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ON THE COVER This is Bitchslap number 15, that's what the XV means if you weren't paying attention in class. Martes is also 15, that's quite old for a cat, but Martes still likes to chase the ladies, sing nighttime opera and wake me up with a paw to the face in the morning. Now that we've finally reached 15 I sure hope we're looking as good as Martes does.


Kids in the Kitchen FOUNDERS



Photo by Dick.




Dick, Peter Stanners, Barnes, Klaus B, Yum Yum Saint Hamilton, Fergus Murphy, Pelle Peter Jensen, Sarah Goldstein. PHOTOGRAPHY

Lasse Kofod, Peter Stanners, Nils Svensson, Michael Jepsen, Jonatan Nylander, Spencer Wells, Ironflag, Mr. Babdellahn. DESIGN

Blameme, Ironflag. ILLU

Hedof, Blameme, Laurent Gehin, Eunike Nugroho. CYBERSPACE Thanks to Lasse Kofod, Youngbuck, Louise Lyngbo, Spencer Wells, Mr. Babdellahn for content and for providing the online reader. CIRCULATION

15,000 Denmark and selected spots in Barcelona - Amsterdam - Paris Berlin - Dublin - London - Malmรถ Peek at page 94 or ADVERTISING INQUIRIES FINAL THANKS

for the continued support and trust shown from Henrik at Carhartt, Danijel at Nike SB, Rune at Volcom, Tobia at California Sports, Ulrich at adidas, Frederik at Vitamin Well, Roskilde Festival and all at Very. TAK! 4 BS 15

It's freaking impossible to always be on point when it comes to what to listen to. Our art director Nanny has a facebook allergy, so instead uses his "research" time digging through the dirty internet looking for good shit to feed his ears. Below is a little sampling of what we've been into while putting this issue together. We've made a few playlists on WiMP which you can get stuck into while you're churning out that final paper, rolling deep, camping, or playing rundbold.




Curating this issue's art is Amsterdam born, frenzy-DJ and Eight Magazine guy, Jeroen, who runs a gallery (Your:Own) in his living room and now that Kim Jong Il is toast, he's pretty much the most productive guy on the planet. Maybe it's cos he's not soaking in alcohol like us. I'm gonna try that. Next year. This issue, Your:Own is presenting Dutch artist Hedof who writes like a girl on page 54. He did that smashed hashtag illustration up there. Get it?

Pelle Peter was well on his merry way towards the oh-so magnetic limelight of public radio when we interviewed him in issue 11 as a part of our Fuck The Kids crew. He was on point and making a stir back then so it's no surprise that he's now hosting his own show Bas p책 P6 BEAT. Pelle sits as the ultimate tastemaker for the Danish underground bass scene, twiddling knobs and dropping the new shit before the tracks are even out of the oven. 5 BS 15


Michael Jepsen

Who are you?

Tight or baggy?

I am Rasmus Petersen, 24 years old from Gørding near Esbjerg.

Baggy for sure. Can´t skate in tights

Years skating?

Things that suck are:

Started skateboarding when I was 10 or something like that, but I was pretty shitty at it, so I started to rollerblading instead. But I found out it was gay so I started skateboarding again when I was 12 years old. So I have skated for 12 years.

Winter and rainy days. A fucked ankle.


Favourite meal?

My sponsors are Steetmachine, Adidas, Insight and Independent.

Pretty much all the food my mom is cooking is my favourite.

Favourite trick that's not a backside 180?

What about when you cook for yourself?

I really like BS smiths grinds, but I have many favourite tricks. Mostly the ones I can’t do.

Can't really cook anything so it must be hotdogs.

Top 5 tunes for riding? Charles Bradley - stay away

The Streetmachine guys, Bertram Kirchert, Jonas Pedersen, Kim Kenneth, Jimmy duus and Marc Andresen 

Black Sabbath - wizard

When I'm not skating I'm mostly:

Black Sabbath - NIB Budos band - ride or die Rodriguez - hate street dialogue

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Best video part right now? Jake Johnson – Mindfield. I like the spots he is skating and his style.

Favourite homies to skate with?

Chilling with homies and drinking beers.  Sendt fra min iPhone

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Jonatan Nylander

Who are you?

Perfect park or bluebird backcountry?

My name is Viktor Wiberg. I come from the northern part of Sweden and I like snowboarding. What people don't know about me is that I'm insanely good at Scrabble. In Swedish that is.

My jumping skills kinda suck and this season I've been in the park maybe 4-5 times. But I'd say, one week in the park to get back on track, then the backcountry for at least one day to see if I can land anything. Usually not though.

Years riding? I think it's about 8 years. Spons?

Favourite meal that fits in your pocket?

Favourite trick that's not a backside 180?

A box of snus. It takes away the hunger for a while and makes you glad to be alive.

Top 5 tunes for dancing? You are asking a guy who never dances. I mean, it happens like two or three times a year and those times I'll have a friend tell me I was hitting the dance floor. Obviously, I have a hard time remembering the tunes that made me lose control but they must have been pretty damn good. I'll give you 5 tunes anyway. Sillstryparn - doing the omoralisk schalgerfestival, The Doors - L.A woman, Pink Floyd - Sheep, Frank Zappa - Elvis has just left the building, Dark Funeral - An Apprentice of Satan. So you eat rails for breakfast - can you do a stalefish or a starfish? I can do roast beef. Icy landings or capped rails? I'm Swedish, I don't know what a capped rail is. Do you know what "rycka pung" is? It means 'pulling the ball sack'. Thing that suck are: Dancing, capped rails, snowboarding, starfish and rycka pung. 10

Forest Bailey in 'givin one'.

Salomon, Bonfire, Burn, Monokel-eyewear, Random Bastards.

I really like backside 180's, but my favourite trick is when you are just cruising and you spot a really small, steep tranny somewhere and you manage to catch it perfectly. That's the best feeling.

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Best video part right now?

Favourite homies to ride with? All the guys I have been growing up riding with. Those are the ones I still snowboard the most with, which is pretty damn sick. I'd love to snowboard with Rolf Nylinder again, but that guy is in New Zealand fishing and making movies about fishing. He just quit snowboarding this season. What a rebel. When I'm not riding snowboard I'm mostly: I've got no other hobbies. Shit, that sounds lame, but it's true. I'd probably become an alcoholic if I stopped snowboarding and play Scrabble drunk online and start to suck at it. Either that or start studying at the university. We're trying to find some reason why it's relevant to put a snowboarder in the mag during summer - so what do you do during summer to scratch your snow itch? Actually, I'm in Folgefonna in Norway. It's a glacier which is only open during summer. I work there all season building the snow park. It's the best place ever. Down in the village, we live by the ocean so if you get sick of snowboarding you can just hang out there and jump from the cliffs or do something else summery.


WeA ctiv is t D A N IJE L S TA N K O V IC S HO T B Y ANTON RENBORG www. we s c. co m


Mr. Babdellahn

Who is TopGunn, who is Shaq boosie and most importantly - who is Oliver? My name is Oliver Gammelgaard. I have worked with music for 6 years now. I'm born and raised in Copenhagen. TopGunn is my name when djing, producing and rapping. I mostly do Danish dancehall these days. Shaq boosie was a project I did with Eloq last year. We did a little rap EP over 2 weeks. I don't know what boosie is up to next. Wait and see. Right now you might be the most versatile producer in Denmark. You can do dancehall, steppas, trap music, club rap and techno. How do you keep the level up across the board?

it's a big tune I know it's a hit. Good music will always win. Who supports you and how? All my fans, and the artists I work with support me. And a lot of brands support me nowadays, which makes my everyday life easier. Cheers to them. Your crew is getting a lot of attention right now. How do you shine amongst diamonds? Well, I don't try to shine more than the others, I try to keep in the back. And try to keep people talking if you know what I mean. Keep the music coming.

Well, I love and listen to a lot of different music and try to put my own edge and feel into all the stuff I do.

Where are in 2, 5, 10 years?

I heard you're pretty competitive musically, spending hours just to get the right hook. What drives that?

So Klumben chose the path of music after dropping 'Hobby'. How about you?

When I wanna do something, I wanna be the best at it. And if things don't work out or go as I want, I don't wanna spend time on it. And right now I do music, so it better be good.

Klumben does what he does best. I'll try do the same. But let's see. I'm currently working on a TopGunn album. And personally have quite high expectations for myself. You should too.

Who is your favourite dude to compete with? Why?


Myself. And all the major labels. Babylon must Fall! Haha.

Cheff Records, Raske Penge, all my non music-making friends, fans and everyone else. Hold ud. Zez.

So are you aiming for the biggest hit or best tune?

Don't know man, I wanna make a dollar and have fun doing it.

Well I think that the best tune will be the biggest hit too. At least when I say

Go to and check TopGunn's summer playlist presented by Bitchslap x Urbanears 12 BS 15

Dedicated to skateboarding Est. 1989

Photos: Henrik Edelbo

Streetmachine · Kronprinsensgade 3 · 1114 Copenhagen K · +45 3333 9511 · ·


G E T IT Eunike Nugroho

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GOT GOT TO GET IT Eunike Nugroho

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Peter Stanners 20

Lasse Kofod




My name is Lasse, I’m 22 and a photographer. In February I went to Marseille for a photography workshop. Before I went I had heard a lot of bad things about the city and that it could be rough. When I got there I thought it did have a strange feeling, but I didn’t see the bad things, people were kind and living their own life. While I was there I went skating and took photos of skaters and perma-tanned men at the beach. On Saturday evening we showed our projects and then I went to hang with some skaters. Later on we went to a really tacky nightclub in the worst part of the city by the harbour. I met some girl there and walked her home, then deciding to walk around her neighbourhood which was downtown and sort of like a market place. These two guys were running toward me and as the last one past me I took a photo of him. He instantly walked up to me talking French and grabbed my camera. I told him I would delete the picture but he kept on being really aggressive, pulling the camera. The next thing I remember I was walking around the city. I didn’t know that I had been assaulted. I just woke up and didn’t know where I was. I tried to call my friend at the flat but he was sleeping so he didn’t answer so I asked some guy in a car

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to point me in the right direction and I walked home. I went home and slept for three hours. When I woke up to take a piss my face felt sore and I could tell it was swollen but I couldn’t combine the signals, maybe I was still in shock. There was nothing in me that said I had been assaulted. Before my flight home on Sunday evening we went to the hospital and got a police report. But it was weird going through the passport control because I wasn’t sure they would be able to recognise me because I was so swollen. The guy checking the passport laughed a bit. I can’t remember who hit me or how many they were. They took my camera, and my cap was gone as well, but they didn’t take my money, wallet or phone. They weren’t trying to rob me, he just got pissed because I took a picture that I thought would look neat. Then he beat me up and that sucks. But if you want to be a photographer you can't be scared of getting beat up, it’s not something you can control. If the photo is right in front of you just have to do what’s natural. But it’s risky. You’re a witness, and if someone has a problem with that it's shit.

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started your record label with eighty copies of an 'Easy Listening' charity shop LP, I f you a jigsaw and a sense of humour then you have my attention. If this label subsequently

has as an ethos of sampling, collage, free use, and an undeniable passion for true Hip Hop, Funk, Soul and Latin music, then I am all ears. Chopped Herring Records made their first release in two thousand and one, but the foundations of one of the freshest vinyl-only labels around formed from a pastiche of street music, film and cultural references that intrigued me enough to find out more, direct from Herring supremo PCG. Barnes

You grew up in London. Where did you first hone your predatory instincts in the quest for vinyl? I used to cop wax from the Record and Tape Exchange in Camden, around Shepherd Bush and Notting Hill, old school North London chains like Harum Recs and a few other second hand spots in Soho. In '91 I moved to Manchester, selling around 900 records to R.A.T.E in Camden and getting roughly one hundred pounds for them! Can you elaborate on why you needed a power tool to help produce your first release in 2001? I guess it was more of an art piece than a regular record. After years of digging at car boot sales and charity shops, I'd accumulated about 80 copies of a cheesy album called 'Easy Listening', released on Polydor. 20 BS 15


It had one great track at the end of side one, called Daydream, by the Gunter Kallmann Choir (this was pre that pop-electro, trip-hop joint that sampled it). One day I came to the conclusion that it would be better if Daydream was the only track on that wax, and with the help of an engineer pal, we devised a way to cut away the surplus vinyl with a jigsaw and make an average LP into a killer 7.5'' record. I saw it as a comment on sampling and illegality in the music industry, but fundamentally it’s a great looking work of vinyl art. All the original covers were lovingly resized; with the typefaces meticulously reapplied and with the Herring logo collage being created during the process, it afforded me the chance to really 'make' a record that would represent the sample based nature of the label. 60 copies went out and I've heard it's found a home in some pretty major collections, including several notable universities and a few well

known record libraries. I've heard Cut Chemist has one on his wall. That's a great story! Any other self-made productions in the pipeline? Maybe! The last project of that type was in 2008. I found 500 copies of an old Senor Soul 45, originally pressed in 1968 and 'released' the original vinyl, putting the Herring logo over the original logo. It was a total wax jack. I even included my name in the credits, putting my name in between the Isley Brothers. Ron Isley was in jail on tax fraud at the time, so I basically became Ron Isley, which probably goes way past bootleg! Your film montage 'Three Sinister Syllables' seems an interesting project. It's a very important part of the History of Herring because when heads like Bobbito, Steinski, JZone, Cut Chemist, and NECRO supported it


and gave us mad props, it really kicked Herring off as an international prospect. It's over five hundred sources rearranged into a new order to make one collage, with samples from films by Mike Leigh, Seinfeld snippets, black and white classic UK cinema, low budget TV plays, classic TV, documentaries, silver screen Hollywood films and the like. Glued together with Herring paste, it tells one story of Hip Hop music and gives props to sampling in Hip Hop.

Yeah, it took off really well and I stopped the back and forth from London to NY, met my wife that summer and moved over to France, although I will often go to the U.K and the States to find wax.

Probably the most insane was the 10,000 sealed Latin LP's I got from an old distributor in New Jersey. When they arrived at my home they took up a whole room, in some places to the ceiling, so I made a base of wax, got my mattress and spent a night sleeping on them. And before you ask, I'd say it was more akin to a religious experience, than a sexual thing.

with a few records under my arm and as I left the train at Greenpont Avenue in Brooklyn and started make my way out of the subway, an old man, about mid 70's, asked me to help him take his bag up the stairs for him. So I handed him my records and grabbed the bag. Once we had walked a while he looks at the records he's carrying and tells me he has a load of old records he needs to get rid of if I'm interested. Eventually we arrived at an old warehouse and had about 800 or so records on top of cupboards and under tables, all over this 'space' he had in a corner of this gigantic factory. Cuban jazz, Salsa, Cumbia, Guaguanco, Mambo - just tons of ill shit - some HUGE titles. I'm like, ok so errr, how much do you want man? And he says, just take them, I want them out of here and you helped me, think of this is a gift to you. It was a beautiful moment.

I should mention that Herring does produce wax of more current MC's, with the 'Welcome

My favourite digging memory was from an experience in New York. I was on the subway

There's a moral to that story, buried not too far under a pile of latin vinyl!

You started dropping unreleased and rare 90s Hip Hop on the label in 2009.

to the Great Outdoors EP released last year we featured Action Bronson and Meyhem Lauren, who are the cream of the crop of the NY (and world) Hip Hop scene right now. We also dropped the The Grimm Teachaz project in 2011, which is a faux-early-90s Hip Hop project by Chicago artists Serengeti and Hi-Fidel recorded in 2010. Do you have any favourite digging moments you'd like to share with us?

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adidas originals

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wood wood

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norse store


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Wrap it like a taco


photographer turned wheel-company-entrepreneur, Daniel Loren gives S kateboard us the inside tip on his favorite spots, Swedish girls and the future of bagel flavoured wheels with his company, Bliss Wheel Co. Wrap it like a taco, Daniel.

What's the best thing you did today? Hung out with Chad Muska. Muska is rad. What was the funniest shit he said today? Yeah he's rad and he was just hyped on everything! You're a skateboard photographer. What made you decide to go from one dead-end profession to another? I wouldn't say that. It's what you make it. I see opportunities in everything I do and I just love skateboarding. A mix of perfect timing, the right people, and I've always wanted to do this, so what better time than now? Sometimes you just have to get the ball rolling and in this case we got the wheels rolling. My wheels are fine, why should I skate yours? Because they are good and look so good you kind of want to lick them. Try them and you'll understand. Can I get some super soft 70mm fatties for my wrongboard? No! But we are working on some filmer wheels though. We have a sick idea that I can't tell you yet... sorry! Is there anyone on your team worth mentioning?

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Definitely donuts, or bagels, or maybe cookies. Something round and delicious. What are the challenges of being a small independent company competing with massive industry dogs? We just go into each day putting out the best product with the best people and it's been working well so far. I haven't heard any barking yet. I know you're in the States as we do this, what are you up to? Wake up, eat, skateboard, nap, eat, skateboard, holler at females, throw in a few showers and you got my day in the life. What is your favourite misconception about Swedish girls? Misconception? I think people have a fairly good image of Swedish girls. Blond, hot and always DTF! Oh and they walk around in a bikini all year round, I love that! Best spots, locally in Sweden and internationally. Berrics doesn't count, bro. Riverside in Malmö, Jkwon plaza in LA and MACBA in Barcelona of course. What's your backup plan when skateboarding goes out of fashion again?

Yeah, everybody! Jesus Fernandez, Nick Zizzo, Brandon del Bianco, Mika Edin, Daniel Grönwall, Michael Sommer, Brian Gille, Daniel Lebron and Mark Baines and soon we will announce a new really amazing skater too!

Probably be a porn star or get a job at Telenor or be a professional soccer player for FC Barcelona.  

Which Swedish food couldn't you live without?

Round wheels and fresh tees for now.


What does the future hold for you as a person and Bliss?

Talking of flavours, if you could make a taste series, would they be taco flavour or something more commercial?

Only time will tell, but I know Mr. Time personally and he told me things look pretty good.

Are you just doing wheels or some merch as well?






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Photo - Lasse Kofod



of Reference shows urban spaces in a new light. From the viewpoint of F rame internationally recognised skateboard photographers on their local turf, we highlight city spots for their aesthetic, community and architectural value. For the first installment, we're proud to introduce Malmö's finest, Nils Svensson.

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This is the second time me and John have visited this spot. I'm not even sure you can call it a spot. Obviously it is a great spot for paddling canoe but it isn't much of a skate spot now is it? Since we had a great canoe photo John had to sacrifice himself for the art and managed to roll from that skinny ledge, drop down to the rail and 50 50 for a few meters before rolling away clean. Anything for art.

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John Dahlquist Ride on 50-50 Norra Vallgatan 65 Malmรถ

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Steppen has become a traditional spot for national celebrations. Midsummers, birthdays, Christmas, New Years, you get the idea. It is only a matter of time before the first wedding will take place and more than likely it will be Guldkalven that will be the lucky groom. In this photo we are celebrating Valborg and the start of the Polar X Palace tour. Any excuse for a good time.

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Andreas Lindstrรถm Frontside Ollie Steppe Side Malmรถ

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Plaza used to be the main street spot in Malmö in the 90's with its rough curb, stairs, manual pads and endless line possibilities that is located in a very populated and crowded area. As with all these city center spots there is always a great mix of people passing by and always something funny happening. These days Plaza seldom sees any skate action since there are other hassle free spots but I sure miss being in the mix with the city pulse, dodging crazy people and steering clear of buses.

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Danijel Stankovic Backside Smithgrind Plaza - Triangeln Malmรถ

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LIL'B With over 155 myspace profiles and a twitter community just shy of half a million, underground-turned-cult rap figure Lil B is the unparalleled king of a swiftly diversifying DIY music distribution movement. In his wake is a rapidly growing following which @LILBTHEBASEDGOD has nurtured through a constant bombardment of thousands of freestyles and tracks. Like tweens to a tweet, we’re at Click festival in Helsingør to get a glimpse of the man himself and of course to nab this interview. But first you need the base.

Interviewed by Big B - Klaus Boss

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Photographed by Lasse Kofod

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#THESEARE100KVANS #IMGOINGTODROPA900TRACKMIXTAPE #OHYEAHKEKESHESTHEFIRSTANIMALEVERSIGNEDTOAHIPHOPLABEL An offten tagged internet innovator, Lil B found new homes in YouTube, Facebook and Twitter as Myspace became outsmarted and got gobbled by other social media. Backed up with highly entertaining videos and his now legendary customized internet memes like 'TYBG' (Thank You Based God), he advanced from phenomenon to cult status. In his book 'Takin' Over' he endulges us with his idea’s behind the Based philosophy - of being positive, carefree and respecting yourself, and his thoughts on Rap music’s old concepts. One reviewer lauded Lil B, “A rappin’, philosophizin’, teenage Ben Franklin." going on to say “It’s possibly the most positive and insightful book to yet come out of the ‘anything-is-possible generation.” There are his infamous mixtapes, which have only helped to enhance his position as one of the most intriguing representatives for the new breed of Hip Hop artists to have emerged within the last 10 years. His 'Free Music' mixtape boasts a mammoth 676! tracks (yes, I've counted them thank you) and should easily earn him a firm place as world record holder in the category. And while we’re on mixtapes, Lil B's 'I'm Gay' literally created a media storm well before it was even released and ended up with death threats. In fact the message had dual purpose; On one hand it was showing support to the gay community, as well as being 'gay', as in 'happy' but with an unmistakable intention of toying with the media and dictating things. Lil B nonchalantly poked at the biggest taboo of Hip Hop culture, homosexuality. Not limited to high-volume tune production and socia media manipulation, he also invented the cooking dance; its worldwide debut seen in the video for his biggest hit to date ‘Wonton Soup’. With more than 8 million views this stretches way beyond underground turf becoming almost institutional, and stands as one of the most distinctive Lil B signatures in circulation. Cutting his teeth as a part of quartet 'The Pack' with Young L, Lil Uno, Stunna and scoring the hit 'Vans' (a hommage to the legendary sneakers and believe me, the shoe thing doesn't end here). After the time with The Pack, Lil B has continued to pursue a solo career and like Bay Area cohorts Too Short and E-40 before him, he has managed to put San Francisco music back on the map. By thinking so radically outside the traditional

Klaus B aka Rex Mundi has an ear fine tuned to some out-of-it shit that regular people like you and me just can't hear. And that's why he's on top of his game. Read and hear his reviews on Page 64 for a trip into rexworld! Partytime! Excellent! 48 BS 15

Hip Hop box, Lil B has reached out to a far wider audience spreading the 'Based' gospel, and turning the Hip Hop game upside down as he pleases, reviving the entire movement and redirecting the focus back at having fun, doing what you feel is right and being positive. (and if that’s wrong we don’t wanna be right). In so many ways, Lil B has reinvented and revitalized an otherwise stagnant culture, shunting the classic perception of Hip Hop into the 21st century. Independent of trends, flavour of the month-free and thus pretty much indefinable. In this context it's next to near perfect seeing Lil B making his first ever performance in Denmark at the equally revitalized Click Festival. Thus, truly a new beginning and the promise of an interesting and rewarding interview session about being based, shoes and cats after the show. We're entering Lil B's backstage with anticipation and excitement after a great show where songs recent, unheard (but soon classic) have been performed at an exhausting speed with deadly precision in the span of 45 minutes. Hits like 'Bill Bellamy', 'I Own Swag', 'Ellen Degeneres' and of course 'Wonton Soup' get the unsurprisingly younger crowd into a bouncing frenzy of unadulterated joy. After a brief meet n'greet, we sit down as the last bits of equipment gets rigged and my usual pre-interview nervousness is nowhere to be found. Lil B is chilled and welcoming. In familiar fashion he sports his well-trained and decorated torso, complemented by shades and hat; Lil B is no stranger to this ritual despite a still relatively tender age of 22. I start off by asking him about his own perception of tonight's show and he's not short of praise for the audience and location "Oh my god they were loving it. We're in Elsinore and it was crazy, because we're in a smaller town in Denmark but it was still huge with beautiful love, a lot of Based supporters and people that respect Lil B music. It was alive from start to finish and I was on for a good hour but I could've done three.” When prompted with the classic Based philosophy question, Lil B puts it this way "Being Based is really just being yourself, not being scared to do what you want to do and making sure other people embrace you for being you. Staying positive, spreading love and just do what you want." On numerous occasions Lil B has advocated his gospel of spreading positivity through the music, doing what he feel is right and sharing it with the world. This particular fondness for the genuine, instinctive and spontaneous also applies for Lil B's self-invented term 'Based Music', which is defined by a

free-flowing 'stream of consciousness': an image of real-time reproduction that often comes across as a raw and sketched outline of Lil B's reality, but at the same time also making it so honest and real. But here does he source all this positivity? "Man, just going through a lot of experiences and reading a lot of positive books that have been changing my life. 'The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens' really helped me see positively and I've been living and breathing that ever since." I can't help but to ask about his infamous Vans sneaks which almost date back to his time with The Pack. A pair of shoes that have now followed him for such a long time, they've almost become an extra bodily extension. They're sure dirty as hell but impressively well-kept, age and history considered. During the show, some kid threw a pair of Vans on stage as a nod towards Lil B's statement about “rocking these Vans, these dirty Vans until I get a million.” The incident is pretty much ignored by Lil B and he explains why "There's so much positivity with them. They've been through so much. It's a career, you know. These are 100K Vans, you know (pauses). They're not worth 100 grand yet, but they're in the high 70's. So like I said, I couldn't leave them. It's crazy, so much history on these shoes - pain, triumph and blood!" From the shoe talk we stumble across the subject of his newly adopted tabby cat and a visibly amused Lil B continues "Oh yeah, Keke. She's the first animal ever signed to a Hip Hop label, on Based World. I signed my tabby cat, which I adopted from the ASPCA. She was just in my hand, you know and she's about to be huge man. She's there patiently waiting but already has a huge career ahead of her and everybody is buzzing about her." I’m curious to hear Lil B's opinion about the increased popularity of Bay Area artists like Salty and Armani Depaul, as well as the new and different

take on Hip Hop in general, I ask him what has spawned the current rise in interest “I'm just a big propeller and everybody else is really trying to do it for themselves. Shouts out to all the artists from the Bay Area that you spoke on, they really deserve it. The music is getting greater and as a whole it's really a great time for music right now." Travelling from the West to the East coast of USA with the speed of light, we get into the recent lecture he gave at New York University. "I loved it. This was my first ever college lecture and it was a great chance to tell the people what I really wanted to say outside of rapping. It wasn't a show, it wasn't a concert but just me talking about some of my philosophies and the things that helped me stay positive. So it was really great with this caliber of knowledge and historical people who respect me enough to continue to spread my knowledge. It's really big for all the rebels and everybody out there and I just think it shows that it doesn't matter how you look, if you really care about what you do, you can be appreciated for your knowledge." While the difference between Lil B and The Based God at times might be hardly tangible, Lil B defines the difference as Lil B being a rapper, whereas The Based God is a superhero and untouchable. I inevitably fire the Based God question at him. How did he come up with the idea of The Based God and what occurred during the process of transforming himself into his divine alter ego? "It originated through my freestyles, with me doing my Based freestyles and just becoming really honest with myself, finding myself and The Based God, who channeled it into my freestyles and my deep inner soul. Like I said, I made history. I've got over 2000 songs and 1500 freestyles 49 BS 15

@LILBTHEBASEDGOD : on your song i own swagg you make me feel special because im nicaraguian :D BasedGod please fuck my bitch this summer!@LILBTHEBASEDGOD Everyone in school is jelly cause @LILBTHEBASEDGOD is following me. (: just alone, so there's a lot of things coming. I've got something on the slide coming for everybody, a bunch of unreleased music and my first album that I'm working on. Everybody thinks that I've released an album but nothing released has been an actual album. Everything I've dropped to this date has been a mixtape. ‘I'm Gay’ is a mixtape, it was critically acclaimed and went onto Billboard. So people took that for an album from the success of it. I've been working on my first official album for like 5 or 6 years now. I can't tell you the title of it. It's going to be a masterpiece. I'm also going to do my rock album, 'California Boy' and the first single from that album will be released very soon. In terms of mixtapes I'm definitely going to beat the 600 or 700 track record of 'Free Music' - I'm going to drop a 900 track mixtape!" In many respects, Lil B's musical output and method may have little in common with Hip Hop and how it's generally perceived today. However the crucial and continuous battle element most certainly prevails in his attitude and music. Nick jumps in with a quick question about Lil B's favourite self-established Myspace page out of the 160 or so that he's managing. "Man, I got some rare ones. I'd like to say The Based God page, because it's a great link page to some of my secret Myspace's" Nick jestingly adds "I can imagine you having a webshop selling to the 50 BS 15

whole world and you as the puppetmaster there, talking to women and men via Myspace, Facebook and Twitter. Is the title God of Alternative Hip Hop and Social Media one you'd like to have?" Lil B is definitely pleased with the suggestion and responds, smiling "Man, I'm with it. The title is historical and I can't wait for you guys to see some of the secret features I've got coming up. So, I've got some big, big stuff coming up that no one will even believe and especially for myself too. This is only the beginning!" At the tail end of the interview Lil B gets a little more vocal, putting the emphasis on the people in the game who, according to himself, has been keeping him down for too long now and he firmly assures that he will be flexing his muscle really soon. But we’re keeping that to ourselves. The Based God signs off with a well-placed shout out to Denmark and Bitchslap Magazine and so we end the interview after an all too short 15 minutes that have been most informative and entertaining, even though we didn't get to talk about his life outside music. It’s all somehow unnecessary. Experience has matured Lil B faster than most and raised his self-awareness and focus, forming an adamant belief in himself. He narrates from his heart and with honesty through his musical and textual universe. What you see is what you get.









Sidste år guidede Emma Acs, Pato og Kasper Bjørke Jägerlands læsere igennem Roskilde. Vi gør det igen; får fat i alle de kloge og seje, spørger dem hvad de skal høre og lave og hvorfor. Det bliver spændende.

Hvor finder du det værste/bedste/mest saltholdige mad på Roskilde Festival? Udgangspunktet er, at de mest suspekte kulinariske tilbud på Roskilde skal afprøves, så længe tarmfloraen holdes ved lige med Jägermeister.

Findes der en? Denne ene uge om året er folk usædvanligt smarte ude på dyreskuepladsen. Vi tager billeder af dem, fordi det er sjovt.

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Peter Stanners



I COULD GET KILLED BEFORE THE VISA CAME THROUGH My name is Fareed Ahmad Kabeer, I’m 26 or 27 years old. I worked as a military interpreter for the coalition forces in Afghanistan from 2007 to 2011, supporting American, Italians and Greek troops amongst others. I worked as an interpreter, translating Farsi and Pashtun to English. As interpreters, we were a bridge between the Afghan national police and army and the Americans. Someone had to do the job to help the forces. Many people wanted to work with the forces because it had a particular status and the salary was good too. The problem is I didn’t realise how risky it would be. When I first started working with the forces the situation wasn’t that bad but I quickly realised how dangerous it would be. In the last year and a half I started getting lots of threatening phone calls from people I think were associated with the Taliban. They said on the phone they knew who I was, where I worked and when I went home. They told me to quit my job and become a good Muslim. Even though I changed my number I kept on receiving threats. I was worried that something would happen to me so I told my mentor, an American major, about all the calls and that I wanted to leave my job. He said they would help get me out of Afghanistan by letting me apply for an American visa. But I told him that I could get killed before the Visa came through. In the last six months I was in Afghanistan I was too scared to leave the

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compound and I only left once to visit my mother when she was ill. I left Afghanistan almost one year ago. We had travelled to Germany with American troops and members of the Afghan national army and police for training. But at the end of the job I didn’t want to go back. I thought this is the only opportunity I will get. So I travelled to Denmark to claim asylum. My asylum case was turned down earlier this year even though I have letter from the American forces saying that me and my family have been threatened. It is now under appeal. My family is still in Kabul. My father is almost 90 and no one is taking care of him because my siblings are married. I get stressed thinking about how my life might turn out if I go home. I don’t think it's possible to go back. But if I stay here I will never see my family again. Sometimes I wonder why I took the job as an interpreter. I really regret it. I could still be studying at the university and living with my family. But at the time I thought the job was good and that someone had to do it because my forces needed it. But my life is also important. I didn’t help my people just to put myself in danger, but so that I can stay with them in a better country. My life has changed and I don’t know what to do.

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hedof The Leonardo DiCaprio of Art

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More? Check out Hedof in the 'Going Dutch' show at Lunchmoney gallery in Aarhus from the 29th of june.

Buy your ticket oamt roskilde-festival.c






Go on a life-changing journey full of music, art installations and events. Breathe in the international atmosphere and stuff up on alternative gastronomy. Roskilde Festival is an experience out of the ordinary. Watch the orange feeling

Where's Jens Benz Been?

Right Here drinking beer with Jens Benz on a Thursday night when a shy young I was French kid tapped him on the shoulder and mumbled something, handed over a record still wrapped in plastic, and made a quick exit to the bar. "Jesus," I said. "What was that about?" "That? Nothing much. I’m big in France," Jens replied. Yum Yum Saint Hamilton

Jens is big in a lot of places. The rise of what amounts to underground fame is a tale to behold. From the far-flung bad lands of Jylland, Jens played in numerous bands before drumming for local legends Power Solo and embarking on collaborations with John Spencer of Blues Explosion and Heavy Trash fame. As a major driving force in the Danish underground rock scene, Jens has produced and mixed some of the most ground breaking local records to have breached the national boarder. Most recently, Jens produced the seminal New Brigade, the internationally acclaimed debut record from Ice Age. He has been part of the scene for a long time. This is what I am here to talk to him about.

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Spencer W. Wells

really evolved. When the radio started to play Danish alternative music and the magazines started to write more about the local scene, it really started to take off. It all shifted a step. But now it’s something completely different. It has shifted. A band like Ice Age—who magazines like Gaffa don’t really seem to like and big media tend not to write about—have a fan base that has exploded out of Denmark.’ The shift that Jens refers to is quite remarkable. Music media is suffering a crisis: Suddenly, the kids don’t care what they have to say.

There is no question that this scene has changed dramatically in the last decade. When I ask him about Danish rock, Jens takes a small sip of his beer and thinks before he answers.

‘I think that the kids don’t want to be told what to listen to,’ Jens reflects. ‘Their listening choices have just broadened so much. When you find one band that you like, a list pops up with 20 more that you might like. It is spreading very fast now. The music business is going down and that’s great.’

‘I think in around 2004 and 2005 the radio suddenly started playing more alternative stuff like Power Solo and the Figurines and other bands that have a raw sound that isn’t over produced. Now, I think that our scene has

From the outside, the slow drawn out death of the music industry appears to entail some problems. Bands just aren’t selling as many records as they once did. No one wants to buy CD’s anymore. To many, the death of the music

industry is also the death of rock and roll, the death of the guitar. But that would be a lie. ‘I am connected to a lot of kids who want to play guitars and make guitar records. It’s not easy times for rock music but it is great times. Rock has gone underground again. It’s good. It needs to go away for a while and then it will come back. I am in a bubble; in Copenhagen, making underground records. From my point of view, raw rock and roll is booming because it’s what I listen to and I don’t listen to what the media has to say about it. There has never been a time where I have been connected to so much great music. And everything I am listening to at the moment and everything I get excited by is all being produced by younger bands.' This is the point that mainstream media seems to have missed. The kids are still excited by alternative music; it’s just that they no longer use the old channels to consume. No one watches to MTV and no one cares what the Rolling Stone has to say about anything anymore.

A LOT OF BANDS SHOULD DO SMALLER PROJECTS. MAKING AN ALBUM CAN REALLY BE A DRAG. The times, as Jens points out, have changed. ‘When I meet some of these bands, I suddenly think; Fuck! I am getting old! These kids are still in school, like 18 and 19 years old and they are just so good,’ Jens tells me. 'These kids are zapping around so much faster than we ever did. They have no loyalty. If something is great the first time around, they will love it. If a second record is shit then that band is suddenly out of the loop. It is so fast now and so much more competitive in terms of taste. I don’t remember us ever being that competitive in what we liked when we were young. Now there is competition to be the one who knows the most underground thing that is the best. And that’s great because it promotes obscurity.’ With this promotion of obscurity, it has become

harder for bands to release records. If one record is difficult to put out, a follow up is even harder. If only a few hundred people buy an obscure record, I wonder where the motivation lies. When I ask Jens this question, it stimulates a long period of silence where we both stare into space. Finally, Jens answers: 'A lot of bands should do smaller projects. Making an album can really be a drag. Sometimes, it’s not to be. When I am in the studio, I can feel it but I have to continue with it anyway and watch the band fall apart. You can make one album and only if you are really, really good can you release another. Some bands can’t even survive one record! I’ve seen it many times, when a band gets hype surrounding them after they make a 7" and then an EP and people get more and more excited. But then the record comes out and people all groan because it’s a

let down. Then they split up without anyone noticing them.’ Perhaps this is why there are so many great bands emerging from the underground at the moment. This hyper fast environment where bands are made and broken in one EP has made sparks fly. Three great songs are enough; why release nine more crap tracks just to fill an album? Jens is right. This is an exciting time for underground music, and we should all pay attention. But what is the future battle plan for Jens other than continuing to produce great records? ‘If I ever start a band again, and I will,’ he tells me, ‘ I’ll never release full records. I’ll only make EP’s and 7's.’

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YUM YUM SAINT HAMILTON Reviews DAN SARTAIN // Too Tough To Live One Little Indian Records, 2012 Too Tough To Live has been generating all kinds of whispers but mainly of the same opinion: will this gem of a record be the one to finally break Dan Sartain? NME shit-bagged Too Tough, which probably means it that really will be the big hit it has all the potential to be. Sartain has been producing lo-fi rockabilly since 2003, rising in the deep shadow of the White Stripes (who happen to be big fans) and slowly gathering momentum. There is a wholesome sense of rock traditionalism about Dan Sartain; stripped down guitars, howling vocals, no-bullshit punk rock

lyrics, combined with a catchy raw pop vitality. At times Sartain is simply ferocious, spitting and snarling like a chained fighter dog and hammering out the hits like a mighty tornado. There are moments in which he positively croons his tales of dismal unemployment and broken hearts. Too Tough To Live has the makings of a classic. 14 month-old Alfred rating: Alfred took a poo while listening to this but seemed pretty happy all the same. Either he thought it was the shit, or just plain shit.

THE ALABAMA SHAKES // Boys & Girls Rough Trade, 2012 Possibly the most hyped band of 2012, Alabama Shakes had a lot to live up to in the release of their debut record, Boys and Girls. There were some early teasers like the rollicking Hold On that even made it to Danish radio. These small snippets of garage rock gold were signs of a killer record to come. Have they delivered? In truth, Boys and Girls is a beautiful record and far from what I was personally expecting. The wild bark of Brittany Howard’s scorching vocals switch to a deep soulful croon that

hails back to deep southern toots and life lived on the hard side. This is not a heavy record and the punk traditions of garage rock are tuned down in favour of a softer and more pleasing edge. That said, the record lacks a depth of sound that would otherwise do justice to the stripped down guitar sounds. Still, an impressive debut. 14 month-old Alfred rating: Alfred fell asleep during this one, which means a thumbs up from him.

THE FLESHTONES // Brooklyn Sound Solutions, Featuring Lenny Kaye Yeproc Records, 2011

The Fleshtones, still going strong since the late 1970’s, are one of those legendary acts that seem to flicker on and off the radar like some kind of over enthusiastic wasp that refuses to die; they are the eternal band that never gave up. With the addition of guitarist Lenny Kaye of Patti Smith fame, the Fleshtones pull out some golden garage rock goodies in this feel good record. Great moments arrive in the shape of covers including the Beatles blaster ‘day tripper’ and the roaring ‘I can’t hide’. Some of the

instrumentals may test your patience and truthfully, the record would be all the better without them. Still, we all need a band like the Fleshtones to remind us of the good times and Brooklyn Sound Solutions does just that. 14 month-old Alfred rating: Alfred started screaming by the third track. Not a fan. I will never play this record again while he is around.

MOONLESS // Calling All Demons Hjernespind Records, 2012

I vote for a new word for ‘badass’ to be introduced to the Danish language? That word should be Moonless. Calling All Demons is one groovy, badass record straight from the depths of stoner hell. The fuzz of guitars turned up to 11 melt through the stereo like warm honey while the drums will simply pound your brain into oblivion. This is stoner rock played the right way. It is heavy,

it is loud, it isn’t fast, but it is demonically catchy. Calling All Demons has a sound that Kyuss fans will hail and heavy rock fans will drink beer to. You could skate to it. You could fuck to it, maybe; I guess you would need to find the right girl. 14 month-old Alfred rating: Alfred went and hid in his room. He is only a little guy after all and this is some heavy shit.

FOXY SHAZAM // The Church Of Rock And Roll Sire Records, 2012

Some bands know how to have a good time and Foxy Shazam are one of those bands. The Church Of Rock And Roll is an ode to all the things we love about spandex, girls, good times, and song-a-long choruses. This is a record you can and should dance to. Foxy Shazam hammer out a sound that is a mix between Rick James and Queen that is irresistible and will leave you grinning stupidly. Eric Sean Nally is one of the greatest front men to have 62 BS 15

graced the stage in many a decade, eating lit cigarettes, busting gravity-defying dance moves, and keeping his razor sharp moustache in perfect order at all times. Thankfully this shines through in the record where Foxy Shazam manage to retain their live magic throughout the record; a feat that is far from easy. Alfred stood in front of my stereo and tried to jump up and down. He dug this record too.


DJ ADLIB // Hi Hat Vol. 6 (Haus & Garten) Melting Pot Music

Welcome to the world of Adlib. A place where every drum roll fits and every snare hit sits. Essential listening this summer, it will keep your BBQ in the Haus Und Garten rocking, swagger for you and swing for your girl, the kids in the car, heads bopping. Concrete Mc’s for the backpacks and the skate ramps, the hoop rings and jazzy flute tings, all come together through Adlib with a unique twist and flow. The MC’s shine too, Planet Asia turns in another state of the outer-national planet rap on

an incredible beat that rides out on a heavy electro chug. Frank Nitt is heavy when Detroit launches itself yet again through another dimension of rhythm and the dubby drag on U & I is a perfectly sequenced beauty – sounding like some ancient dusty yoga technique recorded with contact mics. This will help you remember that you love hip hop. DJ’s wake up – this record is rife for pickings. Sirens will let you know when it’s time for ’ALL NICE AND DECENT CREW. LOOOOOOOOORDAMERCY’

KELAN PHILIP COHRAN & THE HYPNOTIC BRASS ENSEMBLE // Self titled Honest Jon's Records The 8 young brothers that make up The Hypnotic Brass Ensemble combine with their father, veteran musician Kelan Philip Cohran for a unique and sweet sounding combination of music, family and history on this record. Cohran is best know as a jazz musician from St. Louis who had already made a name for himself before he hooked up with Sun Ra in the 50’s in Chicago, remaining in that city when Ra moved his band to New York. Kelan Philip Cohran formed the Artistic Heritage Ensemble there and was a founding member of the influential AACM. A dedicated scholar of music and a teacher, he raised

a large family who were also his musical pupils, raised on a life of practice and playing which later combined with their own more street and hip hop influenced interests to make them one of the most dynamic and exciting musical acts around these days. Lets be clear, this is not some Balkan big band thing. This brass is grown from the skills of jazz and the spiritual cosmic understanding that informs the Cohran families teachings and music. These songs are bridging generations, ideas and sound in one family for all to hear.

JOHN DALY // Sunburst Drumpoet Community

The roads must whizz by, whether from bike, train or car. Travel is key and for this momentum a crafted synth-driven ride and a steady engaging, dynamic beat are essential. It’s a road trip so it can’t sound forced either. We don’t want trying too hard – we wanna move to the motion, what we need is flow on the go. John Daly delivers all of these and more on this understated insight into the machine hum of his studio and the range of his

influences within and without House music. While elsewhere all is fusion eating bass and cross pollination, Daly sticks to the basic template of 4/4 and there is a joy to this classic mechanique of focus, craft and patience. Sunburst finds new old ways, through kicks and melodies. Like classic fonts, some templates never tire and stories are told in between the lines of patterns that remain the same.

I:CUBE // "M" Megamix Versi I-Cube is a don daddy of contemporary music. Solo or alongside Gilb-R as Chateau Flight, his music holds its own over time, remaining inventive and consistent even when viewed from this distance. It’s an impressive body of work and this latest offering, his fifth album, is no exception to that track record. ”M” Megamix revitalises the quaint notion of a mix tape; that carefully selected, emotionally rendered, big pile of tunes. This is not a playlist but it is an inspired, inventive and entertaining way to show off a truckload of ideas and songs. Spanning 24

tracks it covers the gamut of electronic styles, catering for short attention spans as much as gourmet connoisseurs. In a funny way I:Cube has sidestepped that deadly boring pitfall of the electronic album by letting tracks appear for only a minute or two at times, giving a taste or carving a mood, tripping you out or lifting you up – ideas come and go with a plentiful ease, which makes this essential entertainment for your boombox, party or ride this summer.

VOICES FROM THE LAKE FEAT. DONATO DOZZY & NEEL // Prologue 2012 For easing into day or stretching out an evening Voices From The Lake is an absolute beauty. Originally conceived in the studio as a live performance for the renowned Labyrinth festival in Japan, the studio version of that performance pushes deep and fearlessly into spaces previously attended only by didgeridoos and well intentioned field recordings. Many have drowned in the spineless sump of ambient ambitions. Armed only with techno and its application as emotion, the two italians achieve a result

that is rich and multiple - surprising considering the rather uncompromising sound palette. But these are masterful hands and Goa is banished to the ’freizeit hosen’ and bass grows like roots through earth and melodies chime in resonance to the earthly drones. A rumble in the ambient jungle that rewards a patient approach to time and an open ear. It must also be said Donato Dozzy has probably the coolest name in electronic music ever. 63 BS 15


DREXCIYA // Journey Of The Deep Sea Dweller II Clone Classic Cuts There are nerds and then there are musical experts and enthusiasts, like the good people in Den Haag behind the Clone Records empire, who muster an umbrella of various labels as well as a nifty record store. Alongside providing new and fresh releases, they take pride in unearthing only the best in forgotten or rare music. A bit like modern day archeologists, per se , who uncover the deepest recesses of uncharted land. This time around it's the aquatic underwater funk bombs of Drexciya, which sees another round of investigation through

the sophomore episode of 'Journey Of The Deep Sea Dweller'. With already well-known and classic Electro cuts such as 'Danger Bay' and 'Positron Island', craterdigger delights like 'HiTide' and 'Davey Jones Locker' the Drexciyan legacy is in the best of hands. Embellished to final perfection by the previously unreleased montages of 'Unknown Journey II+III' and one of the most stunningly beautiful Drexciya tracks ever 'Neon Falls', this is as essential as it gets.

JARED WILSON // 004 7777 What is it about me and Jared Wilson? Last time I reviewed his 'Bonus!!!' single in Bitchslap 11, remember? That time I received the record just in time for editorial deadline. The same accounts for the new release from Detroit's finest exponent for all things acid. Though no acid is to be found on the lead track '808 Snake', rattling 808 drum patterns and weird, muttering synths is a worthy replacement, which snarl with increased intensity as the track develops. You

want the acid, don't you? So do I and not to worry as 'Little Monlight Dancing' more than makes up for the previous absence of acidic elements. A stunning mixture of Electro and Acid unfolds in a most tantalizing manner. Last not least 'NextNew' turns off the lights in a joyous mood with shimmering pianos, crisp acid and a perfectly placed vocal sample from a wellknown classic. Jared Wilson once again proves himself to be capable of finding new directions when you least expect it.

LONE // Galaxy Garden R&S Feeling down and depressed? Then Lone's music is definitely the remedy to cure all ills. Matt Cutler's certified prescription totals 12 irresistible love songs, which at the same time marks his album debut for R&S Records. The last couple of releases is where I began to worry about Lone's capabilities to actually depart from his trusted formula, which was beginning to show some serious metal fatigue becoming more and more onedimensional. On 'Galaxy Garden' Lone thankfully uncovers more angles of joy-inducing music which first and foremost takes its

musical cue straight from the origins of hazy warehouse raves. However the forward momentum and refreshing elements are dual. The main focus is literally still on the upbeat tip and more specifically, the Juke/Footwork axis, but also the mournfully lush slow-jam 'Spirals' with vocalist Anneka. It all comes to a frantic crescendo on the exquisite 'Raindance', which fulfills Lone's self-dictated prophecy of creating the only the best in stellar rave-romantics. There's still hope.

SVEN KACIREK // Scarlet Pitch Dreams Pingipung The Hamburg-based multi-instrumentalist Sven Kacirek unleashes his new album on Pingipung and suceeds in bridging the gap between Jazz, modern electronics and a certain distinctive film score atmosphere into an exuberant free-flowing matter. All eleven tracks are incredibly detailed and contain a full-scale palette of rhytmic and sonic textures, which not only manage to challenge but also nurture the listener with a particularly warm glow of jazzy touches. All entries of the album share among them a vivid percussive template and dominant

features of glockenspiel-like sounds, which actually happens to be real glass serving as sound generating medium. To choose one track as the definitive standout of the album or trying to pigeonhole Kacirek's unique sound into a yet to be invented sub-genre would be an insult. Each track contributes equally to a mindblowing intermixture of sounds, crafted by Kacirek's phenomenal compository skills. This is one boss of an album and all boldness aside, state of the art perfection.

SWINDLE // Do The Jazz Deep Medi

The hotly tipped Swindle joins Mala's Deep Medi Dubstep empire after a string of excellent releases on Planet Mu and East London's dedicated Grime providers, Butterz. The lead track is as soothing as a summery long-drink. With delicate, twanging jazz licks. fluttering hammond organ hums and tropical rhythms of cyclonic proportions, that ear-catching quality immediately manifests by the snap of a finger. The B-side business gathers two tracks of which 'Under The Sun' is just that. A warm and 64 BS 15

hectic bath of Swindle's futuristic funk trademark, which pairs gentle. Rubbing keyboard melodies persistent rave synthlines. Ultimately 'If I Was A Super Hero', is that cheeky little slow-jam grinder, which perfectly rounds off this record. Take a tbsp of George Clinton, a pinch of Stevie Wonder and a dash of Dr. Dre. Stir well and you're right there. For friends of 2000 F & J. Kamata, Silkie and the entire Boogie-step axis.

PELLE PETER Reviews THE PARTYSQUAD // Badman Rave EP Mad Decent

These two dutch guys did the impossible - making hardstyle sound cool! Seriously, they did it. Of course there's some stupidity to it like there should be, but this is a proper EP, delivering exactly what it promises to - a rave soundtrack for badasses. Sweet asses can do too! The reason it manages to work on a dancefloor in the oh so meaty part(y) of Copenhagen, is that even though the sound is being birthed by hardstyle, the

genre who gets it pregnant is dancehall. And this mulatto of genres is a banging partystarter. Put on the track “Lighterman” at any party after 2am and the guys getting on the dancefloor to that track are the ones you wanna stick to all night. It's like Major Lazer on watermelons. And if you don’t like Major Lazer or even watermelons I feel sad for you.

ELOQ // Beats, Remixes and Some Other Cool Stuff Cheff Records

Eloq is without a doubt one of my favourite producers right now! He's crazy versatile, can do both smooth stuff and bangers, and then he's actually able to do rather catchy melodies. On this free collection of leftovers, you get a good introduction to the aquacrunk universe of Eloq. A universe where 808 drums and keyboards like you get from Fætter BR are the main ingredient. A great deal of the collection persists of perfect slow rave

anthems and if you want a good introduction to the everblasting Trap genre, Eloq might be the best guide in the country. The best tracks on here are Bengal, Tron, Inner G and the terrific Julius Sylvest collabo Anal X Crnk (pronounced Analsex Crunk). If this is what Eloq 'couldn't really use' and gives away free, I don't know what to expect when he's putting out an actual record. Big tings a gwan. Ja Rule. Cheff!

BAAUER // Harlem Shake EP Mad Decent I'm sure Trap music is gonna do a bit of a take-over this summer. And if you don't know what this trap stuff is, then listen to Baauer's Harlem Shake EP. It's actually just two tracks - Harlem Shake and Yoaw. And Yoaw pretty much sounds like Harlem Shake light. But I don't care 'cos Harlem Shake is a certified banger! And surely one of the tracks I'm gonna play the most during the next couple of months.

It's a hefty rave dish that - like all trap stuff - lives through its bassline. A bassline that teases like a perfect cliffhanger and kicks in with the force of Luke Skywalker, Chewbacka and Darth Vader in one. Actually I think that if there's one track in the universe that these three could agree on being a great partystarter, this would be it. Yes sgu!

RASKE PENGE // Original Bang Ding Target Records

Not since Natasja has a Danish act been able to deliver tracks with such heavy moral messages and still make smash hits! That being until fellow dancehall MC Raske Penge emerged from his DJ decks to grab the mic last year. And thank god (or Jah) he did! Each track on this record is an anthem and Raske Penge got pretty much every corner of the urban spectre covered with a real versatile production team behind him. We get the grand commercial rapsound of Intelligent.

A drugaddicts sad tale, crooned through autotune, on “Baghave”. The badman dancehall sound on “Mandsling”. And bass heavy, speed party toasting on the title track. Not to forget the steppas version of the same song. Every track contains a message and a certain mood. Several times I've told friends that I've never heard a shitty DJ set from Ras Money. Now I can say the same thing about his own music. Bang ding!

SPECKTORS // Kadavermarch EMI Before you read this you should know that I manage these guys and DJ live for them. But the reason I do it is that I love their energy, sound and vocabulary. They started out as a crappy but entertaining white trash rave act. But with Kadavermarch they eventually prove that they have A LOT to offer musically as well, without losing the explosive vibe that got me into them originally. The ravy Scooterness is pretty much only visible on the cannibalistic anthem of “Jeg Vil Se Det Hele”.

Instead, the trio now sounds like a mix of a good ol’ 2002 Timbaland beat and the white trashness of 2009’s Die Antwoord. But in a really solid 2012 way. A mixture you’ve probably already heard on the new YouTube anthems “Bunden Op” and “Lågsus”. But this record peaks on tracks like “Illusioner” and “Nu Går Det Ned” where Specktors show that no one in the whole world sounds like them. A must hear this summer and a must see at Roskilde! 65 BS 15

Photos -Lasse Kofod Assistant photographer and film -Mr. Babadellahn Styling -Thomas Carlson Models -J.V. and Frederik Filming, general pissing around and looking for his drink - Dick




The Meat and Bitchslap present city boys lost in the woods.

† Hat - Norse Projects Sunglasses - Moscot Shirt - Libertine-Libertine Shorts - Libertine-Libertine Shoes - Vans 66 BS 15

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† Hat - Stussy Shirt - Levi's Streetwear Jacket - Penfield Jeans - Levi's Streetwear Shoes - Pointer

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† Shirt - Insight Pants - Libertine-Libertine Shoes - Vans

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† Jacket - Carhartt Shirt - Stussy Jeans - Levi's Streetwear Shoes - Vans Hat - Norse Projects

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† Hat - HUF Glasses - Moscot Jacket - Nike SB Pants - Levi's Streetwear Shoes - Nike SB Bag - Herschel Supply Co. 75 BS 15


HAILLAY Barnes 76 BS 15

There are two ways of being creative. One can sing and dance, or one can create an environment in which singers and dancers can flourish. W.  Bennis

As the final episode in a triptych of articles focusing on film makers, Barnes talks to multi award winning producer Samm Haillay. No, it's not a typo. The addition of a clearly unnecessary M in his first name engendered a strange and uneasy feeling when our paths first crossed, but despite this anomaly, he's developed into one of the most innovative and respected film producers around. Along with director Duane Hopkins (BS13) he runs the production company Third Films, effectively as a haven that facilitates for auteur directors, like Gillian Wearing, whose excellent film 'Self Made' is another award winner from the Third stable. To truly create an environment where directors have freedom of expression, projects are protected from the business of film and the restrictions of artistic constraints applied by more mainstream film making, allowing talent time to be nurtured. With a journey including having dreadlocks down to his ass crack, to subsequently becoming a player on the independent cinema scene, regular at Cannes, and still having time to teach the next generation of film makers, it was really only a matter of time before he'd end up in these pages. You were brought up in a very creative environment, your parents had a particular interest in the avant-garde. Tell us about some of your early creative experiences.

My first real encounter with art was one I'll not likely forget. Aside from some paintings and antiques at home I don't think I'd ever really considered the power of art as a tangible concept until a trip to Holland as a kid. I think I was 6. We did the usual sight seeing shit but my Dad was so mad keen on his Rembrandt, so we spent a considerable amount of time on gallery tours. There was a huge painting called The Night Watch on display at the Rijks Museum that had recently been restored after being slashed. I had inadvertently become separated from my family and by the time I realised they had moved on to the next room I found myself trapped behind a large group of German tourists having the painting explained to them by a guide. As I navigated my way around the guide and catch up with my folks I brushed the frame of the painting and the alarm went absolutely nuts! Within seconds a couple of security guards had physically removed me from the room, much to the bemusement of these German art enthusiasts. Two points here: Firstly that my Dad felt compelled to take us to Amsterdam to check out a famous painting and secondly that there was such a commotion when a little kid went too close to a picture. I realised that art has power. I'm pretty sure the first film I went to at the cinema was called The Wilderness Family. My mum took me because I wasn't old enough to go and see Grease with my brother and sister. It was when I was a teenager that my dad began showing me some of his favourite films. The Third Man and Citizen Kane were on that list, but he also showed me Bergman, Kubrick, Powell and Pressbuger. I thought it was amazing: sound and image together and apart, telling stories about life that to me were better than any book. While I was at college, doing a BTEC in Media, I checked out a film called Last Year in Marianbaad, by Alain Renais and I was locked in. It's all about memory and remembering, in that we can't remember anything, we can only remember the last time we thought about it. It's all so beautifully designed as well.   77 BS 15

The idea that morality is a luxury, relevant only to those who can afford it, is a notion we wanted to artistically investigate.

Your Dad, Nik, was an interesting character. He was a talented artist, passionate teacher and had a burning passion for the strangest music styles. He also liked a drink and told me to piss off quite a lot. I miss him more than I have time to mention here. Yeah I miss him too. There was a time when we were really good mates, I guess just before you and I met at University. We used to go out together quite a bit and we had some fine times watching live sport. I vividly remember watching a pissed up Alex Higgins lose a great match of snooker to Steve Davis one time and of course we both went to watch football together. I used to love getting the train up from Wiltshire to Newcastle. A six hour journey just added to the anticipation for me. I think my favourite memories are from watching cricket with the old man. That was really special. He was a member at Middlesex and this meant paying very little to go into the hallowed pavilion at Lords to spend most of the day getting slowly hammered in the Bowlers bar. Dad had a little network of great boozers in London, so we'd get the train up and walk through Little Venice, making several stops en route. You had to wear a jacket and tie to get in to the Long Room, (the most hallowed inner sanctum of world cricket) and much to my amusement it always seemed to entail smoking large cigars and drinking several stiff gin and tonics. I'm profoundly in debt to both my mother and my father in the way they raised me. Everything I do and hope to achieve is inspired by them.   That's beautiful mate and moves us awkwardly onto more sordid details, of a sexual nature. Where, when and how? Ha, you sick, sick man. I was a bit of a late developer in terms of sex. I did

Barnes has a seal paw handshake and a heart of gold. He also posesses an incredible talent for scouting obscure and interesting content.

have a girlfriend at play-group. Jenny. We kissed and I liked it, what more can I say? I was always pretty good at chatting to girls but not so good at actually getting girlfriends. There was one girl who I really liked at school but it never went anywhere. I guess she was the first to really light a fire in my heart, and pants as an early teen, and now we’re friends on Facebook. Modern life truly is a disappointment in so many ways. I hear that. You're probably still the biggest Nick Cave fan I know. Cave is great! I'm so uplifted by his music and poetry. Dark, brooding, free, drunk, funny, melancholy...what's not to like? I was into Joy Division, The Fall, Happy Mondays, Talking Heads, but I must admit that the first single I bought was Relax on 12". My real passion as a kid were The Smiths. They had it all for me and I still love listening to them, their wit is just timeless. Some would say you're a magnet for thieves and bad luck. I'd ask for an account of the misfortunes and disasters you've endured over the years, but we don't really have the rest of the magazine to spare. I do still remember the day when that complete cunt stabbed you on the street, twice! And for no discernible reason. It must've been hard to come to terms with that. Yeah, the day I got knifed was completely mental of course, I'm just lucky to be able to tell the tale. I guess this seems like the right time to apologise for not sending those photos I promised you the other day, but we had a burglary at home and I got my laptop nicked. Er, this is getting a bit morbid eh. Humour us with the story of when you almost had to have your finger amputated? Ha! well I guess that at least has a happy ending, as I am still in possession of a fully functional digit. I'd been on the piss one Easter and stumbled into a thorny bush between

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pubs. Next morning I had a few splinters in my hand. I got all bar one out with the usual combination of teeth and tweezers, felt no pain afterwards and played cricket all summer as wicketkeeper. Then suddenly in November it went a horrible green colour and swelled up. I went to the docs and was ordered to go to the hands and plastics unit the next day, where they operated immediately and took out a thorn the size of a pencil led! I had to stay in for a week afterwards to make sure my left handed pointing days were not over. I remember coming to see you in the hospital. Yeah… I asked you to bring me my toothbrush and you and an unnamed accomplice arrived hours later without my toothbrush, completely blazed and en route to a club where DJ Cash Money was playing a gig. An excellent evening, but I'm thinking we should get around to talking about film matters. Did anyone ever explain to you how complicated and financially difficult the film making process is? In a word, no. There are so many people, opinions, constraints and politics involved, and like with most things everyone has a slightly different point of view. While I don't typically work with huge budgets, the amounts of money are big to you and me and with that comes a responsibility, or maybe more like a duty, not to fuck it up. You began making films in more financially buoyant times. More recently the UK government has initiated cost cutting and a thorough reorganisation of arts funding in terms of film by disbanding the film council. How are you coping with that seismic shift? Money is tight everywhere and for everyone, aside the privileged few. Things are no different for us. There is ebb and flow, but when you have the absolute conviction of your ideas and ensure that you work with the directors you are most passionate about, you can make anything happen.

Someone once told me that producing was simply starting and suppressing the right rumours, to the right people, at the right time.   Others would say that producing film is all about knowing the gatekeepers for the money you need? It's all about helping financiers to understand the project, to develop a belief in the director's creative direction. Once they have that understanding, they take your call and will organise meetings. Getting money for anything is just so fucking difficult, as you know, however I do firmly believe, where possible, in getting to know people before I work with them. I take time to keep up relationships and spend quite a bit of time chatting to people about non-film stuff. I think it becomes slightly easier to do business with people if you’ve been able to foster a relationship with them. It's a long game to bring something different and fresh to finance. What about the relationship you have with the directors you work with? You started making movies with Duane Hopkins at uni, so I'm assuming that experience shaped and informed how you work with other people? Yes it obviously has. I just try and act as a support system for any director I work with, to ensure they have the space to flex their creative muscles. I don't have any creative input as such, but what I do is creative. There are 10 different financiers for Duane's next film and each one of them has a commissioner, a commissioner's boss, an accountant and a lawyer. That's basically forty different agendas that I have to juggle on an administrative level, but on top of that all of them also want their 'pound of flesh' from Duane. My responsibility is to keep that process and those people as far away from Duane as possible, so he can focus on what he does best. Once you've created interest in a project, it does require a great deal of networking to maintain and nurture that confidence to ensure a successful delivery of the film to the market. 79 BS 15

Don't be stupid Barnes, you were doing so well.

Your next project with Duane is called Bypass and focuses on a generation of people in Britain who seem to have evolved into a dispossessed, alienated underclass. Bypass is a moral story about the working classes in Britain that have been replaced by a debt ridden, over worked middle class or left to evolve into an element of society that are largely ignored, mistrusted and often feared. The idea of ‘redistribution of wealth’ doesn't seem to have a credible representative in Britain and it pisses me off that there is so much lost and untapped potential around. While our bulimic culture consumes itself, it is easy to either judge or explain away our misgivings about those elements that have been rejected. Individual choice remains, it's just that there's friction metaphysically, when situation and individual are both the cause and the cure of an issue. This is a very fertile area for story telling. Is it out in 3D? Don't be stupid barnes, you were doing so well. It's about the life of a lad called Tim. The film will objectively record his habits, hustle, his hopes and fears; his very existence I guess. He's unlucky to be born into a closed loop and the estate on which he lives is itself its own universe. To survive and provide for his family he can only work to the laws that govern life in what is a harsh environment. The idea that morality is a luxury, relevant only to those who can afford it, is a notion we wanted to artistically investigate.   You've a few other irons in the fire shall we say, what else should we be looking forward to seeing from the Third Film stable over the next year? I've got several other films on the cook at the moment and a big, demanding year coming up, in that we will shoot three films in the next eighteen 80 BS 15

months. After Bypass in the summer, we'll start shooting Light Years by the BAFTA winning Esther May Campbell, a story of living with the grief of a family becoming mutually aware of their hereditary disease. Then we move into Frontier by Dan Elliott, a war film with, cunningly, no depiction of war. We’re also approaching final lock on an Arab Spring documentary called 'No Revolution without a Revolution' by Peter Snowdon, which I would recommend anyone watching. From gritty class drama, to unimaginable family grief, topped off with a helping of war. Let the party begin. Yep, dark and busy times, I've stopped teaching at the uni for the time being to focus on these projects and have some time for a life on the side. It sounds like the right time to ask if you have any words of advice for those fresh faced film students, or those looking to get into producing film? At the moment I'd say choose something else to be honest. If you're too stubborn or foolhardy enough not to take that advice, then remember you don't just become a producer. Your first step is to develop a relationship with talent, whether they be writers, directors or production crew. It will likely mean you have to swim against the tide a bit, but really talent is everything. Working with gifted people is really hard and challenging, but without that cutting edge inspiration I'd just be contributing to the pool of mediocrity already out there. I've swam in that pool. It smells of piss and a bully stole my armbands. Take care you freak. Laters.

+ 20

Peter Stanners




My name is Thomas Faber. I was in Christiania, sitting around a fire and playing flute. I left for a minute and when I returned there were these three men that I have never met before nor seen since. We got speaking around the fire about spirituality about how we were all connected, that we were all one and yet separate. I was in a trance and one of them told me to look up at the stars. He said that we could communicate with them if we used our intuition. He told me that if I tried hard enough we could download Jesus into me. But of course it didn’t work, I now realise that that has to come from within. The guy looked at me and said that it was fine, but that I was useless and that he couldn’t use me for anything. He started saying very ugly things about me. I was put in doubt. I was tired from the day and confused. I started to think that if I really sought enlightenment then I shouldn’t be afraid of losing my sight. It should be worth becoming blind for because I wasn’t going to lose anything real. My

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body might change but I will always have my soul. So as I sat beside the fire I got an image of myself with burned out eyes so that’s what I did. I took a burning stick from the fire and tried to burn out my eyes. I did it to serve the universe. As I did it, I gave in to ‘God’. I don't doubt that the consciousness of my pure intention helped my recovery, to tell you the truth. I am now completely healed. But at the time one of the men was encouraging me and telling me to go with it, enjoying it. He was pure evil. Later I sat with swollen eyes and asked them to roll me a smoke because I couldn’t see. But they wouldn’t. They just sat there and said it was too bad for me. It is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m happy it’s happened because now I’ve met evil. Before I had only read about it and seen it in films. Now I really know what it means to blindly follow people. I need to love myself. I’ve learned that message.

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Anton bs nosebluntslide 84 BS 15


t the local spot we meet Stephan, who is based in Shanghai after a failed career in London. We're instantly suspicious of his story, something just doesn't seem right. He tells us he's working at Shanghai's best and most expensive nightclub, and has us written on the door that Friday night. Nis Andersen

Nils Svensson

Hjalte fs smith 85 BS 15

We notice that every time we're out skating, Stephan is off taking care of some sort of unnamed 'business'. He won't tell us where he's going, but it always takes around an hour. He returns looking ruffled. Friday night arrives and we head to the club. The queue is enormous but we slide to the front. The bouncer leads us to an elevator heading for the 42nd floor in one of Shanghai's highest buildings. Upon entering the club we all notice the sexy vibe. Stephan rolls up, no longer resembling a skater; a suit clinging to his body and hair slicked back. Snakeskin shoes shining. We're escorted to a place in the bar and presented with a 40 of liquor. To our right—built into the wall—is a 20 meter aquarium filled with blacktip sharks. The sharks circle to the rhythm of Rihanna's latest hit. After 30 minutes Stephan returns introducing us to his 'girlfriends'. We're welcome to take our pick of something delicious from the menu, he informes us, grinning. "There's treats from all corners of the world, not just China." We're surrounded by ladies offering themselves to us, but we win our battle with temptation. Stephan slides over to an older woman who's sitting at a private table drinking Champagne. He pampers and fusses around her like a puppy and she soaks it up, discretely slipping a roll of notes into Stephan's jacket pocket. He takes her hand and they disappear out the backdoor. There's no mistaking it now: our skater friend works as a boywhore in Shanghai's smartest nightclub.

Nis kickflips in the dark 86 BS 15

Hjalte bs smith


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SHOES And the men they wear.

you can't judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Fuck that. T heyYousaycan tell heaps about a guy from which shoes he wears and how he wears them,

without having walked anywhere in them. Women have a hard enough time walking miles in pumps just to have men judge us, so it's only fair to put the shoe on the other foot, so to speak. The footwear defines the man. That we judge doesn't make us shallow, rather observant and intuitive. And let's face it, the bottom line falls beneath the sole, not the soul. Stereotyping? Maybe, but if the shoe fits, judge it. We do!

Sarah Goldstein 88 BS 15

Laurent Gehin


Business or pleasure? There is a reason for the 'or', so fucking act like it! There are two places it's ok to wear dress shoes: at work or any event involving a church. And even here it's still easy to fuck it up royally, simply by going cheap and nasty. Remember, God had her own son killed, I’m sure She would smite the shit out of you for a lot less! Nothing screams 'business' like a pair of snakeskin/patent leather pointy ass dress shoes matched with pale ankles not quite covered by the way-too-short dress pants. The guy at a bar wearing this outfit, often sporting a thick money clip, is essentially saying: “I make money, and I’m counting on that to attract you”. Well guys, you reap what you sow, so don’t bitch about gold-digging women when you show up pushing your Amex to the limit like you push paper at work. Watch out, this guy is as slick as his hair. It’s so shiny from his overuse of products you can almost see yourself in it, which is somewhat handy if you need to reapply your makeup. This guy’s job title has deluded him to think that he can get away with almost anything, like drinking umbrella drinks through a straw with no sense of selfirony. He will also, without a doubt, consider himself funny, and laugh at his

I make money, and I’m counting on that to attract you. own work related jokes. Worse yet, he will consider polite laughter as a form of tacit compliance. He will use words like tacit compliance. This guy might be the most spontaneous guy in the world with exciting hobbies, but when wearing suits and dress shoes all we see is an accountant/lawyer/insurance guy who likes power, numbers and the missionary position, in that order. And no; mixing dress shoes with a pair of jeans does not show his loose, devil may care attitude. It just makes him look more hopeless, and no amount of drinks will make us think otherwise. We can’t help but wonder if this image isn’t just a serious case of overcompensation for lacks in other departments. No sock holders will help in that area.

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This dude is just too easy and borderline unfair to go after. Almost. We all know this guy. In fact most of us know him as Brian. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Brian, let me walk you though it. This guy has never met a pair of acid washed jeans he didn’t love and he will very likely be seen wearing the shiniest pair of Lacoste that you have ever seen. They are not clean from being cared for, but rather because this guy wouldn’t take a walk or bike ride to save his, or anyone else’s, life. He will, however, gladly cruise around in his car with the windows down, seat all the way back, cause apparently laying down is the only way to drive, and listening to Gigi D’Agostino so loud you’d think he was performing some kind of terrible public service. He will never be seen giving a fuck. Incidentally he will rarely get

Brian is the shit! a fuck. So all that excess energy has only one outlet, the gym. His bulging biceps are clear indications of how frustrated he is with his sex life. However, he'll wear anything that shows off his guns and pecs and what better shirt to do that than the V-neck, the most offensive of all shirts. The tackiness of this shirt is only rivalled by his Chinese tribal tattoos, which he thinks stands for pride or strength, but actually just stand for douche. Brian is the shit. He will not elude or hint to this fact, he will flat out fucking tell you, perhaps even scream it at you before threatening to harm you. By looking at him you would think he is more likely to hit you rather than on you. It’s hard however to take threats from him seriously when he’s standing in front of you with a spray tan that looks like it will leave more marks than his actual beating. 90 BS 15


Sneaker guy is fucking everywhere! He knows exactly what he’s doing getting dressed in the morning and nothing on his body is a coincidence, or God forbid, outdated. He is effortlessly decked out from hair to toe. Yes, hair to toe. He will have the tightest do, looking like he just got it did. He’ll claim to just having gotten out of bed looking like that, but who is he kidding? Not only are his sneakers the right brand, colour and latest limited edition but they are also well-kept; and always spotless. But while his fashion IQ resembles that of an idiot savant, his actual IQ is more likely just that of an idiot. He is the equivalent of the proverbial tree in the forest; if sneaker guy wears a fresh new pair of kicks, but no one’s around to give a fuck, will he still be cool? He is most likely a self-proclaimed up and coming/underground dj/photographer/ skater/dancer/creative type. Similar to those wanna-be's that make this magazine. But hey, he makes his living the exact same way as everyone else,

How busy can he be with time for all those updates? probably at a café near you. You will find that this guy’s pride is directly linked to the number of Facebook friends he has and how many likes he gets for every status update, of which he’ll post approximately 17 a day just to seem busy and important. Come on! How busy can you be if you have time for all those updates? Nothing can be limited or fresh enough and his borderline ADHD tendency of constantly hunting the next in thing, will quickly tire out any potential girlfriend, that is if he doesn’t grow tired of her first. That’s the thing with this guy; he’ll always be done first, if you get my drift. 91 BS 15


This guy is fucking dedicated. He will wear his cargo shorts, fanny pack and sandals with socks all year round if possible, yet for some unexplainable reason, he will never tan! This guy is the original hipster, the source of inspiration if you will. He’s your teacher, the lonely boy in high school and forever stuck in the friend zone. He is everything women want in a man; loyal, sweet, smart and unwillingly funny. But he is simultaneously everything they can’t see themselves fucking; awkward, fragile and for some reason, probably still in socks! This guy will not be found at parties, but rather in woods, perhaps in a cape and with bow and arrow and the closest he comes to a

The original hipster, the source of inspiration. girlfriend is the one he made in World of Warcraft. He is every nerd you can think of; gamer, stamp collector (or any collector for that matter), comic book reader and role player. The only nerd he is not is the Clark Kent type of nerd. Don’t expect this guy to suddenly buff up and take action when removing his glasses, odds are also that a spandex suit would hang on him like no woman would. While sneaker guy will come at you with words like: swag, bawlin’ and fresh. Sandal guy will correct your grammar till you not only lose interest in what you were saying but also till you lose your will to live. Also, don’t stand down wind of this guy. You can’t expect a man to reach level I’m-gonna-die-avirgin in WOW or fight off demons in the woods and not lax on his personal hygiene. So therefore, be on the lookout for greasy hair and puffy eyes from lack of sleep. Those are dead giveaways. 92 BS 15

Greetings from Jonathan Winstone, London, UK

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Peter Stanners 95 BS 15

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