcome OUYA we’ve been waiting on you. ($100)

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Subaru has only announced starting prices for the new Crosstrek – $21,995 – with all the figures coming closer to availability date which is set for September. With the all-new 2013 XV (look for that prefix to be dropped from conversation early on) Crosstrek, Subaru yet again proves it is committed to delivering vehicles as committed to the journey as they are the destination.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45 juLY 18 - 24, 2012

Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. Q: What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common? A: No ball room. Q: What did the redneck say to his girlfriend after breaking up with her? A: Can we still be cousins? On A Desert Island A guy was stranded

Cancer June 22 – July 22 You will meet the woman of your dreams next week, proving that you do in fact have boring and ugly dreams. Leo July 23 – August 22 Unfortunately, your best efforts to find another way to skin a cat will prove ineffective. Virgo August 23 – September 22 Despite what the stars have predicted for you next week, no one will miss you when you’re gone.

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Blitz Funnys

on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks. Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other’s needs. Heidi was game, and a very nice sexual relationship began. After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, “I have a problem…It’s kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor.” Heidi replied, “Okay,” to which he asked, “Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?” Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged. The guy then asked, “Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?” Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her. Then the guy said, “Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man.” Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes. Finally, the guy said to Heidi, “Do you mind if I call you Phil?” Heidi had now become very dejected, and said “No, I guess not, you can call me Phil.” So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted “Phil, you won’t believe who I have been sleeping with!”

WELL, THERE GOES THAT MARRIAGE Steven Aceto, 41, of Sylvan Beach, New York, celebrated his engagement to marry by joining his father, Antony, 66, and his brother, Timothy, 33, on Timothy’s boat. But, Timothy became distracted by holiday fireworks and ran into a buoy… killing all three. AND, MAY HE REST IN JAIL According to the Seattle Times, in March 2009, Yevgeniy M. Samsonov, 29, was rear-ended at a red light and awarded $3,452 for his injuries. Then, two and a half years later, he filed a claim with PETCO pet insurance, claiming his cat “Tom” was also

Libra September 23 – October 22 Don’t be so sensitive. When people say you’re a total f*cking retarded b!tch, what they really mean is that you’re retarded. Scorpio October 23 – November 21 This week is all about you! Go ahead and be a greedy, selfish, abusing jack wagon. Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 Contrary to the opinions of several experts, you are able to breed in captivity.

killed in that accident, and asked for $20,000. Suspicious, an employee at PETCO took the two pictures supplied by Samsonov and, searching on Google, found these same photos (of two different cats) on a variety of websites. MAY OLD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT A 20-year class reunion at John Marshall High School, in San Antonio, Texas, attracted some 150 people …and a bunch of police security. That’s because Jason Carroll Moss, a member of that Class of ‘92, had sent threatening emails to classmates, saying he wanted revenge for the way he was bullied. Though he did not show up for the celebration, he was arrested the following day, charged with misdemeanor harassment.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 Stop blaming others for the misfortune in your life. Instead blame the government.

Aries March 21 – April 19 Although your best years are now behind you, at least you can look forward to the few you have left.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 There are more important things in life than the new Batman movie, but apparently not in your life.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 Congrats! You will have sex soon! As soon as your hand agrees…

Pisces February 19 – March 20 Don’t worry, somebody out there loves you! You just have to find the right bath house.

ACROSS 1. Make a splashing sound 6. Give as an example 10. Initial wager 14. Exploded stars 15. Air force heroes 16. Enemies 17. Sporting venue 18. Nipple 19. Foot digits 20. C  apable of being penetrated 22. Feudal worker 23. A few 24. Exit 26. A Maori club 30. Black gunk 31. Kitten’s cry 32. Black, in poetry 33. Unrestrained revelry 35. Appointed 39. Poster color 41. A dais

43. Grave marker 44. Where a bird lives 46. Guy 47. Eastern Standard Time 49. Hog’s home 50. Swill 51. Melon tree 54. Peddle 56. Twin sister of Ares 57. From that time on 63. Spanish lady 64. Care for 65. European blackbird 66. Ends a prayer 67. Killer whale 68. Consecrate 69. Not first 70. Comply with 71. Mixture of rain and snow

Gemini May 21 – June 21 The stars say you will be successful and happy, but in all honesty, they don’t believe it.

DOWN 1. Break 2. Old stories 3. Baking appliance 4. Rational 5. Warms 6. Type of sailboat 7. One sank the Titanic 8. Blue-green 9. High regard 10. Subsequently 11. Hangman’s knot 12. Adolescents 13. S S S S 21. Turbine part 25. Lady’s escort 26. Animal companions 27. Assist in crime 28. Hefty volume 29. Disagreeable to the senses 34. The previous day 36. Mangle

37. Cocoyam 38. Bottomless 40. Not difficult 42. Pizazz 45. Gist 48. Skin pattern 51. Foot lever 52. Fragrance 53. Yearns 55. Young sheep 58. Parsley or sage 59. Tumbled 60. Tall woody plant 61. If not 62. A musical pause

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JuLY 18 - 24, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45

The CLOSER

The

AnsweR GUY Ale Mary Brewed by: RCH Brewery ABV: 6.00% Save this one for winter! Pours a dull orange, brownish color with a small head and some lacing. The aroma is full of spices and kind of fruity. The initial taste provides fruity malts and ginger. Strong flavor. It is smooth, full bodied with lots of carbonation. If it was lighter it could pass as a summer ale. Overall it’s very drinkable. Don Ramon 660 Maduro Wrapper: Honduran Binder: Honduran Filler: Honduran Strength: Medium-Full This readily available smoke has a dark brown wrapper with no apparent veins. The band can be easily removed if desired and the cigar is constructed quite well. Burns well. Prelight, the Maduro has hints of molasses and aged tobacco. The first third has a sweet flavor with notes of cocoa, vanilla and cedar. The second third is a delight with the spices coming through. The last third creates a bold, spicy and tangy statement. Enjoy with a single-malt and a summer breeze! Russian Roulette Ingredients: 1/2 oz Kahlua Coffee Liqueur 1/2 oz Vodka 1 oz Sambuca Mixing Instructions: Fill two or more shot glasses with the Kahlua and vodka and place a slice of orange on the top of each glass. Then pour Sambuca seperately into a wine glass and ignite. Pour onto the shots and allow to burn briefly. Extinguish, shoot the drink, and chase with a bite of the Sambucasoaked orange slice.

with Arthur Bellfield

Dear Arthur,     My girlfriend is smoking hot and wants to become an actress. The only problem is that she has no money and I have to pay for every plane ticket to LA or NY for her to go to auditions. Oh yeah, and there’s one other thing too; I’ve seen her acting and it’s pretty terrible. How do I gently say, “Baby it’s time for a job” without having her dump me?   Signed, Paul   Thanks for writing Paul! You shouldn’t worry about your girlfriend dumping you, because you’re holding all of the financial cards within said “relationship.” Your girlfriend knows this! However her ”smoking hot” good looks is distracting you from realizing the leverage that you currently hold. She needs you to foot the bill for her would-be acting career, monthly bills, and other expenses! Gone are the days of being the “Sugar Daddy” who foots the bill for unemployed hot chicks. I salute you for realizing that it’s time to put up the pocket book. There is a solution to your dilemma that will win you cool points with her and further her ambitions at the same time. You need to make getting an acting gig her J-O-B! Give her a deadline! If she doesn’t get at least one PAYING acting gig within six weeks, tell her that you’re no longer funding her ambitions. If you cave on this, you’ll continue to be her SUGAR DADDY! Another option is to hire a film crew and film a REALITY SHOW pilot, upload it to a website or YouTube, and wait for a network to pick it up! This could be a LONG WAIT especially if she doesn’t have an ex who is a famous ball player or rapper. I’d stick with giving her that J-O-B deadline.

Chynaman How You Know Him: The DFW-bred DJ, producer, and artist that is not only a staple of Dallas nightlife, but soon to be your next iTunes purchase with his debut album The Beat Box. All this audiophile needs you to do is press play. What makes a great DJ? Your transition is important; knowing how to play what song at what time and your creativity and a having good mouth piece all goes into being a great DJ. Worst job you had before DJing? An accountant. How has your fan base changed over the years? I started with the younger kids, you know 18 and up, and now they are more of the adult bar scene crowd 21 and up. So my fan base is now more so the ones that can spend money. Dream collaboration I love Usher; I’ve listened to him and seen him grow as an artist so that would be a dream collaboration. Also JD, Timbaland, or Dr. Dre - anyone of the people that have stayed in this industry and have grown. What matters more now, the song or the beat behind it? Honestly I think the beat, but even more so it’s the marketing and who’s pushing it that matters. Who are some new artists that you are excited about? I’m excited about people like J. Cole, I actually got a chance to hear his stuff before it came out. He can switch back and forth and that’s one of the things that I look for, the diversity of it. There’s a guy named Tempa from the U.K., I like his stuff. It’s more underground so it takes some time for it to get where it needs to be. What should people expect from your new album The Beat Box? It’s been a long time coming. It’s very diverse; it has pop, R&B, a lot of features, new things, old things, stuff that you haven’t heard for a long time.

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 45 juLY 18 - 24, 2012

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