bathimpact The University of Bath Students’ Union Newspaper
Monday 11th March 2013
Volume 14 Issue 9
Your newspaper. Your news.
2013 Students’ Union O cer Campaign Coverage Helen Edworthy bathimpact Reporter n Monday 4th March, campaigning for Students Union Of cer positions began. Campaigning spans the course of two weeks, with voting opening at 9am on Tuesday 12th March and closing at 10pm on the 14th. These two weeks are a busy time on campus, with the nominees for the different po-
sitions canvassing on the Parade through the means of banners, posters, and various other stunts. For the ve positions – SU President, and Community, Education, Activities, and Sport Of ce - there are a total of eleven candidates, with the only uncontested position being Education Of cer. Candidate debates for the positions of Education and Sport Ofcer (shown above) took place on Thursday 7th March, and debates for Community and
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Activities of cers on Friday 8th March. Today (Monday 11th March) sees the Presidential debates take place. Campaign videos for the candidates can be viewed at youtube.com/ BathCTV. SU of cer elections are one of only two campaigns within the university where candidates are allowed to spend money on canvassing materials, with the only other campaign being that of NUS delegates.
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2013 Bath Half ~ Pages 7-8
Voting on the 12th-14th of March is important to the Students’ Union, because it means that students at the University of Bath have the ability to make their opinions heard should they have any issues within the university as well as having the knowledge that the people in charge of both nancial and legal responsibility for the SU have been chosen by the people they represent. Voting will take place online at bathstudent.com/elections.
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Talking points: the election so far
Baby, give it up: the power graspers
Etiquette, a Flintstone’s guide
Editor-in-Chief Rowan Emslie takes a look at what we’ve seen from the campaigns for SU Of cer roles in 2013.
Sarah Aston looks at the heads of state clinging onto power, and the long-term impact they have on their country.
Ben Charles Hooper discusses the British xation on etiquette with a little help from Bedrock’s nest.
Monday 11th March 2013
Why we need to be neutral T
his week, bathimpact was put together with three less editors than usual. Although this meant that certain aspects of production were stretched, we viewed it as a vital decision in maintaining a principal this paper stands for: the truth. The three members of the committee in question took the opportunity to campaign for various Student Union Of cer candidates, something we were happy to encourage, but in doing so they voluntarily sacri ced their role as editors for the fortnight the campaigns would take place. This issue and the one-off election special, which circulated from the 5th March, contain many articles about the SU elections. In the interest of impartiality all media
groups have agreed that anyone involved in any campaign team may not write or edit any articles, produce or present any radio programmes or lm anything for CTV. The rule was strongly encouraged by Elections Committee and although we trust all our committee members to remain professional – as they have always been, despite sometimes differing opinions – we agreed that during this point in time, it only seemed fair to all candidates that we followed their advice. People will note that it is very common for the press to take a stance on political parties and candidates, particularly during an election. Any student of politics will be aware of the famous “It’s The Sun Wot Won It” headline fol-
lowing their contribution to the unexpected Conservative victory in the 1992 general election. We, however, take a different stance on the issue. Obviously as bathimpact, and the other student media outlets, are the only ones covering these elections, ensuring neutrality is vital. We believe that presenting the facts as they are and laying them out as they are presented to us is the only way to ensure this. If you read our election special, you would have noticed the differing layouts of the manifestos. This was deliberate; we didn’t edit any of the words, correct any spellings, or change any of the paragraph styles. We believed that doing so would allow the candidates to be presented in the way they wished to be presented; if there
were mistakes or poor wording, it was, unfortunately, their mistake rather than ours. So why shouldn’t those involved in campaigns be allowed to continue their duties during the SU Of cer elections? Although we have the upmost con dence that they would be able to continue with their usual professionalism, it is only fair to all candidates that they stay away from a medium of publicity which is not accessible to everyone. Only then can we guarantee the candidates, Election Committee, and you, the people who will ultimately decide who will be elected, that we are completely neutral. bathimpact strongly believes that the truth is best displayed when it is presented straight and only then can you make your own conclusions.
The NUS Conference and you T
he National Union of Students Conference is held from the 8th to the 10th of April. The University of Bath Students’ Union has submitted several recommendations for consideration. Repeatedly this newspaper has expressed doubts and raised issues with the way the NUS conducts its business so it is enlightening to look at the issues that the SU has raised. Many of the points get the backing of bathimpact but more students should know what has been put forward by their representatives. Hopefully, this editorial will go some way to helping with that. The #Demo2012 debacle was something that bathimpact was very critical of. It was poorly planned and, subsequently, poorly executed. The SU has suggested that the NUS focus on supporting local or regional is-
sues rather than focus activism into vague national campaigns. The Article 4 problem in Bath is something that has been fought with little support from the NUS as a whole yet it is much more likely to directly impact students in Bath than any of the issues highlighted in #Demo2012. This is a recommendation worth supporting and this paper applauds it. Employability is one of the main reasons for students to attend university, yet the NUS does not push it as a national bene t. The economic implications for a large, better educated population of young people is something that the SU has called for the NUS to push more. While this is an admirable aim, it is vague enough to easily fall by the wayside in the coming year. Schools, it is sometimes forgotten, are relevant to the NUS’s remit.
Career advice before University has been highlighted by the SU as lacking. This paper agrees. The announcement that FutureLearn is to be rolled out at this University raises questions of student representation – how will it be structured or organised? The SU would like the NUS to answer this question, which is fair, but does bring into question what inroads they have made into the issue at the University of Bath itself. Much of this issue is dedicated to electing new SU Of cers and how to ensure that those elected are as well prepared and capable of doing the job as possible. The current SU Of cers have called for the NUS to supply mentoring schemes for such roles, which aligns largely with the beliefs of this newspaper. It gives hope to the handover in the Summer where,
presumably, massive efforts will be put in to get next year’s team up to standard. Finally, the proposal to better support activities and media groups af liated with SUs across the country is excellent. The enjoyment of many students is based on their hobbies and the groups at university that help them to get on with those hobbies. The groups – like bathimpact - are run by volunteers who need to juggle their studies with their responsibilities. Support would be very much appreciated, as long as it is not intrusive into the decision making responsibilities or editorial control that those volunteers have. The NUS conference has the potential, then, to improve student life at Bath. It remains to be seen whether or not any of that potential is ful lled.
Votes matter all year round
very year the Students’ Union elections come around. Campaigns are often built on general popularity or on gimmicks that raise people’s pro les very quickly. This is an effective technique for getting extra votes very quickly as many voters are not particularly informed or, for that matter, interested. Most people click on the voting link and make a snap decision – perhaps based on something as shallow as appearance or, simply, on which names are most recognisable. This isn’t the fault of the people employing gimmicks, they’re effectively exploiting the electoral system. The problems arise when those candidates who ran a campaign based on insubstantial factors win.
How are they supposed to do the actual job when their preparation necessarily puts very little focus on the day-to-day realities of what they will be expected to do? It doesn’t seem fair. Of course they are likely to struggle. This year, the hope is to change this process. The new debate format demands much more preparation and, more than that, invites greater scrutiny on that preparation – or the lack of it. Candidates can now address one another rather than the onus being put on students observing the debate. Obviously, students can still bring up issues but it is bizarre that, previously, candidates were not expected to engage directly with their opponents. This, bathimpact feels, is a change for the
better. In the case of those running unopposed, the people running the debates now put speci c focus on extensively preparing questions to test how much those candidates really know about what they are running for. If the position is to be lled, it should be lled by people who are aware of the history of the position and the challenges that they will face in that job. This paper thinks that no one can express dissatisfaction with such a focus. Hopefully, this will lead to a more informed electorate who will make their choices based on more than just recognition. It would be ambitious to suggest that the power of popularity and gimmicks will disappear overnight, but inroads may
have been made. Again, this is a change for the better. It is vital that these gains are not considered complete. It is the responsibility of the student body and, of course, student media to continue to scrutinise the candidates who are successful. Students’ Union Ofcers must be scrutinised throughout the year. If voters are aware of just what candidates have promised – as they might have learned during the campaigns – then they are more likely to want to hold the victors to account. From speaking extensively to current and former SU Of cers, bathimpact is aware of a desire from those in of ce to get more and better feedback from the students they represent. It is an invitation that should be heeded.
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m edia The opinions expressed in bathimpact are not necessarily those of the bathimpact editors nor of the University of Bath Students’ Union. Whilst every effort is made to ensure that the information contained in this publication is correct and accurate at the time of going to print, the publisher cannot accept any liability for information which is later altered or incorrect. bathimpact as a publication adheres to the Press Complaints Commission’s Code of Conduct. Please contact them for any information.
Monday 11th March 2013
“There is nobody at the CIA who could tell you more, personally, about Kim Jon-Un than Dennis Rodman.”
expressimpact Former assistant Secretary of State Stephen Ganyard on Dennis Rodman’s trip to North Korea.
The US drone aircraft spotted ying over Brooklyn, NYC
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Students’ Union Of cer Elections
A driver had to call 999 after he suffered a panic attack at the Dartford Crossing, due to his anxiety disorder generated through his fear of crossing bridges. Patrol of cers were called to the crossing, and ended up driving the man’s car across the bridge for him with him as a passenger.
Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez has died at age 58, after battling cancer for 11 months. Mr Chavez had been president for 14 years at the time of his death, having been re-elected for a fourth term in October of last year. It has been declared that there will be seven days of national mourning in Venezuela, during which time President Chavez will have a state funeral.
Voting starts on Tuesday 12th March at 9am, and closes on Thursday 14th March at 10pm. Results will be announced on Friday 15th March.
updates & events UPCOMING EVENT
Bath RAG Fashion Show
A Bath landlord is helping to lead a campaign calling for the stopping of further taxing on pints of beer. The campaign is calling for the Chancellor George Osborne to freeze beer duty, and the campaign has seen hundreds of beer mats distributed throughout the city featuring the slogan ‘buying a round? Don’t forget one for the tax man’.
A survey has shown that three UK universities have fallen out of the world’s top 100 since 2011, with only Oxford and Cambridge remaining in the top ten. When the tables were rst published, a total of 12 UK universities were among the rankings.
University of Bath Activities Awards
Wednesday 13th March, with tickets available from The Plug. RAG’s supported charities include Sue Ryder, Dorothy House, Bath Mentoring Plus, and RUH Forever Friends Appeal.
Friday 3rd May, to be held in the Claverton Rooms. Nominations can be submitted by anyone about anyone after the Easter Break, for awards in all societies, media groups, volunteer groups, and diversity and support groups.
Monday 11h March 2013
Monday 11th March 2013
Ben Butcher on the 2013 Bath Half as we showcase a selection of the best photos from the race Sunday 3rd March marked the 32nd Bath Half Marathon as 12,000 athletes both professional and amateur took part in representing various charities and organisations. As usual, the event drew large crowds who cheered on the runners, gathering all over the track which went through the city centre. The organisers described it as the most succesful ever. The event was a success, bringing in over £1.5 million for charities ranging from the local Julian House to the international WaterAid. The runners’ costumes ranged from superheroes to sumo wrestlers, but also present were a series of professional, renowned long-dis-
tance runners who produced some impressive times. The race was won by Ethiopian athlete Tewodros Shiferaw, with a time of 63 minutes and 26 seconds. He had previously won the race in 2007 and happily reclaimed his title. The fastest female athlete was Polline Wanjiru of Kenya, with a time of 70 minutes and 28 seconds. Race director, Andrew Taylor, lauded the success claiming “it’s been remarkably smooth. I keep pinching myself and keep waiting for the wheels to fall off. For the runners this is ideal running conditions, what we never want is the weather to be significantly different to what they train in.”
Mr Taylor stated that the event had seen no major causalities, before also commenting that, “With a race of this size some casualties are to be expected but I am not aware of anything. With it being colder you would expect the casualty rate to be relatively low.” The 13-mile half marathon failed to see any track records being broken, but did see the fastest time for a comic book character – Dennis the Menace – and the fastest time for a man in their mid-60’s. The half marathon also saw a number of University of Bath students and staff take part, as well as celebrity personality Dermot O’Leary.
Above (left,right): Competitors finishing their races representing excellent causes. Photos taken by Caleb Wheeler-Robinson
Left: Three superheroes pose as they cross the finish line Above: Thomas Brown-Lowe who raised over £1300 for myelodysplastic syndromes
Monday 11th March 2013
‘Online learning revolution’ Overton2012
Ailbhe Rees bathimpact Reporter
peaking at the Guardian Higher Education Summit, Universities Minister David Willetts urged UK universities to join the online learning revolution. According to Willetts, online universities were going to be “very signi cant” as demographic and economic changes in Asia have massively increased their market potential. In order for UK universities to tap into this growing market, they will have to adapt their content for an online following, rather than the ‘traditional’ on-campus model. The online courses market is currently dominated by US-based networks such as Coursera (Stanford University, CA) and edx (Harvard, MIT, MA). These two alone have attracted some 3.5 million users since their launch one year ago. The University of Bath has already signed a Memorandum of Understanding to become a partner in UK-based Futurelearn. The organisation offers free Mass Open Online
UK universities have been urged to put more of their courses online to be followed by remote students Courses (MOOCs) and already has of attrition. However, if Stanford longer be necessary to come to the 18 partner Universities including admitted all the students who ap- UK for a British education. Willetts’ prediction will most the University of St. Andrews. It plied, that attrition rate would be also taps into the wealth of experi- much higher again than that of likely prove true; economic and ence in distance learning garnered MOOCs. MOOCs allow people the demographic changes in developchance to log on and be educated, ing countries will probably expand by the Open University. However, free MOOCs have and through partnerships between the online courses market for UK an average dropout rate of nearly UK and US-based organisations universities to move into. The hope 85%, and the question is raised as like Futurelearn and leading Asian is that the venture will not be seen to whether they really area replace- Universities this can be made pos- purely in terms of capital, but also ment for the traditional university sible. It can also be done at little to in terms of giving people access to experience. As Mathematician at no cost, no matter where a person quality resources to improve their Stanford University Keith Dev- is in the world, provided they have standing without having to pay to lin points out, this is a high rate access to the internet It will no come to the UK for it.
Horsemeat found at IKEA B
eginning in the middle of January this year, the horse meat scandal has rapidly escalated to include many of our mainstream food suppliers. Ten million burgers have been taken off the shelves of our supermarkets by retailers such as Tesco and Waitrose for further examination. However, this situation has now reached IKEA with regards to one of their most popular food products: Swedish meatballs. Last Monday, IKEA announced that horse meat had indeed been found in their 1 kilogram packs of meatballs that had been manufactured in Sweden and were then shipped to IKEA stores in the Czech Republic. Although great efforts went into intercepting this batch en route to Czech stores, it has also been recently found that other IKEA stores across Europe have been selling the affected product. These European stores include ones in France, Italy, Spain, and our own stores here in the UK. Although much of IKEA’s own produce has been found to not include horse meat, this recent discovery has prompted further investigation. IKEA responded to this recent discovery claiming ‘IKEA is committed to serving and selling high quality food that is safe, healthy and produced with care for the environment and the people who produce
it. We do not tolerate any other ingredients than the ones stipulated in our recipes or speci cations, secured through set standards, certi cations and product analysis by accredited laboratories.’ Although it seems these food suppliers were just as oblivious to this scandal asthe general public, it must be argued that stricter measures should be put in place to avoid such a gross level of misconduct towards customers reoccurring. Particularly for those who are not permitted to consume horse meat under the instruction of their religion,
this is of an even greater concern. With Lancashire schools discovering horse meat in their supposedly halal lamb burgers, it must be considered to what extent is horse meat being wrongly included in the food products we all purchase. The Food Standards Agency argue that it is minimal; with 3,634 tests having been undertaken thus far, only 1% of products have been declared affected, following which they were immediately recalled from the shelves. With such an immense pressure being placed upon our food suppli-
ers for a decrease in food prices, yet a consistency in quality, it was only a matter of time until something had to give. However, even if only 1% of food products are affected, the impact such ndings are having on society is of a much greater consequence. From many various comedic images and videos being posted through social media and other forms, some have taken this scandal in a rather light hearted way. With public trust in food suppliers decreasing, it may be that the opinion of many is to cut meat out of their diets totally. kimubert
Grace Fox bathimpact Reporter
IKEA has been implicated in the horsemeat scandal that has engulfed the British high street
SU President to run for NUS NEC Dan Phillips bathimpact Reporter University of Bath Students’ Union President, Chris Clements, is set to stand for election to the block of 15 on the National Union of Students (NUS) National Executive Council (NEC). The primary purpose of the NEC is to ensure that NUS is ful lling the policy mandates from National Conference. It also sets emergency policy, resolves con icts and prioritises the work and resources of the organisation. Block of 15 is a voluntary position. Speaking of his nomination, Clements commented “I think it is vitally important that Bath SU actively involves itself in the decision making of the NUS to ensure its work is relevant to our students. At times NUS can seem dominated by factions and I hope to bring a sensible voice to the discussions at NEC”. The role also includes acting as a liaison between students unions and the NEC. On this, Clements added “I hope to encourage member unions to not only share and discuss national issues at an of cer level but also speak to everyday, uninvolved students about the issues they are facing”. Clements’ manifesto largely focuses on the need to support activities groups, where the majority of involvement in Students’ Unions comes from. It also has a focus on the need to effectively communicate the work NUS does both on campaigning and on supporting Students’ Unions to the wider membership. The position will be voted on alongside the full time positions at National Conference in April. Any student or full time of cer of a member Students’ Union is eligible to run or nominate others for the positions. Bath SU of cers have nominated individuals for 3 of the 6 President and Vice-President positions. The elections for NUS NEC will take place between the 8th-10th April during the NUS National Conference, where most NUS policy for the academic year is decided as well as the budget for the year ahead. For more information visit www.nusconnect.org.uk/ conference/about
Monday 11th March 2013
Tom Major SU Review Panel Chair he third full meeting of the Students’ Union Review Panel, and the second with the Student Of cers, took place on 22nd February. The Panel met with each of the Student Of cers individually, before having a group discussion at the end. The Chair of the Panel then wrote a report which was submitted to the Board of Trustees for review. The topics discussed with the Of cers are presented below in the order in which the Panel met with the Of cers. Several key issues were discussed with all of the of cers, these were: - The Students’ Union Top Ten Issues - Plans for handover to the 2013/14 Of cer team - Of cer Workload and work/life balance - Team dynamic and communication - Clarity of Of cer/Staff/Student responsibilities in their areas Chris Clements - SU President The main topics discussed with Chris were: - SU and student involvement in the Chancellor selection process - The relationship between the role of the President and Student Media - Involvement in national Student Politics, particularly NUS - The University’s objections to the planned Fruit & Veg stall (organised by HW) - Presidential candidates in the Of cer
elections The main action points for Chris were to explore ways of increasing Student representation on the Chancellor selection committee, and to formalise some of the relationships with Student Media so that his successor can be more involved. Alex Pool - Education Of cer The Panel once again congratulated Alex on another very positive report from the Academic Exec, and for his diligent work on the QAA audit. The main topics the Panel discussed with Alex were: - The impact of the snow on January Exams - The QAA process and next steps - Engagement between the Academic area and Student Media - Education Of cer candidates in the Of cer elections - Student engagement policy The main action point for Alex was to ensure that as much of his knowledge is documented for his successor, and that steps are taken to ensure handover can start as soon as possible. Alix Chadwell - Activities Of cer The Panel congratulated Alix on another positive report from the Activities Exec. The main topics the Panel discussed with Alix were: - Participation in larger events, such as Peace Week - Representation of the Enterprise area - Introduction of a cross-functional ‘Development’ group for training.
Students’ Union Review Panel report
Visit the SU Officers in their offices in the Student Centre The main action point for Alix was to try and formalise the representation from other areas which fall under the Activities Of cer, such as Development and Enterprise, so that they could send representatives to meetings such as the Review Panel. Hanna Wade - Community Ofcer The Panel thanked Hanna for submitting such a thorough report. The main topics the Panel discussed with Hanna were: - The planned fruit and veg stall on campus, and the University’s objections - Timetables for appointing Execs, to ensure representation on key SU bodies - Changes to the Student Community
Volunteering group - Training and handover for new Exec members The main action point for Hanna was to try and improve the processes around elections and handover between execs in her areas of responsibility, so that where possible, representatives can be elected and trained before the end of this academic year. Jon Gleave - Sports Of cer The Panel congratulated Jon for seeking feedback outside of the Review Panel process, and for presenting the outcomes of this to the Panel. The Panel also thanked Jon for submitting such a thorough and comprehensive report. The main topics the Panel discussed with Jon were:
- Varsity, particularly the timing and location - National involvement in BUCS and NUS - Sports Of cer involvement in operational areas, particularly with other Students’ Unions which have different of cer job descriptions The main action point for Jon was to work with the Activities staff on a review of Of cer/Staff/Exec responsibilities so that roles were well de ned in advance of the new academic year. General Points and Feedback As it had been in November, the overall message received by the Panel was very positive, with all Exec reports expressing satisfaction with the work being done by their associated Of cer. A general action was given to all Of cers to start working on handover planning as soon as possible, although the Panel was pleased to note that several of the Of cers were already well underway with this work. Although communication between Of cers has improved since the last meeting, there was still work to be done in some key areas to ensure that everyone was kept up to date on the work being undertaken by other members of the team.The nal meeting of the Review Panel will take place on the 26th April. Any student can contact the Chair of the Panel by emailing sureviewpanelchair@bath. ac.uk should they wish to raise any issues for discussion.
Talking points: the elections so far Rowan Emslie Editor-in-Chief firstname.lastname@example.org
he election period is well and truly with us. This year we’ve been treated to two weeks of campaigning, with the aim of reducing the intrusive nature of campaigns in years past. It has been a notable success; Parade has been relatively undisturbed as has the Student Centre. While us older students are quietly relieved, I think it’s worth pointing out that elections have never previously been so peaceful. Freshers, count yourselves lucky. Despite this, there have been a surprising amount of talking points. Most obviously, one of the candidates, Scott Dixon, failed to record a campaign video because he didn’t turn up to his lming slot with CTV. While these videos are hardly the greatest bits of propaganda ever produced, someone’s inability to keep to appointments is something voters should bear in mind. Several candidates have been warned for posting in closed Face-
Media Of cer Nick Hill grills the candidates at the debate book groups, and this is a rule that worth? Are they worth expulsion has been repeatedly and explicitly from the contest, for instance? It will be interesting to monitor laid out to candidates. Despite this, public warnings have had to be how long the Elections Commitdelivered to both Ellie Hynes and tee will allow online campaigning Tom Lacey. At the time of writing, to continue. Personally, I would be reports indicate that several other happy to see the end of all those ircandidates are implicated in similar ritating pro le pictures. The rst debate has just nished, infractions. It is remarkable how many warnings have to be given. which is what prompted me to write How many extra votes can these this piece, and it was a thoroughly small, closed groups possibly be entertaining event. The rst half
saw the chair, Nick Hill, do his best Jeremy Paxman impression as he grilled Peter Hachfeld - who is standing unapposed - on his manifesto points. There were several very uncomfortable pauses, as some of the gaps in his knowledge were exposed. More than that, it proved that extensive preparation for the debates is an absolute necessity. Hopefully, this will give Hachfeld the impetus to do his homework and really prepare himself for a role he is likely to win. I know that the onlooking candidates for other positions contracted ‘the fear’ (as you will remember from looming deadlines). This can only be a good thing. It should result in more informed and more entertaining campaigning, not to mention debates. On top of this, whoever does win should start work better prepared than they might have been. If you want to have a look at these debates, and I suggest that you do, they are available for viewing on the livestreaming channel -
www.justin.tv/1449am_urb. A personal highlight has been the re-emergence of Simon O’Kane as a heroic knight of democracy. When debates are opened up to the audience for question, you can rely on him to pop up with a question that will either ummox the candidates or amuse the audience. His reliability has resulted in a new expression, “You got O’Kaned!” We’re hoping to put together a gif to accompany it, complete with explosion effects. This newspaper goes to print on Thursday evenings. There is no telling how many more gaffs will come to light over the weekend particularly as campaigns increasingly target students on nights out. Fuzzyducks should be rife with tshirts and stamps and stickers; be warned. I’m pretty impressed by the changes to elections. I am not one to praise any level of Student’s Union bureaucracy but the Elections Committee deserve some admiration. I’m so impressed, I’m not planning on running a R.O.N. campaign. Which is a rst.
Monday 11th March 2013
Grace Fox bathimpact Writer
ou shuffle home after a long day of lectures, library visits and exams. Your eyes are drooping, your body is slumping to one side, and school children are running in fear as you groan inwardly at the prospect of returning home to a mountain of readings. Quite frankly, the idea of grabbing those trainers is a ludicrous one to your weary mind; although since you’ve made the time to read this article, you may just find that your ideas on exercise are entirely unfounded. With the right mentality (or in my case the right app) you may just find yourself embarking on the most committed and rewarding relationship you can experience – no guy/girl involved! We all need a little encouragement to get started on a new activity, but looking at research that shows the benefits of exercise can be a good way of motivating yourself to get on the road or to the gym; science has indeed given us these. In a recent study of schoolaged children it was found that when they engaged in 40 minutes of exercise a day, their IQ increased by 3.4 points. With only 12% of students getting this amount of exercise a day, the majority of us are costing not only our physical health, but potentially our ability to achieve the degree classification we’re capable of also.
I have found these stats to be entirely truthful. We assume that exercise on top of a full day of work will remove any shred of life we have left in us, but in fact it does the opposite. Originally, I would tackle my increasing workload by colour coordinating my to-do list and making numerous cups of tea. Instead, they just fuelled my desire for another cuppa! Three hours, five cups of tea and an exceptionally colourful and well-organised to-do list later I was ready ... for bed. However when I started to run in the evenings I felt refreshed and optimistic upon my return. The to-do list was actually getting done and I grew more motivated - not only to get fit but also to do better in my assignments. How do you get started? To know where to begin on getting into an exercise routine can be pretty daunting, so if you think the gym is where you’d like to begin the good news is there are many trained instructors there to lend a hand when it comes to forming a regime specifically for you. If you’re rather strapped for cash and looking for a free alternative like I was, then I recommend the ‘5K runner’ app. Imagine standing there in your unflattering spandex surrounded by the seemingly endless supply of athletic runners in Bath. At such a point, it is tempting to run to the end of the road, turn around, and then head back to the TV; this app is specifically
Peter van der Sluijs
Running apps: cheap and effective
Some encouragement needed: running apps make exercise routines easier to stick to tailored for the many of us this applies to. It starts you off very slowly and alternates between a run and a walk so that when you’re just about to collapse into a heap of exhaustion, it slows you down. With any university project, the amount of effort you put in determines how good the outcome is -
and exercise is no exception to this rule. Let’s be honest, that time you spent watching goats singing to Taylor Swift’s latest single could have easily been spent exercising instead! You may not get the comedy factor from it but you will, following persistence , increase your fitness, perfect your figure, and up
your brain productivity. So go on and get out there! Sign up to that sports society you’ve had your eye on, enrol in your course’s football team, dare to enter the gym - or simply pop on your trainers and pound that frustration out on the pavement rather than on your desk!
How Starbucks has ruined my bar S
tarbucks has ruined my bar. I remember a glorious time before this year when my bar was different. It may seem like a bizarre notion to lay any claim to The Plug, a distinctly communal place, but being an unhealthily heavy drinker I feel like I’ve been propping this bar up for the last four years, as much as it has been propping me up. My drinking has led me to many bars and pubs come to think of it and though my memory of some of these instances is not as precise as I would like I am quite certain of the decorum. Before Starbucks I think that most people also felt that they too understood how to use a bar. Unfortunately it is quite obvious that they do not. I live in the SU, much like a sort of civil service-hobo of the student world, and so I frequently go to The Plug throughout the day for a Coke. I am distraught on almost all of these occasions to nd a queue
Nick Hill bathimpact Writer
Queuing at The Plug bar is almost exclusively the result of the new Starbucks facilites and negates the point in having a bar has formed, from a single point at the bar, moving perpendicularly away from the bar consisting of up to a dozen people. There is always a member of bar staff, diligently manning a till, helpfully, tacitly, condoning this ridiculous behaviour by serving the queue in order. I merrily ignore the queue and stand at the bar, next to the person
at the front, hearing over my shoulder the tutting and muttering from everyone waiting. Sometimes I am also treated to a seminar from the staff member on being considerate of queuing. HAVE THESE PEOPLE NEVER VISITED A BAR BEFORE!!!!??!?!?!?! I have, for most of my time in Me-
dia, lamented print media in general for its tendency to overuse exclamation marks. How things change. The bar is long. If it were the designers’ intentions to have people queue away from the till, then the bar would be very short, and manned by one member of staff. I’m not sure what irritates me more, that students think that their behav-
iour is normal, or that some of the staff get onboard with the whole thing. Rant over, I propose a solution. Everyone who wants Starbucks can queue at the far side of the bar, or better yet, queue at an entirely different bar, or better yet queue AT AN ACTUAL STARBUCKS AND GO AWAY.
Monday 11th March 2013
Baby, give it up: the power-graspers bathimpact’s Sarah Aston looks at the heads of state refusing to surrender power and the effect this is having on their countries Ukbezzi
The recently deceased Hugo Chavez was not seen in public three months prior to his death One answer is the concept of behalf to give up power will simhave provided a convincing political successor yet nor have they the ‘legacy of a leader’. As one ply lead to the election of Chavez’s created a political environment of the longest serving post-war successor or the re-election of Asin which opposition parties are Prime Ministers, Berlusconi was sad if free elections are ever held a viable alternative for political able to identify himself as the – in maintaining such a strong power. Indeed, both have been ac- leader of the people and once this hold on the political reins. This, however, is the best-case cused of crowding out any opposi- identity has been established, it is very hard to eliminate. Look at scenario and admittedly even tion so where does this leave us? The recent elections in Italy Argentina and Peron or Chile and Italy is showing signs that this might provide an answer. Having Pinochet – both leaders have been will not work out (as I am writing left power in 2011 amidst accu- blamed for the deaths of thou- this no consensus over who will sations of corruption and worse, sands and yet remain surprisingly rule in what coalition has been Berlusconi had seemingly left the popular in each country’s opinion achieved). What is most likely to happen in both Syria and VenItalian political sector for good. polls. Using Italy as a case study for ezuela is the creation of a political Yet fast forward to 2013 and he is running for Prime Minister once Venezuela and Syria, then one vacuum once Assad leaves office could argue that the unwilling- and now that Chavez has passed more and not actually losing. ness on both Chavez’s and Assad’s away. With weak party systems, Why? poor political infrastructure and a population unused to any other political leadership, there is a
Death of an icon On 5th March 2013, Hugo Chavez, longterm President of Venezuela, died after a long battle with cancer. Who will take the political reins of the country in the next 30 days, however, is perhaps of secondary importance for the time being. Indeed, having radically restructured the political, social and economic infrastructure of Venezuela and politicised the majority of the poor population, the most pressing question on the minds of most Venezuelans is most likely related to concerns over Chavez’s legacy; will Venezuela continue to eschew the neo-liberal economic model, will Venezuela’s participatory model of democracy be replaced, and will the millions of poverty stricken voters
that Chavez sought to reintegrate into society be once again marginalised? Critics of Hugo Chavez will no doubt argue that Venezuela can now once again return to a free and fair liberal democracy and the legacy of Chavez will be one of determination not to succumb to a populist leader once more. Indeed, with accusations of corruption, poor economic management and clientalism, Chavez’s decision to get rid of 80% of Supreme Court judges and his decision to rule by decree on several occasions provided critics with cannon fodder at which to call for an end to the Chavez administration. That for Chavez’s apparent success in tackling key issues that plagued Venezuela. Back in 2012 both The
Guardian and the BBC reported that extreme poverty in Venezuela had fallen to around 8.5% whilst the inequality gap had been reduced and GDP per capita had increased. Additionally, according to the Gini Index used to measure poverty and inequality, under Chavez’s 14 year presidency, life expectancy rose from 72 to 74 and education enrolment increased by 102% in 2011. Having held onto the political reins for 14 years and almost singlehandedly remodeled the political structures, can someone else carry on his legacy and what will happen if the opposition attempts to turn back the clock and re-introduce liberal, representative democracy and a free market?
distinct fear that military coups could take place or worse still political anarchy will occur. How will the international community reaction? Well neither country has implemented a liberal democratic political framework and the risk is that should a power vacuum occur, the international community would seek to introduce one. Just as with Iraq and Afghanistan this could have dire consequences for the communities in Venezuela and Syria and, as was distinctly the case in Afghanistan, could lead to further instability. Having taken such a dent previously, can the Western model take any further attacks on its credibility as a leading model of governance and will countries be willing to assist should the need arise? Other questions that are raised by the possibility of a power vacuum include who will eventually take power and in what form will that power take? For Venezuela this is a particularly worrying time. Indeed, since 1998 Chavez has introduced and enforced a participatory model of democracy and eschewed the neo-liberal values of a free market and inequality. Without Chavez to rule and with no evident stable and coherent political system in place beyond Chavez, will neo-liberal values overrule all the Bolivarian mechanisms Chavez has put in place? Whilst the answers to these questions are not clear, what is evident is that 2013 looks set to reopen debates into governance, leadership and international assistance. FreedomHouse
udging from recent international political events, 2013 looks set to be the year in which the international community and the dominant West will face severe challenges to key assumptions of political governance and international assistance. Whether this is a good or bad thing is yet to be decided but what we do know from the recent goings on in Syria, Italy and Venezuela, is that some sort of change is blowing in the winds. But what kind of change are we talking about here and how will this affect domestic and international politics? One point of view is that the rise of strong or populist, charismatic leaders, leaders such as the recently passed Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez, Italy’s Silvio Berlusconi and, more controversially, Syria’s Bashar Al-Assad, have proven problematic when discussing the future of politics in their countries. Indeed, whilst there are very few similarities between the actual political environments in Venezuela, Italy and Syria, the over-reliance on one political leader in all three of these countries has raised significant and pressing concerns over the sustainability of a regime after a leader has left office. What will happen to Syria once Assad leaves ? (although whether this be through choice or force is yet to be seen). What will happen to Venezuela now that Chavez has finally succumbed to the cancer that had incapacitated him since 2011? Neither Assad nor Chavez
He may be controversial, but President Assad remains popular
Monday 11th March 2013
UKIP: the party isn’t over till it’s over bathimpact’s Alice Preedy looks at the surprisingly bright future of UKIP EuroReaalistNewsletter
ounded in 1993, the UK Independence Party has long been stuck on the fringes of British politics. Although UKIP has enjoyed growing success in European elections in recent years, it has failed to ever win a single seat in Westminster. In the last general election in 2010, the party, led by Nigel Farage, managed to win only 3.2% of the votes. This long struggle to make an impact in domestic politics is undoubtedly down to UKIP’s reputation as something of a onetrick pony, often known solely for its policy on Britain leaving the European Union. Considering its ever-so subtle logo simply consists of a pound sign, UKIP’s status as a single-issue party is hardly surprising. Add to the mix David Cameron’s recent pledge to hold an inout referendum on Britain’s EU membership, and one could be easily forgiven for thinking that UKIP’s future would simply be a gradual slide into irrelevance, their calling-card policy having been hijacked by the Tories. Even
Nigel Farage is the charasmatic, but controversial, leader of UKIP one of UKIP’s own MEPs, Marta peans worryingly, saw its bestAndreasen, defected to the Con- ever showing in a Westminster servative party a few weeks after election. Although the election the Prime Minister’s announce- was won by Lib Dem candidate ment, calling his pledge a “game- Mike Thornton with 13,343 votes (32%), his victory was a narrow changer”. However, this week’s by-elec- one; UKIP candidate Diane James tion in the Hampshire constitu- came in a close second with 11,571 ency of Eastleigh put a halt to votes (28%). The Conservative such predictions of a gloomy fu- candidate, Maria Hutchings, was ture for UKIP. Instead, the party therefore left with a rather embarsurprisingly, and, for pro-Euro- rassing third place position. The
Prime Minister must be finding it a difficult pill to swallow that his party’s candidate was beaten, and by more than 1000 votes, by a party he once described as a “bunch of fruitcakes, loonies and closet racists.” David Cameron has since dismissed UKIP’s gains in Eastleigh as mere protest votes, which would be won back in time for the next general election. But his con-
It remains to be seen whether UKIP’s success will continue.”
fidence may be premature. UKIP has seen growing approval ratings from recent national opinion polls, and their near-success in Eastleigh is only the most recent of their gains in by-elections; at the end of 2012, UKIP secured 22% of the vote in Rotheram and just under 12% in Middlesborough. Since the announcement of the Eastleigh results, Nigel Farage has boasted that it is only a mat-
ter of time before his party gets an MP. Protest votes these may be, but the eurosceptic party’s success in Eastleigh, especially after the PM’s referendum pledge, has led to debate over the threat the party could pose for the Conservative party in the next general election. An increase in votes for UKIP will most likely be at the cost of the Tories and therefore could threaten their chances of a majority win. So, it would seem that Cameron’s pre-emptive strategy to win right-wing voter and Tory backbencher approval with the promise of an EU referendum has for now backfired spectacularly. Rather than cutting support for UKIP or consigning the party to irrelevance, Nigel Farage referred to the promise of a referendum as UKIP’s “proudest achievement to date”. Nevertheless, it remains to be seen whether UKIP’s recent success will continue and if so, whether it will be merely as the new protest vote party or of if it is securing its own place in British politics.
Catholicism: the audacity of Pope F
ebruary has been a busy month for the Catholic Church. First Joseph Ratzinger, Pope Benedict XVI, retired as Pope just before Lent, breaking tradition and placing high expectations on the Holy See. Then, within days, Cardinal Keith O’Brien, Britain’s highest ranking Catholic leader, resigned following allegations about sexual misconduct in the Eighties. Following this focus on how human and imperfect the individuals at the top of the Catholic Church are, and the exponential growth of atheism, many people are suggesting the Church’s in uence is diminishing by the day- the rst signs of collapsing scenery in the Vatican. Papal resignation has a long and ungraceful history in the church. Pope Gregory XII fell out of favour when he abdicated in 1415 after coming to an agreement with the Antipope Benedict VIII. Then there were the reigns of Benedict IX, the only man to be Pope three times. Benedict IX, described by anti-papal historian Ferdinand Gregorovius as“a demon from hell in the disguise of a priest”, was around 18 when rst made Pope.
After being deposed for his immoral behaviour, which included orgies and rape, he got the papacy back, sold it to his godfather, regained it, and then nally was kicked out once and for all in 1048. What’s the point of going over the arcane history of the Catholic Church? Well I wanted to show you that this isn’t the rst time the Catholic Church has looked ignoble, that the Papal whites have been dirtied with human weakness
Papal resignation has a long and ungraceful history.”
many times before, and it certainly won’t be the last. Backing the wrong horse on the whole heliocentric versus geocentric solar system debate didn’t bring the Church down. Getting it wrong on evolution hasn’t brought the church to its knees either. Saying AIDS is bad but condoms are worse hasn’t made the 1.2 billion Catholics of the world stop believing. Being strongly anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-evolution and having a history of Inquisition and
‘religious colonialism’ hasn’t done a huge amount to tarnish their reputation either. Despite all of their statements which infuriate scientists and anger atheists around the world the Catholic Church’s membership has steadily increased since it was founded. Their members love it no less; as G.K. Chesterton once said “The Catholic Church is like a thick steak, a glass
of red wine and a good cigar.” Why do people stay so connected to the Church? Well like Facebook it’s rather hard to leave: you can deactivate your account, not think about it, but you’re still signed up. Once you’re baptised you’re in it for life, and every other sacrament you do on top, taking the Eucharist, confession, con rmation, just cements your memSergeyGabdurakhmanov
Mike Szweda bathimpact Writer
Pope Benedict XVI’s shock resignation occured in early February
bership. The Church does it’s bit to make you not want to leave as well, with one of its main dogmas being “Extra ecclesiam nullas salus” [‘Outside the church there is no salvation’].The idea expands as if that if a baby dies before it is baptised it can never enter heaven, it will spend eternity in purgatory, where it can hear the cries of hell; so baptise them quick. The Church has changed its mind on purgatory, Galileo, reading the Bible in English, women’s suffrage and slavery, but there are still calls for changes within the Church. These are made at every level; in a twist of irony Cardinal Keith O’Brien had only recently called for the Church to rethink on whether or not priests should be allowed to be married the day before it was revealed he made homosexual advances on four priests in the Eighties. Unlike some organisations who have tried to become politically correct and mesh into modern culture, the Church has remained true to its beliefs and tried to mould modern culture itself. However, as long as the Church remains true to it’s original beliefs it will always be in uential and controversial in equal measure.
Monday 11th March 2013
The Hobbity wonders of Wellington GemmaiIsherwood
bathimpact’s Gemma Isherwood explores the capital of New Zealand
Gemma meets new friends at a Lord of the Rings inspired museum
ellington, New Zealand. The capital. Also known as Wellywood; home to The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, Peter Jackson’s own turf and one of the most fantastic little cities I’ve had the pleasure of exploring. At current, Wellington is, understandably, Hobbit central. You can barely turn your head without being accosted by a giant photo of Martin Freeman’s face, a huge statue of Gandalf or the silhouette of a company of dwarves making their way towards Erebor. It’s fantastic. The whole city is so proud of the amazing work that comes out of WETA and the Stone Street studios in Miramar - which are definitely worth a visit, a short scenic ride out of the city - that you won’t be short of activities to whet your Middle-Earth appetite. Te Papa Tongarewa, the Museum of New Zealand, is a great stop if you’ve got half a day spare to soak up some Kiwi and Maori culture and take a look at the art gallery and various exhibitions. It’s mostly free except for paid entry to a specific exhibition on gaming (until April) and there’s everything from squid skeletons to an earthquake simulator. It’s more kid-friendly than some peo-
ple might like, but I personally can’t stand stuffy museums when I’m meant to be having fun. If you do want something a little more sophisticated, however, you’re not far from the Wellington City Gallery. Courtenay Place is the central street where you find all the shopping, eating, transport and visitor information and Cuba Street is where the hipsters are at, so if mainstream tourism is not your cup of pu-erh, you know where
At current, Wellington is, understandably, Hobbit central.”
to head. There’s a great vibe in Wellington at all times of day and night and a quick stop at the tourism centre will give you a taste of more things to do than you could ever have time for. Even wandering around the city has you stumbling upon quiet public gardens, bizarre sculptures and afternoon strip clubs (yes, really) and there are plenty of places open to advise you on where to head next - I’d recommend getting the Interislander
Ferry from the North to the South Island for some stunning views across the Marlborough Sounds. The Botanic Gardens are worth seeing for the views, if nothing else, as can be said for going up to the Mount Victoria lookout, and the drive or bus journey between the two takes you along some stunning waterside roads looking out over beautiful blue water. Head around to Scorching Bay on the west side of the city for a more secluded spot of paradise in the Scorching Bay Domain. There are also day and half-day tours out to the beautiful Hutt Valley and Karori Wildlife Sanctuary and, if you’d like, you can take the ferry across to East Harbour Park for a hike and an explore in the forest. Hostels are fairly cheap in comparison to other places, around $23/night which works out at £10, and the exchange rate is almost offensively easy to calculate so you can keep on top of your budget. Whatever your price is in Kiwi dollars, halve it for GBP. The food is good, the bars are many and the atmosphere is friendly. And yeah, sure, it’s called windy Wellington for a reason, but it’s no worse than the UK - and about 10 degrees warmer.
Russia: not just bears on unicycles W
in the Hermitage ballroom, marvelling at the intricate mosaic icons of the Church of the Spilled Blood and elbowing our way through art exhibitions became an afternoon ritual, as did drinking copious amounts at unsuitable times of day. There are so many kooky places to explore if you know where to look (or if you’re lazy and have a copy of Lonely Planet to
There are many kooky places to explore if you know where to look.”
hand). A favourite haunt was the Loft Project Etagi, a converted bread factory come art gallery/hostel come roof top café, where we spent evenings conversing over cheap and cheerful Russian food and even cheaper alcohol. If you’re not sold on the sheer glamour and artsy vibe of Petersburg, then Russia’s bestselling Green Mark Vodka retails for about £4.00 a litre or if, like me, you are of a more delicate disposition (or are just plain fancy) champagne will set you back around £2.50 a bottle. Visiting during the White Nights,
when darkness only lasts a few hours, is a surreal experience…imagine going in to Bridge at 11pm and stumbling out at 4am, all in what appears to be broad day light. Even though you know it’s still the middle of the night, the phrase ‘walk of shame’ still runs through your mind. Despite being one of the most ‘western’ towns in Russia, some of the trappings of soviet life are still visible today. In the quest for full employment under the command economy, the government created all manner of useless jobs which still survive today. For example, what I like to call the escalator guardian the uniformed woman who sits in a box at the bottom of the escalators in the metro. Even though, admittedly, Russian escalators are terrifying (if you stood in the middle you wouldn’t be able to see the top or the bottom!), I’m not sure a woman with a megaphone bellowing at irrational individuals acting irresponsibly is a job worthy of government subsidy. It is not just this that westerners nd unusual, Russians themselves also have a mentality and way of being that can sometimes be misunderstood. They are much more di-
rect and honest, more often than not in the more brutal sense of the word! Though this can sometimes be misconstrued for rudeness, it is truly just a cultural difference – Russian’s would think nothing of calling someone fat but us sensitive westerners would be morti ed at the thought. Once you realise this, you will nd that Russians are some of the most
welcoming and curious people you will ever meet. Cheap booze, culture at its nest or just an enlightening chat over a few grams (yes, grams) of Vodka: a visit Petersburg doesn’t just cater to all of these things, but it may also change your perceptions on one of the most unusual counties in the world. galaygoi
Grace Law bathimpact Writer hen most people think of Russia, the images that spring to mind are those of bear-like men in ear- apped hats knocking back litres of vodka, ags bearing the communist hammer and sickle and thermometer breaking sub-zero temperatures. Despite my initial apprehensions, my inability to keep down vodka among them, my experiences of Russians and their country turned out to be less alcoholic ‘reds under the bed’ and more cosmopolitan cultural sophistication. How I imagined St Petersburg would be was a less animated, mirror image of the lm Anastasia and the former Tsarist capital certainly did not disappoint. The skyline is dominated by the imposing onion domes of orthodox churches whilst the river banks boast both Bronze Horseman and Summer Gardens in all their splendour. Spending part of my holidays slaving over verb forms at Russian summer school had its advantages as my Russian student card became my free ticket to the tourist circuit. Impromptu waltzing
The iconic Winter Palace in St. Petersburg, Russia
Monday 11th March 2013
debt problems. As you might expect, Osborne’s opposite number, Ed Balls (the Shadow Chancellor) seized on this piece of news by describing it as “a humiliating blow” and suggested that action should be taken to “kick-start our flatlining economy and realise that we need growth to get the deficit down”. However, Osborne
There is a strong case for Osbourne to review his economic plan.”
responded by saying that the government would continue to take “tough measures” to confront the deficit. But it seems now, more than before, there is indeed a strong case for Osborne to review his economic plan. Initially, Osborne had planned for the UK’s structural deficit (the part of the deficit that exists when the economy is op-
erating at its full potential) to be eliminated by 2015 and for public debt to be falling by 2015 as well. But he has now accepted that public debt will not be falling by 2015 and has extended the time horizon for the structural deficit to be removed to 2018. Furthermore, the UK has hardly grown since 2010 whilst also experiencing another recession last year and Moody’s explained their downgrade to the fact that they believe economic growth will “remain sluggish over the next few years”. This means that although Osborne may have to continue his some of his tough measures, he needs to implement measures to get the UK growing again. This might mean spending some money, but if the economy is growing, tax receipts are likely to grow as well, especially if it’s spending on investment. Otherwise, we can only perhaps expect the economy to continue struggling with austerity measures doing little to help our debt problem. zoonabar
Aran Gnana Business Correspondent he government suffered a setback to its economic credibility as the UK had its credit rating downgraded from Aaa to Aa1 by Moody’s (one of the three biggest credit rating agencies in the world) for the rst time since the 1970s. What this essentially means is that the UK is viewed as less able than before to pay off its debts. Usually when this is the case, it means that there is more ‘risk’ involved in lending money and to compensate for risk, lenders in theory, ask for a higher rate of interest. This has certainly been the case for some countries in the EU, most notably of course, Greece. Greece have suffered several credit rating downgrades over the last few years meaning that the cost of borrowing for 10 year debt has gone up to as high as 30%. So should we be worrying about such a scenario? Perhaps not just yet. Firstly, a Aaa rating is the highest possible rating and the UK have only be downgraded by one notch, so there should not be any dramatic difference in the UK’s cost of borrowing. Moreover, the US had a similar downgrade in 2011, but has since still been seen as the safest government to lend to; the UK to be fair, is likely to be seen in a similar light as it remains a better alternative to many other debt-ridden governments. However, this does not mean that the Chancellor, George Osborne can wipe his brow in relief. Whilst in government, Osborne has always justified his tough austerity programme by stating that it has helped preserve the UK’s Aaa credit rating by showing that the UK is serious about resolving its
The city will be disapointed with the recent downgrade by Moodys
How to inherit a mess Sophie Esslemont bathimpact Writer No leader inheriting a country which has endured decades of economic maltreatment will ever have an easy task. This is true of Libya, Egypt, and now Venezuela whose leader has just passed away after a long ght with cancer. Most dictators cling onto power by promising whatever they can to the largest part of society, or in the case of many Middle-Eastern countries, the strongest minority group. What to do though, when the dictator dies and the power gap sucks all the mistakes into the picture. Chavez based his economic poli-
cies on using pro ts from nationalised oil companies and using them to give hand-outs to the huddled masses. Poverty has fallen by 8.5% since he came to power 14 years ago, but at what cost? It is true the equality is greater, but whilst they have a more equal amount of cake, the cake has not grown by much. Rampant in ation and huge increases in basic comodity prices do not create a rosy picture. Venezuela’s scal de cit is at around 12% and in ation near 20%. So, what to do if you inherit a dismantled economy? There is little record of a broken economy being xed without years of hardship
or corruption being followed. When the Russian Federation attempted to x the post-Soviet Communist economic system GDP dropped by 40% and a sharp increase in poverty; it took most Soviet states till 2007 to reach their 1991 GDP levels. Free market reforms though and a reduction of the state is, however, one of the few viable options. Dictators don’t neccessarily spell economic disastor. With all his controversies, Pinochet of Chile implemented economic policies which laid the foundation for modern day Chile’s success. Chile remains the rst, and only, ‘developed’ country in Latin America.
Economics of... Racism
verything has roots, including stereotypes. The Jews are stingy because they dealt money, one of the few trades they could get away with during the Diaspora. Blacks are criminals, because discriminatory employment and economic procedures pushed them to the brink of society and often into moments of desperation. The French are smelly because the only eat cheese, the Chinese good at maths because of a rich history of advanced science and education. Stereotypes are therefore often – but not always – based on some element of truth, a truth which when taken seriously causes erce divides in society and the corruption of a basic capitalist principle: competition. It may seem that an economic recession might exacerbate racism in society, but this hasn’t happened to the extent seen in the past. Whilst racism is a deeprooted hate of someone based on ethnicity and ancestry, xenophobia is a fear of cultural outsiders; something which might be more applicable to our current society. At the height of the recession, the BNP was bankrupt as it seemed the party had misjudged the ‘ethnic Brits’ attitudes to people of different race. Meanwhile, UKIP – still bigoted, but certainly less bothered by ethnicity – stormed the recent by-elections in Eastleigh to take second place ahead of the Conservatives. It seems that at times of economic downturn, people are less bothered by race, but more so by outsiders. Now I will be the rst to tell you that we, as a nation, do not work hard enough to keep up with the
changing world. This doesn’t stop us, driven by the hatemobile that is the British tabloid press, from having pretty opinionated theories as to why immigrants and minorities are awful. ‘They just come here to steal our money’, ‘they took are jobs’, ‘this is a Christian country, despite that fact I am not a Christian or care that much, I’m just annoyed that they being treated equally’ etc. The fact is that legal immigrants give far more to the economy than they take out, are less likely to apply for bene ts and, with every 1% increase in immigrants, our economy takes a nice 7% boost in GDP. Immigrants are, in fact, pretty awesome. So why the hate? Why would we be willing to lose out economically in exchange for shallow-minded, racist opinions and why would the government and press not do more to discourage it? Some claim it is a psychological thing, but unfortunately it most likely isn’t as simple as that. Economists from Adam Smith to Milton Friedman have claimed that organic competition is key to success, so it baf es that ‘big business’ is so keen to avoid an in ux of cheap labour. Becker claims that racism and xenophobia works for both sides; the workers and the bosses. Whilst workers feel like they’re not going to lose their jobs, the bosses can use anti-immigration mentalities as a way to keep their workers happy. And by bosses, I mean politicians. If economics was as important to politicians as politics is, the world would be a much safer place. We don’t need to look far back in history to see what happens when leaders mix institutionalised racism, economics and politics. theps.net
Nick Grif n, leader of the BNP, may have misjudged our racism
Monday 11th March 2013
BIC: the dragon, tiger and macaw Norton Yeung looks at the potential of the developing BRIC nations dilmarouseff
razil, Russia, India and China – four up-and-coming economic powers –predicted by Goldman Sachs to dominate the world economy by 2050. Out of the BRICs, Brazil, India and China (BIC) are especially interesting as nations with no prior statuses as superpowers. China, with its doubledigit growth over the past three decades, is emerging as the challenger to the American world order. India, with its rapidly growing service sector, follows closely with the world’s largest democracy. But the Macaw is preparing itself with its balance of industry and natural resources. So who will emerge dominant amongst the BIC? First we have China, long considered ‘a sleeping giant’ in the words of Napoleon, which most would agree no longer is the case. It is currently the second-largest economy in the world. Although the recession has meant that its robust economy has stopped growing in the astonishing double digits, China still managed to maintain 9.2% growth for the last four years, towering over fellow BRICs. Growth also attracted more foreign investment than any other BRIC in 2011, putting it second only to America. This in turn spurs further growth, all the while bringing in technological know-how and driving infrastructural improvements. The growth has also come with many perks, most notably in education. The cheap, low-skilled labour force is enjoying better access to education – China is speculated
The leaders of the BRICS (Brazil, Russia, India, China and South Africa) gather to discuss the future to become the world’s largest English-speaking country in ten years time. The end-product is an impressive improvement in competitiveness, equipping China’s traditionally industrious labour force, with new skills. The Tiger and the Macaw appear to have no choice but to bow before the Dragon’s might. Not according to the US though. The National Intelligence Council stated that double-digit growth is not sustainable for any nation in the long term, and ‘by 2020 (China’s) economy will probably be expanding by only 5%’For such
Direct Foreign Investment in the BICs India Brazil China
a case, the NIC warns that China risks becoming ‘trapped in middleincome status’. That would spell the end for China’s quest for the superpower title. Pile that risk on top of the ever-growing demand for imported energy, a rapidly-aging population, a shrinking workforce, suffocating pollution and brewing domestic calls for democracy in the one-party state, and the mighty Dragon appears to be just a straw away from having his back broken. What’s more, the Tiger is hot on its heels. By purchasing power parity, India is the third biggest economy. Like China, India takes advantage of cheap labour to gain an edge - and just like China, this comparative advantage has attracted much outsourcing of industry from the West. But there is one important edge that India has over its fellow BRICs: entrepreneurship. India’s democratic and economically-liberal institutions are by de nition more entrepreneur-friendly. In contrast, China’s system is one of control – both political and economically. In short, as Harvard Business School Professor Khanna puts it, ‘China has shackled its independent business people. India has empowered them.’ Independent innovation, crucial in ‘soft’ industries (e.g. advertising, software, biotechnology), is in abundance in India. Although China still maintains a signi cant edge over India in the traditional ‘hard’ industries, the global trend is leaning towards India’s advantage as ‘soft’ industries come into prominence. With this competitive advantage, the Tiger may well speed past the
Dragon. This is, however, outweighed by India’s problem of mass poverty. Whereas China’s growth from 1990-97 reduced absolute poverty by 20%, India’s boom, having started a decade later, has done relatively little for the poor. The World Bank reported that in 2010, 68.2% of India’s population remained under the $2 mark of daily income – the highest proportion of poverty amongst the BRICs. In addition, the Tiger also suffers from the same issues facing the Dragon. To quote the NIC report again, such ‘problems and traps’ include ‘inequities between rural and urban sec-
The Dragon’s chances of superstar statue lie with it’s people.”
tors’ and ‘increasing constraints on resources such as water’. To the Macaw, however, resource constraints are not a problem. Brazil differs from India and China; it is a huge exporter of natural resources (especially soy, iron ore and oil). Riding on the increasing exploitation of resources, Morgan Stanley declared Brazil as the world’s largest emerging market in February 2008, outshining India and China in terms of stocks available for foreign investors. What’s more, according to Graham Underwood, director of investment rm GFT UK, Brazil enjoys other advantages: a more ‘respectable corporate governance’ regime, a more ‘sustainable supply of well-educat-
ed people’, and it is geographically better-placed to trade with the US and Europe. Poverty has also been tackled; under the ‘bolsa familia’ programme, poverty was reduced by 40%. With such balance, Brazil is well-equipped to be the only BRIC able to sustain competition in manufacturing, services, and resource supplying simultaneously. Indeed PwC recently forecast Brazil to overtake Russia by 2050 to become the 4th largest economy. That said, sadly, in the world of economic competition (as in life), size does matter, a lot. Brazil’s economy, at some $2,178 bn, is a mere fraction of China’s $ 11,316 bn, and less than half of India’s $4,469 bn. The Macaw has been growing slower than other BICs, trudging along at a painful 2.7% as of 2011. In terms of infrastructure, Brazil is severely lacking. What’s more, the Majestic Macaw is apparently less attractive to foreign businesses, being named 126th out of 183 in the World Bank’s ‘Ease of Doing Business’ rankings. Out of the three, China, as things stand today, is signi cantly betterplaced to emerge dominant. This is due to three key factors. Firstly, the Dragon has a decade’s headstart over the Tiger and the Macaw. With the ongoing economic crisis, it is very unlikely that India or Brazil will be able to close that gap in the foreseeable future. Secondly, the prospect of slowing Chinese growth and its potential impact on domestic stability can be outweighed by the expansion of China’s domestic market. The Economist recently stated, ‘2013 may… be the year that China’s services sector of cially eclipses industry’. Once this important prerequisite is achieved, risk of domestic dissent would be minimised, giving the regime space to solve other issues undermining economic potential. Finally, China maintains constant trade relationships with most of the world, which, despite regional territorial tensions, have remained stable. While some parts of the world are still yet to establish solid commercial links with Brazil or India, China already has a foot in the door; it has become an indispensable part of world trade. As it stands now, China is stronger externally than India or Brazil as an economic power. Nonetheless, it is important to bear in mind that this verdict is based on observations at the present day. Change, however, can, and will, come from within. When it does, the Dragon’s chances of becoming the next superpower will ultimately rest with its people.
Monday 11th March 2013
Science & Technology
Plane crazy: the future of aviation Simon Rushton explores the direction that air travel is heading greater effect on the upper atmosphere. The future, it seems, is not that rosy as a pessimist might say. An optimist would say that aviation is key to globalisation and hence will have to succeed at all costs. You may ask; what options there are for improvement on the horizon? The current con guration of aircraft which has been around since the 1960s includes sticking
The future is not that rosy as a pessimist might say.”
wings on a tube and then putting engines under these wings, and is nearing the limits of its ef ciency; as are the engines powering it. It may seem strange that aviation as the most modern of the mass transportation methods has hardly changed. The exception to form which hasn’t changed in 50 years is Concord, but this trend will have to change soon. There are many different ‘futuristic’ concepts that have been considered for the new look air-
craft, but it seems there is a clear favourite: the blended wing body. This design of aircraft rather unsurprisingly blends the body of the aircraft and the wing, which means lift is produced across the whole aircraft surface. The vast increase in lift with this design means that the payload (also known as the passengers) can increase, and thus the emissions per passenger km will decrease. Also with this new aircraft shape comes the possibility of tting a newer, more ef cient type of engine: the open rotor. For the layman this will seem like a move in the wrong direction as it will appear quite similar to a propeller, but rest assured they are far more ef cient. There are, however, many downsides to this new design, hence why we haven’t seen them ying already. Firstly, the airport as we know it would have to change radically to accommodate this model, which would cost astronomical amounts of money for any that attempt it. Secondly, and more infuriatingly, these aircraft would have to y in the region of 0.1 Mach lower than conventional aircraft would increasing journey times. This
means that airlines would be reluctant to buy this style of aircraft, because people would y with their competitors who could get them to their destinations faster. Finally, because the interior will essentially be one open expanse of seats, the passenger experience will be less than pleasant due to the fact that
you may be over 20 metres away from a window. Sooner or later it seems that aviation will have to change; the environmentalist will say for the better and the business man for the worse. Regardless, these changes will be put off for as long as they can be. BriYZZ
shall start by stating the obvious; crude oil is running out, and causing prices to rise. This effect has been clearly seen at the petrol pumps but also within the aviation industry, except this time the change is going to hit not only the airlines but the paying customers as well. Aviation fuel price woes don’t even take into consideration the potential of taxing the otherwise tax exempt aviation grade kerosene; this tax exemption is a stark contrast to the approximate 60p per litre that motorists pay. It is obvious to see that there is the massive risk of a huge hike in airline fares. Fuel economy is also inherently linked to an issue which governments are having to start taking very seriously; emissions. This is an issue that rather unfairly causes many problems for the aviation industry. Air travel is just far cleaner than people expect, due to the large amount of people carried as well as the CO2 being emitted per passenger mile is lower for an aircraft than a car. There are, however, issues with emitting this CO2 at higher altitudes where it has a
The future of aeroplanes seems a little bleak at best
The rise of the aggressive canis M
phone “Several dogs are attacking us, help me!” before the line went dead. Meanwhile in Russia, hungry, ravenous wolves have caused a state of emergency to be announced in the lonely wilderness of Siberia. Hundreds of the creatures stormed the town of Verkhoyansk causing stores to be
closed and the streets to empty. There has been little word from the town but the Russian government promised to send in a group of hunters to clear the streets. The question is now being asked: are canines becoming more aggressive and if so, why? The wolf has never been considered a friend of man, but for cenMostlyDan
Alex Egan bathimpact Writer exico city has witnessed a series of terrifying attacks allegedly perpetrated by a pack of wild dogs. The attacks have taken place in the Iztapalapa district on the eastern outskirts of the city, an infamously poor and large region of Mexico noted for its infinitely large stray dogs population. Four attacks have taken place so far in the Cerro de la Estrella Park. A park high above the district that welcomes family outings, young couples seeking privacy and fitness fanatics has recently become a crime scene within which four have perished, to put it bluntly – bled to death. Authorities are certain that wild dogs are the perpetrators, with the backing of experts advocating a pack of at least ten wild dogs were needed due to the gravity and extent of the wounds inflicted upon the victims. This accusation is further reinforced by an alleged phone call at around 7’o clock in the evening, from Alejandra Ruiz to her sister, Diana Ruiz, pleading for her life. Ruiz apparently screamed down the
The wolf is the genetic brother of the dog which is a scary thought
turies they have been tamed by man as we have attempted to control their worst attributes. This has been done by either domestication or by exiling them from our community. The size of the pack in Russia numbered 400, an almost unheard of number. Clearly packs have been uniting for the com-
Are canines becoming more aggressive and why?”
mon good, but that is not the worrying thing; the worrying thing is the fact the wolves have lost their instinctive fear of humans. This may be because we have stopped hunting them as much as we used to, but it could also be – far more worryingly – that these are not wolves, but a mix of the two species. If this is the case, it poses the nightmare possibility that an entirely new creature has been created which, while less wary of humans, also ¬possesses the natural vulpine instinct for hunting and eating as a pack.
The problem expands to the ravenous dogs who mauled the four people to death in Mexico City, but in the opposite way. Already fearless of humans, they are learning that the only way to survive is by teaming together. The same can be seen in developing cities all around the world. Whilst living in Ecuador one man told me: “you don’t go down that alley, that alley belongs to the dogs.” Dogs are, whether we like it or not, naturally aggressive creatures. Animal control officers are constantly clearing the streets of riff-raff in the more developed countries (either that or they finish them off, Atticus Finch style). The British government is to introduce microchips to help curb the 6,000 plus dog attacks in the UK. Even more hauntingly, wolves were spotted France and Greece for the first time in decades. Canines are not planning on taking over the world, but we must note that the more there are, the more risk they pose. We should never look at our pets as victims of a anthropocentric regime, but rather animals ready to attack at any time.
Monday 11th March 2013
Science & Technology
Prof Sci: the art of rigging elections Our hearty scientist explores how best to enter your vulnerable minds Whether or not you actually follow up on this is irrelevant; paint yourself as a much more important part of everybody’s social group than your contender and you should be gravy. You should also nd it useful to demonise your opposition; if you say they hate all members of any circus then they are far less likely to receive votes from members of the circus! The term that I like to use is the personality cult. You need to become the opinionary epicentre of your
ear Professor Science, My “friend” is running an election campaign at the moment and “they” were wondering if there is anything that “they” could use to help “them” in their efforts to drum up votes? Mr. W. Clinton I shall split today’s question into two parts. Firstly is against all rules, pure and simple – rig the election. I’m assuming, for no reason whatsoever, that the election your “friend” is running for is going to have online votes counted by a computer on a newly made website full of possible security exploits. I would use “hacking” and just rig the election. Good examples of how to “hack” can be found in programs such as CSI:Miami. However, there are plenty of ways to legitimately sway people’s opinions without actively cheating. What you have to consider is this: humans, despite common belief to the contrary, are not rational beings and are affected by social cues much more habitually than anyone would care to admit! Thus, my rst advice is to paint yourself as empathic to everyone. Try talking to people and pretend to understand their pains and grievances.
You should also nd it useful to demonise your opposition.”
group. If you can produce a group of people who look to you for how to think, much in the way that celebrities are “role models”, then they are indeed very likely to turn out to vote! This segues nicely into my next point about our being emotion animals. People are much more likely to vote if they are voting against someone they feel strong dislike for than someone for whom they feel a strong af nity. You could use this to your advantage as negatively campaigning is thus
Professor Science takes a more psycholoigcal approach to winning elections very effective at causing people to vote to be the winner. Get yourself a maven they know nothing about in much the against your opposition (and thus for and improve your image from what it same way they approach normal peois already. Due to a psychological effect ple they have never met - rst impresyou!). People are also very social - despite imaginatively named the bandwagon sions really do count and it is almost my best efforts with Dungeons and effect people like to vote for who they always essentially love or hate at rst Dragons and not showering, I keep think will win in order to be able to say sight! having to talk to people. It’s disturbing. that they picked the winning side. Therefore, Mr. Clinton, the very The other thing you must remem- best advice I can give you is to vilify the Anyhow, you should attempt to make yourself seem as though you are going ber is that people approach politicians shit out of your opponent!
The beginning of the end for HIV? H
diagnosed HIV cases has dropped by 19%, but it is still shockingly high. In my opinion, the most undeserving and tragic of these cases being new born babies. These are the cases where the virus is passed from the mother to the unborn child either during the pregnancy or more likely during birth. A case in Mississippi, USA, provides an incredible milestone giving hope for the on-going battle against
HIV. The standard procedure in the situation, when an expectant mother is found to be a carrier of HIV, is to administer a combination of antiviral drugs throughout the pregnancy, deliver the baby via c-section and administer a similar combination of drugs to the baby once born to ensure that the virus is not transmitted. This treatment while not providing a guaranteed PublicDomainPictures
Elena Ramsamy bathimpact Writer IV is a devastating disease. It’s one that affects our society in the most overwhelming way so news of a “cure” have sent out ripples of excitement worldwide. The almost symptomless virus isn’t a threat in itself, if untreated, it can develop into AIDs: An untreatable immune system disorder meaning that even the most basic infections, our bodies fight daily, become life threatening. There is no known cure for AIDs and until recently, the same was thought for HIV. Whilst celebrating the significance of such a development it in important to look at the bigger picture, worldwide the playing field is far from level. The comparative success rate of preventative treatment in the UK for children born from mothers with HIV is at 98%, whilst in sub-Saharan Africa an estimated 2-million children born with HIV are yet to receive any treatment. Worldwide there are an estimated 33.3 million people living with HIV and counting. In the past decade the number of newly
Could this breakthrough aid with halting the global HIV pandemic?
outcome is widely successful in the majority of cases. However, in a case in 2011, standard tests of the mother during labour showed that she was in fact HIV positive which lead to the infection of the infant. Unable to carry out the usual preventative measure doctors set about an alternative treatment of a so-called cocktail of drugs, no more than 30 hours after birth. After the mother failed to continue the follow up treatment the baby was off medication for 5 months.
It is important to note it is a functional cure only.”
When the infant returned to be tested again, the levels of the virus had fallen so low that it was undetectable by the routine lab tests. The now 2 and a half year old child, has a normal life expectancy, requires no medication and is unlikely to be infectious to others. An incredible, unprecedented outcome. I’d like to finish by apologising
for the sceptical quotation marks around the word cure. In no way am I belittling the medical feat that was achieved in this case but it is important to acknowledge that this cure is a functional cure only. It is likely that trace amounts of the virus still remain in the body. These circumstances are still not properly understood, the treatment is thought to be successful as it was administered so soon after birth and infection. The significant effect being the virus was not able to infect long term white blood cells which in normal cases carry the virus for long periods, acting to renew the presence of HIV overtime. Meaning that this treatment wouldn’t work on adults and children as the virus would have already infected these cells. Doctors and scientists are (quite rightly) proceeding with caution after this breakthrough. There have been similar cases where the patients are continuing to receive treatment, now under question as to whether the virus is responding to the drug or if the levels of HIV remain low regardless of the treatment given?
Monday 11th March 2013
BUMUN takes on the capital city
bathimpact’s Darah Al Ghanem talks about MUN’s recent conference we attend will guarantee that you will be given a new role; whether it’s the Russian Federal Intelligence in the Russian Parliament or India on the Security Council in 1980 or Nigeria on the Human Rights Council. This year LiMUN was absolute madness. As chief of Federal Intelligence of Russia discussing the Artic Claims in the Russian cabinet, I was given the freedom to plug a mole into
tion three of our students were chairs at the conference (basically monitoring debates in all sorts of committees which meant that they took part in or-
ganising a lot of the topics that were discussed at this prestigious conference). Also, one of our delegates, Jack Harvey, got an award for Honourable
Mention. Well done Bath MUN, a society that is continuously training the world’s future diplomats! LIMUN
f you were anywhere near South Kensington in London last weekend you would have genuinely thought that something terribly odd was happening. With LiMUN being the biggest student conference in Europe, thousands of young men and women, aged between 18 and 23, were infesting the area in their suits and ties discussing the most controversial of things. “And then we managed to assassinate President Putin!” I say to my friends whilst on the district line to Earl’s Court. The stares I got for the rest of the journey were priceless. I fell in love with Model United Nations during my second year. I am currently the publicity of cer of the society and I can tell you from now that when I leave university to go out into the Big Bad World, I will miss it dearly. MUN is where students join together not just to debate current issues but to simulate diplomats and use their passion for politics as their guide to how international cooperation can be achieved. Each conference
I was able to prevent a nuclear world war from happening.”
the Canadian cabinet in order to nd out what they were up to. While this may seem like a deceptive act on my behalf, I was able to prevent a nuclear world war from happening. And to that, I applaud myself. I can be a diplomat any day! Our delegation from Bath also featured a delegate of Italy on the UNDP, and two other delegates whom were on the WTO. Not to men-
LIMUN is the number one MUN event in Europe, and possibly even the world
Kristina Sawyer performing a solo during XX’s “VCR”
Caleb Wheeler-Robinson Photography Editor email@example.com n Saturday 2nd March, while the rest of the University enjoyed watching the Varsity events in Bath, a group of seventeen Bath students made their way to Exeter in order to take part in a competition of another kind. They were heading to the regional round of The Voice Festival UK. The day’s events started with a two hour beatboxing masterclass with internationally renowned vocalist and beatboxer Tobias Hug, of Swingle Singers fame. After a busy afternoon of beatboxing, the three groups from Exeter University’s A Cappella Society and Bath’s own Aquapella went head-to-head in a vocal standoff, the likes of which go down in history. Exeter’s all male group SemiToned kicked off with an impressive mashup of Hard-Fi’s “Living For The Weekend” and Cee Lo Green’s “Bright Lights Bigger City”, followed by the more traditional “Smile Please” and the challenging “Knights of Cydonia”, for which they achieved the awards for Best Vocal Percussion and Best Choreography. Semi-Toned were followed by their female equivalent: Sweet Nothings. Their choice of songs was a little less ambitious: Bohemian Rhapsody, Fix You and Give Me Everything, but
performed with as much panache and air as their male counterparts. As Aquapella entered the stage, the tension in the packed auditorium was palpable. After starting with a strong performance of The XX’s track “VCR”, they went on to impress with a mashup of “Titanium”, “Bulletproof” and “Grenade”, the Grover Washington Jr. classic “Just The Two Of Us”. The 15-strong ensemble nished on a high with the stunning arrangement of Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy”. Ben Oddy’s solo got a special mention, and arrangement (by Gabrielle Monningotn – the group’s musical director) received an award for outstanding musicality. The nal act, Illuminations, was a mixed-gender group providing lots
of energy and enthusiasm who performed an African themed set, nishing with a Lion King medley complete with animal masks and tribal dance moves. Although Semi-Toned took the top spot, Aquapella’s performance was of outstanding quality and the judges admitted it was hard to choose one winner out of the groups. There are videos available of the performances on YouTube. If you want to get the Aquapella experience, keep an eye out for their performances around Bath and if you’re going to be in attendance, the group are performing at the Management Ball on the 21st March at the Roman Baths, their set promises to be thoroughly entertaining. CalebWheeler-Robinson
Aquapella makes a splash in Exeter
Aquapella take part in a completely unposed photo
Monday 11th March 2013
ALDI The Best of South West Varsity
A view of the Mayday Trust Park, Twerton ahead of the showdown between Bath and Exeter shock is the only way to de- Bawn and Exeter centre-back duly couldn’t have come quicker for Bath scribe what was supposed followed in and converted after and went in at half-time 4-0 down. A bright start to the second half to be the highlight of Var- Bawn’s spillage. Bath’s poor start continued as showed some promise for Bath, but sity, before the game I had predicted a 2-1 victory for the team made up Miguel Torres provided more magic they struggled to convert their chancof the Men’s 1st and 2nd Football down the Exeter left, and he cut in- es, however when Bath brought side and shot quickly towards goal on mid elder Callum Wright, who teams. With around 600 fans packed and beat Bawn at his near post. scored a thirty yard scorcher to bring into the main stand at the Mayday Torres’ ne form continued in the the score back to 1-4. Man of the match, Adam Langley rst half and Bath struggled to deal Trust Park, the atmosphere was outstanding with the crowds all armed with his quality, while also lacking dominated again in the latter stages the nished product themselves, of the game, grabbing a further two with blue and yellow paraphernalia. From the start the game was several mazy runs from Brendan goals to secure his hat trick. The rst scrappy largely due to the poor con- Hackett but to no avail. Torres again of which was a well-worked team dition of the pitch, but after a mis- was played in on goal and his quality move, his third and nal goal of the take from Bath’s right back, Scott showed as he neatly played the ball match came as he rounded Bawn to cap off a strong Exeter performance. Huxtable, Exeter’s Miguel Torres past Bawn. Despite the heavy defeat, there Exeter’s main striker, Adam Lanwas hauled down thirty yards from goal by centre back Ben White. A gley also proved too hot to handle were still some celebrations on the pacey free-kick red towards goal for the Bath back four and scored pitch as the ALDI Best of the Southfrom Adam Langley, could only be directly from a free kick just out- West Varsity trophy was presented parried by Bath’s keeper, Michael side the Bath penalty area. Half time to Bath.
The University's 2013 Netball Varsity team claimed a victory for the second year running against rivals Exeter. This one off dream team was made up of a set of players from the second and third team members of the University’s netball club. Hopes were high as the team commenced the rst quarter as the third team had already defeated Exeter earlier on in the season in a league match. Blue and gold was everywhere as spectators lled the stand in the Bath colours whether they were wearing kit, wigs or onesies. As the rst whistle was blown, Bath took the ball to goal however Exeter were quick to react and did not let Bath pull away. As the team went in to the second quarter, the defence tightened and the attack reacted however Exeter were still ghting back and we went in to the second half only two goals up. The third quarter saw Bath pull away, increasing the score margin and Bath’s con dence was evident again. The crowd was supportive and cheered throughout. As the team went in to the nal quarter, victory was in sight. Exeter tired and their pace slowed - it was evident that the Kate McGinley tness sessions that ran every Monday morning at an ungodly hour were paying off as Bath sprinted to a triumphant win with a 48-27 win. The team delivered an outstanding performance and were ready to celebrate being crowned as the 2013 Varsity netball champions. Next year hopefully will see our third consecutive Varsity win.
bles had turned for a few minutes as Brighton were winning their points off powerful serves and con dent smashes. However, the lead did not last for long as Bath levelled the points at 8-8, determined not to let such momentum stand in the way of victory. Again covering the net
effectively and returning Brighton’s shots with force, Bath stormed ahead to the nal point making the victory stand at 25-14 and after such a triumphant game the boys will be heading into the nal of the BUCS Championship in great spirit and determination.
University of Bath Volleyball Men’s 1st Brighton University Volleyball Men’s1st Tia Skinner SU Sports Reporter
ith the hopes of securing a place in the BUCS nal resting on this week’s xture, the Men’s Volleyball 1st team hosted Brighton University. With their opponents nishing in the same position in their respective equivalent BUCS league this season, the boys were expecting an intense afternoon in the Founders’ Hall. The home advantage was on our side and proved to be inspirational to a strong Bath side, who were determined to be winners of their 5 set match. The rst set saw an impressive start from the home side whose dominance on court and power in their shots forced Bright-
Laura Pryor impactsport Reporter
on to make mistakes early on and seemingly break under the pressure as Bath struck gold with many of their smashes. Brighton couldn’t return the ball from such powerful shots and despite their best efforts to change the tempo of the game by gently tipping the ball tactically over the net, Bath were there to block the ball and send it back over to the other side to score a point. With the nal score of the rst set at 25-8 to Bath, a con dent performance was soon to follow. There was no let-up in the second set, as Bath mixed some thunderous hitting with skilfully placed and delicate touches. In the early stages, little communication from the Brighton side meant that Bath could take
the advantage and set themselves for different plays with great composure that penetrated their opponents half with ease, nding the gaps and winning the points without Brighton being able to return the ball. Yet for the away side, their hopes of making it into the BUCS Championship nal were still in sight, with potentially 3 more matches to go in which they could sharpen up and contest their rivals. With some great serving they stepped up their tempo, having a better set than the previous and breaking into double gures. Although despite their best efforts Bath remained on top, with some fantastic defending and blocking at the net. The 2nd set ended with Bath ahead by 12 with the score at 25-13. So for Brighton the third set was a must win if they were going to stay in the game and in this pursuit the away side went ahead for the rst time in the initial stages! The ta-
One of the rst events to kick start the day was the Men’s Basketball, which saw Bath come out in full force in the Founders’ Hall against our Varsity rivals. With music blasting from the speakers and supporters donning their blue and gold wigs, pompoms and moustaches the game was ready to set the day off to a ying start and hopefully record our rst win of the day. The rst half of the game kept the welcomed crowd on the edge of their seats as Exeter trailed our boys closely. Making the important steals and converting them to points saw Exeter trail by only one point, after the rst quarter, with the scores at 16-15 to Bath. However after fantastic defensive work, dominating in the rebounds and intercepting the ball in their own half, Bath kept their composure and stayed ahead of the visiting side. Being quick and powerful in turning over the ball allowed our Bath players to break away and take the ball straight to the basket for lay-ups, impressing the crowd with their skill and speed. Exeter remained strong as Bath were ahead by only 8 points going into the second half of the game. Exeter’s defence stepped up to match their opponents, making important interceptions as Bath were pressing forward to score more points. After a close rst half, it seemed that the game would remain tight with Bath just ahead. But any fears of a loss were blown out of the water as the boys turned up the heat and stormed ahead in the nal stages of the game, scoring basket after basket. So with style and skill, our Basketball men’s rst team recorded a victory with the nal score at 82-57.
Tia Skinner SU Sports Reporter
Bath Uni Volleyball in action against Brighton University
Monday 11th March 2013
Martin Rowland impactsport Reporter
he University of Bath sent two teams of ve players to this year’s BUCS Pool championships held in Great Yarmouth from the 21st-24th of February. The event is split into two tiers of forty teams with Bath 1st team entered into the Team Championship and Bath 2nd team entered into the Team Shield. Additionally, each entrant also entered a straight singles knockout tournament. Bath 1sts reached the nal of the Team Championship narrowly losing to Nottingham 1sts in a thrilling match. Expectations for the pool club were high this year going into BUCS. Joining chairman Martin Rowland, captain Rob Stringer and Dan Porter in the rst team were Lee Collins, a veteran of previous BUCS tournaments playing for Oxford and Kyle Selman, a rst year Computer Science student who plays regularly for the Somerset county team. The second team consisted of BUCS veteran Jamie Wallace and newcomers to the team captain Tom Carnegie, Tom Boucher, Charlie Farrington and Andy Holloway. The singles tournament started with mixed fortunes for Bath with only Lee, Jamie and Tom C managing to reach the third round with Lee recording two impressive 3-0 victories. Unfortunately this was as good as it got and so by the end of Friday
Bath’s players were left rueing what might have been with only the team matches to look forward to. What happened next in the team matches can only be described as epic. Bath 1sts started the group stage against an in form St. Andrews. After quickly taking a 5-1 lead, St Andrews found their form and managed to pull it back to a 5-5 draw. The next match saw Bath taking on Aston 1sts who were easily dispatched 6-0, with Rob nishing off a tricky 8 ball clearance much to the delight of the crowd. The next match proved to be crucial. A win against seeded Exeter would see Bath qualify for the knockout stages, and a loss or draw would mean that other results would determine Bath’s fate. Again Bath started well, taking a 5-2 lead with both Lee and Kyle beating Exeter’s best player who was seeded 2nd in the singles tournament, both with eight ball clearances. However, Bath couldn’t push on to the victory and Exeter managed to take the remaining three frames with the matching nishing again tied at 5-5. The nal matches of the group stage proved key and Bath quali ed for the knockout stages by nishing second in the group. Bath 2nds suffered mixed fortunes. An impressive 6-4 win against Nottingham Trent and 5-5 draw against Chester were sadly not enough to take the team to the knockout stages. So Bath’s hopes rested upon the rst team. The last 16 saw Bath take on
Ulster who boasted two seeded singles players. The match started well, with Bath rocketing into a 3-0 lead. However Ulster managed to pull it level to 3-3. Bath eventually proved to be too strong and ran out 6-4 winners with captain Rob putting in a solid tactical performance to win the nal frame. In the quarter nals, Bath faced Manchester, who have consistently been one of the strongest teams in BUCS in recent times. Two frames each from Kyle and Lee and a frame from Dan where he knocked in an outrageous long double took the score to 5-4 to Bath, however, Manchester won the nal frame to take it to a tie. This meant a play off where each team selected their three best players to play a best of three. Martin lost the rst frame being put into an almost unwinnable position by his opponent before he had even had a shot. 5-6 down for Bath. Manchester only needed one more to progress but unbelievable pressure play from Lee and Kyle meant that Bath went on to win the match 7-6. The semis saw Bath take on Lancaster who had had a great tournament thus far with three players making it into the last 16 of singles. Again Bath started well going into a 4-2 lead with Lee potting one of the best blacks anyone has ever seen, ever. However, Lancaster found their form and went 5-4 up. In the last frame Bath were nearly out of the tournament but somehow
Bath Uni Pool, Snoiker and Darts
Pool club win BUCS points for rst time T
The pool squad had their most successful BUCS competition ever the Lancaster player messed up strongly fancied second seeds Nottwo shots on the black and captain tingham in the nal. Things did not stringer showed no mercy, ruth- start well for Bath as we quickly lessly capitalising on his opponent’s went to a 3-0 de cit. Some excellent error to take it to 5-5. In the three play under pressure from Martin, man play off, Martin pulled off a Kyle and Lee managed to get Bath tricky eight ball clearance and took back into the match at 4-3 down but the match to 6-5 to Bath. However, Nottingham were just too strong Lee lost and so with the scores level and eventually ran out winners 6-3. at 6-6 everything rested on Kyle’s This truly was an awesome perforframe. The crowd were treated mance for Bath considering they to one of the most tense tactical had not managed to even get out of frames of pool ever witnessed at the group stages in three previous BUCS which took well over forty attempts. Congratulations must go minutes. Lancaster initially had the to all the players on the rst team advantage, but Kyle employed a full who all contributed vital frames repertoire of shots including some in all the closely fought matches. awesome pots, snookers, deliber- A special mention must go to Kyle ate fouls and pocket covering shots who won an astonishing 17 out of which completely baf ed and bam- 18 frames he played for the team; boozled his hapless opponent with one of the best performances ever Kyle eventually winning the frame, witnessed at BUCS pool. A fantastic weekend and a fantastic tournaanother 7-6 victory to Bath! And so, after an epic series of ment, they are already looking formatches, Bath went up against the ward to going one better next year!
Maddie Noble impactsport Reporter Amongst the other sports competing in the BUCS Championships, Bath's fencers stood out with good results over the weekend. A team of ten travelled to Sheffield to battle it out with top fencers from across the country. Friday saw Chris Hay sweep aside his competitors with a commanding performance to take 1st place out of 138 competitors in the individual men’s epée, defeating LSE and British team fencer James Frewin in the final. Everything seemed to fall into place on the day, as he fought well throughout the competition and managed to take the lead early on in all of his knock out matches. New arrival Matt Smith also competed, coming 98th, a solid first year's attempt, whilst club veteran Catherine Hsu fenced in the women's sabre for the final time in a long and illustrious career, achieving 48th place. The rest of the team arrived on Friday evening, ready to compete
in the men’s foil and the women’s epée the following day. The best result of the day was Swedish new recruit Louise Andrén, who made a name for herself on the English circuit by cruising through to 3rd place, narrowly losing in the semi-final 15-9. Women’s team captain Florence Bird also fought well, achieving 36th, whilst Giulia Pieroni finished 39th, whereas in the tough men’s foil event, James Wilkinson bowed out in 98th. Sunday saw the final two events of the championships, the women’s foil and men’s sabre. Foilist Madelaine Noble finished 18th out of 91 competitors, with Nadia Domanski finishing a solid 24th. In the men’s sabre, club chair Alistair Jones managed 100th, a credible performance nevertheless hampered by the fatigue of managing the team over the weekend. Overall the team achieved joint second place, a really good result for the university. The team hopes better this finish next year.
Emily Hogge impactsport Reporter A huge challenge faces Bath University Triathlon Team as they prepare to complete 18 Iron Man Triathlons in 18 hours. The team’s bid will take place on March 13th in the 50m swimming pool in the STV, around the roads of the university and on turbo trainers outside the library. The team aims to raise £3000 for the Zoe Sarojini Education Trust, which gives young children living in poverty in South Africa the chance for a brighter future through education. It supports individual children and parent-less, child-headed families in Cape Town and the village of Ingwauvma. The 40-strong triathlon team have each set themselves personal challenges which beat their previous records. Some are taking on an Olympic distance triathlon for the rst time. Others will try to complete a half iron man and a few set their sights even higher with ¾ and full iron man attempts. Each of the athletes will have to push hard to
Bath Uni Triathlon Club
Fencers at BUCS Triathlete club challenge
Members of the Bath University Triathlon Club preparing for a race achieve their goals and ensure the staff, a Christmas meal and presents successful completion of the team’s for the Ekukhanyeni kids and other bene ts. challenge. To nd out more visit www. The fund also helps to support Ekukhanyeni Orphanage home zoetrust.org or like the Trust’s Fato a number of the trusts children cebook page at https://www.faceand Khethani Christian School. In book.com/zoetrust to keep up to 2012 the fund was able to pay for date. Please help to change childthe uniform and stationary for all rens’ lives by sponsoring Bath Uniits kids, a laptop which has given versity’s team at http://www.charia young boy with cerebral palsy tygiving.co.uk/bathunitriteam The club would like to thank the the chance to complete his exams, sports equipment, warm and light Bath University Student Union and havens for revision, extra maths tui- RAG for their help and support for tion, a photocopier for the teaching this event.
Monday 11th March 2013
he Bath Killer Bees made history again on Sunday, beating Loughborough 1413 in a thrilling match which sends them to the playoff quarter nals. The rst quarter was largely uneventful, typi ed by small gains from either side. It was a mutual display of stuttering offences capably snuffed out by two well drilled defensive line-ups. Loughborough started the 2nd Quarter with a 42 yard Lenkowski eld goal attempt, but this was hooked wide left and the score remained 0-0. Bath QB Christoph Cox was sacked as he threw a pass, resulting in an air ball which was intercepted by Loughborough #9 and returned to the Bath 14. A heroic defensive stand was required to prevent a score and Liam Emmett obliged with a stunning pick on the edge of the endzone to return possession back to the Bees. Unfortunately the offensive team continued to struggle, seemingly matching Loughborough’s own malfunctioning offense. Tension mounted as both sides failed to put points on the board as the passing and running games of both sides were overshadowed from excellent counter-attacking punting. Perhaps inevitably, it was through the Bee’s kicker, Hutchinson, that the breakthrough was
nally made. His kick pinned Loughborough back on their own 5, and on the rst play of the drive Alex Reilly blitzed from a potentially offside position to catch the O-line off guard and force a safety for a 2-0 lead. This slender lead was held through the rest of the half. Some Loughborough pressure at the start of 3rd quarter put a lot of pressure on a Bees defense that had done much of the work in the rst half. A mistake led to a turnover that left Loughborough with a rst and goal chance which they duly took at the second time of asking. The kick went over shortly after to make it 7-2 to Loughborough early in the 3rd. Remarkably, this was the rst time that the Killer Bees had been behind in a game this season. The rest of the 3rd was characterised by Bath’s increasing con dence in the running game which unnerved the Loughborough defense to set up a frantic 4th quarter. O-line coach and former Ace Neal Callaghan was overheard shouting “This is our quarter!” at the start of the 4th. Unfortunately, Loughborough shifted their attacking formation and worked the ball down eld to score before the Bees could react strategically. Fortunately, they missed their 2 point kick to leave the scores at 13-2. With less than ten minutes left
The Killer Bees make history Simon Love impactsport Reporter
Bath Killer Bees in action against Loughborough University in the game, Bath needed a touch- 15 yards and automatic rst to that down to set up a grandstand n- process to put the Bees in sight of ish, and Mike Hutchinson obliged victory. With time running out it looked with a 52 yard screen using the umpire as a blocker to set up rst like Bobby Nightingale had won and goal on the Loughborough 3. the game with a run through the Bobby Nightingale succeeded on middle – but the referees decided his third attempt to grab a 2 yard that he was down, agonisingly, half touchdown and make it a one score a yard short. 9 seconds remained. Nightingale came out and Deji game – the two point attempt was Alli went in. The Blitz Man did not no good, so the score was 13-8. Bath quickly got the ball back, disappoint, cannoning himself into forcing a Loughborough three and the end zone behind Alex Reilly out. This left the Bees four minutes and Niko Rowe to score and seal in which to drive down the eld and the game for the Bees, 14-13 with score a touchdown for the win. Un- just two seconds on the clock. Bath now travel to the 8-0 NEC usually, it was strong passing that gave Bath most of their yardage as champions the University of Hull they made their way to the end- Sharks (#3) in the quarter nals. zone, mixed with minimal running A victory would make 2012/3 the to keep the opposition guessing. A deepest a Bath team has ever gone Loughborough foul added an extra in the championship playoffs.
with a little bit of rugby thrown in”. Not surprising then that in Bath the sport is played by a good mix of British and European students. This year, Bath’s female team was drawn into a pool group with Loughborough, Roehampton, Middlesex, Bedford, and Imperial and experienced a very prosperous Saturday after showing some effective play. The team struggled to nd their rhythm in their rst game against a weak Loughborough (4-3 to Loughborough) but then eased into a win against Bedford (6-1), Imperial (9-2) and Roehampton (8-5). Though Middlesex were too strong for the Bath Ladies (11-1) the girls managed to come second in their group and continued on to the nals on Sunday. Bath’s men’s team were missing some strategic players and struggled in their group. They only managed a draw against a weak Lincoln (3-3) and went on to lose against Aberdeen (26). They managed a convincing win in their game against Brunel, winning 6-1 and then only narrowly lost to Brighton (5-4). They came 4th in their group. On Sunday, the ladies went on to
Bath Handball Club
Bath rather handy at Handball Solveig Alsaker impactsport Reporter wo teams from the University of Bath Handball Club successfully took part in the British University Championships 2013, which took place in London at the Olympics training venue this year. This year saw the biggest ever student tournament in this growing UK sport with 40 men’s and 24 women’s teams competing in order to become the British Student Handball Champions. The British public have taken to the sport in their droves following the exposure at the London 2012 Olympics. The University of Bath Handball club saw overcrowded taster sessions with many students interested in taking up this exciting, fast-paced and physical sport. Handball has been an Olympic sport since the 1930s and is extremely popular in Scandinavia, Eastern Europe, Germany, France and Spain. It is an indoor team sport, comprising high-speed action, athletics and physical strength with spectacular shots on goal. It has often been described as a sport “combining all the best elements of basketball, water polo and football
Join the University’s handball team and this could be you next year compete in the nal, drawn into a very strong group with Leeds Metropolitan, Nottingham and Oxford. Struggling with substitute players and injuries they lost 6-3 against Oxford and 9-3 against the University of Nottingham, the eventual winners of the tournament, and 7-3 against the eventual runner-up Leeds Metropolitan University. This was a solid performance by the ladies and there is certainly more to come from this team. Bath’s men’s team went on to win against the University of East Anglia
(5-0), Leeds University (5-2) and Glyndwr (5-0) - showing a very good performance after unsuccessful efforts on the Saturday. The men’s tournament was won by Oxford, with the University of Essex as the runners up. Both the ladies and men’s teams also successfully play in the National England Handball league, with the men currently leading the table and the ladies being 5th. Bath Handball club always welcomes new players; so if you are interested, drop in to one of the training sessions.
Powell’s Peeves Never give up! Never surrender! What ho sports fans! And welcome back to the most intelligently vitriolic fireball of truth that has ever been written in the sphere of journalism. My gripe this week is on the subject of sports quitters (because bitching about Cuneyt Cakir is just too easy!). My irritation began when watching golfer Rory “I’ve got a toothache but at least Santander has given me a good medical” McIlroy. Rory was seven over after eight and had shot his second into the water. His comment when he left the playing field was that he “wasn’t in a good place with [his] golf game.” This is not the sort of behaviour that I would expect from an internationally renowned sportsman. Then again the current trend in a large number of sports (association football I’m looking at you!) is one of prima donna-ism and to be honest I do not find this alright! Another person at whom I am directing my ire this week is Ronnie “the Rocket” O’Sullivan. He is back at the Crucible after yet another hiatus. His original awful conduct was back in 2006 when he walked out on a quarter-final when he was losing 4-1 in the best-of-17 frames match. Not exactly a shining example of paragonic virtue. The history of sport is littered with examples of sportsmen and women who give up. This doesn’t make sense to me! These people have dedicated their lives to being heroes and putting in more effort than can be humanly summoned and yet they cannot complete when the going gets tough in the actual competitions? Ronnie has the fastest 147 ever. He could easily come back from 4-1 and yet he gives up. Now I, being well informed and not a moron, understand fully the psychology for choking. That I can forgive - when you’re 1-0 up in a close match, overthinking truly is a danger. This is not that. This is a selfindulgent attack of petulance from international role models who should be purporting themselves with a dignity that I find to be disenchantingly rare. Give me Goran Ivanisevic in 2001 rather than the monumentally successful Bjorn Borg in the early 80s any day of the week.
impactsport Volleyball victory page 23 Mervyn Clingan
Monday 11th March 2013
Inside impactsport Handball perform well Solveig Alsaker talks to impactsport about the University of Bath Handball Club and examines their fortunes at the recent University Championships. Page 25 has the full story
Pool Club win rst BUCS points Martin Rowland tells us that the University’s Pool team has won their first ever BUCS points by finishing 2nd at their tournament in Great Yarmouth. See page 24 for more info
American Football win The University of Bath were crowned ALDI Best of the South West Varsity 2013 Champions at Mayday Trust Park on March 2nd
Varsity Champions 2012-13 T
he biggest sporting event of the University year has sadly now been and gone. It ended with the University of Bath deafeating Exeter University and being crowned ALDI Best of the South West Varsity 2013 Champions for the second year running. Action started up on campus at 11.30am with Men’s Basketball and Women’s Football, both of which the Blues won, with a convincing 82-57 in the Basketball match in the Founders’ Hall. The Women’s Football team recorded an equally great win of 3-0 over their Exeter counterparts. Next up was action from the pool and the STV Hall; again Bath was triumphant with a 48-27 win in the Netball and a comprehensive 15-8 win for the Men’s Water Polo team. The highlight of the day was meant to be at the Mayday Trust Park, where the trophy was to be presented. Unfortunately the Men’s Football team lost 1-6
against a strong Exeter side in front of crowds of around 600 and under the spotlight of the TV coverage put on by the University of Bath Students’ Union Media Groups. It has to be added that the atmosphere at the Mayday Trust Park was a highlight of the day,
with a fun day had by all, even as Bath fell short of the perfect end to the day’s action. Despite the defeat at the football, Bath won the overall Varsity trophy and Students’ Union Sport Officer, Jon Gleave remained upbeat: “It was a fantastic day, with over 1000 spectators watching the Mervyn Clingan
Matthew Powell impactsport Editor firstname.lastname@example.org
Action from the Basketball in the Founders’ Hall during Varsity
various sporting events throughout the day. It was a great advert for University Sport and everyone involved enjoyed the day immensely.” The event was organised and hosted by The University of Bath Students’ Union Sport, as well as the entire event being sponsored by ALDI Recruitment, who are currently recruiting for their 2013 graduate intake programme. Polly Hawker, Students’ Union Activities Manager added “It was a great opportunity to involve the local community at the Men’s Football Match, as well as working alongside Bath City Football Club and Bath City Juniors. It’s always a joy to work with the club and we look forward to working with them, and supporting them more in the future.” Next year’s Varsity also promises to be an exciting offering of high quality sport as the Rugby Union returns to Bath, with the Men’s 1st Rugby Union side who are sure to be eager to set the record straight after their defeat at Sandy Park earlier in the semester.
impactsport Reporter Tom Love tells all of the crunch match between the Bath Killer Bees and Loughborough University.
Turn to page 25 to read the full story
Never give up! impactsport Editor Matthew Powell explains his issues with the sportsmen of nowadays who nd it so easy to give up during their sports.
Turn to page 25 for more
Get involved If you are interested in sport and want to contribute, then contact impactsport Editor Matthew Powell (impact-sport@bath. ac.uk) to find out more details about how you can get involved. We’re always looking for writers, photographers, people to take part, or just all round sports buffs to help out. So, if you have a story you want to share, don’t be afraid to get in touch!
Etiquette Caleb Wheeler-Robinson
Monday 11th March 2013
bite Editorial : Etiquette B
eing new to writing editorials, I’m currently facing a predominantly blank screen which is currently being lled with words that have nothing to do with a subject which I know little about and more worryingly cannot even spell correctly. Furthermore I have been told with this article I have to either be funny or make a point. Damn. So we may as well talk about Etiquette, solely with the purpose of linking the text to the headline. A de nition is a nice place to begin. This will also give me the opportunity to spell it correctly, avoiding the squiggly red lines of doom. Conventional requirements as to social behaviour; proprieties of conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion. Etiquette, I feel, is something that is built in at birth. This is plausible when looking at the de nition, as when you are born you are established within a class and a community and hence once displaced from this you, well I, occasionally/normally feel slightly out of place. Whilst trying not to be too racist, I shall impart my experiences of being displaced out of my class and community, living in France and trying to understand the bizarre situation of greeting people in professional and social situations. Every morning I had to personally say hello or ‘bonjour’ to the majority of people in my corridor, a ritual which took approximately 30 minutes out of my working day. The next 30 minutes of my morning would involve being disrupted with my late-arriving colleagues insisting on shaking my hand. After the morning ritual was
A nibble of bite
done, I’d think I was safe. But then I had to remember when meeting people within the day whether I had seen them or not. Failing this I would have to remember to politely ask whether I had seen my colleague that day - I found out the hard way that not shaking hands with people is massively frowned upon. This situation was further complicated by gender (as usual, amirite Sociologists?) when greeting my female colleagues. The problem I had here was remembering whether the greeting was a hand shake or a kiss on two cheeks, both of which seem awkward for somebody raised within repressed, middle-class British society. This problem was also coupled with the fact that colleagues could randomly decide on certain days without any prior warning to change the greeting. Decadent Frenchmen. The rules: Women two cheek kiss, men hand shaking, but you must be sure you greet and say goodbye to everybody with this similar manner. I once saw a group of ve girls say goodbye to each other. It took at least two minutes and they missed their train. Now after attacking the French, I feel that I should point out that, funnily enough, putting a French person into the UK creates similar problems. Now I could suggest creating an EU special commission on etiquette to stop these issues. But the fuss the Conservatives would kick up isn’t worth the effort. Zombie Churchill (the most dangerous version) would be resurrected as soon as the Italians tried to tell a Tory peer how to behave.
We should also consider the outrage caused within society when etiquette goes wrong. I will take an example from sport, which is inevitable as I am normally a sports reporter - this week I decided to start whoring myself out to other sections. I’m not just going to choose any sport arbitrarily, instead I’m going to choose the sport ingrained within the highest echelons of British society: Cricket. When cricket players get angry and question decisions made by umpires it’s as if the British upper-class collectively tuts. Without being racist, again, it’s normally Australians, well Ricky Ponting, who cause monocles to be dropped into Pimms and Bucks Fizz to boil over across the land. Etiquette used to help people move into new circles, giving them some ground rules by which they could avoid being ostracised. Which is pretty useful really, especially if you’re trying to seduce an aristocrat. But we live in a modern, globalised world now, even bigger and more connected than Europe. I feel the matter may call for UN intervention rather than the just the measly EU. A standardised etiquette will have to be adopted, which would be great, as long as it’s not based on the Americans… Simon Rushtom
This week’s theme is...
Blog of the week:
Etqiuette, or to look at in a slightly wider view, the social norms that make us do weird things that we really wouldn’t do if for the fact that it would be weird not to... yeah that makes sense. For your weekly dose of ne analytical journalism why not try Ben Hooper’s article on page 3, Helen Edworthy discussing the different standards of men and women on page 5, Nathan Hill discussing vegetarianism on page 6 and your weekly x of class with fashion on pages 8 and 9.
To get involved in bite and hear the playlist for this issue, head over to our facebook group at www.facebook.com/bathimpactbite Or email us at email@example.com
Normally this feature focuses on the more light hearted and funny blogs on the world wide interwebs, but today we go a bit more serious. The Everyday Sexism Project seeks to document and catalogue the standard everyday sexism that women suffer through (with posts from both men and women) to show the extent to which it still exists in society. Simple but brilliant.
If you do one thing this week...
Go and see The Gaslight Anthem in Bristol on the 22nd and 23rd of March. Quite possibly the best modern rock band of the last few years are still touring in support of their brilliant fourth album, Handwritten. Brian Fallon and the boys bring their mix of classic rock and punk to Bristol in what will de nitely be a rock ‘n roll showcase with screaming vocals and loud guitars. This could be the last chance to see them in an academy.
Watch: Community. Cult classic with the amazing Donald Glover and the beautiful Alison Brie. So fucking meta and absolutely hilarious. Read: John Green. Paper Towns and Fault In Our Stars are absolutely wonderful and very easy to read. Listen: David Bowie. He’s got a new album out and all, it’s only polite... see what I did there... it’s funny because the theme is etiquette... yeah well fuck you Pirates! And assassins! And oh sweet mother of god!
Best quotes from our heads
Have some class...
“A day wasted on others is not a day wasted on oneself.” ― Charles Dickens
Turn to pages 8 and 9 for Sophia Guilfoyle’s take on high style with the help of the full fashion, design and photography team. Two beautiful models (seriously though), a wonderful design and a fabulous sweeping panorama of Bath Crescent. For any interviews you may have, the upcoming University awards ceremonies and the ever closer Summer Ball, this is your guide.
“At fty everyone has the face they deserve.” ― George Orwell “I get my energy from my inner G.” ― Lupe Fiasco
She’s beautiful and wonderful and talented and buy!
Monday 11th March 2013
Etiquette, a Flintstone’s guide mikecogh
written by Ben Charles Hooper
That’s a lot of spoons, forks, knives and God knows what else, and apparently they are all very different. But really, does any of it really matter in the slightest?
tiquette, as I’m sure you’d agree, is a form of social norm, the customary code of polite behaviour. It seems to me etiquette resides safely from objection, apart from that of perhaps angsty teens and cats, and is much safer from rebellion than regular normative behaviour. Many people in many ways break social norms every day, and of course norms exist in many different forms in every society and certainly in subgroups within those societies, but how often is common etiquette not adhered to? Based on no scienti c evidence whatsoever, it is clear to me that etiquette is a far stronger set of norms than we may believe, adhered to more strictly than many other perceived norms. 60% of the time, this is true, all of the time. Perhaps it’s because of an inherent will to be liked, accepted, treating others as you would like to be treated, but is probably merely due to the fact that being courteous is just a way of avoiding con ict by performing tasks which are easier than saying the word. It would be impossible in such a short article to properly catalogue and contrast different forms of normative behaviour, so instead I’ll just explore some of the ideas involved, equipped with nothing more than the meandering assumptions and ideas oating round in my sparrow-sized brain. Often norms can be covertly avoided and deviant behaviour kept under wraps, it’s the old, ‘if Helen Keller falls over in the woods, does anyone hear’ scenario. So, for instance, it’s accepted that, once married, a man or woman would agree to remain faithful to one another. In the most part this is the case anyhow, in some cases people would maybe enter into a kind of double team swinging partnership with their neighbours, this is what is called the ‘Flintstones Model’ – but that’s by the by. I mean, Fred obviously dominated and didn’t share Wilma with Barney because he was the alpha, this obviously meant that Barney was full of omega3, which of course lead to the girls wanting more of his juice than Fred’s. Lost? OK. So my point is that you can cheat on your husband without him knowing thus deviating from the norm but without your husband ever nding out; however, you can’t not say thank you when he’s made you a sandwich,
because he probably won’t make you another one, or make any more of those lovely souf és. Notice the role reversals there? That’s right we’re a forward thinking paper! In some cases etiquette is used as a futile attempt at getting laid, I would say mostly in the cases of those creatures of base instinct, men. This has been true of me in the past, especially in the spectrum of etiquette known in the industry as ‘holding doors open for people’. This is one form of politeness that provides much entertainment, seeing a guy, holding ve or six doors open for an approaching girl with legs that go up to her pearl earrings and a body like Wilma Flintstone, is hilarious; the only problem is, she’s about fty yards away, now why young sir are you holding that door for an extra-long time and smiling ever-so sweetly at the girl who has her pick of all the boys in bedrock, and is clearly not interested in acknowledging your valiant effort to help her avoid the horri c ordeal of having to open the door for herself. I apologise for my pessimism and assuming the worst in human character, naturally many acts such as this are completely altruistic, regardless, proximity should always be taken into account, if the person is completely able and more than two metres away they should be able to walk through the door, guilt-free, rebelliously leaving it swinging back to whence it came in their wake. We should break these silly rules of etiquette, if these days, it’s ok to run down the road screaming in the middle of the night for no reason, then surely this is ne. Surely? So go to 1West and watch the mayhem unravel. Etiquette is also a very important factor in sport, perhaps some more than others, whether it be shaking hands before a match, or being silent as a player is taking their shot in golf, this etiquette can even exist within forms of deviant behaviour. In ice hockey for instance, you are penalised for ghting, but it’s still very much part of the game and there are strict rules of etiquette involved such as: not hitting an opponent until he’s ready to be punched, if the opponent goes down, you stop punching him etc. Finally, curling, well everyone’s too pissed to understand anything that’s going on, and that isn’t a
dig at the Scotts, this is a dig at the Scotts: Burns is a character from the Simpsons. Oooh... moving on. I get the impression from some rst-hand experience that many continental Europeans get frustrated with certain forms of British etiquette, such as our draconian style of queueing, with punishments of evil stares and gossip if queues aren’t taken seriously. Of course not many people will tell you how much you’ve offended them, but trust me, if you skip the queue, even if there’s only three people in the queue, you’re in for some serious scowling. I’ve also been criticised for how often I say sorry, for pretty much anything I do whether it be intentionally or not. My host while I was in Russia didn’t like this at all, “in mother Russian we say sorry for nothing… [loose quote]”. Russia’s not all that brutal, really, really? No, one of the rst people I met in St Petersburg was a dustbin man who happened to be killing a kitten by throwing it against a wall, but, that’s a social norm in Russia that I just had to get used to. The truth is without norms, we would truly live in a state of nature with no ideas of how to act within our environment aside from acting on base urges, but to what extent do these base urges take over in modern society. I’ll leave you with some questions, do we have less common values today than we did in the past? Do we adhere to social norms in the same way? Or are social norms just becoming more eeting and complex? One poignant modern example is the values and norms ascribed to social networking sites, changing in communications leading to vast changes in courting etiquette. There are speci c do’s and do not’s involved as there always have been, but we’re closer together, we communicate constantly with the wider world, and less and less directly with our immediate environments, we are also being communicated to more by lms, television and video games – this is having an effect on our behaviour, I think? Broken Britain? Broken Record? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I have nothing against women, Russia, Russian women, cats, Russian cats. But I don’t like David Cameron much. P.S. I’d go with Betty, but I’d be thinking about Wilma.
Monday 11th March 2013
Modern Notes: Tradition Written by Rowan Emslie
he world of classical music is obviously a place of high class and formality. The musicians dress in full black or white tie, the venues are generally grandly decorative and formidably agéd, and the audience even more so. Walking into your rst concert can be an intimidating experience. Richard Wagner is the pinnacle for demanding and exacting concert hall practice. You do not clap until the end of the concert - you never acknowledge individual pieces of soloists. If you do so you will recieve a glance capable of withering the strongest of souls. Since 1876 the city of Bayreuth has been home to an annula festival dedicated to all things Wagner. The composer himself conceived and designed the festival to better showcase his enormously long operas, most notably The Ring Cycle an epic that gives us the phrase “it ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings”. Obviously, he was a man who had no problems with his self-esteem. Not only did he put together the programme and propse the idea in the rst place, he had a massive amount of input on the building built specially to house the festival. Huge numbers of people have been going to this event since it was created. It was a particular pet project of Hitler who supported it throughout the war period, sending wounded soldiers to enjoy the operas of The Master, as Wagner became known in the 1930s. To this day, fans often have to spend several years on the waiting list before a ticket becomes available. Despite this, many classical music fans regard it as a puritanical audience experience - the slightest noise or disturbance can result in expulsion. Wagner remains one of the most venerated of all classical composers but the attitude surrounding The Master and his works - which cannot be altered without massive outcry from his loyal and distinctly conservative following - is indicative of a stuf ness that still holds classical music back. Young audiences expect to be able to attend concerts without feeling out of place, without being viewed suspiciously and without constantly being on edge for upsetting a very old and, frankly, stuffy set of rules designed to maintain status quo. Is it any wonder that the genre is the least popular among young people when the ethos of its core constituents is to combat change. One of the great things about modern classical music is that it is built on combating the grand Germanic line that Wagner bestrode towards the end of the 19th century. Bach, Beethoven and Brahms - the Three Bs - still dominate many orchestra’s repetoires, centuries on. While these are undoubtedly great composers and are rightly canonised, the overwhelming focus on the past strangles the future. Figures like the Bs and Wagner are all powerful, bringing in crowds and money for many years, creating a re-inforcing image of greatness that extends beyond anything that a living composer could possible achieve. Visual arts faces the same problem. Can any new artwork hope to be considered as important as the Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa or Monet’s Waterlilies? They are cultural short hands, the rst paintings most people would think of. New artists don’t want to compete with that. Why would they? So of course they do something completely different, something so weird and unusual that it can never be compared to Mona Lisa. Of course they would, it makes no sense not to do that. All those complaints about modern art not being ‘real art’ are observations that show those artists have achieved what they wanted - they wanted to create something incomparable to what has gone before. The composers of the 20th century and beyond who changed notation techniques and induced tortured electronic noises from new technology; all they wanted was to push things forward. The way that people were expected to consume art in the 19th century is a standard that shouldn’t be considered relevant to anybody today. The only way for art to change and improve is to experiment, to purposefully break from what has gone before - the etiquette of consumption is part and parcel of that process.
It ain’t over till the not so fat lady faints on you and you get Flava Flav’s favourite hat. Oh and a spear. Awesome
Monday 11th March 2013
Disney ABC Television Group
Our differing social norms
Despite being only 22, the media coverage seemed often to overlook Jennifer Lawrence in favour of male actors
written by Helen Edworthy
s everyone with any memory capacity knows (sorry, gold sh), the Academy Awards (more commonly referred to as the Oscars) happened very recently, another night in the long parade of awards shows all taking place within a month of each other. As everyone also knows, amongst the glitz and glamour of the whole event there were a few mishaps: Jennifer Lawrence tripped over trying to climb some stairs, The Onion got in trouble for some of their live tweets, and Seth McFarlane’s opening number ‘We Saw Your Boobs’ fell on ears that were less than impressed. While there have been some calls of ‘but it was a joke! Jokes are funny! Seth McFarlane is funny!’, the general acceptance of a lot of his humour whilst hosting the show was actually a total lack of it; his humour works well on his shows because it doesn’t pretend to be anything other than over the top – but when a long-established event like the Academy Awards tries to deviate from its usual polished formula, it can be risky. And it was indeed risky, in the same way dating Taylor Swift can be; she just might write a song about you, and you might have to put up with goats doing impressions of you for a few months. The result of Seth MacFarlane’s hosting is that the humour came across as sexist in a lot of places; and when only nine of all the award recipients of the night were female, it has done little but again make the point that some things are expected of women that would not be expected of men. The context of the ‘We Saw Your Boobs’ song is such that it reduces the actresses mentioned to just their physical appearance (and that’s also brushing over the fact that some of the examples were from rape scenes), and makes a comment that the only important part of a woman is her breasts - which is something that seems to happen time and time again. McFarlane made a joke about boobs? That’s hardly even original at this point. I love insulting humour; nearly half of everything that comes out of my mouth is slightly insulting (like your mum) – but that works because I generally only do it with people I know well, and who know that it’s a sign of affection (or, more likely, it’s just a generally accepted fact that I have a cold black heart that’s icier than the Tundra). Coming from Seth McFarlane, and aimed at a bunch of actresses that he most likely doesn’t know, it comes across more as just another jab at the fact that women are meant just to accept having the way they look pulled apart or commented on purely because of the fact that it is generally acceptable practice. There are always comments along the lines of women in these situations being ‘oversensitive’, or reading too much into things – which can, sometimes, be fairly attributed to a one-off comment. The issue is that for a lot of women, comments about their appearance are not a one-off; they’re every day, and everywhere, about any and every aspect of themselves. It does more than directly insult them, it makes it seem like a woman is nothing but the things she can outwardly offer. Never mind what she may be able to do in terms of good or awesome – the unfortunate thing is that sometimes it could feel like a woman could gure out how to create a bed that toasts wafes for you (sweet, tasty waf es) without setting the whole thing and the people sleeping in it on re (sweet, tasty re) and most of the comments would still be about whether she’s wearing too much eyeliner or how low her neckline is. It’s disappointing more than anything else, because for all the talk about how things are now super excellent for women one hundred per cent of the time there are ten comments about how a woman should be or what she should be doing that detract from the sentiment. McFarlane may only be making a joke, but the culture behind it is greatly upsetting – even more so than my life’s lack of a Waf eBed™. What I would like to see is for a woman to be able to do what she wants, wear what she wants, and not have to be subjected to a dissection or why she did it or why she may have chosen to do so. A woman wants to wear lime green shoes with purple jeans? Sure, go ahead. Wants to draw on her own eyebrows in eyeliner? Her choice. Wear a hoodie with the face of a dragon on the front and felt spines on the back to go food shopping? No, wait; that’s just something I personally want to do. We’ll just have to wait and see how a Seth McFarlane-written song about that goes.
Monday 11th March 2013
Shove this in your piehole
Written by Nathan Hill
Meat is so integral to modern living but could we live without it if we had to? Is it basically murder or are the vegetarians amongst us just denying what is natural
have recently decided to become a vegetarian, at least temporarily and while it may not seem so at rst, I feel this ts into the ‘etiquette’ theme of the issue because the level of hostility I’ve encountered towards my decision to forgo meat has been quite surprising. It seems there are social norms which, however barbarous, some members of a society deem them, are defended blindly. I felt it necessary to write this article because vegetarians are often wrongly seen as peevish hippies, and the convention of eating meat is so entrenched in our tradition that I think sometimes we need to question it. It’s worth noting that I may revert to eating meat again, but these are my thoughts currently. Men are unusual and inconsistent creatures. It is perfectly acceptable in today’s world for me to decide that killing animals for meat is not murder, but if I made the same statement of humans I would certainly be annihilated by society for my dissension. We implicitly grant ourselves the right of life or death over those more frail than we, but revoke this right when applied to those of equal strength, reasoning and defence – other humans. What a strange state of affairs when the systematic imprisonment and killing of the defenceless is seen as preferable to that of the able. To me it has always seemed that picking on the weak is an act of cowardice. I am often reminded since assuming this vegetarianism that I am an animal too, and it’s natural for animals to eat meat. The advocates of such an argument will always omit that many wild animals have cannibalistic tendencies, a practice they decidedly do not want me to emulate. The parts of nature that support their eating habits are the only ones ever mentioned. Furthermore, most primates are naturally vegetarian. So it seems to me that this naturalistic argument is made in the hope that you will just accept that we are helplessly dependent on meat by nature, when actually many people live without ever having eaten meat. More important than all this, however, is the fact that an act being natural does not make it moral. This poor but common reasoning is referred to as an ‘appeal to nature’ or sometimes the naturalistic fallacy – you will often hear people denouncing homosexuality as immoral because they assert it is ‘unnatural’, as if that has any bearing on morality. Note that the people making these ‘it’s unnatural’ arguments have no problem with using laptops made from microchips that exceed our own intelligence, using machinery
to lift more than a human could or using an aeroplane to overcome our lack of ight. Nobody uses a naturalistic argument against this because technology is expedient, it makes life more enjoyable and less strenuous. Ceasing to eat meat does not. Arguments are too often made to support one’s own appetite rather than what is just. Moreover, it is my opinion that our intelligence does not grant us the right to impose death on a less-intelligent creature, just as Stephen Hawking’s intelligence gives him no right to impose death on you. If anything our intelligence confers not rights but responsibilities. We should have a responsibility to protect beauty in nature just as Stephen Hawking feels the responsibility to disseminate information to the inferior, ignorant and idiotic (that’s us). Our morality system is based entirely on one constant alone – man’s ascendancy. We grant ourselves the right to warp and distort nature like no other species, and then mock anyone who questions the practice. Just as we are the only species capable of destroying the world, we are also the only species capable of improving it beyond recognition, an opportunity we waste far too often. We assume we should be the moral arbiters of this world when we are precisely the species most susceptible to greed and bias. I feel I must address our odd way of governing our food system, highlighted conveniently by the recent horsemeat ‘scandal’. I use the term ‘scandal’ reluctantly because it is only through our own conventions and inconsistent opinions that eating horsemeat is taboo, there is nothing objectively different between eating that and beef. Of course being deceived by companies as to the contents of food is completely wrong, but I still think there is an underlying aversion to the concept of eating a horse that fuels this furore. How can I prove this? Well, imagine that lamb had been found in beef, not horse. The public reaction would undoubtedly be far more tepid, it would be seen as mislabelling and shady on the food industry’s part, but nothing more. It would be like Skips being found in a packet of Quavers, nobody would bat an eyelid. This is because we separate very clearly animals for eating and animals for keeping as pets, and I can think of very few exceptions to this rule. Again, we decide which animals get to be caged up and exterminated en masse, and which ones get to have birthday presents and sleep in the bed with us. This is, I think, because we essentially have an aversion to the idea of eating a corpse, and not having
to look at the animals while they’re alive helps us see the meat as simply food rather than part of a body. The poet Shelley knew this, and says in his essay A Vindication of Natural Diet that ‘the human race... applied re to culinary purposes; thus inventing an expedient for screening from his disgust the horrors of the shambles’. He contends that we have to cook meat, to put it in pies and such to allay our unease towards eating a body. I would agree, and I remember after saying how much I liked mackerel being unable to eat it when I was presented an entire sh with the head simply lopped off. There is great irony in the existence of the RSPCA and other such charities to protect pets when we do not treat other animals with the same respect – to an alien this would seem such a confusing state of affairs. So to summarise, eating meat highlights a lot of man’s hypocrisy, which we go from day to day without looking to question. However, at the moment I’m nding it dif cult to know where to draw the line – in the few weeks I’ve not been eating meat, I’ve found most hard cheeses aren’t suitable for vegetarians (Parmesan for example, as it contains animal rennet), nor are many sweets like Haribos because of gelatine. At this rate I will be eating twigs and bark. Animal parts also end up in cosmetics and pharmaceuticals and many other things besides. Can you stop using them all? Then there is the problem of vegetarianism versus veganism. Milk production, for example, causes a lot of calves to be born for which there are no use; the male calves are often exterminated upon birth because they produce no milk and the market for veal is considerably smaller than the amount of calves the milk industry produces. Some will also be grown for beef but not a large percentage. So we would actually increase the amount of time these calves get to live by eating more veal or beef... Food for thought, I think. Part of me thinks that free range meat, and a lot less meat consumption overall, is a way forward. You lose a lot of the moral darkness and it’s hard to deny that these animals would not exist at all were it not for meat eaters driving demand. Perhaps it’s better to let an animal romp around in the elds for a few months than to never let it be born at all, I’m undecided. But what to me is irrefutably wrong is the way most meat is produced – the mass caging and sensory deprivation of literally billions of animals. At the moment it is simply easier for me to remove myself from the madness entirely.
Monday 11th March 2013
Want your brain broken? Watch this Channel 4
Hayley Atwell waits for a phone call from her deceased husband in the incredibly chilling Be Right Back about bang on. Episode two, White Bear, provides the biggest mind-fuck moment of the series, what starts out as a fairly obvious tale about how we shouldn’t live our lives through the lense of our iPhone, turns in to a powerful insight into the way violent criminals are treated in our society, without giving away too much, I was left at the end of the episode feeling sorry for a woman who lmed a child being burned alive. This is testament to the skill in which Brooker has created Black Mirror. The nal episode of the series, The Waldo Moment, holds the greatest relevance in today’s world. A cartoon character, and its creator, nd themselves more popular and with more in uence than the political establishment. The disturbing parallel with the ongoing shambles that is the Italian general election is something that even Brooker could not have envisaged. Italians nd them-
selves in the crazy situation where comedian Beppe Grillo holds the sway of power between the two larger parties. He’s basically our version of Nick Clegg except Grillo makes jokes while Clegg is one. The idea that the disconnect between politicians and public means that a comedian can win real political power just because he’s not a politician, is a very scary one. Sure politicians don’t always seem like real people, just robots that read from scripts, but what Brooker is trying to say is look past the gimmicks, they’re not everything. Black Mirror episodes are fables for the modern age, that sounds ridiculously grandiose and pompous to type, but it’s true and I can’t think of any words that make that sound less posh and still do this series justice. Basically, just watch it, it’s fucking brilliant and it makes you think in the right way, unlike most of the other shit that gets pumped out our black mirrors these days. Channel 4
ou know that feeling you get when you talk to someone who just gets ‘it’, and by ‘it’, I mean everything, generally? Nope, neither do I. That’s because very few people seem to have the ability to really, and I mean really, see things for what they are. I’ve never met one of these people but if you’ve tuned in Channel 4 these last few weeks or logged onto 4 O.D, and watched even a single episode of Black Mirror then you’ve had the pleasure of seeing the creation of someone who totally gets ‘it’. That someone, of course, is Charlie Brooker who you may know from Screenwipe or 10 O’Clock Live. You know the one, with the oppy hair and sense of humor so harsh that his Wikipedia describes his comedic style as ‘savage’? The impression I got of Brooker from his TV appearances, were of a man who ranted for the sake of ranting, funny for a bit, but after a while the content of the rants started to repeat and it quickly got boring. Black Mirror is not boring. It’s virtually impossible to de ne what Black Mirror is about, and that’s part of the charm. As Brooker describes it “Each episode has a different cast, a different setting, even a different reality. But they’re all about the way we live now – and the way we might be living in 10 minutes’ time if we’re clumsy. And if there’s one thing we know about mankind, it’s this: we’re usually clumsy.” Series one focused mainly on how we interact with gadgets and gizmos in our modern world, hence the title. Who hasn’t used their phone or computer screen as a mirror before? Series one is great, watch it, but for now lets focus on the recently released series 2. Episode one, Be Right Back, takes a chilling look at the way we live our lives through social media teamed with the idea that computer programs are becoming increasingly sophisticated and capable of replicating human thought. When the protagonist of the episode loses her partner, an opportunity arises to recreate her former partner using his Facebook and Twitter posts combined with a piece of software. Most of us have lost someone we love at some point in our lives, if you had the opportunity to have a chat to them again, a computer generated version, would you take it? Then again my social media recreation would just be drunken Facebook conversations with people I haven’t spoken too for years and re-tweets of various premier league footballers, which is just
written by Robert Page
“What are you? You’re just an old attitude with new hair!” The guy from the BT Advert takes on a slightly different role in the darkly satirical The Waldo Moment
Monday 11th March 2013
Monday 11th March 2013
Yorkjack Wool Blazer, TED BAKER £299
Harriet Cross Body Bag, FRENCH CONNECTION £60
Red Crepe Jacket with Gold Button, THE KOOPLES, £255
Written by Sophia Guilfoyle
Clic Clac H Wide Bracelet in Powder Pink, HERMES
very girl deserves some luxury in her life and the best way to pamper yourself is a trip to the high-end of the high-street and the elusive designer shops (even if it’s only window shopping!). Never think you have to spend a lot of money on your clothes to look good, but sometimes we just need to treat ourselves! Having a capsule wardrobe with only a handful of classic key pieces is a great way to keep your look classic and neat. As the end of our student lives is coming ever-nearer, it’s not a bad idea to start investing in key pieces that will last you a lifetime. Alas for now, money holds us back, so let’s just daydream for a little to appreciate these beautiful and somewhat unreachably luxurious clothes. Eleanor Calver shows off this TOPSHOP LBD which, paired with simple jewellery and statement heels, certainly creates an elegant and striking out t. Karen Millen are doing a very similar uid jersey dress in their latest spring range which shows that if you keep your eyes peeled you can grab some serious bargains as KM are relatively unaffordable – especially for a simple classic dress like this. I love this bright red jacket from Kooples, it is feminine, unique and de nitely makes an impact. It is a feisty colour and will add a bit of sass to any out t. Every classy look needs the perfect accessories and this Clic Clac H Hermes bracelet is beautiful and understated, although unfortunately comes with a whopping price
tag, but similar models can be purchased for a little less online. FCUK’s Harriet Cross Body Bag is the perfect going-out bag, spacious enough to hold your most treasured possessions but not too big to be a hassle. It has a classic box shape and simple gold buckle that will stop it becoming outdated, and at only £60 who could resist? These Malono Blahniks are gorgeous, but obviously too pricey for any student. Eleanor has grabbed a high-street version for only a fraction of the price to glam up her wardrobe. Rob Wilson is looking dapper with the simple coupling of a crisp white shirt, blazer and jeans. He shows that dressing well really makes a difference. It is incredibly simple for men to develop their sophisticated look without spending huge amounts but the initial investment is vital. The checklist is; a well- tted suit, a blazer, a very white shirt, chinos, brogues and a belt – couldn’t be simpler. This gorgeous Yorkjack wool blazer from Ted Baker is pretty pricey, but will give you many years of looking spruced up in return! Accessorises for men are just as important as for women, so invest in your belts and your shoes gentlemen (and keep them polished – it really makes a difference). Preferably don’t ‘suit up’ to come to campus unless you want to look like a MIC wannabe, but for the right occassion this dapper look is a sure- re way to win over the ladies! Models: Rob Wilson and Eleanor Calver
BB Glitter Pump Heel, MANOLO BLAHNIK
Amour Contrast Brogues, DUNE £85
Leather Belt, TED BAKER £40
CRESCENT CHIC Caleb Wheeler-Robinson
Monday 11th March 2013
Sat in seat A25
written by Holly Narey
he man in B25 looks like he is about to die. Pallid, gaunt, with an unhealthy sheen betraying the battle of conflicting temperatures within him, each breath he lets juddering out of his lungs is followed by a tense pause as all around him doubt slightly that it will ever be followed by another creaking inhalation. As he shuffled down the aisle, clutching his ticket and peering at it through what I seemed like a hazy fog of airborne bacteria, I had realised with dread that of course, he was for me. My commute is an experience I have carefully manipulated to make bearable; I have my laptop before me on the table, my coffee behind it to the left and croissant in line to the right. I buy my coffee, extra hot, five minutes before boarding. It warms my hand on the platform. When I get on the train it sits there, cooling, as I stare at my empty Word document. I blink slowly at it. The insertion point blinks back. I pick at my croissant, tearing strips off one at a time. Approximately fifteen minutes into my journey I allow myself a game of solitaire, and by then my coffee has cooled to a gentle warmth despite the efforts of the Styrofoam cup. It fights a losing battle, as do I. I drink my coffee, finish my scraps of pastry and icing sugar, disembark and walk the few hundred metres to my office, to my cubicle, where I will spend the day entering data, printing data, emailing data and shredding data. I will create nothing. I will leave work, stare at my laptop screen for another half hour on the journey home, creating nothing, and then will arrive to my empty flat and consume dinner, consume half a bottle of wine and consume some inane drivel on the television. I contribute nothing, I am a passive cog in the machinery of this city, being pushed by parts much stronger than I. The man falls into the seat opposite me, pulling a ream of tattered toilet paper out of his sleeve, mopping his forehead and then stemming the flow from his nose. Revolting. I shift my croissant towards me, away from the radius of his noxious breath. He breathes slurpily through his mouth and settles. I blink at him. He blinks out the window. The insertion point blinks at me. Each flash a reminder of the hours wasted in an inability to turn ideas into words on a page. My brain has atrophied, new links between neurones slowing to a stop, my mind is closing to new ideas. I should have done this writing when I was younger, when I could daydream for hours, now I have solitaire and writer’s block. He sneezes. It is a thing of majesty. My eyes widen with horror at the sight of his recoil, knowing what will inevitably follow. His face, before so lifeless and flaccid, now tightens, his nose scrunching up towards his now screwed-up eyes, his head turning to face the ceiling. At the crest of the wave his mouth opens to reveal a look of misery and surprise, and then he leans forward, lifting his hand to stem the torrent that will surely follow. It is a noise to topple cities. The windows rattle. His old rags of tissues don’t stand a chance, tattered loo roll flaps in the gale that is emitted from his nose and mouth. I feel droplets on my face, in my widened, terrified eyes. I give my croissant up for dead. My heart sinks; I know what is in store for me. My future is sat in front of me, mopping up mucous and humiliation. I want to scream at the injustice of it all; instead I get up, pack up my things (leaving the contaminated croissant and coffee) and move to the door as the train slows to my stop. I walk straight to the station toilets and scrub my hands, my arms, even my face. I take my laptop out of its case and wipe the cover with soap and dry it with paper towels. I stare into the mirror and breathe deeply, willing myself to fight the infection that in my fear I imagine I can already feel spreading through my veins and arteries, my nervous heart rate pumping
what I imagine as a slick black ooze through my body ever the faster. I pack up my laptop again and walk to work. I am a bag of nerves the rest of the day. I doodle on the desk, the fake wood texture beneath my paper distorting my pen movements. Stars turn into dancing men, with jerky triangular limbs, the faces I try to draw are warped to display unintended emotions. I feel myself clouding over. In my break I go to the bathroom and spend ten minutes staring at my face in the mirror, trying to work out whether I am actually going paler by the second, and if so whether it is due to anxiety or disease. The answer comes at lunch, when my tuna and sweetcorn sandwich re-emerges after a few short minutes. As I lift my face away from where it rests heavily on the edge of my bin, blinking away from the harsh office lights that seem to have taken on the ferocity of the sun, I vaguely register my boss stood over me. “Jesus Christ, go home”. I don’t bother to respond. My coat is already on and I’m stumbling towards the door. I don’t even remember the journey home. The next thing I know I’m sat at my desk in my flat, my laptop in front of me, searching for my symptoms to find out if I’m dying. The internet, of course, says yes, but as it cries leukaemia and tumours for even the slightest headache I try to remain calm. As I read, I sneeze eight times in a row, I wipe the cold sweat from my brow and my streaming eyes, staunching a flow of ectoplasm impressive enough to thrill Victorian society. I feel like I am seeping ice out of every pore, this is more than the flu, my brain is fiery and frenzied in thought. Sufficiently terrified, I fill a jug of water, place it next to the bed, close the curtains (has the sun ever been so bright?) and collapse into bed. In the darkened room I feel as though I can almost see figures
coming out of the wall. I touch my forehead and the heat seems to burn my hand. I sleep. I wake. I have no idea how long I’ve slept for, was it hours? It feels longer somehow, it’s as though I remember time passing even though I was not actively participating in it; my head is clearer but I feel exhausted, drained, like someone has pulled a plug at the back of my brain. Oh my head is heavy. I am surprised to discover that I am sat upright, in a chair, not in the bed where I am sure I spent my fevered sleep. I can remember hazy dreams, people and places, harshly bright and gleamingly real. My hand is resting on the keyboard, typing full stops ad infinitum on my formerly blank Word document. I raise my hand to grip the mouse, every movement an effort. I’ll delete all of this and leave it as it was, bring back the empty page that reflects my incapability of achieving anything of significance, it may as well be a list of my valuable achievements. Ha. I click and drag, selecting the lines of dots. Going through pages and pages of these taunting symbols of finality until… words. On page eighty two I reach words. It is a story; beautifully written, touching and funny and real. In it I see hints of the things I almost remember from my fevered dreams, people and scenarios, along with ideas I had toyed with over the years in my hours of daydreaming at the office, things I would one day make into my masterpiece; my masterpiece that is right here sat before me… at least some of it is. I sit and read from the start to the finish. Or rather, not the finish – I read until the last sentence but it’s clearly not the end. There is no resolution, no closure. It doesn’t even work as a cliff-hanger. To be continued
Monday 11th March 2013
Selected Poems by Nathan Hill On Dreams
There is a realm between these walls
Knowledge, thou citadel whose sacred walls
Of marble and of quartz,
Man’s ignorance excoriates and flays,
An opalescent world of flame
Thou ancient source of light whose glow enthralls
In which there are no thoughts,
And yet repulses man in modern days,
Save those of fleeting, lucid joy
What happened to inquiry, and where lies
An insect on my desk did just alight, A fiery thing with mandibles to bite, Which force it made no use of, but instead It shuffled its gaunt wings in aching red. Diaphanous and brief the sight did seem, As if immersed in some recurrent dream Both too transcendent to attempt to frame Sufficiently, and yet it will not maim The vagrant wisp if, with words loose as breath, I postulate an augury for its death.
Which consciousness distorts.
Fair dialectic in these barren plains? How great the threat that man might atomise
In vain I seek it ev’ry night, The majesty that indolence disdains! That world of surging bliss, To contravene each mote of his design – Through whose entropic languidness Are not men creatures of a civil pact? Dark, seething thoughts do hiss. Have we become so base and so malign It seems profoundly frolicsome Necessity now breeds this mordant tract?
So what if while it sits there, quite inert, I planned to do the thing some mortal hurt? I could detach its legs and wings in turn, Or cast it in the fire and let in burn, Or smash its thorax while it was engrossed And watch those wings implode upon their host. I would not be impounded for these things, Though surely there was hid beneath those wings More beauty than in human toil does lie – Why then should this thing be allowed to die? Have we the moral licence to ordain Perdition for a thing that bred no pain?
To be inert as this! To vitiate the legacy you leave Yet often still as dusk draws near Do I begin to weep, As sable haze begins to, then, In ev’ry crevice creep.
Is far too simple – one has but to breathe.
Man’s sapient and yet his greed denies That his composure differs from a fly’s; Can man purport to be impelled alone By primal instinct? Then what else might groan Upon its aspect and condone its vice – What else can look on its abhorrence twice? Exploiting with intent his own birthright, The cognizance of what is good and just, To quash all this with thoughts of his own plight – Beneath his own transgressions mankind’s crushed.
O! That I must submit my soul To that foul beast named Sleep!
While hornets’ stings are fleeting in their throes, Man’s putrefaction shears all that which grows.
Monday 11th March 2013
written by Connor Morton
written by Robert Wilson Braden F
omedia had a rather different feel to the usual Bath concert for Tim Burgess’ recent headline show. The crowd was mostly comprised of older people, no students want to spend money on a Sunday night, and as such the Disco ball above the stage seemed rather tting. It wasn’t like any gig I’d been to before; I’m far more used to rowdy drunks spilling beer and sweat on me. The Support band, “Hatcham Social” dragged themselves onstage, said nothing and began playing. Big Jeff, the staple visitor to every Bath and Bristol gig that’s worth its salt, assumes his position and dances alone in front of the stage. Their music was kind of like a drearier Echo and the Bunnymen. The lead singer wandered around the stage randomly, spending a lot of time not facing the crowd, but as usual, the drummer was mad for it. Before the 3rd song, some funky beats started- but then back to same dreary shoegazer stuff; Probably would be nice to listen to on an Ipod, but their lack of charisma meant the sound didn’t quite carry on to the live stage. They left as quickly and quietly as they appeared, not saying a word and just drifting off. It almost seemed like they didn’t really they enjoy being there at all. After the interval, Tim Burgess comes on and immediately grabs everyone’s attention. He says hello, giggles and then sets up a stand with a book with the lyrics to his songs on which I’m pretty sure is cheating. His music was a cool combination of country and poppy rock and it was pretty nice to listen to on a calm Sunday night. Tim was de nitely more of a showman than Hatcham Social (who actually were Tim’s band minus Tim.) They played their set, then encore time came, the crowd was far less aggressive in their demand for an encore than other gigs,(though Tim was no less deserving) and Tim shot out again. The encore was another chilled out piece and got the audience singing along which was a nice way to end the evening. All in all Tim was great, but Hatcham Social were a bit too somber. Although I guess that did make Tim all the better.
renge are a two piece rock out t consisting of brothers Eoin and Rory Loveless more used to peddling their unique brand of indie/grunge music in the dark streets of Shef eld than anywhere this far south, but their current tour of duty took them to Thekla in Bristol and bite was there to cast it’s cultured, omniscient ear over the proceedings. What rst strikes you about his duo is the colossal sound Eoin conjures from his guitar which immediately makes you wonder why bands ever have any more than two members? Their sound is as complete as any quartet I’ve ever witnessed with Rory’s industrious drumming creating a framework around which the anthemic riffage is formed. “Bloodsports” is a celebration of overdrive and attitude, while the sensational “I wanna break you in half” has been compared to the sounds of the sancti ed entity that is Black Sabbath, and any band that earns itself that accolade is de nitely worth looking into. Next on the bill is another twosome of slightly further a eld, Deap Vally hail from Los Angeles USA, with Lindsey Troy producing frankly outstanding vocals, while Julie Edwards thunders away behind a drumkit. The all-girl duet create their own brand of primal bluesy rock, such as the sensational “End of the world” which really showcases the genuine talent this band has, also evident in “Gonna make my own money”, which really is one of my favourite songs at the moment. Their sound has a de nite White Stripes kind of feel to it, and their American roots de nitely shine through but this just makes it all the more disappointing when their live act didn’t match the calibre of the performances on their recorded tracks. That’s not to say it wasn’t enjoyable, Lindsey produced the same tumultuous vocals, Julie harmonised fantastically and the drumming was extremely tight but where the show fell down was the guitar. I am undecided as to the cause of this, however following the mammoth sound of Drenge probably didn’t help. Throughout most of the gig there were requests for more guitar to the sound tech to no noticeable avail. It just seemed thin and insubstantial compared to the rest of their sound and in this case you couldn’t help but wonder if it would have been remedied by another guitarist? Overall it was a good performance but it was just missing that certain something that could have made it great, and lacked the cacophonous wall of sound that was Drenge.
A brief guide to concert etiquette written by Alex Philpotts
tiquette isn’t solely reserved for arranging cutlery and conspicuously unnecessary small talk at congested corporate networking events. It certainly isn’t something that can be thrown out the window because you’ve donned a polo instead of a dickie bow. Etiquette applies right the way down to holding the door open for a lady, or avoiding eye contact in a crowded lift at any cost. Gigs are a part of that side of our culture. I was at Brixton academy last weekend (brag over) and knowing I would be writing this article, I picked out a few examples to hammer home my point. First up: Mosh pits. For the sake of fairness, I should clarity that the need for a mosh pit in any scenario is utterly beyond me. Never have I paid £30 upwards to get into a gig and thought: “Finally, an opportunity to cave my mates’ faces in with my elbows”. If you’re willing to pay that much, but the band in front of you can’t keep you entertained effectively enough to keep you from bloodletting, then you need to nd another past-time. Away from sharp objects. Saying that, mosh pits can be done properly – in a circle at the front of the crowd, where you can hurl your friends at one another without risk of exposing innocents to your clammy appendages. If you’re at the front then fair enough, but if you’re towards the back of the gig and hurling your body weight about like a concussed orangutan, there’s a good chance you’ll clatter a stranger around the back of the head, which is somewhat of a social faux pas.
So what then, do you do at a gig if not jovially assault your fellow music lovers? The norm is to bounce up and waving devil horns in the air like a demented giraffe, which is thankfully less ridiculous when seen en masse than individually. Crowds have a way of normalizing the bizarre. When you’re doing the jungle shuf e, however, there are still a few common decencies you’d be courteous to follow. Biggest among those are the ones you’d be expected to follow in your day to day comings and goings. For example, at said Brixton academy event, the frontman got a bit adventurous and clambered up on to the fence separating the crowd from the main stage. Unfortunately the guy who happened to be at the fence directly in front of him was so unfathomably stoned that he presumably mistook the rather rowdy man with the microphone as some sort of predator, and threw his pint in his face. Charming, but nobody really gave it much thought. There is no easy way to track down an individual moron in a crowd of several thousand, and for that exact same reason seemingly half of the crowd had lit up fags, joints, pipes and other smoking paraphernalia to the extent that the centre of the stalls smelt like Pete Doherty and Noel Fielding threw a garden party in their shed. There really aren’t many things I’d ask of people at a gig that size, particularly when you’re paying that much. Just please, if you’re going to light up and dick about like a fourteen year old, do it behind the bike sheds with the rest of them?
Monday 11th March 2013
The Guide benzpics
That Joanna Bradshaw TG: First up, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your EP? JB: I’m Joanna, a recent Sociology and Social Research graduate from the University of Bath and I release music under the name of ‘That Joanna Bradshaw’. I’m releasing my rst EP, ‘As Promised…’, on the 11th March and the type of music that I play is acoustic/folk and it tries to tell stories through the music from my experiences and it’s meant to try and help others who might have been in a similar situations. I’ve been writing songs since the age of 10 and I’ve just always loved music, I did a lot of choir and musical theatre when I was younger and now I write my own songs. You are straight up lying if you do not want to make sweet, sweet love to Brian Fallon for the rest of time
TG: What was the recording process?
The Heavy, Tuesday 19th March at Komedia, Bath. Tickets: £10
JB: I worked with a producer named Andy Cooke who also runs the Bath Open Mic Nights here. He’s a lovely guy and we worked on it all together.
Gangs Of Wasseypur: Part 1, from Monday 11th March, 20:00 at Little Theatre, Bath. Tickets: £5.50
TG: What would you say have been your main in uence?
The Heavy return to their hometown to bring a measure of classic rock and neo soul to Bath. Characterised by crunching guitars and the use of horns, this is certainly not to be missed.
Two and a half hour long epic from director Anurag Kashyap that documents the gang wars that have gripped India since the 1960’s.
JB: I guess I’ve always listened to people like Adele and Damien Rice who tell stories and try to make the most out of bad situations by writing songs and get something good out of it.
Stornoway, Thursday 21st March at Komedia, Bath. Tickets: £13.00
Acoustic Routes (RE: 2013), from Monday 11th March, 17.45 at Little Theatre, Bath. Tickets: £5.50
TG: You’ve also got Skinny Love, any reason why?
Indie folk rockers from Crowley bring their soothing mix of strings, guitars and keys to Bath in support of their brand new album Tales from Terra Firma.
Originally made as a BBC documentary in 1992, this acclaimed lm from writer-director Leman has now been reedited to include extra performance footage of its subject, folk legend Bert Jansch. Acoustic routes provides a fascinating history of the fertile British folk scene of the 1960s and beyond and includes performances from Jansch, Wizz Jones and many more.
The Gaslight Anthem, Thursday 22nd and Friday 23rd March at O2 Academeny Bristol. Tickets: £23.50 After releasing the absolutely stunning Handwritten in 2012, The Gaslight Anthem return to the UK after a string of sold out shows at the end of last year. Expect massive chorus’, screaming vocals and a classic rock n’ roll feel along with some deeply personal lyrics that show why Brian Fallon is one of the best songwriters of his generation.
Lore, from Monday 11th March, at O2 Academeny Bristol. 15.15 at Little Theatre, Bath. Tickets: £5.50 Director Cate Shortland tackles a tough subject in considering the way Germans coped with their defeat in World War Two through the eyes of a 15 year old girl forced to care for her younger siblings.
JB: Skinny Love is just one of my favourite songs, and lyrically it’s just beautifully haunting. It’s also kind of my boyfriend and I’s song, so that’s also kind of why I picked it for my rst EP. You’ve also got a big launch party for it coming up in Bath haven’t you? Could you tell us about that? JB: It’s on the 16th of March and it’s from 8pm to 11pm. Free admission, so I really want people to come because it’s the more the merrier really. It’s at Jikka Jikka which is on George Street. There’s live music throughout the evening from artists such as Lily Stokes, Andy Cook, DJ B and his girls, and Carousels and Cuisines who have also just released their EP and they’re a fantastic band, so I highly recommend coming down.
Monday 11th March 2013
The norms of robo-fetishism humanstatuebodyart
written by bite’s sex columnist
I would caption this, but then how much more of a mental picture do you need?
et’s face it - sexual deviances and fetishes have been around since shagging began. However, it’s always been on the sly and has been kept in specialist clubs in basements or behind closed doors (just leave your keys in the bowl). But since the emergence of the overly hyped ‘50 Shades of Grey’ trilogy, people have started to become more open to sexual fetishism and exploring their own fantasies, and have become a lot more frank about it. Since when, before this literary phenomenon, were we passing a porno book - that we may or may not have strummed one out to – on to our grandma? But the usual sado-masochism kink is slowly fading out. People want something new; they want to update their sexual fetishes as much as they download the new software for their iPhones. But sex is natural, right? It involves two humans, two sexual organs (or more, if that’s your thing) and everyday penis to vagina? Not anymore. The new BDSM is, lo and behold, robo-fetishism or technosexuality. Technological advances have not just happened outside of the bedroom, oh no. This is a fetishistic attraction to humanoid robots or people dressed in robot costumes. It stems from a former website ‘alt.sex.fetish.robots’ which has led to a common use of the term ‘ASFR’, referring to the need to fuck a made-up robotic creature. And you thought you were being kinky tying your girlfriend to your wardrobe! These robot-lovers prefer to appear by the term ‘Technos’ and, if it’s not pushing your buttons yet, don’t worry - this isn’t just about having sex with robots who look completely like humans. There’s been a trend towards the more super cial and robotic looking robots as well. Sounding any better? There are websites devoted to these fetishes, such as FemBot.org - an online dating website with approximately 75 per cent of people posing as robots. Want to know how to sexy-talk with robots? If a robot is ‘pumping iron’, he’s masturbating over you. Turned on yet? Why don’t you put in your hard-drive... We could go on and on about how badly you need to replace your battery or ‘Mac’ someone’s behind, but the real amazement behind this fetish is how the world and technology is literally adapting to our every need. Not only can we tell our houses to turn off the lights for us, we now also live in a world where we can use technology to turn things on... Relationships, too, and technology can combine - so much so that we no longer need any human interaction. These Techno dating websites have more and more members each day and are vastly growing and improving as technology improves around us. Are we heading for a world where we no longer have to persuade our girlfriends that sex will cure her headache, as we can just go and shag a robot instead? Where we aren’t forced into the obligatory post-coital spooning? And is that a good thing? That said, the idea of turning off someone after you’ve banged them is rather appealing...
Agony Aunts Lucy and Edie Dear Lucy and Edie,
Dear Lucy and Edie,
I recently left my laptop open on the kitchen table when I went to pee and came back to nd a couple of my atmates looking at my internet history. It’s fair to say that I spend a lot of my time watching porn and I have to admit that I’m quite particular when it comes to getting turned on. I have a really strong fetish for Formicophilia, which involves the use of insects during sex and I also get really turned on by Mucophilia, which, as it sounds, relates to arousal by mucus. Having once attempted to share my interest in these fetishes during a ‘LAD’s’ conversation, I’ve come to realise how odd and ‘gross’ they are to some people. I thought I was just kinky, but my atmates have been really rude about it all and one of the girls made a comment about leaving her u- lled tissues outside my room for me to ‘enjoy’.
I’ve heard that kinky is the new normal. I don’t currently have any fetishes (as far as I know?) but wondered if you could give me the rundown of which ones to avoid! I don’t want to risk looking like a tool in front of my new girlfriend... Phil
No worries, we’ve all been there! Ha, NOT! Learn to delete your browsing history upon exit! If you’re that much of a keen bean- icker, you’ll be able to nd your favourite fetish videos easily without having to go back through your history or bookmarks. Keep your head high: as long as everything is consensual and legal, you shouldn’t feel guilty about enjoying ‘weird’, non-mainstream things. Your atmates might just be making things awkward because they secretly share your fantasies and are too ashamed to admit it. Shock them completely by calling their bluff. Next time they make a joke about you getting turned on by ants, why not make a point of showing them just how turned on you get? I’m sure the sight of you ‘enjoying’ snotty tissues will make them a) shit themselves b) be freaked out and awkward enough to pretend the internet-history-situation never occurred and c) wonder what they’re missing out on.
You should feel very lucky. We’ve reopened the archives of sexual deviance and have come up with a list of fetishes that present problems and the reasons why they should be avoided: • Feet. Need we say anymore? Not only are feet totally gross, but they’re also just weird. Bunions, ingrown toenails and athlete’s foot are all reasons why you should leave the sucking to women. In a totally feminist way, of course. • Being bound to the bed. This may sound like fun, but try explaining to your lecturer that you missed your class exam because you were... tied up. Not a good situation to be in, even if they look like they’d enjoy it themselves. • Handcuffs. The tiny key that accompanies them can get lost so easily during the throes of passion. They really need to make them huge and glow-in-the-dark... Damn you, Ann Summers! • Leather is a pretty popular fetish. Apparently. The problems include: overheating; the ability of the leather to shrink rapidly, regardless of whether or not you’re wearing it, and the general smell, unless of course you have a thing for equestrian stables as well? We’ve all seen that episode of Friends where Ross gets stuck in his ‘cowboy pants’. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit. • Asphyxia. Arguably one of the most common fetishes, this involves near-strangulation/ choking of your partner in order to stimulate sexual arousal. It’s often hard to judge just how far you can go with this though, and there have been cases of people dying as a result of over-eagerness in the bedroom. Best avoided unless you want to add ‘necrophilia’ to your list of fetishes, too.
Have fun! Lucy and Edie
Stay (and play) safe! Lucy and Edie
What do I do?! Anna
Monday 11th March 2013
Classic Vegetarian Options written by Lily Morris
One of the best things about vegetarian cooking is that it tends to be cheaper than using meat, and it’s a lot more dif cult to poison yourself when you’re not using meat!
Risotto My mum always used to cook this – but she had a special pan, and used special risotto rice. You don’t need to – promise! Just measure about a third of a cup of normal long-grained white rice per person into a large saucepan, and add a cup of water per person, a stock cube, and whatever accompaniments you want – tofu chunks, frozen vegetables, or mushrooms, for example.
This is based on a recipe my school cook showed all the year 13s before we left, but with my own changes.
1 3 5
Heat a tablespoon of oil in a saucepan, and add half a chopped onion, a portion of frozen Quorn chicken-style pieces, and a teaspoon of curry powder, cooking them lightly until the onion pieces are soft.
Stir, and simmer for 5-10 minutes. Because you’re using Quorn rather than chicken, you don’t need to worry about it being cooked or not.
Add a teaspoon of plain our, 150 ml of water, enough frozen peas to satisfy your hunger, and a stock cube.
Simply stir over a medium heat until most of the water has been absorbed into the rice or evaporated. I like to add paprika and garlic as well.
Put a portion (usually half a packet) of microwave rice into a microwave-safe bowl, and heat it for the amount of time on the packet.
While it’s cooking, stir 50ml crème fraiche or natural yoghurt into your curry, to make it deliciously creamy.
Hand-made Pasta When you want to go all out and impress your hot date, handmade pasta is the way to go. You have to leave it to rest at various stages, so start at least three hours before your date arrives.
Better Than Toast
Simply create a mountain with 200g strong white our (ideally 00, which the Italians use) on a clean countertop, and break two eggs into a well on the top of it.
Gradually mix the our and eggs together until you’ve got a single lump (you can also do this in a food processor). Knead the ball until it is smooth and silky – then wrap it completely in cling lm and leave in the fridge to rest for at least half an hour.
You’ll need a large, clean, work surface for the next step – rolling out. You’ll go mad if you try to roll all in one go, so take an applesized chunk of dough, and roll it out with your trusty rolling pin. You may need to dust the surface and pin with the lightest amount of our to prevent sticking. You want the sheet of pasta to be as thin as you can possibly make it – aim for thinner than a beer mat. Cut the pasta into whatever shape you want – tagliatelle are ribbons about a centimetre wide, and possibly the easiest shape to make, though farfalle, or bows, look really impressive – and spread out to dry for at least an hour.
When your date has arrived, get a large saucepan of boiling water onto the hob – the Italians use one litre of water per person – and put a drizzle of oil (to stop the pasta sticking to itself) and your pasta in. Beware, fresh pasta cooks in only two to three minutes – so move fast from now on!
4 5 Mickey Destro
Prepare an accompaniment to the pasta – chop up a handful of cherry tomatoes, and mix with basil, olive oil, and mozzarella.
When the pasta is cooked al dente – not too soft, it should stick to a wall if you throw it at one – drain it and tip your tomato and cheese mixture in. Stir to melt the mozzarella slightly, and serve.
Monday 11th March 2013
Puzzle Corner Across 4. It used to be considered rude to wear black tie to an event where these people are present (5) 7. When is it acceptable to admit knowing a Welshman? (5) 8. What you demand to initiate a duel (12) 9. You stand on this side on an escalator (5) 10. Originally a sign that you were carrying no weapons; now a greeting or sign of agreement (9) 13. Our national pastime (7) 14. Where your napkins belong (3) 16. How you address the queen the second time you see her (4) 18. Term used for a very proper woman (4) 20. Children should be seen and not …? (5) Down 1. The go-to topic of conversation for the English (7) 2. Minding your Ps and Qs (10) 3. The modern, proper term for ‘BBC English’ (8,13) 5. You should not have these on the table when you’re dining (6) 6. Singing off a letter to someone whose name you don’t know (10) 11. Arriving on time (8) 12. You do this to show appreciation for your meal in some Asian cultures (4)
February 20 - March 20
Getting your standard John Terry is a massive dickbag horoscope out of the way early this week... John Terry is a massive dickbag
March 21 - April 20 Everyone super cares about what you think and you should totally run for SU Officer and do lots of important stuff... oh wait, THIS IS NOBODY’S HOROSCOPE
April 21 - May 20
But seriously, they’re largely ceremonial positions that use up your student loan
Gemini May 21 - June 20 15. The direction in which you should tip the bowl when eating soup (4) 17. A simpler way of saying this week’s theme (7) 19. This is the correct direction to pass the port (4)
The object of a Kakuro is to insert a digit from 1 to 9 into each white cell so that the sum of the numbers in each row or column matches the clue associated with it (above or to the left of the row or column). No digit can be duplicated in any sum. Enjoy!
Just ask yourself, what would lil Wayne do?
June 21 - July 21 A++ Would bang
July 22 - August 22
Meh, C+, maybe after a few drinks
August 23 - September 22
The stars have decided you don’t deserve a horoscope this week Virgo, mostly because I’m lazy, but also so that you can think about what you’ve done. Naughty Virgo, very bad Virgo
September 23 - October 22
Yes. We. Can! Vote R.O.N 2013. For change we can believe in
October 23 - November 21
You’ve been feeling a tingling sensation recently Scorpio, like there’s a re burning inside you and anything could happen. Congratulations, someone’s got chlamydia!
November 22 - December 21
You are human tennis elbow, you are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth. You are the opposite of Batman. Unless you get this reference of course
December 22 - January 20
People often say that you have awfully poor manners and your etiquette leaves a lot to be desired, but it’s not your fault you’re welsh
Aquarius Scorpio January 21 - February 19
October 23 - November 21
Darius N. www.gonescribbling.tumblr.com
If you made it this far Aquarius I admire you, I clearly Are you guys still seriously reading these? I gave gave up about 6 issues ago. Have a sticker up weeks ago