touching, tasting, getting to know your bodies. Also your body in relation to your partner’s body. All bodies aren’t created the same even though they all generally look the same.
For men It’s about slowing down. Women appreciate it when men slow down, because that allows for the experience of the touch, and sound. What is it like to whisper into one another’s ears? That’s a very arousing and erotic process. What is it like to kiss slowly? To taste.. to breathe? Certainly touch is a component of sexuality. If we can stop thinking about sex as orgasms and intercourse, there’s a whole world that occurs. Also It’s shocking how many men think that they are responsible for their partners orgasms. One thing men and women have to get straight in their heads is that, we’re not responsible for one another’s orgasms. Each person is responsible for their own orgasms and that’s about being a grown-up. Men and breathing: Premature ejaculation comes from anxiety. Men should Breathe, Slow Down and not be so anxious about pleasing their partners. Margo: Is it important to share our fantasies with our partners? Alex: Sharing our fantasies makes us more vulnerable, and requires people really deal with what’s true for them. If you reveal your fantasy to your partner and they really reveal their’s to you. That’s vulnerable and can be highly erotic. Typically, people don’t tell their partners their fantasies. For example: Fearing that if you’re uptight about what I’m telling you, your tendency could be to shame me, as opposed to saying, “why am I up tight about that?” So if it makes me uncomfortable, considering how freaky it is, I have to look at my discomfort and challenge myself to grow as a sexual being. People sometimes do crazy stuff without anybody knowing, but when it comes down to sex with their partners, they reveal nothing. So the sex gets boring fast. I think fantasy's great when it includes the two people having sex* Role-play can be fun for couples, as long as they keep the emotional connection going, and it’s not just about performance. Margo: Alex, what an informative conversation! Thanks again for sharing with me and the readers at BCF! Alex: Thanks Margo, it was my pleasure! Resources: + Alexandra Katehakis, MFT The Center for Healthy Sex http://www.eroticintelligencebook.com http://www.thecenterforhealthysex.com + Certified Sex Therapists: The American Association Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists ASECT.org + Certified Sex Addiction therapist: IITAP.com