THE art OF DYING Do you think that you can eliminate death? Do you think that you can postpone Gregg TeBeest Chaplain
death? Do you imagine that you can even have the slightest effect on death? Do not be fooled: we cannot control death.
I wonder what you are thinking after reading the questions above. Not very positive are they? The words of Lao Tzu are not easily received by people who live in a death denying culture. We worship youth in our culture. We demand health and long life, in some cases at any cost. But the words of the Tao are true nonetheless. Those who care for the dying know this best of all. This article is for the caregivers of our world, especially those devoted wives and husbands, family and friends who care for their dying loved ones at home.
person chooses. It allows the dying to think, do, or be whatever the dying want to think, do, or be. It is true wei wu wei. Human nature wants to control death. It’s an impossible burden. The good news is that we don’t need to. It is not always easy, but it is possible to do by not doing and thus to grow in the art of dying. Experienced caregivers know this to be true. Reflecting on the wisdom of the Tao will help us to grow in the art of dying:
Many scholars believe the Tao Te Ching was written about five hundred years before Christ. It was written as a guide for living a meaningful life. But reading its passages reveal that it applies just as easily to the art of dying as to living. Living a meaningful death is what hospice is all about. Hospice or palliative care may be defined as caring for people without trying to change or cure them. This definition of palliation closely parallels the Tao Te Ching’s central concept of wei wu wei, literally translated as doing by not doing. In hospice care, people (including their beliefs and cultures) are accepted for what they are without trying to alter, manipulate or control them. Perhaps you have heard the term “good death” to describe the dying process. For many people, factors that constitute a good death include dying at home, with family and friends and without stressful physical symptoms (nausea and vomiting, pain, respiratory tract secretions, pain, and agitation). Other terms are used of a good death but I prefer the term “meaningful death.” A meaningful death goes beyond the mere act of dying. It encapsulates not just the experience but the person. Doug Smith, a hospice administrator, writes that a “healthy death” provides the dying with as much control as possible. It promotes opportunities for reminisce and laughter, for expressions of anger and sadness and the experience of touching and being touched. It prompts for explorations of spirituality and accepts whatever coping strategy the dying
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Coming without expectations, the caregiver feels no disappointment. Coming without the need to experience success, the caregiver feels no failure. Coming without the need to exercise power, the caregiver feels no weaknesses. Without trying to take, the caregiver receives in multiple ways. Trying to control is fruitless. Yet a rich harvest comes to those who allow for growth.