Beyond Words Literary Magazine, Issue 24, March 2022

Beyond Words

Issue24 March 2022 A r tw or k : Er n st Per d r i el

Bey on d W or d s ? I n ter n at i on al L i t er ar y M agazi n e I ssu e 24, M ar ch 20 22 Ed i tor ; Gal Sl on i m Ed i tor i al B oar d : Kel ly Sar gen t

Cop y r i gh t © B ey on d W or d s Pu bl i sh i n g H ou se, B er l i n , Ger m an y

K el l y Sar gen t ?s p oem s an d ar t w or k , i n cl u d i n g a B est of th e N et n om i n ee, ap p ear ed or ar e f or t h com i n g i n m or e th an th i r ty l i t er ar y p u bl i cati on s. H er d ebu t p oet r y ch ap book en ti tl ed Seei n g Voi ces: Poetr y i n M ot i on i s al so f or th com i n g (Kel say B ook s, 20 22). Sh e h as ser ved as Cr eati ve N on f i cti on Ed i tor of T h e B ooken d s Rev i ew an d an assi stan t n on f i ct i on ed i tor f or N ew f ou n d . Sh e al so r ev i ew s f or a l i t er ar y m agazi n e d ed i cated to m ak i n g v i si bl e th e ar ti sti c ex p r essi on of sex u al v i ol en ce su r v i vor s.

Fi r st p r i n t i n g, M ar ch 20 22 I SBN 978- 3- 948977- 22- 1

C ast aw ay s Kev i n Z w i er zch aczew sk i I d o n ot see Sai n ts or m ad m en O n ly m ech an i sm s O f cr u d e d am n ati on D windling L i ke sm oke O n an i cy w i n d .

Foot st ep s d i ssolve I n th e si l en ce O f th e d ay 's d y i n g em ber .

T h e p al e of th ei r v an i sh ed ey es M or e bl ood l ess th an th e m oon W h er e th e r i ver s l on g stop p ed f l ow i n g Bu t f or th e ech o of th ei r si n s.

A r tw or k : Ju l i a Pu r d y

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A r tw or k : El ai n e B. Ch ao

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A l at e i n l i f e ex p er i en ce L i n d a L ad er m an O n a com m er ci al ai m ed at th e gr i ef - st r i cken I h ear d d y i n g cal l ed a late in life experience.

I w as al on e bu t sti l l I w h i sp er ed w h at I h ear d .

A T .V. of f er f or som eon e soon to be l ef t beh i n d .

M y f r i en d t en d s to h er si ck h u sban d .

H i s ben t bod y w i l l n ot be cal m ed .

N o d oct or can sn ake ch ar m i t str ai gh t .

N o p r ay er can u n ben d h i s f eet.

I r em em ber w h en al l gear ed u p h e r an t h e Fr ee Pr ess M ar ath on .

H e r aced acr oss th e A m bassad or Br i d ge, a sp r i n t er i n i t f or th e l on g r u n .

W e f ol l ow ed h i m i n h er car sh ou t i n g p r ai se f or h i s p r ow ess.

L i ke a cou p l e of cr azed gr ou p i es w e w aved h i m t ow ar d s th e f i n i sh .

H i s r oom w i t h i t s cr eam y bei ge w al l s, p al e as l u kew ar m v an i l l a i ce cr eam cap t u r es h i s late in life experience.

O n e scoop sof t en ed i n a scr at ch ed gl ass su n d ae d i sh .

Ex p er t s say t h e d y i n g ar e com f or ted by son g. H i s u n su n g m u si c u n sp ool s, l oop i n g t h r ou gh th e l on en ess of th e n i gh t.

O u t si d e h i s d oor th e l i gh t f l i cker s u n t i l i t p op s.

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T h e St y l i st an d t h e D ead D i ck A l tm an I ex am i n e i n th e m i r r or h i s sp ar e, qu i et gestu r es.

H e begi n s to tal k abou t th e p oetr y of sty l i n g, h ow p eop l e u n d er h i s h an d s f eel th em selves tr an sf or m ed .

H e stop s f or a m om en t cu tti n g. H i s th r oat catch es on th e w or d transformed.

W h en I w as th r ee, h e say s ou t of n ow h er e, m y au n t l i f ted m e u p over m y gr an d m oth er ?s cof f i n . K i ss h er l i p s, sh e or d er s, or y ou r gr an d m oth er w i l l com e back an d p u l l of f y ou r l egs. T h e ep i sod e, l ess th an a m i n u te, i m bed s i n m e a f ear of d eath I n ever sh ake.

T w o m on th s ago a cl i en t I ?ve k n ow n f or y ear s com es i n to tel l m e i t?s l i kely th e l ast ti m e I ?ll see h er al i ve. I k n ew sh e w as i l l w i th can cer . A f ter I ?m d ead , bu t bef or e th e f u n er al , sh e say s, I w an t y ou to d o m y h ai r .

A s i f I h ad PT SD , gr an d m oth er ?s l i p s bal l oon u p i n f r on t of m y f ace. T h e ch i l d i n m e cr i es al l over agai n . I sad ly, qu i etly agr ee. H ai r .... l i p s. W h at?s th e d i f f er en ce? Tou ch i n g, even sp eak i n g of th e d ead gor ges m e w i th d r ead .

T h e d ay sh e d i es a w eek l ater I can h ar d ly br eath e.

I go to th e m or tu ar y. M y f r i en d , m y d ear , d ear f r i en d , I say over an d over , as I see l ai d ou t bef or e m e beau ty r el i eved of i ts f am i l i ar th r ob. I n sti n cti vely, I tou ch h er h ai r . I n m y f i n ger s i t com es to l i f e, as i t d i d i n l i f e.

T h at af ter n oon , at th e f u n er al , h er tr esses l ook r ad i an t.

By som e tr i ck of th e l i gh t, th e n atu r al sh ad e of gol d sh e tr easu r ed gl ow s bew i tch i n gly. I m ove w i th ou t th i n k i n g a f ew str an d s cl oser to h er ch eek s. You m u st be th e on e, th e w om an n ex t to m e say s, as I tu r n aw ay.

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T h e on e sh e cal l ed Angel. T h e on e sh e of ten sai d m ad e h er f eel tr an sf or m ed ever y ti m e sh e saw y ou , af ter bei n g tol d sh e on ly h ad a f ew m on th s to l i ve.

T r an sf or m ed , I r eal i ze, i s w h at th e l ast f ew h ou r s h ave d on e to m e. W h en I d r eam of gr an d m oth er ?s l i p s, I sw ear th ey ?r e sm i l i n g.

A r tw or k : Yvon n e Rojas- Cow an

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C o n f essi o n s o f a Sep t u agen ar i an M ar k W i l l i am s T h e best t h i n g abou t bei n g a sex agen ar i an w as t h at I cou l d say, ?I am a sexagen ar i an ? an d w at ch as p eop l e con si d er ed th e i m p l i cat i on .

T h e ot h er best t h i n g w as th e aw ar en ess th at I w as n ot a sep tu agen ar i an . N ow th at I am , I d o m y best t o avoi d d etecti on .

For i n st an ce, I st i l l m ow ou r l aw n . N o sel f p r op el l ed m ow er f or m e. T h e on ly p r obl em i s th at th an k s t o t h e n at u r al l oss of el ast i ci ty i n m y bl ood vessel s, I take 20 m i l l i gr am s of L i si n op r i l d ai ly ? a com m on r esp on se t o w h i ch i s sensitivity to sunlight, as w h en m ow i n g ou r y ar d . W i th a p u sh m ow er .

A l so, I ?m con si d er i n g a com bover . T h i n k abou t i t.

By th e t i m e m ost m en h i t seven ty, th ey ?ve gi ven u p on h i d i n g w h at i s ap p ar en t to al l .

So, by at tem p ti n g to h i d e m y ap p ar en cy, p eop l e w i l l assu m e I am a sex agen ar i an , sti l l at th at age I tr i ed t o i m p r ess p eop l e w i t h w or d s l i ke ap p ar en cy.

T h e oth er th i n g I cou l d d o i s d r i ve to a n ear by D i ck ?s Sp or ti n g Good s stor e an d , w i th th e assi stan ce of a sal esp er son n am ed Sherrí, sel ect a col or f u l en sem bl e con si sti n g of a U PF 50 l on g- sl eeved sh i r t, U PF 50 l on g p an ts (w i th k n ee- l en gth zi p p er d etach m en ts), an d a sty l i sh U PF 50 w i d e- br i m m ed h at an d d on sai d ap p ar el bef or e m ow i n g. ?Pu sh i n g a m ow er at h i s age,? a w om an p assi n g by w i l l say. ?I th i n k th ey ?r e cal l ed sexagen ar i an s,? say s an oth er .

A s I ti p m y h at an d sm i l e at th em , a th i r d w om an say s, ?N o w on d er !?

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A r tw or k : K al a Cu l l ar s

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H ow T h i n gs H u r t U s Ri ta M al en czy k For al l I k n ow, m ay be y ou d i d th i n k abou t u s w h en You bou gh t t h e r op e at H om e D ep ot, Cam e h om e, l oop ed i t ar ou n d y ou r n eck an d stood on th e ch ai r , Read y f or t h e bett er w or l d .

I w i sh t h e gu y h ad seen y ou , sai d H ey, kid, what you gonna do with that rope? T i e i t to a boat A n d t ow i t , m ake a cl ot h esl i n e f or y ou r l au n d r y, Pu t a Ch r i st m as tr ee on top of th e car , l ear n h ow To m ake k n ot s? T h er e ar e m an y th i n gs O n e can d o w i t h r op e. I m y sel f Can ?t go t h er e an y m or e.

Su e m e. I sp eed p ast th e p ai n t ch i p s, th e el ectr i cal w i r i n g, Get boar d s cu t so I can m ake a r egi st r at i on ji g For p r i n t i n g, an d l eave. I m ake p r i n ts.

Som e ar e good . O th er s f ai l : Pet p or t r ai t s, H ap p y h om es am on g th e tr ees, Fen ces ch i l d r en cl i m b bef or e th ey f al l .

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A r tw or k : M ar k Rosal bo

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O r i gam i Sw an s Fal l i n L ov e I n d i go H al l et t T h e l ake i s 6 sh eets of bl u e gl i t ter car d stock t ap ed toget h er , a gen tl e

sh i m m er u n d er th e 40 w at t bu l b of a d esk l am p . A w h i t e or i gam i

sw an , w i t h t oo m an y f ol d s, gl i d es p ast t i ssu e p ap er r eed s an d y el l ow

m oon san d sh or es. D i v i n g ar ou n d a f ew gr ay p ebbl es, stol en f r om

a t er r ar i u m , t h e p ap er bi r d com es acr oss i t s cr eam col or ed m ate, bear i n g

even m or e cr eases. T h e p ai r can ?t p r een , or m ake a h ear t w i t h th ei r

n eck s, so t h ey f l ap th ei r w i n gs i n a m ech an i cal d i sp l ay. T h ey d on ?t

h ave m ou th s t o cal l w i t h , bu t t h ei r bod i es t ou ch i n g sou n d s

l i ke w h i sp er i n g as th ey bu i l d t h ei r East er gr ass n est .

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A r tw or k : Joy K l om an

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A r tw or k : M i ch ael D ay

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Cu i Bon o?

Peter Coe Ver bi ca Fi r st th e gr u n ts, f or f ood , f or w ater , f or th ose p h y si cal p r op i n qu i ti es.

w i th i ts m ech an i cal , el ectr i cal , an d el ectr on i c m etam or p h oses;

A n d th en w e ad d ed or al accen ts to ou r m or e com m on en cou n ter s:

th e th e th e th e

su n , p l ai n , r i ver , cu d gel .

w e w er e d el i ver ed f r om th e bu r d en s of esti m ati on an d d eter m i n i n g th e or d er of m agn i tu d e.

O ver cop p er cabl es cam e a tor r en t of con ver sati on s, an d th en , to ou r r el i ef ,

W i th th e cou n ti n g of seed s an d obser v ati on of th e season s, cam e r ow ed r ep r esen tati on s, i n i ti al ly i n cl ay, an d l ater i n p ap er .

w e n o l on ger n eed ed to r em em ber n u m ber s or l etter s.

A i d i n g th e en tr op y,

A s cen tu r i es p assed , tel egr ap h s f ed ou r ad d i cti on to ed i ted i m m ed i acy.

ou r n ati ve sen se of d i r ecti on i s l ost to r eal - t i m e m ap p i n g sy stem s

N ex t, a cascad e of ap p l au se an d ad u l ati on f or th e cal cu l ator ,

O u r n eed to th i n k con ti n u ed i t s i n sou ci an t abr i d gem en t as sen t en ces w er e com p l eted f or u s as w e ty p ed .

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O n ce u p on a ti m e, cl i m at e p ai n t ed an d sh ap ed ou r f aces, som e p al e, som e d ar k , som e r ou n d , ot h er s n ar r ow.

W i l l w e em u l ate an d evolve to en d p oi n t s, t o ar r ay s of sen sor s, t o t h i n cl i en ts?

I n a gr an d f i n al e, w e vol u n tar i ly cover ou r ey es an d ear s; w e h ood w i n k ou r selves; aban d on t h e au t h en t i c i n exch an ge f or en ter tai n m en t.

N o sm al l i r on y th at w e?ve al l ow ed al i en ar ch i tects to cr af t a h ol e i n th e cei l i n g of ou r selves.

L i ke sh eep sh ep h er d ed th r ou gh a ch u te, on ly th e f ou l est- sm el l i n g goats stop , r ai se th ei r bear d s an d bl eat: 'Cu i bon o?'

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A r tw or k : Rober ta Ber m an

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M y Gr an d m o t h er C u r sed M y Fr eck l es A l ly ssa H ay good -Tay l or I Sh e m ar r i ed a w h i t e m an n ot so m u ch f or l ove Bu t f or f r eed om an d a ti cket to T h e St at es.

Sh e w or e a n u r ses?u n i f or m sti t ch ed on i n th e Ph i l i p p i n es m ad e t o be r i p p ed of f by som e A m er i can sol d i er ; w h o took h er h om e A n d sh ow ed h er of f to h i s f am i ly M u ch l i ke a t r op h y, gol d en an d qu i et II Sh e m ad e ch i l d r en w i t h a w h i t e m an . O n e boy A n d on e gi r l , t h e boy f or th e l ast n am e an d th e Gi r l f or t h e cl ot h es. T h ey w er e l i gh ter th an h er A n d sh e h op ed t h ei r gr een ey es n ever ch an ged .

Sh e m ad e su r e t h ey n ever at e r i ce m or e th an A n y oth er k i d an d on ly sp oke Tagal og beh i n d Sh u t d oor s.

III W h en h er d au gh t er got p r egn an t bef or e a r i n g; Bef or e an y t r u e com m i t m en t r eal ly, sh e D i d n ?t t el l h er si st er s over seas. Sh e d i d n ot Both er ask i n g w h o t h e f at h er w as becau se a N am e d i d n ot m at t er as m u ch as th e sh ad e of H i s ebon y sk i n . Sh e ch an ged th e l ock s on th e f r on t d oor d u r i n g h er d au gh ter ?s l ate sh i f t an d si l en tly cr i ed beh i n d i t .

IV So th en cam e a d ar ker baby gi r l . W i th an A f r i can gr an d f at h er w h ose h ai r w as Bl ack an d cu r ly. T h e baby got th at h ai r A n d th e gr an d m ot h er n ever bot h er ed Br u sh i n g i t . T h e baby gr ew u p an d h er Sk i n got t oo d ar k i n th e su m m er . T h e gr an d m a W ou l d soak h er i n SPF l i ke i t w as th e Ex tr a l ay er of sk i n col or ed th e w ay Sh e h ad alw ay s w an t ed . T h en th e ch i l d Gr ew f r eck l es. Sp ots p er m an en t on h er Face d ar ken w i t h t h e r i ch n ess of ever y Col or bu t w h i t e.

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A r tw or k : X i ao H e

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St y l i n g Pi k Ay om i d e Bay ow a T h e f i r st t i m e I w i t n essed a m an bei n g p u l l ed over , I w as on m y w ay h om e f r om th e bar ber sh op .

I r an m y com b t h r ou gh m y h ai r str an d s as n ai ve n egr o k i d s, h ol d i n g h an d s t h r ou gh th ei r p ar en ts?m aster ?s cot ton p l an tati on ? f ad i n g i n t o ou t p aced ages by th e p an or am a of cl oth i n g cl ou d s.

W h et h er t h e p ar en t s sh ou l d su f f er f or th e obst i n an ce of th ei r k i d s or n ot , som et h i n g abou t th em w as alw ay s h on ou r abl e, w or t h y of a t ai l gat e, cap abl e of w i el d i n g bl u e l i gh ts? i t d i d n ?t h ave an y th i n g to d o w i t h age.

T h e w or l d cou l d w ai l f or an y on e, m y f r i en d , ju st so y ou m ay k n ow ? on e ju st n eed s t o p i ck th e w r on g ti m e to be i n h aste i n l i f e.

T h e m an ou gh t t o k n ow bett er abou t D eja- v u sem i - secon d s of an u gly ch at , si l ly m i stakes, p an i c cl i ck (s) or ar r est att em p t ? d ead l i er t h an car d i ac: th at i s, to be p u l l ed by th e h ai r an d agai n st t h e gecko asp h al t con cr et e or ch an ced to l i ck bl ood of f h i s jaw, p r ot esti n g cu r ses d i st u r bi n g th e p er ch of a tw i n f ly ? i s th e n on - Sh akesp ear ean qu esti on of r ed an d bl u e r i ot m ed i cati on r ad i at i n g h i s t on gu e.

T h e scen e l ai d on a str etch er at tr acted by h i m n asty w i th su r v i val .

A p or t r ai t , t aken & sl i d i n to an y ar m ?s p ocket .

A s i f t o be d el i ber ately stor ed i n r ed ey es, l i ke m i n e, an on l ooker sw i tch i n g bet w een p agean tr y star es an d sty l es? an of f sh oot of w h at ?s cap tu r ed i n th e d ar k w i t h a sm ar t p h on e?s cam er a, f l ash on ? th e w or l d coi n ed i n to a cat?s ey e or a d og?s? both of w h i ch cou l d be p et t y, bu t al so ad or abl e, cl i n gi er to beau t y.

W eek s l at er , d an d r u f f bu r n ed i n m y h ead & m y basi c r u l es of f i r ef i gh ti n g ch an ged .

A f l eet of w i n d escap ed th e str eets to h i d e i n ou r cu r tai n s & m y sk i n bu m p ed i n a goose?s w i l d n ess or r i d ges of vei n l ess l eaves.

I t?s becau se of m y d ecay i n g br ai n , m y m oth er sai d .

Bu t i t ?s a t h i n g h er m an l oved d oi n g. I n f act , th at w as h ow sh e m et h i m af ter h e f l ed t h e cou r tr oom ?s ch i l d - cu stod y d ef eat & sh e h i d h i m f r om sh am e, & r u m bl ed l ove d ow n h i s th r oat l i ke w at er d ow n a cl ogged p i p e.

So, i f l ove, i n a w ay, w as above th e l aw, i t w as ok ay f or m e to r om an ti ci ze bl ack n ess? o f ar m s an d t h e m en ? o f f i st s an d t h e b oy s. W i th m y h ead d au gh ter ed i n betw een h er l ap s, h er i r on com b i n voked i n cen se f r om

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m y si zzl i n g h ai r . N o w ay an y ev i l cou l d d w el l i n ou r m i d st.

M ot h er r eap ed & d i sp l ay ed sever al l i ce bef or e p r essi n g th em agai n st th e gr ou n d . T h en a th u d d i n g at th e d oor step !

A t h u d d i n g, of bu l k y r u bber ban d ed f r ee n ew sp ap er s? bagged as cad aver s: as th ey ?ve ju st r etu r n ed som eth i n g or com e f or ever y th i n g th at bel on ged to u s.

W i th t h e d el i ver y m an al r ead y th i n i n t o th e str eet s?cu r tai n , t h e com b I l ost to th e ot h er d ay ?s si d ew al k ?s m y t h m ad e th e n ew s? l i f el ess as r oad k i l l bu t u p r i gh t at t h e f r on t p age?s r ep or t er ?s p r otester s' bl u r .

A r tw or k : N i col e Jon es

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H o n ey A l l i son A . d eFr eese To Frida T h e su n f l ow er i s al r ead y th e su n ? t h er e i s n oth i n g to ch an ge i n i t s p ap er d ol l m an e, i n t h e w h or l st ead i ly tu r n i n g, an d as alw ay s tow ar d th e l i gh t .

A n d t h e bee i s al r ead y a h on ey ti ger r i si n g w i th r esi n over f i el d s of d an d el i on , gol d f l ow er s th at k n ow, t h ou gh n ever tol d , t o sp r ead an d sh i n e, an d f ly ? seed s l i f t i n g sk y w ar d w i t h n o n eed of w i n gs, d r i f t i n g aw ay w i t h p ol l i n at or s t h at ar e al r ead y th e h on ey i n t h e t w o bl on d e ch ap s t h ey w ear on th ei r l egs? t h ose t i n y p ol l en basket s.

T h e bu f f h en i n th e si d e y ar d car r i es ou r w h ol e sol ar sy st em of am ber eggs u n d er h er p l u m es, f r om sm al l est to sol i d ; t h e w eat h er v an e r ot ati n g w i t h i t s r oost er .

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A n d y ou , al r ead y p er f ect, i n a u n i cor n T - sh i r t of r ai n bow on seah or se, al r ead y th e u n i qu e p er son y ou w i l l alw ay s be bey on d th e br ai d of gen es, or sy n ch r on i zed l i n es of geese.

You gr ow, ex p an d i n g w i th w aves f r om th e sou r ce, w i th th e star s?bl u e f l am es w i th i n y ou , th e gl ow f r om th e f i r st ex p l osi on , t h e l i gh t of th e f i r st y ol k r i si n g.

A r tw or k : A n gel a Ru th D 'agost i n o

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d i sso l v i n g i n t h e gal l er y Jam es M or eh ead welcome to our gallery i r ead i n d u l l i n g br on ze our artisans suggest you linger in each hall, for if you pause and stare for hours, you may be reborn. i f i r st st op i n th e l i br ar y, l i n ed w i t h an ci en t tom es an d w at ch th e w or d s sl i p f r om th ei r p ages 't i l n ot h i n g's l ef t , n ot even p h r ases. t h e n ex t r oom ?s f i l l ed w i t h p ai n t i n gs h u n g i n even stack s, som e l ay er ed r i ch i n col or , ot h er s f i n ely sketch ed , soon t h e p i gm en t sl ow ly f ad es, oi l d r i p s aw ay, r eveal i n g star k bl an k can v ases, w h i t e w al l s i n d ecay. each f i gu r e i n th e n ex t h al l h ol d s a p er f ect p ose, m u scl es car ved f r om bl ock s of ston e, u n bl i n k i n g ey es set d eep , l ef t st i l l on p ol i sh ed p ed estal s, ever on d i sp l ay, u n ti l t h ey ?r e m el ted d ow n by f i r e i n to m ol ten p ool s becom i n g sol i d m asses as th e steam i n g sw i r l cool s. i st ep i n t o th e f i n al r oom w h er e m i r r or s l i n e each w al l ; l i t on ly by a si n gl e beam , i ?m p u l l ed tow ar d s th e l i gh t an d ju st l i ke th e ar t bef or e, m y bod y star ts to f ad e, d i ssolv i n g i n to sh ad ow s th at v an i sh th r ou gh th e f l oor . an d so i joi n w or d s p ai n t an d ston e ju m bl ed i n th e tom b, t h en w ai ti n g f or th r ee d ay s to p ass, i r i se on ce m or e? an d bl oom .

A r t w or k : Ch r i sti an M cCu l l och ("W A RT ")

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T u esd ay I saac M u r p h y A dedication to my brother Christian I ?ve seen y ou r br ow s scr u n ch toget h er .

You l ooked Pen si ve A s y ou p ai n t ed f i el d s W i th gr ass so gr een T h at I st r u ggl ed t o i m agi n e Gr ass on an y ot h er si d e.

I ?ve seen y ou r l i p s d r oop .

You l ooked Sad A s y ou r br u sh f ou n d sw i r l s I n a sk y t h at w as a p er f ect r ef l ecti on of y ou r ex p r essi on , Bl an ket ed w i t h cl ou d s su ch a gl oom y gr ay T h at i t m ad e m e w on d er I f w e w ou l d ever see th e su n agai n .

I ?ve seen y ou r f ace sof ten .

You l ooked N ostal gi c A s y ou r ecr eat ed m em or i es I n a m an n er so v i v i d T h at I act u al ly f or got For ju st a m om en t T h at th ey w er en ?t m y ow n .

I ?ve seen y ou r ey es gr ow d i st an t.

You l ooked W i stf u l A s y ou u sed y ou r ar t to d ep i ct d r eam s So cl ear ly t h at I m i stook th em f or gl ass.

U si n g i t as a w i n d ow to p eer i n to y ou r m i n d A n d tr y t o f i gu r e ou t w h y y ou n ever l ooked h ap p y A s y ou p u r su ed som eth i n g y ou cl ai m ed to l ove.

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I w on d er ed t h i s u n t i l th e d ay i t ch an ged , A n d i t ch an ged al l at on ce.

I saw t h e cor n er s of y ou r m ou th p u l l u p w ar d s You l ooked Joy f u l You r r eck l ess st r okes bi r t h ed a star l ess n i gh t so d ar k T h at t h e at ten t i on of an on l ooker h ad n o ch oi ce Bu t t o be d r aw n t o th e m oon as i f i t w er e a sp ot l i gh t th at sh on e br i gh t.

L i ke t h e l i gh t at t h e en d of a tu n n el w e?r e tol d n ot to tr avel Bu t I m i gh t be t em p t ed an y h ow Becau se t h i s p ath d i d n ot p r om i se d eat h , i t p r om i sed l i f e.

N ew f l avor s bei n g bor n i n a w h i t e steel box on w h eel s I l l u m i n at ed i n t h e n i gh t l i ke a beacon to al l th ose w h o m i gh t h u n ger .

Bu t I d i d n ?t l ook at an y of th at, Too f ocu sed on t h e sm i l e w h i ch l ooked f or ei gn on y ou r l i p s.

I ?m n ot su r e i f y ou saw i t bu t m y l i p s p ar t ed th at even i n g.

I l ooked D u m bf ou n d ed A f ter ever y beau t i f u l sk y, bou n d l ess beach , d r i f ti n g m em or y, or d i stan t d r eam You r salv at i on cam e f r om a p l ace I cou l d h ave n ever ex p ected .

A l on e t aco t r u ck th at sat w ai ti n g i n th e n i gh t.

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Sp l en d o r D an i el l e Sel ber W h en m y son w as d i agn osed at th i r t een d ay s ol d w i th a r ar e d i sor d er an d p r of ou n d d i sabi l i ti es, I w as cer tai n I w ou l d n ever f eel joy agai n . I f bef or e joy w as f ou n d at i on al an d p er f ectly or d i n ar y, to l ear n i t w as a h ou se of car d s? p r ecar i ou s, u n w i el d y ? r en d er ed m e bl i n d .

I f or got w h at joy f el t l i ke. I w as cer tai n th at I h ad n ever bef or e ex p er i en ced a car ef r ee l au gh or a d el i gh tf u l r u n - i n , an esp eci al ly d el i ci ou s san d w i ch , a w ar m m om en t w i t h a str an ger . L i ke th e l i f e I si gn ed u p f or , th ese th i n gs becam e l ost t o m e. W h at h ad joy f el t l i ke, an y w ay ? Som eth i n g abou t easy sm i l es, m oon l i gh t , a v i v i d r ed h i bi scu s, a h u g, a w i n k acr oss a r oom .

I can ?t r em em ber , so I can ?t l ook f or i t , so I stop tr y i n g.

Eighteen months later L et?s h ave a d an ce p ar ty, m y f i r st son sai d becau se w e of t en d i d even af ter m y secon d son w as bor n , a f eat m ad e p ossi bl e by a sor t of m oth er ?s m u scl e m em or y an i n gr ai n ed abi l i t y t o k n ow th at a f l oor i s, i n f act , l av a t h at a d an ce sh ou l d i n cl u d e a m om en t to f r eeze.

T h at d ay, t h ou gh , Sw i n gi n g m y sw eet t od d l er acr oss m y back h i s h ai r stan d i n g on t i gh t, cu r ly en d s, vel cr o vest ak i m bo, d el i gh ted sh r i ek s i n p l ace of w or d s, an or th op ed i c sh oe h an gi n g on an u n r avel i n g sock as w e ou r selves u n sp ool ed .

H e?s l au gh - cr y i n g, i n h i s si gn atu r e w ay t o tr an sm i t over w h el m an d bl i ss an d w h at ever i s i n betw een .

W e cr ash i n t o m y p ar t n er w h ose gl asses go f ly i n g h e?s w h i r l i n g m y ol d est by bot h ar m s as h e d em an d s ?m or e!? th r ou gh n u m b ch eek s.

I am l au gh i n g t oo; I n oti ce an d I cat ch m y sel f too l ate.

I p u l l m y sel f back , ju st a l i tt l e, t o m ake su r e m y l au gh t er stay s r aw, em oti ve, m ay be cau t i ou s t o ben d bu t n ot br eak t o keep t h e f r agi l e w h ol e.

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A r tw or k : Con stan ce M cCoy (Gr an n y C)

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A r tw or k : M ar y M or gan

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B el ow t h e Sh ad ow H o u se Ch ava Evan s For Sergey M arch 1, 2018

Febr u ar y en d s abr u p tly. O ak s th at h ad cl u n g to th ei r L eaves, an d t o w h at ever el se i t w as th at w i n ter h ad d on e, Su r r en d er ed t h i s d ay. Fr ozen p eel s of a f ox- bar k h u n g, O u r sh ovel s scr ap ed an d I ? p ati en t ly d ecor ou s m e? w ai t ed

To ad v i se y ou u n t i l am p l e ti m e col l ect ed at th e ed ges O f y ou r scar f . Toget h er w e cr aw l ed i n to th e steam i n g W ou n d ? velvet i n ter i or ? T h e u n d er taker ?s l i m ou si n e?s St i l l - w ar m car cass. T h en I tol d y ou , ?w ai t?

For i n a f ew w eek s ch er r y tr ees accessor i ze. I k n ew : O n ce t h e m ou r n er s tr i ck l e of f , d en i m m en h u m p Ru sty sch i st, sp i tt i n g. Bu l l d ozi n g w i t h bl ad e an d w i th r i p p er .

A r ou n d t h e w i r e stem an d p ap er n am e, bootp r i n ts.

You d i d n ?t h eed ? y ou w en t al on e i n M ar ch . You r r agged W ai l s f l u n g acr oss h u m m ock s l i ke f r ost on sti f f sod , A bject , y ou squ att ed so l i p s cou l d tel l : h i s br eath w as sti l l th e on ly cl ou d u p on w h i ch y ou r h ead cou l d r est.

You w er e r i gh t to go: n o on e h au n t s th e si t e of t r au m a t o h eal ; w e com e to l ose ou r l eaves, qu ak i n g. W e com e to cu r l gr eat r oots i n to cal i gn i ou s cl ay ; W e com e t o cl ai m l oss f r om th e sp en t gr ass, excavati n g

T h e st on e- w al l ed cr ater n ex t to th e ap p l e tr ee, B el ow t h e sh ad ow - h ou se: f ou n d ati on .

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A r tw or k : Beth Cr aw f or d

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T h ey W er e W ast ed Rosau r a Gar ci a God i n ez L ove of l i qu or r ot s th e r oots of m y f am i ly tr ee. A n ou t d r i n k i n g l egacy l i n ger i n g f r om on e f at h er to an oth er , bu i l t - u p gen er ati on al an ger n ot d ep ar t ed even i n a f or ei gn l an d w i t h i m m i gr an t w ages, an d a h op el ess su ccess i n w or k i n g h ar d en ou gh . T h e k n u ck l es i n m y p ar en ts?h an d s r etu r n sw ol l en f r om p i ck i n g sp oi l ed or ch ar d f r u i t , th ey w ou l d occasi on al ly steal d u r i n g l u n ch becau se br eak s w er e of ten w i th h el d .

T h ou gh th ey vow ed to be d i f f er en t , th ey ar r i ved h om e t o f i n d m y si st er s an d I ar gu i n g abou t st ol en p l u sh bu n n i es.

A n d i t w as th e al coh ol , bu t al so a com bi n ati on of h u n ger , over d u e p ay m en ts, n o n ei gh bor i n g f am i ly t o see an y w h er e bu t i n si d e sk u l l s m em or i es, w h i ch l ed th em to take th ei r tem p er , d i r ect m or e en er gy i n t o t h ei r h an d s an d on t o m e, to r el ease w h at t h ey cou l d n ot say.

W h at t h ei r p ar en ts n ever sai d .

W h at t h ey sti l l d on ?t say an d n ever w i l l ad m i t.

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T h e W an d er i n g H al f - Jew ess Em r i e O l i ver Bor n t o a sh i k sa M oth er an d a tu m bl ew eed Fot er , Ex i sti n g i n t h e et er n al ti d es of ch an ge.

M y r oot s n ever gr ew, A s th e w i n d s t r u n d l ed th r ou gh , Sh i f ti n g t h e san d s an d ci r cu m st an ces of m y evol u ti on .

Stu n ted r oot s d an gl ed i n th e voi d , Cl aw i n g an d st r et ch i n g tow ar d s an y th i n g p er cep ti bl e, N ever br eak i n g f er t i l e gr ou n d .

For ever d i sp l aced l i ke th e H ebr ew s f r om th ei r h om es, T h e w ood s beckon ed ever y d ay th r ou gh th e w i n d ow p an es, L u r i n g m e t o t h e r oot sy st em , I ceasel essly l on ged f or .

A n en d l ess r evolv i n g d oor , O f r oom s w i t h a M i ster or M i ssu s p er ch ed at th e h ead , A ster i l e p ool of t i n y Jan es an d Joh n s W h er e m y h op e f or a h om e, su n k ef f or tl essly, I n to th e aby ss.

U n ti l on e d ay i n a d an k ti n - cu p tr ai l er , D eep i n t h e sou t h , A r ed - h ead ed t each er tau gh t m e em p ath y.

T h e p ai n d r i p p ed on t o m y l i br ar y book as I ju sti f i ed Ju st w h y I cou l d n ?t f i n i sh .

Sh e cl asp ed m y h an d w i t h h er w r i n k l ed l obst er cl aw, A s th e h or r i f i c h i st or y of m y f am i ly, Ech oed i n t h e caver n ou s vest i bu l es of m y h ear t, T h r ou gh ever y p age of ?N ach t ?.

W i th each f ol l ow i n g n ach t, M y sp i r i t sh at t er ed f or th e d i sap p ear ed sou l s of m y f am i ly tr ee, Exci sed by t h e axe of i r r at i on al h at r ed .

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Ex p l ai n i n g th e agon y, T h e sh i k sa?s su n ken ey es r ol l ed , L i ke a p i l l bu g u n d er si ege, A s m y t u m bl ew eed f ot er d i sassoci ated to su r v i ve, A n d t h er e stood I , th e w an d er i n g h al f - Jew ess.

For ever w i th ou t a h om e.

D ecad es l at er , I l ooked at th e su r n am e on a car d , A s i t sl i p p ed th r ou gh th e r ead er , T h e esp r esso m ach i n e?s h i ssi n g cam e to an abr u p t h al t W i th t h e r eal i zati on th at th e su r n am e I car r i ed M y en t i r e l i f e W as a su r n am e m y w ar h er o gr an d f ath er ch an ged To su r v i ve a p ost- H ol ocau st A m er i ca T h at l ook s a l ot l i ke th e A m er i ca I l i ve i n .

A su r n am e th at r em i n d ed m e I w as h al f oth er , A h al f ot h er , m oth er d esp i sed .

A n d as I w atch ed th e ot h er i n m e, B eat en an d stabbed d ai ly i n th e str eets of a bl ood d r en ch ed ap p l e M y h ear t , on ce agai n sh att er ed .

I r ecogn i zed th at I car r i ed an cest r al p ai n ever y d ay For a com m u n i t y f or ever i n su r v i v al m od e, T h at I ?d n ever k n ow n .

W i th a f r on t r ow seat, To a w ar bet w een bot h ot h er s i n m e, Resu l t i n g i n a cu l t u r al ly bar r en d eser t, W i th n o an cest r al h om e.

A n d h er e I stan d , Ju st a w an d er i n g h al f - Jew ess L ef t t o su r v i ve th e d eser t, A l l on h er ow n .

A r tw or k : Sar ah Bal sl ey

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gen d er d eat h Sal em Pai ge m y gi ven sex i s n o m or e t h an a h om e f or a cad aver . p l ai ts an d gol d str i n g i n i t s h ai r , i t i e m y sel f ar ou n d th e f r ay i n g sk i n t h at cl ot h es i t s f em u r , star k bon e agai n st th e r ot ti n g of f l esh .

i t s ey es ar e op en , al l p u p i l . i t s ch eek s h ave cr ater ed bu t i t s l i n es ar e sti l l sof t. t h e sh ar p p oi n t of m y f i n ger n ai l s gr azes th e sk i n th at r em ai n s, an u r ge to scar i t s l i f el essn ess, d r aw bl ood , w i l l t o l eave i t u n d i stu r bed .

h eav y sk i r t s i cu t of f w i t h m y teeth . t h e r el i ef gr ow s m or e bi ti n g as i ap p r oach f l esh , l ay er s of bei n g f an ou t f r om m y f eet.

i am l ef t to star e at th e n aked cor p se. i w i l l i t to star e back .

i t s p u p i l s sh r i ek l i gh t, th en d i sap p ear . i m ake a f ou n d ati on i n t h e en d l ess w h i t es of h er ey es.

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A r tw or k : D i n a Fach i n

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D eat h N eed s t o U n i o n i ze K at Stu bi n g I ?ve m et D eat h on ce or tw i ce Cau gh t a w h i f f of i t sal i v at i n g as i t p r ep ar ed to f east W e?ve r u bbed sh ou l d er s on an i cy br i d ge A n d l ocked ey es u n d er th r ash i n g w aves D eath h as a l on g f ace an d a h u n ch ed back Fi n ger n ai l s ch om p ed to bi ts, l i p s ch ap p ed D eath d oesn ?t sl eep , i t d oesn ?t h ave th e ti m e T h er e?s alw ay s w i n d ow s to w ash , f l oor s to cl ean D eath n ever cl ock s ou t, h as y et to take v acat i on N o ben ef i t s, n o h ap p y h ou r s, th e com m u te i s h el l Bu t sti l l , n i gh t s an d w eeken d s, h ol i d ay s, r ai n st or m s D eath sh ow s u p t o d o th e job n o on e el se w i l l d o T h e w or k i s of t en sl op p y an d m at h i sn ?t i t s str on g su i t, Bu t I ap p r eci ate su ch com m i t m en t to th e ser v i ce.

Becau se D eat h i s r el i abl e an d D eat h i s m er cy.

A l i f e d evoi d of D eath i s on e sp en t sear ch i n g f or i t.

I ?ve w or ked i n m an agem en t bef or e, an d l et m e t el l y ou som eth i n g Peop l e n eed d ead l i n es, th ey n eed r em i n d er s, th ey n eed f ol l ow u p s I k n ow ever y on e?s af r ai d , scar ed of th e u n k n ow n Bu t I ?d ar gu e D eat h i s th e on e th i n g w e d o k n ow Ever - p r esen t , on t h e ot h er si d e of each h i t ch ed br eath Read y t o cr oss an ot h er n am e of f i t s ti r esom e l i st D eath i s t h e on ly l abor er w h o w i l l n ever get th e ch an ce to d i e I t?ll n ever r est i n p eace or l ear n h ow to f ly A n d so w h en D eat h com es a- k n ock i n g at m y d u sty gr ey d oor , I ?ll p u t on a p ot of cof f ee an d l eave a ti p i n th e d r aw er .

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A r tw or k : H eath er N i ch ol e O 'Br i en

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A r tw or k : Joh an n a Por ter

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Su m m er o f W o r d s Gabr i el l e Fi ed or I t w as t h e su m m er of w or d s.

I cam e back f r om m y f i r st y ear of col l ege an d I n eed ed a p l ace to p u t th em al l . I h ad st acked th em i n th e m ar gi n s of m y n otes th r ou gh ou t each sem est er . Bu t I f el t th em r otti n g t h er e, an d i t w as th e l east I cou l d d o t o r ed eem th em f r om obscu r i t y.

I star t ed m ak i n g l i st s on com p u t er p ap er an d p ost i n g th em n ex t to m y bed . T h ey w er e n eat an d sl i m tacked u p th er e on m y w al l , an d I took p r i d e i n t h ei r ar t f u l n ess.

Gu i l el ess. D i f f i d en ce. Can t i l ever .

Su bter f u ge. Tor p i d . V i ci ssi tu d e.

T h e l i st s w er e l i ke p i ct u r es of f r i en d s, h an gi n g th er e, r em i n d i n g me of w h at w as i m p or t an t .

Rem i n d i n g m e of w h at I sh ou l d n ?t f or get . L i ke t h at p h oto of Ri ta, f or ex am p l e. I sh ou l d n ?t f or get th at th r ee su m m er s ago sh e an d I w er e sm i l i n g by Jor d an Pon d , ou r l on g br ow n h ai r p u l l i n g at th e si d es of ou r tan , n ai ve f aces.

d i d ever y even i n g, an d asked h i m ?w h at ?s th i s?? an d ?w h at ?s th at??. I l oved i t becau se h e n ever gr ew ti r ed of m y qu est i on s. I t f el t l i ke I w as sti l l f i ve y ear s ol d .

A n d th en h e w ou l d say a w or d l i ke ?secat eu r s.?

H ow d o y ou sp el l th at? I w ou l d ask , scr i bbl i n g i t d ow n som ew h er e as h e sp oke.

I t 's tr u e I cou l d ?ve ju st r ead a d i ct i on ar y, bu t i t w ou l d n ?t h ave been th e sam e. I w an ted to f eel l i ke th e w or d s w er e h i d d en f r om m e, l i ke th ey n eed ed f i n d i n g. I t f el t l i ke an act of r esi st an ce, to col l ect th em , to r el egate th em to a sp ace i n si d e m y m i n d , an d to tel l th em to stay th er e.

I w asn ?t ch ar acter i st i cal ly r ebel l i ou s, bu t I sti l l h ad m y w ay s of f eel i n g p ow er f u l .

Pu i ssan t. Per sever ate. Pon ti f i cate.

M y d ad w as alw ay s ask i n g m e to take m y m om ou t f or a str ol l . Sh e?s n ot a d og, d ad , I f i n al ly sai d .

Ju st br i n g h er w i th y ou , p l ease?

I n er t . Au sp i ci ou s. Ef f i caci ou s.

I t w as al so t h e su m m er of si tt i n g i n th e gar d en an d r ead i n g. I d on ?t k n ow h ow m u ch of t h at I actu al ly d i d w h en I w as ou t t h er e, th ou gh . M ost ly I ju st w atch ed m y d ad p u t ter ar ou n d am on gst t h e con ef l ow er s, w h i ch h e

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T h e n ex t d ay I took h er ou t to th e f i el d beh i n d m y ol d m i d d l e sch ool f or a w al k . I t w as p at ch y an d r i f e w i t h d an d el i on s. B ef or e sh e star ted to l ose h er m em or y sh e w ou l d ?ve ch att er ed al l al on g th e w ay, h er voi ce

w ar m an d h u sk y. W h en I w as an x i ou s i n h i gh sch ool I u sed to go t o th e bat h r oom an d cal l h er u p ju st t o h ear h er t al k .

N ow sh e w as qu i et al l th e ti m e.

M ay be i t w as becau se sh e h ad th e w i sd om t o k n ow w h at I cou l d n 't u n d er stan d : t h at w h en y ou get d ow n to i t , t h er e?s r eal ly n ot h i n g m u ch to say. O r m ay be i t w as becau se, even i f t h er e w er e, sh e w ou l d n ?t k n ow h ow.

You ?ve r eal ly em br aced th i s h aven ?t y ou , I sai d .

D i ap h an ou s. Evan escen t.

Som et i m es I w en t to th e ocean an d p i cked th r ou gh sh el l sh ar d s, n am i n g th ei r col or s.

Aqu am ar i n e. Cer u l ean .

A m ar an th i n e.

D an d el i on s ar e ed i bl e, I tol d h er .

M ay be w e can even m ake a sn ack ou t of th em w h en w e get h om e?

A f ter a w h i l e of r ep eati n g th ese w or d s to m y sel f , I f el t th em star ti n g to u n f ol d , each on e a stead y bu t tr an sf i gu r abl e object th r ou gh w h i ch I cou l d k n ow th e w or l d . I w on ?t ever be qu i eted , I th ou gh t, w i th th i s m an y w or d s i n si d e m e. I t w i l l si m p ly be too h ar d to su p p r ess th em , to er ase th ei r tr an scen d en t m ar k s. Too h ar d .

Sh e r ol l ed h er ey es. H er sen se of w on d er w as w an i n g al on g w i t h h er m i n d , an d I w an t ed t o be th e on e to r esu sci tat e i t .

D oes y ou r n am e h ave tw o l ?s or on e? sh e cal l ed to m e f r om th e k i tch en on e m or n i n g. I w as i n th e l i v i n g r oom eati n g a bow l of cer eal .

H ey ! D on ?t k n ock i t u n t i l y ou tr y i t , I sai d .

T w o, I cal l ed back .

I h ave an i d ea, I sai d . L et ?s col l ect d an d el i on s.

Sh e l ooked ou t at t h e f i el d bl an k ly.

W e sp en t ou r w al k p i ck i n g th em . I gr abbed on ly t h e best , w h i l e sh e seem ed to p i ck ever y f l ow er sh e saw.

I t w as cl ear I h ad n ot i n h er i t ed h er equ an i m i t y.

W h en sh e n ear ed t o sh ow m e h er sp oi l s, I saw t h at sh e h ad been t u ck i n g d an d el i on s u n d er n eat h th e str ap of h er w at ch so t h at sh e cou l d m ake r oom t o h ol d even m or e.

W h at ar e y ou w r i t i n g? I asked .

Sh e si gh ed h eav i ly.

N ot h i n g, sh e sai d .

I f el t f r ozen an d ti gh t ch ested so I w en t u p st ai r s to l i e d ow n on m y bed . M ay be I ?m h av i n g a h ear t at tack ? I th ou gh t. I ?m ver y y ou n g to h ave a h ear t att ack , I th ou gh t. T h en I f el t tear s cr aw l i n g d ow n m y ch eek s. I l et th em f al l f or a l on g

40

A r tw or k : L ou Stor ey

41

t i m e w i t h ou t w i p i n g th em , th ei r t r ai l s d r y i n g on m y f ace l i ke cl ay.

Taci tu r n . A p l om b.

A m bi val en t .

D i scon sol at e.

O n e d ay m y br ot h er w an d er ed i n to m y r oom .

W h at ar e y ou ever goi n g to n eed t h e w or d ?can ti l ever ? f or ? h e asked , star i n g at m y l i st s.

I d on ?t k n ow, I sai d . A n d an y w ay s, t h at?s n ot t h e p oi n t .

W h at i s th e p oi n t t h en ? h e asked .

T h at n i gh t I t r i ed t o w r i te a p oem w i th th e w or d can t i l ever i n i t . ?m y w h ol e l i f e h an gs as i f f r om a can t i l ever : both stu r d y an d p r ecar i ou s?

M ay be w or d s w er e so p ot en t becau se th ey bor e t h e tr an scr i p t of ou r l i ves, I t h ou gh t . M ay be th ey t h em selves w er en ?t m em or i es, on ly car r i er s, h ol l ow u n t i l w e f i l l ed t h em w i t h ou r selves.

I m p asse. Cap i tu l at e. D i ch otom ou s.

W h at ?s th e th i n g y ou u se i n th e y ar d , an d i t goes back an d f or th ?

Sh e w ou l d ask m e th ese ty p es of qu esti on s of ten .

A r e y ou t al k i n g abou t a r ake? I w ou l d ask .

N o.

A l eaf bl ow er ?

N o.

A sh ovel ?

A l aw n m ow er ?

N o. N o.

T h en I d on ?t k n ow, m om . I can ?t h el p y ou . I d on ?t k n ow. You h ave to gi ve m e m or e i n f or m ati on .

Sh e w as bu tter i n g gr ah am cr acker s, excep t sh e w as u si n g m ar gar i n e. I t w as get ti n g al l over th e ed ges of h er p l at e.

I r an u p stai r s an d f ou n d an op en sp ace on on e of m y l i st s.

L aw n m ow er .

I w r ot e i t i n sm al l bl u e l ett er s.

42

TheSelfie The following works are the winners of our 250-word creative writing challenge!

A r tw or k : Ph oebe Bar n es St on e

43

Sel f i e J A l l i son A str eam of br i gh t col or s f l ow s acr oss th e scr een as m y th u m b

them to see that I can be beautiful too.

And they will.

p u sh es th e cu r r en t f aster . M y ey es gl an ce br i ef ly at t h e sam e f ace p osi n g

in

f r on t

of

Tomorrow they will see.

m an y

M y p h on e h ad r u n ou t of stor age

back gr ou n d s. I ju st n eed to f i n d

sp ace. I n st ead of d el eti n g th em

t h e r i gh t on e. I 'm bei n g h on or ed

f or ever , I p r i n t ed each on e to p ost

t om or r ow i n t h e l ocal n ew sp ap er

i n m y r oom . W i th i n a m on th , I 'd

an d w an t t h em t o u se th e best

f i l l ed an en ti r e w al l w i th squ ar e

p i ctu r e - t h e on e t h at sh ow s h ow

cu t ou t s of m e at m y best. A y ear

beau ti f u l I can be. T h er e ar e so

l ater , I 'm

m an y to ch oose f r om , each on e

sp ace l ef t f or an y t h i n g bu t m y

car ef u l ly cr af t ed an d w or ked on

m i r r or . I w ou l d cover th at u p , bu t I

f or h ou r s.

n eed i t to get r ead y f or sch ool . I t's

I 've been t ol d by ot h er s h ow f ake t h e p i ctu r es of m e l ook . H ow can they be fake when it's me in the picture?

Everybody

doctors

their

photos a little bit. I f it's so wrong, why

su r r ou n d ed , w i th

no

th e w or st p i ctu r e of m e, an d n o on e w an t s t o see th at . N obod y w i l l h ave to af t er tod ay.

Tom or r ow, ever y on e w i l l take back ever y th i n g th ey 've sai d abou t m e.

do they make apps for it? I only want

44

A r tw or k : Sh el bey L eco

45

A r tw or k : Bl an d i n e Br oom f i el d

46

V i ct o r i a Fal l s M egh an Robi n s ?Som eon e?s i n

t h e w at er ,? N oah

y el l ed , d u st i n g h i s v an to a stop .

Cad en t i ed h i s cl i m bi n g r op e to a N al gen e an d r an t ow ar d th e r i ver .

th e

w om an

u n con sci ou s,

Bu t

an d

gon e? su cked

w as

lim p, al r ead y

d ow n st r eam

p u l l ed

u n d er

th r ash i n g r ap i d s. N oah took ch ase,

h er

to

sh or e an d

m an

ap p ear ed ,

star t ed CPR. A

bew i l d er ed

cl ou d ed

?T h er e sh e i s!? h e y el l ed an d tossed i t.

Cad en

by

m i d d ay

booze. ?Sh e

f el l ...? h e sai d .

T he

sam e

i n vol u n tar i ly

sti n k f r om

stom ach . Cad en

w r en ch ed h er

bl oated

gagged

betw een

com p r essi on s.

r u n n i n g bar ef oot al on g th e ban k , catch i n g si gh t of h er p op p i n g u p

?W e w er e tak i n g a sel f i e...? th e m an

th en d i sap p ear i n g agai n . Fi n al ly, h er

cr i ed .

tor so got h ooked an d N oah , w i t h ou t

M or e p eop l e gath er ed . Som eon e

th i n k i n g, l eap t on to a k n i f e- ed ge

took over CPR.

r ock , cu r l i n g h i s t oes agai n st gr an i t e sp l ash ed by f r i gi d w at er . H e h oi sted h er by t h e bel t an d u n d er ar m s, r eveal i n g a bl ood y

gash

on

h er

f or eh ead .

?A n am bu l an ce i s com i n g,? a voi ce sai d .

N o p u l se. ?Sh e f el l of f th e f al l s...? T h e m an

?Read y !? Cad en y el l ed f r om sh or e,

p r essed h i s p al m s h ar d agai n st h i s

ar m s

ey ebal l s.

ou t st r et ch ed

acr oss

a

th r ee- f oot aby ss. N oah f l u n g th e w ater - l ogged bod y. Cad en cl asp ed on e f or ear m . N oah h el d f ast to h er an k l e. For a m om en t , sh e br i d ged th e

gap .

d ead w ei gh t

For

a

w as

m om en t , r i gi d .

For

?Ju st

tak i n g

m om en t , t h e r ap i d s r aged i n sl ow m oti on .

47

sel f i e? ?

Gen t l e ar m s l ed h i m aw ay.

N oah bal an ced on th e r ock , w ai t i n g.

H i s ad r en al i n e r u n n i n g d an ger ou sly l ow.

h er a

a

?Rop e,? h e cal l ed ou t.

Bu t n obod y w as l i st en i n g.

A r tw or k : Con stan ce M cCoy (Gr an n y C)

48

M o o n sh i n e Rober t E. Ray Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. ? O scar W i l d e

At n i gh t, I l i e i n gr ay, bl ack an d w h i te, h al f - m oon sl i ci n g th r ou gh th e w i n d ow ?

Guernica, Pi casso?s u gly d ep i ct i on of m an at w ar w i t h h i m sel f . A m I gor ed bu l l or d i sm em ber ed sol d i er ?

B ot h h ave a d eat h r at tl e.

At d aw n , I l i e i n th e gol d , f u l l su n f l ood i n g th e cool r oom ?

T he Kiss, K l i m t?s beau t i f u l d ep i ct i on of m an i n l ove w i t h a w om an . A m I m an or th e p ai n t on y ou r f i n ger s ? or bot h ?

At n oon , u n t i l h ou r s p ast m i d n i gh t y ou tr an sf or m m e, ch an ge th e cu r vatu r e of m y l i p s, th e col or of m y ey es, tu r n th e cr acked oi l i n to ly r i cs? a son g w e d an ce to, m y back to th e gl ass, m oon sh i n e on y ou r f ace.

49

A r tw or k : Yvon n e Rojas- Cow an

50

M y N am e I s?

M ay a Sood W h en I w as y ou n ger , I th ou gh t

an d cu r ly h ai r star ed at m e.

th e ex p r essi on ?a br oken h ear t ?

?D on ?t cr y, i t?ll be O K . W h en ever

w as od d . I d i d n ot u n d er stan d

I ?m sad , m y M om m y tel l s m e

h ow a h ear t cou l d be br oken . I

th at th e f eel i n g i sn ?t p er m an en t .?

k n ew y ou cou l d h ave a h ear t at t ack , bu t p eop l e on ly br oke th ei r bon es n ot th ei r h ear ts. I did

n ot

u n d er st an d

m et ap h or i cal

sever i ty

th e of

a

br oken h ear t .

m y sel f w h at a br oken h ear t i s f or f i r st

w h en

m y r oom . M y h ai r w as f r i zzy, an d m y f ace w as u n w ash ed an d gr easy. I t h ad been th r ee d ay s

t i m e.

Fr om

?W h o ar e y ou ?? M y y ou n g sel f asked m e.

th at h as

?I am ...? I d i d n ot k n ow w h at to

m an y ti m es. I t br oke

say ; I cou l d n ?t tel l h er th at I w as

m om en t br oken

w as ly i n g on th e w ood en f l oor of

si n ce I h ad l ast sh ow er ed .

I w as f i f t een w h en I l ear n ed f or th e

I sobbed an d h u gged m y sel f ; I

on ,

th e

my

p eop l e

h ear t I

th ou gh t

h er

ol d er

sel f .

ex p ectan tly

th ei r

I

w i p ed m y tear s f r om m y ch eek s

n eed ed t h em th e m ost . I t br oke

an d f el t th e scr atch es on m y f ace

w h en m y best f r i en d l ef t w i t h ou t

f r om

say i n g good by e. I t br oke ever y

i m p er f ecti on s on m y sk i n .

ti m e I l ooked i n th e m i r r or an d

?M y n am e i s M ay a.?

on

me

w h en

an

w ai t ed

w ou l d be at m y w ed d i n g, tu r n ed back s

f or

Sh e

p i ck i n g

an sw er . I

at

th e

tol d m y sel f t h at I n eed ed to star ve i n or d er to be beau t i f u l .

T h e voi ce i n m y h ead tw i st ed

H er ey es w i d en ed i n su r p r i se, ?M y n am e i s M ay a too!?

an d squ eezed m y h ear t over an d

I l ooked at h er . ?I t?s a n i ce n am e,

over u n ti l I w as th e sh att er ed

i sn ?t i t ??

r em ai n s of t h e i n n ocen t, l i tt l e gi r l I on ce w as. I cr i ed an d saw h er

t h r ou gh

my

tear s.

H er

tan n ed f ace w i th h er gap teeth

51

?I l i ke i t.? Sh e sai d , sm i l i n g.

WRITERS Kevin Zwierzchaczewski is a lecturer, musician and published poet. Self-exploration through the art of poetry as a means of communication and self-identity, as well as a tool for exploring our place in history, guides his writing. Of mixed Polish-Italian descent, he lives and writes between Croatia and the UK. Linda Laderman is a Detroit area writer whose poetry, prose, and features have been published in news outlets, magazines and literary journals. She often writes about social justice, aging, and her childhood in Toledo, Ohio.

Dick Altman writes in the high, thin, magical air of Santa Fe, NM, where, at 7,000 feet, reality and imagination often blur. He is published in Santa Fe Literary Review, American Journal of Poetry, riverSedge, Fredericksburg Literary Review, Foliate Oak, Blue Line, THE Magazine, Humana obscura, Tatterhood Review, The Offbeat, Haunted Waters Press, Split Rock Review, The RavensPerch, Beyond Words, Sky Island Journal and others here and abroad. He is a poetry winner of Santa Fe New Mexican’s annual literary competition.

He has in progress two collections of some 100 published poems.

Mark Williams lives in Evansville, Indiana. His poems have appeared in The Southern Review, Rattle, Nimrod, Landslide Lit(erary,), and The American Journal of Poetry. His manuscript of poems, Carrying On (Kelsay Books), is due out in 2022.

Rita Malenczyk is Professor of English at Eastern Connecticut State University. She is a writer, painter, and printmaker.

Indigo Hallett is an MFA candidate at the University of New Hampshire. They love contemporary world literature and their dog, Goose.

Peter Coe Verbica grew up on Rancho San Felipe, a cattle ranch in Northern California.

He earned his BA in English from Santa Clara University, a JD from Santa Clara University School of Law and an MS from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. He is married and has four daughters.

Allyssa Haygood-Taylor is a native South Carolina poet and author currently residing in Charlotte, NC. She frequently explores topics that include coming of age, womanhood and fantasy. She has had work published in literary journals such as the Asterism Lit Journal.

Ayomide Bayowa is an award-winning Nigerian-Canadian filmmaker, writer, and the (2021-24) poet laureate of Mississauga, Ontario, Canada. He became the first place in the 2020 July Open Drawer Poetry Contest, the June/ July 2021 Edition of the Bi-monthly Brigitte Poirson Poetry Contest (BPPC). He was a top-ten gold entrant of the 9th Open Eurasian Literary Festival, U.K, and a semi-finalist of the 2021 Cave Canem Poetry Prize.

He attained second place in the 2021 K. Valerie Connor Poetry Prize (Student Category) and clutched the third position in the Arojah Students Playwrighting Prize’s maiden edition with his play titled, “Recyclable Chairs.” He has appeared in a long list of literary magazines, some of which are Barren Magazine, Agbowó, Guesthouse-Lit, Stone of Madness Press. He currently reads poetry for Adroit Journal.

Allison A. deFreese's work appears in Bangalore Review, Harvard Review, Hunger Mountain, La Piccioletta Barca, Plainsongs, New York Quarterly, and Quick Fiction. Her book Nurdles and Other Poems is forthcoming later this year.

James Morehead is Poet Laureate of Dublin, California. "canvas: poems” is his debut collection, and he hosts The Viewless Wings Poetry Podcast. James' poem "tethered" was transformed into an award-winning hand drawn animated short film, "gallery" was set to music for baritone and piano, and his poems have appeared in Wingless Dreamer, Prometheus Dreaming and Prompt Press.

Isaac Murphy is an English major with a focus in creative writing. He is in his second year of studying at the University of Toledo in Ohio. While he has not dedicated himself to a specific career path, he knows he is interested in pursuing something in the creative arts field, having spent a majority of his childhood up through high school reading and crafting stories of all kinds. He has no currently declared minor, but with his family coming from a heavy musical background as teachers or performers, he will likely pursue something in this direction.

Danielle Selber (she/her) is a matchmaker in Philadelphia. An American-Israeli dual citizen with Moroccan roots, she completed a thesis on trends in secular Jewish dating for her Masters in Jewish Studies at Gratz College which led to her work as a matchmaker. Danielle has written a dozen published mini-books for a local imprint of Hachette and has ghostwritten everything from a wedding ceremony to winning nonprofit grants. She is unpublished as an individual writer.

Chava Evans is a Rabbi Chaplain in Washington D.C. Rosaura Garcia Godinez (she/her) is a Latina poet from Redding, CA. She is currently attending St. Mary's College, where she hopes to attain her MFA in Creative Writing for Poetry.

Emrie Oliver lives in the Colorado mountains with her husband and a gaggle of animals.

Salem Paige is a queer, nonbinary poet who plays with the conventions of poetry to bring intentional discomfort to their reader through sublime raw imagery. Their work examines uncomfortable subjects in a disturbed way, notably their struggles with mental illness, as well as coming to terms with their gender and sexuality. They have had their writing published in the Ariel Chart Literary Journal, BiPan magazine, MEDIUM magazine, SAPPHIC art magazine, and Love and Catastrophē Poetry anthology.

Kat Stubing was born into the sticky heat of summer and has been searching for the right words ever since. She studied at UMBC and went on to take sketch writing classes at Upright Citizens Brigade. Kat lives, works, and plays in New York City.

Gabrielle Fiedor is a Boston-based writer, zine editor, dancer, and guinea pig owner.

J Allison is an avid reader and writer; a bibliophile, amateur philosopher; social/political inquisitor; self-actualized life form having a human experience.

Meghan Robins ’s work has appeared in WOW! Women on Writing, VoiceCatcher, Haunted MTL, Powder Magazine, Kokanee Review, and the short story anthology Tahoe Blues.

She holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Sierra Nevada University and is currently writing her first novel.

Robert E. Ray is a published novelist and poet. His poetry has been published by Rattle, Wild Roof Journal, The Ekphrastic Review and in three poetry anthologies. Robert lives in coastal Georgia.

Maya Sood isa freshman at Oberlin College double majoring in Psychology and Creative Writing. Since a young age, she has been writing as a coping mechanism for anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and an eating disorder. Her ultimate dream is to become a psychologist and publish writing pieces that strive to break the stigma surrounding mental health and help others feel less alone. She is currently working on a creative, non-fiction 'memoir' book that details her personal journey with mental health that she hopes to publish in the future.

VISUAL ARTISTS Cover art: Ancient Mothership by Ernst Perdriel. Ernst is a multi-field artist (visual art, photography, writing - French) born in Montreal (Quebec, Canada). His life mission is to transmit the passion of the cultural and environmental heritage through arts, lifestyle and sharing of knowledge. Perdriel has contributed in numerous publications since 1992 as a writer, illustrator, artist and photographer, as well as in self-publishing. website: www.ernstperdriel.com Julia Purdy, Things That Are Not Seen But Within. American artist Julia Purdy is an abstract painter based in Boston, MA Her art is intuitive - it originates from fully-formed compositions that she’s envisioned before she picks up a paintbrush. Her body of work often incorporates symbols and hidden meanings and encourages the viewer to connect to the inner-self on a personal and global level.

Elaine B. Chao, Into the Grey #1. Elaine is an Asian American, queer artist working in Queens, New York. Her work utilizes a hybrid of digital and traditional techniques that involve processing acrylic paintings through different programs, including audio programs. She currently exhibits with Solas Studio and Pleiades Gallery in Manhattan, New York.

Yvonne Rojas-Cowan, Torn to Pieces; Lost in the Colors of My Soul. Yvonne is a contemporary abstract painter with Chicago roots living in the Catskills of NY. A selftaught artist, her art is characterized by layers of depth and resonance, expressive and dynamic marks, and a variety of interesting textures. IG: @artkarma_1 website: www.artkarmastudios.com Kala Cullars, Gargantuan Green. Kala is a visual artist and poet based in Chicago. Her art is meant to attune people to the infinite power of the imagination.

Mark Rosalbo, Hope (2020). Mark was raised in Leeds, Maine where he spent much of his early childhood exploring along the banks of the Androscoggin and Dead Rivers, the latter one of only a handful of rivers in the world that can flow in either direction. After graduating from high school, Mark moved to Los Angeles to study at The American Academy of Dramatic Arts. After graduating from AADA, he moved to NYC and remained in the city until shortly after 9/11 when he moved his family to Vermont to enjoy the banks of (this time much cleaner) rivers.

Joy Kloman, Grace in Balance. Joy earned her M.F.A. from the University of Florida and completed her B.F.A. at the Kansas City Art Institute. Her experience includes teaching art at the University of Mississippi, Oxford, where she was a tenured associate professor of painting and drawing for graduate and undergraduate programs. Additionally, Kloman taught a drawing course in London, England.

Michael Day, One Step At A Time. Michael is a combat veteran of the USMC and an alumnus of Columbia and Northwestern Universities. He is a spoken word poet, author, photographer, cinematographer, and producer.

Roberta Berman, Goat in Quarantine, encaustic on masonite, 15"x15". Roberta is a writer and multi-media artist living in New York City. Often her writing and art mediums merge.

Xiao He, Self Portrait. Originally from Chengdu, China, and currently lives and works in New York City, Xiao He is a multidisciplinary artist with a focus on painting, drawing, and visual communication design. Xiao graduated from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago in 2018. A member of the Oil Painters of America association and recipient of 2021 GDUSA American Inhouse Design Award, Xiao has exhibited internationally at Genova Di Biennale (Genova, Italy), Upstream Gallery (New York, USA), Sullivan Gallery (Chicago, USA), and Zhou B Art Center (Chicago, USA). Her mixed media artists’ book with original poems and photography is now part of the permanent collection at Joan Flasch Artists' Book collection in Chicago.

Nicole Jones, Roots and Wings. Nicole is a mixed media artist residing in lower Westchester, NY. Much of her inspiration is drawn from “natures seemingly abstract but beautifully deliberate forms and processes.” In her paintings, nature continues to be an ever present theme as well as her admiration for the cultural origins of native body art and adornment.

Angela Ruth D'agostino, profoundly grateful for peace.

Christian McCulloch ('WART'), Venitian Panels. Christian is a prolific Short-story writer with a background in Fine Art. He's been an international teacher in British West Indies, Singapore (Principal), Japan and Hong Kong, also 10 years in Special Needs in UK. After 30 years in the Far East, he returned to UK and now lives and creates in London. His stories and artwork have appeared in many modest but worthy magazines.

Constance McCoy (Granny C), I Dreamt I Could Fly #3, Blue Moon #1. Constance is an abstract artist from San Tan Valley AZ. Constance began her art journey very late in life as a hobby after retirement where she prayed for guidance, inspiration, and maybe a little talent. She is delighted with what she has created thus far because she never thought it possible or even dreamed it and can’t wait to find out where this all leads her.

Mary Morgan, Before The Sun Goes Down. Mary is an abstract expressionist painter and a former art teacher. Her artwork is about her life journey that expresses the joy of living through abstract form and color. Her influences include: nature, spiritual truths, family and everyday events.

Beth Crawford, Don't Blink, Lower Manhattan Street Art, 2021. Beth grew up during the Cold War and as a child was fascinated by images of the Berlin Wall covered with the outrage of the inhabitants of that divided city. She chases those images in her art as she photographs graffiti in cities around the world and uses those images to create art. She is fascinated by the punk, law-breaking aspects of graffiti, but she is most drawn to the constantly changing, inadvertent graffiti collages. Graffiti as a raw, evolving being. bethbluegrace@gmail.com. IG: yellowdog.noho.

Sarah Balsley, Human Landscape. Sarah is a visual artist and writer exploring themes of love and gender through sensual curves that challenge the viewer to question their perceptions of the social construction of strength and beauty by confronting the senses.

Dina Fachin, Shape of my heart, Graphite and soft pastels on paper, 14 x 17 in, 2021. Dina is an emerging artist originally from Italy living in Saint Louis, MO. She works with both dry and wet media and her favorite subjects are the human figure, nature, memory of

place and the challenges of climate change. She brings in a mindful and meditative approach to all her projects, as she believes that art is the ultimate exploration into our inner lives.

Heather Nichole O'Brien, Death takes breaks to watch the sunset too. Heather is an artist from Cleveland, Ohio and when she's not reading or writing, she loves to create darkly fun characters who can come to life with the help of of some canvas and acrylic paints.

She takes a lot of inspiration from the likes of Tim Burton and the aesthetics of Cartoon Network in the 00s, both of which have helped shaped her into the artist she is today.

Johanna Porter, In Praise of Chaos. Johanna was born and raised in Miami, FL. Her career includes over three decades of working in the realm of graphic design and art direction. In 2019 Johanna relocated her studio to Seattle, WA and began creating artwork more relevant to her personal growth.

Lou Storey, Dandelions. Lou Storey is a visual artist, writer and psychotherapist. He lives with his husband of 33 years, Steve, and their family of cats, dogs and chickens.

Phoebe Barnes Stone, True Selfie. Born in 1987, Phoebe grew up in the Boston area. She graduated from Harvard University in 2010 with a B.A. in Visual and Environmental Studies. After building her art portfolio she attended the School of the Museum of Fine Arts a school of Tufts University and received her M.F.A. in 2018.

Shelbey Leco, Reprehend. Shelby is a 27 year old born in Marrero, Louisiana. She was raised by her mother and father between the Greater New Orleans area and the swampy marshlands of the Barataria. Shelbey was always a curious child and enjoyed exploration. Being immersed in art and nature are some of her favorite hobbies.

Blandine Broomfield is a Christian mom of 10 finally finding her art time. She was raised in a cult but got free when she was 30. She finds life to be exquisite.

Contents 0 1 Cast aw ay s Kev i n Z w i er zch aczew sk i 0 3 A l at e i n l i f e ex p er i en ce L i n d a L ad er m an 0 4 T h e Sty l i st an d th e D ead D i ck A l t m an 0 6 Con f essi on s of a Sep tu agen ar i an M ar k W i l l i am s 0 8 H ow T h i n gs H u r t U s Ri ta M al en czy k 10 O r i gam i Sw an s Fal l i n L ove I n d i go H al l ett 13 Cu i B on o? Pet er Ver bi ca 16 M y Gr an d m ot h er Cu r sed M y Fr eck l es A l ly ssa H ay good -Tay l or 18 St y l i n g Pi k Ay om i d e Bay ow a 20 H on ey A l l i son A . d eFr eese 23 d i ssolv i n g i n th e gal l er y Jam es M or eh ead 24 T u esd ay I saac M u r p h y 26 Sp l en d or D an i el l e Sel ber 29 B el ow t h e Sh ad ow H ou se Ch av a Ev an s 31 T h ey W er e W ast ed Rosau r a Gar ci a God i n ez 32 T h e W an d er i n g H al f - Jew ess Em r i e O l i ver 34 gen d er d eat h Sal em Pai ge 36 D eat h N eed s to U n i on i ze K at St u bi n g 39 Su m m er of W or d s Gabr i el l e Fi ed or 43 T H E SEL FI E Ch al l en ge i n cl u d i n g J A l l i son , M egh an Robi n s, Rober t E. Ray an d M ay a Sood

Beyond Words I nternational Literary M agazine I SB N 9 78- 3- 9 4 89 77- 22- 1