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femininity made me so depressed and alienated that I stopped telling anyone in my family how I felt about anything. Brayden , my partner, wanted a girl, not any kind of boy, and pressured me into a spiral of overcompensation. While she climbed the partnership ladder at a Chicago investment firm, I stayed home and took care of first one child, and then three. I knew it was ironic that Brayden, wanting me to be a girl, was still so control-oriented that she wouldn’t let me have the pregnancies, but the expansion of the family, like everything else, was out of my hands. By the summer of 2000, I was despondent, on my way to suicidal. Then, sitting on the beach in Santa Barbara, watching the pelicans and the dolphins and the vast swirl of the Pacific, I knew I could live, but only if I changed. Unsure what the path should be, I started wearing men’s shirts again, and cut my hair back to shoulder-length. In 2004 I discovered Kate Bornstein, a trans woman who is generally considered both the queen and the fairy

Black Fox Literary Magazine Issue #3  

The Winter Issue of Black Fox Literary Magazine featuring new fiction, poetry, non-fiction and photography.

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