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The King Is Dead


We have all experienced the face of customer service in today’s world and the ever-increasing shift towards a heightened value and desirability of products, objects, or tat that establishments continue to sell through said customer service. This is just one take on a climate that conspires to be one of the biggest threats to human decency, and pleasant interaction between one another, in the western world.

DO IT

I work next to a pledge which states that I will go to any lengths to provide the customer with the most ridiculous and non-sensical drink which is usually the product of their own stupidity and inability to understand what it is that they are drinking. I pledge to constantly strive to the provide the perfect customer experience, from where the muffin is placed, to the exact temperature of their skinny mocha cookie frappuccino with half-whipped half-runny Goose fat served on the tit of a virgin. However, the truth always falls short of the fantasy unbeknown to the customer, and inevitably when the virgin is blonde and not brunette, I have to explain my terrible mistake to the customer and beg for their mercy. So, in the full swing of the factory line, discovering common decency amongst my fellow humans has become somewhat of a rarity; maybe it presents itself as a smile, or someone who chooses to hang up before they give the un-fulfilable command of their fantasy for the barista’s gimp-like subordination, to be humiliated under a mountain of syrup and whipped cream while the other 30 or so customers wait at the end of the line salivating and dribbling for their tailor-made status symbols, objects of power to be consumed by the un-tasting tongue and un-seeing eye.  When the day finishes and the night begins the chains of coffee shops are there to ease that transition, but when the shops are shut and the customers are still chomping to wrap there lips around the daily humiliated, do they descend into the unlit back roads to the prostitutes in fast food?costumes where there desires are once again fulfilled at a greater cost but still


TALL, SKINNY, XTRA HOT AND WET


SEX SELLS


CALLER FLOATER 1 PLANTED 2 UN-PLANTED 1 WRITER 2 HANDING OUT FLOOR


OPEN 24 HRS AND HERE TO SERVE


CLEAN AS YOU GO


The combination of variety, speed, and an expectation of un-human, minimum-wage skill plaguing our high streets and shopping centres is pushing social tolerance to its limit. Apocalyptic fantasies careen through the veins of both consumer and server. Cracks will appear in the beautiful daily choreography of pig and trough - will it be when a brass-buttoned general director looses an extra thirty seconds of their schedule due to the incompetence of a trainee consumable maker and scolds the unwitting face of the trainee in vengeance for the inconvenience of their convenience? Could it be when the subservient ego titillator is snarled at one too many times and in a fury leaps across the stainless steel counter, milk jug in hand and systematically bludgeons the salivating queue? There is inevitability in such events – it’s more a question of “who first?” One thing is clear; customer service extremists on either side - will be the cause of the long awaited Orwellian society, not the “threat” of people whose skin is anything other than the colour of a Babyccino we accuse today.


The King is DeaD

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The King Is Dead