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VOL. 2 - ISSUE 21

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Fat Butts May Be Healthy Having “junk in your trunk” is healthier than a spare tire around the gut, new research suggests. The extra padding on the backside and thighs could even help to protect against disease. The results come from a review that summarizes various studies on the health effects of different fat stores in the body, particularly around the hips and thighs. “The fact that body fat’s distribution is quite important for your health has been known for some time now,” said lead researcher Konstantinos Manolopoulos of the University of Oxford in England. But this new article summarizes a body of research showing that such hip and thigh fat can help reduce the risk of diabetes and heart disease. The

BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile / Movie Reviews 4 Music: Local Acts/Different Sounds 5 Mavs and Stars News 6 UNT / SMU / TCU News 7 NFL Conference Title Previews 8 COVER STORY: 2010 Guide to Hot Wings History of Hot Wings 9 Our Favorite Hot Wing Spots 10 BLITZ BABE: Tara 12 Deep Fryer Love 13 Restaurant Review: Lavendou 14 Blitz Toys 15 The Fan Top 10 with Sybil 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Nerdgasms and Mayo 18

World’s First Life-Size Robotic Girlfriend What is billed as “the world’s first,” a lifesize robotic girlfriend, complete with artificial intelligence and flesh-like synthetic skin, was introduced to adoring fans at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas this year. “She can’t vacuum, she can’t cook, but she can do almost anything else, if you know what I mean,” said Roxxxy creator Douglas Hines. “She has a personality. She hears you. She listens to you. She speaks. She feels your touch. She goes to sleep. We are trying to replicate a personality of a person.” Roxxxy is 5’7, 120 pounds, and “ready for action,” according to Hines, who was an artificial intelligence engineer at Bell Labs before starting TrueCompanion. She comes

PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jennifer Wayne CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER: Photographer: Darryl Briggs Cover Design: Damien William Mayfield CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Gregg Case, Manny Flores, Marty McBride, TVSRR, Carl Van Vetchen, Ed Westerman PHOTOGRAPHERS Ronnie Baker, Darryl Briggs, Steven Hendrix, Matt Pearce, Jason Ryan CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Andrew J. Hewett, Eric Kendall, Peggy Kilpatrick, Frank LaCosta, Jayson Larson, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak, Craig Smith, Joe Stumpo, Sybil Summers, Jennifer Wayne, Ed Westerman and Jesse Whitman ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed SALES REPRESENTATIVES Edward Andrion, Johnny Horton and Patrick Marshall

Portland police said a man handed an apologetic robbery note to an employee at a FedEx Kinko’s store, then waited for police to arrive. Employee Paul Rhoney read the note that said, “This is a robbery. I’ll wait outside for police. Sorry.” Police Detective Mary Wheat said responding officers found the 46-year-old man outside the store Tuesday morning and took him into custody. Wheat said no robbery charges will be pursued because the man did not have a weapon and didn’t carry out a robbery. Police believe he simply wanted to go to jail.

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“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.” – Orson Welles (1915-1985)

with five personalities, including Wild Wendy, who is outgoing and adventurous, and Frigid Farrah, who is reserved and shy. Additionally, aspiring partners can customize Roxxxy features, including race, hair colour and breast size. Roxxxy versions are priced from $7,000 to $9,000, depending on features. A male sex robot named Rocky is in development.

Man Offers Apologetic Robbery Note

CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

review also suggests a mechanism for conveying those benefits. The next step is to figure out how our bodies decide where to store fat, say, in the stomach versus the butt. “Once this is understood then one could think about therapeutic approaches to make use of that,” Manolopoulos told Live Science. Manolopoulos and his colleagues detail their findings this week in the International Journal of Obesity.

Andrew J. Hewett

www.chewednews.com

BUT WHAT IF HE LOST HIS JOB AFTER ONLY 1,000 YEARS? American William G. Stern, 33, admitted in a London court he owed close to $209,000,000. He had borrowed the money on behalf of 180 companies he once controlled, but then lost everything in the British property market’s collapse of 1973. In good faith, he offered the judge a repayment plan of $12,000 each year for life. (Without interest or late charges, those payments would take him more than 17,416 years to complete.) CRUDE & VULGAR VICE PRESIDENT U.S. President Martin Van Buren’s vice president, Richard Mentor Johnson, was known as a crude and vulgar man who turned his back on Washington’s society. He married three times, each wife being a slave. When his second wife ran away with the man she really loved, Johnson had her captured and sold at a slave auction. During the early part of his term, he opened a saloon spa on his farm in Kentucky and then spent most of his time there, away from Washington. HOW LARGE DID THE FAMILY NEED TO BE TO QUALIFY? In 1983, the Guinness Book of Records entered Leontina Albina, a woman living in Chile, as the most prolific mother on record, worldwide. Between 1943 and 1981, she claimed to have given birth to nine sets of triplets, eleven sets of twins and six single births, producing a total of 55 children. A few years later they removed her name when it became clear the claim could not be proven. She gave birth to only 16 of the children. The others were given to her by other poor women. Why did she take them? To collect food assistance the government granted to large, poor families.


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HOLLYWOOD PROFILE

BLITZREVIEWS By: Joe Stumpo - www.darthstumpo.com

Wa s t i n g o u r m o n ey s o yo u d o n ’t h a ve t o !

with Harrison Ford

by: Vivian Fullerlove

“Enterainment’s Real Critic”

Harrison Ford is the embodiment of what it means to be a “movie star.” With two multibillion dollar franchises to his credit and a slew of critically-acclaimed performances, award nominations and wins, Ford has thrilled audiences for decades with films like Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Clear and Present Danger and the list literally goes on and on. He is back on the big screen this week in the amazing docudrama Extraordinary Measures. He was so inspired by this remarkable story that he signed on as one of the film’s producers. He stars alongside Brendan Fraser and Keri Russell in this film about John and Aileen Crowley’s efforts to find a researcher, played by Ford, who might have a cure for their two children’s rare genetic disorder.

As a producer on the film, you had input in casting the role of the Crowleys. What do you think Brendan Fraser and Keri Russell brought to the movie? Brendan brings understanding and great capacity to the telling of this story. I think we’re very lucky to have him and lucky to have Keri, who played Aileen Crowley. It requires actors with real understanding of how to communicate very subtle strains, if you will, and I think the script came to the point where we were able to attract really good actors.

“It is the steel of the man

and his ability to move other

people to join

him in a unified

Tell me about your character, Dr. Robert Stonehill. Stonehill’s immediate task when we find him in the film is to represent a hope and ambition for John Crowley and to form an alliance in which he can invent and John Crowley can invest in somebody who has a passion for [finding] a solution to the disease.

ambition.”

How did you go about preparing for this role and learning all of the scientific aspects that it required? The real interesting thing about science is that it happens up here (pointing to head). There are expressions and you can write out equations and talk about it, but really for me it was required that I understand the processes that we were talking about, so that I could make them clear to the audience.

You said this film has many layers to it. What did you mean by that exactly? We had to bring a bit of hope, a bit of humor, a bit of understanding and the whole journey with these people has to be an experience, an emotional experience and that comes like painting. It’s layer upon layer. It’s tone. It’s color choices and selection. At every moment wise choices had to be made.

What most impressed you about the real John Crowley? It’s not just one quality of the man. I think it’s the quality of his intellect, the power of his love for his kids. It is the steel of the man and his ability to move other people to join him in a unified ambition. Extraordinary Measures opens in theatres nationwide this week. The film is rated PG for thematic material, language and a mild suggestive moment. Email me your favorite Harrison Ford film for the chance to win a pair of movie tickets to the Studio Movie Grill. For all of this week’s new releases and your favorite celebs, check out my show Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable Video on Demand under the North Texas programming tab.

Daybreakers: Ten years from now, a plague has turned most every human into

a vampire. The few who have yet to succumb become hunted as the world’s blood supply gets dangerously low. Dr. Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke), a former vampire turned human, joins forces with a vampire hunter (Willem Dafoe) to make an antidote to turn everyone back to normal. The hard part is trying to convince the blood thirsty CEO (Sam Neill) of the world’s leading blood bank that becoming human is the best solution. The difference between Daybreakers and every other vampire movie is, for the first time, being undead is not as much fun as it’s hyped up to be. As Edward Dalton says, “Life’s a bitch and then you DON’T die.”

PICK OF THE WEEK

The Hurt Locker: I didn’t care much for Kathryn Bigelow’s critically-acclaimed anti-

war film that only grossed $12 million at the box office last summer. Watching it, I couldn’t help but admire what our soldiers have had to go through during the Iraq war, risking their lives trying to disarm roadside bombs in 100 degree heat, not knowing if they’d become the latest casualty. Unfortunately, The Hurt Locker, much like every other anti-Iraq war movie before it, fails to honor our nation’s troops. Instead, it paints a negative portrait of disenfranchised American soldiers who question whether we were right to be in Iraq in the first place. That’s not to say I am not willing to give it a second chance as the 2010 Oscar nominations draw closer.

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5 by: Ed Westerman

www.edwesterman.com

Photos Courtesy: Ed Westerman

Telegraph Canyon Slobberbone MUSIC: Slobberbone 1. Gimme Back My Dog

Everything You Thought Was Right Was Wrong Today

2. Trust Jesus

Everything You Thought Was Right Was Wrong Today

3. Placement Blues

Everything You Thought Was Right Was Wrong Today

4. Sister Beams

Slippage

5. Get Gone Again

Barrel Chested

6. Engine Joe

Barrel Chested

7. Sober

Telegraph Canyon

Crow Pot Pie

8. Haze of Drink

Barrel Chested

9. I’ll Be Damned

Barrel Chested

10. Front Porch

Barrel Chested

Slobberbone

A Texas-flavored triple-bill helped to put 2009 to rest at the Granada Theatre on December 30 – there was a little fresh and new, a little of the tried and true and a lot of rockin’. Here’s who was there and why you have to catch them in 2010:

Telegraph Canyon: It was nice to stumble onto these guys (and gal). A voice like

Chris Johnson’s (guitar, vocals, banjo & harmonica) is truly distinct. A group like this is not assembled by accident. Lyrics like these aren’t scribbled in desperation on a napkin in a coffee shop…or maybe they are. Artistry and passion like this comes from places few can fathom. Even harder to fathom, though, is an under-appreciation for this kind of artistry. Telegraph Canyon is a melodic love-dance of lyric, percussion and string…simplicity of melody, but a complex tapestry that soothes the soul. As they say themselves, “With seven pieces filling out the line-up, it’s more like a small orchestra than your average folk band.”

Scott H. Biram: The “H” stands for “hillbilly”…no, wait...it stands for “He broke

his stompin’ leg at a gas station in the south of France” (true statement). It takes leather-clad cojones to do what he does – he’s like a one-man, meth-dealer, grease-monkey trucker mechanic, in-your-grill beer explosion singing his ass off. He picks a sweet Gibson Acoustic made a few years before he was and runs through about half the gear on the used-table at Guitar Center. I dug him. He’s gonna be all over the place this year with shows mostly in the Austin area in January, but come April, you can catch his show somewhere in France, Belgium, Switzerland, Italy, Croatia, Slovenia or Norway.

Slobberbone: Just doin’ what they always did…18 years down the line. The Granada

show was one of just a few reunion dates since the break-up in 2005. The quartet let loose with all the favorites, including, Gimme Back My Dog and Barrel-Chested. I had actually never seen Slobberbone before this, but always heard of ‘em…and the inevitable pigeonholing as “alt-country.” Not! This is Rock & Roll. I read a review of their farewell show in 2005, which summed up Slobberbone very well. “Their songs were a hazy, often sarcastic, and usually dead on exploration of those foggy moments in life. They were wise and unsentimental like the Stones, ragged but right like Crazy Horse or the Replacements.” Sounds good to me.

Slobberbone Scott H. Biram


6

“Mavericks Analyst”

Photo Courtesy: Gregg Case

Batman Needs A Robin The Mavericks have been stumbling early on in games all season, but only recently has it begun to cost them. Games have been coming down to Dirk Nowitzki putting the team on his shoulders and coming up with tough baskets. The Mavs stellar record is a testament to the greatness of Nowitzki; his surrounding cast is coming up short. Dirk hasn’t had a real number two to carry some of the scoring load when his shots aren’t going down. Jason Terry is the Mavs number two scoring option, but he’s also the easiest player for opposing teams to shut down offensively. We need a player that can penetrate, get some lay-ups or get to the line. Rumors of the Mavs going after Carlos Boozer keep swirling around the NBA and if this current trend continues, they might

need to pursue him. It’d be a mistake for the Mavs to fool themselves into thinking they are legitimate contenders by looking at their record thus far. That record was compiled more from the blood, sweat and teeth-riddled elbows of Dirk rather than great team play. Upcoming Opponents: 1/22 at Philadelphia 76ers– The Sixers have been hit or miss this season. The Mavericks need to get up early to stamp out any confidence and win the game. 1/24 at New York Knicks – If they stick to the same plan as the Sixers game, it should be a win. Teams who have a losing record will fall into their place relatively easy if you get up on them early. 1/26 vs Milwaukee Bucks – Rookie sensation Brandon Jennings is cooling off, but that’s likely because teams are giving him extra defensive attention. The Mavericks need this home win. My prediction for this stretch: 2-1

STARS:News

by: Richard S. Pollak “That Hockey Guy”

Nieuwendyk Speaks Up Dallas Stars GM Joe Nieuwendyk is usually quiet as he sits back and analyzes his team (unlike outspoken Co- GM Brett Hull). Last week, though, Nieuwendyk forcibly spoke up. His team is in the bottom quarter of the standings and slipping further away from a playoff spot. Nieuwendyk called on his veterans to “step up their game and take a more responsive leadership road.” Though no fingers were pointed, it was quite clear he was talking to Goalie Marty Turco, Captain Brendan Morrow, Defenseman Karlis Skrastins, Center Mike Modano and RW Jere Lehtinen. Only veteran Steve Ott, Defenseman Stephane Robidas and scoring-leader Brad Richards are carrying their weight. It won’t be too long before the Stars have to bring up a bunch of their up-and-comers from Austin’s AHL Texas Stars. Talk is building around the youthful players and management acted like calling back Fabian Brunnstrom from a six-

game rehab assignment is significant. It will only be significant if they put him on one of the two top lines and give him the ice time he deserves. The Stars are about to head out west again to face the Vancouver Canucks with Goalie Roberto Luango, the Edmonton Oilers and the Colorado Avalanche. The Canucks net- minder has really stepped up his game, presenting a challenge to Turco. Look for Turco-backup Alex Auld to defend against Edmonton. He got good practice when he stepped-in in Philly. The Avalanche are at the top of the Northwestern Division of the Western Conference with the off-season acquisition of goalie Craig Anderson. This, too, will put the Stars to the test. Good news: Chili’s Restaurant will buy you a second ticket of the same price when you purchase a Stars home game ticket. Use code “Chili’s” at checkout.

Photo Courtesy: Manny Flores

MAVS:News

by: Geoff Case


7 - Craig Smith

- Tony Barone

- Jayson Larson

The Mean Green faced the number one offense in the conference when they played at Troy. North Texas needed a win to stay near the top of the West Division in the Sun Belt Conference. Fortunately, Eric Tramiel returned to play after missing four games with a wrist injury. UNT lit it up from the three-point line, as Tristan Thompson and Josh White combined to hit 7-15 from behind the arc. They sealed the win from the free-throw line, hitting 8-out-of-10 in the final two minutes of the game to win 75-72. Saturday, they were home to face the West Division leader, Arkansas State, who they lost to two weeks earlier. The Red Wolves went on a 17-2 run in the first half and North Texas never could get back in it. George Odufuwa was the only bright spot in the 83-70 loss scoring 16 points and 12 rebounds. North Texas isn’t where they expected to be (44 in conference) after being the preseason pick to win West Division. They’ll be at home Thursday against South Alabama for their only game of the week. This should be close as both teams have similar records, but North Texas needs the win.

The Mustangs welcomed two Conference USA foes with a combined record of 26-5 to Moody Coliseum last week. In the first contest, against the Tulsa Golden Hurricane, the Mustangs couldn’t get their offense in gear, falling behind 16-0 to start the game en route to a 63-56 defeat. Tulsa’s Justin Hurtt and SMU’s Mouhammed Faye each scored a team-leading 17 points. The victory was Tulsa’s ninth straight over the Mustangs. Saturday, the University of Alabama Birmingham Blazers invaded Moody and it seemed SMU learned from its slow start against Tulsa, building a 3420 halftime lead, which eventually swelled to 50-26 with 14:41 to play. However, the Mustangs collapsed at the end, blowing the 24-point lead and losing a heartbreaker 6362. SMU’s Derek Williams was spectacular in the first 25 minutes of the game, scoring a game high 23 points, but went scoreless the rest of the way, including a missed lay up at the end of the game. Next week, the Mustangs face a pair of weaker opponents. They travel to Houston to face Conference USA foe Rice University (6-11) on January 20 and then return to Moody on January 23 to tangle with Independent Houston Baptist (2-11).

TCU traveled to Southern California (home of famous TCU alum LaDainian Tomlinson, the future Hall of Fame running back for the San Diego Chargers) to take on the San Diego State Aztecs. The Frogs built a 14point half-time advantage following threepointers by Keion Mitchem and Zvonko Buljan. They connected on 15-of-18 field goal attempts en route to a 38-29 half-time lead. During the first half, TCU shot 69.9 percent from the field. The Aztecs were equally hot in the second half as they took a 51-49 lead that they would never relinquish. San Diego State connected on 6-of-6 from the free-throw line to seal the 67-62 victory. Frogs senior guard Keion Mithem was four-of-four from the three-point line. TCU sophomore guard Ronnie Moss dished out 10 assists plus six points and six rebounds. TCU fell to 9-9 and 2-2 in Mountain West Conference action. Saturday night, UNLV comes to Fort Worth to take on the Frogs. Tip-off is at 5:05 p.m. UNLV is 14-4 on the season. They’re led by junior guard Tre’Von Willis, averaging 16.6 points and 3.2 rebounds a game. The Runnin’ Rebels are also 2-2 in MWC play, so this will be a big game for both teams.

by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com

The Texas Rangers have had two things really hurt them over the last five years. Number one: Tom Hicks is a piss poor owner who won’t spend money to build a good team. Number two: Texas Rangers killer Vladimir Guerrero, who has been a terror when facing my beloved Rangers. Hopefully the problem with Hicks will soon be resolved when the sale of majority ownership is resolved. The problem with Guerrero is no more. He has been signed by the Rangers to be our designated hitter for next season. I have been a big fan of his for a long time, all the way back to his Montreal Expos days. I was stoked when I heard about his addition. I watched him take batting practice last season before a game I

attended and was amazed at his power, as ball after ball ended up deep in the stands. Even slugger Josh Hamilton was highstrung about the new addition, saying, “He’s big enough to be a bodyguard. I’m excited. He’s a presence.” The top of our lineup is going to be among the league’s best with Julio Borbon leading off, followed by Michael Young, Josh Hamilton, Guererro and Ian Kinsler. One thing we can be sure of is that he can hit in this park. That may be an understatement. He has the highest batting average of any player with at least 150 bats against the Rangers with a ridiculous .396. He also has a stunning batting average of .394 and a .705 slugging percentage at the

Ballpark in Arlington, which is the highest of any player who has played at least 50 games there. He was brought here for his bat. He missed parts of last season with a strained knee and a torn chest muscle. He was one of the most-feared batters in all of baseball. In 2004, he was named the MVP of the American League. He has a career batting average of .321 with 407 home runs and 1,318 RBIs. He is ninth among active players in career home runs and 11th in RBIs. This may be the piece of the puzzle we were missing. I think we will be back in the playoffs for the first time since 1999. The season opener on April 5th against Toronto can’t come soon enough for me.

NY Jets vs Colts Sunday, Jan 24 – 2:00 pm – Lucas Oil Stadium – CBS The Colts will make a stand at home against the underdog New York Jets. The Jets enter the AFC Championship as the only wild card team and have something to prove. A December win against the Colts may mean nothing now as they face Mr. Manning and the Colts at full strength.

Vikings vs Saints

Sunday, Jan 24 – 5:40 pm – Superdome – FOX After a devastating assault on the Cowboys in Minnesota, the Vikings will travel to the land of “who dat” to battle the top-seeded Saints. Both teams have something vital to fight for, as neither team has ever won a Superbowl. It could also be Brett Favre’s last shot at another ring.

Mavs vs Sixers

Friday, Jan 22 – 6:00 pm – Wachovia Center – FSNSW Now that the Cowboys season is officially over, Dallas sports fans can focus their attention on the Mavericks. The first place Mavs will play a struggling, yet improved, Philly team fighting to save their season. Despite a lackluster record, the Sixers are 14.5 games back in their division and we might see A.I. show up to play.

Stars vs Avalanche

Sunday, Jan 24 – 7:00 pm – Pepsi Center – FSNSW The struggling Stars are starting to look more like themselves after shaking off a less-thanperfect few weeks. If the Stars can head into Colorado and take a victory over the first place Avalanche, it could give the Stars the steam they need to keep their momentum.

NFL PLAYOFFS CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS Sun., Jan. 24 LINE At New Orleans -4 At Indianpolis -8

Underdog Minnesota NY Jets

TIME 2:00pm 5:40pm


8


9 by: Peggy Kilpatrick “Girl With Taste”


10 by: Jayson Larson

Photo Courtesy: TVSRR

“Man on the Inside”

The best thing to happen to Buffalo wings may well have occurred on October 4, 1983, with the opening of the first Hooters restaurant. Opinions vary on the food at Hooters. However, it is hard to argue with their success. There are 435 locations in the United States. They also operate restaurants in 24 other countries and a Hooters Casino next to the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. There was even an airline known as Hooters Air. To think, the entire concept is centered around attractive girls clad in tight shirts and even tighter orange shorts. I will freely admit that I like the food at Hooters. The world’s largest Hooters sits in downtown Dallas within walking distance of the American Airlines Center, so it is an easy place to meet up before a Mavericks or Stars game. But with Hooters’ success comes a lot of competition… The Bone Daddy’s in Grapevine is a major player in the rotation of bar/grill/ restaurants that my buddies and I choose to go watch games at. The food is really good (I recommend the ‘Beer Can Chicken’), but what sets this particular location apart from all others is the astronomical number of seductive vixens that work there. It can be hard to pay attention to the game if you get the right waitress. However, Bone Daddy’s is more than just a bevy of beauties. They actually have a heart. The chain has raised over $20,000 for the Susan G. Komen Foundation for breast cancer research. Twin Peaks Restaurant is another really good place to hang out and watch a game among beautiful girls. Like a “Hooters crossed with Black Eyed Pea,” my favorite location is the Twin Peaks in Addison. For guys who patronize places with hot bartenders, this place will hit the spot. They offer chicken fried steak, BBQ ribs, a smokehouse burger and many other options that all come in big portions. In case you are feeling a need for the “sauce,” they also have a Buffalo Chicken Sandwich and Buffalo Wings. Every seat at our table had great views of the flat screen TVs, which is important if a game is on.


11


13 Are you one of those guys who think you can do it better than everyone else? We thought so. Here’s a basic recipe for Hot Wings that you can tinker with to make them as intense or as innocent as you please. Just use caution around the burning liquid sun (a.k.a. sizzling vegetable oil) because if you get too close to that popping noise coming off the stove, you’ll end up looking like Two Face. Consider yourself warned. The Blitz’ Bitchin’ Buffalo Wings You’ll need this: 1 cup butter 1 cup Louisiana Hot Sauce (Frank’s Red Hot also works well…or whatever the hell is in your fridge) 1/2 tablespoon ground black pepper 1/2 tablespoon garlic powder 2 cups flour 1 teaspoon paprika 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper salt, to taste vegetable oil (for frying) 40 fresh, thawed chicken wings and/or drums blue cheese or ranch dressing & celery sticks

This is what you’ll do: First, combine the flour, pepper, paprika and salt in a large bowl. Then, coat each wing and drum in the flour mixture. Refrigerate the breaded wings for an hour or longer, which will help the coating stick to them better when you fry them. When ready to prepare (play with danger…cause an explosion), heat up your oil in a deep pan or a deep fryer to about 375 degrees, and cook your wings for 10 to 15 minutes, until they start to brown. Remove from the oil and drain on paper towels until you can handle them, but they should still be hot. Add to a bowl, pour the hot sauce & melted butter mixture over them, and then mix them around with your hand (your clean one). If you use really hot sauces containing jalepeno or wasabi, you might want to wear gloves. Otherwise, it will feel like your hand is on fire for hours.

Enjoy! In a society that deep fries everything from butter to Dr. Pepper to guacamole, it’s no wonder that there are now so many in-home fryers. So which one is right for you? Check out our guide to DIY Deep Fryers and you’ll be on your way to making State Fair-worthy snacks in no time.

by: Jennifer Wayne & Eric Kendall “Foxie Foodie”

A.

A. Presto Dual ProFry Deep Fryer : Price - $65

B.

This bad boy has two baskets so you can deep fry two of your favorite foods at once or load up on a ton of your favorite.

B. Waring Pro 1800-Watt Deep Fryer : Price - $80

This fryer isn’t messing around with its 1800 watts of devastating frying power. It has an immersion-style heating element to get your food done before your drool hits the floor. “It can flash fry a buffalo in forty seconds!”

C.

C. DeLonghi Cool Touch Deep Fryer : Price - $50

Let’s face it, guys, cleaning ain’t our forte. DeLonghi has us in mind with an ingenious and simple system that makes draining the oil easy for any knuckle head.

D. E.

D. Deni Mini Deep Fryer : Price - $30

Not interested in feeding an army? Fire this little guy up for a quick snack. Perfect for a bachelor pad with a kitchen that is “counter space challenged.”

E. Emerilware from T-Fal Deep Fryer with Filtration System : Price – $150

The envy of every man-cave, this fryer is not only huge (it holds 2.65 lbs), but it has all the bells and whistles. It automatically cleans, filters oil, stores it for later, and even has a window to watch your creation.

7 Sauces to Make Your Wings Hotter 1. Crazy Mother Puckers Hot Sauce, $7.99 The hottest sauce the company has to offer is their Liquid Lava. It’s a combination of aged red peppers, garlic and chili pepper extract. The company cautions, “It’ll Pucker Your Pecker!” crazymotherpuckers.com 2. Ass Blaster Hot Sauce, $14.99 This bottle of sauce comes housed in a replica of a wooden outhouse. Inside, you’ll find extremely fiery habanero sauce with capsicum extract. Comes with a recipe for Ass Blaster Border Beans, too! hotsauceworld.com 3. Baboon Ass Triple Threat, $19.95 This ultimate hot sauce trio includes Baboon Ass Habanero Hot Sauce, Baboon Ass Jalapeno Hot Sauce and Baboon Ass GONE RABID Extract Hot Sauce. grillingandchilling.com. 4. The Pepper Plant Chunky Garlic Hot Pepper Sauce, $4.95 This hottie is all natural and preservativefree, so you can feel better about putting it on your fried hot wing. This jalepeno and red pepper sauce also features fresh, chunky Gilroy garlic. The company makes a version without garlic and one with extra habenero. pepperplant.com 5. Tabasco Sauce, cheap or cheaper depending on your grocery store. Did you know Tabasco is aged in white oak barrels for three years? Makes the non-fancy stuff sound a little more sophisticated, huh? Well, they must be doing something right because they have been around for over 100 years. This is one of those sauces where you can add heat drop by drop. 6. Frank’s Red Hot Sauce, about $3.25 Frank’s is made with a premium blend of aged cayenne peppers. The company says they were the secret ingredient in the original Buffalo wings created in Buffalo, New York in 1964. Frank’s is available in 7 flavors, including their new Sweet Chile. 7. Sriracha, price varies This hot sauce originated in Thailand. It’s named after the city where it was first produced to be used with seafood. It’s made from sun-ripened chili peppers, vinegar, garlic and sugar. Available at Asian markets and restaurants everywhere.


14

FOOD REVIEW

The Pick of the Week:

by: Richard S. Pollak

“The Traveling Gourmet”

NFL Conference Title Games This Sunday – 1/24 Jets vs. Colts – 2PM Vikings vs. Saints – 5:40PM

Football All Day! BEER & DRINK SPECIALS Sun.-Tues. Texas Hold’em Wednesday $3 U-Call-Its & DJ Clo Thursday Karaoke

601 Cross Timbers #108 Flower Mound 972-539-1717 www.pointafternorth.com

Lavendou: Fabulous French Country Bistro 19009 Preston Rd Ste 200, Dallas • 972-248-1911 www.lavendou.com


15 Courtesy: www.gadegetreview.com

by: Jesse Whitman

“A Woman’s Perspective”


By: Sybil Summers

sybilsummers.com

Top 10 BEST SHOWS ON TV 10. 30 Rock - Tina Fey brings humor, humility and hilarity together in a perfect, horn-rimmed package. It’s no wonder this show wins so many awards. 9. Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Fallon is what Conan was ten years ago. His delivery isn’t as polished, but his writers pick up the slack. Bonus: Having The Roots as your house band. 8. Dirty Jobs - Mike Rowe is the best reality show host this side of the Kardashians. But with mud. And pig slop. And tar. 7. Taboo - Nudity, rituals and allout freakiness. This show makes it okay to stare at people with face tattoos and skull implants. 6. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - I think it’s safe to say this show has taught me the basics on how to pull off the perfect crime. Wait...what? 5. Saturday Night Live - 35 seasons later, and we’re still laughing. 4. Real Housewives of Atlanta Ghetto upbringing + new money = Damn Fun Viewing. You can take the girl outta the hood... 3. Entourage - How cool would it be to live a day in the life of Vinnie Chase? Step 1. Find a famous friend. Step 2. Enjoy. 2. Family Guy - Seth MacFarlane is my hero. I would love to be the Chris to his Mr. Herbert. Giggity. 1. Dexter - With each season better than the next, I can’t imagine a Sunday night without Dexter on my television. Now, if only there was a way to work in Tina Fey. And pig slop.


17

ACROSS 1. Coke or Pepsi 5. Customize 10. A strong current of air 14. Once ____ a time 15. Keen 16. ___ meridiem 17. Deception 19. Smile 20. South southeast 21. Excessively abundant 22. Cherubim 24. In a cafeteria, what food is served on 25. Set apart from others 26. Steroid alcohol 29. Not yet used 30. Hue 31. Trap 32. PA system component 35. A friendly nation 36. Express a thought 37. Double-reed woodwind 38. Japanese apricot 39. A series of connected rooms 40. Cheekbone 41. Measly 43. Powerful 44. A platform or dais 46. In addition 47. A symbol of disgrace or infamy 48. Tribe 49. Back 52. Meal in a shell 53. A whirling Italian dance 56. Historical periods 57. Cheer up 58. A Roman deity 59. Count upon 60. Storehouse 61. Arduous journey

DOWN 1. Swear 2. Creative work 3. A rounded projection 4. Picnic insect 5. Antenna 6. A cartoon duck 7. Chills and fever 8. Dowel 9. Hoarded wealth 10. A flock of geese 11. Indecipherable 12. Piling 13. Anxious 18. Mistake 23. It smells 24. Helen’s city 25. Silly 26. Con game 27. Lacquered metalware 28. Ovoid 29. Oneness 31. Steeple 33. Groan 34. Saucy 36. Noncurrent 37. Feed bag contents 39. Shut a door forcefully 40. Riding horse 42. A large merchant ship 43. The Earth or Mars 44. Aromatic compound 45. Impolite look 46. An ancient Athenian philosopher 48. Crummy 49. Winged 50. Chimney channel 51. Armored vehicle 54. Beer 55. Newt

Blitz Weekly Funnies for the Week Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First.

Bugs-B-Gone A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were Q: What do you call 5,000 carrying-on in the bedroom together lawyers at the bottom of the when her husband arrived home sea? unexpectedly. “Quick,” said the woman A: A good start. to the lover, “into the closet,” and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The Q: How many hillbillies does it husband, however, became suspicious and take eat a possum? after a search of the bedroom discovered A: Two: one to eat and one to the man in the closet. “Who are you,” he watch for cars. asked him. “I’m an inspector from Bugs-BGone,” said the exterminator. “What are Q: How many New Age gurus you doing in there,” the husband asked. does it take to change a light “I’m investigating a complaint about an bulb? infestation of moths,” the man replied. A: None - Change must come “And where are your clothes,” asked the from within. husband. The man looked down at himself and said, “Those little bastards!”

Horrorscopes

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Gemini (May 21 - Jun. 21)

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)

Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19)

Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22)

Sagittarius(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20)

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

You will survive a bank robbery gone awry later this week, after your captors decide to release their least attractive and personable hostage first.

Your 6-year-old daughter will forever be traumatized this week after she accidentally walks in on you and your wife having snacks.

The cycle of domestic violence perpetuated from generation to generation in your family will finally be broken this week, after you beat your only son to death with a steel wrench.

You’ll wonder aloud this week if there’s anything duct tape can’t do, much to the horror of your fellow EMTs and the crowd that has gathered.

You will come to realize what’s actually important in life this week after your father passes away, freeing up time you would’ve ordinarily spent by his bedside for playing video games.

Difficulty telling right from wrong will lead to indulgent behavior this week, which in turn will lead to difficulty telling right from left.

You will still be able to count the number of times you’ve suffered a woodshop accident on one hand by the end of next week, although it’ll take a little more ingenuity and creativity than before.

Your life as a pediatrician will be exposed for the farce it truly is this week when you’re completely stumped by an 18year-old with a runny nose.

The old adage “The grass is always greener on the other side” will feel particularly appropriate this week when you grow increasingly envious of how much grayer your neighbor’s cement driveway looks than yours. Life will give you lemons again, which you’ll make a huge deal about, complaining about how often you receive lemons, and how you can name at least seven other people who deserve lemons more than you.

You’ll continue to leave the symptoms of schizophrenia untreated this week after management at Pixar awards you yet another raise for the facility and inventiveness with which you anthropomorphize inanimate objects.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Nuclear physicists J. D. Cockroft and E. T. S. Walton may have been the first to split the atom, but if all goes well this week, you’ll hold the distinction of being the last.


18 by: Pat MoranThrone”

Nerdgasms and Mayonaise Last week I had the opportunity to view James Cameron’s epic Avatar in 3D and Imax, which was something I had been looking forward to for some time. Say what you will about the “Titanic” James Cameron, I grew up with the “Terminator 2” James Cameron and, holy crap, I still can’t get my head around the liquid metal dude running through nitrogen. Good or not, I owe it to Cameron to see his newest “nerdgasm.” The theater was so full that people were trying to pay others to move so that they could sit with their family. Luckily for my friends and me, we were sitting in the middle with perfect seats. That is, until the middle-aged group of women (who just so happened to be giant and incredibly odorous) sat down next to us. I happened to be the one squeezed next to them, much to the extreme disappointment of my nose. The lights went down, the crowd hushes and the previews begin. Then, for some inexplicable reason, the woman next to me pulls out a foot-long Subway sandwich and says (in a loud, annoying, high-pitched screech), “I already know how it ends. My friend Beth told me and I won’t tell you. Oh, do you have any extra packets of Mayo.” The moment she says this, a giant glob of meatball-soaked mayo plops on to her knee. Thus begins 3 hours of

“Man on his Throne” - pmoran@gmail.com

horrible smells, eating noises, side chats and one ruined movie. Why do people feel the need to have a freaking dinner party in the movie theater? I’ve always railed against the fact that people are allowed to eat in theaters, but it’s now prevalent more than ever. They spend millions of dollars to make a few hours of entertainment and you pay 10 bucks to enjoy it, and it takes twenty seconds for some douche bag to ruin it. Talking, chomping, slurping, crinkling, smacking, burping, talking, whispering, complaining, texting, checking phones, crunching... All of the most annoying things to have around when you are trying to focus. JUST SHUT UP! We all paid money and are spending hours of our day to relax and enjoy this. Not to enjoy listening to you. The theater should just stop selling that crap and crack down on people who talk or use cell phones, but it will never happen. Theaters will do anything for a buck. $6 gallons of popcornhow ridiculous is that? No wonder everyone is beginning to smell like moldy farts. Avatar finishes (awesomely) and the woman next to me turns and says, “Blue people? I don’t get it.” Blue people may be tough to get, but you, lady, I will never understand.

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