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VOL. 2 - ISSUE 17

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BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile / Movie Reviews 4 Blitz Music: Julian Casablancas 5 Mavs and Stars Previews 6 UNT / SMU / TCU Previews 7 Dallas Cowboys Week 15 Preview 8 COVER STORY: Holiday Gift Guide Mutually Beneficial Gifts 9 Gift Do’s 10 Gifts For the Filthy Rich 10-11 Gift Don’ts 11 BLITZ BABE: Gloria 12 The Ancient Art of Re-gifting 13 Restaurant Review: Norma’s Cafe 14 Blitz Toys 15 The Fan Top 10 with Sybil 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: The Joys of Christmas! 18 PUBLISHER / EDITOR Kelly G. Reed CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER: Photographer: Darryl Briggs Model: Dan Flood Graphic Designer: Damien William Mayfield CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Nathaniel Chadwick, Yu-Ping Chen, Gregg Case, Manny Flores PHOTOGRAPHERS Ronnie Baker, Darryl Briggs, Steven Hendrix, Matt Pearce, Jason Ryan CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Joe Avezzano, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Rich Hancock, Andrew J. Hewett, Frank LaCosta, Jayson Larson, Peggy Kilpatrick, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak, Craig Smith, Eddie Stephens, Joe Stumpo, Sybil Summers, Tennessee Chris, Jennifer Wayne and Jesse Whitman ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed SALES REPRESENTATIVES Johnny Horton, Patrick Marshall CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.” – Bernard Manning

Andrew J. Hewett

www.chewednews.com

Swedish ‘milkman’ loses Breastfeeding Battle Ragnar Bengtsson, 26, has failed in his high-profile bid to pump forth milk from his breasts. But there is some consolation for the self-styled “Milkman,” who is winging his way to the United States this week for an appearance on The Tyra Banks Show. Bengtsson’s milk race began with a bang in early September as he set about pumping his breasts on a three-hourly basis. The unorthodox sight of a young dad with a machine pressed to his nipples became part of daily life at Stockholm University, as the economics student endeavoured to do his bit for gender equality. If men could breastfeed their babies, the argument went, then women could rejoin the workplace more quickly, safe in the knowledge that their newborns were receiving the proper nourishment from their proud dads. But ultimately, the experiment failed, with Bengtsson unable to live up to the name of his blog: ‘The Milkman - One Drop at a Time.’ On Tuesday at 9 pm, he returns to the TV8 studio and the Aschberg show where it all began for a final look back at a trial considered intriguing and brave by some, but sickening and unnatural by many others. “We never expected the enormous

reaction we got; a lot of people were almost blinded with disgust,” said Magnus Talib, a member of the Aschberg editorial team that has followed the day-to-day progress of the Milkman. News of the would-be breastfeeding dad spread quickly, with media outlets from 40-50 countries taking up the tale. Having reported on the experiment right from the outset, The Local has received countless requests from foreign media for contact details for Bengtsson, most recently from The Tyra Banks Show. As always, the inquiry was passed on to the producers of Aschberg, who in turn informed Bengtsson that he would be flown to meet talk show hostess Tyra Banks later this week. “Ragnar just said, ‘oh cool.’ Personally I would have crapped myself,” said Talib of the prospect of being flown to the United States to appear on one of the world’s most popular talk shows. Bengtsson, who was unavailable for comment on Tuesday, was reportedly also pleased to finally be able to put his pump back on the shelf. “All he got was sore breasts,” said Talib.

SHE FELL FOR THIS GUY AND STILL CAME OUT HEAD The 2008 Stella Awards, given yearly for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S., gave Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, third place because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500, after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. Reason the soft drink ‘spilled’ on the floor: Ms.Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier, during an argument. JUST FUN TRIVIA After Roy Harold Scherer Jr. (19251985), the son of an auto mechanic and a telephone operator, took up acting, he needed a catchy name. To pick this name, he and/or his agent, used two geographical locations: The Rock of Gibraltar and the Hudson River. This is how legendary film and TV actor Rock Hudson got his name. SHE COULD LITERALLY SLEEP THROUGH HER OWN FUNERAL Allison Burchell, of Melbourne, Australia, suffers from a rare condition, cataplexy, which causes her to occasionally go unconscious, almost to the point that her heartbeat cannot be felt. She was diagnosed at age 17 and over the years has been pronounced dead at least three times. Once, awakening on a cold slab in a mortuary, she asked the attendant for a blanket, but all he did was scream and run away.


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HOLLYWOOD PROFILE BLITZREVIEWS with Peter Jackson By: Joe Stumpo - www.darthstumpo.com

Wa s t i n g o u r m o n ey s o yo u d o n ’t h a ve t o !

Vivian Fullerlove

“Entertainment’s Real Critic”

He is the genius behind some of the biggest films of this decade. From Lord of the Rings parts I, II and III to District 9 and King Kong, there are few filmmakers with bigger vision than Peter Jackson. So big is his creativity, imagination and mind’s eye, his new film The Lovely Bones takes place both in heaven and on earth. The film stars Mark Wahlberg and Rachel Weisz as a couple who lose their teenage daughter in a horrible act of violence. We sat down with Jackson to discuss the film and the other worldly elements that make it one of the most talked about films this year.

What is the premise of The Lovely Bones?

The story is set in the early 1970’s and revolves around the Salmon family, which is the mother, father and their three children. The eldest daughter Susie, who is 14, is murdered one day by a man who actually lives down the road, but no one actually knows who killed her. We examine her death and how it affects Susie, because we continue to follow her in the afterlife, and also her survivors: her mother, father, sisters and grandmother, who attempt to find the culprit. Susie’s reactions to this and her own rather awkward attempts to interfere with what’s happening in the world of the living all form part of the plot of the film.

The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans: Director Werner Herzog claims

this is not a remake of director Abel Ferrara’s 1992 controversial NC-17 rated film starring Harvey Keitel as a New York detective battling personal demons while investigating the rape of a nun. The trouble is, watching this version starring Nicolas Cage (where the setting is now New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina), I can’t help but not only be reminded of Ferrara’s disturbing film, but also of Keitel’s hauntingly intense performance. The only thing worth watching Herzog’s vision for is Cage’s occasional over-acting. There is nothing disturbing or intense about this lieutenant. The entire film reeks of predictable déjà vu. Translation: We’ve seen this before.

PICK OF THE WEEK

In addition to directing and producing this film, you also co-wrote the screenplay which is adapted from a novel. What made you want to bring this story to the big screen?

I wanted this film to be something that was unusual, bright and something unexpected and Alice Sebold’s novel gives us a lot of that. It is a challenging novel that makes us confront things from a completely different direction.

This movie is a huge departure from what people have come to expect from you. How was it for you to tell such an intimate story of one family’s tragedy instead of the epic type stories we’re used to seeing from you?

I guess after doing some of the movies I’ve done in the past, I was looking forward to doing this movie for numerous reasons. One of them was that I wanted to try and keep some things very simple. There was complexity in the sense that we were portraying the afterlife and Susie’s in between; so, we had to have some amazing visuals that sort of gave us a sense of otherworldliness and a disconnection from reality.

How would you describe The Lovely Bones?

Emotional thriller is a good way to describe the movie. It is emotional in the sense that you are dealing with aspects of murder, a family coming to terms with the murder and not just the death of a child, but people who are living and trying to rebuild their lives and try and figure out their place in the world.

What do you hope this film brings to audiences?

I believe people go to the movies to be entertained and this is a piece of entertainment, and I wanted it to be entertaining and for you to enjoy the fact that you went to see it and make you want to see it again and tell your friends about it. That’s why you make films, and that’s what you want people to see. You can check out The Lovely Bones in theatres now! The film is rated PG-13 for mature thematic material involving disturbing violent content and images and some language. See all of this week’s new releases on my television show Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable Video on Demand under the North Texas programming tab! Email me the name of your favorite Peter Jackson film at trivia@reelcriticstv.com for your chance to win a pair of movie tickets to the Studio Movie Grill!

Quantum of Solace: When you’re out for revenge, who has time for small talk? The

latest James Bond film literally hits the ground running, taking very little time to rest when it comes to delivering action. In what will go down as the shortest Bond movie to date (105 minutes), 007’s Daniel Craig is not only out to avenge the death of his girlfriend, Vesper Lynd (Eva Green), but stop a wealthy environmentalist (Mathieu Amalric) from taking over a country’s oil supply.

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MUSIC: Julian Casablancas Phrazes for the Young

1. Out Of The Blue

Julian Casablancas – Phrazes for the Young

2. Left & Right In The Dark

Julian Casablancas – Phrazes for the Young

3. 11th Dimension

Julian Casablancas – Phrazes for the Young

4. 4 Chords Of The Apocalypse

Julian Casablancas – Phrazes for the Young

5. Ludlow St.

Julian Casablancas – Phrazes for the Young

6. River Of Brakelights

Julian Casablancas – Phrazes for the Young

7. Glass

Julian Casablancas – Phrazes for the Young

8. Tourist

Julian Casablancas – Phrazes for the Young

Strokes’ Singer Skools Us with Phrazes for the Young

Tennessee Chris “The Music Snob”

H

ello, friends – it has been a long time since a music review of mine has graced these pages. Although the curmudgeon in me would like to think the reason is because there has not been any worthwhile music releases or events or concerts to write about; however, it is the contrary – I have been so absorbed with splitting my days between a grueling work schedule, travel and a small dose of shows here and there, that I have not had the time to sneak a review in. For those of you who like this column (God have mercy on your soul), then I apologize; for everyone else, I’m back this week with a great review for you: Julian Casablancas’ Phrazes for the Young. Julian Casablancas is best known as the cathartic and lethargic lead singer of The Strokes, a band that should need no major introduction in these pages. Upon hearing of the prospect of a solo album from Casablancas, I was intrigued because whatever the circumstances of its inception, the prospect of a band’s singer stepping out of their safety zone to go it alone can sometimes be daunting, for listener if not the performer. Of course, Casablancas is not simply the singer of The Strokes, but also its core creative driving force, and although underused on Strokes records, a talented multi-instrumentalist, which certainly gives confidence on a musical level. His solo album is a short jaunt of a record with incredible promise, and an album that is propulsive and exciting and pleasurable on many levels. “Out Of The Blue” starts the album in jaunty style, despite the lyrics being a litany of anger turning to bitterness, hope turning to sadness and anger turning to vengeance. Its chugging Strokes-esque guitars sparkle come the chorus, even if they drown out the vocal, while a low-key synth brings further distraction as the track unfolds. “Left & Right in the Dark” reinforces the synth presence with an upfront opening riff giving way to echoing guitar chops and another great chorus, again with a high register distorted guitar/synth chimes calling the shots over the drum machine-supplied rhythm.

Radio-ready “11th Dimension” kicks off with a pseudo New Order-esque bassline and is urgent and bratty and full of bravado. “4 Chords of the Apocalypse” is the first of the real soul ballad, spacious and fragile until the chorus goes frenetic with trilling keyboards and subtle but heavily distorted guitar, all bleeding gently into warm and fuzzy synths. “Ludlow St.” begins with a blast of synth and distortion before taking an abrupt turn into country with acoustic guitar and banjo while a stuttering rhythm box adds contrast. Casablancas breaks out a cacophony of sounds in the intro to “River Of Brakelights.” Despite its abrasiveness, it yields an irresistible chorus, replete with a catchy pre-chorus and lyrical aptitude. At the end of the track, the disorienting sounds return, but only to firmly bookend the gorgeous and the macabre. The penultimate track, “Glass,” opens with a double-tracked, off-kilter synthesized whistle as see-sawing strings unfortunately overwhelm the vocal as it hides in its falsetto charm. Album closer “Tourist” offers booming drums and a circular guitar twang before the hi-hat changes the rhythm and appear to chart new sonic territory. A solid solo effort from Casablancas, Phrazes for the Young holds its own when compared to the output from his own bandmates and the output from most big band lead singers. This album is full of interesting multi-instrumentation, unique songwriting and vocals, and nice and warm production, yielding a wonderful winter album to rock out to with friends and family. Happy Holidays, music fans.


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Photo Courtesy: Gregg Case

Home for the Holidays The Dallas Mavericks lead the Southwestern Division after enjoying a strong start to the season, especially considering they’ve already played 13 road games. In those games, they have a 9-7 record and are headed for a well-deserved three-game home stand. The Spurs, in comparison, have only played 6 roadies with a 1-5 record and the Lakers have had a measly 4 games outside the Staples Center. The early road wins are going to become priceless once the rest of the Western Conference contenders actually start traveling. We are going to have to take a wait and see approach with Josh Howard as the Mavs are going to take it easy with that ankle. The Mavs say that playing Howard in back-to-back games is something they want to avoid, if at all possible.

Upcoming Opponents: 12/18 - Houston Rockets – The in-state rivals have gone 0-2 against the Mavs this season but are still right on their heels in the division. They are going to be amped up for Dallas after getting blown out in the last two contests by a combined 49 points. This is the type of game the Mavericks typically come out sleepwalking in the first half. 12/20 – Cleveland Cavaliers – LeBron James’ lone trip to Dallas (not including All-Star Weekend) every year is always an event on the sports radar. The Cavs beat the Mavs 111-95 in Cleveland earlier this season in what Rick Carlisle referred to as “a stinker.” Dallas only managed a pitiful 24 rebounds and tied a franchise low in that stat category. 12/22 – Portland Trailblazers – They are young, talented and injured. It looks like Greg Oden is out for the season again and Rudy Fernandez and Travis Outlaw will still miss some significant time. Portland dressed only nine players due to injury in their loss to Cleveland last Friday. Remember the last time the Mavs played a team with a limited roster? We hope they do.

STARS:News

by: Richard S. Pollak – “That Hockey Guy”

SHOT OUT FOR SHOOT OUTS The NHL created the shootout in an attempt to decide a winner in overtime while adding more excitement. Brad Richards is one of the top playmakers in the league in assists and scoring, he always has only one predetermined move that he is going to put on the goalie. While he is a great passer with one of the hardest shots in the game, it’s obvious that he gets frustrated by the netminder’s adjustments and then can only blast an over-compensating slapshot high or wide. Mike Ribeiro, has the moves of a Zubov, but not the icy veins necessary to wait out the opposing goalie and shows his cards before the netminder can even blink. Both former Stars coach Dave Tippett and current bench boss Marc Crawford have elected to put former captain Mike Modano in the 4th slot on most nights after the first 3 rounds of regulation shootouts, which has been only moderately successful. Against the San Jose Sharks, the Stars went 10 rounds until first time shootout selection defenseman Matt Niskanen scored in the 11th round! This upcoming week, the Stars travel to Raleigh to take on the Carolina Hurricanes and 17-year veteran Ray Whitney on

Photo Courtesy: Manny Flores

MAVS:News

by: Geoff Case – “Mavericks Analyst”

Wednesday. The next night on a back-toback the Stars head to Atlanta to face the Southeast Division Thrashers, who are off to their second best start in team history. The Thrashers are lead by forward, Ilya Kovalchuk, one of the most highly regarded Russian Hockey Players in the NHL and former Stars backup goalie, Johan Hedberg. The Stars then return home to the American Airlines Center to once again face their arch enemies--the struggling Detroit Red Wings and the San Jose Sharks.


7 - Craig Smith

- Eddie Stephens

- Jayson Larson

Last Monday, North Texas lost at Texas A&M 75-65. Eric Tramiel finished with 17 points making it his fifth game in a row scoring in double figures. They cut the Aggie lead to single digits in the second half, but came up short against the top twenty team. They opened up conference play at home Sunday against Louisiana Monroe with a 79-62 win. They showed why they were picked to win the Sun Belt West Division by every major pre-season publication. Tristan Thomas was in a zone going 4-4 from three-point land. He has been putting in extra time working on a shot that he feels he has been struggling with by his own standards. Josh White turned in a good second-half and finished with 15 points and shot 4-5 on three pointers. Eric Tramiel took a nasty spill in the game on an attempted dunk when he was intentionally fouled. He landed on his tailbone and was taken to the back by the trainer. He did return to the game a few minutes later and finished with 16 points. The Mean Green, return to Super Pit next Sunday to play Florida International and stay at home for a Tuesday match up with S.E. Louisiana.

The Mustangs had an impressive win at home this past week beating Texas State (San Marcos) 94-86. They made it look easy with some heavy duty scoring from Derek Williams, who scored 21 points, and Robert Nyakundi, who scored a career high 19 points. SMU’s 94 points scored is the most since a double overtime victory over UTEP in 2008. SMU looks like they are starting to get it together and scoring some points, however, they don’t play another game until December 19th against Occidental. This break is may not be good for them coming off a win like that. They need to keep focus and their eyes on the prize. They are 3-3 and have not yet played in a conference game, with the ponies. After the Occidental game, SMU will travel to Hawaii to take on UNLV. The game is on December 22nd and will be on ESPNU at 9:30pm. The metroplex and the nation will be watching, so they need to bring their best game. UNLV’s two main scoring threats are guards Tre’Von Willis with 17 points per game and Oscar Bellfield with 11 points per game.

Last Tuesday, the TCU men’s basketball team welcomed the 23rd-ranked Texas Tech Red Raiders to Ft. Worth in their only appearance in DFW for the season. It was the first game the Red Raiders were playing as a ranked team since the end of the 2004-2005 season and the first time they had been ranked under head coach Pat Knight since he succeeded his father Bob back in February 2008. TCU hung with Texas Tech until they broke a 44-all tie with 16:07 remaining. Behind 21 points from John Roberson, Texas Tech went on to defeat TCU 80-70. The Horned Frogs were led by Buljan with 24 points and 10 boards. Last Saturday, the Frogs traveled up to Wichita St. The Shockers took a 28-12 lead on the Frogs in the first half. After discovering their shooting stroke, TCU cut the deficit to 53-51, but Wichita St. ended the game on a 20-10 run to win with a score of 80-68. Buljan scored a careerhigh 29 points for the Horned Frogs in a losing cause. The Frogs will be back in action Sun., Dec. 20, when they host St. Gregory’s (OK) at 7 p.m. at Daniel Meyer Coliseum.

Who is the NFL’s Best Running Back? Before this season began, many experts proclaimed Adrian Peterson to be the best running back in the NFL. With less than a month remaining in the regular season, that obviously is not true. The Tennessee Titans started out the season 0-6 and looked pretty bad in the process. Then they turned it around and won five straight games. They handed the ball off to Chris Johnson and watched him run. Last year in the NFL combine he ran a blazing 4.29 in the 40 yard dash. If he gets by you he is gone. During the six losses, he averaged only 16 carries and 99 yards. In those five wins, he had a rushing total game high of 228 yards and a low of 132. He helped the team get its swagger back by predicting the team would finish season 10-6 and make the playoffs. All of the sudden, a team everyone saw as an afterthought was showing signs of life.The Titans realized they had a better chance to win by giving him the ball. In the history of the NFL, only five players have rushed for 2,000 yards in a season. O.J. Simpson was the first to accomplish this amazing feat in 1973, Eric Dickerson in 1984, Barry Sanders

Sportsologist

Craig Smith – csmith@blitzweekly.com

in 1997, Terrell Davis in 1998 and Jamal Lewis was the last to do it in 2003. Chris Johnson should become the sixth if he stays healthy. He needs to average around 125 yards a game which shouldn’t be too hard for him. Even Eric Dickerson’s single season record of 2,105 is in reach. He has been spectacular this year. In the second game of the year, he had a field day against Houston with 16 carries for 197 yards and 2 touchdowns, 9 receptions for 87 yards and another touchdown. Against Jacksonville, he ran for 228 yards on 24 carries which is most yards this season for any running back in a game. He is averaging over six yards a carry. He is the only back to have gained over a 100 yards rushing and receiving in the same game this year. He has three rushing touchdowns this season of 85 yards or more. In his pursuit of 2,000 yards, I’m sure his linemen will do everything in their power to get him there. He has promised them cars if he does. That’s not a bad bonus. I wonder what his fantasy owners get? I drafted him and have watched him carry my team all year. To the Titans lineman I say, gentlemen, start your engines.

Dallas vs New Orleans Saturday, Dec 19 – 7:20pm – Superdome - NFL

The Cowboys continue their battle with December on a Saturday night visit to the Big Easy. A win would make their playoff hopes a lot closer. The Saints are still fighting to maintain a perfect record. Lots of offense should be in order for this one.

Cincinnati vs San Diego

Sunday, Dec 20 – 3:05pm – Qualcomm Stadium – CBS

If this game isn’t shown locally then find a way to watch it. A battle between two division leaders will be on display. Both teams have lots of offense and pretty good defense. Who knows what Ochocinco will break out in this one! The winner will be fighting for a first round bye in the playoffs.

WEEK 15 LINES Thurs., Dec. 17 LINE Indianapolis -6.5

Underdog At Jacksonville

TIME 7:20pm

Sat., Dec. 19 LINE At New Orleans -7

Underdog Dallas

TIME 7:20pm

Sun., Dec. 20 At Tennessee New England Arizona At Philadelphia At NY Jets At Baltimore At Kansas City Houston At San Diego At Denver At Seattle At Pittsburgh Minnesota

Underdog Miami At Buffalo At Detroit San Francisco Atlanta Chicago Cleveland At St. Louis Cincinnati Oakland Tampa Bay Green Bay At Carolina

TIME Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon 3:05pm 3:05pm 3:15pm 3:15pm 7:20pm

Underdog At Washington

TIME 7:35pm

LINE -3 -7 -10.5 -8.5 -6 -10 -2 -10.5 -6.5 -14 -7 -1 -7

Mon., Dec. 21 LINE NY Giants -3


8

COWBOYS:

TOUGH SCHEDULE? WHO CARES? The Coach

Photo Courtesy: Ronnie Baker

- Joe Avezzano

Yes…the Cowboys have a very tough month of December schedule. Yes…any team in the league would have a tough go of it versus this bunch of opponents. Now that we have all that information, go find someone that really cares. The only thing that fans, media, coaches and players care about is: Are the Cowboys going to win enough games to get into the playoffs? Sunday against the Chargers, there were two good teams playing. Both teams played pretty good, sound football. It was not a sloppy game marred by turnovers or penalties. There were not a lot of dropped balls or missed tackles. So why did the Chargers win 20-17? In the second quarter, the Cowboys drove the ball the length of the field, running the ball 13 of 14 plays. It was very impressive and methodical. On the goal line, they ran 4 plays and couldn’t get it in the end zone. The Cowboys then got an interception and missed a much needed field goal. 10 points off the board. Game over.

The Cowboys made plays, the Chargers made plays; it just seemed like the Chargers made theirs when they needed to and took advantage of their opportunities. Good teams tend to do that. Teams that are trying to be good fall short more times than not. Overall the Chargers played more effective offense, defense and field position kicking game. Not by much, but maybe 3 points better. The game wasn’t really that close, but the Cowboys have now lost two in a row for the first time this season. What now? On a short week, they go to New Orleans and play the undefeated Saints. Tough duty under any circumstance but even tougher now that their backs are against the wall. I said before the Charger game that the Cowboys would have the opportunity to win all of the remaining games and they’ll also have the opportunity to lose all of their remaining games. Nothing I’ve seen changes my mind. They must win two of the last three to realistically have a chance at a playoff spot. None will be easy. But if you are going to be a champion you must win enough games on the schedule that is presented to you and you have to beat good teams along the way. Tough schedule, who cares? Coach Joe can be heard on KHYI 95.3 on Tuesday nights 7-9pm and on ESPN radio. Come by and say hello at Hat Tricks Sports Bar and Grill in Lewisville. Your home to great sports and great music.

by: Geoff Case

The Ultimate Dallas Sports Wish List

TEN

A new owner for the Texas Rangers that has bottomless pockets and an unquenchable thirst to win a World Series. He also institutes the season long “nickel beer night,” citing Texans tendency to enjoy large quantities of beer.

NINE

Installation of a drive-thru window at Denny’s for Tim Thomas.

EIGHT

Photo Courtesy: Ronnie Baker

A four-month background check is conducted by the FBI on Dirk Nowitzki’s next girlfriend.

SEVEN One of the 7 special teams play-

ers the Cowboys drafted last year figures out how to hold for a field goal kick. Seriously, do we want the most famous player in NFL history for botching snaps holding for kicks again? “Is it bat night or are you just happy to see me?”

SIX Cheerleaders in Major League Baseball.

We need something else to look at while the pitcher scratches his nuts. They also serve the crowd whiskey out of their backpacks.

FIVE The NFL mandates a month long byeweek for the Cowboys in December.

FOUR

Carrie Underwood and Jessica Simpson release a YouTube video of themselves making-out with each other to get back at Tony Romo. Wow, they really got him good! BURN!

THREE Mark Cuban breaks his twittering finger and the entire world goes silent.

TWO

David Stern announces the 2006 NBA Finals were really a sham and that they will need to be replayed. Mavs destroy the Heat and Antoine Walker buys a solid gold microwave oven with his last NBA paycheck.

ONE The Dallas Cowboys win one freak-

ing measly playoff game this year. Wade Phillips still gets fired.

Photo Courtesy: Gregg Case

We’ve been good all year long and have put together the ultimate wish list that every Dallas sports fan should take a peek at. “Uhhh, you want Tony Romo to grow a pair of what?!?


9

by: Jennifer Wayne - “Foxie Chick”

We are in a recession. I know you have heard it about 8 million times, as if you even need to hear it to know it’s happening. You might be a little strapped for cash this holiday season, so I have compiled a list of gifts that you can enjoy with your partner. They will give you a few more reasons to stay at home and hang out together, ultimately saving you gas and movie money.


10

by: Peggy Kilpatrick - “Girl with Taste”

by: Jayso


on Larson

11

by: Peggy Kilpatrick - “Girl with Taste”


13 Dennis Hambright www.dennishambright.com

by: Jesse Whitman

“A Woman’s Perspective”


14

FOOD REVIEW

The Pick of the Week:

by: Richard S. Pollak

“The Traveling Gourmet”

“More Than Chicken Fried Steak!”

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3636 Frankford Rd. Ste. 390 214-483-5225

effrey Yarbo is the restaurant marketing Guru of Dallas. When he invites you to a grand opening, you must drop everything and attend. Such was the case for Norma’s Café at Dallas Parkway and Trinity Mills in north Dallas. The four restaurant chain of home-style cooking cafes had an exceptional grand opening event planned by Yarbo’s Big Ink Public Relations and Marketing. There was to be a drawing for 100 patrons to win a free chicken-fried steak dinner per week for one year and a pie-eating contest between two neighborhood high school football teams. Fortunately for me, there were less than 100 people in attendance, so I was guaranteed to be one of the lucky 100 winners. I anxiously kept count as more and more people continued to win a plate full of that seasoned, hand-battered, golden brown steak patty smothered in homemade cream gravy. It was not until the 67th entry was called that my future of “chickenfried steak-eating for the next 52 weeks” became a reality. So far, I have eaten “CFS” for 5 consecutive weeks, praying that the management of Norma’s would allow a substitution for another one of their blue plate specials like chicken-fried chicken, meat loaf or fried chicken strips, which all come with Norma’s homemade rolls and cornbread. Unfortunately, the only substitution that is allowed is the CFS and eggs breakfast platter or the CFS sandwich. So CFS it is... With 5 of their giant CFSs eaten and 47 more to go, I am starting to expand my friend base in the hopes of finding someone to take the CFS each week so that I can try one of Norma’s favorites, like the open-faced hot roast beef sandwich--slowcooked, piled high and smothered in brown gravy. They do have porkchops, too! Norma’s offers breakfast items like omelettes, hot cakes, French toast and homemade biscuits and gravy. Of course, they have eggs that can be served with bacon, ham, sausage, pork chops, hamburger patty or...you guessed it...CFS. The all-day menu is packed full of options. If you don’t want to indulge in the fried stuff, they have salads, such as the turkey cobb and the taco salad. The sandwich list has all-time faves like the BLT, peanut butter and jelly, grilled cheese and burgers. The burgers can get a little fancy, too, with a wide-range of cheeses and toppings. Specialty Sides include cheddar cheese fries, homemade chips, onion rings and tater tots. Their homemade chili (which I still haven’t eaten since I still have to eat 47 more...ya know) is supposed to be awesome. I am determined to use all of my 52 CFS prizes, even when I travel to San Antonio for Christmas vacation and next year when I go to Italy, Laguna Beach and Switzerland during the first three months of 2010. I am willing to entrust my 52-week punch card only to someone that will promise not to break my CFS-eating streak. OMG, don’t let me forget to try one of the mile-high cream or fruit-filled pies with a mountain of homemade whipped cream after a meal when I’m not already full from their big portions of CHICKEN-FRIED STEAK! Norma’s Cafe • 17721 Dallas Parkway, Dallas • 972-380-5500


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Courtesy: www.uncrate.com

To Tree or Not to Tree?

— She answers the question!

by: Rich Hancock

rich@rationalradio.org

I remember being single and actually having a choice as to whether or not I would put up a tree for the holidays. As with most things in life, marriage and kids changed all of that. The Christmas tree hunt this year took an interesting twist when my blushing bride announced that our “e-mail-order, TV shopping network Christmas tree” was on the way. “Our what...,” I asked, realizing before the words came out that I didn’t really want to know the answer. “They’re fresh cut, shipped practically overnight, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda…” The power-down in my head occurred almost instantly. “OK, whatever,” I said, knowing that my objections would be dismissed as the ramblings of a subordinate with no particular consequence. While this little dance with my sainted wife has been going on for nearly 20 years, the X-factor involved here has emerged as the true driving force in this—and all aspects of our lives—the precocious, opinionated, wholly domineering 5-year-old child who runs my house. She wasn’t waiting for a tree to be delivered. She had a schedule of her own, and the tree was late. Too Damned Late. So Mamma called the TV shopping Satan to cancel the tree and off we went to seek our immediate tree gratification. After

what seemed like several hours of tree testing, wreath wrangling, poinsettia picking and overspending on stuff that was either dead or dying, we could now begin the real work—decorating! My job here is simple. String up the lights, do the heavy lifting and keep my opinions to myself. What makes my end of the operation really fun is the clash of the decorating Titans—the mother and the daughter. Why is this fun? Because when they disagree (which is always), I am the swing vote. I wield my power judiciously because I do not benefit from either of them feeling angry or slighted. Mom knows better than to rub my nose in—um, shtuff, because that will surely swing my vote to the kinder-gardener. For her part, the kid is having the time of her life bossing me around; and I would be lying if I said I minded. So around 7 o’clock that night, with the decorating done, Christmas brick-a-brack arranged, the lights and garland up and lit, the stockings all hung by what will have to pass for a chimney with care, all surrounding a beautifully ornamented tree, there came a knock on the door. And there stood the man in brown, with a 7-foot-tall, one-foot square box, marked “Fresh Tree” on the side. Sometimes I miss being single. Rich Hancock is Executive Producer/CoHost of The Rational Radio Report, weekdays 6-9am on AM 1360 “The Talk You’ve Been Missing” e-mail rich@rationalradio.org


By: Sybil Summers – sybilsummers.com

Top 10 Best Holiday Movies 10. Four Christmases (2008) - After Fred Claus, I was almost unwilling to give Vince Vaughn another shot at Christmas movies, but he redeemed himself with this flick. You’re money, Baby. 9. Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) - It’s like my two favorite holidays-Halloween and Christmas--had a baby. 8. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964) - Heartwarming. Enjoyable for adults and kiddies. Clay-mation. What’s not to love? 7. Scrooged (1988) - It could be that I was 10 years old, it was the 80’s and Bill Murray was in his prime, but I loved this movie. Even the special effects were cool back then. 6. Just Friends (2005) - I know most dudes don’t like rom-coms, but you should watch it to see hot Amy Smart and hotter Anna Faris. 5. Trading Places (1983) - There are two reasons this movie made the list. Jamie Lee Curtis can tell you why. 4. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966) - The cartoon version--not the Jim Carrey regurgitation. 3. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) - My favorite scene is when Christie Brinkley pulls up next to the Griswolds in her red convertible sleigh and Clark almost crashes. Wait... what? 2. Elf (2003) - If you can’t have Will Ferrell running around in his tighty whities, you may as well have him running around in green tights and a pointy hat. 1. A Christmas Story (1983) - It’s like my two favorite Christmas presents- leg lamps and bunny suits-- had a baby.


17

ACROSS 1. Hobbling 5. Misplaced 9. Nap 14. Holly 15. Murres 16. Brusque 17. Protective ditch 18. Focusing glass 19. Sheeplike 20. Unobjectionable 22. Stair part 23. Electrical pioneer Nikola 24. Old photo color 26. Third person pronoun female 29. Fatal 33. Seppuku 38. On dry land 39. Verbal 40. Tot watcher 42. ___ meridiem 43. Leased 45. Avidness 47. Indigenous 48. Refinable rock 49. Glee 52. A useful or valuable quality 57. Left the engine running 60. Citation 63. Give a speech 64. Auth. unknown 65. Points 66. Interlaced 67. Chilled 68. A nanny or billy 69. Not together 70. Not more 71. Swirl

DOWN 1. Throttle 2. Without company 3. Intends 4. Glorify 5. Doozy 6. Chocolate cookie 7. Cavity in the skull 8. Piece of armor for a thigh 9. Tales 10. A mythical creature 11. Goddess of discord (Greek mythology) 12. Feudal worker 13. Jury member 21. Barrel 25. Game participant 27. Impede 28. Historical period 30. Sharpen 31. Products of human creativity 32. Bottom of the barrel 33. Trumpet 34. District 35. Rave 36. An important airplane instrument 37. Writing fluid 41. Prefix meaning “New” 44. Clear 46. Close 50. Hiker’s path 51. Therefore 53. Marsh plant 54. Hair net 55. Outer or exterior 56. Cantankerous 57. Corn Belt state 58. Let go 59. Magma 61. Enemies 62. Concludes

Blitz Weekly Funnies for the Week Q: Why did the blonde take her new scarf back to the store? A: It was too tight.

A Visit to the Doctor An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Q: What’s wrong with Taken aback, the doctor thought for a Lawyer jokes? minute and then said, “Excuse me Mrs. A: Lawyers don’t think they’re Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What posfunny, and nobody else thinks sible use could you have for birth control they’re jokes. pills?” The woman responded, “They help me Q: When does a Cub sleep better.” Scout become a Boy The doctor thought some more and Scout? continued, “How in the world do birth A: When he eats his first control pills help you to sleep?” Brownie! The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice and I sleep Q: Hear about the new better at night.” gay sitcom? A: “Leave it, it’s Beaver.”

Horrorscopes

Sagittarius(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19)

Your Christmas gift will be: Tickets to the Ice Capades

Your Christmas gift will be: A subscription to every chick magazine on the planet

Your Christmas gift will be: A Membership to the Hair Club for Men

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20)

Your Christmas gift will be: Soap on a Rope

Your Christmas gift will be: Women’s Lingerie in your size

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Gemini (May 21 - Jun. 21)

Your Christmas gift will be: A Weekend at the Mall of America in Minnesota

Your Christmas gift will be: A Positive Paternity Test

Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)

Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)

Your Christmas gift will be: A Two Week Cruise with YOUR In-laws

Your Christmas gift will be: Season Tickets to the Ballet and Opera

Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22)

Your Christmas gift will be: Ties, Sweaters and Socks

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22) Your Christmas gift will be: A Case of Non-Alcoholic Beer

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) Your Christmas gift will be: A Nose Trimmer


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by: Pat Moran

“Man On His Throne”

pmoran@gmail.com

The Joys of Christmas!

As we all know, the Holiday season is in full attack mode. From incessant advertising to monotonous Christmas music pumping through the speakers, December acts like Santa Claus on crack. At times, yes, Christmas cheer can warm the heart like a shot of whiskey. But that feeling is rare. If you are like me, the holiday season is chock full of screaming children in planes, overpriced present wish lists, jam packed malls, hours of traffic and gallons of unneeded stress. Enough stress to kill a small goat. Needless to say, a person needs a break every once in a while. You get home, fresh from an epic battle at some soul crushing chain store, braving the crowds to try and finish the necessary shopping and plop down on the couch, ready for some mindless relaxation. You turn on the TV, hoping for a decent escape into TV-land and what do you get? An endless stream of Christmas Specials! Holy crap, is this annoying or what? Not only are you inundated at every turn with fake versions of holiday whimsy, but you are forced to watch lame TV shows celebrate lame versions of Christmas in the most lame ways possible. I don’t want to watch “House” solve

Crossword Solution

some sort of Egg Nog medical allergy. I don’t want to watch CSI: North Pole. I don’t want to watch any sort of Christmas themed television. It’s ridiculous. None of this crap will ever make me feel “cheery.” If the yearly Christmas specials really wanted to imitate real life, they would show the Scrubs cast fighting with Walmart staff members, drinking too much at the family brunch, trying to pretend to enjoy the oversized sweater your obese aunt gave you and finally scraping the ice off your window with a maxed out credit card while your balls freeze. Thanks a lot, TV. I thought I could count on you. Guess I was wrong.


Blitz Weekly  

Holiday Gift Guide

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