Denver Metro Area January 18, 2010
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THE COLD, HARD TRUTH
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Winter is a time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.Winter is also the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.Here are some chilly Tidbits about the wintry season.
• You think it’s cold where you live? The lowest recorded world temperature clocked in at a frozen -128.6 degrees F (-89.2 C) at Vostok Station in Antarctica, July 21, 1985. And that’s without factoring in the wind chill factor.
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• The lowest temperature in the U.S.A. is -79.8 F (-62.1 C) in Prospect Creek, Alaska, on Jan. 23, 1971. Discounting Alaska, the lowest temperature in the lower 48 states is -69.7 (-56.5 C) in Rogers Pass, Montana, Jan. 20, 1954. • Some people believe that cold-water swimming has beneficial health benefits, such as stress relief, increased resistance to illnesses such as the flu and pneumonia.
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• Cold-water swimming organizations in the United States and Canada are known as “polar bear clubs,” while similar groups in Siberia are called “walrus clubs.” • People over age 60 and children less than a year old are most susceptible to the cold. For those of you in that category, experts suggest keeping indoor temperatures above 69 F (21 C) and when going outside, dress appropriately for the cold. Have plenty of layers of clothes and a hat on the head. • How cold was it? For those of us who like to think that George Washington walked on water, this confirms it: the winter of 17791780 was so cold that ice was piled 20 feet high along the Delmarva Coast and stayed there until spring. The upper portion of the Chesapeake Bay and the entire Potomac River were frozen solid. People were able to walk from Annapolis to Kent Island and from Alexandria into Washington D.C. continued on page 2!
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Page 2 COLD, HARD TRUTH (continued) • Contrary to popular belief, a polar bear’s fur is not white; each shaft of hair is actually transparent, with a hollow core. Because the hollow core scatters and reflects light, the polar bear’s coat appears white, like the ice and snow around it. • In the late 1970s, three polar bears at the San Diego Zoo appeared to turn green when colonies of algae grew in their hair shafts. A veterinarian restored their white appearance by killing the algae with a saline solution. • On Jan. 6, 2002 snow fell in Athens for the first time since 1992. Some Aegean islands were also affected by snow and gale force winds. • Desert areas in the north of Saudi Arabia were affected by snow for the first time in 40 years on Jan. 18, 2002. The snow melted away quickly but reports say that nomads in the area weren’t used to snow and were rather confused as to what to do with it.
• Looks can be deceiving. Just because the sun is out on a winter day doesn’t mean it is necessarily warm. The coldest days are usually the clear ones – no clouds to hold in what little heat may be radiating away from the earth. • A wind chill factor of -25 F (-32 C) or lower can actually cause skin to freeze; that’s called frostbite. If it is that cold out, either cover all your exposed skin. Or get inside. We heartily recommend the latter. • In southern Illinois and the Ozark hills of Missouri, “goosebone” weather prophets examine the breastbone of a wild goose killed in autumn. If it is thin, that predicts a mild winter; if thick and opaque, a hard winter; if white, much snow; if reddish or red spotted, cold but little snow. • Muskrat love: some people believe that muskrats build bigger lodges and the fur is thicker on muskrats, raccoons, skunks and other furbearers before a severe winter. • The woolly bear caterpillar is supposed to forecast a mild winter if its middle band of reddish brown is wider than the two end bands of black, and a hard winter if it is narrower. • Most people think it can be too cold to snow. But they’d be wrong. It can snow even at very cold temperatures if there’s a source of moisture and some way to lift or cool the air. • If the temperature drops to the single digits or to below zero F, the capacity for water vapor to form becomes very small, making heavy snowfall unlikely.
• Snowbirds must have had a sense of déjà vu when snow fell in Miami, Palm Beach, Miami Beach and Homestead (22 miles south of Miami) on Jan. 17, 1997. It was the first and thus far the only time snow has been observed south of Fort Myers. The snow melted on contact with the ground but nevertheless it did snow. • A hailstone weighing more than one and one half pounds once fell on Coffeyville, Kansas. No one was hit. • Based on records between 1961 and 1990, Rochester, New York receives an average of 94 inches of snow a year and is the snowiest large city in the United States. • Baby it’s cold outside: Here’s an oddity: - 40 degrees is the same regardless of whether you measure in Fahrenheit or Celsius. • Mercury freezes at -36 F (-38 C). So if it gets really cold outside, that old fashioned mercury thermometer you keep outside will itself freeze at minus 38 degrees.
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• Excessive noise is the number one reason for hearing loss. • Experts agree that continued exposure to noise of 85 dB or louder, over time, harms hearing. • If you cannot carry on a conversation in the presence of noise, it is too loud for your ears and can potentially cause hearing loss. • 1 in 4 workers exposed to high levels of noise will develop a hearing loss. • Professions at risk of hearing loss include ﬁreﬁghters, police ofﬁcers, factory workers, farmers, construction workers, military personnel, heavy industry workers, musicians, and entertainment industry professionals.
Hearing Loss Prevention • Hearing loss can be prevented by using ear plugs or earmuffs when engaging in activities around excessive noise • If you have pain in your ears after leaving a noisy area or you hear ringing (tinnitus) in your ears this as a warning sign that the sounds are TOO LOUD! • Examples of dangerously loud activities which may cause hearing loss are: live music concerts, gunshots, motorcycles, and snowmobiles.
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transmission towers came down causing massive power outages, some for as long as a month. It was the most expensive natural disaster in Canada. According to Environment Canada, the ice storm of 1998 directly affected more people than any other previous weather event in Canadian history.
• This year is the twentieth anniversary of Sweden’s ICE HOTEL in Jukkasjärvi. What began as an Igloo of 60 square meters is now the world’s largest hotel made com• The greatest amount of snowfall in a 24 pletely of ice and snow. hour period was 75.8 inches in Silver Lake, • For six days in January 1998, freezing Colorado on April 14th and 15th, 1921. rain coated Ontario, Quebec and New The greatest amount of snowfall in a single Brunswick with 3-4 inches of ice. Trees sorm was 189 inches which fell on Mount and electric wires fell and utility poles and Shasta, California in February 1959.
January 18, 2010
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
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• On Jan. 18, 1778, English explorer Captain James Cook becomes the first European to discover the Hawaiian Islands when he sails past the island of Oahu. He named the island group the Sandwich Islands, in honor of John Montague, who the earl of Sandwich. • On Jan. 21, 1789, “The Power of Sympathy: Or, the Triumph of Nature. Founded in Truth” is printed in Boston. The book was the first novel by an American writer to be published in America. The first editions of the book did not carry the author’s name, but it was later attributed to William Hill Brown. • On Jan. 24, 1927, young director Alfred Hitchcock’s first film, “The Pleasure Garden,” is released in England. While the film marked an impressive debut, Hitchcock considered his next film, “The Lodger” (known in the United States as “The Case of Jonathan Drew”), to be his first true accomplishment. • On Jan. 19, 1940, the Three Stooges film “You Natzy Spy” is released. Anticipating Charlie Chaplin’s “The Great Dictator” by nine months, Moe Howard played a Hitler-like dictator of a fictional country, “Moronica.” • On Jan. 23, 1957, machines at the Wham-O toy company roll out the first batch of its aerodynamic plastic discs -- now known to millions of fans all over the world as Frisbees. The story of the Frisbee began in Bridgeport, Conn., in 1871. Students from nearby universities would throw the empty pie tins to each other, yelling “Frisbie!” as they let go. • On Jan. 22, 1973, in a historic decision, the U.S. Supreme Court rules in Roe v. Wade that women, as part of their constitutional right to privacy, can terminate a pregnancy during its first two trimesters. • On Jan. 20, 1981, minutes after Ronald Reagan’s inauguration as the 40th president of the United States, the 52 U.S. captives held at the U.S. embassy in Teheran, Iran, are released, ending the 444-day Iran Hostage Crisis. The crisis began on Nov. 4, 1979, when militant Iranian students seized the embassy. (c) 2010 King Features Synd., Inc.
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ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Use that Arian charm to help make a difficult workplace transition easier for everyone. News about a long-awaited decision can be confusing. Don’t jump to conclusions. TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Although you might well be tempted to be more extravagant than you should be at this time, I’m betting you’ll let your sensible Bovine instinct guide you toward moderation. GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) An opportunity for travel could come with some problems regarding travel companions and other matters. So be sure you read all the fine print before you start packing. CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Make an effort to complete your usual workplace tasks before volunteering for extra duty. Scrambling to catch up later on could create some resentment among your colleagues. LEO (July 23 to August 22) A financial matter could have you rethinking your current spending plans. You might want to recheck your budget to see where you can cut back on expenses until the situation improves. VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) One way to make your case for that promotion you’ve been hoping for might be to put your planning skills to work in helping to shape up a project that got out of hand. Good luck. LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Be careful about “experts” who have no solid business background. Instead, seek advice on enhancing your business prospects from bona fide sources with good success records. SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Standing up to support a colleague’s viewpoint -- even if it’s unpopular -- can be difficult if you feel outnumbered. But you’ll win plaudits for your honesty and courage. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) While progress continues on resolving that recurring problem, you might feel it’s taking too long. But these things always need to develop at their own pace. Be patient. CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Someone close to you might have a financial problem and seek your advice. If you do decide to get involved, insist on seeing everything that might be relevant to this situation. AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) A personal matter takes an interesting turn. The question is, do you want to follow the new path or take time out to reconsider the change? Think this through before deciding. PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Moving into a new career is a big step. Check that offer carefully with someone who has been there, done that, and has the facts you’ll need to help you make your decision. BORN THIS WEEK: Your warmth and generosity both of spirit and substance endears you to everyone. (c) 2010 King Features Synd., Inc.
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--Don’t spend a single dollar on online programs that claim to teach you how to make millions. The way they make their money is by putting those ads on the Internet and selling that “secret” -- which is how to put ads on the Internet -- to people like you. --Don’t fall for those “make money at home” deals. Most are not legitimate. The ones that involve assembling crafts at home end up costing you money for supplies, and then your product will be deemed “not acceptable.” Mystery shopper is only good if you have time to spare and will settle for a few dollars. “Mail envelopes/send e-mail from home” will only net you a list of companies that might hire that kind of worker. --Don’t choose this time to get into MultiLevel Marketing (MLM). You’ll end up spending money on products you can’t unload, and you’ll annoy your friends as you try to get them signed up as your downstream. --Don’t pay an advance fee for anything. --Don’t get involved in online auctions unless you’re already savvy. Better to find a legitimate company in your area that can sell your items online for a fee. --If you must dabble on the Internet, go with an affiliate program (or a few of them, to maximize the potential) linked to real companies, such as Amazon.com. In that case you would set up a Web site where you write about a topic you’re well versed in. (Check GoDaddy.com for inexpensive Web sites and look for cheap Web hosting.) Then make links to books or products associated with that subject. Don’t expect to actually make any money. If you do, you’ll be surprised. If you don’t, you’re only out a few hours of the time it takes to set up a Web site. David Uffington regrets that he cannot personally answer reader questions, but will incorporate them into his column whenever possible. Write to him in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mail to email@example.com.
January 18, 2010
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Events National Western Stock Show and Rodeo: January 9, 2010 - January 24, 2010. SAVE MONEY!!!!! Tidbits Denver Metro Area Group Pricing NOW AVAILABLE. These prices are unavailable to the general public and tickets purchased through this special offer are FREE OF ALL SERVICE CHARGES (that’s an additional savings of $2 - $3.75 per order)! PURCHASES MUST BE MADE THROUGH GROUP SERVICES! Discounts are not available through the Stock Show Box Office. Call (303) 295-3959 and mention TIDBITS Group Rate - or go online www.NationalWestern. com/groups - put in TIDBITS as your group code! Cabinet of Curiosities: Through March 5, 2010; Indoor Gallery at the Museum of Outdoor Art, 1000 Englewood Pkwy, Ste 2-230, Englewood. Mon - Thu 9:00 am 5:00pm Fri 9:00 am - 4:00 pm. A whimsical exhibition showcasing the talents of 12 artists working in a new vintage style to create artistic worlds in furniture, cabinets, rooms, antique luggage, hand blown glass and fashion armoires. The juxtapositions of disparate objects is sure to delight the historian, tinkerer and armchair scientist. Among the many oddities, you will see Lewis Carroll’s “Imaginary Cabinet Room” by Lonnie Hanzon, Nick Bantock’s “Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man” and Elaine Pellham’s “Fisher King’s Tackle Box”. ADMISSION IS FREE! www.moaonline.org Colorado Indian Market and Southwest Showcase. Denver Merchandise Mart. January 22, 2010 - January 24, 2010. From traditional Indian jewelry and pottery to paintings and sculptures, this is the place to find all manner of things relating to Indian culture and heritage. $10 Adults, Free Children 13 and younger. Hockey Week Across America - January 30th - The Colorado Avalanche, USA Hockey, Players Bench and Colorado Amateur Hockey Association would like to invite all 4-8 year old boys and girls to Hockey Week Across America. On January 30th, 5 arenas in the Front Range will host individual One Goal Programs which will allow kids the opportunity to try hockey for a day. This free event will include your equipment and skates. No skating or hockey experience required. For more information please email Rich Smith at twinthumbs@ comcast.net or call Rich at 303-359-8701 Toastmaster s International: Every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month. Become the Speaker and Leader you want to be! 11:30 am - 12:30 pm, 6060 S Willow Dr, DTC. Contact Michelle at 720-987-3459. www. wrytoast.freetoasthost.com/index.html
Bus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/ Museum District: First Friday of every month 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.com Children’s Museum: First Tuesday evening of the month, 4 - 8pm. 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.org CU In Broomfield World Music Series: Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pm Broomfield Auditorium, 3 Community Park Rd, 303-469-3301 x7999 www.broomfield.org Denver Art Museum: First Sat of every month free to CO residents, 10am5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.org Denver Botanic Gardens: Free days Check web site for 2010 schedule of free days.1005 York St, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.org Denver Museum of Nature & Science: Check web site for 2010 Free days. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www.dmns.org Firehouse Tales For Tots: Denver Firefighters Museum 1356 Tremont Pl, (303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6
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Colorado Avalanche - NHL • Oilers: Mon Jan 18, 7:00 pm • Predators: Fri Jan 22, 7:00 pm • Stars: Sun Jan 24, 6:00 pm • Wild: Thu Jan 28, 7:00 pm • Stars host: Fri Jan 29, 6:30 pm • Rangers: Sun Jan 31, 6:00 pm • Blue Jackets: Tue Feb 2, 7:00 pm • Predators host: Thu Feb 4, 6:00 pm • Oilers: Sat Feb 6, 8:00 pm • Blues: Mon Feb 8, 7:30 pm • Thrashers: Wed Feb 10, 7:00 pm Denver Nuggets - NBA • At Golden State: Wed Jan 20, 8:30 pm • LA Clippers: Thu Jan 21, 8:30 pm • New Orleans: Sat Jan 23, 7:00 pm • Charlotte: Mon Jan 25, 7:00 pm • At Houston: Wed Jan 27, 6:30 pm • At Oklahoma City: Fri Jan 29, 6:00 pm • At San Antonio: Sun Jan 31, 11:00 am Colorado Mammoth - NLL • At Minnesota: Fri Jan 22, 6:35 pm • At Philadelphia: Sat Jan 23, 5:00 pm • Washington: Sat Jan 30, 7:00 pm
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Two old guys are at an old folk’s home shooting the breeze. One says “How’s the memory?” The other says, “Perfect, touch wood,” and raps his knuckles on the table. 2 minutes go bye, and then he says, “Somebody gonna get the door or what?” A little boy was visiting his grandmother and asked her, “Grandma, how old are you?” She replied, “You shouldn’t ask me questions like that.” A few minutes pass and the young boy asked his grandmother another question, “How much do you weigh?” The grandmother replied, “You shouldn’t ask me questions like that!” The following week,the little boy went back to school and told his friends about his conversation with his grandmother and how he couldn’t get an answer from her. The little boy’s friends advised him to look on her drivers license, and all the information will be there. The next week when the little boy was visiting his grandmother he told her he knew how much she weighed and how old she was. The grandmother didn’t believe him until he told her, “You weigh 130lb., and you are 65 years old.” Then the little boy in a bashfull way whispered to his grandmother, “I also know you got an F in Sex.”
conversation turns to murder. In his drunken state, Arty agrees to kill the new cashier and Mr. Boss for the contents of his saddened friends pockets. The next day the local paper’s headline read, “Arty chokes two for a dollar at MegaFoods.” Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. “I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy. “I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy. “I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy. The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner. “I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy. “I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy. “I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy. The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. “I want a banana split,” said the first piggy. “I want a root beer float,” said the second piggy. “I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy. “Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy, “but why have you only ordered beer all evening?” The third piggy says – “Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!’” This drunk gets on a bus and asks the driver how long the trip is between Denver and Pueblo. “About two hours,” says the conductor. “OK,” says the drunk “then how long is the trip between Pueblo and Denver?” The irate driver says to the drunk “It’s still about two hours. Why’d you think there’d be a difference?” “Well,” says the drunk, “It’s only a week between Christmas and New Year, but it’s a really’ long time between New Year and Christmas!”
I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milk- blackouts, have bouts with dementia. Have ing, a fly comes along and flies into the cows poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or in the milk. The farmer looks up and says, 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license. “Hmph. In one ear, out the utter.” This guy has been working at the local grocery store for over two years. When the promotion list goes up, he sees that the new stock-boy got the cashier’s job over him. He becomes irate. That night, after ten or so beers he and his co-worker, Arty, start talking about the bad decision Mr. Boss made. The
A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny. So she said, “If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?” “Somebody else’s pants.” said Little Johnny.
By Samantha Weaver • It was American humorist Evan Esar who came up the following definition: “Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.” • The Emperor Charlemagne, who conquered much of Western and Central Europe during the first century, had an unusual relationship with his daughters. He refused to allow them to get married, but he evidently had no objections to their forming, shall we say, less formal relationships. He doted on his illegitimate grandchildren and even gave money and gifts to their fathers. • If you look at a list of the names of the 50 states, you’ll find every letter of the alphabet except Q. • For reasons unknown, a law in New Jersey forbids the sale of cabbage on Sunday. • You won’t be surprised to learn that the most dangerous device that is common in the modern world is the automobile. You might be surprised to learn, though, that the second most dangerous is the stair step. • You’ve probably never heard of Countess Rosa Branicka, but she accomplished an amazing feat. In the mid-19th century, at the age of 63, the wealthy Polish noblewoman became ill. The diagnosis given by experts in Germany was breast cancer, and immediate surgery was recommended. For reasons unknown, the countess declined the treatment, then set about purchasing her own surgical instruments. Once all the tools were assembled, Branicka checked into a hotel in Paris and removed the tumor herself. Reports indicate that she healed well and quickly, and lived to the ripe old age of 82. • The only chemical element that is not a solid at a temperature of absolute zero is helium; it remains a liquid. (c) 2010 King Features Synd., Inc.
Thought for the Day: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” -- Thomas A. Edison
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Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
January 18, 2010
Superman Had Foster Parents It is a fact in any society that crime exists. We accept it is part of our lives yet what happens when the crime is committed by a juvenile, a youth? There are over 2,220 juveniles in our country that will spend the rest of their lives in jail. Tens of thousands more will spend several years in a detention facitlity and released upon society when they reach the age of 18. These “adults” usually are realeased from detention with very little education, very few living skills and even fewer vocational skills. What happens to these young adults is obvious; many will reoffend. Without the necessary education, skills and training they need to get by in life, many will resort to their former behavior. For years we have been trying to figure out the best way to treat these youthful offenders – certainly turning them out of prison and onto the streets once they reach the age of majority does not seem to be working. Fortunately, there is an alternative. The Proctor Program at Denver Area Youth Services (DAYS) has been successfully helping our community’s youngest offenders turn their lives around and become productive citizens. The Proctor Care Program provides state-licensed foster care for children from the Division of Youth Corrections. The program places low risk offenders into foster homes. These children that have been sentenced to
the Department of Youth Corrections have demonstrated positive changes that have enabled them to be placed in the community prior to parole. The Proctor Care Program allows these children to live in the foster home from four to seix months prior to parole. DAYS’ Proctor Care provides a realistic setting for these children to practice the necessary skills that will enable them to parole home or to independent living. The program works with youth to finish school in public schools or to get their GED, be employed, pay off restitution and/or court fines, complete their community service, pursue vocational training, and to participate in individual drug and alcohol and family services. The Program also provides structured independent living training while they are in the program. The children earn passes to see their families, save money for independent living and participate in various activities in the community. The Proctor Care Program strives to help the low risk youth to not reoffend and be positive citizens of the community. Doesn’t this sound like a great way to reintroduce these offenders into our society? DAYS is currently looking for foster homes for these low risk children. YOU can help these children by becoming a foster parent. It is easy to fill out an application and the DAYS staff will help you through the rest of the
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procedure which includes fingerprint checks for anyone living in the house over the age of 18, verifying that no one in the house over the age of 18 is listed on the Central Registry for Child Protection for neglect or abuse of a child, a background check through the County Department of Human Services, three letters of reference from peoploe who are unrelated to you, an annual physical exam for everyone in your home, proof of vaccinations for any pets in your home, a Colorado driver’s license and proof of insurance must be provided as well as reliable transportation, current CPR/ First Aid certification, a SAFE home study will be completed by the DAYS staff, the home must pass a safety inspection, and you must attend a basic foster parent CORE training class. The entire process usually takes only 1 – 2 months. And, you will be compensated as a foster parent.
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1. U.S. STATES: What state lies directly north of Wyoming? 2. LITERATURE: Who was Sherlock Holmes’ archenemy? 3. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What is the traditional birthstone for April? 4. PSYCHOLOGY: What is the fear represented by “monophobia”? 5. MUSIC: What 1990s rock band had a hit album titled “Nevermind”? 6. GEOGRAPHY: What is the longest suspension bridge in the United States? 7. FAMOUS QUOTATIONS: Who once said, “You can observe a lot by just watching”? 8. MOVIES: Who won the Oscar for best actress in 1978? 9. TELEVISION: What was the name of Ross’ monkey on the TV show “Friends”? 10. SCIENCE: What is the symbol for the element phosphorus? Answers 1. Montana 2. Professor James Moriarty 3. Diamond 4. Fear of being alone 5. Nirvana 6. Verrazano-Narrows in New York (4,260 feet) 7. Yogi Berra 8. Jane Fonda (“Coming Home”) 9. Marcel 10. P (c) 2010 King Features Synd., Inc.
Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area
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New Years Resolutions You Can Actually Keep... • Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
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• Stop exercising. Waste of time. • Read less. Makes you think. • Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff. • Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. • Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
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• Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine. • Don’t jump off a cliff just because everyone else did. • Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. • Don’t have eight children at once. • Get in a whole NEW rut! • Don’t bet against the Indianapolis Colts. • Buy an ‘83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. • Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash. • Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
• Create more loose ends. • Get further in debt. • Don’t believe politicians.
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• Start being superstitious.
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• Break at least one traffic law.
• Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.
• Don’t drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
• Wait around for opportunity.
• Stay off the MIR space station.
• Focus on the faults of others.
• Don’t swim with pirhanas or sharks.
• Mope about faults.
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