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SEXUAL INTEGRITY Š Better Blends Relationship Institute 2012

SEMINAR OBJECTIVES •Define and explore concept of sexuality •Link sexuality with issue of integrity; why should sex be governed by integrity? •Examine the external and internal influences on our sexuality •Examine the impact of “sexual resolution” on personal fulfilment and relational success


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It’s used to sell products It’s a recurring theme in books, on television, in movies and music videos It’s a source of great pleasure It’s a source of problems like AIDS and unwanted pregnancy 5/1/2012


It’s the most talked about topic

People lie and cheat to get it It’s a powerful communicator It’s used to express contempt and exert control It’s one of the most intimate ways to express love 4

Defining Sexuality Our created self or our biological identity Our understanding of how we relate to the opposite sex Our interaction with our own sexual feelings 5/1/2012

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Our understanding of how we relate to our own sex

Our social experiences with respect to sex Our beliefs and values about sex 5/1/2012

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Our sexuality does not speak to what we do or how we do what we do; it is who we are. 5/1/2012

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Across cultures, traditionally sex has been viewed with much suspicion, uncertainty, significance and some ritual. It continues to be embraced as an important rite of passage.

The focus on sex for pleasure and emotional well-being is a relatively new phenomenon.


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Sexual Mapping of the Sexual Personality Social expectations

Parental influences

Peer influences

My sexual style/core or my sex centre

Personality traits


Media influences 9

The Stages of Sexual Development: Not Chronological but based on attitudes to sex. Stage one: Sexual Childhood •Avoids sexual responsibility

•Allows spouse to initiate sex •Delays sex in marriage

•Uncomfortable, awkward and ashamed when discussing or having sex


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Stage Two: Sexual Adolescence •Willingness to be sexual •Enjoys sex and sexual experimentation •Focuses on own pleasure only •Disengages from partner emotionally/spiritually •Objectifies sex; refers to sex as “it”, “piece” or “some” •Uses sex to manipulate/control 5/1/2012


Symptoms & Challenges of Sexual Adolescence •Disengagement: fuelled by fear; facilitated by private addictions (romance, sex-porn, fetishes, S & M) •For males the focus is on sex as a dominating, controlling, penetrative act, leads to practise of infidelity •For women focus is on power, control, manipulation with sexual favours, infidelity 5/1/2012


What are the relationship dangers inherent in remaining at the sexual childhood stage or the sexual adolescent stage?


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How does an understanding of the stages of sexual development relate to the concept of sexual integrity? Integrity is . . . (INSERT PERSONAL VIEW)



SEXUAL INTEGRITY • Ensuring that the intrinsic, created, positive values which are inherent in sexuality, are aligned with our own sexual behaviours and choices • Re-examining our core sexual values • Realigning our sexual behaviours with our sexual values and vice-versa 5/1/2012


Sexual Integrity & Development Stages


• Our understanding of sexual development stages is important because if we remain “trapped” at childhood or adolescent stages, as described here, then our interaction with sex and our sexuality remains primitive and immature.


What is the impact of being “trapped� developmentally, on our intimate relationships?



Why Integrity? Personal integrity in the area of an

individual’s sexuality is at the heart of establishing healthy family relationships.

Sexuality is an integral part of intimacy and commitment based on love and trust, and

without this basic foundation . . . healthy families will not develop or flourish. 5/1/2012


It is only through personal responsibility and accountability for sexual behaviour, along with clearly defined boundaries and changed attitudes, that sexual integrity will be established. 5/1/2012

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Stage Three: Sexual Adulthood •Understands & accepts the role and functions of sex •Gives unconditionally in a sexual relationship •Is able to dialogue about sex •Is self-aware


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For Personal Reflection: How will I walk in sexual integrity? •Establish personal responsibility & accountability •Set clear boundaries •Change negative attitudes/beliefs Write concrete examples for working this out 5/1/2012

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Realignment of Our Sexual Centre Recognition that all sex is spiritual There must be agreement between internal sexuality and external sexuality or outward practice

Faulty sexual conditioning can be reprogrammed 5/1/2012


Aligning sexuality with integrity ensures that sex is the gift that God created it to be; not a controlling or bartering device but an expression of who He is; a display of unconditional love; this does not rob it of its fun, excitement, heat or passion but rather, enhances it. 5/1/2012

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Contact for Appointments/Bookings/Seminars Tel: (246) 416 4236 (246) 820 7387 E mail: Websites:

Sexual Integrity  

Presentation explores the concept of sexual integrity and highlights its significance for our relationships and personal well-being.