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January 4 – 10, 2012

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VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17


VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

January 4 – 10, 2012

SPORTS NEWS

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2012: A Leap Year

SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Bad Boys Bad Boys 3 Cotton Bowl Preview 4 Mavericks news 6 Stars news 7 Bengals / Texans preview 8 Lions / Saints Preview 8 Giants / Falcons preview 8 Steelers / Broncos preview 8 Cover Story Cowboys Report Card 10 Is Romo to Blame? 11 Blitz babe of the week Kasie 12 BLITZ Entertainment Know Your Barbershop 13 Kerosene & Kids Hair 13 The Social House 14 Seven Things in Seven Days 14 BLITZ Flicks 15 Movie Review 15 2012 Toyota Camry 16 Gadgets 16 Joystick 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Weekend Relaxer 18 Pointless New Year 18 2-Minute Drill 18 Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor C. Patterson Graphic Designer: Damien William Mayfield Food, Entertainment and Lifestyle Editor Judy Chamberlain Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Art LC Creations Cover Design Damien Mayfield STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors

Staff Writers Hannah Allen, Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, David Goodspeed, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Jesse Whitman Contributing Photographers Antoine Robiez, Eric Constanineau, Rob Beyer, Jesse, Glenn Harper, Darryl Briggs, Birdman Photos, Bearman, U.S. Army, Mark Barron, Dominic Ceraldi, Jeffrey Beall, Jason Poulton, AJ Guel, Rick Star, David Goodspeed, Toyota, David Jones, David Clow Contributing Writers Fil Chapa, Aeryn Ripley, Cote Bailey, Jay Betsill, Jared HuntleySonny Capps, Keysha Hogan, Mateeka Lanee, Tommy Smith, Joe Stumpo

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By now I hope you have completely sobered up. The past few weeks we’ve all been a gluttonous bunch of carb-loading shopaholics, but it’s time to cast those bad behaviors aside and start strong in 2012. Have you started a diet and exercise plan? Or are you going to be debt free in 52 frugal weeks? This year we should all strive to take a leap towards awesomeness. Here are a few folks I’m expecting big things from in 2012. Tim Tebow I can hear your collective groans from here. But, c’mon the guy is in the news all the time because he’s an exciting player to watch. Wouldn’t it be awesome to see if Tebow can take the Broncos to the Super Bowl, summon the heavens on his side and create a forthquarter comeback and win the whole thing?! In overtime! In the snow! What can I say? I’m a sucker for crazy, wild, madcap endings. Team U.S.A This summer while North Texas is blanketed in a heat wave we can all stay inside and watch the Olympic Summer games. Michael Phelps has stayed off the ganja and will bring home a stockpile of gold. Ripped middle school gymnast will be defying physics while eyeballing their tiny Chinese counterparts. This will be a worldwide smack down and since London is only six hours ahead of us, we will witness most of it in real time. Everyone be on the look out for major homegrown Olympic talent: DeSoto’s welterweight boxer Errol Spence; McKinney’s synchronized swimmer Mary Killman; Plano’s gymnast Rebecca Bross and gold-medalist Natasia Liukin. Track and field also brings Grand Prairie’s Darvis ‘Doc’ Patton, McKinney’s Jeremy Wariner and Red Oaks’ Michelle Carter to the forefront. And since many sports are still conducting Olympic trials, it is likely many more North Texans will be travelling across the pond to represent DFW. Kevin Sumlin A&M will be playing their first SEC game at

By Keysha Hogan @TheKeysha

Kyle Field against the Florida Gators and ushering in a new era in Texas football. Now that divine intervention has sent Tebow to Denver, the Aggies have a real shot at a strong start to a tough season. The real test will be how new head coach Kevin Sumlin acclimates to the powerhouses of Alabama and LSU later in the season. Aggie fans are expecting great things from this new coach in the SEC. His previous work at the University of Houston was impressive and the College Station crowd has a lot of good football to look forward to.

Photo Courtesy: Bearman

Tiger Woods Will 2012 be the year of Le Tigre? He has started winning again, and the parade of women has faded away. I hesitate to call it the beginnings of a comeback, but everyone who has fallen from grace has to start somewhere. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve followed a bit of golf news that didn’t somehow relate to Woods. His persona is perfect for luring people into the sport and he keeps golf relevant for all of us without country club memberships. Since 2012 is a leap year, all of these play makers have 366 days to stake their claim on sports history. I want a huge year of overcoming obstacles and inspiring wins. So, tell us what do you think? Who will start the year as an unknown athlete, make that quantum leap and end it as a superstar? Tweet me and let’s compare notes.

Dallas Polo Club

L E A R N T O P L AY P O L O NO RIDING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG

C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1

@funnyordie Funny Or Die

Started the year off by watching “2012” in standard def with commercials. Really feel like big things are in store for the next 365 days.

Yay You’re Famous! So your cellmates will know your name!

Andrew Bynum According to TMZ.com the Laker’s big man was pulled over for not having a license plate and having illegal tint and issued a fix-it ticket only to be pulled over the following day for going 80mph in his Porsche 911.

Rich Tocchet The former NHL player and coach was detained at a Bahamas airport for failing to declare that he was traveling with more than $10,000 USD. After being searched he was discovered that Tocchet was in possession of $18,752 USD. He pled guilty and the money was seized. Yahoo Sports

Lenny Dykstra The bygone baseball giant was granted a reprieve from house arrest to attend his 16-year-old son’s baseball games for the remainder of the season. Dykstra must get permission to attend before each game. He is currently on house arrest as a result of his embezzlement case. Fox

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January 4 – 10, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

Cotton Bowl Arkansas Razorbacks will meet the #8Kansas State Wildcats #6

The 2012 AT&T Cotton Bowl celebrates its 76th anniversary as the only bowl game outside of the BCS that features a match-up of Top 10 teams. The eighth ranked Kansas State Wildcats battle number six Arkansas Razorbacks in primetime on January 6th under the lights at Jerry World. The last time a pair of teams with such lofty rankings knocked heads in the Cotton Bowl was 1994. The Wildcats and Razorbacks haven’t played since 1967 when Arkansas won 28-7 in Little Rock. The only other times the two teams met were in 1910, then again in 1911 and 1926 with K-State winning all three games. Kansas State and Arkansas are no strangers to postseason play. This will be the Wildcats’ 15th bowl appearance, and for the Razorbacks it is trip number 39 into postseason play. Kansas State owns an all-time bowl record of 6-8-0, with 13 of those coming under current Coach Bill Snyder. Arkansas has compiled an all-time postseason mark of 12-233. The Hogs 39 bowl appearances rank 14th nationally among NCAA teams. Kansas State head coach Bill Snyder, who retired in 2005 after 17 seasons at the helm of the Wildcats and then returned to lead the program in 2009, has the Wildcats back in the Cotton Bowl for the first time since 2001 and the third time in its history. This season Kansas State finished 10-2 and 7-2 in the Big 12 Conference. The Cats success is due in large part to a potent ground attack and a defense that ranks among the best against the run and in turnover margin. After debuting in the BCS rankings at No. 11 in mid-October, the Wildcats moved to No. 8 before falling back to 14th. K-State then started the climb back into the Top 10 to end the regular-season at No. 8. Starting quarterback Collin Klein is one of the most efficient signal callers in college football. Klein leads the nation with 26 touchdowns. The leader on the defensive side of the ball is middle linebacker Arthur Brown, the Big 12 Newcomer of the Year. Brown collected 95 tackles and cornerback Nigel Malone pulled Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

By Tony Barone tbarone@blitzweekly.com

down seven interceptions to lead the Big 12 and rank third nationally. Arkansas enters the Cotton Bowl with an overall record of 10-2 and a 6-2 mark in the Southeastern Conference. Head coach Bobby Petrino, in his fourth year at Arkansas after a short stint with the NFL Atlanta Falcons, led the

Photo Courtesy: U.S. Army

Photo Courtesy: Mark Barron

Razorbacks to their first BCS appearance in school history with an invitation to the Allstate Sugar Bowl last year. The Hogs have posted 10 victories in consecutive seasons for just the third time in Arkansas history and the first time since 1988-89, seasons in which the Razorbacks made back-to-back trips to the Cotton Bowl. Under Petrino’s leadership, the Hogs have become a proven offensive machine. This year, the Razorbacks have surpassed nearly every school passing record. Leading the way for Arkansas is quarterback Tyler Wilson who tops the SEC in passing yards per game, total yards passing, total offense and pass completions. Wilson’s receiving corps is one of the nation’s best, if not the best, with the likes of Jarius Wright, Joe Adams and a number of other fast and sure-handed receivers. Defensive end Jake Bequette ranks second in the SEC and is tied for ninth nationally in sacks per game. The Razorbacks were ranked No. 9 in the first week of BCS rankings in October, and climbed as high as No. 3 on November 20. The Hogs head into the Cotton Bowl with a No. 6 ranking.


VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

January 4 – 10, 2012

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January 4 – 10, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

MAVS

Questions entering the Mavs Season

By Geoff Case gcase@blitzweekly.com The Mavericks might have preferred that there wasn’t a 2012 NBA season the way they’ve started out the gates. However, the NBA is back in full swing and despite taking a hatchet to the championship roster the Mavericks have as good a chance as any to defend their title after stealing Lamar Odom from the Lakers. They may not be the favorites anymore but that doesn’t stop this season from being filled with intriguing storylines that should keep your basketball mind churning. Here are the top questions that will be answered during the 2012 Dallas Mavericks season.

Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

Will Lamar get over it? I can tell you with certainty that Lamar Odom is one of the most versatile forwards in the NBA today and could be a huge part of building a championship roster. However, since his arrival in Dallas his body language on the court is telling us he’s not over being traded. It’s like Lamar is still in mourning over breaking up with the Lakers. He’s been saying all the right things about moving forward with the Mavericks but it hasn’t transferred to the court. He’s been piling up technical fouls and turnovers and begun charting a course to Rick Carlisle’s dog house. Lamar has admitted to being out of shape to start the season and Carlisle has put him on an “action plan” designed to expedite his conditioning, a key factor that has him shooting just 4-of-30 on Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Upcoming Schedule: 1/5 @Spurs 7:30 p.m. 1/7 Hornets 8:00 p.m. 1/10 @Pistons 6:30 p.m. 1/11 @Celtics 7:00 p.m. 1/13 Bucks 7:30 p.m.

the season. I’ll buy that he’s out of shape but a lot of these errors are mental and that’s something that’s got to be squared away if Lamar is going to help this team in the future. Make no mistake; I believe the Mavericks 2012 season is directly tied with what Lamar Odom can bring to the table. Where is Roddy B’s ceiling? The French phenom is finally healthy and the Mavericks actually have minutes for him with the departure of J.J. Barea. The thing I love about this is that every time Roddy hits the floor something exciting will happen. Whether it’s a horrible turnover or a silky smooth three pointer the possibilities are endless. It’s like watching a NASCAR race, you don’t know who’s going to win but there will be car crash somewhere. Beaubois has got the athletic ability and the stroke to become a great player but can he put it all together and cash in on all these physical gifts? Stay tuned. What about the Triple D’s? It will be hard to watch these Mavericks without keeping one eye on the rumor mill. Everybody has taken notice that the Mavericks are going to be able to sign one or two major free agents this off-season. Dallas native Deron Williams is a free agent after this season and seems like a likely candidate to slip into Jason Kidd’s role should he retire after this season. Elite big man Dwight Howard has already named the Mavericks as one of his preferred destinations when he asked Orlando GM Otis Smith for a trade this off-season. The Mavericks didn’t resign the championship roster because they claimed they were looking out for the future of the franchise. Is this the future they were envisioning? Surrounding Dirk with these two pieces could have the makings of a potential dynasty. It’s a long shot but an exciting one that will have fans reading the blogs all season. The Mavericks may not look the same but they are still talented enough to compete for a title. I don’t believe they’ve currently got enough to go the distance but if this season allows them to reformat their roster into a super team (which appears to be the new format in a cap conscious NBA) then so be it. I’m pumped for this season but not as much as the possibilities for the future. I will say that these Mavericks have yet had time to gel and we don’t truly know how good they can be. Much like the future of the franchise, the possibilities are endless.


VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

January 4 – 10, 2012

STARS Stars Bid Farewell to 2011

The Dallas Stars ended 2011 with a convincing 4-2 home win over the defending Stanley Cup champion Boston Bruins. They are battling for the Pacific Division lead, the same position they found themselves in at the end of 2010. But a lot of other things have changed for the Stars organization in the last year. In no particular order, following are five recent headlines, which defined their past and hopefully help bring the Stars back to prominence in the NHL. 1. Tom Gaglardi buys the Stars The long wait for new ownership for the Stars came to an end just before Thanksgiving when Vancouver businessman Tom Gaglardi completed a deal to purchase the Stars, who filed for bankruptcy to help facilitate the sale. Gaglardi is a lifelong hockey fan with Texas ties (his mother

By Tony Barone tbarone@blitzweekly.com

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Upcoming Schedule: 1/5 @Predators 7:00 p.m. 1/7 Oilers 1:00 p.m. 1/10 @Ducks 9:00 p.m. 1/12 @Kings 9:30 p.m. 1/14 Avalanche 2:00 p.m.

3. Stars realigned under NHL plan The Stars were among the big winners in early December when the NHL approved a four-conference realignment plan for the 2012-13 season. The Stars would now be in an eight-team conference with teams primarily in the Central Standard time zone. The change will cut down on the Stars travel and the number of trips to the West Coast, and allow fans to watch their team play divisional opponents on the road with finishes before midnight. 4. Modano retires Mike Modano, the greatest player in franchise history, announced his retirement in September. The Minnesota North Stars made Modano the first overall pick

Photo Courtesy: Dominic Ceraldi

is from Longview). It opens a new chapter for the Stars, who had spent the past couple seasons strangled by a tight budget. Gaglardi’s first move was to cut ticket prices in an effort to boost attendance; the first of what should be many by Gaglardi to revitalize the organization. 2. Joe Nieuwendyk, Ed Belfour inducted into Hockey Hall of Fame The Stars got a chance to celebrate the past as two key members from their 1999 Stanley Cup championship team were inducted into the Hall of Fame. Nieuwendyk, who won the Conn Smythe Trophy as the playoff MVP in 1999, was elected in his second year of eligibility. Belfour, who was outstanding over the final three rounds of the 1999 playoffs, was elected in his first year of eligibility.

in 1988, and Modano played a total of 21 NHL seasons, 20 with the Stars. The Stars signed Modano, who played his final season with Detroit, to a one-day contract so he could retire a Dallas Star. Modano retired as the NHL’s all-time leader in career goals (561) and points (1,374) among U.S.-born players. 5. Marc Crawford fired, Glen Gulutzan hired After the Stars missed the playoffs for the third straight season, Nieuwendyk announced that he was firing head coach Marc Crawford. In June, Nieuwendyk chose the 39-year-old Gulutzan, who led Texas to the AHL’s Calder Cup Finals in their inaugural season. Gulutzan brought attention to detail and structure to the Stars, and the team is off to a strong start to the 2011-12 season. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook


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January 4 – 10, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

By Sonny Capps hhhup88@gmail.com

By Jared Huntley @jaredhuntley

By Tommy Smith tsmith@blitzyweekly.com

By Sonny Capps hhhup88@gmail.com

You got to love the NFL and its playoff system with the entire “if’s,” “and’s” and “or’s.” Confusing as it may be at times it’s still tops compared to the college BCS system. When the dust, grass, and snow settled Sunday afternoon the Cincinnati Bengals found themselves back in the playoffs for the third time in the last 20 seasons. The Bengals will travel to Houston this weekend and try to make “the third time’s a charm” come to life and advance. Cincinnati isn’t near the bottom of the seeding chart, they are the bottom, but I promise you the Bengals and anyone who chooses

This weekend, the Wild Card round of the playoffs will open with a bang as the seasoned New Orleans Saints (13-3) play host to the young, up and coming Detroit Lions (10-6) at the Superdome in New Orleans. You won’t find two hotter offenses in the NFL right now. If not for Aaron Rodgers, Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees would likely be a shoe-in for the MVP award this season, shattering Dan Marino’s record for passing yards in a season with 5,476 and throwing 46 touchdown passes.

Photo Courtesy: AJ Guel Photography

Photo Courtesy: Steve Selwood

When the Falcons fly into the Meadowlands Sunday the will be bringing a as much momentum with them as the Giants have after beating the Cowboys 31-17 Sunday night to win the NFC East Division. The Falcons earned their way into the playoffs by scoring a team record 42 points in the first half of their 45-24 thrashing of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The win solidified the fifth spot for the Falcons who finished the season tied at (10-6) with the sixth seeded Detroit Lions. The Falcons beat the Lions 23-16 in week four of the season giving them the tie-breaking edge

Photo Courtesy: Jason Poulton

AFC MAtch Up: Steelers vs. Broncos

NFC MAtch Up: Giants vs. Falcons

NFC MAtch Up: LOINS vs. SAINTS

AFC MAtch Up: Bengals vs. texans

Tebow turned Denver back into a football city. Businessmen getting fined for signs, kids getting in trouble at school for praying, and just the general mania that he created for this team and city took over the radio, press, television and the web. Attention and publicity pays well, but it doesn’t win games. The Denver Bronco’s implanted QB Tim Tebow and haven’t look back. This guy is one hell of an athlete; the only thing he wasn’t blessed with was a passing arm. Denver got ALL the attention mid-year and has fizzled out as the playoffs begin. What should be high-

Photo Courtesy: Jeffrey Beall

to live in Ohio only care that they’re in at all. The Bengals have nothing more than a mediocre offense, pass or run. They have managed to just squeak out wins by barely outscoring their foes. The defense should be credited for bringing the Cats to this Wildcard berth. If Head Coach Marvin Lewis has any aspiration of advancing, he and the rest of the coaching staff will have to get QB Andy Dalton and the entire offense firing on all cylinders. The Texans will test the true strength of the Bengals defense run stoppage, which ranks fifth in the NFL. Houston has pretty much just screwed around this year and still fell ass backwards into the playoffs. The Texans had more drama this year than Anna Nicole Smith’s estate settlement. They’ve beaten the best and lost to the worst, QBs in and out, etcetera, etcetera. Back to football, I don’t care which QB starts or plays the most, passing for the Texans is lack luster and can be accomplished by whomever. The Texans rushing attack is the second best in the NFL. RB Arian Foster most likely will be asked to carry this team into the next round. The Texans will meet their match and get tested this year in the playoffs, but it won’t be this week. Look for Cincinnati to show its true colors as the Texans and RB Foster go through them faster than bad fish through a fifth grader.

Matthew Stafford of the Detroit Lions hit a milestone of his own, breaching the 5,000 yard mark on the season Sunday with 520 passing yards in a losing effort against the Green Bay Packers. Both quarterbacks come into this game red hot, as Stafford has thrown for 1,284 yards and 12 TD’s in his last three games, while Brees has thrown for 1,108 yards and 14 TD’s. Both the Saints and Lions are defensively challenged, to say the least, ranking 26th and 20th in total defense, respectively. The Lions’ secondary is respectable, giving up just 224 yards per game through the air. Another place where they excel is forcing opposing quarterbacks into mistakes, having intercepted 19 passes on the season, which ranks 4th in the NFL. The crowd noise will be a major factor for Detroit while on offense, as the Superdome is likely the loudest stadium in the NFL, causing communication problems and frustrating offenses around the NFL. The Saints are undefeated at home this season, while the Lions are 0-5 against teams with winning records. The Lions are a team on the rise, but unfortunately they are running into a steamroller in the first round of the playoffs this season.

over the Lions for the higher wild-card seed. After getting off to a 1-2 start, Atlanta went 9-4 the rest of the way finishing December 3-1 and ready to roll into New York. After beginning the season 6-2 the Giants lost five of their last seven games, but beat the Jets and the Cowboys the final two weeks of the season to right the ship and win the NFC East. The matchup between the Falcons and the Giants should be a great one. Both teams enter the game with some momentum and a chance to go deep into January the way they are playing. Atlanta is seventh overall in passing offense averaging almost 268 yards a game. The Falcons have a big threetype offense with QB Matt Ryan throwing for 4,071 yards, RB Michael Turner rushing for 1,168 and WR Roddy White hauling in 1,227 yards of receptions. They will look to light up the scoreboard against a Giants defense that has been surprisingly suspect at times this season. Eli Manning has the Giants passing attack ranked fourth in the NFL averaging 293 yards per game. The emergence of Cruz along with Hakeem Nicks has given Manning the weapons to overcome the Giants sputtering rushing game which ranks dead last in the NFL. In the playoffs you have to be able to run the football and the fact they can’t, might just be their undoing.

lighted here is the Bronco’s rushing attack led by RB Willis McGahee, this U. of Miami veteran can dumb up the best NFL defenses. If Denver wants to see the next round of the playoffs they better try to figure out how to keep from having Tebow pass the ball, get McGahee over a 100+ yards and get the middle of the road defense to stop Pittsburgh. Not too far forward from the middle of the road is the Steelers offense. They pretty much just try to get enough done to get the win. Don’t get me wrong there are some big name on this Pittsburgh offense, Roethlisberger, Mendenhall (doubtful), Wallace to name a few, but when you talk Pittsburgh you talk defense, and they do have it again. Possessing the #1 passing defense and the 9th rushing defense. Pittsburgh takes opponents out by not letting them control the game or dictate it when the Steelers need to score. Safety Troy Polamalu is the best defender in the league, this nine-year veteran can lead a defensive team to halts and major offensive disruptions, especially for offenses lead by a guy with only two year’s of experience. Apparently “Big Ben” is over his high ankle sprain from this year and the college girls from last year. If this is the case, he should be able to lead this team to the divisional round of the playoffs. Denver will present the “Donkeys” again and Tebow will need help from above after facing this Steeler defense.

BENGALS VS. TEXANS SAT. JAN. 7 – 3:30PM / NBC RELIANT STADIUM

Loins vs. Saints Sat. jan. 7 – 7:00pm / NBC Louisiana Superdome

Falcons vs. Giants Sun. Jan. 8 – Noon / Fox metlife stadium

STEELERS VS. BRONCOS SUN. JAN. 8 – 3:30PM / CBS SPORTS AUTHORITY FIELD

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VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

January 4 – 10, 2012

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January 4 – 10, 2012

“It’s all part of the process,” That’s what Dallas Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett told the media and the fans all season long. When the team blew late leads against the New York Jets, New England Patriots, Arizona Cardinals (remember the icing your own kicker bit?) and New York Giants, it was a process. The colossal collapse at home against Bobby Carpenter and the Detroit Lions that saw a 27-3 lead vanish and end up a 34-30 loss should have been the low point. But in the end, a team that many experts predicted to go 8-8 did exactly that when their seventh straight NBC Sunday Night Football loss ended its season. “I just think we have to get better,” Garrett said. “That’s what we told our team. We have to get better. It starts with me as the head coach. Our coaching staff needs to get better. Our players need to get better. That’ll start when we reconvene in March. There were a lot of good things that happened for our football team this year and some disappointing thing happened as well. You look back and have to correct the things that weren’t good enough. We didn’t play consistently good enough football throughout the year. You’re always trying to get better. The obvious way to do that is in the draft. You also have free agency available to you. That’s just part of the NFL process for 32 teams.” The way the Cowboys faded in December under Garrett just as they did under Bill Parcells and Wade Phillips speaks to an issue about the team’s core group. The talent of this core group assembled by general manager Jerry Jones took this team to 8-8 and for the first time since 2004 and 2005 they will miss the playoffs in consecutive seasons (second consecutive season and the third time in four years). “What is nothing to fool yourself about is that we’re 8-8,” Jones said after the Giants handed the Cowboys a 31-14 loss with the NFC East title at stake. “We’ve got to do better than that. We had an opportunity to step up here and win a ballgame and go into the playoffs that I thought we would win. I am very surprised that we didn’t win it, but I accept the fact that whatever it is that we don’t have or didn’t do, we’ve got to look to get better.” Why do the Dallas Cowboys continue to fail and have only one playoff win in the last 15 years? As for this season, you can blame the five fourth-quarter leads lost or the season-ending injury to rookie running back DeMarco Murray. Should they break up the core of guys that began in 2003 when Parcells arrived? While the current Cowboys coach throws down a corporatetype chatter involving ‘processes’ and ‘going forward,’ it was former coach Bill Parcells whose phrase “you are what you are” perhaps best describes this particular team. And this team has 20 free agents who will be out testing the market, so when training camp kicks off in Oxnard, it will be a different group of guys that will take the field. The Cowboys’ 31-14 loss to the New York Giants on Sunday night left them as the third-place finisher in the NFC East. That means the Cowboys will play the third-place teams in the NFC West (Seattle) and NFC North (Chicago) next season, along with their NFC East opponents and the teams in the AFC North. The Cowboys’ home games will be against the New York Giants, Philadelphia, Washington, New Orleans, Tampa Bay, Pittsburgh and Chicago. The road games will be at the Giants, Philadelphia, Washington, Atlanta, Carolina, Baltimore, Cincinnati and Seattle. The Cowboys also had their draft position set. They will pick 14th in the first round in the draft in April.

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VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

By Jay Betsill @thefamousjay

OFFENSE B The Cowboys offense produced 6,008 yards (the second most in franchise history behind 6,390 in 2009) behind Romo’s third 4,000-yard season in his career. Rookie running back DeMarco Murray emerged as a threat out of the backfield before a season-ending injury derailed his campaign. Receiver Laurent Robinson became one of Romo’s go-to guys as he caught 10 touchdowns including three multiple touchdown games. Tight end Jason Witten led the team in catches for the fifth straight season. The new-look offensive line had its ups and downs with rookie Tyron Smith having a solid season while left tackle Doug Free regressed from his strong play from the 2010 season. Receiver Dez Bryant continued to show game-breaking potential but disappeared for stretches of most games. DEFENSE D New defensive coordinator Rob Ryan made a lot of noise about his unit beginning at training camp in San Antonio. He claimed it was the most talented group he had ever coached and that it was the best defense in the NFL. His bravado made it all the worse when after the first few weeks of the season, it appeared that opposing offensive minds had figured out the ‘smoke and mirrors’ act of the Cowboys defense. DeMarcus Ware had six multi-sack games (the most in Cowboys history) and ended the season with 19.5 (second to his own team record of 20 in 2008). Linebacker Sean Lee had a solid season as he continues to improve. But the secondary was exposed as a group in most every game, culminating with the Giants finale that saw receivers Victor Cruz and Hakeem Nicks beat corners Terence Newman, Alan Ball and Orlando Scandrick on short and deep throws throughout the game. SPECIAL TEAMS C Rookie placekicker Dan Bailey emerged as a solid kicker that the team could depend on in the clutch. That is, until he was iced by his own head coach in the 19-13 OT loss to the Arizona Cardinals. Punter Mat McBriar in his eight season battled injuries all season as he averaged 43.8 yards on 58 punts. The punt and kick return game provided little spark throughout the season no matter whom the Cowboys put back there. COACHING D Head coach Jason Garrett’s offense put up big numbers, but in the end, it was his mistakes ranging from icing his own kicker to an ill-advised quarterback sneak on fourth down with the team’s season on the line against the Giants that set the team up to fail. Defensive coordinator Rob Ryan touted his unit as a top tier group, but when it mattered most, opposing offenses could seemingly move the ball at will against Dallas.


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January 4 – 10, 2012

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By Frank LaCosta - flacosta@blitzweekly.com

T

he Dallas Cowboys finally saw their roller coaster season come to an end Sunday night against their division rival New York Giants. Half of their losses were televised on NBC Sunday Night Football and the football god’s showed them no mercy. Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo must feel like Sisyphus forever punished to push a proverbial boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down. Equipped with plenty of explosive offensive weapons Romo put

up numbers that are comparable to many of the NFL’s elite quarterbacks. He’s in the top four for passer rating, top 10 for yardage and top five for TDs. Season performances like this don’t come too often. Compared to the other top 10 quarterbacks in passer rating for this season Romo and the Cowboys are the only team not in the postseason. If the Cowboys had won on Sunday night then Eli Manning and the New York Giants would have had this dubious distinction.

A Question of Leadership Being the helmsman of the Dallas Cowboys requires following in the footsteps of other legendary Cowboy quarterbacks. The lineage is regal and the results are proven. Predecessors such as Roger Staubach and Troy Aikman come to mind. They have the hardware and the rings. They were leaders on and off the field. If Staubach and Aikman were great, then Don Meredith and Danny White must then be considered very good. “Dandy Don” led the Cowboys to the NFL Championship Game in 1966 and 1967 against the Green Bay Packers. These two heartbreaking defeats are etched in the memories of true Cowboys fans. Meredith will always be remembered for his grit, toughness and leadership during the first winning seasons for the Cowboys. Danny White had the unenviable task of leading the team after Roger Stau-

Who’s to Blame?

Photo Courtesy: LC Creations

Granted Tony Romo is only one player and the signal caller, he alone cannot be to blame for this season’s miseries. The blame has to be shared from the top down. Jerry Jones is the owner and GM of the team. He provides the cast for Romo to work with. Key veterans were let go this past offseason on the offensive line and the young unit is still learning their way. Growing pains were to be expected. Felix Jones has performed reasonably well and we all saw the potential of DeMarco Murray when Jones was injured. The play-calling comes from Jason Garrett and granted Romo can call audibles and is responsible

bach’s retirement. He led the team to three consecutive NFC Championship Games (1980-1982) and even though the Cowboys were favored to win all three, they lost. When compared to Staubach, Aikman, Meredith and White, Tony Romo cannot be considered to be in the same class. He has been in the league for nine seasons and during his reign the team has made it to the playoffs three times. The 2006 season ended on a muffed field goal snap against the Seattle Seahawks. The stellar 2007 season ended with a home loss to the New York Giants. The 2009 season ended with an embarrassing loss to the Minnesota Vikings in the divisional round. Three postseason appearances, one victory and three losses. No NFC Championship Games. No Super Bowl appearances. No bragging rights. No leadership.

for some ill-advised passes the Cowboys could have won their games against Detroit and New England. The time-management issues come from Garrett with losses to Arizona (#iceurownkicker) and at home against the Giants. And then there’s the defense… This season Tony Romo overcame adversity and injury (punctured lung, broken rib). He led the team to impressive wins over the 49ers and Redskins. Romo isn’t to blame. If this team had made the postseason, his critics would have remembered him for his courage, determination and grit. Win a Super Bowl and he’s a legend.

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12

January 4 – 10, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

Blitz babe of the week

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VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

January 4 – 10, 2012

Babershop

Know Your

Attention: Slash, Troy Polamalu, Phil Spector, the lower half of Brian Wilson’s face and anyone with the last name Marley need not read this section.

W

hat I’ve learned in life is this: Speak with conviction, have a firm handshake and always go to the right barber. One’s barometer of style is allowed to be a bit off kilter if you choose the right barbershop to get you back on track. You see, your barber will provide style for you in lieu of your cranial faux pas’. So as Indiana Jones did at the end of The Last Crusade, choose wisely. With all your might resist the urge to enter the first barbershop that you happen to drive past. Leave the gambling to the Vegas city limits and apply a bit more thought to the individuals that will shape your appearance. Remember, a haircut could be the difference between Heidi Klum winking at you in the elevator or being captured by one of the Cousteau children thinking that they have found the missing link. I’ll give you a minute and let you decide.

Executive Treatment

The Boardroom Salon for Men Multiple locations/DFW - theboardroomsalon.com “Delivering the ultimate relaxed grooming experience for men, The Boardroom provides exceptional haircuts, hot lather shaves, facials, massages, coloring, hand grooming, foot grooming, face and body waxing in an elegant, relaxing, country club environment.“ I hear this is Gordon Gekko’s barber of choice. Knockouts Multiple Locations/DFW - knockouts.net “The undisputed champion of services. Order one up and we’ll get you everything you need to get your head in the game. We’ll look at your options, slide a haircut between two vigorous shampooing sessions and a head massage, and finish you off with a killer style.” Floyd’s 99 Multiple Locations/DFW - floydsbarbershop.com “The original Rock & Roll barbershop” Floyd’s 99 has the style & atmosphere essential for any man looking to improve his look. They allow you to be yourself…only better. Gent’s Place 6975 Lebanon Rd./Frisco - (469) 579-4417 “The Gents Place prides itself on having one of the most unique service menus in the business. Not only can you enjoy an incredible haircut and shave in the best men’s grooming and lifestyle club in town, but you can also take advantage of all the luxuries of a modern spa.”

By Cote Bailey comments@blitzweekly.com

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Designer Cut

Rob’s Chop Shop 3613 Parry Avenue/Dallas - (214) 824-7627 “Sleaze & Greaze Texas Style!” Rob’s offers the slickest and most happening cuts this side of Happy Days. With a vintage feel and custom style you are sure to leave out of the Chop Shop cooler than you went in. The Fade Shop 201 W. Lamar St./McKinney - (972) 548-4948 They say money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you one of the freshest haircuts in the Metroplex at The Fade Shop. Just ask Snoop Dogg, Nelly, Chris Paul, and Josh Howard all of which have had their coifs clipped by some of the best in the biz. The Razor’s Edge 5760 Legacy Drive/Plano - (972) 473-7807 “The Razor’s Edge Barber Shop goes beyond being the best place in Plano for men and boys to get a haircut. From its wreck-room type atmosphere, multiple TVs, vast array of grooming products for men to its great conversation it provides a great haircut experience.” Bottom line if you want more than a haircut, if you want an experience, Razor’s Edge is your place. Testosterone Baber Shop 2917 Elm Street/Dallas - (214) 749-7070 “Testosterone is a place where men from all backgrounds can experience world class service in a relaxing but uptempo environment. Defining what a real man is with a new school vibe, where we practice customer service first and work for our customers. Our philosophy is to make a memorable impression on all of our guests, and to get it right the first time.”

Don’t wash your kid’s hair with kerosene while smoking a cigarette

D

espite everything, I still have some faith in Americans and their ability to adhere to basic principles of common sense. Still, I can’t help but question the intelligence of the masses, especially after seeing a sign in front of a two-foot deep fountain outside of a museum that had the warning sign, “No Swimming.” I realize that when one reaches the bottom of a tequila bottle and has taken too many prescription pills, it can make people do incomprehensibly stupid things. Perhaps this is why America is an overly litigious state. As a result, most marketing slogans are just ‘C-Y-A’ euphemisms...corporations and non profits have been “covering-their-asses” for years, because no one wants to spend a decade duking it out in court. This is, after all, the same nation where a mother once washed her kid’s

By Jesse Whitman jwhitman00@gmail.com hair with kerosene while smoking a cigarette (which, as you can imagine, didn’t end very well). However, it’s not just the blatantly obvious warning labels. For one thing, advertising slogans blazoned all over product labels are basically empty statements that prey on our fragile neuroses, insecurities, and general lack of intelligence. But if you read carefully between the lines, you can see the real truth behind the empty promises. Here are a few common ones that I see all too often: For example, the common disclaimer on all alcohol ads, “Drink Responsibly” really means, “We know you’re going to get so drunk that you’re going to piss on your roommate’s pillow and have sex with a transvestite, but we covered our asses, so you still can’t blame us for the remorse and flaming crotch

funk you woke up with after a night drinking Admiral Nelson.” Tested for Safety — This could mean two things. One, “Only 1 out of 8 rats died from the testing of this product.” Or two, “there are less than the legally tested amount of roach droppings that will usually result with you acquiring double bucket disease.” Car commercials — “All stunts performed by a professional on a closed course”—This translates as “We are marketing to the insecurities of your small d!ck and dreams of driving a car that compensates for it. Unfortunately, we are not legally responsible for the operational skill it requires to get some ass without doing sh!t that would get anyone - professional or amateur either killed or arrested.

Photo Courtesy: Steve Ryan

My worst nightmare is that I will spend the rest of my life in an infinite bureaucratic loop trying to understand the directions on a Tylenol bottle where the label reads: “Use as directed” and the directions read: “Use only as directed.”

Green marketing is even more annoying. A common signage I see everywhere these days are the ones below air hand dryers, which are nothing more than advertisements for coal plants. Using an air dryer instead of a paper towel may have saved five acres of slash pine forest, when in fact they have just removed a small mountain top in Western Appalachia to fuel the air dryer, displacing 15 people with 15 teeth and turning them into North American environmental refugees. Remember, my fellow Americans, the only vote you have is your dollar, don’t fool yourself otherwise...and don’t give yourself heart disease with your love of democracy either...Vote responsibly, my friends!” (And don’t dive in a twofoot deep fountain, unless you’re the midget on the cast of Jackass.)

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14

January 4 – 10, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

Restaurant review

The Social House Deep in the heart of Addison, where the Buffalo roam…

By Judy Chamberlain jchamberlain@blitzweekly.com In the middle of the restaurant sweet spot that is Addison, The Social House - a big, bold and beautiful newcomer to this destination dining location - hits the mark of what people are looking for today. Here, you can watch a game, meet up with your friends, take multiple generations of your family out to dinner, spend a little or a lot and have a great time no matter what kind of disparate group may be sitting at the next table. And, yes, it can get boisterous in the largest of the three dining rooms when ten postgraduate buddies have taken up a position where the comfy banquettes are located and are hollering across the table at each other. Nobody seems to mind. The menu, created by Arlington restaurateur Brian Olenjack in a consulting role and prepared from scratch every day by Chef de Cuisine Michael Weissert, offers something for everyone at a variety of price points, along with fifty beers on draught and a huge wine list. There’s a great Bruschetta made with good ciabatta and balsamic-scented tomatoes. Nachos take an unusual turn; they’re homemade potato chips, pulled pork, avocado mousse, crème fraiche and pickled jalapenos instead of the usual cheesy tortilla chip version. The fabulous five-onion soup, loaded with onions and served with a centerpiece of ciabatta over which a big slab of Tabasco-laced cheese has been melted is my new go-to late afternoon snack. I’m not a fan of the overly seasoned giant turkey burger; but there are lots of other burg-

ers to try, including one made with ground buffalo. And there’s buffalo chili, not to be confused with buffalo wings. The ground buffalo used in the actual buffalo items is obtained from a trusted artisanal source General Manager Mehdi Taxi has been dealing with for years. On my first visit to The Social House, I told the manager on the floor that I thought the music was too loud and frenetic. He asked me what I’d recommend, and I said some Jackson Browne, Eagles, like that. Minutes later he returned, grinning. Sure enough, Jackson Brown was playing on the sound system. A few visits later, the same manager - who happened to be one of the owners, Jonathan Serrano (his partner is Shawn Rao) - explained that he’d downloaded my suggestions on his iPod and plugged it into the system with RCA jacks. It’s this kind of attention to the ever-changing environment that makes up a restaurant’s most subtle overtones that gives The Social House a leading edge on cookie-cutter corporate entities where there isn’t somebody who cares about what the guests are responding to from one minute to the next. The Social House cares. Pull up to the front of the restaurant and the hostess comes out and opens the door for

you. Seated at a deuce, you may well find that the empty table once next to yours has been removed to give you more breathing room. I actually have seen the waiters pick up a table and move it, presumably for this very reason – or to accommodate a larger group somewhere else. Or both. If you’ve been there before, it’s likely someone will remember your name and address you by it. The staff is trained within an inch of its life, the objective being: treat people the way you want to be treated. What a concept.

The Social House 5100 Belt Line Rd. #410 Addison, TX 75254 972 392-4300 www.socialhouseaddison M-F 4PM-2AM / S-S 11AM -2AM

Photos Courtesy: Antoine Robiez, Eric Constanineau, Rob Beyer, Jesse, Glenn Harper, Darryl Briggs, Birdman Photos

WED. 1/4

Suns vs Mavs American Airlines Center – Dallas Phoenix steps into the AAC to take on Dirk, Jett, Khloe’s husband, Lebron’s mom’s ex-boyfriend and the Matrix; that sound’s like a pretty scary lineup. Mavs should get the win. 7:30pm.

thurs. 1/5

KAWS Modern Art Museum – Fort Worth Get your hoody and spray cans together. It’s time for a lesson in graffiti art from one of the greats, Brooklynbased artist KAWS. Bring out the cardboard to breakdance at 10am.

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Fri. 1/6

AT&T Cotton Bowl Jerryworld - Arlington Regardless of what the name says AT&T will not be playing in the bowl. Kansas State and Arkansas will battle it out to see who has the best wireless coverage… wait that doesn’t sound right. 7pm.

Sat. 1/7

Vine & Dine Celebrations Ballroom – Highland Village Join the Flower Mound Rotary Club as they parlay, sip wine, and sample exquisite cheese. Top hat and monocles preferred. Dancing begins at 7pm.

Sun. 1/8

N. TEXAS Gun Club Show Big Town Expo Hall – Mesquite This is one place where you are sure to get more bang for your buck. Collectors and backwoods militiamen come out and enjoy your second amendment right before the liberals take it away! 10am.

mon. 1/9

Titanic in Texas American Bus Association – Grapevine It’s been 100 years since Leonardo Dicaprio & Kate Winslet sang with Celine Dion on the RMS Titanic. To celebrate, the Titanic Museum is coming to the Metroplex. Abandon ship at 10am.

tues. 1/10

Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses Meyerson Symphony Center – Dallas OMG the video game gods have finally smiled upon we mere mortals and put the thought into a human’s mind to bring video game music into the real world! Release your inner nerd at 7:30pm.


VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

BLITZFlicks Most Anticipated Films of 2012

Dark Knight Rises The final film picks up eight years after Batman takes the rap for Harvey Dent’s crimes. Batman must battle terrorist villain Bane and solve the mystery of Selina Kyle a.k.a Catwoman. Prometheus Ridley Scott finds himself in space again, this time directing a film about a crew in the late 21st Century exploring an advanced alien civilization to find the origins of life. And if we know Ridley thinks will go awfully wrong. The Avengers Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Captain America, Black Widow, and the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. converge on the big screen. Expect amazing special effects. Skyfall The British ladies man, who’s most likely an alcoholic, with a license to kill is back for his 23rd installment. It’s a must see. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey The precursor to the Lord of the Rings Trilogy is finally here after years of delays. It should win quite a few awards. Oh yeah, Smeagol’s back. The Amazing Spider Man Think about Batman Begins only with Spider Man and ultra hot Emma Stone. Also look for Men in Black III, Resident Evil Retribution, Total Recall, World War Z, and The Bourne Legacy.

for 2012 By By Fil Chapa fchapa@blitzweekly.com

If you were unaware 2012 is going to be a kickass year for movies (that is until the 21st day of December when we fall into the fall into the center of the Earth). But if you just parachuted in from living under a rock-ville, here are the blockbusters headed your way before the second coming.

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By Cote Bailey comments@blitzweekly.com

January 4 – 10, 2012

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

Agent Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) is back along with a small group of IMF operatives. Their mission, “should they choose to accept it” is to single-handedly prevent a rogue Russian terrorist from gaining nuclear weapons capacity and eventually causing the annihilation of the natural world. Their daunting objective must be achieved under the backdrop of “Ghost Protocol,” initiated by the White House, after shocking developments inside Moscow. This incredibly desperate measure (see Double Secret Probation), effectively disavows the entire IMF agency. No need to panic though, the operational director leaves agent Hunt in the capable hands of Benji (Simon Pegg), who barely passed his field entrance exam, the seemingly mild-mannered analyst Brandt (Jeremy Renner) and a still wet behind the ears femme fatale played by Paula Patton who carries her own intense emotional baggage. In a slight departure from his ground breaking work on animation films such as the Incredibles and Ratatouille, director Brad Bird reminds audiences why they first came to see the Mission Impossible series. Fans of Simon Pegg will enjoy his comedic contributions. He helps you sit back and relax just long enough to set you up for the next metaphorical face-melting base jump to oblivion; although literal translations can and do surface. Brad Bird takes us from the cobbled streets of the Kremlin to desert dunes of Dubai. The Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world serves as an impressive location for some of the films most intense moments. We finally end up inside the demented mind of an old familiar foe, a diabolical Russian terrorist, who actually believes he is doing work that will ultimately benefit all mankind. Jeremy Renner plays Brandt, the reluctant last piece of the puzzle in Hunts’ tiny skeleton crew. While he appears more than capable, he seems to be holding something back, a fact not lost on Agent Hunt The pummeling fight sequence between a female Russian “Asset” and Agent Jane (worth the price of admission alone) would make Darryl Hanna and Uma Thurman proud. There were portions of the film that seemed to draw inspiration from the “sleeper” hit Inception with a small band of custom-made suits, globetrotting through scenic locations trying to capture secret intel, without all the confusing dream interpretations.

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January 4 – 10, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

2012 Toyota Camry and Camry Hybrid A Resolution of Style

By David Goodspeed dgoodspeed@blitzweekly.com Toyota has been making its Camry sedan for 28 years with most of those built right here in the U.S. of A. at its Georgetown plant. For the past nine years the Camry has been the bestselling car in America. And the entire time Toyota has not had to resort to using adventure, culture, heritage, patriotism or even sex to move these vehicles. The Toyota Camry does what it does best – it sells itself. For 2012 Toyota delivers an allnew, 7th generation Camry with 100 percent new sheetmetal while exterior dimensions remain the same. Inside, however, the sedan grows by two cubic feet including an additional two inches in rearseat legroom. So what better way to introduce this new vehicle to a bunch of journalists that have never reached into the “exciting” section of the Thesaurus than to bring it to a road course racetrack? Granted this was a regional launch program but Toyota pulled out all the stops by offering track time to a group of autowriters who long ago realized racing was not in their pro-

fessional future. Toyota brought the 2012 Camry in all forms being offered this year including the new hybrid model whose fuel economy has increased dramatically. In addition to the hybrid powertrain, Toyota offers a beefier 2.5-liter four-cylinder to the lineup along with the 268hp 3.5-liter V-6 engine. And to ease consumers’ decisions at purchase time Toyota has reduced Camry build configurations from 1,260 down to just 36 on LE, SE, or XLE trim levels. Significant to the SE grade are sport enhancements to the vehicle both aesthetic and functional in nature. SE changes includes sportier front and rear fascia including a trunk spoiler along with side rocker panels. Functionally Toyota adds sportshift mode to the transmission along with paddle shifters with suspension and steering systems receiving some sport tuning as well. Heck, they even include rev-matching “throttle blips” during downshifts for the full effect. Safety and technology are state-ofthe-art in the 2012 models with the offering of the new Entune infotain-

ment system along with JBL GreenEdge audio system allowing twice the performance using half the energy to produce it. New Camrys also see 10 airbags including rear seat side impact protection and the front seat frames feature a whiplash impact lessening design. A blind spot monitor system has also arrived for 2012 models. Interior layout and design has been greatly enhanced thanks to a layered dash panel configuration along with a floating center stack design. My last review of the Camry Hybrid described the overall experience as boring, but that boring was a good thing for the hybrid version and its demographic. Not much has changed for 2012 except that the updated Hybrid Synergy Drive system is now up

Photo Courtesy: David Jones

to 200hp total output while delivering an impressive 43 mpg around town, a significant increase over the previous model. Driving the Camry Hybrid around the racecourse did get the adrenalin flowing a bit but most of that was due to the extra body roll the hybrid model experiences over that in the SE Camrys. The Camry Hybrid is still

boring but for 2012 that boring is an even better thing. The 2012 Toyota Camry is more attractive inside and out but the car will continue selling itself and I predict sales leadership won’t be going away anytime soon, especially given that base pricing for the new models is lower than the cars they replace.

The Difference Between a Man and a Boy is the Price of his Toys! these are for sure to make your want list! Superheadz Clap Camera It’s a memory card reader! It’s a camera! Actually, it’s both. The Superheadz Clap Camera is a super small, super simple camera that shoots two megapixel photos or 720x480 movies, which it stores on a MicroSD card that you slide into one end. Pop off the other, and you’ll find a USB connector that you can stick directly into your computer for offloading. Or, as the website says, “Take a photo like you applause for being touched from the beauty of the sceneries”. Price: $50

Hennessey Jeep Grand Cherokee HPE800 The Hennessey Jeep Grand Cherokee HPE800 takes Jeep’s top-of-the-line SUV and turns it into a veritable speed demon by expanding the factory Hemi V8 from 6.4 to 7.0 L and adding in a twin-turbo forced induction system to achieve 805 hp and a 0-60 time of 3.1 seconds. Of course, all that power isn’t useful if you can’t harness it, which is why it also boasts an upgraded transmission system, 15.1-inch Brembo brakes in the front and rear, and a lowered, more sporty suspension, and to make sure no one mistakes it for the “regular” version, it also packs lighter alloy wheels, a carbon fiber front end, and a custom leather interior with an Alcantara steering wheel. It’ll arrive in 24 well-appointed garages next year. Price: $235,000

8 out of 10 Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Console: PC Rating: T Developers: BioWare

Chuck Norris’ paws on . Lets start with where the game failed, the mandatory cut scenes that are impassible. This means endless walls of text with no way to escape – that’s right you become prisoner to immensely boring voice acting. But the scenes are essential to your characters mission so pay attention at least the first time. Before you start sending hatemail, the game has an upside. Lightsaber play is awesome and going through the universe as a vengeful Sith Lord

By Aeryn Ripley comments@blitzweekly.com

Star Wars The Old Republic Wookies and veterans of the Star Wars saga, this game is unfortunately a must have for your collection. When did World of Warcarft get lightsabers? I am currently about 15 hours in and I can tell you no detail has been left out including the introduction of a main story line in this installment. Too bad the details look like they were ripped right from

who pummels all peons who dare walk across his/her screen is quite fun. While SWTOR has plenty to love, I can’t with a clear conscience ask you to put down your controller from playing Skyrim in favor of it. It’s simply to WOW-ish, so why not just play WOW? The answer is simple – We are loyal believers in the vision of the Star Wars universe. And for that reason we go forward. Whether good or bad, we go…The Force calls us.


VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

January 4 – 10, 2012

Blitz Funnys

Q: What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? A: They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.

Photo Courtesy: David Clow

The Bet Two bored old ladies are sitting on a park bench. One says, “For five bucks I’ll streak through the flower show across the street.” They shake on it. Waiting outside the flower show, her friend soon hears a commotion in the convention hall, followed by loud applause. Then the naked granny bursts out through the door with a cheering crowd behind her. “What happened?” asks her friend. “I won first prize for best dried arrangement!”

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 The newest member of your family shatters your excitement when it’s born with hooves. Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Your trying week ahead will not be resolved by impatiently snapping your fingers to make something happen. Pisces February 19 – March 20 Your friend John will continue to show off his skills and talents that make you seem boring in comparison.

Legal “Drug Dealers” One of the most misused prescription drugs is the painkiller hydrocodone. U.S. hospital emergency visits related to this drug went from 19,221 in 2000, to 86,258 in 2009, in Florida alone causing 910 deaths and contributing to 1,803 others. Add to that, a DEA review of police drug labs showed seizures of this drug increased from 13,659 in 2001, to 44,815 in 2010. What’s being done about this escalation? According to the Associated Press, Dec. 27, 2011, four drug companies are testing new pills containing “10 times the amount of the drug (hydrocodone) as existing medications...”

Aries March 21 – April 19 The paramedics will find it all too difficult to put you back together again despite bringing tons of buckets to the scene. Taurus April 20 – May 20 Your fear that everyone knows your darkest, deepest secrets is of no merit. No one knows that you really exist. Gemini May 21 – June 21 You will finally outdo your mother when you successfully go eight weeks without saying something positive.

More Fun Than Reading A Book Dec.13, 2011, USA Today reported Toronto subway passengers became disgusted when a couple began having sex, causing one passenger to push the emergency strip to stop the train. This caused the amorous couple to exit onto the platform, then re-penetrate. This session was caught on cellphone video and posted on YouTube, where it was immediately removed. Police charged the couple with engaging in a lewd act. Battlefield on the Homefront After being wounded during a suicide bombing in Afghanistan, and receiving a Purple Heart, 22-year-old Christopher Sullivan returned to San Bernardino, Calif., for a Christmas homecoming party. And he was feeling great ... until partygoer Ruben Ray Jurado, 22, became angry while arguing over a football game, and shot Christopher, leaving him paralyzed from the neck down.

Cancer June 22 – July 22 The love of your life is just around the corner on Cedar Springs… Leo July 23 – August 22 Your luck will take a turn for the worse when you purchase lotto cards that have already been used. Virgo August 23 – September 22 Frustration and anger will overtake you when you decide that if you cannot have Meg Griffin, no one will.

ACROSS: 1. Waste matter 6. Cried 10. Minute opening 14. Not clergy 15. Spindle 16. Biblical garden 17. Unanticipated 19. A few 20. A Native American tent 21. Angry 22. Snip 23. Napped 25. Foggy 26. Pace 30. Unsaturated alcohol 32. She plays roles 35. Quandary 39. Religious belief 40. Superficiality 41. Any change in bodily function

43. A decorative musical accompaniment 44. Bequest 46. Terminates 47. Step 50. Bundle 53. After-bath powder 54. Estimated time of arrival 55. Die 60. Aquatic plant 61. Capable of being penetrated 63. Jacket 64. Therefore 65. Negatively charged particle 66. Leg joint 67. Visual organs 68. Enumerates

Libra September 23 – October 22 The stars have taken the week off so your horrorscope is a repeat of last week. Good luck with that! Scorpio October 23 – November 21 Due to your shenanigans at work the Occupy Dallas protestors will set up shop at your office. Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 You achieve fame and honor beyond belief when you are named a Darwin Awards recipient.

DOWN: 1. A promiscuous woman 2. Walking stick 3. Abundant 4. At the peak of 5. Anagram of “Preys” 6. Took place 7. Nontaxable 8. Ruffled 9. Care for 10. Plague 11. Smells 12. Send, as payment 13. Foe 18. Snake-like fish 24. S 25. Burrowing mammals 26. Handguns 27. Sore 28. Bit of gossip 29. 3 copies 31. Rend

33. Banana oil, e.g. 34. Dirty air 36. Average 37. Fix 38. The products of human creativity 42. Great skillfulness 43. Coloring agent 45. Alter 47. An orderly pile 48. Claw 49. Seaweed 51. Appropriate 52. Not domesticated 54. Type of sword 56. Hindu princess 57. Nile bird 58. Notch 59. Female chickens 62. Dawn goddess

Solution on Page 18

Q: Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous? A: Who cares! Q: How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? A: One of his fingers is clean.

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January 4 – 10, 2012

The CLOSER

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

18

Ringing in the New Year is Pointless

Casa Magna Oscuro Wrapper: Honduran Oscuro Binder: Honduran Filler: Cuban-Seed Nicaraguan Strength: Strong The Casa Magna Oscuro is one of the darkest cigars available and the construction is great. It produces a good amount of thick smoke. While the ash will flower quite a bit it will not flake off everywhere. This solid cigar starts off with nice dark fruity flavors with notes of dark cocoa but nothing over the top. Pair it with the aforementioned Yeti or a nice Bordeaux. Mojito Diablo Ingredients: 1 1/2 oz White Tequila 1/2 oz Creme de Cassis 2 Lime Wedges 12 Fresh Mint Leaves 3 - 6 oz 7-Up Soda 1 Tbsp Brown Sugar Mixing Instructions: Muddle sugar, mint and squeezed lime wedges in mixing tin until mixture smells like spearmint gum. Fill with ice add tequila and cassis, shake until the tin is icy to the touch. Pour into a Collins glass, top with 7-Up and garnish with a sugarcane stick and fresh mint.

If there is ever a holiday I don’t believe in cel- the baby new year’s first few hours, if not days, ebrating, it’s New Year’s Eve and New Year’s weeks, or maybe months before that little infant Day. I find it equivalent to celebrating one’s grows up to be a grouchy old man. birthday except I see nothing positive about it Or do I have to bring up all those fitness comsince both days mean you are now a year older mercials from Bally and 24 Hour Fitness that you see airing the month of December that urge one and in some cases, deeper in debt. Not only do I not know the lyrics to “Auld to start the new year off by creating the new Lang Syne” but I have never seen anyone band you? together to sing it seconds after the clock strikes Perhaps the question which should be asked midnight. I have only seen it happen in disas- is how many of you as December comes to a ter movies like The Poseidon Adventure (1972) close sit down to take less than 30 seconds, moments before the little boat in a bathtub was (all right a minute) to come up with ten goals or capsized by an immense tidal wave and when less that you’d like to accomplish in the coming year? Don’t tell me you actuFrank Sinatra and his rat ally take such a trivial tradition pack buddies raided the seriously. I don’t. I don’t think safes of several Las VeI have ever wasted more than gas casinos in the original five minutes of my time taking Ocean’s 11 (1960). a pointless stroll down memory When you get right lane the last week of the year down to it, New Year’s to see what improvements I can Eve is nothing more than a make in my life. petty excuse to go out and Why should I take such a get plastered drunk with holiday seriously or resolutions your friends or family. It’s a for that matter? No one else chance to watch whoever does. According to a 1/3/11 it is who now hosts the celarticle on Time.com some of the ebrations from New York’s top 10 commonly broken New Times Square as the lighted Year’s resolutions which I have ball comes down at the failed to follow on a yearly bastroke of midnight. sis include lose weight and get Perhaps if you are rePhoto Courtesy: David Jones fit, eat healthier and diet, get ally drunk as a result of the night’s festivities, you might not remember the out of debt and save money, spend more time moment it became January 1. Perhaps you were with family, and be less stressed. so inebriated that you ended up kissing a com- There is only one reason why we celebrate plete stranger and maybe even found yourself in the New Year and no I don’t have time (nor the space here) to giving a history lesson about bed with him, her or their pet the next morning. Or maybe you forgot that list of New Year’s where New Years Eve celebrations came from Resolutions already you made just hours earlier. and the different traditions other countries have. Yes resolutions – the kinds of goals you set You’ll have to do that on your own. only to break one or all your promises within I have never accomplished a single New

Happy New Year.

BLITZ salutes the movers, the shakers, the fearless, and the incredible that DFW has to offer. You may not have heard of them yet - but you will.

Name: Kelly Hunter Team: Shiroma Southwest Stats: The dynamic overseer of every event that you want to attend. If her value were ever appraised it would come back priceless. Epically cool. Day Job We do everything from marketing strategy conception, to sourcing, to execution. We focus heavily on public relations. What do you like most about it? I get to learn something new everyday. Three things you can’t live without: My cellphone, the Internet in and of itself, and my dog.

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Years Resolution I have made over the years. Perhaps I’ll start now. The best goals to set are the ones you know you can keep so my one resolution for 2012 which I plan to keep the rest of my life, along with my refusal to celebrate December 31 is I AM NOT MAKING ANY.

Favorite TV show: Glee, I love the fact that there are no sacred cows. They are willing to take everybody on. They can take any issue; pop culture, current events and turn it on its ear and look at it with a sense of humor. If the rest of would look at the things that we fight about with a sense of humor we’d probably fight a lot less.

look gorgeous.

Do you sing along with it? Absolutely, in the car much to the embarrassment of my family.

Book everyone in the world should read: Eat. Pray. Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Phrase that you overuse: Absolutely.

Song in your iPod that no one else knows is there: Sir Mix A-Lot - “Baby Got Back”

Style icon: Audrey Hepburn is probably the most glamorous woman I have seen in my entire life and she could make casual

Favorite place in Dallas: Dallas Galleria is a favorite because there are a variety of things there and I can go and play. And Dallas Farmer’s Market on Saturday morning is awesome, I get so many ideas and everyone is really friendly and helpful.

Read more at BlitzWeekly.com

Oak Aged Yeti Imperial Stout Brewed by: Great Divide Brewing Company ABV: 9.50% The thick black pour has a massive dark brown frothy head. It smells of coffee, dark chocolate, malt and a hint of hops. It also has a rich, robust coffee and malt upfront with some oak buried under all the layers of stout. It is heavy bodied with moderate carbonation and a smooth feel. It’s a great cold weather beer and worth sipping on!

By Joe Stumpo www.darthstumpo.com


VOL. 4 – ISSUE 17

January 4 – 10, 2012

Humble Hustler

By Hannah Allen White hallen@blitzweekly.com

Last month I stepped into an incredibly crowded Prophet Bar for a much anticipated EP release of local music veteran Larry g(EE) with high expectations. To put it mildly, they were met - and then some. Larry first appeared on my radar several years ago fronting a band called Odis. Sadly for their fans the group disbanded in 2010. Luckily, though, the 36-year-old Texas native didn’t do something crazy like scoot off to L.A. Instead, he took a little time to find a different voice and has reemerged as a strong and ridiculously unique solo act. I recently sat down with Larry at Vickery Park to talk about the release of his recent EP Weekends, his adoration of Amy Winehouse’s voice, and recent travels to New York City. Weekends is a clever take on traditional soul full of backup singers and brass. “I really love pop, but I have a knack for soul,” he says citing James Brown, Stevie Wonder and Amy Winehouse as the sources of constant inspiration. The four songs on the EP are energetic and funky focusing mostly on the ladies but with a less tumultuous way. “Odis’s album was a lot about heartache and relationship drama. This is a lighter expression, of the freedom of doing my own thing,” he says while discussing ‘I’m Your Fool,’ the second track on Weekends. The tracks ‘Yo Mama’ and ‘Camera Phone’ were born out his recent visits to New York City, specifically Brooklyn. “I wrote ‘Camera Phone’ after a long night with my brother-in-law Steve in NYC,” he says. There is a line about missing the L Train to Brooklyn in the first line followed by a mischievous chorus about what one may or may not do with a camera phone. In the UBER catchy ‘Yo Mama’ Larry gives us his take on girls who like to date bad-boy musicians. “Because I’m not one of them I decided to live vicariously through a song acting as one,” he chuckles.

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“I’ve heard a number of stories through friends, on both sides of the fence, really, and just took from those experiences and ran with it. I would be lying too if I didn’t say I’ve had my share of ‘mothers’ who didn’t necessarily agree with their daughter dating a musician.” The EP was produced by Beau Bedford, a local producer and incredibly free spirit who is making quite the name for himself around town. “I met Beau when he was playing with Johnathan Tyler and the Northern Lights,” says Larry. After working on the album of a mutual friend together Larry said he was so impressed he became interested in what Beau could do for his newly emerging solo sound. Their collaboration has extended to the outright celebration that is the live show as Beau serves as both keyboardist and guitarist as well as band leader giving the entire extravaganza the feel of James Brown’s voracious routine. If you wouldn’t class yourself as a soul fanatic Larry is still a good bet. His music carries the chip-on-the-shoulder of contemporary hiphop and more than shines through during the live stuff where every number is a showstopper. During our conversation Larry made it clear that he’s in this to play seriously for as long as it takes. He has a degree in Corporate Communications from Southwestern and lived in California as an HR person pulling in a good salary. The call to be an artist prompted his return to Dallas and he now lives exclusively on what he pulls in as an artist. “It’s a hustle. But it’s a humble hustle. Right now I know exactly what lane I’m in as an artist. I’ve grown up and am more focused but, don’t get me wrong, I still have a good time!” When asked if he plans on sticking around or moving to New York he says, “I think it’s fair to say I’ll be here for a minute. I’ll be here for a while.”

Check out his music on his website: www.larry-gee.com or get his EP Weekends on iTunes. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook


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