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The Bugle is Written & Designed by the Bethany Press Team. The Bethany Press Team puts together each edition of The Bugle magazine. We meet almost every Wednesday from 2.30pm.– 4:00pm at our Learning Centre at: 65 Bonnington Road, Leith, Edinburgh

We are here!

and this is our team Frequently Asked Questions What is the Bugle? Well the dictionary says that it is a musical instrument like a small trumpet. Our Bugle is a quarterly magazine. As beginners we at The Bugle are first learning our trade as reporters, editors or just plain gofers. In time we hope The Bugle will become a much read and much sought after local magazine that people will enjoy and discuss until the next issue. Where is The Bugle available? From hostels, drop-ins, libraries, churches, doctor’s and dentist waiting rooms… look out for it! Who are we looking for to write for The Bugle? Anyone! But especially people who are or have been homeless. Most members of our Press Team have been, or are currently homeless. What can we submit to The Bugle? Almost anything you can think of. Drawings, poems, comments, Photo’s, Sonnets’, puzzles ect...and if we forgot to mention anything then feel free to write and tell us. E-Mail: felicityfyall@bethanychristiantrust.com

If you have any comments on The Bugle or would like to get involved give us a call or write to us at: Felicity Fyall Bethany Community Education 32 Jane Street Edinburgh EH6 5HD - Tel: 0131 454 3119

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WHAT WE HAVE FOR YOU THIS ISSUE Welcome to the first edition of 2012! This edition hopes to challenge you on the effects of mental health and how those that suffer with it can have a difficult journey but it also wishes to inspire you with the stories of hope that people have got through. As usual we have many great stories, poems and art work which we hope you will enjoy reading. Many thanks once again to Robert McGregor for editing and designing the Bugle, you have been fantastic!, and to all the dedicated Bugle team who come along weekly to encourage and motivate one another. Best Wishes FF

ISSUE # 26

CONTENTS

Page 2 Map, FAQ and Information Page 4-5 In the Spotlight: John Palmer Page 6-7 Roundtable: Group Quotes Page 10 –11 My successful failure 77 Page 12—13 Art Gallery Page 17 The Beatles: A Brief History Page 14 Woman’s Group Poems Page 18 Road to Recovery Page 24 Help Numbers

The views expressed in The Bugle are not necessarily those of Bethany Christian Trust. An Antidote for Fear and Worry Discard all you are not! And go even deeper. Just as a man digging a well discards all that is not water, discard until there is nothing but the truth. Give up the tendency to define yourself. Brian Stirling

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his issue we speak with John Palmer and our usual spotlight interview turned into more of a roundtable discussion between John and the group, with John asking us almost as many questions as we asked him.

What is your job title? My title is Public Health Practitioner and I have come into this job from a long history of working in the voluntary sector. My job is to work with lots of partner agencies both in the voluntary sector and with the council services such as community learning and development. My aim is to encourage activities, projects and programmes to help people maintain their wellbeing, to keep thems42362elves active and learning. I also want to encourage support for those who have or have had addiction or a mental health problem and those who are now on the road to recovery. My job is to try and make sure that work in the area is meeting the need of the people. The area that I cover is from Newhaven to Craigmillar – a pretty big area within three neighbourhood partnerships. How has your job developed? When I started this job nearly four years ago, we had to think about the kind of issues that people are dealing with in their day to day lives. We started off in Leith with a Health and Wellbeing group, and involved as many different organisations as we could find, including NHS and council staff. We are always trying to develop the work we do so we can improve people’s health and wellbeing.

“For most people these problems are not lifelong” Where are the main problems? There are many issues involving people using alcohol and especially drugs in Leith. But there are many ways we can help here. But the

community members also said to us we should take a longer term view; in particular we can support parents who may find it a struggle with things like parenting and caring for their kids. We can support the whole family. Then these kids will hopefully have a really good start in life and feel able to cope with the world as it is and find their way in the world. Is there anything developing in the Leith area? Next month there will be a change in how some services work together. The Alcohol Referral Team, social workers, NHS staff and alcohol addiction workers such as Turning Point, will be based together in Leith Links as one service, so people can drop in there and get help. What is important when working in this kind of service is that you can develop trust with an individual, then work out what you want to achieve, what your goals are and then plan how you are going to get there. Often things like benefits or owing money on rent need to be dealt with first and you can’t think of anything else until that’s right.

“A man in a certain place has a life expectancy 26 years less than a man living in another part of the city” Some people have a diagnosis of a mental illness depression, anxiety, psychosis or another issue for example problem drinking. For most people these problems are not life long. So the really crucial thing is that regardless of whether someone has a diagnosis or not, everyone has a need to look after their mental health and

RIDDLE ME THIS: What goes round the world But stays in a corner? 4


wellbeing. There are things we all need in life - for example feeling safe, having friends and people around us who make us feel secure, a good standard of housing, being able to do the things we enjoy. Without these things all of us can experience stress or unhappiness or not feel well. So it‘s important that we focus on these aspects as well as on services.

The team with John Palmer

“Mental health is something we all manage everyday in our own lives” Have you seen a correlation between alcohol abuse and mental health issues? There is certainly an argument that alcohol can be used as self medication for mental health problems, many who have drug and alcohol problems may also have mental health problems. But Scotland itself has a problem with alcohol. It is important that we understand the ways in which people use alcohol in their daily lives. This could be about coping with difficult or painful things that are happening, or because it is seen as the way to socialise in Scottish culture. It is important for services to look at why someone has poor mental health or why they are increasing their drinking – for example because of money worries or family break up or coming out of a violent relationship- so that they can support people while they make changes in their behaviours and life. Have you seen a higher number of people with mental health illnesses because of a lack of work? I think rising unemployment is a factor but we have not got the latest report yet. It is well known that not having money, work or a house has an impact on physical and mental health. In the city of Edinburgh, a man in a certain place has a life expectancy 26 years less than a man living in another part of the city because of particular factors. There is evidence that you are likely to be in better health if you are working. I don’t think it is easy for people that have mental health

problems to get jobs; Forth Sector, a social enterprise with its own businesses helps people get back to work, also Transition helps people with drug addictions. Helping people get into a routine and having a meaningful role, and that’s not always through paid employment is very important. How do you think people can manage mental health? Mental health is something we all manage everyday in our own lives, and something we are involved in with the lives of our family and friends. Doing things we enjoy, taking time to meet people we enjoy spending time with and looking after our bodies are just three of the things we can do to look after our mental health. It is important to learn from other people how they manage their own mental health. I think the more you give, the better you feel. Part of this is about maintaining wellbeing by organising and supporting each other. Some people manage mental ill health through medication and I think there is a real skill that NHS Staff and GPs have with this. If you are going to medicate, you have to get it right - I feel that it is very complex. Everyone is different and manages it in a different way. A barrier to managing mental health

“The biggest challenge is not having sufficient funding to resource activities and help” issues is that sometimes people don’t know about all the services that are around. We need a greater understanding in the health service of how we can help people with sharing similar experiences. Language is very important here, to avoid stigma. Personal relationships with other people are also really key, maintaining wellbeing and getting better. What do you think is the biggest challenge that organisations are facing? Probably the biggest challenge is not having sufficient funding to resource activities and help as much as they’d like. That is always a real struggle. The reason I work in this field is I think it is better to try and stop people having problems: prevent them rather than cure people who have them. You could think about this like a picture of someone about to fall off a cliff. We want to stop them before they fall. If they do fall all the way to the bottom you need all the emergency and health services, which is not great for the person. You don’t want to have to do that if you can stop the fall in the first place. That’s why I do this job. Bethany Press Team

I don't need feet to dance I don't need lungs to breath I don't need Life to live or die......................What am I? 5


During the Roundtable discussion on Mental Health the team had some interesting things to say and here are some of those

GROUP QUOTES What do you think about mental health? “You can’t see mental illness, not like physical disabilities, they don’t know that the person sitting next to them on the bus may have a mental disability, you just can’t see it” “It is a silent illness and it is a stigma definitely, people could be in this room with a mental illness and you wouldn’t know it” “Many people that are not in the system just can’t get help” “When you have a mental health problem that leads to drink, when you drink more it makes you happier, it is a vicious circle” “I can remember years back, I had a problem, I just thought it was me, the way I was, part of my make up”

Your experience “You are always going to come in very late in the picture I think, the sequence is suffer, identify, suffer some more, get so angry you ask for help, then finally the help is in the picture, you are the 5 th step in the illness, talking about alcoholism you have to hit rock bottom, to admit you have a problem, it’s almost like an identity, I was made to feel like a waste of space, I used to be suicidal regularly, and made a change because of a very special moment in my life, and from then, I have taken responsibility for only me and I am fairly steady” “I deal with depression in a different way, I have a medical condition, and also have been a carer from a very young age, and it has affected my life in such a way and I felt that I had to be the strong person, in charge of everything, it is important to look after yourself, I stayed away from drinking and drugs but I was doing things like working too much. There are different ways of coping with depression, on the other hand I tried to meet up with piers that had the same experience or go for a walk. I do believe you can recover but at least you know how to deal with it, while still suffering with it, it is good to see the setbacks and what triggers your mental health, it is very helpful to have this information. If you have never had this information beforehand, there is the stigma, if people know that there is help out there and where to get the help, the media need to deal with mental health with more diplomacy” “I drank a bottle of anti freeze and was in a coma for 3 days due to relationship breakdown, mental health problems, and it kinda exploded, it was coming for a long time” “My homelessness, for me it was a good major turning point, I was going to actively deal with my mental health problems, I needed to be homeless to start all over again, and got to see lots of health professionals” “Rock bottom was coming round still alive and thinking if I am so stupid I can’t kill myself I better do something useful with my life” “Through drink I ended up on the streets carrying a knife, that was the lowest part of my life, my friends came up to me and said this is not for you, but I had friends that supported me”

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever” 6


About Care / Doctors “First and foremost I am a person with difficulties, I don’t want to identify with my illness, it’s just a small part of me, it’s not who I am. I want to help health professionals to think outside the box, there is not just a tablet that can fix it all” “I consider myself lucky, I went into children’s care in the mid fifties, I class ‘care’ as back then, just got and sit there and we will get to you in a while. You learn to wait for help. Somewhere along the line I thought to myself, if I am going to get better, I will have to do it myself. The reason why I feel lucky is that larger amounts commit suicide than survive it” “Issues are issues, people are people. Doctors need to think that way” “What’s the point in putting a cloud in your head when you’re already out of your head” – (referring to taking tablets.) “I think you need 2 or 3 doctors to assess you, not just one opinion” “One doctor assumed because of the family I had wrong with was alcohol or smoking or drugs…but I didn’t do that stuff, I was a difference to that family, but he just assumed I was the exact same” “A doctor in 5 minutes can’t cure you; a CPN can talk to you” “You have some doctors who are so busy prescribing; it’s just another face in the conveyor belt of illnesses” “You need to find the right doctor, somebody that will understand that particular thing, mental health problems are like a fingerprint they are different to everybody, and the causes can be different. You need to find a way of articulating what is happening before they can diagnose”

What to do to help “If you are in the house on your own, you feel depressed, you need to smash the glass ceiling, you need to get out and about take a walk, and get out” “I find when I get out the house, I feel better, working part time, doing something helps depression, so you forget about it” “I like Seasons project, they are very expressive, go out for walks, help you feel better” “People matter, people need people, you get to know somebody and feel like you helped them from unhappy to ‘I can just about bear this’ you feel satisfaction, and that’s the only real satisfaction for me, people being better than they were before I met them” “There is only one way up, its finding people that can help you and give you support you need.” “If there are no problems in life, there are no challenges there. Everyone has a different view on it, whether it is a problem or a challenge”

We would like to take this opportunity to express our gratitude to the team for being so honest and open about their past and present issues.

THANK YOU Ralph Waldo Emerson “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” 7


MENTAL HEALTH

LOOK DEEPER Albert Einstein “Imagination is more important than knowledge” Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi “We must become the change we want to see.” 8


Are you Ready A man who hears a knock at his door has the right to answer or ignore the choice is his to make not knowing what’s at stake. Answer shows two strangers standing there. “Here’s a pamphlet for you to read to help us sow the seed that can make you whole and even save your immortal soul.” Straight to the point; no preamble. They are committed to the task so much so they don’t even ask but tell you it changed them for the better turned them from sad soul to go-getter. As Jesus saved them, he can now save you. That is their honest belief. What do they know of your grief your struggle with loan arrangers your fear of the total strangers offering you the holy grail; a happy life. Your life has been one lonely bust don’t know how or who to trust. Let’s look for that single clue that tells you what you should do to win your share of the good life?

A Breathless Journey

Contemplating God

Straight jacketed onto the roundabout of hell propelled and pushed by prejudice and poison no space to think no time to breathe dizzy with doubts dulled by despair the jacket gets tighter and tighter the roundabout goes faster and faster crushing controlling contorting a breathless journey of endless pain.

God if you exist Please give me a sign The sceptic cried in despair

Trapped in a tornado of treachery spinning suffocating out of control out of mind no stimulus no sensation the tornado spins faster and faster the treachery goes deeper and deeper crushing controlling contorting a tender hook journey of endless strain.

God is a much anticipated reply To a message in a bottle Thrown into the ocean Many years ago Hitting rock bottom

Crippled by the millstone of constant compromise self blaming self doubting too dry to feel drained to unhappy to feel sad the millstone keeps grinding the compromises never solving crushing controlling contorting a dismal journey of endless night

And who do you think gave you the inspiration? God replied

Uncatchable glimmers of hope flashing flying by Consider what your good book says past potential fading future simmering about the man who kneels and prays? thorny seeds He cannot and will not be ignored sowed in the haven of lifelong ambition that is why many have scored The glimmers bring light Are you ready to give yourself the chance? The hope bears fruit looking leaving listening Jesus is here not for the wealthy or the A breathless journey of endless pain. happy he’s here for those seeing life is crappy. The penetrating lever of poison He comes to give a helping hand halted held to those who want to make a stand. different light different angle Are you ready to be helped to a happier new vision new solution ride the lever stops pushing behold he knocks; will you invite Him the poison stops penetrating inside? liberating leaving letting go the breathless journey of endless pain. Alex J. Anderson Julie Ann Thomason

The sign did not come Just like I thought he sighed God is nothing but a fata morgana * An oasis in a vast desert Luring the thirsty and deluded

The sceptic laughed at his own witty contemplations

Monique van Aalst *fata morgana means illusion

Resurgence A broken barren mind Feeling probing for solitude. - Searching With deep desperate need Revive Review recharge A soulful spirit Only desiring to give to care to create parched arid acid senses soaked saturated by forceful gentleness Shockingly startled into Full feeling function Sensing ephemeral freedom Not now concerned confused By contaminated corporal space. Julie Ann Thomaason

Audrey Hepburn “Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm ... As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” 9


My successful failure 77 This is a story that is going to start where it should have finished, and had to finish before it could ever start. My name is Ronald William Haughie, I was born and bred in a scheme called Kirkmichael in Helensburgh, Dunbartonshire on the west coast of Scotland, and I’m almost 40yr old. I left school with no qualification’s, I was in more foundation classes than a beauty therapist, and I couldn’t have got a higher if I phoned a taxi, not because I was daft but it was more fun upsetting the teachers, and getting suspended, so I could go out with my Father for a few weeks casual, cleaning windows. To make some money, buy some nice clothes and help my mother out. In a world where the scars of your life would be your teacher, and like most people it was the ones you could not see that hurt the most. Every scheme has a young team and from an early age I made a name for myself, I was popular', game for anything, I would have fought goliath, saying that I never bothered anybody who never bothered me. I loved a good laugh and liked a drink and my best mate was my brother Daniel from wee boys to grown men, if you fought with him you fought with me and vice versa. I was lucky enough to get a job as an industrial refrigeration engineer, not long after my teachers from school agreed to suspend me again indefinitely, with my fathers approval it would be in the best interest of everyone and the people sitting o levels would get peace to study what they had been working so hard to achieve. My job was good I worked all over Scotland, went to engineering collage in Glasgow and got many qualifications over two years there but to be honest I just wanted to earn money to get nice clothes and have a good time, I never thought of my future, I lived for the weekends but that would all change as my drinking slowly progressed and the trials of my life would take me to a place where nobody wants to go, drink and drugs is a full time job and where nobody goes for an interview. I remember I was in my granny’s toilet at 14yrs of age with two cans of lager and a packet of mints, bought with the money I made on the fruit and veg van I worked on at the weekends, I done that most nights. I will never forget looking in the mirror that night; I could hear the tune from Dallas blaring from my granny’s television in the living room as I downed my second can. Thinking to myself what will my life be like when I’m 40, would I be married with children and have a good job or take my family on nice holidays? I was going to do and see amazing things, the world was my oyster, I will never forget that night as long as I live, the world was exciting and I was looking forward to making my mark, but that was the night I realized young Ronald liked his drink so much that much he was prepared to sneak into a toilet to satisfy a habit that would steal his dreams and destroy the future of a promising young life but I would not realize this until much later on. Little by little, piece by piece, my dignity, my self respect, my personality, my appearance changed so dramatically, it wasn’t a question of who I was but what I had become, the most sobering feeling I’ve ever had ironically was realizing I was an alcoholic. After many years of mainly alcohol abuse, I ended up with all I ever really had ‘’’’Family’’’’, they stuck by me through thick and thin, family was everything to me and I was about to let them down in ways I could have never have imagined, ma maw ma da uncle Davie auntie Mary ma brothers and sisters in your addiction it’s the people who love you the most who really get hurt. I was a constant worry to those who really mattered in life. was I in the jail in the hospital lying in a gutter or dead. My mother was a bag of nerves and to say my father was disappointed was an understatement he never said it but I know he was gutted, seen it in his eyes.

Henry Ford “There isn't a person anywhere who isn't capable of doing more than he thinks he can.” 10


I ended up alone in a crummy flat (mind you there was nothing wrong with it till I moved in), with a basin full of blood, bile, and, vomit it was like something out a bad film and I was up for an Oscar for playing the bad guy in the story of my life. my nightmares would begin when I woke up, to another day of addiction, scared to open my window in case the curtain fell of the nail that was separating me from the rest of the world, where insanity had become normality, and hope well that was just a street in Craigendoran, But remember you can get addicted to watching star trek, but it will never make you Mr. Spock.

Contempt of my sobriety Gazing at the stars one night what’s this all about As I take a drink of wine and cast another doubt My head is sore, my eyes are glazed, my body’s not quite right My self destruction membership I pay it every night Now social drinkers listen to my point, you will not see And future alcoholics that say that won’t be me It started at the weekend, I thought it was a laugh From days to months of weekend drink I found another path My roads lead to redundancy and little did I think The job I'd have on Monday, to find myself a drink Money fae ma maw again for that there’s nothing surer Coppers bottles tae the shop and get myself a curer I hope it hold it down this time the last can made me sick The devils Strongbow super he gave me it on tick But gazing at the stars last night the fog and mist so black Remembered all my sober times as my memories take me back Could I get them back again as I began to think Mr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde that’s just me on drink One night I was going tae the shop for a bottle of chemicals, that had the cheek tae call its self cider, to see me through another lonely night in addiction, I met my cousin, ‘there’s a mad Christian bus on Buchanan road’, she told me while giving out tea and coffee, 'ha ha' ‘well I’m just the man for them’, I said I'm going to noise them up on the way down the road!, I wanted to know where 'God' was in a scheme full of drink, drugs, murder and suicide, and lack of opportunity as I limped up the two stairs on to the teen challenge bus, with a beard wearing the clothes I had slept in since my auntie mary last managed to tempt me into a shower with the promise of a few cans, little did I know I was about to embark on a journey. I could never have imagined to grow into a destination that was myself, to find a peace that transcends all understanding with hope and a purpose in a life that had to finish before it could really begin, a journey that started on a bus that wasn’t even moving, my life was going to be changed forever and I mean forever, what’s the use of buying a piano if your designed to play the flute? You see I’m the same as you, totally unique my fingerprints, my DNA code different from any other human being that ever has or will walk the face of the earth, to reignite my dreams and step into my future, make my mark and to help the troops stuck in the trenches of addiction. You need a poacher to catch a fox, I’ve been there I know what it tastes like and I can still smell it. I have the scars that nobody can see and life was my teacher, I’ve found a way out that is for all and it will change your life beyond imagination ‘the old has gone and the new has come’. Ronald William Haughie Bethany hoose ‘Come and see changed lives at Madeira St Baptist church, Leith outreach Tuesdays 10.30 till 1.pm, lunch provided, all welcome what you got to loose a '''' habit'''', everybody’s got a story and yours is important!’

Arthur C. Clarke The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. 11


Monique van Aalst

Monique van Aalst

Garry Miller

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Garry Miller

Jason Caldwell

Garry Miller

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POEMS FROM THE WOMAN’S GROUP Wee Beasty I think: Crawling, creepy, scary I see: legs, antenna I smell: bad I hear: scratchy I feel: frightened, itchy, horrible The Wild Italian & Scottish women

Wain I think: dirty faces, playing I see: trouble I smell: milk, dirt I hear: laughing, noise I feel: happy & scared, good

Unnamed The stars are beautiful cloud shadows across the fields freshly cut grass after rain birds singing at twilight door and doon and wabbit my Burn’s supper

Christine and Sadie Sandra Taylor

Lassie

Brew

I think: young, cheeky, school I see: pretty, leggy, make-up I smell: perfume I hear: music I feel: old

I think: aah - lovely I see: cup I smell: tea/coffee I hear: kettle boiling I feel: warm, comfort

Nadia

Kay

Spurtle I think: of porridge I see: dry oats I smell: sweetness of syrup I hear: bubbling away on the stove I feel: relaxed with warm I taste: sweetness Lucky Kair

Puggle

Laddie I think: boy, cheeky, fancy I see: handsome, tall, macho I smell: feet, aftershave I hear: talking I feel: happy, proud The Wild Italian & Scottish women

I think: you look puggled I see: myself puggled tomorrow cause I have a busy day I smell: because I am puggled I hear: that you were puggled the other day I feel: so puggled I taste: dirty Anonymous

Hoose

Besom (a difficult woman)

I think: cosy, comfortable, family, relax I see: beautiful I smell: chimney, food, warm, welcome I hear: noise, family, children I feel: relaxed, cosy, good, welcome I taste: food The Wild Italian & Scottish women

Bairn I think: we have all been one of these in our lives I see: the swings in the play park swinging higher and higher I smell: candyfloss at the shows I hear: noise!! Happiness and joy I feel: the excitement bubbling up inside of me I taste: the joy of everyday life! Anonymous

I am moaning all the time, People moaning all the time, Baking coming from the kitchen, The sound of running water, Safe and cosy in the house, My favourite chilli con carne Suzi Rodgers

Aristotle “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit” 14


The Central Bar in Leith Walk. I went into the central bar for a jar, It’s a place I once stayed overnight, I got locked up in the dark when I went for a And the worst of all I did not know where I was, But I now know it was all for a good cause. In the central bar they like to keep everyone happy, Outside the counter was good music and inside the counter was a lovely Colene, And the smile in her eyes that took me by surprise. I met her down Leith Walk, About this I should not talk, But the smile in her eyes it takes me by surprise. I meet the girl on my giro day, And twice as often when she gets her pay. It’s the smile in her eyes that takes me by surprise. Now Elle Marie is going to pastures new, There may be other girls like her but very few. And I know we are going to drift apart, And when she goes, she takes away my heart. The last I seen of Elle Marie there was a tall dark stranger by her side. With rippling muscles and eyes of fire, She looked so small beside him so tall. And I felt the same as he looked down on me with his smoky eyes. He just drifted in from I don’t know where, And where he’s gone, he did not say and we don’t know when. Some say this tall dark stranger is a man of danger. Now Elle Marie didn’t like goodbyes, She just likes good guys. The tall dark stranger took her here, And the tall dark stranger took her away, so come what may. Tim Tate – from the Men’s Group

and walk round the ship. Been to Canada and Greenland, in Greenland there are a lot of Indians who come out and sell you carvings from whale bones, really amazing but expensive. One of my favourite places is the Faeroe Islands; they have a totally different way of life. It is relaxed, a small population no bigger than the number of folk living in Leven area. I was on the Faero islands, especially the south island at a place called trangesvaag. Inside of their churches are beautiful, they are all gold. And they make amazingly warm jerseys. They have their own island language, a mixture of Icelandic and Danish. Colin Findleton ___________________________________________________

SFA-Get A Grip This season (2011-12) the SFA have appointed a new member of staff. His name is Vincent Lunny. His job is to watch over footballers whom they think are not behaving on the park. In my opinion, it is a total waste of a wage! Even former FIFA referee Kenny Clark doesn’t understand what his job is! Up to now, a few players have been banned for doing goal scoring celebrations-which is only human. The SFA, in my opinion, are run by people who have never played the game and have no idea what is involved. Lee Griffiths of Hibs has been banned three times for gesturing to fans after goals were scored, which some people never even saw! What really wants to stop in the game is diving which, in one game, a player got away with! Though he did dive, Mr Lunny says he did not, but everyone can’t be wrong! I feel Mr Lunny’s job should be looked at-is it worth a wage? I don’t think so…There are qualified referees on the park to punish players, not you, Mr Lunny! Bobby McLean ___________________________________________________

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When I think of you far off, My precious Saviour will hear my prayer. Even though further and further away you seem, My Story Thou art nearer to me than hands and feet. I stay with my partner but it’s her tenancy, I would like a house Draw me closer to thee is my only plea, Except that thou wouldn't cause the devil to flee. of my own. Been waiting nearly a year. I’m hoping for Around me art thou and underneath are the everlasting arms, something in this area, my previous house was a private let. I hope to be in full time employment soon, working back at sea. I Feed with your new wine, help me to stand upon the rock. Christ Jesus is with me all the way, hear me say. hate not working, been unemployed for a year and more, it’s Rest in Him, cast all your care on Him. horrible. Jesus has risen from the dead, When you’re at sea you’re away from the land, its more relaxed, And has become our living head. When will all war cease, done it nearly all my life and I feel at home when at sea. You can be away four to six weeks at a time, and the money’s good. And we have eternal peace? Being in a ship is like a close family environment. Supply ships are designed to take as much cargo as possible, so the cabins for the crew are really small. You get cabin fever after you spend a few hours in this tiny space you need to get out and meet others

Winston Churchill “We are still masters of our fate. We are still captains of our souls” 15


Tracy thought Bugle readers would like this poem by: Sri Chinmoy

Love and Fear Love is never afraid of fear Fear is always afraid of love No destruction fear In oneness love No oneness love In destruction fear Fear beckond danger Fear is self enslavement Fear is the eternal loser Fear is helplesslyfounded Upon stupidity Fear secretly travels with the mind And openly travels with the body Because you fear god the satisfaction Does not hear you god the perfection If fear knows how to grow

My Special Little Angel Words can’t describe the day Jesus took you So quickly I think about you night and day; There is never a moment when I don’t think about you My special little angel Chloë. When I see other little ones, it feels a constant reminder that I can’t show my little one off. I cannot bring you up. I imagine all the things that you would be doing now: Walking. Talking. Going to Nursery. I grieve, not being able to share these things. I grieve not seeing you take your first steps or say your first words. I can’t hear you say ‘Love you, Mummy’. I’ll never forgive the way you died. I still buy toys for you. It’s a tribute! It’ll be Mothers’ Day soon, which makes it extra hard. I’ll light a candle for you. My special little angel.

Gone, but never forgotten. From your loving Mummy

Wayne Gretzky You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. 16


THE BEATLES: A BRIEF HISTORY The Beatles were first formed by John Lennon as a skiffle group know as The Quarrymen. They tended to play local halls and the inevitable church fetes, On meeting Paul McCartney at Liverpool Art School he decided to split the Quarrymen and form a new group called The Silver Beetles Paul McCartney had a young friend called George Harrison whom he advised John Lennon to give an audition to Lennon duly impressed to take him on board. The Silver Beetles were quickly beginning to make a name for themselves with their stage shows and the word was passed to a young music shop owner called Brian Epstein who had a chain of shops called NEMS. By this time the Silver had been dropped from the name of the group and they had managed to secure a residency at the Cavern Club in Liverpool’s Matthew Street. However, Epstein wanted them to broaden their musical influences and to do that he duly signed up the band to play in Germany. In the burgeoning club scene that was Hamburg. With its mix of both British and American servicemen this would prove to be a good test of the group’s ability to impress an international audience so to speak. The club was in the very seedy area of Hamburg called the Reeperbahn, which was more famous for ‘women of a dubious nature’ than it was for “rock’n’roll”. On returning to England, Epstein managed to secure an audition with Decca Records, But the group were nervous and did not perform to the best of their capabilities. The irony was not lost on him, for the group that Decca did sign was none other than the Rolling Stones. Epstein was not discouraged and with his music contacts managed to get the group a second audition with a smaller label called Parlophone. On this occasion the group did perform to their capabilities and a much sought after record deal was secured. The group now had to think up and write some new material for recording. They decided on a song called “Love Me Do” as their first release. The record is now mostly remembered for its harmonica solo by John Lennon rather than its artistry. It was to put a small ripple into the charts. By this time, George Martin was interested in the group and had asked if he could produce them. Epstein was happy with that as he recognised that Martin was a budding genius in the making. The next single was to be called “Please Please Me’. This record was to provide the Beatles with their first number one hit. The Press and the media began to take an interest in the group and were to call this, somewhat prematurely, “Beatlemania” (which was to amuse Brian Epstein). Later in the year the Beatles were to be invited on to the Royal Variety Show. Lennon was to make his famous remark “will those in the cheap seats please clap their hands, and those in the posh seats just rattle their jewellery!”. Plans were now underway for the group to embark on their first tour of the U.S.A. The Beatles knew that they had a very good following in the U.K, but trying to break into the American market they thought would be their biggest test to date, On leaving Heathrow Airport to go to America, they could not help but be a little bit apprehensive. Upon arriving in America, they had to endure the obligatory press conferences, and they handled them with their typically deprecating Scouse humour. The American press corps was quick to take the group to their hearts and the next step for the group was to be an appearance on the top variety show of the moment: the Ed Sullivan Show. When The Beatles went on the show they completely won over the host not to mention the scores of girls in the invited audience. The appearance by The Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show was a master-stroke by their manager Brian Epstein in P.R. The Ed Sullivan show was watched that evening by some 170 million Americans. If the British thought that they had a monopoly on “Beatlemania”, they would soon find out that the world at large would also take George MacAndrew

RIDDLE ME THIS: ANSWERS Answer One “Stamp” :-) Answer Two “Fire” :-) 17


Cha Maloney

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MY VIEW ON MENTAL HEALTH Mental health means to me knowing how to get and stay well in general, especially in times of distress and adversity. It is about having the ability to cope with the situation and looking well after your self. Hidden depression From the outside many ordinary people look like they know how to deal with their every day lives. They don’t seem to suffer a great deal but what happens when they are on their own? When they are alone they might experience moments of distress and anxiety or have panic attacks on a regular basis. It is misleading as it gives people the impression all is well while inside they feel like falling to pieces. This false idea of having to be strong and act like ‘super human beings’ all the time make many sufferers from mental health problems feel isolated as they could find it hard to address certain issues. As there is still this stigma attached around mental health problems. The media in their portrayal of extreme cases where people literally lose the plot don’t do much justice either. Not to mention health professionals with their clinical and often biased approach of the client with mental health difficulties. Is recovery possible when you are suffering from mental health problems? Having own personal experience with depression, bereavement and other challenging issues and as a carer for a family member with Bipolar Disorder I learned throughout my life how to cope and engage in the care needed to look well after myself. I joined a support group for family members of people with Bipolar Disorder which helped a lot in handling distress effectively. My own experience made me resilient and compassionate to other people’s problems. I would like to stress how important it is to look after your own wellbeing and don’t feel embarrassed and ashamed of going through a breakdown. There is help out there and you don’t have to go it alone. I believe that recovery is possible but it doesn’t always mean that you are fully cured. Sometimes it could mean that despite your illness you still be able to live a good quality of life. In other words your illness doesn’t rule your day to day life as you’re the one in charge. What do you think: Are mental health sufferers‘ beyond repair’?* My involvement with the Lothian Recovery Network in the past taught me to recognise triggers, setbacks and most of all how important it is to speak your mind and find trustworthy people who are not defining you as a diagnosis as some narrow minded psychologists, psychiatrists have done in the past (and still might do), which could be damaging and undermining. It is very important to get the right help finding health professionals with an open mind and a positive outlook. They believe in the person’s recovery and help them to get better. People suffering from mental health problems are not deficit people beyond repair, even though their mind is not working according to plan. They are people who are emotionally vulnerable and need help. As there are so many different types of mental disorders, do you believe that there are still people out there in the world who don’t suffer from a disorder? Anxiety Bipolar Disorder Chemical Dependency Dementia - Alzheimer's Depression Depression Treatment Eating Disorders MPD, Dissociation Personality Disorders Schizophrenia Trauma and PTSD OCD

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BD: Bipolar Disorder, formerly known as Manic Depression PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

MPD: Multiple Personality Disorder Personality Disorder: Personality disorders usually begin in your childhood.

Persons with these disorders have problems relating to people. E.g. borderline personality, schizoid paranoid, people self harming and people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) are just a few of the more commonly known disorders under this wing. Training around mental health and recovery Professionally I worked as an adviser for people with mental health issues and briefly as a peer support worker. I attended some Recovery related courses, facilitated by the Lothian Recovery Network as part of the NHS, using a management tool called WRAP, Wellness Recovery Action Plan. I also attended a module Realising Recovery which was focusing on how health professionals in particular could support people with mental health difficulties in the best possible way. The modules didn’t only raise awareness in recovery it was also designed to apply a recovery focussed practice with person centred support. Monique van Aalst

So what is your opinion on mental health? 19


Expectations It is hard to inspire passionate fire when the aim is to survive. Just staying alive is the prime goal of life. Passion burns as a low fire embers of desire once felt as deep hunger because we were younger you felt invincible even immortal Then life left its mark. Living became stark every effort bent on staying alive. The only aim, survive beyond the wintry night ahead Living is off the street into a flat dead you’re another ‘stat’ showing you failed to stay alive. That is why you strive but have so few dreams of pleasure. Safe indoors warm and fed pleasure rears its head demanding satiation. Suddenly an active imagination makes demands so long forgotten. Life is seen in having friends, living new trends, going out like safe people do; being one of a crew. Life’s aim is now, ‘live the good life.’ But dreams so long denied are thing never tried. Living with desire, burning with a new fire what is the right thing to do? Do you taste every offer work to stock a coffer with funds to allow pleasure or sit, safe, and treasure the life you have begun to have?

Poem I had no choice, I had to flee or else, It could have been the death of me. Now my home was gone and I did not

know? Anywhere that I could go, only that I had to run but where and how, I rest a few days with someone dear who hears my cry. Help me, for I am hurting. Sadness and sorrows for so many years, Well up inside me and now come the tears. Hot sobbing tears like it will never stop. Where did the courage come from? To leave everything and go, I prayed a prayer. Suddenly help comes, I find myself in caring hands of people who understand. I am allowed to tell at last many painful things, wounds of words and deeds. My healing has begun. I am put in a place of safety. I can rest and rest is o so sweet. Thankful I will always be to the lovely caring people who come along side of me. Helping me each step of the way in to my new future and it is good, very good. I now have a new home to call my own. Thank you Lord, for these people, Lord.

trundle along, playing the tortoise to their hare.” What policeman, while chasing a speeding truck, on looking behind, if he sees me, is going to think “that noisy, old, legally travelling truck, dwindling in my wake is the one I should be trying to capture?” If they got pulled over, with an empty truck, the worst they’d get is charged with speeding, that’s a fine and points on a licence. If I get caught it’s a jail sentence and we all lose out. Aye, though people say bad things about it; I say interference has its good points.

Volunteering

I am going to tell you about volunteering. I started volunteering about four months ago but I have been going to Abbeyview community centre for about a year. The staff asked me if I would like to volunteer and I said yes straight away. In volunteering I make tea and biscuits for EWA Bethany and others the elderly people, and pick up the rolls for them and I also set up the bingo for J.C <3 Toni Bobby them and I play too. I volunteer from 10:30-2:30 on a Tuesday and a Friday. I really enjoy it and they Tortoise and Hare enjoy my company as well and I feel like I am being useful helping someone else out. The old truck trundled and swayed The old people love me! They are all very alarmingly up the beach. “New shock nice. I would like to work with them in absorbers and a quieter exhaust are the future. complaints to voice if I make it away We sometimes go on trips, we went to St safely,” Just in time I pulled into the gulley, switched off the lights and engine. Andrews and we are planning on going to Dundee. That was the sirens and three sets of headlights racing to catch me on the Joan – Toastie Club beach. I thumbed my citizen band radio, “Decoy needed, North Beach, 3 cars coming my British Heart Foundation way. I’m safely in the gully, lights off, waiting for them to follow you.” I have been volunteering since last The speaker answered, “No sweat, we’re February at the British Heart Foundation ready to take them on, good luck; and I really like it. My job there is complain about the necessaries at our next security and to stop people taking things meet.” Sat in the cab, of a contraband out the door. I also sell raffle tickets for loaded truck, I filled the waiting time with them too. I volunteer there every day with thought. “The secret of successful a good team. I hope I can be there in the smuggling is to play hide and seek, in the future; it makes me get out every day. darkness. I sit and let the faster, younger, truck be the decoy that is chased while I Douglas Forbes

Mary Shelley “Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose, a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye” 20


Jerico Jericho City is called Jericho because it is famous for its palm trees and for the green oasis, two miles up the Dead Sea. The city sits between Mount Nebo in the east, the Dead Sea to the south and the Central Mountains to the west. Besides huge palm trees Jericho is famous for its well proportioned melons. It is one of the oldest cities in the world and it is the lowest city below sea level as well. Jericho City is written in the Bible as being the first Israeli city and led by Joshua. It is a hot city, warm in summer, cold in winter but comparing to the other cities it is the warmest city in winter as it is down the sea level. Jericho has the famous Dead Sea, with salt water and no living creatures or species living in it. In the sea people could have a mud heating treatment which is good for the skin. The mud makes your skin very soft. The Dead Sea is close to the river Jordan. The Dead Sea resorts are controlled by Israel. The Palestinians had to travel the same roads but can’t go to the Dead Sea. As you are coming down Jerusalem to Jericho City you feel the air pressure blocking your throat because you are going down a steep hill. An interesting fact is that the scrolls were found near Jericho hill. The Old Testament was believed to be found there by a shepherd when he was looking for his lost sheep. Jamal Salah ‘The main attraction in Jericho is Tel-e-Sultan, the site of ancient Jericho. In reality, little remains beyond a few piles of rocks,that archaeologists now tell us were once part of towers, staircases and other structures that date back at least 7,000 years. The oldest stairs and wall in the world are on the site. The layers of 23 ancient civilizations were uncovered here and may be as much as 9,000 years old’. n.b. Excerpt is taken from the Jewish virtual Library.

I have a cat I like to clap She is so cute Her name is Skye She likes to scratch and bite And jumps about and Likes running wild Around the house She is a pest but I I love her so I realy like cuddling her She loves lying at the bottom Off my bed and playing with My toes

Getting my cup, milk, sugar, hot water Of course the tea bag Oooooh ahhhh Don’t forget the biscuits Now I am relaxed and calm Ready to chat about my problems Ooooh ahhhh Being with my friend Enjoying a British tradition Oh its lovely ooooh ahhhh Tracy Oh no, I hate it disgusting, bitter No tradition of mine Oooooh Ugh coffee

Groucho Marx “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to spend the rest of their lives in an institution” 19

Tracy


HOMEWORK THE BUGLE NEEDS MORE CONTRIBUTIONS SEND US YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR ARTWORK, YOUR WRITING AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU FEE L IKE SAYING

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WHERE CAN I GET THE RIGHT HELP? Streetwork Crisis Service 22 Holyrood Road (0131) 557 6055, 24/7 freephone 0808 178 2323 24 hour provision of advice and support. Food, laundry, showers & lockers available for those accessing support.

Salvation Army Regenr8+ 25 Niddry Street (0131) 5231060 A drop-in that provides food for a small charge (£1 for 3 courses), showering facilities, a clothing store, an advice service and various events organised from time to time.

Support for Women: Women’s Aid Crisis Helpline (0131) 315 8110 Shakti Women’s Aid (0131) 475 2399 Streetwork Women’s Service (0131) 476 2023 Support for Young People: The Rock Trust (16-25) 55 Albany Street, EH1 3QY (0131) 557 4059 Medical Help NHS 24 0845 42 42 424 Helplines: Drinkline Scotland 0800 7314 314 Advice and information for anyone concerned about alcohol misuse Frank 0800 77 66 00 24-hour drug helpline Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 Shelter 0808 800 4444 Housing info and advice. 9am-5pm Mon-Fri Crossline 0845 658 0045 Counselling helpline Depression Alliance Scotland 0845 123 23 20 - Mon-Thurs 11am-4pm Breathing Space 0800 83 85 87 Mon-

Food: Grassmarket Mission 86 Candlemaker Row (0131) 225 3626 Various activities for people to get involved in. Free Meals served Tuesday 6-7pm, Wednesday & Friday 12-3pm (limited space) Little Sisters of the Poor 43 Gilmore Place (0131) 229 5672 Free sandwiches available for collection. Everyday 12-2pm and 5-6pm. St Catherine’s Convent 4 Lauriston Gardens (0131) 229 2659 Free food: Mon to Fri, 9-11.30am & 5.30-6.30pm St Mary’s 61 York Place (0131) 556 1798 Provide sandwiches at 5pm every day. Jericho House 49-53 Lothian Street: entrance on Bristo Place (0131) 225 8230 Free soup kitchen: Wed & Thu, 6-7pm—Sun 10.30am -1.30pm Missionaries of Charity 18 Hopetoun Crescent (0131) 556 5444 Meal at 4pm most days (not Thursday) Bethany Care Van Free soup & hot drinks: every night, 9:00 - 9.45pm at Waverley Bridge, and then other locations.


The Bugle #26