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Table of Contents

15 8

22

26

27


on the COVER

18 Core Strength 24 Sensual Fitness 69 Body Image 71 Love Addiction 73 Relationship Rescue

ME 30 Vision in the Mirror 32 Body Image 34 Fearless Living 36 Be Your Beauty

NEW PARADIGM

30

73

55 Blocked? 58 Your Inner Hero 60 Unable to Please 62 Imperfection

9


The mission is to change the lives of every person open to discovering their soul’s purpose and living a life they didn’t know was possible for them on an individual level. At BellaMia, we believe every woman is beautiful. EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Mia Saenz Art Director Susan Jacobi EDITOR Suzanne Potts ADVISORY CONSULT Laurence Yhuello ASSISTANT EDITOR Hunter Whitmore COVER DIRECTOR Gina Hussar LIFESTYLE DIRECTOR Sharon Otness GRAPHIC ARTIST Charlene McGuire GRAPHIC ARTIST Victoria Wynn FEATURED WRITERS Victoria Wynn, Andrea Allen, Patty Alfonso, Michelle Alva, Mia Saenz, Sharon Otness, Kami Lerner, Bonnie Gayle, Lehla Edridge, Claire Sierra, MA, LFT, Kellie Valenti, Amanda Rose Baker, Cori Rosenthal, Rosemary Bredeson, Rev. Lorraine Cohen, Rebecka Eggers, Tova Garr, Alexandria Johnatakis, Tina Ketchie Sterns, Jonathon Aslay, Mary E. Pritchard, Ph.D, HHC, Karen M. Anderson, Angela Gower-Johnson

This publication is published quarterly. For advertising, please contact BellaMia Magazine at bellamiamagazine@gmail.com BellaMia is a publication of BellaMia Inc. BellaMiaMagazine.com • BellaMiaMagazine@gmail.com 10


Editor-In-Chief Letter

Dear BellaMia Readers, elcome! I am thrilled to share this beautiful, living well, transformational magazine with you. You are reading and viewing our premiere issue. This has been a vision of love for all women around the world. We see you as beautiful, right now. The motto of this magazine is “Every woman is beautiful”, to take it a step further, you are already beautiful at this moment. BellaMia represent exactly its meaning “Beautiful Mine” subconsciously it will settle in, to support all reader to know their own beauty. I invite you to explore with us the journey you are taking in Life as we will provide you with articles and reading pieces about health, feminine potential and wellness, emotional wellness, relationships and in exploring anything else that BellaMia believes will aid you on your journey to self discovery, grace and living well. As Editor-in-Chief, Creator and Publisher of BellaMia, my vision is to love, nurture and embrace every woman, child and man who wants a more enlightened, evolved and enriched lifestyle. Feel free to write us with your ideas, questions and inquiries at BellaMiamagazine@gmail.com. This magazine currently supports women ages 20-105, although men are more than welcome too. With much love and freedom, I welcome you once more to BellaMia.

Mia Saenz Editor-In-Chief 13


Possibilities • Purpose • Passion • • •

Gain clarity about your Next Step Clear the blocks to Abundance, Love, Success Master new strategies for Happiness

Together we will develop the Roadmap for you to Live Your Richest Life

Rosemary Bredeson The Scientific Mystic Spiritual Teacher/Mentor/Medium www.TheScientificMystic.com Rosemary@TheScientificMystic.com

+1 410-991-6139


9 Ways I Love My Butt, Finally by Victoria Wynn

Why is our backside one of the most touchy topics for women today? We could go over a plethora of reasons: Photoshopped models we’ve been looking at since we were twelve, dolls with figures no woman could compare to, men swarming around the “skinny girls” or even porn. Today I’d like to focus on what we can do about this self worth epidemic. At ten years old, I became keenly aware as I looked at a photo of myself standing next to my friend, that I had quite a round little tummy. I decided at that moment that my body was ugly. That photo launched my search to look like someone else. The lie I told myself was “I am not enough.” By the time I was in my twenties I was Googling the measurements of models and working out till I matched them precisely. Now I exercise because I love myself, not because I’m trying to be someone else. I’m extremely passionate about sharing a few of the ways I’ve learned to love my butt… and my body as a whole:

1

Goals vs. Process

out. Shaming myself for indulging in a few bites of

If the goal is to love your butt, then what’s your

cheesecake or shaming myself for enjoying holidays.

process for getting there? A process is something

3

you’ll do on a regular basis to get you where you want to be. When I began using my “Couch to 5K” app last year, my goals were pretty basic: to be able to keep up with my kids when we played basketball. But I was very clear on my process: Follow the app precisely, which meant three workouts per week. The rest simply fell into place.

2

Buy clothes that flatter your derrière. It seems so obvious yet so many people won’t spend a few extra bucks on pants that fit properly

and yoga pants that are high quality. The high quality yoga pants hold all your stuff up so much better than the cheap alternatives. Try Athleta for workout clothes that lift the stuff we want lifted (and flatten the rest).

Eat the dang cheesecake!

Checkout Betabrand.com for, get this “Dress Yoga

Shame is the name of the failure game. I’ve

Pants.” Stylish and classy at work but with a comfortable

fallen off the wagon a few but the good news is,

and slimming fit. I’m in love!

I recently realized what the cause was. I was shaming myself for missing a day or even a week of working 15


The Body

4

Move it, jiggle it, get some blood flowing to it. Not only do we know that there are benefits to our mood from the endorphins flowing through

our bodies after exercise, but you’ll get tighter and leaner the more you move, jiggle and flow with it. Even a walk can be a mood changer, but for results like leaning out, it’s important to break a sweat at least three times a week.  

5

Believe him when he says he loves your butt!

6

Eat crappy, feel crappy. Back in high school a really fun habit of going to the candy store and picking up five delicious

truffles. I had a crazy thought one day. I wonder if I stopped eating these if it would make a difference in my body.  Could such a small change make a difference?  I

couldn’t believe how many pounds I lost from that minor adjustment.

This week, pick out one item that you feel

Or that you’re sexy or beautiful or whatever that

might be sabotaging from feeling great. A trip to

wonderful partner in your life has to say about

Starbucks? Alcohol? Night time carb snacking? Simply

your body. As a life coach, I’ve gotten to know a lot of

cut it in half (if just reading this is already giving you

men and learn how they relate to the women they love.

angst). Again, moderation.  Track how you feel (i.e.,

One said: “I don’t care how big or small it is. I

more energetic, fitting into your jeans better). Go for at

just want affection, but when she’s bigger I don’t get

least four weeks using this process. Feeling in control

it. And it hurts.” Men are pretty honest about their

boosts confidence.

opinions. And yes, sometimes we just want to smack them for that.  But the great thing is, we know they’re honest! So when he says, “Oh babe, you look gorgeous!” We can rest assured, that it’s probably true.

16


Compliment others.

7

who you’re allowing into your inner circle. These are

One of the easiest ways to boost confidence in

tough questions, but they are also loving questions.

ourselves is place loving focus on others. When I

Each question leads to a deeper question, the core of

see a woman with a gorgeous body do I:

which is: “Am I worth it?” Once you realize you are,

A) Want to run the other way because I don’t want to be

you’ll cease talking and start acting.    

seen next to her?

9

B) Look for her faults? C) Smile at her? D) Actually say something? I remember the days when I’d do “B”, and look for her faults. It was the only way I could make myself feel

Never look at another gal’s treadmill. If there’s a way to take yourself off the path of self-confidence, it’s to compare yourself to

someone else. On the other hand, competing against

better. And in all honesty, I still have the occasional

myself has proven to be a recipe for success. I chart

“down day” and I’ll catch that uninspiring split second

my progress with the goal of doing a little better each

thought before I come to my senses. My current “go-to”

week. No shaming. I’ve found that at the gym, glancing

reaction is to say something kind. “I love those pants or

over at someone else’s treadmill only takes me away

your hair is gorgeous!” When we acknowledge other’s

from being present with what I’m there to do.

beauty, we embrace our own.

8

This article has been in the making for the better part of 30 years. Rewiring decades of questioning your worth, beauty and value is going to take time. Mistakes

“Define Excuse.”

happen and if you can look at them as funny, they will

An excuse regarding self-motivation in the “Vic

lose their affect on you.

dictionary” is defined as anything that you use

Lastly, love your station in life, for it won’t be there

to hold yourself back from your best self, your goals or

for long. My father just passed away this month and

dreams. Common excuses I hear as I’m coaching are:

he was such an advocate for me. I recall being a pretty

“I don’t have time to exercise,” and “I have a partner

grumpy teen, especially in the morning. With my hair a

who doesn’t speaking kindly about my body.” I learned

mess, I’d walk down the stairs into the kitchen where

years ago that when the pain is great enough, we will

he’d be reading the paper and bust out into song “There

change our circumstances and no sooner. Now I use that

she is, Miss America…” in his operatic voice. That man

advice for myself in everything I do. If you have time to

thought I was beautiful no matter what. I think about it

YouTube, you have time for some squats, a slow jog with

now and it makes me chuckle, it makes me get chocked

the dog. I mean, the dog needs to go out anyway right? 

up, but moreover, it reminds me that I am worth it.

Have a partner that’s not kind to you? Time to reassess

17


The Body


Core Strength: On and Beyond the Yoga Mat by Andrea Allen

Having a strong core is not only essential for tricky arm balances, but is fundamental for your overall health and well-being. Let’s start by understanding what our “outer core” is, exactly. People generally tend to think of the outer core as toned-abs, but a strong outer core actually includes the many different muscles that stabilize the spine, and pelvis, and run the entire length of the torso. When all your muscles are working together, your outer core can generate powerful movement and strength. The benefits of a strong outer core are numerous, including decreased injury, and back pain, improved athletic performance, and the correction of postural imbalances allowing you to move with ease and grace. And yes, it’s true, a strong outer core requires you to incorporate a daily routine of strengthening exercises, or postures. Here are four yoga postures that will help you create a powerful and strong outer core: 1. Plank Pose

the top arm toward the ceiling. Keep the head in a

Start in downward-facing dog, then move forward

neutral position, or look up at the top hand. Try it on

until the arms are perpendicular to the floor, and

the opposite side.

the shoulders directly over the wrists, and your body parallel to the floor. Press your front thighs up toward

3. Dolphin Plank Pose

the ceiling, but resist with your tailbone pressing

Come onto the floor on your hands and knees. Set your

toward the floor as you lengthen it toward the heels. Lift

knees directly below your hips and your forearms on

the base of the skull away from the back of the neck and

the floor with your shoulders directly above your wrists.

look straight down at the floor.

Firmly press your palms and your forearms into the floor. Then, walk your feet back until your shoulders

2. Side Plank Pose / Vasisthasana

are directly over the elbows and your torso is parallel to

Start in downward-facing dog. Shift onto the outside

the floor. Pack your shoulder blades against your back

edge of your left foot and stack your right foot on top

and spread them away from the spine. Press your front

of the left. Turn your torso to the right as you do, and

thighs toward the ceiling, but resist with your tailbone

support the weight of your body on the outer left foot

pressing toward the floor as you lengthen it toward the

and left hand. Align your entire body into one long

heels. Lift the base of your head from the back of the

diagonal line from the heels to the crown then stretch

neck and look straight down at the floor. 19


The Body 4. Boat Pose / Paripurna Navasana

The truth is, strengthening your “inner core” is

Sit on the floor with your legs straight in front of you.

even more essential to your health and well-being than

Press your hands on the floor a little behind your hips.

strengthening your outer core. So what do I mean by

Lift through the top of the sternum and lean back

inner core? I’m talking about that inner most part of

slightly. Try not to round your back. Sit on the “tripod”

you - the qualities, beliefs and characteristics that are

of your two sitting bones and tailbone. Bend your

at the very center of who you are. Just as you get on your

knees and lift your feet up. Reach your hands out in

mat every day to strengthen your outer core, your inner

front of you.

core needs strengthening on a daily basis as well.

Here are four exercises to create a strong and more powerful inner core • Define Your Inner Core Values

new people and putting yourself in uncomfortable

Think of 3, or 4 words that describe the qualities

situations, you’re exercising your inner core. Try

that are YOU – all aspects of who YOU are,

doing something completely out of your comfort

including the little child within, the professional

zone - challenge the strength of your core values

powerhouse, the nurturing mother, etc.... Think

and then make it a daily practice.

of the characteristics you most desire to be the qualities of who YOU are, (e.g. charitable, honest,

• Breakthrough the Resistance

fun, loving, courageous, etc…)

When critical voices, limiting stories, and outmoded habits show up, and try to stop you from working

• Bring Awareness to Your Inner Core

out one of these core values, show them whom is in

Now that you’ve defined the characteristics you’d

charge! Every time you break through self-imposed

like to possess, bring daily awareness to them by

limitations, your inner core gets stronger.

reading them out loud, or posting them on your bathroom mirror. Awareness will strengthen your desire to act in alignment with them.

With a strong “outer core”, and a strong “inner core”, you will be able to move through life with more strength, ease, and grace.

• Get Uncomfortable Staying comfortable is a great way to stay weak. If you are constantly trying new things, meeting

20


The Body

The Magic of Pole Dancing by Patty Alfonso

Have you ever walked naked in the

to pole dance. So much so that

rain and allowed it to caress every

when I was looking for belly

inch of your skin? Have you ever

dancing classes, she actually

eaten something that exploded in

led me to a pole dancing studio

your mouth and expanded every

instead! Smart body‌

cell in your body? Have you ever

I remember going to a strip

gotten dressed and felt so good

club in college. I was in awe of

that everyone you talked to that

the women who were working

day complimented you? And what

there - the way they sashayed

about dancing? Have you ever just

their bodies across the stage, the

allowed your body to move the way

way men lusted after them, the

it wants to move - not trying to do

beauty in their curves and the

anything, just being the dance? It

softness of their skin glistening

took me half of my life to be able to

in the lights. I wanted that. Of

say yes to these questions.

course, I couldn’t have that. What would everyone think? Fifteen

years

later

I

found myself in a candlelit dance studio with a group of women, sitting around a pole, music softly playing in the background. I claimed my desire I began my journey with pole

22

to re-connect to my feminine

dancing in 2011. I could tell you

essence.

I

explained

that

that when I first heard about pole

somewhere along my journey

dancing, I was shocked at the idea

I had shut down my very being

of stripping as a way of working

and that it was destroying my

out. That would be a total lie. My

life. That night changed my life

body practically leapt at the chance

forever and what I have gained


since has been beyond anything I

listened to her and chose to do

that was unwinding now and I

could have imagined.

the trick some other time. Pole

was finally alive. In this body. In

Over the several years I’ve

dancing was about tuning into my

this life. Creating and generating

been dancing, I have learned to

body and allowing her to choose

beyond anything I could have

listen to my body. Pole dancing

what she required in that moment.

imagined. None of this would have

gifted me with the chance to let

It was about honoring where she

been possible if I hadn’t included

go of my mind and surrender to

was that day and choosing for her,

my body in my journey towards

my body. Surrendering to the way

not against her.

consciousness.

she wants to move, the music she

And then there were the

wants to dance to, the moves she

women in my class… the beautiful,

wants to make.

courageous women who were on

This didn’t happen overnight.

this journey with me. We clapped, and

supported

each

• Where are you in your journey with your body? • Do you listen to what your body

There were many times when I

cheered

noticed my mind did not want

other. We celebrated everything.

to trust or honor the intelligence

Nothing was a failure. How can

• What would it take to have gratitude

of my body. My mind would say:

anything be a failure when you’re

for your body? Honor? Allowance?

“You want me to do what with just

honoring yourself?

Trust?

one hand? I’m not strong enough

Pole dancing wasn’t the only

to hold myself upside down!

thing that contributed to my

Okay, that’s crazy, I can’t do

transformation. In 2012, I began

that! You should not be touching

adding the tools I was learning

yourself like that!”

in Access Consciousness to my

There were certain tricks

dances. I was aware that there

that absolutely required knowing

were things locked into my body

my body would support me and

that were being released through

take care of me. There were so

my dancing. Over the years my

many times when I let go and she

body had picked up judgments

surprised me with total delight.

and shut herself down from the

There were other times when I

cruelties of this reality. All of

requires?

• What is embodiment in this reality?

23


The Body

Sensual Fitness by Michelle Alva

Many of us make time to exercise, eat healthy and

us to embrace parts of ourselves, that may have been

nourish our bodies, however, sometimes we don’t make

traumatized, or wounded in the past. Moving your

it a priority to connect to our sensual side. When you

body sensually will boost your libido, and bring out

connect to your sensual side, you get to experience

your playful side. You will also feel more accepting,

pleasure, and enjoyment through your body.

and loving toward yourself because your body will

Being present to the different sensations in

become a source of pleasure, and lightness, rather

your body, and nurturing that side of yourself can

than a source of repressed emotions, contractedness,

bring about a deep sense of self-acceptance. You

tension, and pain.

can incorporate certain sensual practices into your

Belly dance, is an ideal way to nurture yourself, and

everyday exercise activities. For example, notice the

a form of sensual movement that is also great exercise.

temperature wherever you are – in the gym, the yoga

It is the most ancient dance form, and dates back

studio, or outside – notice the feeling of the air as it

thousands of years. It is a hypnotic, and rhythmical

caresses your body, or the rhythmic pulse of running, or

dance, that celebrates the Divine Feminine essence,

biking. You will feel more fully alive, and present in the

that moves through our pelvis, hips, hearts, and chest.

moment. When you move your pelvis and hips in gentle

Some of us sit for at least 3-6 hours per day, and we

rhythmical patterns while you exercise, you connect to

become stiff, and tight in our low back, thighs, hips

your sexual organs in a nurturing way. This secretes

and pelvis. Belly dance, moves our joints, our spine,

the hormone of love, pleasure, calm, and connection.

low back, and hips while also rinsing away stress, and

Exercise that nourishes your sensual side, while also

tension. Women who belly dance receive these gifts,

toning, and strengthening your core, and hips ignites

while also developing a heightened awareness of the

creativity, passion, and joy.

core of who they are, physically, emotionally, and

Sometimes we repress tension, both physical, and

spiritually.

emotional, in our hip, and pelvic region. Some of us may

Try these three simple moves in the morning

have been touched inappropriately at some point in our

with an attitude of gratefulness, for who you are, and

lives which causes us to feel shame or guilt which may

notice how much more at ease, toned, connected, and

manifest as tension in our hips, and pelvis. Therefore

vivacious you become!

moving sensually, in ways that are pleasurable, allows 24


1

Hip Slides Stand with your feet hip-width apart. Take a deep breath in as you slide your hips to the farthest right. Exhale gently, and move your hips to the farthest left. Continue to breathe,

and move, while feeling the lengthening in your hips, and waist. Notice how these movements make your body-mind feel.

2

Hip Circles Stand with your feet hip-width apart. Inhale, and bring your hips/pelvis forward, keeping your spine in a neutral posture. Rotate your

hips in a clock-wise motion in the transverse plane. Move your hips circularly, and slowly, feeling every micrometer of movement. Notice how the circular patterns of your hips, and pelvis make you feel.

3

Abdominal Activation tand with your feet hip-width apart. Relax your arms, and shoulders. Expand your belly, chest, and ribs as you inhale. Notice how expansion,

and elongation feels. Exhale, and draw your navel inwards towards your spine. Gather the abdominal corset inwards. Notice how it feels to tone your center. As you move your belly inwards on the out breath, and outwards on the in breath, feel the rhythmicity, and calm, of creating these movements. Do these exercises slowly, and rhythmically to accentuate the sensual nature of these movements. Feel grateful for your body, feel grateful for all the different functions your body accomplishes daily, in your favor. Feel grateful, for the fact that you are a feeling, sentient human being. You taste, feel, touch, smell, and hear. What a blessing it is, to perceive, in so many ways! Enjoy the sweetness of being you, alive, and thriving in your

sense of pleasure, awe, and celebration BEING who you

sacred, and beautiful body temple. Feel excited! Feel a

are, just as you are, right now! 25


At BellaMia Magazine, We Love Our Men.

“Women are magical. Everything about them stimulates me and all men. There is so much talk about being different, we are, but also we are not.” Adrian Boniardi Author, Spiritual Practitioner, Diver

If you’d like to be a BellaMan please send inquires to BellaMiaMagazine@gmail.com. 26


Beauty

Skin Polish This super easy scrub with only two ingredients will make your skin glow and feel soft and polished. 1 T. organic baking soda Fresh organic lemon Put baking soda in a small dish and add a squeeze of lemon (appx. ½ tsp ). Stir into a paste. Apply paste with fingertips in a circular motion to clean skin, avoiding the eye area. Polish about 30-60 seconds. Rinse well and enjoy your beautiful skin. I like to use any extra on the backs of my hands and my dÊcolletage as well. 27


Alluring

How it Makes Me Feel by Kami Lerner

L

ife is a precious gift

piece WITH oversized earrings. It

Orange). Jewelry with color stones

that should be lived

should be one or the other. Other

can make a dull outfit vibrant. What

and shared with others

days, I might feel a little edgier and

I’ve definitely noticed is whatever

and used to inspire

want to layer three or four necklaces,

I choose to wear, even mixing my

people all over the

along with a handful of my rings and

silver and gold jewelry together,

world. Being a Jewelry Designer

my biker boots with a great pair of

if I’m wearing it with confidence,

and an artist, I have come to realize

jeans and a tank top…it’s all in how

no one questions my decision.

that a woman’s confidence and

you want to feel in that moment.

Think Lenny Kravitz. He wears the

individuality are her best features.

But, whatever it is, make sure you

craziest outfits and over-the-top

That, along with laughter and a

follow your own truth. Don’t try and

jewelry, but because he wears it

great piece of jewelry can make you

be something you’re not, because

with such confidence, no one even

feel unstoppable. In this day and

that just leads to confusion for all

thinks twice. And if you know a

age where everyone seems to be

parties involved and I guarantee

thing or two about stones, they hold

judging each other by their social

you won’t feel comfortable nor have

an amazing amount of strength.

media pictures, it’s important to

the confidence to pull it off if you’re

Depending on the stone, you may

wear the right jewelry and clothes

constantly wondering if you look

feel centered, lucky or even in love.

to reflect your inner beauty. Let’s

okay. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Gemstones are powerful and they

face it, When we feel like we look

When it comes to jewelry, as

have the ability to heal. Sometimes

good on the outside, we tend to walk

well as fashion, do what feels good.

the stone picks YOU and other times

with a little more strut in our step.

Wear what will soothe your mind,

you pick the stone. Both ways have

Rather than following trends, I try

body and soul ,only then , will your

the capacity to change your entire

to design and wear what makes me

outer beauty coincide with your

day, as well as your life.

feel good. If that means wearing a

inner beauty. Personally, I prefer

Now, if we’re talking Diamonds

statement piece or dangle earrings

colors, but there are definitely days

and real gold here, just because

and an oversized cocktail ring

when I’ll throw on a black top, black

you’re

and stiletto heels, then I will wear

jeans and simple gold jewelry. But,

amassed a haul of sparkling baubles,

that with confidence and I will

the days that color is screaming my

a fantastic gala invitation, and the

OWN my attitude. I don’t however

name, I find myself most drawn

desire to drip with diamonds from

recommend wearing a statement

to Turquoise or Carnelian (Deep

all available limbs and lobes does

28

lucky

enough

to

have


not, by any means, mean that you

and you walk in decked out in what

is my best advice. I would rather

should. Less is definitely more

looks to be extravagant taste in

see someone wearing a really cool

in my opinion, especially when it

jewelry, more than likely, you will

jacket and killer boots from a thrift

comes to the real thing. They say

scare him away. Keep it simple.

shop, while exuding confidence

‘Diamonds are a girl’s best friend’,

Keep it classy.

from head to toe then to see a name

I personally prefer gemstones to

Whatever it is you choose to

brand walking down the street with

Diamonds, but that’s the fabulous

accessorize yourself with, whether

no MOJO. Your inner peace is all

part about being an individual and

jewelry, handbags, scarves, hats,

in your own mind. It comes from

owning your own truth. I do know

clothing…make

within and if done properly…can

that if you’re on a date with a guy

keeping it real. From the inside out

sure

you

are

light the world on FIRE. 29


ME

The Vision in the Mirror by Mia Saenz

h

ave you ever noticed how you respond

Understanding who we are as humans with a soul,

to yourself in the mirror? Is your image

is a journey all unto it’s own. Everyone brave enough

pleasing or do you do what has to be done

to do self discovery work knows the power of this.

and move along quickly? This is a very

When we get to know our body inch by inch we also are

important aspect of who we are as humans.

removing build up programming or thought processes

To understand the human body and feel comfortable

that have kept us numb as well. Removing each layer

in our own skin is the most important aspect in the

of the onion peel or as I like to say garbage is when our

evolvement and connection to our body and what is

spirit can emerge and we become whole. Also as long

termed as our soul or spirit.

as one chooses to not do the work there will not be a

Most people, men and women do not feel

marriage of our soul within our body and we will not

comfortable within their own skin. There isn’t that really

feel connected or completely whole. Taking these steps

deep connection; most don’t have a clue about this until

is what allows us to live our life in love and purpose.

they begin to examine their own human physical form.

You may be thinking at this point, great, I’m going

For example, take a look at your hand. Stretch it out in

to settled quietly down and look at my hand. It truly is

front of you and move it around slowly as you examine

more than just examining your hand. It begins with

it. The verbal and written response I receive back from

examining you. It begins with the most difficult work

conversation is, “my hand is trippy like I am stoned or

and the most rewarding work, “Mirror Work.” First

something.” When I ask someone to examine their hand

know that whatever your reaction to you is, it is alright,

they realize they are not connected to their body.

you will get to the other side of happiness. Most people

Here are a few other clues that will allow you to see

have an adverse reaction when they look into the mirror

the same information. Often time due to trauma, and

and say, “I love you” to themselves. It will be okay and

we all have suffered some type of trauma since birth,

this is a good starting point.

we have unconsciously learned how to go numb, or feel

Let’s make things easier for you. Take a pad of paper

cold within us. This is a result and a distraction that our

specifically for this purpose and a pen. As you stand

psyche creates in order to protect its self from pain.

in front of a good size mirror, alone without anyone

When you discover this about your body and take the

around, stand there looking at your reflection in the

steps to connect to it, is when change will happen.

mirror. In a moment or two - state to yourself out loud “I

30


love you.� See how your reaction is. Do this a few times. Record your findings. The purpose of recording what you say and your reactions is to keep a log, a journal. As you grow into a more loving state of yourself there will always be disturbances in your life that changes the way you feel about your self. This is why we record how we feel and what we say. When we do take a step backward in a negative manner we have our records to show we have seen our self loving and it can help you discover why you took a step backwards. Remember all steps backwards will reverse within time and you will move again forward as if you leaped. The work brings us to understand ourselves and as we move into other areas of body care, we release our poor body image issue, and grow into self love. This process has been performed by professionals and hundreds of thousands of people. Each professional that has their clients do mirror work has them do it in different fashion. For the thousands I have helped, this process works over-all the fastest to connect us to our core center. It is best to utilize this process four times a week for three to five minutes each day. It is recommended to do it in the morning before your mind is full of the daily issues and your inner critic is still quiet. Embrace the new you as you emerge and grow gracefully. 31


ME

Body Image: Are you part of the statistics? by Bonnie Gayle

“Body Image.” How a woman feels and sees herself

see today in magazines, billboards and catalogs has

physically and emotionally, has become big talk in

been photoshopped. The media glorifies a standard

recent years. Even with society’s rigid standards of ideal

of beauty, of perfection, that is both unattainable

female beauty, what a woman order to be considered

and unreasonable. The slender ideal is emphasized,

beautiful, has drastically changed over the years. What

along with its importance and the importance of

really is considered beautiful? In Victorian times, a

appearances in general.been photoshopped.

beautiful woman was well-fed and garnished with

media glorifies a standard of beauty, of perfection, that

opulent clothing. Since the time of the “pinup girl,” the

is both unattainable and unreasonable. The slender

women considered beautiful by both men and women

ideal is emphasized, along with its importance and the

had attainable figures and bodies that did not need to be

importance of appearances in general. {1}

The

perfect. They had curves, and ranged in size from 8-16.

Women’s images have been altered so much that

Bodacious was both sexy and beautiful. Then came the

there isn’t a bump, bulge, wrinkle or pore anywhere

‘60s and beauty took a drastic turn with the popularity

to be seen. Much of the time the person’s entire face

of Twiggy, the world’s first supermodel, whose boyish

and body are physically altered to the degree that they

skinny features made her instantly different from other

are unrecognizable in real life. What is this message we

models of her time. Suddenly, “thin was in” and the

are giving to women today? Are we not beautiful as we

standards of beauty for women have never been the

are? Is it even possible to live up to these unrealistic

same since.

expectations?

Since the ‘60s, research has shown that, while the number of commercials for the diet industry ($60

Are you one of the statistics?

billion a year) have increased, body sizes of centerfolds,

Slight Negative Body Image: 98% of women today dislike

Miss America contestants, fashion models and female

at least one thing about themselves. {2} Body Image

actresses have decreased. On the other hand, the

Issues could affect you on occasion however you don’t

weights of North American women have increased.

allow it to stop you from doing things in your life.

Then came Photoshop software which allows a photo

Extreme Negative Body Image: 80-90% of women

to be digitally altered to the point of making the

today really dislike the way they look. {2} Body Image

subject unrecognizable. Most likely every image you

Issues affect many or all areas of your life. This can

32


5 Tips to Positive Body Image 1. Get a coach who has had experience with body image and self-love. This is extremely important because going through something like this alone is pretty much impossible. 2. Practice self-love every day. Whether it’s reading daily mantras, focusing on a positive body quote, or telling yourself several times a day how much you love and appreciate your body – it’s all good! 3. Hang out with people who love you, not those who constantly compete with you and unconstructively criticize you. I know this can be difficult because it may mean needing to find new people to spend time with. I promise you, it’s worth it in the end. Like I said, it’s virtually impossible to do it alone. 4. Daily writing is key. This is real good old fashioned writing, not typing on a computer. Before you begin, close your eyes and ask yourself a question. Then ask the Universe to help guide you in release writing to expose what’s behind the question you asked. At the end of your writing, thank yourself and give yourself a hug for allowing the truth to come out. Sometimes writing on that one question will take several days. Be gentle with yourself and let the writing flow. 5. Have something to look forward to. Make some plans for yourself - one or more things you love to do weekly that bring you and your body pleasure and make sure you do them. It could be as simple as making a special bath for yourself that you soak in. I call mine a “Cleopatra Bath.”

be anything from never putting on a bathing suit, not

Learning to appreciate, like, love and see your body

dating because you don’t feel attractive, not allowing

positively when you don’t, takes courage. What you’ve

your partner to see you naked, staying in the same job

been subconsciously or consciously holding onto isn’t

because you don’t feel good about how you look, and so

pretty. In fact, it’s downright ugly. These thoughts,

much more…

feelings, and messages are painful and you’ve buried

Body dysmorphia : An obsession with your body or

them deep inside thinking they will go away. They won’t.

a specific body part that you think of and see as ugly. 1%

You need to open up the old wounds and let them out so

of all adults have Body dysmorphia. {3}

that you can release whatever is behind these feelings

The numbers don’t lie. Almost every woman

you’ve been carrying around. The good news is that you

doesn’t like something about herself when it comes

can change a negative body image, even if it’s extreme.

to her appearances. This isn’t surprising since 50% of the advertisements we see daily are displaying and

{1} Eating Disorders and the Role of the Media http://

promoting societal standards of what beauty is for

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2533817/

women - an unattainable level of perfection. {4} In order

{2} World Health Organization

to overcome the negative messaging, it takes a personal

{3} The Mirror Lies http://www.aafp.org/afp/2008/0715/

positive reinforcement practice along with spending

p217.html

time around positive, like-minded people in order to

{4} The Beauty Ideal http://www.honors.umaine.edu/

really feel comfortable in your body.

files/2009/07/hoffmann-2004.pdf 33


ME

Four Points to Fearless Living by Lehla Eldridge Fear and I have been really good mates. The fearful

This shining one had a story, we all do, but she

lady has lived rent free in my head for a long time, in

carried her story like a fire within her. Sometimes she

fact she has been entertaining my inner gremlins and

was enveloped by it. Sometimes it seemed to be what

having parties in my head ever since I can remember.

drove her forward to embrace life. She was ill and she

I am not sure when she first joined me, maybe I was a

had bravely lived her life knowing that each year was a

teenager, or maybe it was the day my parents’ marriage

gift. Years passed but her illness came back to get her.

fell apart when I was a kid. Or maybe not, it could have

It twisted her in its grip and did all the things that this

been school… who knows, or even cares… All I know

illness does and it left her on the frontline of an inner

is that the fearful lady and I have been firm friends. I

war that was marching through her body. A war that she

know her well.

knew she couldn’t fight and one that she grew to accept

A friend of mine, who I met a few years ago, was one

painfully but gracefully. One day in my small dark

of those bright shining people. (I think all people are

kitchen in Devon I asked a few questions. I asked her

bright and shiny but some people choose to hide their

“What have you learned about life?” She told me these

shiny-ness.) My 50-year-old friend shone. She bounced

four things…

when she walked and if she were a flower she would be a daffodil. We lived in a community set up, a big house where we shared the cooking and ate meals together. She lived there too and seemed strong and fearless. When there was maintenance to be done on the huge 18th century house, she would do it. When music was playing she danced. I once pulled up in the community car park. We had both just come back from picking our kids up in the local village - and she was dancing. Her car radio was turned up full blast. When another friend pulled up, the three of us danced to Ziggy Stardust in the wet muddy car park in the countryside, in Devon, whilst the kids looked on. I think I might have even played air guitar. We danced fearlessly. 34

1 2

Be Fearless. There is nothing to be scared of and she had learned that she was here to live fearlessly. If music

is playing and you want to dance, dance! Fall in love with yourself. She had only then at that time in her life realised how lovely she was. She said she had fallen in love

with herself. She looked at me and said “I am really lovely, I wish I had known that all my life.

3

Life is so very beautiful. This rang out to me like a clear note. Life is so very beautiful and each day is a gift. She talked of the


trees and of how the light shines through them and she

out of my head is a gift. When I have my time with my

turned to me and said “It is so beautiful out there.”

kids I can choose to have a lot of fun with them, which

4

It is a privilege to get old. She told me that she had realised what a beautiful privilege it would have been to get old.

is an unbelievable gift. And yes, when a song comes on in the supermarket, I dance to it if I like it and so does my husband. You can sometimes find us in the aisle by the gluten free pasta dancing like crazies. I have also

She told me the stuff we hear all the time, it is

realised I am actually very lovely and that the fearful

staring at us in every moment, but having her in my

lady does not need to consume my head and spoil my

kitchen shifted something for me. Through her wise

fun and dominate my life. Because really, our time on

and simple words I saw things in a different way. As I

this planet is very precious and a beautiful shining gift,

look at my crow’s feet doing their thing on my face, I

and we all have a choice as to how we show up. So when

see that they are a gift. Each grey hair that fights its way

you next hear a good song and want to dance, do it!

Ground breaking radio show sharing tools and techniques for survivors of childhood trauma with Radio show host, Author and Speaker Susan Jacobi. Wednesdays, 12:30pm PST / 3:30pm EST

www.conversationsthatheal.com Podcasts available on iTunes and Stitcher 35


ME

Be Your Beauty by Claire Sierra, MA, LFT Successful Western women have access to more

and intrinsically drawn to people, experiences, and

resources, power, and freedom than during any other

objects that are beautiful. Beauty, is an essential quality

time in recorded history. And that’s awesome (even

of the Soul of Woman.

though it’s nowhere near equal with the guys.) But

For as long as we have existed, external beauty

there’s something amiss. We’re exhausted, tapped out,

has been a huge source of women’s power and self-

dried up. We’ve spent too long in the masculine mode.

worth – we wear it like armor. Beauty Power is a potent

It’s how our culture has trained us to be successful and

intoxicant and it can garner great rewards. But focusing

it has served us well - but it’s also making us miserable.

on superficial good-looks is not without consequences.

Now, it’s time for something different: accessing our

The trajectory of this path can ultimately lead to

Feminine Power. But just how do we reconnect with

disappointment, or despair. As beauty fades, power, is

that silky, sensuous, creative, ineffable essence, that

lost. Then, what? We’re left with a hollow, empty shell

makes us feel juicy, and alive?

as that false self collapses. Feminine Soul, our essence,

There’s a movement emerging - I see, hear, and feel

yearns for authentic expression.

it everywhere. As our innate, but slumbering Feminine Soul awakens, we are changing. We are relating to

Soul Sourced Beauty

ourselves, and our lives from a deeper, more authentic,

Beauty from our essence has the quality of Soul,

intuitive state of Being. We are reclaiming parts of

which is why we are so compellingly drawn to it. True

ourselves that have been lost, damaged, or disregarded

Beauty, is not photo-shopped artifice or a stereotyped

and we are tapping into skills, and abilities that we’ve

ideal, but is an aspect of our unique expression. We

forgotten, or misplaced.

are magnetically drawn to women who radiate Soul

One key area that we need to reclaim, is “Beauty.”

Beauty, often regardless of external appearance. When

As we reconnect with the essence of our own beauty,

we celebrate the rich variety of our sizes, shapes, and

we reclaim the sensuality, and pleasure of the Divine in

colors, we all naturally shine.

feminine form. It’s complicated though, isn’t it? From

Many of us (maybe most), can’t see our own light.

an early age, Beauty is the muse we’ve been taught to

Most of what we believe about ourselves depends on

desire, court, and worship. And we get mixed messages

what we’ve been taught about our own value and worth.

- criticism, and encouragement - for cultivating this

We are so externally, and socially referenced that we

Beauty Power. Yet despite this paradox, we are simply

can’t see our own beauty, and light - especially when it

36


is doesn’t match the cultural ideals. Too fat, tall, skinny,

here - then your beauty unfolds, (in all your ordinary

dark, light - each one of us has a mental list of how we

magnificence). As you grow to love, and value yourself

don’t “measure up.” Yet we each are beautiful beyond

as a Divine Being in feminine form, and connect with

measure! In denying, and repressing this, we suffer. We

this sacred inner beauty, you become gorgeous. That’s

reject our light, and power.

not what the advertising, fashion, or beauty industries

We radiate Soul Beauty when we are fully alive and

want you to know. But it’s true. As you stand in your

connected with our essential self. As we awaken this

inner light and radiance, others will naturally be drawn

Goddess Self, our true and natural Beauty shines from

to you, for to be in this presence, is to touch the Divine.

the inside out. Feminine Soul Essence is who you are when you are just being yourself, and shining your light.

The Practice: Be Your Beauty

It is not learned, it’s authentic, and aligned with your

Sometimes we are known for things that we’ve been

true, and unique nature. You might be innately joyful,

trained to be, that are not intrinsic to our nature. Often

and light, soft, and sweet, or piercingly insightful,

we just step in line with others around us. We are not

inspirational, compassionate, or clear. You might look

what we wear, or how we look, but they do impact how

classic, or organic, polished, frilly, or athletic. No

we feel about ourselves. This affects how we show up in

matter what you are doing or how you present yourself,

our lives, and the world responds accordingly. You get to choose. You can change your sense of

you are radiating your beautiful Soul essence, in your own unique signature style.

self from the inside out. If you want to live a creative,

Your Beauty Power lies, in knowing, and embodying

inspired, purposeful life, make a conscious choice to

your uniqueness - really loving yourself for it. When you

shine your essence, and be true to your own beauty.

own your core self - who you really are, and why you’re

Allow yourself to be your true Self, inside, and out.

1. Take time daily, to connect with your Essence, your intrinsic worth, (as a being rather than for your doing.) • What innate qualities do you wish to express? Who are you, when all the masks are down? 2. Notice if others around you are uncomfortable when you make changes and try to pull you back into the form, role, or package they are used to. Or do they applaud your efforts? True allies will support your changes. 3.

Notice a difference in how you feel, when you are more intentional, and aligned with what you surround yourself with, whether it’s clothing, environment, or people. This affects how you shine your Essence in the world. you love, or secretly hate, but think you are supposed to wear? Journal about: • Do your clothes (colors, shapes, textures, styles) and accessories express who you really are? • What about your hair, makeup, and jewelry?

4. Journal about your understanding of your own Essence. Consider these questions: • What do you really like about yourself? • What do others praise you for? • Do the compliments reflect who/what you want to be? • How would like to be known, or seen? 37


Is life real or imagined? Is there a difference? Do our beliefs and perceptions hold us hostage? How do we break free?

Author Carolyn Gervais immediately hooks the reader's attention by revealing the profound philosophical questions she, as a small child, asked her grandfather. I really appreciated the author’s biographical stories and I like the way the author explores reality and illusion. "Judge, Writer's Digest 21st Annual Self-Published Book Awards"

Author Carolyn Gervais takes you beyond the boundaries of belief and perception. http://www.awakeningyou.com/


Why do you do what you do? Why are you attracted to him? Why are you holding back?

Proj

ect

Get Answers.

Coaching s Community s Connection. TheLiesITell.com s victoriawynn@me.com sFB Search “Truth Be Told”


Sacred Space

Conscious Space by Sharon Otness

The other day I watched the unveiling of the home

1. Remove everything from the space. And I mean

Nate Berkus re-did for Iyanla Vanzant. Did you see it?

everything: clutter, furnishings, area rugs. Get rid of

What touched me was the “feeling” that went into the

the things that are broken or you no longer enjoy.

spaces, both from the directions Iyanla gave Nate from

2. Thoroughly clean it, top to bottom.

her vision book and the care Nate took in interpreting

3. Now take a fresh look. Was it just cluttered and in need

her wants and needs. I can guarantee that most of the

of a spring clean? Or do you need to add more of “you”

colors, textures, and patterns Iyanla loves, Nate was

into the space?

able to incorporate from her vision book.

If you feel your entry space is truly in need of a redo, I

The first thing I ask my design clients when I start

suggest you take the time to create a vision for your space.

working with them is: “How do you want your home

You can make a vision book like Iyanla did or create a

to FEEL?” It is amazing how few people can answer

board on Pinterest. Go to Houzz.com for some great

that question. They jump right into a style or type of

ideas. In recreating your entry space, there are some

furniture. How you feel in your home contributes to

key elements to look for. (Before heading out the door to

your overall sense of wellbeing.

purchase new furniture and art, take a look and see what

I invite you to participate in a little experiment right

you can “shop” for in your own home. Then fill in where

now… Walk outside your front door… close your eyes…

you need.) I’ve listed the six key steps for recreating your

take a deep breath. Now open your eyes and walk back

entry space below:

in. Look around. How do you feel? If you feel anxious, depressed, annoyed or sad, we have work to do! Let’s get started. Spring is the perfect time. The first space I suggest you tackle is your foyer or

1

COLOR FIRST This is an area that can take beautiful saturated colors that might seem overwhelming in other

entry. It is less overwhelming than one of the larger

spaces. So have fun with bright colors, darks, jewel tones

rooms in your home and it is the first thing you and

and patterns if that is what makes you happy. If you have

your visitors see. It can truly set the tone for your home.

a hectic and stressful life outside of the home, you may

Before completely redoing this space, try this trick I

want to walk in the door to soothing, calm colors and

learned when I was doing home staging and one-day

textures. Don’t forget to paint the exterior and/or interior

room makeovers:

of the entry door - one thing can make a big difference!

40


2

LIGHTING IS CRITICAL Make sure to have a table or chest to hold a table lamp, especially if there isn’t overhead

lighting. You can add drama with an up light behind a plant. If you have an overhead chandelier or pendant, make sure it is one that makes your heart sing to look

3 4

at. They do not need to cost a fortune. TEXTURE ADDS INTEREST An area rug is a quick way to add texture.

5 6

SHOW YOUR PERSONALITY WITH ART A travel photo, a favorite quote, found elements can all be used. Add a mirror for

that last minute check before going out the door. CLEAN THE EXTERIOR Even if it is too early to plant new shrubs in your area, just clean it up, add a new entry mat and a fresh coat of paint to the door if

needed. Replace tired entry lights.

Place baskets to hold mail or umbrellas.

Now, walk out your front door… close your eyes…

Window shades and drapery can add texture and drama.

take a deep breath. Open your eyes and walk in the door. How do you feel? This is your first step toward

ORGANIZATION IS KEY

turning your home into your sanctuary.

The table or chest you have placed is also a perfect spot to hold keys, fresh flowers

or greenery, a candle or beautiful vase or statue. Use wall hooks to hang a favorite hat, scarf or jacket if closet space is dear.

41


Dish

Thin Mint Smoothie by Sharon Otness

1 cup coconut, hemp or rice milk 3/4 cup coconut water 1/2 cup spinach 1 T. ground hemp seeds 1 scoop pea protein powder (optional) 1 scoop greens powder (optional) 1 T. Cacao powder 1/2 avocado 1 drop peppermint essential oil or 1 tsp peppermint extract Stevia to taste 1/2 cup ice cubes Blend and serve. 44


Cocoa Almond Energy Bites by Sharon Otness 1 1/2 cups old-fashioned oats 1/2 cup Cocoa Almond Spread (TJ’s or you could use Nutella) 1/2 cup shredded coconut 1/2 cup honey 1/4 cup coconut oil 1/2 cup Almonds 2 T. ground flax seeds 1 T. chia seeds 2 tsp. vanilla extract 1/2 tsp. salt Place almonds and oats in food processor and process until fine. Add the rest of ingredients and blend until it forms a dough.  Place the dough in the refrigerator until it is firmer (at least 15 minutes).  Roll into balls and keep in refrigerator. 45


Life as You Know It is about to Change

A

by Kellie Valenti re you willing to change your lifestyle in

to seek out change. You started on the journey, your

order to obtain great health? Change is

body responded to being treated kindly and with love,

hard, and most don’t want it bad enough

and then life happened. One day you found yourself

to do what is absolutely necessary. For

miles from where you started… You shook your head

most, the daily decisions and choices are

and wondered what the hell happened.

what get people in trouble. If I didn’t decide every day to

You see, health is a slippery slope. We all need it and

start my day with the right attitude and to make healthy

most of us take it for granted. When you’re young and

choices throughout my day, I would be in trouble. Each

have the world by the horns, you don’t even think about

decision we make paves our day, our week, our month,

all the garbage you do to your mind, body and soul. As

our year and so on. I realize that sometimes I overwhelm

you age, you begin to regret some of the choices and

people because I’m so passionate about health and

decisions, and then make life altering changes. While

healing… I can see it in your eyes… the realization

others just keep looking for the magic pill. I’ve even

that so many things might actually need to change.

fallen into the magic pill syndrome. I like easy too. The

Let’s back up a bit. First of all, there’s no need to

false sense of security that the “Pill” might offer, and

change everything, or learn all there is to learn, all at

the way it might make me look and/or feel. That magic

once. That would make my head spin too. I’ve been

pill doesn’t exist. Doctors and pharmaceuticals won’t

right where you are. The difference is that I practice a

fix the problem. At best, they just mask the symptoms.

healthy lifestyle because it is important to me. We all

You have to fix the problem.

do what’s important to us. If you truly want to acquire

It all starts with change. When you have the courage

a temple that is deserving of its creator, then you really

to stand up and say enough is enough, and go within

have to want to change.

yourself to seek out what resonates with your core

This is where the rubber meets the road. You see,

being, you’ll be ready to walk to the other side of health.

most of you don’t want change badly enough to do the

There is a powerful saying that goes like this….“When

work. When it gets hard, or you don’t see instantaneous

the student is ready, the teacher appears.” If you’re in

results, you quit. We all get lazy from time to time and

poor health and you haven’t yet found your magic pill or

we tell ourselves all the lies in the world to make it okay

if you’re still searching for that fountain of youth, I have

to stop the journey. There are others of you who have

hope for you.

experienced some major life challenge and did decide 47


Food for Thought I must warn you though. It will take a conscious effort on your part. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. When you’re ready to commit to doing something differently, there truly is hope and healing. I went so far as to print out the above quote on an 8 ½ x 11 sheet of paper, put it in a protective plastic cover and hang it in my shower… literally. Why? It’s someplace that is seen every day AND not only by me. It’s a constant reminder.

S…Sustainable living I…Intuitive guidance M…Making memories P…Preparation daily L…Living life to the fullest E…Experience laughter and play

Do what it takes. When you’re ready, I have the arsenal that’s needed.

I have a tool belt of wellness and healing. I use

It’s a traditional foods way of living. It’s not new or a

and teach it daily. Life really is simple, we just tend to

fad. It’s been around for hundreds and hundreds of

complicate it and make it hard. Life will change, with

years. It’s tried and proven. Our ancestors practiced

our without your permission. Are you ready to embrace

it. It really comes down to a simple way of living, from

some healthy change in your life and do you want it

my perspective.

badly enough? The answers are waiting inside of you.

"Living Life on a Natural High"

www.sharonotness.com 48


Taking Time to Learn about Nutrition by Amanda Rose Baker

W

hy take the time to learn about

We have all heard of vitamins, which are

nutrition and healthy lifestyle

macronutrients, meaning larger nutrient particles.

modification? Sure, there are

But, how many of us have heard of phytonutrients?

fun, surface reasons, like looking

Phytonutrients are smaller nutrient particles that

better in your bikini this summer.

play a crucial role in how healthy and shiny we feel

But there is a new branch of science called epigenetics,

and look. The prefix “phyto” is defined as plant. The

which provides a deeper motive. Epigenetics maintains

pigments in plants are created as it responds to light

that our diet and lifestyle can actually impact the way

– the plant, which grows and thrives in sunlight, takes

our genes are expressed. We may be born with the

this light and responds in its own unique way, and that

gene for a certain type of cancer, for example, but it is

uniqueness is expressed in its pigment. Essentially,

possible that this gene will never be turned on, and we

when we eat plants, we are eating transmuted

live our entire life free from cancer. Aspects of our lives

sunlight. Does this play a role in which of our genes is

that we control, affect how our cells read our genes, so

turned on? You bet it does.

that if we were dealt a bad hand in the form of genes

Phytonutrients subtly tickle different pathways

that have been passed down for generations, we can

within our bodies, stimulating processes at the

choose different cards, and win the game.

cellular level that contribute to our vitality. So, when

We no longer have to go through life feeling

you hear or read that you should eat all the colors of

powerless over the destiny of our bodies. The choices

the rainbow, there is a very real reason for this. Each

we make every day truly determine the quality of life

color produces a functional reaction that supports

we will experience into our thirties, forties, fifties

the optimum performance of your body – including

and beyond. This is no longer a vague connection –

your hair and skin.

the secret is being uncovered, down to the building

Some fruits and vegetables are best eaten raw –

blocks of our bodies, the cells. In most cases, we can

like avocadoes and blueberries. The phytonutrients

choose to feel and look younger for longer. This is cause

in the mighty avocado have an immune regulating

to celebrate! Which of your genes do you wish to see

property, which reduces the risk of cancer. The blue

expressed in your lifetime? If you answered, “the strong

in blueberries is very good for the neuroplasticity

and beautiful ones,” then read on.

of the brain. We are born with a certain number of 49


Food for Thought brain cells, and these deteriorate as we grow older. But

gently cooking liberates the beta-carotene, the magic

again, we have a chance to outsmart the aging process

in the carrot. Place a little ghee (clarified butter) in a

because the plasticity of the brain, or the capacity for

pan and add some powdered ginger. Stir the ginger and

your brain tissue to communicate to itself, can always

ghee until a paste is formed. Now add some carrots and

be expanded, and blueberries help. (As will expanding

sautĂŠ them. Easy and delish! Chlorophyll, the pigment

your brain through learning new things, but that is a

in green vegetables, actually binds to toxins in the body

subject for another article.)

so that your system can remove them. This will keep you

According to Ayurveda, some of us respond best to cooked vegetables. Whether it is best to eat your veggies

young! Spinach is a good choice for this, as are spirulina, chlorella, cilantro, and leafy greens in general.

raw or cooked is also determined by the time of year.

So, the next time you go to the market, buy the

In summertime, raw and cold help calm the heat of the

rainbow, and choose your own adventure in support of

season – a good thing. In winter, cooked, warm foods

your health and longevity!

best support us. In the case of the carrot, for example,

50


Diet Fugitive seeking Permanent Asylum by Cori Rosenthal

I

consider myself a fugitive from the land of yo-

attainable goals allow for confidence and self-esteem

yo dieting - a land that apprehended me when I

building, building a bridge to a healthier self-image.

was 12. Food was comforting, social, something

I love sweets and tend to crave them when stressed.

to do while watching TV and doing homework.

For that reason, I decided to abstain from sugar for

In middle school, those comforting morsels

several years. I thought it would bring me peace but

made my pants tight, had me comparing my thighs to

eventually I became tired of feeling deprived and

my friends and began a war I waged against my body in

different. On a warm summer day in a beautiful park, I

pursuit of thin. Food was my friend, my comfort, and

experienced mindful eating with my first bite of sweets

my arch nemesis.

in years. Using all my senses, and without judgment, I I

choose to give my full attention to a small lemon sorbet.

spent a few decades in pursuit of that “perfect diet.” I

I feasted on the sorbet with my eyes first. Then I

walked the edge between restriction and indulgence,

smelled the lemon and noted the sound of my spoon

deprivation and guilt. I tried low-fat, low-carb, low

brushing against the frozen treat. I took that first

calorie, and just about everything in between. Every

bite slowly and tentatively, as if my experiment could

diet worked... until it didn’t. Every time I regained the

literally blow up in my face. I savored every spoonful,

weight my self-esteem took a nosedive. Finally, I sought

putting the spoon in the cup between bites. I focused

asylum from the land of yo-yo dieting by repairing my

on the flavor sensation in my mouth and the beauty of

relationship with food and body. My journey inspired a

the park surrounding me. I was present and focused

desire to work with others seeking asylum, those who

completely on what I was doing. I finished the cup, and

also wish to declare peace in the battle between food

I felt entirely satisfied. I didn’t want or need more.

I believed the answer was the “perfect diet.”

and body, body and self.

When I gave up sugar, I did so hoping to achieve

Restrictive diets require a lot of changes all at once

peace with food and my body. Surprisingly, mindfully

and often spark a sense of deprivation. When I work

eating that sorbet was a giant step toward healing my

with clients, I prefer small, incremental changes one at

relationship with food and body and finding the peace I

a time. Small changes allow one to build on successes

previously sought in restriction.

and transition into permanent lifestyle changes. Small

I am not a nutritionist, and nutritional advice is

51


Food for Thought not within my scope of practice. What I’m sharing

of what I share will support you on your journey.

here are experiments you might try to create a healthy

This first experiment is called “The Mindful Bite.”

relationship with food and body. Everyone is different

Try it at the beginning of a few meals and see what

and must find his or her own path. My hope is that some

you discover.

Mindful Bites

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Sit down at a table with your food and for at least this first bite, turn off ALL distractions. No TV, book, computer or cell phone. Put one bite of food on your fork or spoon and really look at it. Feast with your eyes. Hold the food to your nose and inhale deeply. Fully experience the aroma of your food. Put the food in your mouth but do not bite down right away. Put the fork down. First make note of the flavors and textures of the food.

When you do chew the food, do so slowly, deliberately and completely. Note the changing texture as you chew. Swallow the food and take a moment to notice if you can feel to food as it moves down your esophagus and into your stomach. Notice any thoughts or feelings brought on by this exercise.

52


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New Paradigm

Blocked? You can Choose Not to Be by Rosemary Bredeson

S

ometimes it’s hard to recognize when a

a belief that she couldn’t be successful because none

block or a pattern is holding us back from

of her siblings were having financial success. Surprise!

manifesting our magnificence. We don’t

The unconscious mind holds onto things our inner

know what we don’t know. So often clients

child creates without giving us a clue. Using guided

come to me for help with a certain issue or

visualization and some counseling tools, we cleared

problem in their lives or businesses or relationships,

that belief and developed a business structure that

when the REAL problem is a block somewhere else.

incorporated her art into her business. Removing that

When that block is cleared, the other issues improve.

unconscious block freed her to create a new, unified,

We don’t know what we don’t know, because the

fulfilling business that is wildly successful today.

unconscious mind (where the block is located) has

We are all wired this way. The conscious mind

so much power over our thoughts and actions and it

can only hold a handful of ideas at any one time. The

operates… well… unconsciously.

unconscious mind, however, is storing all the rest of the

Be grateful for your unconscious mind. It keeps

millions of bits of data that come at us every second!

your heart pumping and your brain functioning and

This includes our thoughts and beliefs, which are stored

your lungs breathing and a whole lot of other processes

there throughout our lives.

operating in your life without you having to consciously

Understand that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG

make things happen. However, that same unconscious

WITH YOU! You are not broken and you do not need

mind is operating in ways that can create patterns and

to be fixed. If you are feeling stuck or blocked, or have

blocks that you might not be aware of consciously, and

patterns of behavior that you want to change, but can’t

probably would not have chosen if you did know. This is

seem to on your own, it’s a signal that you are ready to

why you might be struggling with understanding why you can’t get things done or why you seem to be blocked from your successes. One of my clients wanted to leap forward with her

There are ways to see beyond what is holding you back.

business but struggled because she felt conflicted about

do some personal growth work. You are ready to leap

doing her creative work and doing the business that paid

forward and clear what is happening at the unconscious

the bills. When we got together to spend a day planning

level so that you are free to move into your conscious

out her strategies for the coming year, we uncovered

choices, your conscious dreams. 55


New Paradigm Do you have a pattern you’ve tried to change but

your path. Take a step in the direction of your dreams.

using willpower alone isn’t getting you to your goals?

If you feel blocked, if you stumble, rejoice that you are

Are you stuck with ideas that seem to belong in someone

growing. There are ways to see beyond what is holding

else’s life or time, but they are somehow cropping up in

you back. There are tools to help you, and there are

yours? Do you have trouble seeing possibilities because

people to support you in your growth. Journal. Meditate.

the problems block the view? These are signs that point

Work with someone you trust. Find the help you need,

the way forward for you on your path to growth. Nobody

but don’t go looking for shortcuts that may take you

moves forward without moving through obstacles. Some

AROUND the blocks! They won’t get you far.

are small and others are huge. Sometimes the path is

In these days of the 21st Century we don’t have

smooth and we lull ourselves into a sense of security

time to delay. We are called to live our Purpose. Staying

about having “arrived.” At other times, the path seems

stuck or blocked doesn’t accomplish that. Be who you

totally blocked, with no way to move forward. How easy

REALLY are. Ask for help if you need it. Move through

it would be to turn around and go back to the comfort of

your blocks and grow.

the familiar, or to stay stuck and play the victim! But, if you are reading these words, it may be that you are being called to continue moving forward on

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New Paradigm

Become Your Inner Hero by Rev. Lorraine Cohen

The last few years have been some of the toughest,

can transform yourself and your life. We all have the

most painful, comfort-zone zapping, heart-busting,

capacity to shrink from our courage and power when

faith building, healing, profoundly alive, exhilarating,

we forget who we are. Our minds race in with “worst

creative, and freeing periods I have ever experienced.

case scenarios “and “what ifs “as our imaginations run

Life is a journey of courage. Courage is about following

wild. Our egos create elaborate stories and dramas that

your heart in spite of what your mind and feelings are

cause us to feel at risk and frightened. We believe what

telling you. Courage is an act of love and faith to do what

we imagine as if it were real and certain. We collect

is right and true for you, to be willing to do whatever

evidence from the past as proof that life is unfair, unsafe,

it takes because you must! Each person expresses and

and painful. We expect the worst rather than the best.

experiences courage differently. Courage is an internal

Those are times when you must summon courage

feeling that can be powerfully directed outward in the

to become your own hero. It is in those moments when

world as an expression of your heart’s desires and soul’s

you take a leap of faith or a step through fear - because

intentions for your life path.

you know in your heart you must – that you find out who

Ultimately, courage has little to do with what you

you are and what your capacity for life is. Consciously

might view as heroism and heroic acts and everything to

or not, in those moments, you also invite the Universe

do with the choices you make every moment and every

to meet you with the gifts and blessings that are yours

day throughout the course of your life. Acts of courage

to claim.

can be seemingly small yet powerful in the ways you

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” ~ Audrey Lorde

58


Five Ways to become your own hero 1. Live from your values and self-integrity. What you esteem you must be willing to fight for. It takes courage and passion to stand up for yourself and what you value. You must be willing to risk losing love and approval from others to take a stand for what you believe and value. You are stronger than you may realize. Make choices that reflect what matters most to you and show up in ways that honor those values. When you do, you will like and love who you see in the mirror!

2. Say no or yes when it is right for you rather than from guilt, fear, or pressure. It’s liberating when you are courageous enough to say yes or no without feeling fear, shame, or guilt. Staying true to your Self is a gift you give yourself and what you model for others as a leader. Your courage inspires others.

3. Self-love. Set boundaries and put yourself in positions that nourish, empower, and honor you. Sacrificing yourself to please others will cost you peace of mind, self-respect, and self-love. In the end those who remain will be the ones who really matter.

4. Follow your heart even when things feel scary or unpopular with others. It takes courage, inner strength, and deep self-love to stand up for what you value. Life yields to those who are valiantly and passionately living their truth and purpose. You can set an inspiring and hopeful example for others – that they too can rise above their fearful illusions of smallness and soar to the heights of their greatness. When you stand in your own Light, you invite others to shine more brightly.

5. Commit to daily spiritual practices that include fostering a deep bond with God. The relationship you have with the Divine that lives within you, through you, and as you, is the key to living your greatest and happiest life in alignment with your heroic spirit. Involve God in everything as you would a dear, close friend. Watch the magic happen.

Life is a journey of courage. You have all you need within you to fly. Trust! Be fierce in your passion and stand in your strength. Within you is the power to rise above any situation or struggle, and transform into the Brightest, Strongest version of your Self!

59


New Paradigm

Unable to Please by Rebecka Eggers

I

am never truly content to write an article that

almost as if for the first time, how truly high they are.

merely informs. So, today I want to take you

There are about 70 doublewide steps in all. Just as your

on a journey. I invite you to let go and fall into

reach number 40 a man approaches you. He is holding

this story. Allow it to transport you to a colorful

a binder. He wants to speak with you. Courtesy would

little town in the mountains of Southern Mexico.

demand that you stop and honor his request. But you

The air is cool. In fact, it’s bordering on cold. The line

are already out of breath and on a mission to summit.

between comfort and discomfort is so blurry that you

You try to say you don’t speak Spanish. He is persistent.

are wondering if you made the right choice leaving your

English then? Finally, you admit, rather hurriedly, that

sweater behind. The sky is grey. But it is not the kind

you don’t want to talk. These little moments of rebelling

of grey that can turn this place into a raging river on a

against what is expected are familiar. Long ago you

moments notice. You carry on.

gave up trying to please! In fact, sometimes you can be

You are walking up to the Church of Guadalupe as

downright contrary just for the hell of it.

you do nearly every day. You feel the uneven stones

Finally, you enter the chapel. Two indigenous

beneath your feet. You sink into the familiar sounds

families are there performing a ritual. One has just

of cars driving by, or more accurately rattling by. Over

begun. The other has just finished. A slight man of about

the years you have become convinced that if the word

forty takes out a small bottle of Coke and a small shot

“tune-up” translates, it is a seldom used word. You

sized glass. The woman shaman’s chanting is working

laugh a little at the peculiarity of your own life. Even

its way up to a fever pitch. Much to your surprise, the

after nearly four years, the sights and sounds of this

man pours a tiny glass of coke for you and stretches

little Mexican pueblo remain a little foreign to you,

out his hand. You have no idea what to do. After all

and therefore, each day is somehow rich with new

these years, you still do not know the customs of the

discoveries.

indigenous. You are seldom invited to be close.

As you walk you take in the red and green colored

Suddenly you find yourself in a pure moment,

flags that still sway in the wind overhead; remnants

a spontaneous moment that lives well beyond your

of December’s month long celebration. You hear the

conditioning. You have nothing to guide you in this

music pouring out of the chicken restaurant. The fire

moment but your own gut instincts and your desire.

in the pit is flaming almost out of control as you pass by.

You have no idea if it would be rude to take his offering

As you reach the steps of the church you notice,

from his meager supply (one 12 ounce bottle for a group

60


of 8) or whether it would be rude to refuse it.

smiling. He smiles too and continues making his round.

In this moment, you are free. There is nothing to

Right about that time the shaman chokes the chicken,

push or rebel against, no expectation to meet. In being

and with it, whatever was left of your willingness to live

rendered completely unable to please by design, you

in either rebellion or acquiescence.

experience a window, a tiny gap of not knowing, and in

You are free to live your life in this place beyond

that moment you come to know yourself. A split second

conditioning. Now that you have found it experienced

later you are chugging a shot glass full of Coke and

it, it belongs to you.

61


New Paradigm

My Mother’s Power of Imperfection and how it Empowered Me by Tova Garr

W

was

I ran off, slamming the door to

allowed

g r o w i n g

my room. (My mother now refers

compassion towards her, and to

up, I had no

to our teen years as “the door

stop judging her so harshly. But it

doubt in my

slamming years” literally and

also gave me an even bigger gift.

mind that my

metaphorically.) It is hard to say

At that time I was, and continued

mother thought she was perfect.

25 years later what the fight was

to be for quite a while, a deep

When I was a young girl, I agreed.

about. But I will always remember

perfectionist. My mother gave

She seemed to have the answer to

the conversation that followed,

me the permission I had never

everything, was able to make me

because it forever changed my

been able to give myself, the

feel better when I was down, and

relationship with my mother. After

permission to make a mistake.

unlike the mothers of my friends,

sitting in my room for a while,

It was both okay and human to

she never seemed to be helpless in

feeling misunderstood, wronged

make mistakes. I could admit I

any way, and was always clear with

and angry, I heard a knock on

was wrong and apologize for it.

her expectations. As I approached

the door. It was my mother. She

my teen years, my mother stopped

came in and apologized. She said

transitioning from a little girl

looking so perfect. Suddenly, I was

she had been wrong, she had said

into a teen, your relationship

irritated by her. I could not stand

things she did not mean to say,

changes. She is changing and so

the fact that she seemed to think

and was sorry. She told me that I

are you, and as she transitions,

she knew the answers to everything,

reminded her so much of herself,

YOU are her model. Although she

that she would tell me what to do,

and she did not want me to make

may be spending much of her

and that she did not seem to know

the same mistakes she had. My jaw

day rebelling in direct or subtle

or care how hard life was for me.

dropped open, and stayed there

ways, she is watching your every

She made me angry, and I needed

for quite a while. Could this be

move. This can be both scary

to make sure I proved her wrong,

my mother, who thought she was

and a blessing. The scary part is

even if only in my head. I found it

perfect, admitting she was not???

that she sees you in all of your

hen

I

harder and harder to relate to her. Then one day we had a big fight. She yelled, I yelled, and then 62

As

me

your

to

feel

daughter

more

is

Something important changed

imperfection. The blessing is that

in our relationship that day. Her

this allows you to teach without

ability

having to lecture, to give lessons

to

admit

imperfection


in life by simply being

every

mother

makes.

your authentic self.

But instead of trying to pretend to yourself, your

A young client of recently shared

friends, and your kids

how when she makes

that you are perfect, own

mistakes

first

your mistakes and use

beating

them as opportunities.

herself up for doing it

See them as precious

wrong. She has to do

moments of vulnerability

this before she can move

and authenticity. This

on, as a form of self-

is the place where deep

punishment. Somehow

connection grows and

she

this

growth happens. It is also

would prevent her from

the place of happiness

making a mistake again.

and relief, because here

As you can imagine, this

we all get to be our real

never worked for her.

selves, no longer trying

We spent time together,

to be someone else, or

looking for ways which

some perfect version of

would enable her to give

ourselves. We learn to

herself permission to

make mistakes and make

mine

spends

she time

hoped

that

simply acknowledge her mistake,

that it took me completely off my life

amends, and teach our daughters

learn from it, and then see it as

path and out of alignment with who

the power of imperfection and

a gift. I am here to tell you what I

I truly was for a very long time.

growth.

hope you already know - none of us

So what can you do to support

is perfect no matter how hard we

your daughter and teach her the

try. As a recovering perfectionist, I

power of imperfection? All you have

can tell you I tried. I tried so hard

to do is just be you. Make the mistakes

Sending you lots of love and support to just be you and own it!

63


New Paradigm

A New Plan for Parenting after Separation or Divorce by Alexandria Johnatakis

T

he statistics are pretty terrifying - children of divorced parents are more likely to have heart disease, struggle with adult relationships, do poorly in school, and more likely to go to prison. Honestly, the prospect of raising children was terrifying even before my divorce. No one ever expects to get divorced, and no one wants bad things for their children. I want my life, and my children’s lives, to be joyful, and whole. I want us to embrace ourselves as

we are, love ourselves, and pursue joyful and meaningful lives. I came from a large family with loving parents. I have no template for how to go about this. Everything in my life before now was following the pattern: Get Married, Have Kids, Live Happily Ever After. Except for the “Happily Ever After” bit. Now that I’ve exited that pattern, I need a new plan, and quick, before my kids end up as one of those statistics. So together, we are writing our own plan.

Be Present Financially, things have not been stable since my

them have been scary. If I can help them learn how to

marriage ended. Sometimes the stress succeeds in

identify and process those feelings, I might spare them

stealing the moment from me. Nonetheless, I try to be

some heartache later on.

present with my kids as much as I can. I try to connect with them, imagine with them, be silly with them. I let

Pursue Joy Relentlessly

my three year old set the pace on our walks. I let my five

For years, pure joy was in short supply in my life. The

year old tell me all about her favorite TV show, and then

type of joy that comes from a perfectly baked cookie,

I watch it with her.

a rainbow or the texture of bread dough under my

I’m not going to get preachy about electronics, but

hands. Together, the three of us are on a journey to

there are times when I put away my phone and shut

discover what brings us joy, and then bring more of it

down my computer and give my undivided attention to

into our lives. This means the cookie jar on my counter

my kids. And there are other times when my kids gather

is always full, my daughter wears sparkly leggings with

around my iPhone with me and we play Candy Crush

her winter coat and rain boots, and when my son brings

together.

his blanket to me to snuggle, we snuggle. Sometimes

I also encourage my kids to talk to me about what

it means falling asleep while watching cat videos, or

they are feeling. I want them to learn to identify their

baking a cake just because the sun is out. Other times

feelings. There have been a lot of changes, and some of

it means ignoring the mess around me, and expressing

64


joy at having such wonderful little humans in my life.

and crying parents. I want them to remember parks

As an anchor for the joy, we have a communal

and sunshine, the cat coming on road trips and Friday

Happy Jar. Every night, I write down what made us the

pizza movie night. So we go to parks, and build blanket

happiest that day and deposit the slip of paper in the

forts. I got them cheap cameras so they can document

Happy Jar. Every three months we dump out the slips

our adventures. And without fail, every Friday, we eat

of paper and read them together, replaying all of our

pizza and watch a movie together.

happy moments.

Create Amazing Memories

Things are messy and hectic, and my kids’ dad and I are still trying to figure all of this out. He is still involved in our lives. We see him almost every day. But we no

Even before the decision had been made to end it, I was

longer talk about “us.” The single most important thing

mourning the loss of my marriage. I had to release a

I’ve done is put a priority on truly connecting with my

future that I had dreamed of my whole life. I cried a lot.

kids during all of this. There are no guarantees with

Now that I’m past the mourning, I’m working hard to

parenting, whether married, divorced or otherwise, but

make sure my kids can remember these years fondly.

I am starting to feel like I’m getting it right.

I don’t want them to look back and remember fighting

65


New Paradigm

Advanced Care Planing The 3 D’s - Decide, Decision, Document! by Tina Ketchie Sterns

M

y grandmother said you were wealthy

way we want to. The end of life experience can be very

if you had your health. So true!

special, especially if you plan for it and do what I call the

Another truth about this beautiful

3D’s – Decide, Discuss and Document. Let your wishes

life is that one day, some day, we will

be known about your end of life care so you don’t have

all cross over the rainbow. Everyone

family members fighting over your bed about what to

knows April 15 is Tax Day, but did you know April 16 is

do should you be unable to speak for yourself. Key point

National Healthcare Decisions Day? I am sure you have

- do it NOW - while you are happy and healthy, long

heard the old adage, “The only two certainties in life are

before the crisis hits.

death and taxes”, so April 16 seemed the perfect day!

Not sure how to start? Here’s an idea – start with

No one likes to talk about dying, and some are afraid

describing your perfect last day on the planet. That is

if they talk about it, they are going to catch something

a fun, pie-in-the-sky thing. Here’s my perfect last day

and die! At a conference on advance care planning,

– Louis Armstrong is singing “It’s A Wonderful World”

one lady said she was the only person in the room that

in the background, the dog is on the bed, someone is

was never going to die. Everyone chuckled and when

baking a cobbler in the oven so I can smell it, I have a

asked what her secret was she said, “Oh, that’s not what

list of people I want to be sure are there, (I also have a

I think, but apparently that’s what my daughter thinks

list of a few people I want to be sure are NOT there),

because every time I try to talk to her about my end of

and I want someone holding my hand. I don’t care if

life wishes, she says, ‘Oh hush Mama, you’re not going

they have to do round the clock shifts, I want someone

to die!’”

holding my hand.

End of life care is something that is hard for us to

Now, after you describe your perfect last day on the

think about, but if anything were to happen to you, such

planet, then move on with something like, “OK folks, if a

as an accident or a serious illness, would your loved

Mack truck were to hit me, here’s what I want… Always

ones know your wishes? We plan for a vacation, we plan

do this.... don’t ever do that.... and if this happens do

for a wedding, and we plan for when the baby arrives.

this.... and if that happens do that....” You can’t describe

Well friends, not everyone is going to go on a vacation,

every scenario, but you can give them enough of an

get married or have a baby, but we are all going to die

idea of your wishes, so should the time come when you

one day. Let’s make sure we check out of this world the

cannot speak for yourself, they have a sense of peace

66


about the decisions they are making about your care.

have compassionate care and guidance during what

No guilt, no worries, no wringing of hands and arguing.

can be the most challenging and emotional time of

Everyone heard you and all are at peace with the

their lives. When advance care planning conversations

decisions they are making.

have occurred and everyone is clear about their loved

I am honored to be involved with one of the premier

ones’ wishes, the end of life experience can be a truly

hospices in my state and the wonderful staff doing the

beautiful thing. Everyone is able to enjoy spending

jobs they have a calling for, helping people at the end

time with their loved one while making a few more

of life make the most of every day they have left. The

memories in those final months that they will cherish

national hospice ribbon says, “It’s About How You LIVE.”

forever.of life experience can be a truly beautiful thing.

One doctor put it this way, “We are not helping people

Everyone is able to enjoy spending time with their loved

die, but rather we are helping people live until they die.”

one while making a few more memories in those final

It means so much for the patients and their families to

months that they will cherish forever.

67


Mates

Perfectionism will not Lead You to Love by Jonathon Aslay

L

yuck. But so many imperfections

glitch and the imperfection. If any

the

have nothing to do with any of that.

one of these women had just been

Perfectionist.I’ve seen

Most are minor yet become major

able to breathe, open up, take time,

it over and over again…

in women’s minds.

be patient and set aside the negative

ove

is

concept

an

abstract for

when you date with

Let me show you a few reasons

for a moment in order to feel into

the attitude that the man you’re

women have run from good yet

her date’s soul… she may have been

getting to know has to meet a list

flawed men.

able to discern a greater truth…

of criteria that no one could meet,

• “He chews too loudly.”

for the real truth lies within. And

you will never be able to make a love

• “He’s not over six feet tall, and

the truth may be that this flawed,

connection.It’s a sad thing, but if I

that’s what I want.”

imperfect man is perfect for the woman who’s afraid to see him as

had a dollar for every time a client

• “He’s only been divorced for a year

ran from a man who seemed to

(never mind that he’s done some

be a good guy (but of course had a

inner work and the marriage was

Give yourself some time, ignore

glitch or two). I could sail around

over long before the courts were

the loud chewing, the height, and

the world. And no matter what I tell

involved).

the fact that he’s a devoted son.

he truly is,

women I coach,it keeps happening.

• “He bought me lilies and not roses”

Look at the man behind the scenes.

Here’s the thing. We are all

or “He didn’t spend enough on

As in the “Wizard of Oz,” draw

me for Valentine’s Day.”

back the curtain and see what’s on

imperfect. We all have our past baggage, our hopes, fears,turnoffs,

• “He lives with his mother (who

the other side. If I’ve learned one

and deal breakers. As humans, our

needs him for a month after

major lesson when it comes to love,

desire to connect with another is

surgery).”

it is that true happiness happens

very strong, which is why many

I believe these women were

in the space of seeing beyond

seek relationship… and yet we all

reacting from a place of fear and

the perceived imperfection. Stay

come to the table with our “stuff.”

rejecting these men for no reason.

passionately detached and look for

Now there is stuff we can live with

Every single one of these women

the truth, not what you assume to

and stuff we can’t. I will never

had only been seeing the guy for a

be true.

suggest that anyone lives with stuff

few weeks, too little time to really

like addiction, abuse, or just plain

get to know the man behind the

68


SOS

Body Image by Mary E. Pritchard, Ph.D, HHC

Question My daughter is a perfectionist and I worry about later problems such as eating disorders. She is only 8 and she worries about having to be perfect in school and in her gymnastics program. I have in the past had issues... my father told me when I was young that if I did not stay thin no one would marry me or love me. So I myself have some pretty twisted views of my own body image. I know I am not fat, but I still see myself as big. I would not say I have a disorder. I eat a lot and do not restrict myself. But I wonder if some of it is genetic. I am also very hard on myself and a perfectionist which seems to go along with eating problems. So I just worry about this passing on to my daughter. I DO NOT talk about any of my selfdissatisfactions with her. I do not say “Mommy is wearing her fat-jeans today,” or make any other harmful comments. But I still wonder if she gets it from me.

Answer First of all, stop feeling guilty. No parent is perfect

of the presence of your daughter) than with what you

and overthinking the issue is not going to help. I think

are saying in front of her. I think we can all agree that

it’s great that you are being so careful about what you

positive self-talk is important for our daughters. But

say around your daughter, but you also need to be

what about for ourselves? I urge you to stand in front

concerned about what you do. A friend of mine once

of the mirror and give yourself a little positive self-talk.

asked me, “So telling my daughter that weight doesn’t

The best way we can be a positive role model for our

matter while she sees me berating myself as I weigh

children is to be a positive role model for our children.

myself every morning probably isn’t good parenting,

In this case, actions do speak louder than words. And

right?” Bingo.

those actions start with you. Kids are smart. Even if you

Regardless of what she said, the very act of weighing

don’t criticize yourself in front of her, I bet she knows

herself every day gave her daughter the message that

just how you feel about yourself. If you are worried

weight is important - so important that it must be

about your perfectionism, especially about your views

monitored on a daily basis. And what kind of message

on your body and eating, the best thing you can do for

is that sending?

your daughter is to start being kinder to yourself. If

Bottom line: Yes, there is some evidence that

she sees that you make mistakes and are okay with it,

perfectionism is genetic. However, I am more concerned

that goes a long way – much further than saying “That’s

about what you are saying to yourself (even outside

okay…” to her when she knows you don’t really mean it.

69


SOS Question When you gain some weight that you are not thrilled with, should you or should you not throw out your ill-fitting clothes? In my case, it’s a lot of clothing I really like, and a lot of expense. I’m hoping that when I have a more active lifestyle again I’ll get to wear them. Am I approaching this incorrectly?

Answer It depends on how likely it is that in the next 3 to 6

and getting back down to your old clothes would mean

months those clothes will fit again without a lot of effort

starving yourself, then toss the clothes. The rationale?

on your part. In other words, if you know you always

More often than not those “skinny jeans” serve to make

gain a few pounds over the holiday season but always

us feel bad about ourselves rather than motivate us to

lose those few pounds as winter turns to spring, keep

lose weight in a healthy, sustainable way.

the clothes. If, however, this is unexpected weight gain

YOUR SOUL IS WAITING Love susanjacobi.com 70

Discover

Nurture


Love Addiction by Karen M. Anderson

Question I have been told by my friends that I have a Love Addiction. I have had four different relationships in the last two years. It seems like we get to a point in the dating and things just start to fall apart. I do my best to be what the person wants me to be so I don’t understand why that happens. I’m looking for what we are all looking for. For what the Hollywood movies suggest is the ultimate romance, I’m looking for a confident self-assured person that completes me. My question is, is love addiction even real and how do I attract the one who completes me?

Answer While Love Addiction certainly isn’t a true clinical

□  Do you have a fear of being left by your partner to

diagnosis, there are a cluster of behaviors that bring

the point where you will do “anything” for them

about the use of the expression. Take a look and see if

(him or her ) not to leave you?

you see yourself in some of these behaviors:

□  Do you assign a disproportionate amount of time and attention to the value you have (substitute” have” for” attach”) to the other person?

□  When you are not in a relationship is most of your time and attention spent on figuring out how to be in one? These are some of the telltale signs of “Love

□  When you are in a relationship do you almost

Addiction,” that you may want to pay attention to if they

completely focus on the other person? Meaning do

show up in your behavior when you are in a relationship.

you obsessively think about, want to be with, touch,

That famous line in the movie Jerry Maguire:

talk to, listen to your partner? Do you do anything

“You complete me,” while great in the movies, in real

and everything you can to be cared for and treasured

life, would be the time to close the door. The longing

by your partner?

for some aspect of another to fill you up, change you,

□  When in a relationship do you cut down on your time spent valuing and caring for yourself?

□  Do you expect your partner to always be in tune and alignment with you?

complete you, or that you could do that for them, will never be true. That kind of movie line sells tickets but when it occurs in your own life, you may be entering an enmeshed relationship. A dynamic gets set up where 71


SOS one or both of you doesn’t have a firm sense of self or

going to be able to fake. This is the feeling that arises

strong boundaries. You simply can’t use another person

in someone when they know their Divine inheritance,

to fill you up or to complete you. What you can do

they know their value. They have done the work to move

though is get deeply centered in your own sense of self,

on from experiences, assimilate the messages of their

get deeply connected to the highest vibration of who

true value and purge those that are not supportive.

you truly are. You can allow those delicious, beautiful,

This is confidence. This is sexy. This is alluring. This is

tingly feelings to percolate up inside of you and bubble

authentic.

over for all to experience. However, the first recipient to experience those feelings will be YOU.

Instead of longing for the perfect person who will complete you, my wish for you is that you complete yourself. The best part of this process is that you will

“... get deeply centered in your own sense of self, get deeply connected to the highest vibration...”

discover you are already fully complete. Do all that is necessary to bring yourself into the highest version of who you are. Clear out the cobwebs, bad experiences, negative images and thoughts of who you think you are and step into your power, your greatness and your truth.

When you allow the inherent nature of who you truly

Now from this place seek a spiritually conscious union.

are to rise up and be experienced you will be magnetic.

These are two spiritual beings walking through life

This is that “je ne sais quoi,” the French expression

as fellow travelers. They assist one another to realize

for the inexplicable. This is the magnetism that draws

their individual and combined dreams while staying in

people close to you like a moth to a flame. There is a

alignment with the highest version of themselves. This

difference in what members of the opposite sex find

of course does not mean that there won’t be twists and

attractive. If you ask a confident self-assured man what

turns along the way but when they occur they will be

is attractive he will most likely tell you a confident and

handled with love, with respect and with compassion.

self-assured woman. This is not something you are

72


Relationship Rescue by Angela Gower-Johnsom

Question How do I know when a relationship changes from one particular “type” to another? What are the signs to offer more of yourself without creating a “block” in the other person? ~ LJH - Facebook

Answer Thank you so much for your question! I’d like to make

feet? Are the lights on? What can you feel, see, hear and

you aware that you are the “Director of Your Life.”

smell? In front of you are the seats, but there is a special

You get to choose what role/character you play in ALL

chair there. Maybe it looks like a typical Director’s Chair,

relationships and you get to create the story around

made of wood and canvas. Maybe it has your name or

your relationships. Your question indicates that part

initials stenciled on it.

of your story is that you don’t know how to behave so

You will know it’s your chair because you will feel or

people you’re interested in don’t “block” you. You also

see something that lets you know. It will be different, in

state that you know you aren’t always being “yourself,”

a good way. Now start walking to your Director’s Chair.

which isn’t congruent with how you actually feel toward

With each step breathe in the knowing that you really

the person you’re wanting to get to know.

are the Director of Your Life. As you exhale, release

What if you could acknowledge that you are the

everything that used to hold you back. When you get

Director? That you get to choose the story line? At the

to your Director’s Chair sit down and breathe in the

moment, your story is that you are too “forward,” which

connection to the Universe. Tap into your personal

creates a block to getting to know the person you’re

power. Embrace the contribution, support and

interested in. I urge you to put that story behind you.

adoration the Universe has for you.

Create a new story, a story where things play out in a way that feels good to you.

Now look on stage and see the character you have been playing in relationships. See yourself on the

Imagine you are on a stage. Maybe it’s one of those

stage and look at the story, look at the scripts that you

older stages that has wood planked floors. Can you

have been reading and the role that you have become

feel the atmosphere of being on stage? Can you smell

accustomed to. Change the story line now. Change

anything? What if you could feel the wood beneath your

the scripts. Change the role you’ve been playing. 73


SOS Harnessing the energy and magic of the Universe from

Make sure you are looking at the “not knowing how

your Director’s chair, you can make these changes now.

to be with certain people.” If you know how to connect

If you require extra support, you can shine the light

with animals, then you know how to connect with

of the Universe on the “you” on stage. And know that

humans. Also, your story has been that you don’t always

any script, story or role that is not in alignment with

know. What if you change that story to: “I do always

your Greatness will be turned into a glittery dust. You

know how much to offer and share.”? You get to choose

can ask your Universal Managers, the beings that the

who you are in life. Start practicing being the Director

Universe has assigned to work with you and for you,

of Your Life. You get to be YOU! You get to be congruent,

to rewrite all the stories, scripts, characters and roles.

and direct how the story plays out. Remember that you

They will automatically be a vibrational match to your

are adored, that you are valuable and that you are able

Greatness and to the Light of the Universe.

to make the changes you have been asking.

74


BellaMia Mag  

Beauty, transformation, and holistic well living

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