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VOL. 2 - ISSUE 31

Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010 3

SoCal Teacher Arrested For Drunken Teaching

BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile/Movie Review 4 Music: Gorillaz – Plastic Beach 5 Mavs and Stars News 6 A Woman’s HSO 7 Hopkins vs Jones Preview 8 COVER STORY: Rangers 2010 Inside The Mind of Kenny Powers 9 2010 MLB Team Predictions 10 Texas Rangers Season Opener 11 BLITZ BABE: Heather 12 Things Men NEVER Want to Hear 13 Restaurant Review: El Ranchito 14 Blitz Toys: The New 370Z 15 The Fan Top 10 with Sybil 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Bracketology – A Cure 18 PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jennifer Wayne CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER: Photographer: Jerome Patrick Cover Design: Damien William Mayfield CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Keith Allison, Yu-Ping Chen, Manny Flores, Chris Furina, David Goodspeed, Kevin Jacobson, Jerome Patrick PHOTOGRAPHERS Darryl Briggs, Gregg Case, Nathaniel Chadwick, Kent Gilley, Tim Gravens, Matt Pearce, Jason Ryan, Ed Westerman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Tony Barone, Kris Boudreau, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, David Goodspeed, Rich Hancock, Dennis Hambright, Andrew J. Hewett, Eric Kendall, Peggy Kilpatrick, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak, Craig Smith, Joe Stumpo, Sybil Summers, Tennessee Chris, Jennifer Wayne and Jesse Whitman ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK “Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.” -- Ted Williams

A Southern California school teacher has been arrested for allegedly teaching while drunk. Toro Canyon Middle School teacher Tonya Neff was taken to the Indio jail Tuesday afternoon and booked for investigation of felony child endangerment. Administrators at Thermal’s Toro Canyon Middle School told the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department that the 47-year-old teacher was apparently intoxicated on campus. Sheriff’s Sgt. Mike Tapp says Neff had taken prescription drugs with alcohol and an alcoholic beverage was found inside a container. Coachella Valley school district Superintendent Ricardo Medina says there was never a threat to Neff’s seventh-grade students. Neff has been placed on leave.

Dallas Woman Tosses Baby Into SUV

A woman is accused of throwing her year-old son into her SUV in a failed attempt to stop the vehicle from being repossessed in Dallas. Krystal Gardner of Tool was jailed Wednesday on bail of nearly $3,800 on charges including child endangerment related to abandonment, no driver’s license and no insurance. Electronic records at the Lew Sterrett Justice Center did not list an attorney for the 28-year-old mother. Recovery agent Luke Ross told KTVTTV that he was in the Ford Expedition when he saw Gardner toss the baby through an open window. He said the baby landed on the seat “like a kid bouncing on a bed.” Texas law bans a vehicle from being repossessed if a person is inside. Police were called. The uninjured baby was removed, for placement with his father. Ross then repossessed the SUV.

Teen Robber Asks Clerk Not To Tell Mom

Police said a teenager who botched a robbery at a Salt Lake City convenience store asked the clerk not to tell his mom. Salt Lake City police said the teen went into the store early Saturday morning and approached the counter with several items. As the clerk rung them up, the teen tried to sneak behind him to hold a knife to his neck. The clerk spun around with his hands up and smacked the teen in the face, knocking him to the floor. The teen then asked the clerk not to call the police and then added, “Don’t tell my mom,” before he fled.

Inmate Breaks Into Jail

A Florida man has been sentenced to 15 years in prison for violating his probation by trying to break into the Brevard County jail. A judged sentenced 25-year-old Sylvester Jiles of Cocoa on Monday. He was convicted in January of trespassing on jail property and resisting an officer. Authorities say Jiles tried to climb a 12-foot fence at the Brevard County Detention Center in August. He was caught and hospitalized with severe cuts from the barbed wire. He had been released a week earlier after accepting a plea deal on a manslaughter charge. Jiles had begged jail officials to take him back into custody, saying he feared retaliation from the victim’s family. Jail officials said they couldn’t take him in and told him to file a police report.

Andrew J. Hewett

www.chewednews.com

A BUYER COULD FILE AWAY THE DAY FILING AWAY THEIR BRAIN

On March 17, 2010, The Dallas Morning News told of a real bonus, had shoppers been able to purchase a filing cabinet at the Dallas City Store (where police sell off old evidence, etc.). In this case, this filing cabinet, getting ready for sell, contained 123 separate bags of: cocaine, marijuana and methamphetamine.

BEFORE OR AFTER “HAPPY HOUR”?

On April 9, 2002, U.S. President George W. Bush (2001–09) said, quote: “And so, in my State of the --- my State of the Union --- or state -- my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation -- I asked Americans to give 4,000 years -- 4,000 hours over the next–the rest of your life --of service to America. That’s what I asked -- 4,000 hours.”

HE CURED HER DANDRUFF…LONG TERM

In May 1981, Danish long-distance truck driver Luigi Longhi received life in prison after being convicted of murdering a West German girl hitchhiker. Longhi admitted to washing Heike Freiheit’s hair four times before strangling her.


blitzweekly.com

4 Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010

HOLLYWOOD PROFILE

BLITZREVIEWS By: Joe Stumpo - www.darthstumpo.com

Wa s t i n g o u r m o n ey s o yo u d o n ’t h a ve t o !

with Sam Worthington

by: Vivian Fullerlove “Entertainment’s Real Critic”

I think it is safe to go out on a limb and declare Sam Worthington as Hollywood’s new leading man. His last little movie has grossed nearly a billion dollars at the box office, and we get to enjoy Sam in all his glory once again in the new action adventure movie Clash of the Titans. In the movie, the ultimate struggle for power pits men against kings and kings against gods. But the war between the gods themselves could destroy the world. Born of a god but raised as a man, Perseus is helpless to save his family from Hades, vengeful god of the underworld. With nothing left to lose, Perseus, played by Worthington, volunteers to lead a dangerous mission to defeat Hades before he can seize power from Zeus and unleash hell on earth. I sat down with Sam to discuss the movie and exactly what it means to be a hero. Would you call Perseus a hero? I believe any hero is just a person who can stand up when the going gets tough. Everyone has heroics inside them. I believe that if you’re reluctant or if you’re destined to be a hero, everybody...me, you has heroics inside them. If someone is being picked on and you can stand up and say don’t do that, then that’s heroic. That to me is Perseus. That’s what makes him heroic. No matter the adversity you throw at him, he’s still going to keep on going on. This one, like your other films, is very high action. Were there any scenes where you were looking over your shoulder for the stunt double? When you have a leader like that you trust him so much when it comes to the big stunts. And you put yourself on the harness and you put yourself through it. And I mean, there’s harder jobs to do than putting yourself in a friggin’ (and yes, he did say friggin’) harness and jumping off something into a bag of beans.

What can audiences expect if they go see this movie? It’s a fun ride that you can get on and go on this journey with him. And you’ll see bits of yourself in it and you can come out going that was a cool message. That you don’t necessarily have to be a god to succeed. You can make your own destiny. The movie is really visually stunning. Are there a lot of computer generated effects? People are going to look at this movie and think that some of the sets and locations are CG but when you’re filming above those clouds, that’s for real. Clash of the Titans opens in theaters nationwide this week. The film is rated PG-13 for fantasy action and violence and some scary images. For all of this week’s new releases and more of your favorite celebs, check out my show Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable Video on Demand under the North Texas Programming tab!

Repo Men If the job of being a film critic was that you didn’t have to sit through every movie, I would have definitely passed on Repo Men. The two minute trailer gave me the complete rundown of everything that happens in the film. The only thing missing was the ending. In fact, midway through Repo Men is a scene where a woman named Beth (Alice Braga) whose organ payments are long overdue asks Remy (Jude Law), a “repo man” who’s behind making his own payments for an organ replacement he received what he plans to do about their situation. “Finish this,” Remy says. Therein lies the reason for my seeing Repo Men – to see how it all ends. Ok. Two reasons. I had to see the film to review it. Somewhere inside this futuristic sci-fi story is a timely premise given the current battle going on in Washington over government run healthcare. In the not too distant future, we get a society where practically every disease is cured by giving a patient a mechanical pancreas, kidney, or heart, etc. Whatever it is you might need, the Union Corporation sales manager Frank (Liev Schreiber) will gladly give you. “You owe it to yourself and your

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family,” Frank says. Too bad one’s medical insurance doesn’t cover it. Enter the “Repo Men” played by Law and Forest Whitaker who are sent out to reclaim those mechanical organs on patients unable to make payments. Remy, however, gets a change of heart when he becomes a patient himself. I kept hoping Repo Men might offer some debate or thought-provoking message about the nation’s health care problem. Perhaps be a jab at the medical insurance companies who charge patients thousands of dollars one’s insurance won’t pay putting the patient in the poor house. Or it could be another justification why people don’t want government run healthcare. On one level, the Union Corporation and its group of “Repo Men” could be the equivalent of what happens when “big government” steps in to take over your life. Repo Men offers none of that. The film is as empty-headed as the patients who sign away their savings and are left penniless following the operation and live on borrowed time.


Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010 5 blitzweekly.com

by: Tennessee Chris Music Snob

MUSIC: Gorillaz Mix 1. Clint Eastwood

Gorillaz - Gorillaz

2. Feel Good Inc

Gorillaz - Demon Days

3. Tomorrow Comes Today

Gorillaz - Gorillaz

4. 19-2000

Gorillaz - Gorillaz

Wednesday, Mar 31:

The Barley House, 5612 Yale Blvd Half-price food, $2 Lonestar bottles and selected $2 drafts.

5. Dare

Gorillaz - Demon Days

6. Starshine

Gorillaz - Gorillaz

7. Latin Simone

Gorillaz - Gorillaz

8. 5/4

Gorillaz - Gorillaz

9. Dirty Harry

Gorillaz - Demon Days

10. All Alone

Thursday, Apr 1:

Plush, 1400 Main St. $3 Wells & Domestic in Basement and $5 Wells on Main Floor. Swank and won’t break the bank. $10 cover.

Gorillaz - Demon Days

Friday, Apr 2:

Whisk Us Away to Plastic Beaches Friends, let’s talk about one of the best releases of 2010 – Gorillaz Plastic Beach. This action-packed concept album finds the cartoon band on an isolated island constructed entirely of consumer detritus and exploring the melancholy beauty of mankind’s interaction with the natural world, which mirrors Damon Albarn’s method of building the Gorillaz’ danceably eclectic sound from offcuts of hip hop, funk, alternative rock, pop, world and electronica. He doesn’t steal, borrow or lazily recycle from other genres; he lovingly salvages the things they’ve left behind, like a hip, 21st century Yeoman. The album opens with a warm wash of oceanic strings, before hitting a shore of hard, dissonant brass notes. Then the hip hop beat drops to reveal the voice of Plastic Beach’s first celebrity inhabitant, Snoop Doggy Dogg, snarling through the musical sheen. After this opening track, Plastic Beach really seems to throw everything at us from multiple directions: You get orchestral sections, followed by Snoop Dogg, followed by UK rappers and Arabic music, followed by soul singer Bobby Womack, then some Little Dragon, and so on. Yes, it sounds heady and yes it sounds conflicting, but Albarn somehow makes it all work due not only to his innovation of blending starkly contrasting styles, but also to his confidence in his vision. A sweeping album made of mashed-up sounds, cool shifts in music and perspective and a relentless swagger, this album also portrays artists out of their comfort zone – for

example, on “Welcome To The World Of The Plastic Beach,” Snoop Dogg doesn’t spit his usual West-coast gangsta lyricism for which he is famous. He doesn’t even drop a full verse. Rather, Snoop sprinkles lines throughout the track, never rapping more than 4 consecutive bars. By consequence, the song does not feel like a “Gorillaz feat. Snoop Dogg” track, but rather a Gorillaz AND Snoop Dogg track, with both artists bringing their strengths to the table. The only featured artists who could have brought more to the table were De La Soul & Welsh singer Gruff Rhys, but that was probably due to the fact that “Superfast Jellyfish” (the track that they were featured on) had, in comparison to the rest, the weakest concept of all the songs on Plastic Beach. Gorillaz ensured though that they wouldn’t be outshone by their guests, and so the listener is treated to beautiful and intricate lyrics on the part of Damon Albarn and nuanced instrumentals. What started as a side project by Damon Albarn of Blur grew into something bigger and stranger than many would have predicted. Few bands from this century have been able to connect so well with such a broad variety of music fans as Gorillaz. The irony of it is that it took a band of demented and often bleak cartoon characters to prove that authentic, creative, and thought-provoking music could still be considered popular fare. Yet even their stand-by fans will find Plastic Beach to be oddly bold.

Fair Park Coliseum, 4100 S. Fitzhugh Ave Dallas Circus Spectacular benefitting Hella Shriners. Hey, there’s a beautiful ring mistress this year. Shows at 10 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. Tickets $19-$30.

Saturday, Apr 3:

Lotus, 2900 McKinney Ave Backspin Fridays: Retro ‘80s and ‘90s hits all night long.

Sunday, Apr 4:

House of Blues, White Swan Building Gospel Brunch: Fried Chicken, Sausage, White Chocolate Bread Pudding and more. $34 admission.

Monday, Apr 5:

Barcadia, 1917 N. Henderson Ave Half-price food and Happy Hour until 2 a.m. Plus, they have skeeball and retro arcade games and a deck facing the street for optimum people-watching.

Tuesday, Apr 6:

Fat Daddy’s, 5th & Taylor, Ft.Worth. $10 Domestic Buckets + 22 flat screens = this is where you’re watching CSI.


STARS:News

by: Geoff Case NBA Analyst

Defending Dirk

There are only a few players that could be called un-guardable in the NBA--LeBron, Kobe, Wade, Melo and Dirk. The others on that list find their shots primarily off the dribble, but Dirk is a different breed; he has the only un-blockable shot: The patented “7 footer fade away” that no one can stop face-to-face. The only way you can really stop Dirk is if he’s missing shots or not getting the calls. However, the easiest way to beat the Mavs pre-trade was to shut Jason Terry down. San Antonio always keyed on Terry because he was the one factor on offense they knew they could limit. That’s what I would focus on if I were an opposing coach, let Nowitzki get his (because he will anyway) and focus on the aspects of the team you’ve actually got a shot at stopping. Terry needs a screen to get his shot off a majority of the time and you know exactly which spaces on the court he likes to take them. All they would have to do is watch the screener and have someone set up camp in that area to disrupt his rhythm. Now that we’ve got some guys opposite Dirk that can create their own shots, (Butler/ Beaubois) it’s much harder to contain/disrupt the secondary options.

The Positives

In fact, when opposing defenses keys in on Nowitzki, the offense actually runs better. The Mavs go out every night expecting that to be the other team’s game-plan and it’s what they practice. Upcoming Opponents: 4/1 vs Orlando Magic – Brendan Haywood has been as good as anyone in the league at putting a lid on Dwight Howard, but can they disrupt the penetration of Vince Carter. 4/3 vs Oklahoma City Thunder – The Thunder have been a handful all season! 4/7 vs Memphis Grizzles – Zac Randolph is playing at an All Star level this season and it still a force to be reckoned with. My prediction for this stretch: 2-1

by: Richard “Rocket” Pollak “That Hockey Guy”

(PART ONE)

The 2010 Dallas Stars have a few “pluses” but too many minuses! Upfront Center Brad Richards has been the biggest plus of the season as he leads the team in scoring and has ranked in the top 10 all year long. His power play points put him at the very top of the NHL. LW Loui Eriksson is having another +25 goal production season and learning to be a formidable penalty killer. When second year pro James Neal is on their right wing, he has been a tremendous scoring contributor and his “REAL DEAL” has created an identity for him and the moniker has added excitement to the season. Center Mike Ribeiro, who worked his way into a 5 year/$25 million dollar contract by playing along Captain Brendan Morrow, scores a lot of points and is a crafty playmaker. Waiver cast-off Brandon Segal was at the right place at the right time and fell into playing on the right side with Morrow and Ribeiro, scoring 6 goals in 6 games. Rookie Jamie Benn has been the most productive rookie in Stars history, his midseason move to the center position is a look at the future of the Stars. Fans should be excited to soon see a Neal-Benn-Scott Glennie line leading the Stars. Agitator Steve

Ott has become a top six forward, producing points as well as penalty minutes. The Stars can even rely on him for an occasion shoot-out or penalty kill. Center Tom Waddell was the most promising discovery out of training camp. He looked to be the permanent third center for the Stars until a season ending injury. Looking ahead to next season, Waddell is going to play major minutes in the center slot behind Richards and Ribeiro. Plus, we have our future in goal with the trade deadline acquisition of the former number #2 overall draft pick Kari Lehtonen.

Photo Courtesy: Manny Flores

MAVS:News

Photo Courtesy: Gregg Case

blitzweekly.com

6 Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010

NEXT WEEK: THE MINUS


Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010 7

by: Jennifer Wayne “Foxie and Fired Up”

saying, “Pick 1.” Crittenton then retrieved his own gun and showed it to Arenas. In a statement, Arenas claims he brought four guns to the Verizon Center to store in his locker to get them out of his house and away from his children. He said he mistakenly believed that recent changes in D.C. law made it legal for him to store unloaded guns there. Arenas said he took the unloaded guns out of his locker on Dec. 21 “in a misguided effort to play a joke on a teammate.” He later continued, “Joke or not, I now recognize that what I did was a mistake and was wrong,” Arenas said. “I should not have brought the guns to D.C. in the first place, and I now realize that there’s no such thing as joking around when it comes to guns — even if unloaded.”

OMG…he just realized guns are not a joke? Yeah, right. The first half of his statement about keeping the kids safe contradicts that. Oh wait, I bet he came back with “Guns don’t kill people…I do.” Who is doing this guy’s press? Prosecutors wrote that the locker-room incident “was not a spur-of-the-moment joke,” but calculated. Duh! Did someone pay an investigator for that awesome conclusion? He took the time to bring not one, but FOUR guns AND made a sign! In closing, if you have a good lawyer and money, do whatever the hell you want. The maximum sentence for violating the DC gun laws is five years. Arenas got off easy, especially considering he threatened to kill someone and blow up their car. Ummm…if you’re dead, does it matter if your car is blown up, too?

Photo Courtesy: Keith Allison

The Good Life…Gone Bad How does a man who made $110 million in 13 seasons become broke? That amount of money should last you a lifetime. Ask Antoine Walker, 33, who earned most of his money while playing for the Boston Celtics. He won’t even know how much he has until he gets out of debt. He lost most of his money to the usual poor investments, bad decisions, gambling and living the “lifestyle.” Last July, he was arrested for bouncing ten checks totaling a million dollars to Las Vegas casinos. He established a credit line with the casinos early in his career when he was making the big bucks. He would increase his limit often to try to get back the money he had lost but this eventually caught up to him. To avoid jail time, he agreed to a three-year payment plan of $21,390 a month. Early in his career, he traveled with an entourage of close to ten people. They pretty much got the same stuff he got- flights, food, hotels...paying ten times for everything can add up quickly. His spending of money was well known and

NBA: Magic vs Mavs Thur, Apr 1 – 7:00 PM – AAC – TNT Mavs coach Rick Carlisle was looking for someone to lead his slumping squad and on March 27th, Roddy Beaubois’ 40-point night shattered his previous career-high of 24 points and lead the Mavs to a victory. Roddy B. only has about a half-month left in the regular season to prove himself…it should only get better.

NHL: Oilers vs Stars Fri, Apr 2 – 7:30 PM – AAC – FS-SW (HD) Edmonton had a horrible January and February, but grabbed three wins in a row at the end of March. They are used to high-scoring games, which means they can pace themselves a little better than our Stars. We’re still holding out hope for the home team, though.

Photo Courtesy: Jerome Patrick

District of Columbia Superior Court Judge Robert E. Morin didn’t send NBA Star Gilbert Arenas to prison on Friday after a whirlwind of speculation that he would get 3 months in jail. Instead, the Wizards Guard was sentenced to 30 days in a halfway house for a felony gun conviction. The sentence also includes 400 hours of community service and a $5,000 fine. Arenas pleaded guilty Jan. 15 to violating the District of Columbia’s strict gun laws, a charge stemming from a lockerroom dispute between Arenas and his teammate Javaris Crittenton about a card game involving money during a Dec. 19 flight to Washington. Authorities also say Arenas threatened to shoot Crittenton in the face and blow up his car. Two days later, Arenas brought four guns to the locker-room and put them in a chair by Crittenton’s locker with a sign

blitzweekly.com

A Woman’s HSO: Who Do I Believe?

by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com

considered big even for the NBA norm. He purchased a $3.1 million Miami house, $4.1 million condo in Chicago and $2.5 million on a home for his mother. Both of his homes are now up for sale. He was known carry $100,000 around neatly rolled up. At one point his unpaid debt totaled around seven million dollars. The ten million he had invested in properties was a waste. After trusting a “friend” of his to care for the properties, the city of Chicago fined him a million dollars for violating building codes. He is now considered a slumlord. He has to pay two women seven thousand a month for child support. He had to pay his former agent $600,000 for unpaid fees. It’s safe to say he’s in a hell of a bind. Currently he plays basketball in Puerto Rico for the Guaynabo Mets and will earn $150,00 for the year at best. He’s down to two cars and trying to liquidate his houses. Pretty sad for a guy who once had it all to now have nothing but memories and friends that disappeared.

MLB: Blue Jays vs Rangers Mon, Apr 5 – 1:05 PM – Rangers Ballpark – The Fan 105.3 It’s the home opener! We shouldn’t have to give you a reason to watch it! It will be interesting to see who they allow to start with all the drama swirling the air from training camp. It will be interesting to see how the team preforms with “Vlad the Impaler” on our side.

NHL: Blackhawks vs Stars Tue, Apr 6 – 7:30 PM – AAC – FS-SW (HD) Chicago has a solid history of winning in shootouts, so if the Stars can nail down some goals early on and hold on to them, this should be close. After this, there’s only a couple of games, so watch ‘em while you can. We don’t know if we will be able to watch our hometown hero Mo’ in action next season.


blitzweekly.com

8 Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010

Déjà Vu in the Boxing Ring

by: Tony Barone “The Senior Sports Authority”

Almost seventeen years after their original bout, Roy Jones Jr. and Bernard Hopkins are scheduled to fight again. When they step into the ring on April 17, they will be a combined age of 86 years old! No one thought this fight would happen after Jones was destroyed in the first two minutes of his last fight against Australian Danny Green. Hopkins, on the other hand, cruised to an easy victory after 14 months of inactivity against little known Enrique Ornelas. After Roy lost, B-Hop insisted the fight go on as planned, blaming the Jones loss on bad refereeing. Roy did agree to modify the original 50/50 purse with the possibility for both of the fighters to take 60 percent of the purse if they win via knockout. When they first fought way back in May 1993, it was for the vacant IBF Middleweight title and Jones badly hurt his right hand early on but still won a fairly easy unanimous decision by tagging “The Executioner” repeatedly with his left hand in 12 very forgettable rounds. But that was a long, long time ago… Roy would go on to become the first middleweight in over 100 years to win a heavyweight title. He defeated little known fighters so easily that he earned the nickname Superman. The only defeat he had was a DQ loss to Montell Griffin after he punched Griffin when he was already down on his knee. He avenged that loss in emphatic fashion via a first-round KO in a rematch.

When he moved up to heavyweight to fight WBA champ John Ruiz, apart from the difference in size between the two fighters, it looked the same as all his other fights. Jones was too quick, too good, and frustrated Ruiz with clowning moves on his way to a unanimous victory. However, his kryptonite would be losing all those pounds of muscle to get back to the light heavyweight division. His first fight back was against Antonio Tarver and it was by far his toughest fight to date, a weight drained Roy Jones won a heavily contested split decision. In the rematch, the self proclaimed Mr. Unstoppable was knocked out in the second round. Roy Jones was no longer invincible and was knocked out again in his very next fight, this time by Jamaican Glen Johnson. Fans were now calling out for Jones to retire, but he kept going and fought Tarver for a third time and seemed happy to last 12 rounds, even though he lost. Since that loss he is 5-2, showing flashes of his old brilliance but also looking embarrassingly outmatched by Joe Calzaghe, a guy he would have had very little trouble with in his prime. Bernard Hopkins (50-5-1, 32 KOs) will surely be a huge favorite going into this fight and although at 45 he will be the older man, he has aged a lot better then Roy Jones (54-6, 40 KOs) and is still considered by many as one of the best pound-forpound fighters.

BOXING

Photo Courtesy: Chris Furina

IS

READY TO by: Dennis Hambright www.dennishambright.com

I‘ve always been a boxing fan. I remember my dad kneeling down in the backyard, palms up, teaching me to jab-jab-hook, my young fists slapping against the skin of his hands. Then he’d snap out a quick shot, tapping the side of my face and saying, “Always keep your hands up.” It was like learning to ride a bike or throwing rocks at cans on a fence post. It was part of growing up. The ‘sweet science’ helped transcend trivial disagreements, like the length of your hair or whether rock-and-roll was just an annoying fad. Boxing was an ‘every man’ sport, bridging gaps between generations of men and boys…fathers and sons. I’m afraid that’s changed. In boxing’s heyday, hard-working men gathered in neighborhood bars and listened to blow-by-blow action on the radio. Families watched ‘Friday Night Fights’ on televi-

Tap Out

sion and cheered tough ‘pugs’ that shuffled around the ring, stalking their prey in a violent game of human chess. But like what happens with many simple pleasures in life, it seems that boxing has arrogantly followed the ‘big money’ and left the ‘regular guy’ fans of the pugilistic arts standing in the ditch, wishing for their ‘every man’ sport. It just may be that MMA has come along to fill that huge gap. Just a few years ago, television networks wouldn’t touch MMA with a ten foot pole, but in 2008, the UFC was the top-selling Pay Per View sport, surpassing boxing for the very first time. In 2009, boxing had two events that sold more than a million PPV buys (Pacquiao/Cotto & Mayweather/Marquez), but the UFC had the biggest card of the year, and the biggest card in MMA history (Lesnar/Mir & St Pierre/Alves) with 1,500,000+ buys. The UFC buried boxing in overall PPV buys that year with approximately 7,979,000. It was a sure sign that MMA had moved in to land some solid blows of success in the combat sports market, and was definitely here to stay. I don’t think anybody can say that boxing is going away anytime soon. The all-time record for a single PPV event is still the De La Hoya/Mayweather bout in 2007, with 2,150,000 buys. But what I think can be said is, that MMA seems to be well on the way to being as big or bigger than boxing ever was. Part of MMA’s rise to success might be accessibility. If you’re a boxing fan, you’re lucky to see your favorite fighter once or twice a year, and you can bet it’s only on a PPV event. And boxing just doesn’t seem willing to put money behind seriously promoting their

young talent pool until they’re in the million-dollar purse category. Big name fighters on free television seems to be something boxing doesn’t think they need to be worried with. However, with MMA, whether it’s the UFC or HD Fight Nights or one of the other programming outlets, there seems to be a regular selection of ‘ground-and-pound’ action to be seen on almost any night of the week, and for free. Sure, MMA is after the big PPV bucks too, but at the same time, they’re catering to their ‘every man’ fan base, and building loyal followers, like boxing did in the good old days, and like boxing never should have abandoned. I don’t think anybody can say boxing is ready to ‘tap out’ yet, but they’re definitely taking some hard ‘eight counts’ in popularity and fan loyalty.


by: Frank LaCasta “Baseball Idiot”

“If at first you don’t succeed, then maybe you just suck.” – Kenny Powers

Frank LaCosta: Back in ’02, you struck out the Orioles’ best hitter in Game 7 to win the World Series in the bottom of the 9th. You would come up with the catch phrase, “You’re F**king Out!” What was the feeling like to win it all? Kenny Powers: It was a feeling I have had all of my life. You’ve got to understand that I am better than everyone on the f**king planet. I can throw the ball faster than f**k and these queers can’t hang when I bring the heat. FL: You came up with the Braves. The next year you signed with the Yankees in ’03. Then you were with the Giants in ’04, Red Sox in ’05. If I remember correctly, the Mariners were the last team you were with. What was it like playing with all those teams? KP: Too many blacks in Atlanta, too many Jews in New York, too many queers in SF. Boston was more my speed. Lotsa coke and beautiful b!tches that wanted me. Seattle can suck my d!ck. When I get back to the majors I will burn those motherf**kers to the ground. Just a bunch of tree-hugging faggots in Seattle. FL: How many cans of Powers Chew do you go through in a week? KP: It’s chew, you f**king moron. It comes in a pouch. Those a$$holes pulled the endorsement when I was falsely accused of steroids. FL: Tell us a little bit about your book: The Best Part About Being Kenny Powers Is Being Kenny Powers. KP: It’s a motivational book that will give the youth of America a true hero to look up to. It will also help the rest of the world realize that they will never be on my level. FL: Any thoughts on all this steroid stuff regarding Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, Barry Bonds… KP: I AIN’T ON F**KING STEROIDS! FL: What are you up to these days? KP: F**kin’, snortin’, smokin’, drinkin’, banging April Big Cannons and training for the majors. I haven’t had any calls yet but someone will pick me up soon. I am a super star athlete. Get me paid, B!tch! FL: Lastly, how proud are you to be associated with our presenting sponsor Ashley Schaeffer BMW? KP: Ashley Schaeffer is a f**king asshole. He is suing me for throwing a brick through the window of one of his overpriced Nazi sleds. He has no proof. It wasn’t me on the video. I am going to kick the sh!t out of him. Maybe we could do a cage fight at the dealership and he could pay me for a celebrity appearance. Can you hook that up? Career Stats Year Club 2005 Red Sox 2004 Giants 2003 Yankees 2002 Braves

G 15 52 64 62

IP 12.6 54.6 62.6 66.3

W 0 3 7 7

L 6 10 3 3

SV 3 30 39 49

SO 6 44 79 106

Unique Stadium Foods Crab Cake Sandwiches Oriole Park - Baltimore, MD If you’re in Maryland, you have to at least eat some kind of crab. Why not try the Crab Cake Sandwiches at a ballgame? Made with real East Coast crab and mixed with a whole lotta good stuff!

Ichiroll Spicy Tuna Safeco Field Seattle, WA Named after the Mariners center fielder, Ichiro Suzuki, these spicy tuna will impress the most avid sushi eater.

Noah’s Soft Pretzel Nationals Park - Washington, DC Okay, it may taste just like a normal pretzel but it’s unique because it is in the shape of a “W.” Nothing says team spirit like that! Rocky Mountain Oysters Coors Field - Denver, CO Pretty much everyone knows that Rocky Mountain Oysters are fried bull testicles best dipped in cocktail sauce. At Coors Field, home of the Rockies, they hardly sell any of these, but they keep them on the menu...just in case.

BB 9 27 20 30

ER 12 40 33 21

ERA 8.57 6.59 4.74 2.85

Gilroy Garlic Fries AT&T Park - San Francisco, CA Gordon Biersch’s creation of ground garlic, herbs, and parmesan cheese piled on French fries has been imitated at ballparks across the country. At one time, Gordon Biersch used fresh garlic cloves exclusively, but the fries were too spicy for many and left those who could handle the zest with yucky breath, so minced garlic eventually replaced the fresh kind.

by: Peggy Kilpatrick & Jennifer Wayne

Ybor City Cuban Tropicana Field St. Petersburg, FL Ybor City, the home of Lou Piniella, is a neat old part of town made up of Cuban, Italian, Spanish, and German immigrants. The Columbia restaurant, an Ybor City landmark, also has a stand at Tropicana Field. The Columbia’s Cuban Sandwich is made with spicy ham, gooey cheese, pickles, and sweet peppers, grilled into a flat sandwich. Don’t forget the napkins.

The award for the most diverse menu at a stadium goes to AT&T Park in San Francisco, CA. You can start with a Crab Cocktail and get a Garden or Turkey Burger or a Sheboygen Bratwurst for your main course. They also have Lemon Chicken, Wine Carts, Caribbean Cha Cha Bowls, Tri-tip Sandwiches and Snow Cones.

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Inside The Mind of Kenny Powers

Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010 9


10 Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010 blitzweekly.com

by: Kris Boudreau - “The Voice Out West”

Yankees

The world champs only got better with the addition of Curtis Granderson. Expect the rotation to stay rock solid at the top with CC and Burnett and the Yanks to be favored to win it all again.

Red Sox

An outstanding 1-2-3 punch in the starting rotation with Beckett, Lester and newlyacquired John Lackey. Lineup is still solid but not as powerful as in the past.

Rays

The biggest downside of the Rays is being in this division. A team that has overcome many odds of making it to the postseason a few years ago just does not have the horses to do it this year.

Twins

Angels

Tigers

Rangers

Hometown hero Joe Mauer is the AL batting champ and arguably the best leader in baseball. They will adjust to the outdoors in their new stadium and repeat as division champs.

A veteran laden team that will compete for both division and wild card if their rotation can hold up. The addition of Johnny Damon solidifies the top of the order.

Orioles

Matt Weiters will truly be something special and they should use him as a cornerstone to build around. Until the owners invest in the team they will continue to be cellar dwellers!

Maybe the best offensive lineup in baseball with the addition of Vladimir Guerrero. We’ll see how they handle the Ron Washington situation.

White Sox Mariners The best one-two punch in the Central from the starting rotation with Peavy and Buehrle, but offensively won’t get enough support for them to reach potential in wins.

Blue Jays Indians Roy Halladay’s departure Fausto Carmona is not the says to me rebuilding in the near future. They simply cannot compete with the top three teams in this division.

How can you pick against Scioscia and the Angles? They countered the loss of Chone Figgins with one of the best free agent signings in Hideki Matsui.

player we thought he would be when he was a rookie. After CC left, the team started the rebuilding process, which could take a year or two more.

Royals

Zack Greinke is one of the best pitchers in the bigs and Billy Butler had a breakout season. They are just way too young and don’t have the lineup to compete.

The Redskins of MLB continue to overpay (Griffey, Figgins, Bradley). Cliff Lee does not fall into this category but I’m skeptical of Felix Hernandez’ ability to stay healthy.

Athletics

This used to be the model club for competing small markets, but Billy Beane’s magic has been running out the last couple of years.

Phillies

The best team in the NL East period. The best offense, defense and pitching in the league by far. Replaced one Cy Young Winner with a better one. I don’t see this race even close.

Cardinals Dodger As long as Tony La Russa is managing it doesn’t matter how young this team may be. Matt Holliday was a great addition and they still have some guy named Albert Pujols.

The Dodgers have the cusp of making series run the last t and this year they h experience to do so

Marlins

Cubs

Colorado is the saf compete with the D the division. A gre nucleus will compe L.A. with Troy Tul being a dark horse

Mets

Brewers Diamondb

You hardly see a team in pro sports do so much with so little. The Marlins seem to always be there and I expect them to build on last year’s success.

The Mets continue to underachieve with their huge payroll and outstanding talent. If healthy they can contend but that’s a big if.

Braves

It seems like forever ago when it was just a foregone conclusion the Braves would win the East. This team is just on the brink with though with young talent such as Jason Heyward.

Nationals The Nationals should see a spark in attendance when Strasburg pitches but he won’t be a factor this year and neither will the young Nats.

A tumultuous offseason in regards to ownership but still have the third highest payroll. On paper they look great but they still won’t get over the hump.

No amount of offense can make up for their pitching, which is dismal.

Reds

A good mix of veterans and young talent. Should compete but don’t have the rotation to win…yet.

Astros

Have some good young talent in Bourn and Pence but rotation is shaky after Oswalt. Still a couple of years away.

Pirates

Teams like this prove why a salary cap would work in baseball. They can’t afford to keep their young talent once they start reaching their potential.

Rockie

It really comes dow whether Brandon W can recover and pit potential. If he can rotation will be the

Giants

Have a great group veterans to go with reining CY Young Just don’t know if support will be the

Padres

Just a bad team ove outside of Adrian G Rebuilding is in th future.


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he Texas Rangers Opening Day is April 5th against the Toronto Blue Jays. There’s a positive energy going into this season. Opening Day tickets were sold out within an hour. This is going to be their year. Last year was a good year for the team finishing above .500 for the second time in the decade. They were in contention for the American League West title until the last few weeks of the season when they seemed to run out of gas. They finished second behind the Angels for the second straight season. GM Jon Daniels is now in his fifth season and his idea of stocking the farm system looks to be paying off.

A POSITION BATTLE? Going into Spring Training most of the lineup was pretty well set, however, there are still a few unanswered questions. Who is going to play catcher? The job was declared wide open before camp and a leader has yet to be announced. Jarrod Saltalamacchia hasn’t been able to stay healthy lately and hasn’t played in many games in Surprise. He’s still showing some lingering effects from shoulder surgery he had in September. Taylor Teagarden is solid behind the

by: Craig Smith

plate, but his bat scares me and the Rangers. One option being considered is splitting the duty behind the plate.

HEADING INTO 2010 Can Josh Hamilton stay healthy? He only played in 89 games last season due to a torn abdominal muscle and a bruised rib cage. In the first week of Spring Training this year, he dove for a ball and hurt his shoulder causing him to miss time again. He’s a great player but has to learn that battles with the wall and ground he will not win. I was there when he made the unbelievable catch against the Angels against the wall. One of the best catches I ever saw but not worth the missed time that came with it. Rangers need him in the lineup. Will the Ron Washington story about using cocaine affect the team? Pretty much the whole team showed up for his press conference showing their devotion to their coach. I think this could be something that brings them closer. There will be some new faces in Arlington this year. Most fans are giddy over the signing of now ex- “Ranger Killer” Vladimir Guerrero. Four new pitchers will be welcomed to the staff led by Rich Harden who has struck out 9.35 batters per

nine innings in his career. Colby Lewis rejoins the Rangers after having two good seasons in Japan. Darren Oliver and Chris Ray were added to the bullpen. The guys not returning are Kevin Millwood (Orioles), Marlon Byrd (Cubs), Hank Blalock (Rays), Pudge Rodriguez (Nationals) and hitting coach Rudy Jaramillo(Cubs).

THE BATS Julio Borbon had 19 stolen bases and hit .312 in only 46 games last season after being called up. His arm has been questioned but a nice lead off hitter if he can play anything like last year. Michael Young had another solid year batting .312 with 22 homeruns. Josh Hamilton struggled at the plate most of the year but finished strong batting .346 in final 32 games. Hopefully Vladimir Guerrero can maintain his .394 average at Rangers Ballpark. Ian Kinsler had a career high last year with 31 homeruns but a career low .253 average. Nelson Cruz made his first All Star appearance but only had 23 runs batted in second half of season. Chris Davis was a nightmare at the plate before being demoted, but after returning hit .308 in 36 games--one of the best fielding first baseman in the league. Saltalamacchia

will need to get his average up while still battling shoulder problems. Elvis Andrus did better than expected at the plate last year and finished with a .267 average. He reminds me of Ozzie Smith with the way he makes hard plays look effortless.

ON THE MOUND Pitching as usual will make or break this team. Nolan Ryan’s philosophy of toughening up starting pitchers seemed to work last year as they routinely pitched more innings. The pitching staff is young and lacks experience for the most part. Rich Harden is a good pitcher but his durability has been a problem. Scott Feldman was spectacular last season with 17 wins but only won seven games before last season. Frank Francisco will be the closer out of the bullpen. Neftali Feliz will be looked upon to bring his 100 mph fastball for a few quick strikeouts when needed.

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CF LINEUP CF Julio Borbon 2B Ian Kinsler 3B Michael Young DH Vladimir Guerrero LF Josh Hamilton RF Nelson Cruz 1B Chris Davis C Jarrod Saltalamacchia SS Elvis Andrus

Julio Borbon David Murphy Greg Golson

LF Josh Hamilton David Murphy Joe Inglett

SS Elvis Andrus Joaquin Arias

2B Ian Kinsler Esteban German Joaquin Arias

STARTING ROTATION RHP Scott Feldman RHP Rich Harden LHP C.J. Wilson RHP Colby Lewis LHP Matt Harrison

1B

3B

Chris Davis Matt Brown Justin Smoak

Michael Young Esteban German

BULLPEN RHP Frank Francisco (closer) RHP Neftali Feliz Catcher LHP Darren Oliver Jarrod Saltalamacchia RHP Darren O’Day Taylor Teagarden RHP Dustin Nippert Max Ramirez RHP Chris Ray RHP Doug Mathis

ADDED Geoff Geary (HOU) Vladimir Guerrero (ANA) Rich Harden (CHC) Joe Inglett (TOR) Darren Oliver (ANA) RF Clay Rapada (DET) Nelson Cruz Chris Ray (BAL) David Murphy Brandon Boggs LOST Jason Grilli (CLE) Eddie Guardado (WAS) Michael Hinckley (BAL) Andruw Jones (CWS) Kevin Millwood (BAL) Ivan Rodriguez (WAS) Josh Rupe (KC) Omar Vizquel (CWS)

TOP 5 PROSPECTS DH Vladimir Guerrero Josh Hamilton Max Ramirez

Justin Smoak – 1B – Age: 23 – ETA: Mid-2010 Max Ramirez – C – Age: 25 – ETA: Mid-2010 Mitch Moreland – OF – Age: 24 – ETA: Late 2010 Danny Gutierrez – SP – Age: 23 – ETA: 2011 Robbie Ross – SP – Age: 21 – ETA: 2012

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rs

Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010 11


Every man should know, there’s some things he never wants to hear a woman say. Especially if it’s his girlfriend or wife…someone he can’t ignore (at least not for long), by: Dennis Hambright and someone he doesn’t want to piss-off and then have to suffer the consequences. www.dennishambright.com Obviously, there’s the common stuff that rakes through a man’s brain like the sound of steel-against-steel on a bad set of brakes or a baby screeching in the seat right behind him in the theater. I mean common things, like “I’m late” (and I don’t mean to a party) or “Great news, Mom’s coming to visit for a month” or “If you tried the ‘blue pills’ it might work better.” No, I mean things that are wrought with trap-doors and whirling saws and poisonous darts and vasectomy scalpels, and unless you’re Indiana Jones, escape is impossible. Here’s a few of the ‘Temple of Doom’ phrases men never want to hear:

We Need to Talk

1. We Need to Talk: This is the Grand Poobah of them all, and she usually tells you over the phone so you have to sweat it out until you get home. It could mean anything from “You left your dirty socks under the coffee table” to “I found the pictures of what you and your buddies really did in Vegas.” Bottom line, it’s NEVER good news. But be careful, don’t jump the gun and start admitting things until she tells you what it is…no need in falling on the wrong sword.

What Are You Thinking?

2. What Are You Thinking? No sane man EVER asks a woman that because he really doesn’t want to know. The answer is usually something negative she’s thinking about what he’s done. Consequently, if she’s asking you, it’s because she wants you to tell her something she’s hoping to hear, not what you’re REALLY thinking, because face it, if you tell her that, you’ll be sleeping on the couch.

Do You Think Shes Pretty?

3. Do You Think She’s Pretty? I don’t care if it’s her sister or third cousin or some random woman walking through the mall. She might as well just hand you a grenade and pull the pin…the only options are getting blown up now, or after you release the handle. She already knows if she thinks she’s pretty, so if you say, “No,” she’ll know you’re lying, and if you say, “Yes,” then you know you’ll hear, “So, I guess you wish you had her instead of me,” at least a dozen times. Then, she’ll store it in the ‘use-it-when-I-need it’ vault.

She Looks Cheap

4. She Looks Cheap: …or like a slut…or a stripper…or a prostitute. If your woman ever catches you eyeing some hot babe wearing a revealing, eye-popping, ultra-sexy outfit, she’ll toss out this phrase, which loosely translated to common English means, “You’ll NEVER see me wear anything like that, so don’t even think about it. No matter how much you like it.”

What Do You Think I Should Wear?

5. What Do You Think I Should Wear? (Review #4) You might as well tell her what you know she wants to hear, and not what you really want her to wear. Or, be prepared for a ‘silent ride’ in the car, and a night of getting ‘the look’. Never say, “I don’t care,” or you’ll surely get, “You wish I looked like ‘so-and-so’, don’t you?” (Review #3) See, I told you she’d pull it out of the vault when she needed it.

The Art of Dumpster Diving

Y

by: Jesse Whitman

“A Woman’s Perspective”

es, dumpster diving. Don’t freak out. I’m not saying that the economy has gotten that bad yet. Dumpster diving may conjure up images of a homeless bum wearing underwear over his pants and sifting knee deep through a trough of Chinese takeout in the dumpster out back, but if done right, dumpster diving can be a very exciting and somewhat sanitary enterprise. Just call it extreme recycling. Still not convinced? Dumpster diving is even endorsed in the Bible: “And thou shalt not glean the vineyard, neither shalt thou gather the fallen fruit of thy vineyard; thou shalt leave them for the poor and for the stranger.” The first thing to consider is what you’re looking for. It’s very important to be dumpster specific. For example, if you’re looking for baked goods, stop by your local café near closing time and ask. Most of the baked goods are thrown out at the end of the night, so the workers will most likely be happy to not let the treats go to waste. Just pop them in the oven or microwave and they will taste just like new. Another dumpster diver was looking for materials to make mosaics, so he went after hours to the dumpster outside the local tile store. Luckily for him, they had thrown out tons of perfectly good boxes of tiles and bags of grout, enough for a years worth of materials. That would have been a shame to have had all that go to waste. One artist from Gainesville, Florida, makes all of his sculptures from materials found in junkyards, like old, rusty truck exhaust pipes. He turns them into sparkling, illuminating light sculptures that are unique and beautiful. Celino Dimitroff says in his artist statement, “I hope to make an impact with my art by demonstrating that before we fill our landfills with needless material goods, maybe we should look at it in a different light.” But dumpster diving does have its perils. Make sure to wear protective clothing you don’t mind getting dirty and gloves to protect your hands from rusty nails, dust and dirt. Also bring bags for your goodies and a step ladder or milk crate to see into the top of a dumpster. And know your limits--some dumpters can be really disgusting. But some might have salvagable stuff sitting out by the side of the curb or in crates in the back (like grocery stores). Another important tip, especially for dumpster foodies, make friends with pizza boys and kitchen staff at restaurants. At the end of the shift, there’s always plenty of leftover food that you can get to before it even reaches the dumpster. One cross country traveler ate most of her meals this way and was even offered house wine on occasion. Suprisingly, she came home with an extra ten pounds on her figure, but quickly lost the weight when she went back to conventional eating. Dumpster diving gets a bad name, but try it…you’ll be surprised the treasures you might find.

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THINGS NEVER WANT TO HEAR neverMEN never never never

Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010 13


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14 Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010

by: Richard S. Pollak

“The Traveling Gourmet”

El Ranchito 610 West Jefferson Boulevard • Dallas (214) 946-4238 • www.elranchito-dallas.com

The History:

In 1983, after the success of La Calle Doce, Oscar and Laura Sanchez wanted to open another unique restaurant—not just another Tex-Mex joint. Oscar wanted something that wasn’t found in Dallas: a place that reminded him of home. Both Oscar and Laura are from Monterrey, Nuevo Leon in Northern Mexico, so they decided to open a restaurant that specialized in Comida Norteño (northern food), such as Cabrito, Mollejas, and Asado de Puerco (I’ll expand more on that below). El Ranchito is known for being true authentic Mexican food with freshly made tortillas and also for having a friendly staff. El Ranchito’s ultimate goal is to make the customer feel as if they are actually in Moneterrey. With just a short trip from home, you can experience someplace exotic and far-away…

The Experience:

Having the opportunity to go on a media dining experience is a special opportunity. When I arrange restaurant reviews, on my own, I contact the chef not the manager and ask him to prepare a menu of his choosing which he specially prepares for me. When Big Ink PR sent out the invitation, I was more than willing to travel south of Downtown to W. Jefferson Blvd., although I have not eaten south of Downtown since they locked the doors at old Reunion Arena. El Ranchito is on the main drag of Oak Cliff, in the heart of South Dallas. We were so warmly greeted by our host, Laura, and quickly serenaded not by the nightly crew of mariachis but by her infamous Elvisimpersonating brother.

The Food:

The Sanchez family created a menu for us unlike any Mexican food experience I have ever encountered. For starters, we were treated to Choriqueso, Queso Asadero topped with chorizo and flamed right there at the table before our eyes. We also sampled Camarones Ixtapa, spicy jumbo shrimp in lemon butter sauce, and Caldo de Res, beef and vegetable soup served with Rice. There was no North Dallas Tex-Mex served here. This is the original stuff from the “old country.” They placed a flaming grill in the center of our table covered with grilled ribs, sausage, chicken and beef, all spiced to perfection. The highlight (for the adventurous) was Northern Mexican Specialties: Cabrito a La Parilla (grilled baby goat), Mollejas (sweetbreads) and Tripas Fritas (fried tripe). I took only one bite of each, but felt like Andrew Zimmer of Bizarre Foods TV fame.

The Faves:

The Pollo en Mole (Chicken topped with mole) was the best that I have ever tried. I made a special request from our hosts that they bring us some of their family recipe Chile Rellenos to the table before I ask for a guided tour of the kitchen. The kitchen was one of the cleanest kitchen I have seen in a long time with huge pots of stews, soups and mole cooking. They do daily lunch specials. Especially great days to stop by on are Mondays for Milanesa, Mexican-style chicken-fried steak; Wednesdays for Pechuga Ranchera, grilled chicken breast topped with ranchero sauce and Fridays for Tacos con Cochinta Pibil, Monterey-style pork tacos in red sauce.


by: David Goodspeed “A Heavy Foot & A High Oponion”

The ABCs of the New F or some strange reason, my time behind the wheel of the new 370Z from Nissan has been met with frustrating limitations. When first released in coupe form last year, I found myself only getting to spend an afternoon with the vehicle and most of that during rush hour. More recently, Nissan sent me the roadster version of their little sports car and this occurred during a freak snowstorm. Needless to say, it was stuck in my driveway for two days and I only got to drop the top once (OK, twice, but the one for the snow effect photo doesn’t count). As Nissan found the new look for the latest Z, sporting model numbers coinciding with the new engine size, one would get the impression that inspiration came from a certain German automaker legendary for its sports cars. And I for one do not fault Nissan for this even if it is mere coincidence. Setting target goals at the Porsche level is

certainly ambitious and while the notion of calling the new 370Z a “poor man’s Porsche” might enter the mind, it does not do the Nissan justice. Al Castignetti, vice president and general manager of Nissan North America, Inc. said, “…perhaps unexpected for a car this sporty is its greatly enhanced refinement and quality – as seen in features such as its one-touch, auto-locking convertible top and beautifully crafted interior.” Also offered are an array of technology and convenience features, including the first-ever Z Roadster-available heating and cooling ventilated net seats, Bluetooth hands-free phone system, satellite radio, Nissan Navigation System and Nissan Intelligent Key. Roadster or Coupe, the new Zs share one of the most advanced drivetrains available for affordable sports cars today. This

includes a standard 332-horsepower 3.7-liter DOHC V-6 engine, choice of 7-speed automatic transmission or close-ratio 6-speed manual with available “SynchroRev Match” (the world’s first synchronized downshift rev matching manual transmission), refined 4-wheel independent suspension and 4-wheel vented disc brakes (with available Nissan Sport Brakes). The new powertrain not only adds more power to the Z lineup it increases fuel economy as well, up to 18 mpg city and 25 mpg highway. The new Z is quite comfortable on the road despite its sporty underpinnings. It will stick through a corner while not vibrating any fillings loose. In ragtop Roadster form, it is not as quiet as the Ford Mustang with the top in place but is more livable once lid is stowed. Interior comfort is tight but livable, especially on fair weather days.

Health Care on “The Demon Pass” Health Care Reform is now the law of the land, but Texas’ congressional representatives and Tea Party groups have been at the forefront on the national media stage in opposition. Dallas Rep. Pete Sessions, the hyper-hypocritical handmaiden of the hard-right called “deem and pass” or the self-executing rule “a disgrace to the House of Representatives [that] tramples on democracy by attempting to silence the voice of the American people.” Sessions was forced to admit that he, as a member of the House Rules Committee in a Republican-controlled Congress, personally went along with Rules Committee Chair David Dreier in using “deem and pass” more than 35 times—while Democrats never had to pull the trigger on it. Who could forget Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert--sometimes it seems like these names come straight from “Mayberry,

RFD”--of Texas’ 1st congressional district, making a lot of noise by walking around Washington with the voluminous health care reform bill held high in hand, declaring that the only way this bill should pass is through one’s digestive tract? In Louie’s own words, “I’ll pass this bill if you eat it!” The Tea Party zealots have been the most visible public face of health care reform dissent, and their demonstrable viciousness, ignorance and rancor have been on full display, they just hate to admit it. Lorie Medina, described as an emerging leader in the Dallas movement, was quoted as saying about President Barack Obama: “If you look at the way he speaks, the way he talks about our country, if you look at the programs and the things he tries to put into place, it really appears that he does not love our country like most Americans do -- and like past presidents do.” Really? Well Lorie, if you look at the YouTube footage of a Tea Party demonstration where a man with Parkinson’s disease is berated and vilified by “ordinary people” calling him a freeloader and a communist, while shouting “No More Handouts!” at him--you get a very different sense of the tone of the teabaggers. While one guy was throwing dollar bills in the man’s face, another was standing over him shouting “If yer lookin’ fer a handout,

by: Rich Hancock rich@rationalradio.org

yer on the wrong side a’ town!” followed by “Nothin’ fer free here—ya gotta work fer everything ya get!” It turns out the “freeloader”--identified as Bob Latcher—is a former nuclear engineer with a doctorate from Cornell University who, because of his disease, was forced to go on disability five years ago. A surgery to better manage the symptoms of his incurable Parkinson’s disease cost about $150,000. This massive medical bill was only partially covered by Medicare and the Cleveland Clinic. He was there to testify to his neighbors about the need for health care reform. His handmade sign read : “Got Parkinson’s?” I DO and YOU might. Thanks for Helping! That’s community. If those Tea-tards had taken a moment to talk to this man, they might not have been predisposed to berate him. That’s how I always seem to see the Teapartiers depicted, and while it’s not fair to everbody, it’s getting more vicious everyday. E-mail Rich Hancock at rich@rationalradio.org, and tune in to Rational Talk with Rich Hancock weekdays from 8 to 10 a.m. at www.rationalbroadcasting.com, “The Talk You’ve Been Missing.”

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Photo Courtesy: David Goodspeed

Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010 15


By: Sybil Summers

sybilsummers.com

Comedians Who Shouldn’t Host Talk Shows 10. Jay Leno- He must have blackmail photos of the suits at NBC, right? 9. Chelsea Handler- I love her books (got all 3), and I plan on going to her show in Dallas, but I cannot stomach her late-night show on E! The writing is awful, and her guest hosts are D-level, unfunny nobodies. Chelsea, you’re better than that. 8. Chevy Chase- Can’t blame him for getting $3 mil for five weeks of work, though. You’d do it too, right? 7. Wayne Brady- How could he be so good on Who’s Line Is It Anyway? and then tank on his namesake gig? 6. George Lopez- It wasn’t funny when Carlos Mencia did it either. 5. Wanda Sykes- Sorry Wanda, Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O’Donnell already filled up the Funny-LesbianTalk-Show slots. Giggity. 4. Hal Sparks- Who are you again? 3. Tom Green- He sucks cow teats. Literally and figuratively. 2. Roseanne- Stick to the tattoos and Cheetos, Lady. 1. Dennis Miller- I’d rather watch a bad comic teach us “How to Be Funny” one night a week than listen to Dennis Miller’s tiresome, I-Know-MoreBig-Words-Than-You act. What’s Sinbad up to these days?


HORRORSCOPES Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19)

Your misery knows no bounds these days. You continue to find yourself thinking of all the people you treated shabbily over the years and how happy they all are without you.

Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20) Consistency is everything…therefore, continue to tell all those hotties you meet that your divorce is nearly final. God, what people won’t believe!

FUNNIES

Gemini (May 21 – Jun. 21) It is enough that everyone who treated you badly is suffering beyond belief. Try to keep the evil laughter down to a minimum.

Q: What does a blonde and a turtle have in common? A: If either one of them end up on their back they’re both screwed.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead skunk and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk. Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A: Slow down and use a lubricant. Hungry? A man walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, “Cheese Sandwich: $0.99; Chicken sandwich: $1.50; Hand job: $20.00.” Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses. “Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “Can I help you?” “I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” “Yes,” she purrs. “Indeed, I am.” The man replies, “Well, go and wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich!”

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JOKES

Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010 17

Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22) Restraint is for losers. You never did have a problem telling everyone what their faults were, now did you?

Leo (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22) ACROSS: 1. Streetcar 5. Not on 8. First World War plane 12. Certain something 13. Egg-shaped 15. Parisian airport 16. 13 in Roman numerals 17. Vitality 18. Stiff hair 19. Accidental 22. Atlantic food fish 23. Hearing organ 24. Bit 26. Disparaged 29. It’s ruled by an empress 31. Standard operating procedure 32. Not late 34. Parisian river 36. Cobras 38. Crown 40. Dissolute man 41. Jewish unit of weight 43. Ancient Roman magistrate 45. Website address 46. Barren

48. Pass 50. A prisoner’s room 51. Be mistaken 52. Floral necklace 54. Perceptible 61. Fabrics made from goat hair 63. Beside 64. Breakfast or supper 65. Select by ballot 66. A can for storing tea 67. Cobs of corn 68. Once again 69. An affirmative 70. Impolite DOWN: 1. Cab 2. Destroy 3. Operatic solo 4. An unmarried girl 5. Not under 6. Garrison 7. Half of ten 8. Mayday 9. Fraught with danger 10. Countertenor 11. Pair

13. Gorge 14. Fabric for jeans 20. Windmill blade 21. Not bottoms 25. Level 26. Modeled 27. Regard 28. Desiccated 29. Bird’s nest 30. Habituate 31. Droop 33. Young boy 35. Moray 37. Economize 39. Hypersensitivity reaction 42. Grasp 44. Acquire deservedly 47. Pelvic 49. An introductory textbook 52. Magma 53. Black, in poetry 55. Kill 56. Cypher 57. Concludes 58. Boyfriend 59. Piecrust ingredient 60. If not 62. Stitch

All those horrible years of over indulgence are now coming to fruition. Yup, you are going to croak. And soon.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) Nobody knows more than you do. Unfortunately, you end up spending a lot of time letting the world know this.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) Yes, your life really is turning out worse than you could ever have expected. And no, things won’t get any better any time soon.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) You finally got your way about something really important to you. Trouble is, all the fantasies that you had as part of winning that battle won’t come true.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) Funny how you still see yourself as that young, hot stud. Hint: Nobody else has. Not for a really long time. Better to skip the high school reunion after all.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) Living a clean and wholesome life is the best revenge. Doesn’t feel that way right now but if you just hang on a tad bit longer, everyone who dissed you is going to end up in jail. Honest.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Your partner is going to figure out just what that personal trainer is really doing. You haven’t put out for years now so even your dense significant other was bound to catch on… eventually.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20) You finally gave that special somebody their way on a really important issue. While you feel you’ve lost the battle in the process, the bigger truth is that you really lost your shirt, financially speaking.


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18 Mar. 31 - Apr. 6, 2010

Multiples Aren’t Always Good Folks, I’m here to talk about a problem that is sweeping this great nation like a tidal wave of horribleness. Awash with negativity, we slowly chip away at the building blocks of our morality and pave the way for a painful loss of our own true selves. The problem, of course, is one that needs to be fixed with an urgency rarely found this side of a forest fire. The problem, friends, is multiple NCAA brackets. Every year, sports fans are able to partake in what is now (ridiculously) called “bracketology.” It’s a way for us to put our so-called “armchair quarterbacking” lifestyle to good use and prove our sports I.Q. But for some reason, people have begun spoiling the bracket challenges by filling out a ton of brackets and acting like they called all the upsets. If anyone tells you they knew about Cornell or Northern Iowa you can feel free to punch them in the nuts, because that is a lie. Come on people! Take a risk! Fill out one bracket. Just one. If you do more, you will never be able to fully realize the greatness of winning...You cheapen it. You ruin it each time you fill out more than one bracket. It’s destroying the greatness of the game. Douches should not partake. Live and die with your picks. Don’t be that guy who wants to sound cool, but beneath the douchey surface is in turmoil because he knows he is living a lie. We can fix this people. YES, WE CAN!

by: Pat Moran “Man on his Throne” - pmoran@gmail.com

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