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VOL. 2 - ISSUE 26

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Conjugal Visitor Charged With DUI

BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile / Movie Reviews 4 Blitz Music: Metal 101 5 Mavs and Stars News 6 UNT / SMU / TCU Previews 7 2009 Doak Walker Award 8 COVER STORY: Hottest Women in Sports Huddling Up With Linda Brenner 9 Ten Hottest Women in Sports 10 BLITZ BABE: Shannon 12 What The Hell Was I Thinking 13 Restaurant Review: eXcuses 14 Blitz Toys 15 The Fan Top 10 with Sybil 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Tiger Woods 18

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A woman was charged with driving under the influence after showing up at the Flagler County Jail and demanding a conjugal visit with a specific inmate. The sheriff’s office reports that a 45-year-old woman had a visitation appointment, but was turned away because she was late. Also, the jail does not allow conjugal visits. The woman drove away but reportedly returned a short time later. Jail guards called road patrol because they suspected the woman had been drinking. Deputies found the woman sitting in her car. She reportedly failed a field sobriety test, and a breath test showed her blood-alcohol content was 0.256 percent. Florida law considers a person impaired at 0.08. The woman was charged with DUI and later released on $500 bail.

Andrew J. Hewett

www.chewednews.com

LAST MEAL BEFORE EXECUTION (#1) Chauncey Millard, 18, is the youngest person ever executed in Utah (1869). He rejected an offer of a last cigarette, opting for a piece of candy instead. He was still chewing when the firing squad ended his life.

First Came Love, Then Came Marriage-Night Arrests

A marriage got off to a rocky start after the 21-year-old groom from northern Idaho was arrested twice on his wedding night and charged with assaulting his new wife in nearby eastern Washington. Court records show Nathan Lewis of Lewiston, Idaho, was charged Tuesday in Asotin County Superior Court with second-degree assault and interfering with a report of domestic violence. The Nez Perce County Sheriff’s Office in Idaho said Lewis was married Sunday and later arrested for drunken and disorderly conduct in Lewiston. Police say that after Lewis was released on bail, he assaulted his new wife at a home in nearby Clarkston, WA. The bride told authorities she was slapped and choked during the altercation, the Lewiston Tribune reports.

Wisconsin Man Finds Stolen iPhone With GPS

A man whose iPhone was stolen from his car used GPS to track it down. Tiernan Paine left a $400 phone in his unlocked car while at Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses in Oak Creek on Thursday night. The 28-year-old subscribes to MobileMe, a service that synchronizes data between his phone and home computer. It also includes a global positioning system. Paine told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel that he pinpointed his phone’s location and saw a picture of the suspect’s home. Paine took the material to Oak Creek police. The next day, he and another church member who also had a phone stolen that night had their phones back. Police Chief Tom Bauer said the suspect confessed to about six thefts from parked cars.

LAST MEAL BEFORE EXECUTION (#2) Pennsylvanian Joshua Jones was hanged in 1839 for murdering his wife. While awaiting execution, he sold his body to the prison doctors for ten dollars, spending nine of those dollars on delicacies forbidden on his prison diet. Later, realizing he still had a dollar bill in his pocket only minutes before execution, Jones requested two slices of bread, before making and eating himself a dollar bill sandwich. LAST MEAL BEFORE EXECUTION (#3) Before their Kansas double hanging on April 14, 1965, Perry Smith and Richard Eugene Hickock ordered a last meal: Garlic bread, shrimp, French fries, ice cream, strawberries and whipped cream. But, at the last minute, both lost their appetites, causing them to die on empty stomachs. (No breath mints or antacids needed, either way.) (Final FYI: They’d been found guilty of murdering Herbert Wesley Clutter, Bonnie Mae Clutter, Nancy Mae Clutter and Kenyon Neal Clutter.)


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HOLLYWOOD PROFILE

BLITZREVIEWS By: Joe Stumpo - www.darthstumpo.com

Wa s t i n g o u r m o n ey s o yo u d o n ’t h a ve t o !

with Leonardo DiCaprio

by: Vivian Fullerlove

“Enterainment’s Real Critic”

Everyone’s talking about it. Shutter Island is thrilling audiences across the country. Leonardo DiCaprio turns in an amazing performance as US Marshal Teddy Daniels who has been sent to remote Shutter Island to investigate the disappearance of a female inmate convicted of murder that escaped from the facility’s hospital for the criminally insane. We talked with Leo about the movie, and he told us what he really thinks of his pal, director Martin Scorsese. Tell us about Shutter Island.

There’s a missing patient, and everyone’s looking for her because she couldn’t possibly escape from this island when you look at the way it’s fortified and the fact that she would have to swim miles and miles to shore in rough terrain and go through thick, dense forests and climb down jagged rocks. This frail woman has disappeared from this island, and it seems like there’s some sort of conspiracy going on with all the doctors and administration and Teddy and his partner are there to uncover what’s really happened and certainly the more they talk to people and find out information, the more things become suspicious to them and rightfully so. What did you find most appealing about your character in the movie?

I think here you have a character that’s put into a situation where there’s a lot more to his journey than there appears to be at first, but Teddy is fiercely dedicated to finding the missing person on this island. You also come to realize that he’s got his own secret

agenda there, which is to find the killer of his wife. It turns into a real psychological thriller after that, and you really have no idea or basis of where your feet should stand in this film. That’s one of the great things about the movie; it’s constantly jarring you. The location was also a big factor in creating the mood of the film. Where did you all shoot, and how much of it was specifically designed for the film?

We shot in Massachusetts in Medfield in what I gather to have been an old mental institution. A lot of it was there. A lot of it had been abandoned; so, there were these twisted vines in certain sections and these homes that had been engulfed by nature, but there were also these giant, fortified brick buildings and these walls surrounding all of it that really gave it a natural feeling towards the environment that we were trying to portray. It was amazing to know that there were locations like that, and I think there was a certain haunting element to it in that we were telling these stories of a mental institution and we were in an old one. The movie is rated R for disturbing violent content, language and some nudity. For all of this week’s new movies, check out my show Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable Video on Demand under the North Texas programming tab.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief: There’s

an explanation of how it is that the Greek Gods Zeus and Poseidon meet up in present day New York City in their human forms on the top floor of the Empire State Building in what doubles as Mount Olympus. The argument lies in what wheelchair bound Mr. Brunner (Pierce Brosnan) says to high school student Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman) during a museum field trip. Percy is told that in Greek times, Gods sometimes came down to Earth to mate with mortals. This would make their offspring, “demigods.” At that point, Zeus passed the law that any God who hooks up with a mortal will have nothing to do with their child. To this day, the Greek Gods still come down to Earth in human form to check up on their offspring. Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief is the latest in a series of young adult books written by Rick Riordan that like, the Harry Potter epics, are meant to appeal to young kids and perhaps adults. For adults like myself, I just sat back and enjoyed the brief appearances of the older actors turning into renditions of Gods, Goddesses and other members of Greek lore that include Brosnan as a centaur and Uma Thurman as a modern day Medusa with living snakes for hair.

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MUSIC: Metal 101 Mix 1. Caught in a Mosh

Anthrax – Among the Living

2. Hammer Smashed Face

Cannibal Corpse – Hammer Smashed Face

3. The Gods Made Heavy Metal

Manowar – Louder Than Hell

4. Upon Within

Solitude Aeturnus – Alone

5. In the Name of God

by: Eric Kendall

“The Metal Mastermind”

Dream Theater – Train of Thought

6. When Darkness Falls

Killswitch Engage – The End of Heartache

7. Fury Whip

High on Fire – Death is this Communion

8. Resurrection

Fear Factory – Obsolete

9. This Love

Pantera – Vulgar Display of Power

10. Blood and Thunder

Mastodon – Leviathan


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MAVS:News

by: Geoff Case

“Mavericks Analyst”

Photo Courtesy: Gregg Case

Mavs Finally Have Their Big Man Brendan Haywood has become the Mavericks future at center. His ability to guard the paint has produced instant results for the new Mavs first games together. I wonder if Erick Dampier’s absence due to injury might be a mixed blessing. The acquisition of Haywood marks a significant milestone in franchise history. The best center on the court during most of the Mavericks existence has been on opposing teams. The Dampier era might have more mixed results, but there is no denying the void. Haywood has to agree to resign here to cement that future, but it looks like that won’t be a problem. “The ball movement here is so great. The difference here is that the ball actually moves and everybody gets their touches,” said Haywood. “In D.C., it wasn’t always like that. We didn’t always play the right way.” The difference is notable on the court

especially on the defensive end. Haywood’s prowess in the paint allows other Mavs defenders to lock in on their man and play more aggressive defense. The Mavericks are a different animal now and can shut teams down defensively in a way they’ve never had the luxury of doing. “Dallas’ style of play fits me,” Haywood said, “I’m free to roam on defense.” Upcoming Opponents: 2/26 at Atlanta Hawks – This team is really athletic and Josh Smith has been playing out of his mind. It will be a big test for the Mavs. 2/28 vs New Orleans Hornets – The Hornets have lost Chris Paul for a few weeks, but his back-up Darren Collison has been holding down the position quite well. He recorded his first triple-double last week. 3/1 at Charlotte Bobcats – The Bobcats are currently in playoff contention and have Mavs killer Steven Jackson leading the charge. This one will be pretty close. My prediction for this stretch: 3-0

STARS:News

by: Richard “Rocket” Pollak “That Hockey Guy”

A Stars Fan Does Vancouver Late Thursday night, I received an email informing me that the Winter Olympics Ice Hockey Media Credential Committee increased its credential capacity to 1300 and I (Number 1283) had been approved to cover Olympics Ice Hockey. So…$8,653 later, I’m on an airplane flying to Vancouver. We approach Vancouver International Airport during the Opening Ceremony and can’t enter their airspace. Instead, we circle around and see the final fireworks of the ceremony and the Olympic torch as Wayne Gretzky ignites it. The Olympic Media Center is crazy--with almost 20,000 reporters. Al Michaels scurries by with his head down, ignoring everyone, with four big burly body guards like a rock star. Bob Costas, however, acknowledges fellow reporters. What a dream come true for me, to see three great hockey games a day, featuring the best hockey players in the world. When we’re not watching hockey, we dine on food

prepared by the Executive Chef from the Fairmont Le Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City. Duck L’Orangerie Sliders and Lobster Mashed Potatoes are my favorite. We dorm at the University of British Columbia and when we’re not watching hockey, we’re at Molson Canadian Hockey House watching replays. We aren’t allowed to attend other Olympic events with our credentials except for Curling. Back in Dallas, the highly regarded Hockey News didn’t list Marty Turco as one of their Top 30 NHL Goalies this season. Last season, he was number 15 and named one of the 100 most influential people in hockey. According to Dallas Stars First Year General Manager Joe Niewendyk, “Marty has been playing well. We will do what’s necessary when the trade deadline passes to have two goalies here. It’s not easy to acquire a Top Four Defenseman, it’s very costly and resigning Steve Ott is a top priority.”


7 - Craig Smith

- Tony Barone

- Tony Barone

North Texas is the hottest team in the Sun Belt Conference with only 2 games left in the regular season and the month. They haven’t lost a game since January 30 and are trying to become the third Mean Green team to go undefeated in the month of February since World War II. Coach Johnny Jones signed a two-year contract extension through the 2014-15 season (announced after Saturday’s game). They scored a season high in points Monday at Houston Baptist, winning 10787. The 24 assists in that game ranks fifth in school history. Josh White led the way with 28 points. Saturday, they were back home for an 83-65 win over University Arkansas Little Rock. This game was not that close and most of the starters sat a big part of the second half. Coach Jones calls the reserves his reinforcement guys. Collin Mangrum extended the defense hitting 4-5 three pointers. Thursday against Louisiana-Lafayette will be the final home game for Seniors Dominique Johnson, Antwone Matlock, and Eric Tramiel. Saturday, they play at Louisiana-Monroe in the final regular season game.

SMU continued Conference USA play last week with mixed results. Derek Williams scored 20 points and SMU pulled away late to defeat Rice 67-57 Wednesday. Mouhammad Faye added 15 points for the ‘Stangs who ended the game with a 12-2 run. Faye and Williams each scored five points during the closing run. Saturday night, Elliot Williams scored 16 points to lead Memphis over SMU 76-63. The difference in the contest was 3-point shooting --yhe Tigers made 15 of 30 attempts. Mouhammad Faye led SMU with 18 points. Derek Williams and Robert Nyakundi scored 11 apiece and Papa Dia had 10 points and 11 rebounds. SMU has four games remaining in the regular season. They travel to Greenville to take on the East Carolina Pirates this Wednesday. Saturday, they return to Moody’s Coliseum to battle the University of Houston Cougars. ‘Stangs fans who attend this game will get a chance to see college basketball’s leading scorer in Houston guard Aubrey Coleman. The 6-4 senior is averaging 24.6 points per game. The Cougars and Mustangs are tied for seventh place in the Conference USA standings with 5-7 records.

TCU lost to San Diego State last week as Kahwi Leonard scored 18 points to lead the Aztecs over TCU 68-51 Tuesday night. The Aztecs shot 61 percent from the field in the game, and scored 48 of their points in the paint plus 11 free throws in 18 attempts. After the Horned Frogs led 6-4 on a Ronnie Moss jumper, San Diego State reeled off the next 13 points, led 2919 at the break and kept a double-digit lead for nearly the entire second half. The final score matched the Aztecs’ biggest lead of the night. Moss led TCU with 15 points and Zvonko Buljan added 12. The Horned Frogs shot 40 percent from the field. TCU travels to Las Vegas to take on the UNLV Runnin Rebels this week. They close out February’s schedule with a home game against Colorado State. TCU sophomore center Cheick Kone, who had knee surgery in September, practiced with the team for the first time this week. Kone, a 6-foot-10 transfer from Howard College, grew up in Mali, Africa. His absence this season has left TCU with little depth in the paint and has hampered them in close games.

A Real Basketball Diary Caron Butler is lucky to be on the Dallas Mavericks…and alive. He was the key figure in the seven player trade that sent Josh Howard to Washington. He grew up in Racine, Wisconsin in an run-down neighborhood. He ran with a group of six troubled friends. Butler first sold drugs at age 11, making $38. When he was a high school freshman, Butler allowed a friend to store drugs in his locker. Police arrested him in class after finding the drugs. He had $1,200 on him. He was grilled by the police, but refused to give any names to cover

for his friend. He was sentenced to 18 months (it would have been less had he confessed who the drugs belonged to). He was at an adult facility the first two months before being transferred to a boys home surrounded by barbed wired fences. His first month there, he got into a fight and was given 15 days in solitary confinement. There, he decided he needed to change. From his small cell window, he could see a basketball court. “God puts stuff in front of you for a reason,” he said. “That was my ticket out.” He had always played, but built a real passion for basketball while incarcerated. A little over a year after his release from prison, at 17, he was

by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com

in bed when he heard approaching sirens. The police knocked down the front door and handcuffed him. Police discovered 15 grams of crack cocaine. Butler maintained they weren’t his and his mother pleaded if they let him go, he would never cause a problem again. He could have faced 10 years if convicted, but he was given another chance by head drug investigator Richard Geller. Four of those six childhood friends have been murdered. People make mistakes, but it’s those who learn from them and make changes that find success.

Winter Olympics 2010: Men’s Biathlon

Fri., Feb. 26 – 1:30 p.m. – Whistler Olympic Park – NBC Rifles and skiing…sounds like a bad combo…but it’s a sport. In the biathlon, athletes ski into a shooting range, put down their ski poles and take five shots at a metal target located 50 meters away. Each target has five plates, fixed in a straight row. The hit areas range from the size of a golf ball to the size of a grapefruit.

NBA: Denver vs Los Angeles Sunday, February 28 – 2:30 p.m. – Staples Center – ABC The Lakers are number one and the Nuggets are number two in the Western Conference. With Chris Anderson on-n-off the injured list after a sprained ankle in late January and Sasha Vujacic having shoulder problems, this is anyone’s game.

NBA: New Orleans vs Dallas

Sunday, February 28 – 8:30 p.m. – AAC – KTXA Dallas and Utah are neck-and-neck in the standings and playing New Orleans is a place for the Mavs to gain some ground. New Orleans has a great team this season with Chris Paul and Darren Collinson, but with Paul on reserve, this should be no problem for Dallas.

NHL: Los Angeles vs Dallas

Tuesday, March 2 – 7:30 p.m. – AAC – KDFI (HD) This is the Stars’ first game back from the Olympic break. The Kings are sitting right above the Stars in the Western Pacific standings. Before the Stars went to break, they were on a two game win-streak and the Kings were on a hot streak going 10-2. This will be a toughie, but hopefully the Stars got motivated during the rest.


8 Photos Courtesy: Gregg Case

by: Peggy Kilpatrick “Girl with Taste”

When you think of sports, you probably primarily think of men, but that’s slowly been changing over the last century. Every decade or so, women break into another male-dominated sport and prove they can hang with the guys…and in some cases, beat them at their own game.

The 2009 Doak Walker Award The 2009 Doak Walker Award was given out on February 19th at the Hilton Anatole in Dallas. The award was created in 1989 to recognize the nation’s premier running back for his accomplishments on the field, achievement in the classroom and citizenship in the community. It’s the only major college football award that requires the winner to be in good academic standing and on schedule to graduate on time. The two and a half hour banquet was hosted by the ESPN GameDay crew of Lee Corso, Chris Fowler and Kirk Herbstreit. Toby Gerhart from Stanford was the winner for 2009 on the award’s 20-year-anniversary. He finished second in the Heisman, which was the narrowest win in the history of the Heisman voting. He finished the season with 1,871 yards and 28 touchdowns. He took a 21-hour class schedule in engineering during the season. Ironically, his father wore Doak Walker’s number 37 when he played because he always admired Walker. “It’s truly an honor. You

by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com

know when they said,’Welcome to the family,’ that meant a lot to me,” Gerhart said. “Family is a huge part of my life and to be openly accepted into theirs and to hear stories about their father and how great of a man he is, I only wish when my life is over I have a legacy like he has left and that I can touch as many people as he has.” Gerhart maintains his greatest accomplishment was putting Stanford back on the map in college football. He has been training in California for the upcoming NFL Combine with roommate Colt McCoy. Toby said that Colt’s shoulder is getting better and he catches balls from him daily. The Doak Walker Legends Award was given to local favorites Eric Dickerson and Craig James. They both told entertaining stories of their days at SMU. Dickerson joked that they should “fire the picture picker” because he looked like a “horse” in the huge picture hung behind the stage.

Shooting: At age sixteen, Annie Oakley entered a sharp shooting contest against Frank E. Butler (whom she later married) and won the match by one point. In 1885, they joined the Buffalo Bill Wild West Show and for seventeen years, Annie was the main attraction, shooting cigarettes out of her husband’s lips using a .22 rifle. Swimming: In 1926, a young Gertrude Ederle became the first woman to swim the 21-mile trek across the English Channel. In just 14 hours and 39 minutes, she broke the record by two hours, swimming from France to England in heavy currents and storms. She previously won the gold medal in the 1924 Olympics as a member of the 400-meter freestyle relay team. Baseball: The All American Girl’s Baseball Team was formed in 1943 after all of the male players were drafted into the war. Yet even before this, there was a 17-yearold girl named Jackie Mitchell who joined the AA minor team, the Chattanooga Lookouts. As a tradition, the New York Yankees played them for a practice game. During the game, Babe Ruth was up to bat and Mitchell was the first woman ever to strike him out. Immediately after Ruth, Lou Gehrig took the bat and was struck out, as well. Days later, women were banned from playing baseball as they were coined “too delicate” and “unfit.” Golf: Patty Berg founded the Ladies Professional Golf Association in 1948, as well as played in it in the 1940’s, 50’s, and 60’s. She still holds the record for most major wins, 15, by a female golfer. Tennis: Maureen Connolly was the first woman to win all four major tennis tournaments (Australian Championship, French Championship, Wimbledon, and U.S. Championship), known as the Grand Slam in 1953. In the more present era, sisters Serena and Venus Williams, the two tennis queens, have gone on to win trophy after trophy, even playing against each other. And can you believe it? It wasn’t until 2007 that female Wimbledon winners started getting paid the same as male winners. Basketball: One woman, Lucy Harris, was drafted into the Utah Jazz NBA team in 1977, but she turned it down. Many women went on to play basketball, but it wasn’t until 1997 that the WNBA had its first season. Perhaps the most amazing female associated with basketball is Pat Summit, coach of the University of Tennessee basketball team. In 2009, she had her 1,000 win as a coach. Motorsports: Janet Guthrie was the first woman to compete in the Indy 500 and the Daytona 500, and now we have Danica Patrick. The young, not to mention hot, race car driver who has become the fourth woman to compete in the Indy 500. She became the first woman ever to win an Indy car race in 2008 when she won the Indy Japan 300.


9


10 by: Jayson Larson

“Man on the Inside”


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WHAT THE HELL WAS I THIKING Okay guys, it’s time for the truth. January 1 isn’t really the New Year for men. I know the calendar says differently, but that’s the same calendar that betrays us when we forget birthdays and anniversaries, so why should we expect it to be ‘men friendly’ any other time? Seriously, do you know a man that’s really ambitious and ready to start cranking out the ‘good stuff’ on January 1? Of course you don’t, unless there’s a woman cracking the whip and making him do it…but then he doesn’t count as a real man anyway. We might put on the party hats and blow those stupid little horns and holler, “Woo Hoo!” on January 1, but it’s just a go-along-to-get-along ploy that gets us by until the real New Year. The last Friday in February--that’s when the New Year really starts for men, and there should be a special holiday called “What The Hell Was I Thinking Day” to celebrate. Banks and government offices should be closed and gentlemen’s clubs and Hooters should be open twenty-four hours a day with lap dances and hot wings half price. As a special bonus, police officers should be on vigilant patrol for errant women who publicly utter any phrase that begins with “You should have…” or “You need to…” or “Why didn’t you…” and violators should be subject to a $5,000 fine or thirty days in jail. Now that’s a holiday gift worth getting excited about! Men sort of get sucker-punched on January 1. It’s like getting whacked up the side of the head by a two-by-four swung by a little old lady or one of those male cosmetics salespeople at the mall. They can’t swing it very hard, but it’s still a two-by-four, so you’re still going to be a little rum-dumb for a while.

13 by: Dennis Hambright

by: Jesse Whitman

www.dennishambright.com

There isn’t a man out there that hasn’t looked in the mirror since January 1 and said, “What the hell was I thinking?” We definitely need a ‘do-over’ day in February, so men can start the New Year off on the right foot. Here’s the top two ‘What the hell was I thinking’ mistakes men get whacked with every year: New Year’s Resolution List: The infamous ‘fix me’ list. Unless there’s a female threatening to “cut him off” or “make him wish he was never born,” no man in his right mind will ever write a list of what he needs to ‘fix’ about himself. Unless you’re over thirty, still carrying your lunch in a Dukes of Hazard lunch pail, and signing your name in Crayon, if you need to lose weight or think you need a better job, you can remember it just fine without a written list. Resolution lists are like signing a confession to a crime before you sober up…it can only come back to bite you in the butt. Valentine’s Day Gifts: Did you really think she’d like edible panties? No matter how cute you thought they were, no woman wants to brag to her friends that she got a Valentine’s Day gift that could be ‘nibbled off,’ And flowers from the big tent in front of the grocery store that you bought at the last minute. Really? You thought she wouldn’t know you forgot? Who do you think owns those places? That’s right: women! It’s just like running a toll booth; they snap your picture, take your tag number and mail the evidence to your girlfriend or wife. Only here, the fine is going to cost you much, much more.

“A Woman’s Perspective”

Upsideof the

The

Recession Sara, 29, from San Francisco, lost her copywriting job two years ago, and since then, has done freelance writing here and there while looking for a job at a publication. “I tried for two years to find a job in my field, but couldn’t find anything.” Print media was getting hit especially hard with the recession and the competition with free online media. It was no surprise that she was having no luck at landing a job. “I was getting freelance writing jobs, but it wasn’t enough to pay the bills,” Sara recalls. Like many young Americans struggling in the new economy, Sara had school loans to pay off and two maxed-out credit cards. She was living beyond her means in a tough job market and with an economy in the toilet. And then, when Sara was helping her sister shop for a bridal veil for her wedding, she had a revelation. She had always loved art, especially design, and had designed furniture and clothing as a hobby for years. She went to a millinery shop, bought some supplies and starting making bridal veils and hair accessories. She found out about www.esty.com, a website that helps people sell their handmade designs. People can sell everything you could think of: furniture, clothing, jewelry, purses, paintings, and much more. For the buyer, etsy provides a place to buy one-of-a-kind items and support handmade artists instead of supporting mass-produced products most likely made overseas in sweatshops. Buyers can even request a custom design with etsy’s Alchemy program. For sellers, etsy lets you have a free website that is easy to set up--even for the technically challenged--with your personalized logo design. Your items only cost 20 cents each to post and etsy takes 3.5 percent of your sale, but your products are seen by thousands of people. Etsy is very popular and has had its share of national media coverage, including being featured in major national magazines. What’s great about etsy is that someone with a great idea and product can launch their own business with very little start-up money. “I was just scraping by when I first started my website on etsy (www.FauvetteCouture. etsy.com), but it didn’t cost that much money to get it started.” Plus, it didn’t take long to get traffic on her site. “The first two days my site was up on esty, I had over 100 hits on each of my designs, which was incredible since I hadn’t even done any promoting yet.” Because of the low cost of getting a DIY business started, etsy gives people the chance to have their own business, which is a fulfilling feeling. “I get to make all of the decisions, I make my own hours, and I can take a vacation or as many sick days as I want.” Sara found a way to free herself from the constraints of the corporate world, and best of all, she takes home all of the profit.


FOOD REVIEW

The Pick of the Week:

by: Jennifer Wayne “The Foxie Foodie”

Photos Courtesy: Ed Westerman

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When I want a milkshake, the first and only place to come to mind is eXcuses in Deep Ellum. That’s saying a lot considering A) it’s 20 miles from my home and B) it’s technically a bar…but not just any bar. It’s a bar with a soul. Stop in and say “hi” to Shelley and Chris, the owners, and there’s a good chance you have met some life-long friends. space is industrial-feeling. There’s concrete, The Atmosphere: The metal, exposed pipes--it certainly says “Deep El-

lum.” During lunch, you can stroll in and sit at a table and not really realize that it’s a club at night. Look down, my friend, that’s a dance floor. There are a few pool tables, some video games, a stage and a DJ cage. Though the room is busy with paintings and things and people, there’s a laid back feel.

they have Nachos and Chicken Wings, but they also have TzatziStarters: Sure, ki Dip with pita chips. This cool cucumber dip is addictive even to

the most veggie-challenged male…its like ranch, only way better and better for you. Another unique item is their Apple Quesadilla. Granny Smith apples pieces are tossed with cinnamon sugar and a four cheese blend and then wrapped in a cinnamon tortilla. Served with berry crème sauce for your dipping pleasure.

are a meat lover like me, go for the “Chrissanini.” Oh Sandwiches: IfdearyouGod, it is one of my favorite things in life. This hot sand-

wich boasts four meats. Salami and ham is all I have decoded because there seems to have been about 100 slices of meat on it. It’s topped off with spinach, onions and special sauce, served on their house-baked foccacia. I have split this monster with a healthy adult man and there were still a few bites leftover. They also have Curry Chicken Salad and Shelley’s French Dipper.

Gourmet Pizza:

The BBQ Chicken Pizza is my fave. For a total food adventure, try the Ricotta, Avocado and Bacon Pizza and add salmon.

mentioned earlier, the milkshakes are unbelievable. I’m pretty sure Desert: As their secret is they make their own vanilla ice cream. It’s either that or

they use real unicorn dust. If you are going for a shake your grandma would approve of, get the chocolate chip and raspberry…which they recently made up just for me, so you’ll have to request it. If you want something a little naughtier, get the Grand Marnier Milkshake.

comes up with the tastiest shots around. The grape cool-aid is deliBooze: Shelley cious, yet dangerous. You may think your tossin’ back an innocent child-

hood fave, but a few of these bad boys and you will be trying to break into the DJ cage to request Britney Spears. Or you could try the Absinthe and forget everyone’s name and drunk dial your boss…like I did.

eXcuses Art Bar & Café 3025 Main Street • Dallas 214-741-1111 • eXcusesdeepellum.com


15

Part 4-wheeler, part rail buggy, the new Polaris Ranger RZR 4 is the world’s first four-seat sport side-by-side. Co-developed with racer Robby Gordon — or “Reckless Robby,” as we like to call him — the RZR 4 boasts an 800cc High Output Twin EFI engine mounted behind the back seat for a lower center of gravity, a new suspension that includes Fox Podium X 2.0 Piggyback Reservoir Shocks and Chrome Moly front upper A-Arms, a rolled independent rear suspension, a true all-wheel-drive system, a 12-volt plug in, two cup holders for rear-seat passengers, cut-and-sew seats and Maxxis Big Horn tires with Black Bruiser rims. Price - $15,000

Carry a cinema in the palm of your hand with the BenQ Joybee GP1 Mini Projector. Powered by a DLP display chip and BenQ’s 3LED backlighting technology, the Joybee GP1 offers a projected image up to 80 inches in size, with 858x600 resolution and a 2000:1 contrast ratio. Other features include VGA, component, and composite video inputs, a built-in USB reader, a built-in 2 Watt speaker, RCA and mini-jack audio inputs, carrying case and remote. Price - $500

Cold weather got you singing the BBQ blues? Just grab a Minden Master Range-Top Indoor Grill and get cooking on your electric, gas or propane stove. This awardwinning grill allows for true open-flame cooking indoors with the same durable porcelain coated grate design, enameled steel firebox and cover as the decidedly outdoor Minden Master Gas Grill. It also features silicon handles that remove to allow for cleaning of the Indoor Grill in any dishwasher or self-cleaning oven. Price - $100

Fire Sauce Packet Ruins Relationship By: Frank LaCosta

For most couples, Valentine’s Day can be one of those special days that strengthen the relationship--something that can be savored and reflected upon with heartfelt emotion. A romantic night for the two love birds as they enjoy dinner and what not. Unfortunately, that was not the case for Sam Kowalski and Heather Wilson. As Sam informed me last week, “I had the whole night planned.” Like life, the best laid plans do not always come to fruition. Sam mentioned the details and game plan. They had been together for almost two and a half years. He felt that they were meant to be and that they needed to take their relationship to the next level. “I got the idea from watching all those Taco Bell commercials with Charles Barkley and their new NBA $5 Buck Box commercials,” said Sam. “Heather told me she wanted to watch the NBA All-Star game Sunday and didn’t want anything too special.” He went on to disclose his plan of proposing to her via the Taco Bell Fire sauce packet that has “Will you marry me?” on it. He went to Village Jewelers and picked out her ring and brought it home. “I heard all these commercials on 105.3 The Fan about how Village Jewelers was going out of business and everything was being sold cheap,” said Sam. When the big night came, Sam went to Taco Bell and found the fire sauce packets

he needed and brought home dinner. The big screen was on with the opening ceremonies and he was excited to see Heather already on the couch taking it all in. She loves Dirk and is a huge fan. They sat down to eat. He took a big swig of his Dr. Pepper and was ready for the big night. He passed her the $5 Buck Box. Heather took it and immediately asked for some fire sauce. Sam handed her a packet. She opened it, added it to her taco and delved into it. Sam thought for sure that Heather would notice, but she didn’t. When she was ready for her second taco, he again prepared another “Will you marry me?” fire sauce packet and handed it over. Heather opened it and applied the sauce to her taco. Sam looked on with astonishment as Heather seemed unfazed and consumed with the game. He said “I just knew for sure she would notice!” but she didn’t. There was the burrito and one last try. Sam handed her the third and last “Will you marry me?” packet. Heather opened the packet, added the sauce and ate the burrito. Sam turned over the packets but Heather was watching the game and commenting on the game and the new Cowboys Stadium. The moment was lost. “I lost my nerve and my momentum,” said Sam. I didn’t know what to do. It seemed like the perfect plan. After the game, Heather cleaned up and went to bed. Sam said nothing happened that night. The next day she dumped me. She said that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. Now Sam is stuck with the ring and painful memories. “I can’t eat at Taco Bell and I can’t watch Dirk. When I see either of them, I just want to cry.”

Photo Courtesy: Frank LaCosta


By: Sybil Summers

sybilsummers.com

HOTTEST MILFS 10. Jennifer Garner - Although she’s somewhat “Plain Jane,” she seems to enjoy being a mom and a constant dimpled smile never hurts the cause. 9. Angelina Jolie Remember how 10 years ago she was always “#1 Hottest Everything”? Well, six kids later and this is what you get. Sorry, Brangelina. 8. Halle Berry - If only she could’ve kept her mammoth mama jugs postpregnancy. 7. Milla Jovovich - Popped out a kid and still has the body of Jessica Biel. 6. Isla Fisher - Sacha Baron Cohen’s babymama--better known as Mrs. Borat or Ms. Bruno. 5. Kate Hudson - Her mom Goldie Hawn was a MILF and the genes apparently passed down through the generations. 4. Denise Richards - I can still picture the pool scene in the movie Wild Things. Yes, Denise, you’ve earned it. 3. Demi Moore - The quintessial Mom I’d Like to F...just ask Ashton Kutcher. 2. Catherine Zeta-Jones - She’s been a sexy 40-ish mom for about 15 years now...or at least it seems that way. 1. Kate Beckinsale - Bedroom hair? Check. British accent? Check. Killer post-baby body? Check. Fake rack? Double Check.


17

ACROSS 1. Twinkle 6. Not taut 11. Quirky 14. Superfluous 15. Toil 16. Spy agency 17. To a degree exceeding normal limits 19. Make a mistake 20. Base 8 21. Wampum 23. Reddish brown 27. Inebriated 28. Uprising 32. Cantankerous 33. Youngster (Scottish) 34. Escape 37. Historical periods 38. Fake 39. Donate 40. A pig’s home 41. Donnybrook 42. Children want these every birthday 43. Airborne soldiers 45. Attack as false 48. A full supply 49. French for “Queen” 50. Rope fiber 53. Poetic tribute 54. Nonreligious person 60. Louse-to-be 61. Author Mark _____ 62. A type of flower 63. “Hooray” 64. Anxiety 65. Delete

DOWN 1. G 2. 70 in Roman numerals 3. And so forth 4. Exist 5. Stonework 6. Narrow opening 7. Magma 8. Cain’s brother 9. Mountain pass 10. Superman’s planet 11. Sea 12. Requiem 13. Challenged 18. Cicatrix 22. Long, long time 23. Locations 24. Lifeless 25. An analytic literary composition 26. Cashews and pecans 27. Give rise to 29. Hemorrhagic fever 30. Mark of insertion 31. Big cat 34. Compare 35. Turn away or aside 36. Not tidy 38. Nonflowering plant 39. Be slack-jawed 41. Deep purplish red 42. Crash together 43. Wordplay 44. October birthstone 45. Sarcasm 46. TV, radio, etc. 47. Devoutness 50. Catch 51. Nile bird 52. Dispatched 55. Possess 56. Hearing organ 57. By way of 58. S 59. Deli loaf

Blitz Weekly Funnies for the Week Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first? A: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions! Q: When lawyers die, why don’t vultures eat them? A: Even a vulture has taste. Q: When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout? A: When he eats his first Brownie. Q: What’s the biggest crime committed by transvestites? A: Male fraud.

Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)

Love is adventurous, so try something you’ve never tried before. Well, alright, maybe not with an animal from SeaWorld.

Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)

Someone is wishing they could play Michael Gelman to your Regis Philbin.

Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22)

Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20)

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Remember that funny mole on your arm that changed colors overnight and began to look like Abe Lincoln and you always meant to do something about it but never quite got the time? Don’t bother. Really.

Gemini (May 21 - Jun. 21)

Low energy level this week means you should make friends with a cross-country truck driver.

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “You can’t bring that dog in here!” The guy, without missing a beat, says, “This is my seeing-eye dog.” “Oh man,” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on me.” The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says, “You can’t bring that dog in here unless you tell him it’s a seeing-eye dog.” The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring that dog in here!” The second man replies, “This is my seeing-eye dog.” The bartender says, “No, I don’t think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs.” The man pauses for a half-second and replies, “What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?”

Horrorscopes

Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19)

You get more attention than you bargained for when the Eyewitness News Team does a feature on sleazy-out-ofthe-way-motels-where-cheating-loversmeet. Film at 11.

No Dogs Allowed Here

That special item you bought at the garage sale for cheap makes a big change in your life when you’re charged with having passed a counterfeit twenty dollar bill in order to buy it.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

Follow your heart. If you need help, the man in black with the tattoo that says “Death Rocks” has it in the backseat.

Sagittarius(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) Parents or older relatives will try to meddle in your affairs. Since they have you in their will, just chill out.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Watch the emotions this week when it comes to sexual relationships. With the Moon in Uranus (ouch!), you’re practically a slut.

Be confident this week in terms of making decisions. They’ll be the wrong ones, of course, but make them with gusto!

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

This is a good week to wear a disguise.

Stay focused. You’re wasting way too many bullets!


18 by: Pat MoranThrone”

“Man on his Throne” - pmoran@gmail.com

Tiger Woods Well, I guess the world got what it wanted in Tiger Wood’s robotvoiced apology – another notch in the celebrity scandal belt of stupidity. Honestly, does anyone care about who Tiger Woods sleeps with? He’s one of the richest, most-celebrated golfers ever to exist on the planet, and we are shocked that someone of his caliber would have the gall to cheat on his wife with a bunch of porn stars and Hooter’s waitresses? Of course he did. They all do. All the time. Tiger Woods cheated on his wife. A lot. He then ran in to rehab for over a month and finally decided to tell the world that he screwed up (no pun intended). So he reads off a carefully worded statement that was probably written by a PR company and now we are expected to forgive him. But why is forgiveness necessary? He doesn’t owe me anything. I don’t know the guy. I don’t know his wife. Although

Crossword Solution he is a celebrity and a public figure, his marriage is still only between him and his wife. I understand why people are upset. Just like it was with Kobe, Mel Gibson, Bill Clinton, Mark McGuire and countless other celebrities who have ended up in scandal, Tiger is supposed to be a role model for kids, and even some adults. Honestly, if an athlete or a celebrity is so important to your kids that their actions will truly be affected, then you should probably take another look at the situation. Tiger Woods doesn’t need to be a better role model, the PARENTS need to be better role models. That way, when another multi-millionaire gets caught acting the way all multi-millionaires act, you won’t have to worry so much. Plus, he plays golf for a living. Maybe he thought his life was boring enough that he had to throw a little extra practice time in to make his life complete.



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