Page 1

IHq I i I

P.O. Box 22113 AprII,

:REPOR

,OFTENIN ERROR- NEVERIN NUBT'

cA 94122

ppv

1999

ril

Fools

GOOD GC'D! AUDTO ANTUATRONICS. POP STAR PERPETUTTY AND THE TRUTH BEHIND THE i'AIIEg BROWNFRAIIE-UP! While the legitimate media probes the sociopathic origins of the James Brown conviction, a more insidious plot lies behind the confinement of The Godfather of Soul. Thatts right, the political-crirninal curtain which surrounds the Brown arrest, trial and conviction is a cover-up for a remarkable technological transformation. While James Brown rLmains in confinement, his every move is being studied, recorded and digitized to create a Stepford James Brown capable of an immortal Dance of the Goodfoot. Whatever happens to the physical James Brown is no longer of importance to the international entertainment conglomerates because, Iike Elvis in his Fatass period, the aging Brown is getting in the way of his own merchandising. Rather than terminate Mr. Hotpants wittr a drug-induced blowout, the architects of Eternal Marketing have ernployed a more subtle final solution. - the technorogical welcome to Pop star Perpetuity prastici the Cont,inued

on Page 3

FROM th6 Ed.itor FREIICE FRfED - Propelled by the box office success of rrThree Men and a Babyrt, and rrCousinsrr, Hollywood is cooking up more Gallic - fed Danson conversions. Expected this faIl and Bette Midler in ttl.,agt year at Calistogar, Bruce willis in rDie-AbolLcrr and phil Coflin; in ttBlor Away the reyboard lrlanrr. Shooting of rrChernobyl, sean Young and sean penn has been temporarily suspended.

uon lnour"

witn

SEARKEYATTActr - Thanks to clip-conscious our newest feature, rrSharkeyrs Cornerrr has exploded into two re-ders, full pages of undiluted sharkosity. There is only one American publicltion devoted to continuous

coverage of the sharkey phenomenon and yourre reading it! TUESE FOOLISE TEINGS Itts April One ind time again for our annual surveyTttis timer wâ‚Źrve made it easy for our bedridden readership to respond - just fold the.questionnaire-at the pre-marked lines, seai and stamp. For our faxy friends, wâ‚Ź riow offer 72oO baud rates of technological interaction. our operators are ready to assist you - and please, no cover sheets. Remember'_ hre need your return address. rlrs the oniy way lre can effect service of process and enforce judgrrnents. o A&R L989


ad/vice

-^o

reodec5 i { l*rJs, O Dna.Sle^re

Gonnoc roth)

:ff fY,;;.dy,^& Gorno d i " ol,Tii lhe an*xtt \NaA \?

Jan 3le+?

.llrt gorne hrsfJ bY.Yenfg shour rr-oq deurceused*o }r.n Obe

by fC ho:J.d o+(Mi qa^e.5how, i' G r r(ct NsPons( Ken ()be | 'Rerno-lz N ( na*.h)* Whal'S ure4 Control." if \oer^'ikdcolin fr\so, N

? do,n'f.

#Sdag

l Gno'GID'\@ t'\icKeol C " g , \ l o t r \ - e so f \ i c h e l l o t{d \<eeps or\ rnokin$ p c arr\r- go,\S.f\i sis+<r 'oY1 q\cout * stu,S

j S+*^l Ea*rL/ \Y;;ffi \ls .-o I',ff-"'J*)Ji'it N a\r p*drrL,t gq* /[4. '# ,"ouldqou how hrrntPra.J w\'t1n

*t9a43:g*U t'U4-3 his{or,;;if. - -ioEiawnn ),

Conduct' Dtsotd*tYcondu! Chergtod'::":" Diotd*IY t Rock Sinser cffiahitn f6r;3t"s; groupToi I

oftbe Allin'92'amember I Kevin(G'G') tnnnttwaukee, p6rr9-r'I a-tteia been"ci;r!;d;itftil"tdtqrviliiiitti has I letRockers, I [itniar cuthit"lf *itd;;;;iipotJi j mance inwhichhealleged'iv I stage' I to anddefecatedon audience "'Irll-uonu"riil""r", " the hesaid."I o* t don'tdoit ateveryshow," | \ """ wantto bePredictable'" I don't his lawverfor nishtclubownerJohnKoshick'saidthe i ;;;;;J"; about known he had gioup if I client wouldnevern'"'".^6Jiri"iii" IL show'shighlights._ ) 2

uouP3,"S T\ tflsc, lobe,lrrerc

ce

aot

q^,A€;{-" $,r1W t@0" -t4"",\^) d. JL\AiL-$.e-l

*ia, $ri up ilnorucle rr ilg -t\eJL a^^:d i$alsn, AARa $"r\

or".sl a.l"-lct

lr.;cL!.!;q.

\\" p,c,reOonnOca i M U1^pzq-lArI onl+l'.s{4

W.bx-!*$, (lq1t

F^lrrnfntlUN €I\a-

'I ' 'I o*tentron r .*' ryo.^- G^J$\+, k-1, - --f pwilllc Dowll Roors: t"t for Ledpnne.linsingcr g

,3re-r-Fsno6rTo--uilaG'ffis 'ffis

lih;J"it for living- tor After liv.ing ri GE-r if,.lli1. Aftef sHor I nonnnr ssot-l FAVoRTTE cEr youR FAVoRITE nOnnnf PLANT' bu"r.ir.u",rl*,Jyf ;ifu-[_d"tt witb his.former wife's sis, o*.4 Aoi* bu.k"ho, ool H*,*{ I o, codella, tei, piant's romanlig-i*iPt-lt T-,*,, lTX.pfor Yt llogr " "*kM'o $t7'e1 "' *

i ;T:ff*

\.i;t

yl :g"*s..,ry-n

Vou've frr.,irlrn,*, F ;;;5ht;A-whof .-' \ su*"d? q0u0e

\lrg1-.NJL IN,\-X19^9Q-

,GM

po+*nfr V utl,"te, tAtewrv Q +- g4rLng\ta1;trwfi,

qa" 6 u.* a,*gq /o& Q EJohrrMs:#-t,ryrryyr $r*rl " b^d?

i+oti,Merrho^t+

{lrn


L-

rrGood Godrt (Continued

from

Page f-)

superstar. We dontt just recycle of our and re-shuffle the old hits - now, we can permanently favorite preserve chartbusters the undying personna with digital plan. audio-video androids and a sawy marketing Superior to audio-animatronics, more sophisticated than prinitive robotics, the rnerger of digital video with bubble-nemory storage devices has finally nade it possible to rrkeep aliverr a performerrs style. Maybe it used to be a Hanrs Manrs Mants World, but now, flesh and blood hinders the infinite and uninterrupted merchandising of superstar royalties. By the middle of L990, the belligerent James wife-beating PCP-bloated, Brown will have been replaced by a SouI Brother No. 2, who appears only in prerecorded and specially monitored commercial reventsrr. The rrsaferr James Brown will be sold internationally, new ttliverl with rrnehrrrrecordings, performances, a new interactive 900 Dial-A-James, and with commercial narketing endorsements aimed at minorities world interests. and third How could this noxious conspiracy occur? of James Brown The incarceration is the end of a ten-year plan. three-part first, the entertainment congloms learned how to capitalize (see ish 42, rrRocka on deathploitation Uortis: Dead Elvis and the Spirit of Perpetual Salesrf), by performing rrlaBamba-otomiesrr on the careers of dead rockers. Second, technology pop stars into has made it possible to transmogrify Iovable and perpetually acceptable digital clones. The California Raisin-ing of Ray Char1es, the video ttdietingrr of Ann Wilson, and the ghoulish Roy Orbison videos are a hint at the potential of digital graphics. Finally, (see ish 28, the need for protecting the publicity rights of stars rrRite of the f,iving Dead: Converting Stanpstt) has Pop Stars to Postage rrafter forged a probate industry inexorably death.rr Many linked to success superstars pre-death have already comrnitted to this reality. The authorized biopic of Jerry Lee Lewis, and the pre-posthumous tributes for Liz Taylor are aII establishing safe rrfinal irnagingtr for timeless marketing. But for those stars who don't go along willingly, there is a mandatory program! As James Brown sits in his cell-laboratory, technicians videotape and study his every move. From the ashes of the rrbadrr James ttsay It Loudrl Brown will emerge Lovable James, the first Star in a series of new eternal Facsirniles, whose diaphanous inages and programmed voices, wâ&#x201A;Ź wiII learn to worship in eternal gIory.

A's FAUE FHX ccrnveFsiacion r crNcEuFoNA TIMEtNAr{rERtcA

the lqst rnOvie DOG DAY AFTERNOON

lqsefbbsf

cHrFlorowFl .'\

!*tp,?,i^,o,,YffieNow cA-nxv- ""J(r'*' THErnAn Svengoli

t",

iCI,r; s6leanrs b"rr 199,"s

F,r,::','i;=.," rorrtpeople

fell to Eorth

[he toltG G@DnrE

trNANr

Mrkey & nrcky

who

ClnE FRCIM rheHear,ts (on wr --d;sc -N)

bo,or6 if$ffiKileor

Bao r rr r r r....'Fosh ,... ,..,Hg,af


er role - that of father. Sharkeyand h$ wife, Carole,are expectingtheir .first

thisspring. Oh diddy l! cnrtd

\,rnder ht *rhea[;.

o

th"

Gqngster Ultimqte

s y p hi l i s ) .r v h i c hg i v e s

*l

a nar( Award for Dlavinq"tne ta ,."i in music

Jnii:"y.. .itt'st'*5tY'

o{flwi{e?\e Phrr>fo

'. ?a


.", .t'.+

l # f

;

t

q aq

* s

,

$

1 i

T

-

fi

$

$ $ 't

d 8

*

s f

'

s "

1t-

ffi*" ry-1 I Ji;

F. #\


?a -Jl||\ ln.rrE tI-

rrEer Eands FaIl

Asleepll

Dear A&R I have a problem with my hands falling asleep at, night. Sometimes I wake up and my hands are so asleep I canrt move them. It really frightens me because I feel helpless without my hands. f couldn't dial the phone or respond to an attack. If I had an idea, f couldnrt

write

it

down.

This

is

happening more and more often. My husband thinks Irm crazy. What I s hrrong with me? p. G. I Philadet.phia. Dear P.G. Therers nothing wrong with you. A lot of people have limbs that faII asleep at night. Donrt be frightened. If youtre afraid you wonrt be able to call the police, buy a phone with an rremergencyrr dialer. If you need to ward off an attack, build a trapgun you can trip with your feet. If yourre scared of losing those midnight brainstorms, try a voice activated cassette recorder. Remember, it could be worse. your lungs What if feII asleep? Good luck. rrHers l,ived

f

Hal.f a Lifett

Therers nothing wrong with you. spending If you find yourself at life lots of time looking perhaps charts, expectancy yourre suited for a job in the Take care. insurance industry. ll@ll

Dear A&R f hate electrical cables. Whenever I am near the back of the television set, I think the jump onto my neck cables will and asphyxiate me. I tried to tie up the wires but they have a mind of their own. Every day there seems to be more. Whatrs wrong with ne? Fearful in D.C. Dear C.H. Therets nothing wrong with you. The police files are filled with unsolved cases of death by strangulation. Spontaneous cable suffocation is suspected in many of these murders. Is your apartment grounded? Do you wear rubber soles? Is there any black brown coaxial or dark cable near where you sleep? Have you gotten of all wired rid remote control devices? Are you really cable-ready? Remember, itrs better to be safe than sorry.

Dear AtR WIIATIS WRONGWITH YOU? ff I live to be 75, then my life is half over. But if I live to be 85, then I have five years more before the half-way mark. I stare at life expectancy charts and wonder about this all the time. Whatrs wrong with ne? B.D. Poughkeepsl.e.

you feel If somethingrs like you, hrrong with send us your Ietters and we | 1I keep thern in (unless strictest confidence theytre so ridiculous we have to show them to a few friends for some laughs). Mail to A&R, P. O. Box22L1-3, Sunset Station, San Francisco CA 94L22.

?

tl

Q,'

.


'lhe qote + lef15 ft mut,ciandies+ ?oâ&#x201A;Źs *o heauen.s*' ?efer's a+ g'ot.avcruboq here.Wannasi+ in ,iil thehr,rre hin ." Son, \e \e '."uS tt / nL, lf rirgus A4o , Tran?,char lie

band? 5o lhe qv1.-50esins,ie *

a sinqef ParKer, ke. Noitfr,.ctet Bak\ eve.rgbod.5.-But'fhe(ds he doesn'*red gnize') so he aslciâ&#x201A;Ź+:.hFr,l' yho'sfltat?" r sqs u dh, hecT thal't hd's girlhie;l." st. Pete 1. I'm glad that 2. Music hasn't

a>o

FEl

is

been the

have waited

4.

that

5 . r would consider cross-dressing

if

how busy I

product

reaIIy

1 0 . The best

should

joke

it.

my

am, I always have time

I ordered

8. 9 . Drug testing

fix

have been in my m e d i c i n e c a b i n e t and

7 . The last

&

so long to

than a year are

6. No matter

making

same since

3 . r shouldn't Two things

finally

by mail got

be mandatory

for

more

to

was

ripped

off.

for

I heard recently:

F-)

or) Name

We have Simply

Address

designed this questionnaire carefully proper postage. Limit fo1d, and affix

to serve as a mailer. four per household.


--..i

.lifL:_-+>S.,

From:

R

The A&R R,EPORT P.O. Box 22113 Sunset Station San Francisco CA 94122

.

Er;iE

--\RD

'

. 1 tt\ :

1

.F',{

April 1989  

Pop Star Perpetuity, Sharkey is Sharkey, A's Fave Flix

Read more
Read more
Similar to
Popular now
Just for you