Page 1


Stray ‘gator in Chicago River

BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile/Movie Review 4 Music: Trail Mixes – A Retrospective 5 Rangers News – TCU/SMU/UNT Previews 6 In The Huddle With Linda Brenner 7 COVER STORY: Big 12 Football Preview Must See Football Games of 2010 8 What Does Realignment Really Mean? 9 Big 12 Team Previews 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Kimberly 12 Mack Brown Interview 13 Food Review: Tino’s Too 14 Blitz Toys 15 The Fan Top 10 with Sybil 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Anything Worse? 18

PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jennifer Wayne CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER Cover Photography: University of Oklahoma Cover Design: Damien William Mayfield STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Darryl Briggs, Gregg Case, Nathaniel Chadwick, Kent Gilley, Tim Gravens, Steven Hendrix, Matt Pearce, Jason Ryan, Ed Westerman CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Brad Barton, Hernan De Angelis, Harrison Diamond, Manny Flores, Joe Lorenzini, Eric Kendall, Ianare Sevi, James D. Smith, Anders Jensen-Urstad, djdoublem, Mosbourne01 STAFF WRITERS Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Eric Kendall, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak, Craig Smith, Jennifer Wayne and Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Kris Boudreau, Andrew J. Hewett, Ryan Maffei, Mark Miller, Sybil Summers, Tennessee Chris ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029

www.blitzweekly.com Copyright 2010 YK Publishing, LLC. No portion of BLITZ Weekly may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the Publisher. BLITZ Weekly is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. BLITZ Weekly may be distributed only by BLITZ Weekly’s authorized independent contractors or BLITZ Weekly’s authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of BLITZ Weekly, take more than one copy of each BLITZ Weekly issue. Articles printed in this publication may express opinions or views not necessarily the opinions of BLITZ Weekly. The BLITZ Weekly is not responsible for the content or claims of advertisements or editorial in this publication. Story reprints are available for $1 plus postage; call the office at 214-529-7370 to place an order or check our archives at www. blitzweekly.com.

Photo Courtesy: Harrison Diamond, Ianare Sevi , Mosbourne01

blitzweekly.com

VOL. 3 - ISSUE 1

September 1- 7, 2010 3

QUOTE OF THE WEEK “I have yet to be in a game where luck was involved.” -- Urban Meyer (University of Florida Football Head Coach)

The next time you feel like dipping your toes in the Chicago River - beware. A second alligator has been captured from the waterway that winds through downtown Chicago. Children, parents and dog walkers gathered last Tuesday to catch a peek of the 3-foot-long reptile in the river on the city’s North Side. A Chicago Herpetological Society volunteer also caught a 2 1/2-foot alligator in the river in early August. The society wanted to catch the latest alligator quickly because it wouldn’t have been able to survive the harsh Chicago winter. City animal control experts believe both alligators are abandoned pets. Eight-year-old gator-spotter Caleb Berry said last Monday he wasn’t afraid of the gray-and-gold scaled alligator because it is “a baby.”

Man Shot in Head Felt Bullet 4 Years Later

A 35-year-old man who walked around for five years with a bullet lodged in the back of his head says he suspected for a while something was there, but only went to doctors after he started getting headaches. Robert Chojecki was partying on New Year’s Eve five years ago in the German town of Herne when he was hit with the .22-caliber bullet. Doctors removed it last week from between his skin and skull. The Polish-born Chojecki told RTL television last Wednesday he thought he’d been hit by fireworks, but later forgot about it. He said at first he had “no pain, but approximately one year ago I started to get a headache.” Police say the bullet may have been fired in celebration. Doctors say he should have no problems now that it has been removed.

Sex Video Identifies Suspects in Break-in

It wasn’t tough to identify the suspects in a break-in at a rural home at Washington State. The bare facts were right there. The Grays Harbor County Sheriff’s office says a neighbor who came to collect the mail while the owner was away surprised a man and woman having sex on the floor last Monday. Chief Deputy Dave Pimentel says the naked couple fled, leaving behind the camera, which had been stolen elsewhere. Pimentel said last Tuesday that deputies who checked the video recognized the couple from previous contacts. The 39-year-old woman was arrested for investigation of burglary. An arrest warrant was issued for the 31-yearold man.

‘Robbery Drill’ Creates Real Trauma

A 72-year-old Florida woman was accidentally shot by her husband during a “robbery drill” the couple staged to practice how they’d respond to an intruder. The Brevard County Sheriff’s Office said Arnold and Patricia Morris had little experience with guns, and the shooting last Sunday was clearly accidental. Arnold Morris called 911 after the .380-caliber pistol fired, and his wife was airlifted to the hospital for surgery. The two were fortunate to escape serious injury. Patricia Morris is expected to make a full recovery.

Andrew J. Hewett

www.chewednews.com

“WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU, TOO!?” (1)”Yes!” (2)”Yes!” (3) “Yes!”

Siamese Twins Chang Bunker and Eng Bunker (Born 1811), joined at the waist, married and fathered 21 children between them in 31 years, with their wives, sisters Adelaide Yates and Sarah Anne. The connected men died within three hours of each other in 1874. The term “Siamese Twins” began with Chang and Eng, who migrated to the U.S. from Siam, which became Thailand in 1939, meaning “Free land.”

AT TIMES, AT LEAST, BEING MULE-HEADED IS OKAY

First U.S. President George Washington, known as “The Father of Our Country,” was also a matchmaker for the parents of mules. Records show George bred jackasses to horses in large numbers because they were the real “work horses,” and ate less. Curiously, more than 200-years later, Washington, D.C. is known for its number of jackasses running loose, still attempting to breed.

THE OLD VERSION IS BETTER

Sacagawea, the Shoshone Indian maiden who accompanied Lewis and Clark in 1805, has been widely, but wrongly, credited with guiding the expedition across the Rockies to the Pacific. It was her half-breed husband, Toussaint Charbonneau, who actually was hired as the guide. He was a lout who badly mistreated Sacagawea. She was praised by leaders of the expedition for her courage, resourcefulness and good spirits. Charbonneau had bought her and another Shoshone squaw “wife” from Indian slave traders, who had originally kidnapped Sacagawea when she was only 12-years-old.


blitzweekly.com

4 September 1- 7, 2010

HOLLYWOOD PROFILE with Labor Day Weekend Movies!

by: Vivian Fullerlove “Entertainment’s Real Critic”

Well, the kids are back in school and the dog days of summer are on their way out, though you can’t tell by the 107 degree temperatures. The movie season is winding down. The fall doldrums are just around the corner, and there won’t be another surge of big movies until Thanksgiving! But there are a few more big titles coming to a theatre near you this summer that are worth checking out! And who better to start with than our lovable George! Academy Award winner George Clooney stars in the title role of this suspense thriller. As an assassin, Jack (played by Mr. Clooney) is constantly on the move and always alone. After a job in Sweden ends more harshly than expected for this American abroad, Jack retreats to the Italian countryside. He relishes being away from death for a spell as he holes up in a small medieval town. While there, Jack takes an assignment to construct a weapon for a mysterious contact, Mathilde (Thekla Reuten). Savoring the peaceful quietude he finds in the mountains of Abruzzo, Jack accepts the friendship of local priest Father Benedetto (Paolo Bonacelli) and pursues a torrid liaison with a beautiful woman, Clara (Violante Placido). Jack and Clara’s time together evolves into a romance, one seemingly free of danger. But by stepping out of the shadows, Jack may be tempting fate. The American opens nationwide on September 3rd and is rated R. The Tillman Story: Pat Tillman never thought of himself as a hero. His choice to leave a multimillion-dollar football contract and join the military wasn’t done for any reason other than he felt it was the right thing to

do. The fact that the military manipulated his tragic death in the line of duty into a propaganda tool is unfathomable and thoroughly explored in Amir Bar-Lev’s riveting and enraging documentary. The Tillman Story opens nationwide on September 3rd. Drew Barrymore and Justin Long star in the romantic comedy Going the Distance. Erin’s (Drew Barrymore) wry wit and unfiltered frankness charm newly single Garrett (Justin Long) over beer, bar trivia and breakfast the next morning. Their chemistry sparks a full-fledged summer fling, but neither expects it to last once Erin heads home to San Francisco and Garrett stays behind for his job in New York City. But when six weeks of romping through the city inadvertently become meaningful, neither is sure they want it to end. And while Garrett’s friends, Box (Jason Sudeikis) and Dan (Charlie Day), joke about his pre-flight calorie-cutting and his full-time relationship with his cell phone, they don’t like losing their best drinking buddy to yet another rocky romance. At the same time, Erin’s high-strung, overprotective married sister, Corrine (Christina Applegate), wants to keep Erin from heading down an all-too-familiar road. But despite the opposite coasts, the nay-saying friends and family, and a few unexpected temptations, the couple just might have found something like love, and with the help of a lot of texting, sexting and late-night phone calls, they might actually go the distance. Going the Distance opens nationwide September 3rd and is rated R. There you have it folks! Choose wisely.

by: Ryan Maffei “Perspectives On Film”

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World Directed by ADD British filmmaker Edgar Wright whose films are known for their countless quick cuts and sound effects (whoosh!) those cuts usually come with, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is based on a popular anime-inspired graphic novel series. Wherein romantic slacker everyboy Scott falls for sexily obscure objectof-desire Ramona, and ends up having to “defeat” her “seven evil exes” to win her heart. This video-game structure – each ex serves as the boss of the end of the movie’s various putative “levels” – certainly makes Scott Pilgrim more interesting and entertaining than Garden State, though its geeky exclusivity is as annoying as in every other indie flick. But it takes itself far less seriously than most of them, and it’s often both funny and invigorating. Pilgrim hasn’t done particularly well at the box office, like most recent Michael Cera movies. Cera is a major comic force these days, the keenest deadpan on the block, and what’s never perfectly showcased in movies tends to be pretty magnificent on TV (Arrested Development) and the internet (the blisteringly witty Clark & Michael). No matter how hard the Hollywood machine tries to force him into twinkie romances or frat-pack buddy movies (Year One), Cera’s best work tends to be custom-built. People don’t respond to Cera because it’s impossible to believe. But Cera the Underminer of Romantic-Nerd Clichés (e.g. Superbad) is dead-on, because that’s really him. It’s a brilliant joke, and he’s in

Dallas Polo Club

L E A R N T O P L AY P O L O NO RIDING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG

C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1

EXAM, X-RAY & CLEANING

$50.00

1614 E. Beltline Rd. Carrollton, Texas 75006 972-466-0077 www.beltlinesmilecenter.com

on it. Cera acquits himself as well as Scott Pilgrim’s few moments of breathing room let him, but at his best his familiarity is an asset; the film is too fast-paced to let him riff, so he never hits the intellectual heights he’s proven himself capable of. The fight scenes suffer too, because you never believe they’d let him actually participate in one – Cera looks far more likely to die of malnourishment than Nicole Richie ever did. But he never lets the sometimes painfully geeky dialogue cripple his winning sarcasm. Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who has almost certainly slept with more than seven people, plays Ramona with a surprising amount of nuance and insight for an actress who hasn’t come off as very skillful before. Her and Scott’s quieter scenes are effortlessly sweet, and they have a classic, Say Anything-esque feel that could render them future cult-film touchstones. But the best thing about Scott Pilgrim is the arsenal of game under-30s who fill out the rest of the cast – smarmy Kieran Culkin, perky Anna Kendrick, dour Aubrey Plaza, goofy Brandon Routh. In fact, there’s not a person over the age of 32 to be found anywhere in the film; there’s talk of work and childhood homes, but no parents or employers or old mentors or aging heroes. Pilgrim is brimming with the same vibrant youthfulness that renders some of its dialogue and direction a bit underripe or immature, but that’s why it’s so much fun.


September 1- 7, 2010 5 blitzweekly.com

by: Tennessee Chris “Music Snob”

Trail Mixes: A Retrospective

After the long anticipation, Big Boi has unleashed his first truly solo release, and the results are epic. On this hyped-up disco synth-fest, Big Boi coolly drops some of his finest flows, and the chorus on this one sticks in your head hours after the song trickles to an end.

Arcade Fire, “Sprawl II” (Mountains Beyond Mountains)

As sprawling as it is anthemic, the Arcade Fire return with another collection of songs that are fresh and organic in their delivery, yet simultaneously fistpumping and gorgeous. This song is one of the best on their new album The Suburbs, and it pulsates and excites with an infrequently heard thumping groove not recognizable in the groups’ prior outputs.

Photo Courtesy: djdoublem, Anders Jensen-Urstad

Cee-Lo, “F*ck You”

Best Coast – Crazy For You

3. Laredo

Band of Horses – Infinite Arms

4. Sprawl II

Arcade Fire – The Suburbs

5. Walk in the Park

Beach House – Teen Dream

6. Shutterbugg

Big Boi - Sir Lucious Left Foot

7. Walkabout

Atlas Sound - Logos

8. The Way We Get By

Spoon - The Way We Get By

9. On the Beach (Neil Young cover)

Radiohead – Gagging Order

10. Heaven’s on Fire

The Radio Dept. – Clinging To A Scheme

Meyerson Symphony Center – Dallas From his early years with the Jackson 5 to his mega-hit album Thriller and beyond, Michael Jackson stormed the music industry with hit after hit. The Music of Michael Jackson with the Dallas Symphony Orchestra will take you through each era of this storied performer!

Thur 9/2 Patio Sessions with Glen Farris

Sammons Park – Dallas This FREE weekly series features an eclectic lineup of emerging artists and the best bands you haven’t heard of yet from the DFW area. The performances begin at 5:30 p.m.

Fri 9/3 Mitch Fatel

2. Boyfriend

Wed 9/1 The Music of Michael Jackson

Improv – Addison After numerous spots on both the “Late Show with David Letterman” and the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” Mitch became a comedic star. He is one of the most requested comedians on Sirius and XM satellite radio, so he must be good, right? Find out for yourself at 10:30 p.m.

Sat 9/4 Warbirds on Parade

Lancaster Airport Approximately 40 “warbirds” (translation: airplanes used back in the olden days to shoot people) will be on display. Come early and stay late to see the warbirds fly in and out. 10 a.m. until 4 p.m. Suggested donation of $10 per carload or $5 per person.

Sun 9/5 Revelation: The Art

of James Magee Nasher Sculpture Center – Dallas This exhibit will be the first major museum exhibition of the artist’s work in 18 years. It will feature 10-15 medium to large scale relief sculptures.

Mon 9/6 Labor Day Picnic

Throughout history, most songs have dealt with loss of a love and relationships gone astray. Often, these songs have also incorporated a Motown vibe that makes them jingly, jangly and soulful as well, such as the Temptations, Gloria Gaynor and the Supremes. Cee-Lo raises the bar on all of them with this song – a soulful gem about someone stealing his girl, and instead of getting sappy, he lays the lyrical smackdown on her and entreats her to do as the acerbic title suggests.

Cee-Lo – Lady Killer

Best Coast, “Boyfriend”

Best Coast reinvents the wheel again in the indie realm, extending their own original brand of joyous and sugary sonic landscapes to the ears of new listeners everywhere. With “Boyfriend,” the duo unleash a bona fide summer jam that will still illicit warm smiles from listeners well into the winter. I am excited about my new fall mix CD. Enjoy the seasonal change, and the soundtracks that it conjures. Good luck and good listening!

The Arboretum – Dallas End the summer right with a day in the park. There will be live music from Dallasite Deryl Dodd and the Homesick Cowboys from 6-9 p.m.

Tue 9/7 Naked Sushi

Big Boi, “Shutterbugg”

So, here are some of the best songs of late summer/early fall that I will definitely include in my CD mix this weekend as a treat to welcome the impending seasonal change:

MUSIC: Chris’ Trail Mix 1. F*ck You

I love the end of summer. Long after the lake becomes a novelty and the Texas heat has permeated through all of our skins, there is a beauty inherently ingrained in the air as the days give way to autumn. The first inkling of fall’s arrival seems to trigger a general “settling period” experienced by all of us in late August and September; whereas, May and June yield margaritas and porches and July has its late night steamy soirees and weekends at the lake. August starts a slowing down experience attributed to months of excessive heat and the general need to calm things down and get our days and nights back into order. Football is around the corner, school is starting, and generally the anticipation for cooler weather adds to our collective cool heels this time of year. My favorite thing to do is create a mix CD (you know, like mix tapes from the past) at the end of summer, thinking throughout the entire process about the joy I will receive from driving with the windows down, blaring these audio gems throughout neighborhoods and wet streets and sidewalks littered with leaves. I think about the grey sky and the cooler air filtering through the car, and focus on how these songs will add to the overall synesthesia of the entire driving experience. Yes, as you have guessed, I do like to randomly drive around the city during the fall – I have done it since I was 16. It’s funny how songs become the matrix of our daily lives – a fabric of sounds and swirling mental images that heighten and enliven our rote day-to-days. Activities become fresh and invigorating when accompanied with the right soundtrack; nights are fueled into the wee hours with the right jukebox at hand. How many of us have unconsciously pressed the accelerator to the floorboard during Bush’s “Machinehead”? How many of us have gotten laid to Mazzy Star’s “Fade into You”? How many people out there have felt a little bit cooler cruising down the road to War’s “Low Rider”? Music makes EVERYTHING better. Running with music? Better. Plane ride with headphones on? Great.

Silver City Cabaret – Dallas Well, duh! It’s a strip club! Couldn’t any food they have there be considered “naked.” You can also partake in steak and shrimp with a loaded baked potato for only $15 if eating off of a naked chick isn’t your cup of tea. If you know of a cool event or concert coming up, send some info our way at editor@blitzweekly.com


Photo Courtesy: Matt Pearce

blitzweekly.com

6 September 1- 7, 2010

TCU/SMU/UNT Season Preview

RANGERS:News

by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist”

Rangers Need Starters to Return

The first place Texas Rangers maintained returned to the team Monday after finishing a 7.5 game lead in the division after going a rehab assignment in Frisco. Cruz’ bat has 4-3 last week. They started the week at been missed in the lineup and hopefully home against the Minnesota Twins who this is his last time on the DL this year. He are in first place in has been on it three times the American League this season. Ian Kinsler Central. They got off is also close to returning to a great start as Rich from a groin injury that Harden and three other has sidelined him since pitchers were two outs July 29. If all goes well away from combining on his rehab assignment for the sixth no hitter he will return Friday. in Rangers history. Joe Since Kinsler went out Mauer broke up the no there has been very little hitter on a base hit that offensive production out, just barely got passed a of the second basemen. diving Elvis Andrus. It The Rangers need both was a pleasant surprise guys healthy to have any for Ranger fans in chance of doing anything Harden’s first start since in the playoffs. Cristian coming off the DL. The Guzman and Dustin The sooner Kinsler gets back, the better. bad news is that the Nippert are also on rehab real Harden was back last Saturday against assignments and will likely be added after the A’s. He only lasted four innings while September 1st when the roster is expanded. giving up four runs on eight hits as the This week they hit the road for three Rangers fell 5-0. games in Kansas City and then three in The good news is that the team is close Minnesota. It’s now a little over a month to returning to full strength. Nelson Cruz until their playoff dreams become reality.

by: Tony Barone – “Senior Sports Authority”

TCU Horned Frogs

(12-1, 8-0)

It took 11 years for TCU to earn a spot in a BCS bowl game. It may take just one more season for the Horned Frogs to get back. Behind Dalton, the offense will continue to produce. The question is whether Coach Gary Patterson, who typically fields powerful defensive units, can do so again. If the new starters play well and the defense continues to play at a high level, the Frogs could make a strong run at a perfect season. They return nine offensive starters, seven on defense and two specialists. TCU employs a spread system with multiple formations. The Frogs may have a four-receiver set on one play and use two backs on the next. The Horned Frogs are hailing QB Andy Dalton as a Heisman candidate. Last season, Dalton passed for 2,756 yards with 23 touchdowns and only eight interceptions. However, the best player on offense is tackle Marcus Cannon, a huge (6-6/350) senior who is one of the best tackles in the nation. The Frogs are stocked at receiver. They return four players who had more than 400 receiving yards last season with Jimmy Young and Jeremy Kerley considered the top playmakers. TCU uses a 4-2-5 defensive set. The Frogs have ranked among the nation’s top 25 in total defense in each of the past five seasons and were ranked No. 1 in each of the past two seasons.

by: Frank LaCosta – “DFW Football Fanatic”

SMU Mustangs

(8-5, 6-2)

The Hilltop is bubbling over with excitement as the Mustangs head into the 2010 football season. For the first time in a long time, SMU fields a team coming off of a winning season. They won their first bowl game since they beat Notre Dame in 1984. Head Coach June Jones has brought pride back to the Mustang faithful and now has a returning starter under center with quarterback Kyle Padron. He’ll be handing off the ball to RB Zach Line who had seven touchdowns last season. Look for Aldrick Robinson and Terrance Wilkerson to stretch defenses downfield. When the offense is clicking, the Mustangs can put up lots of points. The question on defense is whether or not it can handle shootouts. They return three seniors on defense. The leadership provided by linebacker Pete Fleps will be needed. He had 83 tackles last season with 7.5 of them for a loss. As far as special teams are concerned, the Mustangs still have big play potential in the return game. Also look for Margus Hunt (6-8/272) who blocked seven kicks last season. This is the third season for June Jones. The team under his leadership improved significantly from one win in 2008 to eight in 2009. The Mustangs take on Texas Tech for the opener. That game could set the tone for the entire season.

by: Frank LaCosta – “DFW Football Fanatic”

UNT Mean Green

(2-10, 1-7)

Todd Dodge enters his fourth season with the Mean Green and he has to produce or it might be his last. The 2008 season was abysmal for the team. Things started off right for the team with an opening win over Ball State on ESPN. The next week, they lost a double overtime heartbreaker to the University of Ohio and the following week had their hats handed to them against Alabama. UNT returns nine starters on offense, seven on defense and their punter. Several of the upper classmen have been in the system and on offense they have several playmakers. There is a change at QB. Nathan Tune is the new helmsman and Riley Dodge (coach’s son) has been moved to wide out. Their spread offense should allow Tune to make plays to Jamaal Jackson and Darius Carey. The Sun Belt’s best runner is Lance Dunbar. Even though he only started eight games last season, he put up some nice numbers. The offensive line should allow this team to put up lots of points. The defense is the thorn in the side of the Mean Green. They managed to give up double digit points in every game last season. However with seven returning starters and experience, expect the games to be closer. Perhaps even a few more wins. In regards to special teams look for Jamaal Jackson to be a difference maker. Last season, he averaged 27.2 yards per kickoff return. He can take it the distance at any time.


September 1- 7, 2010 7

Who taught you how to throw the football? I played softball pretty much my whole life, received a scholarship to play at Texas Woman’s University, and played in Europe after college. That’s where my arm comes from, but I had a few quarterback coaches help me tweak it a little: Lamont Moore, Don Smith, Mike Scott, & Casey Printers, to name a few.

How many times have you heard someone say, “You could have been a cheerleader!” All the time. I think it’s funny. Nobody believes beautiful women can play smash mouth full tackle football, but don’t let the lingerie fool you. We’re all athletes; most of us former college athletes. It’s definitely something you have to see to be-

My Favorite Time of the Year

“LFL Expert”

lieve...but we only have two home games, so don’t miss out. Our first game is Friday September 3rd, 9 p.m. at the Cotton Bowl. And trust me, it’ll be the best game of your life! You have to be playing ball with a purpose beyond the game. What’s your goal? No, actually I do play for the love of the game. We take this game very serious. All of our coaches are ex-NFL players: Clearance Leblanc who played for the NY Giants for three years, and AK who was with the Cowboys. We are taught and trained like they are. We have play books, watch film, practice on the field three times a week, have strength and conditioning training and agility training. Obviously my goal is to win the Lingerie Bowl, and if I get an endorsement this year, that would be icing on the cake. But I definitely am playing for the love of the game.

Photo courtesy: Manny Flores

Were you a tomboy growing up? You know, climbing trees and playing with the boys. Big time! I played just about every sport growing up. I was never in dance, or cheerleading or anything like that. I rode 4-wheelers and dirt bikes, and went fishing with my Dad every weekend. My poor Mom couldn’t get me in a dress.

What is the most difficult part of playing football and play calling? Play calling isn’t hard at all; we study our play books immensely, and I stay pretty calm in the huddle. I’d have to say the hardest part is playing in lingerie. We only have shoulder pads and helmets, so everything else is open. Getting hit in the thigh doesn’t feel good at all. And with the lingerie, you always have to double check to make sure nothing is falling out...lol... oh, and the turf burn, oh my goodness. We’ve had turf burn in places you couldn’t imagine.

by: Richard S. Pollak

September is when the weather cools off and football begins. It’s also when I begin my seasonal part-time job as a fantasy football team owner. I don’t know about your league, but in mine there is some nice money to be made. Since my draft will be complete a few days before this comes out, I will tell you who I like. I think Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback for a fantasy team. He threw for 4,434 yards, 30 touchdowns and only 7 interceptions last season. He also did the unthinkable by making Green Bay forget about Brett Favre. Drew Brees is simply amazing, but he has a target on his back this season. He is on the cover of Madden NFL 11 and with that comes the dreaded “Madden Curse”. If you don’t believe in it then go

ahead and take him, but I am staying away as I had a player a few years ago on the cover and learned my lesson. My sleepers are Kevin Kolb who takes over for Donovan McNabb and Joe Flacco who added two nice weapons to his arsenal in Anquan Boldin and Donte’ Stallworth. Chris Johnson is the best player period to have in fantasy football. I had him last year when he became the sixth player in NFL history to rush for over 2,000 yards. He also caught 50 passes. You don’t want to be known as the person who passed on Chris Johnson. Ray Rice not only rushed for 1,339 yards last year, but he caught 78 passes. He has a favorable schedule and is the safety valve for Flacco. Rashard Mendenhall is a beast in Pittsburgh and will be the focal point of

by: Craig Smith

“Sportsologist”

their offense. Keep an eye on LeSean McCoy along with rookies Ryan Mathews and Jahvid Best to make some noise this season. Andre Johnson is the best receiver in football hands down. Miles Austin came out of nowhere last year to have a Pro Bowl season. Look for a repeat performance as rookie Dez Bryant helps draw away double coverage. Reggie Wayne is about as dependable as they come. I love Brandon Marshall in Miami as he is a good bet to make it four years in a row with 100 catches. Don’t be the unprepared fool who uses an early pick to draft Sidney Rice who will miss at least 8 games after hip surgery or Vincent Jackson who has been suspended for the beginning of the season. Good luck in your draft! Make the right choice.

College Football: Marshall vs Ohio State(2) Thur. Sept. 2 – 6:30PM – Ohio Stadium – Big 10 Network One of the first games of the new college football season! You’ll probably have to go to a sports bar to watch it. The Thundering Herd have new Head Coach Doc Holliday. They also have senior qb Brian Anderson to lead the team. The Buckeyes have Tressel and phenom Terrelle Pryor. The Buckeyes have a great defense.

NFL: Dolphins vs Cowboys Thur. Sept. 2 – 7:00PM – Cowboys Stadium – CBS The last preseason game for the Cowboys. The last opportunity to make an impression and make the team. Starters will probably play two series and then it’ll be a slugfest for the rest of the game. Can the Cowboys find some rhythm and move the ball down the field? How about the o-line? Red zone concerns still abound.

MLB: Rangers vs Twins Fri. Sept. 3 – 7:10PM – Target Field – KTXA-21 The first of a critical three-game series between the two teams. This is also the last series that they’ll face each other this season unless they meet in the postseason. Each game played will help decide whether or not the team will be hosting the wild card round or facing a team on the road from the AL East.

College Football: Boise State(3) vs Virginia Tech(10) Mon. Sept. 6 – 7:00PM – FedEx Field – ESPN The nation will be watching this game with great interest as these two teams play on a neutral site. This might be the best Hokie offense yet under Frank Beamer. QB Tyrod Taylor has a lot of experience as do his wide outs. They have the second best running back duo in the country. Their defense though will need some help. Boise State went undefeated last season and have lots of experience on both sides of the ball. Look for this game to be a high scoring shoot out!

Photo Courtesy: James D. Smith

Blitz Weekly friend Linda Brenner took a few minutes to answer my questions. It’s football season and the Dallas Desire are on a mission to win the Lingerie Bowl. Check them out this Friday at the Cotton Bowl. It’ll be well worth it!

blitzweekly.com

In the Huddle with Linda Brenner


blitzweekly.com

8 September 1- 7, 2010

Must See College Football Games of 2010 by: Geoff Case

“College Football Analyst”

Florida at Alabama - October 2

This has developed into a colossal rivalry the past three seasons. Florida back-handed Alabama its first loss of the season in 2008. Alabama returned the favor in 2009. Both were in the SEC championship game. This meeting decides who holds all the cards in the SEC.

5 out 5 Texas vs. Oklahoma – October 2

Big surprise here! Once again, the Red River Rivalry is expected to determine the Big 12 South (Is there still a North?). Texas has won four of the past five meetings and don’t think for one second the Sooners haven’t noticed.

5 out 5 Oregon State vs. TCU - September 4

TCU spent a majority of last year in the Top 10. They are legit with 16 starters back from that crew. Even though the game is at “Jerry World” it’s basically a home game for TCU! Oregon State is a quality team with the size and experience to give TCU a true test and maybe a BCS bowl.

4 out 5 Texas at Nebraska - October 16

Anticipation is so high; the Nebraska marketing department put out a video this summer that ended with the tagline, “Wear Red…Be Loud… Beat Texas.” We all watched Ndamukong Suh grow into the fabled “ManBearPig” last year; who can step up to fill those shoes?

4 out 5 Florida State at Oklahoma - September 11

The last time these two teams met, Oklahoma won the 2000 BCS national title. This is a classic non-conference match-up and a gigantic test for new Florida State Coach Jimbo Fisher as he replaces the legend Bobby Bowden.

4 out 5 Florida State at Miami - October 9

The rumor in Florida is that both programs are on the rise which would be great for college football. This match-up will show us if Miami still has a step on the Seminoles. It’s always a war when these two helmets start colliding.

3 out 5 Houston at SMU - October 23

Houston’s Trigger-happy quarterback Case Keenum directs one of the most explosive offenses in the country and is a favorite to win Conference USA. Houston was upset at UTEP last year and June Jones looks like he’s ahead of schedule in steering SMU to success.

3 out 5 Ohio State at Iowa - November 20

These teams were both ranked in the preseason top 10. Both teams return a majority of their starters. The hair splitting 27-24 win in overtime in last season’s meeting secured the Buckeyes’ ticket to the Rose Bowl.

3 out 5


September 1- 7, 2010 9

Realignment Really Mean?

by: Kris Boudreau “Voice Out West”

Some of the Changes The Pac 10 has been seen by many as a conference of tradition and stability and also criticized for its under aggressive style and unwillingness to change. With their current TV contract coming to an end, the Pac 10 hired the progressive Scott to make a splash and to help boost the conference’s appeal and increase revenue. Scott hit the ground running and turned heads when he announced negotiations to expand its conference by engulfing current Big 12 South teams Texas, Texas A&M (who was also be sought after by the SEC), Texas Tech, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and the Big 12 North’s Colorado. Just the talk of this possibility of this occurring upset Nebraska, and current AD Tom Osborne, enough to lead to their disassociation and eventual depature

“Does Texas already have enough influence and bias towards human voters and BCS computers?”

to the Big 12. With only Colorado and Utah leaving for the Pac 10 and Nebraska for the Big 10, college football ended up with just a small realignment of the BCS Conference structure that has me scratching my head. Starting in 2012 with the current structure, the Big 12 will have 10 teams, the Big 10 will have 12 teams and the Pac 10 will become the Pac 12. Compared to previous negotiations, this was a small realignment. If a major realignment would have taken place that had the aforementioned teams departing for the Pac 10 and Big 10, it would have certainly led to the dissolution of the Big 12 and possibly led closer to the 16 team “super conference” structure. This notion is still not out of the question, however. Even with uneven revenue sharing in the Big 12, with Texas, A&M, and Oklahoma receiving three to six million more annually than conference counterparts, there still are opportunities to make more. Depending on how you look at it, your team may or may not benefit from this structure. Conference Championship Games The current rule states a conference must have a minimum of 12 teams to have a conference championship game. The

new Pac 12 and 12-team Big 10 will almost certainly have a conference championship game. The new 10 team Big 12 will most likely not have a championship game if not appealed. So where does this leave the Big 12? There have been cases where a conference championship game has kept a team out of the national championship with a loss and that of the opposite, where a one loss team used a championship game to impress both voters and computers. Texas, in the past decade, has become one of the most dominant, popular, and highest revenue-grossing college football teams in the country. The questions that arise: “Does Texas already have enough influence and bias towards human voters and BCS computers?” “Will the absence of a conference championship game negatively inhibit the ability for a one loss, or even perfect regular season, to play in the National Championship game?” Only time will tell; however, do not expect this topic to go away. With the intense media and fan scrutiny of the BCS and claims of producing controversial and split national champions, this topic of conference realignment and expansions will not go away any time soon. The need for a true national champion of college football is something that most people agree they want but don’t have with the current BCS system.

blitzweekly.com

What Does

With all the hype surrounding the possible realignment of college sports this off season, we were left deprived of a major college conference change. The projected changes that included new Pac 10 Commissioner Larry Scott trying to create the first “super conference” could have changed the face of college sports, creating a snowball effect that may have led to possibly four or five “super conferences” consisting of around 16 teams each.


blitzweekly.com

10 September 1- 7, 2010

Coach Dan Hawkins is entering his fifth year in Boulder. The pressure is on him to win or else this could be his last season with the Buffaloes. The biggest question is who will start at quarterback? Tyler Hansen is the starter. Cody Hawkins (son of head coach) opened the last two seasons as the starter, but after struggling was replaced by Hansen who is more mobile and has the stronger arm. Scotty McKnight returns and has been the leading receiver on the team the past two seasons. Running back Rodney Stewart is back after suffering a broken leg last year. He was on pace to set a school rushing record for a freshman before the injury. The offensive line will be solid as it returns all the starters. The defense showed some toughness last year and returns seven starters. The team must cut down on mental mistakes (penalties and turnovers).

The Cyclones are coming off their first bowl bid since 2005. Senior running back Alexander Robinson was third in the Big 12 last season in total rushing yards. He has a good shot to improve over last season’s totals. Quarterback Austen Arnaud is a solid two year starter but needs to become more consistent. Last year, his numbers seemed to go up and down on a weekly basis. He is currently the Cyclones all-time leader in career completion percentage (.601). How the defense performs might be the key to their season. They have seven starting spots to be filled which includes three new linebackers. They have an unforgiving midseason schedule facing Oklahoma and Texas on the road in back-to-back games.

Turner Gill takes over as head coach after the Jayhawks lost their final seven games of last season. Kale Pick has been named as the starter at quarterback. He has tough shoes to fill following Todd Reesing who threw for over 3,000 yards the last three seasons. Angus Quigley will be the running back after spending last season as a linebacker and making only three tackles. Toben Opurum, who led the team in rushing last season as a freshman, has been moved to linebacker. The switch was made after the team lost several linebackers, including Huldon Tharp, who started last year but is out for the season with a foot injury. The defense is switching to a 4-3 and must show improvement over the last few seasons. Gill will get this team turned around and they should be able to get back in a bowl game.

AP #7

The Bears play two games this year in the Dallas area. The first one is at TCU and then they play Texas Tech at Cowboys Stadium. The best news for the Bears is that quarterback Robert Griffin is back after tearing his ACL in his right knee in the third game. He is probably the best athlete in the conference. In 2008, as a freshman, he passed for 2,091 yards, rushed for 843, set a national freshman record by throwing 209 consecutive passes without an interception. Plus, he won the Big 12 gold medal for 400 meter hurdles with the third fastest time in school history. In the game he was injured in, Griffin passed for 226 yards and three touchdowns. The good news for Grffin is that he has a huge line in front of him. As long as Griffin is healthy this team has a chance to make some noise. by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist”

Last year was a tough year by Oklahoma standards. They lost numerous players to injury, including Heisman winner Sam Bradford, but they still managed to have a prosperous season. They are ranked #7 in the AP preseason poll. Quarterback Landry Jones lit it up as a freshman last year when Bradford was out. His 3,198 yards passing and 26 touchdowns was tops in the nation for freshmen. In the Sun Bowl against Stanford, he passed for 418 yards and three touchdowns. He will be one of the best passers in the country this season. Ryan Broyles will be an All-American receiver. Last year, he had 89 catches, 1,120 yards, and 15 touchdowns. The defense has some stars to replace, but is in good hands with All-American candidates Jeremy Beal at defensive end and Travis Lewis at linebacker.

Coach Mike Gundy has put together back to back nine win seasons. After losing several key players from last year, it will be difficult to maintain the same level of play. Brandon Weeden, a 26-year-old junior, will take over at quarterback. He spent five seasons playing minor league baseball after being drafted by the New York Yankees in 2002 in the second round. The Cowboys will run a new spread offense this season after hiring Dana Holgorsen to be the offensive coordinator. He spent seven years at Texas Tech and last year called the shots for Houston who led the nation in total offense, passing offense and scoring offense. The best offensive player on the team is Kendall Hunter who was plagued with injuries last year but had 1,555 yards and 16 touchdowns in 2008. The defense only returns two starters which could lead to a long season.


September 1- 7, 2010 11

Bill Snyder’s first year back as head coach was nothing special but it was an improvement. The team was more solid than it had been since he left but came up short for a bowl bid. Carson Coffman should be the starter at quarterback. Daniel Thomas is the key to this offense; last season he led the Big 12 in rushing yards, attempts and yards per game. He is strong, deceptive and a difference maker who should top last year’s stats. They have nice depth at receiver with Aubrey Quarles returning from an injury plus transfers Chris Harper (Oregon) and Brodrick Smith (Minnesota). The defense returns seven starters. Brandon Harold, a defensive end who battled injuries last season, looks to return to his 2008 form when he was named a Freshman All-American. Five of the last seven games are on the road.

The Tigers had a good season but ended up with a loss to Navy in the Texas Bowl. Under Coach Gary Pinkel, they now have five straight winning seasons to go along with five straight bowl seasons. Quarterback Blaine Gabbert is hardnosed and pretty big at 6’5 and 240 pounds. Last year as a sophomore, he threw for 3,593 yards and was second in the conference in pass efficiency. Starting running back Derrick Washington will be suspended for at least the opener, probably longer. He has been charged with sexual assault. Look for sophomore Kendial Lawrence to carry the load with junior De’Vion Moore getting some carries. They need someone to step up at receiver since Danario Alexander and his production are gone. The defense must improve over last year when they gave up 25.4 points a game which was 59th in the country. Defensive End Aldon Smith was a beast last year setting a school record with 11.5 sacks.

The Cornhuskers are ranked #8 in the AP preseason poll. Head coach Bo Pelini has this team on the right track in his third year and he knows it. After beating Arizona 33-0 in last year’s Holiday Bowl, he proclaimed, “Nebraska’s back, and we’re here to stay.” The biggest challenge may be in replacing Ndamukong Suh who was the best defensive player in the country last season. Zac Lee returns at quarterback after having surgery on his throwing arm. He must find a way to get this offensive to be more productive. Last year, they finished 99th nationally in total yards and 75th in scoring. Roy Helu was fourth in the conference in yards per game with 81.9. Niles Paul is a big play threat after averaging 19.9 yards per catch last year. The defense will change from a 4-3 set to a two linebacker set. Alex Henery will be one of the best kickers in the country and could make a difference in a few close games. He handles the place-kicking and punts.

Jerrod Johnson is an experienced quarterback with 22 starts for the Aggies. Last season, he set eight new school passing records. His best game was against Texas when he had 342 yards passing, four touchdowns and 97 yards rushing. They will have a very strong running game led by Christine Michael and Cyrus Gray. Last year, Michael was named the Offensive Player of the Year for the Big 12. He had 844 yards rushing with 10 touchdowns and will only get better. Gray finished with 757 yards rushing and posted three 100-yard games. The top three receivers from last year combined for 127 catches and 17 touchdowns are back. The defense was the Achilles heel for this team. They gave up 40 points in five games, averaged 33.5 points and 426.3 total yards per game. If the defense doesn’t improve, Coach Mike Sherman might be out of a job.

Tommy Tuberville is the new head coach and plans to throw the ball like his predecessor. He said he will only make a few changes including more of a rushing attack. His goal is to become more than just a bowl eligible team. He wants championships. The Red Raiders are the only team to finish at least .500 all 14 years since the Big 12 was established. Taylor Potts has been named the starting quarterback. Look for him to put up big numbers again this year, but probably a bit lower than last year due to a more balanced attack. Baron Batch will get a bigger workload out of the backfield. There will be a change in the defensive scheme as they now will run the 3-4.

AP #5

Texas probably would have won the BCS Championship last season if Colt McCoy wasn’t injured early in the game against Alabama. The Longhorns have won at least 10 games every year since 2001 and are ranked #5 in the AP preseason poll. The offense is set on getting back to more of a balanced attack and will run the ball more. Garrett Gilbert is now the quarterback and can’t help but do well with the abundance of talent that surrounds him. Look for Tre’ Newton to become the next running sensation to wear the burnt orange. Talented receivers James Kirkendoll and Malcolm Williams should post solid numbers. Last year, the defense was one of the best in the nation and this year will be no different. Sam Acho is back after leading the team last year with 10 sacks. The secondary will be their strength led by All-American candidate Curtis Brown.

blitzweekly.com

AP #8


September 1- 7, 2010 13 “DFW Football Fanatic”

I had the opportunity to meet up with Texas Longhorn Head Coach Mack Brown recently. He answered a few questions and was on his way. He talked a bit about the past, present and future.

A Few Moments with

Mack Brown

Back in 2000-2004 you came here and talked about how everything was going well, but you had an “Oklahoma problem.” You fixed that and went on to win four out of five games. Does he (Bob) have a “Texas problem?” How did you deal with that sort of situation where everything was going well except for that one game? I don’t think it was a Texas problem or is an Oklahoma problem as much as you catch a team sometimes that is playing well. All of the sudden, the ball doesn’t bounce as well. You never know why. It’s a great game every year. Last year it was a three point game. And the problem with ours is a couple of them were blow outs. And that is what bothered me the most. You should never get beaten like we were beaten and I put that solely back on me. Our games with Oklahoma are tight and they will continue to be. The neat thing about that game

You were talking about Garrett Gilbert continuing the lineage of quarterbacks. Do you think he walks into a better situation than any of those other guys based on his experience last year? He walks into a much better situation than Colt did. But I was the only one in America who thought Vince would stay so I should’ve listened to y’all ‘cause you were right and I was wrong. I think he was sincerely planning on staying, but you get that kind of money opportunity and you have to leave. But it put us in a tough situation. I didn’t know if we were good enough in ‘05. I thought we would make a great run with Vince in ‘06. So Colt inherited a team with a lot of experience. Garrett has already played in a game that mattered.

What is your response to people who think that this conference is too Texas-centric...that it is even more so without Nebraska? I don’t have any idea. I think it is unfair, number one. We feel like we sometimes get the bad end of things. When I heard it, I snickered and said they wouldn’t tell you that in our department. I think when you take a league of twelve or a league of

blitzweekly.com

is it usually has implications on the Big 12 South...Big 12 and nationally.

by: Frank LaCosta

ten, it’s going to take everybody; and very honestly, the better everybody in the league gets, the better the league is going to be and the better the games are. Probably some of it is the discussion of the way the revenue is shared or not shared in the league.

How much longer do you want to do this?

The first thing is that I feel better than I have in year because my knee is better...I lost some weight and my knee feels better so I feel better. The agreement that we (Brown and assistant coach Will Muschamp) all have with Will is Will makes $900,000 a year as an assistant plus bonuses, so if we’re doing well, he makes over a million dollars as an assistant which is a heck of a deal. He has no buyout if he decides to leave. And if he stays, he takes my job. The agreement that we have is that I will stay as long as I want to and have total control while I stay. He would be defensive coordinator and Greg would be offensive coordinator and we would keep this rolling. I told my staff, “If any of you starts talking about the future or if any of you start discussing the next step, then I am going to fire you.” It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to the kids. It’s not fair to the other coaches on the staff. While this is working, let’s keep it working. People do not believe this, but I haven’t set a time table and Will understands that.


blitzweekly.com

14 September 1- 7, 2010

by: Jennifer Wayne

“The Foxie Foodie”

Now OPEN Till 2AM

Watch Your Favorite

COLLEGE TEAM HERE BEER & DRINK SPECIALS Sat. Sept. 18 – 9PM 2 DOOR FORD Wednesday $3 U-CALL-ITS Thursday Karaoke

601 Cross Timbers #108 Flower Mound 972-539-1717 www.pointafternorth.com

I don’t even know if I can really even call myself a “foodie” these days. Sure, I’m still into the finest and freshest, and, sure, I’m still trying new exotic cuisine, but I am kind of in a rut. I find myself going to the same places and getting comfortable with the same two or three selections. I decided to try Tino’s Too, a restaurant in what looks like a historic house or former home cookin’ restaurant. I have driven by it hundreds of times, but honestly, the outside isn’t the most appealing in Plano. It is a little dated. I’m glad I found it because now it is in the rotation for life. Botanas (Appetizers): Aside from the expected Flautas, Quesadillas and Nachos, they have surprises, like Queso Fundido with either Chorizo or chicken or sans meat, served in an iron skillet with corn or flour tortillas. Think of it as Mexican fondue. For those all-tooAmerican, they have Buffalo Wings and Cheese Sticks, too.

Photo Courtesy: Steven Hendrix

Mariscos (Seafood Cocktails): You’ve got two choices here—both fresh and savory. The Shrimp Cocktail is served “colima style.” This means the shrimp and the Mexican version of cocktail sauce (a really chunky style of salsa with lots of cilantro and jalapeños) are mixed together and served in a schooner. The Ceviche is cooked white fish flavored with lemon juice mixed with salsa Mexicana and served with corn tostadas, avocado and lime. Sopas & Ensaladas: For those looking for lighter fare, they have a massive Shrimp Taco Salad that is big enough for two dieters. They have a Fajita Salad and a Chef Salad, as well. As far as Sopa (soup), they have black bean and tortilla. Both good for when the weather cools off. Tino’s Specialties: The prices range from $7.50 for a Chimichanga to $18 for Carne Asada. Instead of going into every single one of the dozen plus options they have for main entrees, I am going to cut

Tino’s Too Mexican Restaurant 2205 K Avenue • Plano - 75074 (972) 881-9226 to the chase. I am in love with the Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas ($8). This is a dish I order 50% of the time when I eat Mexican and I have to say that this is absolutely the best I have had. It’s done with a corn tortilla which I find to be much better than flour. They give you an ample amount of sauce, too, so I don’t have to feel like a total fat a$$ asking for extra. Platos Americanos: This section of the menu is for the “gringos” of the group or picky kids. For $8 or less, you can get a burger with fries, chicken fingers complete with country-style gravy or a simple grilled chicken breast with rice. Bebidas (Drinks): I know I am stating the obvious here…they have margaritas. These aren’t fancy like something you’d find in Uptown. You don’t get a choice of which tequila is used and they don’t mix in exotic fruits like pomegranate. This is the raw stuff—a little sweet, a little sour and totally potent. The giant schooner size will be enough to add some hair to your chest, but if you are on your lunch break, stick to the mug to avoid total intoxication. If you are underage or just a sissy, they have authentic non-alcoholic Mexican selections like Jarritos and Horchata (rice water). Postres (Desserts): There are four options here, all for around $4. The most unique item (and the most indulgent) is the Volcano Pecan Pie: fresh pecan pie topped with vanilla ice cream and piping hot fudge and cool whipped cream. Tino’s Hot Fudge is vanilla ice cream served in a crispy tortilla bowl, drenched with hot fudge and topped with whipped cream. They, of course, have Flan and Sopapillas, too.

Photo Courtesy: Eric Kendall

Dolphins vs. Cowboys This Thursday – 7PM


September 1- 7, 2010 15 blitzweekly.com

Gerber Bear Grylls Survival Knife

If you asked what we would want to take with us in a stranded situation, we’d probably say a filled iPod, food, or perhaps a back catalog of Playboy (for the articles, of course). A more practical choice, however, would be the Gerber Bear Grylls Survival Knife. Designed by Gerber and the Grylled one himself, this unique wilderness tool features a half-serrated high carbon blade, a stainless steel pommel at the base of the handle, an emergency whistle in the lanyard cord and a host of goodies in the included sheath, like a fire starter, diamond sharpener and Bear’s Priorities of Survival pocket guide for those times when you need some Yoda-like wisdom. Price - $60

Steak Station

Dell Aero

Welcome to the smartphone game, Dell. The Dell Aero is the company’s first U.S. smartphone, featuring AT&T 3G, a 3.5-inch, 640x360 touchscreen, a five megapixel camera with flash and a dedicated shutter button, Wi-Fi and Bluetooth, 2GB of internal storage with micro SD expansion, GPS, and a stylish black, gray and silver body. So again, welcome, and good luck - since this baby is running the relatively ancient Android 1.5, you’re probably going to need it. Price - $100

Sports Capital of the World

I

t’s been nearly two years since I moved to the Dallas-Fort Worth area from Wisconsin. Yes, I have been and always will be a Green Bay Packers fan, but I will root for the Cowboys this year when they face the Bears, Lions and Vikings. As an avid sports follower, I already knew about the Cowboys, Rangers, Mavericks and Stars from playing against the Packers, Brewers, Bucks and Chicago Blackhawks (Milwaukee has no major league hockey). While not a soccer fan, I was also familiar with FC Dallas. What has fascinated me in my short time in North Texas is the multitude of other spectator sports available here. In baseball, there’s the Frisco RoughRiders of the Class AA Texas League and the Grand Prairie AirHogs and Fort Worth Cats of the independent American Association. In basketball, the Texas Legends begin their inaugural season this fall in the National Basketball Association Development League at Frisco’s Dr. Pepper Arena. Also new are the Dallas Impact, North Dallas Vandals and Texas RimRockers (Denton), who are scheduled to start play in November in the minor-league American Basketball Association joining Fort Worth’s North Texas Fresh. In football, there’s the all-male Dallas Vigilantes of the Arena Football League and all-female Dallas Desire of the Lingerie Football League who have their first game

Sept. 3 at the Cotton Bowl. In hockey, there’s the Allen Americans and Texas Brahmas of the Class A Central Hockey League. There’s also the Texas Tornado of the North American Hockey League, a Tier II Junior A league of 16-to-20 year olds. The Brahmas play at the NYTEX Sports Center in North Richland Hills while the Tornado plays at Frisco’s Dr. Pepper Arena. We are one of the few areas with not one, but two professional golf events – the HP Byron Nelson Championships in Irving and the Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial in Fort Worth. We also have three major races at Texas Motor Speedway and pro rodeo in Mesquite and Fort Worth. Our area also is the new bowling capital of the world with the creation of Arlington’s International Bowling Campus which features the International Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame and International Training and Research Center. Did you know that Cowboys Stadium will host the televised finals of the 2011 U.S. Women’s Open next June? Those teams and events alone make the Metroplex a sports haven. But there’s so much more. We have four Division I collegiate programs. Two of them – Texas Christian University and Southern Methodist University – featured football teams that went to bowls

by: Mark Miller

“The Dallasite from the North”

last season. TCU’s baseball team finished near the top in the 2010 College World Series. The University of Texas-Arlington and University of North Texas also field competitive athletic teams each year. Plus, there are several neutral site football matchups at the Cotton Bowl and Cowboys Stadium. Then there are the high schools which feature some of the best athletics anywhere. Where I come from, football stadiums of 3,000 are huge. Here, they are considered small. And nearly every decent-sized high school has at least one player ready to play college football. The point is Dallas-Fort Worth may very well be the spectator sports capital of America. But I think people here take all this for granted and they need to be reminded of how good they have it. So next time you are talking with your buddies in Houston or San Antonio, New York, Chicago or Los Angeles, tell them you live in the heart of sports country. Just be sure to invite them to town to join you for a game or two.

Photos Courtesy: Brad Barton, Joe Lorenzini, Matt Pearce

Grilling your own steaks but need to serve up rare, medium rare, medium, and burnt well done cuts all at the same time? Let the Steak Station help you out. It features four color-coded probes that attach to a main digital display that ensures you’ll get your meat cooked to perfection, or as close as you can get without some serious dry aging. Price - $23


by: Sybil Summers sybilsummers.com

HOTTEST HOTS UNDER 25 10. Hilary Duff (22) - Having been in the spotlight for over a decade, she may have peaked early. Only time will tell. 9. Kara Keough (20) - The daughter of former “Real Housewives of OC” star Jeana Keough is confident, intelligent and sassy. She deserves her own spinoff! 8. Rihanna (22) - The leaked nudie pix really shot her up in value. 7. Evan Rachel Wood (22) - She first caught my eye in the movie “Thirteen” before she was even legal. She’s since kept my attention as Queen SophieAnne in “True Blood.” 6. Amanda Bynes (24) - Sheer talent. Pure comedy. And a hot body to boot. 5. Tori Black (22)This award-winning porn starlet is not only smokin’, she’s actually well-spoken too. 4. Julianne Hough (22) - This AllAmerican beauty has the talent to match her good looks. Too bad she’s got Ryan Seacrest stink all over her. 3. Ashley Greene (23) - See # 8. 2. Selena Gomez (18) - As of late July, we can officially lust after this Disney charmer. And we no longer have to enlist on the state registry! 1. Megan Fox (24) Remember Angelina Jolie in the ‘90s? Multiply that by 2010 and you get Megan Fox. (Never mind her club thumbs.)


HORRORSCOPES Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) In your explanation to the EMTs, you get no further than the part where you were “just trying to get the garden snake back into the mayonnaise jar.”

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) Mercury ascends briefly in Libra this week but then suddenly disappears when the sun explodes. Enjoy your last days and party like a rock star!

FUNNIES

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) It’s not easy to sit up in the sky and tell the people of the world their fortunes. That’s why the stars have been imagining them in their underwear lately.

Q: What’s the difference between female prosecutors and terrorists? A: You can negotiate with terrorists.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) Your life will be imbued with a deep sadness this week, but you’ll be able to ignore it as usual. Keep truckin’!

Q: How can a kid tell if his parents hate him? A: When he sets the house on fire, he gets sent to his room. Q: What’s the difference between a proctologist and a bartender? A: A proctologist looks at a$$holes one at a time. The Lady and The Lamp An old lady finds a lamp and rubs it. Out pops a genie who gives her three wishes. “I want to be young and beautiful,” the old lady requests. The genie snaps his fingers, making her young and beautiful. “My second wish is to be the richest person in the world,” the woman says. The genie again snaps his fingers and it is so. “My final wish,” the woman says, “is that you turn my cat, my only companion or years now, into the handsomest man on earth.” The genie obeys her command. The woman is smitten with the new man and can’t wait to get him into bed. As soon as the genie leaves, the cat turned stud asks the woman, “Now aren’t you sorry you had me neutered?”

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) ACROSS: 1. Egg on 5. Thick slice 9. S S S S 14. Scarce 15. Cut back 16. Coral island 17. At the peak of 18. Affirm 19. Utilize again 20. Majority rule 22. Challenged 23. Muse of love poetry 24. Warning signal 26. Unhappy 29. A lease from one lessee to another 33. A type of edible nut 38. Not rough 39. Loyal 40. Blade 42. Chills and fever 43. Illusionary 45. A genius of the 20th century 47. Ancient ascetic 48. French for “Summer”

49. Bandage 52. Delete 57. A fragment of stone 60. Outlying areas 63. Lane 64. A very troublesome child 65. See 66. Conjecture 67. Part portrayed 68. Slave 69. Discharge 70. Once again 71. Fortuneteller DOWN: 1. Mark 2. Cowboy movie 3. Fragrance 4. Storehouse 5. Box 6. Magma 7. Betel palm 8. Aquamarine 9. Tympanum 10. A type of ship 11. Not sweet 12. Consequence

13. Sleigh 21. Price 25. Agreement 27. Short sock 28. Horse of a dull brownish grey color 30. Balcony section 31. Decorative case 32. Not now 33. Hint 34. Female chickens 35. Cobs of corn 36. Unable to doze 37. Neckwear 41. Cry of disgust 44. Colloquially: a “shrink” 46. Search 50. Venomous elapid snake 51. One of the Great Lakes 53. Angers 54. Came up 55. Rock 56. Glacial ridge 57. Wise one 58. Stopper 59. Away from the wind 61. Story 62. Ragout

The interesting thing about your future isn’t its extreme brevity, but how many angry, drunken Cossacks it holds. In other words, drink more!

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) You will have plenty of time to reflect on the vagaries of modern capitalism while being dragged behind a Learjet by your tie next week.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20) There is absolutely nothing wrong with you that a miraculous breakthrough in the treatment of postmetastasized brain tumors couldn’t cure. Well that and your Athlete’s foot problem.

Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19) Happily, that person you met over the Internet will turn out to be a kind, personable, well-balanced individual. You’re the stalker. Try It’s Just Lunch, she’s just dying to meet you...

Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20) This week, you will provide a good example of what happens to people who under tip funeral directors. Tsk! Tsk! Tight a$$!

Gemini (May 21 – Jun. 21) Sure enough, if you drive the ice-cream truck backwards, it plays “Pop Goes The Weasel” backwards, too. See how fast you can play it backwards!

Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22) If someone tells you that whales are not fish but aquatic mammals one more time, you’re going to kill somebody.

Leo (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22) That’s it: Leo isn’t going to do any more horoscopes for you unless you start showing some damn appreciation. You hear?

blitzweekly.com

JOKES

September 1- 7, 2010 17


blitzweekly.com

18 September 1- 7, 2010 by: Pat Moran

Is There Anything Worse “Man on His Throne”

Than The Evening News? Hell, I’ll go further than that...Is there anything worse than news in general? Whether it’s the local news coverage to national programs, the news never fails to include some of the dumbest sh!t possible.

Photo Courtesy: Hernan De Angelis

Crossword Solution

Last night, I turned on the news for the first time in months and was blown away by the first thing that I saw on the screen: “...And in ten minutes we will tell you all the ways in which your cell phone may kill you.” I mean, what the hell is that? It was ten-thirty at night on a Sunday and I’m enjoying the last remaining bits of my weekend with a beer in one hand and was looking forward to relaxing. But how the hell do I relax when apparently my phone is trying to kill me? I mean, first off, it’s not true and second, how the hell is that news? It’s ridiculous.

And why is there never any good news? By good news, I don’t mean news about some squirrel who plays a ukulele or how some farmer grew the world’s biggest pumpkin. That’s not news. If there can be news about war, disease, famine, horrible celebrities with horrible lives and a never ending onslaught of sadness, depression and a general bull sh!t attitude, then odds are there are newsworthy pieces that could possibly be that strong that have a positive slant. But then again, if my phone is really a wannabe serial killer, it’s probably best to find out ASAP.

by: Jesse Whitman “A Woman’s Perspective”

My brothers are big slobs, so bad that it wouldn’t be that far off to fear catching E. Coli from walking on their floor barefoot. Somehow, anywhere that they live, whether it is a trailer or a three-story penthouse, Dalen and Casey manage to make it look like a crack head’s house. Casey is a scatterbrain about it and is completely oblivious to the mess. He goes about his day in a path of destruction he’s not aware of or just doesn’t care about it. He might claim to have cleaned up the gallon of milk that he spilled in the car seat a week ago even though it is clearly growing a colony of mold and smells like the inside of a garbage can. So, while I’m in the car with him, trying to breathe through my mouth and not throw up, he has the audacity, as sweat and dirt drip all over him, to say that soap isn’t supposed to have any fragrance. “I don’t want that gross fragrance on my skin.” Yes, Casey, that is quite apparent. Dalen, on the other hand, actually puts planning into his

sloppiness. Every rusted lawn ornament that looks like it came from the scrap yard, every empty beer can, has a special place in his house that he as meticulously thought out. I have never seen someone work so hard at making his house look like a salvage dump. So, you can see the reason for Casey’s anxiety when he had to throw a party for his five-year old son. On top of his house looking like the aftermath of a crack party, there was a whole legion of cockroaches hangliding off Doritos in the kitchen. His ex— aka “baby mama”—was a neat freak and very strict about keeping up appearances, so a disaster was almost unavoidable. Happy, the landlord, hated children, small animals, and slobs, so when Casey showed up at his door asking if he could help him with the cockroach problem, he had a really good laugh. “You bunch of pigs. I should have you evicted,” and then he slammed the door in his face. The last dead cockroach had been swept off the floor, the pile

of beer cans thrown out, and everything somehow in miraculous order. The party had commenced surprisingly without a hitch. Decorations were up, the birthday cake was on display, meat on the grill, Crispy was putting Doors on the stereo, and kids were playing in the yard. Everything looked the way a five-year birthday is supposed to, and Jennifer (“baby mama”) approved. We could all finally relax. Or so we thought. Apparently it didn’t take much time for Ramone to get over “Chocolate Thunder” from the halfway house. He brazenly walked in wearing an old suit from the ‘80s, a fedora and alligator-skin boots. Following not so gracefully behind him was a quite large-framed blonde in a stripper outfit consisting of a bikini top and thong. Her platforms were causing her to trip all over the furniture. “Sorry! I’m not used to wearing these heels!” she squealed. We all looked at each other in horror. This had to be some kind of mistake. “This is a five-year

old’s birthday party. They must have ordered a stripper to the wrong house.” Ramone started to introduce her to everyone as his new girlfriend. Guess not. It was only a matter of time before the bimbo staggered her way to the backyard and shattered Jennifer’s perfect image of a kid’s birthday party. And it did more than shatter her image. It was more like a car crash, a five-car pile-up. “Are you a stripper?” “Yeah,” the bimbo innocently squeaked. “You’re being very inappropriate. This is a five-yearold’s birthday party. You need to leave.” It was true that Jennifer was also a stripper pushing forty, but appearances are very different from reality sometimes. Then Ramone sputtered out a string of words that were not at all fitting for a kid’s birthday party and stormed out of the house with poor Bimbo tripping on the furniture all over again. To be continued...


Blitz Weekly  

Big 12 Football Season