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Previewing My Development as a Writer

Ben Russell Dr. Matthew Horton English 1101 08 December 2011


Previewing My Development as a Writer Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter....................................................................................................................1 Quality Comparison .........................................................................................................................3 Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................4 Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................6 “What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................8 Revision Samples .............................................................................................................................9 Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ............................................................10 Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................12 Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................14 Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................16 Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................18 Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................25


December 8, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Ben Russell and I am a freshman this year at Gainesville State College. I was very excited about this upcoming school year because I was venturing off into adulthood and starting a new chapter of my life here in college. As I look back on some of my very first assignments this semester in English class I can clearly see how I have been able to achieve a much greater level of work. I was so proud of how much I was able to grow and learn this semester I decided to put together a final portfolio of some of my works. By looking at this portfolio you will have the opportunity to see how much of have been able to develop my writing. At the start of the semester my writing was just average but I feel that I have been able to develop my writing a lot more this semester. One of the main areas I feel my writing so grown significantly is in the area of paragraph development and parts of the essay. Coming into this semester I had never really written a paper that had stages that required me to develop them as sequences and not just steps. I also learned how to dig deeper into an article and find out what the authors point of view was and how that author was able to support all his arguments. This has helped me in everyday day life because I can now pick out an authors point of view so easily that I almost do it naturally. I have previewed some of these article responses in my final portfolio to show you how I was able to pick out the author’s point of view and use it to show how and why it should be considered by the reader. This class has also taught me how to read an article and pick out a certain event in my life that I can relate back to the article. Even if the article didn’t mention something specific I could relate, I learned how to look deeper at other meanings the article might have that I could relate to better. I chose to do the revision option for my second article essay and I was able to learn that my work can always be improved no matter what grade I received. I hope that you are able to see all the improvements I have made this semester after you look at my final portfolio. My most successful article response was "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy." This Article discussed the effects a certain type of parenting can have on your children when they become adults. It also discussed how some parents try to make there children as happy as possible but in the article it talked about how this is not always the best thing to do for your children. As I looked at this article response my first challenge was deciding what I needed to correct. After looking at it and reading it several times I decided that my main issue with the article was clarity. I needed to fully explain and make sure that my sentences weren’t open ended leaving room for the reader to speculate what point I was trying to get across. Another issue I discovered was that some of my sentences were too lengthy and I had too many different ideas crammed into one sentence causing some of my sentences to be confusing. This is an example of one of my confusing sentences “Lori believes that parents can mess their children up by giving them 1


everything they want in an attempt to make them happy.” My other reason for revision was I needed to make better use of my quotes by putting them in places that would show their support to the author’s arguments better. I also lengthened my article response so I could go into my detail and explanation. My original article response was just full of quotes and needed more depth from me to help me quotes fit into place better. Going through this revision process help me understand how much more work that even what I considered my most successful article response still needed. My least successful article response was "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." This article discussed the condition of our economy and what direction it was going in. It also addressed why it was going in this direction and what some of the possible outcomes might be. The article mentioned how role as the people and what we are doing to influence the direction of the economy and what our attitude is toward the earth and economy. As I started revision on this article response the first thing I noticed was my citation had errors in it. The reason this happened is because I was new to working with blogger and submitting assignments over the internet. I learned that I could just copy and paste my citation from Microsoft word to blogger I had to manually enter my citation into blogger so it would carry over. I was able to fix this in my revision and I was able to learn from this after getting my article response back. My next fault was my generic title that I used instead of coming up with a more creative title that related to the article and the authors point of view. The biggest revision that needed to take place was adding more complex and detailed sentences. I also saw the need to replace some words with words that related and made better sense in the context of the sentence. For example I replaced the word “express” with the word “reminds” when I was referring to the author. The reason express didn’t fit the sentence is because the author didn’t actually show us something by expressing it he just reminded us by bringing something we already knew back to our attention. Overall I thought my article response was decent. My third and final piece of work in my portfolio is my article essay I did on the article “Baseball’s Loss of Innocence.” This article is about a very well known writer who became a sports writer in the last part of his writing career. He covered baseball for nineteen years but he eventually left sports writing because he became tired of all the scandals that were starting to take place in the game of baseball. He lost all of his respect for baseball and after I herd this I was able to relate to this article which led me to write my essay about this. When I started revision on my essay the first thing I did was take out some information that was just thrown in there in make the essay reach the length requirement. I replaced the unnecessary information with more concrete information that went into further detail about my story and different experiences I went through. By making these changes it allowed my essay to become more interesting because the reader was able to connect with the story better. They connected better because there was more detail given after the revision and this allowed the reader to paint a picture in his head and almost feel like he was right there when it was happening. I felt the need to add to and revise some of my topic sentences to help them set up my upcoming paragraphs. Even though I had already revised this essay once before when I did the article essay two I was still able to significantly revise it and polish it even more to make it even better than before. As a writer I still have some problems with my writing even though I was able to become better this semester. I believe one of my current problems that I still have with my writing is making 2


my sentences support each other better. The reason I believe this is sometimes I tend to just make a statement and not continue the next few sentences backing it up. Instead I tend to jump to a different topic and then possibly come back to it later which can leave my writing confusing at times. Another struggle is my lack of grammar at times. I still hold back from using commas at will and inserting them where I need them. I believe I could improve this by bushing up on my grammar skills a little. The main problem I had in my article responses was the lack of elaboration through details and my sentences structure and grammar was also lacking at times. I do have some goals to improve my writing as I move forward from the semester. My first goal is to continue improving my writing every semester and not always be the same writer I was after my first semester of college. I would also like to see my grades on writing assignments improve to A’s instead of B’s. I believe that I can achieve this with the attitude of becoming a better writer every semester. This semester has showed me that I already posses some writing skills but can always improve as a writer.

Doing the portfolio option for the final exam definitely helped me see what I had achieved and learned from this semester of English 1101. I may not have shot up to all A’s on my writing assignments but one thing I know is I am a better more well round writer than when I started this semester. My skills have improved through the knowledge of using technology to present you with my assignments which I believe can greatly help me in my future. As I looked back on my work from this semester while composing my portfolio I realized that there have been improvements in my writing. I know my work is not top of the line and it may never be but I have been able to improve this semester and I hope to achieve top of the line writing someday. Because I still have a lot of room for improving my writing I believe that my portfolio writing that I am presenting you is B work. I just want to thank you for all you taught me in this semester of English 1101 and I hope you have enjoyed seeing me growth as a writer. Sincerely, Ben Russell

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Least Successful Article Response Reading Response to "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Berry,Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Harper"s Magazine. The Harper's Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 18 August 2011. I believe Wendell Berry’s point of view is humans see themselves as limitless in a limited world because science and technology will fix any problems they make. He uses an example of high speed travel and modern astronomy to demonstrate how people think they are limitless. These things make the world seem small because they allow people to be anywhere in the world they desire. In other words they have no limits of where they can travel.He states that our doctrine for living is “all are entitled to pursue without limit whatever they conceive as desirable.”Wendell Berry describes our economy’s basis for limits as: unlimited growth, unlimited wants, unlimited wealth, unlimited natural resources, unlimited energy, and unlimited debt. He argues the point that if we destroy this world because of our limitless thinking science and technology will not be able to overcome this. He defends this by using a comparison of science to our economy. When scientist do experiments they can fail and still have another chance to get it right with no consequences but when we experiment with our economy it can result in destroyed coal supply or loss of soil Wendell berry’s point of view is significant because he expresses what the economy will come to if we don’t set some limits or boundaries on how we live our lives. He points out that we won’t get another world if we destroy the one we have now. This statement is important for our culture to hear so we can realize what we are doing to the world and change our economy’s ways. The author’s point of view is worth thinking about because it will help us realize we need to conserve our resources by setting limits on the economy. Setting these limits will give the

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future generations less problems to be born into and enough resources to live life. Wendell Berry is challenging the people who rely on technology and science to fix all the world’s problems. They may rely on technology to come up with a new type of fuel when we waste all our supply. We could rely on technology to come up with another way to grow crops and make bread when we destroy all our crop land. He is challenging us not to be an economy of greed and waste but an economy that is conservative and knows there limits.

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Most Successful Article Response Happy Childhood: Could mean Unhappy Adulthood Gottlieb, Lori. "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy." The Atlantic. The Alantic Monthly Group, July/August 2011. Web. 17 November 2011. In this article Lori Gottlieb’s point of view is making your children to happy can be bad. “Parents who had driven carpools, and helped with homework each night, and intervened when there was a bully at school or a birthday invitation not received, and had gotten them tutors when they struggled in math, and music lessons when they expressed an interest in guitar (but let them quit when they lost that interest), and talked through their feelings when they broke the rules, instead of punishing them (“logical consequences” always stood in for punishment).” These are the kind of parents Lori believes had done too much parenting and as a result caused their children to feel empty, confused, and anxious. “Nowadays, it’s not enough to be happy—if you can be even happier.” “The American Dream and the pursuit of happiness have morphed from a quest for general contentment to the idea that you must be happy at all times and in every way.” Lori believes that parents can mess their children up by giving them everything they want in an attempt to make them happy. This point a view is very significant especially when it comes to parents trying to raise their children. There are parents raising children every second of the day and it’s very important for them to know how to raise their children so they won’t be sitting in Lori’s therapy session one day. Parents should think about Lori’s point of view because it might help some parents realize how there trying to raise their children. All parents usually want the best for their children so knowing that you can mess up your child by trying to make him too happy is helpful. Lori’s point of view challenges parents to take a step back and look at their parenting methods and how

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they want their child to turn out. Twenge says, “We treat our kids like adults when they’re children, and we infantilize them when they’re eighteen years old.”Lori said “by trying so hard to provide the perfectly happy childhood, we’re just making it harder for our kids to actually grow up.” She is challenging parents to let their children grow-up and not over parent them by doing this she believes they will turn out to be better adults.

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What’s The Difference? For my least successful article response, I chose "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits.” This article discusses the problems with our economy and the problems that some people’s mind sets can cause in our economy. The first reason I chose this article as my least successful article response is because it was my very first writing assignment of the semester. I felt that this first article response would be more of a learning experience to help me better my next ones. The reason for this is because i was new to this style of writing and after I got some feedback I felt as if I could correct my mistakes and develop better article responses in the future. The first thing that made my article not as successful is I failed to cite my sources correctly because I was new to citing them through blogger and I quickly learned that the formatting didn’t carry over if you just copied and pasted from Microsoft word. The second reason was I failed to give enough supporting details from the author. I could have fixed this by after naming one of his arguments backing it up with a quote from the article. My overall article was decent but needs more attention to the details of the assignment directions. For my most successful article response, I chose "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy." This article discusses a very important topic called parenting and the effects it can have on your children. The first reason I choose this article as my most successful article response is because it was my last article response and I had already completed three other article responses prior to this one. The other three article responses gave me the opportunity to learn from my mistakes and correct them to make my last article response the most successful. The first thing I did well on in this article response was using quotes to support my statements that I made about the authors arguments. For example when I told the reader that Lori believed that parents can mess their children up by giving them everything they want in an attempt to make them happy. I was

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able to support this by using this quote “The American Dream and the pursuit of happiness have morphed from a quest for general contentment to the idea that you must be happy at all times and in every way.� I believe this is my most successful article response because I fully followed all the directions, gave detailed descriptions, and supported them well through quotes.

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“People with no Limits in A limited World”Reading Response to "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Berry,Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits. Harper’s Magazine." Harper"s

Comment [GSC1]: I had a generic title in my original draft and the assignment directions required a creative title that related to the authors point of view. Comment [GSC2]: MLA citation requires you to put the name of the magazine’s producer in italics.

Magazine. The Harper's Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 18 August 2011. I believe Wendell Berry’s point of view is humans see themselves as limitless in a limited world. The reason people have developed this view is because they believebecause science and technology will be able to fix any problems they make. He uses an example of high speed travel

Formatted: Indent: First line: 0.5" Comment [GSC3]: First sentence was a run-on so i split the first sentence into two sentences and added more depth to the second sentence to support my topic sentence better.

and modern astronomy to demonstrate how people think they are limitless because. tThese things make the world seem smaller byl because they allowwing people to be anywhere in the world they desire. Being able to travel anywhere in the world can cause people to see no limits because In other words they have no limits of travel.where they can travel. He states that our doctrine for

Comment [GSC4]: I changed the first part of this sentence because it didn’t make sense when I started the sentence with “in other words” .I added this to the first part of the sentence to avoid confusion on what I was talking about.

living is “all are entitled to pursue without limit whatever they conceive as desirable. ”Wendell Berry describes our economy’s basis for limits as: unlimited growth, unlimited wants,wants unlimited wealth, unlimited natural resources, unlimited energy, and unlimited debt. He argues the point that if we destroy this world because of our limitless actions thinking science and technology will not be able to solve and cure every problem we create through our limitless mind set.will not be able to overcome this. He defends what he believes our economy’s basis for living is this by using a comparison of science to our economy. When scientist scientist performsdo

Comment [GSC5]: I added this to the end of the sentence to clarify what I was referring to when I said “overcome this.” This needed to be added because the reader could assume I was referring to something else and completely confuse my paper.

experiments they can fail with no consequences and still have another chance to get it right because that’s why they do experiments in the first place. with no consequencesHowever, but when we experiment with our economy there are consequences and it can result in destroyed

Comment [GSC6]: I added this to the end of the sentence to explain to the reader why scientist to experiments so they could relate to Wendell Berry’s comparison better.

coal supply, loss of oil, and soil that could have been used for crops. y or loss of soil Formatted: Centered

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Wendell berry’s point of view is significant because ithe reminds us expresseshow we could potentially destroy what the economy. He also brings to light that we need to set will come to if we don’t set some limits or boundaries on how we live our lives and use our

Comment [GSC7]: I took “expresses” out and change it to reminds because Wendell Berry’s Point of view doesn’t actually express or show it just brings something to our attention by reminding us.

resourcess. He reminds uspoints out that we won’t get another world if we destroy the one we are living carelessly in now.e one we have now. This statement is important for our culture to think about because it can help us hear so we can realize what we are doing to the world and realize that there will be consequences for our careless living habits. change our economy’s ways. The

Comment [GSC8]: Saying that it was important for our culture to hear didn’t really support Wendell Berry’s motives because he is trying to make the reader actually think about his point of view and not just hear it.

Berry’s author’s point of view is worth consideringthinking about because it will reminds ushelp us realize we need to conserve our resources by setting limits on ourthe economy’s living habits. Setting these limits will give the future generations less problems to be born into and enough resources to live life. Wendell Berry is challenging the people who believe thatrely on technology and science and technology canto fix all the economy’s world’s problems. These people They may rely on technology to come up with a new type of fuel when all our current supply is destroyed because of our carelessness. we waste all our supply.They We may could rely on technology to come up with another way to grow crops and make bread when we destroy all our land used to produce r crop land.crops. Wendell Berry He is challenging us not to be an economy of greed and waste but an economy that is conservative and knows theirthere limits.

Comment [GSC9]: Changed there to their because of the grammar rule that says: There denotes a place and means in, at, or to that place. Their is a determiner belonging to them, a possessive pronoun.

Formatted: Centered

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“People with no Limits in A limited World” Berry, Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits. Harper’s Magazine. The Harper's Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 18 August 2011. I believe Wendell Berry’s point of view is humans see themselves as limitless in a limited world. The reason people have developed this view is because they believe science and technology will be able to fix any problems they make. He uses an example of high speed travel and modern astronomy to demonstrate how people think they are limitless because these things make the world seem smaller by allowing people to be anywhere in the world they desire. Being able to travel anywhere in the world can cause people to see no limits because they have no limits of travel. He states that our doctrine for living is “all are entitled to pursue without limit whatever they conceive as desirable. Wendell Berry describes our economy’s basis for limits as: unlimited growth, unlimited wants unlimited wealth, unlimited natural resources, unlimited energy, and unlimited debt. He argues the point if we destroy this world because of our limitless actions science and technology will not be able to solve and cure every problem we create through our limitless mind set. He defends what he believes our economy’s basis for living is by using a comparison of science to our economy. When scientist performs experiments they can fail with no consequences because that’s why they do experiments in the first place. However, when we experiment with our economy there are consequences and it can result in destroyed coal supply, loss of oil, and soil that could have been used for crops. Wendell berry’s point of view is significant because it reminds us how we could potentially destroy the economy. He also brings to light that we need to set some limits or boundaries on how we live our lives and use our resources. He reminds us that we won’t get another world if we destroy the one we are living carelessly in now. This statement is important

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for our culture to think about because it can help us realize what we are doing to the world and realize that there will be consequences for our careless living habits. Berry’s point of view is worth considering because it reminds us we need to conserve our resources by setting limits on our economy’s living habits. Setting limits will give the future generations less problems to be born into and enough resources to live life. Wendell Berry is challenging the people who believe that science and technology can fix all the economy’s problems. These people may rely on technology to come up with a new type of fuel when all our current supply is destroyed because of our carelessness. They may rely on technology to come up with another way to grow crops and make bread when we destroy all our land used to produce crops. Wendell Berry is challenging us not to be an economy of greed and waste but an economy that is conservative and knows their limits.

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Most Successful Article Response Happy Childhood: Could mean Unhappy Adulthood Gottlieb, Lori. "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy." The Atlantic. The AlanticAtlantic Monthly Group, July/August 2011. Web. 17 November 2011. In this article Lori Gottlieb’s point of view is trying to make your children happier than they need to be can have a negative effect on there adulthood. Lori said making your children to happy can be bad. “Parents who had driven carpools, and helped with homework each night, and intervened when there was a bully at school or a birthday invitation not received, and had gotten them tutors when they struggled in math, and music lessons when they expressed an interest in

Comment [GSC1]: My previous topic sentence describing the author’s point of wasn’t very clear and needed more detail to help the reader fully understand where the author stands on this issue. Comment [GSC2]: Use a comma to separate the elements in a series (three or more things), use “and” before the last element in the series listing.

guitar (but let them quit when they lost that interest), and talked through their feelings when they broke the rules, instead of punishing them (“logical consequences” always stood in for punishment).” These are the kind of Parents that perform this kind of parenting habits are the ones that Loriparents Lori believes do had done too much parenting. and Lori Believes over

Comment [GSC3]: Trying to make the sentence clearer by letting the reader know what kind of parents I am referring to exactly.

parenting can have some side effects on children causing themas a result caused their children to feel empty, confused, and anxious. Lori believes some children have developed a view point of ““Nowadays, it’s not enough to be happy—if you can be even happier. Lori was able to find that “ tThe American Dream and the pursuit of happiness have morphed from a quest for general contentment to the idea that you must be happy at all times and in every way.” Lori believes that making your child happier than he needs to be can have a permanent effect on his life and emotions when he becomes an adult. that parents can mess their children up by giving them everything they want in an attempt to make them happy.

Comment [GSC4]: Changed the sentence to give more detail about what exactly a parent can “mess” up. My original sentence wasn’t worded very clearly which caused it to sound confusing and not flow as the reader is reading.

Formatted: Centered

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This point ofa view is very significant especially when it comes to trying to being “perfect parents”parents whentrying to raisinge a family.their children. There are parents raising children every second of the day and it’s very important for them to know how to raise their children correctly so they won’t be sitting in Lori’s therapy session one day. Parents with a desire to raise their children correctly should considerthink about Lori’s point of view because it

Comment [GSC5]: Stressing the fact that parents need to take Lori’s point of view into consideration instead of just thinking about it.

canmight help remind some parents realize how they’rere trying to raisinge their children and if they need to make a change. All parents usually want the best for their children and being an educated parent is one of the most beneficial things that can be done. so knowing that you can mess up your child by trying to make him too happy is helpful. Lori’s point of view challenges

Comment [GSC6]: I needed to clarify what kind of parents are needed to raise a child that will not be messed up emotional when he becomes an adult.

parents to analyze there parenting habits before it’s too late for a change. Parenting is a one time deal which makes it a very serious thing that needs to be done with everything you have. take a step back and look at their parenting methods and how they want their child to turn out. Twenge says, “We treat our kids like adults when they’re children, and we infantilize them when they’re

Comment [GSC7]: I thought I needed to go into more depth about why parents needed to step back and analyze their parenting methods in the first place.

eighteen years old.”Loriold.” Lori said “by trying so hard to provide the perfectly happy childhood, we’re just making it harder for our kids to actually grow up.” Sometimes the best way to learn and grow up is the hard way. The hard definitely won’t be easy but it sure can mold you into an incredible person able to overcome much bigger obstacles in life. She is challenging parents to let their children grow-up and not over parent them by doing this she believes they Comment [GSC8]: My closing statement needed to have more strength and depth added to really recap the author’s view point and the advantages or benefits of someone taking on her view point and using it in there own lives as parents.

will turn out to be better adults.

Formatted: Centered

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Most Successful Article Response Happy Childhood: Could mean Unhappy Adulthood Gottlieb, Lori. "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy." The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly Group, July/August 2011. Web. 17 November 2011. In this article Lori Gottlieb’s point of view is trying to make your children happier than they need to be can have a negative effect on there adulthood. Lori said “Parents who had driven carpools, helped with homework each night, intervened when there was a bully at school or a birthday invitation not received, had gotten them tutors when they struggled in math, music lessons when they expressed an interest in guitar (but let them quit when they lost that interest), and talked through their feelings when they broke the rules, instead of punishing them (“logical consequences” always stood in for punishment).” Parents that perform this kind of parenting habits are the ones that Lori believes do too much parenting. Lori Believes over parenting can have some side effects on children causing them to feel empty, confused, and anxious. Lori believes some children have developed a view point of “it’s not enough to be happy—if you can be even happier. Lori was able to find that “the American Dream and the pursuit of happiness have morphed from a quest for general contentment to the idea that you must be happy at all times and in every way.” Lori believes that making your child happier than he needs to be can have a permanent effect on his life and emotions when he becomes an adult. This point of view is significant especially when it comes to trying to being “perfect parents” when raising a family. There are parents raising children every second of the day and it’s very important for them to know how to raise their children correctly so they won’t be sitting in Lori’s therapy session one day. Parents with a desire to raise their children correctly should consider Lori’s point of view because it can help remind parents how they’re raising their

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children and if they need to make a change. All parents usually want the best for their children and being an educated parent is one of the most beneficial things that can be done. Lori’s point of view challenges parents to analyze there parenting habits before it’s too late for a change. Parenting is a one time deal which makes it a very serious thing that needs to be done with everything you have. Twenge says, “We treat our kids like adults when they’re children, and we infantilize them when they’re eighteen years old.” Lori said “by trying so hard to provide the perfectly happy childhood, we’re just making it harder for our kids to actually grow up.” Sometimes the best way to learn and grow up is the hard way. The hard definitely won’t be easy but it sure can mold you into an incredible person able to overcome much bigger obstacles in life.

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Russell 18

Russell, Ben Professor: Horton English 1101 3 November 2011 Opening My Eyes to Adulthood In this article article“Baseball’s Loss of Innocence,” Douglas Goetsch said “Ring Lardner’s infatuation and eventual disillusionment with baseball offer a number of lessons about how we should think about the scandals in today’s game, and his writing illuminates our own love-hate relationship with baseball.” This quote struck me because Larder had covered the game of baseball for so many years and now he was starting to develop hate towards it. The scandals really began to take place in 1919 and prior to that Lardner had covered baseball for nineteen years until the scandals started to occur in the year 1919. He was known as humorist, short-story writer and was listed in the top ten best-known writers in America. As you can see from those few facts this man was one of the top writers in the business. He started his writing career as a

Formatted: Font: 12 pt

sportswriter for baseball and was known as one of the best in the business right off the bat. Being one of the top writers made him a valuable man to the baseball world. The main reason he was valued so much by the baseball world is because he made baseball interesting for the people to read about. He started his writing career as a sportswriter for baseball and was known as one of the best in the business right off the bat. When the scandals started to occur in baseball it

Comment [GSC1]: Added more information  about Lardner to help the reader get a better idea  what kind of man he was and what he had done and  why it was so significant that he left baseball. 

shattered all respect and love Lardner had ever gainedachieved for the game of baseball. He lost all respectreverence for thebaseball game and decided to take a permanent walk away from covering baseballthe game. After reading this article I was stunned at couldn’t imagine how

Comment [GSC2]: Changed this because it  made more sense in the fact that I didn’t see it  coming. After all he had done then just walk away.

Formatted: Centered

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Russell 19 Lardner could walk away from something he had been doing for so longnineteen years. He had covered every part of baseball from spring training all the way to the World Series. Most Sports writersMost people would give up anything to be able to cover such a thing as thethe World Series. but Lardner still gave it all up despite the great position he was in and walked away from

Comment [GSC3]: Changed this to clarify that  I  was talking about writers because if I said most  people then that would be a false statement. 

the game due to the scandals that ruined it all for Lardner.because of all the scandals. I was just like the average kid who grew up playing sports at the local recreation department. For me, I only played one sport and that was baseball. I started playing tee ball when I was only four years old. I really enjoyed playing baseball because number one I was good at it and two I liked to competeI realized how much I liked baseball and my parents were able to be my coaches in the process. When I began my first year of pitching machine I got some news that was going to knock me back a little in my baseball career. I found out that my birthday fell in a

Comment [GSC4]: Took this out because the  information didn’t make much sense in the fact that  I realized how much I like baseball. What really  happened is I developed a like and love for it. 

certain time called the cutoff date, which required me to move up to the next league even though I was a year younger than everyone else . This news resulted in me having to go up against opponents that were a year older than me and had a distinct advantage when it came to size and strength. Because of the cutoff date I had to play against opponents that were a whole year older than me. Despite this disadvantage I was able to figure out I could to create an advantage on my opponents by learning more skills than themquickly made a name for myself as one of the star players. As I continued to play baseball and moved up through the different leagues I was able to make the all-star team every year despite my supposed age disadvantage. My junior league all-

Comment [GSC5]: Really gave the reader more  information and background about my major set  back in baseball career. I thought it was necessary  so they could relate to my story better. 

star team was one of the most memorable teams because we had an awesome playoff run. weWe were supposed to be the underdogs coming into the playoffsthat year but we managed to pull off several comeback wins and surprise everyone. We were also able to beat teams that had a significant more amount of talent than we did. a lot of teams that had way more talent than we Formatted: Centered

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Russell 20 did becauseO our team just loved the game more than all our opponents they did and had a greater desire to win. One of my earliest memories of baseball that means a lot to me is me and my dad going out and to play catch in the yard every night. As every night me and my dad would

Comment [GSC6]: Split one sentence into two  because I had one sentence with two different ideas  that did not go to together at all and confused the  reader. 

go outside a play catch for about thirty minutes. As I started playing baseball at the varsity level, I beganstarted to develop a disillusionmentdisillusionment for the game. Baseball started to become more like a job and caused me to develop different views for the game. As I went through this transformation I learned many lessons and started to become an adult in the process. Going through this transformation helped me grow into an adult because I learned how to be responsible and deal with authority. During the winter of my freshman year we had our first baseball meeting. At that meeting is and that’s when I was able to meet my coach, Mike Hutch, for the first time. He was a native offrom Cuba. One of his physical characteristics that stood out to me the most was his

Comment [GSC7]: Split my opening sentence  into two different parts so I could develop them  better and not have a run on 

voice. It was like nothing I had ever herd before and I couldn’t even begin to describe it. and had a voice that wasn’t very enjoyable to listen to. The first thing I noticed about him was he always made fun of people and could be pretty harsh jokes with his jokes but he didn’t seem to care. He

Comment [GSC8]: Added this to give the reader  a better picture of what my coach was like and what  being around him everyday was like. This can help  them relate to my transformation. 

would do this by making jokes about people and it really didn’t seem to bother him a bit. He would make fun of peoples stats, how they threw, ran and even how they talked. Immediately after having to play under him my views beganstarted to change because it was enjoyable or fun to be around him or the baseball field anymorebefore I had always enjoyed being around my coach but now I didn’t even want to see him. The thing I dislikedhated the most about him is how he would threaten to run us for almost everything we did. Coach Hutch would saysaid “if

Comment [GSC9]: I didn’t really hate my coach I  just strongly disliked him but sometimes we were  able to get along off the field so I thought I needed  to change that up to give a more accurate  description of my feelings. 

you don’t have long knee length socks on under your pants and a black belt on I am going to run your butt.” He would come out every day and look for a reason to run us. One day somebody Formatted: Centered

20


Russell 21 didn’t have a partner to stretch with so he took everyoneevery one of us out to the foul pole and made useveryone run for forty-five minutes. This really fired me up and causedcaused me to hate the game because I could not control who had a partner to stretch with and I was doing my

Comment [GSC10]: Changed this so the reader  could get a better idea of what emotions I was  feeling when my coach treated me unfairly. 

stretching and still had to run. I could not only control what my teammates but he expected me to be able todid to a certain extent. We would practice for at least three hours a day and on Saturdays we would practice up to six hours. At a normal day at practice we would have to be changed and ready within ten minutes and if one person was late the whole team would have to run. Making the move to play baseball at Athens Christian for Coach Hutch began thestarted to transformation process in mymy relationship with baseball. When I beganstarted working with Coach Hutch for the first time, baseball started to turn

Comment [GSC11]: This didn’t transform my  relationship with baseball it STARTED my  transformation process to where I eventually began  having changes occur with my relationship with  baseball. 

into something I dreaded. I didn’t see baseball as something I couldn’t wait to do. I viewed practice as something I hated and could not wait for it to be over so I didn’t have to be around Coach Hutch anymore. I began to debate quitting baseball but I new that wasn’t the type a character I had. I saw it as something I couldn’t wait to get done doing. I was only able to stick with baseball because I didn’t want to let my teammates down and I always finish something I

Comment [GSC12]: I added this so the reader  could see the affect my coach had on my  relationship with baseball. Pushing me to the point  of almost quitting the game. 

start.be a quitter. Being out there on the field with my best friends and also teammates at the same time them is the only thing that kept me from hanging up the cleats. During my day at school My other classmates who didn’t play baseball always talked about how they couldn’t wait to get out of school and go practice, but I dreaded getting to my practice. I would sometimes be nervous and anxious that right when we got to the field for practice, my coach might say “everybody to right field foul line,. Wewe got some running to do.” The reason this might happen is because the day before somebody might have forgot to do a responsibility after practice which would mean he would run us the next day so we would forget.When game time Formatted: Centered

21


Russell 22 came I didn’t see it as a time to relax and have fun showing off my skills anymore because sometimes we would be threatened to run after the game was over if we didn’t perform well. Not performing well can be classified as missing a sign, dropping a fly ball, and not listening to the coach. He even wrote the number fifteen above the water fountain in the dugout before one game to remind us how many sixty yard sprints we were going to have if we lost. Even though I started

Comment [GSC13]: I wanted to clarify for the  reader what exactly not performing well was so they  could relate to why we were punished. 

to dislike baseball, I didn’t hate every aspect it. I still enjoyed getting out and being on the field with some of the guys that I had played ball with my whole life. After thisexperiencing this transformation, I no longer viewed baseball as something I enjoyed. Being able to experience this transformation has taught me helped me learn many valuable lessons about life and it has helped me grow into an adult. The biggest lesson I learned

Comment [GSC14]: This transformation taught  me lessons everyday. It didn’t just help me learn  them.  

is how to get along with authority figures that were similar to my baseball coachI do not like. Learning this early in life can be very helpful because one day I could possiblymight have a boss that I dislike do not like and I will be prepared to handle the situation in the right way. Another valuable lesson I learned is how to work hard and sacrifice to get where I want to be in life. Starting off I didn’t play at all because there were upperclassmen people that were better than me. I had to learn how to work hard so I could develop the skills to compete wither than they did

Comment [GSC15]: Clarifying who was better  than me and who I had to compete against. Not just  people my age but I was having to deal with  upperclassmen also. 

and compete with them. In life we can really apply this in the workplace, by out working our coworkers that have a higher position than us can possibly get us the promotion.to get that big promotion or raise. Having long difficult practices taught me how to be faithful to my team by showing up every day and working hard. We can apply this to going to the workplace by showing up work every single day and working hard even on those days you don’t feel like it.working hard because most days you’re not going to feel like working. Being punished for not following instructions or messing up taught me how to be disciplined. and doing what I was

Comment [GSC16]: Changed this so it can  relate to everyone because so people may love  there boss and job and only have a day here and  there where they don’t feel like working. Original  wording was awkward.  Formatted: Centered

22


Russell 23 supposed to do every day. Learning all these lessons has helped me see what being an adult is like and has also helped me grow into one. The best thing that came out of this whole transformation is the growing up that I was able to do.The best thing it did for me is prepare me to be an adult, not just show me what it’s going to be like. Going through my transformation has made me a better person than I was prior to my

Comment [GSC17]: I took this out because in  didn’t prepare me to be an adult it made me an  adult as a result of this whole process.  

transformation. the person I am today, and going through all the difficult times has made me a stronger person. I am glad that I got to experience this transformation because it has greatly prepared me to face the real world. I may have lost my love for baseball but I gained so much more knowledge about life.the real world. Learning at an early age, how to get along with people you dislike that are in authority over you is a very valuable lesson in life. Everyone at some point in their life will go through a transformation and I encourage you to look for the positives in it. Going through can always become a better person through it. Difficult times may seem like the end of the world there no good for you but making it through those difficult times, is what really makes you stronger. Taking my position can help you see that playing under a difficult coach prepared me, for possibly working under a difficult boss someday. It can also make you appreciate a good boss or coach. When I went through my difficult time in my life: playing under my difficult coach and losing my love for baseball. as a result. I know that this has only gotten me ready to face even bigger difficult obstacles situations and it equipped me with the tools to make in over those obstacles. the knowledge of how to handle them. I want to challenge

Comment [GSC18]: Obstacles made more  sense here because I developed many tools  throughout this process to help me overcome  obstacles. 

everyone not to give up during a difficult time or transformation because you can will always find a way to grow and become a stronger person in the end. Does this mean going through a transformation or difficult time is the only way to grow up or become a stronger person?

Formatted: Centered

23


Russell 24 Works Cited Goetsch, Douglas. “Baseball’s Loss of Innocence.” The American Scholar. Phi Beta Kappa, Spring 2011. Web. 18 October 2011

Formatted: Centered

24


Russell, Ben Professor: Horton English 1101 3 November 2011 Opening My Eyes to Adulthood In this article” Douglas Goetsch said “Ring Lardner’s infatuation and eventual disillusionment with baseball offer a number of lessons about how we should think about the scandals in today’s game, and his writing illuminates our own love-hate relationship with baseball.” This quote struck me because Larder had covered the game of baseball for so many years and now he was starting to develop hate towards it. Lardner had covered baseball for nineteen years until the scandals started to occur in the year 1919. He was known as humorist, short-story writer and was listed in the top ten best-known writers in America. As you can see from those few facts this man was one of the top writers in the business. He started his writing career as a sportswriter for baseball and was known as one of the best in the business right off the bat. Being one of the top writers made him a valuable man to the baseball world. The main reason he was valued so much by the baseball world is because he made baseball interesting for the people to read about. When the scandals started to occur in baseball it shattered all respect and love Lardner had ever gained for baseball. He lost all respect for baseball and decided to take a permanent walk away from covering baseball. After reading this article I was stunned at how Lardner could walk away from something he had been doing for so long. He had covered every part of baseball from spring training all the way to the World Series. Most Sports writers would give up anything to be able to cover such a thing as the World Series. Lardner still gave it all up

25


despite the great position he was in and walked away from the game due to the scandals that ruined it all for Lardner. I was just like the average kid who grew up playing sports at the local recreation department. I started playing tee ball when I was only four years old. I enjoyed playing baseball because number one I was good at it and two I liked to compete. When I began my first year of pitching machine I got some news that was going to knock me back a little in my baseball career. I found out that my birthday fell in a certain time called the cutoff date, which required me to move up to the next league even though I was a year younger than everyone else . This news resulted in me having to go up against opponents that were a year older than me and had a distinct advantage when it came to size and strength. Despite this disadvantage I was able to figure out I could to create an advantage on my opponents by learning more skills than them. As I continued to play baseball and move up through the different leagues I was able to make the all-star team every year despite my supposed age disadvantage. My junior league all-star team was one of the most memorable teams because we had an awesome playoff run. We were supposed to be the underdogs coming into the playoffs but we managed to pull off several comeback wins and surprise everyone. We were also able to beat teams that had a significant more amount of talent than we did. Our team just loved the game more than all our opponents and had a greater desire to win. One of my earliest memories of baseball that means a lot to me is me and my dad going out and to play catch in the yard every night. As I started playing baseball at the varsity level, I began to develop disillusionment for the game. Baseball started to become more like a job and caused me to develop different views for the game. As I went through this transformation I learned many lessons and started to become an adult in the process. Going

26


through this transformation helped me grow into an adult because I learned how to be responsible and deal with authority. During the winter of my freshman year we had our first baseball meeting. At that meeting is when I was able to meet my coach, Mike Hutch, for the first time. He was a native of Cuba. One of his physical characteristics that stood out to me the most was his voice. It was like nothing I had ever herd before and I couldn’t even begin to describe it. The first thing I noticed about him was he always made fun of people. He would do this by making jokes about people and it really didn’t seem to bother him a bit. He would make fun of peoples stats, how they threw, ran and even how they talked. Immediately after having to play under him my views began to change because it was enjoyable or fun to be around him or the baseball field anymore. The thing I disliked the most about him is how he would threaten to run us for almost everything we did. Coach Hutch would say “if you don’t have long knee length socks on under your pants and a black belt on I am going to run your butt.” He would come out every day and look for a reason to run us. One day somebody didn’t have a partner to stretch with so he took every one of us out to the foul pole and made us run for forty-five minutes. This really fired me up and caused me to hate the game because I could not control who had a partner to stretch with and I was doing my stretching and still had to run. I could not control what my teammates but he expected me to be able to. We would practice for at least three hours a day and on Saturdays we would practice up to six hours. At a normal day at practice we would have to be changed and ready within ten minutes and if one person was late the whole team would have to run. Making the move to play baseball at Athens Christian for Coach Hutch began the transformation process in my relationship with baseball.

27


When I began working with Coach Hutch for the first time, baseball started to turn into something I dreaded. I viewed practice as something I hated and could not wait for it to be over so I didn’t have to be around Coach Hutch anymore. I began to debate quitting baseball but I new that wasn’t the type a character I had. I was only able to stick with baseball because I didn’t want to let my teammates down and I always finish something I start. Being out there on the field with my best friends and also teammates at the same time is the only thing that kept me from hanging up the cleats. During my day at school I would sometimes be nervous and anxious that right when we got to the field for practice, my coach might say “everybody to right field foul line, we got some running to do.” The reason this might happen is because the day before somebody might have forgot to do a responsibility after practice which would mean he would run us the next day so we would forget. When game time came I didn’t see it as a time to relax and have fun showing off my skills anymore because sometimes we would be threatened to run after the game was over if we didn’t perform well. Not performing well can be classified as missing a sign, dropping a fly ball, and not listening to the coach. He even wrote the number fifteen above the water fountain in the dugout before one game to remind us how many sixty yard sprints we were going to have if we lost. Even though I started to dislike baseball, I didn’t hate every aspect it. I still enjoyed getting out and being on the field with some of the guys that I had played ball with my whole life. After experiencing this transformation, I no longer viewed baseball as something I enjoyed. Being able to experience this transformation has taught me many valuable lessons about life and it has helped me grow into an adult. The biggest lesson I learned is how to get along with authority figures that were similar to my baseball coach. Learning this early in life can be very helpful because one day I could possibly have a boss that I dislike and I will be prepared to

28


handle the situation in the right way. Another valuable lesson I learned is how to work hard and sacrifice to get where I want to be in life. Starting off I didn’t play at all because there were upperclassmen that were better than me. I had to learn how to work hard so I could develop the skills to compete with them. In life we can apply this in the workplace, by out working our coworkers that have a higher position than us can possibly get us the promotion. Having long difficult practices taught me how to be faithful to my team by showing up every day and working hard. We can apply this to going to the workplace by showing up every single day and working hard even on those days you don’t feel like it. Being punished for not following instructions or messing up taught me how to be disciplined. Learning all these lessons has helped me see what being an adult is like and has also helped me grow into one. The best thing that came out of this whole transformation is the growing up that I was able to do. Going through my transformation has made me a better person than I was prior to my transformation. I am glad that I got to experience this transformation because it has greatly prepared me to face the real world. I may have lost my love for baseball but I gained so much more knowledge about life. Learning at an early age, how to get along with people you dislike that are in authority over you is a very valuable lesson in life. Everyone at some point in their life will go through a transformation and I encourage you to look for the positives in it. Going through Difficult times may seem like the end of the world but making it through those difficult times, is what really makes you stronger. Taking my position can help you see that playing under a difficult coach prepared me for possibly working under a difficult boss someday. When I went through my difficult time in my life: playing under my difficult coach and losing my love for baseball. I know that this has only gotten me ready to face even bigger difficult obstacles and it equipped me with the tools to make in over those obstacles. I want to challenge everyone not

29


to give up during a difficult time or transformation because you can always find a way to grow and become a stronger person in the end.

Works Cited Goetsch, Douglas. “Baseball’s Loss of Innocence.” The American Scholar. Phi Beta Kappa, Spring 2011. Web. 18 October 2011

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Previewing My Development as a Writer  

final portfolio