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Spenda C / Go Freek / Emoh Instead / A-Tonez Devola / King Lee / Athson / Brown Bear / Big Slim



friday 13tH JUly




SATURDAY 14tH JULY Jeff Drake / fRew / A-ToneZ / RELOAD / Bassriot Def Tonez / king lee / Murray Lake / Mike Hyper





FRIDAY 27th JUly Neon Stereo / A-Tonez / Detektives Donald Crump / Disarmed


SATURDAY 21ST JULY The Mane Thing / Ember / Samrai / Kraymer Whitecat / Raulll / Devola / Athson


J-Trick / The Slips / Spenda C / DJ Moto / MATT Nukewood A-Tonez / Cassette / King Lee / DJ EGGO


The Californian punks haven’t been in Australia since the 2009 Soundwave festival, but The Say Anarchy Australian Tour promises to be their best yet. Supported by Melbourne’s The Getaway Plan, the band will be rewarding fans with more of their quirky live experience with extended sets. Not to be missed for those who love the eccentric indie-punk genre. What: Say Anything When: Wednesday 11 July – Tuesday 17 July Where: Perth, Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane Price: $50 + BF For more tour details visit:


The Australian folk-pop musician has just released his second album, the concisely titled ‘We Keep The Beat, Found The Sound, See The Need, Start The Heart’. The tour will be most fans first chance to hear the album live. It’s a whirlwind of a record, featuring anthemic choruses and melodic drum beats, so his live shows are sure to be a hit. What: Jonathan Boulet When: Wednesday 27 June – Saturday 7 July Where: Byron Bay, Gold Coast, Brisbane, Sydney, Adelaide, Melbourne and Perth Price: Prices vary depending on venue ($22 $26.80 + BF). For more tour details visit:


Hailing from Minneapolis, Howler have just released their debut album and have already received high acclaim and even Arcade Fire and the Kaiser Chiefs have become fans. Their music is a mix of 60s rock and 80s punk, fusing together perhaps the best eras of music. Joining them are Zulu Winter, a London based five-piece who have been around for over 12 years and are only just getting the recognition they deserve. What: Howler and Zulu Winter When and Where: Tuesday 24 July – The Corner Hotel, Melbourne Wednesday 25 July – Oxford Art Factory, Sydney Price: $44 + BF For more info visit: and


After taking the year off in 2011, Hardcore is back this year with an awesome line-up featuring local and international artists. The event, created by Resist Records and Trial and Error, will be one of Break Even’s last ever shows after the Perth band announced that they are due to split later this year. Other bands on the bill include: Terror, Ceremony, Miles Away, Extortion, Iron Mind, Warbrain, Vigilante, Survival and Civil War. What: Hardcore 2012 When: Saturday 7 July – Sunday 8 July Where: The Hi Fi, Sydney Price: $35 + BF For more details visit:


Newcomers Electric Guest, from Los Angeles, specialise in soul. Their debut album, Mondo, was produced by Danger Mouse, so you can expect great things. It’s hard to place the duo in terms of sound because they clearly have a range of influences

and a eclectic mix of instruments, but one thing’s for sure, they are great live. It’s music to dance to, so if it’s a night out you’re looking for, check these guys out.

What: Electric Guest When and Where: 31 July – Oxford Art Factory, Sydney 1 August – Northcote Social Club, Melbourne Price: $38.50 + BF For more info visit: and

RICHARD DURAND: IN SEARCH OF SUNRISE TOUR After releasing his latest album, In Search Of Sunrise 10: Australia, Richard Durand is back and better than before. The Flying Dutchman is one of the best trance DJs to emerge from Holland, with his sound also embracing techno and electro. He has proved his is one of the hottest remixers around with the success of his mixes of Tiësto’s ‘Lethal Industry’ and Fragma’s ‘Toca’s Miracle.’ You can expect a night of slick mixing and dynamic tunes. Don’t miss it. What: Richard Durand: In Search of Sunrise Tour When: Friday 13 July – Sunday 15 July Where: Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane Price: Prices vary depending on venue. For more tour details visit:


This is the Icelandic six-piece’s first time in Australia following the success they have had in Europe and North America. Their style is indie-folk with added glockenspiel, but there’s something different about the band, which has made them so popular. The three shows are set to be a lot of fun, so make sure you get your tickets ASAP. What: Of Monsters and Men When: Wednesday 18 July – Sunday 22 July Where: Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney Price: Prices vary depending on venue. For more tour details visit:


‘Call The Cops’ is a two-night event, which will see the acts on the bill play two clubs in Melbourne and Sydney before heading to Splendour In The Grass the following weekend. Hailed as Australia’s premier mash-up act, Yacht Club DJs will ensure your experience will be one you won’t forget in a hurry. DZ Deathrays will turn the whole floor into a sweaty mosh pit with their mix of thrash and electro. Concluding the three-way headline spot will be surf-punk duo, Bleeding Knees Club, whose album was produced by Dev Hynes of Blood Orange and Lightspeed Champion. What: ‘Call the Cops’ Feat. Yacht Clubs DJs, Bleeding Knees Club, DZ Deathrays and Drunk Mums When and Where: Thursday 19 July – The Corner Hotel, Melbourne Friday 20 July – The Factory Theatre, Sydney Price: $22 + BF / $25 Door For more info visit:


1 ED SHEERAN Enmore Theatre, Sydney, $78.60 + BF 1 ELECTRIC GUEST Northcote Social Club, Melbourne, $38.50 + BF 2 RAPIDS GoodGod Small Club, Sydney, $10 + BF 2 DJANGO DJANGO, Oxford Art Factory, Sydney, $46.20 + BF 3 OLD FRIEND WITH BRAWTHER The Mercat Basement, Melbourne, $15-$20 + BF 3 DRAGON The Basement, Sydney, $30 + BF 3 FRENZAL RHOMB, The Hi Fi, Melbourne, $25 + BF 4 THE DC3 Northcote Social Club, Melbourne, $10 + BF 4 HOUSE VS HURRICANE, The Hi Fi, Melbourne, $25 + BF 4 MARK GARDENER The Metro Theatre, Sydney, $62.50 + BF 5 THE JED ROWE BAND The Toff In Town, Melbourne, $12 + BF 6 JOHN 00 FLEMING Chinese Laundry, Sydney, $20 9 BILLY TALENT The Hi Fi, Brisbane, $45.10 + BF 9 STEREO ADDICTS The Lair @ Metro Theatre, Sydney, $15 + BF 9 SET SAIL WITH PRIVATE LIFE AND ANIMAUX, The Toff In Town, Melbourne, $15 + BF 10 LOON LAKE Jive Bar, Adelaide, $12 + BF 10 CHILDREN COLLIDE The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $25 + BF 10 PSEUDO ECHO Oxford Art Factory, Sydney, $25 + BF 11 THE M SHIFT V Bar, Sydney, Free entry 12 BUTTERFLY BOUCHER, The Toff In Town, Melbourne, $15 + BF 12 THE EDGE BAND The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $25 + BF 15 BELL BIV DEVOE Enmore Theatre, Sydney, $69.50 16 KATE MILLER-HEIDKE, The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $46.95 + BF 17 JINJA SAFARI The Metro, Sydney, $38.90 + BF 17 FEVAH 15TH BIRTHDAY Room680, Melbourne, $35 + BF 17 WE’REHOUSE Secret Warehouse, Sydney, $20 18 RON WHITE The Metro, Sydney, $49.90 + BF 18 NASUM The Hi Fi, Sydney, $45 + BF 19 NASUM The Hi Fi, Melbourne, $45 + BF 21 JOHN RILEY & JOHN HARKINS TRIO Blue Beat, Sydney, $30 + BF 23 KATE MILLER-HEIDKE The Metro, Sydney, $49.95 + BF 23 PITBULL Burswood Dome, Perth, $129.90 24 BODYJAR The Hi Fi, Bisbane, $32 + BF 24 OBITS Northcote Social Club, Melbourne $35 + BF 25 BODYJAR The Metro, Sydney, $35.90 + BF 25 HAYES CARLL Northcote Social Club, Melbourne $28 + BF 25 THE OBITS Jive Bar, Adelaide, $34 + BF 30 THE ENGLISH BEAT The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $49 + BF 31 1927 Enmore Theatre, Sydney, $74.95


1 THE GANGSTER’S BALL 2012 The Metro, Sydney, $65 / $75 + BF 1 LOON LAKE Northcote Social Club, Melbourne, $12 + BF 5 RICKI-LEE The Toff In Town, Melbourne, $28 + BF 6 RICKI-LEE Oxford Art Factory, Sydney, $25 + BF 8 JOE MORE The Lair @ Metro Theatre, Sydney, $23 + BF 9 RUFUS WAINWRIGHT Opera House Concert Hall, Sydney, $119 + BF

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CONTENTS | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |


BBM EDITOR Hannah Shakir SPORTS & NEWS EDITOR Richard Gadsby Online News Editor Ella White CONTRIBUTORS James Stapleton, Frankie Salt, Amy Baker, Hannah Kurzawski, Jeremy Williams, Georgina Deacon, Alexandra MacLeod, Alex Cull, Jason Barr, William David Wilson, Peter Simpson, Robert Bramhill, Dani Nortje, Tina Edwards, Lewis Roe, Meredith Berman, Ashley Moore, JJ Natrass WEB DEVELOPMENT Luke Webber & Jess Comber HEAD DESIGNER Jess Comber E: FOR PRINT & WEB ADVERTISING & MARKETING Tom Shakir E: P: +61 2 8005 8162 Frankie Salt E: P: +61 8 9433 6162 For listings and classifieds E: P: +61 2 8005 8162 Event Listing Submissions Podcast Enquiries PrinteD BY Spotpress

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CHECK THIS OUT - SYDNEY WINTER WARMERS IN SYDNEY Get cosy, cotch and have a cuddle with your closest, add a mulled beverage, blankets and what do you get? A winter winner!


Not only some of the best baked goodness in Sydney which is enough to get those icicles melting. This place also offers some free mulled wine tasting days. Keep your eyes peeled online for announcements through various foody websites. Arthur’s is a very small independent bakery with a big love for bread and mulled madness. Just what the doctor ordered!

9 Duneba Ave, Gordon Sydney 2072 (02) 9880 2242 Toasty treats are everywhere around Sydney in the winter, it’s just knowing where to find them. It’s a false tale that Australia doesn’t know how to provide a perfect winter experience after its blissful summer seasons. Sydney boasts GRANDMAS a great collection of winter chasers across the city and the suburbs. You don’t Just like your Grandma used to wrap you up warm and make you ‘as snug as have to spend a fortune to hide away from the cold. We’ve sussed out a few a bug in a rug’ - Grandmas’s bar has the blankets and cocktails to do the same kind of thing. Luckily the bar tenders haven’t got a purple rinse and baggy places that provide an escape from the chilly wind and dampening rain. tights on their legs (they are called the Grandchildren though). This place gets packed and it’s easy to see why. Hot buttered rum or glogg (mulled wine) is THE ROOSEVELT just the ticket for that cold winter afternoon (or at noon if its just too cold to do For that mulled, melt in your mouth taste, go for the ‘Roosevelt Red Cocktail’ anything else!) This Small Bar Finalist for the Sydney Business Awards 2011 down at the Roosevelt in Sydney’s Potts Point. As the website states the comes with ‘faded Granny glamour’ and crocheted blankets to keep you warm Roosevelt Red is “mulled wine-esque perfection” and ideal for sharing. This as standard. $14 cocktails in a mug, this place serves cocktails that don’t half place is great if you want to splash out a little and really warm those cockles. pack a warming punch. Wave goodbye to winter chills and say hello to that warm fuzzy feeling that you can only get from mulled magic. Their signature cocktails are perfect for 275 Clarence St, Sydney CBD 2000 the winter months and this place takes you back in time with a real vintage (0 2) 9264 3004 feel and buzzing atmosphere. 32 Orwell St, Potts Point, Sydney 0423 203 119


What do you get when you mix a load of warming booze, a small intimate bar, mood lighting and warming crepes? A winter wonderland to be enjoyed by all. Get mulled up and love the ambience of this niche little hide out on Burton St in NAME THIS BAR Darlinghurst. Add some quirky art murals and graffiti with some great attention This place has such a chill out vibe, minus the chill factor throughout the winter to detail along with a mouth watering menu and there’s not much else you months. What better than a good tune to warm you up? Name This Bar has could fit in this little pocket of winter joy. some great local DJs playing and free snacks to accompany some amazing drinks they have on offer. The artwork on the walls is forever changing so this 13 Burton St, Darlinghurst Sydney 2010 place never looks the same. Home to the ArtBattles of Australia, see some of (02) 9380 7002 the most creative art talent in Aus displayed here for all to see. The couches are oversized and mega comfy; a perfect setting for a good game of scrabble or jenga to keep those fingers warmed up. There is free WIFI on offer, which DIFFERENT DRUMMER is perfect if you need to email home whilst warming those chilly toes. And Come in from the cold this winter into Different Drummer and you’ll soon start most importantly they serve mulled cider! Bonus! to warm up with two for one cocktails everyday from 6pm. Every Tuesday and Sunday, you can get a sweat on with free ping pong, although you might start to 197 Oxford St, Darlinghurst, Sydney feel your co-ordination slipping after that third drink… Get your dancing shoes 02 9356 2123 on for Thursdays when DJ j-Mart takes over and embraces you with Soul, Funk and Hip Hop. Food is also available with the bar specializing in tapas, so bring your friends and cuddle up together over cocktails and some good food. 185 Glebe Point Road, Sydney, 2037 (02) 9552 3406

By Frankie Salt



CHECK THIS OUT - SYDNEY Pure Pie And Mash In Sydney As the winter months move in, as does our love for pies, mash and all things warming. It’s not just Brits that have a passion for pies, the Aussies know exactly how to put on a good spread. As a toasty treat, head to any of the following Pie shops where there’s so much choice the only thing you know you definitely want in your pie is your teeth. So go on, get those chops at the ready and love every moment of it. Pure pie pleasure.


Hide away from the city centre in the Yardhouse, with a pie and beer in hand. Their beef and ale pot pie is definitely one to shout about. With creamed potatoes, peas and gravy, it’s a pie in the sky and served all day long. Corner of George St & Hay St, Sydney CBD 2000 (02) 9212 2111


Pies taste amazing sober, but they taste even better after a few bevies. This place is one dedicated bakery, baking bread and pies around the clock for its ever-growing fan base. Perfect to grab solo or with a big group of mates as you wander through Victoria St on the way home after a night on the town. Their selection of baked beauties is incredible- they’re primarily famous for their sourdough bread (don’t let the name dissuade you), no matter what time of day you swing by, there is always something to tickle your fancy. 225 Victoria St, Darlinghurst 2010
 (02) 9380 4320


How does chunky lean beef pie served with mushy peas, mash & gravy sound? Like a dirty dream we’d concur. Pies in velvet dresses with wings and halos. Their menu is just a little overwhelming, it makes your mouth water just looking at those sexy tanned pastry numbers. Harry knows how to do it best and with Harry’s Café De Wheels all over Sydney, there’s no excuse to not give it a go. From curry to seafood to chicken and mushroom - even the fussiest of pie punters will love this place. Corner Cowper Wharf Roadway & Brougham Road Woolloomooloo 2011
Many other locations across Sydney 
 (02) 9211 2506

Wine Tasting In The City Seeing as it’s not quite beach weather at the moment, why not spend your time indulging in a bit of wine tasting. We’ve scoured the city for the best places to awaken your taste buds and pleasure your palette, so if you don’t fancy travelling out of the city to swill a few varieties of Australia’s finest wines, then check out these places.



A proper pub atmosphere, a cold pint and a plate of pork pies. Now this is what pies are made for. With melt in your mouth pastry and tender meat fillings, their pork pies are renowned around the city. If you want to go all out and attend a pie night, Monday night is their traditional Beef pie experience where pie lovers come together, join hands and EAT PIE!
 19 Kent St - The Rocks, Sydney CBD 2000
 (02) 9251 4044


Cnr of Bathhurst & Kent Street, Sydney 2000 (02) 2964 1688


Now we know the standard meat for a pie is beef, but the chicken pie is a tasty alternative and at the Imperial Hotel they’ve done it well. Combining all the classic chicken flavours, corn and leeks lathered in a white wine sauce wrapped in an all butter puff pastry casing. Delicious. 252 Oxford Street, Paddington, NSW 2021 (02) 9331 2023


Beef and beer have a sort of culinary pact that if they’re going to be in a pie together they’re going to be delicious. What better beer is there than Guinness? Ok it’s technically a stout, but you can’t deny that when these two get together in gravy full of them both, your taste buds are going to be in pie heaven. So pop down to a good ol’ P.J. O’Brien’s for a typical traditional Irish sensation. 57 King Street, Sydney 02 9290 1811


Many of us average Joes don’t actually know the first thing about proper wine tasting, which is why the Wine Odyssey is here to help us out. They have an Aroma Room and a Tasting Theatre and six world-class Australian wines. The experience here will leave you with a new appreciation for wine – you might even have the knack to be able to identify a wine by its aroma. Either way, if you didn’t love wine before, your love affair will begin here. 39-43 Argyle Street, The Rocks (02) 8114 0256


285A Crown Street, Surrey Hills (02) 9331 0833

122 Young Street, Annandale (02) 9572 3500


As the name suggests, Mille Vini is the place any wine lover should go to at least once. The name means ‘1000 wines’ and their interesting list won’t disappoint you. They specialize in Italian wine, but have bottles from Austria to Chile to New Zealand. This is not so much a place to go to take part in actual tasting, but as the wines are available by the glass, you can have a selection (with food, if you’re feeling hungry) throughout your evening – and then come back at a later date for a glass of that Tedeschi Valpolicella Classico which you didn’t get to try before. The waiters are knowledgeable and will advise you on a wine to suit your taste. 397 Crown Street, Surrey Hills 9357 33660

1 Palings Lane, 320 George Street (02) 9254 8008

By Frankie Salt & Phillip Andreas

A classic beef and mushroom pie served with minted smashed peas, sounds good right? Our mouths are salivating at the thought of sinking our teeth into those chunky pieces beef with the subtle flavour of mushroom cutting through the velvety gravy in every bite. The Belvedere certainly does do a good pie. However if pie isn’t what you fancy, the Belvedere is known for its juicy burgers and thick steak sandwiches, with chips, of course.

The Sydney Wine Centre offers a range of ways to enjoy wine, particularly with their tastings. Not only do they have a Wine Club, which you can join for free and receive special offers, but you can take part in their Wine Appreciation Course from anywhere between one day and four weeks. They also have a whole range of upcoming events, including Winter Warmers, where you can spend a couple of hours on a chilly afternoon sipping on some Australian Shiraz – and all for a good price.

For those of you who like your wine tastings a little more refined, try The Bottle Shop. Located in the heart of Sydney, this shop has a private room upstairs for tastings. They offer wine and cheese packages, guided tastings, wine education courses and exploring a specific region. It is ideal for birthdays or hen parties (for up to 25 people), as you can hire out the intimate space and get stuck in with their Master Sommelier!

The Pie Tin is a unique experience. Never will you see as many pies as you will in this place. From savoury to sweet, from chunky meats to silky chocolates, you will find a pie to whet your appetite in here. All pies are made fresh that day and for $5.80 for a pie it’s great value. But who can resist the choice of two sides as well for a pocket saving $10. Choose from Boston baked beans, kumara sweet potato mash, home-style mashed potato, classic mushy peas and a mix of salads like coleslaw and leafy greens. 1a Brown Street, Newtown, Sydney (02) 9519 7880

The Winery hosts a wine tasting every Wednesday and insists that it is not for snobs. The event is called ‘Vino Vacation’ and begins at 6pm. The atmosphere is busy and a bit raucous, but this only adds to the experience. It’s the tasting to go to with your mates, perhaps for a bit of a laugh, but you might even learn something along the way. With a range of wines to choose from, you’ll be spoilt for choice at this tasting.



By Georgina Deacon

Fine Wines From NSW New South Wales is home to the oldest part of Australia’s $5 billion wine industry and is the second largest wine producing state in Australia, contributing 34% of all of the country’s wine. Australia as a whole is considered part of the ‘new world’ of wines and has over the past 30-years gained a reputation for quality all over the world. So why not try some of them? De Bortoli Family Shiraz Durif 2009 The De Bortoli Shiraz Durif is a devilish mix of the Shiraz grape and the Durif grape. The darkness full body of the Durif grape compliments the smooth and spicy Shiraz grape. However it is not as powerful as you might expect, the grapes are balanced perfectly in acidity to create a light and spicy red with hints of damson and cherry. This red would be a perfect accompaniment to steak and kidney or game pie, roast lamb or beef, or a char-grilled steak. Warburn Estate Verdelho 2011 This zippy and aromatic alternative to Sauvignon Blanc is fast becoming a cult favourite with wine drinkers down under. It has a clean, light taste, but packs a punch full of zest and a dry finish with elements of tropical fruit undertones. Enjoy this citrusy Verdelho with lightly spiced Thai food, salmon with lemon and cracked pepper, or chicken dishes. Best served chilled. McWilliams Mount Pleasant Isabelle Chardonnay 2011 Tumbarumba This wine is a fresh and complex Chardonnay with notes of peach, nectarine and green apple with a subtle biscuity character and a light smoky toasted oak flavour with a sleek tangy finish. Best served next to a plate of white meats such as pork chops or roast turkey. McGuigan Classic Pinot Grigio This delightful little classic is light and crisp number with aromas of pound cake and peach cobbler. With delightful flavours of citrus and pear and a hint of tropical fruits that tease the taste buds. A tasty Pinot Grogio that is best served with seafood like sautéed scallops or creamy sauce, grilled fish, Sushi or Thai food. Words by Georgina Deacon & Phillip Andreas







For something more permanent, alternative theatre lovers should check out the programme for The King Street Theatre. On it, you’ll find an eclectic mix of unique performing arts performances that will leave you feeling weirdly nurtured and catered for.

If you’re looking for somewhere for shopping and eating (two of life’s essentials) then look no further than Newtown, a suburb in Sydney’s inner west. Once a farming area in the 19th century, Newtown is now a cosmopolitan hub brimming with culture. Not only does it host Sydney’s best eat street (King Street), there are also many specialist stores where you can find vintage fashion, old records, books, antiques and homewares. Newtown is also a university town, situated next to the University of Sydney, so the suburb has that modern, student vibe.

Let’s go vintage...

There is a lot of fine architecture to be seen, if you’re into that kind of thing, with the Quadrangle at the University being one of the most beautiful buildings in Sydney. Newtown is located on the Inner West and South CityRail lines, so Central Sydney is just a stone’s throw away.

Another clear winner in the clothing shop stakes is Monster Thread. Less vintage, but more whimsy and bizarreness, this place is the dream shop for those who have seen it all before. They’re known for their cool printed t-shirts, but they also sell creative accessories, like necklaces with bears and pipes on, and owl earrings. Everything is affordable and original.

Need a place to stay?

If you’re looking for a place to stay in Newtown short-term, look no further than The Abbey On King. This backpacker accommodation is perfect for travellers who have a budget at the front of their mind. Located on the bustling King Street, The Abbey charges just $22.50 per person per night for a dorm room. If you’re not one for sharing personal space, a single room will set you back $50 per night, and a double room is $60 per night. However, if you need something more long-term, the flat shares are still pretty cheap. You can get a room in the heart of Newtown for $120 - $180 per week, depending on how fussy you are. The suburb is popular with students, so inexpensive, convenient flat shares are easy to come by. In fact, most rooms above $200 per week are actually in neighbouring suburbs, such as Camperville and Darlington.

Keep yourself busy...

Newtown is saturated in culture and is home to many artists, musicians and writers. It’s difficult to find any sort of hint of pretentiousness. The suburb has a great music scene, with many folk, punk and funk artists visiting local venues. The Marlborough Hotel has an initial swanky feel to it, but don’t be put off. It features special student deals throughout the week on food and drink, and The Cellar bar hosts DJs, who play their music loud below the posh cocktail bar. The Sandringham Hotel, another cool music venue, often plays to small crowds. From the outside, it looks a bit shabby, but ask anyone and they’ll tell you it’s all part of the authenticity. ‘The Sando’, as locals affectionately call it, also has a bistro downstairs with food all for under $10. Bargain. The Sydney Fringe Festival also takes place in Newtown and features everything from cabaret to comedy. It begins in early September and brings colour and culture to the suburb for just over three weeks.

The Cream on King is the best of vintage in Newtown and has all the greats from the 70s to the 90s, and we’re not talking about Led Zep or the Spice Girls. This moderately priced boutique has cute floral blouses, retro heels and custom-made leather jackets. Another second-hand shop to check out while you’re on King Street is Scraggs House of Fashion. If you’re looking for that statement jacket or one-off pair of trousers, look no further. There is also a bargain bin, where an abundance of cheap ties and scarves can be found.

Lose yourself in the culture...

Newtown is a colourful and cultured suburb of Sydney, with authenticity at its heart. It has that vintage feel, with the array of second-hand boutiques and shops selling old records and books. It’s easy to feel like a local here as they all mooch about the same as visitors do. There are over 100 restaurants, cafes and bars, most of which are located on King Street, and also some theatres and live music venues. You might be thinking that it’s impossible to be bored in Newtown - and you’re probably right. King Street is the main attraction of the suburb and runs right through the centre. Flat shares are inexpensive and will always have a prime location to the hub of Newtown. Travelling in and out of the area is easy by train, so there’s nothing to worry about there either. Overall, Newtown is perfect for: culture geeks, vintage lovers and foodies.

Visit Gould’s Book Arcade if you’re feeling inspired. This magnificent Aladdin’s cave is packed full of books with genres you’ve never even heard of. It also contains stacks of vinyl’s, old videos and CDs. This place is geek heaven and is open until midnight should you require extra browsing time.

Time to eat… and drink!

As mentioned before, Newtown is famous for its choice of restaurants and cafés, so just head to King Street for a winning choice of food and culture. However, if you’re feeling a little too spoilt for choice, then seek out The Pie Tin. This artisan café serves a whole range of sweet and savoury homemade pies with a choice of ciders and ales to complement your selection. A pie with two sides is just $11, a deal not to be missed out on. Turkish food has become very common in Sydney, but Matee Turkish Grill is the best you’ll find. Fresh ingredients, generous portion sizes and an authentic feel has made Matee very popular with the locals. Twelve Newtown is a great, chilled-out place to go to with your mates. This restaurant is known for its delicious pizzas you can also BYO wine. A good place for sophisticated dining is Rubyos, which serves modern Australian tapas. The idea is ‘to graze’ so you get a certain amount of smaller dishes to pick and choose from. Now your stomach is full of delicious food, it’s time to seek out a bar. Look no futher than Funky Bar. Located on King Street, along with everything else, this place is never too far away and serves very fancy cocktails. You can get beer and wine here, but the main attraction is the cocktails, although at $16 a pop your bill might rack up quicker than you were expecting, there are some original, ‘funky’ creations, though, so it could be worth it.

By Georgina Deacon





winter in australia

Winter Wonderland

Just because the cold weather is on its way, doesn’t mean the festival fun has to stop. Winter Festivals is a celebration of all things winter and is back for 2012 in partnership with Lipton Chai Latte. Now in its third year, it remains Australia’s largest and most popular winter entertainment event. This year is set to be the biggest yet with an estimated crowd of 500,000 enjoying great food, live music, buzzing nightlife and family fun in some of Australia’s most iconic locations. An extra stop has been added this year, and so for the first time ever Lipton Chai Latte Winter Festivals will be visiting Fremantle, alongside the usual King George Square in Brisbane, the iconic sands of Bondi Beach, and the St Kilda promenade in Melbourne. We don’t want anybody in Western Australia missing out now do we? Taking place during the July school holidays, the Winter Festivals offer the perfect opportunity for some family fun in a unique outdoors winter wonderland setting. There really is something for everyone to enjoy, whether you’re a kid or just a kid at heart. Director of The 2012 Winter Festivals Justin Ricketts, said: “We are really excited about this year’s festival. Our aim in planning 2012 has been to make this a great destination for fun and entertainment for all ages. With lots of fun family activities to entertain the kids during the day, and some great entertainment for adults during the night, we are sure this is going to be THE entertainment destination this winter.” This year more than ever before, more emphasis has been placed on the rich variety of activities visitors can get stuck into. One of this year’s highlights will no doubt be the huge 800m open air ice rink – the largest outdoor skating rink in Australia. You can either bring your own skates or rent a pair, or if you’d rather just leave it up to the professionals, be sure to look out for some breath-taking appearances from special guest performers including some of Australia’s best figure skaters. Other ice rink activities include ice hockey demonstrations, speed skating, relays and skating challenges. There will also be unique activities to each specific Winter Festival location. Throughout the day there is plenty to keep kids entertained, and the Winter Festivals provide a perfect location for a birthday party with a twist. But who said the kids are the only ones who get to have some fun? There is plenty more to keep the adults happy both during the day and late into the evening. So why not hit up the Winter Festival for a festive occasion?

If you’ve yet to see a traditional mountain chalet in all its glory, then look no further than the Alpine Ski Hut. A ski-themed lodge complete with roaring fireplaces, speciality European alpine food, and a licensed bar, there is also live music and entertainment to go alongside nicely with your beverages and nibbles. There are plenty of delicious après-ski delights on offer – French crepes, Bavarian bratwurst, Dutch poffertjes and Swiss raclette just to name a few. You can also enjoy these outside on the heated terrace while watching all the antics happening on the ice rink. The Alpine Ski Hut can also be booked for a function, event or party of up to 150 people. Should the cold weather really start nipping at your fingers and toes, then you can treat yourself to a hot chocolate or some Glühwein - a type of mulled wine that is rarely seen on Australian shores. And of course with festival partners being Lipton Chai Latte, you can get your hands on a free cup of it in the warm and relaxing Lipton Chai Latte lodge. Located right on the edge of the ice rink, it’s the perfect place to unwind and relax either before, during or after your skating session while watching others glide by. Marketing Manager of Lipton, Natalie Cassar said: “We’re excited to be continuing our relationship with the Winter Festivals in 2012 and look forward to welcoming visitors to take a break in the Lipton Chai Latte Lounge and enjoy a free exotic and indulgent cup of Lipton Chai Latte.” The best thing about the Lipton Chai Latte Winter Festivals? Entry is totally free. On weekdays opening hours are between 12pm and 10pm, and 10am and 10pm on weekends. Ice rink tickets and skate hire start from $12 for kids and $17 for adults, with group and family discounts available. Each festival runs for three weeks - the dates and locations are listed below. So what are you waiting for? Get your skates on and make sure you don’t miss the Lipton Chai Latte Winter Festivals! Brisbane, King George Square: 8th June - 1st July Bondi, Bondi Beach: 28th June - 15th July St Kilda Sea Baths: 29th June - 15th July Fremantle, Esplanade Reserve: 5th July - 22nd July For more information and tickets visit By Hannah Kurzawski


SKI DOWNUNDER You may guffaw at the idea of snow in Australia but as weird as that may sound, it’s a wonderful reality my friends. Although many resorts have to replenish their snow supplies with hi-tech snow guns, Charlotte Pass, located at 1,760m, is the highest ski resort in the country and always benefits from an abundance of those little white flakes which cause skiers and snowboarders such joy and mean that you can carve up that fresh powder pretty much every day. In fact, Charlotte Pass is a completely snowbound resort so you can only access it via over snow transport from Perisher Valley.

Charlotte Pass NSW

If that’s whet your appetite, it’s also worth noting that the resort is situated in NSW’s breath-taking Snowy Mountains in the shadow of the imposing yet annoyingly spelt Mount Kosciuszko. This means that you will have plenty of opportunity to marvel at the scenery as you zip down the slopes. Getting there… If you’re feeling flush, you can hop on a plane to the Snowy Mountains airport and then catch the Snowy Mountains Airport Shuttle. For more information call 02 6452 4455 or visit If public transport is your only option then you will be pleased to hear that Murrays and Greyhound both offer regular services from Sydney to the Snowy Mountains. You can get more information by visiting their websites for prices and timetables; and If you are coming from the nation’s capital, Canberra, then you can hop on a Transborder bus and be there in a few short hours. We understand why the idea of public transport might give you the heebie jeebies. If you are blessed with your own wheels then the drive is one that will take you through some spectacular scenery. It’s a six-hour drive from Sydney and seven hours from Melbourne. As we mentioned before, once at Perisher Valley, you will need to hop on oversnow transport to get to the resort. You can book this by calling 02 6457 5315. A return ticket to the resort will set you back $80. What to do… Due to its location, the runs in Charlotte Pass are less crowded than some of the other resorts. There is something for all abilities whether you are just getting your ski legs or if you would consider yourself a Master of the Slopes. The resort is laid back, the lift technicians are cool and there is a real mixture of nationalities milling about giving it a great atmosphere. Freestyle Terrain Park – No-one likes a show off…well that’s not strictly true. At the resorts massive terrain park you will rub shoulders with people who laugh in the face of a few broken bones. If you have nerves of steel, you can spend an afternoon practicing your tricks on the many jumps, tabletops and rails. Charlotte’s Play Park – although this is mostly for kids, if you haven’t been blessed with natural skiing prowess, you can always hone your skills away

from the judgemental eyes of the eternally cool ski crowd here… and if you are really short, we’re sure nobody will be able to tell the difference! There are mini-jumps, snake trails and some awesome sounding whoop de doos. Night skiing – Every Wednesday and Saturday night you can ski and snowboard under the stars at Basin Poma. Praise the lord for the invention of floodlights! Weekly standard race – This is a Charlotte Pass resort tradition and a chance to show people what you’re made of. The aim is to beat the times set by the instructors in exchange for prizes and most importantly…bragging rights. There is even an awards ceremony held in the Kosciuskzo Chalet Hotel, so make sure you have that speech prepared. Alternative activities... Even the most hardy slope lovers could benefit from a little variety. Spice things up with one of the resorts many alternative activities… Backcountry Tours – This is your opportunity to venture away from the people heavy slopes and see the best the mountain has to offer under the watchful eye of an experienced (and hopefully hunky!) ski instructor. This is not for beginners though, you will need to be a confident parallel skier and be able to demonstrate a reasonable level of fitness. On half-day tours you will start at the top of the Kosciusko Triple Chair and take in the sights of Mt Stillwell and the Charlottes Back Bowl. Or if you aren’t worried that your rather mediocre fitness levels will betray you then you can opt for a whole day and take in the majesty of the entire main range. Snowshoe Tours – This is a fun and different way to experience Charlotte Pass and the Snowy Mountains. Anyone for a picnic at the top of Australia? Mt Stillwell Snow Experience – You will be picked up by an oversnow vehicle, in what feels like the middle of the night, and driven to the “Top of the World”. As the sun begins to climb above the main range you can set off down the mountain, making the first tracks of the day in a part of the resort which is practically untouched by skiers. If you time it right, you will reach the bottom just as the lifts open and the rest of the skiers start surfacing.

Falls Creek

Winter Festival – From August 19-25 the resort hosts their infamous Winter Festival. Enjoy a drink at their impressive outdoor ice bar. There is also a flare run, Free Tubin’ Tuesday, a masked ball and the shenanigans will be finished off with an impressive fireworks display. Apres bars and restaurants One of the very best things about holidays is the fact that you get to eat and drink whatever the hell you want, completely guilt free. Plus, when you’ve spent the whole day tearing down a mountain, your appetite is completely justified. Here is a run down of some of Charlotte Pass’s best places to eat, drink and be merry. Arches Restaurant – Although probably not the best spot for hard-up backpackers, if you want the best grub that the resort has to offer, be sure to visit Arches. There’s a delicious a la carte lunch if you’re feeling fancy. Kosi Bar and Bistro – This popular spot is open each and every day and is the perfect place when you need to refuel with a coffee, cold drink, hearty meal or a quick snack. Arches Cocktail Lounge – Picture overstuffed leather couches positioned cosily close to roaring log fires and that is Arches Cocktail Lounge. This is a wonderful après ski venue when you need something strong to warm you up and get some feeling back in your fingers and toes. It’s open late as well so it’s a good place for an after dinner nightcap. The Cellar – This lively bar is open late every day and is where you will find the party. The staff are friendly folk and ensure that there is a great atmosphere for a late afternoon game of pool with a beer. There is also live music every night. Be warned - things can get raucous. For loads more handy information about Charlotte Pass visit Images courtesy of

By Amy Baker

Snow Bungee – This is basically a glorified trampoline but who doesn’t like a bounce around once in a while? Once your safely secured in your harness you are free to practice you twists, turns, somersaults and flips. Who knows, maybe you’ll be able to replicate them in the terrain park after building up some courage. $12 (1 session), $21 (2 sessions), $40 (5 sessions). Snowbiking – Falls Creek is the only place down under where you can slide down trails on bikes specially made to handle the ice. It’s a unique way to experience snow with a group of friends when you reach that stage where you cockily believe that you have tried everything. Groups have to be made up of at least two people and no more than four. $38 (1 hour guided day session), $41 (1 hour guided night session). •Night skiing – For two seasons now, every Wednesday and Saturday night you can race others down Wombat’s Run – Australia’s longest green run. The floodlit 2.2km stretch is a favourite of many skiers and snowboarders and at only $20 a session, it’s a good way to work up a thirst before you hit the Falls Creek nightspots. Speaking of which…

If even the briefest mention of hot snowboarders, male or female, is something that makes your ears prick up then it’s time to sit up, pay attention and read on my friend. Falls Creek is Victoria’s largest all-season alpine resort and the place that all boarders flock to in order to hone their ollies, shifties and flails in the world-class terrain parks which have been responsible for helping some of Australia’s brightest talent discover their snow legs. Falls Creeks’ close proximity to Melbourne and its superb range of activities, attractions and year-round events have made it one of the most popular winter playgrounds in the country. Although its amazing natural environment is undoubtedly it’s finest asset, the resort is also a favourite with environmentalists as the Falls Creek gang take their sustainable tourism pretty ruddy seriously. How to get there… Although you can catch a bus - travelling by car is always a good shout as it provides you with an excuse for a road trip (like you need one!). Plus you’ll get to drive through some of Australia’s most breath-taking countryside and lets not forget, it’s probably the cheapest transport method, which means more money for a warming shot of schnapps or two. Falls Creek is 370k from Melbourne, which means that it should take you around four and a half hours if you have a good run. If you are coming from Sydney – it’s not unrealistic, it’ll just mean a long day of driving. You’ll need to follow the Hume Highway regardless of which city you are travelling from. If you are coming from Melbourne you should turn off at Wangaratta and if Sydney was your starting point then take the Albury exit. IMPORTANT – It is a legal requirement that all vehicles carry snow chains. This includes AWD and 4WD – just because your car is bigger doesn’t make you special! You can hire the chains from a number of outlets in nearby Myrtleford and Mount Beauty. Terrain supreme… Falls Creek is the country’s Freeride and Freestyle capital. So, in other words – it’s where the cool kids hang out. There are four terrain parks in which to hone your skills but make sure you choose one that suits your ability or you’re at risk of looking like a giant douche-bag. The parks have some worryingly sizeable features so don’t go getting too big for your boots now…

Fox Trail - This is the park designed for kids. You may have never experienced the wonders of a terrain park before but avoid this hangout at all costs – you will not gain kudos for being “down with kids”, you will look weird and will completely eradicate all chances of a cheeky snog with that longhaired, beanie wearing stud you’ve been drooling after all week. Panorama Park - As the name suggests, this park overlooks Rocky Valley Lake so remember to get a few snaps whilst taking a breather from improving your skills on the range of small and medium-sized features. Ruined Castle Advanced Park - Now might be the right time to bust out the elbow pads – things just got serious. This is the spot for intermediate to advanced tricksters who are looking to try something a little more extreme. There are long lines of hits and rails to bruise yourself upon and as a very nice touch, there is a soundsystem playing tunes to keep you pumped no matter how many times you faceplant. Ruined Castle Expert Park -This is the self-titled “Big Daddy” of terrain parks so enter at your own risk. There is no way that you can blag it here – the hits, rails and obstacles are nothing short of intimidating and if you haven’t got the skills, you’re going down. You might be walking around thinking that you’re the next Douglas Bubbletrousers – here’s the place to prove it. Cross-country Falls Creek is the home of the Aussie National Cross Country ski team and if the idea of venturing off the main slopes gets those juices flowing then you have 65k plus of groomed trails to explore - all of which are free to access. Cross-country is something different and offers those who are game a chance to experience amazing views of the Bogong High Plains and Kiewa Valley. The Nordic Bowl is the perfect place to try your hand at cross-country skiing for the first time. It’s worth mentioning that to be decent at cross-country skiing, your fitness levels need to be decent. Unfortunately you can’t just point yourself in the right direction and rely on your bodyweight to do the rest. Don’t say we didn’t warn you… Bored of boarding… Although the resorts crowing glory is it’s four terrain parks, there are lots of other things that you can try your hand at if your bum gets sore from taking one too many tumbles.

A piste of the action… After a long, gruelling day on the slopes working on the definition of those calf muscles – what is the first thing that you want to do? Well, ruin all the good effects of the exercise with some greasy grub and a beer or six of course. It’s the done thing after all… Fortunately, Falls Creek isn’t just an awesome place during the day, by night there are an abundance of restaurants, bars and clubs all packed to the rafters plying their trade. Here’s a selection of the best… Cock & Bull – This olde English pub serves great food and has a perfectly timed happy hour between the hours of 5-7. A great place to sink a few cheap ones after you retire from the slopes for the day. Frying Pan Inn – This is just the spot for the après atmosphere we know you all crave. Expect a permanently lively crowd, excellent live music and cold, thirst-quenching beer. Tomdickandharry’s Apres Ski café and bar – This is one hangout that you just have to visit and once you arrive, don’t expect to leave until the sun is peeking over those snowy mountains. Simply unmissable. The Man Hotel – Ladies, fear not, you too will be made welcome at this late night hangout. Come here to feed your appetite with tasty pizzas before taking on your mates at pool or fooz ball. By Amy Baker Astra Restaurant – If vodka is your tipple, head here to sample some of their more unusual flavours. We recommend the toffee.

Fast Facts About Falls Creek:

Season Start: 9 June Season end: 1 October Location: 373km from Melbourne Gateway cities: Melbourne and Albury (120km) Average snowfall: 400cm Highest elevation: 1780m No. of lifts: 14 Difficulty: 17% beginner, 60% intermediate, 23% advanced By Amy Baker


CHECK THIS OUT - MELBOURNE WINTER WARMERS IN Melbourne As the temperatures start to drop, you’ll need some hot drinks and cosy inviting surroundings to help warm you up. Sometimes a cup of tea or a hot chocolate just isn’t what you’re after – you need something with a bit more kick. Everyone appreciates a good blanket or open fire too. So just for you we’ve found places in Melbourne that are ready for winter and the cold that it brings. Theses are the perfect way to start your winter evenings while still keeping those hands and feet (and probably heads) warm. Whether it’s a mulled cider, brandy or even a heated cocktail you’re after, in warm, snug couches, you’ll find it in Melbourne on a cold winter’s eve.

Madame Brussels

Quirky Madame Brussels are most definitely ready for winter. Even though they are outside on a rooftop patio and the staff are dressed in tennis outfits, as they aren’t going to let a bit of cold weather stop them. Or you for that matter. They’ve got hot water bottles, soft blankets and built-in roof heaters to help warm you up. On top of that they have hot toddies, mulled wine, hot buttered rum, brandy and even heated cocktails, which come in little teapots with tea-cosies. What’s not to love?

99 Problems

Appearing on the Melbourne bar scene just under a year and a half ago, this place is intimate and relaxed, allowing you to lounge while listening to some great music. To chase the cold away over winter, they are serving mulled cider, mulled wine and Fireball whiskey, so you can take your pick when it comes to choosing a warming-up beverage. Open Tuesday till Saturday, 5pm till late, this is a great place to relax with friends and hide from the miserable temperatures outside. 31 Johnston Street, Collingwood, Melbourne, 3000 Victoria

Terra Rossa

Big leather couches and roaring open fires? That sounds pretty warm to us. This place is extremely inviting when you’re dealing with the Melbourne cold outside. Modern, cosy and intimate, here you can come for breakfast, lunch, dinner or just for a few warm drinks in the lounge bar. They’ve got tapas, pasta, pizza, ribs, chicken, fish – all hearty food sure to warm up and fill any empty stomach. 87 Flinders Lane, Melbourne, VIC 3000 (03) 9650 0900

Wine Tasting In Melbourne We at BBM love a good quality glass of wine, and if you’re fed up of drinking any old plonk put in front of you and want to get a little bit more authority on the subject of wine tasting, then why not indulge in a spot of wine tasting? CITY WINE SHOP City Wine Shop is a warm and inviting bar in the heart of Melbourne. You can come here for food and wine by-the-glass, but they also have a private room upstairs for up to 35 people which you can hire out for wine tutorials and tastings. The staff here are as knowledgeable as real sommeliers and will assist you in choosing a wine to complement your meal if you are unsure. City Wine Bar also hosts regular wine tasting events, so check their website to find out what’s coming up. 159 Spring Street, Melbourne (03) 9654 6657 PRINCE WINE STORE If you want to learn more about wine, this is the place to go. Prince Wine Store has an eclectic range of wines at competitive prices. They also do wine tastings, which are often free, and run wine courses, where you can learn the basics or expand your knowledge on Italian wines or of specific regions like Burgundy. Their website features a calendar of events, so take a look and book yourself a free tasting. 177 Bank Street, South Melbourne (03) 9686 3033 MELBOURNE WINE HOUSE Melbourne Wine House is an excellent place to go to improve your wine knowledge to impress your friends. A full-length course is five weeks, but there is also the option of doing a ‘mini’ course for three weeks. The atmosphere of the course is informal and relaxed, meaning you don’t have to worry about having a snobbish tutor or feeling out of place. The courses aren’t cheap. The ‘mini’ course will set you back $165, but that does include extensive tuition and six wines per session. And you probably won’t need to take another wine course ever again. 133 Queensbridge Street, Southbank (03) 9698 8000

Madame Brussels Level 3, 59-63 Bourke Street, Melbourne (03) 9662 2775

Young and Jackson’s Rooftop Cider Bar

This is place is Australia’s original and only cider bar. Here you’ll find a whole range of mulled flavours to help keep away those winter cold blues, with the apple cider being locally produced in the Yarra Valley. Their ‘Scrumpy’ mulled cider has a sweet taste while the ‘Napolean’ is less so, with it being a mixture of apple cider, pomegranate and brandy along with nutmeg and cinnamon. Here you can also get some great hearty grub to help warm your insides.

FED SQUARE WINE SHOWCASE This event is bi-monthly on the first Wednesday and Thursday of each month. The Fed Square Wine Showcase features a different Victorian wine region each month and attendees will have the chance to taste the wines on offer, help judge them and meet the winemakers. The event is from 4:30pm – 8:30pm and tickets cost $25, but it really is good value for money for an evening out with your mates. The next showcase is in August. The Atrium, Federation Square, Melbourne (03) 9655 1900

Corner of Swanston & Flinders Streets, Melbourne, 3000 Victoria (03) 9650 3884

Words by Hannah Kurzawski & Georgina Deacon

By Georgina Deacon



Pure Pie And Mash In Melbourne

When a pie shop has been open for 40-years, either they’ve got a lot of cash or they have some pretty damn good pies. For Dinkum Pies it’s the latter. This recently refurbished pie shop is now drenched in the colour of love (red) and coca-cola memorabilia for a pseudo-retro look. After you get past the colour of the walls make your way to the counter and let your eyes fest on a plethora of freshly baked pies. The favourite famous steak pie is sumptuous with fresh minced steak encased in a buttery puff pastry and a crispy pastry lid. It’s a classic, so why fight it?

Ahh good old pie and mash, you simply cannot beat it. Apparently it’s been sold in the East end of London since the 19th century and the Aussies have even come up with their own version known as the ‘pie floater.’ While we’re not completely taken with that name due to the fact that it reminds us of something else, we know that when you’re away from home for a significant amount of time, sometimes you just want a little taste of it to take you back every now and again. We’ve searched high and low across Melbourne to find you the best pie and mash the city has to offer.

29 Block Place, Melbourne, Victoria 3000 (03) 9654 6792

Williamsons’ Pies and Pastries

Considered by most to have the best veggie pasties in the whole of Melbourne, Williamsons’ Pies and Pastries has got a following, but what about the pies? They are equally as good as the veggie variety of pasty. Their style of unpretentious rustic pie making is admirable in today’s ‘cheffy’ approach to food. You won’t find a deconstruction of the pie here and they make no apologies about that. If you want some classic pie filling in a crisp, tasty puff pastry case you know where to go.

P.J. O’Brien’s

Traditional Irish pub P.J.’s have a menu that reminds you of your mum’s cooking back home. Their traditional beef and Guinness pie is homemade with prime beef and Guinness sauce served with creamy mash potato and seasonal vegetables, costing $19.50. Luckily for you there are two P.J.O’Briens’ in Melbourne, with one in the airport, meaning you can have your pie and mash as soon as you arrive. P.J. O’Brien’s, Southgate Arts & Leisure Precinct, Southbank, Victoria (03) 9686 5011

Pie In The Sky Of Olinda

Fancy a prize-winning pie? Pie In The Sky of Olinda have an array of pies for you to choose from (with the choice of mash on the side) all or most of which have won medals. That’s right, here you are eating champion pies. Since 1993 this place has won a total of 30 medals in the annual Great Aussie Meat Pie Competition, with 15 of those being gold! Just to give you some idea of what flavours you can choose from, they have an Aussie meat pie, cheese pie, mushroom pie, cheese and onion pie, pumpkin pie, korma chicken pie, spinach and feta pie and even that pie floater thingy. Pie In The Sky, 43 Olinda - Monbulk Rd, Olinda - 3788, Victoria (03) 9751 2128

Pie Minister

A family-run business, these guys have a passion for pies and aim to make them as healthy as possible. They use low fat pastry and fresh meat and vegetable produce, and make and bake all their pies daily. You can have a single size pie which cost between $4 - $6 or a family-sized sharing pie for around $11 - $18. They too have a wide selection to choose from, with even a great choice for all you non-meat-eaters out there. Their pies are so good, Prime Minister Julia Gillard stopped by to tuck into one when campaigning in Pakenham. Pie Minister‎, 24 Lakeside Boulevard, Pakenham, Victoria, 3810 (03) 5940 5588‎

Pie Face

There are quite a few of these around Australia so you may be familiar with this name once you’ve been there a reasonable amount of time. But the reason there are so many is because they do good pie! They’ve got Mexican pie, steak and mushroom, breakfast pie, steak and pepper, mince beef, chicken and mushroom, chunky steak, Thai chicken curry and tandoori vegetable just to give you a rough idea. Most of their shops are open 24 hours which means pies at any time of the day and night. Of course mash is available to get on the side.

253 Chapel Street, Parhran, VIC 3181 (03) 9510 1729

O’Grady’s Gourmet Pies and Quiches

When you have a head pastry chef that was taught by the Swiss, kings of pastries, you can’t really expect anything less than perfection from O’Grady’s. And that’s what you get: perfection in pie form. Offering a large selection of gourmet meat and chicken pies, from the classics like steak and chicken and mushroom, to the more inventive Swiss cheese and steak, to the sublime Mexican pie. A fiesta of chilli topped with tortilla chips, jalapeños and generously sprinkled with cheddar cheese. They even do veggie pies, so there’s no excuse to check out O’Grady’s and their exotic array of pie goodness. Shop 7, 1-5North Concourses, Beaumaris, VIC 3294 (03) 9589 3249 By Hannah Kurzawski

Melbourne CBD: Elizabeth Street, Swanston Street, Bourke Street, Collins Street, Flinders Street (plus more)

Fine Wines From Victoria Victoria boasts of 850 wineries in 21 distinct wine regions and is the third largest producing state of wine in Australia, just falling short of New South Wales and South Australia’s Riverland. Below you will find some of BBM’s favourites from Victoria’s wine country. So don’t pass, get out a glass and let us tell you what we think you should be pouring in to it. Grampians Estate –Mafeking 2005 Gold Chardonnay Grampians Estate wine has emerged as a premier winery boutique of the region with plenty of award winning wines on their roster. Their Gold Chardonnay is no exception to the quality we expect. Once you’ve opened this wine you’re met with restrained aromas of grapefruits, white peaches and macadamia nuts. The taste is lively and fresh that sits well on the palate. Persistent flavours of grapefruit and nuts come through with a hint of smoky oak. This wine would go elegantly with any seafood or a board of cheeses. Two Hands Max’s Garden Shiraz 2007 This big red is from the boys at Two Hands, a humble winery focused on quality and precision that has been rewarded with an international following. Their Shiraz is a deep magenta with black hues. On the nose it has red to black fruit with characters of raspberries and red currants intermingle with darker cherry like chocolate aromas. On the palate it finishes bright and clean with notes of cedar. Perfect for roasted lamb with rosemary or beef bourgeois. Innocent Bystander Shiraz 2010 Another wholesome red, this time by Innocent Bystander, a small and independent winery focusing on small-batch wine making. Their 2010 Shiraz is a smooth little red number with aromas of five spice, campari, orange zest and juniper berries in contrast with notes of wild blackberries and raspberries and hints of dark chocolate. To taste it’s firm with balanced tannins. The taste of blackberries is strong throughout and finishing with a savoury edge. Enjoy with beef with roasted vegetables or hearty stews. Dog Rock, Riesling 2011 The Pyrenees region isn’t renowned for producing Riesling, Dog Rock have done a very good job with this crisp white wine. On the nose it’s zesty and fresh with hints of lime. On the palate it’s creamy with Guava-like characters cut with hints of lime juice throughout it’s fruity with a dry finish. Enjoy with roasted chicken with lemon and thyme and char-grilled asparagus. By Phillip Andreas


CHECK THIS OUT - MELBOURNE What will you find in South Melbourne…

The main commercial area of South Melbourne is centred around Clarendon Street – where you’ll find an abundance of shops, cafes, eateries and galleries to keep you entertained. There is also the South Melbourne Market in Coventry Street where you’ll find everything from fresh fruit and veg, meat, fish, bread and cheese, as well as flowers, jewellery, gifts, clothes, books and cosmetics. The market is open on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays from 8am till 4pm. The perfect place to pick some provisions for a picnic in one of South Melbourne’s green spots.

Inside South Melbourne South Melbourne is an inner-city suburb of Melbourne, just 2km south of the CBD. It lies between the riverfront Southbank precinct to the north and the bay-side suburbs of Port Melbourne and Albert Park to the south. As one of the oldest suburban areas in Melbourne, it’s known for its well-preserved Victorian architecture and small laneways cobbled in bluestone. Housing in South Melbourne is mainly terraced or semi-detached Victorianstyle buildings, although in recent years, the area has seen more and more high-rise modern apartments being built, where development has spilled over from the CBD. The best example of South Melbourne’s Victorian style is the Town Hall, which was built in 1880. An impressive building in terms of both size and appearance, it’s worth checking out. Another notable site to see is the Chinese See Yup Temple built by the See Yup Society in 1856, which means it dates back to the famous Victorian Gold Rush era that South Melbourne is regularly associated with.

If you’re looking for gifts or treats which are unique and quirky, South Melbourne won’t leave you disappointed. There are plenty of one-off, little boutiques and stalls selling jewellery, fashion, music, and other little treasures and trinkets. There are also great little bookshops which pop-up every now and again. If you find yourself hungry while doing all that shopping but don’t know exactly what you fancy, luckily for you there is a lot of choice when it comes to food. There are plenty of cafes and restaurants dotted around which serve Italian, Sri Lankan, Chinese, Japanese, Thai, Mexican, English, Australian – you name it, they’ve got it. Even if it’s just coffee and cake you’re after, you’ll be sure to find some just around the next corner.

South Melbourne FC…

One of the main things South Melbourners are most proud of is their football team – South Melbourne FC. These guys are seen as one of Australia’s most successful teams having four national titles to their name. They play in the Victorian Premier League and are located at the Lakeside Stadium, which is situated next to the picturesque Albert Park Lake and only five minutes drive from the CBD. If you’re there between March and September, try and catch a game – it might not be the Premier League but it’s a guaranteed great day out. Be sure to don your blue and white. South Melbourne is easily reached from the CBD and the other suburbs, either by train, tram or bus. It’s also close to Melbourne airport, taking around 20-25 minutes to get there by cab.

Arts and Culture…

So what can you do in South Melbourne that you can’t do anywhere else? South Melbourne is awash with art galleries, such as the contemporary Smart Artz Gallery on Alfred Place that is a vast converted warehouse that shows work from Australian artists old and new. The Glass Plus Gallery on Park Street gives a great insight in to Australian glass art – honestly it’s better than it sounds. If you’re feeling particularly geeky, you can visit the Scienceworks museum that costs only $10 to get in.

If you fancy indulging your inner culture vulture further then why not spend the evening at one of South Melbourne’s theatres? The Malthouse Theatre on Sturt Street always has something going on, whether it’s drama, dance or opera, there will be something to suit every artistic preference.

Hot Air Ballooning

If being out in the great outdoors is more your thing then why not try a balloon ride? Balloon flights over Melbourne are one of the best ways to see all the sights, and as most are done at sunrise, you’ll get to see Melbourne and its three million people waking up. You’re taken up by a fully-qualified instructor and the majority of balloon flights include a bonus such as a champagne breakfast when you land again. This however doesn’t come cheap – they start at around $350 for an adult. However it is perhaps a great alternative to the thrill-seeking skydives or bungee jumps, and one of those once in a lifetime opportunities.


South Melbourne has a lot of pubs, wine bars, lounge bars, cocktail bars, sports bars and boutique bars on offer. While a good proportion of them can be found on Clarendon Street, Cecil Street and City Road, there are dotted around everywhere. The Limerick Arms Hotel has a lot more background to it than your average pub. Set up by two Irish brothers over 150 years ago, this place still continues to wet the whistles and feed the hungry stomachs of South Melbourners. They also have five plasma TVs and HD projectors that show all the live sport. Star Bar which is also found on Clarendon Street, is somewhere to stay later on in the night, and here they showcase Australia’s leading cover bands and the hottest DJs. They’re even open on Sunday nights, with great drink offers always on. The Golden Gate Hotel is where you go if you want amazing cocktails in great chic surroundings. They also have 12 local and international beers and a great wine list.


Just like anywhere in Melbourne, there are places to stay that suit every budget or price range. Hostels start from around $22 per person a night for shared dorms and $45 a night for private rooms. Slightly higher up the scale are the motels and hotels which cost between $89 and $100 for a standard room, and often include breakfast and parking space. If you’re looking to stay in South Melbourne on a longer-term basis, flat shares range from around $140 - $300 a week depending on specific location, size and amenities.

Perfect for…

We think South Melbourne is perfect for culture-vultures, architecture appreciators, history buffs and keen boutique shoppers.

By Hannah Kurzawski



Charles St


Grove St

Gatton St Upward St

Mcleod St

Minnie St


Spence St

Hartley St

Hartley St

St f r a Wh



Grafton St


Bunda St

Alpin St

Abbot St

Florence St Lake St

Sheridan St

Water St

Mulgrave Rd




Kenny St

The Great Barrier Reef If you’re visiting Cairns then you’re no doubt going to be heading off to the Great Barrier Reef, so here’s a bit more information to load up on before you head out to this magnificent destination. Given that the Great Barrier Reef is one of the wonders of the world you would need to be a fool of colossal proportions to come all this way and not at least have a snorkel. 
The Reef is so teeming with underwater life of every description that even looking down from the surface is an unforgettable experience. 
You are guaranteed to see creatures of every kind including clown fish, coral of every shape, size and colour, turtles, and small (harmless) sharks. 
Ok, well their might be the odd harmful one, but you’ll mostly run into grey nurse sharks, colourful squid, but do watch out for the jellyfish, otherwise your travel buddies will end up having to piss on you. No joke. 
There are all sorts of special deals that you can get in the tourist shops in Cairns. 
As a backpacker, your natural reflex is to think “sod that, they’re just trying to rip me off”. 
You are wrong you fool - because the deals are excellent value. 
For example you can pay up front for a scuba dive. There’s a load of different companies to use and you can get some pretty good deals on anything from introductory dives to six or seven day live aboard trips. 
Basically, Cairns is the scuba diving capital of The Reef and it’s hard to pass through without having a go.
 And if you’re a bit of a scaredy cat about all those underwater creatures, stop worrying, you’ll be so overwhelmed by all the natural beauty here that you’ll end up diving straight in. You can sometimes forget that Cairns is a tropical wonderland so even getting on a boat to Hastings Reef is a pleasure. 
Hastings is about 15 metres deep and the water is clearer than a blonde’s head. 
You can’t believe the reef until you see it. 
It reminded us of a busy metropolis city with fish darting around in organised traffic popping in and out of the fluorescent reef. (A bit like that 90s cartoon, Sharky and George… remember it? If you do then you’re old!) 
It really is a privilege to be swimming in amongst this watery city so make sure you try and get your hands on an underwater camera.

If you’re lucky you may see a White Tipped Reef Shark and if you do no one will notice if you urinate in your wetsuit. 
If you’re not quite ready to try scuba diving then snorkeling is a very viable option. 
Although divers may brag that they get to see a variety of underwater life that those on the surface could never appreciate, we beg to differ. 
There’s still just as much danger and excitement to experience at surface level you’re in a tropical ocean after all. If you’re snorkeling you still need to be wary of what is floating past you be it stingers and jellyfish and the strong currents which can unassumingly drag you (albeit gently) away from your vessel. So make sure you periodically check where the boat is and don’t get too engrossed in your live aquarium viewing. When out on the reef, the deck hands will often feed the fish from the boat and at which point you’ll be able to marvel at an abundance of creatures. This is especially beautiful by torch light at night if you’re staying out on the reef…which we strongly recommend. 
The fish are an astonishing variety of luminescent greens, pinks blues and yellows. They seem to change colour and glow as they move about. Whatever you choose to do whilst in Cairns, just make sure you at least do one trip out to The Great Barrier Reef as it really is a memorable experience that will stay with you a lifetime. Facts About The Great Barrier Reef: The Great Barrier Reef is the world’s largest reef system The Great Barrier Reef is composed of over 2,900 individual reef The Great Barrier Reef has over 900 islands stretching for over 2,600 kilometres The Great Barrier Reef can be seen from outer space Thirty species of whales, dolphins, and porpoises have been recorded in the Great Barrier Reef Six species of sea turtles come to the reef to breed 215 species of birds (including 22 species of seabirds and 32 species of shorebirds) visit the reef or nest or roost on the islands Seventeen species of sea snake live on the Great Barrier Reef More than 1,500 fish species live on the reef There are at least 330 species of ascidians (sac-like marine invertebrate filter feeders) on the reef system




Darwin is situated in the Northern Territory. Being world renowned you’d be surprise to learn that Darwin is in fact only a small city and hosts a population of just 197,000. Upon arriving in Darwin the first thing that will hit you is the climate. Even during July and August temperatures are in the mid to high 70’s. Darwin is situated at the ‘top end’ of the Northern Territory and therefore has a very tropical climate, including a wet and dry season. The wet season runs between November and March whilst temperatures remain around the mid 80’s. So basically June, July and August aren’t a bad time to visit this wonderful part of the Northern Territory. Being the Northern Territory Darwin naturally has a large Aboriginal population meaning you’ll finally get to see some of the real Australia. From learning about Aboriginal culture to perusing the many Aboriginal artworks and craft shops, Darwin really presents the opportunity to get in touch with Aboriginal Australia.


Whilst in the city of Darwin there are a number of attractions that you can fill your time up with. The Museum and Art Gallery of Northern Territory is a great place to start. For the cultural buffs among you can get all hot under the collar with all the museums and galleries in Darwin to explore. The cream of the crop, however, would have to be the Museum and Art Gallery of the Northern Territory. Here you can go back in time to 1974 (orange flowery shirt optional) and experience Cyclone Tracy. You’ll walk into a darkened room and listen to actual news reels from the fateful night, and then be launched into a mock disaster zone. However we would like to warn you that Cyclone Tracy killed 71 people, and caused $837 million worth in damage. If you want to stretch your legs then why not go for a stroll in the afternoon to East Point Reserve - a spit of land north of Fannie Bay (and no we didn’t make that name up, it’s just a happy accident, much like ourselves). The afternoon is a great time to go as at this time of day the wallabies come out to feast as the sun sets across the bay. Or walk to the old Stokes Hill Wharf, below the cliffs at the southern end of the centre. At the end of the jetty is the Arcade, an old warehouse housing a food centre that’s not a bad spot for an alfresco lunch or a cool beer. Back on the mainland the wharf precinct also features old storage tunnels dug into the cliff face during WWII. If you’re feeling more energetic then buy yourself some flippers and go down to Darwin Harbour for some diving. The wrecks from WWII and Cyclone Tracy, which are now encrusted with coral and support plentiful marine life, make for excellent underwater explorations. If you’re not keen on getting wet though, you could take a walking tour around some of the remaining historic buildings still preserved in the city such as Old Palmerston Town Hall and Christ Church Cathedral. One of the main reasons to visit Darwin is of course the crocodiles. Feeding time at Darwin’s Crocodylus Park would make even Paul Hogan’s heart flutter. There are more than a thousand monsters of the swamp here - ranging from foot long hatchlings to big-bastard adults measuring 16-feet and weighing in at more than a half a ton. At lunchtime these hungry crocs practically queue up to crunch down on their food with their massively powerful jaws. And quite frankly this is the closest you’re going to get to the salt water crocodiles without the risk of them taking your leg off. Fannie Bay Gaol Museum is also a great place to visit. It may not have quite the panache of Alcatraz as lock ups go, but this one is still certainly an interesting sight. Located a little further out of town at the corner of Ross Smith Avenue and East Point Road, this was the crème de la crème of Darwin jails between 1883 and 1979. You can have a good old mosey around the cells, or if you’re feeling particularly dark, the gallows used in the Northern Territory’s last hanging (fairly recently in 1952) are also available for perusal. If you’re a shopaholic who just can’t quit, even when you’re in a small NT town then head on down to Mitchell Street in the heart of Darwin’s CBD area. Here you’ll find plenty of opportunity to flash your cash for some well earned retail therapy. There is the large Mitchell Centre Shopping Centre and also plenty of other specialty shops to tempt your plastic fantastic. And after lugging around all your newfound possessions there are many cafes where you can take a load of your feet and refresh yourself.

Adventures To Have…

The many waterfalls found in Litchfield National Park will take your breath away as they cascade fluidly from the sandstone plateau called the Taletop Range. Whilst here you’ll also get to experience monsoon rainforests and mammoth termite mounds, so basically you’re travelling pics will be pretty impressive and avoid any yawns when you return from your great adventure. One Day Tours to Lichfield National Park leave daily from Darwin and will set you back around $150, so if you’re on a budget, but you really want to immerse yourself in nature then Litchfield National Park is by no means an inadequate compromise but a great option. When booking on these tours you must remember to check the weather conditions as you don’t want to get stuck in a monsoon…or maybe you do. If you’re not planning on leaving Darwin a great place to visit is Crocosaurus Cove in the heart of the city. Here you can get up close and personal with the giant saltwater crocs. At Crocosaurus Cove you can see the crocs like never before by doing a cage dive. The ultimate face to face encounter commences as you are lowered into one of three crocodile enclosures, gradually becoming submerged in the very same waters as some of Australia’s largest crocodiles. Each cage dive will spend approximately 5 minutes in each of the 3 enclosures! But if you’re not quite that brave/stupid then you can even hold a baby croc. But don’t worry they can only take a finger/part of your hand off! For more information visit

Nightlife In Darwin…

So once you’re done with playing Crocodile Dundee and you’re back in Darwin you should probably treat yourself to a few bevies. Although it’s small Darwin does possess some nightlife. The Victoria Hotel is pretty popular with travellers, and there is usually live music, creating a fairly decent atmosphere. At the Victoria Hotel you’ll also find TVs for your sports viewing pleasure, pool tables, video games, slots and basically it’s just a good old hang out for shooting the breeze. If you’re looking for super affordable prices for your beer soaking then there are a number of “backpacker bars”. A couple of popular ones include VT Survivors, Wisdom Bar and Café. If you fancy something a little bit more glam then why not check out the Sky City Casino. Here you can have a little flutter if you’re feeling lucky, and they do an excellent value for money seafood buffet.

Accommodation in Darwin…

One of the great things about Darwin is there is tonnes of accommodation available. Hostels start from as little as $13 per night for a dorm room, and a private room can range from $30-$50 per night. is a great way to find out what’s available when and where and you can even book online, but as always make sure you read the reviews of where you’re staying to avoid disappointment. Darwin has around 50 hotels and you can bag a room for around $100 per night depending on the time of year, the room type and of course how many stars you wish to clock up! And if you’ve been camping on a tour for a few days a hotel may be just what your back is in need of.

Wildlife in The Northern Territory The Northern Territory plays host to more than 60 species of mammals, 289 species of birds, 132 species of reptiles, 25 different species of frogs, and an estimated 10,000 species of insects as well as many more different species of fish. The most famous resident of the top end of the Northern Territory is the saltwater crocodile or ‘saltie’. You can find saltwater crocs in billabongs and rivers, resting on mud flats and even floating around Darwin Harbour. Saltwater crocs can grow up to 16 feet, so make sure you keep a close eye out for these monsters as they do like the beaches also.

Darwin is famous for its National Parks Kakadu and Litchfield. Here is where you can really unleash you’re inner adventurer and get to grips with nature. Kakadu National Park is located within the Alligator Rivers region of the Northern Territory. The region covers an area of 19,804 km2 (7,646 sq mi),[ extending nearly 200 kilometres from north to south and over 100 kilometres from east to west. Amazingly it’s the same size as Slovenia, about one-third the size of Tasmania, or nearly half the size of Switzerland. Also for all you fact loving geeks; The Ranger Uranium Mine, one of the most productive Uranium mines in the world, is contained within Kakadu National Park.

Kakadu National Park plays host to one third of Australia’s bird population. Birds you can see here include jabirus, jacanas, spoonbills, kingfishers, magpie geese and egrets.

There are a number of things you can do whilst visiting Kakadu. From exploring the intricate jungles and stunning waterfalls and billabongs you can even have a cheeky dip in one, and this is well recommended as it’s so damn hot! Tours you can book on can range from day tours where you can see amazing wildlife and view ancient Aboriginal rock art. You can also visit Yellow Water Billabong and search for saltwater crocodiles…if you think you’re hard enough! However it’s not that cheap, even a day tour will set you back around $200, although it’s totally worth it. To book onto longer 4WD tours will cost you $400 and up depending on the duration. Whilst booking on to these tours you also get the opportunities to cruise on the Mary River Wetlands and check out two of the park’s most spectacular waterfalls, Jim Jim Falls and Twin Falls. Although these tours may seem pricey, don’t forget that it is covering all of your meals and transportation, and you get to rough it proper by camping Aussie style.

The further south you head in the Northern Territory you’ll encounter more desert-like scenery where you’ll be able to see “euros” a species of kangaroo, cockatoos, ringneck parrots, honeyeaters, bustards, zebra finches, kestrels, whistling kites and, of course, abundance of lizards.

If you’re planning on visiting Litchfield National Park then expect more amazing tropical waterfalls and swimming holes. Litchfield Park is situated just south of Darwin. The Park was established in 1986 and attracts over a quarter of a million visitors every year. The park was named after Frederick Henry Litchfield who was a member of the Finniss Expedition from South Australia that began in 1864 in a bid to set up a settlement at the mouth of the Adelaide River.

Another great safari spot whilst in the Northern Territory, if you’re luck enough, is the frilled necked lizards. These creatures are small-medium in size and if you see one running, try not to laugh, however it is a hilarious site. Whilst here you’ll also have the opportunity to see emus, dingos and even water buffalos. The best time to do most of your animal spotting is the wet season between November and March, as during the rest of the year whilst temperatures soar to the high 80’s, they pretty much just want to hide from the sun.

By Fanny Frangipe



The Rock Tour The Northern Territory Rock Tour is the best way to see some of Australia’s beautiful desert and landscape on a budget. On this three-day tour, you will get to see the sandstone domes of the Lost City, the Valley of the Winds in Kata Tjuta, and experience possibly the most memorable sunset and sunrise of your life over Uluru. Keep reading to find out more about the places you could be visiting…

Day 1 - Kings Canyon

Standing at 270m high, Kings Canyon is part of the Watarrka National Park and is situated at the western end of the George Gill Range. The walls of Kings Canyon are over 100 metres high and part of the gorge is a sacred Aboriginal site. From here, the views are breathtaking. The tour takes you on a three-hour hike through the red domes of the Lost City, the weathered formations that resembles those of an Aztec city. You will have the opportunity to swim in the tropical watering hole that is the Garden of Eden, a natural spring waterhole. The landscape surrounding this true oasis is filled with palm trees, exotic plants and huge prehistoric ferns. That night, you will camp at Curtin Springs, where you can help prepare a healthy camp-oven dinner and then relax whilst looking up at the stars.

Day 2 - Kata Tjuta & Uluru Sunset

Kata Tjuta, meaning ‘many heads’, is the collective name given to the series of domed rock in NT that features Uluru, also known as ‘Ayers Rock’. The tallest rock is ‘Mount Olga’, which is 1500ft high. On your hike, you will get the chance to try to real ‘bush tucker’ (don’t worry – it is optional). After experiencing the Valley of the Winds, you will go to the Aboriginal Cultural Centre to learn about Dreamtime. This is the Aboriginal belief that all life can be traced back to the spirit ancestors of the Dreamtime. It is the beginning of knowledge, where before the Earth was flat and in darkness. The sun then broke out through the crust of the Earth.

This could be your spiritual awakening, but if not, you’ll then get the chance to witness the Uluru change colour. Well, it doesn’t magically turn disco, but due to the changing light, the rock appears to glow red at sunset. Either way, it’s quite remarkable. The night is spent at Ayers Rock Campground.

Facts About The Rocks

Day 3 - Uluru Sunrise

Kings Canyon is 323 km southwest of Alice Springs and 1,316 km south of Darwin.

On this morning, you’ll be able to watch Uluru transform again as the sun rises. The rock is actually very sacred to the Anangu Aboriginal people. They say that when you climb Uluru, you follow in the footsteps of the Mala men, who used to climb the rock for ceremony. For this reason, there have been debates about whether to let people climb the monolith. It is managed by both Australian and Anangu parks departments, who work together to allow the general public onto the rock. There are a lot of safety concerns with Uluru due to factors including heat, rain, wind, cloud and culture. It is best to read up about these points before attempting to climb the rock. However, on this tour, you will only have time to complete the Uluru Base Walk. This 9.4km tour will let you take in the sights of the Mutijulu Waterhole, luscious woodlands and some Aboriginal cave paintings. On your way back to Alice Springs where dinner and a couple of beers awaits you, you will have the option of going on a camel ride.

More Information

This three-day / two-night tour departs daily at 6am from Alice Springs or Ayers Rock Airport, depending on your pick-up preference. The tour company supply: All meals as stated, air-conditioned 21 seat bus, a tour guide, swags and camping equipment (you can hire a sleeping bag for $15 each). You will need to bring: Travel voucher, a small bag, sturdy walking shoes, torch, hat, sun-cream, two water bottles, towel, swimming costume / shorts, toiletries, camera and sunglasses. Of course, you’ll need warm clothes if you’re traveling in winter and light-fitting clothes for the summer. There are showers and toilets at both of the campsites. The NT Rock Tour offers three different tour options at the same price at $355. Option one: Start your tour in Alice Springs and end your tour at Alice Springs at 5pm. Option two: Start your tour in Alice Springs and end your tour mid-morning at Ayers Rock Airport. Option three: Start your tour at Ayers Rock Airport and end your tour in Alice Springs at 5pm. The company also offers Flight & Rock packages (one way) from a number of airports in Australia (see website for more details).

Kings Canyon

You can see birds such as Spinifex Pigeon, Zebra Finch, Grey-headed Honeyeater, Dusky Grasswren and Black-breasted Buzzard whilst visiting Kings Canyon.

Kata Tjuta

Kata Tjuta has 36 domes and covers an area of approx. 22 square km. Kata Tjuta, sometimes written Tjuṯa, is also known as Mount Olga - or colloquially as The Olgas. The highest point of Kata Tjuta, Mount Olga, is 1,791 ft tall. ‘Kata Tjuta’ means ‘many heads’ in Aboriginal language.


Uluru is 1,142 ft tall and has a circumference of 9.4 km. It extends below the ground for a further 5.6 km. It is mainly made out of sandstone. The Pitjantjatjara people call the rock ‘Uluru’. However, in 1873, William Gosse discovered the landmark and named it ‘Ayers Rock’ in honour of Sir Henry Ayers. Both names can be used. Uluru appears to change colour during sunrise and sunset. This is due to the angle and strength of the sun’s rays on the rock. The weather can also have an affect on the changing colour. The rock has many caves, which contain ancient Aboriginal paintings inside them.

The Rock Tour’s Spokesperson says ,”The best part of the trip is the 1st night where we stay on a Cattle Station in Curtin Springs and you sleep under the stars in a swags, cook dinner on the fire and have the place to yourself, we are the only tour company to go here. We are also the only Tour company to run the 3 day 2 night tour daily!” To boot The Rock Tour was voted best tour in the world as voted by hostel World customers 2012.


Get Social Trending As winter draws in, we’ve selected some of the best fashion the internet has to offer. These fun and quirky pieces should help keep your wardrobes fashionably warm - who says you can’t look cool and practical at the same time? From cool graphic tees to funky leggings and the coolest iPhone dock of 2012, there’s sure to be something that takes your fancy.

B-Side “I Love My City” T-Shirt

B-Side’s monochrome ‘I Love My City’ tee is a great unisex piece available in reversible shades. Available to preorder now, this is an item not to be missed. Not only is it on trend, but it’s also a great way to represent your hometown, especially for all you travellers out there! As part of a British collection with ‘Big Up London’ t-shirt, this versatile version is perfect wherever you are and whatever your style. Price: - $47 Available from

ASOS Bright Boyfriend Space Dye Jumper

Take inspiration from Azealia Banks this month and wrap at warm in style. Cosy knits aren’t just for you Grandma, and ASOS have a fab range to prove it, including this dip-dye style jumper. The bold, clashing colours will brighten up any gloomy days and looks great with leggings, or just shorts when the sun comes out. Team with fashionable boxing boots for a casual look, or jeans and heels for a more glam style. Price: $55 Available from

Urban Outfitters Leopard Print Scarf

This oversized leopard print scarves ticks all the boxes this season. It’s minty pastel shade, animal pattern and slouchy fit hit the nail on the head and, not only is it bang on trend, but also super practical! Whether you’re wrapping up warm or just want something to liven up a boring old outfit, this has got to be the ultimate accessory. And when winter’s over, don’t chuck it to the back of your closet. These scarves are timeless, and this could be worn lose for a casual spring look, or even as a sarong on the beach. Price: $35 Available from

Ozaki iSuppli Gramo Speaker Dock

This gramophone-style speaker dock adds a touch of vintage to the latest must-have party gadget. Not only does it play tunes straight from your iPhone or iPod, it also charges, acts as a stand and allows hands-free use and access to all your applications. And they even come in black or white, depending on your phone’s colour, or red if you fancy jazzing it up a bit. The gramophone inspiration means that this is more than just your average speaker dock, as it amplifies audio by 15dB, as well as claiming to have an “environmentally friendly design.” Price: $50 Available from:

Black Milk Graphic Print Leggings

Looking for an alternative to jeans or black leggings to keep your pin warm this winter? Well look no further than Black Milk, suppliers of the famous galaxy leggings. These gorgeous leggings have been around for a while with no sign of fading out, but if you’re bored of the trademark nebula print, how about inverted crosses, stained glass windows, or even Tetris patterns! With Black Milk, your legwear will never be boring again, and since Australians are the envy of the rest of the world, as we have to pay extortionate VAT and postage rates, you have no excuse not to make the most of it! Price: $75 Available from:

Clark’s Ska Desert Boots

Tired of your plain blacks and browns? Looking to liven up your footwear during those colder days? Then check out the latest from Clark’s. Clark’s desert boots have been a hit with guys and girls for years, but their new additions deserve some recognition. New desert shades and leather versions are the least of it. These ska-inspired checkerboard boots are the coolest thing we’ve seen from Clark’s in ages and are a refreshing change from the beat up old pairs that have been knocking around for yonks. If ska’s not your thing, how about a Union Jack, or stripes, or… The list goes on! Be sure to check them out. Price: $123 Available from

Age Of Aquarius Faded Neon T-Shirt

Age Of Aquarius is the hottest thing to hit Topman shelves in a long time. The perfect way to add a splash of colour to your winter wardrobe, these funky printed tees have a vintage-inspired feel and come in some great pastel colours and unique patterns. Age Of Aquarius’s latest collection takes inspiration from “Blacklight posters of new age psychedelic America,” and resulted in the best graphic print t-shirt this season, with everything from zebra head emblazoned vests to hallucinogenic pastel prints amongst other graphic images. Price: $31 Available from: By Ella White

BBM's Apps Of The Month From music to games, this month BBM’s James Stapleton explores the best new apps on the market for you and your smartphone’s convenience.

Spotify Update

For those of you who have been living under a soundproof rock, Spotify is the world’s premier music jukebox service. With a huge library of over 15 million songs, a range of immersive apps, features, biographies and social sharing functionality at your fingertips, this service is your new favourite app. Recently launched in Australia with a new smart phone update providing remote control, new features (including karaoke app!), faster streaming and a stunningly intuitive redesign, Spotify continues to be the one stop shop for the soundtrack to your life. Price: FREE Available on: iOS and Android

Pro Zombie soccer

Ever fancied taking on wave after wave of zombies armed only with a magic football? No? Oh. Well this cartoon point and shoot actioner does this and more. Essentially a rapid button pressing ‘B’ movie with ‘A’ list visuals, this easy to pick up, hyper-violent and instantly addictive game, bounces energetically between humorous anime cut scenes and full on blood thirsty football action. With an adrenalin pumping heavy metal soundtrack, tons of powers ups and frantic gameplay, this is one high octane slice of pure 8bit delight that will have you coming back for more. Ridiculous concept, genius game. Price: $2.50 Available on: iOS and Android


For those who want to keep certain album pictures safe and secure whilst on their travels, ‘facevault’ cleverly uses facial recognition software to keep certain pictures for your eyes-only. Using an intuitive algorithm, the front facing camera only unlocks when it recognizes your features, though it’s backed with pattern code recognition software that can be entered - just in case you’re new moustache/morning visage confuses the state of the art artificial intelligence. It also saves a snapshot of every attempt of entry so you’ll have a handy little photo record should anyone else try to access your personal items. Price: $1 Available on: iOS


Cinemagram is the latest and quite possibly greatest in the seemingly never-ending stream of photo options for smart phones. Sitting smartly between an instagram and a video capture app, Cinemagram essentially enables you to animate sections of your photos to create custom GIF’s. Sound complicated? It should be, but the kind folks at Factstyle games have made a difficult concept, captivatingly simple. First film 2-3 secs of video footage and watch it instantly convert into a series of still pics. Pick a section of the pic and Cinemagram enables you to animate your chosen section with the aforementioned video footage to create an image of both still and moving elements. The best apps are the ones that make the seemingly difficult, cleverly simple and this is where Cinemagram really shines. Whether used for comedy or memorable visuals, this is one app well worth adding to your arsenal. Price: FREE Available on: iOS and Android

By James Stapleton


JOKES: A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time... John, Fitzroy I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin, three hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!! Sarah, Surry Hills I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. Phil, Darlinghurst I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy’s heading for a breakdown. Josh, Manly My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. Dan, Paddington Paddy says “Mick, I’m thinking of buying a Labrador.” “Sod that” says Mick “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?” Fred, St Kilda Man calls 999 and says “I think my wife is dead” The operator says how do you know? He says “The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!” Frank, Kings Cross I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse. Myles, Richmond I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...then I was petrified. Paul, Chelsea A wife says to her husband you’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair. Alex, Bondi I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get re-incarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you’re obviously not listening. Barry, Woolongong The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. Bill, Newtown The wife was counting all the 1p’s and 2p’s out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, “She’s going through the change.” Harriet, Newcastle

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn’t feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist pigs. I mean, it’s not as if she’d have to reverse the bloomin thing. Dave, Paddington Local Police hunting the ‘knitting needle nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the village in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. George, Bondi Bought some ‘rocket salad’ yesterday but it went off before I could eat it! Hayley, Fitzroy A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says “Oh, I forgot to tell you, today’s the day the teddy bears have their picks nicked.” Christian, St Kilda Just got back from my mate’s funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. Nick, Fremantle Wife asked me for the TV remote, so I threw her a vibrator instead. She asked “What’s that for?” I said “I’m watchin the football, go fuck yourself!” Rob, Kings Cross I asked my wife for a little oral relief last night. She said “You want me to suck you off?” I said “No just shut the fuck up for five minutes.” Ash, Balmoral

I caught this cunt in the pub looking right at my wife’s arse in a queue and invited him outside. Well I haven’t been in a fight in years, but dad always told me to kick ‘em on their shins and I even took a run up to do it when he was taking off his coat. Fuck me, absolutely no effect, not even a wince and you know when you’re in trouble, so I just ran. At first he chased, at one point gaining on me, but I said a little prayer and then thank fuck, an act of God and he stopped dead in his tracks.... He’d got a puncture on his wheelchair. Chris, Bath How do you make apple crumble? Release a picture of Steve Jobs fingering a child. Ross, Palm Beach Why does Facebook keep showing me adverts for UK Christian Dating? If there’s one thing I don’t need help with, it’s finding girls who won’t sleep with me. William, St Kilda I was furious when I found my wife’s profile on an on-line dating website. That lying bitch isn’t, “Fun to be around.” Tom, Coogee

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore...a friend of mine was wearing one when he was stabbed by the woman’s husband. Mike, Manly My girlfriend answered my booty call last night. Fuck knows what she was doing with her sister’s phone. Ben, Surry Hills Sex can be really tiring. Especially after you chase the girl down the alley for an hour. Zach, Bondi I always go for a run after sex. Can’t risk getting caught. Jo, Perth I said to my girlfriend, “Please get me a newspaper.” “Don’t be silly,” she replied, “you can borrow my iPad.” That spider never knew what fucking hit it. Andrew, Melbourne My wife’s leaving me because I’m too insecure and don’t trust her. So I’ve decided to go with her. Will, Yallingup

Pants (pants)

1. An amalgamation of Pommy and Rants 2. Things you use to cover your dangly bits. It’s not easy being a “pom” in Australia, and yes quite frankly even the word “pom” sends us in to a blind rage. Here we discuss the things that piss us off about being a Brit Downunder. Ok, so we all know that the British have a bit of a stigma across the globe - with the majority of nations thinking of us as a country full of people with incredibly bad teeth and a stuck up, pompous demeanour. And yes of course - the fact that we love to whinge. I like to think of myself as a non-conformist to this illusion of a Brit; I am not normally one to whinge, I have a cracking set of gnashers and you couldn’t meet anyone less stuck up than myself. I like to think I break the mould of a typical whinging pom. Going against stereotypes and preconceptions as I trot around the globe on my travels showering love and light over every country and its people that I meet. However…then I came to Australia. Now don’t get me wrong the place is unreal - amazing beaches, friendly people, awesome deserts in the outback and the sun shines a shit load more than back in Blighty. So what could I possibly have to moan about? Well quite a lot actually. Enough to write this column and voice the little annoyances that I am faced with on a day-to-day basis being a pom down under. If you find yourself in Oz I guarantee you will be faced with the same and can relate to every word I write. The first thing I have to address is just the sheer expense of the place. I still can’t quite get over it. Now the jobs out here do pay more, so I am told it is all relative but it’s still hard to justify some of the daily expenditures you face living life upside down in Australia. I didn’t come here completely in the dark though, I had been informed that it was a little hard on the wallet at times, but I guess my naïve traveller mind hadn’t quite thought about how this would relate to life’s little pleasures. I had come to terms with the fact that my accommodation would cost more than in Thailand or Indonesia, and that eating out would be more like London prices, but I cannot express the shock and disbelief I experienced when purchasing my first chocolate bar. A Mars bar. I had been sat in my Melbourne hostel when an advert for Mars bars flashed up on the screen, images of oozing caramel and creamy nougat filtered through my eyes and into my mind forcing me to desperately need the heavenly delight. I grabbed my wallet and raced down the stairs to the nearest shop. I had a dollar ready in my hand to purchase my chocolate fix. I slapped the Mars on the counter with the biggest smile and the shop keeper smiled back and calmly said “$2.50 please mate.” I could not disguise my horror. I re-lifted the mars and placed it back on said counter and said “only this one please.” He looked at me the way you look at the creepy weirdo who sits far too close to your face on the train and said “Yes. $2.50.” Amidst my blatant shock and disgust I scrambled around in my bag for my increasingly shrinking wallet to pay for the no longer desirable chocolate. As I walked out with my Mars bar feeling like I had just had my pants pulled down and my arse slapped in public, I felt so angry that I couldn’t even enjoy the treat. Every bite felt like I was just chewing my money away. Now the last time I was back home in England a Mars bar was 45 pence. $2.50- get fucked. God bless the UK and its more accessible road to obesity. By Kayleigh McCue



Phèdre – ‘Aphrodite (Beta Frontiers Remix)’ Whenever a press release lands in front of me describing music as ‘lofi electro’, I find myself overwhelmed by nausea. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with being lo-fi, or with being electro for that matter; it’s just that in our current musical climate, the last thing the world needs is another bedroom producer filling the blogosphere with more chillwave, witch house, skweee, etc, etc.

EP Reviews

From the off, Toronto’s Beta Frontiers’ remix of Phèdre’s ‘Aphrodite’ does little to eschew any notions of such skepticism. Decrepitly creeping to life on a wave of static hiss and skewed Salem-esque vocals, it quickly becomes apparent what a ghostly reworking this will be, prompting one thought; is it 2010 again? Beta Frontiers have managed to produce something so lifeless and devoid of talking points – outside of what made the Phèdre original a great tune in the first place – that it finally makes sense why ‘witch house’ was sometimes known as drag, and boy is this one. Putting aside any issues with Beta Frontiers’ re-appropriation of the source material, the original’s beguiling baritone vocal leads are still present in abundance and a few ear-catching synth turns do salvage the mix slightly. The issue here though is that the Toronto producer has done little to warrant return listens. It’s as uninteresting and nostalgic a remix as they come, doing little to step out of Phèdre’s shadow and milking hackneyed musical concepts; all ready then, for a one-week lifespan on the blog hype tightrope. By Alex Cull

Fallulah – ‘He’ll Break Up With You When Summer Comes’ Beginning on the sort of mournful, Balkan strings one could imagine soundtracking stock footage of the Eastern Bloc circa 1989, Fallulah’s new single ‘He’ll Break Up With You When Summer Comes’ is a tour de force in melancholic and thoughtful nostalgia.

Jean Claude Ades & Rony Seikaly - East West

The track sees Dane Chanteuse Fallulah (aka Maria Apetri) veering between a spurned lover’s concessions of defeat and the more balanced wisdom that eventually comes from surviving such a situation. There are so many disparate emotions crammed into the song’s three-and-a-half minutes that it almost acts a microcosm for the entire grieving process in itself.

The ‘East West’ EP is the deep house spawn of the Italian international DJ and producer Jean Claude Ades, and (as the title suggests) his American fellow DJ, and ex-NBA player, Rony Seikaly. The collaboration is hailed as the two DJ’s “bringing influences from their respective scenes” together in a most stylistic way, and it certainly can be called stylistic.

Musically, it’s equally potent and diverse. From the aforementioned sombre strings that set the scene, it quickly shifts to jaunty guitar arpeggios and circular drum rhythms that underpin Apetri’s fiery protestations of “Motherfucking asshole, you make me bitter and ice cold.” It’s a provocative and honest depiction of the resentment that can arise with broken hearts, and the eventual strength that arises. It’s this feeling that hope and positivity will come out of the trauma depicted in ‘He’ll Break Up With You When Summer Comes’ that lends the track its summery feel. After all, summer is a time for optimism and beneath its initially icy veneer, the track is ripe with it. It’s about scouring your surroundings for something precious to hold on to, and in this instance, Fallulah might just have created it herself; a captivating, beguiling and, above all else, comforting ode to lost lovers and new beginnings. By Alex Cull

Track 1 ‘Oh Yeah’ is dripping with an 80s feel, from the bouncing synth to its warm, sluggish bassline. While the track makes you feel like your back in shoulder pads, bopping around with your collar up, it offers little more than that, and is at the most pretty average. Track 2 offers something a little more up-tempo and interesting in the shape of ‘Perfect Match’. Whilst the song builds up in layers nicely, to an eerie breakdown, the crescendo is disappointing. You can pretend to be Axel Foley all you want to this track, but it offers little more than that.

Animal Collective - Honeycomb Avey Tare’s Animal Collective immerse from the musical mire this month with a new 7” single entitled Honeycomb/Gotham. Released on the 26th of June, which is also free to stream now, if you like. ‘Honeycomb’ is the A side to the single off the forthcoming album Centipede Hz, due to be released this September. And what a wonderful concoction it is, reminiscent of 2007-2009 in the band’s career when the doors of perception were a lot less open and agitated.

The stand out track of the East West EP, is its third and final, ‘Mood That I Love’ that has a perfect mix of bouncing, menacing synths and beats, perfectly matched with a haunting female vocal (reminiscent of Alice Glass of Crystal Castles). It’s everything that the rest of the EP should be, and has you caught from start to finish. Of course for fans of either artist this will be a must, but if you have some spare change floating around, download the best track only. By J.J. Nattrass

There is melancholy hidden deep within the dynamics. The blips and bleeps try hard to distract you from the real agenda of the song, where life itself is futile, but we still carry on. This is outlined in lyrics such as “How many times you say I’m finished with this but it starts all over. How many times you say I’m moving to this but it won’t move over.” There is however still a very positive atmosphere around the track and the experimental nature of Animal Collective is still the very core of the band’s ethos, but what else would you expect? Again it is very hard to distinguish the beat of the track, but this makes the arrangement, at times it feels like an African drum band plugged into a Casio keyboard. If this is a taster, then we can’t wait for the whole cake. By Ash Moore

Chiddy Bang Featuring Travie McCoy & Icona Pop – Mind Your Manners It sounds like a match made in heaven, we know, but Mind Your Manners isn’t exactly what you’d expect from this blend of artists. Icona Pop provide a kitch chorus that will get stuck in your head in no time at all. Chiddy Bang enter with their vocals spitting over the slow rolling upbeat backing, whilst synths fuse in and out and the drum beat clips and snares. Travie McCoy enters in the second verse with his well honed rapping, giving the track a bit more substance. However this tune is no doubt going to be a popular one with younger generations. It’s “Hip Pop” in its most evident form. So if you’re into more serious Hip Hop then this track isn’t really for you, but for a bit of light relief and if you’ve enjoyed tracks like Jay Z’s ‘Hard Knock Life’ then you’ll be into this. By Fanny Frangipane

Breakbot – One Out Of Two Out on Ed Banger Records, Breakbot offer a reminiscent collection of songs stemming from EP leading song ‘One Out Of Two’. ‘One Out Of Two’ kicks of with the piano teamed with a synth that eventually builds to an electric guitar solo. The long lead instrumental intro leads up to Thibaut Berland entering with his 70s style vocals. The record itself juxtaposes between an up-tempo beat, yet the minor key and lyrics bring an melancholy element to the track. The EP features several remixes of ‘One Out Of Two’ before we’re taken to ‘Programme’. Again adopting a late 70s early 80s synth, you’re transported back in time to the land of corduroy and patterned wallpaper. However ‘Programme’ does show elements of progression around 3 minutes in, when different drum kicks are added in. However you’re then taken to a concluding plateau as the electric guitar whines in and brings things to a close.


MUSIC NEWS For those that know and those who don’t the album kicks off with some of the records best tracks, the ‘The Boy in the Bubble’, setting the tone for the rest of the album followed by the classic ‘Graceland’, a song which Paul Simon recently stated was the greatest song he had ever written. (He’s wrong it’s clearly ‘You Can Call Me Al’). For most of you reading this you are probably already familiar with the rest of his truly stunning work so we’ll focus on what’s new. Alongside the digitally polished versions of the original, we are provided with a sumptuous insight into the creation of the album with five additional demos of classics ‘Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes’ and ‘Homeless’ along with a 10 minute bonus track ‘The Story Of ‘Graceland’ in which the great man himself tells the story of its inception.

The various remixes of ‘On Out Of Two’ on this EP are the only thing that bring Breakbot into the here and now, with the originals of ‘One Out Of Two’ and ‘Programme’ being highly nostalgic. Altogether, if you fancy something a little different and appreciate some solid song writing then Breakbot’s ‘One Out Of Two’ EP is one to check out. By Fanny Frangipane

Album Reviews

This is further extended on the anniversary edition with the DVD ‘Under African Skies’ which focuses on the political controversy surrounding the controversial sessions, with some valuable and entertaining insights into its creation. Paul Simon’s ‘Graceland’ 25th Anniversary is an impressive update to one of the most revered albums of the modern musical age. Over a quarter of a century later this Afro-American tour de force stands the test of time and deserves pride of place amongst your record collection. By James Stapleton

Hot Panda – Go Outside There’s a kismet feel to the new Hot Panda release on Mint Records, which comes out on 16th July that ascends the hot pink tar brush of young aggression. If you dig The New Pornographer and Tegan & Sara, then you’re in for a treat because the production is from the same team. This release compared to their 2010 album ‘How Come I’m Dead,’ is a step in the right direction in order for the band to arise in maturity and address neo socio political issues, which are expressed in songs like ‘Future Markets’ without taking themselves too seriously (even expressing Merry Christmas a little early on in ‘Holidays’). Chris Connelly’s vocals can be abrasive at times and off key, but to good effect, as it channels the bands overall sound into a more post-punk agenda, but keeping to melodic guitar and even horn parts buried within certain songs such as ‘Go Outside’ while also featuring a cello.

Dirty Projectors - Swing Lo Magellan Swing Lo Magellan is the sixth album released by Dirty Projectors due out on 6th July. Every record that bandleader David Longstreth intimately pieces together with the rest of his band: Amber Coffman (vocals & guitar), Nat Baldwin (bass), Brian McOmber (drums) & Haley Dekle (vocals), is uniquely orchestrated to its audience and this record is no different, except that Angel Deradoorian is “on hiatus” from the band. An album that has collated so many different styles could not sound so nongenre specific even if it tried. Longstreth has expressed this as “an album of songs, an album of songwriting,” which couldn’t be closer to the truth. It moves away from what people want to hear and into making music the way the artist chooses to express them selves. There are trends throughout which give the album structure such as the Spanish hand clapping ‘Just From Chervon’ and medieval vocal polyphony between Longstreth and the other vocalists in the band in ‘Impregnable Question’, it’s not hard to tell by just one listen all the way through that the album is beautifully mapped out and is a pleasure to listen to from start to finish. From the top, ‘Offspring are Blank’ comes in with a dulcet low frequency bass boom, again accompanied by the polyphonic vocals which seem to have a pitch wobble, providing some very odd melodies. The part of the song that I really enjoy (and what I didn’t expect) was the burst of the electric guitar riff that introduces the chorus. The second time round is an acoustic guitar, which is attention to detail The second track ‘About To Die’ again is wickedly distracting from the atmosphere from the album’s sound as a whole, with off key parts of the melody and almost break beats dotted in and around the normal beat. While also adding in parts of a string section that is completely unexpected, it just seems that this album is never ending in subtleties of different sounds and complexities regarding structure and dynamics. I’d like to add also that apart from Longstreth’s grip arching over the whole project (see what we did there) Amber Coffman’s vocals literally send shivers down my spine, her voice is as unique as the album itself and it is apparent that she is also a titan in the Dirty Projectors. All in all, get this album and listen to it when you have an hour to yourself and feel that same kind of excitement you had when you discovered music for the first time because, for me, it was like kindling that first love. By Ash Moore

‘One In The Head, One In The Chest’ is the strongest track on the album and we can see why it was also the first track. Its overdriven guitars glaze it with a hum that act as the backbone of the song, reminiscent of ‘The Dead Weather’ in both tone and vocals. We thought that it was going to be a bit of a kick-inthe-dick ordeal but we feel the track that follows lets the first track down by being quite similar in tone, however if you get about 2:30 seconds in, you hear the first glimpse of the horn section which pretty much saves the whole song as well as that brilliantly integrated cello, that features throughout the album. ‘Winter Song’ turns toward pathetic fallacy as the band try to musically reenact a winter backdrop to some avail. Very moody and distinctive in tone, it sets the backdrop for a nostalgic trip somewhere quiet, the wind whistling through the trees and a faint siren in the background. ‘Go Outside’ the title track of the album, has a Smiths air about it, where the whole accompaniment follows the jump around orientated bass line. The final track of the album ‘Boats’ drones its way to the finish line, again Chris Connelly’s vocals are reminiscent of other vocalists, hinting at a Velvet Underground and Horrors influence, which aren’t bad influences to gain vocal strength from. It’s good to hear young artists doing what they want and sounding how they please, overall, a breathe of fresh air. By Ash Moore

Paul Simon – Graceland 25th Anniversary Edition The 25th anniversary of Paul Simon’s epochal ‘Graceland’ sees the release of new commemorative editions of the enduring masterpiece, including the new Graceland documentary ‘Under African Skies.’ Coming at a time when Paul Simon’s incredible career was beginning to wane, Simon’s new found love of African music inspired him to ignore the cultural embargo around Apartheid South Africa and write and record ‘Graceland’ with some of South Africa’s finest. This was a step as controversial for its time as the eventual music would be groundbreaking. First released in 1986 the album rocketed to the top of the UK charts, becoming a massive global success and knocking up in excess of 14 million albums sales amongst a sea of superlatives. Graceland’s eclectic mix of pop, acapella, folk and African styles was truly innovative, as well as having a mass crossover appeal, opening the door to an African sound we take as being relatively mainstream to this day. Graceland’s 44 mins cradled the rich soul of South African music and expertly wove it in Paul Simon’s perfectly poised and percussive pop to create something new and, for its time, genuinely exciting.

On The Down Low Blur will be performing a live Twitter stream of two new songs on 3rd July at 3.15am Australian Eastern Standard Time. The film will be broadcast from a secret UK location. Dirty Projectors will be releasing a half-hour film entitled ‘Hi Custodian’ on 6th July. The film was directed by Dave Longstreth and will be out at the same time as their new record ‘Swing Lo Magellan’. Don’t miss out on Nic Fancuilli heading down to Australia for the official launch tour of his critically acclaimed Balance 021 compiltaion. Tour dates: Friday 13th July at the Breakfast Club, Melbourne: Saturday 14th at Goldfish, Sydney and Sunday 15th at Garden Party, Perth. Diamond Version’s ‘Technology At The Speed Of Life / Empowering Change’ EP will be out on 20th July, it’s the first of a sequence of five EPs throughout 2012, which will be culminating in an album in 2013. Plan B’s new album ‘Ill Manners’ will be out 27th July.


INTERVIEWS: When we typed you into Google a few days to have a snoop around for questions, we discovered that Utah Jazz is actually a basketball team in Salt Lake City…is that who you’re named after? Does it cause confusion? Yes a little bit! I started using the name ‘Utah Jazz’ back in school around 1994 as a name on Mix tapes. It was really because of the word ‘Jazz’ in the title as I was looking for a catchy ‘stage name’ for my Jazzy D&B sets (I thought Luke Wilson was far too boring). I saw the name in a sports magazine and it sounded cool... Obviously I never expected at that stage that I’d be here doing all of this now! Some people do find it strange (especially in America) but most people don’t even think about it or even know it’s a sports team. Also, many people are surprised that it is just me as they expect / assume it to be some kind of group of artists together rather than a solo act. So how is everything going with the new record label ‘Vintage’? Very well thanks. I’ve spent years working for many other D&B labels + doing remixes and I just felt it was the right time to get my music out how I want and when I want. I’m pretty proactive in getting things done (either making tunes or running the label side of things) so it made sense to do everything myself in house.


This month we catch up with Luke Wilson, AKA Utah Jazz ahead of his mini Australian tour. With a new album ‘Groove Therapy’, Utah Jazz is one busy guy. We find out just what Utah Jazz has been up to and why he’s named after an NBA team… Hi Luke, how are you today? Very well thanks. The sun is shining here in London so can’t say fairer than that! What have you been up to this week? I’ve just got back from a cool weekend of gigs in Austria and Germany. Most of my weekends are taken up with DJ touring and then during the week I’m usually catching up with email stuff and trying to get some studio work done. Obviously with the album at the moment there’s a fair bit of promo stuff to get done each day too.

I never expected the 2nd album (Vintage) to do so well as it wasn’t being pushed by a ‘big label’ like my first LP so when it did, it gave me the confidence to just push on and get a whole other project finished. You’ve been working with some interesting people on it, from the Ragga Twins to Chelonis R Jones…tell us about it? Yes, on the last album there were some interesting collabs. I tend to prefer to just work with vocalists these days on the whole, rather than other producers as I can get the tracks sounding exactly how I want them before the vocals are added. That said, I’m starting a new project with an old producer friend of mine later this year too and am looking forward to that. We were pumping ‘Groove Therapy’ in the office yesterday, what were your influences on it? I think just my usual funk & soul interests - finding strange samples and trying to incorporate them into a D&B format. Since it’s a full album, I was also attempting to cover a wider range of D&B styles throughout the CD (reggae / deeper / half speed / old skool / atmospheric etc) rather than just simply doing 14 of my traditional soulful liquid tracks. Whether that actually came across is not for me to decide! ‘Circa 96’ is a tune, and has that unmistakable piano riff synonymous with 90s dance, what was behind this throw back influence?

Charly: There were two things that were very important for us; on the production side, because there are four of us in the band we all have a bunch of different influences, and what we were sure of, in coming from the drum n’ bass scene was that we wanted to explore different genres and tempos as well as keeping the same energy within the bass community. From day one when we started writing, it was Dubstep and Electro and what is now called ‘110’. So we wanted to explore as much as we could with the music we were evolving in, as well as pushing boundaries. We wanted to be able to write the music together, and share that experience altogether, and with the crowd too. When you started performing live shows in 2006, did you have any idea how huge they were going to be? Charly: We wanted to take it to this level, but had no idea it would happen so fast and so big. We just got back from Vegas, where we played for 300,000 people, which is insane! It brings you that adrenaline and nothing can really compare.

Dirtyphonics For Charly, Pitchin, Pho and Thomas partying and music go hand-in-hand. Without the party, the music would perish. Without the music, there would be no party. BBM’s Alexandra MacLeod talks to Charly and Pitchin of Dirtyphonics, to establish what’s behind all the Dirty energy that is causing the band to be one of the most successful bass crews to explode out of France in the past 6 years. So in the beginning how did you guys, Thomas and Pho meet? Charly: Thomas and I met in school, then we met Pho at a house party and just had that good feeling of ‘hey, we could make music together!’ Then a couple of years later we met Pitchin on the road, who was doing his own little project back then, and same thing really, we clicked right away. We asked him if he wanted to be in the band, he said ‘yes’, and we were in the studio the next morning making music! Were you all producers in Drum n’ Bass when you first started out? Charly: Yeah, we all had the same vision in music, we were all producing, playing, and partying, which is also an important part of it! It’s like one of those friends that you make, and you think ‘wow, it feels like I’ve known you for years’, its just makes sense that we all do it together and make it happen. What were you initial intentions with the band, did you start with any preconceived ideas?

What do you enjoy most about being Dirtyphonics? Charly: It’s definitely all of it, and you have to love all of it because its so intense that if you don’t like every aspect of it you can’t stand the intensity of it. Actually our first intention was to share everything together, whether it’s hard times, and you know you’ve got friends you can count on, and when its great times and successes, there is nothing like having friends there to share it with, and that we did it together. Pitchin: With the four of us it just makes life easier…

Yes - Leon Ware! I remember hearing the original in one of my brother’s old funk & soul mixtapes, and when I came across the samples I had to do something with them. Luckily the break was nice and clean at the beginning! Tracks like ‘Conrad Funk’ have a more chilled out vibe, whilst ‘Fair Play’ is certainly more serious, there’s a lot of variety on ‘Groove Therapy’ what were you mostly looking to achieve with this release? That’s definitely it - variety. I’m aware that I have a certain sound which although is a good thing, I’m also always keen to branch out and chuck a few surprises in there through the listening experience. I think the order of the tracks on an album is very important too and I spend a lot of time trying to get it right. You’re heading out to Australia to play at Chinese Laundry this July, how do you find the crowds out there? Amazing! It’s one of my favourite clubs in the world to play and Australia as a whole has been nothing but supportive to me over the years in terms of gigs and appreciating the music. I’m also playing in Canberra the night before and then hoping to be back over for Perth, Brisbane and Melbourne again later in the year as they weren’t possible this time around. Are you going to get to do much whilst you’re in Australia other than play? What would you like to get up to activity/sightseeing wise? Unfortunately probably not. I’ve got quite a tight schedule with 4 long haul flights in as many days so it’s a short trip this time around. However, if I get a larger tour over 2 weekends then it thankfully gives time during the week to take a look around. Much of the touring involves travelling during the day, followed by staying up all night in the clubs, so it’s nice to sometimes get a day here and there to take in the atmosphere. What’s the plan for the summer? Are you playing any festivals? I’m touring through the summer, but it’s usually the autumn season between September and December that gets crazy busy. I’m doing a smaller festival in Belgium next week and then I’m also very much looking forward to the Sun & Bass festival in Sardinia where I play every year. Can’t wait! Is there anyone in particular that you’re listening to at the moment that we should check out? I’m currently listening to James O’Brien on LBC (London talk radio!). As well as pirate stations, I grew up listening to late night chat shows and ironically, spend far more time listening to phone-ins than I do music these days! Catch Utah Jazz at Sydney’s Chinese Laundry on 15th July alongside Vice Versa, Inna Riddim Sound System, Spenda C and Bruxism. Surely a night not to miss! By Hannah Shakir

head from it, you need to studio setup because otherwise you might lose them. Pitchin: It helps you really to finish tracks. When the track is all done, we’ll play it maybe 10 times before we release it to see how the crowd reacts, and then if we need change some details, or the tempo switch, you know it really helps you. Is there an album release on the horizon for you guys? When can we expect it? Charly: We’ve been saying for long time we’re going to release an album, it’s taken us a really long time! We’re looking at an early 2013 release, and we’ll hopefully start releasing singles September/October time. What does the future look like for Dirtyphonics? Charly: The past five years has been such an incredible adventure, and so many things we didn’t really schedule happened, so to be able to say what is going to happen in the future is hard and we really aren’t sure. We know we’re going to keep writing music. We have so many ideas, and so many people we want to work with! Recently we’ve been working with Marilyn Manson – we love what the guy does and have done for years – but there are many more, we love pop, we love rock, we love soul, but unfortunately a lot of people we want to work with are dead now, but there are a bunch of people we’re planning to work with, and you can expect good things happening really soon!

Charly: … and it means you’ve got friends reminding you what went on the night before when you don’t remember!

Catch Dirtyphonics at Chinese Laundry

You guys are on the road all the time, what do you get up to, to keep yourselves busy between shows?

Saturday 7th July

Charly: Well you know, it’s a very important part of our life, we’ll always carry a portable studio setup, so when there are down times, like being on the plane for 10 hours, or hanging around in a hotel room before or after a show, we’ll always try making music. Pitchin: You have get used the hotel rooms, because you need to keep producing and pushing your ideas, you know its all about releases and making an album so you’ve got to keep producing, keep producing and keep producing. Charly: Especially after a show, you’ve got all this energy and adrenaline that you’ve got from the crowd, and there are a bunch of ideas popping into your head. And you might be on the other side of the world, so you’re experiencing new things, seeing new things, and if you’ve got a bunch of ideas in your

Alongside Spenda C, Go Freek, Emoh Insteas, A-Tonez Devola, King Lee, Athson, Brown Bear and Big Slim Doors Open 9pm Drink Specials between 9pm & 11pm $5 Budwiesers $5 Vodka & Mixer $5 Dirty laundry shots By Alexandra Macleod


INTERVIEWS: I’ve read that you and Dag Nabbit met in Dubai playing in Metal, Grunge and Indie bands how did the shift to Rap, Hip Hop, grime and Dub come about, as obviously this is quite a change of scene? Well yeah, I was in those bands with Dag from the ages of 13-16/17, but had been listening to Hip Hop since the age of 9. Only really started rapping in about ’96-‘97 after I’d gone to school with Anik from Dark Circle and met this rapper from San Diego called Movez 1 (now a producer)... Dag was already DJ-ing and producing Trip Hop and other forms of electronic music in his home studio. It was in about ‘97 when Hardstep and Jungle pretty much took over everything. We moved to London in ‘99/2000, set up studio and continued to record and throw DnB parties... the Dubstep came later, having been into Garage, Hip Hop and DnB from before its inception, it all was already a part of it anyway.

Foreign Beggars Having grown from the underground Hip Hop scene to becoming international dance and rapstars, Foreign Beggars have evolved with the times and still remain on top of their game. With a new record out on Mau5trap, Foreign Beggars have got a busy schedule ahead of them, including putting in an appearance at SW4. BBM’s Hannah Shakir catches up with MC Orifice Vulgatron to discuss the state of Hip Hop, Grime and DnB amongst other things. So how are you today? All good! Album’s almost done and the sun is shining! ‘Palm Of My Hand’ is the new single, what’s the reception been like to this? Reception’s been awesome… it’s more of a teaser than a single but the response has been great, felt really good to release a straight Hip Hop track and a lot of people responded nicely to it. With Kidkanevil on the beat it’s pretty hard to go wrong. It’s got that old school underground feel to it, what were your intentions behind the track? We never really had any intentions with it... it’s something that we started in 2010, we loved the beat and just spat on it... it’s kinda been dormant for a minute but we finally got the chance to smash it out with the support of Mau5trap so that’s what happened.

You guys have got a mad summer season coming up with Finland, Japan, Belgium, then back to the UK, also SW4, then more European dates toward the end of the summer, where are you most looking forward to playing? Honestly, SW4, and Japan as we’ve never been there before and have always heard and seen so much. We’re looking forward to Spain and maybe Portugal again this year. Looking to hit the States again in November too. You’ve been around since the 90s and obviously seen a lot of change, what do you think of the London grime/dub scene in 2012? What’s changed? What’s better and what’s worse about it? I like the fact that finally in the last 4 years Rap music in all its forms, Hip Hop/ DnB/ Grime/ Garage/ Funky (anything with rappers) has finally become a major force to be reckoned with in the UK, and the artists finally have the recognition they deserve. For the last 20 years there has been a wealth of urban/rap music which hasn’t got the respect it deserved from the public (partially due to no industry backing), unlike almost every other nation which has had its own Hip Hop superstars and Rap classics. Regarding the Grime/Dub scene, I think Jungle days were the most exciting raving days, closely after the Summer Of Love years. The birth of Dubstep and its rise through parties like FWD and DMZ were really special, but the scene blew up really quickly and overtook the DnB scene in no time at all. Things are perpetually changing, and London is the hub of so many movements and sounds, to the point there are different parties happening around town that wouldn’t play the same joints, as the public in attendance are so different. What do you think about the state ok UK Hip Hop? It has its ups and downs, primarily I’d like to state that I hate the term UK Hip Hop as it kind of boxes it off from the rest of the world and I think this has always affected people’s understanding of it. Hip Hop is a worldwide phenomenon and artists should be working to world standards as opposed to local standards.

Hip Hop in the UK is really strong but it is a little disbanded into scenes, there is the classic backpack scene, the Grime scene and a new wave of “road rap” for lack of a better definition. As far as skills go, UK is repping possibly harder than anywhere else on the planet for MC’s, and the levels are going up and up. I think however extreme the music and out of the box the music people are making, people tend to be a little conservative within their area and I would like to see people breaking out and having the confidence in themselves to not give a fuck about what their immediate or extended peer group might think. Only then can truly ground breaking Hip Hop artists like Outkast or MF DOOM really be born. You’ve worked with some great people in the past from Mickey Finn to Skinnyman and now you’re working with people like Skrillex and Noisia, Alex Perez who are actually quite new to the scene in comparison, so would you say you pick up tricks from the new kids on the block, or are you still the influential ones? Not really, everything is in a constant state of change and flux so the tools are different, approaches, roles and genres... we’re lucky to have worked with old school Don’s and been a lot younger, but the new school heads have had to come up with a lot of different competition and parameters... I don’t think it’s possible to compare working via the Internet and 3 countries with someone like Skrillex, to hitting in a park smoking spliffs and writing raps with Skinny while someone is beat-boxing. Maybe the Noisia experience is comparable as we were all in the same room when writing those songs, however I may be wrong because the only difference is that the input is immediate as opposed to thoughts and instructions in emails and over Skype. Since you’ve signed to Mau5trap, you appear to have been thrown more on the side of the mainstream, is this something you want to embrace, or is Foreign beggars about keeping it underground for those in the know? I don’t think that’s true… is that public opinion? I think a lot of people are saying mainstream because we’re not making super leftfield backpack like we were 10 years ago. We worked with Skrillex who has since become the force he is and we had a collab single with Vato Gonzalez on Ministry that hit the top 10 in the singles charts last year... Frankly the situation with Mau5trap has been the opposite. We were worried entering into it that they would have expected us to make Dubstep and Electro within a certain popular vein, but they actually said, “Do whatever the fuck you want” and we’ll back it... They are a really progressive and forward thinking organisaton that respect the music ant the artists at the most important core level. Most of the album is Hip Hop/ weird glitchy Grime, a bit of DnB - and is very heavily centred around slick production and raps... This really is something people should say after they’ve heard the music. What’s the message you would like to put out there for all your Foreign Beggar fans? LETS FUCKING GO! Our generation, Our Rules, Our Time… don’t sit around and wait for someone to make it happen for you.. YOU HAVE THE POWER! By Hannah Shakir

This month, BBM’s Frankie Salt chats with the great Jon McClure of Reverend And The Makers about hiatus and changes with the band, their debut album, their love for social media platforms and his Gods of the music world. Since their debut album ‘State Of Things’ and massive hit ‘Champion Of The World’ in 2007, the band have continually provided their indie fans with addictive lyrics and ‘proper bangers’ as McClure likes to call them. Don’t be surprised to find The Reverend playing out their hits in a car park around town, or maybe supporting massive acts such as The Chilli Peppers this summer. Good morning Jon, so where are you in the world right now? How are you? Hello how are you? Yeah I’m in Sheffield right now lay in bed! It’s only 9am, where are you? Well crazily, I’m just down the road in Chesterfield, I have just returned from Australia. It’s so good to chat to you mate. Did you watch the footy last night? (Laughing) How mad is that, we’re probably going though some far and wide call center when you’re like ten minutes from my house. We proper enjoyed the footy love, yeah, I’ve said that if we get past the quarters, we’re playing with the Chilli Peppers at the weekend in Sunderland; I’m booking a flight straight out the next day. Of course we will make it through! Your third studio album has just been released and there has been a huge buzz in the air about it, why did you opt for such a simple name? Are you all massive fans of Twitter? Yeah, it’s out now. Two reasons, number one, I wanted it to sound like it was made now and not in 1970 or somet. Secondly, I don’t know if you have heard Radio One recently, if you put it on after we have finished the interview, it is dreadful. It is very difficult for anyone who makes decent tunes to get heard. Twitter is your vehicle to being heard. You don’t need radio, press, it’s just you and them. That’s modern power. It’s about staying up to date and allowing people to access what are you doing. The days when someone on the radio allowed you to exist are gone, this is a genuine route for alternative bands that aren’t just mainstream to have a proper following. It’s right now. The radio just seems to be nonsense. Did growing up in and around Sheffield affect the style of the music the band explores? Yeah I definitely think so. We have the balance with synthesizers, which obviously is the home of British electronic music. Also the sense of sarcasm that Sheffield bands seem to explore, bands like Alex And The Monkeys and Jarvis with Pulp, it’s a mixture of those two things. There’s definitely something in the water. Many band members have come and gone from the band, how come the band has still stayed strong and been so successful? When they get rubbish I just send them off to a hard labour camp and get someone else! Ha-ha, nah, it’s not a rolling cast of whom I’m hanging out with. But it’s great at the moment as we have a member of Milburn playing with us, who was around at the same time as us and the Monkeys, everyone loves them. The band are having a laugh and loving it at the moment. It’s a good vibe man. Top.

Reverend And The Makers You’ve been on huge tours and supported massive acts such as Oasis, is there anyone you would love to collaborate with or support on another tour? We have toured with Oasis and Noel, he is the daddy - he is the don - the Godfather. It would be great to do stuff with him. How did you come to meet and produce with Carl Barat on (my favourite track name) ‘Acid House Wife’?

Name one band that will always be the Gods to you lot… Yeah man, probably Stone Roses- definitely when you’re Northern- I don’t think anyone will ever steal their light. ‘Fools Gold’, I was probably a kid when that came out and will pass down the generations. After the massive success of your first single ‘Heavy Weight Champion Of The World’ in the top ten, did you feel the massive pressure to provide another banger? As you lot like to call it?

I’ve known Carl for a few years now, just from hanging out in London. He came down to the studio to have a jam and that. We have just stayed really good mates ever since and we thought we should write a song together. He’s such a good lad, he has just been in a Parisian opera, obviously Libertines are one of the greatest bands to ever come out of Britain. He’s a legend. It was an honour.

Yeah, people wanted us to make another ‘Heavy Weight’, but I just do want I want to do. I like to do mad stuff and in some ways we did a few stupid things but such is life. We just love what we do and hope everyone else does.

Do you have a favourite tune to play of your own? And of someone else’s? Where is your favourite place to play? Back in good old Sheffield?

This album has been reviewed better than the others, when we play with Noel, people give the new stuff a sound reception and it feels good you know. I’m feeling mega positive about this year and it’s a great feeling! If you look at the chart and the highest entry, the only thing that is anything like us is Coldplay, playing amongst your Justin Bieber and Cheryl Cole, the music world has gone slightly mad. But we are loving this year.

I love performing ‘Bassline’ off the new album. Just because it is such a monster. It’s always such a good feeling when you’re making new music that always gets a top response from everyone when it’s played. I am quite digging the new Richard Hawley album; ‘Standing At The Sky’s Edge’- ‘Leave Your Body Behind You’- check it out it is his best track. Do you have a favourite place to perform? Well I love to play little quirky gigs like the acoustic after sessions. Mad places that people don’t know about like grabbing my guitar and heading to a car park.

What’s going to be the best thing that could happen to you lot this year? It seems you’ve had a good 7-year stint so far!

You’ve got an amazing summer coming up for 2012… you’re even playing Y Not Festival just up the road from my hometown and then onto T In The Park and Strummer Of Love, how did you come about to support Red Hot Chilli Peppers? We love Y Not, it’s beautiful and we are definitely going to go there and camp for the full weekend. I have been to Africa a few times now, places such as Nigeria and Ethiopia and I found myself on the roof of a van- talking to Flea (Chilli Peppers bass player) and I thought I’m here, sat on top of a van, I’m from Sheffield and I may as well play him a few tunes. He liked them and I think Knebworth, is one of the biggest gigs you can play in Britain so it definitely paid off and 2012 is going to be a banger! By Frankie Salt


FUNNY NEWS What A Loch Of Rubbish While BBM secretly craps itself whenever we take the piss out of Muslims, we all enjoy a good hearty laugh at Christians. With their turn-the-other-cheek mentality, we’re safe in the knowledge that no nine-eleven attacks will come our way should we call Jesus a freak, or call the Bible a load of old shit. Consequently, we’re free to poke fun at American Christians (two easily mockable groups for the price of one) who are running a program of schools in the US which teach children the Loch Ness monster is real, and its existence disproves Darwin’s theory of evolution. The fundamentalist Christian schools teach the wacky theory of creationism rather than the not-made-up theory of evolution, and one text book says: “Have you heard of the Loch Ness Monster in Scotland? ‘Nessie’ for short has been recorded on sonar from a small submarine, described by eyewitnesses, and photographed by others. Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur.”

A Shaggy Dog’s Tale We all secretly dream of getting back at our ex by shagging their best friend. For 46-year-old Nicholas Saunders of Gloucestershire, that dream became a reality last month when he gave his former wife’s best friend a good seeing to in her own bed. Unfortunately, it also landed him in court. The reason? His ex-wife’s best friend is a bull mastiff called Sasha. Talk about give the dog a bone. Arf! Stunned Kelly Thacker told police she opened her bedroom door to the shocking scene after she’d earlier turned Saunders down for a bit of rumpy pumpy. Ms Thacker just couldn’t believe what she was seeing to start off with so she looked away and then looked again,” said prosecuting lawyer, Frank Abbott, while theatrically rubbing his eyes with both hands in the universal mime symbol for disbelief. Abbott said Saunders had gone to see his ex-wife - they married in 1999 and separated three years later - after being kicked out by his girlfriend. She agreed to let him stay the night in her bedroom but made it plain she would not be having sex with him and would be sleeping downstairs. They chatted for half an hour before going upstairs to her bedroom where she sat on the bed as he got undressed and got in it. The dog turned up and Saunders said to it: “You’ve just ruined my chances,” said Abbott. Moments later the dog fucking began. “It is not only something unusual but it is also something which you might find repulsive,” said Abbot. “It is something which of course is wrong and criminal to all right-thinking people. Saunders may have gotten away with it had he claimed it was dark and he’d mistaken the dog for Katie Price.

Other claims in the book include the belief that dinosaurs were fire-breathing dragons, and that a Japanese whaling boat once caught a dinosaur. It all stems from a desire to explain the millions of years Earth existed that the Bible doesn’t account for if a literal interpretation of the Bible is applied. The schools believe that if it can be proved that man once walked the Earth with dinosaurs, then Darwin’s theory of evolution will be disproved. But seeing as it clearly never happened, all it proves is that Christian Americans are a bunch of narrow-minded twats. Jonny Scaramanga, a former student (and presumably Bond villain) who now spends his time speaking out against fundamentalism says teachers re-write history to suit their religious beliefs. “The reason for that is they’re saying if Noah’s flood only happened 4,000 years ago, which they believe literally happened, then possibly a sea monster survived. “If it was millions of years ago then that would be ridiculous. That’s their logic. It’s a common thing among creationists to believe in sea monsters.”

A Scottish Meat Feast It’s one of Newton’s basic rules of physics. When you’ve been out on the piss all night, you will get an overwhelming urge to eat a kebab on the way home. It’s science. But a pair of dumb-ass Scotch criminals took that principal to new extremes this week, when they were caught on CCTV breaking into a kebab shop and grabbing a 70lb slab of kebab meat in an after hours raid on a takeaway. They also grabbed several shish kebabs and a 10kg container of raw marinated chicken after breaking into the establishment in Midlothian, Scotland. But the daft bastards failed to notice the cash register full of money. “I got a phone call from my brother to say he thought we had been broken into because some of the pizza trays were out of place”, Kebab Mahal owner Azher Rashid said. “The kebab machine had been moved and shish kebabs had gone missing. Initially, that’s all we thought had been taken but when we checked the CCTV, we found out they had stolen the doner meat and the chicken they didn’t even stop at the computers or at the till.” Not only that, but the shop’s owners reckon the meat would have gone off by the time they got home - making their haul worthless at best, and vomitinducing at worst. “They were a bit dumb, to be honest, it was like something you would see on that TV programme, Americas Dumbest Criminals,” added Rashid. “Within a few hours, the doner would have defrosted and they wouldn’t have had anything to cook it with. Most likely, they have dumped it.” Police are still searching for the culprits, and have urged anyone who’s seen a two-mile long trail of salad and humus in the area to step for hidden rooms and secret cupboards first.


SPORT: James Sporren, 30, from nearby Lichfield, said he had sympathy with the man in question. He said: He’s just enjoying a chance to support his country in a major tournament - and that doesn’t come along very often. You shouldn’t make a man pick between his woman and his country. But fellow England fan Bob Sparling, a lorry driver from Birmingham, disagreed and said: Football is not the be all and end all - you need to make sure the lady in your life is kept on the right side. I wonder if it’s directed at him while he was on his way to Birmingham Airport or whether she’s just trying to name and shame him. But one thing is for sure - he’ll have hell to pay when he gets home. Having watched England’s efforts in the Ukraine, we’re sure he’s already been punished enough.

OLYMPIC GAMES SPECIAL It’s very easy to be cynical (and we will be) about the Olympics. There’s always so much talk about how much the games mean to the world, its billions of people, and thousands of corporate sponsors; but it can’t be denied that moments from previous games have provided a snapshot of the time and captured events overflowing with historical significance; such as Jesse Owens winning four gold medals at the 1936 Berlin games, the protest of Tommie Smith and John Carlos in Mexico City 1968, and more recently Usain Bolt’s breath-taking performances in the 100m and 200m in Beijing ’08. At the moment, the streets of the England’s capital are brimming with excitement, pride, indifference, annoyance, and MDMA. So, pretty much the same as usual. However, as the games draw near, those with hope and patriotic zeal coming out of their ears are getting louder and prouder that the biggest event on Earth is coming to their home and not France. Most of these people won’t have bothered to take down the miles of bunting they’d put up for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee; and like with the Queen’s Jubilee, to these people, if you don’t get behind the games it means you should be strung up and have your name go down in history as a traitor to our land. Of course, being organised by the Brits, nothing is going to go smoothly, and there’s already been some controversy. People have been gripped by the saga of Aaron Cook – taekwondo’s world number one – and the decision by GB Taekwondo not to select him for the British team. Cook has claimed that the decision is all down to politics because he opted to leave their performance programme. GB Taekwondo director Gary Shaw claimed that it was too risky to select Cook; and on the face of things that comment could stake a claim for top position in the WTF rankings with the British official who said Jessica Ennis was fat.

Barton Punished Again For Being a Prat With rivals like Ashley Cole and John Terry, it takes some talent to be acknowledged as the Premier League’s biggest knobhead for two years running. So you have to tip your hat to Joey Barton, who makes being an absolute cock look so easy both on and off the pitch. The all-round prat has been hit with a fine of six weeks wages by QPR, and has also been stripped of the club’s captaincy, following a review of his behaviour in Rangers’ last league game of the season at Manchester City. That would be the time he was sent off for elbowing Carlos Tevez and then trying to kill anyone in his way as he walked off the pitch. The tool has already been banned for 12 games by the Premier League, and now QPR have placed the 29-year-old on a final warning after conducting their own internal investigation. A club statement read: QPR can confirm Joey Barton has been fined six weeks’ wages and will no longer be club captain. If Barton seriously breaches the club’s disciplinary procedures again, the club reserves the right to terminate his contract. Barton, who is currently away being a cock on holiday, will not be part of Mark Hughes’ squad for their pre-season tour of Asia in mid-July, but still expressed his sorrow for being a big twat. My behaviour was wrong and I accept the punishment that has been imposed upon me as a result, he said. I apologise to the manager, my teammates and of course the QPR fans for my actions. I also apologise to the Manchester City players, staff and supporters. Despite the apology, Barton is still ranked alongside former Premier League greats such as Robbie Savage in terms of all round twatishness.

Pies Are A Bit Rich Who ate all the pies? Well, for once it’s not Frank Lampard scoffing down a steak and ale special as he watches England at Euro 2012. Instead it’s Fulham chief cock Mohamed al Fayed. Kind of. Apparently Harrods has started to stock pies which have previously only been available on the terraces at Morecambe FC, with well-heeled locals in Knightsbridge going mad for the steak and ale and chicken, ham and leek snacks. The pies are made at Morecambe’s ground, the Globe Arena, by pie maker Graham Aimson, and are being supplied to Harrods via a local butcher. “It is brilliant. To be supplying to the best shops in the country makes it all worthwhile,” Graham said. “It’s great we are getting recognition - footie fans obviously have the best taste!” Graham’s pies - which have been voted the best in football two years running - have proved so popular that the initial order of 100 was quickly snapped up and a further 100 ordered in. But while pie lovers in the swanky London postcode can now get a taste of Morecambe, the clubs fans still have the best of it: in addition to the two flavours being sold at Harrods, fans at the ground can also buy pork, apple and cider pies as well as two sweeter options, a butter pie and a Bramley apple pie. And just like footballers who come to London from up north, such as Fernando Torres, the price has been ridiculously bumped up from 2.50 on the terrace to 9.95 in Harrods. The pies still offer better value for money than Torres too.

But all hope for gold is not lost because whatshisface won’t be competing. Alongside those you’d expect to be placing on the podium – such as Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps – you’ll probably find some British athletes. Chris Hoy, Jessica Ennis and Phillips Idowu are all heavily fancied to fly the flag for the host nation and quell the embarrassment raised by the GB football team. It’s conceivable that one of those plucky Brits can provide the memorable moment that the London 2012 organisers are praying for; but while we wait for that we’ll be treated to usual Olympic nonsense that constitutes the majority of the every Olympics. We’re talking about commentators banging on about the Olympic spirit, athletes encouraging the crowd to clap along as they make their approach for yet another failed attempt at the long jump, and shot putters competing with Maria Sharapova levels of screaming. That’s why we’ve compiled a list for you to keep close by as you’re watching the games, of clichés that are part and parcel of the Olympics. Tick them off, give high fives all round, slam your head against a wall, or follow our suggestions – these are but some of the many options available to you. The choice is yours. Just keep your eyes peeled and your ears open for all the Olympic level bullshit that’ll be flying around.

From the Athletes: Someone tripping or being tripped up - Hit the floor Someone crying - You MUST boo Mentions of competing at the Olympics being a dream since childhood - Groan or throw up with disgust Attempts to get the crowd to clap along before an event - Chant “Twat!” in time with the claps Athletes frolicking with the London 2012 mascots (it’s good for marketing and sponsorship) - Get/give a piggy back ride GB football team desperately trying to convince everyone football in the Olympics matters - *cough* Bullshit *cough* Grunting and screaming from discus, javelin, and shot put competitors - Grunt along Gymnasts stuffing their landings - Act out a perfect landing Chris Hoy winning gold (he’s the new Steve Redgrave) - On a chair, air cycle throughout the race Paula Radcliffe bottling it (and/or pissing herself) - Hold your nose and waft the air Someone might break a record or two - A Kris Akabusi shout of “Alriiiiight!” (with arm gesture) Michael Phelps continuing to accumulate more gold than Mr T. - Mimic his swim stroke throughout the race A lot of red flags in the long and triple jumps - Jump as far as you can Knocking the pole off during failed high jumps and pole vaults - Limbo! Crap hurdlers knocking over hurdles - Leapfrog an object or person Usain Bolt’s tired horseshit (posing, showing off, pretending he eats chicken nuggets) - Switch the TV off From the TV Coverage:

Sealed With A Chris You have to admire a man who gets his priorities straight, so BBM tips its hat to Chris who lives in Birmingham. We don’t know his surname, and we’ve no idea who he is, but we do know he’s an England fan and a man of principle. How do we know this? From the giant 5ft by 3ft banner white banner was draped over a dual carriageway in Birmingham with the large words of an angry wife written in red upon it. The banner, which has been seen by thousands of motorists, reads: Chris, hope the quarter-finals are worth missing our anniversary for - don’t rush back! It was first spotted by motorists travelling along the A38 between Birmingham and Sutton Coldfield on Wednesday.

A boring as fuck opening ceremony - Just make firework noises Any talk of a British athlete - Shout “COME ON TIM!” Mentions of how great it is that the games are in London and it’s a once in a lifetime blah blah blah - Make the jabbering hand gesture Michael Johnson - Do a lap running like Michael Johnson Mentions of it being every athlete’s dream to appear at the Olympics Reveal your dream (the more embarrassing the better) Mentions of the sacrifices athletes make - Do 10 push ups When a Swedish athlete is competing the TV will cut to fit girls in the crowd - Awed silence Michael Johnson - Erm, do a lap running like Michael Johnson Commentators pretending the London 2012 mascots aren’t shit - Off the top of your head, come up with a better mascot Mentions of the Olympic spirit - Shout “Bollocks!” Lots of talk about who the favourite is - Sing the chorus of ‘You’re the Best Around’ by Joe Esposito Nonsensical ramblings from Boris Johnson and constant reminders of when he called ping pong “whiff whaff” - Talk gibberish for 10 seconds Lots of cutting to former athletes in the crowd - Shout “Get off the screen!” Michael Johnson - Why is there so much Michael Johnson?! There are other ex-athletes around By Peter Simpson


SPORT: Venue staff locked the doors after calm had been re-established, but police were called again at 4.50am when one of the guests apparently kicked a door down to gain re-entry. Guthrie’s blushing bride Rebecca Middleman was reportedly punched in the face and sent to hospital for checks. “We have not had so much as a phone call or letter of apology for this disgraceful and upsetting behaviour. Everything was dealt with properly here, it was about the guests and not the venue in any way.” No one was arrested, and police eventually managed to calm the situation down by randomly flashing yellow cards at guests.

Frankly, this all seems a bit overcomplicated to us, especially after discovering that, in the 1960s, the International Association of Athletics Federations simply made athletes parade naked in front of officials to verify their sex. Frankly, we think this a great idea and should be applied to tennis too. In fact, they should just a hidden webcam in the women’s showers like we did at our girlfriend’s house. On another note, the playlist for the opening ceremony has also been released and it’s a weird old mix. Tracks include the Sex Pistols punk anthem God Save The Queen, the James Bond theme, Handel’s Music for Fireworks, Amy Winehouse’s Valerie and Relax by Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Wouldn’t it make sense to get Lady Gaga over as well? Then we can do the testosterone probe on her too and BBM can win a bet with our mate Dave down the Cock and Bull.

Victory Lose Their Kewell Just when it looked like Australians were waking up the fact that Harry Kewell hasn’t been very good for about five years now, the former Liverpool sicknote has done a runner from the A-League and left Melbourne Victory. Apparently his wife, that bird off Emmerdale, has got a sick mum back in Blighty and the couple want to go back to take care of her. We’re sure the fact that another season in the A-League would have further tarnished his undeserved god-like image in Australia probably had something to do with it as well. ‘’I was about to go to dinner and I was told that Harry wouldn’t be with us next year. I had a very brief conversation with him, then I went out to dinner. Actually after a couple of bottles of red I stayed awake most of the night,’’ Victory coach Ange Postecoglou said.

Brawling Down The Aisle In football there’s an old saying: form is temporary, class is permanent. Unfortunately, this is also true for footballers off the pitch, as the actions of Joey Barton, Wayne Rooney, John Terry and Ashley Cole have proved that earning tens of thousands of pounds every week can’t buy you any class when it comes to how you act in public. Now, former Newcastle player Danny Guthrie has joined the throng of nouveau riche who have no little to no dignity, after the star’s wedding descended into a mass brawl as guests threw lobster at each other and the bride was punched in the face. “To say they behaved like peasants with money is an understatement,” said a source. “They were obnoxious and disgusting. One could say it would be expected of a rough pub on a council estate, but then that’s probably unfair to council estates. “It was more Big Fat Gypsy Wedding than our usual clientele... Staff at the marquee had to remove candelabras from the tables in case of a fire risk. There were people staggering around drunk and some were sprawled out over the tables.” The first rumblings of trouble apparently began at the wedding breakfast early in the evening, during which a lobster thermidor food fight took place. And the violence apparently broke out in a marquee on the grounds of the castle at around 2am, with the police arriving to break it up at 2.25am.

‘’It’s disappointing because I believe he had so much to offer on and off the field, and I also maintain that foreigners like Harry - and they are foreigners, coming from a different situation that we’re in - are always more effective in their second year. ‘’They have to get used to certain things and he probably would have been far better off this year in his second term as he’s already experienced a year in the competition.”

Hidden A Gender We all remember watching the metronome swing of Caster Semenya’s hidden testicles as she raced to an gold medal in the women’s 800m at the world championships in 2009. Not since Linford’s lunchbox have a set of genitals captured the imagination of athletics fans across the globe. But while Semenya was eventually cleared of any penis-based advantage, the issue of hyperandrogenism is still hanging over the sport like a great big cloud shaped like a huge pair of hairy bollocks as we heard towards the Olympics.

In other news, the A-League new club has finally been given a name – the West Sydney Wanderers. It would have been a much more impressive announcement but a cock-up with next season’s fixture list let everyone know the name a week in advance. Smooth move. Wanderers boss Tony Popovic has the unenviable task of building an entire squad in a few short weeks. Not only that, the club are banned from signing a marquee player – which basically means they’re going to get battered next season. Good luck with that Tony.

Now we have some new rules to handle hyperandrogenism, which state that a female athlete’s serum testosterone levels must be below the male threshold. In other words, bollocks are banned from women’s events.

GET LATE So you’ve been out the night before: you’ve drunk way too much; you’ve partied way to hard; you’ve got home; you’ve passed out. Now it’s the morning after and some breakfast, or brunch depending on the time you’ve been revived from your alcoholic coma. Here at BBM we’ve got your back, so we’ve compiled a list of the best places in Sydney and Melbourne where you can get some cracking hangover food for your sore head and upset stomach. Get down to one of these lovely establishments ASAP.

Sydney Eat Thai

Eat Thai is Thai restaurant by the evening but by day an egg-cellent (sorry) place to soak up the residing alcohol in your stomach. Serving a magnificent, vitamin packed veggie alternative to the traditional Eggs Benedict. Crispy roasted vegetables on a traditional English muffin topped with a delicious hollandaise sauce... it’s simply amazing. If you’re not a veggie, then you could always get the meat eaters Eggs Benedict. But if you’re really feeling particularly hairy and all you can manage is a nice bowl of granola with fresh fruit and yogurt then Eat Thai have got it covered. 229 Glenmore RD, Paddington, NSW 2021 02 9361 6640

Sloanes Cafe

Sloanes Café, is a little pricey, but it has a certain je ne sais quoi and charm to help you digest the bill. The dining area is small, but not over crowded with a quaint European street café vibe. Got that morning after dry-mouth feeling? Why not try Sloanes’ fresh juices? Take your pick of three from: apple, watermelon, orange, pineapple, celery, ginger and mint to make up your delicious hangover rehydration vice. Once you’ve polished that off why not try the generous ‘Big Breakfast’. But if you don’t fancy that we recommend the asparagus, tomato and avocado brushcetta with a poached egg and parmesan shavings. Delicious! 321 Oxford Street, Paddington, NSW 2021 02 9331 6717

Le Paris

Stumble off Bondi Beach and fall straight in to the La Paris Café for your day after treats. This chic surf shack, sky blue walls with clouds blending in will have you thinking your outside on the beach. The pleasant aromas of freshly baking muffins and ground coffee and pastries will have you ready to eat the booze away. If you feel like a light bite, try the toasted buttery croissant with jam and a fresh juice, but remember the simpler the better. But if light is not your hangover weapon of choice, go for the breakfast burrito. It’s packed with refried beans, scrambled eggs, avocado and a cheeky bit sour cream on the side. Immense. 38, Hall St, Bondi Beach, NSW 2026 02 9130 6753

Una’s Resturant

Una’s is a German-Austrian-Swiss food affair, and a place known for packing its plates full of what you’ve ordered. For breakfast they serve your standard big breakfast, as well as the veggie alternative, but with a continental edge of rostis on the side. However we suggest the Swiss bread sandwiches to get rid of that alcohol induced groggy feeling. Try the smoked salmon capers and onion for a morning-after treat for the taste buds. 340 Victoria Street, Darlinghust2010, New South Wales 02 9360 6885

Melbourne Degraves Espresso Bar

The coffee at Degraves Espresso Bar will have your veins jumping for joy and the sluggish feeling you get will slowly dissipate whilst the strong taste of coffee is enough to wake any sore brain up. Degraves’ is an unassuming little place, a place where you can linger, read a newspaper and enjoy the coffee or a big breakfast, or some maple syrup with bacon, amongst other breakfast staples like BBM’s personal favourite, the croissant. For those who just need to think about what they did last night and ponder the repercussions, this is the place. 23 Degraves St, Melbourne, Victoria 3000 03 9654 1245

Esplanade Hotel

The Esplanade Hotel is more of an institution of Melbourne than it is a café. But they do some good food in view of the sea with a nice calm atmosphere and great service. The weekend sees the Epsy deal out $10 breakfasts, clearly knowing that people are going to be in need of it over the weekend. They offer the big breakfast, like most of our chosen hangover hangouts, including bacon strips, free-range eggs however you like them and sausages with a grilled tomato on some toast. What’s wrong with a classic; after all if it ain’t broke don’t try and fix it. 11 The Esplanade, St Kilda, Victoria 3182 03 9534 2048

BBM's Kick Ass Bloody Mary Recipe: 3 Tbsp Dijon mustard 3 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce 2 Tbsp prepared horseradish (if using fresh, grate to taste) 2 Tbsp hot sauce (like Tabasco) 2.5 oz lemon juice (about 2 lemons) 1.5 oz lime juice (about 2 limes) 2 Tbsp olive brine (the juice inside your olive jars) 1 tsp celery seed 2 tsp fresh ground black pepper 2 tsp sea salt 64 oz tomato vegetable juice (not canned tomatoes) By Phillip Andreas

Big Mouth Café

Like potato and onions smashed together and then fried for you eating pleasure? Then Big Mouth Café is where you want to be, considering they’re regarded as having the best hash browns in town. Try the St Kilda Hash; it consists of those lovely homemade hash browns, bacon, avacado salsa, spinach and a cheeky poached egg on top. Get it down you and we guarantee you’ll feel better. 168 Acland St, St Kilda 3182 03 9534 4611 By Phillip Andreas



You’re getting to that age now. All your friends are getting married, some have even had babies. Yet the closest thing you’ve had to raising a child is the spider that’s been in the corner of your bedroom for the last three months. To rub salt into the wound, it died two weeks ago and you didn’t even realise. This month, a strong gust of wind blows Sammy the Spider out the window while you’re at work. You think it’s done a legger because you’re such a bad parent and spend the rest of July listening to Cats in the Cradle at full volume while weeping into your pillow.


You turn 32 this month and call a press conference to announce your retirement from international football.


Don’t rub another man’s rhubarb. It’s weird and no one will like you. Vegetable fiddler. You sicken me.


Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for the month...


Inspired by the film Prometheus, you decide to build a spaceship and search for the origins of life. Sadly, after three weeks of tireless work, the best you can come up with is a shopping trolley with a load of indoor fireworks strapped to the back. You decide to try ‘lift off’ anyway, but instead of breaching the Earth’s atmosphere you’re arrested by the police for theft of a shopping trolley from Woolworths.


I am Iron Man! Dudu dudu duurrdu Du! Du! Du!

After finally realising that nobody likes you and you smell of bad fish, you decide to do something to increase your popularity. Buying people drinks doesn’t work. Training guide dogs fails. Volunteering at an old folks home works for a while, because everyone thinks the fish smell comes from the pensioners, but eventually even the most senile of residents starts calling you Haddocky Harold, even though your name’s not Harold. Finally, inspriation strikes at the end of the month when you shoot and kill Ashley Cole. The following week you’re knighted by the Queen and have a threeway with Katherine Jenkins and Lara Del Rey. Who knew it was that simple.


Ever noticed how Libra is only oneletter change away from ‘Libya’? That’s because you’re the fascist dictator of the zodiac world. You drive everywhere in a big jeep while wearing army-general clothes and a load of made-up medals you gave yourself. This month, Peter Gabriel leads a coup against your brutal regime – but you manage to capture him and several other minor 80s icons who were part of the uprising. You take great pleasure in the torture of Z-list celebrities such as Ray Parker Junior, Bobby Davro, and Bagpuss.


Is Kevin Rowland from Dexy’s Midnight Runners related to Kelly Rowland from Destiny’s Child? It’s a frightening thought.


Your girlfriend catches you wanking into her best friend’s shoes. You dirty bastard.


You grow a caterpillar moustache and take a job as a teacher at an arts college. Your eye is immediately drawn to a young blind woman who’s a student in your class. For the rest of the week, you follow her around singing the lyrics to a dodgy 80s ballad as she moulds some clay and takes dancing lessons. You even phone her up one night, waiting several seconds after she’s answered before saying “Hello... is it me your looking for” and hanging up again. One day you’re marking essays on a piano, a guitar solo playing in the background, when another student invites you into the sculpture making class because “I think you should take a look at this” or something. Turns out the blind girl has been making a sculpture of your face because “this is how I see you.” However, your delight turns to anger when you see the bust. It looks like the bastard child of Joleon Lescott and 80s comedian Bobby Ball. If this is how she sees you then she clearly thinks your an ugly bastard. You throw the bust to the ground, call her a “fucking blind bitch” and storm off.


It’s time to take out the trash. No, seriously, it’s your turn on the house roster and you’ve been putting it off for weeks. Go on you lazy bastard. Everyone hates you and they’re bitching about your lazy in hushed tones ways whilst they make the spaghetti hoops on toast.


I’m going down, to Alphabet Street, I’m gonna crown, the first girl that I meet. I’m gonna talk so sexy, she’ll want me from my head to my feet. Owwww!

ASK CRYSTAL Dear Crystal, I’m in love with a girl at work but she’s made it clear she’s not interested. The problem is, I still can’t get her out of my head. I spend all day staring at her at work, and when I get home I go on Facebook to look at photos of her. I’ve even rung her house a couple of times while masturbating and breathing heavily. I know it’s not right, but what can I do? Please help. Yours John Dear John, Stop stalking this woman on Facebook. It’s wrong, it’s pointless and your time could be much better spent hiding in a bush outside her bedroom window. What I’d advise is working out what time she has a shower and then phoning her just as she gets under the water. Chances are she’ll have to run past a window naked to answer your call. Make sure you have a camera handy to snap her when she does - that way you can go home at the end of the day and masturbate over that too. Dear Crystal, One of my flatmates did a shit in my trainers, but none of them will own up to it. Every time I bring it up they just start giggling, which makes me even more angry, and makes them laugh even more. I’ve even heard them call me shitty shoes a few times when they think I’m not listening. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this sort of treatment but it’s making my life a misery. What should I do Crystal? I’m at my wits end. Yours, Teddy Dear Teddy, Sometimes you’ve just got to fight fire with fire. And if watching The Usual Suspects has taught me anything (other than Keyser Soze is a brand of crockery) it’s that winning the war is all about being willing to go one step further than the other guy. Start by pooing in their breakfast bowls. Then start pooing in their underwear draws. If one of them tells you enough is enough and threatens you to stop - which they will - just start laughing and go to your room. Then, later that night when everyone’s asleep, put on a ski mask, poo into your hand, burst into your flatmate’s room and wipe your faeces all over his face while screaming: “Is this what you wanted?! Is this what you wanted?!” and laughing manically. I did exactly the same thing when I moved in with Delta Goodrem and we’re still good friends to this day.


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Ph: 03 9663 3358


Cnr Thompson & Nelson Streets, Abbotsford, VIC Ph:(03) 9420 6800

BIG NIGHT OUT IN SURFERS PARADISE Every Wednesday and Saturday Night


Every Wednesday and Friday Night Mob: 0418 184 646

MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 08 9521 545


ACCOMMODATION AUSTRALIA New South Wales Sydney World Square Hostel 2/640 George St, Sydney NSW 2000 (02) 9267 5616 Sydney Backpackers 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Clovelly Hotel 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly Ph: (02) 9665 1214 Criterion Hotel 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 Westend Backpackers 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Free: 1800 013 186 Ph: 02 9211 4588 See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm! Jolly Swagman Backpackers Hostel 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 Free: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers Bondi Backpackers 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Free: 1800 304 660 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 Oxford Court Accommodation Bondi Junction Mobile 0412547840 Clean, affordable and friendly backpackers. Rooms for 1 to 4 people. Close to bus, train and shops. Rooms have TV, fridge, toaster, microwave, kitchenette, cutlery, crockery, sheets supplied. Laundry, internet and BBQ facilities. Prices range from $190 to $130 depending on the number of guests. The Globe Backpackers 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 Free: 1800 806 384 Ph: (02) 9326 9675 City Resort Hostel 103-105 Palmer St Woolloomooloo, NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 Skype: City Resort Hostel Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)

The George Street Hotel 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Free: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) Bounce Sydney 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph (02) 9281 2222 Lord Wolseley Hotel 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: (02) 9660 1731 Maze Backpackers 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 5115 Free: 1800 813 522 Porterhouse Hotel 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 9211 4454 Big Hostel Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms. 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92816030 Free: 1800 212 244 O’Malley’s Hotel 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211

Sydney Central Hostel 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 7323 The Royal Hotel 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: (02) 9698 8557 Kanga House backpackers 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: (02) 9357 7897

Sydney Northern Beaches Sydney Beachouse - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

Sydneys Southern Beaches Cronulla Beach YHA Level 1, 40 -42 Kingsway Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772

PORT STEPHENS Melaleuca Surfside Backpackers 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph: (02) 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 Hunter Valley Hunter Valley YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley, NSW Ph: 02 4991 3278

Katoomba Katoomba Mountain Backpackers Lodge 31 Lurline st Katoomba, NSW Ph: 04782 3933 SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!

Byron Bay Aquarius Backpackers 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 Ph: (02) 6685-7663 Free: 1800 028 909 Nomads Byron Bay 1 Lawson Lane, Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6680 7966 Free: 1800 766 673 Arts Factory Lodge 1 Skinners Shoot Road, Byron Bay, NSW Ph: 02 6685 7709 An essential part of your journey

Nambucca Heads Nambucca Backpackers 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360

Lake Tabourie Lake Tabourie Tourist Park Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966

Queensland Brisbane Tinbilly Travellers 466 George St, Brisbane City, Qld 4000 Ph: (07) 3238 5888 Free: 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad The Deck 117 Harcourt St, New Farm Brisbane QLD 4005 Ph: 0433 777 061 Designed with the working Traveler in Mind. Minimum 2 week stay Base QLD Backpackers 308 Edward st Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: 07 3211 2433 BUNK 11-21 Gipps St, Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free: 1800 682 865

Brisbane City YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: (07) 3236 1004

Goldcoast Trekkers Backpackers 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 Ph: (07) 55915616 Free : 1800 100 004 BOOK 2 NIGHTS GET 2 NIGHTS FREE Valid May till Sep 2012. Min 2 nights. Conditions apply Aquarius Backpackers 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Free:1800 229 955 Surfers Paradise YHA at Main Beach Mariners Cove, 70 Seaworld Drive Main Beach, Surfers Paradise 4217 Ph: (07) 5571 1776 Backpackers in Paradise 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: (07) 5538 4344 Free: 1800 268 621 Surf N Sun Beachside Backpackers 3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free: 1800 678 194 Sleeping Inn Surfers 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Coolangatta Sands Hostel Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets Coolangatta 4225 QLD Ph: 07 5536 7472 Surfers Paradise Backpackers Resort,2837 Gold Coast Highway, Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Free: 1800 282 800

Noosa Nomads Noosa 44 Noosa Drive, Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355

Hervey Bay Nomads Hervey 408 The Esplanade, Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601

TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton) Cool Bananas 2 Spring Road, 1770, Queensland, 4677 Ph: (07) 4974 7660 Free: 1800 227 660 1770 Southern Cross (Backpackers) 2694 Round Hill Rd Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 0749747225 1770 Beachside Backpackers 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 07 4974 7200 enquiries@1770beachsidebackpacker.

Cairns CAirns Share House 17 Scott Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4041 1875 Nomads Cairns 341 Lake Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Free: 1800 737 736 Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. Cairns Central YHA 20-26 McLeod Street, Cairns QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4051 0772 Gilligans backpackers hotel & resort 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Ph: (07) 4041 6566 Free: 1800 556 995

Nomads Esplanade 93 The Esplanade, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 7477 Free: 1800 175 716 Dreamtime Travellers Rest 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.) Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph: (07) 4031 6753 Globetrotters International 154-156 Lake st Cairns City QLD Free: 1800 22 55 87 Nomads Cairns Beach House 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 Dorm from just $12 The Northern Greenhouse 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 JJ’s Backpackers 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Ph - (07) 4051 7642 Free- 1800 666 336

Mission Beach Absolute Backpackers 28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8317 Free: 1800 688 316 Scotty’s Beach House 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach, QLD, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676

Whitsundays Barefoot Lodge Whitsunday Passage, Whitsundays, QLD Ph: +61 7 4946 9400 Free: 1800 075 125

Airlie Beach Airlie Beach YHA 394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach QLD Phone: (07) 4946 6312 Free:1800 247 251 MAGNUMS/Whitsunday Village Travel 366 Shute Harbour Rd, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: (07) 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free: 1800 624 634

cape tribulation PK’s Jungle Village Cape Tribulation Road (PMB 7) Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 Ferntree Rainforest Lodge Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, QLD Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates:

rainbow beach Pippies Beach House Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco WhaleWatching for all!

Western Australia scarborough western beach lodge 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624

COTTESLOE ocean beach backpackers cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111

Perth Rainbow Lodge 150 Claisebrook Rd Perth, WA (Have just moved around the corner) Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529

One World Backpackers 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 Mountway Holiday Apartments 36 Mount St,West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 Britannia on William 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 YMCA Accommodation Jewell House 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: Underground Backpackers 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce, Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 Beatty Lodge 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 Billabong Resort 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 Globe Backpackers 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St, Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 The Old Swan Barracks 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000

monkey mia Monkey Mia Dolphin Resort Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320

Kununurra Kununurra Backpackers Adventure Centre 24 Nutwood Crescent, Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998

broome Beaches of Broome 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031

Victoria Mildura redcliffs hotel 25 Jacaranda St, Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704

Halls Gap Brambuk Backpackers Hostel 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, VictoriaPh: 03 5356 4250 Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.

Melbourne Easystay Motel and Studio Apartments Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ Or call 1300 30 17 30 Melbourne Central YHA 562 Flinders St Melbourne 3000 Ph: (+613) 9621 2523 Centrally located, close to public transport and major attractions. Free city circle tram on doorstep,24 hour reception, wifi and Skype available. Rooftop deck.

Melbourne Metro YHA 78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (03) 9329 8599 Winner of the Victorian Tourism Award for Best Backpacker Accommodation three years running! 24 hour reception. Exford Hotel 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Nomads Melbourne 196-198 A’Beckett Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Ph: 03 9328 4383 Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne! Back of Chapel 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 Nomads All Nations 2 Spencer Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad Flinders Station Hotel Backpackers 35 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 The Spencer Backpackers 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). Melbourne International Backpackers 450 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 The Greenhouse Backpackers 228 Flinders Lane, Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 Hotel Discovery 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider Victoria Hall Accommodation 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888

St. Kilda Jackson Apartments 80 Ikerman St ,St Kilda Beach Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms Habitat HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply

Apollo Bay Apollo Bay Backpackers Lodge 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 Eco Beach YHA Eco-Hostel 5 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay 3233 Ph: (+613) 5237 7899 Clean, quiet and relaxing Eco-Hostel. Cosy fire in winter. DVD’s available to borrow from reception.

Halls Gap Grampians YHA Eco-Hostel Corner Grampians and Buckler Roads Halls Gap 3381 Ph: (+613) 5356 4544 Eco accredited. Solar powered. Herb garden, free range chooks and friendly local kangaroos

Phillip island

THE ISLAND ACCOMMODATION Phillip Island travel and accommodation packages

Ph: (+61 3) 5956 6123

The Big Wave Complex 10 - 12 Phillip Island Tourist Road Newhaven Phillip Island, Victoria

EXPERIENCE THE PENGUIN PARADE! Northern Territory Darwin Ashton lodge & Wisdom Bar 48 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 4866 Melaleuca on Mitchell 52 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437

alice springs Annie’s Place 4 Traeger Avenue, Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089

South Australia Adelaide Adelaide Travellers Inn Backpackers 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 Majestic Minima Hotel 146 Melbourne Street, North Adelaide SA 5006 Ph:(08) 8334 7766 OUR HOUSE BACKPACKERS 33 Gilbert Place, Adelaide, SA, 5000 Ph: 08 8410 4788 Adelaide Shakespeare International 123 Waymouth Street, Adelaide SA, 5000 Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it



EMPLOYMENT TAX & VISAS I heard there are changes happening to migration on the first of July, how will this affect me? Firstly, these changes only really affect general skilled migration. Other migration programs such as Employer Sponsored will remain largely unchanged. The only change affecting the employer sponsored and skilled visas is that there will be a consolidation of lists of occupations. The Department will also streamline the processing of employer sponsored visas and make the transition for temporary to permanent easier for applicants. This is of particular significance for 457 holders, or people wishing to apply for 457 visas. General skilled migration is completely changing with the introduction of SkillSelect. Applicants lodge an expression of interest and then they will be invited to apply based on their EOI. Applicants will then have their applications placed on a database for potential employers or state sponsorship. Essentially, this new process will speed up processing times. For the old system of general skilled migration, processing times were 20 months+. This new system will simplify the process. The Department of Immigration is estimating a 9 month processing time. Other visas such as partner visas will remain unaffected.

Have a question about immigration? Ask the experts: or check out the forum on


BBM JUly Issue 2012  

For British in Australia covering festivals, music, events, celebrity interviews, accommodation, jobs, visas, tax returns, tours, bars, pubs...

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