Page 1



ItiE Box 22113



SF CA 94L22

SunreySapJ tli de. ho,At Rra,dtrs! tlq are*Ae rrsuil; o{ xur 'A + R \nponffuodersSoyThenost rvrtit suru€1, u'Frsf \r,. \lanf l, fuonk u'0,Sn lhin45.' Darndrst rapw{trq ('it

tl4udon4 s€e qu)r tr',trletil'st ei{/rrr

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R"b'I+ Tfptt? \'.f{ thalv jrsf wlaf 6lrpl d'hitn

Thebeatl,6rl) lark' t NYc ii'd.l /tul what dboo'thaired *aacl Cnrpus ' ',, chris*i ? Sle tatts itr tup-

R;rJr^on' siar loolrh'h*. ,Jona+han ! Yo!'\^,

haveSrnnqnadersf Ftrfis{an"e,aitce,'rri-ln,.rrd he's.*ie t2,lfn' lls sqs, y 14; JenL[ b0! #om 6eur"f '.f 0r vlceyve45t', in04e af'^ Dn€ of +hL pips.n C",* Kfupa,{ *heit Cti€hrd Fried o{ Sr names I|rJ'..'*tl J^\ totl, i; rnth d,rs loi*.,lrttrt^"t^',,i 'fhat wdJ-(t'n' {hnru' agda A;d;.




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P.O. Box 22LL3

TaFTEN - NEqER ril ERRoR rN nuBT'

S\.nset S.F. eA 94L22

5v,\.y 4t! IL + botuZ 14 dudes }vrso rnulbtLlrnW'+ asL4r't, Putqougot',|: n;W furvcy t\g's kA*R Pnlort'Vnd€fu! the Mr'ndesf k"srtll.

\l{e r{er€ eofr\ nof 'lo hr,rtr(rt^

Snan'GtlNe Nadmdil,"

'lhor'Chrishsn ltus lzru. Youlmg.+ 0ods, walsh,6e.r6o "headS $ow,'ihtL ltrneA{ R, nlU *utl Sonevery6*! Qnswers tt cmdhauedsne wL rca l4rret.#0ts 5vb*ri[drs.thsu1tfltn, .'\gur addrtgl^ th,nqAh*l W beina u,r{h ort fu"not &$,ie

pi, ir.t/'o{f,s gof^fu +inerherc | Crnon A*'R."-Polr+. "

io fof k.n Yikts, flrYe. r, I w;at r il"f Aeuer poisone/ 5o,lig rhu dsul#,+ a9 +t*y ^1 oot hercn ' $r ehoi cottftr6l4t thqlr.rVr, I am ten




-I urishr Ud ne{echen l.liXs{" h"S, SarthfteoJ"na

- J.ttt fleltera" &rq 5chiarto. Do* flitl tlallcl






a a

I wish I


had never:

One thing

- ?Ken$rt o*{rechot{' l?ore,ry". ., J Ke.rin uri{h the

want to

I wouldn't


under ny bed isi

'lr.o.d c*c,utic5 at AeK*a.

BoY,t'lilf Ulhl


' lbnord G*ll'l coI fwrn. I'H:,S'S"f",, basiach 0ad,0 &got| fibec 5prn3


- Lrrld i"&Lhnd $rvr. FnlLrron. o+


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-Bro[ 6F.

AarE O"dd,Nlc I


met a


cb*'ircn't^', ^it; '"'ilt gewor hqlt^, trnrrortetnl - Fltn tirtc'lor: " '-Ki.n 5F - Seen+, bno . Torgef:on, t

Iltlec ( - A.r{"nc*'o "l{acamo kV Johson,

.ii e",

The most offensive

:::fdm i stirr




ab-out the


A&R Report

- Nonule gic$rs d ltctlret'rnen (.rlhrrc clsc) cd' Rtchaedlorne"c' 5F

\ NotenoEh+'r[.

1f,uin?.l'ce,ftc 'reade6 - TL€ | 'rE ' 5F *"io"l

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' [o got']rocr , &;vto,'d Ande('on - Not o{&nriue.enough' ^, -l Nf9 iorng>'-"t.'-' c ffo*lt:l'. 'jo"It+tJ'us l.'lh L -- r- lz.u6 Flouo^d ttoular b(v t*5vc>' - when thgl t'dt


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'goSuR!EY sAYsl

get, The older our readers the more they look like a lot of things, but - ed.) (Yikes. sheesh, "Arthur Fiedler" and "death"? Rick Johnson "a gross of L6 oz. Diet (thatrs Reek to you. -ed.) says he looks like - ed.) Pepsi bottles in a sleeping bag." (Go figure. The older "God." (Welll -ed.) And our Glenn O'Brien gets, the more he looks like s)rmpathies to Mark Bingham (thatrs who looks Mac Bagham to yoffid.) "an old fat piece of fish." like Maybe those same sympathies should be extended (ooooh. -ed. ) to the New York City reader who answered "a shell of my former self." And one of our Berkeley readers is starting to look "a Pontiac." (Can I get a ride home? -ed.) more like People laughed yhen I bought it, Brady doll" but I still love my "Marcia (probsays Bob Falfa in Virgi.nia. And Bruce Anderson says "my girlfriend" " f u r ry -ed.) pricet ably paid list An anonlrmous reader loves his condom." And no matter how hard people are laughing, one San Francisco reader (Very funny. -ed.) And Joel still loves his "A&R Report subscription." just Schartzer in Elkhart Indiana loves his "dj.ppy bird."

Joel'l d;pprlbitd+ The thing about sex that still bugs DaIe Sophiea is "the chafing."(And we know how painful that can be. -ed.) (Pew-eeel Isnrt Another anonymous reader is bugged by "the smell." there scne sort of product to take care of that? -ed. ) Elana Nanapolis answers "being naked," and The New Rich "the potential Stim says it's liability" -ed.) that still bugs him. (Donrt get mad, take rem to court. According to Steve Frushour in Bowling Green, Ohio, the vorld may be "the past to dwell on." And our favorite hell, but at least therers stiU (Bang your head, Ed. -ed.) creepy-crawler Ed Flowers says "Motorhead." Angel Corpus Christi seeks comfort in this hellish world with "reverb." For Paul Dodd of Rochester, even tho the world is hell, there's still "heaven. " (Awwww... - ed. ) People donrt think Irm spiritual but "that eggplant over there does", says J.R. Brody, and a Culver City reader says "but there has to be (When am I some reason behind those 20 hits of LSD in my fridge." "But I like 6iTng down? - ed.) a blow-job as wetl as the next guy", says Frances Densmore (Is that spiritual And a reader or what? -ed.) (Well,you from Moosejaw, Indiana says "but, hey, f gilAEs-TEey're right." nBut I am" says Peggy Fournier. should know, I guess. -ed. ) (You Howard Thompson says capitalpunislunent rappers." is OK "for must be crazy. You move too fast. Fact 1s I don't know where your "The ill-mannered" -ed.) hand's been last." should be put to death if a San Francisco reader had her way, and likewise for "shrimp, " (Shrimp? -ed.) according to yet another NYC reader. G.O.B. of Brooklyn gotten tells us that one part of ury body thatrs (How big is it? -ed.) bigger in the last 12 months is "my aura." Stephen Greenfield of Minneapolis says the part of hIE body that's -ed.) gotten bigger "is missing." (Didja look behind the refrigerator? A mid-western reader says "my feet. They seem to weigh more each time I -ed.) put them on the scale." (Yo, Bigfootl




.OFTENrA' ERROR NErER tn oou6f

"herpes", says Brian Walsh. vtry I never received understand I canrt "a completely unselfish " D i a p e r e d . ) r ash", (Thanks for sharing, Bri. (Readers, we love ya. -ed.) stripsearch." and "a tickertape blow-job" "saint-hood". understand why he never received cantt A reader in Berkeley Kevin Teare of NYc Ha ha. -ed. ) (Maybe you need to check your breath. "the living life owes me." (What kind of a man are sayl he never got -ed. ) And a reader from youa what do you wanna do with your life? "universal acclaim." for her w a i t i n g i s s t i l t G r e e c e over in iay the hell is of hyglene nrle of Las Vegas says the most imPortant Kim Torgerson "never eat "donrt while a Phoenix reader says ihave legs too fast" for The Matchmaker. -ed.) (you two should audition with ltgs.', anything "always make sure you have enough says indianapolis iiara of ferwin - ed.) And again from Rick (Ya know rem outttt -pyaap- el or vs e d o w n . ' , ( B a r f m "eK e ep your chute locked!' rem) Johnson (Ah fer crysake, Rick. -ed.) "Clean the turkey baster." e d . ) ( w h e i e e l s e ? f r a n c i s c o And from San "use a wire scrub-brush." a tip to readers, From one of our more gentle like to 'date' rould the ones our readers of stars, Of all the children LiSa Marie Presley (HowardRobert Downey, Jr. (me too. -ed.), are: -ed.), Tawnee welch (Hey, whatrs individual. Thompson, you are a'sick teenage nymphette, Huntington Hartford's wrong with mom? - ed.), one reader wanted to strap on. er, and finally, Rossellini, Isabella but also (yeah, Jr., excuse me, I mean date, not just franX Sinatra, Michael Douglas, but in what order? -ed.) Tenessee Ernie Ford, Jr., and Robert de Niro. our readers Here are some substances yogurt, and (You teII Yoo-Hoo, dirt,

out cou]-d never drink "myself." me. -ed),


a coffee


seem brand new is "they Irn glad I gave up drugs,/alcohol one reason glad because i s c o u n t y P w o f o r a n g e E f f e t . P e r c i v a l s a y s again',, ,'i generally says Ronnie Silverman know where my car is parked no\d." Several of you answered at home." vomiting it,t because "I only like "huh?", ot "could you, Ii-ke repeat the question", and. something like "I Canrt remember." their receiving For our readerS who are CUrrently please stop asking us to send you A&R Report at the Betty Ford center, "a little OK? something." rork' after question, I used to l.ike to And now, the last determined tfiGdffiETave Well, to --. like Now, I just in these survey resu]ts, be printed on" answer f rom-oiE-Teacte-iE6[1d tn.i thatrs and tElT one answer com-6s from THEE west coast sex-sltmbor maniac' "I used to like work. to get drunk after EDDY FLOWERSItt itrs right, " ( Use condoms, Eddy, just to smoke pot and masturbate. like f.foi, i just Ha Hat t -ed. ) to play it safe. who always sends in not to hear from George Davis, Gee, we were sorry and Tony de Toro, and who else? Uh, Thor Christensen, snch fnntty answeri, Don? -ed' ) But to our (was one of those anonymous lou, and Don Ciccone rEM, WHATTA WE GOT FOR in tni-l&TlE-s[rvey: who did participate readers B I L L ? TT t

1. |'m glad ,f,

finally making it'-.\

" ilodonna"- (evinTor€,ru\c 4.. "ilq brother + hi5n-girlGrrnd"-f 0odwin,A:*or'n NY

- "ABtt Corpu: Chti*i'- qilu,J R,.gel,Cincinno{i - OonCcanberryr - uCrcliolrnq' 6ong Plonct

2 . Music hasn't been the same since " UcKClcck Da'irs,-LeogotJ tnS 6or ganl:fond'l-(reorge retrrcd -


..rorcc'l-DqL5ophm,ts&lol o{hr .lfinnlhe h^rnon +tc church ollosrrdtnglcumenlt


.*'\deo1en"- tldit plerr,cf5, &lrer Ci\ cA I lott rn1vtrnl+ crockedlrr\ crqniurn "the Droogen+JnorEJ {o,e.,rrl."-y1al+ql{r't\oo,*"1land S;ngo, $anano,fpli*. Ftegle,

j' * LonAon Rtcoc& lost fie RolliqStoncs- ?'tlt'l Rnqtt

3. I shouldn't have waited so long to fix my -

"wagonn" 2igpec"" tdeul"

6lennd&ien, Boolrlyn I , ansu'ect/- eC.) Onnt fegg|, fun frdrtitgto (one of Ar {a'.roirte

Dic[.l6el.,Canoda " dagltet'; +€*h' - (tchacl Siegel

'{irsf\u*^(ong$er oneo€A: {"*;ihe//) Drlaudid^- AichoelLock\ea1 " dlccm" - ftnlreaRog,Sanfrartcisa 9n',oKe " ui.tnolq" - [*^orgeDorirs " drg" - ttichatl&retn5*.,n,51rocuse " Prog*hrt,s"-Dlrwr North,5o{ Franc,iro

4. Two things that have been in my medicinecabinet for more than a year are - " Jpon6 , 5ol $"Pdtitq"- ilerb Kclisr'nan,\'rarrtaShNY - ' tht rhe\.rtt t {trewtirroc" - 0roocFo"k1, 5p

" + 0etaldl {qlr teelh - f' SolJurin - u rlicks inhaler - kle Soghrca,BecLele,l - " ?ol1-3rip + 0rarnarrrne' - " Preuiofel+{.J" - fierwrnTrircq) NYc - "ho\bw:h +deolocot"- LutherS\"t, h,tt \olle1


5. I would considercross-dressingif



" $a ha!l' -tJ')" - oitutcloo'lh,sr -ru)h 00n\\hosehad " ;:;l* OqklanJ oni-olg" - gtuceAnlereon, "J u *tt5t" - 5f're" $TV'Leeds, NYc chest haAa grnallec " I liln't hauelr oi '\1esnelGce{oJ"- Ri.t,R,i"g.l So.{o.y.E 'rn " n1 gr.\fritnl " hql \.1t c \ost hngecie- KevinTcarp,NE u

I lookedgood in {14!1 crrrlrSva vnolcrn,*gdresgo-ltic.haelLo*leac, P.talrra -eJ) (fua6 Aike:5 {ninE lt'erc's 5oyneoyre on io, r"ir'lrirghst qou:fioulJ'mee1' " - (vesrgs "{ht DorrsrlropoldtV0 heuJ {ash,bnl l..ered{ so dou,ly r b"*"h " 'l4rt ghoe5rr.,ecemore cr*6r\able 'r P+P DoJd,?ochotec


&le,,ea.,furkeln mo(c \rorh?n.n,ocebeoclg" (u'e {lrought{'uj djl in BecltelS/tf a ha ! -ed) " * .[f1 n{ir(9 didn'{ hucT io mu"h - Linlrn }lutton,5cotlonJ

No matter how busy I am, I always have time to " lrl in o €rcqt\ g.,'lted7hecg"- $rucehnleclon " brdrnlell5" rnucdef OuldqFor, 5F -' Ninri,ieBrioche,calBlosa.fn, ,.rcad JVhe + tNrlurR,ER, 5TAR o"rr,Ro,["Jer " looE ct *q,rc\.h * mqFeit beeg*!"\e T ccll og {thedote""l''\N' t''ud1 tvYc " rearl' A*RRE?oRT" 5\€^r (r'iJt"- ?';ttR'ayl " rip r/ht qd i^s..t5 out o{ thr P(o$rdw\ lrrtr'nns'i;on of T!


7. The last product I orderedby mail was " broKen'-

}nac (vfs, 5F

" TrfreScorn - "d5,, ,/

DicL SnrtKeC,5F

" a trug5" [.rb fols-on, urotoghNy . Poplet r{ocoge cotoinecs"-fl Bqtdr',n, As{ocio rui " 6o1, oarlonl lit' condom;."..-!?.t {il. ^DucE . {ri"K 9o}$bolt5"- 0lerin'o'5r;.;, e.Jlrr^6-

really got ripped off. Ja,qv,e f,l o n sGe l d 'rh e adn.- ( r lenn0,Br ien,gnoKl5r .

(A'R',&uo.rte #l

onsr^,rc!{tl.nn, Rur*g lug gon, lo.rel.1porrf,ng gi{*> 6r ,10,rbocV+hge ** o{ter {ne 4row, - .J)

Drug testing should be mandatory for " Atuga*rdrnts - $ob \cne?ro,1F " dru9 tr:ter9 " 0. Tmadod 1 Beckle'7 o drug lqbocqlorres"-f+PDoJd,?o.has*ec *t

" enc5*heliologisls"- ffnltea Ross,5F 9F '' 5eting-€.). Ao3:"- diuec Nocth' ,, ro"K crrt,is n_ llikc. bree",5ti'n,Sqrac,^se "



"NewO.\ea.,s hur gu,drs flark $rngharr,,

' 1990 suRvEY


1.lBELlEvE|N okoandme(G.o,Brien,Brooklyn),(K.

'"'u^on' f f;",,li*?;'r :$i*fl,l#:il"tJ Maine)

!\'ti'rt n'rs-*?i:II)

"at (8. varues ll',:"[,i;':.'i'i:"'ti:!;H:!,":{X':{1, '.H"#:: iil;iii";' ahristian

ri't wit'n'f l-l BerketeY) 2i:;"{'?;:' ;;; ;;' o"'


New (M' Bingharn' interested be to opretend




rate day

fr)iii'v' a';\'i"i:,r#:"{Il:l?


'I;HWW,' :{fii'*::'s";!'i;:W,"' 'double


i$"rin:ii"--:;"'il'^ :lnlBEcAusE sAYl'M ----' 3. pEoPLE


ru*?d,u ;ffili l.Jidg'*;l:!,T *,*i i:Ji{T,i,;i,;t, ?i;{#rf*i:r*:tjT,,#; ;:ii?, i:K"'

i;##;i:arrf $#:';,' basis' w:tr#.Yhe t*il,*i*ffif;l:liti:rffir.'.'#rr::r, it (H' oventriliquist




ti'k --^-tTJ, tt ' t ThornPson'


kids anYmore t:]I, about their

'."'ffi s',s",u:!:!.) i"ii '?'i.*i{ opeoPleIh9

New si"snorn, ;!l:}, l: ^'::in"# i*r,r' ;zu' .1,1 $ffi f1g'3',if ) Orleans

oRobin Givens ,(G'

Davis' Indiana)'

s) '.i::!!#'#:ili'. ^o' o''Pittsbur




.comedy (8. Anderson,Berkeley) .tampons(F. Cranberry,S.F.) .cheap adjustable arielsfsicJ (A. Dunkley, Chicago) .movies ( D.T.S.,Berkeley) oFredRogers(he belongsin the WhiteHouse) (D. Mahoney,Berkeley) oleakywater balloons(M. Razor,pittsburgl

10. I REMEMBER WHEN omovies . . . l0 cents (Mom,Long Island) .postagestamps 3 cents(5. Bergman, NY) oan ounceof smack . . . $4,000(G. O,Brien, Brooklyn) oa lid . . . $20 (A. Friend, s.F.) .qtygs . . . nothing (D.7.5., Berkeley) oCoke & Pepsi less than alcoholic beverages (Y. Arafat, S.F.) olove nothing (M. Bingham, New Orleans)

oviolence(5. Bergman,Ny) ocommercials (H. Burnham,NyC) oAmerica's Most Wanted (C. O,Brien, Brooklyn) .seriousthings(5. Frushour,Ohio) orock 'n roll ( H. Thompson,Ny ) oBrentMusberger(J. Spellman,Maine) oM (J. Levy,NYC)

COST obirth control pills $1.50 fp. Razor. Pittsburg) ohomes lessthan $10,000(D. Mahoney, Berkeley) a penny (J. Levy, llogns Bubblegum NYC), (J. Spellman,Maine) osubway . . . 15 cents(J.R. Brody, S.F.) omovies . .. fifty cenh fS. Leeds,NyC) rg&s . . . l0 cents(O. Focks,S.F.) rrecords . . . money(8. Cullman, NyC)

11. IF I WAS IN A HOSPITAL,I'D LIKETO SHAREMY ROOMWITH .my husband (Mom, Long Istand) oMadonna (1. Arafat, ^t.F./, (G. O,Brien, Brooklyn) oall the nurses and/or Jamie Lee Curtis /,,{. Dunkley, Chicago) oa view (or Barbara Eden) (L. Hutton, Scotland) oa superior doctor ( S. Bergman, Ny ) oJoetlontana ( p. Razor, pittsburg) .my brother, the only person who ieally makes me laugh (H. Burnham, NyC)

.everyone who (McMahon,L.A.)

helped me get there

olily Tomlin & Frank Zappa (G. Davis. Indiana) rTom Jones(C. Lloyd, Berketey) .a bevy of bimbos(5. Frushour,Ohio) oa beautiful wealthy tart (8. Cullman, NyC) ol-eeAtwater (J. Spellman,Maine)

oMarina Oswald (K. Teare, NyC) oRodney Dangerfield (O. Focks, S.F.) eSusannahHoffs (J. Levy, NyC) oHoward Thompson (5. Leeds, NyC) ra VCR (D.7.5., Berkeley) onobody (M. Greenstein, Syracuse)

5. YOU HAVEN'T LIVEDUNTIL .youoverisen from the grave to drink the blood of virgins (McMahon, L.A.) .you have children (Mom, Long Island), (D. Mahoney, Berkeley) .summer (G. O'Brien, Brooklyn) .you've done something you wanted to do but were afraid to try it (5. Bergman, NY)

.you'vehad sexin a laundromatclothesdryer (5. Frushour,Ohio) .you've died trying ( K. Teare,NYC) .you subscribeto the A&R Report (5. Leeds, tlYC ) .you've had four or five thousand people cheering, yelling your name (H. Burnham, NYC)

6. THE LAST TIME I THREWUP WAS .when I mixed Tidy-Bowl and Ajax to clean my shower, thus creating deadly chlorine gas (8. "at Law" Walsh,,S.F.) .in Mexico (5. Bergman,NY) .on a NYC subway platform after too many margeritas(J, Spellman,Maine) .face down in my girlfriend's front yard (^S. Frushour,Ohio) .in the bushes(Angel, S.F.) .sobad I'll nevereatroastedbell peppersagain (J. Mahoney,Berkeley) .very discouraging(8. Cullman,NYC) .the day I startedmy new job. ( J. Levy, NYC)

.February 13, 1984. Why do you want to know? (K. Teare,NYC) .after having a sevenlayer (sliced real thin) eggplant parmigianasandwich. The funny part is that it had beensucha short time since I'd eatenit the digestivejuices didn't really havea chanceto do their stuff, so it tastedjust as good coming up as it did going down, tempting me to try giving it another go. I didn't though. (J.R. Brody,,S.F.) .when I dreamedI saw Elvis and Nancy R. dancing the lambada in string bikinis (G. Davis,Indiana)

7. I NEVERGET TIREDOF LOOKINGAT .Patti's bunyons[sic ] (M. Bingham, New Orleans) .food (^S.Leeds,NYC) .baseballgames(M. Greenstein, Syracuse) .my grandchildreq(5. Bergman,NY) .pictures of my god-daughter(H. Burnham, NYC) .Nico (D.7.5., Berkeley) .sunrises(Mom,Long Island) .full moons(A. Dunkley,Chicago) .Angel CorpusChristi ( K. Teare,NYC)

.beautiful women(G. O'Brien,Brooklyn) .babes(5. Frushour,Ohio) .BarbaraEden (L. Hutton,Scotland) .Madonna'shooters(Y. Arafat, S.F.) .my radiance(8. Anderson,Berkeley) .drums(M. Razor,Piusburg) .myself (C. Lloyd, Berkeley),(.,4.Ross,^9.F./ .the A&R Report (J. Spellman,Maine) .goodgussetts (H.Thompson,NY) .my computercheckingprogram(R.O.,S.F.)

8. I WISH I HAD A NICKELFOREVERY .time someonespits on the streets of NY (Mom, Long Island) .time someonesaid,"I usedto love your band." (H. Burnham,NYC) .time someonesaid,"I wish I had a nickel for every. ." (D.7.5., Berkeley) .time a car alarmgoesoff in my neighborhood (5. Murphy,S.F.)

.timeJfi-m-o-guy se" "we're not taking this record for granted"( H. Thompson,NY) .bad thought(8. Anderson,Berkeley) .brokenheart on Broadway(McMahon,L.A.) .demotapeI've sentout (8. Cullman,NYC) .phonecall I've made or taken (D. Mahoney, Berkeley) .minute I spent complainine(M. Greenstein, Syracuse)

T2. MY MOTHERTOLD ME NOT TO oleave the yard (K. Teare, NYC) .count on a woman (Y. Arafat, S.F.) .try to change men (J. Mahoney, Berkeley) obelch in public (5. Leeds, NYC) ofart in public (O. Focks, S.F.) obite my nails (t/. Burnham, NYC ) .wear too much perfume (Ross the Boss,S.F.) rride in a rumble seat of a car (,S. Bergman, NY) obut I'm 30 anyway (8. "at Law" Walsh,^t.F.) obut I did anyway (G. Davis, Indiana) ohurt living things really bad or lie about stuff alot (M. Razor, Pittsburg)

.go out in the sunlight( B. Anderson,Berkeley) ocallthe cops(H. Thompson,NY) .root for the Red Sox(./. Spellman,Maine) oput things in my body orafaces[sicJ (5. Frushour,Ohio) .come in her mouth (M. Bingham, New Orleans) ocorrespond with strangepeoplefrom S.F.(,,{. Dunkley,Chicago) ofill out strangequestionnaires(8. Cullman, NYC),(McMahon,L.A.) rspendtoo much time with R (M. Greenstein, Syracuse )

13. THE LASTTIME I LAUGHED UNTILMY FACEHURTWAS oin synagoguewith Bobby (5. Bergman,Ny) .during a weddingreceptionat the SantaClaus Legion on Feb. 17, 1990(G. Davis,Indiana) owhen my friend Pat Downey mistakenly referredto the ButtholeSurfersasthe Butthole Searchers( K. Teare,NYC)

rwhen the Simpsons went for family counseling (J. Spellman, Maine) .too bloody long ago to remember ( H. Burnham, NYC), (L. Hutton, Scotland)

14. OF ALL MY BODY PARTS,I WISH I COULDGET A NEW othird eye (C. Lloyd, Berkeley) oBMW 750 (G. O'Brien, Brooklyn) .opinion (A. Dunkley, Chicago) .pair of sneakers(L. Hutton, Scotland) osuit or tie (8. "at Law" Walsh, S.F.) .aura (P. Razor, Pittsburg) ereversible penis/vagina (M. Bingham, New Orleans)

otail (F. Cranberry, S.F.) rheart (Y. Arafat, S.F.) ohook (H. Thompson, NY) ochin (,S. Leeds, NYC) ocrankcase(8. Cullman, NYC) ohorn (8. Anderson,Berkeley) rfender ( K. Teare, NYC) oattention span ("I.R. Brody, S.F.)

15. I HOPEI NEVERHAVETO CLEAN ounder my bed (C. Lloyd, Berkeley) oPrince William Sound ( H. Thompson,NY ) ea chicken (A. Ross,S.F.) rthe intestinal tract of a dead flamingo (G.2. Cline, Hollywood) .after a rodeo (Y. Arafat, S.F.) .after the elephants at a circus (D.7.5., Berkeley ) eshit outa my own pants (,S. Frushour, Ohio) omy sister's room (M. Greenstein,Syracuse) .Chernobyl Reactor +2 (McMahon, L.A.)

.an oil spill on Ocean Beach (D. Mahoney, Berkeley) obaby vomit in my car (S. Leeds, NYC) oKaren Finley's bathroom (8. Cullman, NYC) olove Canal ( A. Dunkley, Chicago) rMexico City's sewers(G. Davis, Indiana) rthe Statute of Liberty (J. Spellman, Maine) .up my act (J.R. Brody, S.F.), (G. O'Brien, Brooklyn), (L. Hutton, Scotland), (M. Razor, Pittsburg ) .anything at all ( J. Levy, NYC ) omy shower again (B. "at Law" Walsh, ^t.F.)

eaders' SeIf-Port r aLts

Bc, ce Anderson

S hir lt e BaT yn^v.'

MorK bingham Qgroa?,


chord J ohn Blon

grody J.R..

R.olt1Car'p bell


,o /

{6,d} AngtI Grpu5Chrith $cian Cul\ man

Da,JiS Creocne o-

t I I


CJnthr4 Llold






APR2 ;l 1991 ,r, lilAtfw AssuRA

Dale SoPh\q


q (

d J uhnSprllnran





f^oci \) einStein


" ko5h" fon WalA Bc

f ' 1

/c--'€€..\ 2

t Z

/ "72





7 \



DunKltl And.1

Chuc4td dy








rb Kolisrnan R oland l4neise |.le

J oe Lev




^.Tf ^f-







1. lf somEbodyspiedon me aroundthe clock,they'd be surprised


rhat?ailnyf t 'Tural


modilS {rt-

T wa[e viooa,m,


uP 6c Dneho,rr+ mahe


f,nerse,gufuniscn Rotond - of /nVD{eroll aulocilV . l'OurnEl t h{l ry,Lhiu4o

-how r^v&Ii^ef qendrtadirymagtanei. San\ tSo, Dslrtrl

\ ct hurul I elunrlt mU svft +1" bsf ins In ny paragrdphs v5e5up oll fihb avalahlespare, ChucL0ddy, Philad"lil;a

- -tfratI 4m un(rontq+inn*l asf 6,lr"p .yâ&#x201A;ŹrJ,n0!,,1" Brron Fosh' WaIshSaaWas^ 2. The reasonl'm in a

mood so much of the time is because

t good. , . rr\\ endorphinS orc oh o, roll, (r{ennD'6iie,t\. firidgehompt',n - bloorh'uu5,,, T loueJhat *o.J .( fior*ta,rght-,1}o *e) sco J . Rqout Brodt1, bi^f.'a^^h

, rhe prit'n Ltllers 3 ooJ.. 5 teve J onr5, Hoilq,rd '.he - soDrnpy,, , T grate ele + ny fiecp.gdt blocLrings aroundr'tf.

?olond Ynetse-

2 . The reason l'm in a

mood so much of the time is because

- c,ralKyl': 1u+ + *, 1ou7 b**tq Whal'r 0 6,0,8, cranfy a JoelS.hofreletrharf do , T n fl,inEing good,, abuutorf Ihe peollleJ )ovr,

ruy 1!r- }R*on,olTgdhpay


3. The older I get, the bigger my


- compussioA r t "-[he gtnqho^, Drleang r Cucurnbern t\ crK IVenr

- 5wt'h get: 5r frc.[ane.esl,





- scorSqe+ Sl-"ue"Jonus, toJ d"tlyn, - lo55

15on, Dol4)anI Rrlce Amde

\ l3jrheck gefs

J o h n G b : o A ,C o cB o erch

- bald 5pt

I I John Spellryta/1, \,lrl Ww; w)r,ereII

I I t I

--it/ bigger 1t{ prlr o{ ,+a+toh t-l chsd{looc Andl 1*>;, ,4nn fi'bor tntc| c(ed',1lirv;,|

0'fqrnD'\rien mdrial [;rtt




v,kl Sndrea. r l\,'d,rael ma,AeL++1 Fnoe -t \ *oi lef ptatpe(rcq\,\)trc*rnl'*'*

to^pbet( ,7' hd^dl - fu,f ,




broO Yo{.,5V



4. Don't ever spit on my

- rnon) J ,),' Dunorrnrle' NalEer 6ri,n Teare.,'nrv. - cq45, j"k^'s Jones - c\fa! V

' ood [t \f r' hccDorgo - I 5.he bolgn l!rctl - innrcfi,^hs

hts wr',i#in,a"r4*lr1 bqtd t?*, -

)ohnSgellman rnl4arL Cros.< \ I r . l .Jot4rtnbaun

'f{ perlryreh+5

{ht DocLDoy,6otrfc Corp Jrrro 5. There'sso little time and there'sso much

- o{ 'I at -flv sarnehrne

,l R 0-di,5F


rtD.t t t t t ,t? GU

-- l - t " r ; i l - , C*1n{hia' Llog d,BerVclol


- cfime

Cjlrigfi, Corjus Berlin hrl - +DDee 0n. hil^ IqoclAan/toul!, Ocean - 5p0Le

(y'Ul^^\ 0'bnsn

- ln0fPtnq u,P.

"p'defson Bru6g






5: There's so little time and there's so much

t 'l ' .e rnold€nonce wDrL--lo be dane,

- ?(Cle'fitlf\v


' - c raw\5pate

n los W " 6s6*\in'Dorl Ylow"(5, tJ

\w ffi lll'

6. My favorite piece of exerciseequipment is

. - tT*,\ bo,a.&,Znd

Cqn+,q Lfo,ad

prccQ,5 - lot \orciqari*es+wci$hl€tchess


\.,9. $*t

. - alivt,

t*rry Davis n - "L,tfil \Noodg thg; Ne'tnsiilA

- 41,(" go5, pedal, J.h,tn[nbson ' o cot o{ ninelails 8rrc, A,^ti/dCI^

- ) h t C I rb i dr t h

t (-"d)

l"lo,rtd Wttsg - htq Johnff.[,'r',*lSrPurPunnP [.evrnlear- nr1ner4hbor's "Ca,nfwi€

bl{ ?"t\ out o+batferies

Lrndsa^1 *,*f on,s co*lo,rJ




6. My favorite piece of exerciseequipment is

nra6 n\mPhuyno on eP\ltPlc., l,orrts ,',1

a lrfr* gtuve *o*c^l lryffpsg, rvl c 7. We could have world peaceif only

- 0rrerl Dn€yt5 good[oolain3

ktil 0'6rr€n"

- rr.te:orr${he f,utrre

(,Ri6h*on,bro-fhrr,- -J)


sE SrunLnndqa, 8. One hobby I've recently discoveredis


-r--rot€ctl. '[.eiin r,r**,^a

rrlrlllllllll lllll Teore ^ I opf|nS -1"- - tbl. - ad e 55e5" arre ear,,h{, on0,lr 1 r^ntllr ;0n

An[,,,] Dinlctel

[cr* ut^0c+t4londoI yU onr?l. -eJ.)

' h1{enrit6 *n ?oprecorl9witho,tf $,r*'n{ nbo.,tJhen,

?.reg{1, C'inir T,ic,hanl nol[; [qnhea.r it,fi q1y..oJl:, e]l! :eJ,) gr.y

\ J.olphin f;rha &dq Cor*Pb-el/,



(r.cnl *',rs. # $e ping^ reco(A N Joe\Scharfur

-'l) agdn? {6",rric fi,nrh,sreal n^m(,)(\4tf7 Ury

- bron dr4g

- |p ourerslirtfrvi4 r rt . 'l\.E, (iioss ts So{rnnY,- r,1,) lperrrut";n TTIIIIIIIITIIII

9. I will not talk to peoplewho wear

-}eatl1+" bed.

bnan" hrh' $ra\sh - rai:rns. tx^rratDapis - {in cqr5ln eexuattl $n;n+ed p\aceS.

(1n*hinU"t t - 0n rnf-Blancharr[ , j'rm ,?

tf ft

- b ri)cen5{o.k:.

- &q]ryL

10.Personalhygienewas neveran issuewith me until

- rn"l SoctP55+a^kd râ&#x201A;Ź rDJutig ' P .

h.dq Sunklel -f r's* ?oV trn?;n'sJoq.

I,\AL,^L urr/,^\\rA^ B,rnh^


- T r*arf.dqrtliq [nndrv#onmy

\ n 6u'Jlr

- f G.rndv6aa[r*'rnmy joc]ze{ +l*ds

Stts \!gt#"'h 11.Don't ask me to sign

- &Lnc(. . n l t

brd'[ raK - a loqalh orlh,


12. l've been wrong before, but I really believe


cenoqena. is hot\u n:Tp"pperMj lr^{ baa+frt_bn

- Drhah Shore is A4rban A'r. nca^

G-t^^M0'Brren 'ln - 6ru.eAnde fson G,^vy 0a,rl,s


been wrong before, but I really believe

connho'i tn pld"i +lri ulhti'"fte -tho*,{trFRtErd \,al,es.hipS*ut,1s {o o*erno{ive d,fnil1r * 4 s'a-{e 3ro{ la*e, phllo5ophical ba{ion'. fnos*ut







M^n! I l{,qh*oh,bra(her

An\ Dvnlc{r1

was stupid, but

1 3 . I used to think now I understand.




.-!oU. , . o, s,rily JehrS'hrav . rlil/:|rnrh. 4 .r J-

Kev'ln \cara

( ryrott'l'' J'iflsbobY

- Yno-fher'SrvirlK.

h ,f,

14. Nothing goes faster at the dinner table than .


\ rn!\ lncontnel,if Au.*, , .

[try *rtl-on U,,.^


-tht 5acL. 5le"reJoneI - cqvraf + .heeservrrll(ShabS 'Q"lo^d rse Yr,rn - f rco'i orms.

Dn\e" bo- 0an(oph,,ea ,BurU"!r,

'YS'l sharV<1 \o. btY -{ne hle'*s.

Fr"d Box,sf-

-:hip?'Li,* J,sg,,r*d, as4)u#"r n#ers.\.\ KevrnT<are

(wherelI ?"h J tlt".n a\wut ?l - eJ,J

- }rnonE€q hius+ f rce ' 1 . ,( r I


n .iC D n T L " l l r v r a, N - turn fu ep"onK f l l l l t

ry\ tl






H,efbKa\S;'Ma,h r\rorfia4h NY





"Houszdrest^ r

Peoplecan say what they want about British food but



l'm stillnot eatingit. KayRoss,SF fat & alcoholare underrated.BruceAnderson,Berkeley I loveEnglishmuffins.ScoffCohen,SagHarbor,NY

Don Ctccohe

there'snothinglikeMadBeefWellington.BettyKatcher,SF NYC it givesBobBortnickdiarrhea.HowardThompson.

My idea of good sex is fantasizing aboutA&R. BobbyNeelAdams,Brooklyn wellknownin elitistcircles!DaveDiMartino. Santa Monica beingdonein timeto watchthe latemovie.Michael 'Brick"Gribbroek.Belmar,NJ anythinginvolving machinery.BobM, Oakland sexthat'sreally,reallvgood. Bob 'n' Mandy,Seattle withthe lightin. HowardThompson, NYC dependentupona certainamountof cooperation. GlennO Brien,NYC

lf it wasn'tfor my appearance I couldbe a great gueston JerrySpringer.Richard Riegel,Cincinnati pornoslar.BrianWalsh,Oakland burden.GeorgeEarth,SF fur coat.R.V.deRegff,Berkeley Englishmuffinspokeswoman. Scoff Cohen,Sag Harbor,NY

scratching the bottomof my rightfoot RichStim, OceanBeach,SF

I wishmy motherhadn'tthrownout my

Do you know the way to the lesbiancommune?Donatello Cranbery,OceanBeach,SF the DMV?BiancaJarvis,Berkeley heaven?StanGoman,Sacramento GeenaDavis'house?BobbyNeel Adams,Brooklyn.

ElizabethTaylordoll.BruceAnderson, Berkeley singleof "RedHot"by Samthe Sham.Eddie Van Nuys,CA Flowers, Bob 'n' Mandy,Seattle ZodiacKillerscrapbook. toaster.ScoffCohen,Sag Harbor,NY LawrenceWelk actionfigures.GeorgeDavis, lN. Leopold, "MonyMonyBillyldol 12."BiancaJaruis, Berkeley self esteem.BettyKatcher,SF babypictures.SfanGoman,Sacto

Fewpeopleknowit but I can

(u97.t Jl.-..1)

k pfaythe trombone.M. Thau,Brooklyn see rightthroughtheirslacks,M.R. Weinstein,Berkeley

fly. Regil,Berkeley& RichSf,m,SF makea prettydecentEnglishmuffinpizza.ScoffCohen, SagHarbor quiltquitedecently.MissBianca,Berkeley speakdirectlywith God.SashaStim-Vogel, Berkeley/Paris/NY patterns,RichardRiegel, identifyDepression-glass Cincinnati movethemdeeplywith a few words.GlennO'Brien, NYC


handsbeforeyou answeran A&R Reportouestionnaire.R. Negel,Cincy face beforeyou qo to the bathroom.B.J. Walsh,Oakum' wet suit beforeyou hanqit up to drv. LornaLu, SanDiego' anusbeforeyou showit at the dinnertable.GeorgeE, SF I, Oakum bike shortsbeforeyou attemotto wearthem7 davsstraioht williebeforeyouwarmvourwoman. EddieFlowers,Van Nuys parentsbeforeyou invitevour bovfriendoverfor dinner. SashaS.V., Berkeley underwearbeforeyou qo out and oet hit bv a car. M. Thau,Brooklyn.

bb vblg

lf I evergo backto LA l'll makesureto dropin on JuliusLaRosa.Dale Sophiea, Berkeley staythere.Don Ciccone,SF remember. GeorgeDavis,Leopold,lN stayat the FourSeasons.GlennQ'Brien,NYC. say helloto my wife & kids.DaveDiMartino, SantaMonica go shoppingat lkea's.Km T, Oakland kill myselfbeforethe planelands.Brian"Jo" Walsh,Oakland smokemore.HowardThompson,NYC stayout of my sister'shallwaylate at night. CynthiaLloyd,SF





goingwrong,my Wheneverything's motto is whatwouldCosmoTopperdo in thissituation? Dale Sophiea,Berkeley

A betterusefor JoanOsborne wouldbe a whaledildo.M.R. Weinstein,Berkeley a "before"ad.HowardThompson,NYC

buy somethingexpensive.SfanGoman, Sacramento go intoyourroom& staythereuntilyou are surethat somebodyhas takencareof it. SashaStimVogel,Berkeley/Paris

to turnher upsidedown& use her as a mop.Sasha5.V.,Berkeley

duck. Bobby NeelAdams,Brooklyn

moldfor Regil,Berkeley

car alarm.SonyaKatcher,SF

dig the chaos. Eddie Flowers,Van Nuys,CA go wronger. CynthiaLloyd,SF

carpetsample.GeorgeDavis,Leopold, IN

give up. Bruce Anderson,Berkeley

Aztecsacrifice.GeorgeEarth,SF welcome.Wee Tam,Glasgow

I spendtoo muchtime watchingmy neighbors. RrbhSfim,SF reading"BarelyLegal." GlennO Brien,NYC washingmy face.Bryant Welch,Oakland livinglifeto itsfullest.Bob 'n'Mandy,Seattle behindthe bong.Eddie Flowers,Slippytown


lookingfor the remote. Sasha Stim Vogel, Berkeley/Paris drivingto work.George Davis,Leopold,lN

I get nervousaround nakedwomen.StanGoman,Sacto the timeI wakeup.Dale Sophiea, Berkeley cheerleaders on X, Regil,Berkeley Dessie,the volunteerlaundress at the cat shelter.Eddie Flowers, Van Nuys powertools.S. Murphy.OceanBeach Englishmuffinssittingtoo closeto a windowledge.S. Cohen, Sag Harbor,NY customsagents.BobbyNeelAdams,Brooklyn guyswithearrings.Bob M, Oakland prettygothboys.BiancaJarvis,Berkeley peopledrinkingZimafirstthingin the morning.M.R.lrving, BuffaloNY

Wouldyouliketo getthenextcopyof the TheA&R Report?Send $Zanda drawing of God(ora photoif youhaveone)in the enclosedself-addressed envelope.

Survey Sez  

Reader responses to A&R Surveys, Self-Portaits

Survey Sez  

Reader responses to A&R Surveys, Self-Portaits