<< On the Web
34 • BAY AREA REPORTER • October 4-10, 2012
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Hunks of Paraguay by Ernie Alderete
Y
ears ago, being a Peeping Tom had legal consequences. I remember the first time I encountered a Peeping Tom. I was having sex in the supposed privacy of the bedroom of an acquaintance of mine in the East Bay. As we reached orgasm, he pointed to what resembled a face lurking in the fogged-up window. At first I thought it was his imagination, then perhaps a reflection of ourselves. But as I looked closely, I noticed the face watching us was
smoking, and we weren’t! These days you don’t need to risk jail to peep into a life, or lives that might be more exciting and sexual than your own. On Facebook, we can join sexy comrades on a night out in Asuncion, the riparian capital city of landlocked Paraguay, in the very heart of South America. One picture depicts a young man very much in the spirit of John Travolta in his Saturday Night Fever finery hitting the dance floor. Another picture shows the same guy with his dress shirt unbuttoned, open down to
Alex from Rivas Male Models, found on Facebook.
his waist, shoulder-to-shoulder with a taller pal with his white T-shirt pulled up to expose his nipples. Perhaps the two slightly tipsy pals are kidding around on the dance floor. We see one young man from behind working out in his verdant garden, lifting barbells, wearing nothing but his pale, form-fitting blue jeans. The picture is in no way obscene, but it is sensual, alluring as well as refreshing and exciting. We may never see his face, but we see his powerful upraised arms almost forming the letter “W.” We see another lean young man with a hairless, pale, muscular torso in his tree-shaded garden, wearing nothing but a pair of black shorts with white stripes up the sides, and a baseball cap, holding an ovalshaped candy or similar confection he’s about to open. Perhaps he’s in the last bloom of adolescence, as he seems ready, able and eager to claim his place in his world as a fullfledged, virile man. You can even peek in on a stellar pair of copper-toned identical muscular twin twinks, Jonathan and Al-
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Bodybuilder in Paraguay, found on Facebook.
exander Ozuna, who could tag team as body doubles for Taylor Lautner, best known as the perpetually bronzed, shirtless star of the Twilight Saga movie series. Put Lautner and the Ozuna twins together, and you’d think the three of them were full-blooded brothers, down to the heavy brow they share. The Ozuna twins work for Rivas Male Models, the only such agency in Paraguay. The hundreds of photos on the Rivas Male Models profile on Facebook shows dozens of fashion shows and fashion shoot portfolios, but it seems that the focus is more on the skin than the threads. At least to me, the men look more like go-go boys and muscle hunks than typical lanky fashion models. I’ve been to Paraguay, nicknamed “the Green Hell” because of the oppressive heat and humidity, and
never saw guys like these walking the streets of the capital. But I suppose you could say that we don’t see guys like those in Abercrombie & Fitch catalogs walking down the streets of our hometown. There are several ways you can peek into people’s lives on Facebook. You can browse profiles of people who interest you, or request that they be your friend, which they can confirm, deny or ignore. But another option is to subscribe to a particular profile. The person doesn’t need to accept your request, all subscriptions are automatically granted. Guys who have set up their profiles for subscriptions are often public figures, like well-known athletes, musicians, or entertainers. Many are just local celebrities, exhibitionists really, guys who like having us follow their lives.▼
Hot flesh by Ernie Alderete
I
accidentally ran across a fascinating Facebook page, “Certified Hotties – Male Edition.” It’s loaded with thousands of extremely handsome young men, although I would have named it “Thugs of the Burroughs.” There are no clear and set criteria for inclusion as a certified hottie, but the overwhelming majority of the subjects sport massive tattoos, mostly on the upper chest and the arms above the elbows, but often covering the entire torso, and in a few cases the entire visible body. They are all artistic, well-designed and finely executed tats, not sloppy jail ink. Most of the hotties are African American, with perhaps a sizable proportion of Dominican Republicans and New Yorkoricans represented, all in their late teens through their mid-20s. Some might call them gangsters, gangbangers or hoods, but they don’t seem like a negative sort to me. No one is posed with a gun, a knife, or a bottle of booze, or giving you the middle finger. They’re just edgy young men you might not want to run into in a dead-end alley late at night, but who might help an elderly widow across the street Sunday morning. For all I know there could be hundreds of Boy Scouts and altar boys in their midst. All of them are lean in the extreme, there isn’t an ounce of fat on any of the men on exhibit, not one
Thuggish good looks found on the ‘Certified Hotties’ webpage.
slightly bulging tummy, not even one minimal love handle. Nor are they overly hairy, as is the norm with young men these days. In any case, body hair might obscure their
muscles or tattoos. Frankly, I didn’t know there were this many cute young men who could fit in this narrow thuggish category in the world, let alone the United States. ▼