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VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

September 28 – OCTOBER 4, 2011



MLB Needs A Salary Cap

SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Must See TV 3 A Real Gutty Win 4 Lions Come To Town 5 UNT Preview 6 Big 12 Game of the Week 6 Iron Skillet Preview 7 Playing Catch 8 Cover Story Tom Grieve Interview 9 Rangers Playoff Preview 10-11 Blitz babe of the week Jenny 12 Restaurant Review South Prairie Oyster Bar 13 Local Entertainment 7 Things in 7 Days 13 Hollywood Profile 14 Movie Review 14 Hangover Cure And A Half 15 Suburban Lawn Combat 15 Man world Auto Review 16 Gadgets 16 The Joystick 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Weekend Relaxer 18 I Hate Politics 18 Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor Chris Patterson Food, Entertainment and Lifestyle Editor Judy Chamberlain Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Cover Photography: Darryl Briggs Cover Design: Damien Mayfield STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS John Breen, Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Major STAFF WRITERS Hannah Allen, Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Jack E. Jett, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Jesse Whitman

CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Justin Brockie, Brian Clark, Joseph Dowling, Manny Flores, Kent Gilley, Jorge F. Gonzalez, David Goodspeed, Robert Huffstutter, Travis Isaacs, Chiceaux Lynch, Jess Johnson, Kevin McShane, Matt Pearce, Hector Rodriguez, Christina Spicuzza, Lisa B, Imelda,Quite Peculiar, Watchcaddy STAFF WRITERS Hannah Allen, Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Jack E. Jett, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Joe Avezanno, Cote Bailey, Jay Betsill, Sonny Capps, David Goodspeed, Andrew J. Hewett, Larry Mayfield, Tommy Smith, Jonathan Sullivan

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By Frank LaCosta

In this wonderful economy where everyone is facing the question of whether or not Major League Baseball needs a salary cap continues to be asked. The recent release of the film Moneyball displayed the shrewdness of Oakland A’s General Manager Billy Beane to field a competitive team despite financial constraints. Yet there has been no “Hollywood Ending” for his team, as they have yet to win or even appear in the World Series. With the postseason basically here let’s take a look at the arguments. The Arguments The NFL, NHL and NBA all have salary caps. Therefore, it is not uncommon for a league to have teams work within financial parameters. It’s a way of ensuring fairness between the teams in the league and to help keep the competition intense and interesting. There hasn’t really been an argument over the existence of a salary cap but, the lack of one for Major League Baseball. Without a cap in place, teams like the New York Yankees and Philadelphia Phillies undoubtedly have an advantage over small market teams like the Kansas City Royals and the Pittsburgh Pirates. The teams in larger markets have greater resources to pull from and will spend whatever is needed to draw top talent to play for them. From draft day signees to free agents the Yankees and Phillies continue to dominate the market. With a salary cap in place, contracts that offer extremely high salaries that many people feel are undeserved can be prevented. Even though this may not appear so at first, a salary cap is ultimately about maintaining equal opportunities within baseball and ensuring that competitive play continues. This isn’t to say that without a salary cap the wealthy team will always win and the smaller market team will always lose. The 2003 World Series is proof of that. Just remember that the Florida Marlins started the season with a $54 million payroll and the Yankees started with $164 million. It’s a classic “David and Goliath” tale. 2011 MLB Postseason As the current season comes to a close, the divi-

sion titles have all been secured. The wild card races are still being fought and might be determined on the last day of the season. If the season ended last Sunday, the Red Sox would be the wild card playoff team from the American League and the Braves from the National League. So how do the payrolls play out for the postseason? According to USA Today the 2011 MLB salaries by the postseason teams are: American League New York Yankees – East – $202,689,028 Detroit Tigers – Central – $105,700,231 Texas Rangers – West – $92,299,264 Boston Red Sox – Wild Card – $161,762,475 National League Philadelphia Phillies – East – $172,976,379 Milwaukee Brewers – Central – $85,497,333 Arizona Diamondbacks – West – $53,639,833 Atlanta Braves – Wild Card – $87,002,692 Now that we’ve taken a look at the top eight contenders, let’s see how the bottom eight did salarywise to start the season based with the same information from USA Today from lowest to highest: Kansas City Royals – $36,126,000 Tampa Bay Rays – $41,053,571 Pittsburgh Pirates – $45,047,000 San Diego Padres – $45,869,140 Cleveland Indians – $49,190,566 Arizona Diamondbacks – $53,639,833 Florida Marlins – $56,944,000 Toronto Blue Jays – $62,567,800 The numbers speak for themselves. The Diamondbacks are the only team guaranteed postseason play, the Rays have made a serious push towards the end of the regular season and the Indians have had a feel good season. That’s about it. All of the other teams have been pretty much glorified Triple A teams. Current MLB Commissioner Bud Selig has had to walk a fine line when addressing the issue of having a salary cap in baseball. He oversaw baseball through the 1994 strike, introduced the wild card to the postseason, and brought interleague play to life. His contract expires at the end of the 2012 season. Will he bring closure to the salary cap issue before he heads off into the sunset? Only time will tell.

MUST SEE TV NCAA: #8 Nebraska vs.



Sat. October 1 – 7:00PM – Camp Randall Stadium – ABC

Nebraska enters Big Ten conference play for the first time ever in the much anticipated game against Wisconsin. Both teams enter the contest undefeated. The Cornhuskers have been scoring close to 40 points per game this season and are led by dual threat QB Taylor Martinez. This will be the Badgers first real contest and their defense will be tested.

@rainnwilson RainnWilson

Sometimes I convert my orgasms to binary code. This was my last one: 01011101011110110001.

S av i n g y o u f r o m c a r pa l T H UM B s y m p t o m s !

NFL: Jets vs. Ravens Sun. October 2 – 7:20PM – M&T Bank Stadium – NBC

A battle of defenses will wrap up the games on Sunday. The Jets known for their conservative offense will need QB Mark Sanchez to be at his best. Their running game hasn’t been anything special. The Ravens appear to be back on track after destroying the Rams last week. Expect RB Ray Rice to be the centerpiece in this affair as the team will play field position throughout this one. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook


September 28 – October 4, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4


COWBOYS Detroit Lions Come To Town

By Jay Betsill Twitter @thefamousjay

The Dallas Cowboys 18-16 victory over the Washington Redskins on Monday Night Football at Cowboys Stadium was their ninth consecutive game decided by three points or less. On an evening when the offense failed to score a touchdown and survived on six field goals from undrafted rookie kicker Dan Bailey, Tony Romo (22/36, 255 yards), Dez Bryant (4 catches, 63 yards), Jason Witten (6 catches, 60 yards) and Felix Jones (14 carries, 115 yards) still played huge roles in the Cowboys victory. This game saw the end of Romo’s string of 20 consecutive games with a touchdown pass. While Romo’s injured ribs and punctured lung were the big news of the week in the aftermath of the Week 2 victory over the San Francisco 49ers, the other Cowboys offensive stars were also in pain. WR Miles Austin was out for the game with a hamstring injury. WR Dez Bryant had missed the previous game with a thigh injury. RB Felix Jones had a separated shoulder against the 49ers and still managed to rush for a career-high 115 yards while catching three passes for 40 yards on Monday night. “This was a great win for us,” said Romo, who was 22 of 36 for 255 yards. “It was a hard, hard game. We had a million mistakes tonight. We have a lot of young guys, but they were out there for a reason. We’ll get it right.” Sean Lee with eight tackles, an interception and a fumble recovery led Rob Ryan’s defensive unit. DeMarcus Ware, Victor Butler and Anthony Spencer each had a sack apiece. Cornerback Terence Newman provided a lift with his return to the field after missing time with a groin injury. The defense continued its stingy play against the run as the Redskins managed to get only 65 yards on the ground, led by Tim Hightower’s 41 yards on 14 carries. Next up for the Cowboys are the undefeated Detroit Lions. That’s right, the Lions are 3-0 for the first time in 31 years! And even more remarkable was their third win, a 26-23 OT victory over the Vikings, came after trailing 20-0 at halftime. The combination of QB Matthew Stafford and WR Calvin Johnson is developing into one of the most dynamic in the NFL. Highland Park native Stafford Visit us online at

Upcoming Schedule: 9/11 @NY Jets 24-27 Loss 9/18 @San Francisco 27-24 Win 9/26 Washington 18-16 Win 10/2 Detroit Noon 10/9 BYE WEEK

completed 32 of 46 passes for 378 yards and two touchdowns to Johnson against Minnesota. “Unbelievable,” Stafford said. “Calvin just does his thing. I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t explain it; he’s an unbelievable player. I just try to give him a chance on some balls and he makes me look really good.” The Lions defensive line led by Kyle Vanden Bosch and Ndamukong Suh harassed Vikings QB Donovan McNabb all afternoon. Detroit is reportedly hopeful that defensive tackle and first-round draft pick Nick Fairley will be able to play in his first game of the season in Arlington. If the Cowboys hope to give the Lions their first loss of the season, the young offensive line will have to improve on its effort against the Redskins and avoid the mistakes that had Romo chasing the ball all over the Cowboys Stadium field following errant snaps.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

September 28 – OCTOBER 4, 2011



By Joe Avezzano

Prior to the game with the Washington Redskins the talk was about the injuries to the team. One wide receiver out, one still banged up, tight end banged up, running back banged up, left guard and center banged up, two corners banged up and one out, defensive tackle lost during game and oh yea, the quarterback wasn’t feeling real well either. Now let’s start the game and no one cares, because it’s a bottom line business and there are no excuses. As Coach Jason Garrett preaches, it’s time for the next starter to play. When you go into a game like this it is conceivable that it’ll be a close one and you may have to rely on defense and the kicking game to win. It’s been awhile since those two aspects could be counted on to get those results. But an 18-16 win will make you feel good about this team. There was no perfection, and plenty of aspects still need improvement, but here are some things we can look at and smile about: The defense was again stingy and in this game they gave up fewer points than in the first two games. That was necessary, as the offense wasn’t able to produce as many points as in previous games. Another Sean Lee interception and Anthony Spencer’s strip of the ball in the final minute were two major plays. The defense kept Washington out of the end zone for most of the game and overcame bad field position to make them kick field goals. And at the end of the game Coach Garrett says we’ll kick the ball and let our defense win the game for us. AND THEY DID! Dan Bailey found out before the game that he was the kicker for the game. After the first kickoff, he performed admirably as his kickoffs went deeper in the end zone and he made six of six field goals; one shy of the Cowboy record of seven. All kicks were dead center. The running game had been non-existent, but in this game a battered Felix Jones ran for 115 yards and had most of another long run called back. He played hurt and ran inside. The offensive line made some strides and the Cowboys were effective with the running game for the first time this season. If you Romo doubters out there wondered if he was tough enough, I believe he has answered that question. If you wondered if he was a leader, I also believe that question was answered. Now you can just concentrate on how he plays the game. He answered that question as well. He cares, he competes and he’s pretty darn good. I will offer the opinion that the difference in the game, as close as it was, was the muffed field goal attempt by the Redskins. Gano, their kicker,

also kicked very well, but the muff by the holder was the difference in the game. Limit mistakes, play a good kicking game and play good defense and you should be in most games. If the Cowboys continue to show their character and belief in the system there is no telling what may be in store. What the Cowboys have next is a short week and the 3-0 Detroit Lions – the 3-0 and on a roll Detroit Lions. No I didn’t stutter, all of a sudden the Lions come in here with some of the best players at their position, maybe in the league. Stafford at quarterback, Calvin Johnson at wide receiver, Suh at defensive tackle and so on. Both teams will enter the game thinking they are pretty good. I like one big aspect to the Cowboy team. Character!!! Joe Avezzano can be heard Tuesday nights at 7pm on 95.3FM and on all Cowboy postgame shows on 105.3 The Fan. He can be seen on Channel 21 on Wednesday nights at 7:30pm. Join him for great food, sports, music and his TV show on Wednesday nights. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook


September 28 – October 4, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4


By Sonny Capps

By Frank LaCosta

The Mean Green came to play last week against Indiana! UNT was so gassed up about running all over somebody they got ahead of themselves in the first quarter, making some simple mistakes and turnovers. Fortunately, none of these were capitalized on. The second and third quarters were the type of football coach McCarney wants to provide. As best I can figure, both offensive and defensive coordinators went home after the third quarter and being up 24-0. The fourth quarter will be soon be forgotten due to the fact the Mean Green ended up with a 24-21 victory. They better learn to execute all the way through games if they want some wins in conference. With their first win behind them, UNT will head just north to Tulsa this week before their second conference game on the 10/8. The Golden

Hurricanes possess one of the best offenses in CUSA, a dual threat QB and a defense that held Boise State to only 41 points. Surprising enough, the secondary is supposed to be the weak link in Tulsa’s chain. Tulsa, 1-0 in conference resumes conference play next week as well, hosting UAB. Tulsa may be a little deflated after playing Boise State and having UAB next week. Coach McCarney now has these kids believing in him. The squad has seen that they can score, produce a gaming effort and execute a game plan. Barring the fourth quarter, the defense controlled every aspect of Indy’s offensive attack. The defensive backs will have their hands full this week trying to contain GJ Kinne. This should be the best offense UNT will see the rest of the year. If the defensive line can get into the backfield and cause some disruption, the backs provide some quality coverage; the Mean Green should have a chance to keep this game inside a 20-point margin. UNT’s offensive success from last week will have to be matched and the defense must create pressure or the Mean Green will be coming home looking for the taste of victory again next week. UNT vs. TULSA SAT. OCT. 1 - 6:00pm CHAPMAN STADIUM

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Big XII Game of the Week:

Golden and Green

A match up between former Southwest Conference foes and soon to be Southeast Conference members takes place at Cowboys Stadium this Saturday. Last week wasn’t very good to either team. Texas A&M managed to squander a 20-3 halftime lead to Oklahoma State and ultimately lost 30-29. Arkansas on the other hand ended the

first quarter in a tie before Alabama capitalized on defense and special teams to break the game open and win 38-14. Texas A&M’s fate falls directly on the shoulders of their QB Ryan Tannehill. He faced his first true test this season against Oklahoma State and rewarded the Aggie faithful with a 300 passing performance, two touchdowns and three costly interceptions. His decision-making abilities when passing must improve. The running back tandem of Cyrus Gray and Christine Michael is perplexing. Gray didn’t do much with the bulk of his carries, while Michael did. Neither found the end zone last week. Wide out Ryan Swope needs to have a breakout game to open up the running game. His counterpart Jeff Fuller did find the end zone twice last week. The A&M defense had appeared to shut down the Cowboys in the first half performing well, but looked out of synch in the second half. For the Arkansas Razorbacks, this is a game of redemption. They were completely manhandled by Alabama and need to right the ship. Junior QB Tyler Wilson has been less than stellar having to fill the shoes of departed helmsman Ryan Mallet. Other than the home opener, Wilson has managed to throw an interception in every game this season. His QB rating has dropped precipitously as well. The A&M defense will be looking to exploit his weaknesses come Saturday. RB Ronnie Wingo Jr. has only one 100-yard performance this season and must perform better to give the Razorbacks a chance to win. He does possess decent hands, so look for some screens. Wide receiver Cobi Hamilton is Wilson’s favorite target. He’ll need to be a difference maker. The defense was supposed to be the strength of the team, but with issues in the secondary look for A&M to throw some deep passes on their way to victory. TEXAS A&M vs. #18ARKANSAS SAT. OCT. 1 - 11:00am / ESPN COWBOYS STADIUM


VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

September 28 – OCTOBER 4, 2011



Iron Skillet Preview

By Tommy Smith

The Battle for the Iron Skillet takes place this weekend at Amon G. Carter this Saturday at 2:30 p.m. A rivalry steeped in DFW’s own brand of tradition for the bragging rights between SMU and TCU. The two Schools have met off and on since 1915 with TCU leading the series with 44 wins to SMU’s 39 and 7 ties. Both teams are coming off three straight wins after losing their home openers on the road. Expect this Skillet match-up to be red hot and add some fire to this annual DFW Duel.

SMU OFFENSE The “Junk” has been up front for the SMU Mustangs on offense this year. They call the offensive line the “Goon Squad” and the Ponies have ridden the big boys up front early this season. June Jones will continue to ride them to protect the passing game and open holes for Zach Line on the ground against TCU. SMU is averaging a healthy 31 points per game on offense so far, and they will need to get there and then some on Saturday in Fort Worth. The quarterback is going to be J.J. McDermott from here on out as he threw for 357 yards and three touchdowns against a porous Memphis secondary last Saturday. Kyle Padron did not see the field against Memphis – not even on mop up duty, so don’t look for him Saturday. Instead, watch for the offensive line anchored by Blake McJunkin at Center and Tackle Kelvin Beachum. They along with fellow seniors J. T. Brooks, Kelly Turner and Bryce Tennison have been the key to the Mustangs success this year. They have opened holes in the running game that have put Zach Line in the end zone a crazy 11 times already this year. They have also been key in letting Coach Jones settle on a quarterback after beginning the season with Padron as his starter. It has been their experience and cohesiveness that has made the transition to McDermott seamless. The defense will be better this year against TCU, but the offense will still have to put up some points to keep SMU in this one. The Fact that TCU is not as good on either side of the ball as they were last year helps out as well.

SMU DEFENSE The Mustang defense is better this year. When all is said and done, they could be much better this season. Linebackers Ja’ Gared Davis and Taylor Reed are helping the defense keep opponents under ten points a game so far. The SMU defense has given up just seven points in the last two weeks. The Defense will miss DB Chris Banjo if he is unable to go this week due to injury. TCU quarterback Casey Pachall threw for just 214 yards against the Vikings of Portland State last week, but three of his throws ended up in the end zone giving him 10 for the season thus far. Look for SMU to zero in on the Frogs running attack and make Pachall beat them through the air. When you are watching Pony football these days you have to almost expect Margus Hunt to block any and all kicks. Margus is the NCAA’s all-time leader in blocked kicks. He has blocked four this year and is a weapon when it comes to the kicking game. Margus says, the SMU special teams look to find ways to get him clear to the kicker. From there he has mastered the art of blocking kicks utilizing his enormous 6’8” frame to lean over and through the offensive line. SMU place kicker Chase Hover should get a mention for holding down the kicking job after answering an advertisement for a kicker that June Jones had run in the school newspaper. So much for a recruiting trip there I guess.

By Tony Barone

TCU Offense The revved up Horned Frogs offensive unit is now led by quarterback Casey Pachall, who is quickly making TCU fans forget about Andy Dalton, who graduated to the NFL last year. The Horned Frogs have scored 35 or more points in each of its first four games, while amassing over 400 total yards offense per contest. That should put this unit in the top 5 all-time at TCU by season’s end. Pachall has completed over 69% of his passes this season, which puts him on pace to eclipse Dalton’s record of 66% set just last year. Sophomore Josh Boyce has become Pachall’s top go-to guy with 400 yards receiving and 3 TD’s so far this season. Boyce’s 25 receptions put him in position to shatter the single season record of 64 held by Kelly Blackwell back in the early 1990’s. Junior receiver Skye Dawson is also having a solid 2011 campaign with 14 receptions and 158 yards. But what makes this offense click is its running game. This is highlighted by TCU’s total rushing yardage in their first four games. They have compiled 874 yards on the ground, led by Waymon James (344) and Matthew Tucker (266). Tucker has 20-career rushing TD’s as a Frog, tying him for eighth all-time at TCU. Keep an eye on TCU’s rushing statistics as the game progresses and you will probably not need to look at the scoreboard to know who wins. The Horned Frogs have won 42 straight games when they rush (248) for more yards than passing (214). The Frogs are an incredible 54-1 in their last 55 games when rushing for at least 167 yards. This potent offense keeps the chains moving in their direction. TCU converts on over 50% of its third down conversions, which ranks in the top 15 nationally.

TCU Defense TCU has become a college football defensive juggernaut. Since the NCAA began tracking statistics in 1937, TCU has led the nation in total defense (five times) more than any other team. All five of those No. 1 rankings have come in the last 11 seasons under Coach Gary Patterson, who remains one of the best defensive minds in football, period. Remember, he was TCU’s defensive coordinator before being named head coach at the end of the 2000 season. This unit will have to stand tall against SMU’s wide-open offense. Sophomore defensive end and Carrollton, Texas, product Stansly Maponga has quickly established himself as a key to the defense, forcing a fumble in each of TCU’s first three games. On special teams keep an eye on senior kickoff return specialist Greg McCoy, one of the nation’s best, averaging just shy of 37 yards per return. He had an amazing 229 yards returning kickoffs in TCU’s opening loss to Baylor.

TCU Intangibles TCU’s game against SMU will complete a three game home stand amidst the renovation of Amon SMU INTANGIBLES G. Carter Stadium. The total transformation will be completed in time for the 2012 season. How This should be a great game between two more evenly matched conference opponents than last year important is home turf to the Frog’s success? TCU has a school record 22-game home win streak on or the last 11 for that matter. June Jones has his stamp firmly in place upon the line against the Mustangs. And lastly consider this, since 2005 the FrogSMU vs. TCU this Mustangs football team. This would be the signature win that would gies are 62-4 in Saturday games and 36-1 in day games and haven’t lost SAT. OCT. 1 - 2:30pm / CBSSN (HD) galvanize the rise of the Mustang football program from the ashes. a Saturday home game since the 2004 season finale. AMON G. CARTER STADIUM Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook


September 28 – October 4, 2011

Playing Catch

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By Larry Mayfield Baseball has long been a part of my family life—the way it bonds one human being to another. Some of my earliest recollections are of baseball. Sitting at the dinner table, Dad had exclaimed his excitement about the home run race between Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle back in 1961. Those were the first two professional players’ names I can remember. To hear Dad talk, baseball was important. Baseball cards became my most important possession as a youngster, as I learned the players, the stats, and the game. Baseball pictures and memorabilia decorate my living room, and at a glance a memory can be relived. A picture of my dad on a team in the 1940’s reminds me of those days when there were area hardball and semi-pro teams scattered about the state. He played shortstop and second baseman. When I was a kid, Dad taught me to catch the ball properly. When playing catch, he would throw the ball very hard, and my body would wince every time the ball hit the glove. “It will stop hurting when you learn to catch the ball right,” and he was right—within a couple of days the sting in the mitt lessened from making adjustments on catching the ball. His old 1940’s style baseball mitt is still within eye’s distance from my writing desk, and once in a while I put it on my hand, pound my fist with an audible smack into the pocket, then place the glove to my face to smell the old leather to remind me of those days when we played catch. Another picture on the wall reminds me

of a time farther back in my family’s past. My granddad is in that photograph—taken in 1906 in a barren field near Johnsville, Texas. “That team was hard to beat,” he had said when handing me the picture. Just a bunch of country boys, they didn’t have uniforms or baseball shoes—only gloves and a couple of bats. One branch of my family tree built a baseball field—out in the “middle of nowhere” in rural Texas surrounded by pastures with a juniper-covered mountain as a backdrop to centerfield. There is no field like it, excepting maybe the baseball diamond in the movie Field of Dreams. Our family field has a backstop and a surrounding fence. There is a scoreboard and an announcer’s booth. There is a flag, and we sing the national anthem before our yearly family-reunion softball game between the Slammers and Bombers. In this family— baseball is important. As time went forward from the days of playing catch with my dad, I became a player. But first my dues had to be paid by playing neighborhood ball. As a kid there were two yards we used when playing ball, and even though they only look like a front yard to today’s passersby, I can still see them as baseball fields—complete with last year’s license plates as bases and rules like “automatic outs” and “ghost runners” made up by kids. Those ghost runners are still out there somewhere in time—running those bases with imaginary crowds cheering and witnessing some of the greatest games ever played—games that only ended because of darkness or the call of “suppertime” by Mom. As time passed, my dad continued to prepare me

You Gotta Believe:

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

for Little League try-outs by playing catch daily and teaching me how to hit. He made me a special ball for batting practice by drilling a hole in the middle, attaching a long string and swinging the baseball-attached string around his head like a lasso. I would stand nearby and wait for the ball to come around…and swing! With his help, I made the team, and just like anyone who has ever played the game, the memories are permanent. Reflecting on those days, I can still remember standing in the on-deck circle, waiting to become—a hitter. My love for the game was the initiative needed to raise my hand and volunteer to be a coach when my two sons were ready to be “ballplayers” back when they were kids. We shared that bond for over ten years, as I watched them grow in stature and ability. After those formative years were gone, I found myself helping my oldest son coach a team—a continued realization of the strong bonding effects baseball can have when a person takes a “time out” from life for a game of catch. Upon meeting a close friend’s grandson for the first time, he approached with a ball in his hand and threw it to me. It was his way of saying “Hi,” and when I asked if he had a bat and glove—excitedly off he went to retrieve both items. Our game of catch created an instant friendship, as he sat next to me later that evening, and we talked about playing catch the next visit. There is one baseball game from the past that often comes to mind. It was the last game I would coach my oldest son. I wanted to refresh the event time and again to remember the last time he came to bat.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

September 28 – OCTOBER 4, 2011

Cover Story

By Mark Miller

While Tom Grieve has about done it all for the Texas Rangers from the field, to the front office, to the broadcast booth, he doesn’t hesitate when asked which one he’s liked the best. “When I was little, I always wanted to be a baseball player so when the opportunity to realize that dream came, it was far and above anything else I’ve ever done,” the current team television analyst said in his broadcast booth before Sunday’s game against Seattle. The 63-year-old Pittsfield, Mass., native has spent nearly 43 of his 44 years in professional baseball with the Rangers and their original franchise in Washington after the Senators drafted him in 1966. After playing in the majors with the Senators, Rangers, New York Mets and St. Louis Cardinals from 1970-79, he figured his baseball days were over. “I didn’t finish college, so I thought I’d go back to get my degree, teach and coach in Massachusetts,” he said. “But when I got the opportunity to stay in the game, I took it.” The Rangers hired Grieve in 1980, starting him out in their public relations and group ticket sales departments. He was named assistant director of player development in 1981 and director of player development in 1982. After five years learning all those tasks, he was at age 36 named the youngest general manager in baseball in September 1984. He served in that position for 10 years, but admits it was a tough job. “I may have been the general manager before my time,” he said. “It was on-the-job training, although the other jobs helped.” After being replaced as general manager, he joined the broadcast booth in 1995. Today, he clearly knows the difference in roles.


“As farm director and general manager the group you put together and the decisions you make impact the entire organization,” he said. “There’s a lot of responsibility and pressure. “As a broadcaster, you don’t have that responsibility. This is a perfect job for me at this time in my career. I enjoy having five months off. There’s no hiring and firing. There’s no midnight calls from reporters with inane questions. I still have the responsibility to explain and promote Rangers baseball to all.” Grieve has worked with just five play-byplay broadcasters, but three in the last year. He started with the late Mark Holtz, continued with Bill Jones and followed with Josh Lewin, John Rhadigan and now Dave Barnett. He said he hasn’t had to change his style for anyone. “I could broadcast with a different broadcaster every day and wouldn’t change a thing,” he said. “I tell my partners to broadcast the way they do and I’ll analyze the way I analyze.” After watching both last year’s and this year’s playoff teams up close, Grieve believes the 2011 Rangers are better. “This year the team is more experienced,” he said. “They have a deeper bullpen, a deeper rotation. The major difference is they don’t have Cliff Lee this year, but 1-5 the starters are deeper. “There’s a reason they’ve won 94 games. They have the talent and manager and staff to get 94 wins. I know Ron Washington will say it was all the players and it’s a talented group, but Ron has done a great job managing them.” So what does Grieve believe the Rangers need to do to win the World Series? “Just go out and play the game,” he said. “Last year we were a better team than the Giants but they pitched well and hit. The Giants showed that you don’t have to be the best team to win.” Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook


September 28 – october 4, 2011

With a roulette of possible opponents, the Rangers are ready.

By the time you read this, there will only be a few sure things we know about the Texas Rangers. They definitely are the American League Western Division champions and they begin post-season play on Friday. Those facts were ensured late Friday night when they clinched their second-consecutive playoff spot and fifth in club history. Who and where they play to begin the 2011 playoffs may not be determined until late Wednesday night or early Thursday morning. It all depends on what the Rangers do at the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, the Boston Red Sox do at Baltimore, and the Tampa Bay Rays do at home against the New York Yankees. Which 25 players will be on the Texas roster for the American League Division series will not be known until Friday morning.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

Since we don’t know everything, let’s analyze what we do know and what we think might happen in the upcoming playoffs: Opponent The Rangers could host the Boston Red Sox, Tampa Bay Rays or Detroit Tigers on Friday and Saturday or play the same days at the New York Yankees. In the latter scenario, they’d be home Monday and possibly Tuesday. They will open at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington and host a possible fifth game Oct. 6 if they stay ahead of the Tigers for the No. 2 seed in the American League. They will open at New York if they tie or fall behind Detroit because the Tigers own the tiebreaker after winning the season series 6-3. The Rangers would play either Boston or Tampa if

one of those teams is the wild card and they secure the No. 2 seed. They would host Detroit in the unlikely event the Angels sneak into the wild card spot to play the Yankees. If the Red Sox miss the playoffs it will be because they were the first team to blow a nine-game lead in September and not make the playoffs – ever. Texas went 6-4 against the Red Sox and 6-3 against the Rays after defeating the Rays in five games in the 2010 ALDS. The Rangers were 2-7 this year against the Yankees, the team they beat four games to two to make the 2010 World Series. While the Rangers naturally would rather open at home where they were a club record 52-29 this year, they did win all three games at Tampa in last year’s ALDS when the road team won all the games. So they do know how to win away from Texas.

Roster Playoff teams have until 10 a.m. CDT Friday to sub their first-round playoff rosters. That gives them m mum time to decide who’s ready and who’s not. Rangers Manager, Ron Washington, has said h keep 12 pitchers – four starters and eight relievers. T leaves 13 position players, nine starters including designated hitter and four bench players. Barring injuries this week, here is who I think Rangers will go with for the ALDS: C (2) Mike Napoli Yorvit Torrealba INF (6) Elvis Andrus Adrian Beltre Andres Blanco Ian Kinsler Mitch Moreland Michael Young OF (5) Endy Chavez Nelson Cruz Craig Gentry Josh Hamilton David Murphy

By Mark Miller

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SP (4) Matt Harrison (LH) Derek Holland (LH) Colby Lewis (RH) C.J. Wilson (LH)

RP (8) Mike Adams (RH) Scott Feldman (RH) Neftali Feliz (RH) Michael Gonzalez (L Darren O’Day (RH Alexi Ogando (RH Darren Oliver (LH) Koji Uehara (RH)

This would leave pitchers Michael Kirkman, Yoshi Tateyama and Mark Lowe and catcher Matt Treano the roster. Lowe would most likely have made it inst of Feldman or O’Day had he not injured a hamstring Sept. 21. He could be ready if the Rangers advanc the American League Championship Series. I think they’ll go with O’Day over Tateyama for final spot because O’Day was there last year. Rangers pitching coach Mike Maddux said fi choices for relievers would be based both on pe mance and on matchups based on whom the Rang play. He hoped circumstances allowed for most of pitchers to get into games before the end of the seas “It’s a nice problem to have,” Maddux said. “So teams struggle to fill all the spots. We’re fortunate have a lot of people we like to have to decide wh will make it.”

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VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

September 28 – october 4, 2011


Momentum The Rangers enter the playoffs as the hottest team in the Majors with a 17-6 September record through Sunday including 12 wins in 14 games. Why have they been so hot at such an important time? “We’re getting everyone in the fold,” said C.J. Wilson, who is scheduled to start Friday’s ALDS opener. “When we are playing as close to full strength as possible, it allows us to go on all cylinders. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of it.” “We’ve been pushing forward with our goal,” said starting pitcher Colby Lewis. “We saw the end in sight and kept pushing. There was no pressure on us. We sat in first place 99 percent of the time. The pressure was on them [the Angels] to perform.” “We’ve swung the bats well, which has set the tone for everyone,” said reliever Mike Adams. “When you have the offense get you the lead, when they hand us the ball it’s our job to keep the lead.” “We have a lot of good players who play as a team,” said catcher/first baseman Mike Napoli. “We have a lot of guys in the clubhouse who play with each other and for each other and not play for themselves. “It’s been one of those things. I hope it keeps up.”

Prospects Now that the Rangers have reached their first goal, what will it take for the Rangers to achieve what they didn’t do last year – win the World Series? “Be consistent,” Lewis said. “The playoffs are a different atmosphere. It’s one game at a time. There’s no slumping in the playoffs. You are all in or you go home.” “There’s no such thing as easy in the playoffs,” Wilson said. “No one will hand it to us. The biggest challenge is to get the most out of ourselves.” The Rangers entered this week at nearly the healthiest they’ve been all year. They have a great mix of players who were with them in last year’s playoffs and enough new players to fill the gaps of what they were missing. “I’ve never been in the Major League playoffs so this is new for me,” Adams said. “I’m excited. This is what you play the game for.” “People say we’re all overpaid, but when you get to this stage you don’t care about the money. All you want to do is win.” To do that, the Rangers must maintain their strong hitting (an American League leading .282 average entering Sunday’s game), starting pitching (third in the AL with a 3.66 earned run average) and stolen bases (fourth with 135). They also must improve their defense (third worst in the league with 112 errors and relief pitching (third worst with a 4.17 ERA). One very important person likes their chances. “They’ve got the experience and they’ve got the attitude,” said Rangers Chief Executive Officer and President Nolan Ryan. “They go about their business. We saw that in spring training and they’ve done it the whole year. They didn’t let the heat and the injuries get to them. I’m going into this post-season optimistic.”

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ALDS SCHEDULE (All games televised by TBS/TNT) Sept. 30 – at higher seed Oct. 1 – at higher seed Oct. 3 – at lower seed Oct. 4 – at lower seed, if necessary Oct. 6 – at higher seed, if necessary

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September 28 – October 4, 2011

Blitz babe of the week

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VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

September 28 – OCTOBER 4, 2011

Restaurant review


South Prairie Oyster Bar Oh, that chocolate cake…

By Judy Chamberlain

Downtown Grapevine has changed a lot in the nearly twenty years since Will Wickman opened his South Prairie Oyster House, a tiny, homey roadhouse directly across Main Street from what will soon be the town’s new Visitors and Convention Bureau. Where once pretty much nothing except Wickman’s eatery was happening here back in 1993, a gaggle of winery restaurants, pricey pretenders to the fine dining arena, a dozen or so commercialized boutiques, some antique malls and a general store that sells Blackjack gum, icing-filled cupcakes and every kind of Croc shoe known to mankind have fluffed Grapevine’s “old town” district into a haven for trinket-gathering tourists and mid-range dining browsers, as well as the main evening attraction hereabouts: gentrified bikers of a certain age and the ladies who love them. They flock to places like Wilhoite and Tolbert’s for the Beatles tribute bands and a Harleywatching wet dream bar scene that’s made it nearly impossible to find a parking spot on weekend nights. The once “crazy busy” South Prairie Oyster House is now a relatively quiet dining location, the action having moved to the larger places. Its quietude, though, is exactly what draws me to South Prairie and its roomy booths, endearing humor and a menu that’s appealing in its simplicity. Fresh oysters are a specialty here, obviously – nothing fancy, just good and reasonably priced/ Fried oyster po’ boy sandwiches, thick seafood gumbo, tomato basil bisque, a chilled shrimp and pasta salad made with olives and a tad of mayonnaise, a few fresh fish entrees and a crunchy-sweet hand-battered coconut shrimp of-

fering round out the menu. The décor consists mainly of a piece of art portraying Lee Harvey Oswald as a microphonewielding singer and Jack Ruby as the band’s guitarist, with the sheriffs depicted in similar fashion in the famous scene from 1963 – and a rectangular bar that seats maybe ten people. Wickman’s customers are his friends, and they aren’t shy about talking to each other from one table to another even if they have never met before. It’s that kind of place. I can do without the hushpuppies, have often made a meal of a dozen oysters accompanied by a small salad or coleslaw and am a devoted fan of the coconut shrimp. I always feel welcome here, and am thrilled not to have to listen to a rock concert on the house stereo system, as is often the case in restaurants these days. More importantly, though, I absolutely adore the chocolate cake Will’s wife Mary makes from an old family recipe when the weather cools down and she’s in the mood to bake. When we lived to Louisiana years ago, I became familiar with the use of soda concentrates in place of sugar. It’s entirely possible that this

technique came about back in the days when sugar was rationed or too expensive to use in large quantities. Southern cooking – especially when applied to foodstuffs made for the ubiquitous Sunday after-church social -- often meant ham that had been basted for hours in Coca Cola or root beer, 7-Up cake and the like. Mary’s chocolate cake is prepared completely from scratch. It is dark, rich, moist and delicious, everything a proper southern cook’s chocolate cake should be. For me, there really is no other chocolate cake. Some things are priceless, and this is one of them.

South Prairie Oyster Bar 651 S Main St Grapevine, TX 76051 (817) 488-3909 Tue - Sat: 11am - 9:30pm

Dallas Polo Club


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C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1

Photos Courtesy: Robert Huffstutter, Jorge F. Gonzalez, Sanfa Media, Lisa B, Matt Pearce, Quite Peculiar, Chiceaux Lynch, Travis Isaacs

WED. Wed 9/28

Rat Pack Wednesdays Sfuzzi Uptown Dallas Channel your inner Sammy, Dean, and Ol’ Blue Eyes for food and drinks all done up in Rat Pack theme. 6pm.

thurs. fri. Thurs 9/29 Fri 9/30 Incubus Gexa Energy Pavillion – Dallas The genre hopping California boys are bringing their show on the road and stopping by in Dallas for a night of funk & free love (fingers crossed). Show starts at 8pm.

Southlake Oktoberfest Southlake Town Square - Southlake Celebrating 10 great years of fun, food, and family. Grab the whole family for this one; except Uncle Gundolf …no one likes Uncle Gundolf . 5pm.

sat. Sat 10/1

Southwest Classic: Texas A&M vs. Arkansas Cowboys Stadium – Arlington The Aggies will attempt a good old fashion hog tying, while the Razorbacks try some good old fashion Agriculture & Mechanical ty… wait dat don’t make a lick of sense. Kick-off 12pm.

sun. 10/2

Lions vs. Cowboys Jerryworld – Arlington The Cowboys fresh off a Monday night win will be hosting the “always” defeated turned undefeated Detroit Lions. We think they used some of the bailout money to rebuild the team. Kickoff’s at noon.

mon. 10/3

First Mondays Screen Door – Dallas Your table is ready Mr. Rockefeller and the best part is it’s free. That’s right go hob-knob with the fatchewers and do it without spending one shilling. Pass go at 5pm.

tues. 10/4

Tuesday Night Live Open Mic j.Pepe’s – Dallas For those of you who need to hear words rhyme and have the urge to snap your fingers in unison after performances, this is for you. Put on your berets at 9pm.

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September 28 – October 14 Local Entertainment

4, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

By Jonathan Sullivan

with Taylor Lautner

Young Taylor Lautner can finally ditch the brooding werewolf persona for a bona fide action hero role. Lautner stars in the new John Singleton film Abduction. I sat down with Lautner to discuss the film and his new big screen leading lady Lily Collins. Let me start by saying, I was really excited about this movie from the first time I saw the trailer. It is so great to see you do something different. Tell us about your character. I play Nathan. He is a normal high school kid. He has fun with his friends, parties, argues with his parents, has girl problems all that normal teen age stuff, and then he’s thrown into a situation that turns his whole life upside down, and he has to adjust to that and become a totally different person by the end of the movie. And what is the premise of the film? Abduction is about a normal high schooler, who gets assigned a project. While researching for that proj-


By Vivian Fullerlove

ect he comes across a picture of himself on a missing persons website only to discover that his whole life has been a lie. People are after him, and then he and Karen, his next-door neighbor, are on the run for the rest of the movie. So you get the girl this time, too. Lily Collins plays your co-star. Folks will remember her from The Blind Side and the 90210 television series. What was it like working with her? She’s extremely talented. We had a lot of fun together, and she brings a lot to the character. What originally attracted you to this project? When I read the original script the story was like a book. I could not stop turning the pages. I loved the character and everything he goes through in the story. He changes a lot. And how did this role differ from your character in twilight? Overall, it was a challenging role

The Twilight saga may be over, but clearly, Taylor’s career in film is moving full steam ahead. You can check out Lautner Abduction tonight. The film is open in theatres nationwide and is rated PG-13 for sequences of intense violence and action, brief language, some sexual content and teen partying.

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for me, and that’s what I wanted to do next. It was physically challenging but also emotionally challenging.


Let’s time travel back to the 2002 MLB season; the Oakland Athletics just lost their three best players and their budget wouldn’t allow them to get anyone of perceived value to replace them. With his back against the wall, GM Billy Beane decides to use the statistical system known as “sabermetrics” to build a team that can be a contender, but won’t break the bank. This leads the A’s to take the record for longest winning streak in AL regular season history and to essentially change the way fans and insiders viewed the world of baseball statistics. For 5% of the population, this probably sounds like a great idea for a movie, but for the rest of us, we’d probably rather watch paint dry than see math equations being done for two hours. Moneyball, however, finds the perfect angle to make a movie with this basis assessable to a mainstream audience wrapping an engaging underdog story around its stats-heavy core. Brad Pitt plays the real-life Beane and completely owns the role. His story is an interesting one; once a “can’t miss prospect” turned failed baseball player, he’s looking to redeem not only his team, but himself in the process. Pitt is charming, funny, and intense as Beane and makes it easy to root for him. Jonah Hill, who plays Peter Brand, the mastermind behind the new A’s, is also great in his subdued role. Pitt and Hill have some great interactions with one each other, especially in one scene where they try to finagle a multi-team trade right at the deadline. Philip Seymour Hoffman also shows up to play the A’s coach Art Howe, and although his role is very limited, Hoffman just being Hoffman is enough to make it engaging. The script, by Steve Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin carefully balances the sabermetrics and underdog story, throwing in some truly funny moments to keep the audience engaged. Unfortunately, Moneyball does begin to wear out its welcome by the end, running just a smidge too long, which will test even the most patient moviegoer. But as a whole, Moneyball will be interesting to anyone, baseball fan or not. It’s got a great story, and good script which makes even the day-to-day operations of a general manager interesting and at times fun. Pitt and Hill work great together, with Pitt especially really making Beane into a great movie character despite the fact the man actually exists. If you are a diehard MLB fan, this is a must see. And if you’re not, don’t worry; it’s still an entertaining and fascinating watch.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

September 28 – OCTOBER 4, 2011


Hangover Cure and a Half


By Hannah Allen

Suburban Lawn Combat By Jesse Whitman Idle time, too much coffee, and an empty Google search tab can sometimes yield strange results. A recent conversation concerning the merits of a “natural” lawn sparked my curiosity and I Googled lawns. What came back was a litany of people railing against the manicured emerald swaths that are cultivated in every red-blooded American suburb as frivolous and vain. Their reasons, at first glance, can seem compelling. For example, did you know that a single lawn mower running for one hour could emit as much pollution as 50 cars traveling 20 miles? That in one-year alone Americans will dump about 70 million pounds of pesticide to keep lily-livered communist dandelions at bay? Or that 70,000 men, women, and children will be maimed to various degrees by lawn care implements? And the economics of lawn care can be a little daunting when you consider that we will also cough up about seven billion dollars on our little hydrocarbon belching noise machines…but if we get little Billy out there mowing lawns he can start recouping the money he will need for college. Let’s hope he majors in turf management! Yet, with all this information I can’t yet capitulate and jump on the anti-lawn wagon. I mean sure, the lawn has its roots in England with its landed gentry using indentured servants out there clipping on all fours, but I like to think that the American lawn has transcended the bourgeois background and become more of a metaphorical fight. It’s a testament to the American right to spend countless hours and dollars to beat back

nature’s inexorable encroachment, and we won’t stop until nature is ball gagged like some gimp in an S&M show. All I ever needed to learn about the importance of a well-manicured lawn came from my 80-year-old German immigrant neighbor. He spent every waking hour doing battle with weeds with as much tenacity as he did with the Russians on the Eastern front, and with much more success I might add! And he was proud that in America we all could have about a quarter of an acre of our very own turf to manage and cultivate so as to look exactly like the next quarter acre. Sublime uniformity! And god forbid if your lawn doesn’t look perfect or you will suffer the wrath of the Home Owners Association. I wonder if those were invented in Germany? I should Google that next. Where are all the online articles extolling the merits of beautifully manicured lawns? Remember the saying “No Grass, No Class?” Well, neither do I, but I just read it a little while ago on this guy’s blog and it sounded catchy. I mean lawns can serve some very important purposes. What would Fourth of July barbeques be like in some mangy unkempt back yard, vermin hiding in every clump of bushes? A fire hazard with plague potential! That’s what. They also provide the perfect place for a dog to take a sh!t, a nice open area for domestic disputes, and if invading marauders happen to attack your McMansion you will see them coming! So, next time you see a suburban retention pond or nearby river overflowing with algal sludge and pond scum from the runoff of acres and acres of lawns soaked in fertilizer and weed killer, spend a little extra time contemplating why lawns are worth it.

ven though most of us are adults now, it seems summer is still the time when everything slows down; there are awesome summer concert series, drink specials and limited time get togethers. I’m always shocked that I still feel the need to celebrate the end of this season since, as an adult, it is just the hot part of the year in which my day to day life doesn’t really change. This year I celebrated at Hangover Sunday at the Caonton Co-Op, an event frequented mainly by Deep Ellum Loft residents, but not limited to hipsters, burnouts and dreadlocked musicians. I tagged along with Ugly Lion for some bloody marys and pancakes not sure what might be in store, but happy to experience the last Sunday of the hottest summer I can remember. As far as this venue is concerned I’d never heard of it until Brandon, the lead singer of Ugly Lion, notified my husband and newly appointed lead guitarist via text, “Yo, I booked us a gig on Sept. 4 it’s a brunch thing…real chill.” What I found that sunny Sunday appeared to be an abandoned office building on Canton and Henry. Unless one knows what they’re looking for it would be easy to overlook. Once inside it becomes obvious you’re standing in a multi-functional artspace. Upon asking a few questions I discovered this is a space that can be rented out for photo shoots, video shoots, client meetings or gallery space. In this case, it was a space to give away free bloody marys and pancakes. People slowly began trickling in at about noon. Initially, I worried about having a five piece, fully electric reggae band playing at an event where everyone is hung over, but it definitely wasn’t an issue. Every time the band ended a tune they received sincere applause. It was obvious that most people came to drink and socialize, however, Ugly Lion has a way of reaching those who aren’t total believers fairly quickly. In a space as unconventional as this one my mind began to wander. In college I had learned about theater in “found space,” an idea where one builds a performance around an existing space for atmospheric reasons. This is a tricky idea since one has to worry about things like sound quality and sight lines. But sometimes the bells and whistles must be foregone to get a message across. I thought about basements in Liverpool where the Beatles played, which would eventually lead to a shift in the way the world heard and perceived popular music. In contrast, at about the same time period three kids from Trenchtown in Jamaica were forging a new musical style that would hand the world a new form of protest and musical revolution. After several bloody marys I headed to my parents house for some sort of family function inspired by a new place and refreshed by reggae, the emerging sound permeating the remnants of a summer that has been so full of love.

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September 28 – October 4, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

Man world

Photo Courtesy: David Goodspeed

The SPECS Body type: Body-on-frame ENGINE Type V8

2011 Infiniti QX56:

Block / head composition Aluminum / Aluminum

More of the Same Old, Same Old…

While the new QX flagship from Infiniti arriving in new form and function was news in and of itself, what really excited me was the possibility of the new beefy powertrain rolling over to the shared platform of the Titan pickup. Well, I have seen the new spec sheet for the 2012 Titan and my bubble burst – more of the same old, same old I am afraid. The large rigs in the Nissan/Infiniti stable all shared the same basic architecture that supports the same V-8 engine pushing the rear or all four wheels on a frame-based skeleton. So it would figure that if the luxury division was now supplying 400 ponies under the hood that those carrying similar DNA would also get the power boost. Apparently not. Enough ranting about what should have been, let’s talk about what is,

and what this is, is the next-generation QX56 full-size SUV from Infiniti touted as all new from the platform up. It is a little bit longer and wider than the model it replaces yet overall height is up to 2.9 inches lower. While still displacing 5.6-liters, the new engine benefits from direct injection technology and is mated to a seven-speed automatic gearbox and still available in two or four-wheel drive. And despite power being upgraded to 400hp and 413 lb. ft. of torque (compared to 320 and 393 respectively with the 2010 model), EPA combined fuel economy is 14 percent improved. The new Hill Start Assist system eliminates rollbacks when starting off on an incline and buyers get a choice of 20- or 22-inch wheels and tires. The first generation QX featured some rather polarizing design elements. The 2011 sports a complete makeover that follows the lead of the

Horsepower 400 @ 5,800 rpm

By David Goodspeed

Displacement 5.6 liters

new M sedans – definitely for the better. Up to eight adults ride in total comfort and style courtesy the latest in technology and safety wrapped in quality craftsmanship. Superior ride quality is achieved thanks to front and rear independent suspension with stabilizer bars, as well as, automatic rear self-leveling system. Those who opt for the deluxe touring package get a new hydraulic body motion control system further enhancing the on-road experience. Those wishing to tow with their Luxury Utility Vehicle will find the new QX56 capable to pull up to 8,500 lbs. Inside and out, this next-gen QX is

Torque 413 lb-ft @ 4,000 rpm Maximum engine speed 6,000 rpm Induction system Naturally aspirated

quite spectacular. Yes it is rather large and yes it does come with a hefty price tag, but for those still needing/wanting a large, luxury SUV the new Infiniti QX56 should be on your short list. Pricing for our 4WD tester started at $59,800 and rose to $72,240 with the Theater, Technology, and Deluxe Touring packages all added on, so definitely comparably priced with the competition.

Valvetrain DOHC 32-valve; silent chain, single stage Fuel delivery system Direct Injection Gasoline Exhaust Single exit/main and secondary mufflers TRANSMISSION & DRIVE SYSTEM Drive configuration Transmission Type 7-speed with manual shift mode

The Difference Between a Man and a Boy is the Price of his Toys! these are for sure to make your want list! Sphero Sure, you don’t have any real need for a Bluetooth-controlled baseball-sized robot, but that doesn’t mean you won’t want one. Sphero is exactly that: a remote-controlled ball that you command with your iOS or Android device. It integrates with apps, like Sphero Golf, sporting a host of built-in LEDs to glow in virtually any color you can think of, and also happens to be the ultimate cat/dog tormenting toy. Expect to see one rolling your way this fall.

Canon PowerShot S100 Camera Canon’s celebrated S-series is back for more enthusiast point-and-shoot action with the Canon PowerShot S100 Camera. Keeping the terrific control ring and shooting modes from its S95 predecessor, the S100 offers a 12.1-megapixel HS CMOS sensor, a new 24-120 f/2.0 wideangle, 5x optical zoom lens, built-in GPS for effortless geotagging, ISO sensitivity to 6400, and your choice between stealthy black or shiny silver bodies. Hitting your photostream this November. Price: $430

Price: $130

9 out of 10 Visit us online at

Console: 360, PS3 Rating: Rating Pending Developers: Konami, Kojima Productions

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, MGS 3: Snake Eater, and Peace Walker this compilation is made of mind-blowing, nearly overwhelming, stupefying, brilliance. Lets imagine for a moment that you could have not one but three amazing games displayed in high-definition bliss. Now let’s image that you don’t have to image this, because its real and available November 8th (yes, the same day as Modern Warfare 3). Aside from a great storyline, awesome gameplay, a myriad of strange and exotic locales, weapons, explosions, and all the fun…these games basically suck. I mean,

By Cote Bailey

Metal Gear Solid HD Collection Behold the series that practically invented the art of video game stealth combat is packaging 3 games in one explosively beautiful package – and its not even Christmas yet! Now unless that falling NASA satellite crushed your skull to smithereens, you should know that MGS is one of the most beloved game collections since Princess Peach got habitually kidnapped in the Mario Bros. series. Consisting of

sure you could find 10,000 reasons why this limited edition collection is cool, but why? Why would you want to do that? I’m sure you’re satisfied with coming home from work, talking to your wife, feeding the dog, and staying miles away from the console. I’m sure the last thing you want interfering with your fantasy football heaven is 3 kickass HD video games – scratch that, these works of art are to awesome to be video games, lets call them places way cooler than your real life – calling you louder than the lady who’s telling you to take out the trash. Yeah, who would want that, that would suck right?

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

Q: What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? A: $3.99 a minute.

Blitz Funnys 99.9% STUPID MATH STATS According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2009: “The national marriage rate was 19.1 per 1,000 for men and 17.6 per thousand for women, while the divorce rate was 9.2 per 1,000 for men KIDS THAT ATTRACT and 9.7 per 1,000 for women.” (Huh? The Associated Press reported from Gornji Milanovac, Serbia, in SeptemThat does not make sense.) ber 2011, two small boys from central Serbia were human magnets. AccordSTIFF FINE, PERHAPS? Denver, Colorado - Boys-night-out took ing to the report, cousins Luke Milanoon a whole different meaning when vac, 6, and David Petrovic, 4, were Robert Young, 43, and Mark Rubinson, the only two members of their family 25, took a friend barhopping in August to attract metal, no matter where they 2011. While Young and Rubinson en- were. To quote David’s mother, Sanja, joyed naughty dancing at a strip club, it started when: “I asked him to fetch they ran up a tab on their pal, 43-year- me a spoon so I could feed his little old Jeffrey Jarrett’s account, and then brother, and he yelled back: Mom it used his ATM card to withdraw $400. sticks!” Adding, “I found him with sevAll the while, during that whole eve- eral spoons and forks hanging from his ning, Jeffrey’s slowly stiffening corpse body.” had been waiting outside in the car.

Soft Drink Anyone? Three middle-aged ladies were sitting around the porch one day bragging about their husbands’ sex drive when one decided that they should refer to their lovers as a soft drink. The first lady began, “My husband is like a 7-Up, he’s got seven inches and it’s always up!” The second replied, “My man is like a Mountain Dew, when he mounts me he always knows what to do!” After a moment the third woman says, “My man is like a Jack Daniels…” “That’s not a soft drink,” one woman exclaims, “That’s a hard liquor!” Without hesitation the lady shouts, “That’s my Leroy!”

Libra September 23 – October 22 Your neighbors will take a sudden interest in you when they discover that you finally made it on The X Factor, well The XXX Factor that is! Scorpio October 23 – November 21 You’ve always thought you liked a good mystery until you discover that your wallet has gone missing at The Men’s Club. Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 Don’t forget: No matter how depressing life can get or work can be, you can always go home and take it out on your family.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 Life will imitate art this Saturday when your date looks like something from a Picasso sketch.

Aries March 21 – April 19 You never really believed in the theory of evolution, but looking at that picture of your Uncle Thade as a soldier…

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Your family realizes that you’ve finally come out of the closet when you start singing “Pumped Up Kicks” at the family reunion.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 No horrorscope for you this week. The stars are on strike.

Pisces February 19 – March 20 You’ll be amazed this weekend when you discover what the body is capable of when it doesn’t want to have sex with you.

Gemini May 21 – June 21 As someone who hates the sight of blood, do everything in your power to avoid this weekend’s baby shower.

ACROSS: 1. Burn by hot liquid 6. Survey 10. Complain 14. Tall structure 15. Murres 16. Sea eagle 17. Gauntness 19. Child 20. Tumult 21. Half of two 22. Possessed 23. Move furtively 25. Undersides of feet 26. Anagram of “Mail” 30. Took five 32. Pertaining to the production of urine 35. Alike 39. Tenant 40. A statistical interval 41. Sidelong 43. Renters 44. Setting 46. In order that not 47. Film 50. Critical 53. Weightlifter’s pump this

Cancer June 22 – July 22 Just when you thought you couldn’t hold it any longer, pissing on your boss’ shoe will provide much comic relief and unemployment. Leo July 23 – August 22 Long gray beards have for centuries been linked to wisdom and shrewdness. Sadly, you’ll get yours caught in the paper shredder at work on Monday. Virgo August 23 – September 22 You’ve never been the type to pat yourself on the back, but that was before you had a Ding Dong stuck in your windpipe.

54. Make lace 55. Rape 60. Evergreen tree of eastern Asia 61. Loathing 63. Assist 64. Entreaty 65. Clergyman 66. Give rise to 67. Lowly worker 68. San Antonio fort DOWN: 1. Flower stalk 2. Deep sleep 3. At a distance 4. Deviant 5. Not wets 6. Place 7. American songbird 8. The Queen of the jungle? 9. Alley 10. Characterized by order 11. Bay window 12. The joint just above the foot 13. Requires 18. French for “Friend” 24. Parched

25. Spermal fluid 26. Contemplate 27. Region 28. Enumerate 29. Fecundate 31. Neap, high or low 33. Eagle’s nest 34. Not fake 36. Connects two points 37. Anagram of “Salt” 38. Repose 42. Habitable 43. Egyptian boy king 45. Choice word 47. He had the golden touch 48. Small African antelope 49. Elector 51. Arranger (abbrev.) 52. Stage between egg and pupa 54. Faucets 56. Obscure 57. Ancient Peruvian 58. Defraud 59. Protagonist 62. Big galoot

Solution on Page 18

Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? A: 45 lbs.


Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash? A: She’s the one on her bicycle!

September 28 – OCTOBER 4, 2011

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September 28 – October 4, 2011


I Hate Politics

Dunhill Signed Ranged Churchill Wrapper: Nicaragua Binder: Cameroon Filler: Dominican Republic Strength: Medium This is milder version of a Davidoff Double R. It’s too pricey for an everyday cigar, but is an elegant, sophisticated change of pace. Streaky in appearance and richly colored, this cigar is profoundly leathery in character showing salty peanut notes and woody flavors, but the leather intensifies for a savory medium-bodied smoke.

By Dennis Hambright

Catamount Octoberfest Brewed by: Harpoon Brewery ABV: 5.5% This seasonal beer pours a very healthy off-white foamy head with decent staying power. The appearance is rich dark amber with copper hues. You’ll enjoy the fruity esters, grain and delicate floral hop aromas. It all mixes rather nicely with a malt sweetness, which is moderate with light caramel, toasted and raw grain flavors. Finish is clean. Although not an authentic Märzen/Oktoberfest, it’s still a very enjoyable Oktoberfest (in spirit) beer.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

I’m 100% apolitical. I’ll even go so far as to say that I actually hate politics. I think politics are about as useful as pantyhose on a hooker. All they do is get in the way of what really needs to get done, and by the time you finish yanking and pulling and jerking around, then the whole mess just isn’t any fun anymore. And brother, when the fun goes, so go the enthusiasm and the vigor and the single-minded determination that you set out with in the first place, then its just work. And when it’s just work, someone always ends up trying to find the easy way out, and that’s when you end up with half-ass results. Think I’m kidding? Just pop your head up out of the sand pit and take a look around at the mess we’re dealing with these days. Even though I’m imbued to the bone with political disdain, I’m also a realist, and know that with the system we’ve got, we’ve got to have politicians. In some ways, I guess that’s not all bad – at least that’s what I keep trying to tell myself. I’m sure they fit somewhere in the mystic food chain of life. Maybe they’re like venomous snakes or rats. Everybody hates poisonous snakes and rats, but according to the eggheads in the scientific community, we need them for the delicate balance of nature. Supposedly, we need snakes because snakes eat rats, and we need rats because…well, I don’t know why in the hell we need rats, but you get the point. Bottom

Grateful Dead Ingredients: 1 part tequila 1 part vodka 1 part light rum 1 part gin 1 part Chambord raspberry liqueur Mixing Instructions: Shake ingredients, pour over ice in a Collins glass, and serve.

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line is, if we need snakes and rats to keep the world spinning, I guess it’s plausible to believe that we need politicians too. It’s just one more vicious thing to watch out for when you go wandering around in the weeds late at night. Recently, I feel like I’m even more irritated by politics than usual. I think it’s because it seems like we’re already right in the middle of the mud-slinging when the election still is way, way, way out yonder over the horizon. Maybe the political strategists took a page out of the book from Target or WalMart, or one of the other mega-retailers. They’ve got us so accustomed to seeing Halloween jack-o-lanterns out so early they’re mixed in with new school supplies, and then Thanksgiving decorations out before the pumpkins can even get mushy on the porch, and if the Santa Claus at the mall comes any sooner, he’ll have to wear short pants and flip-flops because even toddlers know he’d look stupid in his big red wool coat when it’s still 80 degrees outside. So I guess they figured if we’d swallow having all those special days of the year rolled up into one giant commercialized burrito and jammed down our throats so far in advance we begin to forget what the holidays are really all about, then they’d try the same tactic with the election. Or maybe, since politics really is just about salesmanship, they thought it’s going to take an extra-long time to sell the truckload of BS they’re going to have to shovel out this time to make us believe that something different really

is in the making…something that might actually work, and not just something that sounds good. I’m not trying to diminish the importance of the electoral process. Until someone comes up with a better mousetrap, what we’ve got still makes us the best country in the world. But I do think I’ve seen enough episodes of Jerry Springer and Maury to know that just because someone says, “Oh yeah baby, I’ll be there for you no matter what,” it doesn’t mean they won’t throw you under the bus as soon as the grass looks a little greener somewhere else. I just hope that if we’re going to suffer through the grind of month after arduous month of political campaigning, that we at least try to muddle through the BS and pick the best candidate for the job. Let’s get somebody that’s actually going to kick ass and take names, and not just kiss ass and call everybody names.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 4

September 28 – OCTOBER 4, 2011


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