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AUSTRALIA DAY raffle giveaways and the big firework finale. Embrace the Aussie culture and enjoy celebrating everything that’s great about this beautiful country. What: Australia Day Fundraising Festival When: Sunday 26th January Where: Fairfield Showground, Smithfield Road, Prairiewood, Sydney More Info: www.moshtix.com.au
Toolroom Knights At The Greenwood Hotel
It’s that time of year again; for you to grab your inflatable Skippy kangaroo, dust off your cork hat and drape the Aussie flag across your shoulders. That’s right, it’s Australia Day on 26th January, and we’ve got the lowdown on the best events that are happening in the land Down Under for this glorious occasion. Australia Day Fundraising Festival
Live performances from Faydee and Omar Dean will kick off the Australia Day Fundraising Festival held at Fairfield Showground on 26th January. Join hundreds of other revellers for theme park rides,
Settle in for an all-day celebration in the great Australian sunshine as the Greenwood Hotel sees Toolroom Records present Mark Knight for an exclusive Australia Day session. From 1pm till 10pm, taking place across four spectacular rooms and an outdoor stage, witness some iconic Dance music artists in a classic venue. What: Toolroom Knights at The Greenwood Hotel When: Sunday 26th January Where: Greenwood Hotel, 36 Blue Street, North Sydney More Info: www.greenwoodhotel.com
Big Day Out
Being at the country’s biggest and best festival is the most appropriate way to honour Australia Day if you’re in Sydney. Join Pearl Jam, Arcade Fire, Snoop Lion and Steve Angello for a party that is guaranteed to have you celebrating being in the southern hemisphere this January. With such a huge line-up on a day as momentous as this, you will need to fight and claw your way through the crowd to get a ticket. Big Day Out will take place nationally on different dates. What: Big Day Out When: Sunday 26th January Where: Sydney Showground, 1 Showground Road, Sydney Olympic Park More Info: www. bigdayout.com
Plastic Australia Day Party
If free Lamingtons aren’t enough to tempt you into Brown Alley on Australia Day, then $5 VB tins, nine bars across two venues and 12 DJ’s across seven rooms will. With cracking drinks deals all night and an electric atmosphere, this is one hell of a way to celebrate Australia Day. What: Plastic Australia Day Party When: Sunday 26th January Where: Brown Alley, 585 Lonsdale Street, Melbourne More Info: www. brownalley.com
Australia Day Weekender
Magnums Hotel is probably doing the biggest and longest Australia Day celebration in the country. Kicking off on the Friday and continuing straight through to the Monday, this non-stop party brings us a packed weekend of great music and hilarious events. On the Saturday, it’s time to don your board shorts because the beach party, complete with palm trees, beach balls and wall-to-wall sand, will serve as a starter for Australia Day. On the day itself, there’s a thong-throwing competition (that’s flipflops, not your girlfriend’s undies), free BBQ, wet t-shirt competitions and bikini girls. After a hectic weekend, relax and recuperate with live acoustic soloists from 3pm on the Monday. What: Australia Day Weekender When: Friday 24th – Monday 27th January Where: 366 Shute Harbour Road, Airlie Beach More Info: www.magnumshotel.com.au
Havaianas Australia Day Thong Challenge
What better way to celebrate Australia Day than jumping on a giant inflatable ‘thong’ and surfing with thousands of others in the sea? Across five beaches in Australia, this is your chance to be surrounded by colourful inflatables, proud Aussies and the beautiful coastline. There’s even an opportunity to be in with the chance of breaking the Guinness World Record for the largest number of giant inflatable Havaianas out on the ocean. Join thousands of others to celebrate with a day of fun and games, prizes, DJ’s and giant screens. What: Havaianas Australia Day Thong Challenge 2014 When: Sunday 26th January Where: Nationwide including; Cottesloe, Bondi, Glenelg, Torquay and Mooloolaba More Info: www.havaianasthongchallenge.com.au
Australia Day Raft Up
Grab your best swimmers and head to Perth’s biggest ever Raft Up event for Australia Day 2014. Cool down in the sea, relax on a boat and dance until the sun sets on this huge day of partying. With a floating trampoline and pontoon, four different themed venues and a whole host of DJ’s, you won’t find this much fun anywhere else in Perth. This is not your average boat excursion; it’s five hours of pure euphoric, fist-pumping beats under the beaming sun. What: Australia Day Raft Up/Boat Party When: Sunday 26th January Where: Barrack Street Jetty, Perth More Info: www.my247.com.au
Aus Day Fun Run
Keen walkers, marathon runners and those looking to dress up in God-awful costume and face paint will be heading to the Mornington Peninsular for the annual Aus Day Fun Run. Whether you want to run the 10km from Safety Beach or start from Dromana if you’d prefer to walk, the route guarantees sights of the bay and a buzzing atmosphere. The finish line at the Village Green in Rosebud greets you with a flag-raising ceremony and activities to enjoy the rest of the day, with all proceeds going to the local organisations and groups that volunteer to put on the run each year. What: Aus Day Fun Run When: Sunday 26th January Where: Safety Beach/Dromana, Mornington Peninsular, Victoria More info: www.ausdayfunrun.com.au
5things to try this month
So you put on a few pounds over Christmas, but rather than spending hours trying to mind-numbingly work it off in the gym, try these fun new ways to get fit and watch the pounds melt away.
Certainly not one to be laughed at, sex burns nearly 300 calories an hour, and you don’t need us to tell you it’s more fun than trudging along a treadmill. Using your core, leg and arm muscles (not forgetting that thrusting hip action), it’s basically a full body workout and the more you do it, the more your stamina will improve – something your other half will be more than grateful for.
Using your whole body weight as a resistance is one of the best ways to get fit, and nothing relies on your ability to lift yourself up more than pole dancing. Your inner core, arms and legs will gradually get stronger and produce lean muscle.
Of course, if you’re one of those that puts in no effort to the task, you won’t see as many results than if you were to go full steam ahead and hump like a horny bull. Positions guaranteed to have effects include The Thigh Master, The Hobby Horse and The Twister Stalemate (you can thank us later). Basically, if your back’s not dripping like Niagara Falls by the end of it, you haven’t done a good enough job and you won’t reap the benefits.
The movement of pole dancing will also improve flexibility, as you wrap your entire body around the pole, as well as endurance. It is the repetition of doing each move around the pole that will deliver results, so don’t slack off and keep at it! With all that bending and lifting, you’re bound to come away with some bruises, but just accept them as your warrior wounds and proof that you’re working hard at getting fit. The Pole Dance Academy in Sydney has classes for beginners to elite professionals, and Pole Divas in Melbourne lets you wear stilettos of your choice!
Raving Why not incorporate your favourite pastime with your exercise regime? Raving, dancing, jumping up and down – they all burn calories and best of all, you barely even notice the hard work you’re putting in. An hour of raving to your favourite music can burn between 300 and 600 calories (depending on your weight), but the more effort and intensity you put in, the more you’ll lose. Just don’t drink any alcohol otherwise it will defeat the point.
Although many do it to get outdoors and see the country, rock climbing is also a great way to get fit. Did you know that at moderate intensity, clambering over rocks for one hour will burn around 400 calories? That’s at least your roast potatoes and a mince pie. Thinking about how much you’d have to do to work off your entire Christmas meal isn’t even a nightmare, because it just means you get to do this amazing activity!
If punching a bag for 10 minutes burns 80 calories, imagine how much you’ll lose sparring with a kangaroo! In Australia, the land is full of them and their build is perfect to have a bit of a scrap with – hell, even the national symbol is of Skippy wearing his boxing gloves.
Best of all, Australia’s landscape provides endless locations for rock climbing, from The Gorge of Mt Buffalo in Victoria to Peak Charles in W.A.
However, if you’ve watched half the Attenborough footage that we have, you’ll know that these marsupials are the fiercest little bastards in the southern hemisphere, and won’t go down without a fight (i.e. until you’re dead), so maybe stick to fighting your own kind, whilst pretending to be a kangaroo…
BEST OF BRITISH It can be a daunting prospect to start a whole new life in Australia, and there’s no secret to making it a success. To give you some inspiration, here are the British expats that prove it can be done.
Chumley Warner’s Traditional British Cousin Jacks Pasty Co. Brought all the way from Fish and Chips
Adrian and Louise Warner came to Australia with their two young boys and no fixed plans, but with his background as a chef and hers in marketing, it’s no surprise they’ve made a success of their British fish and chip shop. Serving imported North Atlantic cod, haddock and plaice alongside chip shop vinegar, pickled onions and mushy peas, Chumley Warner’s is a favourite among British expats missing the taste of home – even the frying range and chipper are made in the UK! Step inside Chumley Warner’s and you’re transported to a chippy in Brighton; the music and chat of BBC Radio 1 and Radio 2 hover above the sounds of frying potato and bubbling batter, the best-selling chunky steak and Guinness pie sits temptingly under the heater and any Scotsman would find heaven with the $10 deep fried suppers, including imported Mars Bars and haggis. Even the pies are made exclusively by a British expat baker, and this summer sees the welcome of the new balti chicken pie, which is absolutely delicious. As well as the original store in Birkdale (30 minutes from Brisbane), you can also find one on the Sunshine Coast and Warners Bay, plus three opening in 2014/2015 in Glenelg, North Lakes and Gold Coast! So - feeling peckish? 8/190 Birkdale Road, Birkdale, QLD Shop 5, 87 King Street, Warners Bay, NSW 69-79 Attenuata Drive, Mountain Creek, QLD www.chumleywarners.com.au
Cornwall, Mark Bedford provides pasty-lovers with a snack on the go along Bondi Junction, with his Cousin Jacks Pasty Co. A migrant from Southern England, Mark believed he could bring the beloved Cornish pasty to Australia for everyone to enjoy. While he is passionate about the origins and traditions of the Cornish pasty, customers are truly spoilt for choice with the variety of flavours on offer. The dough is made from scratch on the premises and is halfway between short crust and puff pastry: light, with a bite and perfect for grabbing on the go. The Cornish pasty is made as it should be, with diced potato, swede, onion, juicy diced skirt beef and seasoning, but there are new and exciting concoctions including steak and camembert, cheese and bacon and South American Style Empanada. Pasties aren’t even kept savoury, as the sweet variety are on a whole other level; the apple and cinnamon pasty is reminiscent of cold, winter days back in the UK, and the chocolate, hazelnut and banana option is simply melt-in-the-mouth pleasure. With ideas of branching out nationwide and creating a franchise, Australian citizens, British expats and working holidaymakers could soon be devouring a Cousin Jacks pasty wherever they go - and they haven’t even celebrated their second birthday. Shop 5, The Royal Arcade, 175-181 Oxford Street, Bondi Junction, NSW cousinjackspastyco.com
BEST OF BRITISH Bistrode CBD
They say not to work with family, but Jeremy and Jane Strode have created an award-winning partnership at Merivale’s Bistrode CBD in Sydney. Jeremy is the head chef that takes no prisoners, and has gained a following in Sydney for his delectable, modern bistro cuisine. He is the one to thank for the corned Wagyu beef, lambs hearts & minds and the $50pp dinner feast of five-hour Southdown lamb shoulder. Meanwhile, his wife is the brains behind the honey tart & peanut butter ice cream, dark chocolate crème brulee and frozen rhubarb & elderflower meringue. Jeremy began his career in a hotel kitchen when he was just 14 and worked his way up the ranks in five-star hotels in London, before working for Michel Roux at his Waterside Inn in Berkshire at the age of 24. Following stints in France and a return to London, Jeremy moved to Melbourne in 1992 where he enjoyed his time as head chef at The George Hotel, the Adelphi and Pomme, before moving to Sydney and opening Bistrode with his wife, Jane, in 2005. Eating at Bistrode is extremely ethical: they don’t use any seafood that is considered endangered or in short supply and they pride themselves on using local, free-range produce. From his time travelling and cooking, Jeremy incorporates classic English fare with a style that is highly associated with French cuisine. Level 1, Hotel CBD, Cnr King and York Sts, Sydney, NSW merivale.com.au/bistrodecbd
Rob’s British Butchers
Wander down memory lane by popping in to see Rob Boyle, possibly the happiest butcher you’ll ever meet. Not only does he sell the best black pudding in Melbourne, he also has succulent pork pies, crispy-yettender ham shoulder and award-winning gourmet sausages. Whether made-to-order or fresh from the counter, this is meat like you remember your mum serving back home, and he’s brought it over just for you. After arriving in Australia in 1984 and opening his beloved butcher’s shop in ‘92, Rob has built a huge following in and outside of Melbourne, through the belief that you have to provide something that supermarket giants can’t: quality produce and excellent customer service. Despite a worrying period in the ‘90s and early ‘00s, customers have increased from the word-of-mouth of the delicious meats, regular specials, Christmas bookings and classic English, Irish and Welsh produce. Not only does Rob cater for the average meat-eater, his gammon has been eaten by none other than Prince Charles and Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall, during their visit in 2012. You are spoilt for choice with the pies and joints on offer, and anyone missing Jacob’s crackers, Quality Street, Twiglets and Jaffa Cakes can also find them here. 177 Lonsdale Street, Dandenong, Melbourne, VIC www.facebook.com/pages/Robs-British-Butchers/
Eating Out The Healthy Way To help you get back in shape after the Christmas binge session, we’ve found some great eateries that will help you cut calories and start the healing from within!
Whether you’re gluten intolerant or just don’t accept it into your diet, you can sit down here and feed on what you fancy. Eating out can be seriously hard work for those who are gluten intolerant or if you’re trying to avoid it. D&RE offers a gluten free menu where you can enjoy pancakes, sandwiches and even beer. This is the stuff made of coeliacs’ dreams; not only can you eat it worry-free, but this chow tastes amazing and a lot of love goes into everything. D&RE’s entire values are based around being sustainable, preservative and plastic free. You will be seduced by the amount of choice here. If you’re planning a party, these guys offer great alternatives to party nibble classics, all healthy, clean and of course, gluten free. For those seeking comfort, we would recommend the chocolate brownie - a mouth-watering treat that anyone can enjoy. 12/20 Playfair Street, The Rocks, Sydney www.darefood.com.au
Iku Whole Foods
Do you dream of eating a chocolate fudge tart without being haunted by regret afterwards? Iku Whole Foods offer a huge range of treats that are natural, organic and completely delectable. Looking at the food that affects your mental, emotional and physical state, the ingredients are all natural. The common misconception about healthy food is that it’s completely boring, but one visit to Iku will change that opinion for good. Enjoy a gluten free lasagne, black-eye bean, spinach and lemon pie, or a colourful salad wrap. For those of you with a sweet tooth, grab a sesame fudge tart or a fruity cheery tofu cheesecake. Having diet restrictions doesn’t necessarily have to constrain you from what you love. Jump on the bandwagon and get some superfoods in your system. Multiple locations throughout Sydney www.ikuwholefood.com
Yulli’s has the effect of turning a devoted meat eater into a veggie loving vulture. With innovative dishes, boutique beers and a laid-
The self-discipline that goes into dieting is challenged every day when you’re caught unprepared for eating out. Most people think that being on a diet means going out for dinner is out of the question. However, Paleo Café is dedicated to the extremely popular Paleo Diet, also known as the caveman diet. Everything they serve is 100% dairy, grain, gluten, sugar and preservative free. We would recommend the Caveman Big Breakfast with free range eggs cooked to your liking served with sirloin steak, crispy bacon, pork sausage, wild mushrooms, roast cherry tomato, red onion and spinach on Paleo toast with Paleo tomato sauce. With options like this, you will forget you were even on a diet. 310-330 Oxford Street, Bondi Junction, Sydney www.paleo-cafe.com.au
If you’re half way through your post Christmas cleanse and are itching for enchiladas, then the time has come to dust off your sombrero, grow that handlebar moustache and put on your poncho because you’ve guessed it; we’ve found a Mexican that will fulfil your every gluten free, lower calorie desires. The chefs at this restaurant will tailor your order to suit your special eating needs. They’re not solely dedicated to the gluten free customer, but they offer a vast amount of choice and will do everything they can to customise the dish to your tastes. When you’re choosing your meal, it is a ‘design your own’ concept, where you pick your dish, filling then salsa. The Naked Burrito is the gluten free favourite; it’s served in a bowl with black beans, rice, cheese, lettuce, sour cream and your choice of filling and salsa, but without the wrap. Enjoy the full, spicy and exciting flavours of Mexican food, minus the carby calories. 2/241 Crown St, Darlinghurst, Sydney www.madmex.com.au
If You’ve Gone Too Far... A body like Van Damme is highly unattainable without a little hard work and a lot less facestuffing. But it’s still possible. Start 2014 as you mean to go on and check out these superfit boot camps that will give the muscles from Brussels a run for his money. Original Bootcamp
Everyone has to start somewhere, and the Original Bootcamp was created for just that reason. Running for 15 years, Australia’s ‘first military-based fitness program’ offers members the chance to lose weight and improve their health in a fun yet physically-challenging environment, and the Corps Training fitness regime promises to achieve unbeatable results – and fast! With the ‘Rapid Transformation’ program gathering plenty of media attention over the years, members train three times a week for a month, with the 60-minute sessions increasing in intensity to ensure continuous improvement. Original Bootcamp also offers free trial sessions, and prices can be found when enquiring on the website. bootcamp.com.au
Claiming to be the only boot camp to offer healthy food delivery ($104 for 5 days) alongside a fitness regime, the Urban Bootcamp programme promises to shed fat, tone muscles and skim inches from hips and thighs, all whilst giving you a major confidence boost – just what’s needed after copious amounts of Christmas pudding! Membership options include silver, gold and platinum packages starting from $25 a week, or you can opt for a simple three-week trial gift pack for $190. Workout sessions run for 60 minutes three times a week over six weeks and take place across a variety of parks in Sydney. www.urbanbootcamp.com.au
No joining fees, no contracts and unlimited access to the complete training timetable? Harbourside Fitness seems too good to be true – and with prices starting from $37 per week, it may just be. Whether you want to train in an existing small group or bring along friends/colleagues to start a private one, fitness sessions include a variety of ever-changing exercises such as boxing, pump-style weights, running, core work and even ‘urban explorer challenges’ to get you that dream body. Harbourside claims to be different from other boot camps too; you’ll find no shouting, screaming or whistle-blowing here! You will, however, find a completely free seven-day trial, so even if you’re unsure of whether to sign up, you can test your fitness and see if you’ve got what it takes! www.harboursidefitness.com.au/bootcamp-sydney
Words by Lucie Potter & Chelsea Forsyth, Image courtesy of Paleo Cafe and Urban Bootcamp
back tone, it’s tough not to fall in love with this place. Sometimes, the vegetarian in the group may feel ostracised for their awkward food requirements, but at Yulli’s all their food is for sharing, bringing everyone at the table together. Check out the mouth-watering Vietnamese Crepe, filled with mushrooms, fresh veggies and water chestnuts, served with nuoc cham dipping sauce. Catering for vegans, vegetarians and health hounds, this is the perfect option for a guilt free evening full of great food. 417 Crown Street, Surry Hills www.yullis.com.au
Kit & Kaboodle 33-37 Darlinghurst Rd Kings Cross $10 cocktails all night
Wynyard Hotel 107 Clarence St Happy Hour 5-7pm $4 drinks The Soda Factory 16 Wentworth Ave Surry Hills Movie Mondays from 5pm, free popcorn, $5 wine & beer from 7pm til 9pm
Darlo Bar 306 Liverpool St Free Trivia and $5 Blonde schooners Manly Wine 8-13 South Steyne Manly $25 Pie Of The Day & a glass of Pinot Noir Tea Gardens Hotel 2-4 Bronte Rd, Bondi Junction Songwriter competition with $500 prize from 7pm OR Trivia Tuesdays 7pm
Palace Hotel Cnr of George and Hay St $10 meals 11am – 5pm with choice of chips, salad or mash
Bungalow 8 3 Lime St $10 Meals Cargo Bar 52-60 The Promenade King Street Wharf $10 cocktails from 4pm
Paragon Hotel Cnr Loftus & Alfred St $10 Chicken Parmigiana all day
Sugarmill 33-35 Darlinghurst Rd Kings Cross Tranny Bingo 8pm til late $10 for 5 games
The Animal 174 King St Newtown Coal-roasted goat with garlic & coriander seeds $19 Coogee Bay Hotel 253 Coogee Bay Rd Coogee Chicken schnitzel with chips and salad $15 10am10pm
Friday The Forresters 336 Riley St Surry Hills $10 cocktails Happy Hour 6pm-10pm
The Office Hotel Cnr Kent and Erskine St $10 pizzas and $8 cocktails all day and night
Saturday Jacksons On George 176 George St R’n’B, Soul and Dance hits all night across three floors Bat & Ball 495 Cleveland St Redfern Super Sport Saturdays $12 burger and chips
Hinky Dinks 185 Darlinghurst Rd Darlinghurst Happy Hour 6pm-8pm The Rook Level 7 56-58 York St Late night rooftop eatery with lobster, burgers and liquor specialities
Sunday The Loft 3 Lime St 49% off all cocktails from 4pm
Kings Cross Hotel 244-248 William St Kings Cross $20 Rump steak + Tiger Prawns plus schooner or glass of wine
The Winery 285A Crown St Surry Hills Girls Picnic 12-3pm $45pp, booking required
The promotions in the calendar are subject to change at any point without notice. Please check with the venue/business that offers are still valid
Hot Right Now Everywhere you need to go and everything you need to try right here in Sydney...
Taking professional bartending to the next level, Bulletin Place should be your latest favourite small bar. A cool little hideaway with dim lighting and no nonsense, you can thank your hosts (including Tim Phillips, the World’s Best Bartender in 2012) for gorgeously-fresh cocktails using only the most seasonal of ingredients. In the peak of summer, you can expect bright oranges, sweet strawberries and juicy mangoes as the key flavours on the menu. It’s first come, first serve, so arrive before the rush and stay until midnight. www.bulletinplace.com
Christian Boltanski at Carriageworks
Beginning on 9th January and running until 23rd March, Carriageworks presents Christian Boltanski, for the first time on Australia soil, with Chance. A look at birth, life, memory, loss and death, Boltanski is the poet advocate for the dispossessed, and with his colossal and intricate installation, allows visitors to witness the rhythm of birth and death throughout the world, while exploring the idea that all human life is the result of chance. Experience this exhibit that ponders the reality of our mortality for free at the Carriageworks in Eveleigh. www.carriageworks.com.au
Table For 20
Table For 20 is exactly that – a restaurant where friends and strangers gather together to eat, laugh, drink and chat. Not much more than a dinner party, between Wednesday and Saturday everyone’s welcome to come and join the three-course set menu feast down in Surry Hills. Don’t be surprised if you end up serving those around you, dividing up what everyone wants and even shouting to those all the way down the table. The idea is to get to know those around you, so sit down, forget about your troubles and dig into the shared platters. www.facebook.com/pages/Table-for-20-and-Sticky-Bar
Anyone looking to update their wardrobe should look no further than the 150 stalls at Paddington Markets. From handmade bags to sheepskin boots and silk scarves, every item is sold by independent traders and every penny goes to helping local people take a step further up their dream career ladder. Purchase a papier-mâché bracelet from Kukula, browse the vintage-inspired collection from Pretty In Pink, or pick your favourite design on a cushion from screenprinting duo Sarah & Yvette; whatever you choose will be unique and extremely value for money. The markets are open every Saturday from 10am on Oxford Street, Paddington. www.paddingtonmarkets.com.au
Take A Tour... Whether you’re visiting New South Wales, or you’ve been here for a while, why not take one of these tours and get to know the area that little bit better!
Real Sydney Tours
Enjoy a rare glimpse into Sydney and its surrounding areas with Real Sydney Tours. You don’t want to come all this way to miss the biggest and best highlights, so rather than getting hopelessly lost making your own way around by bus, join one of their tours and let them show you why Sydney and New South Wales has achieved the status it has. You can stay in the city area with the Real Sydney Tour, which will take you around the iconic sights, beautiful harbour and ocean coastline. Learn about the history of the city down Macquarie Street, enjoy a stroll through the Botanical Gardens and explore the essence of iconic suburbs, Kings Cross, Paddington and Chinatown. From the CBD to Bondi Beach and the historic Rocks area, you can get to know the real Sydney. The tour can pick you up from your hotel, or can be arranged for another location, at 8.30am, and lasts for six hours.
Bonza Bike Tours Sydney
There’s no better way to see Sydney than with a tour, and while there are variety of walks that teach you all about the city, cycling is by far the most desired option. Not only will you see more of the art, culture and lifestyle that lies around every corner, you’ll also do it in a much quicker time, all whilst burning a few extra calories. You can experience all that Sydney has to offer upon a bicycle seat with Bonza Bike Tours. With a range of tours that enable visitors to ride through parks, along the harbour front and pavements, now’s your chance to get up close to some iconic sights - without getting blisters. The Sydney Classic Tour allows guests to experience all the must-see sights of the city in a four-hour whirlwind cycle circuit. With bikes and helmets provided, the ride is suitable for everyone because we all know riding a bike is a skill you never forget!
The best part of Real Sydney Tours is that it doesn’t just keep you in the city. Embarking throughout NSW, the Real Blue Mountains Tour is particularly special and idyllic. Heading straight to the mountains to avoid the crowds (it takes two hours but is extremely worth it), visitors can experience the sight of the blue haze given off from the eucalyptus trees by stopping off at several lookout points. This tour goes off the beaten track to present you with the most unique adventure available; take part in the boardwalk through the rainforest, enjoy lunch in the boutique village of Leura and get up close to the koalas, kangaroos and wallabies of Featherdale Wildlife Park. Finally, board the Captain Cook Cruise vessel for your journey back to Sydney, including a fully-stocked bar and a relaxing finish to your Real Blue Mountains Tour. Pick-up time is 7.45am from your hotel, and the tour lasts for 10-11 hours. The company also has tours up to the North Shore and the Real Hunter Valley, where you can enjoy the region’s premier wineries and the Hunter Valley Chocolate Company. If you’d rather decide where you want to go and what you want to do, you can tailor a tour to suit you. Enquire about a tour through email@example.com and head to realsydneytours.com.au for more information.
With expert guides leading the way, guests see all the key sights in one trip, including Sydney Opera House, Sydney Harbour Bridge, The Rocks, Observatory Hill, Darling Harbour, Royal Botanic Gardens, Hyde Park, China Town, Art Gallery of NSW and more. We know what you’re thinking: so many photo opportunities, and so hard to look good in a helmet. All hail Instagram and its many filters. All this sightseeing will be accompanied with the insider knowledge on everything from the most famous attractions to the lesser known hotspots; a spot of exercise has never been so informative. And at $119pp, this is good value for the amount you’ll see and - for those with good attention spans - learn.
Those who rarely take part in voluntary exercise needn’t worry: this isn’t a hard core Tour de France, and halfway through the tour, members will be greeted with a heavenly sight - a pub stop - the perfect chance to recharge and mingle with your fellow attendees over a refreshing drink.
Meeting Location: 30 Harrington Street, The Rocks, Sydney, NSW
For information on all the tours on offer, as well as the chance to book a tour visit www.bonzabiketours.com
By Emma Walker
Tours take place on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday at 10.30am
The Australian Open The Australian Open gets underway from 13th-26th January. The first of tennis’ four Grand-Slams, The Aussie Open has increased in statute over the years, so much so that our very own Wimbledon hero, and dour Scot, Andy Murray will be hoping to bag another victory. Held on the hard court surfaces of Melbourne Park, the top players in the men’s and women’s game will most likely have to deal with the souring temperatures of the Aussie summer. During the 2012 event, one player actually melted in the mid-day sun leaving behind nothing but a pair of white shorts and a sweat band (ok maybe not – but with temperatures reaching a staggering 40C at times, it is going to be tough). This maybe goes someway to explaining the 160,000 ice creams, and 37,000 BBQ sausages, consumed during the fortnight. Serbian Novak Djokovic collected the trophy in the 2013 event and will be hoping to make it four in a row this time around. But with 99 of the top 100 ranked players taking part, including Spanish juggernaut Nadal, uber-cool Federer, and Murray, he will be facing stiff competition. In the Women’s event, Victoria Azarenka is seeking a third Aussie Open title in a row. Her aggressive style makes her a dangerous opponent on the hard surface, but Serena Williams – current world number one in both tennis and on-court grunting – is in ominous form. All in all, for two weeks in January the Australian Open is sure to serve up its fair share of intensity, heat-exhaustion, sublime skill and matchwinning shots, and is the perfect way to begin the sporting year.
It has been a pretty impressive last couple of years for the Scotsman. His tears after defeat against Roger Federer in the 2012 Wimbledon final finally gave evidence to fans across the world that he wasn’t just an emotionless robot sent back from the future to save tennis – kind of like Terminator but with smaller shorts, and since then he has gone on to claim Olympic gold for Great Britain, and became the first Brit to win the men’s singles title at Wimbledon for 77 years. Currently ranked number 4 in the world, Murray’s appearance at the Australian Open will be his first major competitive outing since September after he underwent surgery on a persistent back injury, which had already kept him out of the 2013 French Open. In the last five Grand-Slams that he has competed in, he has won the title and reached the final in four of them. When it comes to the Australian Open in particular, he has, in recent times, gained the title of a nearly man; losing in the 2010, 2011, and 2013 finals. The Scot is known as one of the best returners of the ball in the sport, and with tough conditions likely to face competitors in Melbourne, this facet of his game could prove crucial if he is to build another challenge in 2014. With a strong backhand, an increasingly accurate serve, and legs that now seem capable of lasting longer than three sets, he will certainly be amongst the favourites when the Australian Open begins.
Fun Fact: The only book he has completed all the way through was a wrestler’s autobiography.
The Belarusian star is perhaps not as well known outside of the tennis world as some of her rivals. She doesn’t have the sporgasms that affect Maria Sharapova when hitting a shot, or the freakish hulklike strength of Serena Williams, but Azarenka will enter the 2014 Australian Open as reigning champion having won the event for the past two years. The 24-year-old right-hander left her native Belarus for America aged just 15 in order to train in Arizona and has become a leading light in both the singles and doubles form of the game since. Although her Australian Open titles are her only Grand-Slams to date, she reached the final of the US Open in both 2012 and 2013, and made it to the last four in last year’s French Open. She also set a new record for prize-money earned in the women’s game during 2012 collecting $7.9m (US dollars) on the way to securing six titles. Honing a similarly aggressive style to her rival Williams, Azarenka possesses a two-handed backhand that is unstoppable at times, and her doubles past makes her almost as difficult to lob at the net as Peter Crouch standing on Stephen Merchant’s shoulders. But if she is going to make it a hat-trick of Aussie Open titles, she will be hoping not to meet Serena on the court. Azarenka has a retched record against the American, losing all eight of their Grand-Slam match ups.
By Alastair Davidson
Fun Fact: In 2011 she nearly gave up the sport in pursuit of education (looks like she has read more than just a wrestler’s autobiography Andy – take note!)
HOT RIGHT NOW From dining to music, here’s what you should be checking out in Melbourne...
Australian Open Heineken Live Stage
If you thought the Australian Open was all about Maria Sharapova’s screaming and Andy Murray’s hilarious giraffe impressions, you are so wrong. The guys at Mushroom have partnered with the organisers of this tennis event to bring you the very best in emerging musical talent to come from Australia. Between 13th and 26th January in Melbourne Park, the Heineken Live Stage on Grand Slam Oval will see the likes of The Rubens, Clare Bowditch, The Preatures, Snakadaktal and Owl Eyes, plus special international guest, Pete Tong, from BBC Radio 1. Get your ticket from www.ticketek.com.au and discover everything else about the Australian Open when it comes to Melbourne this month.
Beggar Man Thief
A strong believer in English shoemaking and the shopkeeper-customer relationship, Beggar Man Thief is a gentleman’s shop residing only in Melbourne, with stores on Clarendon and Collins Street. Selling only the most wearable, thoughtfully designed footwear from Adidas to Vanishing Elephant, you can purchase a pair of handmade or off-the-shelf boots, trainers or loafers to your liking. With prices ranging from $70 to $750, in patent, leather or suede, it’s time to invest in a good pair of shoes. If you’ve got them coming out of your ears, they’ve also got bags, hats, sunglasses and shaving accessories on display. www.beggarmanthief.com.au
Adam Knapper at The Dax Centre
For 25 years, Adam Knapper has been producing artwork that challenges categorisation in art and mental illness in the form of painting, illustration and street art. From 8th January – 16th May, he is bringing his latest work, Imaginarium, to The Dax Centre. Using their imagination, viewers can enjoy Knapper’s ideas and motifs in this creative and whimsical playground, all the while challenging them to question the relevance of knowing his mental illness to understanding his art. This is a free event for visitors to enjoy Knapper’s latest work at The Dax Centre in Parkville. www.daxcentre.org
St Kilda Esplanade Market
Open every Sunday of the year from 10am – 5pm, those in the St Kilda area can discover the talents of over 150 artisans through their contemporary artworks. The Esplanade Market has been a staple since 1970 for anyone looking for something special and for local craftspeople to showcase their work and sell directly to the public. From the soaps at Malka Natural Skin Care to the handmade postcards by Simon Van Truong and Cybertart bags and accessories, in a number of different materials and styles, there are functional and decorative items to be bought and cherished from each and every stall. www.stkildaesplanademarket.com.au
you are what you eat...
If you’re dying to get your hands on some of the authentic flavours of street food, but simply can’t bargain with your belly, Mamasita’s will deliver great tasting dependable Mexican food, without compromising your special eating habits. With 100% of their dinner menu being gluten free, you can’t go wrong. Matt Lane, Operations Manager at Mamasita’s said the Elote Callejero - a street style melt in the mouth corn - is without a doubt the most popular item on the menu. The perfect way to tease your taste buds and wash this down would be with a gluten free, lower calorie, O’Brien beer. Matt said: “My wife was diagnosed coeliac about eight years ago, she’s not a big beer drinker but really missed having the occasional one. She loves this beer!” These guys just don’t stop giving and you will soon be able to enjoy a whole new array of gluten free seafood starters, new ceviche dishes and agua chile de Cameron this summer. www.mamasita.com.au Level 1/11 Collins Street, Melbourne
For some reason, all meat eaters believe that without a bit of flesh in your meal, you’ll leave the table feeling sad and empty inside. However we kid you not when we say, even the most
carnivorous of you will love what is on offer at Vegie Bar - not to mention the added benefits of giving your system a rest after all the meat you’ve chomped through during Christmas. You don’t need to gather all your non-meat eating mates to enjoy this type of restaurant anymore. This is because Vegie Bar is so popular, it’s almost guaranteed to turn any steak-loving pessimist into a scrambled tofu scoffing vegan victor. If it’s a guilt-free sweet snack you’re after, try the mouth-watering Raw Berry Forest cake, which is vegan, nut and gluten free. Why not trade your mid-morning sugary energy drink for a kombucha, ginger tonic, protein pumper or spirulina boost? The fresh ingredients will give you the longlasting kick you’ve been looking for. This is a popular place and obviously well sought after, so make sure you book a table in advance. Trust us, it’s well worth the wait. www.vegiebar.com.au 380 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy
Grub Food Van
‘Healthy’ is probably not the first thought that springs to mind when you think about a food van. But this is Melbourne and everyone knows that pretty much anything goes here, and there’s definitely more than meets the eye in this bohemian abode. The Grub Food Van is a wholesome al fresco diner’s dream. The ever-changing seasonal menu provides fresh, local ingredients, some of which are from their on-site greenhouse. There’s absolutely no reason for anyone to miss out on this Melbourne gem; it’s the ideal eat-out for foodies and dieters alike and provides the feeling of true indulgence, minus the stomach churning guilt that diet cheaters often get. Try the avocado, chilli and lime parfait with tomato salsa, manchego and homemade seeded tortilla. Accompany this dream come true with the food van’s Chico drink, an organic cola with an espresso shot to give you that well deserved extra kick. www.grubfoodvan.com.au 87-89 Moor Street, Fitzroy
A Lunge In The Right Direction
If, like us, you want to shift the blubber you’ve gained over Christmas and, in the words of Gold Member, get “Toight like a toiger” a boot camp trip might be just what you need. Booty Camp
One for the girls, Booty Camp is the female-only solution to working up a sweat. Focussing on high-cardio routines that will target problem areas like arms, tums, bums and legs, Booty Camp makes great use of its natural surroundings and breath-taking views each of the workout locations have to offer. Not only in Melbourne, there are camps in Perth, Sydney, Brisbane and Adelaide, so there are no excuses to slack off! Ladies can even learn to eat themselves sexy and learn to be the best they can be from previous Booty Campers. Courses initially start at $260 for two classes every week for six weeks, and members are free to opt out whenever they want. Also, if you choose to return again to Booty Camp, your fourth visit onwards will only cost you $210! You never know, you might never want to leave… www.bootycamp.com.au
The self-professed leader in outdoor group fitness in Melbourne, Progression Fitness offers 36 training sessions per week showcasing exercises such as running, boxing and even yoga for all clients. Held across 14 impressive training locations – including the Botanical Gardens and a variety of beaches – as well as Sydney, Progression Fitness offers a beginner, intermediate and advanced option for all starters, so you’re never working above or below your capabilities. Plus, there’s always variety in the classes which ensure your workout is kept fresh, meaning you’ll get quicker results as your body never tires of the same routine. Unlimited memberships starts at $155 per month – prepare to sweat! www.progressionfitness.com.au
If you fancy a boot camp that packs a punch in a minimal amount of time, a trip to Bootcamp Melbourne for a weekend of gruelling fitness will do the job! For $220pp, the boot camp plucks you out of your comfort zone and tests your physical (and mental!) limits with 10 training sessions in the form of running, climbing mountains, push-ups, pull-ups, and problem-solving and teamwork tasks. Your payment will also provide you with dormitory-style accommodation, a fitness assessment, food/water, all your training equipment and even a t-shirt and certificate of achievement at the end of your stay – how thoughtful! www.bootcampmelbourne.com
Words by Lucie Potter Image courtesy of Vegie Bar & Booty Camp
The obligatory January detox is upon us. After a selfindulgent Christmas, your New Year’s resolutions are constantly being tested by the temptations that face you as soon as you step out of the front door. If you’re desperately trying to cut down the calories after the indulgent festive period, then perhaps adopting a gluten and wheat free diet will help you stay on the straight and narrow. Also, vegetarian options are packed full of goodness without compromising on taste. We’ve had a healthy eat around town to find the best places to dine at whilst you’re trying to get some goodness back into your new-found “temples of health”.
Bimbo Deluxe 376 Brunswick St Fitzroy Table tennis, pool, giant Jenga, Playstation, connect 4, Uno, monopoly and more!
Station 59 59 Church St Richmond $10 Chicken Parma + chips + salad
Robert Burns Hotel 376 Smith St, Collingwood ‘Cinco en Cinco’ Selection of drinks for only $5 5-7pm
The Dan O’Connell Hotel 225 Canning St Carlton Happy Hour 4.306.30pm OR Burger & Pot Special $16 Duke of Kent 293 La Trobe St Any burger with a pot or soft drink for only $15 Lily Blacks 12 Meyers Place Enjoy the finest cocktails Melbourne has to offer
Wednesday Retreat Hotel 280 Sydney Rd Brunswick Free live music and great grub!
29th Apartment 29 Fitzroy Street St Kilda $1 pizza 7-9pm $5 beer, wine and spirits from 7pm Free entry after 7pm
The Common Man 39 Duke’s Walk, South Wharf Express Breakfast $9.50 7.30-10am or $15 Lunch with wine or beer
Thursday Cross Keys Hotel 350 Pascoe Vale Rd North Essendon Happy Hour $5 Schooners 4pm - 7pm Turf Bar 131 Queen Street $20 Angus Burger & pot of Pure Blonde
Temperance Hotel 426 Chapel St South Yarra $15 Street Food 2-4-1 Cocktails from 5pm-late
The Quiet Man Irish Pub 271 Racecourse Rd Flemington Live Irish contemporary acts from 9pm OR $14.95 Wicked Cocktails from 7pm Strike Bowling Level 3 Melbourne Central 211 Latrobe St BANG! Unlimited Laser Tag for $15 All day, walk in only St Kilda Beach House 109 Barkly St St Kilda The People’s Party including theme nights, cheap drinks and free entry!
Saturday The Kodiak Club 272 Brunswick St Fitzroy Regional American bar food and amazing American whiskeys 5pm-3am
The Alchemist 361 Brunswick St Great tunes, tapas and cocktails 5pm-3am
Ding Dong Level 1 18 Market Lane Chinatown Midnight Run Discotheque
Sunday The Local Taphouse 184 Carlise St St Kilda Janet’s Trivia Play to win $50 voucher The Precinct Hotel 60 Swan St Richmond Live music of new Chillout & classic old tunes.
Lucky Coq Cnr Chapel St & High St Windsor Sunday BBQ from 4pm with sausages, cocktail jugs, range of tap beer and bands
The promotions in the calendar are subject to change at any point without notice. Please check with the venue/business that offers are still valid
PERTH Make A Change In 2014... As we wave farewell to Christmas for another year, we sadly must embrace the holiday fat it leaves undulating along your waistline. But rather than setting another New Year’s resolution to ‘get fit’, why not get up off your lazy arse and head down to one of these boot camps. WA Boot Camp
Located across the Perth Metro area, WA Boot Camp guarantees to bring you a workout that will condition your entire body and mind. On the beach or in a park, the program offers Bronze to Platinum membership options, starting at $170 for three sessions a week between three and 12 months. www.wabootcamp.com.au
Motivate, Invigorate, Recreate
Sunday Session at Cottesloe Beach
Although fitness and weight loss will undoubtedly be at the top of your wish list, Motivate Invigorate Recreate is a boot camp which also ensures your mind and overall lifestyle are taken care of too. On top of providing boot camp-style classes, early-start yoga sessions and weekend retreats, MIR also ensures your general outlook is adjusted so that your fitness plan won’t just become another passing phase, but remain a new way of life. www.motivateinvigoraterecreate.com
Eden Light Retreat
Whether wanting to shift some stubborn pounds, quit smoking or maybe just get away from it all for a while, Eden Light will provide you with private This month, we soak up the Sunday evening atmosphere accommodation, an organic diet, a personal eating/lifestyle plan and the option of either two personal training sessions or a massage – hmm, which one sounds at Cottesloe Beach… more tempting? Spending long summer days at the beach is synonymous with Western Australia. www.edenlight.com If you prefer your summer without excessive sand, then why not head to a beachside Sunday session? Sunday Sessions at local bars and pubs have long been popular amongst West Australians, but there’s something special about a Sunday spent perched on the stunning Cottesloe coastline. Here’s a few of the best places to mourn the loss of the weekend. Overlooking Western Australia’s famed Cottesloe Beach, the Cottesloe Beach Hotel is an icon of summertime in Perth. Split into several unique bars, the Cottesloe Beach Hotel provides quality food and beverages with the beach life. Located on the oceanfront, The Verandah Bar is the perfect place to enjoy a glass of wine or an icy cold beer whilst the sun sets. The bar serves a selection of main meals and dishes to share if you’d prefer not to give up the prime ocean views. Seafood lovers might like to check out those million dollar views from the Cott & Co. Fish Bar, which provides a winning combination of seafood and wine. If mingling is your thing, head out to The Beach Club - a chic, outdoor lounge area providing a range of food and drink options to accompany your long Sunday conversations.
Attracting a relaxed crowd, the OBH has three bars plus the CBLU restaurant. Infusing modern Australian and International flavours across a wide selection of fresh seafood, steak and poultry, CBLU has a wine or cocktail to compliment any meal. Entertainment meets ocean in The Saloon Bar, where the huge, open windows, sea breeze and live music make this an ideal spot to relax before the start of the working week. Challenge your mates to a game of pool in the Public Bar, or catch your favourite sport on one of the four big screens. Get in early to the famous Beer Garden and you’ll find a good spot to sip your favourite beverage and see where your Sunday will take you. You can make your way to the Cottesloe from both Perth and Fremantle via Stirling Highway, or by taking the Fremantle line train and hopping off at Cottesloe Station. From there it is a short walk up Forrest Street.
Words by Bec Sorby & Chelsea Forsyth
Located just a few hundred metres away, on the corner of Marine Parade and Eric Street, is another popular Sunday Session destination - the Ocean Beach Hotel. Whilst the ‘OBH’ may lack the polished design of its Cottesloe Beach counterpart, this historic hotel sure makes up for that with fun and entertainment.
The Trip Of A Lifetime In 2013 we ran a competition to give two lucky Brits the ultimate Australian adventure, and send them packing, from the UK, to some of Australia’s most amazing travel destinations. Alice Marples and Jake Mellor embarked upon their amazing excursion in November 2013, flying into Adelaide from Manchester, where they took The Ghan to Alice Springs to soak up some true Aboriginal sights. From Alice Springs they ventured to Fraser Island, then to Brisbane where they picked up a Mighty Campers van to embark upon their journey down Sydney. Along the way they visited Dream World, courtesy of Gold Coast Tourism, before reaching Spot X where they took part in Mojo Surf’s surf camp. One they’d reached Sydney, they ventured out to the stunning Blue Mountains, they got interviewed by the Wanderlust Travel Show on Bondi Beach Radio, and then built up the courage to complete a sky dive! It’s fair to say Alice and Jake fully embraced the all-Australian experience, which they’ve described as “completely life changing.” Here’s a few highlights from their Australian Adventure...
“This experience was one to remember, and a different way to go across country. The cheerful staff accompanied by swing music throughout the journey, made this really something special.”
The Ghan / Red Centre - 3 Days with Way Out back Tours; Uluru (Ayers Rock) Kata Tjuta and Kings Canyon Tour
“This tour was definitely a memorable adventure. It included entry to the national park and visitor centre which shared some of the aboriginal ways of life and stories about the surrounding land. We saw Ayers Rock, Kata Tjuta and Kings Canyon from a distance (during sunset and sunrise) and visited them up close / hiking around the grounds, it really was just breath-taking. The outback was a place that felt so far away from home; red, dry and hot, quite literally the opposite to the Derbyshire Dales we’re used too.”
TRAVEL Nomads Fraser Island Tour - 3 Day Fraser Island Self Drive 4WD Tour
“The Island itself felt so untouched, wildlife was all around us, fresh water lakes and gorgeous coastal views. The view from Indian Head was absolutely stunning - we saw turtles and rays swimming by the rocks. Relaxing and sunbathing in Champagne Pools was so refreshing too! At night we all took a stroll down to the beach to watch the nights sky and it was really something - stars everywhere, had us all feeling very emotional and grateful thinking about what we had all done and seen throughout our travels and funny how the simplest of things like a clear nights sky can be one of the most memorable moments.”
Gold Coast Tourism / Mighty Campers East Coast Road-trip
“Surfer’s Paradise was our kind of place, the shops and the food were heaven and the surf was everywhere. It was a real happening place to be and courtesy of Gold Coast Tourism we got to enjoy some of the fun attractions and the luxury of a private hotel room trust me, backpackers dream to hear such words.”
Mojo Surf Spot X Camp “Someone thought they were a pro surfer *cough, cough Jake* ...show off Surfing was so much fun and such an amazing feeling actually standing and surfing a wave, I could really see myself getting into it if I lived by the beach... just a little more practice and I’d be like Mr Show Off.”
“By far our favourite part of the trip, the Abseil/Empress Falls Canyon tour was an amazing adventure - we abseiled cliff edges up to 20metres with overhangs. Turning 360 degrees whilst hanging from that high was just a breathtaking experience, stunning views for miles out to the Blue Mountains. The adventure then continued to an action packed swimming, scrambling and wading through the canyon, climbing over rocks and trees in our path and jumping into natural fresh water pools.. which was FRESH to say the least. This all led to the big 30 metre abseil down Empress Falls, a truly amazing once in a lifetime feeling that I’ll never forget. Freezing cold water pounding down on your head, whilst moving down the slippery rock surface was such a buzz.”
“Our Favourite spot though was Darling Harbour, we’re both such big lovers of food, so it was obvious we’d spend our 4 year anniversary out for dinner here. We were told they held fireworks every Saturday evening, and boy did they put on a show, it really was something special for us and made us love the city even more.”
“We’re a pair of adrenaline junkies, so this was just an epic way to end our trip, quite literally on a high. Excuse my cabbage patch face being blown away in photo’s and as my facebook friends have now named my ears.. A.K.A ‘earlips’ haa! Give me a break I’m free-falling from 14,000 feet, there were worse photos with dribble and cod eye that I could have shared with the world.”
To Get You In The Mood...
tranquil and secluded mountains overlooking the picturesque Daintree Forest sits the adult-only resort of Mai Tai, of which peaceful days and perfect views are their speciality. This Balinese retreat has everything to make this year special: privacy, ambience and tranquillity. A three-night getaway package will set you back $869pp in their Superior Suite, which includes a tropical breakfast, a Daintree Discovery Tour and three-day car hire. www.maitai-resort.com.au
Dolphin, Sea Lion & Penguin Adventure Cruise, Rockingham, W.A.
Known for its beautiful coastline and quiet beaches, Perth is ideal for sun-seekers that wish to soak up the rays together. The seaside town of Rockingham, 40 minutes south of Perth, offers the opportunity to do this and much more. You can share your Valentine’s Day with dolphins, sea lions and penguins by taking a cruise with Rockingham Wild Encounters. A 90-minute ride boasts sights of the friendly dolphins, including an underwater microphone to hear their clicking and whistling, as well as Australian sea lions on Seal Island and the penguin feeding on Penguin Island. At just $85pp, it’s a small price to pay to have the old ball and chain putty in your hands. Cnr Arcadia Drive & Penguin Road, Shoalwater www.rockinghamwildencounters.com.au
Mai Tai Resort, Port Douglas, QLD
You won’t find overpriced food in an overcrowded dining room at our first bright idea. Within the
Baxter Valley Estate, Mornington Peninsula, VIC
One way to really impress your Valentine is to spend the evening tasting wine, and this incredible region feels more like the Mediterranean with its array of vineyards. Baxter Valley Estate (50km from Melbourne CBD) is the boutique winery, known for producing high quality wines that are a true reflection of the cool climate of the area. The owners here know that wine can make you sleepy, so they’ve thoughtfully set up the Vrahmanor B&B, a cosy accommodation surrounded by the gardens, vineyards, swimming pool and spa, with seven double bedrooms designed for complete relaxation, calm and comfort. 165 Baxter-Tooradin Road, Baxter www. baxtervalleyestate. com.au
Catch your loved one off guard by doing something completely unpredictable, like feeling the adrenaline
rush of jet boating. Feel the wind in your hair as you celebrate in the most unique way possible. Why would you conform to the traditional, cheesy, romantic date at a restaurant, when you could truly impress your Valentine with a unique and exciting experience that will leave you both feeling exhilarated? There are a ton of companies that provide jet boating, from Oz Jet Boating on Sydney Harbour to Catalina Adventures in Perth. So hold on tight and enjoy the speed and thrill of the water. www.catalinaadventures.com.au www.ozjetboating.com
Surfing Adventure, Sydney
If you like the idea of a getaway but cringe at the thought of a romantic one, then Mojo Surf Adventures offer the perfect combination of fun, relaxation and escapism. This is an adventure that can be spent with your partner, away from the frenzy of the city and the predictability of Valentine’s Day. Learn to surf on great beaches during the day and sit around the ambient campfire at night - whatever the experience you’re looking for, you can achieve it on this trip. For a five-day adventure in peak season, including lessons, accommodation, transport, food and equipment, the price is $735. Departing from: Greyhound terminal in Sydney & Brisbane; Johnston Street bus stop in Byron Bay. www.mojosurf.com
Kalbarri Quadbike Safari
Words by Lucie Potter & Lesley-Jane Carroll . Images courtesy of Mai Tai Resort
With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, now’s the time to start planning on how you’re going to show your loved one that you care. If you lost your thinking cap in Kings Cross last Saturday night after too many vodkas and need a bit of guidance, we’ve racked our brains to come up with the most exciting ways to spend Valentine’s Day in Australia.
What’s better than a safari? A quad bike safari in the Australian bush! Not the most conventional romantic idea, but if your beloved wants adventure in a beautiful setting, this should hit the bull’s eye. A Maxi Adventure Safari Tour is five hours long through the Murchison Riverina, witnessing unspoilt country and spectacular views. For $320pp, Kalbarri Quadbike Safaris take you where you want to go depending on track conditions and wet/ dry seasons, and most importantly, deliver a fun and enjoyable ride. You didn’t come all this way to Australia to stare at your missus from the other side of a table, did you? Depart from: Murchison House Station, 5618 Ajana Road, Kalbarri, W.A. kalbarriquadsafaris.com.au
Jou rney to... karIjini
Western Australia is home to Karijini National Park, a stunning ancient landscape of rugged red rock with gorges and waterfalls nestled peacefully in its idyllic expanse. Set in the Hammersley Ranges in the heart of the Pilbara region, this is one of Australia’s most extraordinary landscapes. At 627,442 hectares there’s a huge amount to explore, so walking boots are essential, and if you’ve got a four-wheel drive handy you’d be wise to hop in. However visitors needn’t be overwhelmed by the vastness of the landscape, there’s an award winning visitor centre to point wanderers in the right direction. Essential information such as walking routes as well as gorge, walk or road closures can be found out here, so you can avoid a three mile trek to view a ‘road closed’ sign. The park is 1400km from Perth, which works out as a two to three days drive. If you’re planning a road trip whilst in W.A., this is definitely the place to head for to ensure the destination is just as much fun as the getting there part. Access to the park can be from Tom Price, via Marandoo Road or from the east via Karijini Drive off the Great Northern Highway. If you’re travelling from Dampier or Karratha you can travel through Millstream-Chichester National Park, on the Tom Price Railway Road (which requires a permit FYI).
from outside Western Australia, the cheapest option is a Holiday Park Pass for Similarly, you can book on tours from Perth, that will take you past all the amazing $40.00. This allows unlimited vehicle entrance into any fee paying national park sights en route to the park. And if time is of the essence, the closest airport is for a period of four weeks. Park passes are available from the DriveWA (206 Adelaide Terrace, Perth WA), the Karijini Eco Retreat, local tourist or visitor Paraburdoo with flights available daily as well as car hire. centres and the Department of Environment and Conservation (DEC) see The main activities are obvious ones considering the location, with limitless www.dec.wa.gov.au. walking and sightseeing opportunities. There are walking tours available, but to really get away from it all simply plan your own adventure. Dive into the crystal For more information on visiting Karijini National Park visit www.karijini.com. clear pools that offer relief from the oppressive humidity, and marvel at the tropical cascades of the waterfall that tumble from the rocks. Karijini gives everyone the chance to experience what life might have been like for Peter Andre back in the 90s. The park is also an unbeatable location when it comes to photography, whether you’re a happy snapper or an aspiring pro photographer, there’s no way anyone could resist taking a few arty shots of the surroundings. From the rocky landscape to the abundance of wild flowers and vegetation… or just a casual selfie in front of a waterfall, you’ll certainly make everyone jealous on Instagram when they see the natural wonder you’ve hash-tagged yourself into. This is also the place to spot some of Australia’s most famous residents, red kangaroos, rock-wallabies and dingoes all roam the park totally unaffected by their A-list status. Must see sights include Hancock Gorge where you can discover a stunning underground world filled with rock pools and amazing rock formations, Oxer Lookout for a stunning panorama of the park and Hammersley Gorge which features a natural spa pool.
Those who enjoy home comforts alongside their adventure needn’t despair; Karijini doesn’t just cater for the hardened outdoorsy types. The multi award winning Karijini Eco Retreat offers luxury accommodation in the park, providing affordable accommodation with a touch of luxury, which is more than you’d expect from a hikers paradise. Fancy staying in a tent with its own en-suite? Now you can, complete with king size bed for a true “glamping” experience. With all proceeds reinvested into the Aboriginal communities, the retreat gives back to the local community and takes away the edge from roughing it so everyone’s a winner. You can book at www.karijiniecoretreat.com.au. Each visitor requires a National Park Pass to be allowed entry. If you’re visiting
By Emma Walker
For those after an adrenaline rush, West Oz Active offers the chance to access the park’s hidden beauty without the risk of breaking a leg, with day tours under the expert instruction of some real life adventurous types who know all the best ways to navigate the area. Explorers are lowered into restricted areas, where you can slide around twisted channels and abseil down waterfalls. And that’s all before morning tea. You’ll also benefit from assisted climbs allowing you to take in the best views that you’d never get from the ground. Visit www.westozactive.com.au for more information.
TRAVEL ESSENTIALS Each month we bring you the best in travel essentials that we’ve tried and tested. From gadgets to cosmetics, here are the best buys for this month!
Oxygen Face Mask The perfect remedy to the effects of flying, remove signs of stress, get rid of breakouts and redness, and moisturise your skin with Linda Meredith’s Oxygen Face Mask. $215 for three available from www.lindameredith.com
OlloClip A wide-angle lens, two macro lenses and a fisheye lens all in one ideal, little device - the OlloClip is the next generation of iPhone camera attachments. You can create a medly of different effects with this clever little device, to make sure you have the best quality snaps whilst you’re on the go!
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Rio de Ja neiro!
Nicknamed ‘The Marvellous City’, Rio is the second largest city in Brazil and the 26th largest in the world. It packs a lot of people inside (estimated at 6.3 million) and is one of the most visited cities in the southern hemisphere, particularly between December and February, when it basks in its peak summer temperatures. The natural setting of junglecovered mountains and multiple beaches contrasts beautifully against the bustling cityscape, and the area of Rio between the mountains and the sea has deservedly been classified a World Heritage Site. The beaches of Rio are hard to compile into a concise list. The classic Cococabana Beach gets absolutely rammed on the weekends when the locals pour out onto the sand. It’s a place where retired folk can come to chill - but be prepared for typical tourist traps like expensive food and drink! Ipanema Beach is much more fresh and fashionable, but it still gets very busy. It’s a diverse strip divided into sections that denote subcultures; so you get the hippie/arty section, the gay and lesbian section and the body-conscious, toned and bronzed section. Watch the footballers of the future or practice the Brazilian art of Capoeira on the sands. But if these tourist beaches are too extreme for you, then head over to Lopes Mendes. A former maximum-security prison, the island just off Rio is idyllic and traffic-free with blissful silence, beach, after beach! The famous images of Rio certainly deserve their
reputation, and remain must-visit destinations yearon-year. Sugar Loaf Mountain has a cable car that can whip you straight up to the top, where you can take in fantastic views over the harbour at the grand height of 396metres. Corcovado holds the iconic
statue of Christ The Redeemer at its peak, creating a breath-taking scene - it hasn’t been labelled one of the New Seven Wonders of the World for nothing! You can get a cog train up to the top, or grab life by the gonads and do the intense hike to the top. You’ll be rewarded with awesome views of the Sugar Loaf Mountain and the surrounding ocean and islands. If you want to be led to the top, just get on board a tour from operators such as Tamandoa Adventure (www.tamandoaadventure.com.br) or Viator (www.viator.com/Rio-de-Janeiro).
Crime is a factor to bear in mind in Rio. Keep your wits about you; don’t walk around in quiet areas late at night (common sense really) and be careful about entering the Favelas. The Favelas are the poor shanty towns of Rio and their gang warfare is a reason why the world worries about Rio hosting such big events. However, the beauty of the unique Brazilian Samba music originated from these areas and the majority of locals in Favelas are fully immersed in the Samba culture. Each neighbourhood of Rio has a favourite carnival street band which will parade when carnival season descends! It’s world-renowned that Rio is the capital for carnivals and it is deeply rooted into their culture. The lively Rio Carnival happens in February and takes over the whole city for five days of non-stop fun. Months of preparation culminate in street dancing, parades, Samba bands, singing, drums, bar hopping, booty shaking, feathers, sequins and barely-there costumes! All this fills the streets until there isn’t a spare square inch, and due to its
extreme popularity, it is an example of when to book well in advance for accommodation. Other exciting annual events include the giant music festival Rock in Rio (September) and Banda de Ipanema (January/February), which includes the popular Mardi Gras Parade attracting crowds of 20,000. If you’re in the city outside of the carnival days, make sure you prop yourself up at the Botecos, the watering holes of Rio that at busy times will see patrons spilling out onto the pavement. Follow the style of the Cariocas (Rio dwellers) and hang-out at a bar soaking up the good atmosphere whilst sipping on Chopp (a light and cheap draught beer) or a Caipirinha. Jobi in Lebion is a Rio institution that lies two blocks from the beach. It’s always packed and pumping with laughter and music, not to mention it sells 10,000 glasses of beer a week and makes the best empanadas in town! Beds are already being booked for the World Cup so if you’re planning on popping over for the event, what are you waiting for? Great spots include Bonita Pousada & Hostel (bonitaipanema.com), which is only three blocks from the beach and has great prices for such a good location, while the arty and boho neighbourhood of Santa Teresa has Cama e Café (www.camaecafe.com.br), a B&B company. They have 40 homes on the books and they’ll fix you up with a room, plus they also offer tours of the area. Manga Hostel (mangahostelrio.com) on Rua Do Lavradio is perfect for lone travellers to meet new friends and feel safe – and don’t forget about the breakfast buffet! Whether you’re a lucky attendee to the World Cup or the Olympics, or just looking for your next travel destination, you will be blown away by the carnival atmosphere, endearing locals, deep culture and delicious food - because Rio really is marvellous.
By Sophie Saint
With all eyes on Rio de Janiero over the next couple of years as it hosts the 2014 World Cup and 2016 Olympics, we’ve decided to show you what the most colourful and vibrant city on Earth has to offer. Just don’t let the hedonistic parties, sweltering beaches and scantily-clad dancers distract you from the football…
Party AROUND The World Explore the world’s most exciting and spectacular festivals happening in 2014. From the U.S.A to Thailand, you’ll be endlessly entertained in every corner of the globe.
Night Of The Radishes, Mexico Held on 23rd December every year, this celebration of the root vegetable began back in 1897. Today, locals of Oaxaca grow large varieties to carve into figures and scenes and put on display to compete for cash prizes. Thousands flock to the city to witness this bizarre appreciation of the radish.
Burning Man, USA Between the end of August and beginning of September, Nevada’s Black Rock Desert becomes a city dedicated to community, art and self-expression as sculptures, performers and carefree visitors swarm the area. Arriving without a sound and departing without leaving a trace, every sight is exciting and new.
An annual staple of Australian culture since 1974, the Darwin Beer Can Regatta sees attendees competing for the Best Beer Can Boat award. Whether you use Foster’s or XXXX Gold, if your boat has a unique design and stays in one piece in the ocean, you could be in with a shot. Other challenges include Best Novelty Boat, Best Soft Drink Boat, Tug-O-War and the Thong Throw. Better yet, it’s a perfect excuse to drink lots of beer!
An occasion to be proud of what your parents gave you, the Festival of the Steel Phallus celebrates the male and female genitalia in a variety of incredible ways. From the large, pink willy-shaped ‘Mikoshi’ float, to phallic-shaped lollies and even wooden sculptures that you can “ride”, this is a festival for men, women and even children on the first Sunday of April.
Darwin Beer Can Regatta, Australia
Nine Emperor Gods Festival, Thailand
Kanamara Matsuri, Japan
Holi Festival, India
Held every year in March, the world celebrates the fesitval of colours. Originally a Hindu religious festival taking place in India, Holi Festival has recently spread to Europe and North America for anyone with a love of frolic and colours. Attendees chase each other with water guns, dry powder and coloured water to create a rainbow crowd of people. Other forms of entertainment include music, singing, dancing and plenty of food and drink to consume and enjoy.
Light and art shows, two stages and a 10,000-strong crowd can be found in Sherwood Forest in Michigan at the end of June. Hammocks a hang from tree to tree for ticket-holders to relax in during the day, but the forest comes alive at dusk when pink, purple and blue lights flood the area and small parties and surprise performances are dotted around the wooded depths.
The Nine Emperor Gods Festival, participants pierce their faces and insert all sorts of objects (swords, guns, spanners - you name it) in an effort to purify themselves and prove their devotion to their beliefs. During this event from the last week of September to beginning of October, you can also find people slicing their foreheads with axes and tongue slashing.
Electric Forest Festival, USA
La Tomatina, Spain The biggest of its kind, La Tomatina is a street food fight with just 130,000 kilos of over-ripe tomatoes and 20,000 eager revelers in the small Spanish town of Bunol. This festival takes place on the last Wednesday of August every year, and while it also involves music, dancing, fireworks and a paella-cooking contest, people from all over the globe come just to get messy with this squishy red fruit.
Friday 24th January – Metro City Perth London Elektricity feat MC Wrec + Memtrix Saturday 25th January – Brown Alley Melbourne London Elektricity feat MC Wrec Sunday 26th January – Oxford Art Factory Sydney London Elektricity feat MC Wrec + Memtrix
INTERVIEWS London Elektricity, A.K.A Tony Colman is not only the brains behind Hospital Records, he’s also the only international Drum & Bass DJ still spinning vinyl. Oh, and he’s extremely witty. This DJ, producer and businessman has reserved time to play in Australia at the end of the month, so we caught up with him to talk all things music, Hospitality and – hamsters? Hi Tony, how have you been? I think it’s safe to say that 2013 has been full of challenges - capped off nicely with a 2.5 metre stage fall in Moscow. I’ve just recovered from the concussion and honestly - good riddance to 2013, bring on 2014! Where in the world has your music taken you to recently? Mainly Asia, the former USSR and Europe. Due to my various mishaps, my touring schedule has been somewhat hacked to pieces this year! Ouch! It’s been almost three years since you gave us your fifth studio album, ‘Yikes’; is album number six anywhere on the horizon? It’s at the sketch stage right now. I can’t say when the beast (or the beats) will emerge kicking and screaming into this world of ours though. How would you say the sound you produce has changed over the last two decades? I’m more technically aware than when I started out, but I sincerely hope that is not at the expense of the content, which can often be the case. There are constantly new Drum & Bass artists on the scene, some of which are signed to Hospital Records; does new talent keep your own music fresh and do you feel a touch of healthy competition when a new act arises? The best and most satisfying part of my job as Hospital boss is to discover new talent, nurture it and give these new producers a real career in the music business. That’s why, unlike almost every other Drum & Bass DJ who has their own label, I don’t hog the headline spot on our club nights - I give it over to whichever particular artist has their album out at that time. For me to insist on always being top dog would hold them back. I think it’s essential to be happy and confident enough with your own status to do that. Who’s on your radar at the moment in the industry? Etherwood - I discovered him a year ago and championed his music for months. I signed him in March, stuck him in the studio and when I got back from my Japan tour early July he had the bones of his album done. We released the album in November, and it’s blowing up. He’s such a cool dude - very laid back, and he sings on his own tracks - really well - which is rare in Drum & Bass! Do you get flooded with links to tunes from budding artists? We do. We divvy the tunes up equally between all
12 Hospital staff members, we all shortlist the best three and they go into a pot to be whittled down to the very best ones. We then either try to sign the best ones or we compile a Democast - which is the Hospital Podcast special edition, just made up from demos. What’s your process in signing an artist? Do they have to fit a certain brief? No - quite the opposite. They have to not fit any existing briefs we have - in other words, they have to surprise and delight us. Music is a very emotional thing, and the one thing we look for is music that has a big emotional impact. That’s part of the reason I keep DJing - to witness that first hand. Hospitality are always touring together; is it important to have that branding and unit of artists together? It is, and we have strength in depth in our squad now. Some people brand Hospital as having one certain sound - partly because for a couple of years our biggest artist was Netsky. Before Boris blew up, people branded us as the sound of High Contrast, and before that it was London Elektricity. But this is all bull - we have a massive range of Drum & Bass artists now, from S.P.Y to Fred V & Graphix - and everything in between. The key thing is that our artists are team players and not primadonnas. If anyone turns into the latter, they are politely shown the door.
all strange. One promoter stupidly put chinchillas in my dressing room. I took them home and my wife now has a rather stupid looking furry hat. You’re a vinyl-only DJ; is this just your personal preference or do you think they beat any other medium? It’s my weapon of choice. Recently I’ve done a couple of shows where I had no choice but to play from a USB stick, and although I can appreciate the convenience of doing that, i.e. it’s piss easy, it’s nowhere near as much fun as playing records. What do you think of a lot of DJ’s who now have a desk full of macbooks? It’s entirely their choice. I don’t judge anyone on their method of delivering beats to a hungry crowd, even though, clearly, real men play real records. Are you influenced by the same things as you were 20 years ago? My biggest influence is this massive yawning chasm in my life waiting to be filled. I’ve worked tirelessly all these years to fill it, but I’ve only recently started learning that it will never ever be full, and no matter how much music I create and shovel into it, it will always look empty to me. That said - the answer is yes. I am influenced by the sheer beauty and madness of music. This year, an album came out that truly inspired me - Frederick Robinson on BMT music. It’s aweinspiring, and it is Drum & Bass.
“One promoter stupidly put chinchillas in my dressing room. I took them home and my wife now has a rather stupid looking furry hat.”
You’re returning to Australia in January; what are you expecting from the gigs and what have you got in store for the crowds? I expect myself NOT to get drunk before I play of course, and I do expect a full hamster run complete with transparent tunnels, water chutes and a miniature hot air balloon backstage of course, but part from that I expect nothing and hope for anything funny to happen. Gigs are not life changing events, they are meant to be fun. I’m not that DJ who is so insecure he has to pretend to be really cool and look really pissed off all the time; I’m a short-sighted man ageing moderately gracefully who happens to be lucky enough to be able to travel the world playing brand new, beautiful Drum & Bass. And I will have a lot of that in store when I come.
How do you get thousands of people pumped and carry them through the night? I don’t know. I get so absorbed by the music, I kind of go a bit mental - When I DJ, I’m like a kid running riot in a toyshop. At least, that’s what my mum reckons. How do you anticipate a gig? Does it still excite you? I get very nervous before every show. That’s partly because I still play records, and being the only international Drum & Bass DJ still doing that, I never quite know what condition the decks will be in! Also, I need the nerves to create the adrenaline, which then helps keep me going. I’d hate to do all this travelling if the performing itself was not exciting! Have you ever had any strange or unusual requests on your rider? Only the hamster set up, but I don’t consider that at
You’re the Daddy of Drum & Bass, but are you still learning new things and making new discoveries about yourself as an artist and the music you produce? All the time. I have a new track of mine I’ve just finished, called ‘Snow Angels’ which is featuring on our forthcoming album Hospital: We Are 18 - and to get the chorus hook right I abused my position as DJ at Hospitality in Brixton, London, and did an impromptu recording session with the crowd. So there are 3000 hapless souls singing their hearts out on that track.
Whilst you’re over in Australia will you have time to do or see anything else? I wish! It’s an in and out weekend visit. I’ve learned that if you travel around the world quickly and don’t hang around, you can sidestep jet lag, as long as the travelling is timed right - when I play in Oz, I’m basically playing at 3pm in the afternoon UK time so it can be more relaxing than playing at home. Well that’s my glass-half-full way of looking at it anyway! What’s in the plan after Australia? Any exciting things for everyone to look forward to later in 2014? Yes indeed - including the debut release from the Sydney Drum & Bass artist, Royalston, on our Medschool label. We kick the year off with our ‘We Are 18’ album which features new work from all our artists, then after Royalston we have album releases lined up from Fred V & Grafix, Metrik, S.P.Y, Logistics, Bop - and that’s all in the first half of 2014! Should keep us occupied. By Charlotte Mellor
Hi Matt, how are you? I’m alright, how are you? We’re very well, thanks! The 1975 had a crazy 2013; can you tell us what your biggest highlight was? It’s hard to because when you look back at the year, we’ve gone from absolutely nothing, in a bedroom making records for ourselves, to supporting the Rolling Stones, playing the Royal Albert Hall and having a number one album idealistic things that you don’t even have ambitions for that have happened in nine months - so to look back and pick one... I really don’t know. I mean, Mick Jagger at the side of the stage singing and dancing to your song and your Dad’s there - that’s a moment; Reading and Leeds was a culmination of everything that had happened over that festival season with regards to our band getting popular among that scene of kids. I haven’t had enough time to look back and see what everything we’ve done means.
sort of things do you draw on for lyrics and a tune? I think it’s just my love of Pop music and a really strong melody. I’d never written music for anyone else or for anything other than this band before anyone had heard of us, so I was only writing to figure myself out. It was me expressing myself from an internal place but from Pop melodies that I love. Are you influenced by genre? Yeah, I mean, by Pop music I just mean music that we all love. But I’m a massive fan of music, and our knowledge has informed by everyone from Talking Heads, Grime-Emo, Michael Jackson, Boys II Men, TLC. An we’re massive fans of Usher, Jodeci and Fleetwook Mac. That’s what people of our generation are like and why people like our band, because we are quite representative of the new consumption of music. It is quite difficult to put The 1975 into one genre… I think that’s the whole point. There is a stylistic hilarity, but that’s not because we don’t know what we’re doing but because it’s a genuine extension of our personalities and our personalities have been informed by the generation that we’re from and the people we’re creating music for. People from our generation are going to have relatable ideas and I think it’s really difficult for major labels to understand it because they’re not from that place and they don’t understand what it is. Now it’s proven that people have really embraced it because it doesn’t need to be harboured. Nobody listens to just one type of music anymore, no 15-year-old girl that listens to Carol King can’t listen to Kendrick Lamar. The whole thing of being more ambiguous, that’s cool, just look at Tumblr. It just shows the generational gap and it’s interesting to be in a band at that time.
“Mick Jagger at the side of the stage singing and dancing to your song and your Dad’s there - that’s a moment!”
Your [self-titled] debut album has been a massive success in the UK. After the popularity of singles ‘The City’, ‘Sex’ and ‘Chocolate’, did you expect it to do well? We tried to stay away from it, but the reality was that we were playing a sold-out show every day in different countries around the world, so that does prove something. We’ve obviously stayed humble and we’ve just invested into our relationships with each other, but you do see your band growing, and then by the time it got to the album coming out, we’d done a marketing deal with a major label and they were coming back with statistics and they were like, “It looks like you could have it” and it turned out it went to number one. We were just proud that we were a band making music for the right reasons and that the album had gone to number one over albums that maybe weren’t as genuine a form of creative expression. I thought that was cool and that was the main thing we took away from it. Every song is so catchy and memorable; what
Apart from ‘Sex’, all your music videos are in black and white; is there a specific reason? ‘Girls’ is in colour as well, but that was more of a joke. Basically, the black and white thing is a stylistic tool, it’s cool and it’s nice and we like the idea that black and white detaches everything from reality and because we were together for so long but not up for exposing ourselves too much, we created this weird, little world and felt a bit safer. Will you continue with black and white then? Is it your trademark? I think we will do, but the whole colour situation is quite funny and that’s what the ‘Girls’ video was
born out of. When we did the video for ‘Sex’, we looked at it in colour and then in black and white and it looked better in colour. Our fans really kicked off about it and thought we were conforming to a major label and it couldn’t have been further from the truth. I think the reason people liked us was because there’s an amount of unpredictability. You’re a Manchester band, an area that’s given us The Smiths, Oasis and The Stone Roses. Do you feel like the city has influenced your musical preferences and sound because of previous bands it’s produced? We certainly do respect those bands, but we weren’t remotely informed by any of their music. I mean, I wasn’t brought up in Manchester until I was about 12, same with George (drummer), so I grew up on like Soul music, Motown, Donny Hathaway, Roberta Flack. Our geographical location isn’t very inspiring and we don’t like the idea of anyone being judged on where they’re from, so I think that’s partially why we’ve been embraced. I don’t think anyone really cares about it anymore, well, I don’t. Does The 1975 have anything to do with that actual time? Not at all. I got given a book once and someone had written in it, I think it was like a diary, but it had been dated 1st June The 1975, quite a lot of times, and it stuck in my head because it’s quite an interesting use of language. So when we were thinking of the band, I just thought it was a good name. I also like how it makes it sound more important than just 1975, the “The” is the important bit. It had nothing to do with anything, any dates or anything, I didn’t even understand it. Your British fans will get the chance to see you in Australia at Big Day Out in January, what should they expect from your set? I suppose a correlation between the album and the live shows. The album’s very uplifting and makes you think a little bit, hopefully, in very simple terms. The live show is quite fun. In our early shows, it was about letting the crowd in, because The 1975 was very minimalist and closed off and it was the first time people could see us in colour. Will it be your first time playing in Australia? It will be our first visit, but I lived there for like two years when I was a baby. But apart from that we’ve never been. It will be our first time playing there as a band so we can’t wait, it’s going to be massive. And because we’ll be playing Big Day Out we’ll be flying all over the place so we can’t wait.
The 1975 will be playing at BDO visit www.bbmlive.com for more information.
By Charlotte Mellor
The 1975 have shot onto the music scene within the last 12 months, and frontman Matt Healy is the first to admit that it’s come about pretty quickly. In 2013, they supported the Rolling Stones, achieved a UK number one with their debut album and have amassed a fanbase around the world. As they get set to play their first shows in Australia for Big Day Out, we spoke to Matt to learn more about this enigmatic group and their fresh musical style.
Holding a Guiness World Record for the first ever entirely sampled album, along with a record collection that consists of an estimated 250,000 records, we spoke to DJ Shadow ahead of his ‘All Bases Covered’ tour, coming to Australia in February. all over the globe that was really far reaching, that’s really informed a lot of the sounds on my second album. On ‘The Less You Know The Better’, I guess this was a bit harder to pin down. I recorded it all in a little cottage, which sounds quaint, in Sinoma.
Good thanks! So first of all, where are you speaking to us from? I’m just at home, just in the Bay area. I’m a fan of the Bay area Hip-hop, how did you come to live there? Did you start off somewhere else? No I’m born and raised here, I’ve always lived in the same 100 mile radius. The ‘Lesser You Know The Better’ album is really diverse, you’ve really mixed up melancholic ballads, to Hip-hop, a bit of Soul, mixed with a bit of Hard Rock and Metal as well, which is different, but it’s cool. How do you do it? Do you jump in the crates or is it a bit more planned, how do you set out those albums? Every album is different, but they all start with me playing through albums and trying to latch onto a wavelength. Every album has a muse of sorts in the form of a record store. So introducing the record store on the cover was sort of a muse, the guiding force. If I was stuck on writing, I would jump in the car and drive to that record store and spend some time in the basement because some of the music in there, I would never be able to look through all the records, it was impossible. That’s the great thing about a record shop you’ve got thousands of different perspectives. Is that something that’s drives you? Because you have loads of different angles you can come from. Yeah, a lot of records used to be, a lot of material coming in and out, the earth was being turned over. It’s not like that over here anymore and I know that from coming over to the UK as well. In ‘Private Press’, ‘The Muse’ was a record store here that had a really prolific Post Punk/New Wave collection that had sold out the entire store and nobody else was really listening to that stuff or buying it. I just discovered this interesting and quirky [music] from
When Judgment Day comes and Noah says you’ve got to get the fuck on the ark and you have to bring three records (and an MPC60 and two Technics and three channel mixer) what are you going to bring? Hashim’s first 12 inch un-cutting which is called ‘Al Naayfiysh’, which I believe is Arabic for the “soul”, it was an important Electro 12 inch and it’s just a really important record in my life. I’d say Public Enemy’s second album ‘It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back’, which by the way I haven’t listened to in easily a decade, but it’s heavily embedded in my soul, that’s the type of record for me. Lastly, my most recent album probably, because it’s still fresh to me, it’s already a couple of years old but I feel like I didn’t get sick of the songs like I did on some other things. People are still discovering it and it’s nice to know it didn’t completely vanish into the world. Coming up in February you’ve got a tour in Australia and going to lots of different places like the Perth Festival, but if there was any country you had to go to, where would it be and how have your experiences in Australia been before? I was able to go there quite early in my career and the good thing about being associated with Molax is that James and I had a similar vision about music and we felt that there should be no barriers in terms of where we should go to share our music. So in the first couple of years of going to Europe, I was also able to visit Japan and Australia and laid a lot of ground for the career I now . enjoy and pretty much go anywhere in the world and people will show up and see what I’m up to. I hate to use the word blessing, but it’s a really nice facet in my career, put it that way. But, if I had to put it down to one place, I would say Manchester, because it’s one of the most memorable shows where everyone was hanging on my every last word, my last beat, including the Warehouse Project I did last year.
“I found my true calling when I first listened to Hip-hop ”
You’ve got more records than Johns in the phonebook and are better at scratching than most DMC champions. How did that all begin for you, with the scratching, the record collecting and in general, the whole gig? I’ve always collected records, before I was just a normal kid in the 70s, I collected hot wheels and comic books and anything that was cheap. However, I found my true calling when I first listened to Hip-hop. I wasn’t in the typical groups at school like the Metal kids or the Punk Rockers and I never felt like I fit in.
You were in the Guinness Book of Records for the first completely sampled album. Was there any intention of becoming a record breaker or is just a natural thing of being a sampler? I was just trying to take the samples as far back as I could and show to people that, y’know because if you rewind back to that time which is the 90s, most producers within Hip-hop had started to forego sampling or make the samples that you used really obvious, and this is pointing to the cross over of many rap hits of the mid 90s. There was a lot of debate about whether sampling was dead and how live instrumentation could take [over], meanwhile in my little world, we really didn’t pay any attention to that discussion because we knew there was so
Where there any venues you particularly enjoyed when you played in Australia with James Lavell or when you were back in 2011? There’s a lot of lovely theatres in Melbourne, there’s the Holden Pavillion in Sydney which I’ve played a few times. I’ve done a lot of festivals in Perth and Brisbane. By Merlin Ramos
Hi how are you? Hey! Good how are you?
Your backlog is incredible, is there anything you feel you haven’t covered or have any unfinished business that you want to polish off? With ‘The Less You Know The Better’, I wanted to create an album in the way people were accustomed to me working, which is by using a lot of samples. I was striving to making the sad songs, very sad, and songs like ‘I Gotta Rock’ sound very extreme in their own directions and do my best and really try to immerse myself in the music in the same pain staking way I’ve worked all these years. In some ways I think [of] it [as] significant, the end of the certain sound. Really doing that process and just before I felt the music I was making under my name sake wasn’t necessarily the music I was playing at home or wanted to make in the future. That’s not to say that I’m not 100% behind, just that I feel like I’ve got a bit older and I’m a DJ and a recording artist of course and I feel like there’s a certain sound and a certain aesthetic and a certain set of principles that identify with me. In some cases I’ve out grown those. So, lately I’ve been making music that I think people would not identify me with, that DJ Shadow’s found and that’s a really positive thing.
much more to be discovered. It’s all about showing people that it’s an art form in itself.
DJ Shadow will be touring Brisbane, Sydney, Perth, Melbourne from 7th-15th February, visit www.bbmlive.com for more information.
Le Youth American Dance music producer, Le Youth, has revolutionised club nights with his mix of R&B and ‘90s House. A hit with music knowit-alls and instant success with debut single ‘C O O L’, he will be releasing his next offering, ‘Dance With Me’, in February. We had a chat with the man himself to discover what makes him tick and learn all about the Le Youth process of creating music.
So, tell us who’s the man behind Le Youth and what is he about? My name is Wes James. I’m a Dance music producer from Los Angeles, California. I take myself too seriously most of the time. What inspired you to start producing? And what is the whole process when you’re alone producing? I’ve been making music for as long as I can remember. I grew up playing in bands, but always preferred working alone, so I started Le Youth. For whatever reason, I like working on music in the morning; maybe it’s because I have trouble sleeping, so I’m always up early. I like to start with an idea of where I want a song to go and just try to bring it to life, without spending too much time on minor details.
It feels good to have your art validated in that way. Bloggers and journalists have been vital to the success of Le Youth. I’m forever indebted to them for that. When looking at your own music how would you describe it? I keep it simple and just describe it as Dance music. I don’t get hung up on genres really; a good song is a good song. For the people that require some sort of reference point, I describe it as Dance music inspired by ‘90s House and R&B, which typically confuses them.
“I TAKE MYSELF TOO SERIOUSLY MOST OF THE TIME”
When creating songs like ‘C O O L’ and ‘Dance With Me’, how do you know when it’s finished? The important thing is not knowing when a song is finished, but knowing what’s worth finishing. I’ve never had difficulty with that. I’m super picky, so almost everything gets trashed. It has to be really special to get the finishing touches. ‘C O O L’ actually sat untouched for a couple of months until a friend inspired me to finish it. So I guess sometimes they do slip by me, but not often. What was the first record you ever bought? I’m too embarrassed to say…
What do you think about EDM being the powerhouse genre in music at the moment? I haven’t thought much about it. I feel so far removed from that genre of Dance music. It would be like asking me to comment on the success of Country music. They can have the big room.
When touring, you visit different countries that all have a different understanding of Dance and House music. Do you find the crowds differ from place to place? And where’s the best place you’ve performed? I have noticed a difference between the US and Europe. I think the idea of seeing a DJ play in the US is still pretty new to a lot of people. In Europe, they’ve been doing it for years so they sort of get it. The crowds have been great everywhere I’ve played so far so it’s hard to pick a favourite place, but Paris was a memorable one. Really looking forward to playing Australia soon. Summing up 2013, what were some of your greatest highlights? Touring Europe and seeing the impact ‘C O O L’ made over there was a big one for me. What’s next for Le Youth? The next second single ‘Dance With Me’ is out 9th February with Dominique Young Unique. We just shot the video in LA so I’m looking forward to that dropping soon. I’m working on a record for summer 2014 and touring Europe in the spring. Finally, if you were chilling in a serene bamboo clad beach hut, watching the tide roll in, and the sun dipping on the horizon, what beverage would you be sipping on? Corona and Lime.
By Jordan Shepley
Ok, we’ll let you off that one! How do you feel when bloggers and music journalists have referred to your music as the “defining sound of summer 2013”?
Why do you think this resurgence of ‘90s R&B aesthetic came back in music? Everything seems to come back around, at least once. So I think this is just the right time for ‘90s music. R&B was hot then so it makes sense that it’s hot now. I think there are also a lot of samples that fit really well into current Dance music. There also seems to be a lot of acapellas from that time period that are available online. It would have been impossible for studio engineers, artists or record labels to know that 20 years later, kids in their home studios would be downloading them off the Internet and bringing them back to life in their own music. I think it’s really cool to think of it that way.
If you could collaborate with any other DJ, who would it be and why? Diplo. Judging by his Instagram feed he seems to have a lot of fun stuff happening around him (private jets, girls expressing themselves, etc.) I think we’d get along.
Blood Orange – Cupid Deluxe
Sombear – Love You In The Dark
SCNTST – Self Therapy
Undeniably, Dev Hynes has become a force to be reckoned with in recent years, most notably known for being the only member of Folk-Rock Lightspeed Champion and as producer and songwriter for such acts as Florence Welch and The Chemical Brothers, he returns under the guise of Blood Orange to release his new album ‘Cupid Deluxe’.
After, captivating people with his drumming in Minneapolis’s Indie Rock trio Now, Now, Now, Bradley Hale now performs under the Synth-heavy guise Sombear. ‘Love You In The Dark’ is a carefully crafted debut album with each song sounding completely different but still being a collective. A haunting edge and layers of modern textures are embedded in the core of the album whilst floaty rhythms surround this LP. Hale delves into elements of Electro-Pop, R&B and Ambient Rock.
It’s strange to say that Bryan Muller is only 20-yearsold and is already an artist of great promise. Berlin based Bryan Muller A.K.A SCNTST is a self-training producer who only began using Ableton software three years ago, and soon began to excel in the craft of production.
The stunning opening track, ‘Chamakay’ finds juxtaposition between Hynes and singer Polacheke creating a dreamy blend of bassy male undertones and delicate female soprano over a moody backing of saxophone and echoing drumbeats. The track ‘It Is What It Is’ takes a more relaxed approach with an angelic synth beat and a female vocalist imitating the fragility of the song. Cupid Deluxe is possibly one of Hynes’ most outstanding projects and is a vast improvement to his previous album ‘Coastal Grooves’. Hynes should be at the forefront of his work more often instead of being behind the scenes.
Wait For It…
Ed Zealous - Wired
Bursting with energy their music is packed with a crossover of Indie, fused with Electronic, their love
The fascinating opening track ‘Incredibly Still’ sees Hale discuss the notions of companionship and finding yourself, whilst being fenced in by layers of hypnotic beats, floating synths and having an entrancing pulse at the centre. ‘Love You In The Dark’ pays homage to 80s New Wave, this crisp and polished production injects the album with a sense of charm and coolness giving a fresh feel to Hale’s material. ‘Never Say Never’ is an amazing Pop track and you can definitely see Hale’s influences of Pop musicians such as Britney Spears and N’Sync come through on this track. It’s a sultry dancefloor number that, if it were in the hands of Justin Timberlake would probably make the top 40. ‘Love You In The Dark’ makes for a great album and you can see Hale has infused a lot of personality and charisma into these imaginative songs. child is a concoction of heavy kick drums and ear tingling synths. The band kicked off 2013 by supporting the Indie sensations Two Door Cinema Club, shared a stage with Wonder Villains and even took part in Glasgowbury, following their successful release of their debut single ‘Medicines’ on the Fierce Panda/ Fandango label. It seems there is no stopping them in 2014 with the release of their debut album ‘Wired’ due out 3rd February. They have a large driving force behind them having already been played and supported by BBC Radio 1. They have also been played by BBC Radio 6 and across the pond with Seattle’s KEXP, amongst others. Now the pavement is laid for the band to
Starting out as your typical bedroom producer, in only a short space of time he made the transition to fully-fledged artist and was soon signed to Berlin based Boyz Noise Records. ‘Self Therapy’ opens up with ‘Velour’, making for the perfect electronic lullaby with subtle beats, sharp and otherworldly basslines that capitulate the listener into a state of euphoria. ‘Park By Night’ and ‘Percee Scan’ feature ferociously heavy Techno beats, yet manage to maintain this melodic sound. ‘Chilliger Track’ reverts back to an old school twinkling Hip-hop melody before quickly switching into Jazzy Drum and Bass on track ‘Foreva’. The album ends with the self-titled track that has a gritty industrial electronic sound. ‘Self Therapy’ delves deep into the world of Electronica, from its nostalgic past to the present. Muller has pushed the boat out with these intricate rhythms, proving that ‘Self Therapy’ is an album you need to hear. prepare for their next big release. It is with their upcoming new album ‘Wired’ that highlights the full capacity of their musicianship. It is full with raw attitude and enough energy to bounce you off the walls. Eliot James is at the heart of the production, working with the likes of Bloc Party, Does It Offend You Yeah and Noah And The Whale, you can expect nothing less than a sonic work of genius, which will keep you going from start to finish. Whilst they may be set to the ‘Indie Electro’ genre, they set these ties aside and bring out anything but predictably, with dynamic electronics and captivating vocal lines. Injected with a little something to pick you up, Ed Zealous are just the perfect way to brighten up 2014.
Words by Jordan Shepley & Laura Herbert
2012, was the year Hynes reached critical acclaim with Solange Knowle’s ‘Losing You’ and Sky Ferreira’s ‘Everything Is Embarrassing’, which he both wrote and produced. It’s these sounds that have recently gone on to influence ‘Cupid Deluxe’ creating a cocktail of Classic R&B, Indie-Pop, HipHop and Cool Jazz that Hynes blends together perfectly to create a stylish polished production that is his best to date.
MUSIC NEWS Music Video Of The Month Rosie Lowe – Right Thing
Sultry London newcomer, Rosie Lowe is relatively new to the music scene but there’s a bit of buzz slowly surrounding the songstress. The Jazz trained singersongwriter creates a touchingly controlled performance with new monochrome video, ‘Right Thing’. The music video sees an exciting debut from director Kieren Gallear. The track, ‘Right Thing’ is the opener to Lowe’s debut EP that goes by the same title. The track is a slowburning piano ballad and features haunting vocals from Lowe before transitioning into a drum kick beat.
Top Podcasts, Radio & Sets Moguai – Punx Up The Volume 56
Moguai returns with his 56th episode of Punx Up The Volume. If you like sweet sampling of Progressive Electro House with a touch of Techo, then this is the podcast for you. Moguai definitely gets the groove going. Available on Soundcloud Soundcloud.com/djmoguai/moguai-punx-up-the-volume-56
Ivan Kay - In The Mix Radio
Ivan Kay has been producing music for a few decades and has now turned his talented hands to podcasting a monthly radio show. In The Mix, brings you the best selected and mixed House and Dance music by Ivan Kay. Available on Soundcloud Soundcloud.com/dj-ivan-kay/in-the-mix-radio-show-december
Single Reviews Mountain Bird – Don’t Mind
Mountain Bird is the latest band to come from Sweden, led by vocalist and producer Adam Ohman. ‘Don’t Mind’ is their debut single that opens with Ohman’s altered vocals over a tender piano. Hankering falsetto takes things into a haunting direction with ambient layers of brooding synths, guitars and melodic percussion adding to the pulsating beats, that reminds of the cinematic grandeur of M83.
Duke Dumont – I Got U
Duke Dumont is turning out to be one of the most-promising new producers on the block. Friday night saw the British DJ/ Producer give his new track ‘I Got U’ featuring Jax Jones its first spin on Annie Mac’s BBC Radio One show. ‘I Got U’, is a contagious club anthem, replete with steel drums and sampling beautifully portrayed lyrics from Whitney Houston’s ‘Your Love Is My Love’. Silky vocals come from Jax Jones adding to the already, engaging and soulful club hit, that is bound to bring rejoice to dancefloors around the world.
Mapei – Don’t Wait
‘Don’t Wait’ is the debut singer from US born, but Stockholm raised, songstress Mapei. Don’t wait comes complete with finger snaps and sparse percussion that add to Mapei’s rich soulful voice. This infectious track yearns to be replayed over and over. The Stockholm based starlet is definitely one to watch next year with her untitled debut album set to be released next year, under Downtown Records.
UKF Music Popcast 44 – Nick Thayer
Hard Day Of The Dead: The Stalker Mixtape By Soul Clap
Here comes Hard’s fifth instalment of ‘Hard Day Of The Dead’ by Soul Clap featuring Nick Monaco. The mixtape sees Soul Clap get into the spirit of things with a creepy themed mix featuring songs by the likes of Ministry, Depeche Mode, George Clinton and Soul Clap & Tanner Ross. Available on Soundcloud Soundcloud.com/hardfest/hard-day-of-the-dead-mixtape-5-soul-clap
Felix Da Housecat: Chicago Blakkout
Felix Da Housecat has ended 2013 on a good note by announcing a new weekly radio show. The show called ‘Chicago Blakkout’ will bring together contemporary and classic Electronic Dance music and is now available to download from iTunes every Friday. Available on iTunes itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/felix-da-housecat-chicago/id750950011
Get Physical Sessions Ep. 1 With M.A.N.D.Y
Get Physical Sessions is the newest weekly DJ-session Radio that is, firstly, presented by M.A.N.D.Y. Get Physical is about bringing the latest music from the Deep House scene, featuring new artists every week from the Get Physical label. Available on Youtube www.youtube.com/watch?v=69FMTc1Z4-o&feature=youtu.be
EP Review Tinashe, Black Water
20-year-old Tinashe’s latest EP ‘Black Water’ is the songstress’ first venture since 2012’s mixtapes ‘Reverie’ and ‘In Case We Die’. Starting as one member of the five-piece girl group The Stunners, Tinashe soon changed her game plan by venturing into the world of Alt-R&B. Dotted with voiceover interludes, the mixtape sees the AltR&B singer delve deep into early 90s R&B. Tinashe’s breathy, angelic vocals seduce and charm around layers of textures and melodies to broody Trip-Hop sounds. The lead single ‘Vulnerable’ ft Travi$ Scott is a deliciously hazy slow-burner, whilst J.Oliver and Misfitz Sounds produced track ‘Just A Taste’ is reminiscent of 90s TLC and Aaliyah. Black Water is a vast collection of sensual vocals, down-tempo beats that will definitely make for the perfect after midnight listen. For those people looking for the future sound then ‘Black Water’ is the EP for you with Tinashe leading the pack of Alt-R&B vocalists.
By Jordan Shepley
UKF music podcast brings together the freshest selection of mixes by some of the world’s biggest Drum & Bass and Dubstep DJs. Back in December Nick Thayer took the role of DJ, due to him being apart of the massive line-up for Stereosonic. Available on iTunes itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/ukf-music-podcast/id371887161
Ones to watch in 2014 Lips
may have been around for a while performing under different guises, but with her latest release she’s certainly getting more attention. Brooklyn based singer/songwriter Lips has recently released a new track ‘Freddy Bardot’ off her new EP ‘Ghosts & Demons’ to a positive acclaim from the underground Synth/Electronica scene. Since releasing title track ‘Ghosts & Demons’ and new track ‘Freddy Bardot’ on Soundcloud, Lips has shown her audience that she has only one way to go, and that’s up! After beginning her career by performing extensively in her native home New Zealand, Stephanie Brown A.K.A Lips moved to New york in 2007 and soon formed the musical duo known as Fredericks Brown with the creative drummer Fen Ikner. In 2010 Stephanie took it upon herself to release music independently under the name Lips and released an EP via Bandcamp. Soon after, Lips released the track ‘Everything To Me’ which won New Zealand’s most prestigious songwriting award, the Silver Scroll in 2012. Lips has since released her new EP ‘Ghosts & Demons’ via Bandcamp which holds four talent filled tracks including a coversong of ‘Nightcall’ by esteemed house artist Kavinsky. The song has intriguing, tongue in cheek lyrical content, which is said to be about the guy you should stay away from, but just can’t resist. Lips sings perfectly pitched vocal patterns along to a smooth drum and synth beat. ‘Freddy Bardot’ is definitely a standout track to be found on the new release, and with its catchy Pop beat, it’s sure to give Lips more recognition in the global arena.
BON-BON is the guise of singer-songwriter Sian King, who despite only having released a couple of demos online, has already shaken up the online new music community, catching the ear of BBC 6 Music’s Tom Robinson along the way and playing a set at Glastonbury in 2013 BON-BON tumbled into our inboxes one day, only to delight our ears with her fresh sound. Her newest release is EP ‘She Don’t Wanna Know’, has been making waves on Soundcloud. Her sweet vocals are reminiscent of Lily Allen in her early days. Writing in a very personal style, BON-BON says of the EP, “It’s a culmination of the last few years and the situations I’ve been in. I find it almost impossible to write about something that hasn’t happened to me. It’s based around my experiences and how I dramatise them. Compared to my last EP I can really see how it’s grown and it’s felt very, very personal.” In reference to her sickly sweet stage name, BON-BON states, “I felt like I didn’t wanna be putting myself out there as another girl. I wanted it to be more of a sound and plus playing with a band, it sounds more like a collective.” Creating an Indi-Pop sound alongside her friend and guitarist, John Landau, both musicians share a love of Soul and Indie Pop and Rock. Hoping to play at lots of festivals this year, we’re sure it won’t be long before this South London girl becomes a permanent fixture on your iPod.
Alina Baraz & Galimatias
‘Pretty thoughts’ brings a refreshing balance of crisp vocal patterns and cleverly placed electronic beats and effects. With an elegant yet strong voice, Alina Baraz has found a nice mix of eccentric vocal harmonies and vocal overlaying throughout the song that accompanies the soulful Drum and Bass pattern produced by Galimatias. Alina Baraz and Galimatias are two budding artists with a lot of potential, so you should definitely check these guys out on their Facebook and Soundcloud profiles. You can also find the expressive song ‘Pretty thoughts’ on YouTube. We can’t wait to hear more from them in the near future.
By Daniel Morley
Fresh out of the underground Alina Baraz and Galimatias are sure to be making waves in 2014. Their newest release ‘Pretty thoughts’ which can be found on the duo’s EP ‘Drift’ released on Loodma Recordings is simply stunning and sits comfortably in the Chillwave genre. Both Alina Baraz (vocals) and Galimatias (DJ/Producer) have made quite a presence for themselves by streaming numerous tracks on the Internet and have received strong feedback from the underground Soul and Electronica circuit.
BBM LIVE RADIO James Zabiela - BORN ELECTRIC A talented DJ and producer, and these days, a label head, James Zabiela’s career has gone from strength to strength, slowly monopolizing all facets of his music career, one premeditated beat at a time. Launching in 2013, within a year, Zabiela’s label, Born Electric, has been nominated alongside the likes of Black Butter Records and Moda Black for ‘Best Label’ at the DJ Mag Best Of British Awards, giving kudos to the infant record label. Born Electric’s inception came at a time when Zabiela had been performing for a decade at ‘We Love’ parties, and felt it was time to try something new. In tandem with Mark Broadbent (who spent autumn and winter sending each other new music), the two came up with a new concept that allowed him to help curate four nights at the party, as well as inviting people whose music he admired. Zabiela hosted Born Electric nights four times during summer 2012, with guests including Modeselektor and Shackleton playing live and producers like Midland and Scuba joining Zabiela in Space. Proving a success, ‘Born Electric’ transformed itself into a musical entity to bring you excellent new music, with a promise for great tracks to be born from its creation. In 2013, Zabiela took the label to Miami for WMC, Global Gathering in the UK, and held a residency at Space in Ibiza for the iconic ‘We Love’ parties. “I’m definitely more confident about my music and studio expertise,” says Zabiela, who took a certain step back from studio production to concentrate on touring for a couple of seasons. His latest single, ‘The Healing’, is proof that Zabiela is more musical than ever. Deep, bold and bristling with emotional melodies, it’s probably not quite what you’d expect from the man who spends his summers in Space, but is true to his musical philosophy which takes into consideration everything from Modeselektor and Boards Of Canada, to classic Warp… and every other warp speed there is.
With just four releases under its belt, Born Electric has already solidified itself as a label to watch. Included in its releases is James Zabiela ‘The Healing’, Pedestrian ‘Hoyle Road’ and Iron Galaxy’s four track EP that travels through four beautiful nuances of Techno and House. Born Electric has also been responsible for the debut release of artist, Pedram’s ‘Nina’ and ‘Immaturity’, after he set the tone in November 2013 at Born Electric’s Boiler Room takeover. A promising label for both established underground artists and a platform for up and coming talent, Born Electric will be travelling out to Australia for both Rainbow Serpent Festival and Chinese Laundry’s Garden Party on the long weekend of 25th January. Alongside James Zabiela, artists from the label who will be stepping up to the decks include Pedestrian, Drew Hill, and Fake Forward.
Pick Of The Promos Flying the flag for female DJs, DJ Lora has been DJing for over fifteen years, the Queen of the turntables reiterates what it is that makes her tracks so infectious with a release of her freshest track yet, ‘Shine on Me’. A crisp new take on Praise Cats’ 2002 House hit ‘Shined On Me’, the track emphasises how effortlessly she entrances all those who listen to her tracks with six and a half minutes of contagious excellence. Fronting a refreshingly modern sound partnered with elements of old-school 90s throwback feels for good measure, ‘Shine On Me’ is a seamless anthem which glides straight into the head-nodding House collective, ready to become another favourite of the DJ’s ever-expanding list of floorfillers. Beginning as it means to go on, with a building bassline and deep House thuds to snap up your attention, the infectiously hypnotic beats are interwoven with haunting vocal echoes evoking a feeling of nostalgic bliss. Speaking volumes with minimal lyrics, the repetitive toe-tapper is far from tedious. With deliciously chunky beats solidifying the tune, the climatic build and creeping beat is interrupted by a Garage-style drop, before the track picks itself up and starts again. The pause for the lyrical intermission of “I’ve got peace deep in my soul / I’ve got love making me whole” reaffirms the song’s stylistically old-school approach whilst still giving you the heart-warming feels of a tune with a message. Whether listening alone or in the club, this track is sure to become a deep and dark House favourite.
Long & Harris – Take Me Back
Mohear – Gadgets (Databoy78 Remix)
Opening with a haunting fade-in of phonetic echoes, the intoxicating beat places you straight in the control of the tune. With mesmerizingly seductive female vocal samples sidling up to the sumptuous beat, the track manages to maintain its roots in House yet still possess the elements of an affectionate tune, providing an aural feast for the eardrums.
A track that has attracted the attention of many DJs and producers, it’s Databoy78’s unique take on the tune that sets itself miles apart from the rest. Whilst other mixes opt for fast and upbeat basslines, Databoy78 – AKA Berliner Sebastian Zangar – goes against the grain and completely switches up the tempo, bringing an intriguing selection of Dub into the mix as he slows things down.
The isolated vocals snuck in between the quiet breaks of the beat create a somewhat therapeutic feel to the tune, sympathetically easing you into a comfortable place that’s part-way between nodding along to the beat and part-way closing your eyes just so you can absorb the pure euphoric uplift the song provides. Hypnotic dips in the track are juxtaposed against the sky-high thuds as they climb back up and get your pulse quickening, before carrying you back into the melodious beat that soothes you right up to the end of the tune. Whilst keeping in with the classic style of most House anthems with their sampled, chanted lyrics, ‘Take Me Back’ implies it’s a track that runs much deeper than a usual dancefloor-filler, with samples that creep eerily out of the quiet parts.
Armed with echoing synths that groove alongside Miss Sophie’s seductively smooth vocals, the track puts the listener into somewhat of a catatonic trance, allowing them to embrace the track to its fullest. With dizzying basslines that echo the elements of a variety of different genres, the tune phases the listener with its ability to fuse together so many contrasting elements, all whilst taking them on a undulating adventure in the process.
Conceived by a DJ duo with only eight released tracks under their belt so far, ‘Take Me Back’ gives the illusion of a collective that have been on the scene for double the amount of time that Shane Long and Kane Harris have. But with proven evidence of both of their impressive talents for remixing and a keen ear for sampling, Long & Harris churn out yet another hit that is sure to become a favourite among fans.
With the ability to take a song and keep it refreshingly retro whilst still building a creation that a modern day audience enjoy, Mohear knows the code to sneak into your Dance-loving goodbooks. Produced through Austria based label Electunes and taken from the band’s most recent album ‘Baby’, ‘Gadgets’ is a song on a mission: to illustrate the modern day world’s dependence on technology and devices.
Keeping in with its predominant style of Deep House, the track’s deep and reverberating short stabs of vocals and beats add an element of Disco-esque Funk to the mix, allowing a fresh and altogether unique feel to the tune whilst also ensuring it will become a new favourite among fans of the original track.
By Chelsea Forsyth
DJ Lora – Shine On Me
FUNNY NEWS Celebrity Tweets Here we help translate the literary treats published by the wonderful celebrities that grace the Twittersphere with their presence... Joey Essex @JoeyEssex_ ‘McDonald’s is lovin it right now from me. Anyone ever tried apple pie, and get a McFlurry and scoop it on top of the apple pie? #WOW’. No Joey, we think you’re probably the only one. Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to play with your food? And we’re not even going to comment on that poor sentence structure... #WOW
Katie Hopkins @KTHopkins ‘If I was a man people would not be offended by me. However, I am the closest thing to a man that there is in a moderately female form’. Thank you for addressing something we’re all thinking Ken. Ugh, we mean, Katie.
Kim Kardashian @KimKardashian ‘Which direction is the camera? Lol’. Probably taped to your vagina Kim, documenting your every move for a change.
Miley Ray Cyrus @MileyCyrus ‘Dedicating my day to doing nothing besides laying in the bed’. Aw, poor Miley, it must be hard work waving that tongue of yours and being a dickhead.
Celebrity Predictions For 2014 1. Miley Cyrus puts her tongue back in her mouth, learns to wear more clothes and goes on to run for president of the USA. She comes a close second, after losing to Joey Essex, who momentarily forgets he’s not a US citizen, and the government shuts down again. 2. Katie Price will go on to birth another four children, feeling broody and loved up at the time, but will then decide to divorce her current husband. Next, she’ll embark on a relationship with a woman for a bit before enrolling in a nunnery and giving up with love completely. She’ll write a book about it, and be shagging Pete Burns by next November. 3. Justin Bieber will reveal he’s a homosexual and is actually in a loving and committed relationship with Usher. The two will marry next December in a Christmas-themed ceremony with entertainment in the form of a duet from the happy couple. Baby, Baby, Baby... YEAH! 4. Tulisa is freed from jail, and then appears in I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here to boost her public persona, she then ends up wanking off a horse whilst in the jungle, but it’s not a jungle trial and she’s sent back to jail. 5. Brad and Angelina sell all their children on eBay and flee the country. They’re found a few weeks later living in a caravan in Wales and eating beans out the tin, but they claim it’s “the happiest they’ve ever been!” 6. A fresh new boy band hits the airwaves, snatching away the attention of One Direction fans. With a distinct lack of record sales, One Direction are forced to quit miming and all get jobs at different fast food outlets. Harry Styles opts for KFC, claiming he’s always had a hankering for the Colonel’s secret recipe. 7. Susan
Boyle starts a Metal band and sails straight to the top of the charts.
8. Little Mix all become hard drug users and decide to shave their heads. In a fleeting moment of insanity they rename their group ‘Little Shits’ and become hell-bent on destroying the X Factor. They succeed, but the music industry crumbles as a result, as people have forgotten how to listen to music without Simon Cowell approving it first. 9. After 23 years and numerous hours of extensive coaching, Kristen Stewart finally learns how to smile. It makes the 10 o’clock news and every country around the globe takes a minute of silence to appreciate what a miracle it is. 10. And Katie
Hopkins... Keeps her mouth shut.
Kanye West @KanyeWest ‘I DO NOT HAVE AN INSTAGRAM...’ Er... Cool story, bro.
A Wee Bite In An Unfortunate Area
An unlucky bloke in Ghana experienced every man’s worst toilet nightmare, when his metaphorical one-eyed trouser snake was bitten by a very non-metaphorical two-eyed black snake.
Harry Styles @Harry_Styles ‘Thinking about it, I’ve been in Australia for a while now and nobody has put any shrimp on any barbies’. They’re probably too busy stalking you Harry.
Kwabena Nkrumah, 34, was sitting on a public toilet when the ‘big black snake’ lunged from below and latched on to his unguarded genitals. Considering it was a public toilet, we assume George Michael was around to suck the poison out. The porter told Ghana’s Kessben FM he almost fainted with shock when the serpent got ready to pounce again, before he fled from the toilet. But apparently his shouts of “snake, snake, snake” caused a panic and others soon began running from the washroom in the middle of nature’s call. To be honest, his experience still sounds more appealing than going to a toilet on the third day of a music festival.
Words by Chelsea Forsyth & Richard Gadsby
‘I got doe now and always will have!!!!!! If your talented you’ll always be financially stable!!!!!!’ You weren’t very ‘stable’ when that horse knocked you out though mate.
FUNNY NEWS worrying as if you can close things down for being offensive then BBM has been walking on thin ice for about five years now. Rogers said he will re-post the listing – “though maybe not as funny” – because he does actually want to sell the car.
Suspension For Bow Selector
NRA-loving Americans still haven’t quite got the right idea of how to stop school massacres after overzealous teachers from Pennsylvania suspended a 10-year-old for “firing” an imaginary bow and arrow at another pupil. Almost there guys, but we think easy access to semi-automatic guns might be the problem rather than games of cowboys and Indians.
Chopper Lands In Jail
A “very gifted” man in Indianapolis was arrested after swinging his massive dong like a helicopter at two women he claims he had a financial dispute with. After allegedly grabbing one of the females from behind, Shawn Harvell is then said to have spun around his manhood in a “rotary helicopter motion”. Harvell‘s alleged victims managed to flag down a police car and the officer inside chased the largecocked felon, who scarpered once he saw the authorities. The officer eventually caught up and arrested the 34-year-old, which is commendable as we’d assume having an extra leg would give him a big advantage in a foot race. It’s unclear how Harvell will be punished, but considering his talent and love for public exposure, surely he should be put to use as a sprinkler system for public parks.
Driven Mad By Car Ad
When it comes to “pimping out” cars and general use of “street” slang, BBM is pretty hip and happening. We even used the word “shizzle” once, although admittedly we thought it meant really bad drizzle. But the use of colourful language backfired on one unlucky eBay retailer, who’s oddball description of his naff Ford Fiesta racked up an online bid of $500,000 – before being pulled because of “homophobic” terms. “You can’t become a man until you’ve owned a proper lads car, so if you don’t buy this Zetec S you will always be spotty, your voice will never break properly and you will never beat your addiction to masturbation,” wrote 21-year-old Jamie Rogers, from Chelmsford, Essex. “If you’re a parent looking for a car on behalf of your son, this is the car for you. If you’re 35-years-old still living at home and yet to be touched intimately by a woman, then this car is not for you, fuckwit. “Driving this car will increase the quality of your sex life, significantly. The sheer speed of this thing has torn paint away from the wheel arches revealing some rust. It’s filthy dirty inside and out, cleanliness is for botty boys.” Alas, the fun police at an anti-homophobia charity found the clearly tongue in cheek advert “offensive” and forced eBay to close it down – which is slightly
According to the Rutherford Institute, which is defending the youngster, Johnny Jones was accused of breaching South Eastern Middle School’s regulations on using weapons, even though the bow and arrow were in his head rather than his hands. It’s a worrying precedent. If “imagining” crimes was against the law, we’d have been banged up for life for the things we’ve thought about doing to Cheryl Cole. Plus we’d be done for the imaginary murder of Ashley Cole. “We all want to keep the schools safe, but I’d far prefer to see something credible done about actual threats, rather than this ongoing, senseless targeting of imaginary horseplay,” whined the Rutherford Institute’s president John W. Whitehead. According to the South Eastern School District’s zero tolerance policy for “weapons, ammunition and other hazardous items” the school bans possession of guns, knives and other instruments that can be used to harm others. It also bans students from carrying replica or lookalike weapons - but somewhat predictably makes no mention of imaginary weapons. Little Johnny’s parents are now considering legal action to remove the permanent mark against the youngster’s record. Surely a more appropriate punishment would be to give him ten imaginary spankings? Which funnily enough, is also one of the many thought crimes we’ve committed against Cheryl Cole. Thankfully, she’s always very willing to give her consent when these ‘crimes’ occur. In fact she practically begs for it, the mucky bugger.
These Shoes Are Killing Me
When girlfriends force blokes to go shopping with them, it can send them over the edge.
And that’s literally what happened to Chinese chap Tao Hsiao, who jumped from a seventh-floor balcony to his death because he was so sick of helping his girlfriend buy shoes. Talk about putting your size nines it it. “He told her she already had enough shoes, more shoes that she could wear in a lifetime and it was pointless buying any more,” said an eyewitness. “She started shouting at him accusing him of being a skinflint and of spoiling Christmas, it was a really heated argument.” The 38-year-old reportedly then threw down the bags he was carrying and jumped over the seventhfloor barrier in the shopping mall in Xuzhou, Jiangsu province, in east China. He died when he hit the ground in front of shocked shoppers. Frankly BBM thinks the guy should be canonised by the Vatican. Lost travellers get to pray to Saint Christopher, people with sick animals pray to Saint Francis and prostitutes get to pray to Saint Katie Price, but what about those poor blokes who suffer in silence every day while their girlfriends force them to given an opinion on a pair of Jimmy Choos? Who do they pray to? All hail Saint Tao! “This is a tragic incident, but this time of year can be very stressful for many people,” a shopping centre spokesperson said. That’s right ladies. So next time you think about ordering your man to help you buy a dress for a wedding, or a handbag for your next holiday, ask yourself if it’s worth killing him for. Or at least just stick to shopping on the ground floor.
Hard-line Stance On Picture Theft
We’ve all been there. You go to a wedding, get too drunk, then the next thing you know you wake up in bed with a sore head and a portrait of a naked woman riding a giant cigar. BBM has done it hundreds of times. But when such a painting was stolen from a hotel toilet in California, the manager decided to get revenge by going old school – literally – and making the thief write lines. Barent Larkin, manager of the Citizen Hotel in Sacramento, checked CCTV footage after the theft and discovered the culprit was a clearly inebriated wedding guest. After tracking him down online, Larkin confronted him. “He sounded legitimately upset about what he did, it was a drunken mistake, one he wished he could take back,” he said. As punishment, the thief was ordered to sit down and write over and over: “I will not get drunk at a wedding and go steal the naked picture of a woman on a cigar over the urinal in the Citizen Hotel.”
SPORTS NEWS Gunners Fan Takes A Pasting
When will football fans learn? Betting is a mug’s game. We learnt this valuable lesson about four years ago, when BBM had a bet with a Gunners fan that Cesc Fabregas would leave Arsenal that summer, and whoever lost had to sing naked at pub karaoke with their cock between their legs. We won the bet, but our friend’s hidden penis pop act went down so well he was signed by Warner Bros, changed his name to Lady Gaga, and the rest is history. Now another Arsenal fan has had a brush with fame after an ill-advised punt. Mitch Gordon, a Gunners supporter from Leicester, was so sure that Nicklas Bendtner wouldn’t end his goal drought against Hull City last month he said he would pour toothpaste on his mum’s eyebrows while she was asleep if he was wrong. Just two minutes after kick-off, the Dane jumped to head home Carl Jenkinson’s cross prompting Gordon to fulfil his side of the bargain. Hours after the match, with his mother fast asleep, he did the deed, and shared it on Twitter for the world to see. He was one of a number of fans who made bets on Bendtner scoring, with some pledging to eat their hats. Another promised to give £1 to every follower. It just goes to show, there’s no such thing as a sure bet when it comes to football. Except for Australia not getting out of their group at the World Cup. They’re screwed. shop only to find themselves gagged and bound in a sex dungeon minutes later. But instead of a sexual deviant cop telling some beardy weirdy to “bring out the gimp”, imagine it’s former England captain Mick Mills in the dressing room at Stoke’s old ground, bending a young trainee over a table, whipping his shorts off and ordering a young coach to “bring out the glove”. We won’t go into details about what happens next, but it involves an initiation ceremony, a goalkeeper’s glove and some heat cream. And unfortunately for a string of young players on the receiving end, it doesn’t end with John McClane slashing a pervert with a samurai sword.
Stoking The Fires Of Odd Desires
We should have listened to Arsene Wenger. For years he’s been telling everyone there’s something sinister about perennial Premier League also-rans Stoke City. Like the handsome fools we are, BBM thought he was just whinging about the fact his players always left Britannia Stadium on crutches with no points. But look beyond the veneer of the Potters’ bland surface and it’s like the scene in Pulp Fiction where Bruce Willis and that mob boss stumble into Zed’s
Stoke are now facing a civil case for damages after former trainee, George Blackstock, started action against the club for a breach of duty, claiming he was left with post-traumatic stress because the first-team goalkeeper, Peter Fox, perpetrated the act upon him in the first-team dressing room at the now-demolished Victoria Ground in the 80s.
brown eye, but we’re more mature than that. “It is an allegation without any substance whatsoever, made at least 25 years after the alleged events are supposed to have taken place,” Fox said while spanking his gay lover’s bare ass.
Bashing The Bishop: The Oddball World Of ChessBoxing History is littered with examples of attempts to merge two sports into one. When the World Hiding Federation merged with the Professional Seeking Association in the late 1800s, for example, it proved a great success and the game of ‘Hiding for an indeterminate length of time from a seeker’ was born (the name was only changed to hide and seek shortly after the Second World War when Hasbro bought the rights). But for every match made in heaven, there’s a merged monstrosity akin to Jeff Goldblum’s transition in The Fly. Just look at the International Rules match between Ireland and Australia, which looks more like a punch up in Bondi Junction on a Saturday night than a mixture of Gaelic football and AFL. So when we first heard of “chess-boxing” a few years ago, we naturally assumed it would fall into “The Fly” category, looking good at first but eventually forced to vomit on its own food for sustenance by the ugly end. How wrong we were. Since 2008 when the concept was officially rolled out in London, the combination of playing chess while beating the shit out of someone has gained popularity worldwide. Los Angeles, Tokyo, Nantes, Reykjavík, Amsterdam, Calcutta and Krasnoyarsk have all staged events over the last five years, while more than one reputable British ticketing website sells seats to the multiple chess-boxing cards taking place in England’s capital. Now the first feature-length documentary about chessboxing is in production, entitled “Chessboxing: The King’s Discipline.” Sounds inspirational, but we’d be much more excited if someone mixed tennis with mud wrestling and did a film about Maria Sharapova taking on Ana Ivanovic.
Mills, who was Stoke manager at the time, is named in the proceedings as having allegedly known about the treatment of trainees and not taking any action. “The manager knew what was going on and the development officer knew, and they turned a blind eye,” Blackstock said in a psychiatric report. We could make a joke about Blackstock turning a
SPORTS NEWS Enjoy A Last Brit Of Success With Murray
When Queen Anne oversaw the Act of Union between Scotland and England way back in 1707 to create Great Britain, it was agreed that the English would provide their northern neighbours with trade, protection from France, and a unified currency. In exchange, Scotland had to provide a tennis player capable of winning Wimbledon. And three centuries later, after finally coming good on their side of the deal, those honourless Scots want to go back on the contract and become an independent nation. Tartan wankers.
“If he’s healthy, he is going to be one of the guys who can go the distance [in Australia],” said seventime Grand Slam champion John McEnroe. “I think mentally, he was a little whipped at the [US] Open, he needed to regroup - it had been an incredible but crazy 12 months for him. Now he’s had a chance to hopefully get things right with his back.” So for potentially the last time, let’s all cheer on Britain’s tennis hero in Melbourne. Unless he loses or pulls out, in which case he’s a useless Scottish git.
In potentially the greatest act of betrayal since Walder Frey turned on Robb Stark in Game of Thrones, Scotland’s batter-loving public have the chance to turn their back on the English for good at the Scottish independence referendum later this year. As a consequence, this could be the last time English tennis fans get to cheer on a “Brit” capable of winning the Australian Open when it kicks off on 13th January. And despite having surgery which ruled him out for the end of last season, Andy Murray looks on course to be a contender at the tournament.
Which Is Worse: Plat or Blat?
BBM will freely admit we’ve not been exactly kind to Sepp Blatter in these pages over the years. Sometimes we’ve been a bit harsh on the slapheaded FIFA fuckwit, largely because he’s the biggest arsehole in the game with the personality and wit of a freshly squeezed out turd. So you’d think that when the sexist Swiss knob jockey finally steps down from his throne, BBM would be cheering in the streets. Well possibly, but as anyone who’s watched the straight-toDVD horror series “The Wishmaster” will know, sometimes you should be careful what you wish for. Because from everything we’ve read about him so far, Blatter’s heir-in-waiting Michel Platini could be an even bigger dick. For starters, he wants to ditch yellow cards and bring in a sin bin system. Sure thing Michel, and why not swap free-kicks for scrums and throw-ins for lineouts while you’re at it? It’s not so much that it’s a bad idea (which it is), it’s just that football has much bigger problems he should be dealing with than arbitrary rule changes to a system that everyone’s happy with. It’s like the President of Syria declaring free bus passes for the over 60s. The second reason to be wary of Platini is the Qatar debacle. While Blatter was preoccupied trying to stop England winning the rights to the 2018 World Cup, Platini and a few of his cohorts made the diabolical decision to award the 2022 rights to a country where air-conditioning is somewhere between food and water on the list of basic survival needs. Last month, Platini admitted he voted for the Qatar bid but denied it had anything to do with former French President Nikolas Sarkozy inviting him to a swanky dinner with the emir of Qatar at the Elysee Palace on the eve of voting, when he made it clear it would benefit France if he voted for the Arab emirate. “I state emphatically that president Sarkozy did not ask me to vote for Qatar as host of the 2022 World Cup before, during or after that meeting,” Platini lied through his teeth.
Wrestling With A New Career Hulk Hogan. The Undertaker. Triple H. The Rock. Former Port Vale goalkeeper Stuart Tomlinson. Admittedly, the last one on that list of American wrestling greats doesn’t have quite the same ring to it (maybe if he changed it to The Masked Flapper it would help), but that hasn’t stopped the deluded shotstopper chasing his dream. Tomlinson announced on Twitter recently that he is hanging up his gloves for a career in the carefully choreographed homoerotic pantomime known as WWE. The 28-year-old former body builder, who retired from football in July because of a knee injury, has been given the chance to try his hand at being pumped full of steroids and thrown from post to post to make the Undertaker look good in front of hordes of screaming fat Americans. It’s not known who his first bout will be against, but we’re hoping for an all-goalkeeper cage match against Joe “the Hitman” Hart. “Looking forward to a new job (with the) WWE. Swapping two posts and a net, with four posts and ropes – USA bound,” he tweeted. Yes Stuart, but remember it’s a lot more painful getting beaten at the near post in wrestling than it is in football. If the dream move goes according to plan, Tomlinson could earn millions as a star attraction on the Raw and Smackdown tours of the US, perhaps even earning a title shot, before eventually taking his own life in a roid-fuelled frenzy. It’s yet further proof that goalkeepers are the freaks of the football world, and he’s not the first glovesman to want a piece of the fight game. While playing for Derby County in 2009, Stephen Bywater famously claimed he wanted to try a career in cage fighting. That dream came true last year when he signed for Millwall.
Your favourite uncle is struck by lightning but miraculously survives. You’d think it would give him superpowers, but mostly he just masturbates in cinemas.
After reading a particularly harsh horoscope, you give up on your New Year’s resolution to lose weight and begin comfort eating to cheer yourself up. By February, you’re two stones heavier and look even more disgusting than you did originally – and you were bloody ugly before. Go and shove your face in a bag of crisps, fatty.
“Can you feel it?” once crooned the Jackson Five in the early 1980s. And in the early 1990s, Michael Jackson asked the same question to a series of young boys in his bedroom. Now it’s your turn to face the question “can you feel it?” because you need to check for testicular cancer. Right now.
Your initial excitement at being told by a work colleague that you’re being secretly head-hunted turns to fear when you’re jumped at a bus stop on the way home and are almost decapitated by a gang of pirates from Borneo. When you bump into your colleague again the next day, you both have a good chuckle over the mix-up.
A gullible friend of yours tells you he’s moving to Melbourne after being offered the job of night manager at Lassiter’s Hotel in Erinsbrough. Your attempts to explain to him that Erinsbrough is a fictional suburb in the soap opera Neighbours prove unsuccessful, and the two of you part on bad terms. A few weeks later, he updates his Facebook relationship status to “in a relationship with Libby Kennedy”, but he eventually comes back to Sydney after finding out she was having an affair with Ramsay Street bad boy, Phil Robinson.
You know that weird dream you had? Well, you’ll be relieved to know it doesn’t make you a necrophiliac. You’re still a sick bastard though.
Your on-off relationship with Rachel reaches breaking point this month when you sleep with the hot woman at the photocopier place who Joey and Chandler have the hots for. Your argument that you were “on a break” falls on deaf ears. In other news, Joey becomes a priest and Phoebe gets in touch with her long lost father - with hilarious consequences. Oh, and Monica cleans a pot because it’s hilarious - apparently.
After a month of saying “it’s such a tragedy” and “what a waste of talent” whenever anyone mentions his name, you finally realise who Paul Walker is.
You’re forced to spend January watching the DVD box set of Friends that your partner’s mum bought you for Christmas. It is the most excruciating month of your life and you need counselling to deal with it. Years afterwards, you still go into convulsions whenever you hear the words “I’ll be there for you”.
This Saturday you set a new world record for consecutive hours spent searching a house for a misplaced phone charger, racking up a total of five hours, 36 minutes and 15 seconds before deciding to head to town to buy a new one. On Monday you discover you left it at work.
How can there be a God when Nelson Mandela is dead but you’re still alive? You sicken me.
As the old Chinese proverb says, if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? You experience the social media equivalent of this ancient conundrum when you post yet another boring Facebook update about what you’re having for breakfast only to discover you’ve been defriended by everyone. Even your mum. If someone boring updates their Facebook status but doesn’t have any friends, does anyone give a shit? Now piss off.
Pub Quiz Facts Jellyfish kill more people each year than sharks do. At least once a day, your immune system destroys a cell that would have become cancer if it lived. People with blue eyes tend to perform better in academic careers than people with brown eyes. The average person touches their face 3000 to 5000 times every day. Humans can survive on a diet consisting only of water, potatoes and butter. Painting was once an event at the Olympics. Vincent Van Gogh was not famous until after his death, as he actually only sold one painting entitled ‘Red Vineyard at Arles’ during his lifetime. The toaster was invented before sliced bread, first marketed in 1909, with sliced bread following soon after. Your teeth are the only part of the body that can’t repair themselves. The only US state to have a one-syllable name is Maine. Elephants are the only mammals with four knees, yet the only ones who can’t jump. The first thing to be filmed by Thomas Edison, after he’d invented the video camera, was a person sneezing. Helium is the element with the lowest boiling point.
ASK CRYSTAL & JOKES
Ask Crystal Dear Crystal, I desperately want to win my ex-girlfriend back but need help as everything I do just seems to backfire. The main reasons she gave for dumping me were because I wasn’t romantic enough and I was too immature, so last week I hired a string quartet to help me serenade her with her favourite song ‘Eternal Flame’ by the Bangles. But when we got to her flat, I made a last-minute decision to switch the song to ‘It’s Chico Time’ by forgotten X-Factor genius Chico. Now she’s madder than ever! Come on Crystal, work some of that magic and tell me how I can get her back.
doing the no pants dance quicker than you can say “cubic zirconia”.
Dear Crystal, I recently found out that there are more anti-shrimp messages in the Bible than there are anti-gay messages. As a heterosexual man with a shellfish allergy, does this make me, potentially, the chosen one of God? And if so, should I be walking around in robes and sandals or something? Best, Russell
Sounds like you’ve got a pretty strong case for claiming to be the messiah. We wouldn’t attempt crucifixion just yet, but maybe try upending a few tables in temples and curing lepers to see how you go. You could even have a go at a few miracles. Give David Blaine a ring - he’s good at that sort of made-up bollocks (which is essentially what the Bible is). And if you manage to turn water into wine, get in contact with me immediately. You might want to change the name though; Russell sounds like a paedophile’s name rather than the son of God.
Dear Jack, So your lovable buffoon act is wearing a bit thin, eh? I’m not surprised. You’ve got to understand that women want a bit of stability from their partner, you can’t go through life not taking things seriously. You’ve got to prove to her that you’ve grown as a person, that losing her has forced the boy to become a man – and that’s the sort of thing that can take a lot of time and effort to achieve. Fortunately for you, women also like shiny things. Dangle a pair of diamond earrings in front of her and you’ll be back in her bedroom
Valentine’s Day, but she’s moaning it’s not romantic enough and wants to stay at a winery for the weekend and sniff grapes. I want her to be happy, but shouldn’t Valentine’s Day be for both of us? Many thanks, Dave
Dear Dave, I was in the same predicament not long ago when my sister wanted to borrow my rampant rabbit while I was mid-vibration, so take it from me: it’s all about compromise. Explain to her that she has to do what you want, or you’ll rape a kitten. See - compromise.
Dear Crystal, Can you babysit for me Friday night? My ex is leaving our kid with me, but I’d already planned a night out with the lads and I’ve heard you’re great with little ones. Cheers, Chris.
Dear Chris, Dear Crystal, I want to take my girlfriend to an orgy for
No, you wanker. You somehow managed to conceive the little bastard, now bond with it. Or leave it in a McDonald’s, I don’t care.
Jokes What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They’re both a great ride, until someone sees you on one... Brian, Bondi What did the elephant say to the naked man? It’s nice, but can it pick up peanuts? Jo, Cottesloe
When my girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. Harry, Paddington Wind Turbines. I’m a big fan. Kate, Kings Cross
Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by and opens his trench coat right in front of them. The first old lady has a stroke... But the second can’t reach that far. Ben, Darlinghurst
After watching The American Country Awards I was so inspired, I ran out and bought myself a pick up truck. Now, I’m on my way to my Nan’s house to ask her for her hand in marriage. Bill, Rockingham
Dappy was recently hospitalised after being kicked in the head by a horse. Music industry leaders are considering giving the ‘Outstanding Contribution to Music Award’ to the horse. Phil, Surry Hills
Nothing beats waking up to a blow job. Unless you’ve been in a coma, and your nurse’s name is Steve. Ed, Melbourne
Why should lumberjacks shave their legs? So you can tell them apart from feminists. Greg, Fremantle I was sat with my girlfriend’s Dad as she was upstairs getting ready, when the embarrassing pictures made an appearance. “And here she is in the bath! She hates me showing this to anyone.” He just looked at me and said, “Fuck off out my house”. John, Newcastle
Michael Barrymore said it’s great news that Tom Daley is gay. He said, “It’s great to finally meet someone who takes it up the arse and can swim.” Louis, Manly Sean Connery has always said he would leave The Bahamas and return to his homeland of Scotland, if it ever gained independence. He must be shitting himself. Jono, Adelaide “How about a blowjob? I asked my Thai girlfriend. “No thanks,” she replied. Charlie, Port Stephens
I forgot to go to Hypochondriacs Anonymous today. I bet it’s early-onset Alzheimer’s. Theo, Richmond
I’m not saying my wife is horny, but she puts on Barry White when she breast feeds. Frankie, Surfers Paradise
My wife’s been leaving me messages all day saying she’s in Casualty. Well I hope she gets home soon, it starts in 10 minutes. Geoff, Woollongong
My butler is such a dick. He keeps telling me to “move out” and to call him “Dad”. Kim, St Kilda
I’ve just seen my son carrying the toaster up to the bathroom. “Fat bastard!” I yelled at him. Tom, Darwin I went into a posh pub in a pair of filthy overalls and this snotty barman said to me, “I’m sorry, you can’t come in here dressed like that.” “OK,” I replied as I left, “fix your own fucking heating then.” Pete, Jundaloop Last night my wife found me in the pub, threw a pint over my head, and called me a ‘fucking cock’. Every year she has to go and ruin our wedding anniversary. Matt, Coogee I walked in on my son trying to suck his own cock. “Oh my God,” he jumped up, “Sorry dad, it’s not what it looks like.” I said, “Don’t worry son, I’ve tried too.” “Really?” “Yeah,” I replied, “But you woke up before I had the chance.” Derek, Bussleton
Dating Without The Politics We all know dating is a difficult game and there’s little time to go out and meet someone in the fast-paced world we live in. To let you see what’s out there from the comfort of your own home, dating websites and apps have a range of potential partners for you to sift through. Whoever you are and whatever you’re looking for, start your dating adventure with one of these intimacy life-savers.
Yearning for full-on, no-holds-barred, Hollywood-movie kind of love? Your prayers are answered with Be2, the dating site that will find your perfect match whether you’re in Sydney or Karijini. Just enter your details at no financial cost and science will select only the best matches for you based on psychological, anthropological and sociological criteria. With over 20,000 new members every day, why not be one of them? www.be2.com.au
This free dating app to chat to singles and meet new people has 11 million people on its database worldwide, so chances are you’ll find someone that catches your eye. You can receive notifications when someone is looking at your profile or wants to make contact, but if you’d rather be the chaser, send a ‘Flirt’ or request to make contact yourself. To find someone in your area, set it to ‘Local’ and flick through your matches based on how much distance there is between you. www.oasisdating.com
Type fun-in-oz.com into your browser and you’ll be directed to Ashley Madison, the discreet dating service for those looking at having some fun on the side of their normal relationship. A trusted site with over 23 million members waiting to have an affair, you can be single or attached – as long as you want a secret rendezvous, you’re in. Set up your profile, add additional features through the choice of membership packages and start looking for your bit on the side! fun-in-oz.com www.ashleymadison.com
If you used eHarmony back in the UK, you can continue searching for someone special as soon as you touch down in Australia. eHarmony is a global dating service, and one of the most trusted and popular in the world. If you’re looking for a genuine relationship, eHarmony matches members based on things like personality, character and sense of humour, and results in more successful marriages than any other site. You can view your selected matches for free and then choose what plan best suits you when you’re ready to make contact. www.eharmony.com.au
Just Ginger Singles
If you don’t fancy blondes or brunettes, or are a gorgeous redhead looking for love, Just Ginger Singles is dedicated to finding just what you’re after. With 97.5 million natural redheads in the world, it can’t be hard to find that perfect one, so join the network for free and start browsing profiles and showing your interest with messages today. www.justgingersingles.com/au
Tinder Not necessarily for dating, Tinder finds out who’s near you and who likes you, and should you like them back, connects you together. It’s just like the social media you’re used to, but instead of keeping you in touch with people you already know, helps you meet new ones. When presented with someone in your area, you have the option to either like or pass on them – completely anonymously – and if you both like each other, you’ll receive a notification of a match. You may discover a few things in common, or even start a blossoming friendship that becomes something more… www.gotinder.com
By Erin Selendyne
There aren’t many apps out there for men and women looking for individuals of the same sex, so Bender, and sister app, Brenda, are revolutionary in the dating game. Used in over 160 countries, the built-in translator removes any language barrier and you can find just what you’re looking for in any city in the world, so the possibilities really are endless. With gay, bi and curious members, and even video messaging to really get to know them, this is the virtual gay bar right inside your mobile device! www.benderapp.com www.benderapp.com/brenda
TRAVEL NEW ZEALAND & FIJI
Things to do in New Zealand
SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane Wanaka Airport State Highway 6 Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 firstname.lastname@example.org www.skydivewanaka.com NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 email@example.com www.nzone.biz SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
RANGITATA RAFTS Peel Forest RD20 South Canterbury, NZ Tel: + 64 3 696 3534 New Zealand Freephone: 0800 251 251 email@example.com www.rafts.co.nz
JET BOATING SHOTOVER JET
The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.
Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 firstname.lastname@example.org www.shotoverjet.com
GLACIER GUIDING FOX GLACIER GUIDING 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, NZ Ph: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 email@example.com www.foxguides.co.nz
Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.
MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz
CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3366 9531 firstname.lastname@example.org www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3379 8580 email@example.com www.cokers.co.nz
BAY OF ISLANDS
BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz
KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura, NZ Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 firstname.lastname@example.org www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 email@example.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3441 8828 firstname.lastname@example.org www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street, Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 email@example.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new flashpackers, now open with rave reviews.
FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 firstname.lastname@example.org nomadshostels.com $5 off first night if you mention this ad.
NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakefield Street, Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 email@example.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night.
GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0172 firstname.lastname@example.org www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
THINGS TO DO
BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 email@example.com www.beachcomberfiji.com
ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 firstname.lastname@example.org www.robinsoncrusoeislandfiji.com
THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 email@example.com www.fijibeachouse.com
THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacific Harbour P.O.Box 416 Pacific Habour Fiji Islands firstname.lastname@example.org www.uprisingbeachresort.com
SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT * HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 email@example.com www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfiji.com
NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 firstname.lastname@example.org www.fijinadibayhotel.com/ NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph:  670 0600 email@example.com
SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 firstname.lastname@example.org www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’
SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING & WATERSPORTS Subsurface Fiji Adventure Diving and Watersports Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts, Fiji Tel: +679 6666 738 email@example.com www.subsurfacefiji.com
Things to do in Australia SKYDIVING
SYDNEY SKYDIVERS 745 Picton Road, Wilton, New South Wales, Australia 2571 Ph: 1800 805 997 firstname.lastname@example.org www.sydneyskydivers.com.au SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS 1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra Airport, Sunshine Coast, QLD Ph: 07 5437 0211 Mob: 04 18 776 775 email@example.com www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au
A J HACKET BUNGY JUMPING McGregor Road, Smithfield, QLD, 4878 Tel: 07 4057 7188 Free: 1800 622 888 firstname.lastname@example.org www.cairns.ajhackett.com OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: 07 4946 6848 email@example.com www.oceanrafting.com.au
SOUTHERN SKYDIVERS Busselton Regional Airport, Bussleton, WA Free: 1300 449 669 firstname.lastname@example.org www.southernskydivers.com.au
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water, QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 email@example.com www.1770sup.com.au
SKYDIVE BYRON BAY Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 Ph: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 firstname.lastname@example.org www.skydivebyronbay.com The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!
MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 08 9521 545 www.mulgas.com.au
SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351, Coffs Harbour, NSW, 2450 Ph: 0433 254 438 email@example.com www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of Coffs SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Ph: 1800 800 840 firstname.lastname@example.org www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com
SCUBA DIVING AUSTRALIA
NINGLAOO WHALE SHARK & DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth, WA Ph: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach, 230 Sugarloaf Rd, Whitsunday Ph: 07 4946 1067 email@example.com www.scubacentre.com.au
GHOST TOURS LANTERN GHOST TOURS Melbourne & Goldcoast Ph: 1300 390 119 www.lanternghosttours.com firstname.lastname@example.org Experience the multi award winning Lantern Ghost Tours, offering small group tours of Australia’s most haunted locations.
GOIN SOUTH Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858 www.facebook.com/goinsouthtours TEMPATION DOLPHIN SWIM Marina Pier, Holdfast Shores Marina Glenelg, SA, 5045 Ph: 0412 811 838 email@example.com www.dolphinboat.com.au
SURF & SUN AUSTRALIAN ADVENTURES Ph: 1800 786 386 / 08 8212 0211 firstname.lastname@example.org www.surfandsun.com.au BLUE MOUNTAINS ADVENTURE COMPANY Ph: 02 4782 1271 email@example.com www.bmac.com.au WAYOUTBACK AUSTRALIAN SAFARI Ph: 1300 551 510 / 08 8952 4324 firstname.lastname@example.org www.wayoutback.com.au CAVERSHAM WILDLIFE PARK Whiteman Park, Whiteman, WA, 6068 Ph: 08 9248 1984 email@example.com www.cavershamwildlife.com.au MINISTRY OF PAINTBALLING L4, 362 Kent St, Sydney, NSW, 2000 Ph:1800 646 478 Ph: 02 9262 2362 www.ministryofpaintball.com BRIDGE CLIMB SYDNEY Ph: 02 8274 7777 www.bridgeclimb.com BUNYIP TOURS 570 Flinders Street Melbourne Victoria, 3000 1300 286 947 firstname.lastname@example.org www.bunyiptours.com PENRITH WHITE WATER RAFTING Ph: 02 4730 4333 email@example.com www.penrithwhitewater.com.au BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 , Yarra Glen, VIC, 3775 Ph: 03 9730 2422 Free: 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) firstname.lastname@example.org www.hotairballooning.com.au
KITESURF 1770 IKO Certified Kiteboarding school/Centre 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Wate, QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 email@example.com www.kitesurf1770.com.au KITE REPUBLIC 10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda, 3182, Melbourne, VIC Ph: 03 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 firstname.lastname@example.org www.kiterepublic.com.au
MOJO SURF 2/9 Marvell St, Byron Bay, 2481, NSW Ph: 1800 113 044 email@example.com www.mojosurf.com GREAT OCEAN ROAD SURF TOURS 55B Surf Coast Highway, Torquay, Victoria, 3228 +61 3 5261 3730 firstname.lastname@example.org www.gorsurftours.com.au GET WET SURF SCHOOL Ph: 1800 438 938 www.getwetsurf.com SURF SHACK Ph: 03 5155 4933 www.surfshack.com.au GO SURFING BYRON BAY Ph: 02 6685 7099 email@example.com www.gosurfingbyronbay.com LETS GO SURFING Ph: 02 9365 1800 www.letsgosurfing.com.au SURFING AUSTRALIA Ph: 07 5599 3800 www.surfingaustralia.com Marine Charters ADVENTURE BAY CHARTERS 2 Jubilee Drive, Port Lincoln, SA, 5606 Ph: 04 8842 8862 firstname.lastname@example.org www.adventurebaycharters.com.au KANGAROO MARINE CHARTERS 9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 www.kimarineadventures.com ADVENTURE KAYAKING 7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: 08 8295 8812 email@example.com www.adventurekayak.com.au JET SKI SAFARIS Birth 56, Jetty Sea, Mariners Cove, Waterways, QLD Ph: 07 5526 3111 Mob: 0409 754 538 firstname.lastname@example.org www.jetskisafaris.com.au
PARADISE JET BOATING Jetty ‘C’ Mariners Cove Marina, Seaworld Drive, Main Beach Qld 4217 Ph: 1300 JET BOAT (1300 538 262) email@example.com www.paradisejetboating.com.au
BIKE RIDING TOURS
ESCAPE GOAT Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8121 8112 Mob: 0422 916289 firstname.lastname@example.org www.escapegoat.com.au
OZ BALL GOLD COAST (TEMPORARILY CLOSED) Go Zorbing with Oz Ball. Ph: 07 5547 6300 email@example.com www.infomaps.com.au/attractions_listings/ozball
WINE AND BEER TOURS
PRIME MINI TOURS Melrose Park, SA, 5039 Ph: 1300 667 650 firstname.lastname@example.org www.primeminitours.com
HIDDEN SECRET TOURS Melbourne CBD Ph: 03 9663 3358 email@example.com www.hiddensecretstours.com CARLTON & UNITED BREWERY TOUR Cnr Thompson & Nelson Streets, Abbotsford, VIC Ph:(03) 9420 6800 www.carltonbrewhouse.com.au BIG NIGHT OUT Surfers Paradise Every Wednesday and Saturday Night www.GoldCoastBackpackers.net FROG & TOAD BAR HOP Cairns Every Wednesday and Friday Night Mob: 0418 184 646 firstname.lastname@example.org www.partyincairns.com
STRIKE BOWLING Nationwide Ph:1300 787453 www.strikebowling.com.au PADDO BOWLS 2 Quarry Street Paddington NSW, 2021 Ph: 02936 1150
MIGHTY CAMPERS Nationwide Ph: 1800 670 232 www.mightycampers.com.au GREAT SOUTHERN RAIL Nationwide Ph: 1800 703 357 www.greatsouthernrail.com.au TRAVELLERS AUTOBARN Nationwide Ph: 1800 674 374 www.travellers-autobarn.com.au
ACCOMMODATION LISTINGS NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY
WORLD SQUARE HOSTEL 2/640 George St, Sydney NSW 2000 (02) 9267 5616 worldsquarehostel.com.au SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) email@example.com www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly Ph: (02) 9665 1214 firstname.lastname@example.org www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 email@example.com www.criterionhotel.net.au JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 Free: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers firstname.lastname@example.org www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Free: 1800 304 660 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 email@example.com www.bondibackpackers.com.au OXFORD COURT ACCOMMODATION Bondi Junction Mobile 0412547840 Cafesbs@bigpond.net.au Clean, affordable and friendly backpackers. Rooms for 1 to 4 people. Close to bus, train and shops. Rooms have TV, fridge, toaster, microwave, kitchenette, cutlery, crockery, sheets supplied. Laundry, internet and BBQ facilities. Prices range from $190 to $130 depending on the number of guests. THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 Free: 1800 806 384 Ph: (02) 9326 9675 firstname.lastname@example.org www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St Woolloomooloo, NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 email@example.com Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off!
(Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)
WEST END BACKPACKERS 12 Pitt St Sydney NSW, 2000 Ph: 02 9211 4588 Free Phone: 1800 013 186 firstname.lastname@example.org www.nomadsworld.com/westend BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph (02) 9281 2222 email@example.com www.bouncehotel.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: (02) 9660 1731 firstname.lastname@example.org www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au
PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 9211 4454 email@example.com www.Porterhouse.com.au BIG HOSTEL Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms. 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92816030 Free: 1800 212 244 firstname.lastname@example.org www.bighostel.com O’MALLEY’S HOTEL 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 email@example.com www.omalleyshotel.com.au SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 7323 firstname.lastname@example.org www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au THE ROYAL HOTEL 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: (02) 9698 8557 email@example.com www.royal.com.au KANGA HOUSE BACKPACKERS 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: (02) 9357 7897 www.KangaHouse.com.au
SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES
SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 firstname.lastname@example.org www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire
SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES
CRONULLA BEACH YHA Level 1, 40 -42 Kingsway Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 email@example.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au
MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph: (02) 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 firstname.lastname@example.org www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au HUNTER VALLEY Hunter Valley YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley, NSW Ph: 02 4991 3278 email@example.com www.yha.com.au
KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN Backpackers Lodge 31 Lurline st Katoomba, NSW Ph: 04782 3933 firstname.lastname@example.org www.katoombabackpackers.com.au BLUE MOUNTAINS BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 144 Bathhurst Road, Katoomba, NSW 2780 Ph: 02 4782 9630 www.bluemountainsbackpackerhostel.com.au
AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 Ph: (02) 6685-7663 Free: 1800 028 909 email@example.com www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane, Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6680 7966 Free: 1800 766 673 firstname.lastname@example.org nomadshostels.com ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road, Byron Bay, NSW Ph: 02 6685 7709 email@example.com www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey
LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 firstname.lastname@example.org www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie
BASE BRISBANE UPTOWN 466 George St, Brisbane City, Qld 4000 Ph: (07) 3238 5888 Free: 1800 24 2273 email@example.com www.stayatbase.com Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad THE DECK 117 Harcourt St, New Farm Brisbane QLD 4005 Ph: 0433 777 061 firstname.lastname@example.org Designed with the working Traveler in Mind. Minimum 2 week stay BASE BRISBANE CENTRAL 308 Edward st Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: 07 3211 2433 email@example.com www.stayatbase.com BUNK 11-21 Gipps St, Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free: 1800 682 865 firstname.lastname@example.org www.bunkbrisbane.com.au BRISBANE CITY YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: (07) 3236 1004 email@example.com www.yha.com.au
TREKKERS BACKPACKERS 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 Ph: (07) 55915616 Free : 1800 100 004 firstname.lastname@example.org www.trekkersbackpackers.com.au AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Free:1800 229 955 email@example.com www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au SURFERS PARADISE YHA AT MAIN BEACH Mariners Cove, 70 Seaworld Drive Main Beach, Surfers Paradise 4217 Ph: (07) 5571 1776 firstname.lastname@example.org www.yha.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE
40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: (07) 5538 4344 Free: 1800 268 621 email@example.com www.backpackersinparadise.com SURF N SUN Beachside Backpackers 3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free: 1800 678 194 firstname.lastname@example.org www.surfnsun-goldcoast.com SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 email@example.com www.sleepinginn.com.au COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets
ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT Cnr. Beach Road and Surfers Paradise Blvd Surfers Paradise QLD 4217 Ph: +61 7 5538 8000 Toll free: 1800 074 393
www.islander.com.au/Backpackers Coolangatta 4225 QLD Ph: 07 5536 7472 firstname.lastname@example.org www.taphouse.com.au SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RSRT Backpackers Resort,2837 Gold Coast Highway, Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Free: 1800 282 800 email@example.com www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au
NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive, Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 firstname.lastname@example.org www.nomadsnoosa.com
NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade, Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 email@example.com www.nomadshervey.com
TOWN OF 1770
(Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton) COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770, Queensland, 4677 Ph: (07) 4974 7660 Free: 1800 227 660 firstname.lastname@example.org www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (Backpackers) 2694 Round Hill Rd Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 0749747225 email@example.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 07 4974 7200 firstname.lastname@example.org www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au
CAIRNS CAIRNS SHARE HOUSE 17 Scott Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4041 1875 email@example.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Ph: (07) 4041 6566 Free: 1800 556 995 firstname.lastname@example.org www.gilligans.com.au NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 7477 Free: 1800 175 716 email@example.com www.nomadshostels.com DREAMTIME TRAVELLERS REST 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.) Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph: (07) 4031 6753 firstname.lastname@example.org www.dreamtimehostel.com JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Ph - (07) 4051 7642 Free- 1800 666 336 email@example.com www.jjsbackpackers.com
MISSION BEACH ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS 28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8317 Free: 1800 688 316 firstname.lastname@example.org www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach, QLD, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 email@example.com www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au
WHITSUNDAYS BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage, Whitsundays, QLD Ph: +61 7 4946 9400 Free: 1800 075 125 firstname.lastname@example.org www.oceanhotels.com.au
AIRLIE BEACH AIRLIE BEACH YHA 394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach QLD Phone: (07) 4946 6312 Free:1800 247 251 email@example.com www.yha.com.au MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL 366 Shute Harbour Rd, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: (07) 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free: 1800 624 634 firstname.lastname@example.org www.magnums.com.au
PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Cape Tribulation Road (PMB 7) Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 email@example.com www.pksjunglevillage.com FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, QLD Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au firstname.lastname@example.org www.oceanhotels.com.au
Jewell House 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email@example.com www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au
WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 firstname.lastname@example.org www.westernbeach.com
EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce, Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 email@example.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au firstname.lastname@example.org BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 email@example.com www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St, Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 firstname.lastname@example.org www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com
PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 email@example.com www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!
WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH
OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS Cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 firstname.lastname@example.org www.oceanbeachbackpackers.com
RAINBOW LODGE 150 Claisebrook Rd Perth, WA (Have just moved around the corner) Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St,West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 email@example.com www.mountwayapartments.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com YMCA ACCOMMODATION
MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 firstname.lastname@example.org www.monkeymia.com.au
KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 24 Nutwood Crescent, Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au email@example.com
BEACHES OF BROOME 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 firstname.lastname@example.org www.beachesofbroome.com.au
REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St, Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704
GREAT OCEAN ROAD
JOHANNA BEACH COTTAGES 225 Blue Johanna Road Johanna Heights Victoria 3238 (03) 5237 4224 email@example.com www.johannabeach.com
BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, VictoriaPh: 03 5356 4250 firstname.lastname@example.org www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.
EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street , Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 email@example.com www.exfordhotel.com.au BACK OF CHAPEL 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 www.backofchapel.com NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 firstname.lastname@example.org nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS 35 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 email@example.com www.flindersbp.com.au The Spencer Backpackers 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 firstname.lastname@example.org www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS 450 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 email@example.com www.mibp.com.au HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 firstname.lastname@example.org www.hoteldiscovery.com.au
INDEPENDENT & BUDGET TRAVELER ACCOMMODATION PROVIDER Victoria Hall Accommodation 380 Russell Street, Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall. com.au
JACKSON APARTMENTS 80 Ikerman St ,St Kilda Beach Ph:0433 118 334 or 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.email@example.com HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 firstname.lastname@example.org www.habitathq.com.au Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20! FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply
ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue, Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au HAVEN BACKPACKER RESORT 3 Larapinta Drive, Alice Springs Ph: 1800 79 4663 / 08 8952 4663 www.alicehaven.com.au
SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE
APOLLO BAY BACKPACKERS LODGE 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au ECO BEACH YHA ECO-HOSTEL 5 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay 3233 Ph: (+613) 5237 7899 email@example.com www.yha.com.au Clean, quiet and relaxing Eco-Hostel. Cosy fire in winter. DVD’s available to borrow from reception.
GRAMPIANS YHA ECO-HOSTEL Corner Grampians and Buckler Roads Halls Gap 3381 Ph: (+613) 5356 4544 firstname.lastname@example.org www.yha.com.au Eco accredited. Solar powered. Herb garden, free range chooks and friendly local kangaroos
ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 4866 email@example.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com
fund your travels through professional work If the thought of being knee deep in beer until 3 am behind a bar is giving you panic attacks, here’s some advice on how you can gain professional work in an office environment to fund your travels.
There are a few simple things that need to be done even before you begin applying for work. In fact, they are so simple you can class them as common sense. The easiest and most essential first task is to get yourself an Australian SIM card and number because, should a job come up, you need to be informed pretty sharpish. Yup. Pretty straightforward huh? Now we all know how heavy that backpack is and how lugging it halfway across the globe has instilled in you a belief that, ‘Thou shall not purchase anything that thou shall have to carry’. Well, sorry, but unless you came with a smart outfit then you will simply have to buy one. Boys, this means a pair of smart shoes, enough office shirts to last you a week and possibly even a tie. Girls, this means smart shoes (not necessarily heels), a few blouses and maybe even a blazer or, y’know, whatever you can fit into your already bursting backpack or suitcase. After following these careful instructions you should look the part so now you need to sell yourself. According to Melissa Leech of top recruitment agency Hudson: “The most important part of any candidate’s application for a role is an up to date resume, in chronological order (newest to oldest). Ensuring you are creating a targeted resume for each opportunity is also key.” So not only should your resume be current, but what largely separates
those applications that get tossed from those that progress is making sure that it is also relevant to whomever may read it. This means paying specific regard to elements of your experience that fit with what the employer is looking for. Emphasise but do not embellish as porkies will be found out and it could be a while before trust is re-established. Despite the difference in higher education systems between Australia and ‘The Motherland’ university degrees are still fondly thought of, yet experience means something too. According to Melissa: “Mostly the client will look for relevant practical experience over a degree or qualification (if a candidate has both, it would be seen as a very strong application). As roles become more complex and higher level, for the most part, clients will request that the applicant hold a relevant Degree.” In today’s job market there are certain skills that will get you ahead and some that are fundamental. While employers do not expect you to be able to re-type The Bible in a week they do look favourably on sound computer skills so brush up on Microsoft Word and Excel. Perhaps even spend a few days practicing, as many agencies will test you on both programs. Once you look and sound the part you need to start acting it as appearance and skills are important yet attitude is crucial. Have a solid understanding of the kind of jobs you want to focus on then be reasonable. Check that an application has been received and feel free to ask why you were unsuccessful, but with all exchanges do it politely. This is especially vital when meeting recruitment agencies and employers in person. You only get the one chance to make a first impression so ensure it
is a good one. In fact, imagine it is a first date as many rules apply to both encounters. Be punctual and spend the time researching the company you are meeting and find the right location the day before. On the day wear your smartest outfit and put on a smile. Little things do matter so be nice to the receptionist and even something as benign as holding a door and being courteous can put you in a good light. Following that make sure you keep in touch, but do not get all stalkerish about it. If you made a good first impression then the agency or company will keep you in mind. Do remember that they see several people like you every day (you can stop imagining it as a first date now unless you are actually seeing an escort) so be reasonable with your expectations and remain flexible. This means putting travel plans on hold and trying to settle in a city or state so should you be required at short notice you are ready and willing. Once you begin work be prepared to work hard as most recruitment agencies and companies like to trial their candidates first. Perform well in your initial placement and your superiors will look on you as a ‘keeper’. Do remember that though not every move is being scrutinised there will be feedback on your performance that could impact your progress or the chances of being offered an extension on your contract. See, it really can be relatively straightforward to get professional work in Australia. Preparation is essential so polish off that resume, ensure you look smart for making a solid first impression and you are on your way. The hard work is in ensuring that each application counts then remaining patient, good things come to those who wait.
By Omar Soliman
Getting professional work in Australia may seem daunting upon arrival, yet in every job market there is an element of supply and demand. You demand a job and recruitment agencies need to supply their clients with a fresh flow of keen workers. But what are the recruiters looking for and how can you put yourself in the best possible position to get work? Read on my friend, read on.
Temp & Semi Perm Staff Wanted Nationally Hospitality / Promotions / Tele-Sales / Face to Face / Admin / Child Care / Recruitment email your cv and a brief cover letter telling us a bit about yourself to firstname.lastname@example.org
Getting Started In Australia
A visit to Australia is a unique experience and often can’t be fulfilled within the three-month holiday visa. If you’ve come here and fallen in love with the laidback culture, sunny climate and inspiring landscape, why not apply for a working holiday visa and extend your stay for a further 12 months? There are several things to consider, so let us take you through what you need to know to get you started.
• You must be from the UK, Ireland, USA, Canada, or other eligible countries • You must not have visited Australia previously on a working holiday visa subclass 417 • You must be between 18-30 years of age when applying for your visa • You must have sufficient funds in your account to prove that you can find work, travel and accommodation e.g. $5000 AUD • You must meet the health check criteria • You must fit the character profile To check in more detail of your eligibility, head to: www.immi.gov.au/visitors/working-holiday/417/ eligibility-first.htm If you meet the criteria and are granted a visa, you will have permission to work and travel Australia for 12 months. You can almost work anywhere you want and will certainly build up your CV within the time allowed, with great opportunities in urban and rural areas. However, there are restrictions, including you cannot work for one company for longer than six months, and you will need to have the correct certification to work in a bar or gambling premises.
Tax File Number
After you arrive in Australia on your working holiday visa, one of the first things you need to do is apply for a tax file number, or TFN, from the Australian Tax Office. This is a unique nine-digit number, basically the Australian version of your National Insurance Number back home, and will be given to
any employer you have so that they can pay tax on your behalf. If you don’t have the tax file number 30 days after beginning work, your employer is legally obliged to tax you at an emergency-tax rate of 50%. Other people and organisations that may ask to see your TFN during your time in Australia include the Australian Tax Office regarding your records, your superannuation fund, tax agents when you request your tax back, and your bank.
charging you for looking after your money. Also note you’ll probably be charged for making withdrawals from other banks’ ATMs (‘foreign’ ATMs) and that over-the-counter withdrawals will cost you. Don’t worry if you lose your pin number - unlike back home where you have to wait a zillion working days before you can get a new one, out here you can simply reset the number in your nearest branch.
The easiest way to apply for your TFN is online at www.ato.gov.au, where you’ll have to fill in a form and supply details such as your passport number and date of birth. You’ll need to provide a residential address, where your TFN can be sent, but, if you’re not too sure about which hostel you’ll be staying in or are planning to move around a bit, you can always have it sent c/o to your local post office.
The final application you’ll need to make is for a Medicare Card. This is to cover you under the Australian equivalent of the NHS, for the duration of your approved visit to the country. The Australian Government has what’s known as a Reciprocal Health Care Agreement (RHCA) with the UK, which entitles British travellers to limited subsidised health services for immediately necessary treatment. “Immediately necessary” treatment translates as any ill health or injury that occurs while you’re here in Australia and requires treatment before you return home.
Once you’ve applied for the number, you’ll need to print off a receipt and reference number (just in case there are any problems with its arrival). You’re advised to allow 28 days for it to arrive, but it’s usually with you within two weeks.
Even if you’ve secured a new job (congratulations!), you won’t be able to receive your wages if you don’t have an Australian bank account. It’s no good waving an English bankcard at your employer – if you want to get paid over here, it’s essential! Don’t panic – it’s extremely easy to set up – you’ll just need to visit a branch and supply all the usual details along with your passport and relevant documentation, and hey presto, you’ve got another moneybag to control. The main banks in Oz are Commonwealth, National, ANZ, St George and Westpac, and you’ll need to shop around in order to get the best deal. To find a bank account that best suits your needs, the Australia Bankers Association provides helpful information. Visit www.bankers.asn.au to start looking. Things you need to watch out for are transaction fees (some banks limit the number of free withdrawals you can have per month) and monthly account-keeping fees, which are the Aussies’ way of
As a Medicare Card holder, you will be entitled to receive free treatment as a public in-patient or outpatient in a public hospital, at a private doctor’s practice, and also for subsidised medicines under the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme. Medicare does not cover several things including dental treatment, hearing aids, glasses/lenses and ambulance services, so you’ll need private heath insurance to cover these services. To enrol for Medicare, you can either fill out the Medicare Enrolment Application form online at www.medicareaustralia.gov.au, or head to your nearest Medicare Centre or DHS Service Centre, for which you will need your passport to prove eligibility. Don’t panic if you need medical treatment before you receive or have even applied for your card – you’ll have to pay for your treatment initially, but if you keep the receipt, it’s easy enough to claim the money back when your card does come through. If you’re worried about costs, make sure you check that the practice you’re visiting does bulk billing – otherwise you’ll have to pay for your consultation on the spot and then claim the money back later.
By Charlotte Mellor
Working Holiday Visa
Australia is one of the top places in the world to work abroad, and the only way to do this is to apply for a working holiday visa. To do this, you have to be out of the country when you apply and if/when the visa is granted. For many, this is the perfect time to take a trip to Thailand, Singapore or Vietnam, to wait out the application process, or you can of course head back home to say goodbye to everyone properly. To ensure your application is accepted, you should make sure you’re eligible. Things you need to check include:
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